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Avoid avoidants, you hear me You will save yourself a whole lot of pain. Choose yourself It doesn't matter how good of a person you are, they are bound to break you, I promise you.

My attatchment has changed. I believe am FA (polarised by my partner) and leaned AP in my early days but after a DA disgard I am now leaning very DA. It is exhausting.

I'm so tired of walking on eggshells to avoid him getting spooked and withdrawing further than he already has over this 2 years. He's not the only one who's being hurt over entire lifetime. My bio father not only abandoned my Mum & l but categorically refuses to acknowledge he is my father. To rub more salt into that wound he had other children he fully accepted. Then add vinegar to the salted wound, he threatened to disown any of the family who knew of me if they contacted me, including my grandparents and uncle. My stepfather abused me from age of 3, in every way one can be abused, and lied and blamed me to the point where the only blood family l had has fully ostracised, disowned and also verbally abused me my whole life. Every relationship l've ever had, lm almost 49 y.o, have cheated & severely put me down with every opportunity. l have abandonment issues, Definitely! can't dispute that but lve worked so hard to heal and still hope for and take risks to love, and in turn, to be loved. lf anyone in this relationship, or whatever tf this is, has justification to be avoidant it's me. Why must l make all of the accomodations or sacrifices for his insecurity, yet he have no self determination and actual independance to share the burden. Personally there's only one thread keeping me from moving on but l'm still hanging on. lt has had some great times, we really connected but there just comes a point where gotta let go and lm very close to doing just that.

Don’t hate on avoidants everyone.. we are people too. And sometimes even we get screwed over by other avoidants! So, welcome everyone.

DAMMIT

I’ve been going on dates with an avoidant for four months now. I’m 49 and was married for ~20 years before. I started watching these videos to learn about my avoidant and how to deal with her. And I believe I’m becoming a little like her… Because I managed to remain secure most of the time, I’ve been gaining her trust and we regularly go on dates (like once a week). We’re not technically dating (because she won’t commit), but I’ve been enjoying this situationship more and more. We communicate daily. We manage our own challenges through life mostly independently (although she brought me supplies when I was isolated with Covid :) and our dates are always amazing and special. We don’t share a life, but we make the best use possible of our time when we’re together. We’re kind to each other and have very little conflict. We both make the effort to have amazing moments together. Now I wonder whether this is not a healthier way to be with someone than the traditional (committed and daily) way… Am I becoming avoidant too? (I would love to consult with you, Briana, but I’m not sure you’re taking patients…)

I am anxious and he is avoidant

He did seek out the past relationship and kept her on a string our whole marriage. Then after 8 yrs he went for a visit on a work trip , lied and said the trip was for work was 7 days and it was only 4 . He says hebonly saw here one night and sat in an air bnb until she had time to come see him. She spent the night and both say there was no sex. But ????? He got caught by me the wife. When he got home he told me he always loved her. Now wants to work out our marriage. What the F______!!!

AVOID avoidants, plain and simple. thats what they prefer anyway, and will sabotage all your of your efforts and continue AVOIDING YOU after breadcrumbing you ofcourse. AVOID THE AVOIDANT PLAIN AND SIMPLE. dealing with them is like trying to teach a robot to be empathetic. they have the emotional availability of a cardboard box.

💯💯💯

👏👏🙌🤝 Thank you! This video is so inspiring and helpful with alarm, written words, pictures and great talk.

I became far more avoidant after my marriage to a narcissist. Now I’m paranoid, tend to panic when people get close, and ghost people when triggered.

Sound familiar?

Yes because I know for a fact the trauma from my first and only long term romantic relationship is why I'm both anxious and avoidant to this day!

As someone who used to be defined as an extreme case of avoidant attachment style... with the perfect childhood matching the "avoidant attachment style"..... but when I met someone with whom I actually fell in love with.... I developed a true "anxious attachment style".... so to be honest.. all these styles are a bit of bull....... all these styles just describe someone who either "loves you" or simply doesn't... seriously if someone is "avoidant" you have to be honest with yourself and simply admit that they jist ARENT THAT INTERESTED.... that's it 🤷🏼‍♀️ sorry

One cool thing about my avoidant- that I've heard is true of many other avoidants- if I ask, he gives. If I appreciate, he wants to give. I think some anxious people forget that they can ask. Not true in every situation, probably, but worth a try

I wanted mutual flirting; seduction and cards on the table. Cant give less of a f about avoidants

All of the things they're doing means that they're only caring about themselves.

I'm glad to finally find a video that discusses how your environment can influence your attachment style. I've always suspected that it wasn't just your caregivers, but your peers and of course your romantic relationships.

Well explained Brianna. If you only could get into Schools and speak on this at a young adult age it would be so helpful

🖐🏿 Anxious partners can be so exhausting...

Raise your hand if you’ve experience anxious-avoidant relationships ✋ To discover the other possible pairings, go here: czcams.com/video/9_q1FytCZDM/video.html

l'm anxious and my other is avoidant. l'm constantly on the cusp of ending the relationship, ( *if that what it is 🤷🏼‍♀️ we avoid that formality. l fear the rejection /he fears the possibility ), l need to be met halfway with this but only want him. We're mostly long distance, he's fifo atm but stay in daily constant communication. When we are in the same place, we work great together whether it's talking, (can get very deep) hanging out, or in bed/on floor/you know. l'm trying so hard to not build some sort of fantasy of us both and actually see things for what they really are. tbh l feel like lm stuck in limbo and have no idea how to communicate that or even if l should communicate it.

Someone I just decided to leave was an avoidant. I didn’t recognize it at first, but now I see it rather clearly. I didn’t understand his behavior because he came across rather sporadic, but almost every sign in this video was in alignment with what happened in our relationship. He talks about me to his family all the time. He also has done a lot for me in terms of getting things for me that I need. I loved this person, but his attachment style was not one that I could really deal with. I still love him a lot, but he made me feel way too rejected at times to feel emotionally safe. I know it wasn’t his intention, but eventually I began not to trust him at all. Thank you for this though, it bought me a level of clarity I really needed ❤

Could you elaborate on this?

This video is pointless - gives zero advice on how to handle someone with a toxic shame wound.

the biggest thing we have to see that our fears or our fears. the same thing that we fear. other people my not. like moving in. my fear is something will happen and i mite lose my home. then they will be homeless and have to move agin. after giving up there own home. another fear is what if i get sick and can’t take care of them any more or loose my job and can’t be a good provider.

Too much hassle. I've just blocked mine for life 😂😂😂

😂😂

Extremely fucked up people

Yes, unfortunately I have experienced this. Great guy, just not my guy! The man for me is ready to recognize the gem that he is currently with, not the ex

Hahaha! Love it

So true.

This is the best list I've ever seen.

❤

This explains the life expectancy nose dive.

This is my history but it doesn't have to be my destiny as you spoke about broken trust earlier. Thanks to this channel I understand the importance of safety in a relationship. Earlier I just felt unsafe and thought there was something wrong with me. Thank you!

Her repeatedly pulling away but then attempting to reconnect after i stopped approaching her made me realize _one_ thing: *i don't have to be perfect,* "saving" her by giving her chance after chance to improve her behavior! It's okay to have a few messy corners in my garden.

My Avoidant person would play people against each other so I know she is feeling inadequate since I left the situation. I let him know I’m not fighting for a position in his life. Avoiding me but still watching me. Good luck chuck.

My soon-to-be ex-wife left the greatest relationship I've ever heard of. I wouldn't take her back for any reason. The pain she's put me through is too much to chance repeating.

I triggered mine when we set up a conversation in 3 weeks from now. When I tried to confirm the time a few days later she said “can I get back to you?” As if she had plans that day. She didn’t have to get back to me. It’s a quick yes or no. I asked her what she meant by that. She blew saying she’s overwhelmed and doesn’t want to talk about it and she has a lot going on. Haven’t heard from her since and still don’t have a time set. Not sure what to do. I haven’t responded

I love this!!🎉❤

❤YESSSSSSSS, Thank You!!!!!☆😂

❤❤❤

This is so true!

Good to know but.... can't tolerate it soo either avoidant or narcissist (cause it sounds like one) hard pass ..... also "don't want to be emotionally vulnerable" ....hard pass .... everyone had their heart broken once or twice everyone has childhood traumas and the lack of wanting to deal and heal those it's not a justification of *hit behavior ❤❤❤❤❤❤

They need to go to therapy. It’s not the other person’s job to teach them emotional regulation

Insightful information i am always learning and growing from you everyday

She did that to me, told me how amazing her ex was... who had committed suicide... I couldn't compete with a dead man.

Your content is invaluable and so helpful and insightful! Please keep these coming ! You are hitting so many good points about dealing with an avoidant partner who broke up with me after 3.5 months of bliss due to his depression and dealing with his wife’s betrayal on top of his own childhood wounds and traumas due to an alcoholic father who cheated on his mom yet the parents stayed together and still married…