What Happens When You Compare Yourself to Others
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- čas přidán 17. 12. 2017
- In this video, author and depression counselor Douglas Bloch talks about the drawbacks that occur when a person with depression compares him or herself to another person who seems to have it "more together." The remedy for this is to measure your self-worth and success by your own internal standards.
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When I compare myself to my internal standards, I feel hopeful. When I compare myself to others, I feel hopeless.
+That’s very good that you came to that conclusion.Michele Mustafa
Should make artwork or sign with that and sell it! Awesome quote you made! 😁
Wonderful words!!!! Wow!!! Thanks for saying this here!! 😀😀😀😀😇😇😇🤗🤗🤗
Ikr don't compare yourself to other people
@@DouglasBloch my mom compares me, that’s the sad part
I really like what you said about what you do. My job is to heal from this illness. I used to make a 6 figure income working 6-7 days a week. A lot of hours. Now I'm idle feeling a overwhelming depression. I used to judge people who claimed to be depressed. I would say that they can do what I do. We all get depressed. I had no idea how bad depression can be until I felt it myself. I used to have had days, but nothing that lasted a year like I have with no end in sight. I now understand why people to feel suicidal. This pain can feel like to much sometimes. Unfortunately, it's not like a headache where you can take a Tylenol and feel better in a few minutes.
That was very well stated. Now here's a good news. Depression is a treatable condition. I have lived through it a number of times. The key is finding the right support. See if you can reach out to Mental Health resources in your area.
Douglas, you seem like such a lovely guy. It makes me sad that you've gone through the same hurt and self-loathing as me.
Thanks for your sympathy. I would say that my situation is more an "inferiority complex" than self-loathing. I never disliked or hated myself. I just felt inferior to others who had accomplished more.
We are all sad about our suffering. However, suffering can be redemptive.
Douglas Bloch I don’t compare my self with others I just want like before diagnozed with BPD in 2004
I definitely suffer from this and need to praise myself more for the things I do each day. Sometimes I just don't feel like I am doing enough to make myself as well as my family proud. It's hard. I just take one day at a time. I'm not my sister and I have to accept that. YES! Getting out of bed and getting to work is a success!!
It's great you have that attitude. Keep up the good work.
I had a very difficult morning today.. was even thinking of life and death. This video really helped lift me in a better space. Thank you..
You’re more than welcome. I’m glad the video helped. I hope you are reaching out for a professional support if this is an ongoing issue. I have a lot of other videos on the channel that will help you to get a better frame of mind. Feel free to email me if you want to.
"Yes, we have nothing external to live up to except to love ourselves and be true to ourselves. That's the most important thing" - Douglas Bloch
I stafted crying while watching this video. Finally finally I realisef how much work is just to keep swimming trough depression and I understand that every day when I make even the smallest sucess to function I need to aknowledged it. It really is sooooo difficult and so draining putting so much effort just to function in everidays. Thank you for this video Dag, I watched it 3 times in a raw. OOO
Thanks for the feedback. We have to give ourselves credit for every tiny bit of progress we make. Most other people are not aware of how hard it is to struggle with depression and anxiety. So we have to validate ourselves.
Douglas you remind me of King Charles lll and you speak so wisely like he does. It's always good to hear you.
I compare myself to the person I was before I chose to go to school and finish my degree. I wish I could be her again.
Your Mom I compare myself to what I was when I was in my 20's and now I live with my depression and anxiety
You both are good enough as you are 🙌🏾
I cried listening to this today. My biggest trigger is when someone asks me what do I do for a living? And that's when all the work I've been doing on my self tumbles down in a microsecond, crushing and crashing me.. this video made me feel a little better ❤️
When I was suffering from depression, I had the same problem. This excerpt from my audiobook, When going to hold don't stop, is called Overcoming the Stigma of Depression." I think you will relate to it, especially the part where I have to explain to someone who is a college professor that I am attending day treatment and collecting Social Security to work.
czcams.com/video/g1hz66GkVpg/video.html
@@DouglasBloch thank you so much ❤️ just listened to it and bawled my eyes and lungs out.. every word is relatable.. just realised the irony of will.. even though depression isn't an illness of will but that wounded will in every sense is what is needed to stay alive and become functional..
I compare myself to others who don't seem to have the same struggles.
Dear Douglas - Thank you so much for your wisdom!
Much appreciated, thank you, Douglas, for your honest and precious advice! Grazie, Andrea.
This was such a good and useful video!! I hope many see it!! Loved it Douglas ° Thanks so much for it!! 💛💜💙💚💖
so wise, I liked the expression when you shared the song, great work, thanks for this video
If people want to compare themselves to others, they should compare themselves to 5 year old kids with leukemia. That puts things in perspective.
Yes it does. So does comparing oneself to someone who is in prison or in a war zone. Thanks for the donation.
Wow Brian, that is truth.
I think you are such a brave guy sharing all these personal life situation with everyone. ..
Thank you
I remember this story when I was really down and it helped me so much.Thanks Douglas.Your story really hit the nail on the head.Perfect!👌We need to cut through peoples bullshit and catagoizing.Remember that other Dylan masterpiece ALL I REALLY WANNA DO?Great and wise words from from such a young man.💚
THANK YOU DOUGLAS GOD BLESS YOU 🙏 You helped me to start the day that I have given up on... My dog. He is all that matters. I have to be there for him.
Im glad you have him
I am so grateful today for your book "Words That Heal the Blues". I find it incredible sometimes how i can identify with things you say Douglas. It serves as a reminder that I am not alone with these feelings of insecurity and being too hard on myself. And the inspirational quotes are a nice compliment to your valuable work. Thank you!
I'm glad that you have found that book. Not too many people know about it.
Thanks Douglas for your comforting words and for easing the suffering of others. Pain helps us to grow if we choose a more healing response to it.
Yes, I find that is very true about pain leading to growth. Have you seen any of my videos on the topic? I am publishing one on January 8 called "You Can be Restored." In the meantime, here is a video called "After the Pain the Joy."
Wonderful Sir, this is by far the most common thought and approach applied by almost everyone, regardless of who we are. The best version of our self comes from our old version working towards the better future me, because we are all on a unique journey called like,each to its own.
I’m glad you found the video helpful
This really helped me. So glad I found you. The Dylan song for this boomer was great too. Baby Steps.
Thanks, Douglas. Your videos help a great number of people, me included.
Glad to help
You’re not worthless! Working with people with disabilities when you yourself have a disability is a very noble and rewarding career, not pitiful. Being on benefits was nothing to do with your real you, it was just the situation you happened to be in. It takes a certain kind of generous person with empathy and a selfless heart to do what you do, and that’s what makes you special. Don’t let anyone scorn you and make you feel put down. You’re actually working as an ally and empowering us to be advocates for ourselves. I wouldn’t let anyone make me think otherwise.
Thanks for the kind words
you are awesome...listen to u often.greetings from germany
Good video, I have been comparing myself to others my whole life.
Heartening! Really empathize with that moment you had with the lady mathematician!😅💯💞
Very good advice.
thank you, empowering song from bob.
Thank you for this video and all that you do to help people. I liked it that you started with a joke and that you are photographed with flowers. I wanted to say that people who feel they are better than others also have problems. In your example conversing with an accomplished female, she failed to either see you as a full person or to learn from you. I think you have a lot to teach, and that was her loss. She continues isolated in her prison of ego which is maybe not so good for her. It may be a matter of framing. We all have many strengths and weaknesses, and to look at these on a single scale is simplistic and will cause suffering (optional pain which you don't really need). Have compassion for all beings. I think this is a good subject which warrants more discussion. Again, thank you for your video.
You are welcome. Yes, this subject can be further explored. I am doing better now than I was when I met the woman professor.
LOVE this video, thank you! I do this far too much! I will remember to keep altering my internal critic from doing this. Also I hope to join a therapy group for cbt skills soon...
Thanks Carol. To get to see your comment. You should join one of her live chats on a Sunday at 12 PM Pacific time
@@DouglasBloch I will try to join you this Sunday upcoming😁❤
Thanks Douglas
here's one for you:
comparing yourself will only lead to degrading. either degrading others because you feel superior or degrading yourself because you feel inferior.
I swear I thought that, after the joke, an angel would show up and claim "you failed the test. It's hell for you".
Great points
Thanks.
Why didn't i find your videos earlier. Thank you so much I'm not only learning a lot these videos are helping me a lot thank you again
You are more than welcome
Negative thinking will always find something to feel bad about. Even if a lot has been achieved.
True. Can u do a favor
This just happened to me this week! I was comparing myself! Love the message and the added Dylan song! Thank you Douglas!
It's so hard. I've spent a long time in a career where it was beat into me that there are winners and losers. I hear what you are saying but my brain says "yeah but...I am a loser". I am consumed by this daily. I guess I've been resistant to working on this issue even though it keeps kicking my ass.
Believing that you are a loser is based on your conditioning. You can also condition yourself to have a different believe about yourself
Hi Doug. Great video! Can you do a video on Abilify? How long you were on it, what benefits and side effects you experienced and what was it like coming off of it. Thank you. Merry Christmas.
I was only on it for a few weeks. My godson and a good friend have been using it long term. It seems to help wth their depression.
Oftentimes comparing oneself adversely to another involves discounting all your positive qualities and discounting all their negative qualities.
There are bound to have been ironic situations where two people have each considered the other one better off without realising that is what the other was thinking!
Good video Douglas
Thanks.
Great advice.
Thank you.
Thank you 💙
You are welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful.
When my boyfriend and I broke up , I just wanted to talk and solve some issues with him and basically he said that I was stupid and he didn't want us to communicate any more. To this point, whenever I make a progress in my life I feel that I own it to him and I find myself comparing my life to his achievements and I feel stupid.
Your videos are helping me a lot to detoxify myself.
You're welcome. You might want to also see you got a good counselor and work on those issues with him or her
Such great nuggets of wisdom! I'm a new sub!
I believe if we find the uniqueness in us we can shine more than a celebrity.😊
Hey i was born as Czechoslovak !:D
'Even simple things can be really difficult when youre depressed' ;( Correct; that is what I struggle w/it seems 247...MALAISE caused by depression. :( Heres my vote on a video for that subject. And its very hard not to compare myself to others when pple make myself have to endure! hurtful comparison comments such as: 'You dont sound like a sorority girl' and 'why cant you be like your sister' etc . Society/pple are crazy! and its set up to cause emotional torture ;(
I emphasize. Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said. "Nobody can oppress you without your permission."
@@DouglasBloch Ty I'll try to remember that. I guess that means if I dont consent to it. They still get away w/issuing the comparison-putdowns. My chronic anxiety/depression makes me more sensitive on top of my regular disabling sensitivity so unfortunately I internalize the hurtful comments and take everything personally ;(
I love your videos!
I’m glad they are helpful.
i get depressed on some of the stuff you said here lol. I am ofcourse joking. Yea Im taking a break of the social media. They all trigger me. Facebook. instagram, snapchat, and EVEN linkedin!!!
I guess it’s easy to compare when in abusive relationship’s you have been force to do so when your in a unhealthy relationship and realize along the way you never really meant nothing to that person and they try their best to down you then act better it’s definitely easy to compare yourself to people because they have programmed you to think this way make you feel ugly and unloved but it’s time to move on and find happiness you may feel hopeless but try to surround yourself with people who do care and eliminate those that don’t
I'm dealing with this from a passion perspective. I've set myself a trap because whenever I pickup my guitar, even though I've been playing for 8 months I tell myself "man I wish I could play like john mayer, or eric clapton" and then that angers me and when I play guitar it becames about the goal.
Lately, I've been posting videos of me playing and everyone been telling me, "wow you sound so much better, how did you get so good?", well it's obviously been day and nights without sleeping playing the guitar. But also, more importantly, that during those times i wasn't thinking "I wanna sound like blah blah blah" I just enjoying the music and playing guitar and as a side effect I got much much better and can now play more complex songs. still room for improvement though
just want to say, seeing that you still watch comments. The fact that you take the time, and work with people who have no one to hear them out while having issues yourself, is a medal of honor that should be made because of you. I know I'm not the first to say this but I really mean it, just changing one person's life is a much bigger accomplishment than becoming a millionaire. You might think that you are weird or different, but people like you are the kinds that change the world
No luck involved, only dedication :) stay safe
Thanks for your kind words. I’m glad you’re playing the guitar just for your own improvement. As some counselor wants told me, “Douglas, you’re running your own race. Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Just run your own race.”
You either feel Pride or unworthy. Do not compare..and if you do..do it with equanimity.
Good evening ser i sent you an emai this morning did it reash you🕊💐
Yes, but I haven't gotten to it yet.
As a creative person this is my battle daily ....thanks for the Dylan line ...lol..
What was the Dylan line
I believe tat when our economy changes to more relaxed state then comparison might be a little n stop
It's tough when the emotional luv is not around your surroundings
That is true. If you find a good counselor therapist you can receive some love from them.
Douglas b. , why did you go to that luncheon if you were having bad problems in your life?? I wouldn't!!! But thanks for the video.
Excessive comparison lead to envy
DouGlas
Doc if some people are resistant to medication when dealing with severe depression....what other options are There? That's how I feel...
Try CBT. Start by reading the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.
Sir please tell me how to reduce jealousy
Find out the reason you're jealous. Talk to a counselor about this
Douglas I try to tell myself that but I am surrounded by narcissistic who are always reminding me that I’m a loser.
Can you get input from other people besides them?
Are there online support groups I can possibly join?
Yes, every Sunday at 12 noon Pacific time I do a live video chat which functions as an online support group. Just show up and The homepage of my CZcams channel and click on the link when it appears. There's also a group called lionrock recovery which offers free AA support groups online. They also have a regular group for anyone.
I compare my self to my cousin and i feel so helpless .. i am nothing in front of him
I think about the fact that you were running your own race and it doesn't really matter what other people are doing. Are you talking about this with a counselor?
Sir How To Focus My Life
Find something you enjoy doing
Watch documentaries on STALINGRAD. That will keep things in PROPER PERSPECTIVE.
Its not only the question to survive antidepressants. Pssd is a crime. No recovery.
When I'm around fat people, I feel good about myself. When I'm around skinnier and slimmer than me people, I instantly feel ugly about myself. And I hate it. I want to feel pretty regardless of who is next to me.......and I don't know how to stop that. 😔Yes, I know comparison is bad. But my brain compares before I even realize it....It hurts to live like that....
I understand. They compare oneself to others as normal. Gradeschool children do it all the time. But in some cases it leads to negative self-esteem. Perhaps you could go to a counselor or therapist and have them teach you coping strategies to change this habit of thinking.
I think you shud stay away from the person that you compare yourself too cute f you can
This is exactly why envy is an abysmal motivator. Because what is the reality of envy? It robs you of your confidence gratitude and self worth which are the essence of living a happier life. If anything it kills motivation. I have always hated learning about other people's lives and good fortunes for this very reason. So the cure is to just learn to be happy for other people? GET REAL.
I realize it is very difficult to be happy for other peoples good fortune. I have to say that I have a hard time with it myself. And yet it is a path that can lead to some peace
Can you put Arabic subtitles for this video please?
I don’t know how to do that. Perhaps you can translate it for me
As soon as he mentioned Joel Osteen, I switched off straight away.
Sorry he turned you off. He does say some good things now and then
I thought you live from being a counselor?
What is it you mean??
Is there a god?
Yes there is a God Jesus died for our sins we just have to accept what he did for us on our behalf to be saved to live in heaven where there is no pain or tears
@@jesusislord5275 delusion..if this life can be full of immense suffering, why do you think theres a next life thats full of joy and free of pain?
@@CosmicCanvas666 . Where r u from??
@@malikzafar7232 it doesn't matter bro. Don't be fooled by Islam. It's fake too. The only real thing in this world is suffering.
@@CosmicCanvas666 . Can you take me away,keep me with you??
Thanks Douglas
Thanks Douglas