My Domestic Violence Story | The Ending No One Expected.
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- čas přidán 16. 02. 2023
- Today I am opening up about my domestic violence story for the first time in 10 years. I never had a bruise or a hospital visit. Domestic Violence looks so much different than we see in the media.
Thank you all so much for watching and I really hope this video helped inspire you to start your own journey WHATEVER that may be!
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What's even worse is when everyone else thinks the guy is so sweet and loving and takes such good care of you and you just want to scream out...how is everyone so blind. 😢
Exactly the same thing that happened to my dsughter. He was liked by everyone and nobody believed her. Even though seperated he still treats her very bafly
this was me with my ex, he is a very social person so when we broke up all his friends and everyone assumed I was at fault bc they didn't know what he put me through behind closed doors.
Exactly
@@outroseok same here
So true.
When the people who love you tell you that the person you're about to make a commitment to is not what you think; listen to them.
I am also a DV survivor. I don’t know if you will actually see this but I want to tell you with all of my being that I am SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOU. People don’t know what to say when they hear these types of things… they don’t want to believe that it is possible. They secretly want us to be lying or exaggerating… because nobody wants to hear the truth. I hear you, I see you and I believe you ❤.
I never realized that DV could be emotional abuse until I was out of the relationship. No bruises either, just a decade of emotional abuse,gaslighting, and manipulation. Thankfully I’m in a much better place now ❤️
Violence is not only physical, psychological violence is even more destructive...
Controlling behavior, insults that are thinly veiled become more open, your sense of self gets bruised and they take advantage of that. Thank God I got out
@@chrissy24-7 Me too
Don't forget financial abuse
I would wait until my husband was asleep and then would pack a box. Every night (and take it to storage on my work lunch hour the next day after hiding it in my trunk). Knowing that I was packing was the only way I could breathe.
I packed my whole house and he never noticed. And then I rented a house and called him and told him I was gone. He had been so so so emotionally abusive.
It was 15 years ago and I still wake up every morning with a grin on my face and joy in my heart. I left. I left. I left!!!!!
Your joy at your freedom is palpable. I am so happy for you and proud of you ❤❤❤❤❤❤😊😊😊😊😊
I can hear yr freedom. So well done
Im 58 and your story was my story 35 years ago. I had 3 children and stayed 15 years. He went to prison for domestic violence against me and the kids and i left for good. I eventually got remarried and we never looked back. Your story resonated so much with me. You’re so strong. Thank you for sharing your story and letting people know these situations are more common than most people know❤
I’m so glad you shared this. Being bruised isn’t the only thing that means you’re abused. I’m sorry for your loss but thankful you are safe now.
We are all vulnerable to abuse. If it happens, tell someone right away. Do not hide it! Proud of you.
First, congratulations for being brave enough to share. Second, I’m so proud of you for putting Kelly first.
You are NEVER, NEVER responsible for another persons actions. When someone you love so deeply hurts you so deeply it does something to the love you thought you shared. I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years. We never had children. We moved a lot. He even went to prison and I would go every Sunday to visit, like a good little girl. But, one day I just walked away. Years later I ran into him at McDonald’s. I was with my now husband and two children. He told me he had cancer. I felt nothing. Later, when he died, I felt nothing. I didn’t go to the funeral. Didn’t give condolences to his family. Nothing. This was my very first love. I gave up everything for him. But, after 12 years I came to realize he didn’t give up anything. He didn’t love me. I’m sorry you had to live through this. Im sorry Kelly will never know his biological father. I never knew my biological father, either. But my Daddy that did love me, that gave me his last name, that raised me to be a strong independent woman was the best Daddy ever. And, I believe if Kelly gets the love and nourishment he needs from his father figure he will not become a statistic. Love and prayers to you both. ❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for sharing your story with me! 12 years is a long time, and I am beyond happy that you had the strength to walk away. That takes so much! Feeling nothing when your abuser passes is so normal. I felt so much shame for that, but it is incredibly valid.
I am glad that you had someone step in as a father and raise you. Watching kelly and colton bond just makes my heart so happy.
Hugs and love!! ❤️
You poor girl. What a terrible experience. Most of us have no idea what's going on behind other closed doors. Well done for speaking out. Well done for getting through it all and still having a beautiful smile for the world.
Do NOT feel sad about his suicide! I went through something similar, although , as far as I know, he’s still alive. It’s been 38 years and I still have nightmares. I had two sons from a previous marriage and he took advantage of how bad I felt about myself from the divorce. We had a son together who he used as a weapon when I didn’t do what he wanted me to do. I finally had enough and went to a community college to get a better education so I could get a good job. Obviously, my being independent didn’t go over very well. He would use his middle finger and poke me in the middle of my breasts where no one could see. I moved out with my 11 year old son(my other sons had joined the service and were gone). I got a good job and put my son through college. We are strong and resilient!
Thank you Libby for sharing this. Abuse is abuse. You were physically, emotionally, socially, financially, abused. Bruises or no, physical harm or no, abuse is abuse.
Also please forgive me for saying so, but if you never went to a memorial service for your abuser, never saw an obituary, etc., wouldn't it be possible his friend lied that he died? In my experience suicidal threats from the likes of him are empty threats and they are there to make the victim feel guilty and responsible for the other person's happiness. When you told your story, i couldn't help but wonder if this was a lie to get him out of being a father to your child. And an attempt to make you feel bad for not complying with his unreasonable demands. A parting shot. But also a way to hurt you even worse if he shows up again later demanding anything like custody or visitation. Again, forgive me. I've simply seen some crazy shit out here and wanted to clue you in to the idea just in case. You may have direct evidence of his death which would make this speculation ridiculous.
Regardless of all that paranoid nonsense of mine, you are a strong person and a survivor. Plus you are a fun and vibrant person. Dont give up - you are worth it all!
I am so sorry you went through that. You were manipulated so much. It’s a lot to take in.
Your husband taking his life wasn't your fault! He was a narcissist
God bless you and your son. You survived and thrived! I relate, and applaud you! Take a deep breath, and go forward! 🙏🦋🙏
I’m really glad you’re here to tell everybody about it
Me too! thank you! ♥
@@SimplyLibbyt you’re most welcome. Best luck to you and your future hopefully it’s brighter than the past.
Thankyou for sharing your brave,,I had an abusive first husband,, controlling and making you feel your not enough,it was mental and physical,and also had affairs,, fortunately I had no children with him, Eventually I left him thank goodness,,,that was over 40 years ago,but you never forget that feeling of fear,I've been married to my 2nd husband now for many years and have 2 grown up children,He is a man ,no proper men abuse women they are just bullies and cowards,I'm glad you are ok now keep strong ❤❤❤
THATS THE FEELING I WOULD GET AS A KID ..I KNEW WHEN IT WAS GOING TO START 😢
Oh Libby. I just watched your video 😢. I want to give you a big hug. I admire your strength.
I am 4 and a half years out of a narcissistic marriage. We don't see the red flags in the beginning because they are so good at what they do but they can't keep the facade up forever, that is when we start seeing the red flags but their manipulation has you questioning your own sanity. Whenever I questioned my husband about his cheating, I also got the response "you've been having another one of your bad dreams".
So yes, I felt your pain. Keep your videos coming, you are amazing ❤️
I was beaten so bad for years by my ex the last time he kicked my teeth out with steel toe boots he left me for dead in front of our children I had to learn how to walk talk and eat again, I’m so glad we got out ❤
That’s awful, I’m so sorry! I’m glad you left. I hope things are better now! Prayers for you and your kids. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
❤I am glad you got out too!
From a survivor who is not currently being physically abused but has been in the past and is currently living with a narsasistic abusive person and can't find a way out due to financial reasons.
I went through something very similar. The love bombing, the gas lightening, the emotional abuse, the financial abuse and the mental abuse. Physical abuse did happen but all the other abuse had a last effect on my mental health. I already had CPTSD and BPD I left with dependent personality disorder. I barely remember anything. It's a big blur. Longest 4 and half years ever.
I really admire you. You have suffered so much. You have an inner strength that you don't realize you have. You are ready to actually enjoy the ride. The uphill climb is over.
Thank you for telling your story. Im glad you are safe.
My ex threatened to end himself. ( he stopped when I told him not to leave a mess. He later tried the same threat on my child. Sadly, he is still alive) I endured many of those same behaviors that you spoke about. I was also naive, and trapped by pregnancy and motherhood.
I hated keeping up appearances, putting up a good front, pretending. But I got strong, learned, and got rid of him. Youre lucky yours ended himself, because he would have tormented your son.
This so describes my first marriage, he was not emotionally abusive, but could not definitely keep a job and we moved soooooo much. If it wasn't for my 2 kids, I would have left him much sooner. Instead he cheated on me, so thare's that and my way out. Ugh! Hugs to you my sister!
Recognized a lot of stuff from my first marriage. My current husband I remember when I was trying to juggle so many thing and get dinner made. He called me when I was picking up my daughter and I told him I was in my way home then I could get dinner started. He said “I can start dinner “ I just posed I think my mouth literally fell open. I had to tell him I guess you can boil water for the noodles. I didn’t mean to insult him I just never had help only criticism or if I did have “help” it came with so much emotional distress and energy it was just easier to juggle it all myself. Even asking him to take out the trash after I literally did everything else he was ask why I couldn’t do it. My husband now takes out the trash not only do I not have to break down crying, but I don’t even have to ask😮. It sounds sad when you say it out loud, but that was my life for years. And like you it was good in the beginning and I never had any physical bruises.
I am so happy that you got out of that marriage and found who you are with now! The whole narrative of your everyday life changes when they are gone. Not to mention, when you get into a healthy relationship, it is literally SHOCKING. You deserve someone who makes you feel less stressed, and you dont have to ask things of. I am so proud of you and i know out kiddos are happy to see us thriving in healthy relationships ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing this. I love you. I love your courage. So many of us hide our stories because we feel embarrassed or ashamed. And we aren't to blame for what happened to us.
❤️ thank you so much! I was so ashamed of my story for so long. But they hold so much power.
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. You are wonderful and beautiful and your son is very lucky to have such a wonderful Mom! lotsa love. xoxo
Thank you soo much for being so kind!! ❤️❤️
So much love and respect for you! ❤
You are a strong amazing woman. I also survived domestic violence. It's been 6 years now . I will Pray for you and your son.
Hi from Australia. I know this was a year ago but I just found it, and I hope so many people find it. Here in Australia right now there are so many women suffering because of DV. It’s awful.
I am so glad you are here to tell your truth. I watched my daughter go through it. Oh she would not tell me or confirm but i felt something was very wrong. It escalated to him having a gun to her head. And he was a correctional officer. Well he screwed up and is serving 9 years in prison. She is now very happy and married to a good man. It took time but she is doing great. I pray that for you
You are amazing! Thank you for giving a voice to things that most think will never come to light but it always will! Thank you for being vulnerable and honest and I respect the hell out of you! Thank you all!
You are so brave 👏🏻👏🏻👍 and no doubt you help people by sharing. This is the second video of yours I’ve watched, I do hope you are still happy with your friend.
Libby, you need to look at where you are now. See how strong you are. Never go back. Repair yourself. It may take a longtime. You need to value yourself. I stayed in a relationship, believed in marriage. My mother passed comment to me one day, when she was visiting. She told me he was so charming, but if you think he’s fooling me, or I don’t see what you’ve become, you are mistaken. It was like I needed permission to get the hell away from him. She said my sons were learning this is acceptable for men to treat women like this. My daughter would think his behaviour was right. Having children will not help you with a narcissistic psychopathic personality.
What an amazing human you are for sharing your story, this will help so many people, myself included! Much love
Praise the Lord you got your son safe
I just found your channel. Oh boy, I am so sorry what you went through. I am so glad you are safe and happy. Just by the way you speak, you seem a beautiful soul. Love and best wishes to you and your family💞
You are very brave. And admire the way you can talk about your story. I watched it until the end, and you kept me interested to the end. I am so happy that you have a good life now. It is normal to feel relieved when you do not have to experience terrible things happen to you.
I'm so glad you got out. Thank you for sharing your story.
When you said your thoughts were
"I'm a single mom, what am I supposed to do ?"
" You're supposed to LEAVE !
That's what you're supposed to do."
That made me cry. I didn't have a job, '"What am I supposed to do?" And I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what was happening. I stayed partly out of embarrassment. Dumb reason to stay.... I always pretended everything was fine, because if we ended up staying together, I didn't want everyone to hate him..... So dumb
When I went to a friend's house, he literally showed up and took my car keys and dragged my suitcase and all of my stuff back to his car and to his apartment.... Ugh anyway too many triggery stories from DV to tell.
( I'm glad he was rude to you at delivery because it helped your decision to end it. )
It took me several times of trying to leave, and him gaslighting me to give another chance, before I stayed out for good.
I'm so proud of you and glad you have a kind person to be with now ! ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing your story. Its so hard to revisit those memories.
Im so glad that is not your life anymore. Theres no dumb reasons to why you did what you had to do to survive. ❤️❤️
In my short marriage I didn't have visual bruises. All my bruises were hidden or not seen because he was mentally and emotionally abusive and controlling. Happy I got out of it within 2 years.
There are ALWAYS SIGNS at the beginning….job loss, dragging you around/moving around, asking you to do sign a loan, etc are all signs of instability.
Been there. It doesn't matter who tells you to leave the relationship, you'll know when your breaking point is. 😔
It truly doesnt. Until it clicks with you, there's nothing anyone can do. Glad that you are safe now. ❤️
@@SimplyLibbyt ♥ 🤗 I'm happy we are both safe.
When i met my ex he had a story about how he did have his kids due to an accident that left him in the hospital for days. And he was trying to get them back especially after we got together cause i could help with the kids. I got pregnant and he was still using his other kids to manipulate me into being with him. One day when i was about 6wks he left for the day and my parents came to get me. When i got home he was messaging me saying he would use my depression to get custody of the baby when it was born. I couldnt bond with my child because i was afraid of losing this baby to him. I was around 4mos when i learned the abuse "his ex-girlfriend/kids mom" did to the kids was actually him confessing. And when i say it was bad i mean i dont know how hes not in jail. I also found out beside the 2 kids i knew about he had at least 3 others he was not involved with. My daughter is 7yo and im still terrified he will come around to try and take her.
Lifting you up to the Lord for healing
I've just come across your channel, and i love it. You are a beautiful person both inside and out with such a kind soul. Thank you for sharing your story x
Well I'm relieved he's gone out of the picture. The trajectory for this scenario was that you and the baby would be killed. The man was truly insane, thank your lucky stars he turned on himself rather than you. Nice girls often end up with these types of guys, its like the men have a radar for picking out vulnerable women. At least you have a lovley little boy so thats absolutely wonderful.
This is SUCH an important video. Thank you.
Wow Ty I needed to hear this
Bless your heart, I'm so glad you and your son are safe. Love and prayers for you precious ❤
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🏼
Thank you for listening❤️
you're so strong girl!
Thank you so much ❤️
You are sooo strong! I'm so happy that you are now in a great relationship :) *Hugs* ❤
Thank you!! ❤️ i appreciate that!
I hope you've had counseling it will really help you. Im so glad you survived it all❤
Your very brave young lady x x keep going ❤
I went through the love bombing, gas lighting, mental abuse, financial abuse, the " you can't have your friends over because I know what's going to happen" episodes, only his family could come over. The staying out all the time, the " I didn't answer the phone because my phone was dead, my screen was black, etc... the emotional abuse, the " where are my shorts, where are my shoes, what he was ACTUALLY trying to say was that another man was in the house and took his stuff. Really. 😮left and I never looked back 😮.
Totally understand, i have have been through this.
bless you. xx
My ex also tried to take his own life after I left. I still feel to this day it was a manipulation thing
My abusive ex would never even think of doing that to himself. His narcissistic personality and his arrogance wouldn’t allow him to follow through. Because even though he bottles his emotions of guilt and shame, he knows that he’s a horrible person on the inside, but still tells himself that he’s a great guy and the best looking thing walking this earth.
🙄
Had an ex that continually kept me from friends and family, pushed me around, physically prevented me from leaving more than once, put me down, even honestly the first time we did it, forced it despite my being in pain. I was naaive. Thankful for my gut that I didn't marry that abuser. Also had to get a restraining order after I broke it off. They reached out to my folks, even. Letters, calls, a gift in my car 😢 so scary.
I’m sorry
I was in the same toxic kind of relationship with my spouse who gas lighted me and manipulated my family to eventually have me place in a psychiatric hospital to control me and my assets. When I did finally have the courage to leave the house to escape his physical emotional and mental abuse he donated everything I owned to the thrift store and killed himself leaving our 12 year old son to find him. I had actually called the police because he was sending me messages threatening self harm as well as calling me to come over because he had something to give to me. He told the police I was crazy had my father-in-law there saying the same things so they left my son went into his room the next morning and found him deceased. He left a suicide letter. We had a closed family service but got a call from the mortuary asking if one of the women he used drugs and cheated on me with could come in for a private viewing that she had called several times and just needed a private moment with him. I declined the request.
You are Amazing
So proud of you
Thank you ❤️❤️
6:15
Wow!!😳😳😳😳
FINALLY someone else says this!! 🙌
So this is a real thing right?
I was starting to think I was trippin.
So this is extremely validating.
👉🏽My ex did THE SAME EXACT THING and was strategic with his physical abuse.
I sometimes wish he just would’ve punched me in my face and caused me to bleed and have bruises. Because to be honest, I would’ve just immediately gone to the emergency room and put on the performance of my life!!!!
And the main attraction would’ve been me constantly pointing at the blood and bruises on my face. So it’s not like I would’ve been making it up. 🤷🏾♀️ There’s the evidence right on my face.
Just a random thought.
Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. It’s people like you that I watched when I was still living with my abusive ex that gave me hope and let me know that it was possible for me to break free.
I couldn’t see how at the time, but coming forward about the domesic violence definitely gives other people hope.
God bless you and your family and friends. And I wish you the best of luck on your journey towards healing. 🙏
There needs to be a law for the mental abuse, stopping another from leaving (the Micah law) should be passed and for every state 😢
I've never learned as much in my life (75F) from my joyous times as from my sorrows. I seem to get the same spiritual lessons over again, but I seem to catch on sooner, these days; heheh. Parenthood forced me to become an adult, and to ponder how NOT to replicate some of the meanest of my 'family's traditions.' Your partner was damaged, deeply and darkly. We can never know what's created any person, but ourself, and some of us were never supported in befriending ourself, forgiving our human failings - as we do for a friend. TC.
What method did he choose to end his life? Could he have been “attempting” suicide with the hope of being found in time and then having an additional hold over you? It happened to a friend. Always manipulating.
I’m sorry you had to endure that. Although I did not experience the same thing I was manipulated due to my lack of self-esteem. We need to do a better job of teaching our daughters about how some men act and teach our sons to respect women.
Oh wow girl. Your domestic violence story and mine are eerily similar. Your ex sounds exactly like mine....only mine was from a different country 😢
Oh really?! That is so odd! I am so sorry you had to go through that ❤️
@@SimplyLibbyt yeah we met on a dating website in 2005. In 2007 he came over here to the US. He said and did all the right things not only to me but to impress my family. 2008 we were married and he was over here on a temp visa. 2008 to 2009 was great...no issues...then in 2009 I got pregnant with our son and that's when his true colors came out. He started knit picking apart anything and everything I did from how I would wash the dishes to how I would feed and dress our son. Calling me names and saying I was stupid. He did the verbal and emotional abuse first with severe gas lighting. He also had slowly been separating me from my family and taking money from our joint account and putting it in a solo account with his name on it. He kept telling me any money he earned was his and only his. One day I went to get cash for groceries and baby formula and found out he had withdrawn all funds from our joint account and removed his name off it. When I confronted him about it he started blaming me saying I was the problem. I wouldn't let it be and thought if only I could get him to listen to me....he called the police on me saying I was crazy and throwing things at him but I wasn't even near him. Simply because he said I was abusing him I got arrested. The judge later dropped my charges but those things started a deeper spiral. He eventually got accepted to pharmacy school 2 hours away from where we were living and his words were "I'm going whether you and our son are with me or not." I didn't have any money or resources due to how he isolated me so we packed up and moved. Things got worse where he would be out nearly all night and come home and belittle me and gas light me. To this point he had not been physically abusive yet but shortly after I got a part time job he started getting physically abusive and at that point was when I packed up our son and left. That was in 2011 and I have never looked back. He is 2.5 hours away and part of our sons life but our son who is almost 13 very rarely sees his dad by his own chosing and his dad's narcissistic behaviors. After I left him I had 2 very distinct moments where I stood up to him and let him know if he crossed my boundaries with me or our son then he would have hell to pay, he finally stopped trying to use me and realized I was a force to be reckoned with. I know he was cheating on me when we were together because all the signs were there but no hard evidence and as of today he is remarried. I don't feel anything for him but feel everything for his new wife just knowing she too is facing the same horrors as I did but I can only pray for safety over her.
Oh my goodness. They are very similar. I am so happy that you left! Dealing with narcissistic abuse is horrible. You feel like youre going insane! Glad you are safe and happy ❤️
All this sounds like me except me. Only difference is mine has been emotional abuse not physical.
Your not alone my husband is same way. I have a few voice recordings (a good portion of the states in the US are one party consent states) I have emailed to myself in an account that I setup at the local library anything.
I currently have seen a pattern with my husband that he likes to start fights when we are going out of town their are a few that I wish I had recorded I know the emotions I have of them and how he had me feel. What he said I don’t remember. With the most recent one he agreed to a divorce and that is my go to when he said or states he is not happy.
Sounds like we were married to the same man, but he left marks when he was drunk.
God’s love and strength for you in the name of Jesus, Amen. ✝️🥰🫂
❤️
I tried POF and every person I met on there had ulterior motives. I did not do typical dates {accepted no meals}, just checking out conversation and habits. Yeah, no. Scary place. I know some people love it, but it was not for me.
The gift he gave you were Social Security widow's benefits (if you weren't divorced) and Social Security benefits for your son. Seems like that was the best he could do.
Yeah, my ex used to jam his thumbs into my eyeballs and drag me around by my hair.
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7:10
Facts Lol
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Not room in my diet for all foods. Just found out I have autoimmune and dairy allergy. No room in my diet for milk, yogurt, cottage cheese, sour cream, cream cheese ...sigh
🫂 I know...
sending you tons of love and hugs!
I understand
Hey you should check out the Sheila Gregior podcast! She is a really good place toget healthy, anti abuse advice! And she points to other people with more experience in DV.
🙏🏻✌🏻💖🤗
I was going to subscribe, but I don’t like the cuss words.
I like to hear you tell a story like this without swearimg
@billiwright39 @suewilson6540 You watched a video of a woman having the incredible courage to tell her story about being abused so that she can help other women break free from their abuse and all you have to comment on was that she swore?!!! Give your head a shake!!! Do you really think she needed you trying to make her feel bad because she didn't live up to YOUR expectations. Move on. 😠🤬
Haha, don’t be bizarre!
I don't cuss either, but this is kinda different.
Oh jeez, grow up and put your big girl pants on.