When Narcissists Become Sociopathic
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- čas přidán 5. 07. 2023
- As narcissists progress into adulthood, not only do they not tend to grow psychologically, but often they can become more difficult. Dr. Les Carter describes how some narcissists will allow patterns of a sociopathic nature to gain traction. As that occurs, what began as a difficult person becomes even more dysfunctional.
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Hello everyone. I'm really struggling to survive. This sounds exactly what I'm dealing with 😢 Thank you all for being there ❤
We are here. You Are Not Alone, Lorraine
Blessing's for you in your situation. Glory be to GOD
@@keithstewart7514 Thank you so much!
@@aaronkwolfe Thank you! I really appreciate everyone.
Lorraine...You have a virtual community pulling for you. Change can be hard, and there is no "one-size-fits-all" solution, but I'm hoping you can find a path forward. Please seek guidance if that is possible in your community.
Wonderful advice, as usual. I spent 20 years with a man who went from Narcissist to Sociopath in his later years.
A little over 2 years ago, he took me hiking. He ended- up driving off and leaving me in the wilderness. I found myself walking a dirt road at dusk, in the middle of nowhere. (This was in the fall in Oregon, in a canyon known for having mountain lions.)
After walking for about 45 minutes, I saw a car's headlights coming my way. It was the Sociopath. He claimed it was all a big joke. I had to accept a ride home from him because there were no other cars out there at that time of night.
I started planning my escape after that.
Sociopaths will kill you and then pretend to be the grieving spouse, just to get attention.
I am lucky to be alive, 3000 miles away from that evil man.
Betcha, he tried to con you back to him?? I had a narcissistic father & brother & the hell I went through with both of them!!
Mine threw a carton of milk on the floor. Swearing it was sour and my fault. Knowing I would open the door to the garage to get a mop. And he was waiting and hit me in the head with his cane. I was lucky..the skull fracture wasn't life threatning. It did damage the optic nerve. And I now have no central vision in that eye
I did see him being drug out of the house in a straight jacket. I was in a safe place within two months. He ended up out on the street. And died two years later. My life as a senior is not what I'd imagined. I have a decent life five years later but it could have been so much better.
By the way, I am from Oregon too.
Your verbiage echos my past when I had to plan my escape from my abusive first husband. I remember believing he would kill me during one of his fits and I had to ESCAPE him. He had cut me off from my family and as a young mother now, I was determined to get out. When you decide you deserve more you can find a way, I tell everyone if I can do it, physically and financially having not much in any type of resources, anyone can. You find a way. There is a better life out there
And I think a contact to the police and getting a protective order would be a high priority upon return. Get a permit to carry for self defense. You might need it.
This happened to me! Minor disagreement about telemarketing...
I had a different perspective. He stormed off, got in the car and was Gone.
This was before cell phones.
Left in our company parking lot by the river and woods. At night.
No houses for 2+ miles. Just dark roads.
So....walked home through the woods, until I got to the suburbs again.
He never called.
3 years later, ran into him and he wondered why I never called Him!
He said he was just annoyed, it was just kind of a joke.
He said, 'You have to understand, sometimes I just like being perverse.' 😮
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I do now. 😢
I'm a 64 year old child. Abused since day one by a severely narc " mother".although I am 3+ years no contact. When someone is genuinely kind to me it breaks my heart. You, Dr. Carter left me a very small kind response once,I burst into tears at the time and still hold that kindness dear. I am healing, your helping all of us heal. Thank you Sir. P.S. ( months later) Thanks to every single kind heart that has left an encouraging post.
GOD BLESS YOU.
I get that way too. Whenever I come across a stranger who is nice to me I always walk away crying, because it’s just something I’ve never really experience with people without it becoming a set up to be used and then discarded.
@@justice8563same here. I burst into tears also at the receiving end of human kindness.
God bless you for sharing! Sounds a lot like my situation. You're learning and growing. ❤
You are a dear heart for sharing your genuine experience and painful upbringing. You are a beautiful soul and I hurt knowing you had to deal with such an unhealthy human being who was your mother. Thank the Creator, you had the courage to set boundaries and to begin to heal . You are valuable and deserve nothing less than to be treated with love and kindness in your life.
So sorry for the sweet, innocent child who wasn’t treasured. That’s something to grieve
I can tell you from experience that a narcissist can go a long time appearing totally normal, but then one day when your guard is down they hit you where it hurts for no good reason.
That's true.
It's my experience that narcs have this "sociopathic mode". It doesn't always show, but it's easily triggered.
I remember several times when I've looked at my mom or my sister and thought 'Whoa! This person is cold as ice. Therese nobody home. No heart, no empathy ". It's very disturbing.
I knew EXACTLY what to say and or a LOOK that would cause my NARC sister to START SWINGING! It was not much OR just a smile and she would BASH at my FACE! She HATED ME! My Mother triangulated all of use ever since I can remember!
Yes, that sociopathic mode is easily triggered in these types of people! I have had those same thoughts when looking at my mother and my sister. Dead eyes, totally cold as ice, no heart, no natural human caring for another human. It IS extremely disturbing!
Yes❤. The eyes used to change.
Every once in awhile, the mask slips off.
@@fxdpntc Especially the more and longer you get to know them. It takes alot of effort to keep that mask on, and they start to get sloppy after awhile!
It was probably one of the saddest days of my life, the day I realized my parent is a genuine sociopath.
Watch out for the Bot!!
Always sniffing around...
I remember the day exactly 4/20/2020 , 7 minute video an Narcissistic Mothers and their daughters, forever changed My life ! I’m on the healing Journey ❤God Bless You always 🙏
Mine is not a parent but a spouse who I 've been with for 40+ years. Although a jerk, the fighting was non stop until one day he called a sheriff to take me to the hospital!!! Freaking floored by what he LIED to them about. Nothing I can do, the records stand unless HE changes them! Fat chance of a narc admitting guilt. He then told me a couple years back he has a mental health trail on me. I think I said WTF are you saying? And I left, took our camper, HE set it all up, paid all the bills. He thought I was coming back, this was just a fight? It's the one and only time I've ever left and no way I'd ever return to what I have to accept, I could live with a narc for 35 years, but something changed with our daughter and she walked away. Hates both of us. I wonder why? They grew up listening to ALL HIS CRAP . Turned 3 of 4 into new narcs just by watching him destroy us all.
My worst hurt was realizing that I carry half of their DNA.😢
ditto, dear one, ditto. please heal well.
Those narcisistic sociopaths are driven dy evil forces and they are scary.
The one who was largely responsible for my husband's death is
very involved with his church - hope there won't be more victims!
There is legit demonic influence.
I know one who is by Jezebel
ThaT
could be
every
one even for us unknown people
No. They are biologicaly desired to do wrong. Don't be delusional. No magic thinking.
They are like a time bomb waiting to explode on you. They scream in your face, call you names, lie to you and everyone they come in contact with. You mean absolutely nothing to them except to serve their irrational ideas of who you should be and how best they can use you for their sadistic purposes.
When you are in the presence of a sociopath, you are in the presence of evil. Keep your distance. Thank you dr Carter. God bless you❤
My narc/sociopath mother would get a gleeful, sadistic look on her face when people were suffering. Especially when she was the one causing the suffering.
The only times I’ve heard a genuine giggle from my mother in the past several years were when I or someone else was hurt. It’s a bizarre, uncontrolled, gleeful giggle (it once came out when she was telling some friends about an injury I had). This is a woman who has fake-laughed 98% of my life, who I cannot remember ever seeming to have the experience of joy…
@@MM-nh8ez most likely she engineered the injury... hence the uncontrolled laughter.
My mother was the same way!!
My mother laughed when I was in pain with colic as a child, because she found my cries amusing, and if I cried quietly she would smile in a really weird way 😢
Thees sort of people are sick! Possessed 👿!
Many years ago, I thought most people were basically good. I thought bad behavior was from being misunderstood or from having an abused background. It was a bit of a shock to realize that these were "hollow" people and lacked a soul. No amount of nurturing is going to help them bloom like a flower. They'll just become Audrey from Little House of Horrors and eat you. I didn't know there was a name for this then.
I totally feel you. I was shocked to learn that and now I truly believe that there are evils in this world
I thank God daily that
I finally got rid of him
33 years ago. The BEST years of my adult life.
I can certainly relate. So very happy that you was able to escape unharmed..
This is exactly how my wife behaves. She creates chaos and drama all the time - which is completely exhausting - and just says ‘that’s life - just get used to it’. Every person she comes into contact with only lasts a short time - they just want to get away from the craziness.
@@user-lm2vs1sl3v run while you can. That sounds like my mother. I had to cut her off it’s really sad & honestly being a woman is not excuse for drama. For example, I’m a woman and I really dislike drama or getting involved in people’s bs. Adults acting like they are in high school is really not normal
This sounds exactly like a situation I just left. I love how so many people cavalierly say “just go no contact”, without realizing how dangerous some of these situations can be. In the same way that ANYBODY a can be manipulated into joining a cult, anybody can be manipulated into a toxic relationship. It’s not a matter of intelligence on the part of the eventual victim, nor is it about willpower. These sociopathic narcissists are Oscar worthy actors, master manipulators who continuously perfect their craft. They are always 10 steps ahead of decent individuals with empathy. Having information such as Dr. Carter, Dr. Ramani, and Dan Shaw provide is quite recent. It helps tremendously, but for many of us it is still part of a “hindsight is 20/20” situation, because the damage has already been done. And again, depending on the particular situation, especially when domestic violence is involved, the most dangerous time happens to be when the victim leaves. That’s when the victim is most likely to be murdered. These people are truly evil.
Yes! Finally someone with the courage to speak the whole truth. It's literally putting your life on the line for many of us.
I don't think they are truly evil... they are ignorant af fuck, damaged beyond belief, and SUFFER having NO FAITH IN OTHER PEOPLE. but the effect on others is truly awful, might as well be evil we think, if the person inflicting the damage doesn't seem to care.. .if you can get through to them and make them realize that everyone hurts and everyone cares then sometimes their world of delusion can shatter... then they become borderline instead of sociopathic narcissists... they no longer feel entitled to hurt others or be the centre of attention... but that is RARE. good luck everyone
(Glad you mentioned Dr. Ramani, as well as Dr Carter; also Narc Daily [Andrew]; Dr. Sam Vaknin - all these people are National Treasures. We have learned so much from them!)
I know what you mean: Without going into detail, a step daughter, (along with her flying monkeys/ sychophants/ fellow sadists) continued to try to get me in legal trouble, induce me to commit suicide, attempt at identity theft (yep), etc., etc... - Even AFTER the divorce was finalized from her father/ my then husband. So, yeah...
Take the time you need - there are Domestic Violence support groups (which helped me), and it has taken me 3 years (I'm not over things - but MUCH BETTER) to separate myself from even my own son. (Over 40 years of my life wasted - so I hear all of you)
There will be times when there are one or two steps back, but those bad days get fewer and fewer...
Keep going - You Can Do This! 🔥🔥🔥📈
I concor... The damage have been done already..
Agree a hundred percent...I feel like you're the first person whose experience mirrors my own. Others do not appreciate either the danger or the degree to which they mind-f*€k you.
when they con and steal as children, and only "feel bad" when they get caught - it generally can not get better. but then i might be talking about a psychopath, as opposed to a narcissist. or a narcopath. some people are apparently just born "bad". They're bad as kids, bad as teenagers, bad as adults and their con game gets better with practice, of course. their mask gets perfected too.
Yep!
@@SurvivingNarcissism I forgot to add, somewhere in there "and are never held accountable or suffer consequences". pretty sure that feeds the delusionality and/or sociopathic behaviour. as dr phil says: it works for them!
Sounds like my sister! Mom was a narcissist, I was the scapegoat and my sister became the narcissist/sociopath. Conning and stealing her whole life. Stole my inheritance, committed felony mail fraud, forgery and theft. I should have known right away, she had done it since we were very little.
No body is "born bad", this is nature vs. nurture. Sometimes they're just a regular kid going through trauma and abusive narcissistic collective bullying at home so they may act out a little and become completely labelled as "bad" and acting with malice and no remorse but no one bothers to ask the kid what they really feel and what's going on because that might threaten the false narratives of the narc structure so they'll be falsely judged, scapegoated, guilt tripped, blamed and shamed their entire life by their narc family who spins and blows everything out of proportion to detract and blameshift from their own contributions to the issue. Of course, some may also become psycho's, like you said, but most won't and no one is "born bad", so we need to be careful about being too quick to jump to conclusions. Hopefully, the "bad kid" comes across some outside positive influences during and after he's escaped the home situation as the brain is still developing up to 25 years old. Like what if being told they're just "bad" constantly, they decide that must be their role, and are basically taught to self destruct, engage in risky behavior and learn to do these things to themself in the narcs place and that no one cares or see's the truth anyway, so they give up and just decide "welp, I guess I'm just evil then, so nothing really matters", when just one pat on the back and being told "good job" or even just a glimpse of compassion sometime could change their world?
@@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFSNo, OP is right, some people are just born this way and nothing on earth can change them. My older brother is like this. I knew him from my birth and he was always like that. Nothing made him that way, it's just how he is. I know that is an uncomfortable fact but it's the truth.
They don't overtly teach kids about narcissism in schools, but I remember this (covert) classic "Never smile at a crocodile, No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile, Don’t be taken in by his welcome grin, He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin". I do believe that they were talking about "alligators". Alligators, crocodiles and psychopaths have no *capacity* for empathy. ⚠
i used to think i could make friends with any kind of animal...i learned my lesson
Empathy for me while I stab you because my arm got tired ?They expect it back though yeah yeah I almost got ya killed but I'm still here your still here no biggie ...buck up buttercup .
It's our parents Job to teach us. I never knew how a woman could destroy my life. Mom should've warned me. But she was my first abuser. As adults I think all of us who have been hurt should feel it's our duty to warn others. God bless you and you will heal.
don't blame the alligators and crocodiles. they are just innocent animals living amongst the humans who are hell bent on destroying their habitats....humans choose destruction, animals don't
If we change "him" to "her" then i agree
Described my dad perfectly. When you know someone isn’t right in the head but nobody listens to you because he can do the Jekyll and Hyde thing and among strangers he can turn on the charisma and own the room, but you know what a moral basket case this person really is, and nobody listens to you, and he is loose on the public like some kind of psycho time bomb but there’s nothing you can do about it….
I went out to eat with an abusive person and the waitress treated him like the person in charge when it was me actually paying the bill. They have a way of drawing people to them, but they would be repelled if they knew them like we do.
My father was the worst narcissist on the planet . My sisters and mother bitched about him all the time but now they kiss his ass
Eventually, their mask will slip and others will see how he REALLY is ! This can be stated for anyone with NPD/ASPD/DT. At least you recognize it, and try to navigate it.
My father too, inflicted all the kinds of abuse. I don't believe in the phrase "see the best in people" anymore, as it is what abusive people expect and rely on to keep up the charade. So many good people overlook red flags and the victims are in it alone
@@Roswell33 they also put on a good facade to others in the community, but behind closed doors, they are totally abusive.
My next-door neighbour is like this. He got himself elected as a local Government officer, and then took it to the extreme, as he couldn't be touched. No one believed the abuse I got because 'he's such a nice bloke'. Loud music when I was trying to spend time relaxing in my garden, when I asked for him to be reasonable, he turned it up. He would happily go and sort a local parking dispute, then block my car access to my own property and say I was being unreasonable. A lot of what he did was on purpose...then he was the victim when I challenged him, I was unreasonable, petty, unfair. At my wits end for years, and no consideration or empathy for my mental health condition. Complaining to local government office was useless as he was 'protected'.
Got to the point I was thinking of moving from the only home I've ever felt comfortable in
Then a few months ago, call it divine intervention, he called in to say he was moving and renting the property out. I now have a lovely family next door, and he's gone.
My mental health has improved so much. I can go out into my garden and enjoy it knowing he's not going to spoil every day.
“You are in the presence of an alligator 🐊
Keep your distance. “
That was profound.
Where I am there are literally alligators in the yard. I don’t trust alligators at all. I do respect them. I don’t trust most people and, like with alligators, keep my distance. I cannot believe all the number of unethical, manipulative and outright crooked people I have come in contact within the last decade. One was in the family. We go no contact as soon as they are exposed.
And true
yes, perfect...they lay in wait and strike when least expected.
Like a leopard.. they may not show all spots. That's becuz they have such great camouflage
i n AusTria live
no
AliGators
Narcissists can freak you out just being narcissist's.😳
@@a.f.8739 We're working on it.
The first time I ever thought about personality disorders in relation to my ex, long before I'd even heard of narcissism or considered that she might be one, was when she told me that both her ex-husband and her estranged adult daughter from that marriage had separately told her they thought she was a sociopath.
She clearly expected me to be shocked to hear this and tell her no, of course she isn't a sociopath. In fact I went kinda quiet and thought to myself "dang, that would explain so much..."
Let's see if this video shines some extra light on the topic! I hope so.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I have no doubt it will, your content is some of the best out there on the subject. Thank you all for what you do!
No wonder her adult daughter ended up being estranged from her😬.It's usually a very BIG red 🚩 whenever anyone tells you their adult kids have 🚶♀️ away from them.
She was wanting to know if you thought so too. You couldn't reply because you were too busy packing your bags!! 😂😂
@@malwads1836No kidding!! Nobody walks away for no reason. I often wonder what excuse is my elderly narc mother using as to why her only daughter and son-in-law walked away a year ago. How do you explain that away?
The Sociopath I was dealing with pulled me into his games very quickly and so intensly that I became very dizzy and confused...Never ever expierenced something like this before. Terrifying.
Today I know, Sociopath need pure dominance/power and they know exactly which buttons to push to trigger your emotions to gain control over you. They love to frighten you, their game on "hot-cold" is beyond because they need to get whatever they want in the moment. Never seen such a master chameleon before.
Yeah, dizzying and unbelievable! While involved with a controller, I would think maybe I was just uptight and didn't know how life worked. Like, I thought my frame of reference was wrong. When it was just partly wrong. I started to discover all these schemes and mind games the person had going! I got out of there! It was heartbreaking(to me only). I am thankful that the Jerry Springer show brought this to light, and I could realize, yes, some people are THAT ridiculous. I caught a glimpse while eating dinner out by myself and thinking "I have seen this in real life." It was a moment of recognition, and I felt better about myself.
@@sage9836 How long did you stay in that relationship until you recognized that there was something deeply wrong? I did not even know that such people exist except in films, politics etc. For me it was also heartbreaking when I recognized that this was "just" a game of controlling..
So true.
@@roxymovie3938 It was 2 and a half years. I had run across a book about religious cults and saw parallels, which expedited the process of figuring it out.
@@sage9836 Same with me although I had the idea of Narcissism already after a few months, but I guess I did not want it to be true because of the fact that I had fallen in love, wearing pink glasses. But when I saw glimpes behind his mask more often with once a rage where he totally changed into an absolutly stranger, I started research on the internet and all the pieces of a puzzle matched together. Although I am out of this relationship for nearly 2 years, it is still unbelievable. Most irritating for me were the fact that he looked on every photograph totally different as if he was a person of 100 personalities. I have never seen such a mad thing!
I witnessed the smirking when I poured my heart out to them to stop, after I found evidence of wrong behavior. They found my efforts entertaining, while my exhaustion body cried over what they did. The darkness inside the sociopath, is why we have so many unsolved crimes, they covertly get away with everything. The devil is running this world 🌎 and leading all narcissistic and sociopaths in charge, mostly, as God did save some people to help save the lost. It’s all written in the Bible. God can heal this pain, ask, seek, knock ✊, the door will open.
Shalom ❤
When a narcissist starts breaking simple rules (or the law) in front of you, it's time to step back even further because it is a test. They will try "to get your goat" so to speak and think you are too weak to put up a fight etc.
Never ever lose your cool no matter how it affects you ( or your health ie blood pressure)
Share with those you trust what you see but also protect loved ones as well.
Keep a log when things affect yourself or immediate family.
Find a way to convey the concerns you have but keep a low profile at first.
Get your rest. Take care of yourself and always pray and talk to the Lord in your quiet time. Ask Him for guidance.
There are no easy solutions sometimes but God is good. He is Mighty and wonderful. He loves us and knows our heart most of all.
It will get better. Have faith. Thank God often for answering your prayers, too.
I love this channel and pray for everyone, too. These can be hard times right now and we all need each other for strength and wisdom. ❤🙏
May God bless you all for the answers we seek.
Amen
Isaiah 53 💯
Psalm 110:1 👀
2 Timothy 3 🤏
John 16:33
@@jsf8145 Amen and Hallelujah
Shalom ❤️
“Who has believed what he has heard from us? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? For he grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned-every one-to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living, stricken for the transgression of my people? And they made his grave with the wicked and with a rich man in his death, although he had done no violence, and there was no deceit in his mouth. Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him; he has put him to grief; when his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand. Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities. Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong, because he poured out his soul to death and was numbered with the transgressors; yet he bore the sin of many, and makes intercession for the transgressors.”
Isaiah 53:1-12 ESV
Yes, the God of the world is the devil now in human form. It's scary out there, be careful. Just because it looks and behaves normally, doesn't mean it is.....
God is leading the world. The narcissists , psychopaths and sociopaths are people who witnessed very huge trauma as children and were never healed. And they do very bad things. And no they're not good people. But love and God are the ones who are the only truth. These people could have been saved, they just simply... Weren't.
My sociopathic mother once made a statement that I thought was very honest about herself. I asked her why she was doing something that was damaging and hurtful, and she snapped "because I can, because I want to." It really is that simple. She does whatever she wants to do as long as she can get away with it. That was the very moment I finally figured out what I was dealing with. I haven't had a relationship with her for 15 years now.
That's brazen.
My covert narcissistic mother told me that she'd rather lie to someone if it meant that she could avoid confrontation. The Vail dropped from my eyes in that moment and all the pieces of my life's story started to fit together. It's only been three months since I've gone back to no contact. She's made NO attempt to reach out to me. My brother who lives with her had to take of my dog for two days, when he brought the dog back, she sent some dog food home with him, not one word for me tho. Now bcuz of watching videos like this I now know that the next by time we're in the same room, one of us will be in a box. She's 76, I've started jotting down some thoughts for her epitaph. Hate to say it but I'm looking forward to that day.😢
I'm afraid my adult narcissist daughter may now be a sociopath. I sure miss the wonderful person she used to be.
I also have this problem.
@@Hatbox948 I have the same. Mine is 43 and we had a wonderful relationship between her college years and early career. But the onset of middle 30's brought out an entitlement and mean-spiritedness when things did not perfectly go her way or I could not serve her immediate needs. We are no-contact now for nearly 17 months. Mostly I am relieved and living my life. But I miss the easy and fun person she once was.
@@supplynomore6471 Same here. We were very close once. I just had to let go. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. Best wishes to you!
I.understand so hard to accept that this can happen ....heartbreaking
DITTO - trying to get mine out of my house...
When you are young and dont understand though and up in a worse scenario being groomed by a psychopath.i am so grateful to God,for getting me through.🙏😌
good to hear that Melody
What does it mean?
My mother always kept her wedding ring on the toilet seat. Not the lid mind you, but the seat itself. She claimed she did it because the toilet seat is one of the few places in the house never to be cluttered, and so she could always find it. For the rest of us it was annoying though, because we'd have to take it off to use the toilet and then replace it. And boy if you every left it on the sink or any other place without putting it back when finished, you'd hear about it! Narcissists are always setting up little puzzles to test you every day, where there's always a punishment waiting but no reward. They don't care about the sentimental value of things or the inherent risks to things that would have special meaning to other people, either. Everything is just a resource to be used for some game.
There was this one who required an item on the table at a coffee shop to be removed or else the person would act weird. I would remove the item because I just figured the person had an environmental sensitivity, which is possible. But requirements kept being added. Turns out this was not a sensitivity, but a test in a series to see if I would cooperate, and I quit! Just a small object was a dominance game. There could be a video "Narcissists with small objects and daily routines." It's a disruption of just daily human needs.
This has to be the weirdest thing I've ever heard. What a wonderful way for her to lose it. What if it got accidentally flushed? Wow.
With my mother, the games are similar (there is a certain very strict order to how things must be aligned in the dishwasher-bowls here, plates like this, etc.-which is actually partially about saving a few pennies because it fits slightly more than putting things in mis-aligned), BUT the goal is usually to affirm servitude. All the little special rules are about serving her, and even just doing something normal, like closing a door or turning off a light turns into something you have done *for her*. So even if you are not acting as a servant, you are reminded that it’s what your place is.
She has lots of friends… NOT.
@@MM-nh8ez There has to be a good video topic in this type behavior. The stories are pouring out. I remember being told I had to remove items from my bag of takeout food in a certain order. MY bag. Yep. Every little thing can turn into a dominance ploy.
@@MM-nh8ez Yes, there is apparently a right way , their way, to fold tea towels, towels, socks etc.
A friend said to me recently, how could you get involved with someone like my ex partner after what he did to you? I felt so hurt by her words but today I realise it’s because she has never been involved with a sociopath like my ex. They really are very hard to escape. I was told by a lawyer to change my name and leave the country and never look back. I was broke and fearful and had no support from family as they were sucked in by his lies and thought I was at fault and he was a doctor so had all the power. It was his brother who told me of his sociopathy and it all makes sense now but the damage done to me and my kids has been devastating. I still find life very challenging at 73 even though I have no contact with him for decades. However my daughter is still under his influence and sadly believes a lot of his lies. I have to live with it. Very hard to deal with the deep remorse of not doing what that lawyer told me to do many years ago. At the time I had no strength in me as I was allways confused and just trying to survive life with this monster and his manipulations. Trust shattered. Fearful and anxious daily. Trauma so deep. Thankyou for these videos as I do feel very much alone. The Lord got me through and I know he is going to help me through these types of videos. Bless you!❤
As your friend doesn't understand, but you do, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to such issues.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. The world truly tests us but the Lord is so loving and he lives within us. We will endure! Blessings to you.
@@kishup1995 I'm an ADHD kid myself... My question to you at 49 years old is why should I apologize when they never did so in the first place? Why do apologies only have to be for SELF-WORSHIPPING "Rules for thee, not for me" parents and not for myself too? If the forgiveness game is not GONNA be fair, I'm not going to play it ANYMORE!
@@NoMoreMrNiceGuy2003 He apologizes for all the bad things he did to others and hurt them unknowingly. Now that he is aware, he knows that it was bad and repents, the one who does not know and is not sanctified, cannot even repent. Our parents neither knew nor could do better, they gave us what they got.
Thank you for your story, can relate. Best for your future.
My narcissist ex-husband ventured into the realm of sociopathy. It was scary. I knew my life was at risk and took appropriate measures.
Me too. Anyone who hasn't dealt with a narcissistic person can't relate to what victims go thru and are dealing with. Thank everyone for all the support and encouragement. Much appreciated.
Very true. Among the general population, most ppl don't think narcissists are anything more than egotistical persons. It's so much more insidious than that.
@@andreah6379 I agree. As the narc ages, it only gets worse. I treasure the peace, tranquility and serenity when the narc leaves the house. They have no idea how diabolical, delusional & demented they are. Inside & out.
You’re right about this, I have witnessed it myself. As my mother has aged her anger over nothing has intensified, she will bait anyone into an argument, she’s jealous of everyone, wishes ill will upon others and demands to be the center of attention. I went no contact long ago-I’m afraid of her actually. She is capable of anything. There are absolutely no boundaries to her behavior.
same situation here. super vicious. my sociopath mum would create stories from thin air like my aunt's(her sister) daughter had incest with her brother just because she was very jealous of my aunt getting all the attention and love. when we clarified and checked, there's no such thing at all. she then put up her 'victim card', why everybody angry with me? i'm the victim here. she continues to tell sob stories(how we bullied her) to strangers/church members who has little knowledge of who she is. In the end we became the devils in other's eye.
Wow She sounds exactly like My Mother 😢your smart going no contact ! Some Humans just are worthy of Our Love ❤️ God Bless You always !
@spaideman7850 wow , how do you cope with people staring and gossiping ?
@@Greenawareness188 those gossipers are cowards and they dare not tell me how they felt, so whenever we meet, we pretend everything is ok. and i try to avoid to meet these gossipers as much as possible. i don't really care how low-wisdom people think about me and i have no intention to regain their support because their support will disappear as soon as the next rumor enters their ears.
This describes perfectly a woman whom I once considered a friend. Over a 17 year period, I noticed there was something off abt her, but made excuses for her, bcs I didn't know anything abt narcissism. Thanks to Dr Carter & Dr Ramani, I'm realizing how many there are, & they're everywhere! This person was a flash in the pan, all charm, zero substance. She once told me she was not "a nice person"; I didn't know any better, but I shd have believed her! Jealous, gossipy, cold, controlling, mean-spirited, manipulating, vindictive, full of rage, & hate. After she had no more practical use for me, she no longer needed her passive- aggressive ways to speak to me; she used her far left political opinions to come right out & cut me off. Not news to me, I told her, "we broke up years ago". I was relieved to not have to deal w/ her nastiness any more; but I'm not sorry to hv known her, bcs it taught me first hand, & now, my radar is always on, & I don't waste my time or energy on soulless creatures anymore. Thank you, Dr. Carter.
Nothing angered my sister more than when I said "I am equal to you". She refused to speak to me.
Better person than she!!!
Wow. That is cold.
Relate. similar
I f I want to upset my ex narc, well he's an ex now as of tonight, I tell him how wonderful I am. with complete confidence, I announce that I am BEAUTIFUL, smart, talented, and kind, and that I can probably have any man I decide I want.... then I ask him a why question about some shit thing he did or accused me of and he LOSES HIS SHIT. clockwork.
Same here, my spouse thinks it’s just sibling rivalry where in our 50s, she a jealous covert narcissist
They called it "teasing," and laughed, considering themselves successful when I was driven to tears. And yes, over the years they got worse. Mean. Cruel, and for what? I never understood. WHY would they do that? Well, how is insanity understandable?
They also didn't understand when I completely cut them off.
"How is insanity understandable?"
Exactly
"Don't be ridiculous, I was only teasing."
Heard it a _lot_ in the 55 years I had before cutting off my narc mother.
I never understood the cruelty either. I never understood why someone would want to treat someone so bad.. i still ask myself..why? He played mind games on me too.. so hurtful.. i just dont understand
"You have such a low tolerance for teasing" was something I heard a lot. If I said that it's not teasing, but malicious needling and baiting over things you know I'm sensitive about, that would just lead to dismissive contempt or escalating yelling. The out of control rage seemed to get worse over time, to the point of making me wonder if the person was legitimately insane. Going no contact 12 years ago was the best thing I ever did for myself, but I really never felt fully safe until getting news of his death two years ago.
I heard somewhere, that the narcissistic supply narcissists obtain from hurting others is stronger than the n supply from praise and admiration, probably also easier to get. In my observation a narcissist will turn nasty, if you are weak (after he has weakened you sufficiently) and when he has enough support from other.
Also, they turn nasty when you react to them, trying to explain how inapproriate they are
Yes, that bullying, “ builds them up “.
A big thing you'll probably 👀 is that if they can't get positive attention from you...Then they try to go for negative attention.A regular narc is like a toddler,they must get attention at all costs because it's "survival" to them & is the narc supply.The sociopathic narcs DO derive a big chunk of their supply from others suffering/misfortune.It's the sadistic pleasure that's a dead giveaway that a narc is crossing over into sociopathy🥶.Also manipulation is like a amusing sport for them.Many narcs end up crossing over into sociopathy over the years... It's just 1 more reason to stay as far away from them as you can.
@@malwads1836 , yes you are right. Staying away from narcissists is a good idea , because they usually do not change. Sometimes temporarily, but only until the situation turns into their favor again.
@@Lemana28021989 , yes narcissist know that they can " talk you in circles" very well, an ability which is part of their disorder and that you the non narcissist will usually loose. That is a way to lower your self esteem .
Boundaries and limitations are crucial with these entities.
You get it, Fred!
entities is a much better descriptor than people!
A nice way of saying demon lol
@@cassien7585 thats exactly what moves them. Demons.
@@vegastar57 and what moves you an angel someone controlling you??
Thank you for being a voice of true civility in a world that has practically none left.
Unfortunately I had one in my life…someone’s stepmother. She was pure evil, physically abusive (beyond any imagination)….cunning. She fools the world. Behind closed doors, it is living hell for children. The cries of the child went unheard. Its many years later and I move forward the very best I can.
That's probably a psycopath you're talking about.
Ouch
I’m so very sorry for all you’ve been through! Having both My Parents Narcissistic Sociopaths I feel Your pain ! May God Bless You always ❤
High end narcissists are a bunch of evil clowns, stay well away from them and save your precious empathy for people who really deserve it.💓
Never in my wildest nightmares could I have come up with an individual with those characteristics, extremely nauseating and disturbing. Thanks Dr. / community 😊
Right!?? I'm currently living/married and hopefully divorced soon to a covert narcissist (and he seems to be getting worse) with KIDS, no less!!
GOD, HELP US! 🤦
Until you move next door to one.
@@Ariela-ApostolicA238 I will pray that God will help you...I hope his back fucking wheel falls off... all of em..all the narcs can go suck a bag of dicks
Sounds like my brother the golden child. He never was this bad but he's an alcoholic now. My husband was up on a very high ladder changing out a lightbulb on the barn, my brother went inside the barn and switched on the power and electrocuted my husband, then my brother cocked his head back and laughed. I knew then he was bordering on sociopathy or psychopathy. Great news, we went no-contact a year ago.
I married a very charming, seemingly kind and mellow man. I had dated him for a year and we talked about everything....except his childhood or his parents. He would say it was "too painful"..and I naively thought it meant they were deceased.. I was 32, he was 35, and we dated for 1 year, then at Christmas..he surprised me with a marriage proposal, including producing an engagement ring while he went down on one knee. When I said yes, he jumped up in joy and said, "We can go to your parents tonight too...but we need to go tell my parenrs first!" What?! It turned out his parents lived less than 10 minutes away! When we arrived, the father was happy, jovial...very kind. His mother was...loudly sobbng in a totally dark living room and refused to come meet me...until her son escorted her out on his arm...which she was clinging to for dear life?! I was thinking she must be close to him...but I also was very confused over his "painful" past comments. This woman looked at me with glinty hatred and told me, "Dont get too comfortable with that ring, I had it on MY finger, long before YOU!" We stayed a half hour, with the father and son trying to be cheerful and inviting...while his mother stared death wishes at me! I asked him in the car, "What was that?! Was this a family ring, your mother seemed so upset?" He tried to laugh, said "It was nothing, my mother insisted she go along, pick out the ring...but I chose another ring for you. My Mother has never liked my ANY of my girlfriends...but she will love you, once she truly knows you." I almost gave the ring back...And I TRULY WISH I HAD. I married a very charming, handsome, but lying, conning, narcissistic man ...who had a very dangerous sociopathic narcissistic mother...and I felt my husband was becoming more like HER. After years of manipulation and abuse by this sick duo...I went to counseling and realized how much true danger I was in. I am now free from them both....totally happy and living my best life!
Holy crap someone could make a movie out of that I think.
Unreal !
It gets real scary! 😮
Thank you for your video. The topic was personally familiar. I now know to be more cautious about my personal safety . Thank you to Team Healthy for your kindness .
My brother was 100% a narcissistic sociopath to the point he was volatile. I found it interesting Dr Carter referred to them as an alligator just as a court ordered psychiatrist referred to my brother as a tiger. We were estranged for the last 3 years of his life before he died with Covid. It is heartbreaking, sad and unfortunate, but true, that the lives of his only child, ex-wife, some of his life long friends and myself are far better off and are at peace with him no longer being with us.
Extremely Dangerous
Exactly. They never change.
"Keep your distance...................You're dealing with an alligator". So true are those words! One of the people I quit dealing with almost a year ago is so very close to the sociopathic side of Narcissism that it's really hard to tell. To protect myself from their deceitful and treacherous lies I simply removed myself from an interactions.
Wisdom! I did the same! Once the cross that bridge, there is no hope of a relationship unless you are willing to be their pawn! Nope! I have a life to live, too!
“How the entertainment industry glorifies sociopathy”… Dr. C you promote truth. Thank you for all you do!
I think it's more the way the 'audience' chooses to relate . True Crime and movies that depict the Bad Guy as the central charachter...
The "entertainment industry"? Go back to The Bible..lots of violence there! And many books we think of as classic. The industry also glorifies ethics..I know. I have worked on many shows whose messages were teaching how we are all brothers or to do the right thing..most without particular religious (or lack of overtones). Over the decades, there have been many shows to do this, some you may not have realized: sure Star Trek but also (believe it or not) vampire shows like Angel or shows like Dead Zone. I have experience in the industry. You cannot make broad, sweeping generalizations like that.
@@IMeMineWho Sorry, but this is why lots of people walked away from Atheism Plus (when they be tried to sneak the cult of Feminism into it). As a recent Christian of a few years--I'll take their truths and/or fables over Hollyweird anyday as far as morality goes
@@NoMoreMrNiceGuy2003 Um..the majority of actors, musicians, vocalists and dancers are working class. Maybe before you subscribe to propaganda (whether by the host of this site or 45), look into the facts. As a performer of over half my life, I was/am monogamous, loved my family and friends, showed up to work and went home. Sorry that the host and you speak in generalities in an industry you both do not and never have had any direct knowledge of. I do and the majority of people who make a living on entertainment are good honest people and if you wrote truly a Christian (why you perceive that to make you better than any Jew or Muslim, Buddhist, Catholic or other religion is actually anti what Jesus taught, but oh well). Just like any other industry there are good eggs and bad. I guess you do not recall Jesus said Judge ye not lest ye be judged. But go on with the smug superiority of "as a Christian..."
@@IMeMineWho I bathe in feminist tears... Have a nice day!
Mine escalated to drugging me, so he could be with his new supply at night. He gave me too much one night and it almost cost me my life. I was with him 33 years and while he always had a Jekyll and Hyde personality I never felt like he would do something like this. He would get joy from my pain. He works hard to manipulate me.
😔😔😔 I am divorced and safe from him now, but I carry the scars and trauma.
Snap! Same here. Glad you are away from him!
@@thrivingnow7395 Thank you
Very common to poison us..my step mom did this too..
@@missnyssah8048, So sorry…..
Dr. Carter, I was raised in a very abusive family as the scapegoat. My Mother and oldest sister (golden child) are Narcissistic Sociopaths and I have known this for years. My oldest sister attempted to murder me by smothering me when I was an infant but was stopped by another sister who told my Mom at the time. This sister revealed it to me years later to say to me "No, you were never abused because I protected you." I developed bipolar disorder as a child and had alot of emotional problems but my parents refused to take me to a Psychiatrist or get any kind of help so I wasn't diagnosed until an adult. My immune system took a big hit and I was hospitalized as a child for Mono. I want to point out at the time she tried to kill me I was an infant and she was 7 years old. Believe me, all the Sociopathic traits have been in her from the beginning, there was no gradual increase. Sometimes people are just born Monsters.
My sister used to hold a knife and tell me she was going to slit my throat. I was 4 and didn't tell bc my mom hated me too. I'm very ill with auto immune disease . And that sister is a cop. 😢😢😢
@@sinjinmonsoon9055 OMG. I'm so sorry you went through that, you deserved better that's for sure. I bet your Mom probably lied about you to your sister to make sure you would never get along because if you both did then it would have been a threat to her. Plus "Monster Moms" always like to play one child against the other. Just said a prayer for you. I hope God heals & blessed you. Much happiness wished for you. Take care.
Ditto for my sibling also dad & mum
@kathleenmorrison8450 I can relate to you in that I was the scapegoat of my family. My mother is a malignant narcissist, and my sister is more of a covert narcissist. My sister is younger than me by 4 years, and she was the golden child (still is).
I finally went no contact with my mother 3 years ago, when I finally understood in a big way how little regard she actually has for my well being, or my life. I lived for many years hoping that we could somehow have a proper mother/daughter relationship, but 3 years ago she did something so completely over-the-top I could no longer hold out that hope. She is a MONSTER!
I wasn't in contact with my sister for about 4 years, but last year I initiated contact with her again. I can plainly see that she hasn't changed. She isn't as malignant as my mother, but her attitude toward me always lets me know that she feels nothing but contempt and disgust for me. I've decided I'm not going to beg her to love me, I have more respect for myself than that.
I have also been suffering with some kind of a mystery illness, and I think it is some kind of autoimmune disorder. The doctors haven't been able to find out what's wrong with me, but there is something terribly wrong. I literally feel like I'm dying every day. I think all the years of emotional stress have finally caught up with me on a physical level.
I think you are right, some people are just born monsters. There was no gradual increase in severity with my mother, she has always been hateful and evil toward me, since I was very little.
@@christinelamb1167 Wow, I sure can relate to your experience and feelings too! In fact, I went no contact with my mom about 3 years ago too and have never looked back. I went no contact with 2 of my sisters before that and they refused to respect my boundaries so I had to get police orders of no contact and change my phone number, then not allow anyone (family or friends) that is in contact with them have access to my new number. Just thinking on your health, try to forgive (not forget because that's impossible) them as best you can every day, and ask God to help you if your having trouble ( which would be completely understandable). I work on my ongoing forgiveness every day to stop it from taking more of a toll on my life than it already has been. It's not easy but the benefit is big! Forget the sisters & Mom. You deserve good friends and people in your life who will cherish you for the beautiful person you are! Take care.
I wish you'd talk more about psycopaths and how hard it is having to live with one! They're a lot more common these days, unsurprisingly.
They have spread like a virus since 2000....and we take them from granted because of the invasion of screens...plus other factors. Psychopathes do not commit a murder but annihilate so many souls through their lifespan....Warm greetings from France 🎉 😮 Yes we need more information about this pathology, plague, threat 😢
Yes pls do
Psychopaths have much more self control than the sociopath that erupts violently and sloppy. They also tend to plan more in depth about vendettas against those who have wronged them. Sociopaths again don't plan and go by the seat of their pants. To me that is the main difference of the two. Also psychopaths are more charismatic and cool as a cucumber when under pressure, such as being pulled over by law enforcement. They may know they have done wrong, but they believe they are smarter and above the law. The sociopath easily loses their cool and freaks out.
@@alexismerrilldragonqueen6552 Agreed. Psycopaths are a lot more calm and collected. God bless
@@alexismerrilldragonqueen6552 exactely. How brilliantly explained. I bow to your deep knowledge. From France indebted to Dr Carter and You 🌷 🎑 👏
My mother-in-law was a narcissist and her behavior got worse when she got older ... and I remember the time when she said, "I'm 90 years old and I can say whatever I want" ...which meant hurling insults with no filter.
My sibling is the same. Diagnosed mental illness but with the views: "I am older so you have to respect me regardless (all whilst yelling at me and throwing scissors and cups at my head)"; "I have an illness so your needs don't matter (actually, you're not a person to me so the concept of "your" is not even there) so you have to always accept what I do and say and need"; "do as I say, not do as I do".
Some people just can't learn.
@@berlinetta____2680 I'm sorry that's awful ... except my mother-in-law did not have dementia. Her mind remained sharp until the end, and she just passed away age 98.
I have a cousin that said that same thing, when she got to her 60's.
My narc. father use to say, this is my house & I can do whatever I want to do all the time like a broken record!!
I think my situation has entered a danger zone. I've been threatened. I'm having to wait on funds and a trailer hitch one more week. Pray I get through this in as peaceful a way as possible. My narc is a madman.
They always rationalize or justify their bad behaviour. “She’s 18, so she’s legal”, says the 40-50-60 something narcissist. It may be legal but anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that it’s unethical.
Yes😊😊
one family member turned me into Scaoegoat at Moms Funeral--( I ttook care of her 1960-2020)!: he refused to add 'Carol was moms CareGiver" to Detroit news Death notice!!!!
I had to get a blood draw 97 year-old mom's last day on Earth. Hospice said I had time ,and that she probably had 24 hours of suffering. We had decided to pull the oxygen as soon as I returned to see if that helped her depart. However, the sister who controlled and abused mother also controlled her death and pulled the oxygen as soon as I left. Only gone 30 minutes, she passed right away. The controlling sociopath, with her husband and son supporting her, all were there when my mom passed. It was too late for me. Immediately, the sociopath escalated onto a new level of pathology with lies and destruction of all my relationships that she could affect, even barring her mother-in-law from having contact with me. Finding out she stabbed her husband in the back years ago and got away with no reports, did not surprise me. It's no contact for me.
That's so cold blooded. When each of my parents died, my brother and sister just knew to keep each other in the loop as those issues arose. It's simply what decent people do.
My narcissistic therapist/life coach would say something along the lines of: “I will never change the way I act because of how it makes you feel.” ??? I kinda cptsd-blocked the rest of the wording and sentiment, but it was a very disgusting mentality that allows them to evade accountability for their treatment of others.
Like, if she metaphorically cuts someone and they begin to bleed, well, that’s not for her to feel responsible for.
Such charming individuals 😊
AA makes them worst.
Never marry those monsters. And if you have a narcissist spouse, divorce immediately rather than prolonging the pain and wasting a decade away.
So many people have passed away near or right after my ex was around them and the more I've researched and learned, the more I realize he is a sociopath with narc tendencies and that scares me to no end. He's in prison... AGAIN at the moment and I dread the day he gets out. I've went no contact finally but he's still trying and I've done everything in my power to not let it be known where I now live. But everyone knows that sociopaths will go to the ends of the earth to get what they want and I'm not stupid... I know he'll find me, it's just a matter of time. 😢
make plans to 'disappear' before he gets out from prison
I know a guy like this
You have to travel as far as you can, leave social media and friends, and basically try to make a new life, a new person... You have to buy time, he will go to prison again until then try to be safe, and move.
Thank you all for the advice, there's so many things that I had not thought about and I'm grateful for all your help. Hugs to you all. 🫂
change your name, your hair colour, your address, your friends, your job. Stay safe friend.!
An alligator is putting it mildly.
There are no simple words to describe how all the little digs, all the careless actions, all the undermining, ignoring, blatant refusal to show any respect, makes you feel defeated and lose confidence in your ability to communicate or be a person.
And my experience was just a friend.
Know that if you've spoken up for yourself - and been ignored - it's them. Not you. Don't consider them a friend.
Yes - I had a friend just like this. Took me over 20 years to work it out. She was so subtle. Little digs , as you say. I came to realise that her opinion of me was that I was an incompetent, untrustworthy idiot. But I do remember when I first met her, I thought her eyes were really weird - full of kind of hidden anger. My gut feeling felt there was sometihng off about her. At the time I thought I was being silly, but the very first gut feeling turned out to be right. I hope you are doing well.
Used to journal, about 5 years ago I burned all the journals. Remember describing my parents &
Now, I see that I really was describing demonic behavior, it wasn't just a child writing dramaticly.
Dr Carter ☀️ put out a webinar last July called “What You Need to Know About Malignant Narcissists.” It helped me to see how my sister moved from narcissism into sociopathy throughout the years. There’s a list of 20 traits to watch for. The webinar is so rich in content, at least check out the description. I’m so glad I did. ☮️
Thank you for your recommendation re: webinar on the subject of malignant narcissist. 🙏🌷
As my sister worsened, I had to go no contact. It’s been three and a half years at this writing. I definitely know now that she is a sociopath and am preparing myself for the eventuality of her current marriage to end, and how I’ll need to steel myself when she shows up at my doorstep some rainy night wanting to gain entry. I simply cannot do it!
@@doggymommy6219 heck no! It could be dangerous.
Tell me is there a link that I could go to to watch that? I tried finding it and couldn’t
@@little-miss-happy I couldn't find it either. Just his announcement video.
Dear Dr. Carter,
First, thank you once again for, not only the education, but for your compassionate delivery of it.
I started reading the comments, and stopped at Lorraine's, where I had a physical reaction.
I then read a reply from you to her stating, "You are not alone".
That did it.
The floodgates opened.
You and this community are truly life saving.
You see, I felt exactly like Lorraine right before I "awakened" to the nightmare that my 4 decade marriage was.
Not what it had become, what it always was.
I lost my will to live, and I can attest to the absolute fact that the worse I became, the happier my soon to be ex got.
On my first date, in the 1970's, my widowed mother told me there was something wrong with him, and refused to let him ever go back into her house.
I loved and respected my mother more than anyone in the world, but I didn't listen, and went on to have 4 children, and I currently have 9 grandchildren.
I got on my knees almost 3 years ago and asked the Lord to take me.
Begged Him.
I woke up and almost immediately started seeing information on narcissism.
He brought me you, Dr. Carter, and the gratitude I have is infinite.
To Lorraine and anyone who is struggling to survive, I promise you can get to the place of peace that your soul needs.
Stir up your faith, continue educating yourself, exert your energy on learning about yourself, and love yourself now.
I promise you can do it.
I'm in the process of divorce, which is challenging in itself, yet, I have a peace that I cannot explain, and that I refuse to ever give up again.
God Bless You.
Patricia...your comments mean a lot to me. I'm pleased to be on the path with you, so please know I'm standing with you!
I spent 35 years with a sociopathic narcissist woman. This video hits all the points of the female narcissist I dealt with. She didn’t open her eyes in the morning before already causing someone pain. If must have been exhausting just keeping all her minions, boyfriends and lying scripts going for decades upon decades. Take care out there everyone and thanks Dr. C.
@Harmonious-jm3sy
I'm sorry Harmonius; that sounds incredibly painful, and you didn't deserve any of it.
I don't know how many years the Good Lord has for me going forward, but they are going to be peaceful and joyful, that I know.
I wish you the same.
Godspeed!
Thank you Patricia, that was so well said. The thing is we didn’t know what a narcissists was for decades, well I didn’t. I don’t recall any psychologist, psychiatrist councillor, over those years, saying or mentioning the word narcissist 🤷♀️ We had kids to care for, so we battled on. We have wised up with education, and looking for answers. Good luck ❤
@@patriciamacnichol5061 thank you and to you and everyone else who has suffered at the hands of a narcissist. Blessings to all.
Some days it feels so surreal and basically unfathomable a person can be so broken
My mental health has been severely crushed from years of abuse by my husband and unfortunately my daughter married one, and my oldest granddaughter is now on the end of this demonic crap as well.(she's 14) I'm trying to guide her the best I can. One of my brothers is one also 😫 I'm surrounded by this, and my brain can't shut off from it! 🙏 for all of us having to deal with these demons!!! 😈😈
A generational curse. Its can start with you to break this cycle, leave ,do not enable this personality. Why stay and be a volunteer of this abuse.
My ex was sociopatic. He was shallow, his infidelity didn't bother him but he was extremely jealous. He didn't follow the rules of society, lack empathy and I never did enough or did it right. I divorced him after two years. It was a nightmare.
To all the people out there that had the power to leave their bad situation with these people, you are not a victim you are a survivor and don't let anyone else tell you different! ♥
The more I go down this rabbit hole, the more I understand my narcissistic mom. The more I'm realizing that none of how she treated me was my fault. If only my broken brain would catch up. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
Same here. I look back now. I realize all my problems. Have one thing in common. My mom was involved.
I never understood this until I married into a family and my fil had these exact traits. You could see the joy he got out of putting others down and belittling them. The rest of the family has narc traits as well, but he took it to another level. He had a lot of people fooled because after he passed away, people that he worked with and dealt with in public life said he was a good friend and a good man, but he was neither of those things. I don't trust any of them and have gone very low contact and have peace without the drama. It is so sad.
whoa ... sounds like a good frind of mines FIL. eerily similar
Exactly it's disgusting to have to sit at a table and just hear people talk shit about other people that aren't even there constantly
Thank you for your very clear description of narcissistic behaviours. As you say, the normal rules don't apply to a narcissist. And their "fun" always comes at the expense of someone else. "Can't you take a joke?" as they demolish you. And the lies! Never ending. I'm free now, praise God.
I have an older video you might like....There's Humor, Then There's Narcissistic Humor.
Excellent topic! 👏👏 I would like to add that sociopathic narcissists only respect other narcissists. If you're not a narcissist as well, you're very proclive to be preyed upon and bullied.
They're also fond of attacking weaker people (poor, children, love ones), that are vulnerable because that makes them feel superior/powerful, when in reality they are the weak ones, cowards. It is also how their able to acquire people to do their dirty work, finding other narcissists that are also cowards and making them feel like bigshots. It's how surveillance states occur. Watching out for the courageous who might expose what little cowards they are. Power trippers.
They never get better they always and i mean always get worse
Dr Carter do you have any info/video(s) regarding dealing with senior siblings I’m 72, brother is 70+ narcissistic also caregiver for our 100 yr old mother. Lots of angst here. Thanks
IMO - I grew up with what I consider a narcissistic sociopathic sibling. Consequently, as an adult, I gravitated towards partners like that, because my parents never taught me to be afraid, cautious or to pay attention to my inner voice. The sibling's behavior was mostly tolerated, overlooked, and ignored unless it affected their reputations. This was their attitude even when he/she stole, lied, engaged in dangerous behavior, and made false accusations against me, etc. As a mature adult I shudder over what was considered "normal" behavior in our household.
Same 😢
Yes...anger, rage, lies, hypocrisy, vanity, racism, manipulation, entitlement. Just some of the things I accepted as normal.
I thought it was normal too. It breaks my heart to see the truth, but it's the only way free. May we all see and grow and heal, free from that sickness🌹❤
Caution
It is frightening to get into their sights, it can become a lifelong nightmare that can include the people around you as well
Thank you Dr
I think my sibling is a sociopath. Long story short, parents are narcissistic, gave both of us inexpensive starter homes when picking out what we were doing in life. Like a true golden child, my sibling did everything my parents wanted (job wise, education wise). They pushed me to no end with school, gave me hell in childhood for not living up to my medical doc dad's standards. I finally started to prove myself in college, chose to move far from home (go figure). I got cheated on by the long term girlfriend (you are groomed for it, you attract it). I failed out, boozed to alcoholism. Told them, take back the house, sell it, Im not ready for it yet, I was having a lot of problems, identity, not knowing what I wanted to be etc (kind of mature in retrospect). They sold the house we grew up in while i was away, my mom did a shady kind of deal to take over his mortgage. Suddenly I was facing homelessness and stuck in a cheap investment property (that was supposedly my siblings). Little did I realize, it was mine, and they probably gave it to my brother! (She reinvested the property she bought for me, and the ex, added it to my siblings growing real estate portfolio). So now he had his newly bought house with his mom living in it, my property, his property, and maybe another one. Sibling used a deeply enmeshed brainwashing relationship with mother who lived life through his accomplishments, she raised his kids, said she would help me like that when my time came (she didn't!) They made my life a living hell, and me boozing gave them infinite ammunition to scapegoat me to no end. My nervous system became impacted, and I almost died at how callous, unforgiving, ruthless, cunning, blindsiding, cruel, ABUSIVE, they truly were. They lied, future faked, brainwashed, next thing you know, I almost died, they were taking a life insurance policy out in my name (like sign here, we are paying for it, because its a "bundle option"). I'm in therapy now, but with the condition of the economy, mental health, booze, I couldn't escape, and it became a vicious cycle for years! These are top educated people I"m talking about! I've taken a lot of accountability for my mistakes, grew tremendously, and learned incredible lessons about boundaries, and human nature in general (good and bad); it even made me more spiritual, as I believe these people have demons in them.
I wish I could give you a hug. I know what it's like. I dated a sociopath, then low and behold, they were STILL with their partner! (Complete lies)
Not only that, but I find out I wasn't the first this happened to. Oh you bet your but I wasn't!
Then, come to find out the partner is a narcissist, and his whole family is narcissists or narcissistic.
Before this experience, I knew nothing of narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, etc. I lived a dream life and thought they were maybe politicians or crazy family from abusive homes that other people dealt with.
You just don't/can't believe it until you experience it.
It's like being enmeshed with a flock of evil birds or find out you aren't actually caught in a web of evil spiders. Sick people!
Now here is how to tell the difference between sociopaths and narcissists:
-the sociopaths want power and control, always. They even puppet master the narcissists. They are the true mastermind behind the wheel, never the narcissist, unless you are dealing with a single narcissist alone, or maybe just a narcissist and his narc mother. (Dad is usually an empath or co dependent)
But if a sociopath or 2 is in the mix then you best believe they have all the power.
Your brother sounds like a sociopath, the one who got the life insurance.
They do that. Ugh.
-narcissists are also more...woosey.
They have half the brain a sociopath does. Sociopaths are smart, super smart. Like super duper.
Narcisssts will be living in delusion and you will often question if they are mentally stable. Sometimes you will wonder if they are schizophrenic but it isn't that. The narcissist just has such a high estimation of self, but such a low self esteem. They will talk about themselves non stop and ask randomly "is my hair okay?" or "do I look good? I look okay right? Right? Omg I look a mess, don't I? What will I do? Whaaaaa"
Even the smallest thing seems like such a big thing to the narcissist.
Sociopaths don't care about this and won't make as much as an emotional big deal. They are more smarter than that, more aware, better socially adept.
-narcissists are like toddlers or a 6 year old kid, sociopaths are like animals, like shark, lion, or bear. Sociopaths are more dangerous.
👍👍👍👍@@specialtwice4975
I want to say Dr. Carter, that when they lean more towards sociopathy, they play the victim to the extreme. I was working with a narcissist like this on a project and when I pushed back and wouldn't let him have his way, he gathered up all the emails of everyone else on the project and emailed them saying that I was trying to force everyone to work for free, that I was mentally ill, that I pushed him off the project and that he was doing everything he could to work things out for them, it was in effort to humiliate, punish and make me look like the bad guy because I wouldn't just let him do whatever he wanted. It was disturbing the way he used a false sense of victimhood as a tactic. What he didn't count on is that I would then take all the messages in which he was bullying and attacking me, and share them with everyone else.
Omg..this is exactly what my mother has done to me my whole life! I grew up in an extremely religious home and when I rebelled…which consisted of me asking to stay home instead of go to mass again after I worked all day and didn’t feel well…yeah that’s rebellious as hell! Lol…myy you mother has nothing good to say about me and had my dad in the fence about it all…he’s the religious nut but he’s also the only one who ever gave a crap that I was around..lol…like he hated me cuz of what my mom said I’m like but then when I was with him I wasn’t like she said I was…now that I’m older and help my dad a lot and spend more time one on one with him..he is seeing more of the covert in my mother and her favorites out of their 6 kids..im oldest..he’s been kept in the dark about so much he’s clueless about so many things that have happened and been blamed on me…all he’s aware of is what my mother has said ….right now, her and her friend are telling my brother who is high on drugs all the time..and his friends …to be careful cuz I’m out to get them and I’m planting things on them so they get busted and that I’m saying things about them that could lose my brother his job…they’ve successfully turned my oldest son against me and now won’t speak to me at all..idk why..idk what they said I did but he won’t even let me meet my newest grandson..my mother and her friend were talking about going and seeing the new grandson..as if she’s the grandma and I don’t exist…my youngest son is 16 and knows me very well and knows the situation very well and hates her..she’s already doing the same thing to him…I’m stuck in this town full of people who are literally out to get me…I’ve been receiving threats that my house is going to burn down from people idk at all..I’ve never seen them before and they drive up in their car and sit at the stop sign and yell that my house is gonna burn down…and the drive off really fast…twice in two days now..I’ve just figured out that she’s been the culprit behind all of the labeling and making people hate me..the only resolve I can think of to do is to just continue being my authentic self no matter what and when someone calls me a psycho and tries cornering me to give me a piece of their mind…I’ll ask them for an example that they’ve seen with their own eyes..they can never tell me any time I was like she says I am…they’ll try saying they were there at some story line event and repeat one of my mothers lies but I calm them out on it…as in so ur going to tell lies as proof? U never saw me do any of that because it never happened…I leave location on on my iPhone so I can prove everything I do just in case the law is told some story …I love how I handled ur situation! He wasn’t thinking about what u could possibly do to prove he’s a lying sack of doodoo…brilliant!
its rare to be a few steps ahead of one, and then reap the gratifying results of disallowing them to manipulate to the point of getting you fired and /or destroying you in ways like that. hallelujiah you thought ahead.
My response to the pain as a kid was to pretend everything was ok. I though pain was normal. It took 55 years to realise it isn’t.
Totally understand.
Anyone else get the chills how dead on he is.
I have taken almost every psychology class in college.
But living with a beast who hid them selves very well for a long time is s different story.
40 years worth
67 now, he's setting up scenarios where I put scalding hot water in a mason jar I use all the time, he switched it for the broken one, scalding hot water spilled all over the counter, headed for the floor. Two days before this, he took the handle that allows me to hold the hot jar, hooked it to a wine glass, as it would catch and fall off the shelf, pulled to the front edge. Are these stupid things going to continue to get worse?
Theyre always so big and bad til they get their face crushed
To those who may not know this: There is a therapy called EMDR. It helps with taking away the emotional power from traumatic experiences.
Yes.
I am in therapy that includes EMDR. I have found the technique very helpful. I used to have recurring nightmares about the various verbal and physical assaults. Now I get 4 to 6 hours of sleep pretty solid, improved from only 2 to 4 hours.
Both my father and my sister started out as sociopathic narcissists. Violent sociopathic narcissists.
My father, thankfully, is long dead.
I went full no-contact with my sister in 1994. She stalked me incessantly until 2009, when I got a friend to write on her last letter "RTS DEC'D" and sent it back to her. Since then, she only occasionally stalks me. Fortunately, I have security cameras, so I have thus far managed to avoid answering the door when she comes.
Of course, the police don't help because I'm male
One I dealt with was a sociopath and narcissist. I call him a narcopath
God, please help everyone here who've been affected and bless the nice Dr. Above. Amen. ❤️❤️❤️
My exhusband was a diagnosed sociopath with NPD and he was TERRIFYING and I thank God every single day I was able to get out safely with my life.
I don’t know if I will ever recover from a mother who was this and a husband with his parents like this who have made my daughter into this. I can barely function knowing what they did to me.
Absolutely 100% right! If you’re dealing with a Sociopath run and distance yourself as fast as you can. They will not change. They don’t want to change. I’m a Christian & I would pray that my ex would see how he was hurting us, so he would stop. I finally realized then accepted my ex knew what he was doing to us. He just didn’t care. Prayer is not going to work on an unrighteous person. Sociopaths are unrighteous & like who they are.
Your comment is so accurate
And
So slot on with someone I’m dealing with……
That’s it’s scary. They not only won’t charge. They know it. But they will shame and mock Christian persuasion. Christian charity is something they insist upon to forgive their nastiness but they lack a world view based upon virtue.
Glad you noticed.
I have someone in my life that is exhibiting this transition / patterns of behavior … and I’ve been getting used. The rest of the family sides w him even though they know it’s wrong basically out of convenience. Go along get along. My answer ? Rough …. But move ! 2000 miles ought to do it . Taking off tomorrow to scout out new digs in AZ. So it’s teamwork. Sociopathy AND Midwest winter 😎
I kept my husband name in prayer. I turned to numerous scriptures in the Bible and believed that with prayer and faith that my husband would change. one day I was praying, and Jesus spoke to my heart, and he said, Behold I stand at the door of his heart and I am knocking but he (my husband) refuses to let me in. Then I started praying for myself for strength to endure and he answered my prayers. And on February 13, 2024 God said enough was enough and today I am a very happy, joyous, widow😂
Yes thank you for the clarification Dr. Carter, this is my son . such sorrow for a mother. The irony of it is that he is an officer of the law. Broken moral compass and all. His father is a covert Narcissist . I tried so hard to instill that moral compass but I was seen as weak, for my husband always came across as the powerful strong one. I only realized all this after the education through You and the better help therapist. I am so very grateful for all you continue to do to help us understand our life journies and to healthy navigations. Gus looks so sweet especially after his grooming day.🤗
My X of 26 years was a prime example of this video.
Yes, I need to add my ex husband name to the title. Pretty scary when you hear someone describe those type of people.
Thank you for the advice. This absolutely describes my sister and she is scary. I am trying to avoid her and, currently, she thinks she is punishing me by shutting me out of her life. This is lucky for me.
You are so describing my ex best friend. I saw her mask slip a long time ago, but it really fell off when I went through an illness. She told me I guess I’ve been mad at you a long time. What! I guess that gave her the right to miss treat me. She was sadistic and cruel. When I set boundaries, she told me she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. 23 years I put up with her.
Yeah, it's not satisfying to have power over a sick person. They need to challenge themselves. The stronger the opponent the more satisfaction they get.
Thank you for the clarity
Wow. Thank you Jesus for protecting me. I’m out 🙏🏼
There are a lot of us out here who are currently dealing with these dangerous people. I think I can speak for many when I say we'd like to hear some advice on how to protect ourselves while trying to free ourselves from their scary grip. Thank you. Love your channel
Yes, some narcisists do become sociopathic. After using someone, that other person may become expendable, sometimes in the fullest sense of the word. Much gratitude to you Dr. Carter.
I worked in a form of law enforcement and the people you described were abundant and soul destroying. They being an exception and that you were maliciously persecution. They were totally un-self aware and some had psychotic breaks wen being arraigned in court
I love these videos because I'm still dealing with a sociopath 16 years after getting away from him. He uses the kids to stay in my life. He is a perpetual stalker. Throws screws under my tires, turns my electricity off when I'm not home. Has stolen my car 3 times in the past. Steals from his family. Steals from me. Gets mad at his victims if they call him out on what he does. He doesn't treat the kids like their even his and they have stayed confused about him and now say they see him on the same level they see their uncles. He's blood related and always been around but was never their father. He has spent most of his adult life in jail and can't keep a job and naturally doesn't pay child support yet faces me and the kids as if it's ok. No big deal. He watched me struggle and lose and shakes his head and asks me why can't I keep it together? Why don't we have a nicer place and tells my kids I should do them better living wise. Now that he's terminal he fully expects all 3 kids to jump for him and be by his side but only our oldest does. The two youngest despise him top much. He tries to guilt trip them and gets enraged that they didn't visit him in the hospital. He expects them to treat him better than he did them. A year or so ago his ex girlfriend said he raped her And I know from personal experience that he's definitely a rapist who will show up at your home all friendly then pounce from behind. His mother is a narcissist and they have a cult family as they're called. They run to protect him and lie for him because that's what their mother does and has been doing for years even tho he commits crimes against those same family members. His mother dismisses those crimes and acts like no one should be mad. So he's 53 with an ankle monitor who has lived with his mother for 11 years. He refuses to pay a dime and gers threatening when anyone mentions what he owes and that includes siblings who live there and pay. They pay extra to cover what he doesn't pay. His mother does everything for him. Makes phone calls, sends emails, talks to the judge in court, attacks anyone in that courtroom who opposes him..He sometimes expects other people to be his private secretary. I just say that God may be removing him from my life. He has complete liver failure and of course wants a transplant. If he gets one he will be healthy enough to continue his crimes and violence so I would never pray for him to have good health. At this point he can't rape women or beat them down. I have no prayers for him. I destroyed my life being with him and destroyed my kids childhoods
If you are with a sociopath please run like hell
Dr. Carter, you said that we are "in the path of an alligator", with the narcissist. This brings to mind a frightening dream that I had a couple of years ago, where my narcissistic mother was calmly sitting on a river bank, watching an alligator swiftly approaching me, as my feet were trapped in the water, and I couldn't escape the inevitable. It signified to me how she was always cold and heartless to us, as children, and then adults.
Wait, what? Of course, Dr. Carter is using the alligator as a metaphor, but you actually had a real alligator coming for your feet while your mom watched????? What happened? Did she save you? Why would a mom allow her children to play in alligator-infested waters? What a strange story without an ending! My husband and I lived in Florida when our son was young, and I was very watchful of alligators; they're very dangerous, and there were children grabbed by alligators around ponds. How stupid of a parent and downright negligent to not be more cautious. The question is, do you still have your feet, or did the alligator bite them off while your mother enjoyed the show?
@@clarebaxter777 I made it clear that this was a dream, more like a nightmare. But it represented to me how my mother rarely acknowledged my existence, as her scapegoat.
When they tell you they like mafia movies and then they speak about real people who were killers, bankrobbers ( but guess: very successful with women, beautiful cars, house, etc...) imho that's a sign of the most dangerous idiocy. Ignorance and mental laziness. The narcissistic structure can be very complex, but if we pay enough attention, we can spot on them not so easily, but faster than we think, because all you have to do is being a good listener. And you get what you need to know. In the case of covert and vulnerable can be more difficult but they mask off in not much time. Said that nowadays many narcissistic personalities are a choice: we can chose our friends. Was told me tons of times: I am sick of my friends, sick of this place. At the end he chose them. But all he can do is to speak at their/my backs. What a fraud. You are right Dr. Carter when you say Do you think to go into a wrestling fight with an alligator?( I don't remember the title of the video but thats the truth).
You so get it, Barbara.
Agreed 👍
Liking such things as those movies isn't always a sign of narcissism or sociopathy. I'm no narcissist but I like stuff like that - for me it's harmless escapism. The same is true when I'm acting - it's fun to play bad guys precisely _because_ it's the opposite of who I am. It never occurs to me in real life to do anything like the characters I see in films and sometimes play on stage.
the BEST choice i ever made was disconnecting from narcissists which included my toxic family, and a couple of ex-lovers. very difficult, but necessary for my survival.
I love seeing your dog napping on the couch ❤
This is exactly what I have gone through with my wife recently. She went to extremes when I tried to call out the behaviors. She pushed back against me in unimaginable ways. When the fighting became extreme she jumped ship completely and moved in with her new supply, files for divorce, gave up custody of our kids to me. She is seriously dark and empty and cares not who she hurts, even herself, as long as what she was after served her purpose in the moment.
Identifying with narcissists and who those are, and have been in my past. Learning why they're attracted to me and breaking free from them, has been the worst yet greatest developmental accomplishments I faced and I'm facing.
The word sociopathic has 2 syllables; one which is socio and the other which is pathic. The path a sociopath takes from day to day and moment to moment is often confusing for everyone around them at first while getting to know them.