School "Misbehavior" & What to Do About It
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 19. 01. 2015
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Welcome! I'm Lori, and I founded Teach Through Love because I'm passionate about helping adults resolve daily conflicts and nurture children's development by using conscious communication.
Parents, teachers, and caregivers are the most influential people in a child's life. My Conscious Parenting Courses and Communication Cards have helped thousands of parents and professionals break free of reactive patterns and unconscious beliefs about "discipline" that keep them stuck in negative cycles with kids.
I want to help adults increase cooperation and connection by communicating in ways that help kids feel heard and capable of change. We can help them reach their full potential and learn to solve conflicts and collaborate with others when we shift how we respond to their needs and feelings.
Lori Petro I TEACH through Love
Author / Educator / Child Advocate
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This video made me cry. So many boys are shamed and labeled for being boys. It has become an epidemic in our schools. It starts as young as 3 years old. Some of our boys need love, support and a lots of help adjusting to school life. This shaming leads many boys to have a low self esteem and the bad behavior snowballs from there. Thank you thank you!!!
Thanks for saying the truth
They lack discipline at home.
@@axolendzimane139thatâs not always true. Iâve seen well behave 4-5-6 year olds at home doing what the parents want and need them to do. The problem is truly learning to be social at school. These children are very smart but in class they think itâs a big self party.. I never knew this was an issue but itâs real
Yes!!!! I have dealt with this for years, my some is 10. The schools are always focused on behavior and what he is doing wrong...
True :(
I'm going through this with my 5 year old girl. So overwhelming
Going through this with my 7 yr old
@@kiajohnson girl two years lady the struggles still real
@@rodnape can You help me i was clowning someone at school on the group chat and she said she can report me to the scholl
@@rodnape, don't give up. You can do this.
Same with my 5years old boy
One word about your observation of our public school system regarding zero tolerance. Amen! Social emotional development is recognized by some educators and completely ignored by others.
This information is pure Wisdom. Not having children and soon becoming an elementary
teacher this video is a diamond of what to do and not to do towards children. Having problems too in school there was a third grade substitute teacher who just "talked" and "listened" to me. This set my life on another path; the other path was...very bad.
It's too bad that this type of wisdom is not taught in current educational courses; they just focus on psychology & classroom management and such not the child-student.
I'm glad your video was found!!!
I perceived many of my childhood teachers in those same ways. And I remember not really fitting in or feeling comfortable in school until I got older for those same reasons.
Iâm going through this right now. Came to CZcams because I had no idea what to do.
Thank you. I really like the last part about teaching with empathy and compassion, and for parents & teachers to address our children's emotional development. This ethos will make our society more and more inclusive, too. Keep it up
I agree we have to address the issue but it takes time and patience which many teachers do not have.
Right. I have the patience but not the time. 18 first grader and three students who display this behavior daily.
You are an amazingly wise educator I wish I knew about you when my daughters were little. Thank you keep doing what you are doing đđŒ
I agree with you. I believe that my son has the ability to cooperate in class, but then I do know that it is difficult for him to sit still, because whatever work is handed to him is somewhat, boring or lacks interest. I was asking him how he felt about the situation with he and his teacher and when he expressed that he didn't know that he was misbehaving, she starting defending the situation 2othout giving the chance to speak. Many of our boys lack creativity and diversity in the classroom and I believe that it affects how should behave according to traditional classroom standards.
Thank you for this video!! You eloquently said everything that I believe regarding this topic. My 7 year old is another victim of this petty labelling and as a teacher myself, I spotted it straight away. I tried speaking to this teachers but it was like speaking to a wall so I transferred my son to a better school with a more supportive environment. It's so important for parents to understand this.
Literally just transferred my kid to another school bc Iâm dealing with the same exact thing
Thank you so much for this very insightful video! I am a k through 12 teacher and a very small rural school district and I really appreciate the insight not only in regards to my own very precocious toddler but in regards to the emotional needs of most of my students. Thankfully we have a less traditional classroom model, but it just reminds me that it's okay to let them just be kids and to allow my expectation even for the older ones to be guided by their emotional needs as much as the academic ones. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate your videos!
I know this is a older video. As a teacher I'm on here trying to get ideas on how to handle children just like you're speaking about. Have any of you ever tried to deal with these behaviors in a classroom setting? Of course you may not see this at home but trust me it's going on in the classroom of 15 plus kids. I was also this way as a child ,undiagnosed ADHD.
Teachers can only do so much. Instead of blaming the teacher why not try to help or homeschool if that works for you. Meanwhile, I'm taking training courses, whatching youtube videos and learning strategies to help kids like yours while also teaching the rest of the class. I'm torn each day between my love of teaching and trying to help these kids that get written off and going nuts. So before you start being snarky at a teacher that has been dealing with more than one child with these behaviors , why don't you come and secretly observe your childs classroom and see what we deal with all day.
Stephanie Haygood đđđ
Yes, yes, yes
And how would we do that? I'd love to see what's going on in my defiant kid's class but it's not like there is a one way mirror I can hide behind or even surveillance cameras I can use. I get it, it's a tough job. But it's equally frustrating to have our school and teachers asking US what we can do as parents to fix THEIR classroom environment to get our kid to quit displaying behavior he doesn't do at home. Unfortunately this video doesn't seem to have any solutions either other than "listen to your kids and don't lecture them."
HI Stephanie, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I'm definitely not blaming teachers. I have been a teacher and a director of a daycare/learning center in the inner city, and I know how difficult it can be. I recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more specific classroom management strategies which are aligned with what I advocate. Becky Bailey has great tools for the classroom!
My child's preschool won't work with me in any way. They wont let me help. My input is met with skepticism, my concerns are met with defensiveness no matter how nicely I approach and no matter how reassuraing I am. I am told "things are escalating" but given no information when I ask what "things". My child's hours have been reduced by the school and I'm still not clear on what the problem is. I ask every day how she got on and I'm usually brushed off with a "fine" so I simply don't have the information to help, nor is my support welcomed. Meanwhile my 3 year olds self image and self value has plummeted to the point of huge concern and of course her ability to regulate has suffered. I feel like a failure every day.
Don't assume that all teachers are proactive and open to information just because you are. I promise you that creating a defensive image will damage trust with parents so please don't fall into this trap. The truth is that we are all human beings, not all teachers are good teachers and not all parents are good parents but it seems to me that for the most part what gets in the way is pride.
Such a GREAT, USEFUL and HELPFUL video. Thank you so much.
Very well worded. Thanks for sharing this : )
This video was such a gift to find. Thank you very much!!!!
Wonderful tips from all ur videos ! U really showed us (parents) how to treat children with LOVE, even when their behaviours are the worst. As adults, we often like to give orders n expect instant results, but after watching ur videos I realized how it would have more negative impact to our child in the long run. Thanks again for teaching me how to be a more compassionate parent !
+Ratna Ariyanti Thank you so much for being part of the change!! We are creating a better future for everyone. :)
I was brought to tears today when my childâs school counselor told me yet again that he had been disruptive and unsafe in school. The word suspension was used. I know my son to be sensitive, helpful and kind, as well as active and curious but since starting kindergarten I feel like I do more talking about behaviors and expressing frustration than ever before. I canât afford to pull him and home school him and I canât be in the classroom to help. I just donât know what to do. đą
My 9year old does the same he just got diagnosed with ADHD
Same issue persist in whole world it seems. I am from India and struggling with same issue in my son's school getting more depressed when I receive a call from schoolđą
How is your son now?
This is crazy that your video propped up. I needed just this and my name is Krystal so it felt as if we were having a meeting. Thank you
I love your videos. What you said about the schools is so true of the schools I work in as a restorative practices coach in Chicago. As a parent, and a trainer in Conflict Resolutions I am so happy that you are makine these videos. I will share them.
+Shedrick Sanders Thanks so much! Yes - we need this in schools - kids deserve to be taught skills through cooperative practices - not authoritative control.
You made me such a better and more confident mom. I am dealing with this now and i really appreciate you making your channel. Thank you!
Discipline your child
@@axolendzimane139 take your sad soul away from moms đčđčđč
Thank you Lori, you helped me a lot.
You are awesome mamâ€ïž for understanding the concern so deeply and gives us many valuable learning and a different perspective thank you so muchđ
Thank you. This was so so helpful to hear
This is exactly what my grandson is dealing with. I plan on showing his teachertgis video. He is attending a small homeschool that operates in home.Thanks for the great advice.
You are so welcome! I'm glad it's helpful. Thank you for watching!
Iâm going through this with my
6 yr old that has adhd. I want to help him so much saving this video
That was incredible. You have no idea how much I appreciate this upload...
+MrJuot234 So happy you found it helpful! Thanks for watching.
Lovely video content! Sorry for butting in, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you heard about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a great one off product for becoming an excellent parent minus the headache. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my work buddy at last got astronomical results with it.
educators should be educated enough to educate the children. this video is very helpful. thanks!
Wow! Thank you for this video.
Thank you! For this message
I am a teacher and I try my utmost best to do what you suggest, to also look at my kids needs, why they act out a certain way etc. but every now and then I fail. How do I juggle all of this? I feel I need more time to spend with the kids, focus on the emotional learning but at the same time I have so much pressure from parents to "prove" what they learned, master all the subjects and then from management write 160 reports, decorate your class constantly, displaying work, submitting lesson plans. It's when you have all these deadlines to meet but you simply can't teach a class because you can't get through the lesson content .. there are times that I have in my mind all the things I still need to teach and all the deadlines that I have but what my kids actually NEED is to play, talk to me and learn valuable social skills. Especially at the end of a school year. How!! :-)
Amen to your response to Amy Fleming. Teachers are mandated to follow District rules. It's the 'old school" way of thinking. My daughter is an Aspergers child. For seven years, the majority of teachers have been cruel and uncaring, wanting all students to fit into the box. That's not reality. She's a wonderful child. I have learned so much through her. Respect is earned, not demanded! Just because someone is an adult that automatically entitles them to respect??? My daughter's thinking is so like yours. People are people. When you earn respect you usually get it. If there could be more understanding that all kids aren't the same, mixed with kindnesses and compassion, the system would work so much better.
Thank you so much for this video!
This was wonderful well instructed
Thank you so much for your insight, I appreciate this video!
Lori,
I am lost right now. To make a long story short, he went to daycare from 8mos to 5years. He formed a strong bond with his caregivers and was one of the best kids in preschool. Now in Kindergarten, his behavior is out of control in school. Writing on walls (which heâs never even thought of at home) , spitting water in kidsâ faces at the drinking fountain, plugging up the toilet with paper towels on purpose, calling his teacher stupid, blatantly refusing to do his school work, making distracting faces and noises and wonât stop when asked, lying about having to go potty so he can walk around the hallways, having marker fights with other kids, poking his head into other classrooms and yelling into the room!
*SIDE NOTE* his teacher had a procedure done the first week of school and there was a sub for over a week already. Then she had a follow up appointment and missed another day and a half, so he has literally NO TIME to bond with this new teacher. When I mentioned that to the principal, she replied that it doesn't matter what teacher he's with: gym, reading, recess, lunch time, home room, he's disrespectful and doesn't listen. According to them, he is the only child with this problem, all of the other children are compliant- I hate using that term.**
Where did my child go? He was never like this! I know heâs having a hard time adjusting because he loved his daycare and was sad to move schools, he tells me all the time he wants to go back to daycare. :-( Iâve already gotten 3 calls from the principal and had a meeting with his teachers/principal. I am lost on what to do. I hate to âpunishâ him for his behavior but he just comes home every day with a âredâ card meaning he was bad and when asked why, he just says he doesnât know why he was bad. I work 8-5, I donât have time to volunteer in the room to try and help. What can we do at home to help? Weâve talked to him till we were blue in the face, but like you said, you cannot reason with him at this point. Heâs all in agreeance with being good in the AM but when we pick him up, he had yet another bad day. We are lost and want to help him! ANY suggestions?
Am so sorry you are going through this Kat. How is he doing now? Am going through a similar situation with my son. Itâs heartbreaking. How is yours doing?
I know this is an older video, but as a preschool teacher I LOVE watching your videos and they give me such great ideas for my classroom. I would love to see a video on managing behaviors in the classroom, for those of us who want to be positive in the classroom and teach without judgement or shame.
Hi Jessica, Thanks so much for watching. I will add this to the list for sure. I definitely recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more classroom Management strategies that are aligned with what I advocate - and the Teacher's Edition of my Conscious Communication Cards will be available soon - though there are many topics that relate to school topics (paying attention, hands to yourself, etc) in the current parent deck. You can check them out here - bit.ly/2AOQbeU
Thanks again for stopping by and checking out my videos! :) Lori
Thank you so much I will check this out :)
My son just started headstart yesterday. He has never attended daycare or even been to a babysitter outside of our home. He is refusing to sit down during story time, follow directions or pick up his toys. He does all of these things at home. He smacked his teacher in the face yesterday when she insisted he stop playing and go sit down. I'm sure she was trying to force him. Today his teacher called jome saying he was refusing to keep his mask on and would have to put it back on his own face because they couldn't do it for him because of germs. Its difficult for him to put it on his own face. He isn't this misbehaved at home and I don't know what to do. He doesn't have behavioral issues normally and is being disruptive in class. I don't know what to do! When I mention he is just 3 years old the teacher rebuttals with the statement that all the other kids are listening. The class has 3, 4 and some 5 year olds. My thoughts are that he has to stay and learn to behave and listen to the teacher and his new environment. I can keep him home for another year but I really feel that he can benefit greatly from being in school. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!
Wow, I really needed this. My 3 year old son has reports every day from his daycare about him not staying still for circle time and getting frustrated with other kids and hitting them and "keeping his hands to himself"and that no one likes to play with him...this video was just what I needed! Thank you!
+H sprouse (Hsprouse) Awesome. He's LITTLE. Those reports are the problem.
H sprouse he's doing what normal 3 year old do.
This video is not helpful. Saying it is normal age appropriate behaviour will not stop the school from excluding your child in the future.
I'm reading your comment from 6years,and what you wrote is just so familiar with what I am going through now in 2021 with my 4years son.
This is his 1 year being around so many kids 1st year preschool and, I'm almost depressed when I come to pick him up from school....
Oh my gosh, thank you!
thank you . you gave me hope
I am so happy I found you!
Great insights!
Wow that was Profound
Thanks so much, my 5 y.o. is being judged harshly as am I because she has been having a challenging time getting through a full day of kindergarten. School has only been in session 7 days and I've been called to pick her 4 times already. I know that my child has areas whereas growth needs to take place, we all do. But the teacher is very ocd, firm, and intense. I'm getting no kind of team effort from her.
I hope things have gotten better for her đ Can you maybe change her from the class?
Thanks for this Lori all of your videos that I've watched so far are extremely helpful!!. My son was diagnosed with Asperger's last year and moving up to Secondary school has been such a challenge for him. I really appreciate all the advice in your videos and the place of love and respect that your messages come from. Keep up the great videos :-)
+Nicole Dawson Thanks so much for watching! I guess you probably saw this one... czcams.com/video/h4mpwxrIHOc/video.html (5 things not to say to a child with aspergers) but check it out, if not!
Schools are not always Aspie-friendly!! Keep being his advocate :)
Great video!
Yours is the first video which I could actually relate to... I'm having major problems with my 7 year old genius level son just as explained in this video and I am desperate for help. I blame myself and have tried everything I could think off! I don't know what to do anymore!
Same here đ
Amazing video!!
You are amazing!
My son is a very sweet boy. When first put him school. Heâs frustrated. Teacher complained he want him to be perfect. Also school diagnosed Matt autism. So we agree put him at special school. Before no one still if heâs autistic now he looks worse Iâm frustrated. I feel like I failed my childđą
My kids entire elementary school needs to watch this
This video was great
I know itâs old video but I would love to have the teacher who understands and as good as you . We in the Society that want us to behave Certain way . If you donât theyâre not Except how you are specially modern day the world so much difference you cannot be yourself any more
Thank you â€
Thank you for watching!
Lori, you're spot on as always. We need to plant the seeds of love in our children. As you say we cannot be perfect but we can work on practicing conscious awareness, presence. If children show signs of acting out it is so important to look past the behavior and focus working out the reason. My granddaughter receives very little positive attention from her parents (I don't blame them, I just don't think they choose to live consciously). Our granddaughter is now 3 and has been acting out for some time. Each week I collect her from pre-school, it is becoming harder to "bring her back" (so to speak) as we have limited time with her (we used to have her half the week). This week something must have gone very wrong at home. Her pent up angst was so obvious from the moment I picked her up. She wouldn't speak or give me eye contact. Each week she comes to us filthy dirty, her hair matted with knots. This week all I did was untie her hair and she began the hit out so hard I went into a bit of shock. I didn't react, I just sat and observed her body language. She was aware she had hurt me, I didn't need to point that out. Instead I talked calmly to her about her feelings. I get the impression she is used to a different response. I said sometimes when you're sad or angry all you need is a big cuddle to make you feel better. I explained hitting hurt people. She stood for a while almost contemplating then wrapped her arms around me like her life depended on it. After that she happily allowed me to bath her and wash her hair etc. She did not once hit out at me again all weekend. We were so fortunate to have her the entire weekend. By Saturday afternoon she was a different child. She was happy, singing her favorite songs, chatty, wanting to engage and cooperate (mostly). She loves picnics and she loves to be involved in all the preparations. She loves to help me cook afternoon tea (her favorite ritual right now), although she now knows pepper does not belong in pancakes :-) I would have to say interact with your children. Treat them with respect, understand things from their viewpoint and they will give you more joy than you can ever imagine possible. Thanks Lori x
Julia Brinkmann Thanks so much for sharing your story and watching!
Thank You for this response. I don't have children but I do remember well
much of what was said with negative behaviors to children. This wisdom will
be remembered for the future and when I enter the classroom as a teacher.
This is heart-warming.
Although time has passed I'm hoping the parent had a chance to sit down and talk to the teacher face to face.
OMG - I thought this without knowing that it was a professional perspective.
I have a 6 year old who had a horrible year 1014-2015 - Of the numerous complaints, I hardly recognized the child anymore(at school, that is) - Funny thing I never had any complaints more than being talkative before this grade. I investigated every other relationship from afternoon scholl to dance class. Nothing Negative or strange. Here's the kicker - She is now 3 weeks into her new class and as usual straight A's. The teacher thinks she is normal and the only complaint is that she likes to TALK. TOO MUCH .. lol .
I commented here to say that I agree 100000 % that some educators can either motivate or destroy our kids. WOW - I can't believe what I just watched. Thanks thanks thanks thanks.
+DiscoverStmaarten Thanks for watching!
+TEACHthroughLove I came to watch this video because I am in a very dark place today. I think I am the worst teacher in the world at the moment and I can't help throwing a self pity party right now.I am a part time MFL teacher and I have always tried to make my lessons fun and encourage my students to not be afraid of making mistakes when speaking a foreign language. However, as they are entering level 2 and I've been teaching material I hadn't before, I am beginning to struggle with behaviour from a few children, especially boys. I can't play games without giving them some input first. I had to call the Head today as there were two boys being very disruptive, ignoring my warnings. I just don't know what to do. They told her I used to be more fun but the reality is I'm new in this particular school, I took over from another teacher they liked and I feel unable to make it fun all the time if they can't put up with a little input first. Actually I notice some children don't like games and interactive activities all the time. They get bored so quickly. I am at the end of my tether. I feel really bad, got home in tears. I can't stop crying. Thank God it's half term. I need so much help. Maybe I should give up.
My (now 7) year old just had a terrible 2017-2018 school year in 1st grade! Any complaint I had before was him talking too much! I have seen the issue with the teacher since day 1, and the school would not heard me. After an entire year of trying to get the school to help, to work with us (without ever pointing fingers) and coming up with several ideas, only to be told "Its not in policy" We have decided to change schools.
When I was in 3rd grade there was this kid who would throw tantrums every day and sometimes sneak out of the classroom
Hi my son is 9 and is having such a hard time at school he canât make long lasting friends because he canât seem to understand how to be a kid and when he trying to play it always turns into a fight the school had a meeting with me and told me he need to do a bi lang to me it seems the more hard I try to make him understand I am losing him
This is such an educative video. I wish there was more you could tell on how to actually support for a change in the class, when kids group up the dynamics change and the voice of the individual is stifled. My 6 year old is on the recieving end of aggressive outbursts from a classmateâŠ. Right from kindergarten. How do I parent him without robbing him of the ability to stay confident & not fearful of the classmate? How can I parent him to - not be reactive in a similar outburst when attacked? Either way he seems to be robbed of a positive solution.
Lori, Are you a teacher? If you are you have to know all the pressure it is to be a teacher in the twentieth century. Would love to hear your ideas on a behavioral system of a classroom of 20. Bring on the ideas in fact please come to my classroom and help me. I have never felt completely successful in any behavior system.
Hi Lori, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.I have been a teacher and a director of a daycare/learning center in the inner city, and I know how difficult it can be. I recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more specific classroom management strategies which are aligned with what I advocate. Becky Bailey has great tools for the classroom!
Idk how we get schools to change as a single parent I have to work and getting constant calls from schools and daycares who are specialized in childcare to me is insane đŹ
Aint that the truth
Wow wow wow wow. Thank you so much. I needed this so much.
You rock!
You are so welcome
my 5 years is acting out in classroom too. he is expected to sit still but out of anger he is throwing things refusing to comply. I am sadden and have no idea what to do? the school administration wants to throw him under the bus and put him in a special education classroom. he is smart and brave, just misbehave alot and bit controlling.
My son is 5 years old and his teacher states that he is disruptive. Constantly getting out of his seat constantly talks and disrupts others. Heâs extremely smart and social. His teachers constantly state that his very funny and such a joy but the issues of the disruption follow and Iâm not sure how to handle this. She stays that she repeatedly has to tel him to stay in his seat, to follow directions, to not talk etc. idk what to do or how I need to handle this. I feel like itâs my fault as his mother because at home he seems to do well. No huge issues w direction or behavior. He is an only child though. Iâm not sure if this has anything to do with this.
Same here. Any tips?
Any tips?
This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
@@themechanicjojo This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
@@damarisalvarez149 This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
I am going thru this my 11 years old right makes me want to cry đ
I really enjoy your videos. Do you have any videos about bossy or dominant behavious? I'm trying to learn more about why my 5 1/2 can be so bossy at times, yet so pleassant at other times.
+mbeekhof Yes, just click on the playlists under videos!
Im going through a divorce and my 5 year old boy behaves with his mom and with me but has become a bully at school and has no respect for teachers. As soon as he feels like he runs the show all heâll breaks loose. Iâm really really sad and donât know what to do đ
I wish you were my son's teacher. This video is identical to the letter I got today for my 6 year old
Aww Iâm so sorry. Itâs rough for teachers who are overworked and have too many students and itâs NOT your childâs fault that theyâre struggling in environments that are dysregulating!
How do I tell that to his teacher? đ
Send her the video
My son is 12 and having so much trouble doing his work. He is in edd classes but seems he's getting no help but im also told he simply dose not want to do his work idk I'm hurt and worried and dont know what to do
Woow........It âs such a relief n interesting to hear ur perspective about a childâs âmisbehaviorâ in school. Sadly, most of my colleagues who r teachers donât see it like u do....I âve got 1 young student in class who sometimes acts defiant, use inapropriate words, being disruptive, calling names to other students. I wonder whatâs the best approach to deal with this type of student. One time when I asked him to take out his homework n writing tools. He kept saying : NO. I donât want to !â So, whatâs ur suggestion, lorri ? The worst part is when he often takes other students belongings like eraser, pencil without asking permission, which can get them angry n mostly into a long quarrel..... These r only a few examples.... Thanks so much for sharing ur loveable lesson of teaching. Greetings from Indonesia !đđ·đââïž
I remember when I was in the 2nd grade, I got in trouble for doing lots of stupid things when I got upset. I remember tearing up a little piece of my art project writing "Boo!" with a pencil, writing "Where's my food?" on a piece of paper and showing it to a teacher, crying and screaming to a teacher, grabbing a book from a teacher because I wanted to read it but the teacher wouldn't let me, picking up another student and dropping him on the ground, pushing another student away from a water fountain when I wanted a drink, dragging or pushing a girl that went to my birthday, saying "no" and telling teachers to "go away" and that "I hate them", and even calling a bus aide a "blockhead" and pulling her hair because I wanted to get picked up from school, which caused me to get written up, along with a few other things. I had alot of problems when I was in 2nd grade.
Love the concept of teaching your child through love and not to tame them. However, if you have a child that this topic refers to and you are being told by teachers of your child's disruptive and dangerous behaviour, then you know this loving method is not viable in today's schools. There are other children to be taught in the classroom not just your disruptive child so it is unfair to think schools have the time and one to one resource needed to help your challenging child. Learning correct and meaningful behaviour Starts at home and this I do daily for those of you who think a disruptive child is free to run loose at home I assure you this is not the case. My child lives in a loving and caring environment where learning positive social skills and independence is important to us. So with is in mind how can we control what happens with our child behaviour during school? Keeping your child's free spirit is a lovely idea but we all know that our children must learn as with adults in the real world that all sorts of rules and regulations are bestowed upon us as if they were not and we were all left to our free spirit the world would not be. So, children must tow the line in class. There're are not enough teachers and not enough pay for it to be any different. It's all well and good referring that perhaps a teacher might reflect on using a better method when they have 20 other children who want to learn to contend with. I am a parent of a challenging child. Give us advice for how best we can teach our children and not give us advice from your perspective of that child you once were that you were misunderstood. You know children have to learn social skills as you must have learned them too eventually. We need advice not commentary like we can live in some sort of off grid free spirit camp. There are limited school, limited teachers and limited funds and we can't just well hell your school and teachers are not giving my child freedom so I'm going to another school....to then say the same to the next school. A child has to learn at the school or God forbid not get to go to school and how damaging is that.
Going through with my 4 years old đȘ
On the second day of my kindergartener being with his teacher she told me he was disobedient and a trouble maker the following week she kicked him out of class and she's sent him to the nurse and office almost every day and it's only been 2 weeks ..on top of that she keeps complaining that she can't understand him which I've told her and the school multiple times he has a speech delay
So true! I absolutely agree! The upset teachers can say all they want. Nobody is forcing Amy Fleming (comment below) or anyone to get a teachers job. Its a part of the problem! Teachers counting their hours and wanting to get done with the kids wont do best for my child. Statistics show that the highest chances of getting expelled are at the pre-K level. PRE-K level!! Why? because they can be expelled- small kids have no voices and they get pushed around so much! Excellent video!
Hi Lori, my child is struggling in a similar way in kindergarten and Iâm very worried about him. Heâs extremely smart, but he gets board easily. Heâs always been behind with his fine motor skills and I worry that it might be holding him back. He can tell me that two plus three equals five but he gets distracted easily and canât stay focused long enough to make his hand write the number five on his paper. Sometimes he forgets what weâre doing the moment his pencil touches the paper and he ends up writing a different number. He can sound out words and figure out what word heâs looking at but he gets frustrated with how long it takes because he canât remember the last word he read in order to put them together in any way that makes sense, so heâs been trying to guess based on context clues instead of reading the words. Heâs having trouble focusing at school long enough to do his work and canât multitask, like copying words over to another space while holding a conversation. At home he often gets lost in thought and completely forgets about eating because he really wants to tell me something before he forgets. Heâs failing kindergarten and is unable to do homework or class work, he has failed all of his tests at school as well. He is going to be 7 this year in September. And Iâm worried he will probably have to take kindergarten again. The school counselor doesnât want to take him on and has referred us to a different counselor outside of the school system. Every time I ask if he can be evaluated for any kind of learning disability like ADD or ADHD Iâve been told heâs too young to be tested. Iâm not really sure what to do to help him. Heâs not even getting partial credit for attempting his work or tests, just getting zeros across the board. His school scores are 3%, 4% and 0% for his main subjects and weâre coming up on Spring break in a few weeks. Iâm not really sure what to do about it. Do you have any advice?
My sons teacher has spoken to me about my sons behaviour and how bad he has become that he has just become very disobedient and that he just does what he likes in clas just dosent listen i have spoken to him many times but i dont know how to get through to him because he isn't listening? Please help me?
Hello i have a 6 year old son n the teacher tells me everyday that he does not want to read when told n so on i discipline him at home by taking tv games n what he likes. I'm a little confused he continues to do the same at school just yesterday he told me that he was being good n to find out he was a lie he told me i know he is onky 6 years old i dont know what to do anymore helppppp.
My son just turned 5 Dec 3rd. And he's been in headstart since he was 3. His missed going into T-k by one day. So he had to go back to the headstart. He's always been a great listener and helper. But this year things have changed. He's been going through these anger issues that his spitting and bitting his teachers also throwing and kicking toys around the class. This mostly happens when they do large groups or at nap time. When he's home. I dont have this problem. I just dont know what else to do anymore with him. His teachers are scared.
What about same situation but younger boy of 4 yo with speech delay? Iâm going through the same
I love your videos.We are currently going through behavior issues at school.My seven year old is always being sent home for hitting others or getting into some type of conflict, she says it's not what is really happening and other students are bothering her but she won't tattle on them.I'm not sure how to help her.she just started counseling.Her behavior is completely different from home and school.I'm not sure of how to discipline her at home or teach her how not to bully when she says she don't know why she is doing it.I'm sure it's because they are picking on her but the teachers say that's not true.Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this situation.Thanks,stacey
my sons Headstart teacher text or calls everytime he does something wrong.some is petty.some is not.I don't understand why they cant handle it in the classroom. I feel hes not as liked as the others bc of this behavior that the teacher admits hes copying from another classmate.
My daughter has expressed to me that she feels the teachers don't listen to her, they told her she was being bad, and contacted me saying she refused to do her work and was "insubordinate" after talking to my daughter she expressed that she was confused on what to do and the teacher refused to listen to that.. idk what to do or what to think. Unfortunately I feel like this is probably because the teachers are being unreasonable and expecting to much from her she is 8 years old.. what do I do
I hope I donât come off as too snarky, but saying that education has to change for the needs of a couple of disruptive boys is futile. There is no real reason anyway. 90% of the other kids are following rules and growing up to be successful. I was definitely one of those boys and I thank God that there was a system in place designed to help me fit in and not become a felon like my father. It took cops, relatives and principals parroting my teachers for me to understand that the teacher wasnât the one with the problem, it was me. I had to adapt and develop a fear of failure like normal people already have embedded. Now as a high school teacher, I see the kids whose bad behaviors were excused and they continue to circle the drain. Some of these parents are child development experts, and their heavily over inflated self esteemâs help them feel better about crapping all over their peers and teachers. Do you think they fulfill their dreams? I havenât seen that. I have, because my teachers werenât asses, they were trying to get me to fit in to society. This, âitâs ok youâre specialâ thing is overly American and it worries me. IMO
I have a 12 year old son in seventh grade and I get a phone call about him misbehaving at least once a day , and I donât know what to do about it anymore. I have tried just about every approach, any advice would be welcomed
We're going through this right now with our 5-year-old. He's having a very hard time with his after school program. I would love more examples of how to have these conversations if you could? The framework of my imagined it's hard to sit still so long. It was pretty eye-opening for me. Looking for more empathetic ways to have these conversations with him
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This was so helpful!
Thank you!!
I need help with my 13 yr old he is a talker. Although so bright and has amazing grades many teacher say he talks way to much and interrupts and this is causing a big issue in all his classes. Don't know what to do. I have taken games computer away n still nothing. He says he just has alot to say. This has given me stress as I dont want him to get a more serious consistencies
My oldest son is 5 and is currently in kindergarten. One day I received a call from his teaching, who said âyour son isnât listen, he has trouble following directions and keeping his hands to himself. He got his second recess privileges taken away and was in timeout while the teacher called me. I could feel my blood boil and at the same time i was questioning her. Are you sure itâs my son? I questioned her because my oldest is sweet, independent, extremely caring, and a bright minded boy. I ended up getting off work early to pick him to talk to him when school released. I asked him if he understand why he was in timeout at school and he took accountability and responsibility for his actions, which was great. He didnât lie but the answers I got was âbecauseâ after asking why he stood on top of the table.
I then expressed to the teachers my ex husband and I are divorced and my kids understand they are growing up in two homes. Both rules/responsibilities are the same in both homes for consistency. My son doesnât show frustrating or anger issues. Then my brain immediately thought do i take him to the dr? Someone who can help with his behavioral issues? The principal? I was going insane with these thoughts. I took a deep breath and then asked the teacher if she would log in a notebook anytime she feels my son isnât following directions or what actions led her to put him in timeout. Weâve been doing the notebook thing going on 3 weeks but itâs vague. âYour son need to work on listening and keeping his hands to himselfâ i talked to the teacher and told her myself and my ex husband canât determine what trends we need to focus on with our oldest son if thereâs lack of details. The teach huffed and puffed when i begged her to tel me examples of my son not keeping his hands to himself. Is he poking other kids? Pulling their shirt? I asked my son and he said he was playing tag in class with other kids. Sometimes he sees other kids perform and action and wants to copy what they are doing. I canât monitor my son everyday ah in class and Iâm trying to help which is why i brought up the notebook thing. The teacher then told me âthe notebook isnât workingâ and i told her as parents we donât know how to help teach my son something Iâd there are lack of details. Come to find out the notes were only coming from a teacher aid who would spend only 20 mins with my son. The notes werenât from the main teacher. There are only 16-12 kids in her class. This teacher was a middle school teacher for 22 years and this is her first year teaching kindergarten. I feel like sheâs giving up and expecting middle school expectations from my 5 yr old son.
Another example the teacher gave me was âheâs bouncing off the wallsâ. I said what do you mean? You canât say heâs bouncing off the walls when that isnât possible. If he has too much energy or talking too much then say that. Then she elaborated after I was questioning her. My son doesnât have a listening problem but i feel its more focus or obedience. As a new mom i have no idea who i help motivate this teacher to connect with my son. One method of teaching a kid may not work for another. Some kids are visual learns and some are hands on. Idk how else to get my son to raise his hand if he wants to speak or understand walking in the hall with the class you have to give personal space while keeping your hands to the side.
The teacher threaten to send my son to the principal office but i feel like thatâs punished him from learning when heâs meeting expectations in each subject. He just completed counting to 100 on his own. He loves the school work but the teacher gets so frustrated fast with my son and it makes me sad to know she isnât taking as much time to figure out what works for my son and reverts to just calling me when she gives up.
If my son didnât get into a fight i donât think the principal office is appropriate for my son. The teacher also things timeout isnât working. Idk how to handle the teacher and still help my son on his focus and obedience skills and giving other kids personal space.
My wife and I are going through this now . :(
What are you creditials. There was a large amount of transference in your statements. When a teacher have 15-25 children in a class, there must be some type of structure.
Good attempt.
This in theory is beautiful. However, I have to go back to work to pay off debt from my student loans. The other day I put my daughter in preschool and after one hour of being there I was told to come pick her up and she was not allowed to return. I feel so pressured as a Mom to put on the pressure to my daughter because she has to go to school and they won't tolerate that here. She tends to be really disruptive, not follow directions and doesn't keep her hands to herself. She attacked the teacher. So, not sure what to think of the situation and taking her to a therapist on Friday. She is very spirited but that is going to be a hardship for her. What does a mother do that is fair to the child and produce the best results? I will take what you said in the video and try to apply it because it is a really touching thought.
You may feel your responsibility is to go back to work to pay off your debt from student loans, but your true responsibility is to your child and what she is possibly saying through her behavior is that she needs you right now. I believe this to be the case because I had to go back to work just to feed and clothe my child and she did the same thing. I immediately quit my job and found support for both her and myself. You sound like a responsible person and a loving mother. I just wanted you to know that regardless of what society makes you believe is important, the most important thing in your entire life is your child and she should always come first. I live in Australia and the law here is that you are to provide for your child above yourself. When I was at Uni I was called a bad student and badmouthed by my lecturers because I put my children first. I was a distinction/high distinction student so the comments were in regard to my dedication to my profession. I just said, "If I neglect my children I will be sent to jail. If I neglect my course I will have to repeat... which would you rather?" and this lecturer was a mother herself! Don't let society bully you lovely x
( In regard to my commitment to my profession, I own and founded a construction and design company with my business partner/ Husband and I did this while at uni. I just didn't disclose my plans for my future. I did all this while supporting an Aspie child and my second born who has developmental delays due to premature birth.)
+Who I Am Be an advocate for your daughter. The schools need to change.
The child needs stability, nourishment and a safe roof over her head. Of course the mom has to go back to work to provide this important things. Please be realistic when providing your comments. This mom needs real help and advise not cloud cuckoo land ideas that the response that her child needs her right now is what is most important and not a job. What are you saying? Love is all you need and this alone can get you through being homeless or in a hostel. She does need to work to provide for her family. Stop this airy fairy ideas to the contrary it is not helpful! All that offer these romantic ideas must not be living in such a position.
My son 4yrs throws books when teachers asks him to write A.otherwise he is ok.he throws shoes from windows.i don't know how to stop this habit of throwing.
What you do if your 7 year old child got the blame with problems from previous year at school and ask to write apology letters after recent meeting. All you know your kid have no violence, always have good behavior.
Thanks
I need help with 7 year old son that keep getting kicked out school 2 days because he hate school so much he behavior is bad at school he gets in trouble for throwing pencils on floor and now he trouble for hiring teacher
Lady, itâs 2022- do you still do here videos ?