How We Became the Loneliest Generation | Asmongold Reacts
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- čas přidán 22. 12. 2023
- by @ColdFusion • How We Became the Lone...
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I don't think Asmon fully acknowledges how "not alone" he truly is though. He actually has quite a few real life friends, friends he's gamed with his whole life, childhood friends he still talks to, his dad, a streamer group that he does podcasts and other activities with. Despite being this embodiment of a gamer troll living in his mom's basement, the dude still has a pretty healthy social life. He has the freedom to say "I want to stay at home all day today" because the other option of going out and seeing some friends is there whenever he wants it.
I see way too many people nowadays confusing "introverted" with "solitary" or "isolated". Introverts and Extroverts are both equally dependent on social interaction to maintain a healthy mind, the difference is all in the way they express themselves, the frequency in which they hang out with others, the type of activities and environments they like to be in, things like that.
Being alone is just being alone, and it takes a toll on human beings and any other social animal when you're in that state for too long.
Well said, although I don’t think he should be discredited entirely. He hasn’t been a popular streamer forever, I don’t know if he’s always had accessible friends.
Rich people get lonely, poor people get lonely, popular people get lonely, isolated people get lonely. Everyone gets lonely, but like you said, loneliness is a scale and some people are ok with more of it than others based upon their social personality traits.
I agree that he probably has a normal social life and won't understand someone who has no friends or anyone to talk to at all. But it was the same before the internet, even more so. If you were lonely in the 90s, you just killed yourself and no one even knew you existed. Now everyone is talking about this online, hence the loneliness epidemic.
Very well said.
This was my take immediately as well -
Asmon has many communities, constant interaction, RL friends that live close, etc.
Honest human take but I think his perspective is a little off for sure.
Love you Asmon ❤
Most college dropout influencers like asmon here think that it makes perfect sense to say a kid can't consent to getting a tattoo but it's fine for them to consent to genital mutilation. They also can't figure out dental care to the point that their teeth start falling out
Robin Williams was quoted before he killed himself.
People think being alone is the worst, it's not. It's being surrounded by people that make you feel alone.
This is painfully true. I was surrounded by ppl who made me feel brutally alone for the majority of 2022. Probably the loneliest, worst period in my entire life.
That's a good point. It's like most people don't want to be poor but you have to admit that 20% people on earth possess majority resources ＆ money. Capitalism forces you to be poor.
Real, being alone is nice and dandy until you hear a group of fellas started laughing and do dumb shit, then it fucking hits you
@@ReikiMaulana After moving abroad and knowing no one, my very extrovert and attractive female co-worker Daily reminded me of how she was so popular it was hard just holding ppl back. I was okayy w the loneliness, but the frequent reminder of it was wat exhausted me.
Yeah, I ONLY feel alone when I'm surrounded by other people who kind of just don't see me. Have sat in my apartment for weeks, literally never even stepping outside my door, and I haven't felt alone. Go to the club with that one annoying friend (who is really less my friend than I am hers), though? Misery. I'm thankful for those sorts of experiences, though, because otherwise I would have no experiential frame of reference to help me empathise with the huge amount of people who do suffer from loneliness.
"Not a single close friend" is a common complaint I hear especially from extroverts, but i've noticed the issue with extroverts is many don't know how to act as a close friend despite making friends easily.
Most people know how to fake being a close friend whoch creates loneliness.
@@JAYg33t4rThat's because people don't know how to like be real with people and in order to have a close friend you got to be real with them.
You got to be willing to lose an acquaintant in order to share the stuff that is necessary to become a close friend.
It's the acceptance of yourself in your weakest moments that upgrade someone from acquaintance or somewhat friend to close friend.
You are close friends with people that know what kind of p*** you like.
Yeah I think one of the differences between Introverts and Extroverts is that what extroverts call friends we(the introverts) would probably call an Acquaintance and our actual friends we treat like what extroverts would treat close friends. Like I have "friends" at college, but they really are just Acquaintances more than anything tbh.
I can count the actual friends I have on like a single hand, which sounds sad, but I respect the friends that I have a lot more than most extroverts do and I am much more willing to help them in their time of need than you would see an extrovert do.
Now of course not all extroverts or introverts are like this, but it's what I have observed in my 24 years of living on this god forsaken rock.
I don't have any close friends cause I'm moving a lot. I'm not feeling lonely because I'm more real than a lot of people and people suronding me are often naturaly open with me. I think this is a crucial diference, just be yourself, don't be judgemental and talk freely and you'll see people do the same.
This is true I was always cool with everyone in school for the most part I would talk to them but looking back I can't say I ever really had many friends
I honestly started crying when I saw the clip at 45:23
When I was in high school and after in my twenties I couldn't imagine what it must feel like to be lonely. And now I'm sitting here homeless in my car looking at ducks in a park in winter.
And now I wonder what it must feel like now to just hug somebody.
If you happen to be in Central Cali I'll come give ya a hug buddy. Remember when you're at rock bottom the only way to go is up. Hopefully living in your car isn't holding you back from getting a job. Also now that the internet way bigger there are tons of ways to make money online. You can try dropshipping from your phone or even take photos and videos with inspirational quotes. If you need help let me know what I can do.
If you live anywhere near Sacramento please feel free to reach out I can get you a job in the trades asap and get you out of living in your car.
@Lambert-hr7sm I'm about to start electrical in alameda in February. To OP: trades jobs is amazing and won't take long to get money in your pocket. Even if you're in your car they WILL help. They have been there in your situation. Show that determination and I promise you'll surpass most people there. I have faith in you!
Man that really hurts to read. I hope you're doing ok despite your circumstance. If you're in Sweden let me know and i'll come give you a hug mate
Love you man, I don’t know you but I have been where you are. Don’t give up.
I was always OK with being lonely and like Asmon would prefer to be by myself. As I get older though, what I've realized is that I was always comfortable with being alone because I *knew* I had friends that I could hang out with if I felt like being social. Now I'm 37, have moved from my home town, don't know many people, and I'm less comfortable with the loneliness.
It's one thing when you choose it, and another when it's the only real choice.
Yeah but as you said although you prefer to be alone you still had friends you can hang with
Today they normalize having no friends since you know
ADHD Depression idk what else introverted personality ig
Did you even hear the words ADHD and Introverted extroverted bullshit back in 2010? No
Anyway my point is today’s generation normalize these things like they normalize obesity and if you dare say anything against them you finna regret it the same as if you were to be a real racist they put it on the same level
Yeah, I am in that situation. 35 now. Trying to stop drinking. It's really screwed me up.
EDIT: ASS MONG OLD SUCKS. HIS MODS ARE DEGENS TOO.
I agree a lot w ur final statement.
I'm 28 now, but 2 years ago I moved from Europe to The US all on my own, knowing absolutely no one. I thought I'd be fine w making new friends (or just coping w the loneliness), but it was harder than predicted and I've moved back to my friends and family now.
It does indeed suck when you don't even have the Option to physically interact w others
@@crilleedara is it harder to make friends in the US? I am from Germany, 42 years old. I am so fed up of the society here, think about leaving and thought the US people are more socialising outside and more open to new people but holiday and living/working at a place is not the same.
@@PopLock2481there are better places to move to, Philippines, Brazil, or here Czech rep, Hungary, Poland..
Asmon just doesn’t get it, and I’m glad he doesn’t experience loneliness. But god damn an hour and a half of him saying how great it is to be completely isolated felt like a guy saying he enjoys closing his eyes because it helps with overstimulation to a blind guy.
The only reason I can watch his reactions is because many times, he will admit that he "doesn't get it" and can only respond based on what he personally knows or feels. I never feel that he comes off like, "That feeling is stupid because I have never felt that."
Hes not isolated... hes full of it.
He REALLY just doesn't get it though. at 9:50 he makes an insanely reductive statement about how he thinks people choose to be disconnected. It's so far off the mark I nearly stopped watching. @@justifiedkill7766
I understand the viewpoint but we are intentionally watching his reaction to the video and he is being honest about how it applies to him. I do t see how we can be mad about that. As long as he acknowledges that not everyone is the same, which he did
@@Zzsnake217 Someone with millions of fans can't be isolated, unless they're Enya.
I can still remember the neighbourhood BBQ we had when I was about 6 years old. My father had temporarily removed a section of our fence that divided our yard with the neighbours so that more people could fit and freely move around between houses without having to go inside. We had a roast pig and shaved ice with tons of different syrups to pour on top. Fast forward to today. I have lived in the same house for 12 years and have never even had conversations with the majority of the people who live on my street.
Make BBQING great again
Moved into a new neighborhood 2 years ago. I've got chickens so I gave eggs to all my neighbors and it's an old neighborhood so they are all retired boomers and we just had everyone over to meet me and my wife's first baby and they all brought homemade gifts with quilts and knitted goods. We do a huge 4th of July BBQ every year and it draws most of our neighbors. You just need to be the one to break the ice. Make pies and go introduce yourself you sperg
@@lobotomite9767man this comment was so wholesome and helpful and then you had to go throw the nasty unnecessary insult at the end? What a shame
@@tclfan0180 it's a good-natured jab. Never had one before? Me and my friends have always given each other shit in a constructive way. If you don't understand the concept that's fine. Besides sperg is in no way a serious insult
@@lobotomite9767only boomers would appreciate the company of someone like a neighbor. At the very least older people appreciate it more while younger people just find it to be a waste of time (for lack of a better word) if it's not feeding constant dopamine it's a nuisance
It's just like pain.
Voluntary acceptance of pain is "courage", and it trains us to become stronger.
A forced pain when we are not ready results in "trauma", and it keeps us weak.
People want to choose to be alone, not forced to be one.
Putting that comparison aside, loneliness is something a bit complicated, as being alone makes us wonder "what am I doing wrong?"
This usually ends with conclusion of "I need to hide my true self so that others can accept me better", but this usually backfires completely.
What's really hard is that if you truly want to not feel alone, you need to express yourself truly, and embrace the rejection entirely.
When you are truthful, you will receive a fair acceptance or rejection.
However, the problem is that when you are alone, that one rejection can feel so painful that you do want to avoid it all together.
Only when you have close folks you realize that there are people who are not meant to be together.
A sad reality of "winners win, losers lose".
There is no easy way out of this.
One somehow just needs to be resolute enough to face rejection of their true-self and go out there.
You don't need tons of friend to make you feel not lonely. You only need one.
The moment you get that one true friend, the positive cycle will begin.
My close friend group saved my life, they helped me to parent myself where my parents failed spectacularly. Amen to that.
I empathize with the girl crying about being unable to make friends. I'm the same age as Asmon, and I don't have any friends left in my state. I've tried going to meetups and everyone just shows up once or twice then never again. Tried bumble bff, everyone just wanted a texting buddy or would hang out with me once, be like 'wow this was so much fun!", then never hang out with me again. And it's not like I'm some ugly socially awkward girl, I'm normal looking and shower daily, wear clean clothes, employed, etc. Making friends feels impossible and since I'm a extrovert, it's led to me having depression.
Well I hope your doing ok >.< I can relate at times lol
I wish you well
Yea. This is exactly why I hate the people that say "lol just go outside" If it were that simple we wouldnt be having this problem lol. People in general are more standoffish and off in their own worlds even at social gatherings, clubs, etc. I went to a party fairly recently and everyone there was just ducked off in different parts of the house on their phones barely socializing with eachother.
@@SolidSnake240 I been going to psychedelic bluegrass festivals, best thing everrrrrr
@@ayemane2828I really wanna hit up some festivals. Only been to a couple and those were some of the best times I've had tbh
This is very accurate to me. I will never forget what my therapist told me 10 years ago: "There's a difference between being alone, and making the choice to be alone"
I never made the choice to be alone, I just had to learn and accept the fact that I was. And it was hard, and tiring, and I've been suffering from depression and generalised anxiety disorder because of this for many years. Alot of people may not understand how exhausting it can be, becuase people cannot relate to the difference between choosing, and not having a choice.
True
Find a certificate program and find your way
its the same when u accept beeing ugly or broke u gotta live with what u have doesnt mean u wont be happy if it bothers u u can change that even if it means ur personality if that is the cause why people avoid u
When I moved to a new country (Japan), I also have this problem of being alone because of circumstances
But in my case I have the option to do something myself and change my situation.
I know our situation might be different, but I hope you can have the option for the change as well.
People don't converse in public because there is no longer a common culture. Small towns where it's still one culture, people can connect easily.
true
I've had a personal experience of loneliness that was so profound and it was honestly so stressful. I don't think many people can grasp how it actually feels going through it at the moment.
I was at a bar with some friends for my wedding, the last night of being a free man before the big day. We were talking but when I noticed i was sitting back and letting them talk without me, I had the overwhelming sensation that I didn't belong with these people anymore and if I left without saying anything that they wouldn't notice or care.
It was about almost 2 hours of this and I was so incredibly stressed out and heart broken from the loneliness. I can never truly explain how it felt to other people but man It fucking sucked to go through.
"Last day of being a free man"? That's a really sad way of looking at it. Maybe that had something to do with the experience, even if only by proxy.
Real
I'd say a big difficulty with loneliness is that now it feels easier to think about other people on a more complex level to the point where you begin to overthink small interactions because you understand that people can be doing anything for any reason and that idea plants a fear of getting the wrong idea in a social situation
That and that same hyper awareness can lead you to being overly sensitive to your *own* signals you put out during interactions, and trying to be focused on acting a certain way can make you subconsciously avoid interacting with people altogether
This is why I continue to advocate to stop overthinking things and take stuff at face value, but that requires people to communicate themselves and their feelings upfront which most people are too afraid to do because they are afraid of backlash or offending someone. We need to collectively get over those fears and get used to people asking for what they want and communicating how they feel, and that starts with discussing an appropriate way of doing it that we can collectively agree on.
Just get off the internet and actually experience life more and these fears will slowly go away. It's easy now to be a leader because so many people over think social interactions
Bro that's just social anxiety.
@@LordRykard9376yeah just straight up lol
For me loneliest stems from feeling like I don't belong anywhere. I didn't really learn how to socialize until I started working at 18. Before then I'd go to school then immediately go home and play video games. I have plenty of friends and a lot of people have told me they enjoy my company but in group settings I always feel like I'm the odd one out
You definitely belong.
@@phvntom__ it's something I've been slowly convincing myself. Learning how to cook and going to the gym have helped a lot.
Who cares if you belong or not, once you feel comfortable with yourself in your solitude, you’ll fit anywhere. It’s like that saying "home is wherever I go" you won’t look for that social approval of you being good enough anymore. You just won’t care and you’ll feel comfortable anywhere
That's the problem - if you rely on outside sources for validation, you become vulnerable.
I Gonna see with i can begin working next year
I haven't had any friends since high school. Social isolation is terrible, because the deeper you sink into this hole, the harder it becomes to get out of it. It becomes difficult for me even to formulate my thoughts and scary enough to meet other people. No motivation to change, to study, to work, no desire to live. Only apathy and loneliness. Now I’m 24, and after all this years of depression I still don’t have any friends in real life, and it's hard for me even to write smth on the internet, but at least I can be heard here. Asmon simply doesn’t understand what the real loneliness is, when you can't even talk to someone, because you forgot how to do it. He has a 24/7 connection with his audience, he can feel its presence and share his thoughts with thousands of people at any time he wants.
Hello mate I really hope you can strengthen your social skills and improve them
@@helpme-helpyou622 Thanks for your kindness, I really appreciate it
@@helpme-helpyou622 That rarely works anymore, most people you try to talk to or socialise with won't want to interact with you no matter how much you improve these skills as people just see you as a stranger.
What you need to do is join somewhere that acts as pre-vetting, somewhere like work, or a hobby are great because although you're with strangers, you've been pre-vetted by the fact you've joined said club and that means you'll be seeing these people routinely
"loneliness can be as harmful as smoke 15 cigs a day"
I do both.
hold by beer
One thing i've noticed about IRL relationships is that all real-life relationships will naturally have problems that you'll have to face and deal with, whether it be drama in friend groups, or family or spouse, or co-workers,etc. But online, if you have an issue with a community, you can literally just leave the community with a click of a button and the problem (seemingly) goes away. I think people appreciate that convenience. They never have to "work-out" the problems that come with building a genuine relationship with someone or growing a community, they can just hang out in an online forum until a problem or disagreement arises, and then just move on to the next one.
There's also no responsibility to check-in or hang out with someone online. In person, if someone makes plans with you, or an event is scheduled in you're community, there's like this implied responsibility that you show up. Not everyone see's it that way, but a lot of people will make an effort to go to a party, or wedding, or get-together if invited. And I think that helps alot in building community and building strong relationships and maybe helps alleviate loneliness. But online, if you host an event on a discord server or have a stream celebrating something and ask people on the internet to come, somehow (at least to me) it feels way less serious. Maybe that makes people online less motivated to show up for things or to engage in online communities to a degree where a real relationship could form, and thus they feel lonelier.
Its just my two cents though, could be way off mark here.
I think you're right. There's a huge difference I've noticed between people my own age (gen x/older millennials) and younger people. The younger ones are much happier just throwing away a friendship if things don't go perfectly, believing they deserve better or don't have to deal with anyone who has baggage. Social media and to a lesser extent, the internet, is teaching people that there is always more choice and they can just keep looking for the perfect "ready-meal" of a relationship, without having to do the hard work. Which is contributing to so many people being lonely. We're creating a society where relationships are becoming disposable and replaceable and those being disposed and replaced are becoming increasingly bitter and cynical. That's the opposite of how humans are meant to work socially. We're tribal and cooperative, we're meant to build strong bonds over our lives because that was the only way our ancestors could survive. So without those strong bonds that come from relationships that overcome adversity, our mental health suffers and the result is what we see in this video.
@@Toxichobbit. Cooperation is necessary only until task is completed.
I think you are on the right track. It’s similar to how people interact online in ways they would never interact in person. I.e. instant toxicity.
I think this is more prominent of a problem than is being discussed. I see it like this: online you can be your complete and full self. You can be as charismatic, annoying, mean or caring at the most extremes which you can't outside of that. So it's easier to be a dick online for example cause not only will you find people who will have your back but if you get pushed out you can just go somewhere else. You can absolutely sperg out online, you can't in real life and I think that people not wanting to regulate their behavior to better assimilate into society are the people with a lot of these issues.
Exactly, just block someone online and move on lol.
I think the environment that you’re raised in has a huge impact. As someone who has lived in the middle of nowhere my whole life I think it’s just easier to be alone since that’s always been my environment because I only get lonely when I’m surrounded by people who I just don’t connect with
yeah. A majority of the US population grew up in a city, so their personality isn't built to handle being socially isolated.
Or you just like idea of truly being yourself. You don't get to be truly yourself around other people, you have to conform to things, that other people expect of you.
Yup, definitely. It's always about which environment you're born in. I see a lot of ppl disagreeing with asmon don't see the bigger picture. And now, especially with the rise of entertainment, fewer people have the need to go out talk to other ppl.
This is a super interesting take on this. It really shows the variables is psychology, and how cities really affect that.
Asmon makes a good point, used to be that you could be friends with people with whom you occasionally passionately disagreed with. Doesn't seem as common now and it's easier to just cancel people when they disagree with you
So true
So fkn true. Had a friend i argued with almost daily for 6 years, always disagreeing on something but still spending time together be it videogames or a trip to find some chthonic wood working instrument.
Then he hanged himself because of family and college related stuff, now i'm just sitting there alone most of the time, still have some other friends but i spend at most 5% of the time with them compared to what i spent with him.
For me, I really need moments to myself. It's draining for me when I go so long interacting and socialiszing with people. The times I'm alone or by myself, I use that time to recharge and process everything. It's a balance between socializing and taking time for yourself.
Needed this video, I stopped talking to my friends and got wrapped up in my girlfriend's life and her friends, now six years later - we are breaking up and other than my family in a different country, it's just me and my cat this Christmas. I'm 31. Merry Christmas folks!
Enjoy your Christmas with cat, it's not the worst thing out there. You should be able to recover and rebuild your social life, but next time don't be stupid and live someone else's life instead your own. Your career, hobbies, friends and yourself should remain VERY high in priority list. Real women will respect you more if you keep your integrity instead of wrapping up with her life and friends. It was stupid thing to do, but you are relatively young and such mistake is forgivable and fixable.
you're not wrong brother @@GoranStosic85
I know it's a few days late, but hang in there. Life can have some major swings, and it sounds like you're going through one right now. Try to reconnect with friends or family you haven't talked to in a while. I know for me, my friends that i didn't talk to in years were the only thing that kept me sane in a similar situation as yours. and most of all, try to make some new friends too. you got this
Thankfully the nerd community has better openings for finding new friends than most. We have arcades, lans, board game cards, D&D gatherings etc.
You're better off going to one of those events than anything else to give a new tribe IMO, though yeah that first step can feel hard
Huge mistake you'll never repeat again. I did it too. Ex-girlfriend wasn't the one, was very high maintenance just to keep around, I'm glad it's over.
I found a much sweeter smarter woman who doesn't compromise my platonic relationships. When a person is too high maintenance for you to keep your friends around, run. They'll eventually leave you anyways, and you'll have lost your friends with them. Just had this happen last year with my former best friend. He got a girlfriend who he thinks is far too good for him, so he tries much too hard and has become emotionally unavailable for anyone else. They'll end up breaking up, not because she's actually that much better but because desperation/trying too hard never works romantically.
Loneliness is happening because the options of “keeping busy” solo has exponentially expanded.
Entertainment moved from being outside to technology, technology went from local LAN setups to online multiplayer, movies at a cinema turned to streaming, and the lack to go out and do the things that still remain outdoor activities due to a platitude of reasons, has all culminated in a dispersed social environment.
Social media made it easy to meet people but not make friends. You don’t like the way they talk, delete, while before if you wanted enough people in the game you just dealt with it and they became good friends once you got to know them. Short term friendships.
Someone has never been to a party full of people and felt completely alone, and it shows ... Some of loneliness is physical isolation but a larger part is a mental health factor where you do not know how to form connections with people who are right there with you, feel like you can't properly express how you think and feel in a way that you can relate to others.
He dis say this in the video...that he doesn't understand cause he never experienced any of this...its still nice to see other people's opinions😂
I used to suffer from loneliness a lot in my late 20s and early 30s.
Things that helped me:
I joined my local church choir
I started learning programming at my local institute of technology
It's been 5 years now since I joined my choir and each and every member is a dear friend to me, almost like family. It's been 3 years since I started learning programming and I regularly hang out with friends I made along the way in some of the courses, and ontop of that I am now a full stack developer as a bonus. The key is to find something you are passionate about and join the community of like-minded people, be it sports, hobbies, learning, or a form of art. You first have to develop a passion for something, be it singing, dancing, drawing, sports, writing, programming, or designing. That alone will stave off your loneliness by a great deal. As many people said here, I now don't feel lonely even if I am at home by myself most of the time in front of my computer partly because I am busy developing apps but also because I communicate with my friends on discord and also I regularly see them and can hang out with them if I want to. I hope you have a wonderful holidays, be it by yourself or with friends and family.
Asmon you are talking to and being heard by thousands of people daily. You are never alone. Your parasociality levels are out the charts and it satisfies your social needs. Others dont have that.
I'm sure it probably helps, but it's not the same as looking someone in the eyes and breathing the same air as them; there's no replacement for that.
Like he said, he just doesn't feel a strong need for that in the first place.
@@Maelthorn1337he sees his dad regularly and at least hangs out with friends once a week via his podcast. Not to mention interacting with people due to his businesses. A lot of people have much less than that.
@@ItsBluecheeseWithWingsOrGo_ I'm not gonna argue with that. I think if those things were taken away from him somehow he'd almost certainly be horribly lonely.
I think a person would either have to be some form of psychotic _or_ well on their way to spiritual enlightenment in order to be comfortable in complete solitude.
Asmon has a real friend group though, he still keeps up with friends that he grew up with, friends he's gamed with his whole life, his dad, etc. etc. He might view it as him "liking being alone more" but the reality is, he wouldn't feel that way if he didn't actually have a healthy social life outside of streaming.
Or even worse they try to be a streamers to build a community to not feel lonely then fail.
Being alone is addicting. You isolate yourself from others and find a lot of enjoyment in it. At somepoint you may be at a point where you want to share that peace and that is where I think. Well off loners start to feel lonely.
I've gone full circle, felt alone my whole life, met someone shared my peace, broke up, felt alone again for years, now I feel safe and secure being alone and having actual people to care about makes me anxious.
anything that doesn't require you to use your mental faculties to a higher degree than you're able to, is addictive.
For very few people, i guess.
Ironically, I do this with my girlfriend. Me and her don't really have friends outside our relationship but we love being in each other's company. Sometimes we just enjoy our presence, without being actively talking or engaging
really interesting video, i was having these feelings for some time now and i just don't care anymore and just let it happen, if i find people that i can interact it's good enough, i'm not going into full details for personal reasons, i have depression and it really sucks when it comes to find new people irl and not just random people on the internet, i want to experience that feeling of having someone to play games with and make stupid jokes, like i did with my cousin but the people that i found in my years have been horrible people, so now my main focus is gaming and other hobbies because this what makes me happy, i don't have twitter anymore (thank god) because that place is depressing, the only thing i have to say about this is, enjoy doing things you like and one day you might find someone cool to hang out with, you don't need a big group of friends (because they might just ignore you for someone else), just having 1 friend is good enough in my opinion and less of a headache, stay strong and move forward, you did not reach this far to give up.
Honestly in all my self reflection I believe what made me this socially awkward was that my self awareness early developed very early in my life. I didn't wanna be perceived as a cry baby and shy which made me isolate myself very early on in life. On the other hand some points in my life were I let loose and didn't worry about it was the most friends I had ever, just joking around acting like a goofball really helped. Well this spiralled in to this inability to to converse which just got worse with the pandemic. It also feels much worse when you have a friends you hang out with where you know you aren't their main friend.
So glad I was born an introvert, being in this increasingly isolated society has to be tough for people whose brains are not wired for isolation.
That's positive but also saddening. I think we all should reach out to one another more, but boundaries are necessary. I wish you all the happiness and luck, friend.
Nobody's brains are wired for isolation, that's been well established in the literature.
Introvert doesn't mean you want literally 0 human interaction, it just means that social interaction tires you out rather than invigorates you.
Humans are evolutionarily evolved tribal animals, and isolationism is not in our program.
@@Awful.Productions It’s even sadder when those people have had people in their lives who were the same either far away or in real life and never appreciated it because of feeling lonely still or depressed,Sometimes it’s no one’s fault but being human.
@@kutark I don't get lonely, like ever though. During covid I spent a year alone totally isolated and I felt fine.
Humans are not meant to be alone. We're social animals. If you never feel lonely that's good for you, I guess, but kinda weird, no offence.
After a point you become scared of making friends, making a mental/emotional connection that you know will eventually break is scary. Slowly you stop making new friends, lose older ones and so on
having emotions get you taken advantage of
I feel ya. A lot of people or friends aren’t good friends. If they’re really friends at all. A lot of enemies in disguises to hide their true colors…. Best people I ever got along with we either clashed or didn’t like. Though sometimes those are real friends because they won’t just go along to get along and speak up if they don’t agree. If a simple fight breaks your friendship. Then they were never really your friend.
Well in my case, that doesn't stop me from making friends. The difference is that nowadays i always keep my friendships at arms length. I try to never get too emotionally attached to anyone so should the relationship breaks, it was only casual anyway
@Reaper_T2
i disagree i am 42 and i made a New Really Really good Friendship with a 30 Year old 1 Year ago. When i thought i was to old to connect with people.
7:20
I'm in this situation. A nonstop feeling of disconnect with others and the inability to feel like i can talk to someone.
I used to feel that my being alone was my own choice. But eventually i started feeling that i had a disconnect with people, i couldn't communicate even if i wanted to.
The mention of third spaces makes it worse imo. I go to concerts frequently and attend events. But the issue is people usually go with group of friends and thus i feel like the odd person for going alone and increases my anxiety.
To cope with the anxiety and keep my mind from wondering i usually listen to music but that only further isolates myself from others.
Hey man u popped up in my auto play today and you just kept playing lol love the stuff nice to have thinker on the web instead of random bs subbed
When im doing alright, i enjoy being alone where i can focus on my hobbies and improving myself. Its when something bad happens that i feel very lonely. I think a lot of people are having a hard time finding meaningful connections in their life. We are surrounded by each other in person and online, yet how many people do you speak honestly to and form real connections with. The internet might have made some completely stay inside but this is a problem bigger than just technology making people not wanna go outside. It feels like we lost the ability to connect, which i guess could be the internets fault.
I think you're totally right. There probably isn't one answer to why it's so hard to have meaningful connections now, but a lot of reasons that compound.
I try and check in with everyone I spend time with when I can. Even if it's just asking someone how life has been, but it's up to that person to open up or not.
I think the Internet has led people to think they have to put up a persona of their best self even when they aren't doing ok, and it leads to a lot of inauthenticity and shallow relationships.
"I like being alone" saids the social media star.
Ye, they're all hypocrites
Expecting him to have some great big understanding for a position he's never been in is a little naive.
probably shouldn’t imply that he hasn’t always felt this way.. yanno even before the “stardom”.
@@RedactedMemo if u suffered before, u know what's like and therefore, u don't shit on other ppl that are in the same condition where u were
@@lucadesanctis563 right. i don’t disagree. i’m saying, maybe he’s never suffered the feeling because he’s genuinely always liked being alone. i’m not a social media star and i’ve always had a general appreciation for my aloneness. sure a few times i wished i had more people, but overall i valued it.
I can be in a room with a hundred people i know, and still feel lonely. It's not about having people around you are being social, but more so about feeling like no one truely knows or understands you. That no matter what, the real you and the you you present outwards, will never be able to coexist. It makes you feel a huge disconnect, as if whenever you talk or interact with people, they are never truely talking or interacting with you, but just a shell of who you are expected to be instead.
I hope this helped put some perspective on the feeling for you. I'd love to hear other peoples experience on this.
I met a couple of guys during classic wow and we been on hunting trips together for 2 years
I think online friendships are what you make them. If you’re too scared to make friends irl, then you won’t make that leap to close the gap with your online friends either.
Id say 90% of the friends have been friends only because the interactions were convenient. For example the neiborhood kids' i played with the kids in my class' and now work friends. Some of them became more aka i stayed in contact with them after they left the job or graduation. I've got no issues talking to people as a works a retail job but as a gamer outside of work its really just direct family i talk to.
I mean, that's how you make friends, you get to know the people around you, because they are around you, and a few of them you really enjoy interacting with, and when they really enjoy interacting with you too, you spend more time with them than others, and you get to know them better.
At somepoint that turns from acquaintances to friends.
For real, most of my friends i have now were school friends, we're friends only because we went to the same school. They aren't into the same things as me so i just go to metal shows alone and befriend randomers while i wait til 5am for the first bus back and never see them again
This is another reason, many people just want family and kids and don't care about having friends, maybe 1-2. But people who don't have a family or don't want one, feel lonely in a society where the only way to have a family is through sexual and romantic relationships. You can't live with friends and call it a family for instance and if you do, it is considered a phase you have in your early 20s.
@@Bombay.Badboysuch is the beauty of life
Asmon cannot compare himself to people that are really lonely, as he gets a lot of contact and it looks like he has people that care for him, being self-sufficient by choice and being forced to self-sufficiency are two different beasts.
While true that he’s self sufficient by choice, I think it’s ignorant to assume that just because you have people care about you doesn’t mean you can’t be lonely. You can feel lonely in a full room.
Celebrities commit suicide, of which loneliness plays a role, yet they have millions of people who would eagerly have lunch with them at a moments notice.
Don’t discredit people. He wasn’t comparing himself to nullify the issue, he was sharing the experience of his life on earth.
@@JakoMacroI think discrediting is something different, and yes I agree with you that you can be lonely even in a full room, but it didn't look like he was talking about people having friends etc.
and again he cannot compare his situation with those people doesn't mean he cannot have an opinion and isn't right in what he says, my whole point is he is in a much better situation then the people we are talking about here.
Asmon: oh, people can feel that??!!
Basically in every video showing problems of other people.
@@joshanonlineThe thing is he doesn't invalidate the way others feel just because he can't relate. I think that's why I enjoy watching his reactions so much
@@JalenKenobiye like he isn't saying "I don't experience this so it isn't real" he's just saying that he doesn't experience it and that's that
man i really love his examples in gaming format. really puts it in perspective for us lol
Stay humble your father is right. It is way worse to be the other person. Thank you for re-teaching/reminding me how to reflect/ to reflect in general.
Asmongold hitting us with this on Christmas Eve is really making the AI algorithm work hard 🤣
Mental health issues are high, and empathy is low. People who have dont understand those who have not. Thankfully there are still many really great people out there. If youve never experienced lonliness youre a lucky one. Check in with your friends especially at this time of the year. No ones guarenteed tomorrow.
Decente ppl are 1 out of 10. I've never met truly dedicated ppl in almost 33 years... All thinking bout themselves and ready to insult
empathy is a difficult one, at the moment with the economy in tatters people have very low tolerance for people who dont work, especially when the excuse for not working is "bad mental health" theres a lot of people out there who exploit this and its very difficult to work out which people are genuine and which are playing the system so most people just lump them all into the category of playing the system which is why empathy is low. its also kind of an insult to people who worked extrodinarily hard in the past to give you the best life you can have all for you to say "im not going to work today, im having a mental health day". its a difficult one.
To be fair, empathy is a resource like any other. Most people have a lot on their proverbial plates, and extending that emotional resource towards others is often taxing. And fair or not, some have more or less emotional capacity than others.
And let's not pretend "empathy" means shit if all it is is lip service. Anyone can say they feel bad for people who are lonely. Only a hero is willing to put in the time and effort helping a person claw their way out of that horrible state.
I guess my point is, be mindful of the picture you paint of humanity, as often the negatives are far more visible than the positives and neutrals, and this can lead to a warped perspective as well as a depressing one.
I totally agree that "conveniency" are one of the factors that causes loneliness, and this is truer than ever. For example, people tend to online shop instead of going to the mall to shop, because it is more convenient.
This one really hit me quite hard. As a teen I had loads of friends, I played games but was also sporty, did swimming and rugby at a high level so I was kind of a social chameleon but I also gamed hard, CS was my youth. During uni my friends circle dwindled to mostly gamers/people who were in my course. As an adult my friends circle went down to people I worked with pretty much. Then I got married and had kids and fell off the map socially for years. Now I'm 37 and I have like two friends that I see every few months that's it. Sure plenty of parents I know through our kids and we get on well but I wouldn't describe it as a friendship. I feel lonely very often. Everyone my age is working and spending time with family that's about it.
Tbh, for the past half of this year, i've actively stopped interacting with my coworkers. As a dishwasher, i'm usually in my area doing mindless work, and nobody really has much reason to talk with me. For the most part at places of employment, especially in restaurants, everyone socializes with the people working directly with them, so for dishwashers, you're usually left out of the conversation, since the cooks are talking with each other as they work, the servers are talking with each other and with the cooks, but the dishperson is usually working by themself in the back.
This sense of disconnect likely plays a part in why the job can feel so overwelming and alone in ways. I usually have to juggle everything incoming, put dishes away so the cooks and servers can reuse them. It can feel a bit disheartening when the only reason anyone talks with you is to ask you to prioritize something, or when theyre shoving things they want you to do in your space. Almost as if you're nothing more than the machine you operate to wash the dishes.
On one particular day, i walked in to my area flooded with dishes, and everyone else was just meandering around, bullshitting with each other and laughing. In my frustration, not wanting to listen to their BS as I slaved away. i put my huge earmuff headphones on, set it to max volume, and worked the entire day just blasting my music. Funnily enough, that was the happiest night i'd had at work in a long time. Drowning out everything else around me and just doing my work coincidentally shut up the feelings of loneliness and frustration in my head. Nobody complained, even though headphones are generally frowned upon in the workplace, so I've switched to using bluetooth earbuds, listening to youtube videos that i dont need to watch to follow along with, or my spotify playlists. Where i used to feel like everyone was working against me at work, my overall mood has improved considerably.
I'd be curious to hear an update on this in a year or two. It doesn't sound sustainable emotionally, especially if you don't have close friends outside work.
What a read, I worked at a restaurant for about 3 months as a cook and absolutely noticed what you mentioned on who interacts with who. The dishwasher guy was in the corner by himself and I was always cooking talking with the 4 other cooks next to me.
Have to say you got your facts straight 😅 Hopefully you're doing something better now.
Zach, it's because you stream and interact with us on Twitch. If you were doing things alone without interaction things would be different.
Exactly! He has thousands of people that are waiting to listen and interact with him everyday. He can invite as many people to his house or to hangout and they would show.If he was a normal dude working a 9-5 he would realize that's his friends have kids now and his old man is the only person he could hangout
No i don't think so. Of course i Stream too. But most of time i alone too. I stream alone i live alone but i don't feel loneliness. I'm Happy to be alone. I got my budgies. And i got 1 friend and my family its enough. I was always alone. Thats okay i can Zack fully understand here. I was alone before Smartphones 😄
It’s easy to assume that, but I’d say he probably knows himself more than you know him. I also prefer spending time alone and I don’t stream, so it may not be as big a variable as you think.
Be careful not to discredit people’s opinions.
That’s enough for him. And that’s okay. But that’s not enough for a lot of people, and that’s the truth. Since he’s not a very social person, little social interaction is enough for him to not feel alone. But for other people who are more social (and maybe can’t be social due to other factors, such as anxiety, shyness, lack of assertiveness or confidence, etc) it’s really painful because they need more. And that’s also valid, but you won’t achieve happiness following Asmon’s advice if you aren’t like him already. If you need more, you should lose that fear and go out and reach out, because following Asmon’s path will only lead you to more loneliness. Most humans NEED each other, and the fact that solitary people like Asmon exist is just a side of humans. Other humans want and need other humans for emotional support, in fact is the majority. Solitary people aren’t that common (true solitary like hermits) if you are alone or feel alone you aren’t really solitary, you just happen to be in isolation due to other factors, as mentioned before.
@@PossibleBat Asmon is never isolated. He runs multiple organizations and interacts with people all the time.
i understand the request for evidence regarding the cigarette health comparison, however, its been well documented that stress from mental neglect ( really, stress in general) significantly affect your all cause mortality rate. then compound it as they dont get help. high bp. the silent killer. its amazing how surprising the affects of things that arent physical can have on the physical to people.
I love how Asmon talk about the exact thing I was thinking. I also graduated college in 2010 and feeling impossible to find a job and indeed would advertise to potential employees. Now they advertise to employers and yet people still struggle to live.
When you're in a busy high street, you generally don't see many people interacting. Where as if you're in the countryside, you see a lot more people idly chatting. I think a large component is small and large community differences.
The irony is that a busy high street there are far more people interacting and chatting all over the place. They are just not being idle while doing so.
I'd disagree, I'm from the countryside in the UK and people here are just as stand-offish and not interested in interacting as they are in the city
I've been bouncing between you and Josh Strife for weeks now, he brought up "quit moments" in game design in one of his videos, and how they prevent people ever getting into your game, and then i watch this and its just starting to seem that there are more of those moments in the development of connections between people irl then ever before and its just burning people out on other people even if it really isn't that harsh.
6:00 anyone else love how they used LAZERHAWK music here? It’s either “So Far Away” or “Distress Signal”. I remember living in LA, feeling catastrophically lonely in 2012 after a breakup, and then oddly better after rocking out to some Lazerhawk. It really knew how to fit the vibe.
The quality of human contact has deteriorated significantly. I think this is why people feel alone. Im 46 and I feel sorry for the kids now growing up. Growing up in the 80's and 90's we still had non scrupulous bonds with people. It could be that people are scared to be alone because when they arent alone they still feel alone. I cant remember feeling this way 20-30 years ago.
I’m just wired differently I guess. I don’t really get lonely, but I do start getting a high level of anxiety the longer I’m around people without getting any time to myself.
It's OK that's normal, you're an Introvert. We can't be around people too long it's draining. You can either slowly get better about it and find your limit. Or accept the limit you have. It can even depend on the people you are around.
I had friends who were very understanding of the Introverted people in our group so we could be comfortable for hours. 😊
I have the same thing with large groups of people.
Same, dude.
We grew up differently and was taught differently when surrounded by people
When I was a kid (about 10 to 17) I struggled so badly to make friends, and I always hated the loneliness. A lot of how I learned to make friends was through observation and listening more than trying to talk to other people. It wasn't until I hit 19 where I really figured out how to capitalize off of observing other's behaviors and listening in on what may interest them, and even then when I didn't really observe, I just started talking to others, and there was a very certain charisma that's helped me manage making friends and keeping them. It's a really bizarre feeling given that I utterly loathe the company of most other people and usually still prefer to be alone. If there's any advice I can give to people who struggle making friends, if you are usually in an environment where you work with people, go to school, teach, or even just go to bars or events, just listen, watch and think of what you can say to engage with people. It's genuinely impressive how things change when you take the time to learn and build confidence as a way to engage with others. Don't lose hope my friends, and don't you dare go hollow.
There is a difference in feeling loneliness and wanting to be alone. I love being alone however I do get lonely at times when I am having certain situations in my life.
I needed this video tbh. I think it helped me.
Asmongold and this loneliness epidemic video reminded me of Friedrich Nietzsche's the Last Man. Nietzsche argued that following the death of god (the idea of a god - back then Christianity was the main religion in Western Europe and it was in decline), people would live a life of self indulgence, stagnation and bitterness because that's what people would believe to be "true happiness"; he called these people The Last Men (as in the last men before the fall of civilization). If you want an exaggerated form of the idea of the Last Man, think of the dude in The Big Lebowski. Nietzsche argued that such people live a life of quiet nihilism/despair and that they cared for nothing and no one (not even themselves). As a result morality will slowly shift from absolutes (right/wrong) to relative morality where the ends justify the means. A kind of dystopia where everyone's expendable/ life is no longer sacred and people are thought as a means to an end (kind of like how corporations are treating people nowadays). In this context, it makes complete sense that hyper-individualism would be the resultant trend in the 1970s. People are too preoccupied with their own wants and needs (mainly indulgence in pleasure) and care less about others/community.
I was at a house party recently and noticed how people approached each other/got to know each other and I was off put ever since. People would ask each other a series of questions in turn with a monotone voice and low energy posture (think someone who's bored asking a question to pass the time) until they stumble into a shared connection or something they have in common. Once that happened, the tone of voice shifts to a higher energy one with a lot of dynamism, their eyes would light up and they would immediately smile/ get excited. They were looking for those dopamine hits... They were treating social interaction more like a drug. There was no genuine interest there, they were mutually using each other for pleasure. Wouldn't you also feel lonely in that environment?
Nietzsche was a big brain. He knew this kinda shit was coming along!
I been struggling with this my whole life....its like i crave this brotherhood that dosent exist anymore, its the type of thing where i feel like people have mistaken my kindness for weakness 1 to many times and im just burnt out on dealing with people. Iv lived in 6 different states and met more people in my life then i can remember. At the end of the day if some shit went down and i needed to call someone i thought would 100% be there for me, the answer is no one.
Damn i feel you man. I have very few friends,and every time they needed me,i dropped everything and meet them,helped them moving etc. But when i think about it,i dont think they would do the same for me. People are hard to deal with and you never know who is genuine or just use you.
I was used and abused so many times by "friends" growing up I don't trust anyone anymore at this point, they all just want something from you... to use your resources and kindness to benefit themselves.
@@JoshDragRace0688 Brother this is because you are a perfect victim for these things. You need to develop yourself and improve your mental health. This can require a lot of work. However, it is not bad luck if everyone abuses you and takes advantage of you. It's because you attract these people. You know these people acted in ways which are logically inconsistent with the behaviour of a genuine person long before they hurt you. You can and probably did spot that. Understand that. Be kind, but enforce boundaries unapologetically. Develop your social skills. Improve mental health. Develop your skills, become knowledgeable, invest time and effort in yourself. When you do these things you develop resilience and confidence, which causes manipulative people to become uninterested. It also makes it trivial in most cases to spot malicious/abusive actors.
@@domerame5913 Ya I know, I do that now, I have to act not like myself to even exist in this f'd up world full of sociopaths and psychopaths that will abuse the nice person at any moment for their own gain.
The majority anyway.
i watch things like this and it makes me soo happy i have freinds, wife, kids, etc. etc. feel terrible that people are really going through this.. it makes me so sad that all it will take is to put the phone away and go out in the world. put yourself out there. talk to people
I don't have any friends anymore, the only people I am around for an extended period are coworkers. Otherwise I spend my time alone at home with my dog. Before COVID I had a handful of friends, and at least somewhat of a social life, I was still introverted and it wasn't super active but I'd still see friends and do stuff socially maybe once a week or two weeks. Now I don't see anybody, I don't talk to anyone, I just work, sleep, eat, repeat. I sometimes feel lonely, and I know it's not a healthy way to exist but I just don't know what to do about it anymore, and I've kind of convinced myself into believing this is all life has to offer now while I patiently await sweet oblivion.
Re: the girl breaking down saying she doesn't know how to make friends. I completely empathize and relate to her. A couple of years ago, I had a similar breakdown where I just realized I was SO lonely, and it was affecting my mental health...I felt so sad and scared for myself and realized how many dark thoughts I was having during that time due to the stress of feeling alone. I'm in my early 30's and I don't have social anxiety, but I don't really like the typical "going out" and during the pandemic, I did my best to avoid going out as much as possible. It just became a habit that fed into itself. I realized that other than my partner, I didn't have any close friends who I could really confide in, that I could support and gain support from, and in turn that I didn't really know how to make friendships with people. In gaming, sure I had many associates I'd met through mmo's, but everyone had their friend groups and didn't seem interested in investing the time into developing anything new.
I would say that now, I create more opportunities for myself to meet people, and I try to be more open with people and put myself out there more. I'm hoping that the reciprocal nature of relationships makes making friends easier for me. But damn, it feels like the culture now is so geared towards surface level relationships and that hardly anyone wants to make those connections even though I know so many people are lonely as well.
I'm the same, I'm not really social awkward or have anxiety, but at the same time, I've recently within the past year since the start of 2023 began approaching and talking to more people, but so far out of the 500+ people I'd say I've approached so far, nothing has come of it.
Most people don't want to interact, the way people make friends has completely changed in my opinion, if you didn't go to school, college/university, or work with someone, they don't want to know you
Social anxiety is a bitch but it can be beat. I am living proof. I got sick of it in my late teens. I forced myself to look people in the eye when we spoke. I put myself in uncomfortable situations on purpose. I realized things about myself and began to understand why I was the way I was. That was HUGE! I started thinking about how I was mostly raised around women and I am actually comfortable around them. This for example gave me just enough confidence I needed to go get out there and be less shy and more out going with girls. Try practicing with family or close friends. Get out of your comfort zone with them. Practice with speaking and learning to make small talk or learning to empathize with people all will help. Meditation has also been a game changer. I was like 19 when I decided to buck up and I am now 35 with no issues communicating anywhere. I can feel that mother f'n anxiety linger there but I have had the skill to supress it for years now. It gets better if you can find things that work for you. Please trust me. Good luck yo
“Other than my partner” 😅
Imagine those not having a partner as well...
I am 24 and I have a mild case of Autism and ADHD(most people don't notice unless I tell them). And like I have no fucking clue how to make friends as an adult lmao, like I am a gamer and nerd, I don't drink alcohol and I hate going to clubs/loud music. I still have some friends from school, but we mostly just meet online due to living 4 hours apart. Since I am an introvert it definitely doesn't make me depressed, but it sure as hell makes me feel empty to some degree knowing I am missing out on a lot of shit.
"Men wanna be alone. But we dont wanna be by ourselves" - Patrice O'Neal
Having ADHD and that makes me sometimes feel left out or lonely in social gatherings. Mostly because it can cause issues with the dynamic in a social interactions. But asmon have a great point that really changed it all. And a lot has to do with your mindset, step back and observe, and challenge that Idea. And it’s a lot of expectations that cause you to feel lonely but in reality it’s far from true. So yes, there are probably people that are very lonely, but I believe a lot of this is misconceptions and expectations from yourself that cause you harm. Step back, relax and think about the situation 😋.
Im blessed with a friend group that has been together for over a decade now, ive personally known a few of them for basically my whole life and can confidently say ive never been truly lonely.
I had a breakdown about 3 years ago due to an extensive feeling of loneliness myself (currently 30years old). I was a socially awkward kid at school, bullied during college and high school because I was a fat kid and an easy target for bullying. The group of friends I had during primary school went to a different one, and so the only people I could turn to at the time were my parents, and that's where the problem began to worsen.
When I was young, I was already growing depressed and addicted to video games because they were my only way to entertain and express myself in creative ways. My parents had offered me a gaming console back when I was 6, and it was the only entertainment I had apart from watching TV with my parents or doing homework everyday. I had only one friend who was an extrovert, and his friends had a bad opinion of me so they didn't want me to go out with them. In the end, the choice I had was to either force myself to make friends while being a target of bullying, or stay alone and focus on being a diligent student. I took the second.
My mother would work 5 to 6 days every week, 1 weekend every 2 weekends, going out to work at 5am and only coming home between 9 and 10pm, but most of the time I was already in bed by then. I barely had contact with my mother when growing up except for the days she wasn't at work, but even when she was at home she would think about her workplace. As a nurse, she could be called anytime to work in case of emergencies.
My father was dismissive of me until recent years. Every time I'd do a mistake in anything, he would shout at me. He'd beat me or insult me when I talked about the video games I played to my mother. When he'd find me playing video games instead of doing homework, even if I had already done it, he would look at me as if shaming me, and dismiss my existence altogether. I was scared of him. But when I'd bring back good grades in every test, he never congratulated me, it didn't even look like he cared. Twice he wanted to throw out my consoles and games because I was spending more time playing video games than watching boring TV with my parents.
I didn't have any access to the internet until I was 16. Anytime our home had internet connection problems, I had to call the support centers myself, as my father had no patience for it nor cared because in his own words, he wasn't using the internet box, I was.
Video games and consoles were my refuge to everything happening around me.
Fortunately, I had met another group of friends online back in college, playing CoD MW2, and one person in that group quickly became my best friend. We participated in small online tournaments, we'd always play together after school. We kept in touch for 15 years, and I've been able to move out of my parents' home since 2 years ago, after having a complete meltdown on discord with him there. I was desperate at that moment. Ashamed to ask for his help. "But that's what friends do. Don't worry about it.", he said, and he did. Now I live in his appartment, participating to his rent while I look for work and continue to rebuild myself. The group of friends we have here is cemented, willing to help each other anytime.
I've not been able to find motivation to work out and improve my body yet and I still miss the spark of motivation to work, and it's something I wish to find again. I'm still socially awkward, but that's something I have to work with now.
I won't say my parents didn't take good care of me. They lodged me, fed me and bought me toys and games. But I realize now that this kind of treatment should be expected, even if I'm thankful for it. What I missed was having a connection with my parents, a connection I couldn't have since my mother would mostly think about her work even during her free time, and whenever she showed interest in what I did in my own free time, my father was quick to shut me up and shame me for liking things he didn't want me to like.
Even despite being content being by myself for a long time, the breakdown I had made me realize I missed having a deep connection to a real person, until I was able to make that real later in life.
I'm glad to be out of my parents' toxicity, and I hope that I'll be able to build a future for myself one day.
Don't give up. Your brain is your own worst enemy. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You have your own life, your set of parameters, and each of us has our own.
If something outside of your control affects you and you're unable to do anything about it, that is not your fault.
I believe in you.
Wow, this was inspiring, thank you.
TLDR:
Take the time and read the whole thing. It's truly inspiring, especially if you are feeling lonely.
I'm glad I read the whole thing God bless thanks for sharing. Much love and respect for everything you have been through
Too bad i didnt hv the luck to meet online friends that live in my town. Life do whateva it takes to make u commit suicide at times...and to think there's ppl outside there who deserve nothing.. God, it makes me so angry
Structural loneliness is a cause, primarily of social media; it is DESIGNED it simulate real-life socialization, but to a much more extreme extent, optimizing engagement through dopamine and outrage. It happening right now to me watching this video. At the end of the day, ANY amount of social media use is not a replacement for real-life community.
damn, i must feel lonely because of the dopamine im getting from typing this comment out to you...
i didn't know the B.C era of humans had their structural loneliness stemming from primarily social media...
@scottbuck1572, this comment isn't intended for you....
this bozo really thinks he's a genius by acting like SOCIAL MEIDA is the primal cause for all of this 'structural loneliness' - imagine believing that social media is 'just' the primal cause of this
Correct. Social Media is a poison. We'd all be in a better place without it honestly.
Exactly, the more dopamine people receives the worse it is for them, as an example; it is not as special to receive a compliment nowadays like it was before Social media because is way more common so when it comes to flirt or make friends everyone is so used to read such words they feel nothing about it.
Its F+cked up tbh
I can't be arsed to tip toe around getting to know someone new most of the time these days. It comes at the risk of offending said person because of the ridiculous pool of what's "offensive" these days. A lot of people I meet seem to think they know it all too and meet with ego in a disagreement. Friends don't seem to be forever any more either. Everyone fucks off eventually so all that time and effort put into a friendship goes up in a puff of smoke.
i feel sometimes when i hear people saying that they dont know how to make friends, is more of a fear of people not liking you on the first go, friendship is a long trail of error and you need to try meet people, let some of your individuality go. ofcouse i dont siffer social anxiety and all that, soo i may be way of the tracks on this one, but it seems that way from where am looking at.
I love these type of reactions from asmongold keep them coming brotha🔥
Today, people "socialize" in impenetrable cliques. You have to have known people since childhood. The only way to break in is to be exceptionally outgoing and have some circumstantial reason to. The normal average guy is shunned as an outcast simply for not being part of a clique. Once you are seen in that way, you are forever that way.
I did door to door sales for years and I think there are a lot of parallels to it and making friends. It's also similar to a video Asmond did about dating. There may be 50 people that will slam their door and won't give you the time of day, but it's a numbers game, and eventually, you are gonna meet someone who will listen. It's not about the people who say no or don't want to hang out, it's about the people who say yes and want to kick it. Just focus on wins and put the losses behind you.
Many great points in this video thanks for sharing. Also your point about convenience being a major factor in eroding sociality over time is right on. It's like working out or exercising. The less you do it the more difficult it becomes but it's still beneficial overall and you will miss it when you have poor health. I like being alone most of the time and enjoy my own company. And I would much rather have the option of being alone than being forced to be social, but I don't like society being so isolated that I can't join in on social things when I want to. There should be more balance. I'm a millennial and when I grew up most people had friend groups so I could drift in and out when I needed but now it seems like everyone is alone and there aren't any communal activities or groups. Also I'm starting a mystery society where will will own a castle and private jets and take over the world. Our focus will be on communal gatherings/mania, mystical worship, provisions and productive endeavor. You're welcome to join you must first sacrifice a pinky which will be regrown in a vat by our scientists ;p
Things are a bit better in Third World and Second World countries, because of population density and family values are still important.
I do believe loneliness is one of the biggest killers in the world.
nope thats religion
@@rayallan3650nope that’s the government clown
@thetrashcanman7537 I was about to write a long form, well thought out response , but I think your quick, short response is probably the only thing this person would understand. You summed up about everything I wanted to say in just a few words.
@@rayallan3650you have to have gone to college to have a take that basic
@@rayallan3650were you dropped on your head as a child?
For me, like many others, have lost so many friends over the years because online friendships are so fragile and also built on nothing substantial. I used to be the one to try my best to keep the friendship going but around 2016, I noticed things starting to shift. People became less open to wanting to talk to strangers on the internet on places like Discord which was quite new at that time. As the years went on, I stopped trying to be the one holding friendships together. I put less and less effort into friendships that eventually, I lost most friends. The thing is, there's so many others who experienced this same thing. Even though it's unfair on us, it's a lot of our fault why everyone is feeling lonely nowadays. I feel extremely lonely quite often to a dangerous degree. I just don't have the energy to try with friendships any more and it's the same with many others too. Someone like me could be great friends with me but we don't want to try anymore, resulting in many potential good friendships never happening.
Also people are a lot more selfish today, including me :/
The meds thing reminds me of my grandmother, they said she had a week left so they stopped her meds she immediately improved and lived years afterwards, sometimes the meds are just making shit worse.
Stuff like this is interesting to me, I generally find people I get along with and I have a core group of friends I can count on. But I've always enjoyed even needed plenty of time to myself. Usually it's other people who will point out how little I hang out with others rather than me feeling the need to.
I do feel like that makes me weird but not really lonely.
Being alone is great when you have the opportunity to just contact a friend to hang out when you feel like it, but once you lose that ability that is when the loneliness really kicks in. I have never had many friends, and I now have only one left. This friend however has had health issues for the last 8 years, and it has become extremely difficult to meet up with him since. Ever since that has happened is when I started feeling lonely. I am still actively trying to make friends, and I have had small successes here and there, but they never stick. Its tough out there.
Probably most people who say they love being alone in reality have plenty of social opportunities that they simply choose not to engage with. True loneliness is lack of opportunities. For example, health issues preventing you from going out regularly, or lack of community events, lack of money.
I haven't been out in months because the last time I did, I watched dozens of young 20 somethings just stand in circles on their phones. My group wanted to dance and have a great time. But everyone was zombified, drinking a can of hard seltzer and scrolling through social media. That wasn't what it was like ten years ago when we were their age. My partner and I prefer staying home and playing video games. That's our Fri night.
The reason to me is simply because the people I meet seem less and less likely to share similar values as I get older. I'm into computers/games/space/other thought-provoking things, and 99% of the people I meet today are into fishing, football, the beach, kayaking, etc., aka normies. I keep telling myself, if I have these interests, surely there are others like me, doing the same things, living the same kind of life I am. But I never see them. It's like a mini version of the Fermi paradox. I don't understand it and it's incredibly lonely.
I am 37. I have always spent most of my time alone. I enjoyed it. Now I have no friends. It feels like I am existing to death.
based
looking back on times when i had more friends than i could count (not bragging at all, i have far less now that im older with a 9-5, et.c). a large component of what made that seemingly effortless to me was being involved in things i enjoyed. eg: playing on a sports team, joining a club/fraternity/etc., doing something that gives you a regular struggle and commonality with others. Meeting up just to meet up ive found is harder to establish a true connection because it's based in far less than before. TL;DR: go out and get involved in something positive, you will meet people there
3:19 I'm inclined to agree with you... cause (weird admission dont judge) I used to be an addict. During which I was always around a lot of people and had a lot of "friends" so I was basically never alone for more than maybe an hour in a day. But when I finally got clean (been like 7 years ago) I felt more lonely than I had ever felt before. My marriage had been over already. I split up with my girlfriend and stopped talking to all my "friends" cause I couldn't be around them and stay sober... all of which made me feel extremely lonely. Cause I delt lime I was missing out on being around other people... even though I was around other people... it wasn't the people or women I was used to being around. I felt like I was missing out on life cause I wasn't out hanging out with friends. Looking back on it now I realize how much better it was that I wasn't and now I don't feel lonely often at all... but at the time I really thought I was about to die of loneliness all cause I wasn't around other people and wasn't high and wasn't trying to get girls all the time. Anyway I feel like I've shared more about my personal life than I probably ever should... but that statement just kinda clicked for me and I wanted to give a good example of what you were saying in action so to speak
I never had a problem with making friends tbh. But 95% of that comes with social and communication skills. If you can communicate easily with others and you have a decent understanding of how to be social and not come off as weird
It's always amazing for me how well asmon self reflects, props to him!
I went through my teens and beginning of my 20s with the I need friends mindset, but then when I hit 25 I realized that there is a peace in being alone. No drama from others. I think it is definitely possible to thrive in being alone and not succumb to loneliness. Of course this is just my opinion.
You can share peace. A friend isn't just drama
I think it's because back in the day you were alone so you got used to it, we always have a way to talk to everyone now, the way I see it is that being alone was moved up from "'being near no one and being unable to talk to anyone" to "I have no people I can hangout with weekly" or something of that sort. It's not a bad thing for the goal point to move but it results in a lot more lonely people
I love to listen to you Asmon but it's dangerous how much your videos can keep me interested, I always plan to watch 5 mins but somehow I always finish your 1 hour videos lol
"I try to figure out what fits together rather than what sets me apart, whenever I'm interacting with another person"....Asmongold. This is exactly the answer that would help to bring people together and solve a lot of issues. I have 20 yrs on Zack, yes I'm old and considered a "dad gamer", but have consistently tried to do the same thing my entire life. When enough of us do this very thing, society will benefit in a very profound and positive way. Unfortunately I decided a long time ago, it would be best not to hold my breath.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
Robin Williams
We live in such a divided time that their are iPhone users that won't date Android users, lawl
The sad part is, you're absolutely right
I like to be alone, i will be single until i die.
There's also a thing that's missing from this too. Just like social media impacts peoples ideas of self worth, there is a miss understanding and difference in what a close friend is in society today. There are examples in media that constantly depict people having constant interaction and closeness by proximity, but not everyone define a close friend in that manner.
If nobody else will mention it, I guess I will.
Feminism.
Feminism promised men that their lot in life wouldn't matter, it's okay if they're no longer the breadwinner, women will love them for their souls.
That was a boldfaced lie.
lol found the incel
@@tomogburn2462 I mean, I'm paraphrasing a quote said by a woman (Hannah Wallen) but go off i guess lol
@@tomogburn2462 Jumping to a seemingly negative conclusion about someone when you have very minimal data about them isn't reasonable or helpful
That wasn't love to begin with......
Ijs...
Love is more "unconditional".... selfless.. give & take / compromise.
Anything else -- it is not love.
Lack of income is irrelevant.. except when it comes to greed.
(Lazy, unwilling to do anything, etc.. -- that's a different story)
Ijs
@@tomogburn2462I don't think feminism is the cause of loneliness or the reason men struggle on dating apps. But he is partially right: the promose for men was always that in an equal society women would not care about how much money we make, or how masculine we are, and that we would be judged by our personalities. The pressures put on men were supposed to go down.
Our society is more equal than ever before in the history of humanity. Women even have advantages in some fields. Now it's not just about money, but also about looks, ridiculously high expectations for your mental well being, social skills, fashion sense, and also pressures to be masculine, while not having any negative traits associated with masculinity like being emotionally stunted.
I mean, this promise was clearly a lie. Yet I still see women make the argument that if we take care of their issues and make society more equal, that somehow our issues are fixed automatically. We just need to be quiet, not talk about anything we go through, and someday evil patriarchy is vanished and we are all free. This equation doesn't add up, because women are never pressured to reflect their share of holding up gender roles.
How is this an incel believe? What does that word even matter? It's the reality and we should be able to talk about it.
Previous generations had:
Churches
Real life social events, arcades, roller rinks, etc.
Forced offline interaction.
No flaunting of people's lives on social media.
Even nerds used to have lan parties, meet ups and things like that.
I remember people waiting at gamestops excited at preorder of new games, those lines no longer exist since these games are all online now.
and still do. if you look for it you'll find it. arcades still exist although very different from what they were and people still go there. every time i go to a hobby store on weekends it's packed with people playing warhammer and other table top games. i see a lot group activities in sites like meetup for pub quizzes or dancing meet ups, some of them every week. occasionally i just show up to one of those with a friend or two just to experience something different. it's easier to engage with people when you go to a place where everyone has one thing in common. pub quizzes are a great place, everyone's there for the same thing. most likely you'll get put together in a team with strangers. or you can simply ask if you can join their group. the trick is to search for something that suits you and that it's somewhat regular, like once or twice a week, or every two weeks. you'll meet new people and eventually you'll start to see always the same people and gradually get to know each other
my group of friends years back in college had a rule, every time we go for a dinner out or generally just hang out together . we all put out phones in a tray in the middle of the table, no one answers anything unless its an emergency and no browsing on the internet, we just talked all night. our group usually splinters to two group, people who wants to go to a club and people who wants to chill in a coffee shop but at the end of the night we always meet up in a plaza to chill and talk about our adventures and woes. man i miss those days.
Reason I don't have friends anymore is because people suck. The world has become so toxic and self absorbed. Most people I meet or talk to always want something from you. They always talk about themselves, their lives, and really don't give a shit to ask after you. I got tired of it. I am a great listener, I have empathy...but when I meet new people and everything is "me, me, me" I stay away from them. Too much drama. It sucks, because I had a huge friend group growing up in the 90s, but now? I just prefer to be alone.
Hmm
And here I am watching this on Christmas Eve, away from home and with absolutely nobody by myself. Merry Christmas everybody, hope you're having a nice time.
I used to enjoy being alone alot, never felt lonely. Then I met a certain someone. Someone really special. Before losing them again
And since then I feel lonely all the time. Meaning, for me, loneliness boils down to a desire. The desire for a deeper connection to someone
You are a sage, brother
@@TheXantaur I'm afraid I don't know how to take that
@@TrainerVanyou should take it as “big brain old creepy dude” LOL!
There’s nothing worse than feeling alone in a room full of people. Not having real connection, not feeling apart of the group. Friends grow apart, falling outs happen, friend even die. Some people aren’t really your friends. Having family yet losing connection to friends that understand you. You got good friends, cherish and appreciate that. A lot of people don’t have friends or they don’t have good friends. A lot of my friends were more into drugs and destructive behavior. You try to help reason and sometimes people got save them selves and you got to go into a different direction. It sucks.
Friends is a must and from what ive learnt the key is to have a pure small group of friends rather than a large group where many fake friends appear.