Problems dating fatherless daughters?
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2022
- Fatherless daughter? Father trying to reconnect?
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Father daughter reunion, reconnection or just rebuilding that bond, is something that in most cases needs some specific help and guidance.
Fatherless daughters also need healing, once they consciously decide to break the cycle and do "the work", to gain a whole new perspective of life, children, family and relationships.
Fathers and daughters who have been through parental alienation, have it even harder when it comes to reconnect and rebuilding that father daughter relationship. No matter why a father walked away after a divorce or a huge custody battle, reconnecting with your daughter and building new trust in that first conversation with your daughter, is not that simple. Many fathers make terrible mistakes, when it comes to conducting that first conversation or planning that first encounter with a daughter you don't even know anymore.
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Unfortunately fatherless daughters often seek that masculine male energy/protection from men at a very early age. They become Sexualy active at a very young age often.. by the time you meet her, she is likely to have collected a bunch of trauma, disappointment in men, depression and anxiety.. Yes you can marry a girl like this, but be prepared for a toxic mess.. You can show all the love you want, however most don't know how to deal with a man who genuinely loves them, they are often only used to toxic men.. I tried the loving her and trying to be there for her.. all i got was verbal abuse, and toxicity.. High body count also suggests that she will not be able to deeply pair bond with you and is more likely to leave you. There is lots of data to prove the link between high body count and women walking away from relationships easily
Thank you for your comment. Yes, fatherlessness in women even has worse consequences than for men.
What does high body count mean?
She just explained to your dumb dumb ahh how you shouldn’t generalize women with daddy issues because not every woman is toxic, your ONE ex was one of the broken ones. But seems like you’re just bitter, good for her now that she can find a better suited man
Excellent comment and analysis, sir.
Right on
My father was physically there but never stood up for me so I feel worse than if he had just left. He backs my mother up for an easy life.
That happens more than we think. Fathers can be there, but absent in some ways.
Well parents should be cohesive and back eachother decisions. There's a ton of content on parents and children. Obviously if there's serious abuse and the clear corrections are not takled, then that's terrible and Im very sorry.
@@lukebaehr3851 What is the definition of "abuse"?
Excellent video, most men think most fatherless women are some what toxic and dangerous, but in true reality they just want to be loved and loved more. I myself currently have a fatherless girlfriend and she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Thank you! I wish you all the best with your girlfriend. I can confirm that many fatherless daughters, will be the sweetest and most giving women, if treated with kindness.
So what are you doing here?
Your biggest test is loving them when the completely invalidate your wisdom
@@lukebaehr3851 Understand that it's not because they dismiss it, but are very critical about it. What is wisdom when it has failed them from their father? If a man tells their fatherless woman they will not leave them yet the woman has seen their father leave them, how can she truly trust her partner will honestly never abandon her? Wisdom is forever and factual, when it's not it's just lies.
Learned behavior plays a big part in the life of a fatherless woman. If you have an abandonment wound and that wound is not healed, she will always go for men who will abandon her, or will always fear that, no matter how stable the guy is.
As a boyfriend I am more than willing to take responsability and provide all the support needed.
My question is, is it possible for the fatherless daughter to also take responsability and work in herself?
Cause a boyfriend may give all the support they can, however it works both ways in other words, the effort may be manifested in different ways and I agree. Thank you
Thank you for commenting. Actually as a boyfriend of a fatherless woman, you don't have to take responsibility. She needs to be the one open and willing to do the work and if necessary, get some special help and guidance from somebody who knows exactly what it takes to heal and break the cycle. You can support her, you can tell her you understand it might be hard sometimes for her but you, are not responsible for her happiness, you can only contribute to it. But if you are a team, she needs to understand that you will not always be the one taking whatever she throws at you, or the one owing her any understanding. To support and love is one thing, to pay for her trauma or past, another one very different. If she wants to talk to me I'm open to it, I talk to fatherless daughters very often who want to heal and learn how to not affect their loved ones negatively with their own problems, caused by fatherlessness.
@@janahcoaching Thanks a lot for your reply. I just saw your other reply, I appreciate it. I was so deseperate to ask that question.
Your comment makes me very happy to read.
You really love your girlfriend and is beautiful to see this. Fatherless or not whom ever might be, this is love.
There is a huge difference if exists a father like person or father is completely missing or father was pussified by mother. The last case is truly the worst case.
You are stupid to try and fix a broken person
After reading all this comments i really feel hopeless, till this day i still had a little hope that i may have a family in the future, but it feels like i don't deserve it
No need to feel hopeless. If what you want is a family, you can have one. Being aware of our own issues is important though.
There are lots of promiscuous, unvirtuous idiots in the comments, so don't be too harsh on yourself. I like the attitude of Jana: yes, it's a handicap, it's trauma. Acknowledge and strive for healing. You will be fine. God bless!
Thanks for this video.
You're welcome
I just found you! Keep creating content this was very inspiring.
Awesome! Thank you!
Thank you for your video. Those who think that a “Fatherless girl” is like an ET, please remind that there is no perfect family: even the families with mummy and daddy are mostly dysfunctional. War between the parents, parents that hit the kids or abuse them emotionally, parents that use drugs, alcohol … Even though your father/mother is present, it might be like if he/she was absent. Even your family that you might think is so “perfect” hides its problems, so don’t be so fast in judging… And what about the “fatherless or motherless” boys, those who are skeptical in dating a “fatherless girl”? What are their issues?
Of course no family is perfect. What we can go with though, are the general numbers and facts. And the facts show that on average, kids raised by both parents in a nuclear family do way better, are better socially and emotionally adjusted and suffer less from certain illnesses like depression, addiction, etc.
People here are talking about women without a father as some kind of disease. What if the mother stayed with the abusive father and she grew up with an abusive father? I thank God my mother did what she did. I can't imagine what I would be like if my mother wasn't brave enough to ensure me and my brother didn't have an abusive man in our house.
Fatherless daughters may have super powers due to the fact they had to be so introspective and seek therapy, committed to working on themselves and turn out better than what they had done living with a dysfunctional father. I think the people commenting here are wounded men!
When I speak about fatherlessness being a problem, I mean just not having your father in your life. I am not speaking of abusive fathers being good for children in any way. The thing is, even if you have an abusive father and you are better off without his presence, you do MISS out on not having the father figure in your life that you should have had. The reason why your Dad isn't there, doesn't really matte if we look at the statistics. Fatherlessness is bad, no matter why he isn't there.
There r some good men out there to step up and protect and love women who don't have fathers
Absolutely. I was blessed with a good man who understood where I came from and has always treated me with love, kindness and always...told me the truth!
Yeh and they get burned trying to play therapist.
Odds are slim.
Well, the problem is that you literally have to be a psychologist. And trust me, it's not fun, mainly because people are unwilling to fix the issues.
Yes, that's why I totally understand men who will not date fatherless daughters. We don't deserve any extra understanding from others, we have to fix our own issues.
@@janahcoachingyou’re very well behaved 😏
I learned the hard way, but I learned some things.
Although I initially wanted it I couldn’t last more than 8 month in a romantic relationship I always end up falling out of love and my last ex said that am trying to fill my void of not having a father figure and now I ended up here any suggestions
It is true, as a fatherless daughter there is a "cup" that was never filled with the love and attention that your father should have given you, and it is not easy to fully understand that and heal from it. But it is possible. I have worked with fatherless daughters before who did not want to repeat the pattern, or had difficulty bonding with a man. Have you ever had any help to deal with this?
unless you want to be their therapist and run a high risk of them having BPD forget about it
What about if i am fatherless and he passed away??
Very valid question! If your father passed away, you can have a father wound as well. Fatherless daughters tend to share many of the "symptoms" no matter if their father left them, or he passed away.
@@janahcoaching
Thanks x answering. How should I recover then?? Same tools or different tools?? It's sad i can not know now his version of the situation. The possibility of repair is gone. And a lot of pieces of my own story are missing.
If there is a father like person of high quality than no problem. It might be grandfather, uncle, older brother.
If your father passed away, of course you are not able to ask him certain questions anymore. But even daughters who lose their dad because he passes away, can often use some help so that FACT, doesn't condition them in a negative way anymore, at least not that much.
@@janahcoaching I know of a girl who's father passed away. Obviously not her fault, I feel for her.. however she hangs around with mostly men, dates men in the 40s and 50s yet she is 24 years old.. Do you know what she is likely to end up with... Trauma from toxic relationships
This woman who is giving advice about what fathers do is clueless. I raised a nuclear family and have excellent relations with my children, and I can tell you that fathers lead by example. There are no shortcuts or magical words about what my daughter deserved. That sounds like a single mother talking. Fathers walk the walk with their children, and it takes 18 years of that to raise a child.
You mean me? I actually know that raising a kid by yourself, is not ideal to say the least. Kids need both parents.
Hi, Jana.
My daughter is fatherless thanks to my ex taking her to another country and abandon me..
That's terrible. Where did she go?
Maybe she was fearful of you.
Why do you assume that?
@@ZFern9390She didn’t want to stay in the country and share custody. She realized if I had half custody of our daughter, my wife would be forced to stay in the US and find work. Back in her home country she has her own apartment and business her parents provide for her. I never threatened her or physically harm her. A friend was living with us for years and can confirm this. My wife has nothing to use against me other than she wasn’t happy. But I’m vindicated because even her best friend is experiencing the same frustrating irrational behavior that I dealt with. None of her family or friends agree with her decision because they all saw I did nothing wrong.
That is so sad, it happens more often than people think.
What is the situation today?
Im dating a fatherless daughter, she is sweet and beautiful, but she has a drinking issue, we dated for 4 months, we never said I love you to each other and had made much comidments cuz I have many doubts for her, and doubts for myself too.
Very recent, she got really drunk and slept with her ex, I caught them on bed. later she told me she was gonna break up with me because I never asked her to be my girlfriend, she thought I don’t want anything serious with her. But in fact I love her and want a future with her, I didn’t think that’s what she wanted and don’t wanna ruining what we have rn. I forgave her for now and not willing to give up, wish things can work out and still have a future with her, we finally said I love you to each other. But the night I caught her on bed with her ex keeps haunting me.
I thank you for being so honest here and sharing this with everyone. It might help somebody else who is going through such a situation in a relationship. Not being honest about what she expected and later blaming you in a way, for not committing to her is more common than you might think, specially in ladies who struggle with low self-worth and trust issues.
@@janahcoaching thanks you so much and feel youre right on point. Your words helps
I am happy to help, any time.
@@MarryJane-uo1df Keep your head up. I personally wouldn't continue it if I caught her sleeping with her ex, but everyone is different. If she did it once, she'll probably do it again unless she is truly trying to change this "Fatherless" behavior. Good luck , G don't drain yourself
I’m crying because for years I’ve dealt with an incredible amount of bullsh*t from a woman so I could be there in my daughters life as well as my son and step son. So many time’s listening to her garbage for the sole purpose of being able to kiss these kids good night, tell them they are smart, randomly bring home flowers for my daughter, tell her she is beautiful, take my sons to hockey games.
It’s ridiculous that we have to be punished because of another adult’s insecurities just so we can try to keep doing the right thing for our kids.
I'm sorry this made you cry. I know all too well how terrible those situations get. Fathers who make it out of these problems alive, are heroes.
I didn't have much luck with men.
What do you exactly mean by that? How old are you?
Women can just change their minds. There's no guarantee of loyalty, so i have to say NO to the entire proposition!
Of course, you can say no. Men, can also change their minds can they?
@@janahcoaching women are nowhere near as loyal in my experience.
Sure, we can. But immediately we are viewed as untrustworthy and unreliable. Unlike women. Huge difference.
@@brendangray8689
If you go fishing in saltwater you will find saltwater fish
If you go fishing in freshwater you will find freshwater fish
If you fish in toxic water you will find toxic fish
In a nutshell it's about where you go looking for your partner
@@brendangray8689are you kidding me? are you saying men are more loyal than women?
Good thoughts of you. But I am fatherless daughter and I don’t fear abandonment as I think if I could survive being abandoned when I could do nothing, now I can do anything that I want.
So message to fatherless women, you can do anything if you put yourself and be happy
If you find a good husband, that’s just a cherry on top
But the important thing is you ladies with no fathers and making their lives up.
Of curse there are exceptions, and you can overcome the difficulties that come with being fatherless.
I never knew this was an issue until I noticed that whenever Howard Stern had a stripper on his show and he’d ask them if they had a father at home growing up? Inevitably, almost 100% of them came from fatherless homes. 🤨
Really? I will have to look at those videos on youtube, actually pretty interesting!
I’m not sure I can agree with it’s good to date/marry a woman that doesn’t have a dad, or has daddy issues. I tell guys don’t get with a female that has daddy issues, they are prone to being promiscuous. That’s another thing all together. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand that stuff happens dad may have passed away early in the child’s life, divorce and other things. Husbands or boyfriends shouldn’t have to “raise” her or take on any of the roles that her father should have done.
I actually think that it is always a risk, to date a lady who did not have a father or has a very bad relationship with him. You need to look at the lady and ask certain questions, see how she operates on a daily basis and how well she actually can handle relationships. Not everyone is the same, but I totally understand that some men will not entertain the idea.
@@janahcoachingI married a fatherless woman(he died when she was 3), our marriage has been “normal” as any other marriage. It’s been 27 years and we still love each other, faults and all.
That's absolutely wonderful!
Thank you.
Ok Deborah 🌈👍🏻🌈
What?
Fatherless daughters tend to have severe issues. Everything is statistics, the world operates on generalities and everything points to you having a very very painful experience. One that might even leave you with severe issues aswell. I tell my son to find a woman that was brought up in a stable household with both mom and dad, why?? Because there are infinte studies that prove what i am saying are facts. Sure not every fatherless daughter is bad, just like saying sure not all lotto tickets are losers.
Alot of pshychologists dont tell people the truth rhey really need to know, do your own research people and always look at the math behind your choices. You will fall on your face alot less times
Yes, most of them do, and people are not ready for that conversation cause it's an uncomfortable truth.
So blame the daughter for being abandoned? That is a sad view.
Children don't choose their parents. It's important to not get too absorbed by statistics and see the person on the other side of the rift.
Don't you think healthy households can easily become toxic in the blink of an eye? People can change their minds at any moment. Their affective needs may not be met overtime. Lots of happy marriages can quickly sour up if both parts never developed the tools to afront their problems head on.
What qualifies as a healthy upbringing to you? Every family has problems, deep inside. Some may be better at hiding their ugly truths. It's gotten to the point were people who believe they are 100% in the right need more advice than anyone else in the family.
Communication is key in every kind of relationship. A family with both parents present doesn't automatically mean they are perfect. Someone who didn't have the happiest of childhoods can heal and grow. These are no longer the medieval times to accept our fates as such. We have developed critical thought. We can be a little more empathetic towards other human beings.
"The death of a man is a tragedy. The death of a million, a statistic".
So basically you’re saying we don’t deserve love. That’s exactly what our fathers made us feel like. Thank you for making us feel worse 👍
Numbers show us a general tendency. And we do know without any doubt, that children raised in two parent households do better in practically everything, on average. Can a nuclear family be dysfunctional, yes. But the odds are much higher, if kids are raised only by their mother, that is an ugly fact but it is true. Communication is key, true. And I am nothing but compassionate about people who like me, grew up only with their mom without their father, I know the damage it does to you.
You described the anti-Greta, Naomi Seibt to a "T".
Really? I'm not really aware of her
@@janahcoaching She was more visible in 2019-2020. Her health and personal issues nearly killed her. She is in some kind of age gap relationship that I will not speculate on.
Not all fatherless daughters have psychological problems, but unfortunately, many of them end up with depression, eating disorders and even personality disorders (Cluster B). Not being willing to put up with someone with such problems has nothing to do with selfishness as so many people claim. It's about self-protection. Your own mental health is important.
I do agree. We all have the right to make certain choices.
I dated a fatherless girl.. this is what I learned.. I tried my best to treat her with love, however the love was often perceived as weaknesses.. I dealt with game playing, chit testing, incidents where she got drunk & disappeared for the night.. She had loads of male friends, one night we had an argument and she called an ex to come pick her up. She was often aggressive, didn't like boundaries, hated being told what to do.. Lots of tattoos.. Had sex with with 12 men at the age 24... Do not listen to this lady.. it's not worth risking your mental health trying to heal a person like this.
@@Vision-dd8fl I'm not a psychologist, but I would bet some good money that this woman had borderline personality disorder. Especially, the aggressive nature and high number of tattoos gave it away. The last fatherless woman I dealt with was very similar (also many tattoos). But in my case, she was a full-fledged narcissist. These people need help, but they seldom, almost never want it. You can't save them. They don't want to be saved. These people are beyond any rational thinking. After that experience, I swore to never ignore obvious red flags again. I hope you're in a healthy relationship now, or that you're happy single. Good luck to you, man!
I'd be concerned that they couldn't relate to or respect men. Also that she might look for affirmation from other men and thus not be loyal.
Yes, trust issues and the inability to fully trust and cooperate are very common among fatherless daughters. Also the fear of abandonment.
Indeed. All very valid concerns. As a Christian it is my deeply held stance that people are not disposable and should not be abandoned. But a successful, lifelong marriage is not a simple or easy thing. So for someone who greatly values a successful, lifelong marriage I would prefer a woman who does not have such a background, since such hangups truly are (or at least can be) a weakness in the marriage. Not insurmountable, but life and marriage is difficult enough without any additional difficulties. But I must also say that as a Christian, my God is one of second chances so she's not a lost cause. For instance, one example I can think of along these lines is Crissy Moran (now Crissy Outlaw). She was a pornstar but she got out in 2006 suffering deeply from low self worth issues. But she became a Christian and has been married since 2013.
*I dated a fatherless daughter; she was wounded from the experience and was a toxic women.*
I justifiably left her and never talked to her again. It's a shame what happened to her, but she needs to figure it out, not put it on others.
She is still single to this day, never found the husband she so desired.
It is hard to stay in a relationship with a person who needs constant validation or doesn't know how to deal with her past trauma or emotions that a fatherless upbringing left her with. Sometimes we even need professional help. Our spouse or partner cannot be our therapist and not everyone is equipped or willing to be in that position.
@@janahcoaching *Its more than that, she was so insecure she tried to ruin my life to prevent me from leaving her.*
Its sad she lost her father in childhood, but it is no reason to ruin a man's life.
There is absolutely no excuse to do such a thing.
I dated a fatherless girl.. was very combative, agressive.. one night she verbally abused me, I walked away like any man with self respect would do.. Because I walked away, she dumped me by text message. Left me emotionaly and mentally drained.
Yes, your experience is quite common, sadly.
Be glad you didn't have a father telling you, you deserve ONLY the BEST! That's absurd. That's a great way to create an entitled narcissistic woman. That is the problem with most modern women. They've been told that BS, under the guise of the self-esteem movement. Yes, your dad should tell you your beautiful, and intelligent (if you are), but this idea of telling girls they are perfect just the way they are and they DESERVE only the BEST, has created the delusional monsters we see today.
Encourage your daughters to develop character and acknowledge when they do well. Let them know not to accept ILL treatment, but in no way should you tell ANYONE they DESERVE the BEST!
When I speak of validation from Dad, I don't mean praising your daughter all day for nothing or telling her she is a princess. I mean genuine love, care and validation. These are healthy things and feedback a father should give his daughter, if he doesn't want her to go look for that outside the home, and with the wrong guys.
I know what youre saying but its hard to argue against cold hard data. Fatherless daughters (and sons) statistical are a bad investment. If the men out there want to play saviour and therapist for the rest of your marriage go ahead. Exceptions are just that, exceptions.
Have I ever said any different? I am well aware of the data, that's why I understand men who don't date fatherless daughters.
It wasn't usually the choice of the father to not be involved in her life.
Yes, that happened to me too. My father wasn't interested enough. It still leaves many scars.
Well at least they dont have daddy issues fatherless is probs way better
Fatherless daughters have no issues? They have many. Have you ever informed yourself about the negative effects from not having your father?
@@janahcoaching I'm not saying your void or pain is not vast or deep .. I am saying Daddy issues girls have a different type of toxic level that only comes from toxic dad's
You don't come across as toxic that's all I am saying
I might not be toxic for others, I was toxic for myself though, not even trusting my own choices at times, and suffering from extreme anxiety for many years. I picked partners poorly, repeated toxic patterns, till I learned.