Should Poor People Be Allowed To Date?
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- If you don’t like broke guys, just don’t date them.
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How is she not embarassed about shaming people for their financial situation in this economy :/
She's an elitist. To her, poor people need to die to save her.
Class conflict. The richer often look down on the poorer. Even our words for immortality are rooted in classism: villain originally meant serf for instance.
She is advertising her own financial situation. Apparently she can’t pay for her own food!
(Thats what people in my country would think.)
It’s women like this who are responsible for all the Gold Digger labeling, and the misery it creates!
"In this economy"???
Honey, in ANY economy!
*AGGRESSIVELY AVERAGE*
I SCREAMED
😂💀😂💀
Took me tf out.
@@marlenabrown3635 🙀
I'm thinking either a metalcore or post-punk bandname
Just a thought--if you make relationships transactional, you will end up with someone who views relationships as transactions. This goes both ways.
Isn't that already the norm?
In a capitalistic System, everything tugns into a Transaktion..
@@CordeliaWagner1999Not as far as I'm aware. Most people seek partners that are with them for things that are difficult to quantify, and thus difficult to assign equivalent value to. So the bases for the necessary exchange breaks down. Though I guess one could stretch the idea and say that each person gains something from the other so it is teeeeechnically a transaction. But then that would have to be true of any human interactions ever. As someone usually gains something from it.
I think most people want a relationship to not be alone and get free xes regularly.
I think it isn't our natural State to be in a romantic relationship.
We are Group Animals, not Coiple Relationship Animals.
And I try and try to explain that to those infected with the PUA nonsense and they just can't hear that.
@@CordeliaWagner1999 I think it's very individual and depends on the person. I can't personally imagine having several or random partners.
Also a group can mean a family. It doesn't have to mean something like polyamory.
Fellas take note. Forget all the Manosphere guru hogwash. Forget the pseudoscience of Alphas and Betas and Sigmas. You want a decent life, you want a sense of self-worth that means a damn, all you need to know is right there in nine simple words:
"I try my best and I treat people kindly".
That doesn't make the failures magically sting less.
Doing my best doesn't yield the results that make life bearable.
😂
@@zacharybosley1935 Therapy will.
@@zacharybosley1935I'm not sure what "failures" you speak of, but I can assure you that the longer you keep trying, the higher the potential of improvement. The alternative is no improvement, bc you're not trying.
Oftentimes we can change the way we're trying to do something to achieve better results - having people to talk to about it is SO helpful.
You got this ❤️
@@zacharybosley1935 You won't fix your life or be guaranteed a reward (though it's nice when you get one) by being selfless. By definition, being selfless means you focus on others over yourself. It doesn't make it bad to be selfless though because ultimately it's just the right thing to do.
“How are you not embarrassed-”
I am, I’m just not embarrassed for me.
Haha! I love that
LMAO, facts
Change embarrassment for shame and that's the story of my life. I'm ashamed I'm the same species as this thing that's so preoccupied with money.
Same! That woman's entitlement and main character syndrome is giving me secondhand embarrassment.
I'm female and before I got married, back when I was dating, I insisted on going 50/50 or if he got the bill on one date, I got it on the next. I took a lot of pride in that - proving I could hold my own, not having anyone feel that I "owed" them. It meant that we were equals and so the focus was on the important things, rather than the material things.
I would've been *really* embarrassed to let a guy pay for everything 😬👀 The woman in the video is beyond delusional if she thinks that there's such a thing as a free date...
The weighted pause before announcing you're "aggressively average" 🤣🤣🤣 comedy gold
Sure Lady, we don't have to split 50-50, you are welcome to pay...
Yeah you can pay that tab yourself because I won't be there to help you pay it anymore you waste thousand of dollars for no reason and pretend it's women wasting your money no thanks I choose me that's the better choice. I'll pay a little more money' for privacy I will because that's what all women ever wanted was for men to leave us alone and hold their own nuts.
I do have a decent amount of money. But I don't want to BUY a partner, I want to earn a partner. I want to go for a walk and talk until our feet hurt and we realize we've been hanging out for hours. I want to spend no money on a first date. But I want to spend my rather limited time and my undivided attention. And I want someone who does the same.
Aaaah that is the best! Wish you the best to find your ideal partner!
This right here is what I'd want in a partner personally, someone who is going to try with me and is interested in getting to actually know me. I've had those kinds of dates every so often and every damn time it's the coolest thing in the world!!! They're also usually the best dates I've ever had so you're doing it right btw. ❤
This reads a bit like poetry and I think that's beautiful. Best of luck on finding a partner!
Almost all of them have a price. Some charge by the hour, others charge by the years.
@brak1615 yes same. I don't want a partner to throw money at me, I want them to throw their time at me. I want someone who will treat me like a person instead of a vending machine. Fancy expensive dates/gifts are nice once in a while, but they don't show me who you are, they only show me you have money. Money doesn't show me morals, personality, intelligence, sense of humour, etc.
Country girl here. When husb asked for date, had to turn him down, don't think he believed that I had promised to help out on butcher day. Accepted next date & brought him hand made sausage. City boy, wasn't sure, Was massively embarrassed. But 2nd date led to 37 years married!
That’s some absurdly real interaction. If my date brought me a hand made sausage after ditching for butcher - I just know we at the very least would be friends with that chaotic energy
That’s a wonderful story of your beginning together.
Love it!
Hand made sausage? Honey, that’s a marriageable asset.
@@MisterIncog My life is a study of absurdity!
"I try my best" - there it is!
That's why people fall in love with other people.
They admire the effort and work they put into their relationships, their passions, their hobbies!
It is so attractive to strive to be better.
But if poor people don't date, how are the rich going to get the next generation of cheap, exploitable labor power?
Not because of being poor, but there is a extreme labor shortage going on right now, this is why so many illegal immigrants have been let into the United States, this is why the abortion laws have changed, the government is even talking about bringing back the draft , because there aren't enough people to join the military, even drafting women, but I think that would be just a ploy to get more babies born, how many women would get pregnant to avoid service ?
Simple: they want to import them from the cheapest seller...
@@Leslie-es5ijgood point about getting pregnant to avoid service! Never thought of that.
@@Leslie-es5ij
Which politicians are talking about bringing back the draft? I haven't heard one politician from either party say anything about that.
@@allesdurchprobiert stupid idea, 18+ years of raising children against 2-3 years of service. If your country don't start wars just because it's not that bad. Again, against raising a child, especially unwanted.
If you can't come to a relationship with love and kindness then perhaps you will need money. But most humans don't care about money, we want kindness, care, compassion, loyalty, and friendship. I can go 50/50, I can fund myself. Just be kind, I don't want someone for money.
Nah, love can't pay bills. I can pay for somethings but in the first dates that will not be me.
Both going 50/50 doesn't seem like a big deal if we are already official
I pay my own bills, and yes if someone asks me on a date, they should pay, if I ask, I pay. If we go halves, fine. But if someone can't afford 1 single date, I'm not going to try to publicly shame them.
You haven’t dated a woman, have you?
@bgos4727 Love doesn't have to pay the bills, nor does a guy who wants to figure out if we are compatible. He doesn't owe me for spending time with him, I am not an escort. And why would you want to start a serious relationship with him having to show you he can pay for your stuff?
Don't get me wrong, if you want a traditional marriage where he earns the money and you do the "wifey" stuff, that's all good of course, we fought for choice not for a specific way to live. But I don't understand why a man is supposed to pay for a first date if that's not actually the relationship dynamic you want (with all the consequences).
@@bgos4727 have fun dating nothing but rich assholes then
Seriously no men will ever lose points on s date with me because he want to split the bill.
I'm female and always thought you should always split the bill when you go out unless they offered to take you somewhere and tell you they're paying. As in, they say: "Let's go to this fancy place that's expensive." And my response would be "I don't have the money for that right now." And then they would reply with "Oh, don't worry about it. I got you."
I've been on both sides of that too. Where I ask someone to go somewhere they can't afford and offer to cover them. Maybe I just prefer to be able to pay my own way.
Yeah, I would always assume the bill would be split. If one or the other wants to pay, say, "Let me buy you dinner", not "Let's go to dinner".
Gah! I hate that this is STILL a thing! As a woman, I have no problem splitting the bill for a date. Just discuss before said date, so both people know, and agree on an estimated cost. If one party wants to plan something special, a fancy restaurant or activity that may be pricey, that person should at least offer to pay.
Exactly!
Arbitrary rules ❌
Honest communication ✅
In my country it the rule that you split the bill. No woman with a bit of self esteem let somebody else pay. Unless she doesn’t has money, and the other is a good friend.
Yes and for some, dating someone who insists on always paying can feel uncomfortable. Sometimes you come across men who take it as such a point of pride (in being the man) that they perceive it as an insult if you offer to pay or go 50-50, and will get agitated if you insist.
Here's a hint. Be louder in your hatred of that. One of the biggest complaints in the manosphere is because men are sick of how expensive and transactional dating has become. They're sick and tired of seeing that women have jobs and their own money yet a man is expected by society to bear the vast majority of dating expenses. That makes them easy prey for the pick up artists and other grifters who teach them that if they're paying, they should expect something in return.
Normalising going 50/50 would do so much to steal the wind from their sails and just make the dating landscape better for everyone.
I agree that we should make splitting the bill a more accepted concept but i don't think that that will help against the unhappiness of most men. Because a lot of them have started to hate women and will just be mad at women for offering to pay instead. There is no winning against sad lonely men who blame women for their loneliness@@StillNotCancelled
I'm truly stunned by all the women on social media insisting that men pay for the first date these days. Back in the early 2000s my mom taught me that a classy lady always offers to split the check on the first date, and THEN if the man offers to cover it you can accept or decline. IMHO it's tacky to just *expect* a guy to pay for the first date.
I do have a couple very specific circumstances though where he should have covered the date but didn’t. On one I was fully prepared to pay for my own lunch at the coffee shop I suggested. He decided last minute we should eat at this expensive hotel restaurant. At that point he should have covered it. Another was from online dating, first date, wealthy guy. He suggested an expensive restaurant. Fine, I agreed and could cover my meal without issue. But then when he declares in the middle of the date loudly that it won’t work because of something I put plainly in my profile. When I said this he responded “I never read profiles, also never read resumes.” Well now you just wasted my time. If you’re not even going to make sure the person is a good fit, just trying to rack up the dates, then pay for them, or meet at a coffee shop. My favorite first date was walking around a farmer’s market. Cost neither of us anything.
i feel like it's just tacky to except ANYTHING from a person you DON'T KNOW.
you expect boyfriend or girlfriend to pay, that's one thing. you know the relationship dynamics cuz you HAVE a relationship.
but a first freaking date? i don't even know this person, so to me, it's just feels like entitlement to EXPECT them to pay for shit
Social media is what is brainwashing these women through compare culture. Thank FakeBook for women regressing into bratty, aged children. All by design!
I don't like it either. It feels like I am selling my time for a free meal from a stranger who is just trying to figure out if me might be compatible. I am happy to be seen as a person that wants to spend time with someone rather than s prize to win over and impress.
When I was young I wouldn't have known to split the bill because I was raised that the man always pays for dates. But now I'd insist. I don't want to feel beholden to anyone that I just met, you never know if they're the type of person to try to make you feel obligated to do things you don't want to because they bought you a meal. Or the type of person who would throw it back in your face during an argument. Just pay for yourself until have an established relationship then you can start treating each other to meals.
Exactly. I dont want men to pay for this reason. I owe you nothing and Id rather, kindly, and passively show you my independence, not by screaming it but by expecting and accepting nothing of a man until I feel he is worth investing in as well.
"He tries his best and treats people kindly." Is basically what I'm looking for in a partner... Hurts to say it's tough finding one
That's the basic. Any guy will twist himself into knots for a gal if sufficiently motivated. It's the provision where the rubber meets the road and if you don't have it your out of luck.
@@jman5949 utter bullshit.
My first date with my spouse, I bought the movie tickets and snackies; he bought our dinner. It was a great first date and we’ve been married for 15 years. He didn’t ask me to pay for anything BUT I wanted to in order to show I wanted to have a partnership.
Well done, it's the offer that we want, we may even say no it's fine, it shouldn't be a thing that we have ask a date to be a grown up and pay for own consumption.
Shaming men for not having enough money to completely foot every bill is reinforcing the patriarchy.
That said, if men are going to come at women with "you should do all the housework, all the childcare, and also take care of me, 100%" and then have the audacity to follow that up with, "and I want you to foot half the bills for the privilege of being my servant"? They should be VERY embarrassed 😠
This is true. It seems like the misogynist community is kind of split on this one. I've seen some that are exactly like what you are describing: they want a servant who is also "not a goldigger"--a servant that works for them for free. Then there are others who want to pay for everything because it gives them absolute power. It must be a real conundrum for them.
Yes people need to realize that equality means equality on both sides. And its a threat to equality for both sides to treat either side unfairly. It causes resentment and justification for discriminating back
Sadly, shaming men for things out of their control is the modus operandi worldwide. We’re used to it. We just shut down, keep our heads down, don’t talk, and continue trying to survive.
I'd agree with your last paragraph, I don't know any men like that , I think most guys just want a woman to pull her weight in the relationship. The woman in the video is the type that would expect hubby to employ a housekeeper so she didn't have to lower herself but then still expect him to pay all the bills.
Exactly. 50-50 means actually 50-50 on everything, not just bills. So for every woman like this expecting men to pay for everything, there are men that want women to split bills but also take care of the home and any children on her own too. No, you either go 50-50 on household chores and child rearing too or get outta here.
As a woman, I'm determined to be the kind of person I'd hope for in a partner; Take him out to eat, buy him flowers, and tell him I find him beautiful.
Being loved is great, but I think loving someone is pretty wonderful too❤
This is it. Right here! Men love to be treated and cared for too ❤
Man, if I am not embarrassed about a current situation, my brain will pul something from my past to make sure I always am embarrassed about something…whether it is the current state of my microwave which a friend of our daughter’s mentioned yesterday, or that time I was at a friend’s house when I was 11 and her mom served us sloppy joes for lunch. Her dad looked at me and said, “eat up, this is the best she can do.” To which I replied, “I am sure this is not the best she can do.” 🙄
I have what people have called a freakishly good memory. More often than not, this is not a gift. I am 54 years old and can still feel my embarrassing moments from when I was 5 years old…and they come to mind. I think my brain just wants me to not have a big, strong ego.🤷🏻♀️
I don't think you need to be embarrassed about defending your friend's mom. That's sweet.
@@wartgin 😂🤣😂…but, you see? By defending her, I was basically suggesting that sloppy joes is not that great. My friend’s dad was joking, and then I put my foot in my mouth. That is just one example. It’s the first one I thought of.
Same but nearly 60, I don’t have much melanin in my body so it’s definitely easy to tell when I’m embarrassed, I still blush like a 14yr old boy. 😂
No one has every asked me to split the bill, because I always assume we pay our own share, like the adults we are.
Wish more woman were like that , most of my dates suddenly remembered they'd left their purse in the car or had to go to the toilet right as we were about to pay.
@@silverdale3207 That's crazy! If someone did that to me, I would ask the waiter for separate bill, and let them deal with my date. It's an outdated tradition that doesn't work with the way we live, or the way we date in today's world.
It is good when people like this fly their red flags so high so people know to stay the hell away from them
Expecting the man to pay for all dates just seems outdated to me as a woman who makes enough to take care of herself and have some fun along the way. I can afford to pay for half of a typical date (dinner and a movie, trip to the aquarium, that sort of thing). I can even afford to pay for an entire typical date if the person I'm dating wants to trade off or something.
Then again, I'm not really the dating type, so what do I know about how this all works?
Yeah I haven't dated a ton either, but I've always insisted on 50/50. I find that people who aren't super invested in sexist gender roles are pretty okay with that
Men still on average make quite a bit more money than women, especially if the woman is a single mom, her money isn’t as freely spent as a single man with no dependents. Dating isn’t one size fits all
@@chronic_payne5669 You're talking about general trends here though, which may or may not actually apply to individuals. I think the concerns you bring up are worthwhile, but we can just agree on a norm where, in the case of obvious wealth disparities, the person making a lot more money or with significantly less financial responsibilities offers to pay. We don't have to have gendered dating rules as an imprecise proxy
@@RobinRaye-np3vw The norm should be that people should expect to pay for themself. Period. If someone offers a different arrangement that's fine but there is no circumstance where someone should show up on a date expecting the other person to pay for them.
@@BTrain-is8ch Yeah I think expecting it is usually pretty entitled, but with all things there's nuance. When I was an unemployed student my aunt and uncle would sometimes take me out to a restaurant. They're well off in their government jobs and I was babysitting their kids for free. They didn't have to pay for me, but it was kinda the right thing to do, so they did. Similar situations can arise in dating, especially long-term dating. It all depends on context
I was just trying to tell the other person to not to make gendered dating norms around paying, because that's even less helpful
It’s simple the person who asks for a first date pays. This often means it’s the guy. But there is no shame in a cheap date. Hot chips at the beach or a coffee. Dinner at home, maybe cheap Asian street food are all a fun way of getting to know someone
I like this! It also means that the person who asked for the date can decide on a venue within their budget without shaming the other party or forcing them to pay money they can't afford. And if they happen to choose a cheaper place, they can show that they're fun and thoughtful and interesting regardless of the price of the meal/event, and thus they get to see if that's sufficient to secure a second date. Cheap (but interesting) dates as the first date sounds like a decent way to gauge interest in the person.
There is (or rather should be), no shame in asking out, with the proposed "going dutch" parameters. There should be no shame in having said date be cost free to both participants (i.e. meeting up at a park, stroll on the beach/boardwalk, etc.). There is no one absolute best way to date, but the best for the parties of the date.
The only "red flag" all should be concerned with, is "expectations" (i.e. "I paid for...I expect [insert outcome], "I paid for this time, I expect [who] to pay next time," etc.).
For far too long, it has been embedded within us that our wealth is our power, instead of learning to share what we do have with others, making the playing field more equitable. It would definitely lead the ultra wealthy to pay their fair taxes, and would wipe out that notion that relationships are transactional.
Btw, I am not saying that your idea is not valid or decent (because it is both), but just pointing out there are multiple options that can be considered and discussed, prior to any type of meetups (friendships, dating, hookups, hangouts, etc.).
Glad you recognize that the guy (if we're talking about a heterosexual pairing) is still more likely to be expected to front the first date but that expectation and reality that men ask first is why I can't agree with how you say things should be.
Also, I'd like to look further in sociological studies to see if cheap dates correlate with a significant decrease in 2nd dates.
Exactly. The way I learned the rule was that the person extending the invitation payed unless "going Dutch" was made clear beforehand. But absolutely ice cream dates (extended favorable discussion under one of the Click videos that included someone dissing them as too high school), coffee dates, feeding the ducks, museum visits on free entry day, etc are all acceptable ways to spend time together and get to know each other. After all, that is the point of dating.
I’m not going to someone’s home for dinner, on a first date
I'm not embarrassed. I'm Dutch. Expect me to go Dutch too. (also I value equality in relationships. Not splitting the bill can, depending on the person, create an inequality or feeling of debt)
Crazy how if you're a good person and treat people with respect, they'll like you! 😂
I wonder where in such situations is expectation better than communication and what is the supposed quality of a relationship based on this attitude. We were both quite out of money, so we just admitted it, agreed to go 50:50 and have something we both can afford and it worked perfectly fine. Also we were there to spend nice time together, not financially ruin each other. I always ask, even my friends, I think that hurts no one and it's nice to know it beforehand anyway.
I think some people just enjoy creating fake dramas from situations that can be very simple and clear.
Your sense of humor while responding to such ignorance is such a bright spot in the universe
It's not even a financial situation argument all on its own. Just split the bill until you feel like you don't need to, that's it, that's the vibe
Right! This is so much easier than expecting anyone outright to just pay...
Yes. Financial situation is one thing. Another is someone who only go on dates if they get free meals/money/gifts may just be doing it to exploit people and not being genuinely invested in the relationship and finding love. They may have no plans of a serious committment. They may not even like the person but still pretend for a while. You gotta question the intention behind. As well as just a principle of fairness. They both can have paid jobs.
I'll prefer a man who will share his ideas and value mine and who I can have long pleasant conversations with over huge junk or big money every day of the week.
I mean, sometimes I wish I had the courage/lack of embarrassment, cough, I mean audacity, that others had. I think I'd be a lot farther along than where I am. However, because I grew up in a narcissistic household, I always fear becoming like him, so I dampen my own audacity....oh wait, this is something different.
Nah, as a millennial, I don't feel embarrassed about being poor. I'm not even making paycheck to paycheck any more. I feel like, most millennials and the older gen z's know where we are and aren't embarrassed by it. We understand the systemic issues out there that keep people down whether it's based on race, gender, income, or other things. My dream of "making it big" has dwindled to, I'd like to make it out of debt and be able to pay for basic necessities and healthcare.
That’s the DREAM of every child, right? “When I grow up I want to”….make enough money to afford basic necessities and healthcare, without falling deeply into debt! Forget mansions and fancy cars…MY DREAM is to be able to live a single day without being terrified of losing healthcare coverage for my chronic illnesses!
Once, my girlfriend and I were talking about how maybe one day, if we work hard, we could afford an apartment together and a really nice, big table where we could host dinner parties and board game nights. And I stopped and was like, holy shit this is sad. Our parents were dreaming of someday owning mansions, we're dreaming of someday owning a table
@@emirom2 sadly, yes, that's what it's become. I remember the days when I had "real" dreams. Those days are long gone. I'm already in so much debt between school and chronic medical issues that will only get worse the older I get.
@RobinRaye-np3vw I'm lucky. As an older millennial, husband and I bought a house right after the bubble burst. It was supposed to be our starter house. It's less than 900sq ft and on a tiny bit of acreage. Now, we realize, this is our forever home. We don't have space for entertaining. Board game nights are a dream at this point.
I do think the guy should take care of the first few dates, but I’ve also cooked for movie night at my place alot after that. It’s not the money per se but him showing effort and thoughtfulness. Sometimes a guy has taken me out on a monetarily cheap date but he also took me hiking to a cool place or something. One guy bought me a special bottle of sake, made me dinner at his place, and we watched martial arts movies because we both liked that kind of thing. It was really special.
Another guy I was with for a while took me to Hawaii (it was cheap back then) to meet his fam. He took me to North Shore, bought some beer and dried squid, then we wrapped ourselves in a blanket and snacked while watching the waves. That was one of our better dates.
One thing that isn’t discussed much is how good a guy is with the money he DOES make. I’d rather be with a blue collar guy who budgets well and is creative with low cost dates than a rich trust funder who lives month to month. Which happens.
Yeah I think so people are missing it that traditional this was taught as a sign of how much the guy cared not the women using them as a trust fund (although some women have done this). When guys don't pay at least the first day or play that they left their wallet or kinda are so certain to split right when its time to pay, that's when it goes sideways). I also was raised in a more traditional sense although I'm a millennial and still am leery of guys not wanting to pay for a modest dinner for their date. If that is the case, especially if guys are concerned economically that it's too much of an investment, then have a coffee date and everyone pay for themselves. But it shouldn't be that a woman has to pay for her own all the time if the guy is always inviting.
One of the things that I deeply respect about you is your willingness to be vulnerable on the Internet. By doing that you’re modeling good behavior for all of the emotionally stunted dudes watching this.
And to answer your question, no, I’m not embarrassed. But that’s mostly because I have a degenerative illness and everyone that I still interact with goes out of their way to remind me that I’m doing my best.
I'm not well off, and when I can't afford to pay for the whole date (just in case), I cancel.
That's when I don't know the guy very well. I just like to be prepared😅
Why do so many people feel it’s their right to deny the rights of others? Say you’re privileged and entitled without saying you’re privileged and entitled.
As a woman going dutch makes more sense to me anyway tbh. I won't turn down favors, but I'm not entitled to them. I just pay for the next date.
If a man is kind, and upfront with their money situation and budget around that situation it’s all good, the problem is when he invites you out to a fancy place, doesn’t tell you you’re splitting the bill then his card declines so you then have to pay for both of you then get ghosted 2 weeks after when you decline to go to another restaurant and suggest the park and froyo instead…. 😐 after that I NEVER trusted a guy who mentions 50/50…. They don’t mean 50/50….
Normalize affordable dates like a day in a public park.
not a coffee shop even? Public parks aren't appropriate for a date.
@@prettyglowin694 Coffee shops tend to require spending money. Not everyone has that kinda cash.
@@prettyglowin694 I'd love public park date.
1. If that's a freak, there are people around
2. You can always take blanket, prepare a little picnic [obviously date should participate, like "I'd take this, what will you bring?"]
3. You can be creative here, you don't have to just sit. You can always take something like ball or frisbee to have some active time together.
@@prettyglowin694tell that to my girlfriend of three years
@@Skenjin wow a cup of coffee is cheap. If I was in survival mode, I would be focused on improving my situation not finding someone to date.
I totally fell in love with my fiance because he's so incredibly kind 💖 Literally rushes up ahead to hold the door for old people. I was about to suggest to him that we help this sweet old lady from our building because she looked overwhelmed and he said it first! 😆
You found love and respect, because you give love and respect. Guys like you are the reason I have refused to settle for anything less. I know there are men out there who are better.
im also embarrassed all the time so i too have no idea what its like to confidently just walk around doing stuff with no qualms
Going Dutch until you are very close is a badge of honour. Mutual respect. Even after being close, my partner and I would take turns paying (keeping the price close across dates). Consult each other on big purchases when we married. Mutual respect. A decade marriage going stronger than ever. ❤
"How are you not embarrassed" "I am."
Sent me
I love your energy and your aura, please dont stop doing what you do...to some of us, you bring hope in humanity.
"Oh not that" XD
When I've had money, I've taken my friends out. When we all have money, we split. When I don't have money, my friends spot me.
I'm embarrassed for the person who thinks going 50/50 is wrong. LOL what? It's literally called 'going Dutch' in the US.
The way you said aggressively average makes me love you!!
❤❤❤❤ Thank you for being our voice.
Kindness is hugely underrated.
I prefer "average" and "below average", and poor, but kind, to rich **and** above average, but not kind.
Kind is willing to work at a relationship.
Kind is willing to compromise in relationships.
Kind is willing to look for win-win-win solutions in relationships.
Kind operates off of compersion (finding joy in other people's joy).
Kind is the foundation for a healthy relationship.
Everything else is representative of temporary states of being, are conditional, and can change with a single emergency.
My attitude is I'll only ask someone on dates to places where I can afford to pay for both bills, because I'm the one doing the asking.
But I NEVER date people who *assume* I'm footing the bill. That level of entitled arrogance is exhausting, and I ain't got it in me to pander to that sort of pond life.
ooo i love that red nail polish!
As a woman, I’ve always hated the expectation that the man always pays for a date. I do like the idea that the initiator pays for the date. (It doesn’t seem polite that you’d ask someone to dine with you, and then ask them to split the bill.) When I asked a man out, I paid, and then I could choose a situation that made me comfortable. If he asked me out, I would only offer to pay if I knew I didn’t want a second date. But if I liked him, I would definitely let him know that the next date would be on me. Either way, I liked the idea that it was about manners, not expectations.
In the past, women weren’t always employed or paid decent wages, but these days that’s not usually the case. We want to be treated equally, so shouldn’t we behave equally as well? It just seems fair.
I was watching this in the background while doing an art thing and just so happened to glance over and notice your painted nails - THEY LOOK AWESOME, you're 100% pulling off that color and also seeing cis men unapologetically having painted nails makes me feel giddy :3
If I ask someone to come out and eat with me, I pay. If I'm too broke at the time, I don't ask them out. If someone asks if I want to go out with them I 100% expect them to pay.
Does this apply to anyone? Like, if a friend or coworker asks if you want to meet up for lunch, do you expect them to pay?
@@divergentdreamer well if we're chatting on the phone, for example, and the conversation leads us to say let's meet up, then a 50/50 thing would go without saying. I don't get invited out particularly often.
@@divergentdreamer For me, absolutely. The amount of times I've said, "I asked to hang out and eat somewhere I chose, not for you to open your wallet.". I know it's not the most widespread behavior but it's my approach.
Its the blatant sexism in her question that irks me the most tbh
How are gold diggers not embarrassed? I was always charmed when my guys would ask me if I would like to split the bill. It meant I could order what I wanted and even (gasp) we could have an appetizer and/or dessert! I married a very traditional man who still struggles with not paying for everything when we go out... after 30 years! My solution? I hand him the money or card and he pays. Voila! He doesn't have to be shamed by gold diggers like this young woman. I fancy most men would love a woman who wants a partnership rather than a replacement Daddy.
Gay man here and I can say that it is a lot nicer not having the expectation that one person pay for everything even if you’re the partner who isn’t buying. I have a lot of guilt around accepting gifts and help and being allowed to share costs makes it a lot easier to feel both like a contributor and someone cared for.
When me and my husband first got together - he was renting a room from a friend and I was living with my grandma. We’d feed each other between paydays as a sign of affection. I worked as much as I could while finishing school. He was working for a small local business at the time. We were dating for 3 months when my sister was released from jail and i ended up getting kicked out of my grandmas house because her boyfriend was a creep and I beat the crap out of him.
We hadn’t even said I love you yet, but I’d hug my now fiancé at night and say I love you so he wouldn’t hear me say it. One night I thought he was asleep and he wasn’t. He heard me say it and he was like “YOU LOVE ME?!” Just the most excited id ever heard him. I was like, “of course! Life ain’t perfect but we’re making it better together”
We’ll be closing on a house soon. We have 2 of the sweetest dogs in the world. Decent vehicles to drive. Fridge is full of food.
I never wanted it all up front. I wanted a chance to create my own life with somebody. ❤
"How are you not embarrassed-"
"I am"
Relatable
Her attitude is one of the best reasons I've ever seen to ask a woman to go Dutch. Really fast way to sort out the people who actually like you from the ones who are only looking to get treated and pampered at your expense. And I am not a cheapskate or impoverished guy. I am a woman who suggests inexpensive ethnic restaurants and pays her own way, in part to remove the calculation in a man's mind of how much cash it's worth to date and get to know me.
How i handle my embarrassment, surround myself with people who will be just as awkward and weird or don't care that I'm awkward and weird. Also for the rest, surround myself with people who will kindly call out toxic behaviors and help me understand why they are hurting people. I do those two things and the rest is nothing to be embarrassed about. Doesn't always fix it, but that helped improve it a lot
On my first date with my girlfriend (context: we are both acespec women), we each paid our own way, but we also each gave the other a copy of a book that was important to us. I also brought some of my homemade gingerbread (it was December) to share, and sent her home with the leftovers.
She and her family both immediately decided I was a keeper.
To those getting hung up on who pays for what, I say: learn to bake.
"... treated people with kindness ... found love" that's how
"I try my best and I treat people kindly" - my dude, your words of advice are a precious commodity that the world is running out of, also please put this on a t-shirt
Lol you are great my man! Also some of us just want a complete self and aren't trying to fill the gap with another separate individual.
"I try my best and I treat people kindly." Words to live by, unless you are the woman in that video. For me, asking someone on a date with the understanding that it will be "Dutch", is a pretty good litmus test of whether I want that person in my life. If they freak out because they think I can't afford to "keep" them, why would I want to "keep" them? That means all I am and will ever be to them is a paycheck with legs and "benefits", whatever those might be. A long-term relationship, formalized or not, is a life partnership. "For better or worse, for richer for poorer" and all that.
This goes for any gender. If you invite someone and pick an expensive place without checking with them first and then ask them to split the bill when they might not be able to afford it because you cant afford it.....
bring a coffee from home and go for a walk instead.
Oh believe me, there *are* people who are not embarrassed.
So embarrassing.
😬
Can we just normalize asking - what are your views on dating and relationships and money? I say this as a person that is so terrified of numbers that have more than 3 digits that my SO has an MBA because I had so much shame instilled in me growing up about being poor or having money that I crumble at the thought of spending or taking out the kind of loan we took out to get a house.
As a dutch woman i kind of expect to split the bill when dating. not only because its a lot more normal here but also because then i don't feel obligated to go on a second date or anything if i didn't feel the connection. I now have a steady partner and we take turns paying. Especially in this economy you can't expect one person to pay for everything and ultimately it's about being together and having a good time and personally i find that a good use of my money.
I'm not American, so I feel like I'm in debt when someone else pays for me.
Or like I'm a child that someone else needs to take care of. I'm not, I fully able to pay for my food myself.
I don't want to feel like some escort, that they have pay to hang out with me.
I fundamentally cannot ask to split bills. It actively puts an unjustifiable amount of stress on me that I should not feel. That option needs to be extended to me and even then I'd rather we go back and forth paying and have that be the thing offered at payment of the bill.
I don't really care if I do or don't pay, I care if I'm the only one paying every single time, because after a certain point it feels like I need too basically pay the person to interact with them
You made me LOL and I needed that. Thank you for being the wonderful human you are. You're an example for all men.
I'm 72 now and looking back, the first 40 years is about being Programmed and the last 40 is about UN-Programming yourself. Life is sweet now because I run it more efficiently and I don't put up with BS. In my defense, my parents were spoiled teenagers...OMG!
One thing I think is BS is expecting men to cover you $$$ and then bitch about not being equal. Take me out to dinner and I'll love it...and the next time it is my turn to make a home cook meal because I'm so great at it.
I used to pay for my boyfriend all the time. I was working, he was still in University and already paying much more than the costs of a dinner date for the train ticket to see me. If you both are working, where is the problem in going dutch or each of you paying every other time?
I like the positive energy!
How are you not embarrassed?…I am, about literally everything…that’s me too 😂
I get it. She probably grew up in a time where men were still desperately trying to put women under their boot by forcing the view that only they can provide for a woman. Meanwhile, she also happened to enjoy the ability to live independently.
When men were providers, women needed a provider. It's the single most important thing for them, as they were systemically barred from an independent life.
In other words, she does not see the discrepancy between the historic reason on why men were paying for everything, and the socio-economic circumstances she gets to enjoy now, which aren't forcing her into financial dependency.
As a man, I’m not super poor, but like, going out costs a lot of money, I’m all for walks or spending time at a place, the way I see it isn’t gendered at all, if 2 people go out, 1 person wants to go out with someone and 1 person accepted to go out with someone. Idc what the genders are people should expect pay for their own food or whatever. Me and my gf both work and we’ve always paid for our own stuff, mind you I usually paid when she was broke, I don’t like being expected to pay, because that’s a transactional relationship, I don’t look for transaction in a relationship. I look for real relationships like the one I have now. People should date how they prefer and pay can be discussed prior to going out, mind not everyone is for everyone, but gendered pay just sounds silly, go out because you enjoy each others company, I’ll happily pay for my meal I wanna get, the other person can buy themselves a meal if they’re hungry too, and it doesn’t even need to be a restaurant 🤷♂️
I feel like the only kind of healthy relationship is between two people that can do everything for themselves, but choose to invite someone else into their life…I want to be an equal, and so I will make myself equal
I personally feel that the person who initiated the date should be the one who pays unless stipulated at the outset who pays of if going Dutch. A date shouldn’t be focused on who has what kind of money. A date should focus on the kind of person each party is. I don’t care how much money a man has. I care about whether he holds doors open for elderly people. Does he treat the service staff with respect? Does he respect my boundaries? If we encounter a dog and he isn’t allergic is he friendly to it. Those are things that I really pay attention to. For all I care we can do a date that involves completely free activities and if the man is kind and respectful I’d probably swoon.
Um...back when I was single, I didn't want guys paying for my dates because then there was a tendency to think I owed them physical affection in return.
Even more reason to accept them paying for everything, then. If you see relationships as transactional, you deserve to get scammed.
Idgaf about the entitlement of these people, regardless of their gender. If I can use their bs rethoric against them, I definitely will.
@GreyPunkWolf i understand your inclinations, but it becomes a safety issue. Those same guys are often not big on consent. I felt it was better to insist on things up front that would make them avoid me. I'm not the type of person they're looking for and they're not the type of person I'm looking for, so there's no point in wasting my time on a date with someone I don't want to spend time with.
"I try my best, and I treat people kindly. Somehow I found love!" Where as there are many rick entitled jerks who haven't, and even if someone does appear to love them, they will assume it's because of their money or what they can do monetarily. Women I know, want 3 things, in this order: physical security, emotional security, and financial security. If you can't provide the first 2, they won't bother hanging around for the 3rd, especially since these days women can participate in providing financial security for themselves.
As a woman, I always ask to split the bill on the first date. With the dating apps, there may be lots of first dates and it’s not fair to ask the man to pour money into situations he has very little control over. And if he’s emasculated by this, then he’s not the right man for me!
“Aggressively average” is my new favorite phrase 😂 I have dated homeless men and rich men. The homeless one is by far more supportive than the rich one ever was… Being taken care of financially does not mean being well taken care of. I housed my current partner for many years… and paid all the bills for almost three, he healed, got his dream job and now we have a pretty amazing life, the money patience and time are 100% worth it. I will always be a financially independent woman, but love sharing my life with someone. Men are not just wallets with a member attached..That does bot define a man.
My gods... I would be happy to be told honestly if the guy couldn't pay the entire bill on a first date. BUT on my specific case, I wanted the guy to make the date worth the effort i put in to get ready. I in no way had expectations of a really fancy place or anything but to spend at least a good 3 hours with him to have a meal we can talk over and then have more chatter after. Which was exactly how my first date with my fiancé went. He paid and I offered but he declined but we still spent hours after talking just hanging out in his car at a park. Being a good conversation was huge for me with him as the relationship I had left only months before was a trainwreck. And here we are nearly 2 years later and 2 kids in😂
One of the reasons I have not been on any dates in over 2 years and haven't had a girlfriend in 9 years is because I'm poor and always broke. I DO feel embarrassed about it and even guilty. I can't allow myself to spend money on dating apps or drinks or food or whatever else people spend money on during dates. I don't want to be alone forever! But, I feel like I can't date if I am poor.
Lmao. This was the most flawless response to a stupid little tik tok I've ever seen. Masterfully done. I might just binge your channel.
I feel embarrassed if someone covers my bill. Even if I buy for them all the time. BUT. I know that's a ME thing. Friends just do things for each other because they can 🤷♀️
When I was dating I kept trying to split the bill on first dates, but not a single guy let me do it. I basically had to choose between insisting to the point of rudeness, or graciously backing down. It was a little disappointing because I would have genuinely felt more comfortable splitting it, but I could tell these guys felt that they would be betraying some sort of unwritten code if they didn't foot the bill. I hate when I see woman like the one in the clip reinforcing this unfair and archaic way of thinking by outright shaming men.
Well, there might be an awkward situation if two people didn't agree before the date about the payment. Or if one person chose a restaurant too expensive for another and then asked to split a bill. But if this question was before a date, I see no problem. If somebody doesn't agree to that, then there's no date and everyone starts looking for another potential partner
if you cannot be easily satisfied with a cheap FUN date where you can get to know somebody well and enjoy the time (not the expense), that's an immediate no for me.
As a woman I would feel embarrassed by having a man pay for me as a rule. I have a career and make decent money, so I don't need him to pay for anything in my life. I just need him to be nice and good company.
*IM 54 - WHEN I WAS DATING* it was dirt cheap. Im my 20's we would be out clubbing 4 nights a week just after buying a house and a new car. And men DID [wrongly] earn more than women.
But its NOT 1990 - in 2022, 80% of single men turned down a date cos they DINDT HAVE THE MONEY.
It's 2024. We want equality. We are capable of paying our way, enjoying being treated, and also doing the treating sometimes. The expectation that anyone owes you is repugnant, especially on the basis of gender. I never go out with someone without coming prepared to pay my way, and I don't suddenly disappear when the check arrives. I reach for my wallet in earnest, not pantomime with the assumption that my date will insist on getting it. If they do, I thank them sincerely. No one owes me a goddamned thing. Anything offered is a kindness that is appreciated, not expected. I'd be more embarrassed to be a greedy, entitled person than to have a limited budget. I'm guessing her dates have her entitlement clocked and refuse to let her swindle them. Being poor is not a character flaw, but missy sure is exhibiting quite a few. 😂
When my wife and I were dating in high school I used to pay for most things because I happened to have money. I had a little lawn-cutting monopoly in my neighborhood because it was mostly older people with no children who were happy to pay the ONE KID who was around and willing to cut lawns $10 once every other week to keep their lawn looking reasonable in the Florida summer when you can lie on your side and WATCH the grass grow before your very eyes.
In the summertime I could spend most of Saturday cutting lawns and pull in over $100. In 1993. That was a FORTUNE to a 16 year old kid in 1993. A really nice dinner consisting of an appetizer, main course, and dessert for two people at the fancy Italian restaurant in the expensive part of town cost $30 -- TOTAL for BOTH people.
My wife-then-girlfriend got occasional babysitting jobs and thus didn't have a lot of money of her own. She would instead do small things for me to show her love: making me fresh-squeezed lemonade when I was out on a summer training run (I ran Cross Country) so I could stop by her house, see her, and have a cold drink. Baking me cookies. Making me mixtapes (remember those?!). Or my absolute favorite: writing me the most incredibly love letters by hand -- drafted in her gorgeous, elegant cursive handwriting (she has the most incredibly handwriting that I've ever seen) and lightly perfumed. I still have every single love letter she has ever written to me over the course of our 32 years as lovers.
Was I upset about having to pay for dates? Of course not! I was the one with the money! I was there on the date enjoying myself as well, so who cares who paid?
As we got older and had more access to money we mostly split everything, largely because she didn't want all of the financial burden to be on me.
Now, almost 25 years into our marriage, I pay for almost everything again despite us both working. Why? Well because I'm the one tasked with managing the finances for the household. That's the only reason. After all, all income, whether from me or from her, belongs to both of us. We are partners who live a shared life together. So it doesn't matter who is paying for something; it all comes out of the same pot.
I heard "how are you not in Paris?" 😂😂
She sounds like a very high maintenance, expensive nightmare.
I’m not embarrassed by dates being 50/50. In fact, I insist I pay for myself on dates. I don’t think it’s fair to expect someone else to pay for me (and I also don’t want to create an expectation of “I paid for you, now I expect compensation from you”). Just easier to pay for myself…
How is she not embarrassed by being so offended someone doesn’t want to pay for her?
I’m glad to say I know men like him. Not the lack of money,his humility,consideration of others,and patient responses to the stupid questions. I know this is not a real conversation but it certainly is a good lesson.
We expose ourselves to disappointment when we generously help others. Some only see us as gullible.
However once in a while we encounter real friends we can count on. It’s worth the risk.