Consequences of Over Protected Children- Jordan Peterson
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- čas přidán 7. 08. 2019
- Jordan Peterson talks about the two kinds of parents and their impact on children. Stay tuned for a full interview coming soon on Valuetainment. Make sure to subscribe to Valuetainment for the updates: bit.ly/2aPEwD4
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About Jordan Peterson:
Jordan Bernt Peterson is a Canadian clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto.
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Repent to Jesus Christ
“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,”
Acts 3:19 NIV
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@valueentertainment - *...*
Your part of The problem -
NOT the solution.
FYI *Nothing wrong with
#jordanbpeterson
TURN TO GOD; REPENT OR PERISH, TURN FROM YOUR SIN OR YOU WILL GO TO THE LAKE OF FIRE, ALL SIN LEADS TO DEATH. READ BIBLE TO GET WISDOM, SEEK GOD.
What are the consequences of Over Wrecked Children?
A sad and inconvenient truth.
"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." -Bruce Lee
“Do not pray for easy life’s. Pray to be stronger men” -JFK
Hai
Bruce Lee parents were very successful and famous in Hong Kong I'm just upset about the stupidity of people you can analyse all the successful people in the history youll find that their parents were famous leaders of the community with a resonate family name even the prophet Mohamed for example they said that he was poor maybe he was poor but his grand father was the leader of their tribe
That quote is borrowed from Bl. Solanus Casey
TURN TO GOD; REPENT OR PERISH, TURN FROM YOUR SIN OR YOU WILL GO TO THE LAKE OF FIRE, ALL SIN LEADS TO DEATH. READ BIBLE TO GET WISDOM, SEEK GOD.
So essentially, as much as people are trying to get rid of hardship, hardship creates the best people.
It absolutely can, rooster.
Total bullshit.
Yep if you don’t know struggle can’t fix struggle
@@ekaterinastaneva9922 ?
@@ekaterinastaneva9922
Nope.
I've been overprotected all my life. I didn't learn to take care of myself since recently. I did not know how to solve problems and to deal with hardships and failure. When I was 'thrown in the world' I felt like a baby, I didn't know how to manage anything. Other children, who were raised more independently, knew how to deal with hardship and failure much easier. I just developed a huge fear of failure that haunted me throughout my life.
Same thing happened to me
How long it have taken for you to deal with that?
@@nairamdiam I am still trying to deal with it. It gets better when you learn new skills, but it never goes away completely. Edit: I think the key is just 'doing things'. And not worry too if you going to fail or not. Don't attach your selfworth to your failure AND succes.
I dont understand why parents or people with kids in this society do this. Why overprotect your kids or try to protect them at all costs? It's dumb parenting and not even logical. Purely emotional response by humans so that they feel better about themselves. Parents try to avoid everything the child will face as an adult which is foolish and dumb. You continue to set children up for failure yet claim to be a good parent. Overprotectiveness isn't love. It isn't the same. Why is it okay to be the safety net and enable a child? What good does that do? Research has never shown that you should be over bearing parents. The whole point of life is becoming a better more improved person in society and understanding that you must make mistakes then realize them in order to not make that mistake again.
@@doloresvangaal2248 😔 damn, I wish there was another way
Couldn't agree more.
My parents were overprotective when I lived with them and never wanted me to do stuff by myself. Even some totally basic no brain stuff.
I only realized how bad it was once I moved to a different country to study at a college.
Once you live all by yourself you get more freedom, but at the same time more responsibility. Neither of which i was used to. It took me about 2 years to fully adapt to this way of life.
Pain really does make you mature quickly and teach you the ways of life.
Parents number 1 priority is to keep you safe. Which usually doesn’t equal success
Pain is one of life's best teachers.
@@juicemane7655 I agree. However, the endgame in parenting is to no longer be relied on at all.
EDIT: Sorry! Misread the last sentence on your post
You could look at it lfrom another perspective, it was done and enabled you to get to where you got to college,had they not done that would you have reached that place? I don't care what anyone says I'll give my child the protection and love they need based on my experiences and always know it was done with good intentions I'm not letting my kid run wild because some guy says so,#you shitting me!!
@@miss1905 Your kids will have their own challenges. Mine weren't raised in a home with alcohol overconsumption which comes with its' own set of issues, but mine were forced to move for husband's career more than once. Nobody gets through life without challenges.
My parents protected me TOO much. Now I'm 24 and have immense anxiety about entering the real world
Take a breath, talk to a good friend and remember everyone makes mistakes. Ask for help if you don’t understand or are not clear.
Don’t use anxiety to set yourself up for a lifetime of failure.
Success has different meaning to different people.
If you are living with a roof over your head, paying your own way, have people that care about you and do things outside of work that you enjoy you are in my opinion successful.
Good luck and remember it’s a growing experience for everyone out there. Some just put on a better mask to make them appear more confident.
Sameer Saeed I’m in the exact situation as you. It really sucks!
Same here
I am 27 and still can't drive, swim and do many basic things cause my parents had to protect me at any cost, they were right in their decision now it's time to step up .. I also went through many a things lately but then it's make it or break it
On the flip side, I allowed my child freedom to do and try things, I actually encourage trying lots of things, encouraged going out with friends, but she still developed immense anxiety. Parenting is not simple. Growing up today is even harder. Find a good stress reliever that can calm you down. Good luck.
There is one thing my dad taught me that sticks with me to this day. He said that you should raise your children so that other people will also like them, not just you.
Wise man
Great words
Wow I’m an ex-teacher. I didn’t think other people thought this way. Parents must remember that their children will have to exist in a world with other people. But from my experience in schools, it’s completely put me off children and even becoming a parent 😣
Thank you for sharing
Exactly!
Both my parents were insanely over-protective, i wasn't allowed to make friends or go anywhere without their supervision. It was even to a point where i wasn't allowed to go for walks around the neighborhood because they were scared i might get murdered by a serial killer, which is weird since we lived in an extremely safe neighborhood. I remember being really excited about going to college because i thought i'd finally have freedom but when my parents found out i was applying to out of state schools they started freaking out about how they didn't want me to die or become a drug addict so i ended up going in-state instead but i had to carpool with my dad to and from campus everyday and they'd keep calling me throughout the day to make sure i was where i was supposed to be. The amount of stress they were putting on me and the fact that i had absolutely no control over any aspect of my life caused my mental health to take an extreme nosedive until i ended up dropping out of school. I think every aspect of my life has been crippled because of how over-protective they still are, though i am trying to salvage my future. But it's really hard since they're still just as over-protective
Your parents sound EXACTLY like mine. For reference, I'm a 19 year old community college students who still lives with her parents, twin brother, and little brother. I'm applying to out of state schools no matter what, but since I have been so freaking sheltered, I am literally considering going to the school down the street just cuz I can get a full or almost full scholarship and don't want to risk getting into debt. But it's my dream to leave Cali... I'm very torn on this issue. I hear you! I'm sorry your parents' ill-advised actions were so crippling to your MH. I hope you're doing better!
At what age do you think a kid can go out and let them walk around alone or with friends? I have sons and my 7 year old asks bc he sees other kids out (they look older tho) but I still think that’s too young
@@alexandram1301 I WOULD SAY I LITTLE MORE FREEDOM NEEDED WHEN YOU ARE A TEENAGER
THATS WHERE A LOT OF KIDS GET LEFT BEHIND IN DEVELOPMENT
I FEEL LIKE IF I WAS A GIVE SOME FREEDOM IN MY TEENAGE YEARS I WOULD BE LESS ANXIOUS OR HAVE THIS OVERWHELMING FEAR FOR FAILURE
RIGHT NOW
IM AFRAID OF TALKING TO NEW
GOING TO SHOPS
EATING OUT IN PUBLIC BECAUSE I FEAR THAT PEOPLE ARRE WATCHING ME AND THAT I MAY DO SOMETHING DUMB
Its same with me also ,i m 12th grade student and my parents are overly over-protective and they say its just because they care about us and do what they think is good for us but unfortunately they never understand how it is effecting us .. i never allowed to do anything on my own and cuz of that i can't talk with anyone and my parents (my dad especially) always give me lectures of how i can get hurt and how and what they are doing for us ,it gives anxiety! And they are toooo much over-protective and always say and think tehy aren't.. they ahve control over everything .. everything .. i can't even laugh at my own jokes while using phone.. its really effect badly.. more badly when your parents are even telling you and keep realizing you whatever they are doing is for you.... And becoz of not having a confidence i have lectured about it always from teachers and parents and uncles .but not even a single one try to understand how i feel .. they just say we can't do anything .. why adults always think taht kids are immature .. not everyone is immature .. soemtimes adults are the one who are immature..
Bro I'm exactly like that....my parents were so overprotective up until now when I'm in college....I literally wanna leave school now because I find it boring
my parents overprotected the heck out of me and my siblings. now we all have social anxieties, are socially awkward, and are immensely struggling while dealing with work and studies. what's worse is that after years of holding down our necks, our parents suddenly want us to be independent WHILE still being overprotective. what's worse is that I don't think they know that they are overly strict and kinda emotionally abusive... I wanna get my siblings outta this situation but I know that the guilt tripping will follow me everywhere until I give up eventually...
So don't give up 😁👍
good think you came here.. Thanks Professor Jordan Peterson.
Man I can totally relate to you. Feel like I am in same position
Your story is mine, it's like they all read from the same book.
They loved the results when we were young, but now they're seeing people out age with certain social accomplishments and opportunities, they don't like our personality anymore, but since they don't know they caused it, they continue to be overprotective whilst wanting independence... To the point of even threatening us with independence like it's a bad thing? (Honestly the last bit is so warped, but it's interesting how the overprotective parent thinks, they threaten with o independence because they think you're scared of it and think it's a bad think like they do, but they'd never give it to you anyway... Unless you took it yourself).
I relate so much to you.
My parents overprotected me and didn’t let me have friends that were outside of our Christian homeschool groups. Now at 23 they wonder why I’m not in a relationship but also don’t like any man I talk to. They want me to make good money but expect me to live at home with all of the same restrictions I had at 14…only now I have to go to work all day and pay for my own phone and clothes.
The worst kind of parent is the ones that try to control your life.
100%
The worst kind of parent is the one that abandone's their child in the street and hopes that some one else will take care of that child.
Add: in order for societies sake or even WORSE him or herselves sake and safety!!
I’ve seen a family that the grandmother is doing the mothers role, while the daughter is too busy having fun, she has 4 children no husband.
@@matildamaher2650 That’s bogus. The daughter needs to grow up and raise her own child since her mom isn’t gonna be able to forever
"Easier" does not always equal "better". In fact, I've found it rarely does.
True, especially in the long run.
It's because no ones grows in comfort.
Def true
Smart phones and social media have ruined to people's lives. We are getting lazier and lazier
I agree.
We had an only child - a boy. We had exchange students and encouraged our son to play sports. He loved sports and being on teams with kids he wouldn't choose to be friends with. This toughened him up much like siblings. He also had coaches he didn't like - we used that as a lesson about having bosses you might not like later in life. We let him ride his bike all over town. We limited screen time and encouraged playing music. We involved him in Habitat fir Humanity - he saw how people can work to lift up a family in need. He actually enjoyed learning how to build houses and became an engineer.
Cool story. It seems like helping to build houses was what may have pushed him in the direction of becoming and engineer. ( also that other guys comment is spam. Dont dial the number.)
I know an only child girl.Girls only high school...no sport...no boyfriend...no part time job....still needs a babysitter at 22.
Well done!
Yes helping out as a kid is enormously helpful. Used to follow my dad around and was his helper with his many hobbies like raising pets of various kinds. He lived growing trees, vegetables, flowers. I noticed all the productivity. Having an adult entrust you with part of their work or interests is priceless.
So we should punish and frighten our child by beating....and then they to do the jobs with fear having trauma...not bad ... sacrifice ur success with sufferings great
he's describing my 60 year old aunt perfectly who still needs her mommy to do everything for her at 87.
¿Tu tía es soltera? Muchas veces las personas sobreprotegidas trasladan a su cónyuge la dependencia.
I’m actually about to have my first kid, it was not planned at all, and while me and the mother are still together and very happy, we only met 5 months before she got pregnant. She’s 18, and I’m 20, I never imagined having a kid this young. But once she decided that she wanted to keep it, I knew that there was nothing to do other than step up and make the most of it. Now I can’t wait to meet my baby, everything I do now is for that child. Not me. It’s very odd how having a kid can just change your entire outlook on life.
Respect for taking responsibility. All the best to you!
Congratulations! It's awesome being a young parent! It can be frustrating at times...always take time to calm down!
I wish you and the mother all the best of the world !
Congratulations! Having a kid is so good for your character if you take it seriously and love them sincerely. You already see it yourself, your mindset changes from thinking about yourself and making sure you live comfortably to thinking about how you can make life better for your kids and wife, and that tends to make you so much more responsible. It's gonna be a rough time physically, but there's little that compares to raising a child right and then watching them set off into the world to make a good life for themselves. Wishing the best for you.
PS: have a few more kids! It's MUCH better for you AND the kids if they have a big family.
@@harthuum3643 I'm curious; why is that? 🤔
The mistakes my parents made really shaped me into a better person. I know some kids who were prevented from making any mistakes as kids so they mess everything up now
With the children, all about intentions. If a bad kid is being a bad kid to “entertain themselves” then thats the intention. Everything has a reason
omg stop calling out my parents
Hi i'm one of those kids
I think this is interesting that many people think this way. I believe we have to let kids make mistakes in within a safe environment. Like at home or school or similar controlled environments. But we can't just let lose and let them go off into the world like I saw many pare ts do as I was growing up. The kids with the most freedom are the ones that became teen parents, alcoholics, drug users, etc. Tje kids who were "overprotected" avoided those major life changing and life ruining mistakes.
@@doulaolgamke Thats isn't always true but nice try. My cousins were sheltered their whole lives. Now they're alcoholics with 3 kids and multiple baby daddies. Theres no one size fits all to everyone.
Wow yes. I believe this 100%. I adopted my daughter. She was so wanted and precious. I was older. 30 years of age. I.did everything for her. I always stopped her making mistakes thinking I was helping. She had everything I could give her. I gave her all my time and put her first in everything. Because she was adopted I tried to make up for it by always bring kind and understanding. She never suffered unfairness. I know now this didnt prepare her for life. On the other hand I was the youngest of three. Two older brothers and I was often punished for the things they did. I learnt life wasnt fair but that was a good lesson. My Mother was a wonderful lady but was often short of time so we did a few chores ect
I spoilt my daughter and I realise now that wasnt good parenting even though it was driven by love. She dosnt speak to me now. I brought her daughter up until 3 and a half. Gave up my job. I never resented it . I only ever wanted the best for her. Apparently I'm not a good enough Mother or Grandmother. I think now. The easier you make your child's life the less they appreciate you. Dont make my mistakes. Your child will respect you more if they have to work a little at their own lives.
Thanks for sharing this - I hope she realizes how lucky she was to have your big love one day
No parent does things perfectly and that’s what we learn to forgive and learn from as adults. That’s part of what she’s learning now as a parent. She’s lucky to have someone who loves her as much as you do! In the end love wins no matter what mistakes you think you’ve made. It’s natural for a child to want to figure things out on their own. Pray to know how you can support her in her current stage of life. All the best to you and navigating this phase of your relationship. 😊
wow that's so sad...
Thank you for sharing and so heartbreaking. What you said rings true, the easier you make your kids lives the less they appreciate you. Thank you for sharing this wisdom so I can carry it with me as a mother
She's just ungrateful
My parents never let me experience the world fully, but also emotionally and mentally neglected me so much. I am 21 years old, and just learning about how so much that happened with me was wrong.
Who cares? You're an adult now...live like one and stop blaming
@@SummerSun-sg3wffool
@@SummerSun-sg3wfthe whole point is that their parents never taught them how to be an adult and live life with confidence, there’s nothing wrong with her acknowledging that, she has to get help at some point…
My three sons cook, clean, do laundry, bring in firewood, cut the grass etc.
They’re responsible for remembering their gear for sports.
I made them tie their own shoes and dress themselves as soon as they were able.
I don’t solve problems FOR them, I help them solve their own problems.
I’ve been accused of being too hands off with my kids....until people see them around other kids. Some kids (teenagers) these days can’t cross the street on their own. 🤦🏻♂️
My father is similar to you sir and I'm still learning by the way
Cool! I am Brazilian and we used to have maids/nanys all the time and that didn't though me up for sure.
My son is 3 and my 1 rule is he isnt allowed to say "can't". Now when he struggles with something like zipping a zipper or something he knows to ask can you show how? But not to say I can't do it.
@@donnachaobrien90 Very interesting and good hearted philosophy. The following text is meant in no way to ridigate you or your parenting, because you're, as it would seem, clearly very caring and want the best for your children already. But I'd would, with no condescension at all, advise you to be careful with that specific model of teaching, as it's double edged sword. On one side, it may teach him he can do most things if he tries hard enough and that he should be very hesitant to give up. On the other side, it may teach him that the innability to perform a certain task is a detrimental deficiency and an inherrently dissapointing flaw. Should the latter be the case, it won't make him flawless or capable of doing absolutely any task, it will however possibly lead him to be ashamed to tell you when he can't do something. Or lead him to blame himself for a defficiency he doesn't even have, and end up very confused. Because truth is, if he tells you he can't tie his shoes, he actually can't tie his shoes. Not at that moment at least. Not being able to do something doesn't mean you don't have the capacity to learn how to do it. As such, it's ok if he can't do something, and most definitely, there will be things he can't do. So he shouldn't be ashamed to tell you that. And it'll be healthy for him to know that it's ok if he can't do something, because he can learn how to do it.
Again, this is not at all to insult your parenting in the least, I only know of your parenting the information you gave in your comment and even that was caring and good hearted. . I just would like to help, if I can, to show you any negative side effects that could possibly come of that teaching, so you can hopefully guide your war through it in a way as to avoid as as much negative outcome as possible. Good luck on your parenting journey :).
@@particleguy2066 for sure I see what youre saying. Thank you for the critique its always good to be aware of how what Im doing might be interpreted. ☺ my goal with the rule is to teach him that while there may be things he cant do he shouldn't give up and stop finding solutions. I cant fix my own car or file my own taxes but I can find someone who either can or who can show me. I do understand too about there being things he really cant do. Eventually when we teach him to build a fire while we are camping it doesn't mean he can build a fire in the house just because he knows how (haha thats an extreme example but it was the first one to come to mind) I hope Im teaching him too that failure is inevitable but not in a pessimistic way. We cant succeed at anything without first failing at it. Failure is as good a teacher as success and I want to ultimately teach him not to avoid things or give up because he fears he might fail. If he does his best and doesnt give up and still fails I will still be proud of him. 😊
I live in Vietnam, my mom is a single mom, she tries to protect me at any cost, but when I'm 18 I went to university, I made some worse relationships, I went through a lot of mistakes, I struggled to be alone, and I easily believe in others and I had been treated badly. I'm 21 now, and I have watched many of Peterson's videos. I learn how to cook, maintain relationships, and remove bad people from my life. I learn how to take care of myself. I'm healing myself. Believing in yourself guys, if it's not oke, it's not the end.
Good for you! You had a wonderful mom it seems.
@@TheRelger I don't know if yours is sarcasm, but he's suggesting the contrary
@@Blurrybob you mean she, a fairly cute one if i may say so.
@Andrei Georgescu You just assumed she sleeps around. Is that not overthinking, an accusation men oft make of women? 😂
Good for you♥️
I felt this.
I am currently 21 and my parents over protected the shit out of me all in the name of safety. I appreciate them for it but right now, I really can't do anything on my own.
I am currently in University and even if I tell my dad I wanted to stay behind for the break, he would get pissed at me and stop talking to me for questioning his authority.
I am Nigerian and parents are really big on respect here but I feel like he is not allowing me to find life for myself.
He just wants me to keep doing what he wants when he wants and I am getting sick of it.
Yoruba right?
If you’re abroad it’s easier.
@@auntyjayne no it's not, I'm Yoruba in the West. my parents are watching the consequences of their actions (still blaming me for it though, strange how the elders say children are always blaming their parents).
They're watching everyone else be married, promotions, leaders in their jobs, outgoing and they're asking their children "where is your own?". At the same time they're thinking back to our youth when people congratulated them on their "quiet, respectful children who didn't bring any trouble and weren't hanging out with boys" (Forget boys, girls, animals, we barely went out... They forgot outside can have bad people but it's also where the good friends, networks and relationships are).
I would laugh my head off if I didn't need the time to repair my own life, some revenge isn't worth it, my life is collateral in that revenge lol.
I'm Nigerian in my 30s, living in the West side I was 10. I think you might have to let your dad be pissed... You need to learn how to deal with people's anger in a way that doesn't jeopardise your future. Home is where you first learn what the appropriate response is, and the Nigerian culture suggests elders are always right... Until you go out into the real world in your adulthood and find foolish people in authority. Not even foolish at times, just flawed people. At least your dad means well, If your behaviour is to relent to angry people, what if you meet an abuser? You'll display your learned behaviour.
Parents don't realise these things, people don't have two minds, they said "home training", but their home training ends at you being liked by everybody, not how to respond and critically think. Teaching you the wrong way to respond to anger/ adult tantrums assumes only good people are out there. They care about you "talking back" or analysing their demands because it seems like you're"talking back" to goid instruction.... What if you go out there and meet a covert bad person (not necessarily evil like "let's go kill", but something less obvious)? You won't question or analyse what they said, you'd follow. A child that questions you, will also question adults that don't mean well. Do not teach them questions/resistance/analysis are rude, but to ask good questions.
I'm realising some things now, if everyone is telling me my children are quiet and well behaved, I'm going to have an intervention. Convenient children are not functional adults or the same thing as polite confident children.
@@daisiesandpandas1218 well said!!!
Earn money, find friend or better place, run from that house
My parents tried to control my life. Grew up with a narcissistic father. So fucking pissed. As I started getting disciplined on my own, I started getting more independent and finding my own way. I realized the mind games my parents were playing on me. I feel like they tried to keep me weak. Now I try to challenge myself everyday consistently which has helped me to wake up a little bit.
You will realise what they have done is just to safe you the fear of losing you you will understand when you have your own chil
Yeah, it's very common type of narcissism. Unfortunately this person who wrote the first reply doesn't understand that it's not for those reason. Not to protect you, but to manipulate you, for that feeds their empty selves. Children to such parents are their ego battery. I was always saying we should have strict and regulated rules who van even be allowed to be parent. Mental illness = check the box - > "inappropriate for parenthood".
@@canadiancoder try living with Complex PTSD,then talk!
so controlling is bad -- then I will just let my son do drugs and porn ?
@@halfvolley11 how about invest time and means for education and mature talk on why they are malicious so you won't need controlling. And yes, controlling in such things will just ignite spite and hatred. It was better to start talk on how terrible and deadly drugs can be even from child age, then there's no worry later.
As a child of an overprotective mother, this video resonates with me. I will admit that my emotional and social maturity suffered profoundly as a result of having a mother who, despite having the best intentions and being a strong resilient good hearted person, held me back from learning a lot of life's valuable lessons at an suitable early age. I went through my 20's and into my 30's as a very angry, bitter and confused person. Mainly because the expectations I had built up in my own mind, throughout my experiences (or lackthereof) in my childhood and adolescence, of what certain aspects of life would/should be like by the time I reached adulthood (particularly on the relationship & social levels, as well as in professional work life), did not turn out the way I had imagined. And also, my expectations were shaped by outside influences (ie: tv, film and music).
As I approached 40 years old, I sought counselling to better understand why I am the way I am, what exactly happens in certain moments where I lose my temper (not violently thankfully) and act out in childish fashion, and how I can better manage my own emotions and expectations.
The best conclusion I could come to was that there is/was a crucial part of me still stuck in childhood. And I never previously developed the ability to understand that, in a nutshell, life is 10% what happens, and 90% how I react to it, thus putting the power to change outcomes (as far as my own mental wellbeing anyway) in my own hands.
I'm not going to say I'm "all good" and a great example of a healthy well adjusted individual. But I'd like to think I have come a long way from that angry, bitter and confused person of about 15 to 20 years ago.
I'm nearly 35yo and your comment really hit home x
Congrats on your progress Disonant Dyscord :)
27, glad I found friends and JBP, and some experiences that killed the naivety inside.
I relate, and you remind me of what Alice Miller describes in her *"Drama of the Gifted Child"*
Nice Man happy you had the awareness to see through your flaws
After 40 years in professional childcare I can attest this is all very true.
@Scott you're a ray of sunshine aren't u ☺️
@Scott that's just ugly.
@The King your comment adds nothing either.
I think the only children are here to play. Someone who is in childcare for that long certainly would notice a difference in children who come from big families vs small families.
@The King 50 kids in a commercial property with 12 employees, degree in early childhood education. . Fyi
I’m 61 and was the middle child of 3, often felt worthless round strangers as a teenager. I was overprotected and was scared of everything. I left home at 33 then met my husband and had my daughter at 42. I looked back and made sure my kid was allowed to mix and go out, yes I was full of fear but she has grown to be very independent at 19; she was as a little girl. I think getting them to mix with other children is the key when they’re an only child and you have to let them go
You did a good job
I'm one of thirteen. I learned to be independent because my Mom's time was going to be spent with my younger siblings. Siblings are the best babysitters.
Making their lives easier is handicapping them .
Well most likely your live is easier than your great grandparents. For thousands of years lives of later generations have been easier than earlier ones because of human creativity and inventions
By the time I 18 years of age i have already 4 years of lock up mom on welfare im 36 years old now 2 degrees 1 in tool and die another in industrial maintenance own 2 houses and a lawncare business. The house i live in is 300k. My kids have become super spoiled and its really a curse !
That and my observation (my daughters are grown) of many parents in my neighborhood is that they breathe down their child’s necks too much. When I grew up we spent time together with friends and used our imaginations, played games outside, fell and got hurt but we grew as independent children autonomous of our parents. Kids of today don’t have that luxury and please spare me any “it’s not the same world as it was” and “it’s far too dangerous” comments because you’re missing the essential point I’m making if that’s your response. Challenge your children more. Let them have alone time. Get them used to reading by making it enjoyable at an early age. Keep them off social media. Most of all, LEAD BY EXAMPLE. ❤️
@@susanbowman3865 Helicopter parenting has ruined our generation (millennials).
@@chingdalashyashi8927 not because of inventions but because of its more peace and people are more educated. Inventions are most developing in times of war like ww2 or cold war but we are in this state because our predecessor's have foughf for it. PS just thought your answer was a bit childish and illogical.
A large portion of kids I knew with controlling parents dropped out of college almost right away. For the first time in their lives they had freedom and could make choices. And most of them simply could not handle that
Yeah
So uhm you're telling me i got afraid of that freedom?? 🤔🤔
@@SoMooLand1nine7 I think they had issues pacing themslevs.
Look at that. Nice people are such miserable beings who can’t leave their comfort zones. No wonder why others flake out on them
Dropping out of college is one of the best decisions you can make at an early age if you aren't mature enough to be there, not that colleges are bastions of academic excellence.
Coming from an overprotective family, what helped me adjust as an adult was working with people from different countries all different ideas and philosophies
Had an emotionally abusive narc mother and an overprotective controlling father. You can imagine the mess I’m in now that I’ve entered my 30s. Still single, living with parents, quit job due to inability to manage stress, and now trying to figure out how to crawl out from this hole I’ve fallen into. To parents or would be parents, please don’t abuse your children, don’t overprotect them, give them a childhood that they won’t need to spend years healing from later on in life
One thing is for sure, if the kids turn out a mess, they’ll blame their parents. Stop blaming, walk out the door, and live a life of ups and downs, good and bad, highs and sometimes very lows. Make your own mistakes and learn from them. Spit life right in the eye when necessary. Learn to forgive, and learn to laugh at yourself, often. Be kind. Be brave, be the best person you can be.
I hope you can get therapy to have someone support you as you crawl out or pace yourself in a new life course direction, despite ups and downs you may face.
@@Essemm52 if the kids are mess and the mother or father is abusive then it’s on the parents not raising him/her well.
I'm going to tell you what I wish I could tell my longest friend, who is about to turn 30 and at a surface level seems to live in a very similar situation to you: if you have any type of funds, leave. All the skills, the organization, social growth and whatever else you feel you don't have, will not develop where you are. Your parents, knowingly or unknowingly, are keeping you in a childlike state. You will learn to be an adult when faced with the responsibilities of an adult. You won't know how to run a household, create a budget, manage appointments and a social circle and all the other things people have to juggle if you stay in the same place and under the same rule you were in when you were a baby, toddler, child, teen... And you won't learn to depend on and trust yourself.
Of course, it would be "easier" (growing up is never easy) if you could have done that about 10 years ago, gradually and with guidance. But if your parents haven't provided that yet, they never will. They can't. But don't punish yourself further for their shortcomings.
Take the reigns into your own hands and take that leap! I believe in you and need you to believe in yourself.
You are more than what your parents made of you.
@@Essemm52 Spoken like someone who has never endured narcissistic abuse
Parents today (I'm a parent of a 9 and 5 year old) are to overprotective. They won't allow their kids to make mistakes or take responsibility. A perfect example was when this year we started leaving our 9 year old at home for 15 minutes to do his online school while my wife took the 5 year old to his school. People freaked out when they heard what we were doing. In the 80s we were walking to school by ourselves, allowed to go out on bikes alone, go to the park, etc. I learned to take responsibility for my actions. Helicopter parent your kids and you're going to be in the pilots seat for life.
In the 70s we were NOT freely riding and walking around town. We had the Green River murders, Ted Bundy’s crimes, and then Clifford Olsen and Robert Noyes, and the 181 day kidnapping of 12 year old Abby Drover, who was found chained up in a neighbour’s basement by Donald Hay…her neighbour. So you must have lived in a tiny community, like what…5 people? We had no city busses, so we were driven to our outings and to school. I’m so glad my parents did that after I worked in the prison for the worst violent and sex offenders and read their files and listened to them talk about how they’d scope out the easiest targets…kids who had parents who let them out without adult supervision. Noyes was in my prison and Olson and Hay did stints there for “treatment”.
@@ditzygypsy I lived in a suburb in Canada with a population of 80,000 that was 45 minutes from a city with a population of 2.5 million. My son is now 10 and he's allowed to go off to the park and friends houses by himself. This is normal.
@@stinkyham9050 It's normal in places where that is safe.
@@ljss6805 Well yes obviously. I wouldn't be sending my kids to hang out in front of a crack house. But I think most suburbs are pretty safe. All parents drive around with their kids in the back of their car and they consider that safe despite the fact people die in car accidents all the time including kids. There's no such thing as safe just different amounts of risk you're willing or unwilling to take. I'm willing to risk my kid going to the park in order for him to be a well adjusted happy kid that gets to play with his friends. Others may not wish to take that risk which is fine for them but not for me.
@@ditzygypsy but like the poster you're responding too, yes a majority of us growing up through to the 1980s lived like that. I myself did so, walked to the bus stop with friends, biked all over for miles without any adult around. During the summers mom opened the door, said take the mut and go play outside, come back at sundown for supper, of course it was where you lived that determined if this was possible. Latter in my 40s, (55 now) I realized that and thanked my folks for providing a Norman Rockwell setting to grow up in.
Back before the internet and self help books. I did some pretty stupid things when I was a kid. I broke a few laws at 15. My Dad found out. He didnt get mad or yell....he just said "be up tomorrow at 7 and dont be late, we have somewhere important to go". I went to bed not thinking anything. Got up on time and hopped in the car. He took me to the police station downtown and kicked me out of the car. He said, go turn yourself in. For whatever reason, I listened and did.
It was ugly. Details are boring but this changed me. I had to stand at trial and I seen what my actions had done to my Dad. That was worse then the juvy hall holiday stay, the hours of planting flowers I had to do for restitution or anything else. The look of pain I gave my Dad. Knowing this was in the paper made it worse. But it saved me. Had he not taking this very difficult path for me, I would have eventually been caught...but maybe I would have kept getting away with it for a few more years then tried as an adult...that wouldnt have ruined my life. It was all sealed except for in my mind where it to this very day still burns when I think about how I hurt the people that loved me. I am a very successful middle aged adult now and made my Dad very proud. Wouldnt have happened without his gutsy and painful move to make ME face the penalties/consequences of my actions.
Hmmm.... my dad turned in my drug addicted brother for stealing from him... my brother is still a drug addict in/out of jail. We absolutely did NOT have a over protected childhood
@@YPEFFLE the other guy's father loved him, that may have been the difference
@@lolaadesina5362 My Dad loved me for sure. He cared about my future and my well being. It was tough love. Had his turning me in been out of spite, anger or revenge of some sort.....it would have only made me less remorseful and probably would have only served to catapult me on to more trouble. It was his dedication to me that I was able to FEEL. The entire situation showed me what commitment was. I carried that lesson forward with my own kids. I realized "love" is easy...anyone can "love"...but as a father you kind of sign on the dotted line the day you have a baby-- a very real contract. That contract says that you have to do whats right for that kid no matter how hard it is. If you love that child its great but its not even as important as the COMMITMENT you make. Funny, we get married and we regurgitate all these fancy vows in front of an alter. We put on this show of dedication. Yet, we bring LIFE here to this planet and theres no promises, no show, no vows. Good fathers make commitments in their own souls to dedicate themselves to the lives of their kids and never never never give up or quit. Society allows us to basically divorce our kids and its acceptable for some reason. Well, my Dads tough love made a difference not because of the single decision to turn me in .....it was the 13+ years of selfless dedication that led up to that and my recognizing it at that point in my life.
My mum did the same thing. Saw I was going down a bad path and just let go of me. No contact for some two years after a huge and bitter fight between us. It made me face things in me to turn my life around for the better
good for you it turned out well for you both. The same action from a father may also result in opposite reaction and the son could have blamed the father for not counseling or protecting but instead, son would've felt humiliated and abandoned. Then the rift might have increased. Same action might result in many kinds of reactions depending on the other person's personality and existing relationship between two people.
I think one of the things I appreciate about what he has to say is that at no point does he try to make it out like there's a simple problem with a simple solution. He's acknowledging that there are many challenging things to balance here and that while in some ways some of the balance has shifted out of what is likely optimal, it's not just plainly obvious where the right balance lies. I liked his term "usefully neglectful". Younger parents are more likely to leave their kids to fend for themselves in more situations which can end up being a positive force in their lives not out of some kind of special parenting wisdom, but just out of the nature of how people tend to behave in their 20's vs their 30's. There's another clip I remember seeing where he makes the point to not interfere when your child attempts something dangerous safely. It's really hard to grow when you don't take risks.
Parenting in my 20’s was a lot of fun. I definitely tried to protect my oldest a lot, spoiled him quite frankly.
But then we had a 2nd child and then a 3rd. I would say I was “usefully neglectful” so that my kids would learn, sometimes with great frustrations, to play together and communicate and connect. They learned to be friends. They finally learned that it’s not “all about me.”
It’s a good thing for kids to be kids… as long as nobody is hitting or hurting another, they’re fine . Being loud is part of childhood
I’ve left my daughter to do so much on her own and it’s made her incredibly independent and able to do so much for herself. She’s doing much better than her cousins who were given everything and overly taken care of.
Unschooling!
When she grows up, she will need tons of therapy.
Peterson is admitting that we don't know what the effects are.
Kids need some protection, completely ignoring them is not good either. Play with your child a little bit.
.
@@baxakk7374 nonsense. He never said he ignored her. The kids who who were treated like kings and queens in the household will need more therapy than those that were taught discipline and self reliance, as they won’t be able to cope with a world that doesnt revolve around them.
@@baxakk7374 why are you taking it to the extreme, extremist. Lol he never said to ignore them completely
I grew up as one of two children, being the younger one with two very loving parents who gave me just about everything I wanted. They coddled me, did a lot for me, too much probably, but hell, I also welcomed it. My life was so easy so I didn’t complain. Now I am an adult, feeling quite overwhelmed and honestly maladjusted to being independent after university. This video really resonated with me.
Completely the same with me ,my mother than got sick and died and I had to learn to live independently ,it's VERY difficult and scary
I look back at things that I was given and things I liked growing up... I questioned was it what I wanted or was it what my parents wanted. Give me a lot to think about made me realize that maybe I wasn't giving much of what I truly needed andor wanted
100% same. I’m really bitter about it too, but I’m really trying to develop a work ethic now.
Look into emotional neglect. This is probably the reason you have trouble now. A fully developed brain doesn’t have trouble being emotionally and financially independent. Arrested brain development happens when we are emotionally neglected as babies and as children. Maybe you were sleep trained.
@@ioannagiannaki825 wow it never occurred to me to look so far back in my development. Gonna be Looking into it now
Man, parenting feels like walking a tightrope sometimes 😬 constantly wondering if I'm overdoing or underdoing something.
I'm in the same boat. I've been trying to give my kids a better childhood but I might have swung too far the other way.
Let them take things from conception to completion with as little help as possible. They need to set up the pathway to completion without external support, thus fostering independence.
Just ask the child how do you think my parenting is going? Would you like me to be more strict or less etc and if theres stuff to talk about idk
I never knew what it was like to get given things and be looked after like a child. My parents neglected my sisters and I so I, being the oldest was the one that raised my sister's. I learnt from a very young age how to cook clean and wait on my parents when they were home and look after my siblings and do the household chores . My god what a gift it was! Today I fear nothing, cause I learned from a very young age that nobody's just gonna show up to help you, you have to expect nothing from anyone and learn to rely on yourself!
You are a resilient human being! You could have easily gone into the victimhood mentality but the fact that you’re able to use that experience for positive now is just amazing good for you! Wish more people had this mentality🤍
I resent my parents for that its like pushing u in the deep end and saying teach yerself u lil shit
It’s the parents job to parent, not the child’s.
I think this is amazing, but be careful that you haven't swung too much the other way. You probably need reparenting in learning how to recieve love and help.
But definitely though, for the outside world, your childhood yields better results if we just compared to the child of an overprotective parent.
Damn, even at a young age Peterson's daughter learned to cleaned her room.
My 3 and 6 year old pick up their toys before bed each night and do their own laundry (with my supervision). It's not that hard when you raise them with those kinds of expectations from the start. Do I consider myself the perfect mom? No. But my husband and I are damned if we're raising entitled little ass holes who can't fend for themselves.
@Jack Neet Canada too my friend, we are the spoiled brats to the north. :)
I did it... am I a genius?
lmao, have you SEEN his daughter?
@@JAMWITCH yes curing her own arthritis and anxiety through nutrition and helping many others do the same including lose weight with pictures and testimonies to prove it throughout her IG and Facebook. I think u have alot to learn from her.
"Siblings toughen you up"
Wiser words have never been said 😁
Or bully and destroy a weaker sibling. Some people are born sensitive and can’t change.
@@ib4038 i really hate the quote, insensitive and downright fucking enabling abuse. i had a psychotic sister who would start screaming over the smallest fucking things and violently attacked my sisters and i while we were trying to study. she was a fucking crazy bitch who had nothing but a negative effect on our lives and i hope i never see her again.
@@ib4038
That one falls on the parent..When when the child is grown to an age of accountability..it's ALL on them.
Yeah siblings toughen you up until they outright bully, steal and blame you.
LIFE toughen you up, siblings are just part of it for some.
@@mr.shin.5138 All of those things did happen, but so did with other people. So I think it was a good thing I had prior experience instead of being drawn in anxiety now.
I’m an only child, and I was raised by a single mother. I know all about the overprotection. Literally ALL of her time was spent with me outside of school, and even some in school. I love her dearly now, but at the time I grew very resentful of her for this.
Overprotecting and over-providing for your children is not healthy either for you or for your child. It crippled me in a way. I’m 33 now, and while our relationship has gotten much better, she still has those overprotective tendencies.
Still.....?
@@Robert-sx9mm Yep. It’s just how she is. She freaks out if I tell her I took a walk down the road, for example, as I live in a “bad area.” I try to keep this kind of stuff to myself, but she often gets nosy.
Totally get this. Sounds just like my mother.
I know a 22yo girl. Girls school...no part time job...no sports...work alone in a lab. Still needs a babysitter.
He just described a liberal to a tee! They are not self sufficient nor have any common sense so they lash out to feel included. They’re usually pissed off. 24/7 about so,etching they have no control over ….
I can attest to this man's words from experience and raising kids from having them from a young age. Coming from a broken home and then my kids having to deal with a broken home and a heartache that comes with it. While doing everything I can to give my kids a better life than I did. The struggles in life is not what defines us but the way we over come them. I'm a single dad that support and delt with the heart breaks. My daughters went through tough times. I taught them respect,kindness and responsibility. All while showing them life will get better and even on the saddest day you will smile again. Chin up and look forward 👍 I've have found the people who has the hardest roads in life most of the time will appreciate good people more and see bad people for what they are. These are real life lessons to teach if you can.
Professor Jordan Peterson is the voice of reason in this world...
Cloxs
I think you meant to say one of “the voice[s] of reason in this world...”
And he’s coming back 🥲💕
More like a guy hooked on benzodiazepines
Absolutely 🎯!!
@@TT-bn3db his drug problem, has nothing to do with his job. or what he speaks of.
My husband and I had our 3 kids in our early 20s. And many people said comments like your too young to be good parents. Now that my kids are a bit older I get compliments on what nice kids they are. People do overcomplicate parenting feed them love them and throw them outside to play.
I don’t bring any hate or anything like that to you, but I have to ask
When you and your husband had 3 kids in your early 20s, how did that affect your working life? How do you provide for your kids at that age?
I understand if you refuse to answer but my mother had my sister when she was 17 and then she had me she was 20.
That decision she made to have children at that point in her life ruined her life, my father left us as children, and because of me and my sister my mother could not work, she had my older sister before she could apply to university so she only has her diploma. She worked a few dead end jobs but those weren’t nearly enough to provide for us.
She doesn’t tell us and I know she still loves us but I know our births ruined her life, she could not do what she wanted in life because she only did what her children needed.
Her parents aka my grandparents are not rich either, to this day my grandmother works as a secretary and she is 65 with 20 plus children and grandchildren, my grandfather was a great worker back in the day but he is not well physically.
So her parents could rarely help her provide for us,
my mom was truly on her own at 21 years old with a son and a daughter and no money or job to provide for us
The only time I confronted her about this she said “I love you, you are my children” but in her eyes deep down she knows she could’ve had a much better life if she had not made such stupid mistakes in her youth
To this day, she cannot work because everyday she takes care of my younger siblings, she has a new man that works hard and loves us like his own.
So I must ask, how did you have such happily lives at such a young age with all your children?
@@alluminox2473 You've mistaken wealth and a career for a "happy life".
@@alluminox2473 by what standard are you measuring a life? Pleasure? Ease?
@@soukavathkeomisy3858 you mean to tell me there is no happiness in wealth?
It’s a general question because I wouldn’t know I am not trying to be rude
@@alluminox2473 studies show wealth certainly makes happiness more accessible, if you use it correctly. Using money as a tool to get financial freedom, work for fun instead of doing it out of need and, in short, use money to have tranquil meaningful lives instead of using it to buy stuff and get comfort or admiration.
Makes perfect sense. I had 3 brothers growing up and a stay at home Mum, so only my dad's income for a family of 6. We got left alone to play and figure stuff out. I was the kid at the park hanging upside down from the bar that holds the swings in place while yelling, "look Mum! Look!" And she'd be like, "yup.. cool.. well done." I had never even heard of the word anxiety until my late twenties when it's all alone ever said, I had to ask, "what the hell are you talking about?" People doing regular daily activities like waking up early to get to work. " Omg, 5.30am?! Oh my anxiety!" Seriously, what?
I think some people need to be introduced to the real world way earlier. I see kids in their twenties entering the work force these days and don't even know how much milk or sugar they take on their coffee/tea because "I dunno.. my mum always makes it for me." You're fuckin 22 years old!
Now raising my own little girl I let her climb things and play like crazy and I see other parents running to pick their kids up, where my kid picks her self up then smiles and waves at me, wipes the dirt off and then gets right back to whatever crazy nonsense are was up to lol she's 1 year old as of yesterday and she's been walking for two months and runs now in the park.
It's not the fault of some of those kids. In some homes, the biggest wars arise when you try to tell your parents you'll put sugar in your own tea (I'm being symbolic here). They're doing it in the name of love, so you're being rude and wayward thinking you know better than the parent how to add sugar to your own tea.
@@daisiesandpandas1218 you don't get it. Enjoy your life 👍
resilience is not the only thing that under-developed in a child when raised by an over-protective parent, the child's own self-potential abilities are also undiscovered/unrealized/unexplored
I have taught kids of super strict parents and supportive/ friendly parents. The kids who have super strict parents are always worried and trying their best to make every thing so perfect. They are anxious since childhood. The kids of the friendly /supportive parents go ahead and do not worry about making mistakes.
Thank you for this message! I am guilty of being a strict mom, but no more. I’m just going to have 1 rule for my babies: To be a good person! That’s all. Everything else will fall in line on its own
@@V.Jones1 You are incorrect. Being strict has its place especially when you explain everything. Strict means giving consequences and sticking to them. Follow through. Take them out of their comfort zone. Take care of them differently. It works.
And usually hose mistakes are ones you cannot go back from. There is a balance between what peterson says and the other extreme. Patience and an open ear are the secret. If he spent over 25,000 hours dealing with other people's problems I doubt he had the time or patience to deal with the tiny signs of a bad path in his kids. It'd be impossible to do. There's a balance and there's a way to do it but it requires a logical mind and a neutral attitude
Yeah I will be totally cool with my kid doing cigarattes
I was raised by an overprotective mother who was also over-controlling. She was always questioning me about my problems and privacy and always gave her opinion. Thus, I feel dependant on her judgement and I'm unable to say if I'm a good or a bad person. I'm also unable to make decisions by myself. When she criticizes me, I feel belittled and I'm unable to see myself otherwise. Because of that, I can't assert myself with the others and I let everybody trampling me. Because she controlled my privacy (she entered my bedroom any time she wanted and decided how it was decorated, I never had the choice), I never feel ready to let anybody enter my privacy. I feel threatened when I try. Neo-feminists always talk about the patriarcat, but they never mention the matriarcat expressed through motherhood: mothers have an incredible power on their children (= future adults).
Don't take feminists too seriously, they have their own agenda to run. For them all the problems originate from men, even women's bad behaviours are a result of men & society, never their own responsibility.
Interesting. I grew up in a household where my father was the lead. In fact I only remember my mom for her delicious food, and helping us with homework. Other than that she was somewhere sewing. The men I now interact with say I’m too mysterious, I guess I get it from my mom
I feel you but you truly should seperate politics with personal issues so you have an easier time to solve a problem, because politics is convoluted.
I’m dealing with the same issue but you have to find a way out as soon as you can and not worry about the circumstance
Sister you're exactly like me :-p I thought I was one of a kind in this world. Now there's two of us :-D
It’s such a hard balance. My parents divorced when I was young and then I lost one of them to cancer as an early teen. It was unimaginably difficult but the lessons of reality I’ve learned from it have been invaluable. So, how do you let your kids struggle enough to gain those benefits without putting them through trauma?
Idk, but i for sure would not let my children struggle with the things I struggled with. it would be better for them to face new challenges of their generation, and i will just sit back and watch them grow and support them.
Trauma and hurt and pain is all unavoidable. That's what is wrong with society. Resistant to things that gonna happen regardless. It's called life..you can walk out of your house and something could happen to you..but on the other side, a person could be a heavy smoker and heavy drinker but live til they are 100 years old.
I was so coddled, I found myself going mad with frustration but now, trying to be patient with myself, I work hard to find the room to grow…It’s definitely a lot harder when you’re older but it’s still achievable…I still love my parents with every fiber of my being but I’m also taking the steps to be independent later than others as I’ve spent my 20s lost, I’m glad to say I finally found myself now and if that in itself is what’s considered to be hardship…I’ll gladly take it.
Things we heard from our parents: "You don't do chores, you don't eat." "Go entertain yourselves elsewhere." "You want it, go make money or ask me for ways to earn more and I'll work with you on it." "You want it, you need to take care of it properly." They also were patient, took us hiking a lot, knew how to have fun with very little money (we had very little money). I'm so glad they raised me like that, the day I moved out, I was fine, knew how to handle my car, knew how to keep my little place clean, knew how to make money, knew how to budget, knew how to deal with routine life matters (and answered the phone if I called asking "um, what would you do if..." type things).
More proof privilege isn't color or money but family.
Btw Mike I love your typo
And you know what's even worst? Those things our parents did to help us grow up and become functional human beings would be deemed by some today as child abuse. No wonder people are so weak and fragile now these days.
@@dominostimes2119 be patience mate. It's tricky.
i believe Kids in the west are more independent and both parents and kids are mentally prepared the kid will move out so the transition is smooth. However, in the subcontinent area where kids live with parents , learning to be independent is scorned upon until the kid gets deformed mentally and then can't function properly when its the kid's turn to take care of parents in their old age. Over protected kids never get the chance to become street smart, inquisitive, decisive and independent. They never grow up. Period!
One of the most important jobs as a parent is to PREPARE your child for the future. Just think about that...
Yes, but it seems like nobody knows how to do that. They don't know what to prepare them for. How to deal with certain situations they may or may not have encountered themselves.
My parents didn’t prepare me for life. My mom didn’t help and my dad helps more so than my mom but he expected me to know how to do everything. Even when I needed advice it’s wasn’t the most helpful. If anything I need God more than ever for self realization, maturity, and esteem. I don’t hate my parents but learning to sink or swim is helping me be a better mother to my 16 month old son. And I’m 26. It’s an emotional and mental struggle but I’m adapting
No shit??
You say that like you just said the most profound shit ever.
@UCuM70TLJ3m5BabeOP0m8Flg that is the point, dumbass. Overprotective parents should know this, but they fail to do just that. They focus on protecting, not preparing.
My parents protected me more than they should have, and I have NO resentment of it. I think they were the best people I'll ever meet. It DID make entering the working world a bit difficult for me, but you know, I had to overcome it. They gave me a big head start in life and I think it really came in handy. If you have good parents, follow their advice and you'll be okay.
Finally someone who understands. You kids are going to be amazing.
now I don't know which side I fall under, the doomed side or the good side? I doubt it's the good side
Yeah finally someone from the other side to give a different understanding
My dad wasn't over protective. I haven't seen him since I was 7. Amazing man!!
Bruh XD
LOL
I’m the oldest of 12 and I love the way us siblings looked out for one another and helped each other out. My dad worked a low paying job in California, my mom was a home maker. God blessed us with what we needed and more. I felt like a victim as a teenager, that it was my parents fault that I didn’t have things everyone around me had. It wasn’t until I was older that I appreciated the hardships and the values I learned from them am that I realized I was the one privileged with hardships. I had two valedictorian siblings and my parents never forced us to go to bed early, do your homework, get tutoring, etc. They showed us how to pray, reminded us to forgive and get along with one another, and what you have is by the blessing of God, and work. God bless you all
I have nine children. So so sweet to hear that a large family grew up and everyone did well. Thank you for the encouraging words!
Wonderful! God bless you and your family.
Yes God bless you and yours
Such a blessing to read this. I have 8 children and have teens who think we "deprive" them but because of our faith and limited money we keep things simple but focus on lots of love and encouragement. We are a super close knit family and love our children dearly. I pray that as they grow they to realize as you did just how much better it was that they didn't all have phones and everything else the world says you have to have. God bless you!
@@lynseyk6555 thank you for sharing. Where are you from? I’m in Orange County California
My mom told me to give my kids the gift of quiet time alone. This allows them to be creative and it develops concentration. I found this to be wise. As a high school teacher, I saw the distinct benefits for learning for those who were allowed the time as children to be a little bored and develop creativity and concentration.
Yes. Quite time is very important. As a 27 , I suffer focusing when my parents are talking like arguing. Lack of Focus poor performance. Anxiety. Makes dumb.
I always loved my quiet time. I grew up an only child (had siblings in my mid 20’s). Being surrounded by plenty of cousins prevented me from having what ppl called “only child syndrome”. My 1 friend is terrified of being alone for 2 secs. It makes her clingy in friendships and in her relationships. She doesn’t know what to do with herself when someone can’t hangout or be available for everything phone call. She can’t understand why/how I can enjoy my alone time as an adult. It’s a foreign concept.
We have quiet reading time every day with our 3 younger children, with weekly library visits to check out books they enjoy.
At early ages, they have already read thousands of books.
This is unbearably ironic, Peterson said that laissé-faire approach of parenting does not work for creativity. It's like telling someone to solve a math problem without the equation. Doable but, unlikely.
@@daniellaurin9566 Montessori method provides the innate learning environments for various skills, where the child naturally grabs the tiger by the tail.
Words of wisdom indeed. We grow better and stronger with hardships and learning from the mistakes we make.
So true, my siblings and I had complete freedom, due to family dynamics. We turned out very independent, resilient and not phased by most things, and didn’t sweat the small stuff.
Maria Montessori, the amazing educator, called it Masterly Inactivity - children learning to amuse themselves.
It makes them creative and resilient.
She advocated giving children TIME - lots of it - to just do what adults think is as “nothing”
This is what children are deprived of in our times
Its really simple. Teach your kids how to be responsible and everything else will take of itself.
Unschooling!
There used to be a movement called protective behaviours that is all focused on letting your children risk on purpose so they fail.and you are there to support and provide information rather than control....you stop them doing anything to dangerous but you let them learn...nothing is taboo to talk about and responsibility for actions and outcomes is paramount :-)
@@lukedudley5030 yes, that is what I do.
@@briannyob7799 brill it's nice to know there are still a lot of great parents out there :-)
It's maybe a corollary, but I think it's more like "Show your kids that they're important and loved and they will take good care of themselves forever".
Don't get me wrong. I don't give them everything they want. You take good care of something important by learning how to do it (not just winging it like so many parents do) and by doing it right, not too much or too little.
I know that adult life in general is hard, but I felt like it was especially difficult for me because of this exact reason. I was the golden child among my parents and spoiled the most out of my siblings. When I turned 18 I feel like I was kinda... tossed aside. Like a trophy that lost its polish. And now here I am 21 struggling to even make it through a 30 hour work week at a minimum wage job.
My parents were overprotective with me. They loosened up over time with my siblings but I rarely got to interact with my own age group. I still struggle with that to this day even as a 26 year old. I also have an extreme fear of failure and worry being behind my peers in life but yes. I plan on doing things differently with my daughter.
As a parent of 3, I grapple with this everyday. It’s way easier to make their lives easy as opposed to challenging them.
Making their lives easy will actually destroy them as adults...or teens. They will think life is just easy and deserve anything they want....even with no skills or knowledge about social friendships or social conflicts..etc
@@kerripendragon4888 I know - that’s why it’s a daily battle. I think Jocko Willink said, “do what’s easy and life will be hard. Do what’s hard and life will be easy.”
I hurt my back at the beginning of the school holiday break last week. We couldnt do the things I had planned for them as I had to rest. My kids were literally seeing who could catch the most flies for fun. I don't feel so bad about that after watching this.
I'm struggling with this too...its quicker to make their lives easy (for them and for us of course) 😂. Need to work on this
Whenever my kids complained about their upbringing I'd laugh and say "bad parenting builds character, you'll thank me one day." My oldest son who is 21 and a US Marine actually did thank me last week. I was 17 when I had him and his dad died right after he was born so we never had much money but he always had what he needed. He said growing up poor helped him stay in touch with reality and how the world really operated. He is so amazing.
Bad parenting doesn't have anything to do with wealth
give him an apple for his troubles
@@juliuskingsley4434 duh
@@juliuskingsley4434 I don't think that bad parenting has anything to do with wealth, necessarily. Issues can arise though when young adults whose wealthy parents are no longer supporting them are forced to go out and start adulting.
First off, if they weren't warned of the different situations that can arise from less money, they will be shocked. Second off, wealthy parents who completely cut off their kids are probably not the types to warn them also. I find kids of wealthy parents and even middle class parents, suffering later in life and learning lessons that kids of poor parents learned very early on.
Thank him for his service. Semper fi
My son won't talk to me anymore after the divorce. Mentally I'm finished. Listening to Jordan helps me suffer through another day. God bless you Jordan peterson
My mother tried to protect me to much, and it forced me to leave when I was 17.
I wanted to live and learn on my own and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
I left at 19. Also the best decision I made!
From experience as a current 19 year old Gen Z’er, I completely agree with this.
It wasn’t until I hit college did I realize how much my hand was held for my whole life. My mother in particular always scheduled everything for me, always helped me with my homework, basically made sure she was involved in my life as much as she could be so in her mind, I would grow up “the right way”. Once I hit college and my mother could no longer do everything for me or be as involved as she once was, it’s almost as though I felt... alone. Like just the mere thought of having to decide things for myself and without anyone involved was scary to me and I still experience that today to an extent. Thankfully once I realized this, I made it a major goal in my life to strive for self improvement everyday and break out of this mindset however as I mentioned, I still have that sense of being afraid to do things alone and it’s very hard to shake it since that was all I knew while growing up.
I completely agree with Jordan here, letting your kids have some extent of freedom and ability to make decisions on their own is tremendously valuable and failing to do so leads to your kids becoming afraid to do anything on their own in life.
as a parent, this was probably the best three minute advice i can ever get
I’m 16 and a half. I always see my classmates dropping stories on Facebook. Some of them always do a pattern, for Example: Story 1 is a Song, Story 2 is a poetic quote with a Aesthetically nuanced background, Story 3 is either a picture of them or someplace they’ve visited that day. Mind you, the pictures in Story 3 aren’t pictures of Rich expensive places but rather a small video of them walking/standing showing the environment or shooting a video while they’re sitting in their cars.
Story 3 always hurts me the most. I want to just walk to somewhere everyday like them or just be more outgoing. I do hang out with friends more, my parents kinda eased up on me being more independent. I live in a area where crossing the street or just walking is a game of mental chess. I don’t even know where I’m going with this comment. The main thing is that I would love to have more chances to hang out, just go outside and not be bombarded by oncoming traffic and just have more Freedom in general. I don’t blame my parents for being kinda overprotective and keeping me trapped. I did get lost at a Amusement park at 9 so that’s probably one of the contributing factors. I want to be more independent so that I can go from a Boy to a Man and not feel like a little girl. I also want to be more active in social media and have a better social life in general. I come from a rich family and I should be more extroverted and not be a homebody. Hell, even forcing myself to just go out and walk the streets of this 3rd world mega city are better. Pray that I become more extroverted and out going.
I still live with my parents and love how affectionate they act towards me, especially since my brother left for university. But other times, my mom will ask me to do something, and if I do the slightest thing wrong with it she'll completely take over leacing me with nothing to do. I understand wanting me to learn to do it right but it also makes me so frustrated because I WANT to make that mistake and learn from it so I can be useful, be somewhat independent even if I live in the same house.
Tell them that.
I’m in your shoes 😭 it’s so frustrating
This is sooo true 😢
Wish my parents did this more for me, independence is one of the best qualities in a person
I got my child in my early twenties. I quickly became a single mum. Oh, and I am brown. Statistically, not a great start ;)
I worked very hard to offer him a balanced life thought. We travelled the world, I paid for his education. He was my biggest responsibility and greatest joy from day 1. We did struggle financially at times, and I didn't hide it from him, we found ways to budget well and enjoyed even that. Teaching him values was the main thing for me. I taught him to do the dishes age 3. He learnt to cook age 8. Cleaned the house age 14, that was his duty as by then I was working 2 jobs to pay for his education. He understood it and was onboard. Kids are smart, just keep communication flowing. Although his dad and I separated, I always made sure they maintained a lovely relationship. Today my kid is 19, studies his passion, music. A smart critical thinker, respectful, well rounded human being I'm proud of. It can be done.
You sound like a really wonderful person. Congratulations!
The thing about being over-protected is that sometimes the child doesn't even feel protected, especially if the parent is actually hurting the child through physical/psychological abuse.
My parents ignored me and I am riddled with anxiety too. Their needs to be balance
Participation trophies were the downfall of our society.
i'm just imagining this being said without context-
Everyone at my school was given a participation ribbon for a day of track and field. If you scored top 3 for your grade you were given gold, silver or bronze. All my friends wanted was the top three. Pretty sure we through our participation ribbons away. Point being I don't think it's had too much an impact on society. Even as a kid my friends and I knew that participation awards were horse shit.
@@spongebobsquarepants8084 you took it too literally my friend. The point of participation trophies is that even if you loose the game you still get to go home with a trophy. Sure everyone wants to be the top three but that's only for 3 people eh, the rest will not loose, the just won't win. There's a huge difference.
Competition as presented was it as well
I think the participation awards were as much for the "soft" parents so they could feel better about how bad they were in sports. If their child got an award the parents didn't feel like failures.
I became father in my late thirties and i have to admit that Jordan Peterson is right about everything he just said. It's hard to adjust myself to that.
I was a parent at 18 and my son is now 27, been married 27 years and going. I now have a total of four. I do not feel that I have neglected them at all. My wife and I are now enjoying each other and my little one is getting ready for college. God has bless us 🙏
When I was a young mother, I came across words of wisdom, I think it was doctor Spoke. He said that the best thing you could do for your children is to teach them to live without you.
I'm in my early 20s and I can't drive, communicate enough to get work done without compromising with my needs (made improvement recently on that) and have issues to motivate myself to get some work done (trying to make improvement on that). I can totally see where he's coming from. My only regret is that it took me too long to realize that and it happened during the lockdown when I realized that this kind of life might be meaningless. I'm trying to change things now and instead of blaming the society, I've accepted that maybe there's something wrong with me instead of taking the easy way out. People of my generation are in much better condition than I am but I've stopped looking at them and I want to focus on myself now and become better than I was yesterday.
Use every tool in the bag Prateek
Thank you for saying this Dr Peterson. As a teacher, I feel so sorry for the students that have over protective parents. It shows, it really shows. I can point out students that have older or over protective parents in two seconds. These students are developmentally stunted, I don't care what anyone says, I've seen it first hand!
@Hania Nayla Excellent question 💡
Sending kids to school is one of the worst things you can do to a child if they already have a family. For orphans, it's different, but is totally unnecessary for an intact family.
You don't learn positive social skills from undeveloped peers of the same age.
@@LRRPFco52 I disagree. I have several friends who were homeschooled and they STRUGGLE socially as an adult. From finding lovers, making friends, and knowing social queues are all super important life skills.
@@colclark87 Anecdotes don't equal large data, so your limited experience with a few sample sizes don't paint a whole picture.
Also, people socialized in public schools have been conditioned in some of the worst ways possible (mass conformity under threats), so those perspectives on how others socialize are invalid and should be called out as such.
Typical teacher comment. Homeschooling and keep your kids from factory learning.
My mom did everything for me and when I didn't have her, I didn't know what to do or how to act. I can't even make simple decisions on my own. Jordan Peterson is correct.
She made you handicapped. Hope she knows this, and feels like a piece of shit , I doubt she does most parents are fucking retarded, and sometimes selfish. To even realize it
How did yo7 deal
I wouldn't change one darn thing about raising my four kids.... The youngest finishing high school and the oldest 15 years older. All my kids figured it out without me at around 17, 18 and left home. Made a bunch of mistakes as adult idiots and I now enjoy appropriate grandmotherhood as I finish raising the youngest one.
How did you raise them like so, if you don’t mind my asking
Your parents form your balance in duality.
Too much love without discipline (and mistakes) creates adults who crave love from others but are not so adept at giving it and have a reduced respect for authority (whatever shape that authority comes in).
Too much discipline and not enough love and you create an adult who feels they don't deserve the love that comes their way and who has issues with temperament.
It's incredibly challenging to get the balance right as a parent.
Best comment on here
That’s your responsibility as a parent and that’s what you signed up for when the kid was born. This is not a incredible challenge it’s called being parent
@@Eric-jm1jy Do you have a point or do you just regurgitate the thrust of the comment you've read and put a condescending spin on it?? Saying something is challenging is not denying the responsibility of it.
@@Eric-jm1jy Were you a hands on caretaker for your children?
My parents got me in their forties ,and I was their third child.My mom always tells me that I came late ,and that she had no energy for me.I think of this as an advantage especially when I compare myself to my older sisters.I think that the spirit of adventure ,and the freedom to make poor choices, to hold myself accountable and more importantly to keep my mistakes for myself without being obliged to tell my parents about them are shaping my way of being .In the end, because they knew that they can't keep up with my pace ,my parents were pushed to trust me and let me be.
I've learned so so so much from this man. He really makes you humble, and I'm always in awe of how his words seem to pierce straight through and just make lights go off 👀
My 4yr old cousin is the most mature and emotionally developed child i have met and this comes from her mother talking to her like a human being and putting her on the potty the minute she could sit
I was a parent at 20, now I have 7 children. Everything he just said is absolutely true. My first born just graduated from UCLA, a very independent young women. All my children get along so well, and not one has ever talked back to me. They are all sweet kids. They know how much I’ve worked for them, and they don’t ask me for anything.
🌹🌹🌹❤️❤️❤️
Mommies are everything 💗💗💕💕
👀
My sister in law and her husband are both child psychologists and had a son 2 years ago. It amazes me how two people who are highly educated over protect their son so much that nobody was allowed to hold him since birth unless he the baby lol agreed to it. So of course he’s never been held by anyone but his parents and falls apart if one of them needs to go to the toilet or something...
Lmao
Was the baby born sickly or something?
@@natc1008 nope
People are too smart they don’t know how to manage it
Karens make for the best Dunning Kruegers, I find. lol
With parenting there's always room for improvement.
Balance is the key in everything we do in life.
I’m resilient but still so very soft inside my heart and soul
The problem isn’t overprotectiveness; it’s coddling without proper discipline. In reality, you can’t protect your children too much. If your so-called overprotection is harmful to your children, it’s not really protection. I promise you that there are many balanced and resilient adults who were very sheltered as kids, but they were also properly loved. And love apart from proper discipline isn’t love; it’s abuse.
I disagree, there is a difference between being overprotective and discipline to be precise. You can love and discipline a child and at the same time protect them from the crazy world out there by sheltering that child with no ill intentions, especially as a single parent.
@@Godsoriginal I think you may have misunderstood my comment because I agree with what you wrote.
@@DelbertTritsch well I actually disagree. And here is a video of JP that does a great job of explaining it
czcams.com/video/50FbeazFkgs/video.html
Nothing matters anyway we’re all dead in the long run. The universe doesn’t care about our ramblings
“Oh no freddy has a slightly crapper career” ..... ffs
I agree.
Jordan is the most misunderstood person in my lifetime
He's also the most understood.
Not by the avg person. Just by the multi-culti “anything goes” hyper liberal mass media. They are much fewer than we but much more powerful and have endless resources.
What the hell you have the same name of me! I got the french one hahahh
i showed this video to my parents
and now im grounded
I was, as some would say, overprotected. Ive turned out fine. i have no problems, finishing up school with my third degree. I've learned a lot from my parents mitakes so ive made very little. Sure ive made mistakes and ive tested the things my parents warned me about (which lead to more mistakes). Theres a line between protecting too much and making their life too easy. you just gotta find it
You and me both
It's as if society wants or expect kids who had parents that were able to afford slightly more than the basics of life to FAIL...
A child can grow up protected or neglected at the end of the day they make a choice what they want to become
Glad you provided a balanced perspective. Maybe they should poll the children who were unprotected with no boundaries as well. I agree that overprotection is problematic, but so is the opposite.
3rd degree? Are you a doctor or lawyer?
Professional student? Failure to launch?
I noticed your comment sounds like you've done reparenting. That's the reason you are no longer affected. It's possible to reparent yourself and fix the effects of overprotection. I'm doing the same thing myself, "learning from their mistakes" as you said. I've even discovered the things they warned me about were nothing too.
I lived an extremely privileged life as a kid I would say kinda of over protected. But I took really good decision when I turned 22 I decided go abroad for studies. The first three months were bad I didn’t know basic stuff that other people my age could do. Eventual learned everything right from cooking, cleaning, laundry and having a job. I’m really proud of myself now.
Pfffft
Isnt three months very less?
Chores can be learned, but what about your personality how did u change that?
How did you become emotionally independent and smart at handling daily life situations like your peers?
I feel like weeping. I didn’t have a good childhood, most of my days I was stuck in my room while I heard other kids play and laugh,
I was forced to deal with overprotectI’ve behaviour because it’s “love” when I tried to speak about my hurt feelings and being questioned with paranoia as my elders motive really shattered my soul. And guess what I’m told. “It’s because they love you”
To this day I don’t want to be in relationship because it alters your freedom, I panic a little when men ask me out. And i think love is a very corrupt emotion if that makes you behave like that.
And no, I doubt anything happen to them because they go out and come home late whenever it suits them.
the "It’s because they love you" part, i can definitely relate... I'm a 35 yo man, and i grew up overprotected by a toxic father who wouldn't let me be. When i think about my hurt feelings, and i say to myself: "It’s because they love you", it fucking hurts. I can't even express my suffering. I feel that it's wrong. I must be ashamed of it. So... where does it come from? Am i too weak? so it's my fault?... wait... i was raised by these toxic parents, WHY IS IT MY FAULT GODDAMNIT.
motan7864 My heart goes out to everyone who had to deal with this. In my opinion it’s the child neglect everyone glorified as love. As a child I always felt that the body is limited but the mind is not, it’s eternal and a vessel without hinges. Only in my mind I felt I could truly be free because that was the only thing that belonged to me, The only reason why I didn’t became like a loose canon is because i daydreamed a lot and fantasised about a home where I’m with parents who treat me like I needed to be treated. Strict when i misbehave but rewarding when I’m at my best behaviour like going to Disney world together and play outside until it’s time for dinner. You might think I’m mental but it was the only way to oppress that pain and my childhood being unfairly stolen from me.
My mother keeps on wondering why my social skills is so poorly, why I’m snapping ties with people as soon as they cross the line, or why I respond angry when ppl show concern. The only reason I can think of is that I don’t want to deal with anything similar. If I notice behaviour my family displayed ill have everyone at arms length. I’m a broken individual and I’m socially challenged. All because of this so called love. I want nothing to do with it. I don’t want ppl to love me, I want ppl to respect me and honour my freedom. It’s very obvious that people don’t treat the ones they respect on a high scale with such ignorance. I’m positive when you become a father you won’t treat your children like that because you know how it feels. But if you do, remember that if you destroy a childhood you destroy the future too, I still struggle with looking after myself, that’s why I’m my own employer, I sell handmade craft and I will do it online soon due to the crisis.
I know I’m ranting but I’m trying to say that there is a way out of this mental prison they put us in and investing in yourself and work smart is the key to our escape. I wish you well.
Stay strong.
@@motan7864 it’s tough to blame the victim, but if you don’t take some responsibility for it, if you don’t accept that you had some “agency” then you deny yourself any reason to grow. Sometimes it’s better to not let yourself off the hook, but to examine your role in things so you can learn from it and move on. I hope you figure it out and have a great life. Parents are often selfish idiots to pretend they have the best interests of the child at heart, but maybe just aren’t up to the painful challenges of parenthood, I’m sure they did their best, and you can forgive them for their shortcomings. You deserved better, but life’s not fair. It’s not fair for anyone, it’s what you do now that matters. You’re in control.
ayy lmao I know now it’s not love. Or I don’t know what love is. In my opinion love should feel liberating, you feel so free with it and can’t live a day without it because it enriches your soul. Love creates faith in you to be great and encourages you to live the best life ever aslong you are mindful. People are born with two fears pain and falling down. The rest has been indoctrinated in you. It took a long while to get over the things I went through. Being punished for being born a girl with a prison lifestyle and I began to weary my freedom I didn’t sneak out because I feared that if I disobey I will die because that’s what my family said “disobedience makes god angry and it leads to death”
All I ever wanted his my elders and family members to leave the responsibility in my hands and will let deal with the consequences of my actions because that’s the price you have to pay for freedom. If you play dumb games you get dumb prizes. That’s it.
I wanted people to respect me, to believe in me and invest in me. That’s it but I get infantilising as a treatment. Every time I get treated like I need protection I need to be in doors and even as a free things weren’t becoming flexible. I felt like I was put in a cell I grew but the cell didn’t grow with me and in the end I felt stuck.
I get the blame for not achieving anything in life but their behaviour made it difficult to function properly in society. I get mild panic attacks when I have to sign an application for jobs, I feel uneasy around humans and I wary them.
Part of this problem is my fault. I should have break free but I didn’t know where to go or to start.
Now I know better. A new year is almost starting and I want to chase dreams to make up for my failures and listening to paranoia and let fear mongering get in the way of living a normal life. I want to buy a bike and I’m already told not to buy it because men could rob that bike ect.
But I want to do it. I’m interested in fantasy art, day dreaming of a better world saved a part of my childhood. And want to make it into a profession. I’ll never be able to get a job because maybe I have PTSD but Illustrator art and dance can be done in the comfort of my own home. I know I’m ranting but it means so much that you mentioned that what they did is not love, thank you. I always knew in my heart that overprotection is not love.
I will work hard everyday from now on and do my best to become good within a year.
James Drury Sorry But you are not in the position to tell victims it’s their fault too.
Kids have been told to listen to their parents, my parents hit and yell when you don’t do as they say. When you deal with abusive behaviour you don’t know how to get out and you let it happen even after adulthood as a coping mechanism. If you know nothing about being treated like a prisoner then it’s better to keep your mouth shut.
As a kid, when I was "bored," I was the most creative. Today, I don't mind having downtime to dream and create. I will forever be thankful that I was raised in the 70's.
Summed up brilliantly.
At 57 I struggle daily with the effects of an over protective parent. I still have minimal resilience to manage the challenges of daily life.
It’s miserable!
My mom used to deny me privileges and then when it was given to me my life became a mess. Now I am a parent of two and my mistakes make me be a wonderful parent today
It depends what you personally see as a privilege.
If only good intentions were enough, the world wouldn't be full of problems
Good intentions don't necessarily create good results though.
@@LambertBowden56 yeah agree
There is a road paved with good intentions.
I became a parent at a young age and all this time I’ve been winging it. Thank you Mr Peterson for giving some light on how I could become a better parent. 👊