How to Help Your Avoidant Partner Open Up: Cracking the Code
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 16. 07. 2024
- In this video, I'm going to share with you how to help your avoidant partner open up and become more comfortable with relationships. Learn the must know 3 tips for communicating with an avoidant partner, including best practices for healthy communication skills! I believe that by working together, we can overcome any barriers that stand in the way of our relationship!
CHAPTERS
00:00 How can I help my avoidant partner open up?
02:12 What is emotional honesty in anxious-avoidant relationships?
06:40 What are healthy communication skills in relationships?
11: 58 How to determine compatibility in relationships?
#dismissiveavoidantattachment, #avoidantpartners, #communicationinrelationships #brianamacwilliam
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SIMILAR VIDEOS
6 Effective Communication Tips With Avoidant Partners
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Iâve used Non violent communication with some additional finesse and tapping into my own feelings about whatâs happening. I have to remember that itâs not about changing the other person as much as it expressing my own needs and wants. They can either work with me and work towards meeting those or not. Whatâs so interesting to me is that if someoneâs boss/manager/superior asked someone to self reflect and alter their communication, theyâd be more apt to do it but when a partner/friend/relative asks, it isnât always heard the same.
Your use of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a great approach. It's important in focusing on expressing your own needs rather than changing the other person. You've made an interesting observation about how people are more receptive to changing their communication styles when requested by a boss, compared to a partner or friend. This difference often stems from the dynamics of authority in professional settings versus emotional complexities in personal relationships. In personal connections, the key is to communicate needs in a way that doesn't make the other feel defensive, promoting mutual understanding and growth.
Miki Kashtan has expanded upon Rosenberg's work into normalizing the language of NVC to sound more accessible when we apply it.
â@brianamacwilliam.attachment Thanks for providing this content. After listening to the first segment I'm wondering what to do if your avoidant partner sees through all the psychology speak & still won't openly address the issues. He's gifted at being vague &/or changing the subject (chaff & redirect). Or just say "I don't know." I use active listening, "I" statements, etc but he's so literal & egocentric he has no problem saying he's not interested or doesn't want to talk abt it, starting an unrelated topic, or simply staying silent. I'm usually the type who's uncomfortable w/ awkward silence (subconsciously) but am working on staying quiet to give him "space." Whatever I do doesn't seem to make a difference unless he's relaxed in a good mood & WANTS TO which is rare. (Background: He also has symptoms of a unique high functioning ADHD, untreated. Can appear he's ignoring or tuning out yet say he heard & remembers everything.) đ€·đœââïž
I came across Briana in just the past 24hrs, and wow... I've been with my wife for 25 years and have struggled with her avoidance for most of it due to childhood trauma. I have learned more in the past 24hrs from Briana than I have in years in terms of better understanding how to communicate with my wife and be there for her (and myself) in a much healthier and regulated way. So thankful I came across her channel.
Possible new title:
âHow to babysit and enable a DA, and they donât even need to try, and lower your expectations like super low.â
What do you mean by this? What part of the strategy she proposes makes you think this?
"Truly loving the person and !!! truly loving yourself - means you have to let him go, and that it was meant as a short term, not long term relation." Perfectly said. Therapy. Thank you! â€
I had two women in my life that wanted marriage whom I found were not right for me. This is why I view every relationship as a new learning experience. I never look at any woman I date as "the one," but as someone whom I'm here to learn from and (hopefully) share a wonderful experience with.
Was the deal breaker a fear of your insecurities or trauma or was the deal breaker a ligit reason to break it off with your past partners?
@@cindybesitos8933 it was for legit reasons. The first partner was trying to isolate me from my family and friends, constantly stirring up trouble. The other was an alcoholic who was a man-hating far left Feminist. I left them knowing it was the best thing for us.
Please leave people as they are . Dont put your energy so much in getting a guy . Love shouldnât be hard. It should be free from any boundaries insecurities fears and mystery
an avoidant is never free, is full of fear and needs to be teached that he/she is loved and intentionally work on self love and validation ; and that he/she never find that sparkles that he /she pretend. People should work on their inner self. If you think you cant work on yourself it means that you are too far from reality and are believing that hollywood dreams
Everyone needs to feel safe for them to open in communications. Getting "talked to" drives shame triggers, whether we like it or not, so considering the possible triggers of the other, speaking your needs clearly, and expressing yourself without pointing a finger of blame at the other person. When you say "you", that's a shut down trigger on an epic level.
Self-awareness and then mindfullness are so central! Reciprocity, taking turns in lovong put both in a couple are đđ!
đ„°
Thank you for the clarity described in the final 3min! đđ»
I feel like we have to talk to them like a baby! đ when we need to just be completely honest and say how you actually feel. Like we got to tip toe on egg shells to just cater for them. Itâs so much work and energyâŠ.and remember itâs always going to be âconstantâ - itâs not one off
I say... ' I Feel hollow, heavy, and empty and I would like to invite you to sit with me in those feelings so we can have a conversation' and he says nothing. NO THING. Because he avoids. All the time. Hence, walked away. Finally. Just say no to avoidant personalities!
This is the really hard part, you can put in so much effort to help push the relationship forward, but if your partner cannot do the same then this is where we end up. But at the same time, even that is progress, you have increased your emotional intelligence, and you have come to the logical conclusion of your relationship.
Spot on đŻđŻ I just left a comment about basically the same thing (though not appearing in the thread yet). Mine is perfectly fine with silence as if he's just tuning me out, but has said on occasion that he can still hear what I say along with other conversations in the room (& apparently racing thoughts). Might be his kind of ADHD but it's still frustrating. He seems able to focus better with his friends even with loud music & a lot of people in the room. Sometimes I feel like I have to tutor him in communication skills. đđ€·đœââïž
Wow hit 11mins and that hit home with my
Inner child. I just started crying and wasnât sure why. Iâm the anxious avoidant I discovered. I didnât really know what it meant till this. I started my healing journey 6yrs ago and obv still have things to work through. But I tried him left and right and NEVER realized it. And he triggered my insecurity.
You have really cracked this dynamic and made us have a clear choice. đđ
That is beautiful... It's therapy and it's done for free by life itself. Thank God and bless his beautiful ways of creation đ€Čđžđđïžđ„°đ
The most beautiful video I have seen in a while. Thanks for doing what you do.
This was beautiful. Thank youâ€
"Emotions are ENERGY moving through your body - And the body is he first organizer of experience". That is one of the most profound things I've ever come across! Thank you.
As for the Ă©what to do/ what not to do"I am tempted to say this however: the whole piece is about being well-versed and strategic enough to mitigate negative outcome... so the latter can't be singled out at random and labeled as "a controlling tactic" - or it has to be deemed such any time.
And I do not feel repressing an absolute need of feeling abandoned, is being authentic to oneself, nor to the other person. Even the most "triggerable" person has to see us coming from a mile if we talk to them as if to a toddler - and also even stating "I'm angry", well, this too is incomplete. Angry at whom?
I feel this starts with all the key ingredients, but there is room for improving the recipe.
cheers!
New Subbie here! I find your perspective absolutely enlightening
Respect what they. do offerThanks.
I don't know if it's possible because this is such a complicated thing to explain BUT, it would be AMAZING if you could put together a reel to share that kind of plays out what you talk about from minute 3 on... about not knowing the right words, not getting the early childhood modeling, then using the right words (instead of words like "abandoned") to describe the inner experience. That's the essence of being vulnerable. Modeling is really key for an Avoidant... in my experience anyway.
I'd really love to have something like that to share with my friends & followers. There are so many avoidant men out there who ARE seeing it in themselves and I see them connecting to what I'm sharing so I know they are searching for answers. You are striking a chord in that section.
Thank you so much for your feedback and suggestion! I appreciate your support and I'm glad to hear that my content is resonating with you and your followers.My youtube playlist on communication contains several videos like this. I might start by directing you to this video: 6 Effective Tips for Communicating With An Avoidant Partner: czcams.com/users/livedhLc61JBmNo
Could you put together statements that we could send or say to a fearful avoidant? Perfectly opening and inviting to them.
Ty. Love your intellect!
@@danielh.-td9uu I think you would enjoy this video. Thereâs one for every attachment style in my communication playlist. Unlock the Secrets of Fearful Avoidant Attachment - 6 Effective Communication Tips!
czcams.com/users/liveCWvUwL86rm0?feature=share
I just found out about avoidance relationships. I am going to break it off before I get co dependant over this. One month and we haven't even hugged with passion. Haven't had a make out session. She wants me in her life but does everything she can do to avoid being alone. I join her and her friends at Karoke. She won't let me pick her up. She married a paraplegic. Now I know why. She doesn't have to make love.
I need to work on me a lot more. My last was a Narc. A bad one. So why do I even have a 1st date with these people with issues?
Its to bad. She's cute. Bubbly personality. Cleary she will avoid sex at all costs. I can't spar anymore for love.
I will share these videos. Then tell the truth. đą
Why do you feel entitled to this womans body after just 1 month? Check yourself dude. Thata weird. Who knows a person after one month anyway?
âlol, it is not weird. It's fucking normal. Check your beliefs. I've had 5 relationships in 6 years and literally that does not exist. Sex usually comes 3rd date.
â@@tenaybates8141besides, they are in a relationship, sex is part of a relationship, so wtf are u talking about
@@tenaybates8141I agree with you. If someone wants sex they need to date someone who wants sex too. It's that simple.
â@zamadepuib3254 sex comes after marriage!!!!
Iâm finding that the biggest fear is to not being able to fix it. Thereâs a lot of pressure there to manage feelings. It stems from needing to feel safe that emotions wonât be too big or overwhelming. The need for making sure things are okay.
I think prefacing the feeling statements with something along the lines of im feeling xyz and I have a grasp of how to work through it but would really like to be open with you and talk about it and let you into my inner world b/c I love you and respect this relationship.â
I think if I were to ever hear someone say âIâm feeling hollowâ like uhhh, I would run, thereâs no way I would be able to do anything with something like that.
But I get the gist. But from experience as someone that tends to have avoidant attachment tendencies I feel safe in connecting when it comes to emotions when someone shows that they have a grasp of what they are feeling and have a grasp on things and knows what they need from me in a specific moment to help hold space (and restating throughout the expression of emotions/feelings that although they are feeling these things theyâve got it, but want to remain open and express what theyâre feeling). I have a fear of not being able to offer enough or being able to âfix itâ (older sibling thing, iykyk)
Iâm working on it, letting go of a need for fixing, healthy boundaries, and expressing more empathy by staying in the heart space.
Overall I think I have a healthier way of connecting, but itâs all a work in progress
Thank you for all of the info you share
The only way to help them is for them to change let them seek help, they know they have a proble so they should change
I donât think most of them are aware that they have a problem
5:23 if someone says that to me I d runaway thinking the other person is crazy⊠There should be a better way to say it.
I love the other videos and the main ideas but this is too much
7 years waiting for my DA. Then got sucked in to twin flame readings because they were spot on!! I need help. Do you do one on one counseling?
That's so true, people with insecure attachment justify themselves as a soul level relationship like twinflames
Iâve been watch alot to videos about communicating effectively to person that lean more avoidant and a part of me feels that this style of communicating requires a tone of self awareness. I wonder if this way of communicating mirrors how secure attachment styles people would communicate to one another, or if this is solely tailored to making avoidant people feel safe/comfortableâŠ? đ€
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's interesting to consider how different communication styles can impact our interactions with others. Self-awareness is definitely an important skill to develop, and it can help us navigate various attachment styles more effectively. For individuals, certain strategies are simply more important and impactful. For example, a reassuring safe strategy will go a long way with an anxious partner, where as a soft strategy that highlights a respect for personal independence might trigger them, to feel abandoned instead. To learn more I invite you to watch my free training on these topics and more: onlinecourses.brianamacwilliam.com/tcc-free-introduction-communication-skills-based-on-attachment-styles-optin
I hope I can find someone who knows these skills
In some relationships with people I am close with I am anxious and in others I am avoidant, (but always with different relationships so I am never fearful avoidant). Is there a way to handle this and become regulated/secure when noticing avoidant or anxious behavior coming out depending on the relationship and different people I am close with?
Iâm pretty sure that, depending on the relationship, itâs normal even for very secure people to become more âanxiousâ and more âavoidantâ. Itâs normal, if someone treats you poorly and/or threatens to harm you or themselves if you leave, to feel trapped, want that to stop, and to want to get away from them. Or, if someone you love suddenly gives you the silent treatment for a week, to feel insecure about yourself and the relationship. Idk if thatâs what youâre talking about - not necessarily that extreme, just the general idea - but being secure doesnât mean you donât feel any negative emotions about anything ever in any relationship.
What im seeing, at least in my experience and in my lifetime (1997-on) that theres a slew nowadays of heavily avoidant women/girls and heavily anxious men/boys amongst gen-z'ers. Every woman ive dated has been more or less avoidant, in more or less subtle ways of how they avoid and fear intimacy. And all my guy friends are just full of anxiety and selfdoubt and need lots of reassurance.
Im working on my own anxious patterns, but how do i deal with the avoidant women i love and care for dearly? How can i get close to someone who fears and even loathes closeness?
Be yourself. Be honest with how you feel about the situation. Be supported. Be a friend to start . You need to build her trust in you.
I'm seeing this a lot as well. I believe it stems for the absence of fathers as role models and the primary caretaking and teaching of boys done almost exclusively by women. I've heard this commented on quite a bit - where boys are groomed and rewarded for pleasing women and told "not to be like their fathers" - then turn out to be "nice guys" who hide who they are and what they need to please their wife the same way they were taught to please their mother and teachers. Then they are upset at their wives because they disrespect them and walk over them - which is not what either spouse really wants - but both are subconsciously hiding who they are and what they truly need in a relationship.
I believe its a cultural thing. Slavic culture is full of the opposite - avoidant males vs anxious females mainly because boys are taught to supress emotions while girls are made responsible for every single thing around them since are 4 or so.
You know you talk too much of what we donât want. I wish you gave more more examples of how to react and what to say and focus more on what the person actually wants.
Thank you for watching. I have many videos on this topic. I recommend checking out my playlist on communication. And also checking out my link tree link which has more than 60 Scripts available: linktr.ee/brianamacwilliam?fbclid=PAAaaGgAqqjM4ySawVzoGst2-LKBiyw_j2DaT3s52Jj50MwKF3WLSP7BULORY_aem_AU6EwoW-KnX41-ewpqXdOipWWnNe_MvbjChpL_Pubh-mh7sToHOZaWewksg9_QKDXvs