How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are | Andrew Solomon
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- čas přidán 20. 05. 2014
- Writer Andrew Solomon has spent his career telling stories of the hardships of others. Now he turns inward, bringing us into a childhood of struggle, while also spinning tales of the courageous people he's met in the years since. In a moving, heartfelt and at times downright funny talk, Solomon gives a powerful call to action to forge meaning from our biggest struggles.
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“If you were little I would be your friend” I don’t have words
Ilona Janser I cried when I heard that 😭
That really broke me 😢♥️
@@blackrainbow192 Me too!😭Adorable❤️
I can only imagine how much emotion washed over him in that moment, I'm still tearing up now
Aw man, that made me cry!
*"We can endure great pain if we believe it's purposeful"*
Powerful thought.
Ryan Lamont you might enjoy Victor Frankl’s ‘man’s search for meaning,’ where I beleive Andrew borrowed this quote from.
Always always give props to the original writer of any quote, poem, story, etc. Remember..
Thanks for reiterating that...I'd forgotten that line.
Definitely very powerful.
but when the pain takes longer than planned or expected- then you feel like you are very unlucky and luck can never come to you
Great true quote.
"The pain you feel today, will be the strength you feel later on."
SuperOlivess I agree with this
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It can take a while to get it
Yeah, you can always tell yourself you've been through worse. Doesn't make it better but it's something.
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I almost burst into tears when he said his kid's speech. Children are so pure.
Same, except I actually did. That speech was too pure 😭😭😭
Birds For Brains Yep. Me, too. It was an ugly cry, too😁 with my lip trembling & that scrunched up face🤣. George is a very sweet, profound lil 4-yr old. 🌈
We should form a club.
I did. That parr got to me most.
ArtOfTheBart I completely burst into tears 😭💕
He speaks so poetically...
Lawrence Lui He is a writer
+Nape Star And also an amazing speaker.
Lawrence Lui i
Lawrence Lui does it matter? its not about how he speak. but about what he spek about.
And eloquently
"If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes"
Julia Gandrud Not sure he is a hero.sad for him he can 't just take a gift , believes it's a trick.after inspecting in .please don't talk to people when your sad and sound honestly open I believe you could not find someone you wanted.I cared when I thought you lived in your Grandmother basement no job. bad girl friend ext.
Julia Gandrud no such thing. take care of your self or get used
Julia Gandrud You don't need heroes if there are no dragon
Let's not let nazi's continue to fabricate dragons, though. Many, particularly adamant capitalists, use this concept as an excuse to do so.
Characters in Brecht plays (more than once, I think) said, "You know, in a well managed war, you wouldn't need heroes."
*"We cannot bear a pointless torment : but we can endure great pain if we believe that it's purposeful."*
This is deep
Love it.
Yes ,but the torment which stems from cancer illnesses is always meaningless and sadly it is the main wellspring of torments in life ....Torments stemming from illnesses are the most meaningless kind of torments and yet the millions of individuals ought to bear , to daily to undergo it to the end of their healtily wrecked life...
“Forging meaning and building identity does not make what was wrong right, it only makes what’s was wrong, precious”.
😭
This was absolutely breathtaking
I could listen to this man talk ALL DAY. He is an amazing story-teller.
VxNx he sounds like a calming Google
I completely agree!
VxNx I concur!!!
@Ligeia D.Aurevilly Same impression I had too.
You should check out his audiobooks on Audible, he reads them himself and they're absolutely wonderful!
I did not expect to get teary after that "If daddy was my age I'd be your friend" moment. Goddamn that was well put
Loved this..such a kind soul
Just so much joy wow
same lol
This is no doubt one of my very favourite TED talks, if not my very favourite
i agree it's the only one I come back to over and over
2021 still my favorite speech.
I’ve seen this a hundred times and I still tear up at various points. Absolutely brilliant.
Me too. It hits hard
" If I succeed in sheltering them from adversity I will have failed as a parent." 🙇🏾♀️
I love life for people like you.
yeah same....
1000 likes, one comment? Two now :) me too
I cried when he said that his Son would be his friend. He earned his happiness and he deserves it.
Me too
"It took an identity to save me from my sadness."
I just burst into tears.
"I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys, because I did not expect those joys to be ordinary to me." I can go through periods of intense depression, and this quote sums up exactly how I feel when I am thriving and not in its grips.
He is my favorite TED speaker to the date.
Aysima Beril Baydar Same. Every speech he makes is not only eloquent but inspiring too. I actually take something away from his lessons. I will begin to apply his advice to my own life. He speaks such wisdom.
"Forge meaning, build identity and then invite the world to share your joy"
"Far from the tree" is his book. Andrew Solomon is a brilliant man.
“The Noonday Demon” being his main book.
Absolutely. One of my favorite books of all time.
Oh, wow! I subconsciously thought of "Far From The Tree" during this lecture. Had no idea he was the author until reading your comment. ❤️
A young person once gravely wounded my father for a lifetime calling him 'a real nothing' something he carried at a primal level his entire lifetime. Speaking at my father's funeral I noted his considerable legacy of raising a family and uplifting his community (knowing all the while his aching heart) I roared "he was a real something!"
That has to be the most insightful and thought-provoking TED speech I've ever heard. His words concise, yet their inherent meanings pierce deeply. From the ashes of adversity came a man of outstanding character, razor-sharp wit, broad knowledge and heartfelt compassion, and that man is Andrew Solomon. If only God would bless the world with more people who think, feel and love as deeply as he does, humanity would be better off for it.
6672rock Really? While I totally agree with the idea he's communicating, I think it's something not hard to arrive at, or it's even obvious.
+6672rock captivating, felt so sorry for him imagining him as a kid getting picked on and taunted. seems like such an inspiarational person.
+Xeno I could sympathise with your nitpicking over 'thought-provoking' but would say that personally, no other TED talk has been more 'emotion-provoking' than this.
Ben Leah
Yeah, maybe
+Xeno Learning to come to terms with my own suffering, I can say with confidence that there's a world of difference between knowing basic human truth on a rational level, and knowing it on an intuitive, visceral level. What he was communicating is as important as the man communicating it and it has nothing to do with being novel or revolutionary. That's the thing about human truth; humans lose the capacity to see it when we need it most. The message may be simple, as all human truth is, but this messenger is delivering it with compassion, empathy, and deep personal understanding of the meaning of suffering. This isn't just a great TED talk. This is among the very best.
Andrew Solomon you are a beautiful being and spoke so eloquently. Thank you for your insights.
Mr. Solomon,
50kgs??
There's no point doing this at all unless we're shipping at least a metric ton!
(i'm sorry... )
The story about George's speech is so beautiful, I cried. "If you were little, I would be your friend. " that's the sweetest thing I have heard for a long time. Thank you. George.
"What doesn't kill you, will try again later."
Nicole Watterson
"What doesn't kill you, makes you wish it did"
found this while playing ME Andromeda lol
Wow amazing speach! (this is my storry and im norwegian so sorry for any bad grammar)
I had a rough start to my life with adoption to different families because my dad was a drunk and my mother overdozed on drugs when I was only a baby.. When I finaly got to my new family (I started living with them at the age of 4 and still look at them as my real family) my new mother was hit with brain canser and my new dad went into a depresion... Life was rough and I saw little to no meaning and I messed up in school at so many levels.
I then at the age of 16 talked to my friends brother who was a "shrink" and I told him everything. What he said to me changed my life compleetly! I was expecting him to feel sorry for me, but he said: Thats beautiful! I was shocked and got a bit mad, then he explained it to me: The fact that you have felt so much pain, anger and despair but you are still here today is amazing and a good thing! You have learnd more about pain and feelings then I can ever do in any book!
This changed my life, im not sad because of the bad things, im happy I endured it, becuase it forged me into who I am today! I understand my friends pain better then many and I developed a great understanding of empathy! I now just finished colage and I'm now working with troubled children in kindergarden! I dont think I would have become anything close to this if my life was different. Thanks for reading this and do not feel sorry for me in any way! :) My "new" mom survived the canser, and my dad is no longer depressed!
+Ivan Pedersen you are an amazing person. And I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Mike Law thank you so much for that kind comment! I wish you the same! :)
you type and can obviously speak better English than most people I know. Rock on Mr. Ivan!!
I wish you the best in your life, Ivan! Thank you for sharing your story!
Bravo Ivan! Bless your heart! I have, in my own life, been there, done that.
"And I was finally unconditionally grateful for a life I'd once have done anything to change"
If that is not an inspiring perspective
..I don't know what is.
I wish that I can someday reach this level of maturity which I can talk about things I have been through proudly like he does , thank you Mr. Solomon
"After you've forged meaning, you need to incorporate that meaning into a new identity, you need to take the traumas and make them part of who you've come to be, and you need to fold the worst events of your life into a narrative of triumph. Evincing a better self, in response to things that have caused you hurt."
"In the end, some of your greatest pains become your greatest strengths." -- Barrymore
"We can endure great pain if we believe it is purposeful"
thank you
rkgk1517 o
A total stranger gave me a copy of it a few years ago after a brief conversation. I think he could tell I had a lot of questions and existential crises. Thanks for the reminder. Must get it out again.
rkgk1517 f
It is the book I am reading today
I have never heard anyone be so articulate and clear spoken. Truly amazing and touching talk.
The school system is a traumatic experience and source of great suffering for many people. I keep hearing those stories and it is obvious to me that online learning is the future.
I loved, It is amazing.
..."Forge meaning, build identity.
For when I am weak then I am strong
.
But if we banish the dragons we banish the heroes..."
'there's always someone willing to confiscate your humanity'
Why people did that!? Thats really cruel!
I know this really well, as I have lived with its oppression for years. It is scary how cruel people can be.
I like how he is very meditative in his thinking.
Dusk BINGO! That’s what it is about his voice that’s so therapeutic!
I too am 50 and my grandson is 5. He says things that are not so much innocent but rather they are pure. He has no filters and it’s wonderful beyond imagining. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your journey by viewing this talk. You are now a part of my journey, and I am blessed because of it. The fact that I am not gay means nothing, I felt alive listening to you, my mind filling with memories of childhood. Thank you
I come back to this video every 6 months or so for the last 6 years. Best tedtalk.
This man is my new hero. I was in tears by the end
Madi Johnson l
Madi Johnson Cuộc đời nhàm chán méo có ý chí cầu tiến :v0lppllllp0ll0ll
Madi Johnson Lppp0p0
200th liker
Anyway r u still active
He looks like sheldon cooper 20 years from now
Mike Llerena I started to think I was the only one.I am not!
Hahaha yeah he totally does!!
Mike Llerena so true
Mike Llerena lol
Mike Llerena He sounds like Sheldon too!
"if you were little, i'd be your friend. "
I couldn't hold back my tears
One of the most eloquent and articulate speeches with a powerful message I've ever listened to.Thank you!
Thank you to the Bobby Finkels in our lives.
I'm wallowing in the beauty of this wonderfully crafted story.
As I listened to him I couldn't help but think about Chadwick Boseman. He lived his life with purpose despite his cancer diagnosis. He didn't let this terrible disease become his identity but continued to inspire and provide a wonderful legacy for his family and fans to cherish.
Andrew Solomon, I salute you for shining your light the way you are. You are one special human. It is such a pleasure to listen to you. Your delivery is poetic and deep, yet easy to digest and shoots straight to the heart. I am totally gripped every time I listen to you. Your children are lucky to have you as their guide. it is such a blessing that TED exists to get important messages such as these out there. Divine in too many ways to describe. Thank you.
dude thsi guy is beyond eloquent
I want to click the like button so hard my mouse breaks. I love this TedTalk, I have watched it three times now, and it is relevant for almost every person in this freaking world. Thank you, Andrew Solomon.
No, it is not. It is relevant only for gays as it is a gay propaganda.
Congratulations! You just succeeded in being the dumbest person alive.
Andrew, how lucky your son is to have such an incredible, compassionate and insightful father like you. He will be a great man someday and will forge his own meaning in this world, carrying all the precious lessons you have taught him in life, just like the one you taught me today. Thank you.
"Oppression breeds the power to oppose it" my millennial vocabulary permits me only to say, "I am shook"
This quote struck me so strongly that had to come back to listen to it again.
jackboot only jumps down when people are standing up
This completely moved me. Thank you Andrew Solomon, for making a difference in my life with your video. I will forge meaning, and build identity.
Tears were welling up by the end. This was so powerful.
Every word he chooses is so purposeful, what a great speaker.
I really don't think I can express in words the gratitude that I believe Andrew Solomon deserves. The accuracy in which he expresses the complex mental state he so carefully and dutifully describes, has impacted me since the first time I'd watched his talk and continues to impact me MONTHS after.
I am writing this because I had spent some time thinking about this TedTalk today, and it seriously brought tears to my eyes. I was profoundly touched. "Forge meaning, build identity.' WHAT A KEEN CHOICE OF WORDS!
Indeed I am also a student of adversity, and today I was once again humbled by the Earth's magnitude, and it's sheer volume of struggle and hardship. Faced with a great pandemic, these are difficult times. One has to believe that one stands in the midst of history. Faced with my own personal afflictions, I remembered how calmly Andrew Solomon had put it. He quoted Saint Paul, 'Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.' How timely! How relevant! The mind races.
All came to mind. Many struggle, many suffer, and none of us are alone in it.
I was relieved I had revisited my pain, that I had remembered Mr.Solomon's words, that I had thought of my fellow human, and that I appreciated the magnitude of the world's pain during these troubling times. I was humbled, and quite honestly, a bit guilty I found myself overflowing with joy and energy. I feel the energy to forge meaning, I feel the drive to build identity. I am once again ready to fight and I am grateful. I am once again ready to live out loud.
I have come to appreciate so much, I am overwhelmed. I strive to do my part now, 'trounce hatred and expand everyone's lives'.
I sincerely express my appreciation to Andrew Solomon. For your kind words, I will forever be in your debt.
Thank you for being a wonderful thinker, and thank you for sharing a bit of yourself with all of us.
Andrew Solomon is simply incredible.
I saw his last TEDtalks and always impressed by his talks, I've met people who wrote with such grace and poetry, but to hear someone speak it for more than 20 minutes is a true feat ~
I often come back to this video in my darkest moments
Andrew manages to bring tears to my eyes everytime
He has a very particular and discrete way of using inflections, somewhat strange but not in spite of eloquence and profound lucidity. The book he talks of is "Far From The Tree" very highly recommended, is refreshing as well as powerful, moving and full of wonderful insight.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." - Friedrich Nietzsche
星
"Defeating a sandwich, only makes it tastier" - Vegeta
"Kanye"
Sin578 • Kelly Clarkson, “What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)” (2011): “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
• Ed Sheeran, “Drunk” (2011): “What didn’t kill me/It never made me stronger at all”
• Melanie C, “Weak” (2011): “Everyone else is saying, what don’t kill you makes you stronger”
• Papa Roach, “Kick in the Teeth” (2010): “What doesn’t kill me only, will make me stronger in my head”
• Monica, “Still Standing” (2010): “Whatever don’t kill make you stronger”
• Blues Traveler, “That Which Doesn’t Kill You” (2006): “That which doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”
• Vanessa Hudgens, “Promise” (2006): “They say what doesn’t kill you can make you strong”
• 2Pac, “Only God Can Judge Me” (released 2005): (spoken) “Powers that judge cannot kill me/but only make me stronger”
• Slipknot, “Pulse of the Maggots” (2004): “What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger”
• Eve, featuring Teena Marie, “Life Is So Hard” (2001): “Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me strong”
• Blues Traveler, Opening Credits for Roseanne (1996): “If what doesn’t kill us is making us stronger”
• Anthrax, “Fueled” (1995): “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”
• Megadeth, “Skin O’ My Teeth” (1992): “That that doesn’t kill me/Only makes me stronger”
• Kiss, “Betrayed” (1989): “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
• Bruce Willis, If It Don’t Kill You, It Just Makes You Stronger (1989) (album title)
That which makes you scream obscenities while kicking cats through field goals makes you stronger.
Bear injury, bear pain....You will be one of the strongest wall ever built and take awards that can hardly given by any organisations in the world.....great speech and a good man...kudos.
For me, one of the most brilliant speeches of all time.
It touches me very much. Even though I am not gay.
I always have goosebumps and tears.
His struggles, I can understand very well.
I also had a very hard time behind me. Thank God I survived it. They made me the person I am today. I am very happy about that. Even though I would have liked my past to have been more beautiful, more loving.
something about this man is kind of celestial. As if he were a member of a more gentle, developed race. His voice, the way he moves, how he lifts his beautyful eyes, and of course the truth in his words. its silly but he somehow remainded me a little bit of Mr.Spock. obviously he would be quite a different Mr.Spock, because he would embrace his humanhalf and his non-humanhalf would be based on love and wisdom instead of pure logic, but anyway there was a moment in his speach when he finally said the word:"enterprise",and i just cought my self thinking: dont leave us behind!
Sarah Alicia I see why you mean. He’s almost intoxicating
Yeas I agree...as if he's an earth angel or an angelic being. You ought to listen to his talk on depression. That one will tug at you. It too is on Ted talk.
This needs to be the US's new, non-toxic masculinity.
Wow amazing speach! (this is my storry and im norwegian so sorry for any bad grammar)
I had a rough start to my life with adoption to different families because my dad was a drunk and my mother overdozed on drugs when I was only a baby.. When I finaly got to my new family (I started living with them at the age of 4 and still look at them as my real family) my new mother was hit with brain canser and my new dad went into a depresion... Life was rough and I saw little to no meaning and I messed up in school at so many levels.
I then at the age of 16 talked to my friends brother who was a "shrink" and I told him everything. What he said to me changed my life compleetly! I was expecting him to feel sorry for me, but he said: Thats beautiful! I was shocked and got a bit mad, then he explained it to me: The fact that you have felt so much pain, anger and despair but you are still here today is amazing and a good thing! You have learnd more about pain and feelings then I can ever do in any book!
This changed my life, im not sad because of the bad things, im happy I endured it, becuase it forged me into who I am today! I understand my friends pain better then many and I developed a great understanding of empathy! I now just finished colage and I'm now working with troubled children in kindergarden! I dont think I would have become anything close to this if my life was different. Thanks for reading this and do not feel sorry for me in any way! :) My "new" mom survived the canser, and my dad is no longer depressed!
@@grimeselianna1003 - your story is beautiful and you've presented it very well. Thank you. It's very inspiring. You're a healer.
I love this glorious human being! He inspires me the way nobody has ever done in my life. I am 32 and have had a pretty tough life since I was a child. All my life I tried to 'find' meaning of all this suffering and find hope for keep induring a little more cause people always told me it was the only way to 'find happiness' one day. Who knew the suffering itself and as the result this beautiful, imperfect, from time to time depressive person who wasn't even aware of how 'happy' she was til this exact moment was the meaning of life all along. Thank you!
I am completely in awe of how conscious and enlightened this man is. He has changed my life.
Every so often I have to revisit Mr. Solomon's talks to remind myself what eloquence, poignancy, and sincerity look like.
Ellie Lindsey Same here 💝
''If you banish the dragons, you banish the heros''
-Andrew Solomon (I guess)
That moment in your life when you realise you would change anything so you would not take away that very thing that just change everythings is just so powerfull.
What a truly stunning person you are, Andrew Solomon!! I was so happy after I watched this, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
This is the best TED talk I've ever heard. Simply beautiful. And what a powerful message
this will always be my go-to TED talk when I'm feeling lost. Have watched this multiple times but I still feel deeply throughout. ❤️
This is probably the best TED talk I've seen.
Those eyes.
Bless his heart, that speech was incredible and his smile in the end after the standing ovation made me so happy
I just hope that someday the world would be full of people like this man.
Wow.. what an amazing, confident speaker.
Shared an existential moment brilliantly. Hats off to you sir.
Beautiful, beautiful. This speech moved me to tears.
What a beautiful man.
Spoken so eloquently.
With grace and insight.
Thank you.
If you want to destroy homophobia... This is how you do it! What a presence this man is!
He would silence the haters.
I never thought about forging meaning, I just assumed I had to find it.
This is a totally different way of looking at it, and it might change a lot of things in my life.
Thank you!
also, most heteros aren't half the man he is.
Hence: Life is What you make it. So seemingly trite that it's ignored out of hand; it is the essence of your life.. what you decide it to be. Same as Dr. Phil's way of saying the same thing: There's no good news or bad news; there's just news. You decide what meaning it has.
this resonates very powerfully with me
+Jessica Poggi me too :)
A fat tear rolled down my cheek when he spoke about his son's speech. Thank you for this amazing content.
The rough patches I went through have made me a stronger person, and if someone gave me the chance to go back and make them never happen I wouldnt do it, I learned to identify toxic traits in people close to me and cut them off, I learned to stand up for myself, I learned a lot and I never want to forget that pain, not because I'm angry at the people and events that caused it but because that pain made stronger, I wouldnt be who I am today if I hadn't gone through it
I can't help but to shed tears listening to this but at the same time feeling overjoyed.
I can relate to Andrew Solomon's childhood survival. He's amazing and articulate.
I could listen to him talk all day, so poetic, so soothing and so wise
Wow , one of the best speakers i've heard .
this is so deep.. thanks for helping me talk myself out of suicide multiple times..
I love this man. I always cry when he shares the story about his son's speech. So much love and light in his truth.
I have warched this three times in my life so far. Every time I cried at "If I were little, I'd be your friend."
WoW! This man can explain everything in the best way possible! I hope everybody will understand all this one day ...
I teared up at the end and i am not ashamed for it! Thank You Andrew S. :)
His stories moved me beyond words. I saw a part of myself in his stories.
The story of his son at his birthday lit up my heart. What a beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing something so special!🥰
Andrew, you're one of the most eloquent speakers I've ever heard. We simply never know what other people are going thru. Compassion and unconditional love is so important. I find you to be so genuine...you have kind eyes. I'm so glad I watched this...very powerful.
as a Muslim, I can relate to this so much... being hated and bullied so much almost every where I go. Getting those stares n frowns from ppl. It's tough.
And I am sorry, as a practicing Muslim woman, that gay ppl are treated that way in so many places in the world. Who are we to judge? don't we have our own faults to work on and to improve? What gives us the right to judge if others are pure or not? :|
Peace
It’s sad that people are so judgmental and prejudice
I’m sorry you have gone through that
Peace to you also
I really thought I was gonna start crying... I was bullied in middle school for being an ugly nerd in a lousy financial situation... Therefore this is exactly the message I have for the kids I know that are currently in a similar situation! We cannot change the past, but we can use the experience, and try to make a better world, day by day, person by person!
To have nothing in common with this speaker I somehow feel a personal connection with him. I love Ted Talks and I can honestly say his Talk is by far my favorite. Thank you, sir. I wrote down several things you said because it was so honest and relevant to me and I know in the future as I go back and revisit your words of wisdom I will be as inspired as when I heard it now for the first time. And as a overweight child I believe with my whole heart you would have been my friend then...
You lucky ,lucky woman ....you have only this flaw ,your overweightness ...what to say then all those millions of humans who are stricken by some deadly kind of cancer and are dying like animals from a so keenly hurtful death in which there is no meaning at all...
The best Ted talk I have ever listened to!
One of the most captivating speakers I've had the privilege to watch
"Daddy, if you were little, I'd be your friend." Where are my tissues???
Sheldon should be proud of his elder brother. Such a good writer.
Ahaa yeah his voice and mannerisms are very similar 😂 also his dry humour. Such an amazing human
nice🤣🤣🤣🤣
This was one of the first TED talks I listened to when I was younger. Listening to it again, it holds a much deeper meaning. Thank you, Mr. Solomon.
Very powerful talk. I definitely empathize with him as this one hits close to home.
If what he stated is true I have much respect for this man
I empathize with him as well. However, I would have loved this twist near the end of the speech: "I tracked down all my classmates and beat them within an inch of their miserable lives. So in conclusion, suffering sucks and looking at it in a new light helps a little, but revenge is still the sweetest."