Everything Wrong with Turtles All the Way Down
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- čas přidán 10. 06. 2024
- You can watch Turtles All the Way Down
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EXTREMELY disappointed with the lack of turtles.
Worst movie of the year goes up there with little women the women weren't even little? My autism has no time for your symbolism.
And of course the one with cursing stays goddammit...
Didn't even get a good scene with the Tuatara
They did say "Turtles All The Way Down" though! Whenever I'm watching a show with my wife and they say a phrase that was the title of the episode, or the title of the franchise, it's like a competition for whichever of us can shout "EPISODE TITLE!"
Hey, sometimes you gotta come out of your shell, and you will be doing just fine, but you gotta, gotta, want it all
Hank is just mad he can’t get the perfect stick
I want a stick that good so bad!!
Looks like a broomstick!
I have found sticks that good before. In fact I have found even better sticks. One is leaned against the wall by my front door right now. But then I've also been hiking and watching for good sticks for many years now, and have only found a few sticks that good, so it is pretty rare!
One of the coolest sticks I ever found was a perfect stick that had all the bark cleanly chewed off by a beaver. That one's down in the basement!
A lot of dogs agree with him!
@@posthumorouslyBut when they find them, they can't fit them through the door. It's always something. 😂
I think gym teacher was a stellar performance compared to "dad at airport", much improved acting skills 😂
Although I will say, "dad at airport" does seem much more in character for John than "gym teacher"
I can't believe they hired that guy again. He must be related to the director or something /j
@@hayleywatson9136
Probably related to the author, everyone knows that the author's are responsible for casting decisions after all.
@@rainbowslinkies Excuse me, that there is an elite quaddragocon competitor you're dissing
It's like the actor is branching out.
I was already laughing at “Dr. Pepper is no one’s favorite soda” but I LOST it when he mentioned John’s cameo
"Dr. Pepper is no one's favorite soda" is too insane even for a bit.
El Psy Congroo
Obviously Hank does not live in Texas. Dr Pepper is THE thing to drink here.
My favorite is how those two things aren't even vaguely related in any way whatsoever unless you know that Dr Pepper is someone's favorite soda XD
ROASTED 🤣
John Green: *writes a book that later is turned into a movie*
Hank Green: "Time to make fun of my brother. In public."
Was he even making fun of John?
More like clowning around with in-jokes, puns, etc.
@@michaelmicek Well, there was the joke of John not being very good in his cameo as the gym teacher. Other than that (and even then), nothing that would be go beyond sibling banter.
Very younger sibling vibes tbh 😂
At least (or unfortunately) he didn't hump the town this time
@@moirayzabelle5260 Literally came here to say “serious younger brother vibes”
Personally, thought the volleyball coach was alright. Looked like a midwestern author.
He truly looked the part of a Midwestern dad. I actually think this might be a side gig for the actor, or he might be getting typecast all the time
He shaved before filming, so some points for effort.
I would love if he had mustache on
It’s so considerate of Hank that he gives these critiques so that John can edit the movie and make it better
AHH THIS IS SO FUNNY
I especially hope he takes note of the "volleyball coach", as John is such a H.U.G.E. part of casting his movies!!
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We NEED John's edit 😂
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Total Sin Tally: 10
Sentence: Falling in love slowly, then all at once
Also: hearts getting broken in the same way
Like ketchup.
This is the brother energy we expected 😂
Younger sibling energy
As a sibling, I agree. Would either do, or expect my siblings to do this.
This is a perfect video. So creative and also informative. Not surprised. But still, gotta mention it.
I’m off to try to get Max.
Yep, absolute sibling roast. Hank nailed it.
Roasting his cameo was chefs kiss lmao
Haha the smile after "totally unrealistic" is perfect brother energy.
Totally unrealistick
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I mean, yeah, that's not even a stick. It's a DOWEL
let's sue John for not being considerate of where Hank imagined they would sit at the restaurant. that's like the most important part of the viewing experience of this movie.
It gets worse. Speaking as someone from a country without Applebee's, I'd like to complain that the whole look of the restaurant was very inaccurate to the version in my head. Especially the logo, which had enough apple but not nearly enough bee.
So what I’m hearing is that Hank is mad that someone else found the perfect stick before he did.
Nah, that stick was totally adjusted to be perfect
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And he's not alone in feeling that 😤
This is the most siblings thing ive seen this week, john makes a movie and hank *immediately* goes "okay time to criticize this"
The "dont like it when dads die part" really made me realise the conplete scope into which i cannot and do not fully appreciate others frame of reference. I dont think it ever hit me that a father dying in media would hit a father (especially one who had faced their mortality) in a very very specific way. Like, i knew that, but i didnt capital K know it.
I'm just glad Hank's here to complain about the dads die part and tease his brother about his excessive awesomeness in the cutest brotherly way. :)
Yeah... about that.
2:13 "If you were going to do it in Cincinnati, why didn't you just actually do it in Indie?"
Three words: Tax incentives, probably
Yes, but those of us who are geographically obligated to diss Ohio (because it's Ohio) will still be annoyed about it.
@@myladycasagrande863hey look, we may be Ohio but at least we aren’t Cleveland
That's exactly what I was thinking. Actually, Hank mentioned that HBO has Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, and I'm pretty sure he's done a story on Hollywood tax incentives
Cincinnati, the last walled city.
Interior of the school (and excellent gym coach scene) is my highschool. Hasn't changed in 35 years (yes, I'm old)
NO! Bad HANK! I saw that crow-eating grin after saying "unreali-Stick"
"Unreali-Stick".....that's funny..... 😁
Which one is the better dad?
Dr Pepper is my favorite soda and I can’t believe you just called me nobody
Same
Let's go defeat some cyclopes!
SAME. WE ARE NOT NOBODIES. WE ARE SOMEBODIES. ;___;
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Here, here. 😁
That slow Grinch smile for 'unrealistic' was a beautiful moment.
Unreali-stick. That's the pun.
Now I want a few key scenes with CGI turtles added in. Just photorealistic turtles casually in the background, sitting on a table, swimming in a sink. And then they get progressively more intrusive and numerous. Corridor Crew, make it happen. Make it absurd.
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TATWD: Special Edition
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+ Yeeeeeeeees
The random extra they got to play the volleyball coach doesn't look like he's ever actually played volleyball
A lot of things happened that feel like they were pulled from the John Green cinematic universe. Like Dr. Pepper, the "We're Here" song, OCD, and a middle-aged white guy that seems very invested in sports but looks like he'd be very bad at sports.
Haven’t heard of this John guy but he should sue for plagiarism if what you say is true
ZERO TURTLES
Gifting over the $17k limit just means you have to file IRS paperwork. You don't owe tax until you've met the lifetime allowance of $13 million.
Huh, okay.
So *that* particular one was a bit silly.
Can confirm, it's form 709.
13 effing MILLION?!
Wow, I thought the limit was much lower
I forget the details but they definitely get lawyers involved in the book too
@@whyamiwastingmytimeonthis It's designed to pass inheritance from parent to child, mostly, which is why it's that high, but can be used to give to anybody. In 2026 it'll revert down to 5 million if there's not a new law keeping it high.
This was beautiful "Which is different from how I imagined it and I don't know why you didn't know that" and "I had to go to a business meeting, and you should have been more considerate" are peak internet
How dare you make me cry like that!
Okay cinema sins, go off.
* *ding* *
I was thinking about that, how I remember when TFIOS came out in theaters and I went with my mom (cancer survivor) to watch it together. Ten years later we watched TATWD together from the comfort of my apartment, and I have OCD. The entire time I’ve been here, watching vlogbrothers, laughing at silly memes and learning big ideas and feeling a pocket of the internet as a community with longevity. I’m really happy to be here. We are certainly here because. 🧡
💜💜💜
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At least the volleyball coach scene wasn't deleted from the final release!
The J-cut to #4 while Hank is still grinning about his stick joke is exactly the mix of dad energy and tight editing that keeps me coming back to this channel
I love when Hank said, "What city is that?" I yelled, "It's Cincinnati! It's Cincinnati!" Then he googled what city it was. Then I screamed, "Yes! (Which is kinda ridiculous because I live in that area. I should know what my city skyline looks like.)
Also, very few people (No one I know.) in Cincinnati call that building the Queen City Square. We call it The Great American Insurance Building. (Saying insurance is optional.)
Where's the river?
What do you mean by river? The Ohio River separates Northern Kentucky and Ohio/Cincinnati. Most of the time you cross the Ohio River to enter the city. However, if there is a River in the movie I can’t help you/explain because I have never read the book nor have I watched the movie yet.
I admit that I call it Queen City Square, but I'm 40 and I moved away 8 years ago
Do you listen to WKRP?
@@culwin I seem to recall WKRP being fictional, but there's always a chance that you and I aren't the only ones that remember that sitcom.
But you gotta admit John did a great job casting it!
😭😭😭 this got me
that's because he has always been responsible for casting for all his movies and therefore he has a lot of experience
@@kagaminek 💯
I randomly picked out turtles all the way down at the library for a book report and I'm in a french-speaking nowhere town so i can confirm this book is far and wide
For a second, John must have been a little scared seeing this title.
It’s John - I think you mean several seconds and a lot scared. (Love you, John.) 😂
And he should have been. These were obvious issues. Classic Hollywood big wig errors… zero turtles…
"Just because you haven't found a perfect stick yet, doesn't mean there's not one out there for you. Keep looking." - A. Dog
One day I hope my parents will be as proud of me as Hank was about that “unrealistick” pun
John literally had a whole chapter in "Anthropocene Reviewed" about how great Dr. Pepper is lmao
this is the most younger sibling energy video and i love it
I don’t even know what part is That Part because I cried at six different parts. I really thought John was kindly hyping it up but no - that man spoke truth. the movie’s a gem.
Sobbed uncontrollably during the “We’re Here” song and it was so cathartic you guys
Hank you reminded me about a few months ago when I thought "I'll watch a couple episodes of Bluey while I eat lunch!" except that the last episode I watched was Onsies and I then had to go straight into a business meeting where I was leading the call and I was very much NOT OKAY to be leading a meeting.
Bluey exploits my inadequacies as a parent.
1:11 “Dr. Pepper is no one’s favorite”
The guy in charge of one of my clubs in college loved Dr. Pepper so much that became one of the major things he is known for (in addition to being bald and having a very distinct laugh lol)
I'm friends with a youth pastor here in eastern Oregon. You just described him perfectly.
@@phoebegilliland8897 dude 🤣 mine is in CO and not a youth pastor, BUT the club is a Christian club so he’s almost one lol. I wonder how many more bald Christian leader-of-some-kind-of-young-people Dr. Pepper lovers there are out there 🤔
this is the true sibling experience
Personally, I was promised Hank as the tuatara, and unless I really misimagined your range of visual appearance, that did not happen. So really, Hank, where were you?
Also not the biggest fan of dads dying, but I feel like it was presented really sensitively throughout the film and I’m grateful for the way that it was an event but then interwoven throughout without being dominant forever.
Number 9: The title refers to the problem of infinite regress that could easily be resolved if you imagine the turtle as swimming through the cosmic ocean instead of standing in a void.
Whole Green Brothers moment: Hank dissing John's cameo 😂 Love it
If the money Davis gave Aza was gotten through illicit means since his dad was a shady character... The IRS probably isn't aware of it's existence. So as long as Daisy and Aza are super chill and don't make any large deposits to their banks (or randomly buy a car in cash...) then nobody needs to know ...
(For legal purposes, i don't recommend that course of action for anyone other than fictional characters)
You're actually supposed to declare illegal income to the IRS - that's why Capone ended up in jail for tax evasion.
@@kaspianepps7946 absolutely you are SUPPOSED to but I think these fictional characters could get away with it pretty easily if they watched the show The Ozarks
Im here for Hank's proud moment after "not reali-STICK". 😂
I know I'm the weird one here, but I genuinely didn't know John Green was an author. I really only knew him from Crash Course. This is like finding out your teacher is a TV star.
Welcome!
Tbh my main criticism is that this movie isn't Will Grayson, Will Grayson. Look, I appreciate all these John Green adaptations, but really my heart just longs for one John Green adaptation for over a decade: Will Grayson, Willy Grayson.
But apart from that I loved the Turtles All the Way Down movie, I cried, and I felt a lot of things and was stunned by the performances. Thank you to all who made this film
Ims still wondering how that book is still not adapted into a film yet. I thinks its John's best book by a mile.
It’s possibly because John had a coauthor and can’t sign over the rights on his own.
I agree, that stick was TOO Perfect
The balance of sibling shade and brotherly love is perfection! Thank you both for letting us be a part of your world. 🥰
so crazy how minds work cause that Applebee's scene was not only the closest recreation of how I imagined TATWD scenes in my mind, I think it's the closest recreation of how I've imagined anything ever
We now need the "John Cut" of Turtles All The Way Down with these changes (except for the Volleyball coach). All done by John and John alone.
That building in Cincinnati? BAM now its a turtle. The too perfect stick? BAM add a crooked bit to the end. Tax evasion? BAM John ARD to explain its fine.
"Turtles All The Way Down is the best John Green movie yet"- Everything wrong with Turtles All The Way Down, Hank Green
Praising with faint damns.
I genuinely appreciate the fact that in the book Davis has his father’s employee consult with Aza and Daisy to help them get the money put into the bank.
The actor they got to play John Green could have done a more convincing performance
"unreali-stick" - 10/10, no notes
Hank, I don’t think you realized how many people in Texas you’ve pissed off by saying Dr. Pepper is no one’s favorite soda.
It’s literally John’s favorite soda
@@21sled isn’t it diet Dr Pepper is his favorite these days?
Bless you for writing "Aotearoa New Zealand"
I just finished watching it like 10 minutes ago and I started sobbing when Aza was talking to Prof Abbot, and then at the “we’re here because we’re here” I started sobbing and just kept crying through the rest of the movie. It was good. I easily could have watched another 20 minutes just for them to cram in more details from the book which I now have to re read. I loved it. I am still crying as I type this.
Getting an ad for NOCD presented by John right after this video was just too prescient.
the vollyball coach was ok, but i could not fully commit to the scene because i kept feeling i saw him somewhere and he had other jobs that are the furthest from vollyball coaching
Maybe if it had been soccer.
@@michaelmicek exactly!!
Like most volleyball coaches
Can't believe they got the casting director to cameo as the gym teacher?? The movie business, man.
Great movie though.
You'd think the CSA would have a rule about that.
I appreciate Hank talking about the very important seating issue in this movie - I also pictured them at the interior booth. It's thematically correct and the movie must be remedied.
I literally just finished the movie and jumped right over here to watch this. I was crying, now I'm laughing. It's been a good day.
Wow Hank you really did follow through on your tweet
#6 is GLARING
I thought this was going to be clickbait, but there were a couple of good points (and also plenty of silly ones). I love how beautifully supportive he is to John!
This was the best (romantic and platonic, but especially platonic) love story I’ve seen in a long time! With its very own Frances Ha scene. Was very true to the book and also to Nerdfighteria. ❤
Congrats and great job to everyone involved!
THAT part made me cry a lottttt too! But I love crying and I love the movie so much!! 💕
"that scene is different than how I remembered it and I don't know why you didn't now that" "the part you know the part that part that particular part it just made me cry pretty intensely and then I had to go to a business meeting you should have been more considerate." lol ya I feel like that sometimes so true have not seen the movie (I don't have Max and broke ass college student me isn't gunna pay $20 for one movie sorry) but I just feel like those quote work so well internal sometimes thats just how I feel in general
I'm pretty sure you can do a week free trial just to watch the movie and then cancel, if you want!
@@dancinislivin828 might do that
That little smirk you did after making the 'unreali-stick' pun😂😂😂
Hank Green confidently claims Odysseus's favorite soda is Dr. Pepper despite complaining about that a character shouldn't assume what someone else's favorite soda is. +20 sins.
Excellent Homer reference, 10/10
oh, snap! That took me a full minute!
No turtles
Haha I knew it
Wait this isn't a live chat, this just makes me look like an idiot
@@davidhill5879 dw it doesn’t
1:15 I KNOW hank just said that to get a rise out of john, and STILL for half a second I actually took offense to what he just said
I stayed up way past my bedtime (as a 37-year-old mom) to finish the movie. Just like the book, I couldn’t put it down. It really is beautiful.
Hank, I thought the same thing when Davis ordered Dr. Peppers for everyone.
The movie does a good job portraying a thing that’s very hard to wrap your head around. Which is that sometimes with OCD you are ok and sometimes you are not. And both of these will happen again. Thank you for that, John. ❤
I love that these mostly amount to specific headcanons about the book. lol
The amount that I cried during the trailer DID NOT fully prepare me for how much I would cry during the movie and I feel that there should be legal consequences.
my wife and I watched turtles all the way down last night. i felt pretty much the same way watching the screen version as i did listening to the audiobook version. you know it's a solid portrayal when the highest negative critique you can come up with is, as it was for my wife, "did she drive a corolla? i thought it was a different car" and then immediately going to the (speaking of rare books) two-pages signed copy of turtles all the way down, going to chapter two, and looking at the detailed description of exactly that car in the movie which was in fact a corolla.
hank has every right to be that proud of this pun. it will stick in my mind for weeks.
Hank smacking down the SEO of CinemaSins and I am here for it
"Dr. Pepper is no one's favorite soda!"
Ima throw hands, Hank.
My youngest child does the same thing from the first 2½ minutes whenever we watch the new live action Avatar: The Last Airbender and they compare it to the animated series throughout the show.
Unrealistick
*smiles proudly*
I love you hank
Hank: thats totally unrealiSTICK
Me: ...
Hank: :)
Me: *likes video*
Is that John in a movie?!
Our boy finally made to the screen!!
The unabashedly love Hank and John have for each other is a model for men and brothers across the world. It’s really heart warming.
I made me so excited to see Rosianna Halse Rojas with a producer credit. Why am I crying already the credits barely started
woo! go, Rosianna!!!
HANK THE FASHION?!
(Congrats to all on the release of TATWD movie :)
Got that curly hair and decided to just go wild
You don't realize how often the Dad dies in a movie as a major plot point until yours passes. 😂 😢 😂
Not a movie, but Marshall's "I'm not ready for this" in HIMYM killed me.
Hank I love your enthusiasm for John's work and I also love that fun jacket you are wearing!
This may be my favourite vlog brothers video. Dissing your brother, a fantastick pun, Dr Pepper, tax, a cameo critique. It’s all Gold standard. And then you made me cry so yeah, it’s my favourite video. There should be more turtles in movies.
2:20
I can list 1000 stories where mothers are dead before the story starts, or extremely early in the story.
Because the enormous majority of stories are written and directed by men,
mothers are the absolute most often killed characters ever, it's CRAZY.
There are sooo many stories of kids who only have a dad, or who are orphans.
Meanwhile there are extremely few representations of mother characters, who are healthy and given attention by the writer / director. Usually, if there's a mom, she's extremely ignored and always represented cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, etc. (Remember how Molly in HP is ALWAYS holding a laundry basket in the movies when she's home? it's crazy. Can you name movie scenes where dads are doing housework??????????????)
Besides all of _Mr. Mom,_ of course.
Incredibles 2 Why did they change math??????
Just watched Turtles All the Way Down and OMG indeed the mom is holding a bunch of towels when she opens Aza's door to check in LOOOOOL it's crazyyyyy, show me a dad doing a housework on tv/in a movie I'll show you 500 moms in return
Maybe it's different for me because I actually am the stay-at-home parent.
But you get the point of that objection has to with the fact that he is a father and had cancer this last year?
I've been realizing lately, just how often real moms die in childbirth. And that's why so many European fairy tales have single dads and stepmoms.
I have a critique of my own, although it's more of a commentary: It feels like nearly all of Hank's videos on vlogbrothers for the last few years are just an ad for something. They're not bad, don't get me wrong, but every time I click on a Hank video I'm thinking "where does the ad come in? How is he going to turn this into telling me to buy something?" Meanwhile the videos on hankschannel now feel like bigger versions of what we used to get from him on vlogbrothers, which is fine - I like those videos. So, yeah... more of an observation than a critique, feel free to ignore.
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Yes, we're trying to raise money to support Partners In Health. The brothers made a promise several years ago to raise a lot of money to increase maternal mortality in Siera Leone (and we succeeded!) and this is why all the profit from the Good Store goes to charity.
@@geeksdo1tbetter sure, and that's why it's "an observation" rather than "criticism".
I actually got to meet John when he was filming in Cincinnati, I ran into him in a hotel valet garage. He is very much who is he is on the internet and nice enough to talk to people who look at him for three seconds too long trying to recognize him. I’m glad he came to shoot in Cincinnati (it’s more or less the same as Indy but it’s slightly prettier) (he was wearing an Indianapolis motor speedway so bonus point for that for me)
As someone who works in a zoo in a forest and is always looking for sticks to use in animal habitats, I can confirm that we do indeed find sticks that good quite frequently. We just find ten bad ones for every great one.
No turtles is a pretty reasonable complaint. Takes the movie from a 10/10 to a 0/10 smh 😔
Unrealistick, eh?
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don't worry, Hank. THAT part made us all cry.
We NEED to see that cut scene where John is doing squats!