my sister is having problems with her son and husband. dad doesn't discipline at all. they never follow through so the now 13 year old kid, who is very smart, uses tactics to get what he wants. my sister ends up yelling everyday and has totally had it. its hard to give her advice because she just doesn't listen. her life is groundhog day everyday. she has issues similar to her kids and husband. they all have no friends and rarely go outside or do anything physical. they have bad eating habits. basically everything is messed up. she wants help but part of her blocks it. she has high IQ so its hard for her to believe anything or trust it. she ends up thinking herself out of any help. so frustrating. i keep telling her all the help in the world, for almost anything, is online. i found this video in 10 minutes.
What do you do if they child is "old enough to know better" and the child doesn't care, completely disregards consequential choices and takes off running or takes off in the car? Those are my dillemas bc my now ex used to show me disrespect, they saw that
I'm thinking that if his was not so occupied with doing other things he would not have forgotten to bring the slip back to school for the trip. The teacher did the right thing, but could have call his mother/father to come sign another one.
Hi! I am looking for an appropriate logical consequence for a situation with my 13 yr old son. I am realizing that he is not attending to his daily piano practice as a means of getting power and attention from me. He knows that music is extremely important to me, so if he does not practice it is really MY problem. How can I positively turn this around, back off, and create an effective logical consequence? P.s. I get training at the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, MD! Thanks! Aimee
Connection, not attention, is what all people seek. Loving moments of genuine connection literally wire the brain for impulse control and willingness. The biochemistry of love allows us to move beyond power struggles to a willingness to cooperate. Before you impose logical consequences, make sure you have the following components of The Connected Family in tact: predictable routines and nurturing rituals. Once all of that is in place, you may find this behavior plan helpful: consciousdiscipline.com/downloads/book/CD_behavior_plan--v2.1.pdf
Hi. If music is important to YOU, howcome HE is making the practice? Maybe if he practices something the HE loves, he would not give you such a difficult time? How about you try to discover what type of intelligence he has and provide opportunities for him to practice what he loves?
Could be what the other comment suggested or maybe the rule could have been "have it signed by a specific time/ day or you won't be going " and that time passed. So they missed the deadline and the child learns mom can't always fix his problems
When I first heard it, I feel like it could be because sometimes children could forget they have a permission slip in their backpack that needs to be signed. So by the time they need to turn in during class, it’s still blank...
You are redefining the word punishment, a term LONG used in psychology to mean, "a behavior that decreases the likelihood of another behavior reoccurring" (operant conditioning). It is about reducing the likelihood of a behavior occurring in the future. Punishment and consequences is the exact same thing, and I do not want to speculate as to why you are playing a game of semantics with these words. Punishment is not about "deserving" anything or revenge. And what parent is frothing at their mouth to get revenge on their kid? That is not to say that the other things you say are not good, but asking about consequences is NOT the same as saying, "When can we make them pay."
If you look into Adlerian Psychology and the work of Rudolph Dreikurs then this information with make more sense to you. Punishment usually means using shame and blame, aggression, violence (verbal or physical) to "correct" a child's misbehavior. The idea behind natural and logical consequences is to remove the parents anger, disappointment, etc and simply allow the situation to be a teaching experience, resulting in a more positive and healthy relationship and a child with their self esteem in tact.
Even Skinner, who was demonstrating operant conditioning in animal models, said that punishment increases aggression and fear. This is not semantics. There is a big difference between punishment and teaching children responsibility.
This is precisely semantics. Both comments here have failed to hear and acknowledge, or have just disregarded the original comment's understanding of the word punishment. And from the view of conscious discipline there is a special kind of irony in that.
No... many many parents go straight in with punsihment. Which is her exact point. I have seen it time and time again with parents at the end of their teather... they snap straight away. This type of parenting sure is easier if youve worked or are working on yourself first/alongside it.
I have to respectfully disagree with the child management portrayed in this book. If Shubert's mom came down to the school. He would likely be going. That is a resolution since she would sign a slip right then and there... so that was a terrible example. Followed by having the class wish him well when he is in the middle of an emotional breakdown? That to me is NOT being sensitive to the child's emotions or reacting with logical consequences. 😕 logical consequences, were when a teacher explains that you have to have a slip or you can't go. Not. Well, the result is that you cannot go. It is not the application of the consequences, it is the exploration of them. At this point we are no longer exploring, there are only two options, the library or Mrs. Carol. That is not an example of logical consequences... To the child, it does feel like a punishment and they may exhibit emotions that range across the board because they are hurting. Exposing that hurt to the class the way the fictional teacher does in the fictional scenario, is more likely to damage the child's emotional psyche further. Not diminishing the frustration in half. Where is the scientific proof that this works? 🤔 A direct link to where this scenario didn't backfire more than 50% of the time? I think that this is terrible counseling advice for dealing with our children and helping them understand and express emotions when having to deal with a situation that upsets them. Just my prerogative, however as a critical thinker. I suggest everyone ask questions and think for themselves. Never, ever take anything, even educational-type materials at face value. It is called research, and it will help you understand things a whole lot more in-depth. Then this ridiculous example.
We appreciate your feedback. We'd encourage you to learn more about our approach aside from this one video and one book example: consciousdiscipline.com/methodology/
I wish it were required for all teachers and future teachers to be trained in conscious discipline....I see a better world
Very good video on determining what is a consequence and what is a punishment.
I could watch this video every day. Teaching to be disciplined but with empathy.
I am so greatful for the video you are an amazing person.. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your awesome expertise.. thank you ""
That was wonderful. THANK you
Great video about the difference between a punishment and a consequence.
This is incredible. So helpful.
Best vid on subject. Been watching for hours. Thank you so much for sharing. Smiles...
+matt hibbard 😊 #iheartcd 💙
Amazing amazing
I love it
Thx
my sister is having problems with her son and husband. dad doesn't discipline at all. they never follow through so the now 13 year old kid, who is very smart, uses tactics to get what he wants. my sister ends up yelling everyday and has totally had it.
its hard to give her advice because she just doesn't listen. her life is groundhog day everyday. she has issues similar to her kids and husband. they all have no friends and rarely go outside or do anything physical. they have bad eating habits. basically everything is messed up. she wants help but part of her blocks it. she has high IQ so its hard for her to believe anything or trust it. she ends up thinking herself out of any help. so frustrating.
i keep telling her all the help in the world, for almost anything, is online. i found this video in 10 minutes.
Muy 👍 bueno
What do you do if they child is "old enough to know better" and the child doesn't care, completely disregards consequential choices and takes off running or takes off in the car? Those are my dillemas bc my now ex used to show me disrespect, they saw that
I'm thinking that if his was not so occupied with doing other things he would not have forgotten to bring the slip back to school for the trip. The teacher did the right thing, but could have call his mother/father to come sign another one.
Hi! I am looking for an appropriate logical consequence for a situation with my 13 yr old son. I am realizing that he is not attending to his daily piano practice as a means of getting power and attention from me. He knows that music is extremely important to me, so if he does not practice it is really MY problem. How can I positively turn this around, back off, and create an effective logical consequence? P.s. I get training at the Parent Encouragement Program in Kensington, MD! Thanks! Aimee
Connection, not attention, is what all people seek. Loving moments of genuine connection literally wire the brain for impulse control and willingness. The biochemistry of love allows us to move beyond power struggles to a willingness to cooperate. Before you impose logical consequences, make sure you have the following components of The Connected Family in tact: predictable routines and nurturing rituals. Once all of that is in place, you may find this behavior plan helpful: consciousdiscipline.com/downloads/book/CD_behavior_plan--v2.1.pdf
+Conscious Discipline thank you for the video... this is life changing and helpful beyond words.. thank you so much for the video
Hi. If music is important to YOU, howcome HE is making the practice? Maybe if he practices something the HE loves, he would not give you such a difficult time? How about you try to discover what type of intelligence he has and provide opportunities for him to practice what he loves?
I might be missing the point but if the mother came to the school, why didn’t she sign the permission slip?
N Carlyle I think it was in his imagination and she didn’t really come. But it’s a valid question!
Could be what the other comment suggested or maybe the rule could have been "have it signed by a specific time/ day or you won't be going " and that time passed. So they missed the deadline and the child learns mom can't always fix his problems
When I first heard it, I feel like it could be because sometimes children could forget they have a permission slip in their backpack that needs to be signed.
So by the time they need to turn in during class, it’s still blank...
You are redefining the word punishment, a term LONG used in psychology to mean, "a behavior that decreases the likelihood of another behavior reoccurring" (operant conditioning). It is about reducing the likelihood of a behavior occurring in the future. Punishment and consequences is the exact same thing, and I do not want to speculate as to why you are playing a game of semantics with these words.
Punishment is not about "deserving" anything or revenge. And what parent is frothing at their mouth to get revenge on their kid?
That is not to say that the other things you say are not good, but asking about consequences is NOT the same as saying, "When can we make them pay."
If you look into Adlerian Psychology and the work of Rudolph Dreikurs then this information with make more sense to you. Punishment usually means using shame and blame, aggression, violence (verbal or physical) to "correct" a child's misbehavior. The idea behind natural and logical consequences is to remove the parents anger, disappointment, etc and simply allow the situation to be a teaching experience, resulting in a more positive and healthy relationship and a child with their self esteem in tact.
Even Skinner, who was demonstrating operant conditioning in animal models, said that punishment increases aggression and fear. This is not semantics. There is a big difference between punishment and teaching children responsibility.
This is precisely semantics. Both comments here have failed to hear and acknowledge, or have just disregarded the original comment's understanding of the word punishment. And from the view of conscious discipline there is a special kind of irony in that.
No... many many parents go straight in with punsihment. Which is her exact point. I have seen it time and time again with parents at the end of their teather... they snap straight away. This type of parenting sure is easier if youve worked or are working on yourself first/alongside it.
I have to respectfully disagree with the child management portrayed in this book. If Shubert's mom came down to the school. He would likely be going. That is a resolution since she would sign a slip right then and there... so that was a terrible example. Followed by having the class wish him well when he is in the middle of an emotional breakdown? That to me is NOT being sensitive to the child's emotions or reacting with logical consequences. 😕 logical consequences, were when a teacher explains that you have to have a slip or you can't go.
Not.
Well, the result is that you cannot go. It is not the application of the consequences, it is the exploration of them.
At this point we are no longer exploring, there are only two options, the library or Mrs. Carol. That is not an example of logical consequences...
To the child, it does feel like a punishment and they may exhibit emotions that range across the board because they are hurting. Exposing that hurt to the class the way the fictional teacher does in the fictional scenario, is more likely to damage the child's emotional psyche further. Not diminishing the frustration in half. Where is the scientific proof that this works? 🤔 A direct link to where this scenario didn't backfire more than 50% of the time?
I think that this is terrible counseling advice for dealing with our children and helping them understand and express emotions when having to deal with a situation that upsets them.
Just my prerogative, however as a critical thinker.
I suggest everyone ask questions and think for themselves.
Never, ever take anything, even educational-type materials at face value.
It is called research, and it will help you understand things a whole lot more in-depth. Then this ridiculous example.
We appreciate your feedback. We'd encourage you to learn more about our approach aside from this one video and one book example: consciousdiscipline.com/methodology/