How To Get Toddlers to Stop Hitting
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 31. 05. 2024
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Welcome! I'm Lori, and I founded Teach Through Love because I'm passionate about helping adults resolve daily conflicts and nurture children's development by using conscious communication.
Parents, teachers, and caregivers are the most influential people in a child's life. My Conscious Parenting Courses and Communication Cards have helped thousands of parents and professionals break free of reactive patterns and unconscious beliefs about "discipline" that keep them stuck in negative cycles with kids.
I want to help adults increase cooperation and connection by communicating in ways that help kids feel heard and capable of change. We can help them reach their full potential and learn to solve conflicts and collaborate with others when we shift how we respond to their needs and feelings.
Lori Petro I TEACH through Love
Author / Educator / Child Advocate - Jak na to + styl
Thank you for this learning moment as a single father its really frustrating not knowing what to do and I feel bad thinking I'm not doing everything in my power to help my little girl.
You are a good parent learning how to do it. Not many people do. Your daughter will be grateful to you later
Thank you very much for the wonderful teaching. It made me cry, I realized it's me as a parent that needs to first learn how to handle my emotions, before my kid can.
Thank you. Before I was feeling guilty that my kids hitting in daycare and he just 2.5 now I understand what he might going through. Before make him calm down. First I need to calmly listen to him. You gave me a different perspective to think rather than blaming my kid.
Thank you for bringing up the facts about hitting.
I am little relief now
Thats good advice hope i can implement it just tend to lose my cool and end up feeling like a bad mom đ
Don't feel bad, you're only human. It happens to the best of us. At least you're looking at different ways to go about the situation.
conscious NOT perfect! Work on building your tolerance - and take care of yourself.
thank you for this amazing insight! validating your child's emotions and pain is really the best way they can learn how to manage their bodies natural response to conflict, instead of shaming them. Help them understand how to be aware of how they feel, then they can take it from there and build social reactions. even better when they see another child getting mad they won't say " that's a bad kid" they will know how to engage them as well. EMPATHY saves the day once again!!
Appreciate the guidance! Mom and I are definitely at the point where we need to educate ourselves further.
Your words are highly amazing, I did cry listening to it! Thank you very very much!
Fantastic advice from such an articulate person, thank-you.
Awesome explanations!!! Thank you so much!
Great advice! Thanks Lori for all you do...
Wow! You are AMAZINGLY well spoken and packed so much knowledge into a short an interesting video! Thank you
Really helpful. Confirmed how I have felt but this a great teaching to follow when self doubt appears. It also brings clarity to the approach I have been trying to achieve. Thank you!!
Iâm so glad I found your channel only wish I had found it prior to yesterday. Thank you so much for your contentđ
Lol that screeching sound blew my eardrums haha it was so funny. Perfect example of how it really feels !!
Thank you so much this video is very very informative
Thank you for your video, it's so reassuring to know we are on the right track.My nearly 3.5 yo has just regressed back to hitting and explosive physical outbursts, we've been through it before with him and I thought we were out the other side of this stage. It can be so hard as a parent to know what to do and I really appreciate your practical and gentle approach.
Hi! My LO does the same at 3.3 years old. How is your child now? Has he outgrown the hitting?
Thanks for this video by the way.
Fantastic advices!
Great advice
Thank you! just came across your vid. immediately subacribed. very helpful tips and advice
thank you so much i really needed to hear this educational step by step video. My daughter is 21 month and I am getting so frustrated with her constant hitting and scratching I needed to watch your video to learn no coping and positive parenting techn..
Thxs for this advice
The most amazing advice Iâve been given on dealing with my toddler. Itâs completely opposite to what Iâve always thought I was supposed to do đ€Żđ Iâm gona start NOW!!
Yes please let me know how it goes.
Did it worked ?
@@areichzia526 it worked AMAZINGLY â€â€â€ I would recommend checking out dr Paul Jenkins too on so much more advice for positive parenting. đ„°
@@imuhlion sorry I didnât see this, it did work! Hope you were able to try it and see how great it feels to feel connected.. it was really the first time I was able to feel like there wasnât such a clash between me and my toddler.
So refreshing to watch this, thank you for great advice!
Well explained â€ïž
Thank you đ
This was so helpful! Thank you!!
Thank you so much for watching!
Thank you for your helpâ€đđđ
This was helpful. Thank you.
hi mommy lori! i'm from the philippines and i'm learning so much from your videos! May God bless you for being so generous of your parenting expertise and pieces of advice!
Mabuhay
Thanks a lot for this video. It will help me a lot to get my son learn how to better control his behaviour.....
Love your advice
Thnx for the video
Love the way you address the development and brain connection. Sometimes we as parents assume (incorrectly) that our kid has the same ability to understand complex issues or regulate emotions that we have. Something you do really well in your videos is to re-connect with the reality of that child's stage of development. Thanks for the contributions you're making to conscious parenting! DrPaul
Lori, I'm going to reference this video in an upcoming video on my channel around a similar topic. I think you would be a great resource for many of my subscribers. DrPaul
I am dealing with siblings a year apart, just moved to a new home, can't get them on their schedules. Apparently, hitting and biting is a new favorite hobby they love/hate. I appreciate your thoughts and advice.
Brilliant video. I feel like she was talking about my house lol Thanks for the input đ
Ive been watching your videos all night. Its truly amazing what ypu have to offer thank you. Your lile the perfect ideal parent. I wish i could be this level headed. My daughter is two and has a hard time comunicating. She is behind on speaking so she lashes out often and can be hard to calm her down. I dont know how tp comunicate with my child who can not communicate back or understand.
Thank you so much
Just what I needed to hear.
Thank You
Is that sarcasm or genuine?
Perfect solutions
Can I share with you how my mom handled it when a child threatened to hit her? She said "Oh, honey you better not. See, I have this medical condition and if a child hits me, my hand hits right back. Really hard. I can't help it". Boy, that kid backed right up. This was many years ago and the way things are now an adult probably couldn't say that. But I thought it was brilliant Sometimes the only thing that works is for a kid to hit the WRONG PERSON. It's amazing how effective that can be..
Linda C I totally agree with you
Linda C lol I love that. Yup true!
except I want to teach my child how to handle her emotions without violence.
@@teachthroughlove I knew a kid who stole a bike. His dad beat him He never stole again. I knew kids that grew up where the parents were too easy going in discipline, At school they were way out of line. Honestly some of these kids deserve a good beating. I think psychology today over babies . people are allot more resilient and tougher. Honestly kids should get hit more to stay in line. Maybe we would have better behave kids .
@grievance takashil If you dont like it, move along. Your trolling and calling names shows a lot about you.
Thanks, this gives me a lot of insight to how I've been handing my own toddler. I will be refining my strategy with what I've learned
Thank you so much for this.
Mlm iulrueurdiie
Consciousness, not perfection! Love, love, love this!
thanks for watching, Julia! xoLori
Loved your video!
good stuff.
thank you, I liked what you had to say!
it acshully work she is so disamplent now thanks!
Thank you for this video. My 2 year old is hitting other kids and I get complaints from other parents. đ
Where can I get a copy of the TESCH method that you showed in the video
Me and me partner are struggling so much with our 3 year old boy. He hits us, bites us etc. He gets so angry. But a lot of the things you say arenât good ideas or probably worsening the issue. Personally I feel like a bad parent and hope this helps me and helps us. Thank you for this, I hope I can be a better parent.
Finally! Someone that says that time out and punishment for this age is absolutely useless. They do not care about being time out they dont remember it next time they have a tantram , if anything if gets them more frustrated and angry. This advice is fantastic the best advice I have come across so far, I'm gonna try this starting tomorrow, I really hope it works. I have noticed my son likes to be made to feel empowered and listened to and when he feels helpless thats when he behaves like this .
Thank you for this my now 20 month old started hitting about 2 months back and its getting worse I can see I've been dealing with it the wrong way
Thank you. I was raised with time outs and hitting as discipline. I hate the idea of having my daughter raised the same way, but when she hits I have to stop and tell myself to not hit back because it is what I am used to, itâs difficult sometimes, because itâs just first response.
Thank you again, this gives me other options to deal with the hitting, pinching, and scratching. Now to get my parents, in laws, and husband on board.
I really enjoyed your video it all makes so much sense, have you made or found any good examples/scenario videos for more of a visual to show what to do in these situations? such as when the child is hitting out of anger/frustration, mad and throwing toys when a toy isn't working, or the child is yelling and saying 'no' when defiant about things they don't want to do....
lucky lissa over 100 videos + classes and language samples with different examples - poke around the website. www.teach-through-love.com
Thank you for this- my three year old has been hitting, biting etc for months and months now, I will try your advice
How did it go?
@@poolboyinla hello my son is almost 5 now and all the hitting etc has stopped. He has difficulty sometimes transitioning i.e leaving playdates but calms down pretty quick after. I found doing the positive parenting (although very hard staying patient and calm at times ) has done wonders for him . Lots of connection and bonding, quality time each day etc , no punishing/timeouts has all helped. Are you in same situation?
My 3-year-old daughter has always had and still has tantrum episodes every single day. Itâs humiliating. Bedtime is so stressful EVERY DAY! And this is not the only time she is out of control. I have tried it all; routine, stories, positive reinforcement, games, etc., still, nothing works. We can't figure it out...we would appreciate your input... I'm all ears!!! Thanks!!!
Thx for ur vids:)
Thanks for the video, but I couldnt find anything for a case where a toddler starts hitting your eyes at the most positive and loving moments and follow it with a laughter. He has no aggression at all just having fun. How can you stop her from hitting your eyes? My eyes are truly hurting!
Thanks so much for watching. I don't remember what I said in this video but I would say set a physical boundary and create space. Move away. Hitting is a common stage and it can be redirected but it takes repetition. They can't always "stop" because we ask. At that age, the impulse control is not well developed and it takes time (and also repeatedly setting the limit. I" don't like that It hurts my eyes. I'm going to move back so I don't get hit." etc.
My friend is having trouble with her child hitting. Sharing it with her. Thanks!!
Thank you so much! đ
Awesome video! Could you do a video with a toddler/preschooler with autism and/or developmental delays when they have tantrums. I'm thinking redirecting and the stress ball but there's so many different scenarios for this type of behaviour.
Erin I am not an autism specialist (except growing up with undiagnosed Aspergers) but a relational approach workds for ALL kids... kids on the spectrum may have other sensory issues (there is a video for that here) or longer learning curves (less ability to self-regulate alone, more anxiety etc) but the approach would be the same. :)
***** Thanks. I work with a boy in my class who may have undiagnosed autism and when he's over-stimulated or there are too many children playing around him he moans and cries. He likes playing alone. The busier the environment, the worse it gets.
a
I came to this video because I just started working with 2 year olds at a daycare and this one boy has a major hitting problem. If another kid gets anywhere near him he gets this mischievous look in his eyes and hits them, sometimes even hitting them in the head with big toy trucks. I can tell that the usual response to this has been to yell and give him time out. I want to try a new approach and show some empathy but it's hard because 1. Even when I try to get on his level and talk to him he doesn't look at me or listen and 2. I don't want to overstep my boundaries as a teaching assistant. :/
Thank you for this video. My daughter is 14 months old and she has began to hit very often throughout the day. She is learning to talk more and I am trying to teach her how to interact with others by saying their name to get the person's attention rather than hitting. She hits me mostly and her 5 year old brother. At times I have to give her extra space, while still staying close , but she just won't stop. Are there any more strategies I could try with a 14 month old? Thank you
I am going to try this. My son has been hitting my 2 year old daughter whenever she's playing with his toys. I know he knows better, because we've talked about how hitting is bad and he immediately gets this 'oh shit' look on his face after he hits her. He knows he messed up. I usually pick up my daughter and comfort her first, and then I try and talk to my son after, but he still keeps doing it.
Hi,
Thank you so much for your ideas.. my 3 yes started nursery, he has no sibling n no age fellow in family n frienz. Its been 3rd week but he did not has friend yet, he's good with his teachers and adults but not with kids. Yesterday the teacher said he pushed a kid and And was pressing him. Today she said he was hitting n scratching bla bla.. she exaggerated but the manager of nursery said he pushes the kids.. no hitting yet. The teacher yesterday said we gave time out to him. What shoukd i do.. bcz he never hit or push any kid ever before.. but the nursery teacher are saying this.. plzz help
Great tips! My toddler is this state of anger any tome she gets hurt or someone tells her âno,â she immediately hits or throws toys. Also, sheâs teething so I noticed she randomly will pinch/ hit me because sheâs in pain, I know now to ask if her gums hurt and she points to her mouth in frustration.
Does this count for people with the mentality of a two year old as well?
Youâd be suprised how caring for your toddler and care-giving for you mother in law are very similar and successful
I'm a single mom with little to help., I have a two yr old and hes been hitting me .. . I know it's my actions but I also thought it might be his dad's house..but after watching this I realise it's me..my son is becoming so angry with me . ive put so many demands and limits on him, adding shame. I'm so scared he'll become angry, I dont know where to start. Please help me.. I love my son so much and only want him happy..and dont wany to loose the bond, like my mother did with me. I stopped trusting my mom at the age of 7-8. Cause I didnt understand .
My toddler is 3 1/2 though. She'll be 4 in February and she is very nice with other kids so far but with us at home she's so rough. She is always wanting to play "bad guys" and this got her ramped up tonight and when we were done playing she was next to her dad as I got dinner cleaned up and she just bites daddy hard out of nowhere. Idk why she's doing this but I can't get her to get past this embarrassed feeling afterwards to say sorry. You can tell she gets embarrassed but she doesn't truly seem regretful. How can I get her to understand that this hurts and is not okay? I'm just afraid that it will work it's way into school somehow. She seems so sweet and shy at school but at home.. whew, watch out.
This is exactly my situation my almost 3 year old hits other children in day care Iâm really struggling Iâve tried time out his speech isnt quite there yet also so we have been referred to speech therapy
How can I use this technique with a 2 year old that doesn't quite yet have the verbal skills to understand or respond to those questions and whatnot? Like, if I asked her "how can we make Daddy feel better?" after she was screaming at/hitting him, she wouldn't really be able to answer that yet. I've done something similar where I try to get her to say sorry or go give him a hug or something, and sometimes it works when it's me, but when it's her dad, she doesn't seem to want to. And now he's convinced she doesn't like/love him anymore. He has like zero experience with kids, so I've been trying to explain to him that this kind of stuff is normal for her age, but it still bothers him. And sometimes what I'm doing now works, and sometimes not so much. So I'm thinking I'm not doing this right or something.
Toddlers do not outgrow poor coping mechanisms- they need to be taught by modeling. Sooooo important. †Children will never do what we say; they will only ultimately do what we do.
I am a single mother. My 4 year old had a tantrum at the train station the other day. They hit me and kicked me as hard as they could many times and bruised my legs. I told them to stop but they didn't. Many people were looking. They only calmed down when the trained arrived. I just blocked the hits and kicks which seemed to upset them more. I don't know what to do to cope with this.
I have a question, I have a mom friend who has a kid around my kids age. The kids like eachother but her kid has a kid who hits. How do I speak to my kids about what to do? I donât know what to do with that other child because itâs not my child. But I donât want my kids to think itâs ok to be hit
My sister's 3year old doesn't hit, but he is a rough boy. Too rough for his little sister. She's a year old. They love to play together, but how do we explain that she's too small to play the way he's used to?
plz help me. my elder son was very
much obedient, calm at the age of his first 2 yrs. but after that I become pregnant. I couldn't give him proper time. Now he is too much stuborn, always screaming, even hitting his lil bro sometimes. what can I do? only he acts very gently if he get anyone who is at his age.
You mentioned shadow kits for hitting or biting. Where can I get more information about these shadow kits? I found the communication cards on your website and ordered them because I found them to be invaluable. But where can I get more info on impulse control you spoke of with hitting or biting?
Hi Ashleigh, thanks so much for watching and ordering my cards! In this video I actually said, "shadow kids" meaning - you follow them closely while they're struggling with behaviors. Young kids need an adult to sometimes help them stop their behavior because of the lack of impulse control - so "shadowing" them allows us to be close enough to be a physical boundary when necessary :)
I tried to do this with my 2 year old when I tried to tell her "I know your frustrated...." she threw herself on the floor and broke my necklace.
Kayla Pickel Lmao I'm sorry it's funny because my 1 year old does the same
Something I tried with my niece when she hit me was saying No hitting... Just kissing. And then kissing her loads. She calmed down right off the bat and started to giggle. I guess that kinda taught her to turn the negative into positive.
The facts are that a two year old prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped. They cannot regulate their emotions. By telling them off so vigorously, you will only be adding to their negative emotional state. It's your job to show them how to regulate their emotions. How to have negative emotions and deal with them proactively.
actual image of a toddler's life.
7h
My child is 18 month and he started to hit when i tell him no for hurting himslef, or even when we were in the airport he want to go to a diffrent way from us, and when i hold him he hit me and even scratch me.
I tried to sit down with him and tell him NO in a deep tone and holding his hands and say " hands are not for hitting".
Its not working for me, can you plz help me?!!
Hello I have a personal concern about my 18 month old but I would like to ask you in a more private setting just because it does involve others and donât feel it wouldnât be appropriate to ask publicly is there an alternative way to ask you about my situation?
Thank you so much! I'm a first-time mom with no one to help. My toddler keeps hitting me. I would give him time out, but it only helps for a short while. I would tell him hands are not for hitting and it hurts when he hits. Now I see what I have to do. God bless you!
How did it go?
@@poolboyinla He is 5 now and is such a well-rounded emotionally balanced child now.
My 2 year old son...soon to be 3 in 2 Months... hits me when he is gotten on to ... no matter if my sister gets on to him.... he will run over to me and slap me I think he might have ADHD / autistic/ and have sensory disorder.... I would love to know your opinion
Been trying to apply it but it is really frustrating when it is taking an hour or two. My kid won't even let me near him when he's having big emotions. He would run,look for his sibling and hurt him. Then smile once the other kid is hurt. It is saddening.
How do you handle a conversation with a parent who's child (older Boy toddler) pushes my younger toddler (girl)? It's my brother in law's lady, and I've witnessed the boy push my daughter or hit my other son, and the mom just laughs and says no. How would you handle it?
I have a hit a wall with my 26 month old with hitting, kicking with diaper changes and pulling my hair. Let's just say this has been going on for 18 months and my temper has broken. Yesterday we were reading and spending time together and he turned around and open handed slapped me across the face. Hard. Today he ripped out a handful of hair while eating outside for a picnic. No exaggeration. I am trying so hard to get back to being happy with my son, but the behavior is making me not like being a mom or him very much. Boy oh boy have we tried everything including your suggestions-having him help, giving him choices etc. Saying I won't let you hit me gets a laugh. Sometimes I have to straddle him to get a diaper on and yes, we do use pull ups when possible but that is not always the case. I cannot wait for potty training. I feel so broken and beat down figuratively and literally.
Carol Beard I wish it has improved. It has only gotten worse. This week has had me in tears. I am 6 months pregnant and today he kicked me in the stomach. So yeah, just barely making it. Never hits anyone else. Yes a lot of times it is for attention but he needs 100% attention all of the time or you can guarantee and swift kick or and smack. I do my best to keep him occupied and I am trying to find a preschool we can afford as he needs others to help him learn social skills. He is developmentally fine, temperamentally has always been a challenge from birth. Sweet smart kid somedays and other truly a devil. He is really thoughtful and well behaved outside of the home. You would never guess how he acts behind closed doors.
Team Queenâ s Fearn Tucker and Bentley Forever Every child potty trains at their own pace. Some days he will use the toilet, others not. I am not pushing it.
Ace Davis Youâre not alone girl my about to be 3 year old son is wild, angry, aggressive, violent and to top it off in the 99th percentile for size so Iâm getting beat up by a kid the size of a 5-6 year old!!! I just had another baby as well and my son kicked/hit my tummy too! I ended up having to hide a lot in my bedroom while his father took after him more. I have to be insanely careful with him around my now 4 month old daughter!! Iâve found leaving him alone when he starts doing these things until he calms down helps, let him cry it out a bit and wear himself out then try a regroup!
I know this might sound crazy, but there's a thing called "Yelling", you should try it. But all jokes aside, try yelling at him in a loud and clear voice, that might work.
Kyle Crane It doesnât, they just yell louder.
My son 2 n half year old when some kids come my home my son is hitting and punching and I fell so much embarrassment on that's time plz give me some suggestions plz plz
My son is 18 months old & only hits me. He doesnât do this when heâs having a tantrum, he does this while heâs calm (many times we have be playing in his play area, carrying him while dancing, sitting on my lap when he suddenly just raises his arm & slaps me.) It almost seems impulsive. Iâm not sure what causes this behavior as there are no sequence of events leading up to an upset child. This has me very confused as to what it is I may be doing wrong. Ha anyone else experienced this with their babies?
Omg this is amazing! I have been struggling with my 2&1/2 year old recently with the same habits, I didn't know what to do because I felt I had tried all obvious solutions. But when you explain it from a physiologic/scientific perspective I can understand the true workings of what why how when these things are happening. Thank you
My son is nearly 5, and has a developmental delay. He has been kicked out of 3 preschools since August, and is already hitting at this new daycare. I'm doing what I can to be proactive to help but he ONLY ever hits at preschool, and never any other time. He possibly has autism and we're working with it, but we're running out of options to nip this issue in the bud and we can't afford to have him get kicked out of another preschool. Running out of options.
Matt đ„đ„đ„ I feel you. My son is also like this but he is only like this at school. đ©đ©
For any child with developmental needs are frustrated.. Perhaps keep showing them how to handle situations over and over again may help? My son is the same.. But he hits his sister at home too and not souch in school. Its hard
Iâve had toddlers & 5 year olds, diagnosed autistic children in my classrooms that hit. I, as the teacher, did what I could to help these students as much as possible, things such as having these students do wall push ups, help Unstack chairs, things that had them use their gross motor. During âtrigger timesâ (such as centers, morning circle time..) my students had weighted vests or a weighted pillow placed on their laps. These things were all part of their DIET (not food diets!) and it really helped in my classrooms with the hitting.
Do you have an update. I'd quit my job and take care of him. He doesn't want to be away from you because he's too young and he's not social. If he's important to you you should change your life to help him be comfortable in this world. He needs his mommy. We humans need warm supportive, loving connection. Some more than others. I hope you can find a way to support him in the way he needs.
No the best way when they are under 3 is to ignore their bad behaviour, only tell them off once , take them out of the situation, and ignore them until they have calmed down, then explain why they shouldn't do what they did
not sure I agree with this but its difficult to agree or disagree when there's no sources or citations
How do we manage hitting that appears to come from know where? I am having trouble finding the unmet need.
Same! đđœââïž
Me too. We donât hit or tolerate that behavior so itâs not learned. However when I see his grandma (dementia and mental health conditions) do something thatâs either grabbing something or accidental kicks him while heâs on floor tantruming....he looks at her like he sees a bully. Itâs by accident but this is a look I recognize in my 2 yr
What if it's other kids hitting your kid, and the parents see it and do absolutely nothing? And it's all within the same family and household?
I need help. My soon to be 5 year old got written up at preschool today for hitting and calling the teacher stupid . Iâm blown away . He is a very sweet boy but does have tantrums and if pushed too much he does hit . Iâve told the teacher that when he acts up and throws a tantrum at home I tell him âI donât like the way your acting so go to your room and count to 20 and come out when your calm â and I leave him alone . He then comes out calmly and apologizes to me . I guess at school she removes him from the situation by picking him up and at that point and time he gets angrier and hits her. I need to get to the bottom of this and change things around . We have already gotten threatened with getting kicked out of preschool. She wants a conference meeting ASAP . I need advice . Thank you in advance.
I think your son has hit the nail on the head. That teacher does seem a bit stupid.
@Teachthroughlove what if it is you your toddler is hitting
i did the deep breathing and play time he just throws things heâs thrown things at my father my mom and me even my siblings i even got him coloring big pages and a small coloring book n crayons and he just gets mad i normally put my hand on his back n rub him and say just breathe but he pushes me away so i give him space n he gets angry
My child obviously views me as a threat.. she just turned 3 and my newest just turned 6 months. Consciousness not perfection.
Would you have any suggestions on my 1.5 year old who is hitting everything/one? For some reason, he particularly likes to hit the 70 lb dog. He doesn't know the difference between a pat and a hit. Sometimes it's in anger, sometimes it's in fun. In this instance, how do we correct the "fun"?
Hi Sarah, Check out my playlist for toddlers and preschoolers. You won't get "obedience" at this age because an 18 month old can't control their impulses yet. I also have a video about when kids hit the pets you can check out!
What to do when a child hits and throw things even when he is not frustrated or upset?
My son 3year old when he excited to paly his favourite play,he hitted too much