The Epidemic That Dare Not Speak Its Name | Stephen J Shaw | EP 338
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- čas přidán 19. 05. 2024
- Ep. 338
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Peterson draws upon his extensive research and relatable real-life experiences to illustrate how to develop attainable goals for intimate relationships, meaningful friendships, and your career. Transform the chaotic potential of the future into actuality - with a vision.
Dr. Jordan B Peterson and Stephen J Shaw discuss the Birthgap, a term recently coined by Shaw- and the subject of his new documentary by the same name. In this interview, they examine the long building but invisible causes of what may be the most pressing issue facing the western world in the next few decades. Worst case scenario: total societal collapse due to a lack of new children being born, and a rise in senior citizens living longer.
Stephen is a British national who has studied and lived on three continents. He trained as a computer engineer and data scientist before starting his first film project, “Birthgap,” at age 49. He is president and co-founder of the data analytics company, Autometrics Analytics LLC.
Stephen holds an MBA graduate business degree from ISG in Paris, France, and is continuing his studies at Harvard Extension School.
Dr. Peterson's extensive catalog is available now on DailyWire+: bit.ly/3KrWbS8
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Stephen J Shaw on CZcams: / @birthgap
Twitter: @StephenJShaw / stephenjshaw
- Chapters -
(0:00) Coming up
(1:23) Intro
(2:32) Who is Stephen J Shaw?
(5:11) Noticing the problem
(7:30) Web of small dragons
(9:02) The Birthgap explained
(12:00) Hungary, childlessness
(13:30) Family structure
(16:13) A vast majority want children
(20:07) Involuntary childlessness
(21:00) If emissions are halved tomorrow…
(23:06) Suburban ghost towns
(28:04) A wave of collapses: infrastructure, reality, social security
(30:03) Immigration for population replacement?
(32:36) Culture drain, those left behind
(34:40) Tokyo, 1973 and now
(35:40) Cultural loss of respect for the elderly
(38:51) Making his first documentary film at 49
(41:06) Starting with a question
(42:13) Is the birth control pill a cause?
(44:43) When to pursue family and education
(45:30) The lies we tell young women
(49:00) 1 in 3 by 30 have procreation problems
(50:45) Why you really go to college
(52:40) The fertility window
(55:44) Why aren’t people useless all the time?
(57:03) The connection across borders
(1:00:03) Reaching replacement level
(1:01:22) Demoralized to the point of inaction
(1:05:03) The path to childlessness
(1:07:45) Mate selection and hypergamy
(1:10:40) The time to decide
(1:15:00) The “Population Bomb” was a dud
(1:17:11) We do not live in a petri dish
(1:19:01) From a point of positivity
(1:23:46) The inverted pyramid
(1:26:50) Africa and the cycle of booms
(1:30:29) Hungary, incentivizing reproduction
(1:33:00) The fundamental problem
(1:36:20) Holding motherhood as sacred
(1:38:56) The need for a plan
(1:41:01) Lifelong learning should be a cultural norm
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Growing up and all through college I NEVER thought I'd be a stay at home mom. Six years into working it hit me. Why am I spending all this time trying to please people who would replace me in an instant if I dropped dead? My kids and family are infinitely more important to me than any stupid career I could ever have.
your husband would replace you as soon as you drop dead too
@@Opal5674 hey don't project your relationship problems onto me. He'd wait at least 6 months!
Your husband and kids are infintitely more important than women chasing their careers.
Yes. My mom had 14 kids. Her full-time job!!
This! Your family will mourn you forever, your company will replace you within the week.
As a single childless woman who’s 28, this makes me sick. I feel enormous guilt that I am part of the problem. I am battling personal issues while desperately trying to find marriage and have a family. I wish people would acknowledge that not all single childless women are raging feminists who chose a career over kids, some of us are trying our best but failing anyways
It's not your fault. Your life went how it went. This is an epidemic that's caused by a lot more than career. I don't think people know the cause. I wanted kids my whole life and never had any because of health issues, not because of being a raging feminist. So I feel you. I kinda used the feminist stuff to mask the real reason I didn't have kids, but I never didn't want kids. I didn't have a man worth a damn until I was 31. Life goes how it goes, you can't control that, so please don't take on the guilt of this. It's a big, confusing, complicated problem.
Just want to say that you are not failing. All we are asked to do is our best. Be the best we can...one step at a time. What is the next step that we need to take...
You cannot do more than that. Doesn't make the days walking through the pain any easier BUT it is not your fault.
You're not part of a problem love, you're part of the solution if anything.
@@emmarobertson4174 agree exactly.
As others have said you have no guilt to bare in this, even women who did start out as raging feminists in their youth have no guilt to bare in this if they cannot have children. This is all very much a judgement on our culture, NOT on you personally. My sister wanted to be a mom early on and also cannot have children but she is looking to foster since she cannot afford adoption. Whether we marry or are single, all of us can live to serve others that is what we are all here for. We are made to give our lives for others because we have a God named Jesus Christ who gave Himself for us.
I became a Mom at 18 years old. After that i went to study. Then i had two more children, sadly i got divorced at 30. Got remarried at 32 and became a Mom to my husband kids. So then we had 5 kids altogether. Then our kids grew up and out of the house. Today at 49 we foster and adopted 3 more kids. So all together we have 8 kids. I have been a Mom since 18 years old and i feel that is my gift from God. Blessed to be a Mom ❤
The West has royally screwed itself up
So, biologically 1+2+5 children of your own, and 3 adopted?
@@JackSmith_07 Agreed. Lead the way
@humanfirst11 I read it as 3 were her own biological children, 2 were step children and then 3 adopted.
Beautifully Blessed!
I had five kids, starting with my first born when I was age 23 and had my last baby at 33. Many of the rising generation don't even think about having kids until they are at least 33! I was able to be home with my kids and go to school online for my teaching degree. I worked at a pace that was comfortable for a busy mom. Now I am about to graduate with a Masters degree at 43 years old and my youngest is just about old enough to get himself out the door to school in the mornings. Society will get about 20 years of good, solid work out of me before I retire, and that from a woman who has actually raised children and knows how to teach them and guide them from first hand experience. I'm grateful for this privilege. I know it doesn't work this way for everyone, but for me, it was 100% worth it to make the choice to be a mom first.
I love this it’s a shame that people (me included had my first when I was 29) don’t hear these stories enough your basically just told your life is over if you have a child when you’re young.
I can only read this and feel an unhealthy level of envy and pain. I am glad for you I just am on the edge of a pit of despair. I have wanted children since I came into puberty
@@koy540 I wish you peace of your heart and I hope you are able to find solace in the good LORD no matter the outcome.❤️🩹
That is very admirable, and probably required a lot of courage to achieve. Our society should be thankful for people like you.
Great but to be honest i was too younger at 23 for having babys
I was a teen mom, I hated that I had “ruined” my life. Looking at this makes me realize how lucky I was! I actually had 3 all by the age of 28. You will never regret a child’s love! I went to college in my 30’s and opened my business in my 40’s.
I agree completely. I had my kids young. (3) Now I have a masters degree and run an accounting department. My sister on the other hand waited like she was told... she just got married in her 40s and she is so sad she missed her chance to have kids.... the whole time I "ruined"my life, and she did what she should. It makes me so sad for her.
That's not luck. That's unprotected sex at the peak of fertility with life compensation afterwards. Women have a terrible habit of calling bad decisions GOOD because they came to terms with the outcome. I hope you teach all young women to not do what you did, because you are part of the problem.
@brandtcarroll9316 I think it is nieve to think young people will not make poor decisions while they are young and learning to navigate the world around them. I also wouldn't be quick to call someone who has found meaning in the consequences of their past actions "part of the problem". I think we should encourage everyone spend time in self reflection to learn the lessons, both good and bad, from their own mistakes and not scold them for making them in the first place.
@@staceface1 Learning from a bad decision doesn't make it a good one.
@brandtcarroll9316 I disagree. A poor choices in youth can have good outcomes. What we see as a world ending mistake may just be an unintentional nudge down a path of great fulfillment. It doesn't have to be everyone's idea of a good choice, but for a person who sees a mistake as a blessing, I wouldn't be so quick to shoot them down.
I would say you don't carry the burden of childbearing like a woman does, so how you perceive a life choice is only through the lens of your personal experience. What is right for one may not be right for another. Allow people to make their mistakes and learn the valuable lesson. The alternative is she takes this situation and only sees the bad in it and makes life miserable for herself and the children and that's just another poor choice. Allow room for grace and forgiveness.
I had six children with my husband, raised them as a SAHM on my hard-working husband's blue-collar income, then went back to finish school. I am a nurse. I love my life. I am a grandmother. I have NO regrets. Our life is so blessed.
You’re inspiration ❤
There's no way to raise 6 kids on a single blue collar income these days, at least not 6 happy children with opportunities and extracurricular activities. Maybe 6 who grow up on the bare minimum and all turn out to be below average and with emotional and intellectual inadequacies. Half that mans pay would be going to rent.
@@mac001texas You obviously know nothing about the “blue collar” lifestyle.
@@zarlok5294 you think a truck driver who's home only a 1 day per week in order to make 6 figures to support 7 other people doesn't contribute to the kids having daddy problems? I'm not saying it can't be done healthily, but it's unrealistic for average people to think it's still a good plan. What's the point in having a family if you're not even home with them.
@@mac001texas idk why you assumed the husband is a truck driver, but even we said it is, there are so many things we don't know about his schedule and activities which make the family works.
To say it is unrealistic might be a stretch, but let's say it is hard then what in life comes easy will go easy too.
The point is this situation is doable, at least in this anecdotal evidence, and to know more details on it might give us knowledge on how to do it in that situation.
Even if I end up in a nursing home,I'll forever be grateful to my daughter. She is the reason that motivated me to quit my addictions,to get healthier and to become a more mature and less selfish person. I would be dead by now,and it would've been a really depressing end. At least now I have a hell of a story (both of self growth and love) that nobody nor nothing can take away from me. If I can spend the rest of my days remembering all those moments all alone and sick,I'll die fulfilled. BTW,I used to be a nihilist Buddhist and a nursing home volunteer,pro-abortion and a feminist working for companies that fired employees the day they lost their mothers. Now I take care of my mother(she's always been mentally ill), my mother-in-law(physically debilitated) and my teenage daughter. I found meaning in life dedicating to others,even if there is no reward. That's the point.
We need more human beings like you.
I think the positive growth and character development you're referring to are immediate rewards.
Give all your burdens and weights and good deeds to Christ Jesus.
He is the Rescuer and he will never fail.
We all need forgiveness, even those of us who think we are righteous.
When we are born again we FINALLY understand what life was really all about.
Becoming like our Creator BY HIS MERCY NOT OUR OWN FUTILE TOILINGS.
Your Creator awaits you in this life and the next.
Blessings in Jesus name.
46:15 I am a woman in my 40's with a masters degree and what you would consider a good job in the public domain but I loove the comment you made that we are lied to that career is the most important thing in our lives. Because on the job no one cares about you, you are supposed to work 8 hours a day but a mean boss can give you 16 hrs worth of work and expect you to finish in 8 hours...and it has an effect on your family life and friends. This comment you made made me re-evaluate my priorities. The job was my nr1 priority, and I was ending up isolated and miserable. And I begun to change my ways mainly because of your comments and I already see positive results, like my close relatives who are happy to see me more and we spend very good moments, and surprisingly it has a good effect on my work too!!
Did you have children?
The funny thing is, rabid feminists looked at men who’d get dressed and go to work as if the man is getting some huge fulfillment from being at that job that she’s deprived of. She built jealousy and animosity over it. But she was wrong. He got his fulfilment from providing FOR HER. That’s it. No man loved shoveling poop, he does it because he loves to provide for his family. Feminism truly is toxic and always has been
YOu know who gets to decide what is the most important thing in your life? You. Not a bunch of old men.
I'm 57. I'm raising my first child. She's 5 now. Wife died and it's difficult but I am far happier struggling raising this little girl than I've ever been. Plus having children forces us to pay attention to the world around you. And that changes everything. Turns out paying attention is a profoundly moral act.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m very sorry. You and your daughters bond is probably so strong and nothing will ever come between that. She is lucky to have you and you have her and I’m sure your wife is watching over you two and so proud of the father that you are. You are so right about paying more attention to the world around you when you have a little person to protect and care for. I’m 39, mom of a five year old daughter and this world is just crazy. I pray that I am able to raise her with good morals and faith and also that the world doesn’t corrupt her or hurt her because it’s filled with savages.
I’m sorry for your loss, thank god you have your baby girl! How did your wife die, sorry I’m nosy 😬
I’m sorry you lost your wife Joe. You and your daughter are blessed to have each other, thank you for sharing this 🙏💕
Wow! What a gift you were left with. I can’t imagine losing my spouse. I swear the only way I’d get through it were because of my son. Sending you prayers! Being a single parent is extremely hard, but still very worth it. 💙
As a mom of 8 who stayed home and homeschooled them, I am so grateful this is being discussed. I earned my masters degree while pregnant and ended up returning to work after our youngest was in school full time. Jobs can wait, family can’t….and there’s a reason I’m one of the best at my job. Motherhood creates numerous avenues of wisdom, stamina, toughness and empathy for others.
GO MOM! 💪😊
u r a legend!
Feminism did not lie to you, nor did your school or tertiary system. The average woman can have an education and a career by the time she is 25 to 26. You can have a relationship (or work on developing one) while you study and work, then have babies, and still have the choice of staying at home or going to work, or both. Because feminism is about equity so why not split work and child care 50/50 with the father of your children? After all most men want to be there for those first words, first steps and first day at school too. Why should men just be relegated to earning a pay check and being solely responsible for taking care of the family that way? What happens when you have been a stay-at-home-mum for 10 years and he is injured, disabled or retrenched? Then you need to get a job after years of no experience! and your family struggles? No, push your government to make this easier for parents to do.
This is how the mathematics works for having it all young ladies and gents…..
You usually finish your secondary education age 16-18. You get a degree in 3 years, maybe 4 max, unless you want a PhD or masters, but most careers do not require that, then you work for 3-4 years. At most that brings you to age 26. Young enough to have a family still.
By then you would have met a lot of men/women too and should be able to be in a relationship, if not married. If a young woman starts trying for a family by age 26 she will still be fine, with a degree and several years of work behind her to enable her to help her family if something should happen to the father of her child (unemployment, injury, death, divorce, disability or he just wants to be more involved. 😊
This is not a “feminist lie” or some conspiracy, nobody ever said your eggs aren’t aging, or that it is smart to wait until you are almost 40 to have kids. Heck everyone know 40 is pushing menopause. What women and our allies have always said is that you can have an education and work and be a mother who either works or stays at home, as you wish. Your children will benefit from an educated and work experienced mother, your relationship will benefit from being on equal terms and from you having helped put a nest egg away for your family or having skills that can help if needed.
This is important. I went back for my Ph.D. after giving up my program halfway through back when I was a completely different (and even more intolerable) person. I recovered from bankruptcy and mental health issues. When I thought I was ready for children, my back went out, leaving me crippled and childless with a realization I could have had them far earlier. My wife and I are traditional Christian now, and though she knew there was a chance this could happen, I still feel bad saddling her with this. "Remember your God in the days of your youth," etc.
@@sventer198 Feminism lied to both you and her. The weird thing is, why are you still lying for feminism and trying to take others further into the resulting hell?
My husband is from rural Japan, we went to visit this summer. It's astounding how many businesses were starting to close in that town compared to the last time we went. The young people all left for elsewhere, so the business were closing because there was no one to replace the aging workers. Several houses that i don't recall being abandoned were empty and boarded up. It was interesting to see up close but alarming.
My nephew married a Japanese lady. Living in AUS not JPN !
Having kids is sacrificing short-term comfort for long-term satisfaction and fulfillment. As people become more and more short-sighted shielded and comfort-centered, the fewer people will have kids.
There won’t be a Japan in 100 years with the rate they are going
Japan's issue isn't the birth rate. IT's that they hate immigrants. Birthrates are down all over the industrialized world, and we need immigrants to sustain the economy, or else we will end up like Japan.
@@balazsfoldes4700 Having children is lifelong commitment.Only a man would ever ever call it short term discomfort.
Am 52, an only child raised without extended family and I didn’t know my father until I was 11 which wasn’t his fault and he has been a terrific dad for me. Since I was deprived of the family unit I craved so badly I thought I could make my own family w at least two children, but my biology failed me. At 45 I had a cry session where I mourned the death of my womb that never bore fruit. I did marry a great guy in my late 30s, who has a son and is the light of our lives. To work through my infertility I volunteer for a charity that helps sick and terminally ill children and it reminds me that there are others dealing w worse issues than mine, and helping them and serving others fills me w purpose, and I serve God in the process which is most important. Am grateful we have my stepson, sometimes God gives you want to prayed for in different ways.
Thanks for sharing your story
My heart goes out to you. I'm so touched that you turned this terrible thing into something that pushes you to do good for others and you have stayed grateful. Xxxx
I was brainwashed in college to think that giving up a career to have children and stay at home with them meant you were wasting your talent and were a failure. I am so glad I ultimately became a mother at 34 and chose to stay home. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. The naysayers are wrong.
It's so important that women speak about this. There's an undeserved and foolish stigma against motherhood in our society, which is deeply offensive to women and destructive for society. I'm 25 and unmarried, and like most women, I want a family, but I was not raised in a way that encourages this. I think that women need to speak up and encourage each other by challenging the false narrative that traditional motherhood is something for us to overcome.
We should also not discount the burden that easy access to abortion causes in women. Many women who have had them suffer from depression. Abortion severs the bond between a woman and her own offspring, and when they eventually come to terms with the act, they often feel incapable or undeserving, or worse find the procedure caused a subclinical infection or autoimmune illness that impairs their fertility.
Wjy dont people decide for themselves what is important on life.
Why do they let others tell them wwhat should be important?
I am what others would call an individualist. It entails that an individualist could also be a housewife. You choose not the groups and society.
I have been like that since I was about 8. I mentally checked out of school and church.
'I was brainwashed' letting that happen was the first mistake.
Now I know independent thought at 8 is a rarity so.
@@rosezingleman5007 I agree.
@@thijsjong I wasn’t as adept at critical thinking as I am now. You are correct though.
Thank God this is finally being talked about. I am 38 with no children and very much want to be a mother. I know I still have a few years to make it happen, and I'm hoping I can (within the confines of a loving marriage). But 100% I was lied to my entire school career and through my twenties. I was told that education was the most important. And that getting a job was the only respectable way to live. Stay at home mothers are portrayed as losers or women that couldn't cut it in the real world. I love seeing more and more women of my generation and younger leaving the grind culture, taking their husbands last name, starting small homesteads and homeschooling their children. We don't have to continue to go quietly into that good night as a culture. We can quietly rebel
It might not happen, but let your body do what it was created to do! ❤
OP, would you want family court reform so marriage is a fair deal for men? For so long men have been 'taken to the cleaners'. Responsible good husbands and father's get punished in the family court.
Now men are dropping out of marriage, NOW this is effecting women. Women can't find a responsible suitable husband to marry.
Family court reform is critical, to getting people married again.
@@adamsinger7345 you'd simply have to repeal the two laws that made divorce easy in the 1970s.
I wish you the best of luck. Truly. We have one child and are planning another.
Huge likelihood of genetic mutations. Hard time to get pregnant ( in a woman who at 25-27 can get pregnant from a single try it takes 6 months of trying at 39!). You don't have a few years. Even if you start trying today, most likely you will spend a couole of years and end up with A Down.
38:12 these concepts that a grandmother is a burden to her family is EXTREMELY new to me. When I my great-grandmother died, we made sure she passed with us, her family. We loved having her there. My grandma is 90 and we LOVE having her around. Who else will run up on you with a cooked meal every single day 😂😂😂❤❤❤❤ like “you hungry.” Yes I am 😂❤. My other grandma is in her 70s and she’s a little out there but we will take care of them! It’s a shame someone feeling like a grandma is a burden grandmas are the best !
True sad
About to have my first baby at 24. My husband and I weren't expecting her, but we are both so grateful she exists! I'm grateful she'll get to know her grandparents and great grandparents, and we'll still have a lot of energy to chase her, and hopefully her future siblings, around. I finished college a couple years ago. I worked a decent paying job for four months. It was a miserable four months 😂 much better to help my husband with his business and develop home building skills that none of the other women in my life would teach me. And now I get to raise and homeschool my babies ❤ and teach them our family's history. So grateful we can have babies. Could have just as easily not been able to.
I’m 73. When I was young, I decided to have a family with my husband, he agreed, and we had 5 children. I received a lot of laughter and criticism for this, as this was the beginning of the push in media and colleges to teach women to get educated and go to work. Family, to me, is the reason we are here, besides to live for Jesus. I have never been sorry that I gave up material things to have children that I would have the privilege of loving.
Thank you. I'm under 40 with 6 Littles. I pray for more. We are low income and trust me. We are happy but very hardworking. I am a SAHM and proud. It's not easy but the stupid shit ppl think they need is retarded. We are frugal and our kids have more common sense then kids who attend school. Happy to hear from you. The doubts linger and u always second guess large frugal family.
But my Good God. I love my kids my family is everything ❤️ Thank you Jesus
Its sometimes hard, but never worry what others think. Usually it is just jealously.
The best revenge is living well.
The problem with people who decide to have children to love people is that they don't realise there are already people in the world to love
God bless you Mary
I'm 39 and have a 1 yr old boy. I thought I knew what was important in life, and I thought I knew what made me happy. Come to find out watching my child learning the most mundane tasks has made me the happiest. You have all these grandiose ideas but when I had a child I finally figured out what was truly important. Children are a blessing.
Me too! Same story - my husband and I had a child when I was 40 (we were both in our late 30’s when we married - first marriage for both of us); t never knew what was important until I married and became a mother. Our son: A true blessing from God - truly he has shown me more about God than I to him.
i can only hope I am lucky enough to fallow your foot steps
@T Miner I hope you find a good spouse and create a loving family.
I moved 2300 miles in order to be active in my grandchild's life. Absolutely the best decision I ever made. Enjoy the time. They grow so fast.
Same. I’m 37 and having my first son in two months. Here we go!
I’m so blessed, I started a family at 33 and was able to conceive, carry and give birth easily 4 times up to 42. Don’t recommend it but women getting started at ages like me should remain optimistic, but - do get started!
People are mentioning about hormonal birth control - I don’t know but I tried it for a year or so and didn’t like the emotional swings I experienced, so changed to barrier and NFP methods after that, so maybe that does make a difference.
Too many of my girl friends have had a horrible time conceiving.
What you wrote is exactly WHY there’s a birth rate problem. Women are susceptible to optimistic delusion. This is like a guy saying “hey i won the lotto with just one ticket so there’s hope guys , not everyone needs to go study and get a real job to get ahead”.
Your message isn’t helping, it’s hurting. Your message also isn’t new, it’s the comforting one all women want to hear. It causes women to not rush and think “oh she had 3 kids at 33…I’m 23 so I’ve still got 10 years to worry about this”
Thanks for the encouragement! I had my baby at 33 and would like to have more.
Yes at 14. HURRY
I’ve wanted a family and children my whole life but have struggled to find a man on the same page, who is mature enough and willing to work to provide - a lot of broken promises and let downs in the relationship arena from staying too long with reluctant, self absorbed men. I’m now in my 30s and still waiting and desperately hoping everything pulls together before it’s too late. I’d give up work in a heartbeat to be a loving mother and wife but this generation is so broken and careless and the social support just is not there for many of us. I have no parental support, lack a solid community to rely on and most of my friends are childless and likely will stay that way so I know if I do have kids it will be relatively on my own which makes it so much harder too..
I hope you will succeed. All the luck, wit, courage and endurance to you!
You should maybe consider that you don't need a man to provide. You just need another human being who works full time. That loves you and cares for you and the family. Most men will. You have childcare if you want to continue to work or part-time work. You might need to sacrifice rather than have a man that can support a whole family. I think that's a major issue nowadays. Moreso in the USA. That there's now this expectation that men need to provide monetarily so that the mother can be home full time. When that isn't the only option.
I feel this....I was so lonely at 27 wanting to marry and have kids. I finally met someone at 28 and was married by 29 and pregnant by 30. But the journey to get there is so hard. Finding the right person is very important. For me, faith in Christ and being a Christian made the journey easier as I had a constant community and men who had similar values. Without that community I can imagine how much worse harder it would be!
There are conversations being had between modern mothers and women about the unexpected disillusionment and pain they feel in not being able to stay home and care for their babies and children themselves when they have such a strong and innate desire to do so. This nesting instinct kicks in and the marriage faces ensuing pitfalls once the woman realizes she is expected to work full time as well as being primarily responsible for cooking and keeping a clean and organized home which is not easy at all with young kids, as well as care for and be there for her children and husband , appointments, staying home with sick kids, etc. not to mention the mounting research on the harmful and long lasting psychological effects of daycare and women not being able to be there for their children. What follows is resentment on the wife’s part and she’s not able to enjoy being a mother and if she is able to stay home even for a while there is often resentment on the fathers part who has bought in to capitalistic ideals of career=value and doesn’t respect his wife’s new role as a mother. Most divorces happen because of money and gender roles once kids are in the picture and it’s a new and modern phenomenon as gender roles have become so muddled. Any smart woman with foresight would want a man to be a primary provider for a family especially while the kids are young and it’s not an unreasonable expectation for a woman who wants to raise healthy children in a healthy home and balanced relationship. From a sociological and psychological perspective I would say it’s necessary, especially when you consider the rising mental illness levels in today’s kids and adolescents. This is a very important and missing part of this conversation.
Similar boat to me. I'm trying to tell myself that the future father of my children doesn't need to be perfect, he just needs to be willing to work on our relationship.
My mom quit a six-figure job to be a full-time homeschooling mom. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I truly believed she had wasted her potential. Now I’m 30, married with a toddler and another baby on the way. I’ve been teaching at a university for 10 years and love my job, but I would quit tomorrow to stay home with my kids and tend to my family. I just wish my mom had lived to hear me tell her how much I appreciate the example she set for me. Money matters, but time with your family matters more.
I'm sure she knew one day you would appreciate it ☺️. It's amazing how having your own little ones can change your perspective on things
True, but without having money and being able to pay for all the things you have to pay for, family time wouldn't be as enjoyable and filled with love and happiness, believe me.
You're 30 and you've been teaching at a university for 10 years? So you starting teaching two years after high-school?
I agree 100 percent. ❤
@@friedawells6860 She might have started university at 17 and started working as a professor assistant while still studying.
When I had started having kids at 32, my former employer begged me to stay. I told them “I can come back to work, but I can’t go back to their childhood.” I had three children, the last at 39. I began working from home and now have been self employed the last twenty years. So thankful I decided to turn my life around at 28 and plan to marry and have a family.
Good to know that your employer thinks it's more important for you to do whatever menial job you did was more important then perpetuating the human race.
You mean “ employer”.
May I ask, what type of work did you do from home?
Amen! So happy for you!
You were very smart to do so.
No money, no kids.
When you live from check to check, children are out of the table right away.
Exactly. But I have seen many people claim that this is not true. But it absolutely is, all the people I know with several children are those who have the money.
Our daughter is now 20; I was a stay at home mom when she was young and we really struggled on one paycheck back in the early days. With the soaring inflation we've seen in the last several years there is no way we could afford to do it now. I feel so sorry for 20-somethings right now.
When there is a will, there is a way. With your pessimism, it's best you stay childless.
So pull yourself up by your boot straps and get a reasonable job. Refuse yourself anything other than bare necessities and once you experience some success start looking for a mate. You are the only one who can change your situation and, what is more, you are the only one who has the responsibility to change your situation. Everyone else has their own lives to worry about and if you rely on them to change your situation they will, for the worse, to serve their own interests.
You just pass a burden on to them. Maybe if there are less people, lives will be considered more valuable than the corporations think they are today.
There is definitely another reason for the reduced birthrate. It's happening in China and Korea due to huge stress level young people are experiencing. The same problem is happening or about to happen in Canada too. High living cost, property cost are stopping young people to get married and have kids
But in Asian societies, extended family all pull together and help their young couples. Has this changed ?
@@xxxxxxxxx3944 well, the young in rural areas leave for big cities. Married and have kids there (or not). Meanwhile, the parents and grandparents stay at the rural areas
Genders are at war in canada
Stress?
It’s just industrialization and hyper urbanization that’s tanking birthrates. Those things can fuck up birth rates but not generally uniformly spanning continents. Industrialization has been a disaster on mankind
Thank you for this discussion!
I’m 64 years old. My wife and I married young and were married 42 years before she passed away (two years ago from cancer…the love of my life).
We had 9 children. It was not easy - and my children could certainly list some grievances today. Someone though once asked me why we had brought 9 children into the world. I answered, “Because we lost one.” And that was true, a full-term stillborn with a name that my wife had saved for one of her babies since she was a young girl. At least one other early miscarriage too.
When my wife could no longer fight her cancer and Hospice was called in, the grown children swooped in and rallied around their mother, each according to their gifting, and each in their own way. They tended to her around the clock like a sacred task - as if there was a holy fire they didn’t dare allow to go out. It was devastating beauty.
Today, I have all of those children, spouses, and 12 grandchildren, soon to be 14 of them. It is likely to become exponential before I pass. I’m forever grateful that we allowed this to happen within our marriage and family.
Wow, you have a Great Family.
inspirational - thank you for sharing
What an absolutely beautiful portrait you just painted of your children caring for their mother. Oh! I can almost feel your joy!
This is so beautiful, the way you wrote it ❤
You are a boomer. You lived in a time where an average guy with an average education could get a full time job to support a family. Those days are over now for millennials.
This really resonates with me. My dad always used to say 'you need everything in place before starting a family', then when i met the girl i wanted to marry he changed his mind to 'have kids, you will do what you must to support them' and that was more true
the first advice was to prepare you for the time that the second will come.
.,q
Many peoples delay having children to get that "everything" which in todays unstable world becomes increasingly harder and they miss "starting a family" part because health and fertility will not wait for your degrees and job position and house and car and everything else peoples thinks they should get before making family. You will see most childless peoples working in medicine and other places with high education and experience requirements, the ones who have children and good job usually dumps their children on family members, daycares and don't have close connection with them. Balance is hard to achieve because life is unpredictable, everything have price and affects other areas in life.
Yep just dive in. The demands will become clear and you’ll meet them no matter what
@squidpark the end of your comment is spot on 👌 ❤
As a 26 year old female, most of my friends are older. The oldest friends being in their 40s. I can name maybe 1 friend that has 1 child. I haven't been to a friends wedding before. I know a fair few people in their 20s, 30s and some in 40s. I didn't notice it before, but now i do i think that's strange. The cost of living might play an effect. People may feel stressed,
Learn to be frugal. Money isn't everything
I always thought I did things out of order, and felt great shame about it, but as I age I realize it was likely the best path. I married young at 24 and have two kids. I went to college online to get my degree when I was carrying my youngest, and I'll be done with my Masters in Psychology next year. My son will start school this year, and I am 31. I'll be 42 when my youngest kid graduates high school. As he begins school, I now can focus on a career in my perspective field, but I have these two wonderful humans who inspire me to reach new heights. Out of my 5 closest girlfriends, 3 are childless in their 30's and they are heartbroken over it. Two did not find partners, one got cervical cancer and can no longer. They are "Aunts" to my kids now, and we love them dearly. However, they each have expressed to me their great sadness over it. I think we do women a great disservice when we tell them you MUST go in this order. If you choose a good, solid partner early on, (been together 10 years, married 8) and you, yourself are a good partner, go for it. You can still get an education and raise a family. You can build a family as you build a career. Have your cake and eat it too, do not become a victim to the groupthink of today. Best of luck no matter what you choose.
😂😂😂 your husband will def be cheating soon, good you’re getting an education so you provide for yourself after divorce
@@daniella8400 WHACKO ALERT!
I agree with what you're saying except classifying 24 as getting married young. Much better to get married before 25 and not be so set in your ways.
@daniella8400 What a vicious and evil thing to say to someone.
@@daniella8400Why would you say that her husband was going to cheat soon. That is so cynical not to mention cruel. I would also wonder if you are a little envious.
I got married at 23
My friends begged me to not marry
The teachers and professors I had told me it was foolish (I had been in a relationship with a great guy for two years) and still there was little support for my marriage
I am so glad I had a mom and dad who were eager for me to get married
I am so grateful for my husband
You seem to live in a weird society. Your friends begged you not to marry a great guy you were in a relationship with for two years already? Don't get it. Or is he a narcissist and are you in denial?
Teachers and professors saying the same thing... WHY were they saying that? WHAT were they saying?
This is a massive problem
Lucky you and your husband. Hats off to your parents for giving you the necessary guidance at the critical moment to avoid disaster.
@@gardenjoy5223 Because those friends and teachers are all sjw f€mini$t$ would be my guess.
You made an awesome good choice. 😇💖🙏
I am sure God has blessed you much for it.
I am one of the lucky ones. Married my husband at 43...he was 45. When I asked my doctor what the likelihood of having a baby was...he said 0 percent. I ended up conceiving naturally at 47 and had my son at 48. I had an easy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Afterward many people told me that they had been praying for us to conceive the whole time. God is so generous! I feel so blessed to be a Mom! Thanks for this awesome interview!
Wow... Incredible...
Thank you for sharing your story. Gives me some hope in this bleakness...
An post from a lottery winner is a detriment to suffering men and women.
anything ís possible as long as you never took the pills
@@johnny5896 the point of the podcat is too many people relying on anything is possible.
1 child is still too little
My daughter will be a year old in May. The grief mentioned from being childless is something I empathize with deeply. I knew I wanted children and I had my daughter at 32. Especially now have after having my daughter, I could not imagine a life without her. She is the best thing I’ve ever done. I hope to have more children asap.
Just FYI, not eveyrone has grief from being childless. I am 55 and never felt any grief. It is offensive that these guys are telling me what will make me happy.
I'm getting ready to turn 45 in a few days. I'm a male who's never married or had kids. I've been struggling with regret over this, especially the last several months. The thought of growing old alone is terrifying. But fear is the thing that made me avoid marrying or having kids, even though I wanted both. That being a fear of being dissatisfied, or having a woman becoming dissatisfied with me. My parents are still together and have been married over 50 years, so there's no "instability" in my background. But, yes, there is : an overly critical mother. So I'm going to get help. Wish me luck.
Sir, I am in my early 40s, I have 4 adult children and, I have an extremely critical narcissist mother, but I have kept her away from my marriage, my style of parenting is so different from hers, and I have set strong and firm boundaries in our relationships. And I do not regret not having my mother around my family. We live a very peaceful life. You can set boundaries too.
It’s good you didn’t have kids if you weren’t ready.
You could always adopt at least and encourage your child to have many grandchildren and help them take care of them when they’re ready.
🙏🏾 I’m rooting for you bro ✊🏾
You should adopt!
I'm 29 and we have our first kid here in a matter of days. We got married in December. We lived in a dingey basement when we found out we conceived. I had just finished university - theology and theatre studies ... and started work, grunt level in an office. We had zero plan, little prospects... but as soon as we found out about our child we just transformed. We became ourselves even more deeply. I instantly became ambitious beyond character and got a promotion. We got a new house and place to live. Everything started to come together.... mostly because we stopped intellectualising our lives and started living them. We put God first and ran headlong into the unknown and things have become so much richer and deeper for it.
Do not tune and tune your instrument, while the song remains unsung. Take it easy, but TAKE IT
Congratulations man. Being a parent is brilliant. I wish we'd started sooner!
Thank you and Godbless
Wow and double wow! I think putting God first is important. The first few years of my marriage I was scarred for me, my husband, our baby, our future and did not really believe God cared for insignificant me and provide. Now, 30 years later, we are definitely not rich, but our 2 sons went to university, we are all doing O.K., and God provided (sometimes when least expected and sometimes when we prayed to Him).
Duuuude. That is power!! God bless you and your family! May you be a light unto the world! 🎉
Love this
I started having children at 39, almost missed my opportunity. Thank Goodness I discovered Jordan Peterson in my mid 30s. He told some very uncomfortable truths that irritated me at first, but then they helped me begin to unscrew my head from all the feminist conditioning. I would be childless and without my wonderful husband for sure if I didn't discover Dr Peterson's work. Thank you for all that you do, Jordan 🙏 greetings from New Zealand.
Having children turned me into a feminist, especially having daughters.
I thought, feminism was not necessary any longer until I tried to find work as a single mum and had to tell people I had no idea, where my still-husband was and how to reach him.
As long as women pay for having children by losing money and social standing, there is no reason for women to have children.
@@taminy2051 money and social standing are worth more than children? Wow.
Wow. Your shallow outlook explains a lot. What a sad existence.
@@jbetnar Any relations to Josh Duggar who has been convicted to 12 years in prison for the possession of child p.? If yes, I would absolutely not comment on anything connected in any way to children.
And to your comment: Don’t straw man me. Read my comment carefully and perhaps you’ll understand what my actual opinion is.
@@taminy2051 Choosing a bad husband has only supports 'feminism' in that you as a women were free to make choices regardless of how good or bad they were. Meanwhile no job interview is going to ask where your children's father is so perhaps it's something else in these applications holding you back?
I married early in 1970. Our marriage has survived for 53 years. We had two daughters. By 24 I decided to stop having children. My experience with raising our daughters has been wonderfully fulfilling when they were young and living at home. When they grew up I had devastating Empty Nest Syndrome,resulting in clinical depression and anxiety.
I congratulate all mothers who sacrificed comforts and careers to raise decent human beings.
Why do you congratulate them? Is it good that they didn’t live comfortable lives and never got to self actualize? Please help me understand why we are so encouraged to put ourselves last so that everybody else can benefit?
@@Esme26433it’s actually mutually beneficial.
@@Esme26433Hello Esme. Who said anything about self actualising? I had two children by thirty. Sacrificed comforts to ensure they had every opportunity, music, education, sport, language, travel, and success. Both of my children are scholars, frugal, smart with money, articulate, intelligent and ambitious. Meanwhile, I have healed my childhood trauma, slowly, earned a law degree, run a successful property business, and now have been accepted onto a programme with a FTSE 100 company to be trained in finance. I really can't think how I haven't self actualised. Going forwards, irrespective of wealth,I would continue to practice sacrificing comforts for longer term compounding and financial gain. This is also what these mothers are doing, by investing in their children, over "comforts". It's a shame you are so judgemental, in your ignorance.
@@Esme26433we put ourselves first, so that every one can benefit. Our children are fractals of ourselves, that go into the world. By securing our bloodline,we invest in ourselves. I have enjoyed every second! I have self actualised within that beautiful sacrifice to a complete and whole being, that is unrecognisable to the girl I was. I have been so blessed to watch myself unfold in such a beautiful way. As I grow older, I will reap the wine of gladness for all my toil, as I marvel at my children, and their children, and the "comfort" of the love that was sewn in my "sacrifice" bearing perennial fruits, year after year. What a smart investment, for the "benefit of everyone". You are unable to see with true eyes, who comes first.
In the '60's, as a child I was often asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always answered, "a mom". Through out my life, people ridiculed me for this, but I always knew it's what I wanted. Women's Lib came along and it got more vicious, but I stuck with it. I had a wonderful mother and I always wanted to be like her. Now I'm a grandma and I don't think I've ever been happier.
Well, Women's Lib ... I have this to say. I work for a newspaper and type up obituaries as part of my job. There have been a lot of very inspirational ones saying goodbye to a lifelong homemaker, who did volunteer work, kept her family fed, grew her own garden, maybe had a part time job or took up a full time job as a woman over 40 or more, who left behind several children, more grandchildren and even more great-grandchildren.And, a lot of the people in those families raise the sort of children who go on to have very successful careers. So, no one in their right mind could read those obituaries and say that on the day of her death that woman's life was proved worthless because she didn't wait to have kids for 10 more years or so, or, decide never to have any.
I never wanted kids but glad I had both of them before age 21.
Same here in the 80s
@@arlettasloan6453 What a nasty way to talk about women who didn't have children for whatever reason. Women's lib is a 50 year old term, so guess I'm not suprised. Women's lib is the reason why you have a credit card in your own name and you can own your own home. It's pretty ignorant to bash it while you reap the benefits those women broke their backs to win.
@@arlettasloan6453 ps. I'm not surprised you wrote the nicest oibituaries for the woman who lived in your approved manner and turned your nose up at the others.
As a 35 year old, unplanned childless woman myself, I often hide behind the lie that this is by choice. It’s easier to say that then have this conversation. Thank you JP for having this conversation.
Freeze your eggs asap if you can...and becoming a Choice Mom is always an option. Be super honest with yourself about what you really want...but get it on girl. 🌟❤️🙏 best of luck!!!
Selfish.
Children turn out better when there are two parents. Look at the inner cities.
@@lisareiter5368
Yes but it’s about WHAT I WANT. not what children need.
@@summerrose5886
Women should not be commercializing and commodifying their bodies (and children) in this way. It is an act of evil. It’s a misuse of our technology that can be used to do good, not manufacturing trophy and fatherless children
Hyperghamy
I have a childless friend who is approaching 70. I’m 5 years ahead and can see her future when she becomes ill or injured in the future and my heart breaks for her. After watching this lecture, I’m going to have a ”come to Jesus” conversation with my one grandchild (24) who is sluffing off in his education. He doesn’t see what’s coming, but this Gramma is gonna kick him in the butt next weekend!!
Even if she had kids there is no guarantee your kids will help you in old age. Our society doesn't have strict norms about helping elderly parents anymore. The opposite is true. For instance, due to how I was and am treated by my father, I will abandon him after I leave home. He doesn't know this. I don't mind if he writes me out of the will and leaves nothing to me. He doesn't deserve to be in my life as he has been a bully for 30 years, EVEN THOUGH he has allowed me to remain in my parents house while going to school. I simply do not care. I feel no obligation of loyalty to him.
@@llIlIlllIIForreal, idk why people act like all of us have an obligation to “care for our parents when they’re old” lol if you acted like a piece of shit my whole life why the fuck should I have to take care of you? Sounds like a bunch of narcissistic people in the comments. Ridiculous.
I bet he was pressured to pursue his education by the rest of his family. The rest of the family you helped raise. Pressure from grandparents probably won't help. Will you be around to help babysit?
Not everyone wants children...why do people seem to forget this...?!
I am 43 and childless. I am in the category of those people who never wanted to become a parent and never changed their minds through adult life. Not even when my husband asked me to have children and I confess we also tried to. I didn't want to cause him grief and substantially surrendered to his desire. Children did not come. And I must say this was a relief for me. I have been often questioning myself about this, and I came to the conclusion that this must be a sort of personal feature like my brown eyes 🤷🏻♀️ despite this I am very Happy my closest friends both had three children, so that I feel less "guilty" for not having had mine. It sounds like someone else paid the price of the reproduction "duty".
I am a happily childless woman in her forties who works as a foster carer and in children's social services. I wish more people chose to foster and adopt but I also wish families had more support to keep their children. I see single mothers at breaking point every day at work. We all need to support the families in our communities.
I hope you are happily not able to find a doctor when your older rotting in your hospital bed.
Maybe they shouldn’t have become single mothers.
@@BrianReplies who should? I'm confused
@@BrianReplies if you meant "shouldn't" have become single mothers. None of the women I currently work with chose to be single mothers. Most were abandoned by their husbands or their partners ended up in prison or they were victims of domestic violence.
@@sundayafternoontea that seems to often be the excuse. But they were the ones who PICKED…those men. They were not assigned them by their parents in an arranged marriage. Women are not stupid. They know when they are dating a “bad boy”. And they know when they are dating the kind of man that likely will do those kinds of things to them….or not.
So they knew. Yet they chose those men anyway. It’s like joining the infantry in the time of war. You know the risk. You really do. So if you end up with your legs blown off you can’t look left and right and be like “It wasn’t my fault! I had NO idea this might happen!” You know you could get your legs blown off when you signed up for the infantry…and you knew it was much more likely that you would than if you had signed up to be a radio operator. Same with women. They know. And so they are not devoid of responsibility. Choose the right kind of man. And if you refuse to…don’t expect the rest of us to act as if you are a victim who had “no idea” that you could end up like this as a single mother.
Inflation, poverty, runaway housing costs, record low wages, I'm not bringing a child into a world where so many people are struggling with no hope in sight. If I can't afford it I'm not doing it. It sucks but it's the responsible thing to do. I think a lot of people are thinking the same way in that regard, no one wants to feel they intentionally brought a child into an existence where they can't have their best chance. A lot of us feel we've been robbed of ours.
We are basically tax cattle, bringing a child into that is cruel.
Poor people have 5+ children
@@chrisklaeffling1 Good for them, I'm middle class 😂
@thegurlwiththeliontattoo That's funny🤣. I wanted to mention that people in non-Western countries have a lot of children even though they don't have a high disposable income. I am upper middle class and don't have children 🙃
Yes, unplanned parenthood is unbelievable in this rapidly declining world.
37:19
I love my grandparents. They played such an incredibly significant role in my life.
My father's parents live/-d (my grandpa had passed since) right nextdoor in their own house on the same property.
My parents were both working, so after school I would stay with my grandparents for most of the afternoon. I ate lunch with them, watched TV with them or worked in the garden with my grandpa.
I would even say that my grandfather was a more important and influential male role model for me than my father.
Edit:
When I have children of my own some day I itend to let them stay with my parents (their grandparents) as well. It is a great arrangement for everyone involved. The children are taken care of by a loving family member, the parents can work and have some degree of freedom and the grandparents feel needed and have family contact. 👍
You could have been describing my childhood. Even down to our house being on what had been part of my grandparents farm. My grandparents often picked me up from school. My mother was a nurse and often worked nights, in which case we slept in our grandparents house. Whilst typing this I am babysitting grandkids. Best of luck in your pursuit of your own family.
The nuclear family is lionised in the West, whereas it is the extended family which is the best vehicle.
Yes, grandparents can make quite a difference! My parents had 5 kids and fought constantly. Our household was full of strife and chaotic. My grandmother was such a stable figure in my life. She showed us grandkids what order looked like, being truly nurtured, stability, selflessness, I can go on. I often wonder who I’d be if she hadn’t been in my life.
It wasnt planned for me. I was 30 years old and in the military when my Italian wife died of cancer. It hit me hard, and it took 5 years just to get back in the market. Then I was yanked overseas by a couple of wars. Found myself 40 years old before I knew it. Went back to school and finished a Ph.D., Met a woman, married and helped to raise her two daughters. I think I did a pretty good job, but when we divorced, I lost all contact. Fair enough. I'm not 'really' their dad, so I never hear from them now. I wont lie. That hurts alot, but OK. My mom's gone, and I take care of my brother, who's now dying of dementia, so I find myself alone at 56. Ive never been in any trouble or cheated on anyone, and have a fistful of degrees and a great career, but I work from home and Im about as alone as I can get. Worse still, I've grown comfortable with it, and have become socially awkward because of it. I'm past having kids of my own at this age, but I really, REALLY wanted them. I never dreamed I'd be childless. It just 'happened' I feel like a success and a failure at the same time.
You'll always be a part of your step-daughters' childhood memories, either they want it or not. Also, as a man, age is not as important for having kids as it is for a woman. So, go out, be yourself, enjoy life!
@@LS-lq1pc Thanks. I do what I can when Im not occupied with my brother's deteriorating mental state. Im into RC cars, amateur astronomy, and I'm also a private pilot and fly on the weekends. I may have sounded like I'm horfibly depressed, but I'm not. Never-the-less, I appreciate it! Cheers!
Man this one hit hard. Sending some love your way my friend. I'll be your friend, I'll go to lunch with you. I don't give a shit if you're awkward, we all are! And I'm sure it's more internal than how the other person feels.
@ Darin Nunyah you can still have children if you want to. Men don’t have the same time limits on becoming a parent. As with anything, the thing that limits us most is our own thinking. If you can afford children and you want them, you should go for it! Celebrity men such as Rod Stewart, Kenny Rodger’s and so many others had children way older than that. Many non famous older men too. 56 is not too old for you to have children. You are choosing to be childless at this point, unless your health is prohibitive.
It's OK, brother. Remember the blessings and the good times. And make more! You're not that old yet!
I’m so glad I found Jordan Peterson before I accidentally got pregnant at 33. He was the only reason I didn’t think twice about keeping him. He’s just turned 1 and it was the best decision I’ve ever made💕 Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart x
How did Jordan Peterson helped you keep your baby? ❤
I think many young people get "pushed" toward abortion bc it seems to be convenient for daily life. But, oh,-- the beauty of Children is love and learning to put the needs of another ahead of one's self. When I had a medical emergency, They saved my life, but There went my hope for parenthood. Then the other doctor congratulated me on being sterilized...but my heart was breaking inside me.
Powerful🙌🏾
:)
@@donnajohnson3334 SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT!!!
I'm nearly 35, female, and have nothing really. No husband, no kids and a low-paying office job that is neither fulfilling nor has prospects. I ask myself what went wrong all the time...But I don't really know. Yes, I stayed in a bad relationship with a cruel man for 12 years so that didn't help...but other than that, I know a LOT of peers in my age-group who are similarly stunted, stuck or stagnant in life. I still feel young but I know I'm running out of time to have the family I want. I think I have always been waiting for something but I have never known what.
So Many Men nowadays waste women’s time. For years and years. Often for the entirety of their most reproductive years.
I never forgive the men I know who do this. Never. And I’ve seen several. One guy even planned to marry the woman! Planned a wedding that got cancelled for Covid.
Welp…that was years ago. They’re 35 and 40 now…no child to be shown for it. They live with HER parents.
It’s sick,
Do you believe in God and prayer? If you didn't until now I would suggest you to be open to it, buy a bible read the book of Genesis and Proverbs in the old testament and pray this simple way : God I heard of you but never really knew you or believe in you. Today i open my heart and mind to you as I want to be in your presence and find out my identity and life purpose in you. Forgive me for all my sins and my family sins. Fill me up with your holy spirit and lead me in your way, Amen. I guarantee you that you won't feel lost or confuse anymore about your plan and God can and will give you the desire of your heart when it comes to your private life if you believe in him🙏🏾
Get over yourself and give normal men a chance in dating.
Why did you stay?
Some guys are strange
Dr Lennox positively glows with interest, intellect and enthusiasm. Another extraordinary man. Thanks for this!
I'm 72 years old, my wife and I tried to start our family in our mid 30's and were devastated to find that both of us are sterile. It's heartbreaking to see your future generations ripped away from you in an instant and you go through the grieving process in much the same way as when you actually lose a child although I think that would be even worse.
It still hurts when we see neglected or abused kids roaming the streets or see parents who simply don't seem to care.
Life is tough, it takes no prisoners, carpe diem, our future in this world is our children and grand children.
and I'm so sorry that happened to you, but ...
So did you take any of those abused or neglected children in that you saw wandering the streets?
I'm going through a similar struggle. Why did you choose not to adopt? It was a long time ago, was it harder/weirder back then?
@@shaec3405 What a stupid comment. The man can feel sad others don't take care of their kids without being judged for not adopting.
@@Raygun9000 many people are narcissistic and only care about their own genetics, even if they are religious.
@@ruthpower4892 I wouldn't call it narcissism. It's more a genetic imperative, like having children in the first place. When you adopt there is the risk of greater divergence in intelligence and character, but also past trauma and even genetic diseases.
This is what happens when it becomes so difficult to start a family. Housing prices, career difficulties, cost of childcare, estrangement between the sexes, and not starting "adult" life until halfway through prime childbearing years
Yep. Wife and I just had our first child. Also our last due to our age. We wanted to have more earlier, but it just wasn't doable.
@@SolarJakee that probably has to do with a lack of contraception.
If you wait till you think you can practically afford a child you will never have one.
If you have one you will always find a way to make sure you have enough to provide that's how virtually everyone has done it up until the last decade.
If you actually sit down and add up how much it will cost to have a child you will scare yourself to the point of never having any. Just have kids if you want them life will find a way to provide.
I'm 50 and plan on starting a family soon can I afford it? Technically no way! But still going ahead with it.
Housing prices and the prices of life will not be much of an issue compared to the lack of women worth the risk of marriage. Please consider more then half those women are of the leftist mindset. Conservatives will need to raise their children correctly.
Ivanka Trump has spoken about this. Maybe that's why her dad wants to build 10 new cities, with reasonable house prices.
"You jump into the abyss with your wife holding hands". That's such a beautiful way of putting it. ❤
I decided to not have any children because of how hateful and disgusting other mothers were. I don't put those life events on myself, but on the mothers who towered over me and put me down as if I was stupid for not wanting the responsibility of a child. The mothers I worked with bullied me for years, put me down for taking peaceful vacations with my boyfriend and taking adult only flights so that I wouldn't have to deal with kids crying and/or screaming during the entire flight. So...I don't blame myself for not wanting to take on a child or children, I blame the countless mothers that rode on some invisible high horse that actively put down anyone else who wasn't a mother.
Edited in: They also try to not pay us a living wage but want us to have children. How can you expect someone to have a child without means of taking care of them? This is another concern that I see a lot of women go through (I help out at public kitchens and homeless shelters) and child hunger is the number one issue I see. I will not contribute to that statistic. Lets fix our economy, food waste, and careers and THEN lets talk about starting families.
Your videos are absolutely indispensable as a counter- narrative to popular media.
Thank you, Dr. Peterson.
The crazy thing is that popular media have a stranglehold on the populus-whilst simultaneously walking in lockstep behind the same narrative.
The Media is the Virus
Unfortunately, he's become the flip side of the same coin.
@@cathibeban5696 I think Jordan is dead wrong on most of this topic, starting with the incels and all the way through societal intervention as a possible resolution of this problem. All you need to do to make this problem worse is keep laying this defeat at the feet of society and men whereas in reality where it belongs is at the feet of women and their choices. You know what's not easy Jordan? Living your entire life alone and deprived coping with video games and whatever distractions you have available at hand. Women have screwed around and now they're finding out, plain and simple. Men don't want them and they're not going out of their way to become single mothers on purpose, bar some who might. What you're seeing here is an exclusion of women from the reproductive market through their own poor life choices. While a lot of men currently abstaining from family life might want children in principle, the pool of available women is simply trash, and they're not taking a terrible second pillar of a happy life just to reproduce, they're not THAT stupid.
@@supme7558 Is that supposed to be an insult? Cause I'm not concerned about your opinion.
As a woman whose 29 in the UK with four children I have done exactly this I always wanted to prioritise having my family before I started my career, and I’m now a mature student midwife who will have the career I want and the family I always wanted. This has been an eye opening podcast
We need younger women to hear stories like these. I'm in my mid-forties, and was always on the school-uni-career track and almost missed meeting someone and starting a family. Luckily it happened for me (albeit with having to use IVF), but if I'd concentrated more on meeting a suitable partner, then career, things might have been easier.
@Chelsea Forest Brava. Well done. So refreshing to see that there's still a few women out there who've not swallowed the sjw poison. All the Best to you and your family 👍
Yes I am 26 with 3 kids. I’ have a good job as a phlebotomist and plan to get my lab tech cert. I enjoy work and knowing I am capable but I truly feel being a mom is my best accomplishment.
TIME TO TIE THE TUBES HORN DOG 🤬🤬!!
@@Dreamsyouvageulyrember Of course it is.
My husband and I were together nearly 20 years. We had thought of babies many times. We had not prevented pregnancy but also never conceived over all those years. We assumed a family just wasn’t in our cards. I was fine with it. We were late to the party in terms of our political leanings, and only saw the reality of the disgust coming from the left about 8 years ago.
When Covid happened, my world changed. I was the happiest of ever been. It was the longest amount of time I’d had off from working ever. The government was sending us enough money to not feel a pinch. The world was slowed and my days were free to garden and walk. I got pregnant 3 weeks later. The body knows when the mind is at peace and truly happy.
If I could do it all again I’d love to have a big family with many babies. But we’re too old.
This topic is tough. There’s no perfect time. It’s one of those things that you realize after the fact. Joining the mothers club. It’s a whole different world, and you just don’t know until you know. ❤
I was a young mom in 1998 and had my 7th living child in 2015. Throughout my career as a stay@-🏠 mom, I have heard so many snarky remarks about my chosen lifestyle.
After all of these years, *finally* society is appreciating the craft of a mother loving and raising her children whilst supporting her children’s father in his roles!
God Bless you. My mom had 9 and her career was also a stay at home mom. 🙏✝
If you can afford it, and you can find a man who is sane, normal and decent, why not have seven kids? Most women end up with violent porn addicted cheating horrible men, and they tend to get divorced before they have kids . That's how life is. It isn't women's fault, but women are blamed.
I only had four. I was even asked once by an old lady as we exited a restaurant.." was i stupid ot Catholic?" I just laughed at her. What else should i have done.. i wasn't making a scene in front of my children. I stayed at home and homeschool d for several years. Do t regret one day of it.
How awesome that you chose to build your home instead of allow the snark to put a spanner in the works. I'm due to have number 6 today. He is not ready to come out yet, but soon hopefully. God bless you and yours.
@@lwedel3361 CONGRATULATIONS 💐
Coming from a family of seven siblings I'm ever so grateful for all my brothers and sisters. One piece of advice I'd give is please do not chastise those couples who decide to have more than three or four children. I've had friends who take criticism from friends and loved ones when they announce a fifth or sixth pregnancy. Be happy for them, congratulate them! Unless they are on the dole and can't support their large family, we owe them a smile and all the support we can muster. Or if you can't shut your mouth.
Amen
Thank you! We have a large family for our age and people usually express surprise and assume our life is difficult, "You have your hands full!" I think the only stranger who stopped me to compliment our large family was a cleric in a grocery store.
Our life may be quite busy, but full of joy and fun. Never a dull moment!
@@eurekahope5310 That's fantastic. Good on you!!
They are so blessed as well with fertility!
Psalm 127:3-5❤
These are very valuable rules for anybody who wants to get rich. Unfortunately, most people who will watch this video will not really be able to apply the principles. We may not want to admit, but as Warren Buffett once said, investing is like any other profession-- it requires a certain level of expertise. No surprise that some people are losing a lot of money in the bear market, while others are making hundreds of thousands in profit. I just don't know how they do it. I have about $89k now to put in the market.
Understanding personal finances and investing will most likely lead to greater financial independence. By being knowledgeable about money and investing, individuals can make informed decisions about how to save, spend, and invest their money. I know someone who made over $350k in this recession influenced market, but to the best of my knowledge, it was through a financial advisor.
Yeah, financial advisors could make a lot of difference, particularly in a market such as this. Stocks are pretty unstable at the moment, but if you do the right math, you should be just fine. Bloomberg and other finance media have been recording cases of folks gaining over 250k just in a matter of weeks/couple months, so I think there are a lot of wealth transfer in this downtime if you know where to look. I have been using an FA since 2019, and I return at least $21k ROI, and this does not include capital gain.
@@martingiavarini Would you mind telling me how to contact this specific coach using their service? You seem to have the solution, as opposed to the rest of us.
I really don't like making such recommendations, because everybody's situation is unique. But there are many freelance wealth managers you could check out. I have been working with “Catherine Morrison Evans” for about four years now, and she's really, really good. If she meets your discretion, then you could go ahead with her. I endorse her.
@@martingiavarini Thanks for sharing this. I did my own little research, and your advisor looks advanced and experienced. I wrote her and dialed her twice but she didn't pick up so I scheduled a phone call.
I had 2 children by 25, best decision I every made, I was full of energy and naive enough not to overthink. At 46 I have a grandchild, and although I don't see her often due to distance I enjoy every second I do see her. I'm still married to their father and have successfully carved a modest career in a job I love. Honestly ladies if you can don't wait, have children at least 2. It's not easy but with a supportive partner and some compromise it is well worth it.
The world is scary place at the moment but children provide hope and we all need that
Mother of 4. Married for 14 years. I homeschool and I stay home. ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS!!!! My husband and I are greatful to God for enlightening us as to our roles, teamwork and why HIS design just works
Amen. With rare exception, He created women to be caretakers and men to be providers. While not legalisticly binding, the Natural Law, when followed, creates joy and prosperity. Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
@@asonofAbba2 amén brother
YOU are such a braggart, having no regard for Childless women voicing their regret. AT LEAST, offer some words of wisdom otherwise you are NO Child of God but a hypocrite.
I have 3 kids with my husband which I’ve been together since we were 20. I’ve heard a lot of times that we are “just lucky” but nobody sees how much work and effort we put to our relationship, what we’ve been through together. Having a great life with great family is not a question of luck, it’s the effort and responsibility and a lot of therapy as well in our case.
My wife and I had our first when she was 20 and I was 26. Not at all planned but they are a joy. As you said it’s hard work but it’s worth it. In our instance we conceived her three months before our wedding. Sometimes unexpected things happening is best, there is no “best time” for having kids.
I married at 20, together 14y now. Three kids. A rock solid marriage and family life. 100% it takes EFFORT and work. It's a decision every day.
@@11-AisexualsforGod-11 GROW UP.
That's so wonderful to hear how things worked out for people.
Been tough for some. One good friend, never met the right guy, older, still working, and childless now. Goddaughters were the joy, but the ones who will most likely have children probably won't speak to her again. (Soap opera story). Friends moved away, one extended family 2,000 miles away. It's very rough. She is very lonely, and heartbroken. Doesn't really know what to do.
Same here. 4th on the way. It takes a religious-like dedication and purpose.
I had my first at 27, and wish I hadn’t waited so long. I was married at 19, and we wanted to wait until we were more established, but I wish we would have welcomed this joy into our lives earlier, even if it would’ve been harder. Hopeful to have our second soon 🙏🏻
I am 38 and have been slaving away, all work, no play, seriously - zero play - since 23 - with the goal of creating a space where a female would find me worthy. Females of our culture are more choosy than bowerbirds, finally, at 38, women are seeing that I have something to offer, but I've wept many times over the fact that I probably won't have children. I started out life poor, became a carpenter, decided at 33 that women simply aren't interested in dating carpenters, went to school to become an engineer, and will graduate this spring. I'm a good looking emotionally stable man, but women in our culture are damned near impossible to date. They expect you to have already made it, building a life together is a foreign concept - literally a foreign concept. I recently went to Mexico and had women swooning over me, women who want to fulfill a traditional role in a relationship. I'm now dating a Penelope Cruz look alike, who wants nothing but to love on me and keep me full... We need to talk about how women in our culture are perhaps the dominant root cause of the problem.
I've rented rooms out in my house to dozens of men over the years who have completely given up on dating. Some have told me they wanted families but gave up. All of these men waste their lives away playing video games. Part of the problem? Absolutely. I look at their lack of trying with disgust, but it's time we talk about the hypergamous role women play. My sister who's a nurse, making 6 figures a year, fervently post's suggestive photos on Instagram, and wonders why she can't find a "good man."
I tried really hard to be a good male suiter, but I simply have never been able to find a decent women. Of course prostitution or sleeping around is always an option, but those avenues have always seemed too repulsive and disgusting to me. I would rather be alone that be in promiscuous or perverse relationships. It is difficult to find a good woman. What is worse, is seeing some of the most depraved people imaginable seem to get all the feminine attention. I really struggle to understand the reasoning behind that behavior. Men who have a long record of violent abuse have women at their beckoning call whilst upright decent hard working men are ignored. To the detriment of women themselves I might add. Very strange behavior indeed.
I am 63 and was a stay at home mother in the UK. I was looked down on and often felt that I was was a free loader on my husband. He always reassured me that I wasn’t. I wish I had had more self confidence as a younger woman, but I now feel extremely privileged to have had this life of being a full time wife and mother.
I have four kids then remarried to someone who also had custody of 4, so together we have a crazy troop of 8. I know exactly what you mean about the looks and the judgment. Any time we go out together on vacations or out to dinner is stares and mutterings. It's hard to not get angry and defensive. I find peace in knowing that my kids are loved and that they love me and when I get old I'll have all the love to get me through my final years.
Never ever feel like that, us men love to provide, it's at the core of our being.
Blame your goverment
And the way they treat people
Women have a battle either side of this subject, damned if you have children young, & damned if you wait till later.
I believe that it boils down to how our culture 'Values' women, either striving to be a forever desirable, young, sex kitten, or an educated independent career woman. Driven by the Government/ Society, pressuring people to contribute to the economy, valued above forming stable relationships & families. Profits over people. SAHW are 'looked down on', taking the 'easy way out, not 'contributing', dull, uneducated, bored, unfulfilled. Single working women, are 'looked down on', for being unable to find or keep a male partner happy, too choosy, too greedy, selfishly not having babies. In truth, there is a choice, or do both, 'you can have it all', but this option is a struggle even with a loyal contributing partner. I believe, you must give it a lot of deep personal thought, decide what is 'right for you', & take the necessary actions to achieve it. Society must be supportive of your choice, & there's no guarantee you will feel the same in 20yrs time, so open discussion & consideration must be part of adolescent, & adult education.
@@francesbrennan5160 it dont value them much
Does it even down to the so called justice system
The violator has an easier time its disturbing
I'm a married 31yr old woman. I fell victim to the anti family movements and the beginnings of hook up culture in my early twenties. Then I moved to an island for 10 years and saw strong family dynamics outside of mainland US..... And I met my husband. We had our daughter in 2019, but she passed away from umbilical cord issues during birth. Then I had a miscarriage, and now we are trying again.
The family is so important to all aspects of our culture, present and future. I love these discussions and am so grateful for intelligent people like these two men sharing knowledge with us all.
I wish you the best of luck. Remember, that you got two little angels by your side to help you.
Thank you
I'm praying for you. May you be blessed with many children and peace in your home ❤️👼❤️
Adoption isn't always y
"fell victim" lol. No one forced you. You made a conscious decision.
As an academic myself I see a lot of people of both genders postponing their personal life for the sake of their careers. I'm in Computer Science, so the people are mostly male.
Involuntary childlessness is definitely a topic worth discussing so I applaud Dr. Peterson for approaching this subject in a sensible way, however, I do argue a heavier weight should be placed on male responsibility.
The reality is that in today's environment you need a family as well as a career (or at least a job). One of those things is mostly in your own control (i.e. the work). The other (family) depends on so many factors that there's really not much you can do other than go about it with awareness and intent, hoping for the best.
This dialogue focuses a lot on women's choices, pickiness and eventual infertility.
What needs to happen more is discuss men's responsibility in all this. A large percentage of men have high standards, commitment issues, a large degree of immaturity and, worst of all, they're not being properly informed of how their own fertility drops after the age of 40.
This dialogue places a huge burden on women, because society has traditionally been placing a lot of the burden on women. Society has been telling women they have a "biological clock" for ages, making it seem like they need to choose quickly between a career and a family, whereas men are given the incorrect impression they have all the time in the world.
Consider the way this dialogue went, saying 30 year old men can simply choose 25 year old women, leaving 30 women their own age in the lurch. Sure, they might, except 25 year old women might not be ready to settle down or have kids just yet. And then, it figures, maybe 40 year old men can go for 30 year old women? Sure, but then they'd best be damn successful and well put together to attract women that much younger.
And then, with a man 10 years older than the woman, how likely is that couple to be infertile due to male infertility?
According to Google: "Overall, one-third of infertility cases are caused by male reproductive issues, one-third by female reproductive issues, and one-third by both male and female reproductive issues or by unknown factors."
So the men are just as responsible as the women for infertility issues. Yet, no one is yelling at them "you, sir, have your own biological clock. If you'd like to be a father, stop dawdling and pick someone!"
@Dr. Peterson, your male audience needs to hear this and they need to get their head out of their collective assess and stop wasting women's time with idiotic notions like "I'm not ready yet", "I need more time", "marriage might not be for me", "let's move in together to see how we work out", and "with the right woman I might be persuaded to have children".
Men's window of time might be wider than women's (maybe until late 30s, very early 40s), but in that time they need to also have achieved a significant deal in terms of career, finance and personal responsibility.
Imagine a 40 year old man married to a 33 year old woman. He has a good career, she has a decent job. A conservative's dream pairing, I guess? They just had a baby and are aiming to have a second. In the US, they might each get a bit of parental leave (if they're lucky). In Canada, she'll likely have a year and a job to get back to. The majority of her post-tax salary (if she'll even be able to hold a job with an infant and a toddler), will go toward daycare and household help. Or she'll choose to stay at home. Any way you slice it, the burden to be the main provider will be on him. And he'll need to step in when it comes to raising the kids, even if she stays at home, as no one can spend 100% of their time minding children when there are other things to be done about the house.
How many men are prepared for this?
👏👏👏👏👏 exactly!
If society wants women to have children earlier - which i agree is a good goal - then society needs to find ways to have men in stable careers in their 20s, as well as make these men family oriented. You look at data from the 1800s when women married at 20 - they were marrying 22 year old men and that's the part no one ever talks about!
I am a 73YO white male. I am 6'5" and I have always been a big person. I might have been good at sports had I cared to participate. I went to an all boys catholic school. When I was young I was very shy and not very confident. I did have a few dates in high school and college but absolutely no serious long term relationships. I wanted to be a teacher but that did not happen. I did not know what to do. I went into the air force and I had a good experience and I grew a lot. When I go out I wanted to get married. I prayed to God to send me someone to love and who will love me. I met my wife, who had a child from a previous marriage, and who is 7 years older-I was 29 and she was 36. We have been married for over 45 years. I had very low paternity desire. We did not have a child. I have no regrets. I do not regard myself as particularly selfish or self centered.
I married my husband when I was 20 years old, he was 22. We were both in college. We had our 1st child after 2 years of marriage. We had 4 more! I quit school and became a stay at home Mom. BEST decision of my life! We have been married 32 years and now have 4 grandchildren. Society has over corrected and women are more confused, unhappy and alone than ever! There needs to be more discussion on how women really find something divine within themselves in motherhood and family life. There is no substitute.
God bless you sister. 🙏🏼
Not only women, men are also more confused, unhappy and alone than ever.
@@elisabethm.deboer9597 Speak for yourself. I am alone, never married, no children. The majority of African American men are single (54%), childless and not broke despite what Black women keep saying. That is why many of us are turning to interracial marriage as a solution. Fine by me I haven't dated a BW in a very long time. Nobody talks more trash about Black men than Black women. Not to mention they want us to fix problems we didn't cause.
I married straight from highschool at 17, and now have six grandkids. I found part time university study a great hobby whilst caring for babies. Most of it could be done at home, and I had zero complaints for bringing kids to lectures with me. In my country though, it's unusual to live on campus, we just go to the local one, and mature aged students are common. During school holidays the university would organise activities for school aged kids, recognising many students had them. I think if more countries adopted these ideas, it would encourage young couples to have children.
@@dj4monie Yeah man but the Majority of black moms are also have no partner. You what I mean...
My wife and I raised 7 incredible children. There was NEVER a “perfect” time and we never really could “afford” children.
However, the sacrifices we made, created a more meaningful life. “…But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”
We passed down clothes, we made some, grew our own food, bought more affordable foods, we never went to a mall, and only 2-3 times took all our children to an amusement park.
We played boards games, took hikes together and worked outdoors. My children helped with our babies/ little ones. I think you get the picture. It was a life most people dream of. All the stinking money in the world could not have brought the happiness my family brought me.
I thank God my wife was a homemaker first, worked part time second. I worked several jobs but spent every possible off hour with my family. It can be done, it depends on one’s priorities!
I used to dream of being a multi millionaire and that would fund my desired big-as-possible family.
As I've gotten older and accepted that's incredibly unlikely it looks like the route you've taken will be similar to what I will do.
I hear many nurses at work, making close to six figures, if not more, talk about how they miss their kids when they're at work but can't afford to quit and just live off their husbands salary.
At some point you can have a lot of money or the family or a lot of time but you can't have a ton of all three.
If you can get some of each then that's a blessing.
Just to say your story inspired me.
Your story is my husband’s and my story of our family. We have been greatly blessed.
@@mazsroy9 - I wouldn’t trade my family life for a billion dollars!!
@@vincer7824 - Thank you. Your post contains much wisdom!
@@tompal154 - that’s beautifully written, you described it perfectly!!
I'm 35 mother of two little ones (2&4) in a loving marriage, but we both have to work in order to maintain the life we want for our kids. Not a day goes by that I don't suffer from mom guilt for not being able to spend more time with them. Then me wanting so badly to have another baby but I can't handle doing it on my own. Stay at home moms are no joke. It takes a village. I'd love to go back to Mom's taking care of the kids and home and having a community around them to help. Nowadays, you're juggling all of it, practically on your own with your partner's help when they can, and working full time. It's so stressful. I can't imagine trying to pull it off as a single mom.
We have two boys 3 and 1- I can relate. Fortunately we bought a home near my wife’s parents and my mom visits 4-5 months per year. It takes a village when both parents have to work. We wouldn’t make it without them.
I'm in the same boat. I feel so guilty for missing these years with my son but I want him to have as many paths open to him as possible and money keeps food on the table and can open doors. I also am anticipating having to support my aging parents and childless aunt and uncle financially in a few years. Not to mention, I don't want my son to have to support me financially when I am old. It's all very stressful to manage.
Having my kids is the greatest joy! They are magical, wonderful and exasperating all the same time !
Wishing Dr Peterson continued strength in sharing his knowledge and wisdom at such trying times of uncertainty.
The government wants us to have more children, creating more taxpayers, and want us women to work more to pay more taxes. They have made it very hard to properly raise families.
@@mastergeneral1429
China plans to invade USA first,
then Taiwan will be easy.
China will win, & God will not
prevent it. He does not like what
this country has become....
& I love this country.
How many people are 29 or younger who are listening to this video? This knowledge won't do much for older listeners. Young people don't take advice easily.
feshgrdhrdshh
@@supme7558 "Ignorant" sup me. Its spelt Ignorant.
I got married at 17 years old and we moved to Texas, as that was where my husband was from. I gave birth to my first child a month after I turned 18. I had three more children after that and I loved being a mom. When my children were grown I was still young enough to have a life outside of that time. I was the first one in my family to go to University. I worked hard because it wasn't as easy in learning new things as it was when I was younger, but I got two degrees. I got a BA in Psychology & a BA in Sociology. I have grandbabies too. My two oldest children both got married & had children. I cannot possibly think of any reason why someone wouldn't want to have children. Was it challenging? Hell, yes! But, it's worth the effort to become a better person than one can ever imagine... and yes, you have to take a leap of faith to start & to keep going.
Love your story and think it is the only way out of this abyss. Good luck 🍀
Why would I want to have children and bring them into this dark cruel world so they can join this rat race suffer and die? So many men cant handle having power over a woman financially without abusing that power. A woman who is financially dependent is vulnerable to abuse.
@@Opal5674 ... YOU make a wild assumption that I was financially dependent on my husband and that he was abusive. WOW! Your comment & assumptions about me & my life demonstrate the perfect reason you should NEVER have any children, let alone be allowed to be anywhere around them. You may choose to be demoralized and depressed about this world, but I raised decent human beings who think for themselves, are responsible adults who love, honor & cherish their children. Thank goodness they don't feel useless or oppressed about being a parent.
@@rlwhite55 I guess reading comprehension isn't your thing. They say the brain does shrink in pregnancy. I see yours shrank each time and never grew back.
Wow, marrying at 17 is YOUNG! Happy to hear it worked out though. I have relatives who had their first at that age but none of them were planned and they def didn’t get married to the guy.
This is a serious issue that no one ever thinks about. But as a mom of four littles ages 6, 4, 3 and 7m it did my heart well to hear said how highly young moms should be held in our society. I love being a mom, but I was once a baker and almost started my own bakery right before I got pregnant. Seeing both sides. I did feel the drop in status as a full time mom. But I have never worked so hard in my life than as one; even when I work three jobs at once.
That being said, we absolutely have to educate woman (obviously). I have LOVED shearing my love for baking and teaching my children culinary arts. Even if you don’t use your skills as a career use them with your children.
Most of them are terrible mothers and are pumping out bastard kids with bad boys.
Here's the problem. In the eyes of religious conservatives, we shoujldn't educate women. Without higher education, women have a much harder time being economically independent, which leaves far too many women trapped in abusive marriages. And that's the goal here. The great thing about modern society is thaat women have the CHOICE to have children, like you did, or to never have children, like I did. I think it's fair to say both of us would be pretty miseralbe if some church authorities told us our choices were going against God,. which is whta conservative religion tells us.
I started listening to Dr. Peterson at 22, I am now 30. Dr. Peterson’s lectures and seeing him in person during his tour gave me the courage to leave my longterm bf of 3 years who was not interested in having a family with me. I am one of 9 children and dreamed of having a large family of my own. Luckily I left just in time to meet my husband who has given me two beautiful sons. I have two degrees and I stay home with my boys because my husband and I wanted our children to be raised by their mom. I am so thankful I made the choice to prioritize having a family over a career.
I remember getting married right after I graduated. I was 22 years old. You would not BELIEVE the amount of resistance I got. "You're too young!" "You should date around more!" "You need to be in established in a job for a few years before you get married!" Five years later and I am still happily *building* a relationship with my husband, raising our son and expecting the next one! Part of the problem is we seem to tell young people "you have time" when we really don't have as much. Another part of the problem is we don't really lay out a plan for staring a family. The focus is putting it off, getting educated to get a career.
Good for you! The same thing happened to my wife and I when talking to people outside of our church. I married my wife when she was 22 also. We’re expecting our third. I’ll say a prayer for you and your little one.
"we don't really lay out a plan for staring a family."
so true.
You're absolutely right. For the last 40 years, children have been taught everything except for how to plan, build and nurture a family.
They are taught careers and casual sex.
We had the same resistance as we were young and growing our family. By God’s grace and with a lot of planning and collaboration, both my husband and I were able to earn graduate degrees and build our careers while still caring and loving our boys.
Also 22 when I got married (my husband was 23) and freshly out of college. 11 years and 5 kids in, I can say I'm very very glad we started our together. We had basically nothing when we got married but it was all a good learning curve.
I am a widowed 67 y.o. woman. I never had my own children. I was an extremely severe anorexic. I was so afraid I would ruin my children had I had children. I am now recovered through decades of therapy. I am so grateful to my clinical team. I am a RN of 41 years in pediatrics. I am still working as a direct patient care nurse. I married in 2000. My husband had two children. These are the children I was never able to have. They are beautiful wonderful parents themselves. I had prayed that any children God put in my life I would care for them as my own birth children. My husband passed in 2010. Our two children and I have a very close relationship. They have had children of their own. They gave my life a new direction. I am forever grateful.
I enjoyed reading your story Patricia, thanks for sharing. I'm glad that you were able to recover from your eating disorder, it isn't easy to do. And very happy for you that you managed to have some children in your life after all.
Totally makes sense that you're a nurse
What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it.
One thing I would say is that you were able to love his kids but not your own. That show trauma does not make us live anyone less or more.
I'm 43 and have a long history of anorexia, depression, and anxiety. One reason I've never been sold on having kids of my own is for that same reason--I don't want my kids to have to endure these miserable issues that I've had to deal with. Unfortunately it's getting to the point I may no longer have a choice, but I so appreciate hearing your story because it is so relatable, and congrats on your recovery!
He is the most inspirational person I have ever met, I have heard many of his stories. Those sharings made me change a lot for the better when I heard those profound sharings from him.
My dad is the 9th child of 13. When we would visit my grandma before she died and before Alzheimer's took over her, she would always tell my sister and I to never have kids because they will all just leave you in the end. She died a painful end surviving many years with Alzheimer's in a ward specialized for the disease.
Love being a mom of four. “The best thing you can do for your kids is have two parents that love each other.”
Agree 100%
You are lucky to be in that situation. Some of us are not so lucky. I met abusive men and addicts. To the point it left me in a state. I'm grieving every day that I've never had children.
@ChickPeaChannel Babies grow up and move on anyway. I know a woman who is in her 80s and has difficult relationships with both of her adult sons. One is still at home with her but he has mental problems (diagnosed) and is not gainfully employed but he does earn money from doing yard work for people. Happy parents make it seem like parenting works out well for everyone even though it doesn't sometimes. Enjoy life the you have because it's NOT POSSIBLE to enjoy the life you didn't have.
And, as a preschool teacher, I would add the 2nd best thing you can do for your child is give him/her a sibling. Siblings teach each other to work together, to get along, to share...children with siblings are far more patient. They walk in line, follow directions, and wait their turn far better than the "only children" in a classroom setting.
😉
@@ChickPeaChannel met them, or chose them? How many men were invisible to you?
I don't think I can actually listen to this. My heart will break more. Having children is a gift I never got. Ya'll have no idea what it's like being as old or older than Dr. Peterson. We didn't have anyone like him when he (we) were young. We didn't have the world wide web either. We had party lines for telephone service. God bless every single person here. ✝️❤️🙏❤️
God Bless You xo
First time in world Human history we have population growth stalled. 13 kids to 5 to 3 to 1 to now 0 in devolved countries it harder to have kids cause energy consumption is more in rich countries. 13 kids now days would need 13 cars
We d9nt know what humans will feel once we don't have kids first time in history. I assume mental health and shamanism will peak
I feel you sister. Of course most women wouldn't choose childlessness. You will mourne most of your adult life from the loss.
Please consider adopting of an older child. They understand your heartbreak and are looking for the chance to have a family too.
I absolutely look forward to this man’s videos. May God continue to bring blessings upon your life. We thank you for sharing your eloquence and knowledge. You make a wonderful difference in many of our lives.
I am happy you explored Africa. As an African medical doctor I have observed how western trends affecting and to some extent being forced on our society... we are literally thought in medical school to discourage childbearing. Like you say we are unfortunately on the same ride despite clear examples before us. Our grandmothers had children AND professions; farmers, traders etc. They carried their children on their backs to the farm. Africa's problem is not over population but poor policy. Every society needs to support women to be all they can be; mothers and workers... there is nothing new about this, we are the ones introducing the conflict.
I wanted to have kids. I got married in my 20s, and it didn't work out. I tried to find a new husband because I wanted kids, but I never met one man that was interested in getting married and having kids. Not one. They all just wanted to sleep around. So many times I was up front with men telling them that I wasn't interested in "hooking up," they said they weren't either, but it turns out they were lying. Every time.
Here I am with no kids when I wanted kids very much. If men don't want to get married and have kids, it leaves women having kids alone, which is not good for children. Men are part of the problem, and many women believe the lie that they can wait to have kids. Ladies, if you're in your mid-twenties and want to have kids, make that happen NOW. If you don't, you could end up like me - growing old with no kids and no family. Don't waste your time on men that aren't serious about you. Don't fall for their lies. If you've been dating a year and he doesn't want to get married and have a family - you have to say goodbye. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME TO WASTE.
I tired dating with the intention of marriage in my 20s.
It was traumatising. The men lied and only wanted sex.
I am 29 now.
I'm not interested in hooking up...
...wanna hook up?
Single mothers are devastating to daughters. They can't spot a good guy right in front of thier face. You knew plenty of good men, you just saw right past them.
I thank god daily for my daughter. I was one of those people that struggled in my mid 30s to have a child. I tried the meds and then completely gave up. We had decided to adopt but had not started the process yet. Then I became pregnant and was able to have my healthy beautiful daughter! I use to cry myself to sleep every night for for months when I thought I would never have her.
@@trequor Very true. We need to be teaching our children better, that's for sure.
@@serpentines6356 We need to make our children's education a personal responsibility rathan relinquish that responsibility to the government. Schools of all levels are being used as indoctrination camps.
@@trequor Yes, they do. Moms use it to throw in our faces whenever we are struggling.
You have no idea how fucked up people are. They ENJOY depriving you of what you need.
@@trequor You said girls aren't told. They are but not directly. The adults around them use it as a method of mistreatment. Because everyone started doing it this way people treat you like there is something wrong with you for wanting to do it differently.
Besides, I encountered nothing but bullying.
@@trequor Their Moms know but they aren't going to say anything except in backhanded conniving ways.
The older women know what they are doing to the younger ones but they are part of the system now so it's in their personal interest to have less competition. Plus, they are bogged down by having a family.
Bullying is empowered through the school system. Everyone has to "fight" for themselves and not be "weak" and admit that community is actually the way to go.
That takes place during your biological development as a girl. Instead of worrying about having kids in the future you're busy using the tactics hostages use when they are subjected to interrogation and torture.
Young boys are being told that girls and women are the enemy and that is getting honed in while you become an actual torture survivor.
You should read the book called Sapiens. It will talk about how whenever humans make a cultural shift or leap that we can't go back and are forced to go with it; despite the cost of human life in our coexisting humans.
By the time you reach adulthood you will have some real shit that happened to you. You can honestly say you are a torture survivor.
I Found this video very informative and interesting. As a 40 yr old stay at home mom of 5, one of which is 3 weeks old, my husband and i get negative comments regularly about the number of children we have. Most are in the form of jokes grossly exaggerating the actual number of kids we have. I personally gave been asked over and over, by almost every one, the assumptive question, “Is this your last one?” As if to say, this should be your last, just checking if we are on the same page.
Im sad to see that large families are looked down on, i personally feel the judgement from society, many in my own close circle but broader too.
Thanks for this video.
i have 4 and my only regret is that we cant have more. yes, its hard and expensive to raise 4 small children but it is also beautiful.
I am in my late 20s and have been blessed and lucky enough to find a wonderful women that is an amazing wife and a stay at home mother to our two great kids. Nothing compares to the feeling you get when your 3 year old runs up to you excited to see you after work. Or when you leave in the morning and he says in his 3 year old voice "I love you dady." Kids will change your life for the better and we are planning on having more. Thanks for your excellent work to counter the anti-children narrative.
Best comment.
My daughter gets so excited when it's time for daddy to come home.
The excitement my 3 year old expresses have been the most joyful moments of my life.
when did the word "woman" used to designate a single female become "women" meaning more than one female? I see this everywhere. what is going on?
@@CrakenFlux I would imagine just a typo. The e and a aren't that far away on the keyboard.
@@CrakenFlux Check out Genesis in the Bible,
This episode really resonates with me. I'm in my eighth year of university education and I've been married for six years. The wife and I decided to have our first child about two years ago despite feeling under- prepared. It's been brutally difficult but even more rewarding. So rewarding in fact, I've realized I could take or leave the PhD--even at this point with all my sunk costs. My family is what brings me fulfillment and the work (which I enjoy) is a very very distant second. I strongly encourage anyone who is conflicted about choosing a career over a family to drop the career and resume it later if that's what it takes to build your family. Lay down what's good for now and find what's best.
AMEN❗🙏 A thousand Ph D's can NEVER replace having your own children❗🙏 LET US SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS ❗📣
Yes we should! One other consideration is that in terms of life goals, children can be a force multiplier. You might for example have two children, and one might pursue a prestigious career while the other raises a family. These are both deferred accomplishments of the parent who raises children well. It's hard to argue that you could accomplish more yourself in one lifetime than you might by simply producing a genetic iteration of yourself who will also go out into the world and make contributions in their own lifetime as well.
@@rf4537 .... Amen!
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Why so many likes?
Cos you are RIGHT 😊
I didn't have children because I didn't want to be a working mother. Even back then, I didn't believe that I could have it all. I don't regret it, but I think if we want to fix a declining birthrate then we need to make being a working mother a better experience. Not everyone can afford to stay home.
I’m 28, almost 29 and have yet to start a family. There was a time I was unsure if I wanted to do it at all. And most of the fear came from financial stress. Back in the 50s and husband could support a whole family and buy a home on his income alone. This just isn’t possible these days without inherited money or governmental assistance. I think another factor for the childlessness in my generation was the effect of sex education in middle school. It was absolute fear mongering to a bunch of 12 and 13 year old boys and girls. We were shown infected genitals, childbirth, miscarriages, etc. and I think it may have scared the boys even more than the girls. I have been in a few serious relationships and I’m each, the men I was with were completely unready to have kids and seemed to want to wait until their 40s, which just doesn’t work for women. We are fed false promises of all of the advanced fertility treatment when in reality, the successes are extremely low, and that’s even with lots of money and several failures. Birth control has also certainly had an impact on fertility. I no longer take it because of the havoc it wreaked on my body. There also seems to be a misconception for women that we will reach a certain level of maturity and THEN we will be ready to be mothers. This just usually isn’t the case. Maturity never stops and the time will likely never be the “perfect” time. I’m hoping to begin trying for a family within 2 years. I just hope it’s not too late.
Shoulda done that when you were in your prime not a used up 30 year old
Don't grieve for people who end up childless. The reason they are childless is bc they didn't care about it enough when they were young. It's their own fault
It's natural selection. These people should NOT be having kids, bc they have already demonstrated kids are not sufficiently important to them 🤷♂️
In Australia , for 40 years since the 1980 financial crisis numerous pych op greiving polititians , with3 exwives 20 kids wanted us ,, who we , as their science experiment in mating rituals and barn yard dancing , these recycled men be spokesperson for women each year . the same person runs the school based psych department for 30 years , we had sex obsessed treasurers blame the fact that Australians were not going to their sex education ceminares , & i am not joking , the past 15 treasurers all said , :' its about time , that we have 3 children , one for the Prime minister , one for the Treasurer and another for the deputy , we had enough , plus their refusal to allow even 2 % increase in immigration for the 25 % decline in population,, australia is a farce , the politicians want to run the sexing game but 75 % of australians never had a relationship cos our politicians are sex obsessed,
There is no benefit to having kids as a man in the west. The courts are corrupt.
No one is talking about the challenges and difficulties it is to find a stable and suitable male to have children with. Many women want to have children and marry. But no one wants to talk about how difficult it is to find someone you love that is willing to do life with you the same way!
You can blame others all you want, but you attract what you emit. Part of the reason you have this issue is because you're clearly bitter towards men.
Everyone talks about that albeit
Yes. I dated in my 20s & 30s. I tried to date men who were attractive. All the men were interested in was hooking up not in long term relationships, marriage, or children. Most of the men were selfish and barely took care of themselves, let alone supporting a wife, or child mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or materially. Most of the men were mentally ill with addiction to pot or alcohol or were bipolar due to the chemical imbalances of their addiction. My father was unfaithful and I witnessed an unhappy marriage between my parents where my mother became an alcoholic in her later life. I know one grandfather was unfaithful and it was rumored the other was as well. Every relationship was constant disrespect from the male counterpart that ruined any trust let alone a healthy relationship. Even for the men who did marry and had children, it’s not like they went on to live a happy life filled with security and prosperity. It has been a hard path for all in the generations since the boomers. I do not regret being single and child free or from bringing a child into the world with a partner that chooses to be polygamous or having to battle with rearing, financial, and child care responsibilities for 20 years spent co parenting. What a nightmare of a world to bring a child into without even the benefits I had in my upbringing.
@R all I read was I'm picky and I want to complain
@@_Rockill_ All correct described, for lots of women it was just like that, except that the women among the boomers weren't that happy, nor their mothers. They were subdued and labelled neurotic. Men tried to escape from family responsibilities. Men in the labor unions did it to the extent that they rather wanted lots of hours at work, than share the heavy home-chores and duties with their wives. Read Betty Friedan and Herb Goldberg.
I always wanted children. When I turned 30 I thought it would never happened. I had a very difficult time and tried to convince myself it was ok. Got married at 33. We started trying to get pregnant about 6 months before the wedding. Finally had a baby when I was 36. We struggled with infertility for the first few years of our marriage. It was really challenging emotionally and financially. I had my second at 38 and I’m currently pregnant at 40 with my third baby. I went to school. Graduated when I was 23. Had a career. Traveled all over in my 20’s and 30’s. Went out all the time. Was financially stable. I did everything I was told I was supposed to do but I felt like something was missing. I can honestly say that nothing compares to having a baby. It’s the most difficult thing I have done but also most rewarding thing and wonderful thing I have ever done. Unfortunately I have to work but I would love to stay home with my kids. There’s nothing better than being around them.
Most difficult thing? Wait to dealing with teenagers being 52 instead of 38.
@@joanvallve7647 I had my children at 38 and 43. It never mattered how old I was. They are grown, and NEVER will I regret that I stayed home with them. Never missed my former life traveling and spending lots of money. My children were the most important priority. I was smarter than young mothers, who could not say no to their children, and now they are brats. I stayed home with my children. We adjusted our expectations for what we could buy. I worked on weekends. Women should raise their own children.
@@martha1spur Sorry. But that's not true. It matters. Raising kids being old (which you certainly did, specially having the second being 43) matters. A lot. It is great if you succeeded and you would do it exactly the same again. Good for you and your kids and you might be a true example for many people. But please, don't lie. And if you really believe it, do you a favor and don't fool yourself.
When you say 'we strarted trying to get pregnant' you mean 'my husband was creampieing me', right? Enough with euphemisms
For me... the problem looks like Greed.
People don't want to give themselves
Such a beautiful interview... Can't wait to see you in Denver Jordan and Tammy. I am a 28 year old woman, recently married to my amazing husband. You have opened my eyes Jordan to start my family and stop waiting. So grateful for all I've learned from you cheers and thank you!
In my twenties I could see I was on the road to being childless. I had a great career, but I knew it wouldn't fulfill me full circle. At the age of 29 I had my first child, and was lucky enough to have 3 more, all within a period of 5 years. An overwhelming amount of work. But the dividends are paying off. and I can't say I didn't cry listening to this episode. I'm so glad I accelerated my plan for a family when I did!! 💜💜💙💙
Me too. Officer in the army. Met so many late 30s female Majors who were single and childless. Put their career first. I chose to get out at 29 and 1 year later met my husband 🙏. And then had my two daughters after that 😍.
Same. I was actually in a lecture on fertility (postgrad level) at university at maybe 23 years old and the lecturer (a fertility doctor) looked at us ladies and said, really flatly, you are already declining in fertility. Do not wait til you are 30. Find someone now. If you wait til 30, try for a year, then start fertility tests, you can easily miss the boat. He had seen it happen many times. I started dating to marry and have babies right then. It really made an impact because it was the truth (statistically)
I wish I'd heard this as a young woman. I married my husband at 22 and focused on college and my career as an engineer. Now that I am established in my career I am 31 and having fertility issues. We've been through so much to build a stable life for a child, and now I'm realizing I may be out of time to have one. I hope other young women see this.
I was a software engineer and am 33 and now six weeks with our first. Very relatable - I was a workaholic and hustled and it finally took moving across the country two months ago to make me realize I can’t wait to be a stay at home mom. Best of luck to you!💚
Your brain is very powerful and i truly believe if you keep faith your family will arrive in the perfect way and it might be nothing you ever saw or thought possible for you. Just keep the faith hun. Your body can heal itself. Intention is super powerful combined with belief. Wishing you the best and keep a strong hope in your heart and it will be given to you. ❤
You are still young, don’t give up hope. I married late, had my first baby at 34 and now pregnant with my 6th (all naturally) at 44. Best of luck.
I can’t wait until my clock runs out.
Walnut flower remedy.
Thank you for this wonderful interview. I’ve just gone back to graduate school and I’m about to turn 47 and I’m quite excited about what the next 25 years of my life might look like. I appreciate you resonating that back to me.
Thank you for this interview. Very important subject and we are not taking about it in depth.
For someone who has gone through unplanned childlessness, I grieve every day for the children I never had 😢
God bless you xox
So sorry Paula 😞
What are you going to do in old age? Do you at least have nephews/ nieces?
I'm Maybe try adoption?
My heart goes out to you. That's me too. No kids, and I cry randomly about it. I try not to think about it but it surfaces at weird times, like when I see a kid sad about their parent in the hospital. Or a mother proud of their kid for something. It's a bummer.
I recently volunteered at my daughter’s school. It was such an awesome experience. Kids are the future. I highly recommend responsible people to have children!