10 Facts About Boundaries You May Not Know - Terri Cole
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 6. 06. 2024
- Do you think having boundaries makes you selfish?
That you don't have a right to assert your needs or preferences?
That you can never change your mind once you make a commitment?
Then tune in because you need to hear these 10 truths about boundaries I've learned in my 60 years of being on this earth. đ
This is Part 4 in my This Is 60 Series!
Part 1 on friendships: âą 10 Most Important Less...
Part 2 on love: âą Top 10 Relationship Ti...
Part 3 on success: âą The Truth About Succes...
Time Stamps
0:00 - Introduction
0:18 - 1: Saying no
0:27 - 2: Changing your mind
1:00 - 3: Negotiating for your preferences
1:15 - 4: Expressing your feelings when you choose
1:49 - 5: Voicing your opinions (even if others disagree)
2:35 - 6: Respect, consideration and care
2:55 - 7: Your VIP section
3:52 - 8: Obligation to communicate boundaries
4:17 - 9: Self-care
4:54 - 10: Talk true, be seen, live free
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
âą Get the Respect in You... - Get the Respect in Your Relationships You Deserve With This One Tip
âą Where Do Your Boundari... - Find Out Where Your Boundaries Need Work
âą The 5 Foundational Bou... - The 5 Foundational Boundaries for Epic Relationships
âą Top 5 Boundary-Setting... - Top 5 Boundary-Setting Blocks + How to Overcome Them
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
Connect With Me
Instagram: terricole.com/ig
Community: terricole.com/fbg
TC's VIPs: terricole.com/membership
Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
Resources
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
Insight Timer: insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
Iâm not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
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#boundaries #settingboundaries #boundariesarehealthy #boundarysetting
Thank-you Terri for continuing to show up, share and be a beacon for myself and others to unfold our authentic power with grace and compassion. â€
Thank you for the kind words and for being here! đ
Iâm all about people treating me with respect.its not ok to talk down to me . Iâve recently been experiencing backlash for setting boundaries I just wasnât prepared for this . But Iâm proud of setting boundaries and donât regret it .
I'm proud of you for setting boundaries. What would you do in this situation. I want to tell a couple of people to not walk through my yard... it's a short cut for them...but many times people start dropping trash... I'm afraid to get into a confrontation if they respond argumentively. Any suggestions?
Amen, you have a right to cut those who want to backlash you as well. Toxic people who backlash are really bullies honey.
I am proud of you, too, Janna đđđ Way to go! I wish the boundary-setting road wasn't so bumpy. You're not alone đ
I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing that, Angela. đ Your safety is always the priority, so if you feel like they may get confrontational, then maybe put some signs up in your lawn saying "don't litter"? That could be a low-stakes way to start. Or you could put a trash can there as well. (You shouldn't *have* to do this, but it may help.)
Listening to you makes me feel good
I am so happy to hear that â€ïž
Bless you đ â„ïž đ
Thanks so much Terri†As part of telling the truth - my truth: I asked a man as to why he shared a lot in the first half an hour of our first date about his âbeautiful relationshipâ to a female colleague. He said I was jealous - I did not feel anything like that, simply asked from a place of curiosity then I got blamed. I choose to ask instead of assuming something and continue to do sođ€
Well done you! Major red flag if I may tell my truth.
Way to go!! And his response gives you valuable information about him, too!
I love you Terri You are awesome. You are so right on point with all this. â€
So glad you enjoyed it! â€ïžâ€ïž
I have loved you since I discovered you a few years ago. You manage to hit the nail on the head in such a sweet way. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Christine â€ïžâ€ïž
Amazing content, so helpful. Thank you, Terri!
So glad it was helpful â€ïž
I love yr style so much when u speak, itâs truly beautiful, keep up the good work đđđAaron x
Thank you! đ
Thank you Terri. As a daughter of narcisistic mother, who is also dangerous violent alcoholic - I have to repeat the number 7. to myself again and again... till I stop feeling guilty about going no contact and keep doing it for my mental and physical health. I am suffering from PTSD, had two cancers and autoimmune issues. I have to prioritise self- care.
Yes you do â€ïž I speak a little bit about this in this video: czcams.com/video/AJXBsiJJiUE/video.html at the 12:49 minute mark!
@@terri_cole Thank you Terriâ„ïž
Thank you so much for this series!
You're so welcome! â€ïž
Negotiating your preferences is so important đđ» thank you for this, it couldnât have come at a better time!â€
â€ïžâ€ïž
What do you do when you face backlash and ostercization from firmly and respectfully setting boundaries? How do you create a healthy balance with radical acceptance (about who people really are and about your situation) and when to set boundaries?
This is so hard, so I feel you. â€ïž The dance we've done with our family of origin has been the longest in our lives, and when we begin setting boundaries, we often get the most push back from them because of that. People don't want to change the dance, or it takes them a lot of time to adjust to the new choreography.
I think it depends on the situation and the relationships you want. As I like to say, not everyone belongs in your VIP circle. Even family. All of our adult relationships are voluntary.
It sounds like you want to keep these relationships with family intact. If that's correct, then I would say choose your battles wisely. What are your non-negotiables, and what are you willing to compromise on? Is your family willing to meet in the middle on anything? What are they willing (or unwilling) to talk about?
I would say review the Boundary Boss Bill of Rights (czcams.com/video/WY3I8ox__M4/video.html), too, so you know you're not in the wrong, but that you are making conscious, intentional choices to compromise because you love these people despite their inability to understand your boundaries.
You can also love people from afar. Maybe try lessening your contact or how often you see them (if that feels good to you).
I hope some of that helps, but you're not alone. â€ïž
Hi Terri, I love your videos and really enjoyed this one. I am really interested to know what you think about the interplay between duty and boundaries is. For instance, I've been asked to go my father-in-law's 70th birthday outing to visit a stately home with my daughters, husband, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and his wife. I am really not close to my husband's family, and I really don't want to go. My husband really wants me to be there. What would you advise in this scenario? If I hold my ground and do what I want (ie not go), am I being selfish? Thanks so much for your thoughts.
That's a good Q, Elisabeth! It's always up to you. Having boundaries doesn't mean we don't compromise, but of course, when we do is up to us. There are some things I do for my husband Vic (like go to jazz bars) even though it's not my thing, because I love him and I know me going is meaningful to him.
What's the context around your husband wanting you to go? Is your husband close with his family? Does he want you to be close with them, too? Does he request you to go to family gatherings often, or is this more of a once-in-a-while thing?
There's also mutuality needed, too. Do you request that your husband do things for you because it would make you happy? Does he?
It's really up to you, but I would say if your in-laws are tolerable, there is mutuality (in that you and your husband both make compromises), and it would genuinely make your husband happy, I might consider going. I would also consider it making a deposit of good faith in the relationship. When crap hits the fan, it's useful to have a large amount! But it's really dependent on context.
Your videos always seem to pop up right on timeđ
Your videos are very informative and helpful to međ„čâŠIâm renewing & reinforcing being more verbal about my boundaries. Still trusting & learning the process of several things through my therapy journey but Iâm not giving up
I am cheering you on!! đ