BONUS EPISODE: "I'm raising great kids, but I still feel like a failure."
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- čas přidán 15. 10. 2023
- Suzanne reads a letter from one of her coaching clients.
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I threw out my career and six years of education to stay home with my son. Twelve years later I still will only work part time. I feel like their are alot of people in my life that would pat me on the back and give me never ending compliments if we were both worjing full time and paying someone else to clean my house, care for my kid, fix the fence, etc. It is so hard to not care what others think, especially for us ladies. But when the culture around is sick, do not look to it for approval
Wow, so well said❤
Heads up, be proud of being a mother. The healthy family needs both moms and dads.
This resonates with me soo well. I, by faith, quit my job to stay home with my kids and I’m realizing how much I tied my identity to my job. The struggle is real but I’m taking it one day at a time and allowing God to show me who I really am in Him. I love this!❤
This! I feel this. I was so good at school, singing. And people told me I have so much potential. Now I have kids and skills I use, my creativity I use in the home, are hidden from others eyes. The kids benefit greatly but others don't understand why I would live in the background serving others.
I feel this SO hard. After 3+ decades, it's not easy to turn of that "achievement" switch. I need to retrain my brain and create new neural pathways.
If it helps your email author at all, I live what most people would call a successful life, but from her opening description, I'm much more envious of hers. Her family is still together and their life sounds idyllic. "Success" is mostly hollow BS. Stress, lack of leisure time, and dealing with (often problematic or phony) people is the essence of what she's "missing out" on. Her in-laws are probably dealing with the same and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if deep down, they envy her life as much as I do.
I felt like this woman when I was in my thirties, too. Then I heard a really wise man talk about how basically education is a garbage-in-garbage-out kind of thing and that we cannot extract something from our minds without first putting something in them. In essence, we cannot draw from an empty bank account. I learned this in terms of educating children, but it holds true for other aspects of life, too. I realized that i needed to first stop "putting garbage in" by ditching social media and dropping toxic relationships in exchange for working on my faith life and spending more time with my family who is in my presence and not in some virtual world - back to life, back to reality; turning off the virtual world and living in the real one. The truth is those romanticized ideas we filled our heads with in high school and college are just simply nothing more than fantasies. Reall life is what's in front of us right now. Comparing the virtual world to reality is the thief of all joy, as is made crystal clear by this woman. I was once there, myself. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. In this case, the thing is ingesting social media and expecting to be grateful for the life in front of you. Ingest something good for the mind and soul, instead, and see what happens.
I agree so much with you. Simplifying life can make it so much more meaningful!
Thank you for this GOLD comments not even half way reading and I AM AMAZED AT HOW TRUE IT IS AND HOW IT APPLIES TO ME TO BETTER AND CHANGE. ❤❤
It doesn’t sound like she really wants a “simple life”. Social media definitely makes everyone focus on the wrong things
I have a deep appreciation for your videos, and I eagerly anticipate each one. They provide me with a sense of comfort and reassurance, reminding me that I'm not alone in facing life's challenges. Thank you for fostering this supportive community for us to engage in meaningful conversations.
It’s never enough for some ppl. I know a lady that chose to not have kids, has a very rewarding job, in high demand, makes $140’s in a southern state, and is never satisfied, never happy. Wants to not work and have a life of leisure… but does not want to give up her independence. i have no clue how someone can have those three things, aside from marrying a rich man. 🤷🏽♂️
My friend isn’t married and has no kids (i don’t think she likes kids), and always appears to be stressed/upset/annoyed. It’s sad really.
"She's never satisfied"
That's why she's so good at her job and makes some good money, the old adages if you're not moving forward you're falling behind.
Obviously there are plenty of stay-at-home mothers that are never satisfied, it probably has more to do with your character ,and personality and family of origin. Then it has to do with your career path lack thereof.
I knew one stay-at-home mother that always had some purpose or cause to be doing or done, think it was a way of her and compensating after quitting your job.
People will never be fully satisfied and always *want* more or something else idk
@@ceebee8255 Yep, I bet there are a lot people also that day dream about a time, when they had a little bit money to do things, and didn't have kids yet.
Or the other one common is " I cant wait til these kids are old enough to be out of the house".
I understand Julie's struggle with wanting and taking true pleasure in a simplier life while at times feeling guilty/resentful/confused at a life that isnt as exciting or affluent as I imagined when I was younger. I have 3 young kids and was in and out of the workforce at high powered stressful tech jobs for a few years before throwing in the towel to stay home. Whenever I feel like i should throw myself back into a fulltime job, the thing i do is remind myself of this- my marriage is the most important thing to me, being available to my kids is the most important thing to me, and the jobs I held were fundamentally incompatible to the family dynamic I wanted. Happy, calm, and as peaceful as possible is what I want at home. My energy and mood sets the tone for my family, so home and focused just on my family is where i need to be, while my husband provides (very well) for us. There is a line from a movie I often think about- 'an extraordinary ordinary life'. That is what I aspire to.
It really sounds like this woman is still stuck on appearances and “success”, I pray she finds contentment and true happiness.
Love this community!
If we had a time machine and brought someone from the 1950’s to today - they’d be absolutely horrified
I keep coming back to this to encourage the writer. As a mom in a similar position, I’m so grateful for the other moms sacrificing and committed to raising healthy and happy kids. The next generation will need as many as we can get.
Also, as someone who worked in a field of high achievers who had all the markers of worldly success… the only women I knew in that context who are happy today left the field, got married and had kids.
The pure joy I feel when I watch my kids play,run outside and catch snakes can't be replaced! I do think social media has a lot to do with mental health of American kids! When my first kid was 6 years old, I decided to delete all my Facebook and Instagram! I was appalled that our school teaches kindergarten kids about media balance and when to turn off their devices. And I thought that it is a little bit exaggerated. My husband told me, that we are the weird people and that many parents actually let their kids use devices a lot, and I thought he was exaggerating. But last week they had a game day at shool and the teacher specifically said not to bring games on electronic devices, I was shocked.
So blessed to have found you. This has been the podcast that I didn't know I needed.
Id like to say something but I feel Im going to be attacked because Im a man. Im saying it because Im a victim, Im saying it because so many men wont, cant and are not allowed. Im saying it even though it comes from a place of frustration so the way I'm going to say it is not going to be appreciated by women emotionally, Im saying it as a man and men communicate differently to women. We are more direct. Im saying it knowing that the way it sounds may be construed as been critical I guess which it is. I love this channel because I love the messages given by Suzanne which in my opinion is a great message at large. So here goes. Im so sick and tired, frustrated and pissed off of " feminism" and I think the vast majority of men are. The last 10 years has been a constant onslaught of abuse and almost hatred of all things masculine. Even the term " toxic masculinity" I think it disgraceful but now its a common phrase. I feel the double standards of feminists and a great deal of woman is so frustrating that a great many men have given up. I will give you a small example. :" erectile dysfunction" ... the key word been " dysfunction" Erectile dysfunction is nothing different than menopause in women. Imagine for a moment we changed the word menopause and called it " Vaginal dysfunction" Just reading those words are going to have most women get defensive and feel insulted. Imagine if I called menopause another name, " Sahara desert syndrome" Women, the media, society at large would consider it almost hate speech but no one cares how men feel about the term " erectile dysfunction" Most men are characterised as idiots on TV, commercials, Sitcoms, Homer Simpson characters and this war against men over the last 10 years is as a result of 3rd wave feminism and the extremes of it. A great many men feel totally unsympathetic to those women who now regret the worst of feminism. Men were not allowed to speak, not allowed to voice an opinion and still are not today because rather than discuss we are just called part of the patriarchy and sexist. Too many women have insulted men and demeaned men and masculinity for too long and those women who perhaps did not go along with it per se or who recognised that it was going too far stayed silent while it happened. No woman I know has ever defended men but they have no problem in joining on the female band wagon over coffee and laughing at almost all men and you know what I see when Im out for dinner with friends, Moms trying to understand why their daughters dont bring guys home to dinner, prospective suiters, they are bewildered how their 25 and 30 year old daughters are not in good relationships or indeed any relationships and I think many men have turned away from marriage, from relationships and wont be turning back until women as a collective start to admit feminism has gone too far by a long way and this societal and media borne battle against men needs to stop but even if it stopped tomorrow, in many ways its too late. Society has now changed to the point of young people need both to be working just to survive. Men no longer feel the duty they had 40 years ago to be a provider as they were told from school age that they were not needed, that women could do it all, that they were almost a burden and who could blame them now for opting out of society, relationships and marriage? Why would they stay on the field? For a government and society that hates them? For a family court system that destroys them? For a wife that comes with a 58% chance of divorcing them as that is the divorce rate in american today. 76% of divorces are filed by women. Why? Are 76% of divorces as a result of truly bad nasty men? Would any women reading this really want their sons to take those risks with that data. If a son came home to his mother and said he was starting a business but there was a 58% chance of it failing and a 76% chance of it failing due to a litigious customer would any mother still clap and cheer him on like women do when their son comes home and says he got engaged? There is a great saying and I think it apt. " Feminism freed women from the slavery they thought they were under and freed men from the slavery they did not know they were under" Men have no clue anymore what their role is, are they to be providers or are they to be house husbands? When women stayed home with the kids and were housewives they looked at their husbands and thought they had the shit end of the stick but those husbands went to work with the sole responsibility of knowing it was on them if everyone ate, it was on them if there was a roof over the families head and they were built to be beasts of burden and happy do to it but women wanted to go to work and be part of the club rather than be "submissive to their husbands" as they saw it even if men thought nothing of the kind and now that women have the same opportunities as men today they still are not happy and men who think logically retort in frustration with " Jesus Christ this is what you all wanted and demanded!! which never goes down well with women. Look, Im probably explaining this badly but Im trying to do the best I can and Im not trying to upset anyone. Men are frustrated, exhausted and quite honestly sick of the constant criticism of either "you work too hard, you not helping in the house, you dont working hard enough, we dont have enough money, your not spending enough time with the kids, your spending too much time with the kids" and I wonder do women ever really listen to themselves honestly at how much they complain and do they ever ever ever try and see the world from a mans eyes and I think to be fair men do a better job at trying to see the world from a female perspective. Please dont come back at me with a specific bastard of a man as they are many but for every bad man there is a bad woman but in society today no one wants to even discuss it. No other narrative is tolerated other than " All women good, all men bad" and what are men doing?... walking off the stage and giving up on relationships, marriage and women and god knows whether you women get it or not who could bloody blame them. The term "happy wife happy life" did not come from nowhere and it was a ridiculous term anyway. For every under appreciated woman there is a brow beaten man and we all know them. So Suzanne, yes men understand why women are not particularly happy with working and rearing kids at the same time but do you ever think women need to take honest accountability of what feminism has done to society, to kids, to families, to marriage? I dont think so because women would then have to blame women and in my experience women would rather blame any man and all things masculine before they would look in the mirror as a collective. Women know women best and women hate women. Men dont though but where has it gotten us. I personally think its changing with social media, I think sadly men are starting to really dislike the double standards, the constant criticism and the total lack of real accountability from women at large and in addition to that I think men at large need to grow a pair and start speaking up if not for themselves for their sons because women wont. They just wont because to do so means they would need to be confrontation with feminism and they just wont go there.
I'm sorry you are frustrated, which is understandable. I can only add that many, many women do not like and did not ask for feminism. There's a lot in our culture that is not organic but was inserted by people with an agenda. Feminism is one of those things. What doesn't get talked about is what happened to the culture starting in the mid to late 1800s to the 1960s. These things didn't come out of nowhere. Groundwork was laid. Some woman picked up feminism and ran with it, but some hate it. We're talking about millions of people so it's a mixed bag. There are creeps of both genders and sincere, kind men and women. The best thing any person can do is be the best person they were meant to be, whether they end up married or not. I wish you peace and happiness.
Feminism has nothing to do with me. I never asked for it. Stop blaming women and blame the people writing these books and making speeches
I dont have daughters, I have only sons and see the world through their eyes and mine. The 1800s to the 1960s is not talked about enough? How can you say that honestly when we have only spoken about it for the last 50 years, changed society, the work place and marriage fundamentally because of all the talking about it and acting on it. Feminism in the 60s and 70s was right, justified and fair if that is what women wanted and without question women were too vulnerable back then but feminism today is just a hatred of men and women are silent on it. Women just will not speak up to feminists hence why we are here, hence why men are pilloried and silenced, hence why so many young mothers are heartbroken with daycare and having to work, rear kids and essentially do it all but my point is feminists pushed for this and women did not push back because they were not prepared to really put their head up and call it out for what it was because it would be seen to go against the sisterhood and women are for the most part not willing to do that in any real vocal way so with respect Breezy, you say many women did not ask for feminism but you all stayed silent while its toxicity rampaged through marriages, family life and had you join men in the work place with all that this entails including the perils and drama of creches and daycare. Did women on realising this start to blame feminism, no they blamed men for not doing more in the home, for not helping with the kids, for not bringing in enough money, for spending too much time at work... all the frustration and unhappiness women encountered was put on bad men who would not do their " share" as women saw it. So you can say to me that " many many women did not like feminism and did not ask for it" but what did you do about it as it was a movement of women and your a woman. I respectfully suggest you did nothing really like the vast majority of women and hence here we are and when I say nothing Breezy Im referring to you been combative with a feminist at a dinner table and telling her infant of a bunch of other women that she has no right to speak for you and not be concerned with other womens judgement. Im sorry if that does not sound very nice but its just the truth and until we start been honest and accountable then men will continue to walk off the stage and not get married and not become fathers. But you know, maybe marriage and relationships have had their day and women would be happier without any men and technology will take over all fatherhood just like governments have become fathers to so many children over the last 20 years. Thank you, I am peaceful and very happy, frustrated with the demeaning of men and referring to them and their masculinity as constantly toxic and my frustration is because I have 3 sons who will have to enter this shit show and I worry for them and as a single father I voice my opinion where and when I can and have had many difficult heating debates regarding it which no one is willing to do. Men when they try and insulted into silence with accusations of been part of the patriarchy, Misogynistic, women haters and young women have grown up with this thinking men must be bad and its ok to treat them this way and insult them this way and men are leaving the game and women ask " where is my Mr Right"? Anywho, thanks for the reply and I enjoyed the debate.
@@womeninadjusting7329 " stop blaming women"....... its the feminist movement that brought us all here, who else is responsible? The authors and speech writers you refer too spoke on your behalf as a sex, they told society what it was women wanted and they told men and society that things had to change and were going to change. if feminism had nothing to do with you and these people spoke for you without your approval what did you do about it? The toxic feminism today is on women and can only be on women and women need to accept accountability that it happened as a result of their direct support or their silence and they need to be a whole lot stronger in their condemnation of it if they now see it as dysfunctional but I see no signs of women willing to engage in that combative stance against other women. Thanks for your salty reply though.
I’m 52 & this woman has done and accomplished way more than I
These are the women who file divorces because they can't get over thier own feelings of what they could've had. Women like these blow up marriages for no legitimate reason. She said it herself. Her own thought process is keeping her from being satisfied and happy. This is part of why guys walk away. To take the chance just isn't worth it. Suzanne you are amazing in your work. You are one of the only chances these women have.
Make sure you put your settings on better VOLUME... So there's not such a huge contrast -- very uncomfortable for people with ear buds -- when ads or other videos come up
... You're barely audible on max volume then an ad pops in and blasts the eardrums
I was able to be at home with my son and daughter until they were 12 and 14.
We lived in a neighborhood with lots of families with children but also diverse with older adults, and singles as well.
We had a church family.
I became a single parent and was blessed to find a job working in our local elementary school.
I had the same schedule with days off as my children.
My day ended early enough so that I was home when they got home from school.
Now that I am 73, my children live within 20 miles of my apartment. They work in the city where I live.
They rarely come to see me. They mostly communicate via text.
I have no grandchildren.
I feel like I gave my best to my children.
Not perfect.
I am blessed with a safe place to live. Good health. Financially stable.
Young people seem to just want to be with their friends these days.
I GET IT.
I didn't spend 24/7 with my mother when I was 50 years old.
I just miss them so much. I don't know how to change this.
Leaving my heartache with God.
It sounds like you did everything right! What more could you do? Could you try to set a lunch with your kids for one Sunday each month?
@@carolyna.869
I ask. They will not commit.
Balance, loving your kids, and working on a relationship is hard. Both parties want all your time
I suggest bringing up the topic with your children. Don’t be afraid to tell them that you miss them and wish that they would come see you more often.
The reality is young people tend to be very selfish because before you become a parent everything is all about me, me, me.
There’s been multiple times in my twenties when my mother had to bring up the topic that I seem very preoccupied with my own interests and that she felt I didn’t care about her at all. I wasn’t exactly happy about the negative feedback but after I thought about it for awhile I realized she was right. I made some adjustments to my lifestyle and started prioritizing my parents again. Young people still need the feedback from parents who love them and see their issues.
I feel for you ❤. I have a few aunts who are in the same situation as you. Most of them are teachers and also always had a schedule that coordinated with their kids. They were always there for their kids. One of them has 3 kids and NO grandkids. They feel the pain of loneliness. One of them (my great aunt who is about 75) was widowed 2 years ago. She just threw the towel and decided to stop feeling super lonely and stop waiting on her kids to visit. She moved close to her sisters and friends and now she does weekend getaways with them and has a lot of fun. They are all widowed and enjoy each others company. She seems a lot happier lately.
Seeing the US from an European pow we really think that Americans are obsessed with status and money, especially American feminist empowered women. Exactly for that reason so many US men do not accept this value system and check out from society. I really hope that this time this value system will not come to Europe too.
Is she a dope singer?
Plus she needs to reconsider theres another interpretation for "after all we can do" than the evangelical one shes assumed
Stop trading time for money. Work towards monetary goals slowly
WTH are you talking about "previous generations" having it easier vs today? GenX women had the same pressures to choose career above all. Speaking from experience. I still feel exactly as this woman as I get questioned often about "are you working" (despite having proven myself as a careerwoman who later opted for fulltime motherhood). I am way past my 30s.
Interesting that she still feels like a failure when Mormonism actually encourages women to stay home, it’s their heavenly calling
Boring first world problem of the century.