How not to take things personally? | Frederik Imbo | TEDxMechelen
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- čas přidán 3. 03. 2020
- Frederik Imbo studied theatre at the Royal Conservatory of Ghent and has acted in lots of television series. He founded Imboorling and now has over 15 years' experience in stimulating and supporting people. With the aim of improving their communication skills Frederik gives presentations, workshops, training courses and personal coaching sessions to anyone prepared to make their two ears available.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
There should be a class in school where we just watch Ted talks all day.
Hi L B,
Thank you so much for your kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable for you.
I wish you good luck putting the insights and tips in practice. Sometimes it will work and it will give you a feeling of peace and victory over yourself. On other moments, it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Be gentle with yourself then and above all, be proud on the progress that you're making. I’m cheering you on!
Please spread the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with theirselves and others.
This is very important specially these days, like millions of unwanted thoughts buzzing around your ears, its very hard to deal with those without proper help from someone who really understands
i used to skip class and just watch ted talks instead
defiantly this is what i would like to learn
Why not it's better
Last message was the best.
Your value does not decrease because of someone's inability to see your worth.
Keep going!
Hello Zoha,
Thank you for your kind note! I'm glad you liked the end of my TEDx talk with the 20 Euro bill and the fact that your value always remains the same no matter what people do or say to you. So thanks for watching until the end!
I wish you good luck in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and will give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's okay. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo thank you so much for this. I will use this at work and at home. I will practice everyday. This has the potential to change my life. Thank you 😊
Thank you Zoha ✨🙏✨….i really hear this…my work is to really Feel this and believe it until its ingrained ❤️
but there are so many narcissists 😅🤭
@@frederikimbo it is impressive that you keep in touch after 1 year.
I was a former security guard, and I've learnt what he learned as a referee...
When people are being rude, it's not me, it's my security company clothes.
Hi! I'm happy to read that my experience as a referee resonates with your history of a security guard. Indeed; it's our uniform they are angry about.
😂😂😂😂
Lol
The company took that personally.. lol
"Whatever they do or say, you'll always keep your value." The best sentence I've ever heard today
edit: omg 747 likes? MOM IM FAMOUSS!!
Yoohoo! I'm happy I could give you that feeling.
I was waiting for that deep line
“People may attack you, criticise you, or ignore you. They can crumple you up with their words, spit you out, or even walk all over you. But remember, whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value.”
I practice practice practice Good thoughts. Good words. Good deeds. You can only control yourself. God loves everyone.
Thank you for quoting me Anish! Good luck putting the tips in practice!
@@iloveamerica4891 What a loving way of thinking Anurag Sherma (no idea which of the two is your first name). I'm cheering you on to continue doing this. I send you lots of love.
@Felipe Moraes Rigo Thanks for your gentle words of gratitude Felipe. Indeed; if people blame us, they are just trying to fulfill a need of them. Behind their words, there's always suffering. The best gift we can offer them is to not take it personally, but on the contrary try to emphatize with their needs. They even don't have to hear it out loud from you. Just the intention is a beautiful first step. Good luck mate!
That bit gave me chills!!
My mom sent me this, I think it's some sort of personal attack
Generic Clips Channel 😂 thanks a lot mom! 😂
dont take it personally haha
Lol
That is hilarious! That is totally me. " why would she send that to me ' am I defensive? Man, this is so appropriate for us egocentric folks.
Perfect
This is so me. My life is so miserable because of my thoughts. I am too much concerned about other people's opinions about me. Even if they don't talk about me, there are a lot of thoughts in my mind .Thank you for this talk. I am going to work on this .
Good luck!! Im struggling right alongside you! Youre never alone 💖
Hello
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
Same here
Hey! I think you need to search for spotlight effect. If youre aware of this effect, I think it can help ease the pressure
Mines not their opinions so much, it’s the nerve of them to talk down to me without considering how i feel
When you are confident in life and when you understand your flaws and strengths. No criticism will bother you, no appreciation will make you excited. You become free of the influence that other people have on you.
True! True! True!
Do you really think you can get to a place where no other human influences you? How perfect you’d be
There are so many people lacking that confident with out thyre deed , its all related to thyre childhood , and the confident is kind of forbidden to them, it’s really hard to get back to the root and chnge all , and again comeback
"People may attack you, criticize you or ignore you. They can crumple you up with their words, spit you out or even walk all over you. But remember: whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value. "
That's the spirit Javohir.
dusted!
This is a powerful statement.
You don't need to feel more value then that of a plant or bug, since you are equally mortal. So if you follow that advise of pretending to be of a value that in the end is priced gently, you will only build up irritation over how you didn't kick back at the bullies or the burglars or the whatever who were illtempered or cynical etc. Utopianism usually fails in the long run. A better "strategy" is to realize that all others are the only ones they could be, at the only time they could be so and so, but that works for those who are arrogant enough to stand firm. If you are a more idealized buddhist monk or a Jesus-like type then others in your patience but have faith in others, then this means that the point of you being more self-controlled is a charade, a paper wall. If you walk into more risk to your mental wall, that helps you to build strength, if that is your purpose, so there I agree with the speaker. This has nothing to do with any value though. People who are treated very badly might need to hear that they are valuable. In reality none are however more valuable than others, so there comes a time sooner or later to realize that. The best strategy is to act as if you are facing death any time, and to be arrogant. If you want to help others, give them something extra for example. Or teach them to be cocky.
@@frederikimbo The best referee was Collina. Nobody could outpsych him. He was the god of the soccer field/football pitch. In his mind.
He seems to be a nice person. Like in reunion, he's the type of uncle you want to sit by with and talk about life.
Hi my niece Jo Zhang. Thx for the compliment seeing me as a kind uncle!
Oh hi Uncle@@frederikimbo thank you for responding and thank you for this inspiring video.
AHAHA SAMEEE
Life! That’s it! That’s exactly what I would talk about with him. Like peer pressure, struggling with negative surroundings, etc
@@frederikimbo Your face makes me smile you’re so positive
For someone like me who's been attacked by cold people including many of my classmates,people who I use to call friends,relatives and even parents,who's always treated me bad,ignored and made me feel left out all my life,I know all of these feelings very very well and when I chose to become vulnerable and people still don't understand me and instead makes me feel like my struggle's nothing, your words"Keep your value up" made my day!!Thank you!♥️
Hello Sidharth,
Thank you for your kind note! I'm glad you liked the end of my TEDx talk with the 20 Euro bill and the fact that your value always remains the same no matter what people do or say to you. So thanks for watching until the end!
I wish you good luck in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and will give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's okay. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
Hi Sid, I am going through a similar situation. I hope you are doing better.
I see you my friend. Thank you for sharing it here. It happened to me when I was teenager and later on too.
I had deep trust issues but I can tell you now being on the other side - it gets better the older you get. Learn about nonviolent communication, I also recommend a short guide to process intense emotions "What's making you angry".
It can transform your state within minutes (it's unreal and I'm not paid to say it).
Absolutely changed my life for better. So much peace and no more abuse. These books teach you how to deal with unaware people. They usually don't realise they are hurting others and you as a more aware human can totally change your life (and maybe theirs one day).
Keep going my friend, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it's enough for everyone 🙏
You are not alone..my life is same
I can understand you ,the cold people never gonna understand u, the family those who conditioned in you never understand you , they may undervalue your struggles , they may say it’s all not even a struggle ❤
I was extremely sensitive and found the book "the four agreements" very helpful. It's a 33 page book and enough to make your life happy
Very helpful and insightfull indeed!
Very true. I read the book and wished I had read it sooner.
Hi there, there's too many books with this title on Amazon, could you share the author please????
@inzimamulhaq508
@@sumaiyyafayaz8941 the name of the author is don Miguel Ruiz, really good read
I WONDER WHY THESE THINGS ARE NOT TAUGHT IN SCHOOL. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE STARTS WITH AWARENESS. THANKS FOR THIS WONDERFUL TALK SIR.
If they taught kids to believe in themselves, value themselves and stand up for themselves, then they would eventually have adults who did the same... And they cannot have that now, can they?
Because this should be taught by parents and not school. School isnt for teaching kids, what they need emotionally in live.
everything starts with awareness☺☺
U stole my words.
@@purpledino1024 To know a thing is to have power over a thing.
I cried when he said "No matter what people say, you will always keep you value." Hit me like a ton of bricks.
So wholesome 😭
Me too 😭
Kk
@@cristyjanezarate8556 jj
@Funky Human if you really know your value, and know your identity and perfection no even bullies can step over you. God made us as his image just the way we are ... Blessings!
Thank you for reminding us that we're doing just fine. That we are not accountable for people's words and that we don't need unnecessary people's validation.
that's the spirit! I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
"People may attack you,criticize you or ignore you...but remember whatever they do or say but you will always keep your value 🙌"
that's the spirit!
He really didnt take it personally, in presenting to such a Dull audience. Bravo sir, you proved your point
Hi Mickey! The audience was rather quiet indeed. That is because hardly any sound was recorded from the reactions in the room. As a result, some reactions were added afterwards in the editing.
The silent audience makes many suspect that they didn't find it interesting ... And you know, that's possible. Or they didn't like my style, or they were tired, or... or...
Anyway; whatever the reason was, luckily I didn't take that personally :-)
@Principle At first I took it personally on the behalf of the presenter haha. "Why is the audience so quiet? Why are they there if they are not interested in what he has to say" was what I immediately thought. Then I thought that maybe the audio engineer set up the gig so you can mostly hear the presenter and not have any noise from the crowd which might explain why we don't hear them as much on the video. Regardless - a great presentation and huge thanks to Frederik Imbo for the life lesson!
If an audience is very quiet during a presentation (especially a thoughtful one), I normally take it as a sign that they are engaged and thinking. But I couldn't see the amount of smartphones out, and zombies on their phones can be quite irritating/distracting.
@gonzalo The last sentence got me laughing, good point! Kudos to Frederik!!!
Another way of looking at it is...it's a sensitive topic internally for everyone and so they were quiet and absorbing it all, perhaps?
"Do u want to be right or do u want to be happy?"
Best sentence!!!
Thanks Jasmin!
@@frederikimbo I love how you still respond one year later it so nice:)
@@frederikimbo I wish if I've someone in my life like you Sir, to share my feelings.
Dr Phil's been sayin that line for years.
sounds like the underlying issue of emotionally driven political rants.
1. It's not about me. Notice the other person's intentions/ perspective.
2. It is about me. Give yourself empathy and speak up.
People may attack, ignore or criticize you. But who you are does not change. You will always keep your value.
The main culprit is our inner thoughts. We almost often think of the worst case scenario in every situation, and as said in the video, take things personally. As someone who always do the first strategy, have a deeper understanding of the other person and the situation, I've not quite learned to take myself into consideration and speak up for myself. Thank you for making me realize to balance things out and set up boundaries for myself and others.
Me wondering if he was upset that not many laughed. Then I remember he’s probably good at not taking things personally.
Hi Lizette. Luckily I did not expect them to really react a lot. So, I did not take it personally. Secondly, the reactions were not really recorded.
@@frederikimbo woah i thought it'll be a fake account😂
Amazing ted talk👍
@@frederikimbo hey just wanted to thank you for the knowledge !
@@frederikimbo I love that this video has 5 million views, and yet you still reply to comments. You're awesome!
Lol you got lyrics
A very wise woman once said "people dont do things TO us, they do things FOR themselves"
Copy
Could you please tell me who that woman was / is? I tried looking up the quote.
That is pretty wise indeed and very true
There is so much wisdom in this one sentence!
It was a man
I think people take things personally because we all want to feel loved and respected and when people dont act in a way you expect its hurtful. Its very normal to want to understand everyone 😊 I work in a call centre and i speak to alot of people who talk over me, shout at me, insult me and are just so rude but its a reflection of them not me but its an interesting job because it reveals how many of us arent perfect in this world and everyone gets snappy sometimes
This is top. Notch
All the dislikes are from people who took this TED talk personally
Agreed
Hi Milka. Or they just didn't like my message. Or they simply didn't agree. Or they were irritated by my way of presenting. Or... or... You never know it, until you'll ask them.
anjay
Lol
@@frederikimbo
Are you really the speaker in the video ? 🙄
"Whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value." Words for the wise.
So true. An argument with my wife, her harsh words trying to bring me down. I finally said to her, I'm sorry, I cannot convince myself that I have no value.
@@tperk Powerful. Thanks brother.
That's the spirit!
but it's not true.
@@jessicawarrior6439 it can be if you allow it to be in your life.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:34 🏟️ Becoming a football referee to learn how not to take things personally.
01:05 🤔 Struggling with taking things personally in various situations.
03:10 🎯 Having a strategy to deal with taking things personally.
04:44 💡 Understanding that the ego is responsible for taking things personally.
05:46 😊 Choosing to be happy instead of being right.
07:18 🔄 Shifting focus from "me" to "we" to avoid taking things personally.
08:46 🧠 Recognizing that negative thoughts contribute to taking things personally.
11:23 🤔 Sometimes taking things personally is about personal insecurities.
13:04 🍊 Only taking things personally when they touch a raw nerve from the past.
14:41 💬 Practicing empathy and vulnerability when dealing with criticism.
15:47 🌍 Encouraging others to practice the strategies for better relationships.
17:12 💪 Emphasizing the importance of self-worth and value regardless of others' actions.
Made with HARPA AI 👍 Upvote to improve video surfing
Thank you very much for structuring my message!
❤ 2:25 🎉
@@frederikimbo Thank you for teaching us a valuable lesson of lifetime❤
Thanks bro, as a person who is verbally abused everyday by the whole family. Even blamed for things that I have not done. These words bring hope. Thank you bro..
I feel sorry for you my brother
Hi there (I don't know your name),
thank you for being so open about yourself. Wow; I wish I could help you.
I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo Thanks bro, you have helped. Thank you 🙏🏻
@@anusuyakesavan2579Thank bro, but it's ok. I can't change how people view me. But I can just keep moving forward.
Your not alone bro I'm in war every day with my family
CZcams : recommends that
Me : taking it personally
take it as a sign lol
Lol
Hahaha
😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂
He explained it to us like we are fifth graders and that’s exactly what I needed; a good break down and understanding of each part. This was beautiful
Hello Pokii,
Thank you so much for your kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo Thank YOU, Frederick!
IDK why people dont understand that breaking things down like that could be the best way...lets not take it personally its just someone wants you to understand in the most simplest and best way possible :)
Exactly what I needed as well
as einstein said, If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
This was absolutely the best TED talks ever to me. It made me cry and feel so much better. I always take everything personally which makes me feel so exhausted and hurt myself. Thanks for Fredrick for sharing this amazing strategy.
Hello Sooyesonlim,
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
The most useful 17 minutes of my life! “Keep your value”
This entire speech hit hard and got me into tears
Why did you copy a whole comment 😹
Hello
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know absolutely nothing about. Be kind. Always."
-Robin Williams (1951-2014)
True! Thank you Malcolm!
I didn’t know he quoted this- but how true his words were and are today! Sadly we know now how much his words deeply were from his own inner battle- I wonder if those around him ever listened to him speaking words such as this and responded by reaching out to him- sincerely caring what he battled?
As deep as that quote it- Seems he lost his battle... I can't respect a person who took his own life. Call me cruel. I don't care. Not the right person to use.
@@joshuav4021 'lost his battle' lol. Your 'respect' doesnt matter to anyone. Stop judging people so hard. Him taking his life doesnt obsolete the things he did while alive, good or bad, and it doesn't make him the 'wrong' person to quote.
hello@Malcolm how are you
A number of years ago, I wanted to do something to accelerate my time to being financially independent. I ended up investing 1k grands January with Diego Dias Cardoso, now I have an extra $700k. Thinking about getting first rental property
I can see you know about him too. Having assets and not being able to profit from them can be very frustrating, big thanks to Diego Dias, as I make huge profits trading with him on weekly basis. He's definitely the best.
I've got quarter million to invest, but I want to ensure profits My friends say I shouldn't buy properties yet, as there is a makert crash coming. Love to give him a try
Well, when it comes to long term trading and improving one's portfolio with time, the person for the job is Diego Dias Cardoso Check. No doubt
This is not the first time I am hearing of this man and his exploit trading world but I have no idea on how to keep in touch with him?
He often interacts on I.n.s.t.a.g.r.a.m ig, using the user name mentioned Below.
“Seeing the positive intention of the other one requires a lot of discipline and training, instead when you focus on the intention of the other person there is no need to take it personally”
"when you are being criticized and it hurts, chances are big that this is rooted in your childhood" felt that
That's the spirit Joseph!
that part got me good
This is called C-PTSD. (Complex post traumatic stress disorder). Million of people have it and don't even realised, i also got to know I've it too😭
Biggest symptoms are a overall dissatisfaction, anger issues, trust issues and you act like angry or frustrated all the time and your voice sounds like that. You can search on Google to know more about diagnosis. If this video was really relatable for you (this video put me on brink of breakdown) then chances are you possibly have it too. With no cure and 25% less levels of 3 main neurotransmitters in the brain (serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline) just make life unliveable unless you are actively enrolled in some kind of rejuvenating exercise or therapy for it or you're taking substances to alter your mental scene.
Hey i feel same, how to fix this or atleast get better, i cant take steps to find the solution @@newheadstart
@@newheadstartchillax bro
"People may attack you, criticise you, or ignore you. They can crumple you up with their words, spit you out, or even walk all over you, but remember, whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value." 😊 This made me cry. THANK YOU!
Thank you for your gentle message! I'm glad you liked the ending of my TEDx talk. So thanks for watching till the end!
So true!!!
Me too ❤️
@@frederikimbo the fact that you keep coming back to the comments over a year to reply quality suggestions and comments is applaudable. You really are about we 😆. Bless you
Yeah, me too.
I never thought I'd ever watch a TED talk, but I realize that I be hurting myself because I really take things personally with the people that I love. Thank you, my life will be so much easier.
whenever someone likes my comment , I remember this lesson again..
Here’s your friendly reminder
Here's another reminder lol
reminder
That's actually amazing.. this honestly makes me want to comment more 🔥
I love how he doesn’t bash anyone for taking things personally. He just gives advice. This is what we need in this world
It is because he has been there himself. It is easier to give insight for something you have already experienced for yourself.
Hello Yasel!
Thank you so much for your kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
@@pend_deletekiandriajohnson6663 There is a fine balance. Communication is not easy.
@@pend_deletekiandriajohnson6663 Even when it it factual, you can decide to not take it personally. Even when someone is bashing you, you can decide to not believe the words of the other person. If I tell you that you are an orange, you will not believe it. Why not? Because it is not true. So the work is for yourself to not let people affect you with their words. I admit, this is easier said than done.
OR... another strategy, with another purpose, is to speak up or defend yourself. You tell the other one how you feel about it OR you take actions to let the other person be stopped. But you see; this has another outcome. The first strategy is there to help you to not take things personally. The second one is there to help you to come up for yourself. I hope this helps you.
@@michaelwillette5837 it isnt if you keep thinking that way
The crowd sucks... his speech is great, he’s funny, authentic. He deserved more recognition
You're taking it personally
@@GreyHeiji lol
Maybe they just did not like my style or message? It is not about me...
@@frederikimbo That was a great talk, Frederick. thank you. The great principles to live by. I needed it.
@@frederikimbo awesome video for real!
As a kid I fell on to this, and I actually took what this guy said to heart. I genuinely listen to what he said in my life improved not exactly immediately but it did improve massively and majorly it was like an exponential growth over the years
It’s certainly an art to learn not to take things personally 🎉
"we suffer far more by our imagination than ever in reality" -Seneca
Very very true, those wise words!
It's insecurity not imagination
@@aspirina4915 correcting Seneca? I prefer to quietly digress lol. Wish you blessings under the Bodhi fellow traveler.
Kids in Africa wouldn't agree. People fighting in Vietnam wouldn't agree.
Whatever humans are suffering, everything are just thoughts.
The audience was seriously so unresponsive. I would be actively giving reactions to such a beautiful TED Talk. The man explained his points in such an easygoing and jovial manner. This was truly really amazing. 😊
Hello Ananya,
Thank you so much for your kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
You took it personally. Maybe they are absorbing the message. It doesn't always have to have responses.
@@layoutarchitect exactly or maybe the room wasn’t that full.
Is this about you or...? 😂😂😂
You see? He didn't take it personally.. 🤘🏻😁
This guy is a genius! It's not his words that helped me, it's his motivation and desire to share it, it just passed right on me and I
Hello George!
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo8767 I am so very grateful for this kind response, Frederik! I wasn’t expecting one and that’s why I’m late getting back to you myself. Knowing that the world contents great people such as yourself can be so enlightening and keeps your spirts up in bad times especially. All the best to you as well, take care of yourself and keep spreading love! ;))) I will for sure pass your massage on to people I know.
@@georgetd8623 With pleasure. Lots of love for you George.
"If I try to see the intention of the other one, I make space for understanding rather than irritation."
A friend of mine said “do you wanna be right or do you wanna be happy” to me years ago and it’s the single greatest piece of advice I’ve ever had. There are still plenty of times when I have to be right over being happy but at least I’m more aware of it now when it’s happening!!!
I'm happy to read Tronlady that that friend of you told you this and it had such a big impact on you.
W friend
It always makes me happy when I'm right, win win.
14:49 . They don’t teach you this stuff. That’s such a great way of speaking up. Thank you Frederick
That is actually a quote from How I Met Your Mother
Some notes:
-Reasons we talk things personally is because of ego and the desire to be right.
-Solutions:
1) It's not about me. Look at WE. What's their intention. understand where they are coming from . For example, they want to be right, maybe they have a call they have been waiting for.
2)- deal with your negative beliefs. We take things personally because we know there is some truth in it. Big chance this is rooted in your childhood. So give yourself some empathy.
3) By telling people how you feel without blaming others might increase the chance of people taking your feelings into account.
Remember whatever others do, you will always keep your value.
Thank you for your brief summary Melody Chia!
Took a screenshot, far too valuable to trust my memory to remember it.
Empathy.
I disagree. This entire strategy is built on a not so healthy desire for everyone's approval. Convincing yourself that your friend is actually txting someone extremely important like their boss, or convincing yourself that they are just txting a random other friend who you don't think is that interesting, results in the same thing, allowing your self esteem to be based on other peoples reactions to you. And so you live in la la land about the whole thing, the point is that you dont actually know who they are txting, you personally wouldn't do that while hanging with a friend over coffee, but they have decided to be rude, and who cares, because your self esteem and happiness is no actually based on other peoples reactions to you. You don't actually need to be that interesting to friends in order to get what you need in life. Now in saying this, other peoples reactions tell us where we stand in society, what power we have in getting what we want or need from someone, and they tell us if there is a threat. So we need to acknowledge these things but at the same time find a different source for our peace of mind about life and our safety and prosperity in general.
Can you give an example to (3)
Isn't it funny that I took personally that this video was in my recommended content list XD
I think most of the things he mentioned should be considered in school for children who don't really understand their worth can be easily targeted by bullies and actually believe in everything bullies say when you are confident in life and appreciate your flaws and strengths. No criticism will bother you. No appreciation will make you excited. You become free of the influence that other people have on you.
The speaker himself genuinely taking time to interact with all pouring in words, the talk so needed for generation on and to come by. 👏
This would be a great presentation for children before entering highschool.
Well Butterfly, please share it with all the teachers you know at highschool.
That's a really good point, you're very smart
@@frederikimbo8767 Much Love from Israel❤
I100% agree. If I had this before H.S, it would have been a great experience.
Yeah totally it’d become a *raw* part of their personality and mindset
These 17 minutes have helped me understand my social anxiety more than I ever thought a video could. I now have a new process of thinking that I will apply to my every minute of life.
Hello Taylor Petrarca.
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
@Wild Pixel genuinely great
@Wild Pixel obviously I’m still an anxious person, (I always will be) but I now have a new mindset when it comes to social situations. This video has given me new beliefs/tools to shift my anxious thoughts
*different
frankly i have some of these issues. especially for declining my invitation just to hangout with someone
A paradigm shift… involves thinking about other reasons why, not selfish ones, and then hopefully having the capability to empathize instead of being judgmental.
"You always keep your value" I needed this message desperately. I've taken too much too personally to my own detriment.
Hello Bananamelon,
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo Great stuff man! I really, really appreciate this after having a really bad day at work.
Watching your stuff made me realize much value I do have.
@@prashantkunder515 Thank you Prashant Kunder. I'm glad that my tedx talk helped you after a bad day. Good luck applying the insights in your every day life!
Replaying cuz I was so uncertain where that last message was going for a minute and then POOF, fantastic metaphor!
Hello@@musicaldoge9412
Thank you for your kind note! I'm glad you liked the end of my TEDx talk with the 20 Euro bill and the fact that your value always remains the same no matter what people do or say to you. So thanks for watching until the end!
I wish you good luck in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and will give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's okay. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
This advice is especially important today. People think of themselves too much as the main character in this modern world rather than just a piece of the whole.
I totally agree. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Im the main charaker at my school because i got bullied, there are very much false rumors about me, everyone knows me and everyone talks about me. Maybe not 100% of them but at least 80%
Oka Ruto that’s just how u feel but in reality, nobody cares as much as u think they do.(attention wise. Nobody pays as much attention to u as u think) u might think that whenever someone hears a new rumour about u, that’s all they’re thinking about all day but really, it enters their brain and escapes their attention the next minute. Coz realistically, when u hear something bad or scandalous about someone, do u think about it all day? No. Coz ur ego is trained to always be thinking about itself, not someone that probably has no significance in ur life. And ur ego is also why u think everyone’s always thinking bad stuff about u or looking at u. Ur not the center of attention, no one is. For example, when ur in the hallways, are u looking and examining every person walking by? No, u glance at possibly everyone. Ur attention is never on any one person but everyone. And it’s not true attention either that requires focus. When u realize this truth, you’ll have more peace of mind. Hope that made sense and helped ☺️
@@okaruto6128 What happens then if everyone feels like they're the main character? Your story of being bullied and being the talk of the hallways has been replayed by other teenagers millions of times over. What should be important is who you are outside of other people's opinions. Who are you to this universe, besides a blip of intelligence in an infinite timeline of space? The broadest answer is you are Nothing, besides the Great Something. Find out what that means to you and every person becomes a main character.
@@Daciastyles Here's something for you to try out. When you're in the hallways surrounded but the hustle and bustle of the lively adolescence around you, become as present as possible. A quick way to do this is the try and feel the inside of your palms and count to 5, but feel within your heart, the space between the numbers. Feel the energy around you and find joy in the life around you. Let out a giggle or simply smile, people will notice the strong positive vibes coming from you. You will almost always pass the vibe check 😁
First strategy:
“Its not about me” - Look at the other person’s intention
Second strategy:
“It’s about me” - Give yourself empathy and speak up
Thanks for this brief summary of my talk!
You take things personally when it touches a raw nerve ......... So very true. Thankyou for enlightening me on the importance of handling things with care. Not just for me but for everyone around me.
Hello
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
People should watch this kind of presentation when they are young. We would not have a bunch of frustraded people in the world nowadays.
Hi Eberton.
Thank you very much for your kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable for you.
I wish you good luck putting the insights and tips in practice. Sometimes it will work and it will give you a feeling of peace and victory over yourself. On other moments, it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Be gentle with yourself then and above all, be proud on the progress that you're making. I’m cheering you on!
Please spread the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with theirselves and others.
Warmly,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo thanks Frederik very inspiring just keep moving right
Oh definitely!!!
People need to go live in other countries to learn basic social intelligence.
Agree, and I use this presentation as "top ups" when the world goes whacky around me . ChesfromOz
"It's not about ME!... It's about his/her emotions, bad experiences etc." I always have this thought spinning in my head when dealing with difficult people.
It helps a lot.
Thank you so much 'Digital English'!
I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo what if the Intention of the other Person becomes clear and i know that he/she just didnt care about me for example
@@petermayer7895 hi Peter. Even if the other person does not care, you can decide not to take their words and actions personally. What they say or do is only a strategy to try to fulfil their needs. Consequently, it has nothing to do with you. It is all about them. About what they need.
@@frederikimbo so best to do is to focus on what I need to do to feel better and fulfill my way? And whenever this kinda situations appear where I may think "Hmm i probably got betrayed again, they just use me to feel not alone" , to not take it personally and remind me that everybody just tries to find some things that make them feel good. And so should I
Right?
And thanks for the answer I didnt even expect you to answer
Greetings from germany
@@petermayer7895 With pleasure Peter. Yes! You understood it correctly. Everyone is responsible for trying to meet their own needs. Good luck!
i had a lot of realization about past and resent self, my environment, other people after watching this. this is so brilliant!
Man. I’ve been looking for someone like you all my life to relate to so I didnt feel alone in how I felt. I always take things too personally. But watching this has genuinely changed my life. Thank you
These are lessons we need to learn in school. This would decrease fits, anxiety, and a lot more. 🥯
I think we all understand by now that Ted videos are so important for our daily lives and ourselves. This should be the foundation of what we should need to know and build the thinking habit about asking ourselves the questions constantly-- why we do things.
@@jenniferhebden-taylor9645 Unfortunately, now everybody is learning that we all live in the same circus.
TheNaishproductions Teachers shouldn't have a lot in their plates but instead, be guides and organizers of the process of learning and above all promoters of self-knowledge.
@@TheNaishproductions-tn3yb Not all families talk about things like that, and not every child has parents. I think it would be a good idea to teach children about that in school. It seems to be a key to communication. We need people who can communicate well because we invest a lot to teach people one subject well at university, so they can be experts to benefit our society. But what if they can not communicate and listen to the knowledge of others because their ego gets in the way, or they don‘t share their knowledge because others told them to shut up. Communication ist key, only then we can network and use the knowledge as a society. It is very important to take different perspectives into consideration and not play devils advocate all the time when it comes to complex questions of our time, like the future of our economic system. Would’t it be helpful to be able to learn from each other instead of feeling lectured, to be criticized and still feel motivated? I know this is not exactly what he is saying in his presentation, but I think it could help with that. Excuse my bad english skills
My English teacher actually makes us listen to TED talks a lot
Summary:
1. It is _not_ about me.
- Look at the other person's intention.
2. It is about me.
- Give yourself empathy. Speak up.
3. People may attack you, criticise you, or ignore you. They can crumple you up with their words, spit you out, or even walk all over you. But remember, whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value.
Thank you for the summary Fernando!
@@frederikimbo, thank you for sharing such edifying thoughts! I really enjoyed and appreciated your insightful storytelling.
love people like you
But I'm still recommend everyone to watch this beutiful video
hello guys, i have a question. i come from germany and at the moment i have to do a task for school over the internet. my english teacher gave me a task: I should watch the video and answer these questions: "what is the topic of the talk" "what are the strategies the person is talking about?" and "do you agree with the speaker" Can someone help me please ?
I'll just leave this comment so I can watch it again
very inspring to me as somenoe who always overthinks and takes things way too personally. watching this vid taught me a lesson about not prioritizing my feelings over the actual facts when things trigger my nerves.
"No matter what they do or say you always keep your value" now that right there was the biggest lesson learned!
Thank you for sharing this Becca!
When he said that we takes things personally cause of our ego, it really hit me. I don’t have a big ego but my self esteem wasn’t always the best. After I heard him say that I was like damn it really is all my inner ego
The real challenge is not taking _praise_ personally. That’s when you know you’ve arrived.
I’ve always found it easy not to believe praise but very easy to believe criticism... I think how we react is all down to the particular shape of our individual egos..
Ben, I would say: hear the praise, add it to your pocket. Your skills are improving!
Hi Ben. You totally understood it... That's the first step to be one day 'arrived'.
Word🥂
Yes!!!
IVE NEVER CONNECTED SO MUCH TO HIS WORDS. It is so reassuring that there's people out there who have experienced the same challenges as me and are able to rise up higher than before. This speech is a huge encouragement for me to continue pushing and build upon myself as a person and my relationships with others. Thank you Frederik!!!!!!!
Such an insightful message from the speaker to sensitiv people, which conveys two strategies how to overcome this strange feeling that everyone is familiar with. Personally I decided for myself do not take the things personally because it’s waste of time, energy and mood; with all this leaving a choice for myself to self-reflect or not. Unexpectedly, I realized that I have been adhering these tactics for a long time, that’s why this video is kind of reminder that I always keep value no matter what and no matter they say.
I've been avoiding this video for over a year, and CZcams is so patient, now I've watched it
And... was is worth waiting?
and you made watching this video also about you ... jk :P
@@famousdancerpage7314 hopefully he gets back to you
Same...
same lol
This man needs more credit for how enthusiastic he's being during this whole thing, Good job.. Good job indeed...
Thank you Cra Foreal!
Hi Cra foreal,
Thank you very much for your kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable for you.
I wish you good luck putting the insights and tips in practice. Sometimes it will work and it will give you a feeling of peace and victory over yourself. On other moments, it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Be gentle with yourself then and above all, be proud on the progress that you're making. I’m cheering you on!
Please spread the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with theirselves and others.
Warmly,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo Your message was amazing, life changing even, and I'm not sure why the crowd wasn't reacting more!
@@cringeworthybears5500 he is not taking it personally tho!
he's clearly talented in expression, would be a star in entertainment. I'd see his acts, if he ever tried it out.
Absolutely amazing video. Especially love how honest he was because my mind had similar questions arising in certain moments and he addressed them so well. Such a realistic approach. Also really loved the ending message.Thank you.
Hello Mousumi,
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
whenever i take things personally, i watch this video. trying to trust my process and this helps a lot
When someone is in front of me driving at 10 miles per hour and I can't over-take because they're blocking the whole road, instead of getting furious, I feel grateful and tell myself they're protecting me from a road accident which might be occurring ahead of us. Works every time.
Or create one..
Nice attitude Mars! And inspiring for so many others who are not yet there, like me. Thank you.
I'm going to try this
Is not just about your attitude but would say is quite surprise thought
.In my point of view is a mindset behaviour that matters mainly ;) still like that.
Yeah, until you get rear ended because they are doing 10mph in a 50mph zone...
I am just overwhelmed after listening your ted talks..Thank you so much for sharing this with us ..This is a life lesson which has left an indelible mark on my mind..I just want to salute you...
Hello Rouf!
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
This was the best TED Talk I have ever listened to. Thanks a lot
This guy deserves standing ovation.The intricacies of human psychology so beautifully explained...
Hello Satyashree!
Thank you so much for your kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
And yet, when you stop to consider, the reason no ovation was given is because of the feelings of guilt in knowing we all do this every. single. day. It's an ego defense. Some may have been searching inward immediately and some may have not made it past their defensive reactions.
In any event, Frederik, you are a treasure to this world.
@@michaelwillette5837 Dear Michael, what a hartwarming message. Thank you so much. On top of that I really agree with the fact that people might have felt guilty or ashamed because of recognizing themselves in the ego part taking over. Good luck with your journey my friend Michael. Have a wonderful day, inspiring others.
@@frederikimbo You as well! Continue doing what you do please!!
I agreeeeee
That end with the 20 euros was so strong. No matter what happens, people can spit you out and walk all over you, you will always keep your value
Hello NanoGalactic,
Thank you for your kind note! I'm glad you liked the end of my TEDx talk with the 20 Euro bill and the fact that your value always remains the same no matter what people do or say to you. So thanks for watching until the end!
I wish you good luck in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and will give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's okay. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
I couldn't agree more. Gad to goosebumps at the end. This is such a powerful, powerful talk!
@@frederikimbo It was amazing, thank you so much! Best TEDx talk I've seen.
Thia is the reality of life very true 👌👌👌👌👌
After today at work with a very unpleasant colleague that bought me to tears.
Well well well that was incredible. The way he expressed his strategies to us , its remarkable. Perhaps I'll never forget these strategies ever. Its hit me harder.this guy changed my thinking ability. Ultimately I learnt how not to take things personally.
Marvelous, bravo 👏👏
When you don't take things personally people will say you're not serious enough for the task and not giving your 100%, everything is so confusing 🤯
He never played football and became a referee to train his attitude. This guy is a genius
Thank you Luxxn.
@@frederikimbo8767 Hello Frederik I wanna thank you for your TED talk. It has gave me new insight and it sure will help me go with my life better. Thank you very much! In the end, we still have the same value. That was a good ending.
Hi, @@Ham-oz9ce ,
Thank you so much for your kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable for you.
I wish you good luck putting the insights and tips in practice. Sometimes it will work and it will give you a feeling of peace and victory over yourself. On other moments, it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Be gentle with yourself then and above all, be proud on the progress that you're making. I’m cheering you on!
Please spread the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with theirselves and others.
Warmly,
Frederik Imbo
@@frederikimbo8767 I write you in Spanish because it is the best way to tell you: "Ha sido maravilloso. Eres un genio. Enhorabuena y gracias por abrirnos los ojos. Un abrazo". Thank you very much.
@@aa23aaa66
Gracias por tus dulces palabras. Le deseo la mejor de las suertes aplicando los conocimientos de los consejos.
Saludos cordiales, Frederik
even if they laugh at you, it's not about you they are just boosting their ego and think they are more cool than others
Very true Riadh.
@@frederikimbo Thank you sir.
Well sometimes it's really about you
Narcissistic people like to bring others down because they can’t handle their own problems and are afraid to comfort them and deal them. Sadly that’s a massive issue in society
It's really helpful for putting a stop against overthinking, and be at peace , that it may be not about me , and i don't have to think much about how to deal with the situation as my value doesn't increase or decreases with the daily instances
Do you want yo be right, or do you want to be happy💕 It is not about me, it is about other person's perception. wow this is powerful 👏
I'm glad to read that you liked my message. Thanks for watching.
"But remember: whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value." Just wow
I tell u, that 20 Euro lesson, sums it all up, great talk Mr. Frederik
Peace of mind is what i value
@@charmpants707
A
exactly Diana!
Who can take it ? I find it hard to believe someone would. No offense. Have I not learned the moral of the speech ?
1) it's not about me, it's just he is trying to clarify the message.
2) it's about me, I deserve this. No way. Can't be.
3) it's odd to take it. Not familiar. Against tradition. So I won't.
4) usually bad guys attack by those acts. Are angry when they squash things. It's conformity to tough sad negative memory.
5) he's not serious about giving it to anyone in the first place. Oh thank you, at last I'm comfortable again.
He seems like such a kind hearted person. I like him a lot. ❤️
Thank you!
Agreed 👍 great, inspiring speaker.
Thank you!
same. ❤️❤️
Same!!!
Yes, he would be great to have as an uncle or dad.
I caught myself taking everything personally and had slightly wrong stopper “the world isn’t circling around you”. Instead this speech gave me a potential to do a positive changes ! Especially the last phrase !
Thank you ! I wish you the best ❤
Hello Katja,
Thank you for your kind note! I'm glad you liked the end of my TEDx talk with the 20 Euro bill and the fact that your value always remains the same no matter what people do or say to you. So thanks for watching until the end!
I wish you good luck in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and will give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's okay. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
Why do we take things personally?
Because our ego thinks that others should take ME into consideration and it wants to be right.
Do you want to be right or happy?
Chose to be happy; feel freedom, more energetic and in peace. No one will have power over you when you choose to be happy and not right.
When you’re being criticized and it hurts, chances are big that this is rooted in your childhood.
We can only take things personally if it hurts a nerve, that is the moment you give yourself some empathy. Tell the other person what you feel without blaming the other person. This increases the chances that the other person understands you and takes your needs into account.
Strategy:
Focus on the intention of the other person.
Shift focus from me to WE.
Conclusion:
It is not about me. Look at the other person’s intention.
It is about me. Speak up without judging and blaming.
No matter how much people hurt you; verbally or physically, YOU HAVE VALUE! YOU ARE A MIRACLE!
thank you Luiz for this brief summary of my talk.
him:Are you interested?
audience:.....
him:cool
i felt that
He won't take that personally so it's OK
Europeans are not known for their enthusiasm...........why I left.
@@swimmingviolin29 That's OK. I won't take that personally.
I think he's by himself because of coronavirus.
No one is there because of the virus buddy
Being a very sensitive person, i get quickly affected by others opinions or acts. Thank you for teaching me the strategies to protect myself from others and to still find something to learn and improve myself without being hurt. THANK YOU SO MUCH. U opened my eyes and heart to be a better person with myself.
I am the exact same way, thank you for sharing. It is going to help me!
I too am the sensitive type 😥
Thank you so much for this amazing talk. For reminding us of our worth and our right to be here and live a full life loving ourselves.
This means alot to me because it made me feel less alone
thank you for making this comment 🙌 its great to know that im not alone
People definitely will attack me, criticise me or ignore me. They will definitely crumple me with their words, spit me out or walk over me. But remember; whatever they will do or say, i will always keep my value.
It's my promise 😊
This is an amazing life lesson for all. Thank you so much Frederik for enlightening us on this topic. Workplaces can get a lot better if this impemented by each one of us. I liked your entry, the way you started the presentation with a football in your hand. Totally masterclass.
Hello Ajay CS,
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
This explains so much about dealing with Rejection; criticism and lack of self esteem and respect thank you
True! Sadly true!
IKR, The best Tedx talk. Hope he reads this comment section to know How many people he helped. :)
If any of you know of other videos like this Tedtalk that deal with rejection, criticism and self esteem/respect issues, please share them :)
True also one of the best one
Despite the hardship, I made a lot from investment in Btc.
This Video: *pops in my recommendation*
Me: "And I took that personally"
Underrated
Its so sad for you.
Haha funny
😂😂😂
Who does youtube think you are?
watching this whenever something bothers me has helped me deal with things so much better. great perspective to have :)
I am so glad I've found this at this moment during my career struggle period. Yes, you don't need other people to value you. ❤
Hello Ouyangli,
Thank you for both watching my Tedx talk and sending me this kind message. I'm glad to read that watching my TEDx talk was valuable to you.
I wish you much success in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's ok. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
😢
Yeah, there is alot of sense in this.
Our doubts are traitors.
@Eva Helen One thing I regret in my life is to doubt crypto . Doubt is a sickness
Doubt is an uncomfortable condition, but certainly it a ridiculous one. Lol
@@christianajoe8563 Crypto is the future, investing in it will be the wisest thing to do especially with the current rise.
The 20 euros lesson at the end was such a powerful message!
till you add COVID-19 to the lesson
Zimmer Frey Look up the word “metaphor”
@@calvinwon5113 not to take personally the covid. It was a joke.
Agreed but the only thing that bothers me is what if he goes one step further and tear it apart
@@calvinwon5113 topic of Talk, How not to take things personal . You FAIL. go ahead and Google JOKE.. In tough times like these , its a must to laugh . try and find your happy spot buddy. namaste
I loved how he ended this talk.. Soo true .. "you will always keep your value" ... I will always use this in my pep talk here after...Thank you Frederik Imbo 🙏
Hello Athmika!
Thank you for your kind note! I'm glad you liked the end of my TEDx talk with the 20 Euro bill and the fact that your value always remains the same no matter what people do or say to you. So thanks for watching until the end!
I wish you good luck in putting the insights and tips into practice. Sometimes it will work and will give you a sense of peace and victory over yourself. At other times it will be less easy and frustrating. That's okay. Then be gentle with yourself and most of all be proud of the progress you are making. I encourage you!
Please share the TEDx talk with your friends and colleagues. The more people I can reach, the more people will live in harmony with themselves and others.
From the bottom of my heart,
Frederik Imbo
I took it personally that I even felt the need to watch a video on how to not take things personally
haha!
don't take it personally lol
@@Joe-pd3lx He didn't. He took it "personal," whatever that means.
@@frederikimbo thanks for the wonderful ted talk!
@@frederikimbo oh I didnt know that was you! Great talk