Don’t be cruel. Alway be firm. Always discipline your child reasonably. If you don’t, the world will. Remember that discipline from the world is cold and harsh. It comes with iron bars, records, or death.
I’m starting to wake up to how immensely important it is raising your children right and teaching them proper discipline, how it affects society and cultures on a macro level. Glad I learned this before having children of my own.
Well we should change the school then, because most of what you will do will be erased, replace and your child will be brainwashed by leftist for the next 20 years.
@@rakashaagain That's why home schooling and charter schools are growing in popularity. Its starting to become apparent that outsourcing your kids development to a random person with an agenda that likely doesn't align with yours has backfired miserably over the last few generations.
@ that's why it is paramount that you discuss this at length with your partner to see where they stand. If you guys can't get on the same page or a logical compromise can not be reached, you may want to think about the future of your relationship with that person and if is sustainable. Most people wouldn't even consider going that far because of their tangible connection in the here and now with their partner, but for the sake of your future child, it vital that this be a "deal breaker" scenario.
I'm a father and have been a teacher of young kids. What Jordan said about infinite creativity is spot on: firstly, creativity without bounds is not creative, it's chaotic, it's cancer. Secondly, a child who has been taught to always have the right answer and not make mistakes is utterly terrified of limitlessness. They will sit there and feel like dirt because they can't perform what is required, and they'll be immobilized by the void in front of them. In order to serve the most kids in the best way possible, you must impose a boundary on their creativity. Some practical ways of doing this: setting a location boundary around their play area, with a consequential reason they cannot go outside of it (mom's garden is out of bounds, imagine how she'd feel if...). When you give them an artistic assignment, allow them to choose only 5 colours, or perhaps they can only use 5 different geometric shapes to construct their image. If you set them a writing task, supply them with the "who" or the "where & when" to use in their composition. By locking in these restrictions, it allows them to take creative risks in other areas of their play, and teaches them to begin to solve problems using only the tools they have on hand, instead of getting sidetracked by shiny possibilities that never pan out. Hope this helps!
I disagree to a point, I think small children need to be treated as small children. I think it’s easy to get upset at kids when you expect too much, you need to be a little above their level but not too far or they will struggle too much..
@@LegendaryJew You nailed it with the a little bit above their level. That's how you raise an adult. What I meant is that you can allow them to be at their level but push them to progress. But the value of "No" has to be established early and often.
No WRONG. What age is a child? At 3,4,5,6 and so forth that’s what ? You can input the right track and mindset at 1 or months in? We are ALL equal as humans but raising your child will always be different from other upbringings
Just as some progressive people continue to call adults over 18 years of age "children", they also treat children 4 years old and up like newborn infants who need everyone of their "needs" attended to. I grew up on farms where children were operating tractors and large machinery, guns and 1000 pound livestock at 10-12 years of age. Now they don't know how to change a car tire at 20 years old.
JBP only. And maybe some Russell Brand and Joe Rogan. I heard this guy jocko admit that he doesn't like wearing masks but to avoid confrontation out in public he will utilize one. He is one of those guys that fit the narrative regardless of the internal conflict.
The hardest thing you'll ever do as a parent is to tell your child no when you can actually say yes. For example, My 6 year old has chores and from those chores she earns 5 dollars a week. When we go to the store, I remind her that she only has x amount of money (sometimes she saves it, rarely though) and to check price tags. There are so many fun things for her to look at and she gets really excited when she finds a toy that she really wants, just to find out that it's out of her price range. I gently remind her that I can't afford a lot of things too, but that she can keep looking. Eventually she finds something in her price range and she seems satisfied (maybe not elated though). Sometimes, she tells me that she wishes she had more money, so that she can buy more toys. I remind her that we can't have everything, but it's such a blessing to have anything at all. These experiences with my daughter about tear my heart in two, because I can actually give her exactly what she wants. However, I know one day she will grow up and have to face that same scenario all on her own except with more zeros on the end. If I save her now, I'm kicking the can down the road and she will suffer from the lack of self restraint.
This is also a good opportunity to teach her about saving some of her allowance to buy something that costs more than $5 that she currently has in her possession. Multiple lessons learned. How to save, how to be patient, etc...
Amy YES, teach them to save. Teach them to invest their money in something that can make them more money. Teach them about becoming a productive member of society if it's still left in a couple decades.
Jocko put a clip up of his interview where he doesn't say a word the whole time. If that isn't a sign of his ability to be humble in the face of wisdom, well, I don't know what is. A sign of a man who's looked inside and can be honest with what he finds.
Best lesson I learned from my father: discipline includes the why - why was the discipline and punishment administered. After discipline is given talk with the child about why they were punished. Fosters understanding, reinforcement of expectations, and communication.
You’re a tyrant if you don’t explain the why behind the punishment. The kid will grow major resentment for you, rules, and any authority structure if why is not included at some point.
SUCH an important point. This is part of disciplining a child for the child’s sake and not for the parent’s sake. Sometimes the two overlap, but by no means always.
👍 I was raised in the "don't talk back/speak only when spoken to" Era and thank God it made me realize how important it is to explain why the punishment and how to make things right and even admit when I've fucked up and how I'm supposed to have handled things properly.
@@21sparrow7 I understand what you mean, but sometimes there won’t always be an explanation and no offense but authority doesn’t owe you an explanation every time. It shouldn’t even be expected. If a father tells his son “please clean your room son and help your mom with the dishes” and he asks “why” it doesn’t require an explanation. I mean how are you supposed to explain why, it’s just what you’re supposed to do, it’s common sense and common courtesy. It’s like giving up your seat for a disabled person on the bus. It’s not always about YOU. Just DO IT. It’s sacrifice. In the military nobody would get shit done if the soldiers asked the sergeant “why” when given orders. You’d get kicked out. A good parent can provide some explanations for some things sure, but if your child gets used to always having their questions answered then they won’t be prepared for the real world where their boss at work can’t answer their questions when told to do something. Some things don’t require explaining. Just do it because it’s the right thing to do.
@@picklejar462 the child needs to know why what they did was wrong. And how to do better next time. The why behind doing a task doesn’t need to be explained, and I completely agree with your premise in that context.
I started listening to Peterson 3 years ago, and started to take in his advice on having children. I've tried to the best of my ability to live up to it, and my son is now 4½, and everybody loves him, and says he's a great kid.
From experience being a parent can be and thankfully is for me extremely rewarding. I have friends of friends who do not enjoy the parenting experience as they mistakenly think that kids need to be kids and have no idea how to set any boundaries. Unfortunately the kids themselves are unhappy as they use tantrums and crying as a way to get what they want and constantly push boundaries. I just wish I could show some of these parents what parenting can be like and how happy kids are when they have rules and guidelines to follow.
I have a 11 year old stepdaughter that she ain't even scared of the Devil. She's just to much and on top of that she's a really good gaslighter!! No one can't control her! We don't know what to do! 😞 We need professional help!!
My girlfriend has a 6 year old girl and listening to JP has helped me so much in finding my feet as a parent figure in her life and brought us closer as a result.
So wonderful to read this comment. " My girlfriend has a 6 year old....." shes not your child but you are making an effort to do something good. Coming from a newly single mom of a 6 year old,bless you!
Dude, my gf has a 5 and 8 year old. Been helping parent them for about a year, known them for about 1.5 years. It’s a wild ride, yet I def agree with you. Good work laying a good foundation before age 7/8, it gets more difficult there, and having a solid frame to work from at that point will cause for much smoother sailing. JP helps regulate me, cause holy crap I have found emotions and internal (and external) conflicts I didn’t know I could have, and reactions to things in ways I didn’t think I’d ever react. The whole “you’re capable of being a monster” thing didn’t really hit me deeply until I stared my own monster in the face in regulating the frustrations of parenting. That said, caring is the most important thing, and the emotional reactions mean that you care. Must keep that in mind to ground yourself and more easily let any frustrations go so those emotions don’t hang around too much, becoming vengeful, or growing into resentments.
Discipline is so important. Consistency is key. And so is explaining "why we have rules." But I also feel kids should have their emotions validated by their parents if they're sad, scared, etc.
- Never, ever, be mean or cruel to your child. - Always show them they're loved. - Create habits consistently to internalize discipline through conditioning.
I think a really important caveat to that first one (or maybe it's more like an addition): Parents (especially fathers) may think that they're communicating in a non-mean or non-cruel way. But your child might not be interpreting it that way. Y'know for instance, I spent time in the Marines. There are definitely ways I could communicate with a fellow Marine that would not at all be mean, but if I did it with my kid, even jokingly, it might come across as outright cruel. So while I've always tried my best to be cognizant of that, I also will ask them outright, "Hey when I said this thing or that thing, was that a little too mean?" Sometimes they'll just say "haha, no, what are you talking about?" and sometimes they'll nod solemnly and say "yeah...you hurt my feelings." And then I apologize for that and let them know I wasn't trying to do that. And then I endeavor to do better. I wanna be firm with them when it counts, but I don't wanna be mean and "mean" is something that needs to be check in on.
@@vulpinemachine Parents are the primary sources of love for a child. It’s a sacred bond. Kids might act dumb at times and do incorrect things, but to know deep down that they’re loved and can be forgiven by at least their parents, this can help them mature and grow.
@@lede1810 I experienced a lot of "conditional love" with my family growing up. With my kids I don't ever wanna do that. I'm rather firm, much much more disciplined than how I grew up but they also are CONSTANTLY aware of how loved they are. They always gets hugs and kisses before and after punishments and they're reminded that the punishment is for a specific behavior that needs correcting. I focus on letting them know that they are not ever bad kids. As a result they don't seem to struggle with some of the uncertainty I see in a lot of kids their age. They seem very confident about the actions they take in the world. They seem rather unfazed and unburdened. They don't look as "world weary" as other kids their age. I hope we've struck the right balance. We're trying as hard as we can. I worry about it literally every day.
@@vulpinemachineI received care growing up that I recall as being generally supportive, but the punishments at times were physical. This combination of love and punishment had an unintended side-effect of clamming me up. I began to value the sacrifice of my personal feelings (anger, sadness) in service to what I received as a greater good (peace in my environment and conflict avoidance). I was praised for this at every level of schooling and community life, but I rarely remember feeling accepted and satisfied. Rather, I felt this cynicism that Peterson mentions in the video as being the thing to avoid in raising a child. But, he states "don't let children do things that make you not like them." To me, this is a message of conditional love and reminds me of my disciplined childhood. I find this to be caused by imprecise language from Peterson, and I'm wondering if you do as well. As I grew older, I joined the military because I felt it would provide the structure that I thought was lacking. But it didn't, it just introduced more ego, more hypocrisy, and even less time to figure out who I was. Plenty of people in my training would indicate that to succeed meant to pass the standard while living your life as well as circumstances allowed. I was under the impression that the rules were the key to finding my happiness, based on my upbringing, but the most successful peers I had were the ones who could best parse priority and find the balance what needed to be done, and what the boys needed for morale. I just didn't get that from my upbringing, and increasing rules and punishment just made it harder, not easier, to understand. So when I hear Peterson talk about this as though a parent already knows what is right and what is wrong in child development through only because they have experienced adult life... it doesn't make a strong argument. I had a terrible time learning these things, and if I had rushes into getting married and having kids, I think I would have made several mistakes before I ever knew exactly how to exist in society. And it's that problem which society faces: huge swathes of unprivileged or even persecuted people's who were raised by, at best, caring people who also didn't know how to get on in life. I don't know. It just seems like advice that says: if you had a good father, you'll be a good father, and if you didn't, don't look too far afield because you can't trust any of that. It seems ... cynical. Do you think I'm way off?
@@EarlofSedgewick We are in a world that is descending into chaos and war. My boys will be fighting (and dying) age by the time things go very south. Unfortunately my approach is steeped in cynicism. If they grow up hating me, but able to care for themselves and are resilient, if they're psychologically tough and mentally stable and cable of leading themselves and others through what I perceive to be as inevitable crisis...then...I will have done my job correctly. They need not look back on me fondly, though that would be nice. However, it is paramount that they understand that they're valued and treasured, and I do hope in all that I do, no matter how firm I am that comes through. But, given the coming calamties, I cannot letup on the discipline for even a moment. I will continually try to seek the most effective forms possible as I'm not looking to demoralize them. But, based on your own sentiments, I suspect I am more cynical than you. And that's what drives me.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Jordan Peterson is one of the most brilliant, eloquent, and necessary voices of the last 100 years. Put aside your biases and - Listen. To. This. Man. Every chance you get.
I’m a first time father of a one-and-a-half year old boy. I’m going to come back and listen to this from time to time to remind myself. Every father should listen to this.
Yes sir, It will keep them free from jail, prison an personal hell. Remember :we made these children to love them! Didn't make them to hurt an hate them; but to love an raise them to be loved an respected. Thank you Mr. Peterson an Sir Jacko for being the right an bright light, for men to role model after. "Great foundation builders; for a loving, sturdy an disciplined home"
This is what I love about Dr. Peterson. He makes explicit (and quite lucid) that which I have often felt intuitively. I love my child, but I would be lying if I said I never felt that sometimes I just didn't like her. And I knew I couldn't keep being a good parent that way. I also knew that if she continued to do unlikeable things that not only would I dislike her more and have trouble really enjoying being with her and looking forward to spending time with her, but so would other people, and it was actually that latter realization that bothered me more. So, in a firm but loving manner, I would make it very explicit to her that I didn't like her behavior and I wasn't going to put up with it. The idea wasn't "punishment" but "logical consequences": if she continued the behavior, I would either stop spending time with her, or remove whatever objects she was using inappropriately, or remove her from the situation, whatever was most appropriate and most in line with how the social world works. And it worked amazingly. As long as I had the courage and motivation to do what was best for my child, she very consistently learned to act well, very quickly. The result? Our home is a calm, relaxing and loving sanctuary, where everyone understands their role and they understand appropriate behavior. My daughter is an extremely happy, sociable, conscientious and kind individual, and I'm very proud of her, and I can't wait to see her every day.
I feel like I will never feel like you. How old was she when you finally started implementing your discipline? I was a nanny for so many years and assumed that when I had my own children I would be great, it turns out Im horrible, I dont understand how to guide them, it goes in the opposite direction, mt twins now 3 are having 5 tantrums a day, slaps me, throws bottles at me (water) wont stop when told. I use time out, say no to sugar appart from saturdays so no lollies in the mouths as a pacifier, I do art and craft at home all the time with boundaries with a set of small rules. Yet my girl screams her way to things as I break at about 30 minutes in if its a vague request, not as in I want my paci when we have just stoped using it, to those things I manage to stay firm on the black and white decisions. Sometimes her tantrums last 1h 10 min. And I find myself unsure how to react, gentle paranting says to stay by her side tell her Im there when she finish, others say close the door and dont tolerate it and open the door when she is composed. I have horrible memories of my parents doing that to me that small as I had no skills of self control. And Im stuck in the middle of all these conflicting advice and a husband who does the opposite to everything we just agreed to stay firm to, not out of spite but he is weak to their wills. I am terrified to live in this household, the noice the tantrums the childrens fights. I wish there was a way to learn how to be a good parent because Im failing over here.
@@hollywood7702 oh trust me, no one is ever a good parent 100% of the time. It’s been two years since i posted this and things swing back and forth all the time. I would suggest reading up on authoritative vs authoritarian parenting. Happy to talk more about it!
As a mom to a 3 year old and a 1 year old, I’m learning how to manage my emotions and work on myself by listening to Dr. Peterson. My mind has expanded so much and I will make sure to raise humans who are pleasant to be around.
ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS VIDEO!!!! This gets right to the heart of parenting. We just returned from a restaurant, and were Amazed by the uncontrolled behavior at the next table, kids running through the restaurant, etc. My folks would have died of embarrassment if my sister and I had acted that way! We were Loved, and Disciplined reasonably, based on the offense. Structure is not an evil thing. Structure builds manners and good behavior habits in young people. (Jocko knows all about structure.) Young people who understand structure have a much easier time adapting to moving out of the house, and going on into their own adult life. Again, fabulous video, thanks very much!
I taught HS 2 years. I saw children that had little to no discipline or the father was not there. Those children were generally poorer students who often ridiculed the teacher. It’s been several years and I can only imagine what some of those kids (now young adults) have had to endure due to the way they were raised. Acting a fool in the classroom does not translate well into the adult world.
Yep. They're at that age where they think they know everything. I can tell you this, your former students are probably those horrible college students you see on tiktok screaming at random strangers for misgenderinf them. Then filming their victim's reaction and calling them out in the humiliating way.
Man this makes me really thankful for my father because I think he must've done the right things I've always loved being around adults and tried to respect them
I’m unfortunately starting to experience this “dislike” with my first cousin’s children. She has 3 boys aged 8, 6, and 3. They are the most unruly, undisciplined children I have ever seen. I used to love playing with them, hanging out with them, wrestling with them, and teaching them things. but now I can hardly stand being around them. When JP mentioned that the dislike will prevent you from giving them attention and rewarding god behavior, I’ve experienced that too. They come to me all the time asking if I can watch them so something or if they can show me something, trying to get positive reinforcement, and it’s always either begrudging or a flat out refusal on my part. And it’s not like my cousin and her husband are oblivious to their children’s misbehavior. In fact, it drives them crazy too. But they almost never follow through with disciplining. They scream, yell, and threaten to make the kids go sit in the car, but never actually do it. It’s almost like they’ve given up. Yesterday, we had an early extended family Christmas celebration (it was the only date we could get everyone together), and the gift opening was a complete mess. The 3 year old was screaming “I want my present” and the 8 year old and 6 year old could not sit still without throwing things, jumping on people, making animal noises. And they knew what they were doing. They were trying to get attention. It was impossible to enjoy and I was counting the minutes until it was over. You can only use the excuse “they’re tired” and “boys will be boys” for so long. The fact is is that they are some of the most undisciplined children I have ever encountered, and they are not pleasant to be around. I am not the the only one in the family that feels this way. But everyone is too nice to say anything. We know that the parents are trying the best they can and both parents work full time. But still, it’s a problem. I’m worried that these kids are gonna get rejected by their peers for their behavior.
So make a stand, help these boys. All this words could have spend on the parents, telling them how you feel and that you want to help. Boys need fathers, boys need uncles & boys need rolemodels. So, act and dont write on youtube. All the best for the boys, and have a good 2023.
Yeah. You’re probably right. It’s just tough to think through the best way to handle it. I mean, it’s not like I’ve got my life perfectly in order. I’m in my 20s living with my parents. I don’t have children of my own. Meanwhile my cousin is a successful lawyer and owner of a law firm. I know she has a lot of responsibility and a lot on her shoulders. For me to butt in and tell her how to raise her children is probably not a welcome addition to her already complex life. I know I need to say something, I’m just not sure what, where, when, and how to say it.
@@seanodonnell429 I understand. Just be present for the boys. Take them to the woods, play with them, build something (Treehouse?) or show them something cool in your area. Be present. Show, dont tell. Lead, dont ask. One day, this boys will maybe a guidance and role models for YOUR children. Its a good investment, to spend time with these kids. Belive me. All the best for you, i really mean it.
Some kids are the opposite with testing boundaries. As a kid I used to act up at home all the time because I had no idea what the consequence would be because my parents couldn't agree on a solution. But if I acted up in front of other people I was always punished harshly so I knew that it was never acceptable to act that way with other people.
If you don't have humility you won't be good at nothing for humility is what is required to learn. Parents need to be able to learn. Parents need humility. So they can teach it, and the fruits of learning, to their kids.
I have a little daredevil (twins 18mo) and one is very courageous and I always think of JP saying “letting your child do dangerous things carefully is where they grow”
The "evolution" of child rearing in 2019, is TREMENDOUSLY disturbing. Glad a discussion on this subject is being addressed. I happen to ADORE children but their PARENTS are making them almost UNBEARABLE (in 2019). One important thing that "parents" tend to forget? Those cute little baby grows UP! We're in the age of rebellion courtesy of "parents" raising the next generations. May God have mercy.
As a teenager, my daughter complained about how tough her father and I were on her. "None of my friends have to make beds, wash dishes, clean bathrooms,...", "My friends don't have to come home from school and study for an hour before they can play.", "My friends didn't have to read a car's owners manual before they could drive it." I told her if her friends parent's didn't care that their children would grow up not being able to take care of themselves, it was their business. I told her, and all the teenage girls I worked with, to get as good an education as their brain and pocketbook would allow before they ever thought about marriage and children, because there was no guarantee they wouldn't have to raise their children alone. When my daughter was in her late twenties, we talked about how she thought she was "Cinderella". I told her "If I had a child today, I'd be tougher on it than I was with you." She said "When I have children, I'm going to be tougher on them than you were with me." Her first born son was taking out the trash at two and a half, he's eleven now, she sent me a video of him using a palm sander to sand their outside benches. I was sixteen when I had my daughter, fifty years ago. Even though her dad is disappointed she isn't a nuclear physicist, I'm proud she didn't become a drug addict who has half a dozen baby daddies. She has a very well paying job, a husband I adore, two sons that are tough as nails. Listening to Dr. Peterson, an especially well educated man, talking of how to raise children into good adults, makes me, someone who never finished highschool, feel good about how I raised my daughter. Thank you, Dr. Peterson.
I can confirm that the way you raised her is THE way to raise kids. I raised my kids the same way, I was raised the sam way, my parents were raised the same way, and we are all well-educated and good people!
@@shanelka8304 good on you! I talk to grandparents, and even great-grandparents, who are raising the children of their drug addict children or grandchildren. I'm so thankful God spared me that. I told my daughter never to use drugs, that some drugs can "hook" you with the first use, and if she were high and hurt someone it would kill me.
Seriously. Adults (particularly here in the Southeastern United States) have this notion that they have some inherent ability to raise their own kids (hence the phrase "don't tell me how to raise my own kids"). Everyone goes around complimenting each other on how they are raising their kids, and just turn a blind eye when the kids eventually don't turn out right. And people vastly underestimate the potential they have for taking out revenge on their own kids. Its almost the easiest thing in the world, if you think about it. You live with the damn thing, and no one is there to stop you if you happen to be pissed off and you "accidentally" trip the little guy as he runs around the house.
@@BattlesuitExcalibur Taking revenge on your kids is the most idiotic thing you could do. For one if they have behavior that you don't like it's your fault most likely.
@@usmanbarak2615 that is the main thing that parents around here dont realize, is that their kids behavior is what they trained it to be. It is very popular in my area for parents to act they are the victim of their kid. 20-30years ago people bragged about cute things their child did, now they only brag about what a terror they are raising and act like i should feel sorry for them
You mean like JP here, who raised an Insta thot who pops out babies with men she isn't planning on having a long term relationship with, but is abusing for emotional support anyways until they're not needed anymore, and is scamming people of 600 dollars a year to teach them how to eat nothing but meat and salt and be amazing like her?
What Jordan said at 3:00 remided me of Patrice O'Neal (comedian) joke, that said something like : Is hard for men to love and like women at the same time. Now it makes more sence why!
The greatest thing that anyone could ever pass down or will to their children is knowledge of their greatest personal struggles. The child will fend far better from those experiences than from anything a dollar or object could provide them.
3:08 I liked what he said. Interesting to find Jordan today and listen to some of his sessions. A lot matched up with how I raised my kids starting 22 years ago. I have always received so many comments about how well they communicated, listened and were empathetic. I was the disciplinary but also they received attention and much love . I always told people you have to do this by about 4 or 5 years of age related to the development of the frontal brain. That the smaller things that come along later due to them testing you once in awhile would be easier.
2 to 10 years age is crucial. The "formative years". After that, it's permanent. You can create a narcisst/sociopath with abuse, you can also create one with no punishment for bad behavior. Kids/early teens are quick to label parents as hypocrites, BUT most know they are just trying to do the right thing.
Teenagers are not kids. They should already know the basics of life. All you can do as a parent is hope they choose to follow your guidance, and dont meet to many shitty other kids. Because you dont raise teens alone. So do their friends, their teachers, and the world at large in general.
I have always said if we don't Discipline our children then the world will, and I love my kids too much to see them spend their lives going through the justice system. And my husband's saying is raise your kids so you don't have to raise your grand children, because the grandchildren are the reward for all your efforts.
The most horrifying example of parenting I saw recently was my wife and I were at the Drive In, playing frisbee in the parking lot before the movie started. Two young boys ran up and asked to play and we said ok if your parents allow, who were the next car over. The parents took this opportunity to insult the kids on how troublesome and annoying they are, and that they are so clumsy they would hurt themselves. Just wanted to share. Modern parents are at least as trash as modern kids.
As parents my wife and I never spanked our children, we were always a united front in disipline and punishment our children were never able to play one parent against to other.
I can't stand people who say JBP over complicates simple ideas or doesn't bring anything new to the table & we're living in an ever increasing society who's losing common sense along with the ability to think critically. We need lessons like this even if we already know just to at least verify were on the same page.
Who says the stuff he talks about is correct though? It's all psychological with no experimental way of gaining empirical evidence. I'm not saying he is wrong, but there is no way to be certain that he is right. Don't just blindly follow "intellectuals."
I always told my children that i am way bigger, stronger and probably soon angrier than them and so they have to do as i say and this worked and was also true.
This is so so true, I'm raising my grandson after 57 year of age and my kids are all grown. My 2 boys were ADHD. Now I have temporary custody of my grandson who is ADHD as well. There time I do get so up set, that I do get back at him when he put on a show in front of people to get back at me if I don't give him what he wants. 😢I cry every night because I keep trying to find a way to make our relationship work. My daughter tells me I have no patience cause I raise my 3 kids by my self.
🙏there is a good article on google that helps explain how to communicate more efficiently with adhd, they can process differently for example if told a command in a negative way will make them do opposite whereas encouraged helps them complete a task. Not sure how effective but we are all different and many ways, we are all love on this journey 🙏
Its a trial from Allah, the Almighty. Pmease be patient. You may or may not benefit by upbringing them, but its gonna be of great worth for themselves and society.
I have always wondered what my mom thought about my behavior, because at home yeah I was energetic l, jumping on the sofas, rude to my mom but never physically I know better than to hit my parents thank goodness but I was argumentative however in oublic or at someone else's home I was quiet, patient, "A Good Child" I dont know if I unconsciously understood the social hierarchy as Dr. Peterson states but im sure by accident I behaved good because I was bored. Thats my .50cents
Children are not our piers, they are our children...they need to be raised with discipline and love. All parents want to do now is be a buddy with their kids...makes me sick that more "in the way" people are coming right into society...a society of narcissistic, and entitled humans just walking around expecting to get their way 100% of the time.
Absolutely 100% untrue! Have successfully balanced discipline, love, firmness, and not always liking my child’s actions and responses however not one time did I get angry and take it out on my child or did anything to get back at them. I have told my older child I don’t like what your doing and you may not like me right now but I love you and you love me. However we are not friends I am your parent and you don’t have to like my decisions for you in life and consequences but that’s ok. And I still addressed consequences and a lot of the time grace. It’s a balance. And yes parents do mess up. I have but not so much that I indirectly or directly took it out on my kids. Not once not ever. Usually if that angry I walk away and wait until I was ready to deal with my children. I know I’m not the only parent like this. Today I have well adjusted kids. Productive, kind, socially do great and make connections with others. Hard working. So I disagree with his assessment.
I used to feel like such a bad parent for knowing that when my son acted a certain way I did not like him. At all. Always love him didn't like him. And whenever I said that openly someone else would feel the need police me almost like they had to remind me of how I'm supposed to feel about my son. I am allowed to dislike what I dislike and that's it if my son's scratching at my face or screaming for attention it isn't pleasant and I react in a way that is trying to show him that other people don't like this because I am other people as well as y'no everyone else. I'm now going to save this video thank you so much for posting it and being so amazing at explaining your thoughts and I shall spread this to every person who tries to parent police me.💖
The best tip I used as a parent of 5 is you hate the behavior squash it stay consistent and always in a million ways keep loving them no matter. Some still don't agree but stay anchored to the Truth you know.
shit this insight is so fucking brilliantly described "u know i love my child i would never do anything to hurt them ... ur so asleep if u think that ... u have to think i´m way bigger than this child and im way meaner and im way trickier and im way more unpredictable"
Peterson touches on a very important lesson here is not quite as obvious; Christ teaches us, that we all have evil within us and we must be proactive at doing good and differentiating it from the evil. We are not just naturally good without (God’s) law and order.
I need to find a way to get my brother to watch this. His kids are turning into little monsters and I don’t think he realizes it or maybe he does but certainly isn’t doing anything about it.
I notice those adults that fly off the handle when, children under 4 have a tantrum, Or when a baby is crying, cannot manage their emotions and were told to just listen to authority. Most great people try and help calm them down. Ex. Strangers at the grocery store smile at my crying baby, play pic-a-boo around the isle calming the baby. Passing construction workers on the sidewalk with a toddler when the toddler has a meltdown the construction workers became comedians and acted out why toddler was crying and reinforced mom. I've also had people fly off the handle when my children were 1,2,3 year olds. Strangers screaming at my child , (usually the, "I'm a full time working mom of 4") As I'm carrying them to the car, back into my house. I remove my children from the situation when they tantrum, let them cry, then talk. Remember the tantrums, stealing, kicking, biting should cease by 4. and it did for me by doing those things. I've seen people fly off the handle for children playing at the park. Boys wrestling rough and tumble play.
I’m not a parent yet, but my wife and I hope to be one day. I’m just being vulnerable when I say I’m afraid to have children. I don’t want to be too soft, but I don’t want to be excessive in punishment. My mom kicked my ass excessively and it made me resent her. I just dont want to be like my mom
Don’t be cruel. Alway be firm. Always discipline your child reasonably. If you don’t, the world will. Remember that discipline from the world is cold and harsh. It comes with iron bars, records, or death.
That's powerful
Perfectly said.
damn
Well put Chris
Well put.
I’m starting to wake up to how immensely important it is raising your children right and teaching them proper discipline, how it affects society and cultures on a macro level. Glad I learned this before having children of my own.
Praise Bob !
Simpin' Aint Easy ! Ray Cis MGTOW right on brother!
Well we should change the school then, because most of what you will do will be erased, replace and your child will be brainwashed by leftist for the next 20 years.
@@rakashaagain That's why home schooling and charter schools are growing in popularity. Its starting to become apparent that outsourcing your kids development to a random person with an agenda that likely doesn't align with yours has backfired miserably over the last few generations.
@ that's why it is paramount that you discuss this at length with your partner to see where they stand. If you guys can't get on the same page or a logical compromise can not be reached, you may want to think about the future of your relationship with that person and if is sustainable. Most people wouldn't even consider going that far because of their tangible connection in the here and now with their partner, but for the sake of your future child, it vital that this be a "deal breaker" scenario.
I'm a father and have been a teacher of young kids. What Jordan said about infinite creativity is spot on: firstly, creativity without bounds is not creative, it's chaotic, it's cancer. Secondly, a child who has been taught to always have the right answer and not make mistakes is utterly terrified of limitlessness. They will sit there and feel like dirt because they can't perform what is required, and they'll be immobilized by the void in front of them. In order to serve the most kids in the best way possible, you must impose a boundary on their creativity.
Some practical ways of doing this: setting a location boundary around their play area, with a consequential reason they cannot go outside of it (mom's garden is out of bounds, imagine how she'd feel if...). When you give them an artistic assignment, allow them to choose only 5 colours, or perhaps they can only use 5 different geometric shapes to construct their image. If you set them a writing task, supply them with the "who" or the "where & when" to use in their composition. By locking in these restrictions, it allows them to take creative risks in other areas of their play, and teaches them to begin to solve problems using only the tools they have on hand, instead of getting sidetracked by shiny possibilities that never pan out.
Hope this helps!
Some really practical advice from someone who is a professional--but actually more an observer who learns and applies. Thank you.
Wow ! Thanks !
Great comment! Thanks!
This is good. Thanks!
As a person who was raised “Free Range”. Thanks for the examples.
Be firm, be consistent, most importantly be there!!
Well said
WRONG !!
@@IceThawing worked extremely well for me, but to each there own.
Be where?
So what about when firmness turns into smacking ?
Remember, you aren't raising a child. They already know how to be that. You're raising an adult. Make sure it's an adult worth the name.
I disagree to a point, I think small children need to be treated as small children. I think it’s easy to get upset at kids when you expect too much, you need to be a little above their level but not too far or they will struggle too much..
@@LegendaryJew You nailed it with the a little bit above their level. That's how you raise an adult. What I meant is that you can allow them to be at their level but push them to progress. But the value of "No" has to be established early and often.
No WRONG. What age is a child? At 3,4,5,6 and so forth that’s what ? You can input the right track and mindset at 1 or months in? We are ALL equal as humans but raising your child will always be different from other upbringings
@@LegendaryJew struggle too much lol
Just as some progressive people continue to call adults over 18 years of age "children", they also treat children 4 years old and up like newborn infants who need everyone of their "needs" attended to. I grew up on farms where children were operating tractors and large machinery, guns and 1000 pound livestock at 10-12 years of age. Now they don't know how to change a car tire at 20 years old.
We need another couple hours of jocko and JBP
@Vyse 2021 both. ThenJordan jocko and joe
We need an entire world of it right now
The joe buden podcast?
Just got a podcast recently!
JBP only. And maybe some Russell Brand and Joe Rogan. I heard this guy jocko admit that he doesn't like wearing masks but to avoid confrontation out in public he will utilize one. He is one of those guys that fit the narrative regardless of the internal conflict.
The hardest thing you'll ever do as a parent is to tell your child no when you can actually say yes. For example, My 6 year old has chores and from those chores she earns 5 dollars a week. When we go to the store, I remind her that she only has x amount of money (sometimes she saves it, rarely though) and to check price tags. There are so many fun things for her to look at and she gets really excited when she finds a toy that she really wants, just to find out that it's out of her price range. I gently remind her that I can't afford a lot of things too, but that she can keep looking. Eventually she finds something in her price range and she seems satisfied (maybe not elated though). Sometimes, she tells me that she wishes she had more money, so that she can buy more toys. I remind her that we can't have everything, but it's such a blessing to have anything at all. These experiences with my daughter about tear my heart in two, because I can actually give her exactly what she wants. However, I know one day she will grow up and have to face that same scenario all on her own except with more zeros on the end. If I save her now, I'm kicking the can down the road and she will suffer from the lack of self restraint.
This is also a good opportunity to teach her about saving some of her allowance to buy something that costs more than $5 that she currently has in her possession. Multiple lessons learned. How to save, how to be patient, etc...
Great post. Thank you
I am wondering though if this is teaching her that all she wants is money and her most important thing in life is to get as many as she can.
Sounds stupid
Amy YES, teach them to save. Teach them to invest their money in something that can make them more money. Teach them about becoming a productive member of society if it's still left in a couple decades.
Jocko put a clip up of his interview where he doesn't say a word the whole time. If that isn't a sign of his ability to be humble in the face of wisdom, well, I don't know what is. A sign of a man who's looked inside and can be honest with what he finds.
Great observation!
I fucking love Jocko for this. A lot of seals are arrogant but he never is. He just shuts his mouth and listens. Respect the hell outta him.
Best lesson I learned from my father: discipline includes the why - why was the discipline and punishment administered. After discipline is given talk with the child about why they were punished. Fosters understanding, reinforcement of expectations, and communication.
You’re a tyrant if you don’t explain the why behind the punishment.
The kid will grow major resentment for you, rules, and any authority structure if why is not included at some point.
SUCH an important point. This is part of disciplining a child for the child’s sake and not for the parent’s sake. Sometimes the two overlap, but by no means always.
👍
I was raised in the "don't talk back/speak only when spoken to" Era and thank God it made me realize how important it is to explain why the punishment and how to make things right and even admit when I've fucked up and how I'm supposed to have handled things properly.
@@21sparrow7 I understand what you mean, but sometimes there won’t always be an explanation and no offense but authority doesn’t owe you an explanation every time. It shouldn’t even be expected. If a father tells his son “please clean your room son and help your mom with the dishes” and he asks “why” it doesn’t require an explanation. I mean how are you supposed to explain why, it’s just what you’re supposed to do, it’s common sense and common courtesy. It’s like giving up your seat for a disabled person on the bus. It’s not always about YOU. Just DO IT. It’s sacrifice. In the military nobody would get shit done if the soldiers asked the sergeant “why” when given orders. You’d get kicked out. A good parent can provide some explanations for some things sure, but if your child gets used to always having their questions answered then they won’t be prepared for the real world where their boss at work can’t answer their questions when told to do something. Some things don’t require explaining. Just do it because it’s the right thing to do.
@@picklejar462 the child needs to know why what they did was wrong. And how to do better next time. The why behind doing a task doesn’t need to be explained, and I completely agree with your premise in that context.
I started listening to Peterson 3 years ago, and started to take in his advice on having children. I've tried to the best of my ability to live up to it, and my son is now 4½, and everybody loves him, and says he's a great kid.
That is great! But even better must be to know that he will grow to be a great adult
From experience being a parent can be and thankfully is for me extremely rewarding. I have friends of friends who do not enjoy the parenting experience as they mistakenly think that kids need to be kids and have no idea how to set any boundaries. Unfortunately the kids themselves are unhappy as they use tantrums and crying as a way to get what they want and constantly push boundaries. I just wish I could show some of these parents what parenting can be like and how happy kids are when they have rules and guidelines to follow.
I have a 11 year old stepdaughter that she ain't even scared of the Devil. She's just to much and on top of that she's a really good gaslighter!! No one can't control her! We don't know what to do! 😞 We need professional help!!
👍
Every parent gets told the same thing
My girlfriend has a 6 year old girl and listening to JP has helped me so much in finding my feet as a parent figure in her life and brought us closer as a result.
So wonderful to read this comment.
" My girlfriend has a 6 year old....." shes not your child but you are making an effort to do something good.
Coming from a newly single mom of a 6 year old,bless you!
Dude, my gf has a 5 and 8 year old. Been helping parent them for about a year, known them for about 1.5 years. It’s a wild ride, yet I def agree with you. Good work laying a good foundation before age 7/8, it gets more difficult there, and having a solid frame to work from at that point will cause for much smoother sailing.
JP helps regulate me, cause holy crap I have found emotions and internal (and external) conflicts I didn’t know I could have, and reactions to things in ways I didn’t think I’d ever react. The whole “you’re capable of being a monster” thing didn’t really hit me deeply until I stared my own monster in the face in regulating the frustrations of parenting.
That said, caring is the most important thing, and the emotional reactions mean that you care. Must keep that in mind to ground yourself and more easily let any frustrations go so those emotions don’t hang around too much, becoming vengeful, or growing into resentments.
Down bad
Awesome work. I'm happy to know you have become a positive addition to their family unit, and willing to learn.
Discipline is so important. Consistency is key. And so is explaining "why we have rules." But I also feel kids should have their emotions validated by their parents if they're sad, scared, etc.
- Never, ever, be mean or cruel to your child.
- Always show them they're loved.
- Create habits consistently to internalize discipline through conditioning.
I think a really important caveat to that first one (or maybe it's more like an addition): Parents (especially fathers) may think that they're communicating in a non-mean or non-cruel way. But your child might not be interpreting it that way. Y'know for instance, I spent time in the Marines. There are definitely ways I could communicate with a fellow Marine that would not at all be mean, but if I did it with my kid, even jokingly, it might come across as outright cruel. So while I've always tried my best to be cognizant of that, I also will ask them outright, "Hey when I said this thing or that thing, was that a little too mean?" Sometimes they'll just say "haha, no, what are you talking about?" and sometimes they'll nod solemnly and say "yeah...you hurt my feelings." And then I apologize for that and let them know I wasn't trying to do that. And then I endeavor to do better. I wanna be firm with them when it counts, but I don't wanna be mean and "mean" is something that needs to be check in on.
@@vulpinemachine Parents are the primary sources of love for a child. It’s a sacred bond. Kids might act dumb at times and do incorrect things, but to know deep down that they’re loved and can be forgiven by at least their parents, this can help them mature and grow.
@@lede1810 I experienced a lot of "conditional love" with my family growing up. With my kids I don't ever wanna do that. I'm rather firm, much much more disciplined than how I grew up but they also are CONSTANTLY aware of how loved they are. They always gets hugs and kisses before and after punishments and they're reminded that the punishment is for a specific behavior that needs correcting. I focus on letting them know that they are not ever bad kids. As a result they don't seem to struggle with some of the uncertainty I see in a lot of kids their age. They seem very confident about the actions they take in the world. They seem rather unfazed and unburdened. They don't look as "world weary" as other kids their age. I hope we've struck the right balance. We're trying as hard as we can. I worry about it literally every day.
@@vulpinemachineI received care growing up that I recall as being generally supportive, but the punishments at times were physical. This combination of love and punishment had an unintended side-effect of clamming me up. I began to value the sacrifice of my personal feelings (anger, sadness) in service to what I received as a greater good (peace in my environment and conflict avoidance). I was praised for this at every level of schooling and community life, but I rarely remember feeling accepted and satisfied. Rather, I felt this cynicism that Peterson mentions in the video as being the thing to avoid in raising a child. But, he states "don't let children do things that make you not like them." To me, this is a message of conditional love and reminds me of my disciplined childhood.
I find this to be caused by imprecise language from Peterson, and I'm wondering if you do as well. As I grew older, I joined the military because I felt it would provide the structure that I thought was lacking. But it didn't, it just introduced more ego, more hypocrisy, and even less time to figure out who I was. Plenty of people in my training would indicate that to succeed meant to pass the standard while living your life as well as circumstances allowed. I was under the impression that the rules were the key to finding my happiness, based on my upbringing, but the most successful peers I had were the ones who could best parse priority and find the balance what needed to be done, and what the boys needed for morale. I just didn't get that from my upbringing, and increasing rules and punishment just made it harder, not easier, to understand.
So when I hear Peterson talk about this as though a parent already knows what is right and what is wrong in child development through only because they have experienced adult life... it doesn't make a strong argument. I had a terrible time learning these things, and if I had rushes into getting married and having kids, I think I would have made several mistakes before I ever knew exactly how to exist in society. And it's that problem which society faces: huge swathes of unprivileged or even persecuted people's who were raised by, at best, caring people who also didn't know how to get on in life.
I don't know. It just seems like advice that says: if you had a good father, you'll be a good father, and if you didn't, don't look too far afield because you can't trust any of that. It seems ... cynical. Do you think I'm way off?
@@EarlofSedgewick We are in a world that is descending into chaos and war. My boys will be fighting (and dying) age by the time things go very south. Unfortunately my approach is steeped in cynicism. If they grow up hating me, but able to care for themselves and are resilient, if they're psychologically tough and mentally stable and cable of leading themselves and others through what I perceive to be as inevitable crisis...then...I will have done my job correctly.
They need not look back on me fondly, though that would be nice.
However, it is paramount that they understand that they're valued and treasured, and I do hope in all that I do, no matter how firm I am that comes through.
But, given the coming calamties, I cannot letup on the discipline for even a moment. I will continually try to seek the most effective forms possible as I'm not looking to demoralize them.
But, based on your own sentiments, I suspect I am more cynical than you. And that's what drives me.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Jordan Peterson is one of the most brilliant, eloquent, and necessary voices of the last 100 years.
Put aside your biases and - Listen. To. This. Man. Every chance you get.
I’m a first time father of a one-and-a-half year old boy. I’m going to come back and listen to this from time to time to remind myself. Every father should listen to this.
Jordan Peterson speaks the truth that others don't want to say, but the world needs to hear!!!!
The hardest part is being on the same page with your spouse... especially if you’re divorced and coparenting or a step parent.
I love how Jocko is just sitting there listening.
I was just going to type that. A man at the finest.
Yes sir,
It will keep them free from jail, prison an personal hell.
Remember :we made these children to love them!
Didn't make them to hurt an hate them; but to love an raise them to be loved an respected.
Thank you Mr. Peterson an Sir Jacko for being the right an bright light, for men to role model after.
"Great foundation builders; for a loving, sturdy an disciplined home"
7
Thankful for my dad. No matter how much I fought back he made sure I stayed in line, I damn sure wasn’t easy on him.
Dr. Peterson has helped me become a better father to my 4 year old daughter.
This is what I love about Dr. Peterson. He makes explicit (and quite lucid) that which I have often felt intuitively. I love my child, but I would be lying if I said I never felt that sometimes I just didn't like her. And I knew I couldn't keep being a good parent that way. I also knew that if she continued to do unlikeable things that not only would I dislike her more and have trouble really enjoying being with her and looking forward to spending time with her, but so would other people, and it was actually that latter realization that bothered me more. So, in a firm but loving manner, I would make it very explicit to her that I didn't like her behavior and I wasn't going to put up with it. The idea wasn't "punishment" but "logical consequences": if she continued the behavior, I would either stop spending time with her, or remove whatever objects she was using inappropriately, or remove her from the situation, whatever was most appropriate and most in line with how the social world works. And it worked amazingly. As long as I had the courage and motivation to do what was best for my child, she very consistently learned to act well, very quickly. The result? Our home is a calm, relaxing and loving sanctuary, where everyone understands their role and they understand appropriate behavior. My daughter is an extremely happy, sociable, conscientious and kind individual, and I'm very proud of her, and I can't wait to see her every day.
I feel like I will never feel like you. How old was she when you finally started implementing your discipline? I was a nanny for so many years and assumed that when I had my own children I would be great, it turns out Im horrible, I dont understand how to guide them, it goes in the opposite direction, mt twins now 3 are having 5 tantrums a day, slaps me, throws bottles at me (water) wont stop when told. I use time out, say no to sugar appart from saturdays so no lollies in the mouths as a pacifier, I do art and craft at home all the time with boundaries with a set of small rules. Yet my girl screams her way to things as I break at about 30 minutes in if its a vague request, not as in I want my paci when we have just stoped using it, to those things I manage to stay firm on the black and white decisions. Sometimes her tantrums last 1h 10 min. And I find myself unsure how to react, gentle paranting says to stay by her side tell her Im there when she finish, others say close the door and dont tolerate it and open the door when she is composed. I have horrible memories of my parents doing that to me that small as I had no skills of self control. And Im stuck in the middle of all these conflicting advice and a husband who does the opposite to everything we just agreed to stay firm to, not out of spite but he is weak to their wills. I am terrified to live in this household, the noice the tantrums the childrens fights. I wish there was a way to learn how to be a good parent because Im failing over here.
@@hollywood7702 oh trust me, no one is ever a good parent 100% of the time. It’s been two years since i posted this and things swing back and forth all the time. I would suggest reading up on authoritative vs authoritarian parenting. Happy to talk more about it!
As a mom to a 3 year old and a 1 year old, I’m learning how to manage my emotions and work on myself by listening to Dr. Peterson. My mind has expanded so much and I will make sure to raise humans who are pleasant to be around.
Jocko n Jordan in the same room chatting about important matters. This is fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏾👌🏽👍🏽
ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS VIDEO!!!! This gets right to the heart of parenting. We just returned from a restaurant, and were Amazed by the uncontrolled behavior at the next table, kids running through the restaurant, etc. My folks would have died of embarrassment if my sister and I had acted that way! We were Loved, and Disciplined reasonably, based on the offense. Structure is not an evil thing. Structure builds manners and good behavior habits in young people. (Jocko knows all about structure.) Young people who understand structure have a much easier time adapting to moving out of the house, and going on into their own adult life. Again, fabulous video, thanks very much!
This is really one of Jordan Peterson's best videos.
I taught HS 2 years.
I saw children that had little to no discipline or the father was not there.
Those children were generally poorer students who often ridiculed the teacher.
It’s been several years and I can only imagine what some of those kids (now young adults) have had to endure due to the way they were raised.
Acting a fool in the classroom does not translate well into the adult world.
Yep. They're at that age where they think they know everything. I can tell you this, your former students are probably those horrible college students you see on tiktok screaming at random strangers for misgenderinf them. Then filming their victim's reaction and calling them out in the humiliating way.
Man this makes me really thankful for my father because I think he must've done the right things I've always loved being around adults and tried to respect them
It's hard to contain the level of love I have for these men!!! Echo you too!!
Parenting is really hard. Kids need lots of love and lots of discipline, in equal measure.
🎯💯
so good, thanks for the refresh
I’m unfortunately starting to experience this “dislike” with my first cousin’s children. She has 3 boys aged 8, 6, and 3. They are the most unruly, undisciplined children I have ever seen. I used to love playing with them, hanging out with them, wrestling with them, and teaching them things. but now I can hardly stand being around them. When JP mentioned that the dislike will prevent you from giving them attention and rewarding god behavior, I’ve experienced that too. They come to me all the time asking if I can watch them so something or if they can show me something, trying to get positive reinforcement, and it’s always either begrudging or a flat out refusal on my part.
And it’s not like my cousin and her husband are oblivious to their children’s misbehavior. In fact, it drives them crazy too. But they almost never follow through with disciplining. They scream, yell, and threaten to make the kids go sit in the car, but never actually do it. It’s almost like they’ve given up.
Yesterday, we had an early extended family Christmas celebration (it was the only date we could get everyone together), and the gift opening was a complete mess. The 3 year old was screaming “I want my present” and the 8 year old and 6 year old could not sit still without throwing things, jumping on people, making animal noises. And they knew what they were doing. They were trying to get attention. It was impossible to enjoy and I was counting the minutes until it was over.
You can only use the excuse “they’re tired” and “boys will be boys” for so long. The fact is is that they are some of the most undisciplined children I have ever encountered, and they are not pleasant to be around. I am not the the only one in the family that feels this way. But everyone is too nice to say anything. We know that the parents are trying the best they can and both parents work full time. But still, it’s a problem. I’m worried that these kids are gonna get rejected by their peers for their behavior.
So make a stand, help these boys.
All this words could have spend on the parents, telling them how you feel and that you want to help.
Boys need fathers, boys need uncles & boys need rolemodels. So, act and dont write on youtube.
All the best for the boys, and have a good 2023.
Yeah. You’re probably right. It’s just tough to think through the best way to handle it. I mean, it’s not like I’ve got my life perfectly in order. I’m in my 20s living with my parents. I don’t have children of my own. Meanwhile my cousin is a successful lawyer and owner of a law firm. I know she has a lot of responsibility and a lot on her shoulders. For me to butt in and tell her how to raise her children is probably not a welcome addition to her already complex life.
I know I need to say something, I’m just not sure what, where, when, and how to say it.
@@seanodonnell429 I understand. Just be present for the boys. Take them to the woods, play with them, build something (Treehouse?) or show them something cool in your area. Be present. Show, dont tell. Lead, dont ask.
One day, this boys will maybe a guidance and role models for YOUR children. Its a good investment, to spend time with these kids. Belive me.
All the best for you, i really mean it.
What is wrong with yoy
I don’t know how to answer that. That question assumes the premise that there is in fact something wrong with me.
Thank you so Much for more wonderful Jordan Peterson parenting advice. I've been nerding out and taking a step back to make sure I'm still on track.
Loved this entire podcast. So many great clips.
He needs to get back on there.
Would love to buy a book about raising children from theses 2.
Wow
This man is clearly a genius.
Not only the content of his talk but his way of explaining things - Superb
Absolutely
Solid advice right here for the toughest, most important job in the world.
Thank you! This is the education that we need to spread to make sure caring for future generations isn't twisted by our ignorance.
Some kids are the opposite with testing boundaries. As a kid I used to act up at home all the time because I had no idea what the consequence would be because my parents couldn't agree on a solution. But if I acted up in front of other people I was always punished harshly so I knew that it was never acceptable to act that way with other people.
I don't take parenting tips.
I'm taking this one.
Thank you.
thanks.. Ra..Al... has it..in Alvor...Portugal too.
Only stubborn donkeys don’t
This advice is really helpful and open eye for future parents and grandparents.
Jocko and Peterson. We need more of these 2 talking. Both badass killing dragons, just on different fields.
It's a hard pill to swallow as a parent 💯🔥
This explains sooo much on great parenting in just 5:34 minutes. Important stuff
If you don't have humility you won't be good at nothing for humility is what is required to learn. Parents need to be able to learn. Parents need humility. So they can teach it, and the fruits of learning, to their kids.
i need more jocko and jordan in my daily life
brimac1011 hi bri me too ta ta. Or ratatatat
This is so good!
I have a little daredevil (twins 18mo) and one is very courageous and I always think of JP saying “letting your child do dangerous things carefully is where they grow”
You two are awesome
The "evolution" of child rearing in 2019, is TREMENDOUSLY disturbing. Glad a discussion on this subject is being addressed. I happen to ADORE children but their PARENTS are making them almost UNBEARABLE (in 2019). One important thing that "parents" tend to forget? Those cute little baby grows UP! We're in the age of rebellion courtesy of "parents" raising the next generations. May God have mercy.
Jocko + Jordan = Awesome
Brilliant! Peterson is saying the truth!
That was helpful! Thank you…
Such an amazing teacher, he speaks so well and in a way most can relate I wish more people and especially parents watch and learn from this man
So simple yet so smart
Am in Love
As a teenager, my daughter complained about how tough her father and I were on her. "None of my friends have to make beds, wash dishes, clean bathrooms,...", "My friends don't have to come home from school and study for an hour before they can play.", "My friends didn't have to read a car's owners manual before they could drive it." I told her if her friends parent's didn't care that their children would grow up not being able to take care of themselves, it was their business. I told her, and all the teenage girls I worked with, to get as good an education as their brain and pocketbook would allow before they ever thought about marriage and children, because there was no guarantee they wouldn't have to raise their children alone.
When my daughter was in her late twenties, we talked about how she thought she was "Cinderella". I told her "If I had a child today, I'd be tougher on it than I was with you." She said "When I have children, I'm going to be tougher on them than you were with me." Her first born son was taking out the trash at two and a half, he's eleven now, she sent me a video of him using a palm sander to sand their outside benches.
I was sixteen when I had my daughter, fifty years ago. Even though her dad is disappointed she isn't a nuclear physicist, I'm proud she didn't become a drug addict who has half a dozen baby daddies. She has a very well paying job, a husband I adore, two sons that are tough as nails. Listening to Dr. Peterson, an especially well educated man, talking of how to raise children into good adults, makes me, someone who never finished highschool, feel good about how I raised my daughter. Thank you, Dr. Peterson.
I can confirm that the way you raised her is THE way to raise kids. I raised my kids the same way, I was raised the sam way, my parents were raised the same way, and we are all well-educated and good people!
@@shanelka8304 good on you! I talk to grandparents, and even great-grandparents, who are raising the children of their drug addict children or grandchildren. I'm so thankful God spared me that. I told my daughter never to use drugs, that some drugs can "hook" you with the first use, and if she were high and hurt someone it would kill me.
@@susanrogers6815 Absolutely! Well done you!
The worst part is when parents think they did a good job but actually raised their kid like shit
Seriously. Adults (particularly here in the Southeastern United States) have this notion that they have some inherent ability to raise their own kids (hence the phrase "don't tell me how to raise my own kids"). Everyone goes around complimenting each other on how they are raising their kids, and just turn a blind eye when the kids eventually don't turn out right. And people vastly underestimate the potential they have for taking out revenge on their own kids. Its almost the easiest thing in the world, if you think about it. You live with the damn thing, and no one is there to stop you if you happen to be pissed off and you "accidentally" trip the little guy as he runs around the house.
@@BattlesuitExcalibur Taking revenge on your kids is the most idiotic thing you could do. For one if they have behavior that you don't like it's your fault most likely.
@@usmanbarak2615 that is the main thing that parents around here dont realize, is that their kids behavior is what they trained it to be. It is very popular in my area for parents to act they are the victim of their kid. 20-30years ago people bragged about cute things their child did, now they only brag about what a terror they are raising and act like i should feel sorry for them
You mean like JP here, who raised an Insta thot who pops out babies with men she isn't planning on having a long term relationship with, but is abusing for emotional support anyways until they're not needed anymore, and is scamming people of 600 dollars a year to teach them how to eat nothing but meat and salt and be amazing like her?
Very interesting and usefull information!
What Jordan said at 3:00 remided me of Patrice O'Neal (comedian) joke, that said something like :
Is hard for men to love and like women at the same time. Now it makes more sence why!
The greatest thing that anyone could ever pass down or will to their children is knowledge of their greatest personal struggles. The child will fend far better from those experiences than from anything a dollar or object could provide them.
ha, the child will not care of parents' struggles .
3:08 I liked what he said. Interesting to find Jordan today and listen to some of his sessions. A lot matched up with how I raised my kids starting 22 years ago. I have always received so many comments about how well they communicated, listened and were empathetic. I was the disciplinary but also they received attention and much love . I always told people you have to do this by about 4 or 5 years of age related to the development of the frontal brain. That the smaller things that come along later due to them testing you once in awhile would be easier.
I couldn't agree more.
Brilliantly explained
2 to 10 years age is crucial. The "formative years". After that, it's permanent. You can create a narcisst/sociopath with abuse, you can also create one with no punishment for bad behavior. Kids/early teens are quick to label parents as hypocrites, BUT most know they are just trying to do the right thing.
I wish he talked about teenagers. Its a whole different ball game, even with a good foundation as a kid
Teenagers are not kids.
They should already know the basics of life.
All you can do as a parent is hope they choose to follow your guidance, and dont meet to many shitty other kids.
Because you dont raise teens alone.
So do their friends, their teachers, and the world at large in general.
@@Seneric a 13 year old is not a kid?
@@Seneric czcams.com/users/shortsBmc9NFfhx74?feature=share4
Great advice
I have always said if we don't Discipline our children then the world will, and I love my kids too much to see them spend their lives going through the justice system. And my husband's saying is raise your kids so you don't have to raise your grand children, because the grandchildren are the reward for all your efforts.
The most horrifying example of parenting I saw recently was my wife and I were at the Drive In, playing frisbee in the parking lot before the movie started. Two young boys ran up and asked to play and we said ok if your parents allow, who were the next car over. The parents took this opportunity to insult the kids on how troublesome and annoying they are, and that they are so clumsy they would hurt themselves.
Just wanted to share. Modern parents are at least as trash as modern kids.
You m
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Hearing Jocko attempting to stifle his snickering in the background is so funny.
Jordan Peterson is awesome!
Great point!
He made allot of valid realistic points. We are teaching how to adapt to the real world.
As parents my wife and I never spanked our children, we were always a united front in disipline and punishment our children were never able to play one parent against to other.
I was the opposite. I always behaved as well as possible when I was out since a very young age but at home is when i would act up.
first time mom!
thank you xoxo
I’m into teaching my young ones how to think
I can't stand people who say JBP over complicates simple ideas or doesn't bring anything new to the table & we're living in an ever increasing society who's losing common sense along with the ability to think critically. We need lessons like this even if we already know just to at least verify were on the same page.
Who says the stuff he talks about is correct though? It's all psychological with no experimental way of gaining empirical evidence. I'm not saying he is wrong, but there is no way to be certain that he is right. Don't just blindly follow "intellectuals."
I always told my children that i am way bigger, stronger and probably soon angrier than them and so they have to do as i say and this worked and was also true.
This is so so true, I'm raising my grandson after 57 year of age and my kids are all grown. My 2 boys were ADHD. Now I have temporary custody of my grandson who is ADHD as well. There time I do get so up set, that I do get back at him when he put on a show in front of people to get back at me if I don't give him what he wants. 😢I cry every night because I keep trying to find a way to make our relationship work. My daughter tells me I have no patience cause I raise my 3 kids by my self.
🙏there is a good article on google that helps explain how to communicate more efficiently with adhd, they can process differently for example if told a command in a negative way will make them do opposite whereas encouraged helps them complete a task. Not sure how effective but we are all different and many ways, we are all love on this journey 🙏
Its a trial from Allah, the Almighty. Pmease be patient. You may or may not benefit by upbringing them, but its gonna be of great worth for themselves and society.
Amazing. no cap
I wish I watched these 10 years ago.
Clear conscience parenting: raise your children in a way you can defend if confronted by your adult child.
Please, invite Dr. Gabor Mate on for this subject! Check out his book: "In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts", if you haven't.
I have always wondered what my mom thought about my behavior, because at home yeah I was energetic l, jumping on the sofas, rude to my mom but never physically I know better than to hit my parents thank goodness but I was argumentative however in oublic or at someone else's home I was quiet, patient, "A Good Child" I dont know if I unconsciously understood the social hierarchy as Dr. Peterson states but im sure by accident I behaved good because I was bored. Thats my .50cents
Shit, I used to behave bad because I was bored.
Haven't watched this yet. No idea what this video will bring, but I know right away, it will be great.
Children are not our piers, they are our children...they need to be raised with discipline and love. All parents want to do now is be a buddy with their kids...makes me sick that more "in the way" people are coming right into society...a society of narcissistic, and entitled humans just walking around expecting to get their way 100% of the time.
Peers not piers 😊
My apologies
@@dennisferrera8060 it's ok. Good post
Saw the video title.... BOTH of them, is already know video is bout to slap lmao.
Making sure your child is aware that transgressions against society are never forgotten nor completely forgiven!
*jordan at a podium with his arms outstretched*
"Children."
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). The Purpose of Children is Not just the Expansion of hOUR Youniversal Consciousness az Parents
Absolutely 100% untrue! Have successfully balanced discipline, love, firmness, and not always liking my child’s actions and responses however not one time did I get angry and take it out on my child or did anything to get back at them. I have told my older child I don’t like what your doing and you may not like me right now but I love you and you love me. However we are not friends I am your parent and you don’t have to like my decisions for you in life and consequences but that’s ok. And I still addressed consequences and a lot of the time grace. It’s a balance. And yes parents do mess up. I have but not so much that I indirectly or directly took it out on my kids. Not once not ever. Usually if that angry I walk away and wait until I was ready to deal with my children. I know I’m not the only parent like this. Today I have well adjusted kids. Productive, kind, socially do great and make connections with others. Hard working. So I disagree with his assessment.
"don't like what your doing" can be only written by a non-edicated adult. Raising kids on benefits?
Sooooo true
I used to feel like such a bad parent for knowing that when my son acted a certain way I did not like him. At all. Always love him didn't like him. And whenever I said that openly someone else would feel the need police me almost like they had to remind me of how I'm supposed to feel about my son. I am allowed to dislike what I dislike and that's it if my son's scratching at my face or screaming for attention it isn't pleasant and I react in a way that is trying to show him that other people don't like this because I am other people as well as y'no everyone else. I'm now going to save this video thank you so much for posting it and being so amazing at explaining your thoughts and I shall spread this to every person who tries to parent police me.💖
The best tip I used as a parent of 5 is you hate the behavior squash it stay consistent and always in a million ways keep loving them no matter. Some still don't agree but stay anchored to the Truth you know.
shit this insight is so fucking brilliantly described "u know i love my child i would never do anything to hurt them ... ur so asleep if u think that ... u have to think i´m way bigger than this child and im way meaner and im way trickier and im way more unpredictable"
Peterson touches on a very important lesson here is not quite as obvious; Christ teaches us, that we all have evil within us and we must be proactive at doing good and differentiating it from the evil. We are not just naturally good without (God’s) law and order.
I need to find a way to get my brother to watch this. His kids are turning into little monsters and I don’t think he realizes it or maybe he does but certainly isn’t doing anything about it.
I notice those adults that fly off the handle when, children under 4 have a tantrum, Or when a baby is crying, cannot manage their emotions and were told to just listen to authority. Most great people try and help calm them down. Ex. Strangers at the grocery store smile at my crying baby, play pic-a-boo around the isle calming the baby. Passing construction workers on the sidewalk with a toddler when the toddler has a meltdown the construction workers became comedians and acted out why toddler was crying and reinforced mom. I've also had people fly off the handle when my children were 1,2,3 year olds. Strangers screaming at my child , (usually the, "I'm a full time working mom of 4") As I'm carrying them to the car, back into my house. I remove my children from the situation when they tantrum, let them cry, then talk. Remember the tantrums, stealing, kicking, biting should cease by 4. and it did for me by doing those things. I've seen people fly off the handle for children playing at the park. Boys wrestling rough and tumble play.
They need to be taught responsible freedom.
Wow, just wow
I’m not a parent yet, but my wife and I hope to be one day. I’m just being vulnerable when I say I’m afraid to have children. I don’t want to be too soft, but I don’t want to be excessive in punishment. My mom kicked my ass excessively and it made me resent her. I just dont want to be like my mom