The 3 Things I No Longer Do In Dating & Relationships
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- čas přidán 22. 04. 2024
- I don't future trip or wonder and worry about what we will be, what will happen next
I don't bring to my partner my 'problems with them' until I have sat and processed fully on my side, what I'm making it all mean and worked through my reactive state to one that is responsive
I don't insist my partner meet my wants or needs- I work on doing that for myself and meet my partner where they are
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@@juanderuano8969 Wow this conversation feels so real and genuine and not at all scripted and absolute bs
I'm a 70 year old American man, a Narive of Iowa. I commend your hard work to better understand yourself. You have done well and are articulate and intelligent. Bravo. I did 300 hours of therapy, read 20 books on anger management, conflict resolution, and family systems dynamics. The truth will set you free!
Wow I clicked on this video expecting to be entertained by some modern-day "self love" garbage that's just unhealthy solipsistic egoism, but you made some great points and I believe it all sounds like perfectly healthy adjustments for everyone to make.
Re the 3rd:: A wise friend said the key to a successful marriage? Having other friends!
do not expect to get everything from your partner.
Don’t even expect to get half from your partner
look to your other friends to fill your life just as much as your partner plays a part in it, not all of it.
Still have high expectations, but less.
One caution to having other friends is make sure they are not trying to push you away from your partner type of friends. But, of course nothing is perfect and people aren't perfect, because some friends can come and go.
Two sides road.Many friends don't make a partner feel special so ,What 's the point to stay in a relation?.Better alone or no bond.
@@adasatmc2007 I think the point is to having friends to go out with when your partner is busy or doesn't want to do the same things as you. It's good to have some Independence in the relationship, but of course if you find someone who likes the same hobbies or is very open to try your hobbies too, then that's great
@@sukiarts I know the point.If you're a girl and want a special guy only for you and forever whit who build a life an a future togheter don't have male friends.You can do whatever you want ,modern society can't change biology, love is responsability, loyalty and biology.
Greatly respect your thought processes. You resist the whole "mountains out of molehills" response. You are setting yourself up for success in your relationships, romantic and otherwise. Excellent job!
This culture models codependency, enmeshment & trauma-bonding on almost every level. Studying & practicing NVC (Nonviolent Communication) is a game changer. We’re all 100% responsible for our reactions, feelings & needs. Who knew??
The key to success is not known but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.
I just watch who I date anymore . If she wants more than I am willing to give , I let her know . If she brings it up again , I back away til she understands .
I wont marry again , I will not financially support a woman again, build a life to give up the house and more .
I also have made a girl mad because she wanted us to go out , I told her sure as long as your paying . She got mad and said why do I got to pay ? I said did I ask you out ? No .
Later , she took me out and she paid .
Self-awareness goes a long way.
In my 60s and married for over 40 years ... These is good wisdom in your advice ... very wise .
Sounds like you've worked through some tough stuff 👍 congratulations on making real progress, i wish you well on your journey.❤
Ummm, if you thought a need was a running partner glad you did the work. Need is different than want. Need: honesty , consistency, repair. Want: running partner, height, same interests…. Non negotiable vs some assessment of compatibility and compromise.
I caught that too
Long term relationships/marriage is no longer a realistic option for about 90% of the population. From a man’s perspective, the road goes two ways. We have just as big of a concern as women do. In my case I maintain my own home and finances and see one or two women when I want. The risk of entering into a cohabitation with a woman is too great of a risk and the benefits are practically nil. The beauty of having my own place is I can easily live on my own and if I want a companion, I can get a dog.
You are very emotionally intelligent and mature
I’ve had a few people say this to me. It’s motivated me to create a video on not only how I do it but why- which I’ll tell you ahead of time- it ultimately feels way better in my body in the long run. More to come!
All the random tats made me take notice…the use of the term “ my person,” made me wanna RUN!
This video earned you my sub! Great stuff. Most women I've known would love to claim this, but they don't have a clue... cos it's hard.
So glad I'm done with dating and trying to make relationships work. By not playing the game I win.
refreshing to hear healthy and mature adult attitude
Just have fun. Good catch ❤
You are awesome! You are hope that there are intelligent and introspective single people still left in the world. I wish you much happiness and love in your life.
Something about this woman just weirds me out. I think it’s the way she says my person I have never referred to anyone that way. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me but that’s kind of creepy for some reason. I’m 63 years old and spent 28 years in the army. I not scared of anything.
It's just her way of expressing herself. Her ideas reflect wisdom, I respect that
I got that too , as soon as she said my person .
“No longer reactive in that moment” ……
Right the woman will wait three years and then throw it at you :)
You are so right. Three years, then, boom, and repeatedly, ad naseum. That’s what I do. And verbatim. I can even tell you what you were wearing on that day.
There is a lot to unpack here and I would have to listen time and time again to pull it all together. That is my job for listening is it not? May you grow your following with the things you say.
I really liked this. Keep up the wholesome
Thank you so much! More wholesome to follow 🥳
the first one is big!!..marriage success = separate bedrooms for the "Time Out Period"
Appreciate the wisdom presented here!
You got your shit together.
You got it going on!
Good for you!
Right on. I just lost a great guy b/c i did the three things you mentioned. Nicely put!
Im in austin too-be great to be part of any groups you may lead …
Hey Jane!!! I have a webinar that I’ll be hosting soon, but must admit, you just planted a seed to plan something in person in the future!!
@@ashleykelsch I wouldn't expect any men to attend. the majority have checked out.
Should that be “do” and not “due”? I’m confused if that spelling choice is supposed to be intentional.
You are correct! It’s ‘do’. I didn’t notice the typo until after I loaded it here and a few other places.
What I do need is an extra set of eyes to edit my work 😂
You sound hectic . You sound like Chaos . A load of words flying from your mouth trying to ease your own panic , telling yourself you have it all figured out now after burning the house down. I get it , you've woken up to the impermanence of the world and your place in it and the fear has struck . Accept things as they are for you made them that way.
I try to avoid usury of my person, so therefore I avoid dating.
You are wise. Many of the views you are criticizing are extremely common yet childish ideas of what it is to be an adult human being.
Sounds like wisdom to me!
High value men will agree with you...
Hey Ashley, maybe you already answered this in another video, but can you please elaborate more on meeting your own needs? It's something that I think it's the hardest to me, since my love language is quality time
Hi! I absolutely can; in the meantime, I had a few other viewers ask a similar question and answered it here czcams.com/users/shortsh4u_mFsuHNs?si=qixvOSoxQsbTAyb5 I think you'll find it useful!!! Let me know what your thoughts :)
@@ashleykelsch Thank you! I do recognize the "punishment" behavior in me for doing the same as they did to me, so they feel what I felt. It's always good to find something new to learn and self reflect
@@sukiarts You'll have plenty of time to learn and reflect on what the universe is going to teach you going forward . You'll ne totally alone with your thoughts .
I like this
Very interesting 👌
Pass on this mess lol!
It's not "due". It's "do".😂
Its not usually easy to date while in a relationship 😸
The three things I don’t do: 1. Date tattooed women…
Oh my god, arguing about something we argree on but saying it in different ways..
I thought I was insane or she was or something.. I didn't know this was a thing others had happen too.
Beautiful woman ❤️
Simp to the slaughter , go get it boy , dive into the abyss and hope not to drown before you resurface . Lets hear from the previous men who experienced the bliss this lady is now offering . They're probably dangling from a rope
"My person". ?
Drizzle drizzle!
Is grammar one thing you don't "due"?
You got me! Looks like I have a need to be met and it's with an editor 😂
Not even Zen masters are able to always react to emotions like she claims to. We humans get upset and lash out and that, unfortunately, is what we as imperfect humans do. I also don't believe that stuffing the "feels" and waiting to work through the emotions is a healthy, sane reaction to feelings of conflict. I'm sorry, not buying what she's selling.
You meant "no longer do," not "due!" I'm not trying to be a prick, but sheesh.
Freudian slip , she's getting her dues now, like a lot of women heading into old age covered in tattoos and alone.
I wish I cared
I was done by the first few seconds. I never take dating advice from a woman with prison tattoos.
This reminds me of the smoking ads with the "tips" from former smokers who are about to die at age 55.
I don't take advice from people who live their lives primarily as a cautionary tale.
Well, that's how I went in. But then again, I've learned to separate ideas from the person expressing them. I think she's giving solid advise. I still don't like tats. But that isn't the issue here.
Just lower the bar to the floor 😂 lmao. It's one thing to not insist your partner go running with you or some other mundane activity, it's another to not have any expectations or needs in a relationship 😂😂😂 wtf is the point then just stay single. It's perfectly normal and human to have needs in a relationship, and no i don't mean come running with me. I mean deeper connection needs lmfao wtf
Lady just buy some cats.
Tattoos and a motor mouth spouting memes in a desperate attempt to cope with finding men have woken up to the illusion .
Grocery cart full of food for thought!!!!
Acquired wisdom---but very late in the game.
You sound like the perfect woman. What are you doing Friday night 😊
Another thing, being too independent wouldn't that mean you don't really need a relationship? Or someone to grow with?
How can you be too independent?
@@juliaalexander5788 what she said in the video was what I interpreted as being too independent. Meeting your own needs and wants, not expecting anything from your partner or date. I liked the second point, as long as I feel comfortable and safe talking about it with my partner
@@sukiartsrelationship are for giving and sharing love. Not for becoming dependent on each other. Interdependent. And honestly, you don’t need a relationship, but want to have one as a place of growth. Ok either way.
@@tallspicy I've got into the realization that enjoying the moment with someone I'm dating is much more enjoyable when I'm not thinking where it will lead. Just making each other laugh and feel comfortable seems more important. After all I'm happy to have them in my life
@@sukiarts Yes , it's all his fault .
My person????
TATTOOS no thank you.
You mean you are more mature than you previously were. Okay, big deal.
Tattoos are a big turnoff, particularly on older women. Yuk. And WTF is she talking about?
OK first of all grow your hair long and get rid of some of those damn tattoos
Boy haircut and tattoos...you lose.
Grow yourself some hair first, before teaching other women....
U NEED MAKE UP
It took this chick 44 years to figure this out 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
The great realization when you see the next 44 years ahead and how the previous 44 have put you where you are now .
Nobody cares.
They are trying to help others, not get attention.
Recognizing the difference is how you avoid bad relationships and stay in good ones.
You are wrong. And, no one cares that you are.
This was rather refreshing to hear/watch.🫂🫂