"Why am I so afraid of abandonment?"
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- čas přidán 26. 07. 2023
- This week Kati discusses attachment to our therapist. Why it can happen, what triggers the attachment and what we can do to better handle it. She also talks about suicidal ideation, and why it can sometimes be done to get more attention. Then Kati explains what the ethical implications are when we find out our therapist is seeing our significant other, and what visualizations can mean for our trauma response. This and so much more in this week’s episode! Xoxo
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Ask Kati Anything ep. 174 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. I've been in therapy for the last 3 years and I've made some small improvements in myself but there's something I still struggle with and I'm a bit confused. I'm super attached to my therapist, with a big fear of abandonment... 0:37
2. I have a question about suicidal ideation. Recently I've been having thoughts that I want to attempt suicide, even though I don't want to actually succeed. I don't understand these thoughts because... 18:36
3. Hi Kati, my therapist is mint. I’ve been seeing her for two years but I’ve recently found out that the girl I’m dating also sees her for weekly sessions! 31:27
4. A few weeks ago in an AKA episode, you said “our brain doesn’t know the difference between us visualizing it and it really happening” when talking about ways to combat stage fright. I may be taking this out of context but I have a lot of repressed memories... 33:57
5. I struggle with dissociation (specifically chronic derealisation) and I’m not sure my therapist knows what this is. When I told her about it she just became obsessed with ‘parts work’ but I don’t have DID, I just feel really spacey. 45:04
6. In an old episode and there was a question which mentioned “acting out” a body memory or flashback. The actual question was about something else but I’ve had a similar experience... 54:23
7. I am currently in therapy and my therapist whenever I bring something difficult up asks me what it makes me feel and my emotions linked to it and I just don’t know, it’s like I go numb... 57:19
8. Can a person have a very low self-esteem and at the same time look down on other people and criticize them? 1:01:28
9. Why might I be having the urge to cut, even though I hate my scars and don't know that deep down I don't want to do it anymore? 1:03:55
Timestamps created by: @natalieedelstein
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Hearing you speak/explain in such a calm and empathetic way makes me feel so relaxed, thanks for doing it 🤍
Same! Kati is such a soothing person, she is really gifted for helping people
Q1 0:37
Q2 18:36
Q3 31:27
Q4 33:57
Q5 45:04
Q6 54:23
Q7 57:19
Q8 1:01:28
Q9 1:03:55
The word “wanting attention” has such a negative connotation. That’s like something your parents say to you when you are hurting and you tell them. 😢
Gives you the opportunity to reflect and reparent your child self.
13 Reasons Why threw me into a huge major depression. A former, so-called good friend, introduced me to the show and pushed me into watching the entire thing… I found that a lot of issues that I had dealt with and weren’t bothering me anymore for years had come up and made my mental illness unbearable. So unbearable that I packed up my house and I am abandoned my life. I left the West Coast for a number of years and have returned since my father passed away, and I am back in a terrible depression and I don’t know how to get out of it. I’ve been in bed for days and haven’t eaten, and all I wanna do is never wake up again. I’ve been doing this quietly in my basement and no one knows except for you guys now. Be careful with what you watch and listen to… You never know what it will do to your heart and mind. Katie, thank you so much for all of your videos that you put out. I’ve watched a number of them and often it helps me rethink about my thinking but often I realize that I’m not really the problem… But since I’m the youngest of five and grew up as an LDS/Mormon/bishops daughter…, I realize that after my brother committed suicide, he was the scapegoat and now that is my position. I feel so bad for my brother, and I understand why he took his life… The way the family treats people who they’ve decided to be the scapegoat is really mean… Covered in veil of so-called love and care.
I was asked the other day if i could get another tattoo what would you get and I said "Be Curious, not Judgemental" on my for arm.
I am so afraid to be abandoned again that I made it impossible for me to ever be abandoned again. It is not possible did me to ever go through that crippling pain again. I will never allow, even, the smallest of possibilities of experiencing those horrific emotions again.
I can really relate to the first question and it feels like it's been my story. Only now my therapist is going on maternity leave and she said she won't be back again so she even said that she was leaving me. I don't know how to handle the situation because I just keep thinking about my therapist leaving me all alone. Also I'm really angry at her for leaving me, like I've been left before and try not to be too self destructive. Is it normal to feel this way?
As Kati should have said - your therapist should refer you out to someone else and let you know well in advance. Not just leave you. ❤️
I'm so sorry. I totally feel this.
My trauma therapist came back from holiday and told me she is going to move in a few weeks. I was completely overwhelmed.
She was the first person after 9 years of therapy whom I really trusted and for the first time I didn't have that fear of abandonment because everything went well and she was amazing. But then it actually happened 😢
I was usually so scared of holidays because she couldn't come back for whatever reason (accident, death etc.). But with her somehow it was different. Then the one time I didn't expect it and trusted her, it happened.
My head knows she has her reason and she can't stay in that city for me but it sucks.
I don't really have any good advice except that it's absolutely normal and okay to be angry. If you can, try to find a healthy outlet. For me it used to be sports for anger but I can't do that anymore due to chronic illness.
I recently realized that a Shakti mat (akkupressur) helps me. It has these small needle things and if I lay on there with my back it hurts but it's not self-destructive. On the contrary, it supposed to be good for the body. It gets warm and relaxed after a while. I actually bought it for chronic pain but now I use it as a coping skill.
It was so tough for me too and at the time I went back into self-destructive behaviour. Now it's a few years later and I'm still incredibly sad but at least the huge overwhelming feelings are gone most of the time.
I think it was good that I had another therapist even though it's not the same (different method and not the same level of feeling understood. She was special.
Do you think you can try to find someone else who can help you through this?
I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart 💚
I'm sorry she didn't let you know ahead of time. I hope you can find another therapist before you don't have any more sessions so that you don't get interrupted in your healing and go backwards. I have to fight against going backwards. I hope you can avoid that. All the best for you.
Loving this episode ❤
When speaking of repressed memories, I was hoping you would speak to or at least mention that memories which are specifically uncovered through hypnosis are not only notoriously unreliable at best, but very often are completely "false memories". I speak from experience unfortunately, and continue to suffer from "flashbacks" of things that in reality never happened.. horrific, sickening memories of things that the average person can't even imagine.
I did suffer actual ongoing physical, mental/emotional & sexual abuse throughout my childhood and as an adult, and I do have flashbacks of real abuse in my life, but these pseudo-memories I'm referring to were something else altogether, and they were uncovered strictly through hypnosis with my therapist. It took 6 months of seeing him, during which time I "resisted all efforts to accept the uncovered memories as real events", but he finally wore me down. Wouldn't wish what transpired over the next 2 1/2 yrs of his "working with me" on Anyone!
Hi Katie when I was going to councling I felt like I was two separate people like I was taking younger me to councling and couldn't wait to get out all I done was sit there crying most of the time it's like older me didn't want to be there I'm not doing any councling now I sit watching your videos a lot I was neglected and suffered CSA I just can't deal with my past I was told just forget about your past and get on with your life and that made sense and that's what I did and now I don't want to deal with my past no one listened when I was younger and it hurts to much to even care about me
Hoe - Lee - SHEET.
This was soooo so good… super eye-opening and eerily relevant for me and my deepest battle.
Wow. Thank you, Jesus… and THANK YOU, Kati. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Kati. I wish that you were my therapist
Like the intro!
Is it unusual that so many things you talk about in your videos, podcasts and I am talking about 50+ things you talk about is or was my past. It just makes me feel so many things are wrong but then It reminds me I made it. Scarry but is it ? I don't know
I thought you said once that it's not good for a therapist to see close relatives, like a mother and a daughter. Did I misunderstand that?
💝💝
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