FEELING LEFT OUT
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- Took some advice from my former therapist. Instead of letting things get to me and feeling depressed and unmotivated, I need to force myself to put it into video form. I'd like to pass that piece over to all of you: don't hold it inside and allow it to ruin your entire day or week, express it in a healthy way.
But on the topic of the video, I often feel this way and I absolutely hate it! Let me know in the comments how you cope when you feel left out.
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DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed professional. My videos are merely expressions of my own real life experiences. I cannot be held responsible for the advice you take or decisions you decide to make.
When my friends do that sometimes I feel useless,unwanted and abandoned
It's not a fun feeling!
I can relate......
I feel the same ):
my friends are doing that to me right now :(
I feel same way too.
Being left out is practically apart of my life, I have just accepted it.
im going through this rn and it sucks 😞
Knife eeey same😣
Exactly the same.
me too:/
Me too
I NEED help! all my "friends" are excluding me and having fun without me and they don't even notice it. even the small things like including everyone except me in their instagram bios, waking ahead of me and leaving behind, all that just makes me feel like a fly on the wall.
Bella Miao I agree 100%
I know it’s cruel😭
They're not your friends. Find new ones
posting is so cheap. If everyone who sees it went it's one thing, but if you are posting it to people you KNOW didn't go, its just a need to feel superior
I'm rather socially awkward, so sometimes I get that "left out" feeling and I don't know what to do. It's not often, but when I'm at some sort of gathering and people are happily conversing in little groups, but I don't know whether I would be welcome in any of them, I get a jealous feeling like I'm left out in the cold. I get really insecure, but I'm not in those sorts of situations much, so it's not that bad for me. Mostly, I'm a loner and I don't need a whole bunch of social interaction. It sounds like you're more socially connected than I am. At least you have friends who invite you to things. I basically just have one friend, a guy I went to school with, but I am lucky to know him. So, yeah, feeling left out sucks, and I don't really have any solution for it, but I can definitely relate.
I know having real life friends and internet friends aren't always on the same spectrum, but if you'd ever like to chat feel free to drop me a message on any of my social networks! We can learn to work through our social anxieties together. :P
***** Awww, thank you, Kristen, that's very kind of you. I may just take you up on that offer if I get feeling lonely and could use a shoulder to cry on :-)
You are one of the most compassionate people I have encountered on CZcams, Kristen. The world is lucky to have you.
I've definitely felt/been left out. No reasoning can ever comfort me; only hearing that I'm not the only one.
My story:
I have lots of guy friends at school and I feel like they hate me. I always act too weird and I feel not myself. Honestly I don't know how to be myself.... I always sit around hoping for one of my friends to talk to me. Is just ALWAYS the wrong people.
SAME! ):
same
same! This happens to me and now my other friends feel i am so uncomfortable around them. they started going and doing things with them and not inviting me :((
I did the same thing too.
DippinDots // so I sit around at lunch because it seems like wherever I sit, I get ignored. If I sit want to sit with my friends, there's not a seat for me and even if I do sit with them, they just end up pretty much ignoring me because one is just on their phone, two just pretty much talk together and then one just talks to her friends who I don't know anything about so I just sit there wondering what else I could do. Then if there is no spot with them then I sit with my "friends" that are pretty much the popular ones, only two of them pretty much talk to me and the rest just seem like they don't want me there. Then today there was no spot for me at my regular table with the girls who pretty much ignore me so I went to sit by my acquaintances and they just ignored me too🙁 I dreaded going to lunch today. So I always feel lonely unless I'm with my best friend, and she doesn't have the same lunch with me now😭. The "popular friends" go out with each other all the time and I just see their pictures and feel left out because I realize that I'm enough as a friend to be with at least two of them but no one invites me😕. I feel like I have no friends. So I just sit there in silence a lot and just hope someone will talk to me but no one barely does, but sometimes they do but not much. Like yesterday, my regular table friends sat with each other while I sat with the "popular ones" and no one talked to me and then my normal table friends sat away from me and the vice principal took a picture of them :(. I always get into the gym before them normally so they could at least sit by me. At least two days ago they came and sat by me but that's it. Everyone seems to have a friend besides me, even my best friend went out with the "popular friends" today and no one bothered to invite me, and I realized if I go out somewhere and they're there, they just talk to themselves and not me so idk what to do. I may switch lunches to be with my best friend at least. :)
Watching this video, and reading the comments, has taken me back thirty odd years. I'd forgotten how vulnerable and isolated I used to feel. I still, at 47, have the odd occasion where I find myself thinking, "Oh, why didn't you invite me?" but it's not a self destructive thing any more. Not for many years. I don't go into this inward and downward spiral of over analysis any more. There are reasons. Even when people are really fond of you - there are occasions where you fit better and ones where you don't fit at all. Don't worry about the ones where you don't fit - you would probably not enjoy the rest of the company you would be forced to share your friend with and your friend might actually realise that better than you do.
Many of you, some day, may have a little friend who depends on you so much (for their own emotional well being) that they will never sideline you - but that's all in good time. Don't be jumping the steps you need to take, before you have your own families, in developing your own personal strength of character and your self confidence and tolerance - that way lies heartbreak and chaos. You need to be well on the road to mastering that sensitivity, to the perceived slights of others, before getting the keys to another little soul.
What happens is that you get hurt. Then you get hurt again. And again. And on and on and all the time you are growing a tough shell. The shell is better than getting hurt all the time but it is also a barrier. It can make you do and say things that make you see yourself as cold and insensitive and then you get mired in all that self analysis and criticism all over again. The trick is to keep the shell but gradually move it a layer a lot deeper than the skin. So you can be kind, and trusting, and give yourself all the love and self esteem and kudos for being genuinely kind and trusting but you don't feel the occasional emotional offences nearly so much. You can ride over them. Even when those offences are deliberate and cruel - they won't flatten you. It's a beautiful part, of being human, to want to be open and understanding but we are flawed creatures. We have all this stuff going on in our psyches and even if most people want nothing more than harmony we fall prey to the complexity of human interactions. So - we say and do things that can hurt each other all the time.
Tanya (who has this problem with making friends just for them to betray her and run off to try to be more 'popular' (whatever than means!!)) - try to imagine how deeply insecure these proto 'friends' are. They have all the same vulnerabilities you have. They don't like themselves and they constantly worry about being able to make somebody else like them. They are doing what they feel they need to do in order to never have to feel left out ever again. Try to forgive them for their weakness and have some pity for them when you remember that they will still be desperately and fruitlessly chasing acceptance years after you have come to terms with yourself and developed genuinely resilient relationships with less brittle/less shallow people. They're insecure, like you, but they are also selfish and thoughtless and, for that reason, consider it a lucky escape that you found them out so quickly. You get a little tougher but keep trying to trust and understand. There are plenty more potential candidates for the position of lifelong friend. You'll find the right one(s) some day. Just consider all the other people, in these comments, who are reaching out for the acceptance of somebody like you.
I think you got to the "right" conclusion yourself :)
I Did have some issues like you, friends hanging out and didn´t invite me, but over time i did get over it, i got some therapy 3 years too when i was about 13 years. Didn´t speak much, got only 2 or 3 friends and always to being with myself, but even then i could enjoy my time with things i liked to do, regardless if i was alone or not. My opinion is that it depends a lot of our personality. I get your feelings about not to want to go out with people you don´t know and have to mingle with strangers, but it´s all inside our mind. I turned that against my favor by going and not having expectations or not caring if i don´t fully suceed on hanging out with other people because deep down everybody that put expectations on social gatherings will always be afraid to fail at some level.
Be self confident about yourself, be ok with yourself and having no problems being alone :) :) It´s a hard work personaly, even i that spend a lot of time alone doing my stuff sometimes have the need to hang out with somebody, but not everything it´s possible when we want :) :) It´s a mental process that takes time and most of all being OK with ourselfs :) :) :)
I Watched alredy some vlogs of yours, and having passed some similar situations i know it´s not easy but it´s feasible :) :)
Keep strong and the best friend you could have in your life is you, because nobody knows yourself better than you :) :)
Best Regards :) :)
All very well put. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words and thanks for watching my videos! :)
You got a lot of awesome videos :)
You express your self in a honest way, it´s very rare these days even more in such a medium as youtube :)
This demonstrate that you are strong and willing to improve yourself each day and i salute you with *awesomeness* :D :D :D
i feel left out right now by my own family. I dont know what I did or what I did wrong but somehow I feel like everyone is okay without me. This afternoon, my mom, my sister and my little sister went somewhere without inviting me. I was standing between them when they made a plan and yet none of them invited me. I didn't want to sound like an attention seeker , so I was like "Okay, maybe they dont want me to come. I'm cool". They came home and bought foods and just ate among them. I thought maybe it wasn't enough so I decided to maybe made some foods for me. Maybe fry some eggs. Right before I could take the eggs, my sister grabbed it and kept it in her rooms. So much fun having family, right?
I was left out from a birthday party by one of my good friends. He's no longer my friend.
Same happened to me this month and we are no more friends. Now we are just a connection or strangers
i left out everyday i don't like it
I know that feel. Hang in there.
TheMostAwesomeMan242 :)
Evie Fox Its going to all work out fine talk to the person or people that leave you out thats always a good way to deal with these things
AGInfinity Dog i'm fine now ;)
MysticChloe that's cool. give me a chat if you ever feel down.
also i know exactly what this feels like. something happened yesterday that really bothered me. it was one of those "i was invited just now because i texted someone who's already with everyone" ...which makes me feel like..."if you wanted me there in the first place, i would have been invited before you all met up"
I learned LONG ago that expectations=opportunities to be disappointed. I am reminded of this every single day in my marriage.....but I have GREAT kids so......oh well. I guess I wasn't meant to feel wanted, desired, appreciated or loved.
Truest thang! That’s exactly why I love animals & babies instead of hurting my emotions to fit in!! Xoxo
Even though the feelings themselves are shitty, it's nice to know one isn't alone. I spent the whole video loudly "YEP"-ing in agreement because I've felt/am feeling the exact same way. I still don't cope too well with it so I don't have any good advice to give, but for what it's worth keep the cliche in mind that you're not alone in feeling that way.
Yeah definitely. As weird as it sounds it is comforting to know others are going through similar things.
I know exactly how you feel! I try to remember that my worth is not found in others. Most of the time the people who exclude me are people that aren't a good influence on me and I'd rather not hang around them anyways. But it still hurts, especially when it's my family. But they're family and I can't just drop them. I remind myself that the son of God, who spoke creation, died for me (and everyone else of course)! He is perfect! He created the entire universe. And yet He still loves me and wants a relationship with me. If the maker of the sun, the moon, the stars, and this beautiful earth loves me, then why would I want to be accepted by anyone else? He died for me and there is no greater love than that.
Feeling unappreciated worthless and kicked out left out my Group used to like me so much now and I feel forgotten it’s making me cry it’s pretty hard
Yes I understand, I suffer from sever anxiety, I don't have any friends and get quite lonely. It makes it a lot harder when dealing with suicidal thoughts and PTSD. Anyway thank you for making these videos, they provide me with an insight into the thoughts of other people dealing with these problems.
For me I never get asked to do anything and what’s worse is that they send me pictures of them having fun and they are like “we want u” and stuff :/
I started taking myself less seriously and started to value solitude more. I know it sucks not being valued (why others and not me, right?), but it's not really necessary.
It’s sucks I know, but you can’t always be the center of attention. That’s why I find things to do on my own that I enjoy that don’t require other people
I felt left out after I used bad words and our teacher fond out about it. Even they use bad words but no one tells the teacher, and I skipped school for 2 days and after that they left me out.
anybody else just saw a tiktok of there friends hanging out and then you felt left out so you searched this up? only me? okay
Very good video Kristen and very fast editing. You seem to have a great handle on your problems and are able to verbalise them excellently. Doesn't prevent them bothering you though.
Your mind can be a friend and enemy, making you over think situations and feel left out. I used to be shy in company but then realised that many people feel the same. When I meet strangers, I ask them about themselves, people like to talk about themselves and it breaks the ice. It leads to you feeling more confident and relaxed and forgetting about your insecurities by being interested in other people. I've just put up a video about depression, but luckily you are not depressed, just going through a phase. xx
Very interesting viewpoint. But I was actually diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and currently receive treatment for it.
It sucks being the only one at work feel anxiety and depression.
I know how you feel. Not only do I feel alone, but I feel rejected sometimes and to the fact that I am an only child. So I have no siblings at all, so that's it's going to be even harder for me to talk to people. But I see people everyday on Facebook that the little friends I have have went on a special trip or went out to have fun, and not even invite me. Which makes me sit at home and do nothing but play Call of Duty or go under my blanket and sleep. And this constantly has been happening for years! And it has hurt me so bad at times that I freakin ball out start crying so hard to the point that I cry myself to sleep, which makes it even harder for me to make friends. I'm not sure it's because I'm ugly or it's because I'm not good enough to anyone. And even till this day, it still hurts, and I still cry, almost every day. And still everyone always forget about me. So I know how u exactly feel. It hurts like heck
I feel you!
I have 3 friends at my school that i always hang out with.. i looked to them as my sisters but everyday when i come to school and one of them sees me they just suggest to go somewhere else and talk and laugh.. then when i come right infrount of their faces and say hi they just pretend they didn't hear me and keep on talking for like 10 minutes then they say ohhhh hi.. but tats all. When we see eachother my friend from the same class as me and my other 2 friends just walk towards eachother and sit down and talk and stuff, then i just stand there getting pushed and lonely :(. At break times my friend would run out first and leave me inside then go to the toilets and meet up with the others then when i come and wait for them they just go out together and walk past me then when they are talking they form a circle and im always just walking at the back with my head down. When i say Hi guys or call their names they ignore it and keep laughing. But the only time when i don't feel left out is when they ask for my stuff or ask to pick them up so they can come with me but when i'm with them in the car they just talk with eachother and gossip.. i dont like talking behind people backs especially my old friends tat i ditched for them :( tats basically my everyday life, i'm stuck and wished i was noticable to them :( I thought they were my besties and besties don't let other besties down every single day ! I'm sick, depressed, angry, stressed, tired upset and i'm only 11 i hope someone feels me :( I hate this feeling
That's unfortunate.
Maybe find some good friends who'd love to hang out with you.
I've experienced this before, I coped by removing myself from their lives and finding people to get close to.
Hope everything goes well. (:
Me too
I feel left out all if the time but when im invited i fell like a 3rd wheel i wish some people would just think about other people and what their doing and think about others feelings
My best friend has a new friend that owns the stables that she goes to i fell as if shes replacing me but i know shes not and she dosnt act as nice to me as she does to her new friend
I can totally relate to feeling left out. good video, thumbs up
I feel the same way when they post something that they are in a party or movies I'll be like thanks for inviting me but when I went to the movies or a kick back they be like why didn't you take me with you so I say back you should've think that before the last time tall went out
I feel the same, I was left out today... and then they said they forgot to invite me, it makes me feel like I am forgotten, I haven't really gotten over it yet...
ive been left out i didnt want to do what i was doing they left me with out asking me they left they played with squrles while ill was sitting back there my mom yelled at me that same day everyone got mad at me and left me out.....
so true
I have been left out for many times but I don't think it's the people's fault it's just I have a very awkward personality. people tend to think I'm a weirdo for some reason. They don't have to say it outloud. it's just the way they look at you it's like you're from a totally different universe and it feels Like your one Big freaky alien around them. And I like your video it makes me think about a lot of things thank you very much :).
They all talk to eachother im always excluded i feel like i dont matter to nobody.
This exactly happened to me..thanks for this video keep making more videos to help others who are always betrayed
Promise me you'll stay compassionate for ever Kristen! X :-)
Duncan Moignard
***** xxx
***** what are you like at dealing with something you want but cant have it for whatever reason or wanting to go somewhere but unable to go. Do you find it difficult staying in one place? Its OK to stay at home if you want to ,even on your own :-) . Im from England pleased to meet you Kristen :-) And I like psychology too :-)
Duncan Moignard I often feel stuck in the life I lead now and can't see myself ever having the funds or potential to leave the things around me, but realistically one day I know I'll be able to. Nice meeting you!
I feel left out my family is leaving me out tired of being invisible to I dealt with a group that left me out and I was crying because it hurts I’m lonely to
So today I was sitting next to my Bff and this girl Jazmin comes and takes it and they just sent me to my seat like it was no big deal and this is not the first time they left me out and i know that my Bff (not so much) likes jazzy more than me
You Are A Psychiatrist Cybernetic That's Good
I am going through this right now. This video helped me a lot
whenever I hang out with my friends my girlfriend and I get lots of attention and my friends talked to me and I feel liked but when I went to a party and my girlfriend wasn't there I realized that it wouldn't have mattered if i was there or not because at certain they forgot I was even there.
My friend and I are supposed to go to this tournament and it's supposed to have all these people there, but when he mentioned he was going to hang out with his group of friends he asked me who I was going to hang out with and the thing is he knows I don't know anyone there and this really bothered my to the point of thinking about not going. And I asked him about a hotel he said there was no point of getting a hotel, but the next day he tells me that he was staying in a hotel with his group of friends. I don't know what to do
This video made me realize that I'm not the only one, thank you for that :)
I also said yes to everything in this
omg I felt like crying while watching this because I can relate literally on so many damn levels
I'm in a group of 5 or 6 at school. Literally all of them talk as group just fine except me and my other friend. Were left out of everything a lot and honestly it fucking sucks. Idk I think I just get along better when talking to like 1 or 2 people at one time bc some of those friends I bond with more when it's just me and them but of course that never happens. I never get invited to anything, I just sit alone at home and I'm depressed as fuck because of it. Hell, none of my closest friends even know about me being depressed! Sometimes I wonder if I even have friends, or if it's just another group to be closed out of.
I get put on the spot when a friend invites me but not my roommate and my roommate gets upset that I went without him. but I keep telling myself that I'm not in the position to invite him with permission from my friend who invited me.
I know it hurts when you get left out, but like you have said before, maybe its them not realizing how awesome or fun it is to have you around and need to take the time to determine if they are your real friends or just acquaintances.
Mhmmm that's definitely something to think about!
I think I have anxiety but never had it checked. I always freak out before talking to someone I'm not comfortable with. Like before conversations with people i over run what I am gonna say for hours and when it comes to say it I start panicking like crazy?
Ellie Bennett Wouldn't hurt to speak to a therapist or psychiatrist to see what you can do to work on some of that anxiety!
Dear Kristen I feel left out from mostly social media and so-called friends in real life. When I post up something on my Facebook hardly anyone comments or likes it but other people like stuff on my friends wall. Should I feel bad about this?
I also agree with party invites, I hardly get invited by friends? I see the photos the next day and it's like they don't talk about how they left me out?
My “Friend” all of the sudden has been leaving me out of events. I have asked if I have done anything to offend them. And I was s told no. I understand that people change but I can’t help but feel like I am being excluded because of my disorder. It makes me mad that no one will tell me the truth. I feel like I will always be a loner unless I fake it an act as they do. Heavy sigh..this hurts 😶
I honestly feel the same way .
I had a friend who was like my brother,we spend alit of time,but now he is with other friend of mine
About 2 or 3 of my friends don't do that, but the one's that do make me left out or unwanted, some how I will end up being the one walking at the back of everyone of them or they all have something to talk about, that I don't know what they are talking about, sometimes my family use to do that to me, I know they try not to make me feel left out but they do and I just hurts, when something like this happens to me I always go and see my bestie or facebook her and tell her what has been going on, I tell her everything that goes on in my life, I hate that feeling of being left out.
U said exactly everything that i have ever gone through
i always feel left out
i do atheleticks im a runner and would if i would have someone to train with
I was with my 2 best friends and I was walking in school behind then hey where talking but when ever I said hi they ignored me then they ran off and when I found them I sad why did u leave me but then they said I thought u where behind us and im my head I said why would they run.so we just walked and again I was behind then again!and I felt cold and lonely also heartbroken cuz they lied to me
I always feel this way
Let me ask you something, if your friends were to a party and you didn't know about it, would you feel left out? No, but you STILL were not invited!
You see? It's not the fact that people didn't invite us that make us feel left out, it's the stories we tell ourselves in our heads.
I got replaced, and im alone too
I agree completely!! You are literally me.
this is gonna be long...
So a few weeks ago, my friend became interested in this guy and me being me (even though I'm often awkward, I tend to feel more comfortable around strangers at times) I walk up to him and introduce myself. now we're all friends. he's actually on of my closest friends already and he's talked about asking my friend to be his girlfriend. I'm always coming up with plans that tend to work themselves out and end up better than I originally planned. today I asked her she wanted to hang out on Wednesday after we both come back from this weekly church event we go to (the guy goes there too) and maybe she could sleep over on Thursday. she said "well, I wanna see if I can do something with _____________." she meant going to the pool and doing something else with HIM when IM the one who came up with that plan and IM the one who mentioned it to him and I was gonna be the one to ask him about it this Wednesday. she basically kicked me out of my own plan and that really pisses me off. they're not even officially a "thing" and she's already dropped me. pretty messed up if you ask me...
Janaisha Hart That so messed up!
Happens legit every day to me
Very true
OMG I feel the same exact way I'm in the same exact situation and I'm trying to fix this and this video really helped can you please talk to more about this or ways to solve a situation like this
I loved loveeeed this video! I met you at Tristate and am loving your channel
I feel like that
YES! YES YESSSSSS DEAR GOD YES!!!! I do the same thing except I don't get invited to anything... I was just left out of a party this past weekend
Omg your me
I feel like im not part of there team
Same
You just described this situation perfectly. Are you into Myers Briggs by any chance?
Yea I know I'm only 11 and all my friends are 12 and they always go places without me and I always feel left out and sad litteraly it makes me cry sometimes, I know how u feel but I don't have anyone to talk to it about bc their like idc we're older than you. It makes me sad and makes me feel useless, I don't have any advice for you bc I'm struggling with the same thing
also my friend well never sit with me and my coisen likes my friend more then me
I love this I relate to your videos so much ... as a person with anxiety i get scared and shut down in front of strangers im not comfortable around . But around good friends I don't care and I'm loud and proud lol do you think you can do a video in depth about anxiety . (I've been watching your videos for years but im not sure if you have posted one or not my memory is complete hogwash lol)
AJ I haven't covered anxiety specifically, but it's definitely something I could talk a lot about. Thank you for the suggestion, expect to see that topic covered in the future!
heard your accent...then saw you posted a no pants subway ride video. fellow nyc youtuber :D
At work i feel alone
I thought I was the only one.'
Hey this is why I'm homeschooled.... I never had friends.
1:09 exactly what one of my friends said to me Exactly! 😢😤😭😫😭
There was a big party tonight and I wasn’t invited. :(
Same :,(
the boys just went on a road trip without me fml
How's your cats been doing?
Ellie Bennett They're fine, thanks for asking! :)
OMG I can relate so much😩
Erin O'Connor You're not alone!
Ty💗
At a park by our houses, two of my friends literally fought over a swing next to one other of my friends wall there is a empty swing next to me...and there is no one else to hang with because I'm the "loser" of the school...and the only other person that I can hang with in my best friend that is a boy (the only one that can see through my fake smile) and when I hang' with him I kinda fell for him and he actually told me he liked me....but we only have a week left of school and over summer my mom would not really let me hang with him (cuz he's a boy XD) and if I started dating him....I have his # but next year I keep thinking he will forget about me then leave me heartbroken.....
any advice....my friends would....actully....not care?!
Exactly the same!! :)
Feeling left out sucks.... I have 2 besties and one of them hates me let's just say her name is Kathy anyway my other best friend her FAKE name is Brittany so Brittany didn't come to school one day so I was like ok it's chill and so Kathy was being a really good friend and she was laughing and smiling and the next day me and Kathy were standing in line all chatty and stuff and then she sees Brittany and she INSTANTLY runs to her and starts being all over her... so Brittany comes over to me and that day Brittany was being a best friend with me all day. And the next day....... well no one talked to me and Brittany would ignore me or turn her back on me and laina just wouldn't be MY FRIEND it makes me feel so ignored and unimportant I feel unWANTED and again they did not talk to me for the whole day during library I had to go in the halls because I was crying and my library teacher had to come outside and comfort me.... I'm thinking about finding new friends but it's hard because they are sort of the people that like to talk about people behind their backs and they did that to me all day so it's hard to not know what they are talking about so sorry if this is so long but I just needed to get it off of my chest comment if this is happening to you aswell
I get left out a lot
I leave myself out :-(
Oh I'm sorry
Litterally my life in 3 minutes and 40 seconds😣
I am going throw this right now it’s so annoying 😡
I got so mad i blocked my friends on skype