My Husband Controlled My Every Move
Vložit
- čas přidán 23. 08. 2024
- Today on Unfiltered Stories, Bethany Green shares her challenging journey through a fourteen-year marriage with domestic violence and abuse. Despite outward appearances, she had to endure danger from a violent husband who controlled her every move behind closed doors. Bethany's story sheds light on domestic violence's realities, offering hope and resilience to others.
#domesticviolence #survivorstories #trauma
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
Make sure you hit the 🛎️ BELL ICON 🛎️ to get notifications every time we post new episodes, and don't forget to SUBSCRIBE by clicking this link:
➮ tinyurl.com/USsub
🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅
Facebook ➮ tinyurl.com/Un...
Tiktok ➮ tinyurl.com/Un...
Snapchat ➮ tinyurl.com/Un...
As a long-time friend of Bethany's, I can tell y'all that it is a complete miracle she is still with us. ❤
Why would she go back Smdh
@@TekaLashayshe meant its a miracle Bethany is even alive
@TekaLashay Stop victim blaming. Imagine being judged for the decisions YOU make and unless you have been in an abusive relationship you have no business judging someone else.
She is describing my first marraige, feelings, etc, to the absolute letter, every detail. Only difference so far is I was 16 when I met him, pregnant and married at 17. He was 20 and 21. Had 2 children and seperated when I was 21. I wish her all the best of everything. She still looks so young to me. Like in her early to mid twenties. Is she? Just curious, no need to answer, unless you want to. Thx
She sounds like my mom!@@bipolar_dragon08
My mother left my dad five months ago after 32 years of marriage . All six of us children are so proud of her ! He is a full blown pathological liar and narcissist
💞
My mom was a malignant narc, horribly abusive in every way. She tricked my dad into marrying her saying that they would grow to love each other he was a friend of the family and in love with my mom‘s older sister. My grandma had 13 children. My mother was divorced and pregnant with the next man’s child whose family wanted him to have nothing to do with her my grandpa kicked her out.
My father, the good man he is to the rescue he would help her get on her feet as long as she needed. He was a perfect gentleman, and a shy man, 25 years her senior.
On their wedding night I found this out when my dad opened up to me when I was 18 years old crying, she turned over in bed after saying, what would I want with an old man? Narcs are brutally hurtful in order to condition you I remember the pain on my father’s face since I was a toddler and growing up of course I couldn’t understand this kind of pain although my mother was horribly abusive, especially to me, but to all six children
My father stayed with my mother for us children if he would’ve left, we would be in a horrible neighborhood, and my mom would have open rain to abuse without limit he was not an enabler he isolated himself with work and ignoring her he was such a sad and lonely man he was generous and gentle to all he knew the most righteous man he was not an enabler as some people say no, my father was a selfless, High integrity, Man of man’s Who sacrificed his life because he knew that we children needed him to survive, physically emotionally if we were ever to make it.
Damn, these narcs. I say prayers every day for these vile creatures, to have all their wickedness come back on their head, tenfold for the rape of life, destruction of life abuse of life, hijacking of life in treatment of life that they have done to others I really do think that it deserves the death penalty what right do they have to torture and take the life of others to feed their cruel and coward, devoid of spirit and heart entity. The target, and choose to manipulate and in trap abuse, and torture l relentlessly , vindictively, cruelly.
And, that person and others are left to deal with the trauma. If one kidnaps, tortures, and systematically poisons others, getting their thrills, feeding off and consuming other lives intentionally with no remorse but pride and entitled to that destruction, what is Justice.
He without mercy deserves no mercy and their wickedness and all the suffering multiplied back on their head without mercy to their very end. Why not? They took that and more, and all the good those people could have done for others. It deserves that wickedness back on them and their worse than useless life, only a negative to be cleared from the air and space of descent people.
I bet he had an affair. Most people who have affairs are pathological liars and narcissists.
@@TraciDoering-hw8huI'm proud of you for not defending your mother. I can't understand kids who side with the parent who wronged.
@@TraciDoering-hw8hu there is a lot to your story. Your dad was how many years older? He was in love with her sister but was tricked into marrying your mother!?
And he told you all this the day you turned 18!? A sea of red flags
Ladies when we leave a toxic relationship... Don't get with anyone right away... I've been single for 4 years. I'm so much happier than I ever thought I could be without a man around. I wouldn't change it either 💖
I absolutely agree with you.
Me too.Been single 10yrs and loving it ❤❤
Yes! And give your kids a break from partners too. Kids who have also survived the abuse situation (whether directed at them or just their parent they still went through hell) don’t need another person thrown into the mix, no matter how amazing you think they are
i am still single 13 years after... I will never ever allow a man again to tell me what I have to do or how I have to live my life.
Absolute goal!! I can’t wait
A real man is secure in his own masculinity and doesn't need to abuse those weaker than him to feel powerful.
I’m flabbergasted and dismayed by the amount of men who don’t believe martial rape is a real thing/crime 😢💔
It’s even an existing legal phrase, marital rape. So, obviously it’s a thing or else there wouldn’t be a word specially for it.
It's sickening honestly. Wtf are they thinking? I don't get how anyone could think that is okay. There's something very wrong with someone who thinks that it's okay for them to do that to their wife.
It's actually legal in 2 countries , The Bahamas being one of them. It's crazy how many men don't think marital rape is an actual thing 🙄
They believe that women and children are 'property'...its so self-righteous.
Marital, not martial
As someone who grew up in a home with domestic violence, thank you for getting your children out of there ❤
Pronography is a HUGE deal. Please don't make this normal or ok.
She said it ... Pronography replaced her ... he would not be impressed to love his wife if he's into himself !
You dont realise how naive you are when your young, wisdom grows with age and experience. So glad you survived, you are a lucky one
It can happen at any age. Abusers are good at what they do
Thats why you need a mother to tell and learn you everything about abuse and how to recognise the abusive mens from miles and what standarts to have in life. All children need to have well educated parents who show them the way and know how to handle the situation and not get involved with mentally unstable people.
@@MotivationApex77
Yes and parents need to stop raising abusers.
They need to teach their children how to manage their emotions effectively.
We need better behaviour as parents making better decisions if anything is going to change.
Maybe people need to ask themselves honestly if they are emotionally equipped to bring children into the world.
Yes. I agree. I was so naive when I was in an abusive relationship.
@@flowerjpotter1629Parents can't teach a child something that they themselves don't know...
No adult can function or cope with a controlling malignant narcissist.
They can. It is called leave. She must have had low self esteem in the first place. Just leave and leave the excuses behind.
Mine was my mother...and I did eventually "just leave," but I had to walk away from my ENTIRE family because of her. I had three older sisters that I absolutely adore growing up (one practically raised me,) and I was ostracized and shunned by all of them the day I refused to allow my mother to control and dictate my life for even a single minute more.
@@psychicrenegade very courageous of you. I hope you congratulate yourself.
You haven't a clue. Be grateful you haven't experienced one. It's so easy for an outsider to say "just leave!"@@ashleybergstrom8934
@@ashleybergstrom8934 I was married to a controlling Narc and the most terrifying time for a woman is when they leave because the narc has nothing to lose if you are gone. Mine had a houseful of guns that were not registered and he followed me and then left me messages on my work phone telling me where he had seen me . Since he had a house full of guns I did not try for a restraining order as I did not know how many guns he had or what they were so when the police would have picked them up they couldnot be sure they had all of them. Iwas raised in a very normal household with a wonderful relationship with my parents and yet I got sucked in to my ex's BS. It did not happen right away and by thetime you realize what is happening you feel like you cannot leave. Please do not tell an abused person that this is in any way their fault.
When my ex husband was at home it was hell. When he was gone it was like Christmas. He was verbally abusive and horrible. I'm so glad you got out!
Best day of my life was when he left!!!!
Remember you could have left to go to
a shelter
@@debihester7284 I tried. There was nothing in my town.
@debihester7284 It's not always that easy. It took me ten years to find enough courage to leave. If you've never been controlled by a man who constantly messes with your mind and your self worth you won't understand
@@debihester7284 I went to a shelter and they couldn't find me anything because I didn't have black & blue bruises.
“He was heavily into pornography, which isn’t that big of a deal.” Ummm….yes it is.
Yes it is!!😮
She strangely doesn't connect his abusive sexual behavior to his heavy p@rn use.
It's a SHAME AND SAD that she still thinks such things are not a big deal. LORD HEAL THIS YOUNG LADY
That’s what I said and she was raised by a pastor ? A pastor of what?
it depends what kind of porn. a lot of commercial porn is dark, degrading, seedy, and just disturbing. whereas some is just tapes of couples having sex that they uploaded online together.
I was there years ago. Abused by my husband who was backed by the church. Sexual, emotional and physical abuse. Offered to other men for $$. 11 1/2 years of this abuse. He died. I moved 1K miles away. Started over. Have 2 wonderful sons. Divorced. On my own x 22 years. Happy alone.
I'm so happy for you. And I'm sick that any church would back him
That's a TESTIMONIAL LOVE YOU!!! KEEP UP THE LOVE & FAITH
There’s a lot of them in churches.
Im happier alone also.
I hear you.im happy on my own after years of abuse.I have 3 beautiful children and 2 grandchildren and soooo happy now
I understand, I spent 28 years with a controlling, malignant narcissistic person. He never got physical but I been abused emotionally , financially and sexually. The pain is undescribable. No one can understand it unless they experience it .
❤️🩹 been there 2
I was there myself. I felt that horrible pain.
Me too 🫤
No thanks . You don't have to experience it to know. You spent 27 years too long .. crazy
Me too! I got away from him after 18 years. He tried to tell the Judge I used Drugs and drank Alcohol so he could get full custody of my son. They told him no…that’s not how this works!! I didn’t drink or do drugs. But he still thinks he did nothing wrong being a controlling Narcissist!!!
Karma is a bitch as he is now married to a woman who is 10times more Narcissistic than him!!!😂
the light in her eyes when she talks about her new husband is so beautiful. i hope she’s doing well now and living her best life.
Amen.💗
I stayed single after experiencing severe malignant narcissistic marital abuse. And NOW, 25 years later MY LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN IT EVER WOULD HAVE BEEN HAD I STAYED WITH MY EX. I have never been more relaxed, and I am SO much happier! MY DAUGHTER TURNED OUT HAPPY, HEALTHY AND GREAT, AND WE HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP TOO.
MY EX EVEN COMPLETELY POISONED MY OWN SONS AGAINST ME AND AGAINST ALL WOMEN. THAT IS WHAT MALIGNANT NARCISSISTS DO, THEY TARGET AND BADMOUTH AND PREVENT VISITATION WITH THE OTHER PARENT. IT IS VERY SAD THAT MY TWO YOUNG ADULT SONS ARE W MENTALLY ILL. THEY LIE, THEY CANNOT TELL THE TRUTH, THEY SOUND AND ACT JUST LIKE MY EX. ITS VERY DISAPPOINTING. BUT AT LEAST MY DAUGHTER AND I ARE ALIVE AND WELL!
Absolutely!! Bless this woman ❤
@@mariecherement3834 I am so sorry this happened to your sons. It's heartbreaking to have to deal with that.
Can you believe they allowed this guy to transfer to another department after his behavior! The church that turned their back on this behavior should be ashamed of themselves.
I assume the church leader never knew what was going on🤔
@@tamaraleausa2964They knew
Where have you been, church telll women that your relationship is with God and to submit to your husband. Your husband has to answer to God and not to you.
Church allows this abuse.
@@rebeccahancock7406 Not always! My sister's husband was very abusive to her and her Pastor advised her to DIVORCE HIM!!!
@@rebeccahancock7406 Not only allows, but encourages. As soon as she said she grew up in a very religious family I knew she was doomed.
You said it. Not realizing you're experiencing abuse. I get it. I've been there. OMG. You are so inspiring.
Yes they gaslight.
An almost stranger helped her, not her dad. That stranger became her new husband. Sadness and happiness, hope the happiness will last for ever.
She deleted the message to her dad right away, so it probably didn't go through.
I am grateful this beautiful woman got away from that monster. Thankyou Jesus
and he sends his angels too help you both are gone now but ill never foget them for saving my life and my babys
🙏🙏
I was so glad to get away from MY malignant controlling narcissistic troublemaking Ex!
Her escape had nothing to do with your fictional Jesus! Also god is not a man!
@@skyeblu1722 maybe they can ask Jesus ,god and the wee sodding donkey , while you're there , why he even invented domestic violence, misogyny, narcissistic behaviour.
The amount of these stories where the husband becomes a cop/in law enforcement is disturbingly high
Abusive people (or narcs) get jobs in positions of authority.
Similar to the fact that pedos get jobs working with kids.
Unfortunately
There is surprisingly high amount of personality disorders in these professions.
I honestly don't find it strange, this type of person likes to be in control, and being part of law enforcement brings a lot of power, this type of personality fits perfectly with the role they will have to play, very few do this job out of vocation or to defend the citizens what they like is the authority that being part of the law enforcement gives them, and it also guarantees a certain impunity, I can't imagine a better job than be a cop for this types of personality
Those thpes are attracted to jobs where they can exert control on others. Like how pedos seek to be around children in their jobs. It's deliberately so
That is because society is brainwashed to believe cop’s, doctors, lawyer’s, judge’s etc. are amazing ppl. Society put those kind of profession’s on a pedestal. Smh
Oh my gosh, this was my first husband! I lived that life almost identically. It took me 18 years of hell to get away from him. My second husband is an angel, it’s been 36 years of wedded bliss. There’s life after misery. Thank God you finally got out of that abusive relationship.
Congratulations on your long and happy marriage!
15 years for me.
Now I have a wonderful husband of 25 years
@@margiewalker7112 good for you for getting away and getting your happily ever after
Thank you for your story. I am happy for your new life. Your story should help many others. My son was terribly abused by his narcissist wife. I saw bite marks on him regularly. After his death, a boyfriend of hers showed me his bitemarks from her. Her children also got bit. My teenage granddaughter ran from her mother's abuse & her mother went to jail for the first time. My husband & I were in court, smiling inwardly. She lost custody of her 2 children.!
Oh yes women abuse too.
That's horrible. Biting someone sounds more like psychopathy than narcissism. I'm sorry you lost your son. It's good that she is serving time and those poor kids are free.
So sorry for your lost. So so sorry. RIP to your dear son.
Im a victim of domestic abuse, ive been thru alot, bruises all over my body until one day i decided to leave and never look back, and if i didnt leave i know i wouldnt live to tell the tale today. Thank god i survived
Glad you got out!! PROTECT YOURSELF! God bless you.
So sorry. I hope you are safe now
No woman should never ever go through abuse and pain.
Proud of you❤
Ao glad that you are okay!
I fully understand your story. Sad that many of us have one. Many long years.
One day with $40 in my pocket, that I had to hide, and scrape to save, and 1 change of clothes, I escaped... out of my once locked driveway...I never looked back.
I don't care how many promises, how many tears, they do Not change.
Re-married 21 years next week. It's been a Wonderful, Happy, 21 years.
I don't care how often an Abuser tells you that no-one will love you....that you are disgusting... It's a Lie.
Love yourself first, by fighting to live. Your life Is... Worth Living.
I was married to a narcissist with that kind of extreme abuse. I too am remarried to a wonderful man. I realized after wars i was married to literal evil a possessed man. It took me years of counseling and unconditional love from my now husband to heal. It took a long time to heal. Its been 1i years and still sometimes i am triggured by something that brings back the fear, anger whatever. Please run if you are with a person like this. Run away and do not look back. I was suicidal at the end of my marriage and but for the grace of God im survived.
Me too!
When she said “my children are safe.” That is honestly the best feeling being with someone who is safe after being with someone who wasn’t safe.
As awful as it is that your children saw their mom abused, they saw their mom stand up and get out. I’m so glad you and your children are finally finding happiness. Things will continue to get better.
My story as well. Survivor for 27 years. Thank you for sharing the truth of what happened.
32 years for me.
Why didn't you leave?
The way I burst into tears when she said she married the guy that saved her life 😢 soooo beautiful!!
Wow... Glad that she came out alive from that abusive relationship.
I was verbally engaged, no Ring. 💍 the guy i was with, we're talking about the wedding, he had it all planned out. Everything was going to be his way. He was verbally & physically abusive, a Mama's boy. No thank you. 💒glad you got out too.
And of course the POS was too cheap to buy a ring, but still expected you to call yourself his fiancee anyway, then wanted everything his way for his perfect wedding day. 🙄SMH. Sounds like he was being a bridezilla lol. And probably a total male Karen too about the wedding. Guys that act like gat are very odd. Imo anyway. I'm not surprised he was a momma's boy. He sounds like the type to be a momma's boy, just based on what you wrote there.
@@NikkiC777 "male Karen" 👍🏼😄🤣
Me too. No ring. If there is no ring, you should say that we are not engaged.
He wouldn't even buy me a cup of coffee. Then he said we would only go out if I paid for us both and passed the money to him to look like he was paying for us both. I wouldn't budge on the latter. I did pay for us both to go to the cinema once and then after that I went out alone refusing to pay for him as well. He didn't like that.
I was given a long list of rules when we started dating, including how to behave towards my housemates and anything else outside of the relationship as well as inside it. I tore it up when I got home and threw it out, so I forgot what was on the list instead of seeing it as a red flag and ending the relationship there and then. He would constantly remind me of those forgotten rules. But if I started to have a say in the relationship, he would threaten to dump me. It had to be all his way or rather his church's way, but he was using that church as a backup to what he wanted.
Then, a few months later, I wrote a list of rules for him to show him what it felt like to receive a list from him next time he visited. Then the relationship ended there and then because he threatened to beat me up for it. I told him I never wanted to see him again and to get out of the house I lived in immediately. He refused to leave, so I kicked him until he left. After he left, one of my housemates told me that if he had not left the house, then my housemates would have ganged up on him to force him out.
That happened to my daughter. It was his way or no way. She finally had the guts to end it. Yay. He married someone else several months later. We often laugh and say, everyone was invited to the wedding except her. E.g. She wanted 2 bridesmaids. He got 7. She wanted no more than 100 guests. He invited over 200. Not good. We'd have to book a venue for from home. She didn't even know 80 of them. 😂
Still doesn't. 😂
@manichairdo9265 Mine also married someone else a few months later. He was either two timing me before we broke up or he rushed into marriage.
There is no excuse for abuse. A life partner should be your best friend and love you and treat you with kindness. And vice versa. If not, run away. Im impressed seeing this amazing woman having such confidence after the nightmare she went through. This is rare.
That's fairytales wishful thinking.
@@juliacoburn7455 expecting decency isn't wishful thinking
@@Depressedstudent13She has a lot issues, first she married because he is in jail more or less 8 or 12 years, who knows.
I'm glad you are out of the toxic dangerous relationship and with someone that treats you well.
I bet he still thinks he did nothing wrong
This is my life… to hear it out loud makes me cry
RUN!
I’m so sorry. Turn to Jesus, He cares!
Sara, you can do it honey. Get out. I left penniless with two babies under three. Go, take the kids if you have any, and don't look back. One day at a time.
I got out of an abusive situation too, with 4 kids! So you can too! Write down his social and drivers license number and any other important information you think you’ll need, but don’t let him find it. When ever he does anything that breaks the law, call the cops and press them to make a report and arrest him. Getting a paper trail of evidence of his abuse can help you win child custody. But go ahead and leave asap, especially if it’s bad. There are shelters available, look them up when he’s gone and go!
SARA ❤❤❤
Please get out and there is a way.. Jesus doesnot want you to be abused...period ..
Jesus died to set you FREE , a husband is to love you the way He loves His church and abuse is not HIS way.. Jesus loves ❤️
Can you get to a women's shelter?? Or talk to a domestic violence call centre? They can direct you.. don't let all the questions of money, housing ect stop u there's always a way and nobody deserves mistreatment for any reason.. your NOT to blame 😢
This is spoken as I've experienced all this.. you are so loved by Jesus and He will walk you threw all this 🎉
Your in my prayers 🙏 ❤️
So glad you were able to get away from him. from the time I was 18 to 23 I dated a man from the church I was attending (Penticostal) he was 23 when we met. We were engaged to be married and all was going well until it was not....He felt that once the ring went on my funger the engagement ring he could control me. When I did not comply to what he wanted he became physically violent with me. I was living in Alberta at the time my family was in Ontario Canada. 3000 kilometers away. As soon aa he hit me I knew it would never change for him and I knew it was time end things. Took a great deal of planning and support from friends and my roommates, but I got away from him and broke things off. I have never looked back.
Glad you escaped!! Yeah, one time I got engaged to this man and almost as soon as he got that ring on my finger, his controlling/domineering side came out!! He began to get real bossy, etc., etc. At that point, I was becoming actually scared of him because I could sense it would get very abusive, so I was afraid to give him the ring back in person, so I hung it in a bag on the front door and he came to the door. He knocked but we (my mother and me) didn't answer. He grabbed the bag with the ring and hurried back to his car, LOLOL!!!! NEVER AGAIN. When the person FIRST shows you a weird control freak side, RUN RUN RUN, ladies!!!
Their crazy. Ontario is where I live
My abuser was Pentecostal, too. We lasted 9 months as he wouldn't take me out unless I paid for us both, despite him earning twice as much as me. I was bored with staying in with him all every evening, so I took myself out so I would only have to pay for myself. He didn't like that saying a good Christian wife would never do that. I corrected him by saying that we were not married, we lived separately, and we weren't properly engaged as he hadn't bought me an engagement ring.
You were meant to meet this man tht.saved your life!!! You're such a strong woman
I believe she is a strong resilient woman who pulled herself out of that...and by the grace of God she healed enough and fortunately found a good man, that she has a healthy loving marriage with.
Thank you for sharing your story! I am so happy to hear that you were rescued and now have a real man with whom you are experiencing real love. Trauma is real and long-lasting.
Thank you for sharing! I was abused in my family then in my relationships but no one was ever punished, while I am still scared .. I wish all abused women to find love and happiness one day 💕
I hope you are out of those situations now and far away from those incredibly toxic people. I hope everything is going a million times better for you now, and you are only surrounded by people who have the best intentions from now on.
@@NikkiC777 I think being alone is better than with the wrong people, especially when they are so toxic. Thank you with all my heart for your kindness. Sending much love to you ❤️
Agree that being alone is better. It’s safer.
Find love for yourself. Stay single.
@@juliacoburn7455 Yes! being single is definitely better than being in a bad relationship, or a being in a relationship with someone who just isn't the right person. Being single is at least a million times better than being in an unhappy relationship.
You did not think that hanging you upside down and naked for two hours (or at ALL!) was „physical abuse??!!!!
Good grief!! He is terrifying!
Right. I was so confused when she said the physical abuse started after that.
Being abused is a total mindf*ck. It’s incredible what you realize when hindsight sets in.
I’m so sorry this happened and so glad she found happiness.
How did she not pass out being upside down for two hours? Doesn't sound right.
@@ashleybergstrom8934who says she didn't pass out? She very well may have.
What is the meaning of hang here? This is terrible look at the case of Ana Maria daughter of Ximena Cespedes in Mexico.
She is WELL rid of that monster in human form.
Oh my sweet friend. I knew it was bad for you but I didn’t know how bad for you. I’m so glad you left. Hugs.
Im so happy that you got away from your abusive ex husband and have found love and happiness. ❤
I endured only 6 months; I see life completely different, I couldn't imagine years. 😢
What a beautiful woman. God bless her 🎉🎉🎉
I never had any interest in marriage because of how toxic our family was. It’s really hard to have a healthy relationship when your baseline is absolute chaos.
You can get counseling and not have a bad marriage
Same here. Marriage never appealed to me. I love the single life of everyday freedom and complete peace 🕊️ me and my loving cat 🐈
I felt this same way about having children.
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533me too!
I outright refuse to get in relationships due to the fact my mom also has a history of abusive relationships. I’m better off single.
You are so brave!! I was mentally abused by my ex-husband, gaslighted so much that it landed me in a psychiatric ward for 5 days being on meds I didn't need. I stayed because I thought that's how marriage worked. I was young and naive. Having a spouse like this is NOT normal. It's hard to leave especially when you're financially dependent on them. He ended up leaving me for a younger woman but it didn't last long 😂 I learned so much about myself since then. I know it wasn't normal and the things that happened ACTUALLY happened. It wasn't "in my head" 🙄
Me too, and told I was too sensitive. Siblings sided with him 😮😢.
What a good man that made that phone call after seeing your text...👍
She looks so happy and bright at the end, I love that for her!
I've been in 3 terrifying abusive relationships in my 36 years. None come close to this. My jaw literally dropped, several times. And I'm only partway through.
Being married to a narcissist is a totally different kind of cruel. I was married 16 years to a man just like this. At the end of it i was suicidal. It is not normal abuse. It is out the roof mental and physical abuse. They want to destroy you. By the grace of God i survived and have a wonderful adoring husband now.
I really hope you break that cycle. I was in a horribly abusive relationship and after dating a couple more guys, i realized that was my type! I found a guy who is nice to me. Definitely not my type. And we have grown together. I don't know you, but hope you're doing better
Normal abuse? Abuse is never normal!!!!@@BrittJoshua24-15
@@Charlotte-zj8rq that is exactly what i did!! I knew i had to choose a different type. My now husband was so good to me that in the first year of dating it was hard for me to accept his live and kindness as i was used to abuse. I almost broke up with him a couple times but he didnt give up on me. He knew what id been through. I kept telling myself if i lost him id regret it for the rest of my life. He has helped ne heal and im grateful for him.
THREE? you didn't learn the signs after the 1st one?
Ugh, brings back memories for sure. I don't believe anyone should marry before they are 30, we need time to know who we are.
or reproduce
Thank God you got a good husband in the end.
What amazes me most is the ability to endure, the patience and the hope that this situation would change in some way by itself.
They are very good at giving rich, false, crumbs of hope. They are very convincing actors and there is an underlying dread that is hard to acknowledge or pinpoint because they make it clear, even without words, that leaving may very well be more dangerous than staying. They character assassinate and make it clear that any children will be very unhappy and in danger.
@@scottfamily5963very true.
Strong woman, so happy you got the courage to leave this monster
Her husband is a full grown Narcissist
Yeah, that goes without even saying it!! What an a$$ he is!!!
so many men are
Yep created by his parents.
Probably in the dark traid- psychopath or malignant narcissist. I am praying for spiritual and emotional healing
@@melodieperkins7080Yes he's a malignant narcissist....
I love that you got a happy ending Bethany. What a great story.
Your story is an inspiration for me to be strong and don't let him back in my life. You are correct, not enough people listen when we voice that we need help. I've said many times, that I should be some kind of advocate, because, if I could save even one person from abuse, that it's so worth it.
My niece was in a very abusive for 6 yrs and he was a narcissist and psychopath that did so many horrible acts and is so messed up . She tried to kill herself and still doesn’t want to live he will not give her a divorce it’s being dragging for about 3 years. Glad you were able to put him in prison for a long time.
Best of luck to her🙏
If she's willing to go that far for herself, she should handle him first.
@@ljvann11Exactly 💯.
I really hope she is able to get out of that situation. If she has not done this already she should try to get in contact with a counselor at a women's shelter or speak with a victim's advocate. Maybe the local court could, or police department could, give her some numbers, or her doctor, or she could try looking online too. A counselor in that particular field may have suggestions on things she can do to help move her case forward, and they may have information on a lawyer she could get help from, who might be willing to do charitable work if that is an issue (which it often is in a situation like that, because most lawyers cost a fortune and when your trying to get out of a bad marriage money is often tight at that time.) there are lawyers who do pro bono work in cases like hers for the charitable tax write off. If she doesn't already have a lawyer that could help her a lot. I don't see how the courts can just allow something like that to go on. I know how they can be though, It's archaic really, and incredibly unjust too.
it's wrong someone has to wait for another's agreement to divorce, most of the time it's not because life is good one of the partners wants out
50 Shades did nothing positive for women in our position. I had my phone snatched from me and phoned the men in white coats but forgot I had home phone and I grabbed it and dialled 911. Once operators was on she could hear everything. Scariest and best day of my life.
So intrigued
He showed you who he was one in the first week…women need to stop thinking abusers will change….
She was 19
You are assuming a lot especially since she was so young. She wasn't thinking he was an abuser, how could she know?
I met my abuser when I was 18 and he was 26. He took full advantage of my naïveté and lack experience with men. But I also kept thinking his terrible behavior was temporary; that my wishful thinking and being perfect in his eyes would fix him, until I said to my therapist, "He wants to change" and she responded, "Has he told you he does? Because until he actually says so and does something about it, he doesn't want to change". It was a valuable bit of insight I learned from her. That was in the 1980's and I apply it to all of my relationships to this day.
Wow. You're blessed to have survived this. You're a strong woman. Keep telling your story. I'm so happy that you found peace & happiness.
Wow I saw so much of me in your story! My Ex Husband never touched me but the mental abuse was so horrible and sometimes I still think it was my fault for staying in this marriage but I know that it wasn’t my fault! He manipulated me and almost destroyed me but my Kids saved my Life!!! Nobody will understand this kind of pain and it will probably hunt me till my last breath!
What about going into a shelter?
Awe I'm sorry . You're free now
But the scars are there.
It all starts with mental abuse, and the physical abuse follows when you start to start up to the mental abuse.
I have been with one mental abuser after another. I would be told that person X that I thought liked me really hated me, but at least 9 times out 10, when that happens, it's not X hating you but the messenger who instigated the badmouthing or made it all up.
I have retaliated to these second hand snubs by saying "Well actually a lot of people have said some bad things about you to me in the past, but I never passed them onto you because that's not a nice thing to do so why do it to me?" That soon stopped it.
The fact this man was a law enforcer makes my blood boil , its always them . Such a pattern such a sick world. Im so proud you made it out
Emotional abuse is just as dangerous, if not more so.
Yes, this is abuse.
Thank you for your honesty.
I absolutely loved listening to you. You are so full of life. He did not take your Shining Light from you. You are a survivor an encourager. Thank you for sharing. A hero!!! I'm so happy you have a good marriage and safe children.
I'm crying sooooo glad you survived. Thank God. You're amazing keep healing ❤
Did the father not take her first text message seriously? 🥺🥺 I’m so glad she made it out ❤
There were Christians I think so I'll just think it was a scripture or something in all honesty
@@animetalk8132abuse has nothing to do with Christianity, but sadly there are certain denominations that misuse scripture to remain ignorant/ not promote accountability.
In fact, the Bible teaches the opposite of abuse/ codependency, because it clearly states that husband's are to love/ cherish their wives and to not be emotionally/physically harsh with them because women tend to be physically weaker /more emotionally sensitive (that's not a put down... I'm a woman and I don't believe that makes me inferior...just different)
Husband's are told to sacrifice their own selfish desires for the sake of a healthy marriage much like Christ did for the church and that God won't hear his prayers if he mistreats his wife (you may already know these things, but I'm saying this in case other's are reading here).
@@animetalk8132scripture doesn't promote abuse, but some denominations misuse scripture. The Bible actually says for the husband to love/cherish his wife and for him to not be emotionally or physically abusive. It even says that if he does mistreat her, God won't answer his prayers. Those are pretty strong statements against all abuse.
I’ve read her book. It turned out the messages never went through to him. Just the snap chat message went to someone who she had met earlier at a festival who is her husband today. He saved her life and started a relationship after.
@@bethanyruiz7025 I got that part that the snap chat message went through I just didn’t hear her say anything clarifying why her Dad didn’t act. Thank you so much for the clarification!!
I’m crying because this was my story in a sense that resonated with me thank you ❤️ for sharing
I'm hoping that the WAS in your comment means that you have escaped your abuser. If not, figure out a way to leave and GO!
My story too. Mental abuse, not physical but his being a cop trapped me for over 40 years.....He passed as an alcoholic from cirossis.....yet still under the hero/legend image. He destroyed who I am to my kids. Alone is better. God is good 🙏🙏🙏
Did your children believe what he said about you?
@moniquefunk2400 Yes for now. I've lost them all except one, and he's distant and guarded. God still has me completely, and I know He'll be able to reach them before its all over...
Where the hell were your parents in all of this? How could they not step in and get you out?
You don't admit it.. my ex was super when my parents around. Worked hard, and very thoughtful man when people were around , when I told my Mum I was divorcing I was told not to give up so quickly, to let down the family . My Aunt had divorced many years ago and was always the outsider so Mum was horrified. Some families woukd not understand ..or help
Thank goodness our daughter trusted us enough to call...finally! It took her awhile, but she called, and we got her out of that relationship.
My parents knew of the abuse and still wanted me to stay. In my family you didn’t get divorced. No matter what. That was just as devastating as the abuse with my ex. Maybe more. By the grace of God and a few good friends help I got out.
@@kristencobb230they are not worthy of parenthood. They're obviously more worried of what the neighbours would think rather than your life.
I tell my grandchildren. I am ALWAYS here if they need a safe place. No questions asked. I will get them a plane ticket or pick them up. I talk to them a lot about relationships
I was 10 when I realized that the way how most women are treated from men is not ok and I said to myself that no one is ever going to treat me like that. Later in life, I encountered men who were on their mission not to see me as a human being but they had zero chance to assert their toxic power over me. It makes me angry hearing this story and knowing how many woman are raised to think that they have to obey to a man to that extant. Parents need to do better when raising children otherwise the abuse will never stop.
OMG, when I started being abused by my ex, my own mother said that I made my bed so now I have to lay in it. She was of the era where the women made their husbands king and put up with their abuse. My mom was trained to believe that from observing her own parents and her mother telling her that men rule the world and women need to be passive.
@@lindaflesch9083 I would call that generational sin as it is passed from generation to generation. The same thing can be said of good traits, like honesty, empathy, love, creativity, etc.
you are generalizing to a staggering degree here. There are many many good men just like there’s many bad ones.. you take this way too far
You are a courageous woman. Thanks for writing a book to share your story.
What is the name of her book?
I'm sorry you went through this. I'm thankful you survived and for sharing your story.
Oh my goodness, he was a sadist who thrived on power and control. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I pray that you have many blessings with your new husband for years to come.
This is the problem with religions that teach patriarchy and women submission. 😢 It's all about control!
AMEN! I have said this for YEARS!! I couldn't agree more!
Not my church .
No, this has happened to many women that find themselves in the wrong marriage. If the man was a true Christian, he never would have treated her this way. There are many many fake Christians as well as atheists.
This was not about religion this was about his mental illness...He was messed up this is not how Godly husbands and wives treat one another...So glad you made it out...
That' the #1 reason I have for rejecting Christianity. Obviously some male ego put the Bible together and reversed common sense = it's women caring for children who need to be served; not that women and children need to serve the desires of men.
I wish for this women a loving wonderful life!!
A few mins in, and it's giving me flashbacks to my ex. We're both lucky to have escaped!
He is absolutely sick !😮 I hope you eventually heal completely.. bless you and your family now…
Bethany your video shows the strength and power you have over come from your monster. I know you have a long way to go yet for healing but I am so proud of you sharing your story to help others. You're the voice for others to help them find their strength to get out of their abusive situations and heal. Keep doing what you are doing. You will heal also. So very proud of you. ❤❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for sharing. Women need to be cherished not abused. Verbal or physically. Walking on eggs is the worst feeling. ❤
I went through this too and I try to be open about my experience and be a help to anyone going through through abuse too! So glad you are a survivor too!!
When you stay after the first instance of abuse, you are giving him the green light to abuse you any way he wants.
TRUTH!!!!!
You don't know you're being abused.
@@lisanevins3605 Absolutely true! It happens so slowly, you begin to believe the lies and just accept it until someone who loves you and is worried about you speaks truth to you. It can still take a long time to really see it...
AGREE
Do not have sexual contact in your first dates, the abusive men will go far away, if he or she had temper tantrums cut every contac with him, jelousey or hands in fists or tremble.
Abuse and insecurity is the devil
This was almost exactly my story 😢 Free for almost 6 years!!!
Dang. My ex was into BDSM and humiliation as well. He wanted to be dominated in sick ways that kept getting sicker and sicker. Gross.
Bethany, I hit my wall on November 19th, 2018. I'm so glad you are free!!!❤
Oh, Bethany!! I'm crying!!!! 😭😭😭😭 I'm so glad you are safe!!!
Wow,such a brave lady.So glad that you survived this horror.
My story. Happened 40 years ago, but I feel it still. Mine didn't make it past the engagement. I broke it off and had my dad confront him. They whole point was I existed to make him look better. When his treatment of me got out he didn’t look so good. My parents didn't understand how I allowed it to happen. I didn't either.
This is why God says not to idolize anyones life. The past generation of women lacked so much self esteem and put up with way too much.
Which god are you referring to?
Which god?
this is why the notion of god is just stupid
These men get these girls early. They try and reprogram them early so they are totally co dependent on them. This is so common and shocking. It takes a strong woman to see the damage and act on getting out
He did not break you. You are a fighter. Thank you for sharing. You are helping by telling your story. SHARING IS CARING❤❤❤❤❤
Dang girl! Im so sorry you had to go thru that. Im proud of you for sharing your story, protecting your children & escaping yourself with your life! Im glad you got out of that hell alive! 💞 No1 deserves to go thru that. I hope you can heal & have nothing but a beautiful future 💞
Right now it is hard to imagine ever having a healthy marriage. I feel so much shame, remorse and grief for falling into the grips of a narcissist man. My Dad was an alcoholic who abused my mother. My mother was emotionally checked out and abandoned me and my siblings. My family of origen is completely estranged. My younger sister ran away from home and died at the age of 18. I feel alone even though I am surrounded by good people. It is so hard to trust and to reach out for support. I am single. I cry alot in private and feel overwhelmed by how life has been. I realize how much I put on a big smile and try to act like everything is okay. But inside I am grieving my past and fearful that I won't every experience real human, safe and trusting love. Pets, dogs, cats seem the safest way to connection.
stay single,love you,find peace and quiet,sleep well,eat well.Its 34 years since I left I never re married.My son was premature beause of the fear .He was one kilo at birth,I have a non malignant brain tumour from years of anguish destroying my immune system.We barely survivved his endless hate abuse screaming threats and rage.
Ptsd.. I mentioned that iñ my long comment....it is a difficult thing to live with!!! But the world is yours!!!.... and you certainly don't have to be in a permanent relationship to be happy... every day...week...month are new pages in you your story/ journey....and life is constant loss...grief....loss...grief....but gotta throw in some peace...beauty...fun...it's the food for our souls¡¡!!!...don't feed your soul with Mc nuggets...make a gorgeous colorful salad❤❤
I can relate. Turn to Jesus he is the only one that can give you joy and help you overcome.
That's how I healed from my savage abuse at the hands of my Fiancee!! I surrounded my self with unconditional love from my pets, dogs and cats!🥰 I doubt I will ever again be in a relationship with another man! I have major trust issues and severe PTSD from all those terrible dark times. But that's ok because I am a older woman now and I have been married 2 times before I met my younger fiancee who I was with for over 10 years. So I will live out my days on my farm with my animals on my own and FREE!❤
@@jerseystotler3615 I dont know why people think women need to live with a man..
Remarkable, remarkable, beautiful young woman !
This is an example of why I taught my three daughters to always be financially independent, get an education, and have a career or job skills. No person wants to be stuck in an abusive relationship, especially with children. I was married to an abusive cheating cop husband and was able to leave with four children. Had I not had the means to leave, someone would've been seriously hurt, and my children would've been exposed to further abuse.
Thank God you’re doing well.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so proud of you and glad you have triumphed over such tragedy. God bless your now husband for saving your life. He's heaven sent. May you, your children and new husband of 3 years, have a wonderful life together.
And I thought what i have been going through was bad.. all i can say is WOW… so glad you found your way out.
I’m so glad you found love. 💕 I was involved with a Narc. It’s just awful. I left after 3 yrs. I feel for you, and I get it. 😊
I know what she is talking about when they "happily" hurt you. Its horrifying. My ex gave me a bear hug..I couldnt breathe or scream and he enjoyed it. He never asked me if I was ok. He didnt even know I drove myself to the ER.
I am so glad that she is ok.
Sadistic.
@kameshiam1674 That would've been terrifying and I'm so glad you're not with that cruel person anymore!
It reminded me of when a man I used to know gave me a bear hug. It felt like he'd broken my ribs a couple of days later, so I went to a doctor, just in case.
Luckily, they were only bruised, yet it took time for the pain to subside. It was interesting how most people I told thought that it was funny and laughed, which seems to be common nowadays though. 🙁
@@cyndigooch1162 Thanks Cyndi. I'm glad you are OK too. This is no laughing matter and I'm glad you took it seriously.
@@cyndigooch1162 that is sad. They don't recognize the abuse and covert sadism. He's psychopathic. They harm lots of people, pets, and projects, and cause "accidents," covertly, and enjoy thinking about how they got away with it. They don't need to tell the truth or tell anyone. They might tell a lie about a situation, enjoying telling a half or non-truth story about the circumstance to someone else and getting away with that, too. That is the covert grandiose narcissism. They think we are all stupid when they dupe us, as they don't understand sincerity. I am sorry that happened to you.
So glad you got away from abuse! You give others hope and you are a beacon of hopeful light - thank you for sharing! ❤️🩵🥰
Beautiful brave girl- what doesn't kill does actually make u stronger. Listening to your story wrenches my heart because at 19 my first r/ship was similar I seemed to attract the same type of man.women with such life experience build a resilience that cannot be quantified. It's different to strength alone. If u can survive THIS u can overcome hurdles where many fail. Its a painful silver lining. 🙏
I was married to a narcissist, and it was so hard to be around him. I was so glad that I got out when I did. Never let your spouse keep you away from your friends and family. My ex-husband tried to keep me isolated from friends and family.
holy moley! i haven't even watched the whole episode, but my ex was fairly normal until i became postpartum and rocked his world...he told me too to get over myself and told me that i was crazy. then dealt with verbal abuse for the next ten years, too afraid to leave bc i was so afraid to get back into a major depression. never anything good enough. never cook the right foods, never clean well enough, nothing was never good enough even though he didn't do anything to raise my daughter and was out drinking all the time. everything was always my fault. and convos if you tried to defend yourself went south and bizarre and everything is always your fault. so much gas lighting. take care of your kids b/c he is now dealing with my daughter the same way even though the legal system will not support you when there's no bruises. good on you for taking control of your life!
Divorced mine after 48 years, he was horrible, PTSD here