The Future Of The Sexual Marketplace - Roy Baumeister
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- čas přidán 1. 07. 2024
- Roy Baumeister is a social psychologist at the University of Queensland and an author.
The social psychology of sexual interactions is fascinating. Sex is more than just a physical act, it has cultural, emotional, spiritual, psychological and social implications, many of which we are unaware of. Thankfully Roy has spent years studying the literature on why people have sex and what's going right and wrong with it.
Expect to learn why the female sex drive doesn't occur in the same way anywhere else in the animal kingdom, why women shape men more than men shape women, why more women have tried being bisexual but more men are gay, why there is very little evidence for a cultural suppression of female sexuality from men, why the male sex drive is a tragedy and much more...
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#socialpsychology #dating #sexdrive
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00:00 Intro
00:23 How Women Shaped Men
12:45 Lack of Data on Sex
15:36 Mystery of Female Sexual Desire
21:01 Evolution of Orgasms
26:54 Malleability of Female Sexual Drive
37:29 Why the Male Sex Drive is a Tragedy
45:08 Studying Masochism & Kink
54:48 The Pornography Revolution
59:29 Suppression of the Sex Drive
1:12:37 What is the Future of the Sexual Marketplace?
1:17:19 Where to Find Roy
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Fascinating episode, enjoy! Here’s the timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:23 How Women Shaped Men
12:45 Lack of Data on Sex
15:36 The Mystery of Female Sexual Desire
21:01 Evolution of Orgasms
26:54 The Changeability of Female Sex Drive
37:29 Why the Male Sex Drive is a Tragedy
45:08 Studying Masochism & Kink
54:48 The Pornography Revolution
59:29 Suppression of the Sex Drive
1:12:37 What is the Future of the Sexual Marketplace?
1:17:19 Where to Find Roy
Glad
EDIT NOTE: comment shadow banned.
(Because it is the truth. And truth isn't allowed in egalitarian societies.)
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XXs reproduced more throughout history because they have no other purpose. lol
XYs have a million and 1 purposes. We literally did, and still do, EVERYTHING.
Even in these modern times - an XX can't do something unless an XY did all the discovering for it, first.
They're place holders at best - and horrible place holders, at that.
@ChrisWilliamson Am I the only viewer who noticed that you mentioned "blueberry porn" ... and then had to research it?? www.vice.com/en/article/wjmjqw/the-juicy-round-world-of-blueberry-porn
A real shame about the very sick third world baby advert before this video. They put the tortured in pain face right underneath the skip button so you HAVE to see.
@Chris Williamson
RE 45:08 Studying Masochism & Kink
I've viewed a study on Sex overall, which happenstance included delving into Masochism; & the Madame in charge of this entirely Masochistic orientated brothel said that an extraordinary high number of her clients were male lawyers🤔🤔🤔!
Seems that those that wield the power of the law against their fellow man on a daily basis, crave having a woman dominate them entirely, also
One of the human tragedies -- "Women get together with men thinking they'll change and they never do. Men get together with women thinking they'll stay the same and they never do."
Facts on facts. They tend to get fatter and lose their sex drive.
😂 rolling on the floor !
Definitely a highlight of the human comedy 😂
Thats because you never knew the real woman. Most of the time the change is just a reversion to the true self.
"Each is inevitably disappointed".
Women may well no longer need men for anything at all. But children need fathers. I know this from countless occasions in my own personal experience. Children who have a happy relationship with their father behave completely differently to children who have no father when interacting with myself. The difference is so striking that a complete layman cannot fail to see the difference. School teachers have reported such differences for decades.
Sure they don’t but if we have WW 3 we’ll see how well they like living in caves rather than things men build.
I’ll tell you now Christianity has protected women better than any other religious or non religious group in the world. When the rapture takes place and the protection they’re afforded disappears then we’ll see if they really “don’t need men” or if they just didn’t appreciate them.
Most Men are Only good dads because of the encouragement from the mother. Single dads are not the best dads. Men will abort responsibility for children at the first opportunity. Look at the stats.
How many abandoned children???
Marriage/relationships are
crucial to child happiness; fact.
Sam Vaknin explains in video "How Porn Destroyed Sex (and Narcissism, of course) (ENGLISH responses)"
that women not needing men is a myth created by journalists, that from psychological point its the exact oposite that many men feel like they dont need women,.....because thye are satisfied with using just the 2D sexual films,
because when you watch these 2D films, from scientific point the man´s brain doesnt know the difference between 2D picture and 3D picture....
for the brain thinks both is the same,
so the man´s brain gives the signal "I dont need a woman or longtime partner, this 2D film is enough for me"
or even better, because in 2D movies the sexual plot has different versions.
Of course man consciously may think I want to marry,
but you have to understand that conscious mind and subconscious mind work in two diffetrent ways.
Conscious mind works only 5 percent a day, subconscious mind works 95 percenta day.....
Subcosncious mind is more negative, and works based on habits.
So the porn industry realized the neiurological "trick" on human brain that the brain find sit exciting,
so men feel like thye dont need woman because they are satisfied having male friendships at work.
He says from psychologicalk point women feel like they need a man,
he says the reason is because women and men need each other to craete bonda nd famiyl and kids...
but he explains that men need women much less than women need men,
because also menś connection with woman is mostly visual... while womens needs and connection with a man are mostly verbal...
he says therefore women do all kinds of crazy things to attarct men, because the socieyt cahnged tahnks to amodern culture and women know that man ymen dont need woman.
Props on Chris managing to work in the term "post nut clarity" into nearly every discussion he has now
Yes, props indeed. LOL!
That is not Chris on this comment section, could be an Indian again trying to spam.
it's a term of endearment at this point
Chris projecting much? The bloke slays sooo much hole he feels guilty
I agree with poo brain here. You know Chris slaughters virginity daily. I mean, I am pretty good looking for my age, but if I had the kind of money he has in his thirties, I would have been more promiscuous. Full stop.
My man Roy!
I'm reminded of one of my favorite Camille Paglia quotes:
"Men know they are sexual exiles. They wander the earth seeking satisfaction, craving and despising, never content. There is nothing in that anguished motion for women to envy."
Facinating.
Women are getting a taste of it. Unlimited hypergamy has been socially acceptable for decades and it leads to lots unsatisfied women. Alpha won’t commit, beta can’t satisfy, where have all the good men gone?
that's why women fought so hard to be part of systems built around men's roles lol grow up, human existence doesn't start and stop with the constant stimulation world you grew up in. men and women both have their own special roles and both sometimes envy each other for it. getting jobs is for men. taking care of children is for women. defending the home is for men. maintaining the home is for women. why? because men are expendable when women are not. that's why women stay in a safe guarded place while men bring back food and keep it safe. this literally isn't difficult to pick apart at all, and yes it does matter because that's millions of years of gender roles imprinted on our brains.
@@DonTwanX that's based but it will destroy civilization itself so we will have to restrict or punish the overuse of women exercising their hypergamy. the average man won't invest in women if they feel their investment will leave and take all their investment.
Sorry that’s your favorite author. What a bunch of crap. So she never had a man? Most women aren’t content to stay with the herd in the barn
I lived in Afghanistan which is an extremely repressive society. Repression of female sexuality takes almost all of the culture’s time. It is definitely a combined effort between mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers and neighbors. Repression of female sexuality is a combined effort. The entire society partakes. And what surprised me is how trapped the entire culture is surrounding this issue.
Fascinating. What did the repression from other females look like in this case? I imagine it would mainly come in the form of shaming comments?
Here's my theory on this. Repressing female sexuality in this kind of society is a way of avoiding constant deadly conflict between the males of different families. If the women are kept wrapped up and secluded, there is a less of a need for constant revenge killings between families following perceived offenses.
@@spindriftdrinker What you said indeed plays a lot. There are other factors as well. If somehow you jumped in the span of 1-2 generations into sexual liberation, as it happened in the west, but without having the type of urbanisation and market and job opportunities and openness to women (i.e. so that women would be still dependent on men), then women having sex before marriage not only would find themselves unmarriageble, not only they would stay forever a burden to their father and brothers but first and foremost they would bring such a shame upon the family that her sisters and brothers would see their own price in the marriage market drop. Remember that in the West it was the same in the 19th century but the process of a 200 years industrialisation, market evolution, gradual opening of marketplaces to women - which happened 2 and 3 generations before the sexual revolution, permitted the female emancipation and the relaxing of norms regarding female sexuality. And today in 2023 we are already seeing that the liberation of female sexuality brought, along positive changes, a hell lot of ultra-negative changes which endanger the very surviveability of the western societies, which is noticed by non-western societies and foster an even further hardline stance by big chunks of the population. In the 1960s-70s Afganistan's upper classes, just like the ones in Iran and Pakistan, were following western trends to the points that girls circulated with "almost-mini" skirts in the universities. But this was quickly curtailed in the late 70s in all these countries precisely because at the end of the day it is the religious and the conservatives who make the babies, not the liberated and sexually frisky feminists.
@@spindriftdrinker
So the inability of men to control themselves they have trapped females in their homes
Yeah but time worth spending. Not repressing it is dooming the west to population collapse
The main reason women's sex drive drops faster, at least in the first few years, is because the arousal triggers in modern times for women are believing a man is something he's not. Once a women starts to realize that the man doesn't fulfill why she picked him, than she loses attraction and arousal. And the interesting thing about what makes women aroused vs what they think is arousing are often not only different but sometimes the opposite. Most men of the modern era don't exemplify that of what makes men arousing to women. It's extremely interesting because this video made a point about men changing for women, which we have. But unfortunately what the culture has done is trick women into thinking they want feminine men, while simotaniously changing men to be more feminine. It shouldn't be a surprise to see women upset about "where's all the good men" because what you've done is swapped places with the men that were arousing to you. There's only a certain amount of the population that will be successful, and even though it changes, its only a small %. So now you have a lot of successful women that're rejecting the men they changed. However the men who didn't change are still going for the same things they always went for, which isn't these new age women. Yes I realize there's exceptions to the rule but there's always exceptions to everything. This modern culture is so damaging that if it continues down it's path it's only going to be worse for everyone except the top 1% of men which will always have it good no matter what society changes. I however think big changes are coming in the next 10-50 years that will force society to accept that the differences of men and women isn't a bug but a feature of our harmonious nature.
Longwinded but loved the end, difference are not a bug but a feature of our harmonious nature
this was a thought I had to myself a long time ago when I noticed the gender bending emo scene happening.
Dope comment bro. I usually don’t read long comments but I stayed for the whole shibang this time. 🤘
@@renatojohnsson5548 Haha Indeed. It's long winded because there's so many important aspects to this topic and the conversations that need to be had. Things like why double standards exist. Or why promiscuity is bad for women and really put effort into finding answers to these questions. My ending statement is something I wish more people thought about, and hopefully they do.
something I've heard in multiple podcasts and lectures in the past year or so is that with out the proper masculine energy, the feminine cannot properly manifest or express. the reverse is also true. both sides need each other.
Men don’t understand that many women need emotional foreplay or some other need met first. Also many women don’t want to have sex if they feel unattractive. It’s a thing
Or if she and her husband had a disagreement or a fight about something earlier.
I thought they needed lots of booze.
The clarity isnt a depression. Its the realization of how much effort or trade off a man has to endure for such a fleeting climax, my boy.
This is a fascinating subject and Baumeister's work in this field is superb. Great conversation.
I have found NOT looking at porn has improved my sex life
I have found just the opposite!
As an educated AND religious woman in a monogamous committed long term relationship, I don’t identify with how this interview describes women. I’ve had high (& sometimes higher sex drive) than my husband. We learned sex with each other as we were both virgins when we married and we took it on as a great new sport, awesome hobby and amazing expression of love. We’ve had a ton of fun. We’ve experienced better sex as the relationship deepened, we’ve managed 4 kids and busy careers and the fatigue that comes from having a whole, full life… and he’s amazing with me and to me and I enjoy and desire him still. We’re a lot more relaxed about it as we enter our third decade of life as a unit, but it’s moved along with us as this lovely and enchanting expression of joy and union and fun.
These variable women, these mysterious and left/right/up/down/sometimes they find their partner gross thing doesn’t resonate with me at all. I wonder who these women are, I wonder if male researchers are interpreting it a bit differently than it really is because it’s not understandable for them (hence the repeating mysterious theme)
I think ideas of easy sex with multiple partners is antithetical to the discipline required to be the kind of partner who gets to the best spot with sex. No one questions that it takes years of practice and discipline to develop an elite skill…why would this not apply to sex? How good can you become at one person?
I’m just curious where the research is on the sex between the ones who work and discipline and fight for a good forever monogamy… because I think everyone else is trying to get to what that is.
A lot of men who have had sex outside of marriage do not value sexual access to a woman. Relationships are hardwork, and men who had "casual" sex got used to put in less effort to have sex. They also watch porn. And finally, a lot won't date their wives.
Their wives did it all, they put themselves in the mood because the man could not be bothered, faked the orgasm to please him, gave him oral he didn't reciprocate. When they have kids it goes to shit because they're too tired to keep giving with no reciprocation. I know someone whose husband expected her to blow him when the baby managed to sleep, he never did anything for her, but he thought "we're having less sex so she should blow me when the baby is out''.
They are so many men who think of their wives as a sex appliance, not a person you have sex with.
Yes, there can be toxic messages form religious groups on sex, but that’s not been my experience. I’m not just projecting, our relationship has had up and downs but there’s no way I’d trade it for the sometimes tempting idea of multiple partners.
You were both virgins that’s the key.
I think he's exaggerating about men's sex drive being so high. Everyone is different and it fluctuates in everybody.
I think you belong to the lucky few. Congratulations
Man is this an interesting topic, so very insightful. I would've never thought of *half* of the things mentioned here if not for this conversation. Thank you Chris! for your grossly underated work, & for bringing people like Roy Baumiester on here.
I concur on your comments regarding the female sex drive. My husband and I were enthusiastic equals at the start of our relationship. There was some drop off on my part ( much to my dismay) during the first decade. I had a high sex drive during pregnancy, but that may have been because I felt my most beautiful when pregnant. When my son was born I suffered through severe postnatal depression, during which my sex drive completely disappeared. Plus I put on weight so had no self confidence. We sort of bumbled along for the intervening years, but then I went through the menopause.... and I am happy to tell you darling Chris, the sex drive came roaring back!!!! (perhaps because there was no worry about pregnancy?) I can honestly say that even though we are both old and wrinkly now, our sex is the best it's ever been!!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ how many children did you have?
Congratulations on rekindling. Just really sad for your husband that he had to go through decades of having to relieve himself in the shower instead of having a real sexual partner to share intimacy with during those long years. Many men get so frustrated from this kind of treatment that they end up screwing around, and even end up leaving their wife for a younger, more sexually active female. Then they inevitably blame him for it, saying "oh, the bastard is having a second childhood". Um, no- what those men are desperately seeking, is an adult relationship that actually allows their long-suppressed male sexual needs to be met, and getting to enjoy being with a partner in that way. That's a pretty damn important part of a man's life, not something to be stifled, repressed, or ignored. Maybe it ain't fair to the woman left behind, but it sure as hell ain't 'all the mans fault', when a wife entirely stops performing her intimate part of the marriage contract for years on end.
@@dustysmoke4996110% - even a guy who is completely faithful, and loves his wife, will always prefer to have the younger version of her if he could choose, so we want to capitalize on youth we have while it’s there. It doesn’t matter how much of an increase a woman’s sex drive gets ‘eventually’; a woman who’s 50 can never compare with a younger woman, period. We like to turn the “i got married so I’m not longer having sex” thing into a joke bc men are just supposed to put up with everything, but it can easily turn into deep resentment later on.
@@dustysmoke4996 Life is not fair, but couples can make it more bearable through communication and planning. Too many husbands meekly accept their wife's refusal instead of doing the work of wooing her again. We have all the tools available, we just need to understand the game we're playing
@Dusty
Men that think like you are soooo tone deaf. You guys always worry about the hormones/fertility of women but once you experience the down side of female hormones it’s all “what about me” arguments.
Women can not help that their drive drops after having children or other hormonal problems. You men are totally cool with women sucking it up and letting you guys go in just because you WANT to. News flash…. when women aren’t aroused they don’t swell, they dont get lubricated, and they can’t climax. Yeah, you could add some oil or whatever but if she’s not into it you’re not having adult fun. You’re using someone’s body that doesn’t want to be touched and guess what that’s called?? Some of you guys make women say yes even when the body is saying no just to keep peace in the house 😬
Men like you are shameful. If my husband thought like you I’d never want him to touch me because ICK.
To the OP I’m glad to see that you and hubs are back into the groove of things. I’m 30 (married 10 years) and have a bunch of kids. I lost my drive for a minute too but guess who’s keeping her husband awake at random hours during the night now??🤭😜 Awesome things come to those who wait.
This conversation was absolutely fantastic! I learned so much! Everyone should watch this!
I had the opposite experience when my wife went off the pill. My wife was on the pill first five years we dated. Her drive for sex started to wind down. She was even frustrated with it. She would mentally be ready for sex but her body didn’t respond. We got married and decided to have a kid. She got off the pill and her sex drive shot through the roof, especially while she was pregnant. Now, I was gone allot for work, so whenever I came back I would go out on a date with my wife. So I’m conflicted, idk if it’s because of the pill or because our lives reflected more of the early days we were dating. It might be a combination of both. So, I tell guys if there is a dry spell with their partner try doing the things you did to win her over. Go on dates once a week, be more flirtatious, buy her flowers. Now, she might be suspicious from the change of behavior, and so long you aren’t pushy, and doing these things out of genuine love, she’ll eventually respond in kind.
The pill definitely has an effect on hormones and desire. Check out Mary Harrington on the Triggernometry channel
Birth control is known to kill libido
They want babies.
Women fall out of love with men over time and men fall deeper in love with women over time. Also if women don’t orgasm during sex her brain may not release the hormone that binds her to the child. I think that sums up what the woman is. A conditional lover. Women are all about self preservation and can’t actually love anything aside from themselves and their offspring if even possible. Which is why studies show they abuse their children more than men. Men love idealistically and unconditionally, women love opportunistically. On the other hand, why should you continue to have to work to impress a washed up woman who’s best days are behind her ? She why ? Because you ultimately chose her and gave her YOUR last name. You can make babies until you’re 70 but she can’t! A man can repopulate an entire island of women! But a woman could not repopulate an island of men!
Bottom line the woman should always see you as the winner and if she doesn’t toss her back to the streets! The fact that a man is willing to die to protect her and she suddenly “loses interest” because you’re not working out anymore ? That proves women love conditionally! It’s hilarious how superficial things like “muscles, status and money” seem to be the only things that keep women interested. These are all things a man has to not only earn but maintain. While the things we love about women are inherent to them. Women are born with their value and men must create their value which is why we get better over time! Men age like wine and women age like milk!
@@xxcelr8rs and the spending of the money that they hope goes with them. Oh and its THEIR babies, only yours by implication and obligation, DNA notwithstanding. About 10% of men find out too late that its not theirs but they still have to pay anyway.
The interviewer is SO concise, and delivers his amazing insights with such urgency! Excellent!
Lol
You must be new to his content..
@@Nah-ah Are you implying that, over time, I will come to realize that the interviewer is NOT so concise? That his insights aren't really that accurate?
Chris?... Is, is that you?
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Chris Williamson it is Bettina Arndt - Sex Diaries who Roy Baumeister is talking about.
Bettina Arndt holds a Bachelor Degree in Psychology. A sex therapist who became a journalist aswell.
Has a CZcams channel and web blog.
Bettina Arndt publishes articles and books.
She has become an advocate for men suffering from exploitation by government, education, medical, court or law enforcement bureaucracy.
For her outstanding work Bettina Arndt has been awarded the Australian Centenary Medal and the Order of Australia AM.
Bettina is a treasure! She is quite funny at times also.
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This entire conversation is a timeless goldmine of information!
Poor, poor man Roy. He has no idea how bad the situation is and how hard it is for those who want a stable life and children to find each other as they become increasingly rarer.
That’s partly due to how focused his research is, being hyper focused evolutionary biology and “similiar” behaviours to apes or animals etc…. The rapid birth rate and marriage decline in the west isn’t due to his research in any significant way so he and his older generation of cohorts will naturally have their bias based on their generation growing up in the culture and their scientific papers they study.
The real answers are in the political moves, governments subterfuge of opposing governments, financial greed & corruption of the upper class elites, banksters, and the legal personhood of corporations (watch the YT documentary “The Corporation”, ), and how hyper crony capitalism has usurped morality and the major ethics of what is required for an honest, free, mutually beneficial society where everyone has equal opportunity to be their own free sovereign person. The right to claim unowned land to cultivate and raise a farm, grow food, an raise a family, and have ACTUAL independence that hasn’t been pushed into financial slavery, where debt, interest rates,usuary, sovereign personhood, manhood has been enslaved to monarchies, dynasties, imperialism, governments, banks, corporations,elite puppetmasters that control the “Think Tanks”, Rockefellers,Schiffs,the State,Banksters/FED,rothchild,proletariat/bourgeoisie,big Tech/Pharma,University’s, Social media & MSM indoctrinated propaganda to starve original thought an creative independent free thinking.
In
the subversion of societies thru social cultural Marxism and the Frankfurt institute an the various fetish picadilly of Kinsey and the like. In which it doesn’t speak for the norm of society’s sexual mores but the promotion of the fringes of the perverse behaviours of the time. To control the masses it has always been thru force, violence, authoritarianism, for 3rd world countries especially, and for the 1st world they passive aggressively use MSM media control, disinformation,distraction,propaganda,gatekeepers and a nations controls to silence the disenters voice online or in media to the masses. There is a reason each country controls the flow of information into their boarders, just like the censorship ofChina to its citizens. People think only corrupt or “bad” countries do this, when ALL nations do this (some is benevolent and safety obvi, but it is also to control and silence opposition and opposing ideas, beliefs, truths, facts of the governments indiscretions to its public). The west, and other first world countries use intelligence agencies, lawyers, legal loopholes, military, classified technology,bribery,extortion,theft, threats,blackmail,lies,misinformation and any manipulations necessary that can they need to or can get away with.
This creates a dark fog over access to information, objective facts, truth, and the absolutely massive overload of public “information” available creates overwhelming confusion for most people to get the entire truth regarding many things. The gatekeepers of the flow of information to the masses create the illusion of freethought within their box of controlled ideas, like the matrix. Only when you move countries and get access to more info you were not privy to, do you really see how much truth is kept from us. DYOR 🙏
@@Matt-zp1jn Thank You! It’s nice to see someone who knows what’s up.
@@Matt-zp1jn Very well said. It's not only the misinformation or redirection, nowadays it's the glut of information [both original but more likely regurgitated from various sources, and therefore often misinterpreted - like playing that old whisper in the ear game - which comes out with different end results].
Where 40 years ago in the pre-internet days - it was difficult to find or access crucial information that was not readily available to the "average" person, in the early-mid internet age - the info was clear, precise and on point. Now - it's just a hot mess to wade through and stay on top of what's going on, because everybody and their dog [or cat] has an opinion and information has become an endless repetition and twisting of facts. Kind of like not seeing the forest for the trees...
There are extremely good reasons that lifelong couplings and monogamy (particularly female monogamy) have been the social ideal for many millennia, and it has nothing to do with religion. The rapid disintegration of the family unit will be to _everybody’s_ detriment. We’re already dealing with the disastrous consequences.
Note: this isn’t to say that all families are healthy or sustainable, just that a great many women swiftly abandon such structure on whimsical impulse for the flimsiest of reasons, and these women outweigh their male counterparts by orders of magnitude.
@@Matt-zp1jn
I first understood about the VAST difference in info when I moved to Europe from the US for a yr in the early 90s. CNN International was a COMPLETELY different news organization than the hyper political, dog down a well news outlet it was in the states. I also saw that the political reporting was far less divisive at that time in Europe. There was a lot more sexually oriented trash tv, but less violence and nothing like a Jerry Springer (that changed as I saw that later the Dutch and Germans got the Springer type of infection).
But even as someone in their early 20s at the time, I was so relieved to not have to think about or see partisan politics constantly. Now I realize it is all about divide and rule and Machiavellian machinations to loot, deceive and manipulate.
All your podcasts are pure gold, thanks!
Not really. The climate change denyer who is funded by the fossil fuel industry was pure shit
I'm not baffled. It's just like you said at the beginning men do what they have to do to get sex and then they stopped right there. Relationship with the man gets boring when he doesn't want to try to give you sweet things like flowers and hugs and kindness. And I lose interest cuz he wants to have somebody touch you that doesn't care to put the time in. It feels like an alien coming to see you instead of someone who loves you and cares about you daily.
Awesome, I like that you invite guests who deliver top quality content even if they're not your typical TikTok superstars in terms of delivery.
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I would happily listen to academic experts all day, particularly if they’re involved in valid research. I wouldn’t touch TikTok with a 3 metre (10 foot) pole. Using social media as an education resource is clearly highly detrimental, and it’s eroding minds at a breathtaking pace.
In my experience, post nut clarity is experienced equally by men and women when their partner is not actually a good match for them physically or emotionally. Likewise, "post coital glow" is something both men and women can experience when their partner is a good match.
What about sexual selection in the mating game?
Which sex does most of the choosing? The ugly and oversized or undersized or unhealthy aren't chosen.
.
@@dougkrk1 I don't see how that's relevant to my comment.
@@voxofumbra that's because it isn't lol
Post nut clarity is a male thing , our orgasm contains life , protien , testosterone and many nutritious things whole women contain lubricant and mix of urine .
This makes alot of sense. With some women I have always felt the glow afterwards, with others the clarity. The once who created the glow were all good matches
That is a really compelling observation you shared about simp shaming Chris. I was that pathetic simp. It is good we keep high standards to a degree. At the end of the day, though, I am a believer, so marriage and sex mean more than just practical, animalistic appeasement of desires. Also, we are still animals, so understanding those natures and desires and fulfilling them ethically is important and good.
Good job resisting simping. You value yourself.
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Our sexuality is definitely more fundamental. I've dated some very handsome men, but as soon as they showed me they didn't care for me, or just try to be mean my attraction for them instantly died.
No, it just died more rapidly than it otherwise would have. Female sexuality is in no way more “fundamental”, although it _is_ far more ethereal and fickle. If recent social trends have revealed anything, it’s that men’s inherent reliability in relationships exceeds that of women by orders of magnitude, which is somewhat counterintuitive. This is likely a large factor in social constraints on female sexuality, because without them women discard both good men and bad on erratic whims.
That's the same for men, why do women always think only they have feelings? We are just told nobody cares about our feeling by women most of all.
The same for anyone that just uses sex as a way to get their way, or constantly complains.
You have beautiful eyes marcie
@@kc6810 Wow, at least my gross generalisations are pretty consistently valid. Plenty of men defy your description, so it must be based on limited personal experience of poor partner choice. There are always exceptions, but far more men reside outside of negative stereotypes than do women, much as I wish it weren’t so.
Very interesting discussion and such an entertaining and knowledgeable guest. Thank you.
Excellent discussion, really connected some dots for me between the current state of affairs, biology and history
When the rules of the game become absurd, then smart, disciplined men simply stop playing.
Chris, how many books do you read! It seems like every question you ask is related to a book or article you recently read. As a one-time English teacher, I'm impressed!
Modern sexual selection of female choice is beyond brutal.
That's why female sexuality was always kept under close scrutiny
Everyone should be free to make their own choice.
Female can have longer and deeper orgasms. If all women wake up and understand how bad they were treated by men and how low their standards were- this will be another revolution. If women wake up and discover they can have orgasms.
@@Yomel123 that can't be argued with but free choice minus proper guidance equals moral and societal degeneration
@@jasonmason8413 sounds like men’s free choice should’ve been taken away then with that argument
Fascinating interview with clearly briliant guest.
This was so fascinating...I so appreciate your work Chris. I love the questions you often ask your guests. Thanks so much.
And thank you to Dr Zaius too.
Understand this about modern men, the moment a woman no longer wants to be with us sexually, we are finding a replacement.
I will either have a wife who is my dedicated slut til I am 100, or I will I find another woman to sleep with. We can stay married I'll just have many wives.
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Absolutely brilliant discourse between the two of you, Chris & Roy! Invite Roy back to discuss more issues! Roy had so many incredibly good quotes that it was impossible to keep up with them. E.G "I've known many women who are delightful ... "but, inevitably some of them are difficult and neurotic and unpleasant and all that ..." Priceless! Chris (laughing) "It's a difficult balance to strike" ... Roy "I'm glad I'm not a young man today trying to find out what the rules are when they keep changing"!
Right, it helps a lot when there's no one there to interrupt them constantly, when something they don't like to hear is being brought up in the discussion, a-hem..
Dry humour? If so... TOTALLY AGREE
@@sukhmanicambridge Thanks for the reply. Yes, very dry humour. I have lots of female friends and I have always got along really well with women. BUT, try having a relationship with them and it's quite a different story ... definitely "some of them are difficult and neurotic" and hard to handle! (Is anyone allowed to say that these days!?) Cheers, Terry
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@@Terry-dl4nf That's no lie Terry!! How many women want to be "just friends". It's all part of the battle of the sexes.
It isn’t all good looks. I’m a tall (6’1”) very good looking guy…and not by my own opinion. I’m the type of good looking where when I walk into a place I involuntarily disrupt things that are going on to be greeted with unsolicited stares… I say this because I haven’t been laid in 2 years. For guys now days, it’s not enough to be just good looking, or to just have money. It really boils down to you having it all AND being a socialite. Women have so many options today that if you’re out, unless you oddly throw yourself at women you don’t know, in a way that introduces your interest but is still somehow also nonchalant so as to avoid being seen as desperate, you’re not going to have a chance. You have to realize, women have so many options online that being socially daring in-person and expressing interest in a guy in-person is superfluous, never mind the fact that it goes against their wary nature. Online, if you choose to waste your time and go online, getting the swipe is just the start. You have to be truly elite to get the swipe AND a reply to a message. You have to be God-tier immortal to get all of that AND the meet-up in-person.
What a lot of men don’t realize is that dating apps are not for women what they are for men. Women are forced to filter by looks, which they don’t mind doing, but passing that filter doesn’t mean you’re in, whereas if you qualify aesthetically in a man’s eyes, he’s down to wife you if you don’t deliberately mess things up. Women want status, and with status comes money. Why do you think women are obsessed with who the royal family members marry? 50 Shades of Gray wouldn’t have the appeal it has if Christian were some Delivery Driver or Construction Worker making $50k a year. Ask a random woman who appears to wedded to a high status man, “who is your husband?” and watch the first thing that comes out of her mouth, if not the second following his likely well-known name, be what he does for a living.
So guys, I promise you looks isn’t the dealbreaker you think it is. It’s weird because yes, it is, but in the way that being over a certain IQ is when seeking employment with the CIA. It’s like, you need to be over a certain IQ, but merely qualifying in that regard doesn’t get you the job. You need yo have x,y, and z also, and not possessing any one of those things is a dealbreaker.
Hypergamy is ruthless, and I’m not sure it actually helps society or human genetics. Hypergamy, unregulated, will destroy a society. You simply won’t get the necessary participation from the sexually-excluded men to support the infrastructure which allows women to be so selective. It’s like, when a woman rejects 10 guys for a millionaire banker, she rejected the guy that services her car, paves the roads, delivers her food to the grocery store, fixes her powerlines, takes criminals off the streets, and raises cattle, produce, and grain, all for a guy who practices various forms of financial trickery which, in all sincerity, do nothing for society. And genetically, if women got to have their pick of the litter with men, the entire gene pool would very quickly become plagued with mutations due to incest. Like, every kid would be a descendant of Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa lol. You’d would get less and less genetic variance with each mating cycle. Part of why it hasn’t gone this way is 1. Monogamy but 2. the fact that times were once so hard that not having a man wasn’t an option. In essence, having any man was better than the prospect of waiting for the right man, and surprisingly, women were actually happier because saddled the mindset that “I got what I got” they worked to make the best of it which meant watering their lawn rather than trying to go find greener grass. It’s a crazy thought that the men who made society so comfortable in hopes of getting to reproduce, have only further the likelihood of their own genetic extinction. The more civilized and comfortable a society is, the pickier women are.
Move to Asia, you'll get all you can handle. I'm 60, super fit, look way younger, have literally banged hundreds of women in the last 25 years. Married women especially here are starving
I'm like you I'm tall and attractive but you're looking for excuses to justify your social anxiety. Nobody will understand better than me believe me and I know it's very difficult but you have to overcome your issues and go after what you want
lower your standards..it worked for me..i just pretend im doing a movie scene in a B movie ..lol
@@Dylan-ko2gj You're right. I just find it hard to do considering the men have to bring so much to the table. To me, it's like imagine building a Ferrari, and then trying to force customers to buy it. If you build a barely operable go-kart, then yeah, you may have to do some selling...but when you actually put time, energy, and money, into perfecting your offering, why would you slight its value by trying to push it on people? You know? Or am I wrong?
Hypergamy is as old as time and essential to the survival of mankind. In olden times, men have always been required to make more and to rank higher than the women they marry. Fathers would never marry their daughters off to men less than them in rank or money. This is because women need protection and providing. The problem today is, the bar keeps rising because women's status and wealth keeps rising while for an increasing number of men, it keeps falling preventing many average men from participating in the mating market. Women will always want someone of their level or higher, they have always wanted that and a dynamic where a man is lower than the woman almost always ends in divorce.
The dating market is horrible right now. I try to explain to my parents that it's not my fault. Women's expectations are too high. My parents want to get on a dating app and see for themselves. They really don't understand what me and my brother are going through. We're thinking it might be a good video to make.
Try the old fashioned way , meet people in person eg volunteering , clubs , local bars / restaurants, parties , cook outs where circles of friends come together
Educational video on modern dating scene for parents 👍
@@Tamar-sz8ox Yeah that seems to be the best bet.
Sorry to do this, but “it’s not my fault” is the least sexy attitude you can have. Take your destiny back. There are still women who want healthy men. Don’t blame it on the market.
@@mattbabb. Sorry but the whole "Take your destiny back" can be a slippery slope into the creeper vibe with women LOL it's not exactly as easy as it sounds.
Absolutely fascinating! So many of Mr Williamson's guests continue to amaze, intrigue and inform me.
Scientists have discovered a food that drives womans libido down.. It's called Wedding Cake.. : )
My data point: I've been married for 27 years. My wife still weighs 120 pounds which is what she weighed when we were dating. She wants sex just as much as she did when we were dating. So I think if a woman stays attractive and healthy her sex drive has a much better chance to stay strong. Maybe when women lose their looks they also lose their desire for sex. Or at least it's a factor.
She is likely an anomaly. That’s wonderful that you scored such a gal. I suppose I wish we all were like that. But distilling it to health is very reductive and simplistic.
So you married a unicorn........
No. I weigh less than your wife. It’s the emotional connection with the male.
Does she have a sister?
Very interesting and fascinating. Keep up the great work searching for wisdom.
Wow, very good one! Thanks! There are so many frustrated, old, married men out there! Kinda blind-sided me. Never thought something like that might happen!
Bro... This was so so good. Thank you much for this
His books are great, I worked in his research lab in college
Truly informative for men and all. Much thanks, Prof Baumeister.
Which part? I struggled to get any useful info
I learned a lot from this. Hopefully educating ourselves about these factors will help us navigate mating more honestly and realistically. Think of how many great relationships end just because a woman’s hormones change after a birth or after coming off birth control. She may think she’s with the wrong man when it has nothing to do with him personally. A little patience and empathy can go a long way.
Sex changes after birth because she’s busing her ass taking care of a baby; and a man
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@Richard Fox what else?
@Richard Fox Explain why 83% (at last count) of divorces are initiated by women and 74% of those women-initiated divorces where due to no fault by the man?
@Richard Fox In the US, as an example, over 50% of marriages end in divorce. I refuse to believe that over half the married population of the United States are in crap relationships that they choose to end arbitrarily. As I said already, it's mostly women ending those marriages and most of the time, the man has done no wrong. That points to a rather obvious conclusion that women are the majority of the problem and no matter what men do, they are never happy, or always looking to trade-up to a newer, shinier thing.
my favourite podcast! It's going well !!
I absolutely LOVED this!! I took notes and bought a book about it! Thanks
Interesting!! Thanks for this! Love your podcasts!
Absolutely fascinating discussion.
It was a pleasure to listen to this interesting talk.
Every single time I see a man discuss why women go off sex it NEVER fits with my own experience. They ALWAYS miss that men’s performance changes in long term relationships. And when I say performance, I DON’T mean longevity of erection. That’s male centric and not that important to a woman’s pleasure. Performance includes setting the conditions for sex just as much as performing the act with skill and sensitivity. Men can have no erection and still deeply satisfy a woman sexually.
When a woman is overwhelmed by everyone else’s mess and feels others don’t pull their weight in respecting the space around her (if she works from/at home then it’s a space she has to spend 90% of her time in). If you work all day to clean and organise and that cleanliness and order is instantly and carelessly destroyed as soon as kids and spouses walk in the door, that is completely demoralising. When you are exhausted after working all day on “menial” tasks (or come home from work and then spend all night cleaning etc) and you don’t even get to enjoy the fruits of your labour when you go to rest at the end of the day, you don’t feel loved or in love with those who just disrespected your efforts no matter how many flowers (or other token symbols of gratitude) are presented to compensate. If actions and words don’t match it won’t take long for a woman to not trust your words. So the few “sweet nothings” that used to get your woman feeling loved and then wanting sex early in the relationship (along with when all the attention and effort displayed when trying to obtain her favour in courting is gone) will no longer convince a woman that those few “sweet nothings” mean anything. This means the man has to do a lot more in that moment to have her believing she is appreciated and loved. More often than not the man is relatively tired too and not interested in doing much more than a few minor words and actions that to the woman feel disingenuous and manipulative because they are disproportionate to the lack of care over time and only appear when the man wants sex and seemingly not because he cares about her experience of life the rest of the time. So feeling used, unappreciated, exhausted and that you will face the exact same drudgery the next day and for the foreseeable future is 100% a libido killer. I suspect if you did research on those women that know how to give themselves an orgasm (as some women don’t know how) you would find they still have regular orgasms (though not as often as men do) even when they aren’t interested in having sex with their partner. This would suggest that it isn’t their sex drive declining but rather a decline in their sexual attraction to their partner.
As sex is less of a compulsion for women than it is for men, women can more easily make decisions and be sufficiently content about staying with a partner that doesn’t satisfy her sexually because he satisfies her intellectually, emotionally or as a provider of safety and resources for her and her/their children. If he satisfies her on all of those fronts then he is more likely to get sex but the degree of those things that keep her faithful may still be less than is required for her to be sexually motivated, especially if the man’s physical skill is low.
Separate to all this is that some women can also have physical challenges like sensitive skin which can result in raw, stinging painful skin as well as other abdominal and vaginal pain issues with penetration that don’t need to be all that intense to ruin the sexual experience. These women can also still have a desire for orgasm and their partner but still avoid sex. If their partner is not willing or capable to improvise with them or the woman doesn’t consciously link her often minor pain to her aversion to sex then it will reduce the frequency of intimacy.
From the woman’s perspective, when it comes to performing the act of sex itself, pleasure and satisfaction has little to do with penetration (though the degree that this is true depends on the woman). Skill in sensing if something is working or not working, being able to respond and change quickly to those queues and then remembering what they learned for the next time but still also having creativity so it doesn’t become boring and mechanical along with maintenance of the man’s physical health and hygiene are all things needed to have great sex over the long term and all of the above is more important than how long a man’s erection lasts or the size of his penis.
In short, we want an emotional connection. Men often don't provide that unfortunately. They seem to only be nice to us when they want sex but go back to completely ignoring us afterwards. It hurts.. 😔
@@rev.jimjones9100looks like you dead something you didnt like and got in your feels. She was giving insight, and you still got mad? Got it.
I liked your theory of Simp-shaming. Also, I remember reading Roy Baumeister way back when. Great interview, thanks for sharing.
What I've seen in many relationships is that they kill the interest in sex thru random rejection.
He approaches and she's mad because he didn't take out the garbage or she's in pain for some random reason that has nothing to do with him.
She approaches and he's upset about work or made over some comment she made or he's tired from something that has nothing to do with her.
Over time both are so afraid of rejection, that they don't ask and then they lose interest.
Many men also lose interest in their 50s due to hormone drops.
Consistently setting aside time to give each other physical pleasure (not always sex) seems to help. This can be massage.
Many men don't lose interest in sex in their 50s, or 60s for that matter. But maybe they get tired of the games.
@@user-iv5gy3rc2b Yea.. they do. Read up on Hormone Replacement Therapy and Testosterone levels with aging.
As a testicular cancer survivor, this hit me at 43 a bit earlier than most men. But by 53, a quarter of men are low enough that they just don't have as much interest.
And that drops a bit more each year after that.
On HRT, at 300 I'm interested, but at 600, I'm like I was at 30. It also affects sleep quality, muscle tone, general pain levels, and mood. And the constant feeling of dread* from low T can cause alcoholism as an attempt to self medicate.
* imagine if your boss said curtly, "I want to talk to you at the end of your shift." Only constantly... every few seconds. It's terrible free floating dread and anxiety. Goes away in under 24 hours once you are on HRT. And there are inexpensive methods of doing it. Just get a male doctor.
I just completed my PhD dissertation: “Post-Nut Clarity: An analysis of the post-coital mental and emotional condition within the human male population”
I do concur, Doctor.
Good one, Chris. Very interesting 🤔.
Lmfao I love that Chris just taught a scientist the term “post nut clarity”
Yeah, except that from his explanation, it seems he doesn't even know what it means. He said it was post-coital depression or melancholy, and that's just not correct. It's the temporary mental clarity men experience after orgasm when for a brief time they are sated and their judgement is not clouded by their libido.
@@whitenoise4537 ewe are a straight simp/son...
@@whitenoise4537 ewe simps nut, then are easily controlled...
@@whitenoise4537 that's what is wrong now..."nutters"...
Maybe this will help a couple: married for 23 years and one of the best experiences of sex I've had as a woman was after a time of fasting from sex during Lent. The anticipation was a new type of foreplay that we had yet experienced after all these years of a very active sex life. I think fasting from anything increases your appreciation of it!
One of the best pieces of marriage advice I've ever heard is "give your wife a chance to miss you". Some people will take it too far into abusive withholding of affection, but it's generally a good practice to spend time away periodically. Give a small taste of loneliness for that glorious reunion
I actually can't wait until my sex drive goes down. The amount of shit you have to do as a guy just to get laid is ridiculous. Juice isn't worth the squeeze in my opinion. No offense to any women in particular I'm sure there are some great ones out there. But I'm tired and I'm more interested in peace of mind now
Ready and primed for the grandiose life of a MGTOW monk
Sex is great and while I dont think I'd completely agree, I can actually see where you're coming from though. The amount of effort for single guys to get to the point of having sex is substantial. I think part of the problem lies in our focus on getting sex as being more important than the utility of bullding a relationship that provides you with it. Hard to turn off the hormonal drive that results from a man's sex drive, sure, but I think some dudes are so hyper concerned about whether or not they're getting any and it becomes the singular focus. So those men in turn tend to report openly more often their frustration that they're not getting laid. It's a big feedback cycle that amplifies the perceived level of frustration over not having enough sex and makes it into a big issue. Some dudes go MGTOW and renounce sex entirely, but go from one extreme to another? Why not sit somewhere in the middle, in other words chill out a bit? If you strike out with a girl, it's not that big of a deal. You don't have to go full monk mode because of rejection, nobody wants to hear it, but that's just weakness manifested.
I think the solution lies in being more focused on the people we meet and find interesting or would like to approach, practicing a little restraint while the relationship established and then when the door of possibility opens for sex, take that shit seriously, lean into it, put in the effort, but don't focus so much on anticipating when or if it comes. Put the effort before the opportunity not the other way around, if that makes sense? Having an intimate relationship with someone who you're attracted to and can go on to continue having lots of great sex with is never not worth the effort. Striking out sucks, yeah, but all difficult things are worth achieving in the end. I just wish guys wouldn't give up on themselves so easily.
@@PunkerNinetySix You are essentially describing the old fashioned idea of "courting". Crazy how it now seems that many of the old rituals developed for a reason after all...
Whilst I largely agree with your "middle way" approach I think the main problem for men is that the slowly slowly approach is usually a conveyor belt into the friendzone. There's also something more complex involving the attitude of modern women and society towards men leaving them resentful at having to pander to a woman's ego just on the off chance he may get laid. To many men it just looks like loads of demeaning hoops to jump through for someone who can lose interest or go off with someone else in a flash, with a very big chance you'll end up frustrated and humiliated in the friendzone and a small chance you may get what you want.....which may not be that great anyway. In short, it's becoming less and less worth the effort.
yeah some men are just tired and not all of the men who are tired are old some are young and hate having to jump through hoops just to get laid; imagine having to do that to take a piss or eat food, lol.
This is why so many men would like to pay pros in the USA, but political lobbies won't have it.
In Plato republic in the dialogue one of the people in the conversation was asked about his sex drive and if he misses it now that he is old, he answered nay man, “I'm glad that I no longer get pushed around by my sex drive, that I'm no longer oppressed by the dictates to fulfill my sex drive and I'm free man after it was gone and enjoy worry free”
Yes! Men and women feel the same about this. In this way you only couple up to share affection, companionship and assets.
Thank you cris..you are very smart with very good questions
Fascinating! 2 minutes in and I am enthralled.
“Directly after copulation, the devil's laughter is heard.”
― Arthur Schopenhauer
This is a prison planet, so . . .
“If children were brought into the world by an act of pure reason alone, would the human race continue to exist? Would not a man rather have so much sympathy with the coming generation as to spare it the burden of existence, or at any rate not take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood?”
― Arthur Schopenhauer, Studies in Pessimism: The Essays
@@Torgo1969 those trapped by "reason" alone destroy themselves and procreate not.
@@Torgo1969 Arty had issues.
This is why the French call the orgasm "La petit mort" - the little death. Especially for men.
Men: Stop simping. Bam! You're welcome. And yes, it's that easy.
Men wont. We've become a rather pathetic species. OF millionaires are proof that men are broken, failures.
100% 👍
Hah, actually the impression I got is that if you have the resources to simp, you should because it gives you a competitive advantage.
@@bigheadrhino ...a competitive advantage in gaining whores.
That helps but is not sufficient for all men.
Baumeister is awesome. His book on willpower (titled Willpower) helped me succeed in school quite a bit!
This was super interesting to listen to. Great dialogue. I think Chris does a great job of being a knowledgeable host, adding value with his own thoughts without being intrusive.
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Just say he's a Chad that I would be thoroughly delighted to get into bed, bath and eat breakfast with, why bother with all the supplementary drama?
@@karansharma2352 Seems like you have something you want to get off your chest Karan
I’m a woman and I have sexual fantasies about a lot of people and sometimes the drive is really high. However I don’t act on it because I know there are consequences and some things are better left a fantasy. Plus the fantasies are usually better than how they’d be in real life. I also really don’t believe that women on average only want to have sex with 2 people. Maybe that was an answer based on reality (as in knowing the consequences) or based on fear of being judged. It totally makes sense to me that men would be less selective and have a higher sex drive, but the idea that women are just designed to be monogamous and aren’t very sexual is definitely false.
the vomit type of woman
@@sturmgewehr449 Umm we all have sexual fantasies that doesn't mean we act on them. I don't know why you would have to call me such a rude term.
@@deezed6478 maybe you just have a high sex drive and that's a good thing as you can enjoy sex more with your partner. Cause from what I know from my female friends, women don't think sexual fantasies with a man they just saw or met they generally need to develop a good relationship before that. Cause all men usually will see a hot chick and will imagine a dirty fantasy.
@@deezed6478 it’s because he’s insecure.
Such a crazy misconception by men that women have such a minimal sex drive, and are immune to lust. It shows that the leaders of these red pill communities are seriously deprived of female contact
After I got married my married friends passed on the wisdom of the magic jellybean jar: if you put a jellybean in a jar every time you and your girlfriend make love before you're married, then take a jellybean out every time you make love after you're married, the jar will never run out of jellybeans.
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Sex becomes boring and ordinary long-term.
@@EC-yl7xkboring people get bored
My husband and I have been together for 35 years and although we are no longer hiding in the bathroom from the kids, we are still fairly active. I still find myself very attracted to him even though he's 60. Now, we are planning our private time around grandbaby visits.
Intimacy is often connected to female sexuality. If women lack sex drive after a few years, on what level is the intimacy? Is he still attentive? Compliments, date nights etc? Communication is also important on both parts.
When her sex drive disappeared, so did her interest in a relationship; as of yesterday? I’m single after 15 years.
@@edbradley6815 A lot of things can change both mentally and physically. But, if one person stops giving a damn, the relationship breaks. I hope you are doing well.
the mystery of female sexual desire is that it definitely exists - the drive. OMG we women do need the sexual education as well, and we do need to learn the differences between what men and women need.
He's saying female sexual desire diminishes after marriage, but from what Mom told me she's never been a refuser and she's enjoyed the sex most of the time. I fact, she tells me that even though she's in her 60s and Dad in his 70s, now that she's past menopause and not worried about getting pregnant and with both of them in retirement, they're having the best time of their lives. I have to ask her what the secret is because I want a happy and lasting marriage too and quite obviously, sustained intimacy is an important element of that.
Now I'm gonna go and knock wood :)
But that’s the difference between mentalities of our mom’s generations and our generations. Women today tho k of unwanted make advances as in if she isn’t in the mood as some kind of aggressive attack or demand that is inappropriate. Whereas older generations the women were a lot more mailable and agreeable, so if the husband made advances they would accept and not be offended necessarily. This is generalizing of course.
@@fineartlifestyling except they’ll be condemned for just offering pity sex.
The secret is... "Communication"
The bit on "simps" from Chris is brilliant.
@@goodenough22 😂. Either you are fucking with me, or just watch the interview mate. Lol
Hitting the middle!!!! What a hoot of a podcast.....
Nice one. Rad enjoying the shows Chris much love
Please read the book BITCH~ and evolutionary perspective on the female of the species. She has interviews on NPR. Her name is Lucy Cooke! I think once you read her book or listen to her interviews talking about her book you will want to have her on. I’m so happy she wrote a book bc just as a regular person I see SO many attribution errors in evolutionary psychology (even among your guests!) I do love psychology and have loved learning evolutionary psychology but it is absolutely rampant with bias/sexism/motivated reasoning and institutional stagnancy! Please have her on! She’s open to tough questions (based on her interviews)! I think you’d get a good audience too with her! 🌟👍☀️
Will definitely look into reading that. I kept thinking as they were talking about women being dependent on men for resources that any modern, feminist-minded person is rolling their eyes right now…I think it is super important that when talking about these instincts and patterns we recognize that almost all of it was established evolutionarily when the RAW differences between male and female physiology determined the rules of the “chess game”. Men being more aggressive, more single-minded and focused on only one thing at a time, less open gave them tools for hunting. Women more agreeable, able to multi-task, more open, more socially sophisticated gave them the tools for building the community and families. Both had evolutionary pressure to become more intelligent and compete in that space. Now, because we no longer fight to survive against nature and the elements, so many options are available to both sexes but our hominid brains and bodies haven’t had time to adapt AT ALL. It is moving faster than our IDEAS about what is right or good and this creates a sense of injustice in our minds. It is important not to read any modern ideas into observation about the evolutionary nature of the sexes (as much as we can) and treat humans almost like an alien visiting earth would.
Agree! 🙌That’s my biggest issue with evo psych~ attribution error! Still, I enjoy learning bc I can see the truths in a lot of it.. but what they get wrong-they get dangerously (for society) wrong!
I can see where you want to steer the debate towards. Any person on NPR is part of the agenda that starts with the heterosexual white man is the source of the problem and everything else follows from there. Then your use of language afterwards confirms it.
@rbol1965x I took that as more of a comment on how we evolved through history rather than how we are today.
Historically a pregnant mother with 5 kids would have had difficulty hunting and foraging enough food for all 6 whilst still protecting them, which is why the need for partnership existed.
Things have changed A LOT over the last 50-100 years but biologically we haven't changed dramatically in that time - it's mostly been social changes.
So I think it's still relevant when looking at our raw nature, but not as relevant in our social system as it exists today.
Lucy Cooke isn’t a qualified scientist, just a journalist with an agenda. Her book is just anecdotes and speculation with little scientific merit. The title alone tells you it’s a woman doing what she likes best - seeking attention. Leave the science to the real brains and leave your feminist agenda at the door. Nothing is more unscientific and biased than a feminist.
I am curious to know whether they controlled for the variable of childbirth when studying sex drive during the 1st five years of marriage. I can tell you that being pregnant and having a newborn definitely have a huge impact on female sex drive. I would like to know if women in marriages without children during that time period had the same degree of change in sex drive compared to their counterparts who became mothers during the same period.
🤔Good Question
This is anecdotal from someone in a childless marriage ... my wife's sex drive dropped off a cliff once we adopted a sweet little beagle who has had many health challenges. He has become her little baby and is probably the best cock-blocker in the world because he has an attachment disorder so it's hard to sneak away as he'd always watching! His ridiculous level of cuteness definitely has an influence. My wife is constantly worried about him (As am I) and I think that stress affects her in the same way a person with children is always worried their own kids (or so I imagine). We got him 10 years into our marriage and everything was fine up until then. I don't resent him at all. I would happily go for the rest of my life without being laid if it meant our little pup could live as long as we do.
@@teenageapocalypseusa5368 Bruh what? You are ok with not having sex for the rest of your life? Are you old?
Well, it seems that then long term relationships can help in that regard. Coz its basically the same relationship, but a lot more couples are childless during it despite being together for years.
@@teenageapocalypseusa5368 You're a better man than me - My baby girl is a cock block in much the same way, and I do resent her for it (not really, but also kind of) 😂 I would rather not get laid than her not be here obviously, but god damn, I miss having a sex life.
Great questions from Chris here
You ask the best questions 😀💞
So the vibrator was patented in the 1880s for pain relieve, but was soon applied by doctors to treat hysteria. This satisfied patients and reduced the incidence of carpal tunnel syndrome amongst doctors. This surely was a manna from heaven coping mechanism during those dreadfully long loveless Victorian era marriages.
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Im going to use my rabbit right now
Fascinating, it was as though my brain imploded as I took in such fascinating data. Blew my mind. Great video, cheers.
Each individual is different for many reasons. Role models throughout life, how males treated you growing up, all relationships add to our self esteem and confidence. Were you abused? Mistreated? It all contributes to healthy core beliefs.
I also believe hormones play a huge part. Alot of women go off their partners a week or so before period...but once their period has been they find their partner highly attractive again.
Extremely complex situations. Not one answer.
I’m lucky, my wife doesn’t have too many emotions of hormonal swings lol. It’s like an immature kid choosing their emotions
Once a month my wife doubts our relationship. Its exhausting.
@@twsd oh yeah my neighbors definitely know too. It seems to get worse over the years. My wife is a brilliant person too, and she can't see the pattern.. even when I point it out with clear language! It doesn't matter. Thankyou Mr CZcams therapist
I am over 50 and have worked in a blue collar industry for 33 years whos workforce is comprised of 98-99% men.
Absolutely every last married man I worked with (literally dozens and dozens of men) who spoke of sex AFTER marriage all said it was essentially non existent every last one
Similarly these same men said words to the effect they thought they were marrying nympho's the premarital sex was so often wild and enjoyable
Pretty much proves 90%+ of women use sex to screw thier way to the alter.
Situation reminds me of an old married woman's saying in advising her fellow younger still single friends:
My dear men are just like flooring in that lay them properly first time and you can walk all over them forever
"Men are just like flooring in that lay them properly first time and you can walk all over them forever."
Sad way of putting it, but apt for how marriage works.
Seems like the couples I know/know of who didn't have sex before marriage are the only ones going at it like rabbits (granted a lot of them are 40s or younger). But the couples who started hot and heavy definitely slowed down after they tied the knot.
@Jane B Robbins that's surely a great insight! Although in this day and age, it's nearly impossible. But then again, that's why we suffer as much as we do :)
@@catstarsky4049 I can see that. It's just difficult to find virgins these days to mate with, but that's what I also recommend if possible, if choice is there.
@@cantbendknee sure, but if you read about post marital sex, you'd know what happens and who loses interest in sex more. It's generalized, sure, but it's always been a joke about men having less sex post marriage for a reason and it's still ongoing. Less kissing. Why does that happen? Does a man feels less inclined to kiss if he gets no sex? Sure. Why doesn't he get more sex? She's tired. She's bloated. She's that. Ok, how does a man respond? Sexual frustration and refusal. Should he kiss his wife more as a reaction? Treat her better? That also has been reported not to work. Reality is...this is what happens post marriage and we haven't found a solution to help most that get into this situation in the first place.
Imagine throwing an entire wedding ceremony for a woman 30k all the organizing only to get LESS sex that you did before and probably divorced and cheated on what in the fuck.
The glue that keeps husband and wife together is supernatural.
Divorce rate for religious people is only slightly lower than the rate for the areligious.
That explains why there isn't that much glue apparantly.
@@redpillsatori3020
Only slightly lower, due to fear of god punishing them in some way. Which means there are a lot of unhappy religious marriages.
Super interesting!!
Just stumbled upon this and now I’m intrigued … 🤔
Just started it. But tell me why are you intrigued?
Satisfied with the content? 🤪
I wonder how much effect movements like mgtow and 3rd wave feminism have on the data. Seems like both are anti-bonding by nature. Does that effect their drive? Etc.
Angel angel , mankind angel
@@saadkhan1388 lol wtf
@@ReasonAboveEverything South asian simpage nuke incoming
He is right especially at the end . This video is my favourite of yours.
"The tragedy of the male sex drive..."
I'd explain it as a bout of temporary insanity that you either endure or succumb to multiple times every day for the rest of your life.
Not the rest of you life. I was insatiable from 11 to 28. But I'm 30 now and my libido has decreased to pedestrian levels even though I'm in good physical and mental condition. It's worked wonders for me!
@@peachezprogramming go get your diet and T levels checked. At 34 I can go 2-5 times a day everyday, that’s not normal for it to crash like that before 45
@@peachezprogramming even in great shape you could be eating something your body is rejecting and causing the ED
@@peachezprogramming i see ur point, but still too soon to feel that drop all of a sudden
@@peachezprogramming Sorry, friend, but I'm 47 and still living this "tragedy"
There was very little discussion about how sexual behavior changes as we get older, as we get 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, etc.
Great talk!
Fascinating discussion. The cost/benefit theory seems to have a lot of weight but I believe there are other explanations which explain certain male/female sexual desires and behaviors. For instance, Men have personalities which (on the whole) are much less afraid of mistakes than women are. Women want to discuss every decision with a lot of their peers before making a committment to a decision. Men on the other hand usually are more prone to jump to a course of action without discussion.
This is perhaps because women are more afraid of failure than men, or perhaps are simply not as confident in making the "right" decisions, and stress more than men when having to make big decisions. Men on the other hand are often more bold and maybe foolish in their decision making, but women look to that as a sign of strength because they often see their own indecisiveness as a weakness or lack of confidence. Men seem to have the confidence women seem to want. (This is not true for all but on the whole I believe this describes a pattern which happens for most.) Women often look down on indecisive or "weak" men and these men may be used by women, as "simps" for instance, but those women won't want to have sex with them. This is probably the essence of the "freind zone" phenomena which has plagued mankind for millenia.
This dynamic creates a kind of awe with which women see men. Women are predominately attracted to confident men for this reason, I think. They feel protected and helped by the man whom they see this way. They often see the male as their protector and mentor. The men love to be loved like this as well because it evokes past emotional memories.
To test this hyposthesis you could ask women to rate men based on how much confidence those men seem to have and how sexy those women think those men are. (There is probably a happy middle ground here as well.)
Men also want something from women beyond sex. They want bond and they want to feel loved and adored by their partner and most importantly they want a sense of place or a role to fill. Being adored and looked up to by their partners gives men a sense of place and purpose, (as the head of the household for instance), it gives men a psychological boost to assuage their own inner self doubts, and it evokes the kind of bond men (often) felt with their mother when they were an infant and toddler.
It is said that men often marry women who are like their mom. I believe this is because those women are the ones who are most likely to evoke the kinds of deep feelings not felt since the guy was a little kid. This kind of bond can form a strong type of loyalty toward the woman. The same kind of loyalty that the guy probably felt and feels towards his mother.
Another aspect of this dynamic is the importance of sex as a validation of the bond. A good friend once said to me that men want to have sex with a woman because they want to feel close to them, whereas women want to feel close to a guy so they can have sex. Women want to feel the bond before they feel close enough to have sex but guys can't trust that a woman is really enamored with them until they have sex. The act of sex is confirmation for a guy, and often makes him feel loved, wanted, and respected. Without sex a guy will often put up an emotional wall or raise that wall so that they will not be hurt if and when they are rejected. Women on the other hand are hoping that a guy can turn out to be great enough so that they can want to have sex with him. They often get angry when a guy doesn't bring them to that emotional state or when a guy they had sex with turns out to be not as confident as they had originally thought. Money, status, and logistics play a role in female decisions regarding who they want to be partnered with, but who they percieve the man to be has a much greater influence than all the external factors. If a guy is rich, but not confident, he will still not be as desireable to women as a confident guy regardless of how much money he has.
The nature of human emotional bonds and the dynamics of that is an interesting branch point for more discussion on this topic. I would like to hear more on this if you both ever do another discussion. Thanks again.
Very interesting! Thx for the info my guy
A very refreshing perspective indeed! Definitely food for thought here.
I feel like women have always had more to lose within failure.
I enjoyed listening this this and reading your thoughts. I can add that women refer to the commons, ie consulting other women or men in fact, about a range of issues including partnership quality. It is not about being weak, it is about using resources intelligently and referring to the commons to make strong decisions about important issues. A child may be the result of this partnership and that child will need to fit into the social environment that would include those other women and the broader village/tribe to raise the child. Ideally, those women may share the care of raising that child with their own. Concepts such as these and other potential 20 year consequences of this union take considerable consideration. This isn't psychological weakness my friend, it is consideration of the complexity of managing being physically weaker, the potential responsibility of child rearing and a longer life span and strategising the future strength of the village.
Please consider that with this future village in mind, there is an overwhelming, agonising restraint felt by many women to tell a man that she is not sexually attracted to him. This reduces the confidence of the village which is counter to her need to participate in a strong and cohesive tribe to raise the child. To refuse a man, reject him, end a relationship, especially after a few dates when some degree of trust and friendship had developed can be an agonising and deeply disturbing event for a woman which perhaps explains why it is so often done so badly, with so many mixed messages, sometimes callously, often awkwardly. Many empathetic women give up dating because the rejecting is too emotionally difficult. She is the woman the non-philandering man is looking for !
I loved your friends quote and the potential for pregnancy and risk for the woman can be understood. I often say to people that 'there are many loving, responsible, communicative and deeply caring men and women out there, it's just a shame they are not married to each other'.
Even today men want to suppress women's sexuality by shaming women for sleeping with men. Men are the ones who want to be in control, also in muslim countries men want that women are fully clothed and doesn't show anything.
I’m not at all surprised that the Australian journalist who collected sex data on couples for a number of years, discovered a serviceable theory that the “relationship experts” hadn’t considered. So many of the “social science experts” seem to be performative, self-deluding fools in mutually masterbatory discipline. Growing the industry of higher education over developing the discipline is one cause, nepotism and corrupt gatekeeping is another; a third is fully divorcing research from its practical utility, and of course, the capture of academia by ideologically possessed radicals who are entirely opposed to rationality and empiricism is the biggest contributor.
This however was a great discussion from a capable researcher. Beyond interesting nuggets of contemplation however, the science on this doesn’t appear practically useful in one’s life.
The concept of skin-to-skin diseases mutating into STDs because of the explosion of clothes/garments in limiting skin-to-skin contact is fascinating.
From an Anthropological view, the notion that nature seeks a “Goldilocks zone” for traits that promote sexual success in males was interesting, and offers an explanation for homosexuality when nature (breeding) and culture (historical acceptance) would eventually eliminate it. It posits that passing the “Goldilocks zone”, an over-preponderance of these traits, accounts for homosexuality (explaining why breeding/traits wouldn’t genetically eliminate it).
Loved this channel helping men.
GREAT TALK!
It would be intresting to see how female decline in sex drive is related to the quality and quanity of her orgasms. Ie men oragasm easily so desire continues (reinforced) but if the woman dosen't orgasm, why would she want to continue to have bad sex. Sex not being reinforced with orgasms. Lesson for men, if you want to continue to have sex, make sure she orgasms.
The problem with that is that women orgasm far more easily and intensely with a man they are genuinely attracted to.....and women are only genuinely attracted to a small percentage of men. This is where the idea of the "alpha widow" comes in: no guy will ever measure up to that one guy who absolutely blew her away. For men it's much more simple- we like having sex with women. And that's about it.
Omg finally someone who understands the real root of the problem. Idk why this is so hard for men to admit and it's not always a communication issue. You could tell a dude exactly what to do and he'd still blame you if you don't finish. Who wants to go through that over and over?
Yeah, I don't understand why lots of men don't do the simple move of "give her an orgasm with your fingers or tongue, then do the penetration." Or something similar to that.
@Ophelià Rose If I take your sentence literally, then every man on earth views women as human beings.
If you mean "don't view women as sex objects", then well, 99.99% of people on this earth are transactional when it comes to relationships. That basically means that they're subconsciously going "if you fulfill my relationship needs, I'll fulfill yours. If you stop fulfilling them, I'll walk away."
This means that both men and women want to have their primary relationship needs fulfilled by their partner. If a woman doesn't get affection or appreciation or expressions of love from her partner, she probably leaves. That's because love is a primary relationship need for most women.
Well, sex is a primary relationship need for most men. Most men can't be truly happy unless they get at least semi-regular sex.
I really don't view men going "if I don't get sex, I'm probably ending the relationship" as any more terrible or objectifying than a woman going "if I don't get appreciation or affection or expressions of love from my partner, I'm probably ending the relationship."
@Ophelià Rose tbf we're animals first before we;re humans. we are humans tho but we're Cursed by the roots of the Animal kingdom and yes it's a kingdom not this bullsh*t ecosystem since there's no equality in the kingdom of animals. like you rarely see an animal of the exact same size/weight and skill. so we are bound by the laws of the animal kingdom and we have a society that had empowered women over the average man that will Induce a soft slavery. doesn't matter if anyone denies it. and this is bad for both sexes. like both men and women suffer altho i'd personally say women suffer less. this entire system only changes through a counter revolution. and most of these traditional cucks are not ready to accept that.
27:13 The woman is Bettina Arndt. The woman is a legend! If you get the chance Chris, you should have a conversation with her 😊
Yes she wrote on sexuality for a long time and her books talk about male sexuality with a warmth and intellectual curiosity (and empathy) that is very very rare. She is well worth a discussion with.
@@semperfidelis6943 totally mate! In recent years, Bettina's had conversations with people like Jordan Peterson, Greg Ellis and John Anderson. She's also been been critical of modern feminism and the "me too" movement and has been advocating for men's rights.
Bettina is a legend
You can subside to her newsletter also
She is an awesome men's advocate too, but because she favours men but she wants to stomp out the bias against men and it's rife in government throughout Australia
@@stultuses Bettina is a national treasure!
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Great Guest!
One observation I would like to offer regarding the comment about women becoming more liberal in their sexuality as they become more educated is also probably largely to do with the temperament of those in the environment of higher education in this particular historical moment.
It has been documented that they vast majority of university faculty-and I would also suggest students attracted to such universities, though I have no data to support the claim-have a liberal temperament.
I say all that to say that it is likely a more nuanced interplay of correlation and causation. The nature of a higher education, the natural temperament of someone choosing to attend such an institution, and the political tendencies of those institutions and their faculty members likely all have a significant role.
Re: male gayness, Roy's stated hypothesis that evolution is trying to select for a degree of feminine traits in males, and that sometimes this over-corrects and results in a gay male, seems incomplete. It appears not to take into account hyper-masculine male on male sexuality which is a definite and historically persistent thing. Homoerotica for instance very strongly represents masculine men.
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Perhaps those are two different mechanisms at play, such as a desire for dominance over peers, or perhaps inability to relate to women due to being so different, and thus being more drawn to other men? Further to that is the concept of propinquity - masculine men spending lots of time together doing physical labor or fighting, hunting etc. What does it even mean to be hyper masculine? Are we talking T levels, or outward expression, self identification, or perception of others? So many variables, such an interesting subject, so little data.
It has to do with having a masculine mother
I love how he's saying the most interesting things in the most nonchalant way haha
Do you know what post nut clarity is? Do you know what a simp is?
No, but I have a scientific explanation for it 😄.
I believe he says it that way because he has no understanding. He is only repeating what he has learned.
"Go forth and be hit on the ass" - Chris Williamson, MW# 498, 51:52
Commandment #6
Perversity and kink are all about low sex drive. Just like low adrenaline types are junkies who look to extreme situations for a hit, so do bizarre sex junkies. Normal sex doesn't do it for them.
That's an interesting take, I've never thought of it like that. That kinda explains something about the sexually perverse people's MO that I could never figure out since I have a very ordinary (to a point of boring) yet extremely satisfying sexual life, I couldn't relate to people like that at all.
As someone who was sexually kinky and walked around in that world, I disagree.
Teal Swan made the point that being sexually dominant is about "I felt powerless during my youth, so now I get to overcompensate for that." Meanwhile being sexually submissive is "I had to grow up too quickly and had to take on too much at once during my youth, so now I get to overcompensate for that."
Once I healed that trauma, I stopped being sexually kinky. My sex drive didn't change, however. I just went from wanting kinky sex to normal sex, but I still wanted the same frequency of sex.
@@YummyFoodOnlyPlz I have never dabbled in kink, but I think it's different for men and women. Like the researcher said, women's sexual desire is way more mailable and I think kink is just a phase for most of them. Men who get into it are in it for some psychological reason. I do think that there are some people who have low sex drives and get into kink because they need more stimulation to reach satisfaction. Guys like you and me (I assume you're a guy) who can be satisfied with lots of regular vanilla sex probably don't have many underlying psychological issues if any at all. I don't know about you, but I honestly could be satisfied just having vanilla sex over and over again for the rest of me life without any complaints so long as the woman is hot.
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