How to Totally Reinvent Yourself | Tucker Max on Impact Theory
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Tucker Max transformed himself in ways most people wouldn’t have predicted. He’s evolved from writing New York Times best-selling non-fiction about the sex-filled, drunken escapades of his 20s, to being a devoted family man and passionate entrepreneur set on helping others. Tucker shares the major turning points in his life and everything in between on this episode of Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu.
Are you struggling with your 2018 New Year's Resolution? Download this free guide to gut-check your resolution so it sticks this year: bit.ly/2kBnaOq
SHOW NOTES:
Tucker breaks down the process of reinventing himself. [4:00]
Tucker discusses the breakthrough that turned his life around. [10:30]
Tucker describes how therapy helped him change. [13:30]
Tucker shares the steps he took to become more self-aware. [17:45]
Tom and Tucker discuss taking ownership of your life. [23:50]
Tucker reveals his goals as a parent. [29:04]
Tucker explains when he recognized he wanted something new in life. [33:04]
Tucker shares the impact he wants to have on the world. [46:48]
QUOTES:
“The way to deal with suffering is accepting that suffering, recognizing that it is suffering, and then letting it sort of have its say, and then moving on from that.” [29:25]
“One thing I think I do better than most people, even successful people: I'm always willing to face the truth once I know it.” [34:00]
“Rituals done right, I think integrate thinking, feeling, and accountability in a public way and they commit you to something that you want.” [35:40]
“All success gets you is the conditional opportunity to prove yourself again.” [41:43]
FOLLOW TUCKER MAX:
TWITTER: bit.ly/2CPJVWD
WEBSITE: bit.ly/2EQMVme
BLOG: bit.ly/2COLXGs
INSTAGRAM: bit.ly/2EOJNr4
LINKEDIN: bit.ly/2Am8qYJ
FACEBOOK: bit.ly/2E5fQ4H
BOOKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell - amzn.to/2CF2AXN [1:08]
Assholes Finish First - amzn.to/2CGZeDE [1:10]
Trust Me I’m Lying - amzn.to/2CH1Dhn [1:31]
PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Ryan Holiday-bit.ly/2n38TNI [1:16]
Simon Sinek-bit.ly/1SXNsHI [31:36]
JT McCormick-bit.ly/2CVQya5 [43:24]
COMPANIES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Book in a Box-bit.ly/2E2IjZ0 [2:11]
CONCEPTS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Psychoanalysis-bit.ly/1KPHpzq [13:12]
IMPACT THEORY MERCHANDISE: Check out Impact Theory's Merch Shop: bit.ly/ImpactTheoryShop
That's maybe the best interview I've ever done. Tom does a really good job interviewing, people don't realize the difference a good interviewer makes. People who are really good at media can be good regardless, but I'm not that good :)
Tucker Max thank you so much for opening up like you did in this interview. This interview has changed my life. Thank you.
I can honestly say that I've never followed your work (though I'd heard snippets from Ryan Holidays talks, etc), but I'm blown away by your authenticity, your ability to tap into what's meaningful and true for you and sharing it... and I'm only under 10 minutes into the interview. Thank you.
Tucker Max 100% he let's his guests answer fully and never interrupts
I enjoyed it, i liked your honesty.
This was my absolute favorite episode. Thank you for opening up and allowing us to grow through you man, I'm going to be a dad soon and I absolutely needed to watch this. Thank you so much to both you and Tom.
I love when he says "I only know my path" very powerful statement.
I like that this man is changing and growing. He isn't a one trick pony. His openness and vulnerability in this interview is brave and generous. It is refreshing to see a man so expressive and sharing.
Because his identity is A LEARNER! He can always improve BOOM!
Tom, there are so many interviews I am watching from last year.
I am fired from my job and every morning when I wake up, incidentally I found one or two videos and watch it in parts throughout the day while studying. Each time when I watch any of the interviews, it gives the answer to my subconscious mind (like Gita). I don't hesitate to say if they change the neurochemical balances in my brain.
Even I have one dream that one day I'll be sitting next to you and you will be asking questions to me.
You earn an honest audience, I am glad you exist.
It's one thing to re-invent yourself when you're already a major success in life. It's another animal when you're in your mid 30's and realize the job you've done your whole life and can only make 40K out of is a dead end and you have to not only start over but pinch every penny to do it. That's who I'd like to see on the show re-inventing themselves and giving their story.
So true. Try that but Instead of 30's at 41. That's where I am at now. It's super scary, but I got my faith up!
couldn't agree with this more
Agreed!
Exactly !!! Also, It's much easier for people like Tucker Max to "reinvent" themselves when they have been lucky enough to have been born with a highly efficient working brain and stronger physical genetics.
@@ZiplineShazam mate I had 2 head injuries as a kid knocked out and put in hospital twice as a kid and I'm pretty sure that's why I find it difficult to concentrate and to communicate well. It gets so infuriating when you try to do things but you can't concentrate or take in information it makes learning difficult for me
One thing that melts my heart is a good parent. Not a perfect parent, but one you know is deeply loving & willing to grow with their child. Very touching. ❤
That emotional processing is a beast. As different as our lives are, I can relate to how he says he knew he had trauma, but refused to connect with it emotionally. Like understanding you were sad, lonely, or hurt...and not judging yourself for it or staying in it. You have to wade in it to get through it. You have to let it pass through or you'll never transform for the better. I think you get better at transforming the more you do it.
Man I did not expect this to be so raw and powerful with Tucker Max being the guest. What an amazing interview.
With what Tucker said at the end of the video about wishing he had this knowledge at the age of 18, I just want to say that, me being 18-years old myself, that your channel among many others are incredible for me to find who I want to be and what things I should do to achieve the best out of myself instead of hanging around at a low level of productivity. So for that a big thank you!
Thomas de lange
Just a little envious of all the young people who have ALL this knowledge at the click of a key. ( your generation is going to change the world & save us all)
Why do young people always have to put their age in the comments.
That's an amazing analogy to explain the struggle involved to change yourself: "I made it all the way to the top of a mountain but I realized it was the wrong mountain. I was at the top of this mountain but I needed to be on top of that mountain so I needed to go all the way down to get back up."
Agreed! Loved that!
Such a great talk about facing emotions and dealing with the here and now! I am approaching 47 years young, and still learning to face my emotions and deal with them in healthy ways. Thanks for another inspiring talk!
Everybody, whether he come from poor or rich and successful or not, try to fill a hole in his heart.
He was too good at rationalizing his negative emotions that he never really had to face the truth, until he realizes that he was at the top of the mountain but feeling really empty and sucks.
That was when he really started to have a conversation with his emotion!
Tom, this comment should have come your way the last day of the year but today's my birthday so perhaps it's even more apt.
I made a list of all the amazing things that happened to me in 2017 and with the exception of family(and mind you, they have decades of opportunity to be awesome working for them), you, Lisa and IT team were top of my list.
It is unbelievable to me the amount of value you have added in my life in less than a year.
To say that I am grateful doesn't quite cover it. I hope that someday, somehow, I'd be able to pay you back or pay it forward.
As this special day of mine draws to a close, I wanted to take a moment to celebrate y'all and thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you, your team and family, all the good life has to offer. May all your wishes and heart desires come true this year and in all the years to come.
I love y'all IT. You have been such a gift to me. God bless and a very Happy new year.
I think what I really took from this is how when we look at a lot of those reckless times in our lives from an older perspective and we think they are just mistakes. Not remembering that it was fun and that we did them for a reason. Now that we are older we can look at those moments and say I enjoyed the things in my past. I can now change myself so I can enjoy what I have and what I am going to have. Engage with change so you change how you engage.
Thank you Tom for another deposit in the community wealth of knowledge.
Wanting to be a true hero & truly loved & appreciated by your children (not in an idolising put on a pedestal way but in a genuine appreciative & honest way) is one of the most worthy life goals there is I think. Because it means you have done a good job as a parent - something a lot of people do not do well. The way you parent can have repercussions on so many people’s lives down through the generations.
29:30 that moment is about the teachings of Buddha. The same is now taught in Vipassna Courses across the world. Amazing how Tucker Max realized the learnings that Buddha brought ages ago. Simply amazing.
I’ve watched almost all your videos. And sincerely I love the level of interest towards your guest. Your facial expression are priceless and your genuine kindness radiates through your show. Thank you for bringing inspirational people to your show and for creating this accessible space. ❤️
20:38 that is the most profound and soul touching moment of the episode
Siim Land agreed! I want that as an isolated clip to share with all my parent friends
ooh you're right.
That was tender
I agree. Wow.
when people think trauma is just rape or molestation, they're dead wrong. That type of trauma might terrorize a person, or paralyze then in life, but maybe it won't sometimes it has a more subtle effect on someone. What I'm saying its the effects of trauma manifest themselves in different ways in peoples' lives, but trauma itself comes in many shapes and forms as well. Right there, what he described, that was trauma. Something like that can have a profound effect on someone's entire life, it also might not. This is the mystery of life, and the more tentative people are those who will be able to unravel these experiences, and heal.
Siim you kinda look like him.
I got robbed at gun point and assaulted and I don't have PTSD and was able to forgive because I completely see how I could have made different choices like not being on my phone at night by myself like that. I don't shame myself, it's just a neutral perspective.
good job man
keep your head clear
thats the real victory
@@frightfactory1 Most people react (negatively) in the moment. It's better to step back, see the bigger picture and respond properly. Never waste time on people and things that do not matter in the long run, that is not aligned with your own long-term goals. That is a sure road to success, or at least much better.
This video is so powerful, raw, honest, and beneficial. Tucker honestly explains what its like to admit that even though others have it worse, your own personal suffering is still real. Great, great interview!
Tom is so good at building people up on the beginning of each video . I love it 😍
I like how he is not afraid to show vulnerability.
As a highly intuitive empath who was raised in a war and had to deal with seeing hardcore pain and suffer, it is really hard for me to understand that some people sometimes really don't feel anything.
I just can not imagine it bc I ...feel every persons emotions, just by looking at them. So this was not so inspiring(which it doesn't have to be) but more eye opening to me.
.
I know ppl can't relate but just to know that this mindset exists and is real...is a big nugget..
especially for those who want to become famous - be aware of these people. Because you think :"oh once I become successful, once I become rich- "oh no, it'll get harder then .. & it never really stops.
So if you're doing it for only 5 years just stop right now.
Thanks for the interview I got mad respect for him. He dealed with a lot of stuff and put in the work. That's what matters. 🙏
Disconnection from emotions is a very common response to trauma, and easily the most typical response in Western men, especially in the US and UK. If you don't understand that, perhaps you're not as intuitive or empathic as you think. If your emotions have never come close to overwhelming you, I'm glad to hear that, but it's hard for me to believe that you've experienced so much pain and suffering. Perhaps you're "feeling" intellectually. That's a defense mechanism, too. Here in NYC Tucker was extremely famous, even more so than Hollywood celebs bc most New Yorkers are 'meh' towards Hollywood whereas Tucker was a writer which bestows a halo of stardom here. I agree he's not as likable as other Bilyeu guests bc he's rich and famous for writing smut, but nevertheless his story is pretty common here and I'd say represents most Western men.
@@scarlet8078 I was raised in a war for months, raped and was homeless at 21 but alright 😂 lmao. Thanks tho for the second half I am from Europe so I don't know some of the great people he interviews. and I agree he is great, maybe I said it a little bit wrong. Got only love for you tho 💕
This show and your guests are changing my life for the better. Thank you team Impact Theory!
I noticed that your guests mention martial arts as a tool to help them, this resonates deeply.
The story with his kid moved me to my core. Still choked about it. Feelig your emotions and connecting with them is so amazing.
I am a combat veteran with ptsd, and listening to someone else recognize the problem and learning how to address it is a breath of fresh air. I think as combat veterans, we are such a small community that we can’t really relate with most people even other veterans who never experienced true combat. But when tucker opens up about the real issues i can tell its genuine and it’s RARE that people progress this far in their lives who have experienced that level of trauma and feeling of guilt and neglect. I read all of his stories and one of them mentioned something along the lines of “don’t waste your time trying to be a lawyer it’s not worth it”
I took that to heart as I’ve always had an aspiration to pursue law, i wonder if he still maintains that stance cause I’m giving it a go and that’s the whole reason I’m here watching this video. Either way I’m glad to see the guy has started to heal.
Its crazy, how this human experience has us so different but similar to the core on so many other levels.....I really needed this message and I am greatful to witness this.....thank you
I'm sure all the overweight woman he demolished really feel all warm and fuzzy inside...
Hydrokarbon Productions I am not this man or his defender....I was merely talking about how this video impacted my thought process in a positive way....I respect your opinion tho....
I understand that you find the message it this video to be inspiring and that's probably a positive thing overall, but if you had read his books you would very quickly see that this advice he is given is only thinly concealing his persistent narcissistic personality disorder...notice how many times he brings up how much money he has made, etc. Can't help that I feel compelled to respond to women who are taken in by this guy's subterfuge...I mean the guy refuses to apologize for punching a girl in the vagina---it literally makes me nauseous to see anyone, let alone women, gushing over his philosophical prowess. I'm sure he would say I'm "jealous" of his success...but far from it...if I had done half the things this fool says he did to women and then somehow had a "transformation" where I was now truly empathetic, I would probably want to kill myself out of sheer shame...but oh wait...I must not be an alpha.
This world is sick. Truly, truly sick.
There is such strength in being that honest
a very needed episode. this is what I've been going through, amazing that this came out when I needed it. Thank you tom.
Tom, i hope you consider a part 2 with Tucker. This was a really profound interview. My 1st favorite is the one you did with Wesley Chapman. I'll be recommending this one to my family. I absolutely loved hearing Tucker's points on suffering, acceptance and recognition of emotions. These are things that should be taught to everyone as a part of good health. Thanks for providing a platform for such important teachings.
A lot of wisdom in this young man, wisdom born out of a life where he was forced to keep growing, learning, and progressing all out of his own initiative, and humble and genuine enough to change what needed to be changed. Growing up in a poor and broken family and forced to figure out my own way to success in every facet of my life, I really relate to him. Great interview and I wish continued success for you both.
Love the candidness and mountain analogy. I think one reason for these interviews to be so great is Tom being an excellent listener and asking great questions.
Tucker Max's vulnerability is off the charts... Amazing interview questions! It's the Picasso of interviewer/guest interaction. Oh man, what a treat. THANK YOU!
I enjoy all of these interviews here on Impact Theory and honestly, every one that I have watched are incredible in their own right. BUT, so far, this -(and the one with Lisa Nichols) but THIS ONE RIGHT HERE is my favorite. Tucker, I love the vision you have for your life, wife and kids. I love the vision you have for your company. You gave so many beautiful nuggets. You are sincere and authentic. You are an excellent teacher and I consider myself blessed to have been able to listen and learn from you today. I am not familiar with your past work. But I am eager to learn more about you moving forward. Thanks, Tom Bilyeu, for this one! You are an exceptional interviewer, student and teacher. Your show is a ministry. You are blessing many a people. You are truly making an impact.
I remember coming across the first book,
reading the next two that followed when released. This interview with him is pretty unreal to witness his journey, in my mind, come full circle in a very human, very positive way. I guess I’ve grown up along the way on my Journey during the same time he has...
Well done, as always!!
Great interview. Like your guest I’ve got no excuses for my shit and now at age 76 really enjoyed the message of “take ownership” for everything and also forgive. Keep up the great work.
Totally different than all the other interviews, but that's what makes this show and life in general awesome! All the different feelings, experiences, and ideas are what gives fuel to my fire!!
👍👍The moment of realization of the affect of his action / behavior on his kid was awesome. Raising a kid, a small human, who will one day be an adult human is the biggest best most difficult thing a person will ever do IMHO. 🤗💞🤗
Thank you Tom, that was a great interview.It took great courage to change the way you did .Your kids are very fortunate to have you as a father, great job my man.
Great to hear someone who has gone through psychotherapy and is open enough to talk about the change process involved. It's a lot of work. Tom is a great interviewer, and i appreciate the way he interviews for understanding.
This is an amazing interview. Thank you for sharing this online! Best, Scott.
Tucker is a brilliant example of the power of authenticity! Loved the interview. Thanks Tom and Tucker!
I hope they serve beer wherever he ends up. I was gifted his book and it was hilarious and too often true. I later gifted to a friend of mine. I'm glad he has matured into such a respected person.
What an Interview! There's plenty of ways I normally can blow an hour without having helped myself at all but this honestly was a great investment of my time. Both the interviewer and the interviewee were stellar and there were many gems to be found here. I took the notes I needed! Thank you fellas for a job very-well done.
-Isaiah Young
Amazing. He is so lucky to have discovered his truth young. We are so lucky that he shares so openly.
My name is Isaac Adjetey from Ghana , watching your programs have changed my life and am now a better version of myself.Love you God richly blessssssssssssssssssssssssssss you. Keep up with the good works , am gonna support you to the fullest.
As someone who has a rocky relationship with my parents, I feel like Tucker's first reason is gold. Some won't get it but for someone who relates to his upbrining, it's gold.
Tucker Max- thank you for being so open and genuine!
👍👍@14:17 I’m soooo glad he said that!! It’s real & raw. I had no idea who he was when the video started & now I’m a forever fan / supporter. I love that he’s being so authentic. 💞
Great stuff Tucker. The questions you posed in this were super valuable. I’ll be rewatching and going deeper on those... 👍🙏
I'm soon to be a dad. . This is absolutely my favorite episode. Thank you so much for this Tom and Tucker
Awesome! Glad it resonated!
Yeah way to go, positioning a misogynistic narcissist, who REFUSES to apologize for the pain he left in his wake, as a self-help guru. BRAVO TOM!
Yay congrats how exciting
Tom, great interview!! I love how you always dig into the emotional intelligence of the interviewed. Enjoying and learning with your videos! Thank you! Big hug from Barcelona!
Amazing interview ! right now I am 25 and finding myself not understanding where to go from where I am. Tucker's journey really resonates with what I'm going through and where I'll go from here . Thanks for the insight.
How is it going now Diego
Its been 4 years, did you find your way
@@iankoech6904 yeah dude 👍 finally acquired a clear head and discipline. Things are looking up.
@Diego the Bandit
What do you do now
I also climbed the mountain and turned around. The mental perseverance it requires is disabling. Good luck to everyone going through this awakening period.
Good for you, brother. Glad you got some semblance of inner peace.
Tom,
I love all of your shows, thank you.
This is the first one that I saw many negative reviews and all because some of us choose to be generic and speak negatively because some have “narcissistic traits”. It’s safe to say that we all have negative traits, maybe different, but that’s how we are made because of this cycle.
it is a choice there after.
In my opinion not that it matters, you should do an episode about the negative remarks and how they affect the person that’s sitting next to you.
Thank you Tucker, I learned a lot how I think is how I feel. “
Amazing
Take care everyone.
This blew me away, was locked in til the last second. Absolute fantastic Episode
Wow, Im so grateful for Impact Theory. Thank you.
Great interview Tom!I've been watching a few videos of your interviews and I've found gold nuggets (good advice).I appreciate and am grateful of the value you share :).Thanks again Tom and Impact Theory!
So glad the interviews add value!
i think the world of you and what you're doing Tom , i'm literally growing with you.thanks
Tucker max is ridiculously smart. I can tell by being around him you would automatically level up your life. Thanks for this Tom!
Love your show! Had to turn this guy off. Narcissistic comes to mind. Don’t think I’d hang with this guy and have a beer. Anyway, Tom, you’re a fantastic interviewer.
Holy shit, THIS is Tucker Max now?? That’s legit an amazing transformation!! The power of therapy and doing the hard work on yourself... Sounds like he’s an amazing dad!
He is literally helping me understand myself. He should definitely have his own vlogs talking about this and it would kill all the other life coach bullshiters' businesses out there. I guess that 4 years of quality therapy helps you become so profound and honest. The clarity that he has about his own feelings is amazing.
This is a great episode. I love how he looks at you can change the current you and make yourself better. Also awesome job Tom/team for reaching 201k
Subs
People don't get the gold that comes from Tucker's story. Really good interview, appreciate your willingness to expose your thruth this way!
Thank you for being open and honest and not stigmatizing psychotherapy/mental health. Just goes to show even the most privileged face the same challenges and why we white privileged Individuals have a responsibility to do everything we can to achieve fulfillment to give back to others.
Loved it! Amazing guy. No bs, so inspiring. The power of authenticity, owing it and evolving. Going to follow this guy for sure. Wish everyone would have the guts to seek their own truth like he did.
@Tucker Love the rationalization quote! Its 100% truth and we all do it! Been a fan for a long time and actually have already been in talks with Kevin about my next book! Thank you for all that you do!
I like the part in his book, where a girl cheated on him, and was so hurt that he spent 15 years suing her and ruining her life.
Hahaha ikr such a "chad" move there Tucker.
What an asshole.
What a turnaround. Such an authentic interview
I think you've left individual perception out of the mix when it comes to parenthood. No matter what you do as a parent and all your best intentions to be different than your parents and a better person all around, each person perceives their life in their own way. I wish you all the best.
Tom, thanks for being such a caring wonderful soulful person. You are Amazing sweetheart 😍😎👊
i love your episodes and what i like to hear each time i listen to you Tom is when you say "Really"...
What the hell is this? -JUST ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL EPISODES on Being a TRUE HUMAN BEING! Thanks, Tom and Tucker!
Great interview!! Thanks again Tom for this one.
This guy is definitely me at the never worrying about others and on my own side
Love love your honesty and reality of self scrutiny! Thank you for sharing truth to the world to look deeper at self to improve 👍🏽
Bilyeu - !! I am such a fan. Thank you, thank you ... thank you, for what you do.
what you let out of the box to share with the listening world
... by your careful/thoughtful study/preparation
and then your effort to invite awesome human transformation,
speak.
blessings Tom
Such a great interview! Loved it, watching it again!
Thanks Tucker & Tom, Be Great
Enjoying these Impact Theory videos so much.. Thank you Tom!!!
Great interview I’m sure many of us can relate, thank you for sharing!
I wonder if he knows how powerful this is.... being able to connect/recognize the (minor and major) traumas and how to move forward...
Hello Tom.. all ur interviews are awesome.. grt work.. thank u so much so much of motivation
This is the best interview i have seen on impact theory ever! I got so happy when i saw this and i have now seen like around 50. Deep knowleged and a very smart man! Your a badass with a hearth of a angel
Most underrated interview channel!
The mountain analogy makes me think that there is no 'wrong mountain', just always another mountain.
To me it triggered some sort of matrix theory. If you climb the mountain and it turns out to be the wrong one you just go down and try another one, the real one! Then if you climb enough mountains you realize you don't have to go down anymore, you just create the bridge in your mind and visualise it to the next mountain and go there.
But the most important IMPACT on me is I feel that eventually there is no mountain at all!
Oh there are wrong mountains.
If someone is on the path that is not suited for that person, that is a wrong mountain.
I was climbing the wrong mountain for five years. When further I climbed, the more clear it was this mountain wasn't for me.
That was especially the case when I was looking at people above me.
So I climbed down (left my job) and stated all over again.
The second time is always faster.
@@alientube1984 po the best way of a life I can
Congratulations to
Tucker for making the changes he needed to to be a better person. It matters.
Your ep are always great. This 1 really hit me.
I totally understand what he means when he used the story of his child. He's breaking a cycle a father-son relationship that may have been passed on from generation to generation but now that he's conscious of it he's able to break that old father-son relationship. Sometimes we don't realize that the way we act with children from ages 1-7 can have a HUGE impact on their lives as adults" tying into worth self-love and acceptance". Sometimes the impact is positive and sometimes it's negative. But once you're conscious of it you can always change things for the better.
35:15 I'd never thought about it like that before. It's so much more important to me now. I'll remember that bit for sure
This interview seriously contributed to me. Thank you.
Interview jocko willink please!! You will enjoy it greatly Tom. Much love from Arizona and keep up the life changing work
Mark Martinez YES! Jocko would be an incredible guest. Just imagine the insights Tom might be able to glean from him!
Now one of my favorite interviews!
I love tom. He is the reason i watch this. He is smart and brings out that in others
I think that much honesty is real helpful. Thank You 👍both .
Four years of psychotherapy. This guy could write a book on owning your emotions now. What a great interview!!!! Loved it. Thanks so much
Owning his emotions? What about owning the actions he took to drive overweight women and random people he encountered to the brink of despair?
That little story about his son was so cute. Really nails in on how much he's changed.
Did he ever apologize to all the people he hurt?
Hydrokarbon Productions I wouldn't know. I've never met him.
The answer is no:
"Let me be clear about this, lest anyone misunderstand me:
I am NOT recanting or repenting or taking back anything I’ve done. FUCK THAT.
I am proud of who I am and what I’ve done, I had a fucking blast the last decade, I will never try to disavow who I was or what I did, nor will I ever apologize for having the balls to be the person I wanted to be."
All I can say is I hope his son never stumbles upon his books, since if he is as empathetic as TM is now (laudably) trying to raise him, he will find the content extremely disturbing, and even moreso given his father's stubborn refusal to apologize for treating others in a way that could lead an unstable individual to contemplate suicide...
Hydrokarbon Productions I read the interview you're referring to. When I read it, I felt very much the same way you did. I thought to myself, "How can someone as cruel as Max show zero remorse?" It made me sick to my stomach that someone who said such awful things could be so separated from empathy. And it made me resentful. Seeing him happily married with a family and a million bucks, while someone like me always strived to do the right thing, and here I am miserable. It wasn't fair. And I too hoped that his son would grow up and see his father for who he truly is, because someone like Max shouldn't procreate and pass on such awful genetics. When I caught myself thinking this way, I froze. Was I perfect? Who the hell am I to say anyone shouldn't reproduce? The problem isn't Max. It's my reaction to Max. It's like the old "drink poison and wait for someone else to die" thing. Who are any of us to judge anyone else for their past. If he shows no remorse, how is being angry at him going to help make the world better? It doesn't. It just makes us all angrier. On the other hand, if I find it in my heart to forgive (which is really hard to do with Max, even through I've never met him), then maybe I can look past his awful deeds and find a reinvented, successful, and dare I say it, down-to-earth man. We should be thankful for men like Max because he's saying "Look, if you think being a jerk will make you happy forget it. Been there, done that, so you might as well get your life together now." Besides, who's to say he hasn't paid the price for his mistakes? He's Tucker Max, but he still changes diapers, disagrees with his wife, burps, farts, and does everything other humans do. If he's not sorry, it may piss us off, but then we get obsessed with someone. They win and you lose. Just move on.
Nah. I'm sorry but I respectfully think you're missing my point. TM is being hypocritical by positioning himself as some sort of existential guru when he cannot muster the courage to countervail book sales by apologizing for the people he caused so much emotional and physical pain.
I support the pursuit of positive growth and the type of inner peace that you are promoting...however your original comment is about him "changing"--and I respectfully would like to point out that you are being severely misled. Sure, he has changed, but his refusal to apologize for his (alleged) past actions as described in "I Hope..." is clear evidence that he has not really changed.
I believe a world in which people like TM are called to task for these hypocrisies is a world in which a greater number of individuals have a great chance of leading happy, healthy lives. That type of world, to me, is true inner peace. Not one full of individuals who are easily deluded by a superficially reformed narcissist and who mistakenly believe the absence of anger is superior to channeling anger into positive, life-affirming action.
Until he apologizes or alternately admits that his stories were total fabrications then his pseudo-transformation is akin to a caterpillar who has just barely begun to break the walls of the cocoon screaming "Look at me, I'm a butterfly!"
Yessssssssssss, I'm struggling to put my thoughts into words for others to understand.