Narcissistic Rage: Part 1
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- čas přidán 3. 09. 2020
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This video describes what narcissistic rage looks like, feels like, and where it comes from. It is the first in a 2-part series. The next video will focus on what the survivors of narcissistic rage do to endure it and how life can be reclaimed after it.
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Thefact that they only do it when they think they can get away with it shows that they do it on purpose.
This!! It's only behind closed doors so to speak. They wouldn't dream of allowing others to see the real them.
No contact is the only solution.
Narcissistic rage comes when you call them out on their BS and "public image." Very frightening that a mother can be so horrific to her only child.
Hard to say that it is worse for an only child. Your mother only had one enabler--your father. My mother had several enablers. I cared for them in ways that were never reciprocated.
I'm not saying I got it worse... just that there is no way to judge.
My father is like this. I'm his only child. Walk away and never look back
The only peace you will ever have is to get away from them. It’s hard especially if you love them so you have to separate your heart from your mind.
I could never tell or explain my mother's rage to anyone, it was just such an indescribable horror that exploded out of the blue and of course nobody was there witnessing these freaky moments - I always thought if my mother at least had hit me black and blue I could have shown the bruises to someone outside, as evidences, it should had attracted attention and i could have been saved.
But, of course, she was too smart for leaving any black and blue evidences on my body, to be scrutinised.
It went on until I finally and definitely walked away 1997, as an 40yo adult, never coming back to put myself in these situations anymore. When it comes to the broad variety of narcissistic abuse I was enduring, not only from my mother but my two sisters as well, what never stopped was the 'Abuse by Proxy', 'Smear Campaigns', etc but I didn't have to be physically present anymore and that was a huge relief to me and I was thankful for that.
I didn't now anything about narcissistic abuse. I learned about it 2014 and oe million split pieces fall in place for me and I understood what I've been through.
So happy you escaped, my goodness.
As the scapegoat, I am always the recipient of my NM rage. It's taken me a long time to connect the dots regarding the strained relationship that we have always had, I'm 61 now and my NM is still screaming and yelling and raging at me, it never stops, I have had to go very low contact with her as it's the only way to protect myself from her abuse. I've also had to distance myself from my GC brothers who invalidate my experience, I think they are so used to me being treated like crap they actually thinks it's normal, so much dysfunction
I'm sorry, go full no-contact if you can!
I feel for you. I'm in the same boat, just that mine moved in with me. She's 90. She doesn't yell (much) just withering hatred unless she gets her way 100%. I'm the only one, my gc sister died. I feel I want to die.
I had a “mother “ like that too so I went no contact six years ago when I was in my late 50’s. Mine actually repeatedly told me to kill my self and had a big nasty smear campaign against me making me look really bad. I think she wouldn’t have cared if I did end my life and she certainly wouldn’t have felt responsible for it in anyway. I hope you’ve left yours behind by now. There’s no hope for them and you only get sicker being treated that badly.
I could have written your comment--except I am a little bit older and my mother is dead. Just a warning... once my mother died, I really understood how dark my sibling are. They were "on best behaviour" to maintain the illusion that we were a "wonderful family." After she died... their raw hatred became evident.
@@fredhubbard7210 After our covert narcissistic mother died, all the previous manipulations of her children became clear. The golden child doubled down in his nastiness, my covert narcissistic sister assumed the role of controller was now hers. The way our mother had pitted her children against each other was now in the open. I am now no contact with them both, subject of course to their flying monkeys and the inevitable slander and smear campaign. I only wish I had gone no contact earlier, rather than wasting efforts attempting to form a salvageable relationship with my disordered siblings. The peace from being out of their toxicity is an absolute luxury.
“Skin-peeling intensity” ugh yes
perfect description - never heard it put like that - but sums up my mother's rage
Character assassination during rage from which there is no way to reason and only submission to annihilation can result.
Jay, here's another great point I have found: NOT ONLY ARE THESE EPISODES OF ANGER AND ABUSE what is damaging to the child, BUT ALSO EVEN DURING RELATIVE PERIODS OF CALM, the narcissistic parent is INCAPABLE of VALIDATING/SHOWING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE to their child, since THEY THEMSELVES NEVER RECEIVED IT FROM THEIR OWN PARENTS. So it is a TWO_FOLD damage being done:
1. daily neglect via lack of unconditional love and lack of validating/empowering the child
2. periodic abuse via outbursts of rage
Thank you your post and it is heart breaking that the narcissistic parent never received the love and care themselves that you would wish every child to receive . I’m nearly 60 and was the scapegoat as a child and went no contact with my family 3 years ago. I couldn’t bear my narcissistic mother any longer and my family are so wrapped up in that way of being it is deemed normal. I am discovering a new way of being and relating and it’s hard to untangle such a harsh way of being and relating. I do feel sorrow for my family members and my mother who is in her 80s still lives in a very harsh way with herself and others. Her childhood was so difficult it makes me cry and she clings to her story that it made her strong and her carers did their best and there is no space for compassion or kindness. There are no winners in this way and it’s borne out of such pain and I’m glad you name the hurt the narcissistic person went through too.
Yes. Two very important points.
This is so true. As a pre-schooler, if I disappointed my mother she would would stop the rest of the family from speaking to me, I would have eat in my room. In short she told me she was obligated by law to feed and house me... so that is what I got.
The shadow cast by that experience will never fade. So much so that I would never even consider sending my daughter to her room.
What you are talking about (I think) is attachment trauma. This has been very much on my mind as of late.
Yup, you figured my childhood out.
The worst thing I could ever do to my mother I did at birth, apparently.
My mother blames my siblings and me that we exist. She thinks her life would be much better if she would not have any children. She blames us children (well in the mean time we are all grown adults) that our dad is our dad. But she was the one who married my dad, not out of love, but because he was a doctor. And she was the one who had 3 children with him. But she blames my siblings an me for us being born and existing. 🤦🏻♀️😂😂😂
U2?
I was born to a teen mum who had me six weeks premature. Apparently that's why she couldn't bond with me, because I was in an incubator. That's how she justifies my scapegoating to herself anyway.
Same - so I've been told by my mother - how dare I exist!
@@helenbiggs4985 Great news!! Celebrate with me!! I quit smoking after 34 years!!! All it took was realizing my mother subconsciously wanted me dead since I was born basically. I've had no withdraws, even around cigarettes. I thought I'd never be able to quit, then pow! There ya go. Thanks God. Now, when I see a cigarette, I just think of 'ol mom.
I've been quit a couple times before, this time is different. I'm done.
Yes, careful expression of rage to only their family.
I was the recipient of everyone’s rage. Be it both parents, a boss, a partner, a sibling, a mother in law, sometimes a co worker or someone I was sharing an apartment with. It was narcissistic rage too, not justifiable anger. Why would someone be a target for just about everyone? I’ve heard that the INFJ Personality type attracts narcissists like crazy. I’m an INFJ. It’s like they hate us for just existing.
Because you’re happy, probably attractive and maybe even successful in a way that they are not. Your existence is a reminder of all that they will never be.
The eyes roam around and then lock on you with withering hate. Your breath catches in your throat.
They scream and yell and rage and say the most despicable things and then they look at you as if you are insane when you react. Do they honestly think there’s nothing wrong with the things they say and the tone they use and the cruelty with which they spew words. Sometimes I think they think it’s totally normal to behave that way and that we are just way too sensitive and there’s something wrong with us. It’s just disgusting they are evil.
They’re totally self unaware. It’s like once they’ve chosen ego and self service over unconditional love from the God source they are hard wired to abuse without remorse. Also they see the person they’re raging at as a non person, only an object. Objects don’t have feelings. I hope that makes some sense.
My mother would show rage through silence instead of being outwardly angry but I felt it. It was like a steady quiet anger that I couldn't put my finger on.
My ex who was diagnosed with ASP D with switch backup for sometimes he would be raging angry and as the other person above said skin peeling and sometimes he would have quiet rage that I could feel was just under the surface or he would stare at me very intensely one time he even asked what Robin? In such a way that made me frightened all the way through my body.
The rage isn't silent. They do silent treatment as one behavior but also fly into a rage. Two different things.
if you want to know how a narcissist rage looks like - scenes from the film Exorcist will be the most accurate
This made me laugh out loud because I was just saying how to myself how he he had his head spending off one day when I told him oh well then f*** y** and so-and-so oh so matter of factory but he went off and it did make me cry at the time but now I laugh about It actually cracked me up for a minute thank you for that comment.
😂
As another scapegoat, I can't remember what he used to say to me that made me cry till I couldn't breathe. Not a clue. Is this normal? Anyone? Happened several times a week or more and I used to run away a lot when I was 3,4,5...
I can't remember anything either. It makes healing very difficult. I keep doubting myself and thinking I was the problem. I really envy people who know exactly what happened. Not knowing is hell.
@@nancybartley4425 Maybe I I don't need to remember what they said, only how they made me feel.
I've been watching a lot of videos on this subject and you sir are describing some very uncomfortable truths about my family. My stepfather's rage is so acute I fear for my financial and physical health. I just don't know how to protect myself.
The ‘closeness’ you mentioned was literally fulfilled a few months ago. The narc stood on one side of the kitchen counter with me on the other. When I articulated a truth about her behavior, she shook, face contorting, slamming the counter and screaming at me. I knew then that if I had been standing on the same side of the counter, she might have physically attacked me, or worse. Horrifying!
Thank you very very much for your clear, precise explanation. It's shed prior unrealized understanding on this topic that I have sought in many resources, but only now clearly understand. Thank you and God bless you.
I hope the evil stops when the narcissist person passes away. I can’t wait to be free.
My narc father finally died 5 years ago and I still feel a tremendous sense of relief but the rest of the family is still trying to play his game.
@@TheSpicehandler Mine died about five years ago too and the narcissistic family really ramped up their hatred and scapegoating of me while he was dying and during the events afterward. I was completely dehumanized by them. I am so relieved he’s dead and I’m wondering if the narcissist “mother “ is still alive. Probably not because she’d be something like 94. I think it would bring me some relief to know she’s not on planet earth anymore. Both of them actively and purposefully destroyed me and my life.
@@christar9527 I hear you! Same! It has been SO illuminating over the years to hear about others who have lived through this kind of hell. A narc family group works up so much denial that we can second guess our own experience for decades as we sort through it all. It's been healing to realize these monsters practically work from a playbook.
Don't count on it! Do you have siblings? It is not that easy. Once they die, you still have so many internalized wounds to heal. I found a sense of euphoria at first... but like those little Chinese girls who had their feet bound, taking the cords away does not equate with healing.
Do all narcissists rage? My mom seems to lack empathy, to be angry, to be indifferent to me, to simply want me to go away. I do not recall her ever touching me or telling me she loved me. She never asked me how my day had gone at school or showed any interest in being with me. She saw me as a failure in early childhood and seemed to want me to fail as an adult. She refused to share time with me except on her terms. She would not come to my home. She looked the other way when my brother (without explanation) told me I could no longer see his kids. However, she never yelled and screamed.
Don't be concerned... you have your experience. She may, or may not have NPD... It is a clinical term, you are not a clinician. But you know you were never close. So much of this stuff, I am increasingly thinking falls within the realm of attachment theory.
If you look at the DSM-X, it is typical that for a diagnosis, you don't need all of the listed pathologies anyway. Moreover, it is not about her... Focus on yourself.
@@fredhubbard7210 I agree so much with your comment about attachment theory. It sets the tone/ stage via the programming imposed on our little undeveloped brains. We have no clue we were set up for confusion and pain from the start. The really sad thing is the damage continues in other ways later. This isn't to blame but simply to finally understand in order to know what has to be dealt with to learn to cope. Thanks for your kind response.
@@nancybartley4610 You are so welcome. It is tragic how the kindest, gentlest people are dragged down, and out of society from such an early age.
Silent treatment and stonewalling are still a manifestation of rage. Then ending the silence as if nothing ever happened. Re silent if u piss them off again.
Antisocial PD (sociopathy or psychopathy) could also be co occurring.
But if you confront her, the RAGE might happen. It definitely sounds like she's a narc.
"It can feel like the narcissist wants the object of their anger to be "left for dead"" Exactly ! Thank you !
After each bout of rage, the narcissist in my childhood would punish the "offender" (i.e. the victim) by forbidding everybody else in the family to speak to that "offender" (i.e. victim). We got punished with "exile" for having been yelled at.
The weather in San Francisco always looks dire.. ;-)
It's all about the coercion, isn't it? Always coercing...
This video video has been uploaded on my birthday ! Great content sir.
I am glad that you understand the horror that these people bring and how it feels endless and feels like a serial killer is just around the corner. I've had multiple narcissistic rage people target me and left feeling scared. Me and my pets
I liked how you pointed out that just *being in proximity* was enough for the narcissist to rage. If I hadn't been there, they would have picked a different target for their rage, it wasn't about me, it was about their dysfunction all along.
Me too I was in the wrong place at the wrong time around the wrong people and I ended up getting in a huge depression and targeted by this dysfunctional Junkie social media narcissists.
Ended up manipulating a lot of people against me and I was going through a hard time as it was. And then they said it was just a joke but I don't find anything funny about it.
And that was more than 5 years ago
Great video 🙏
Thank you ❤️
Thanks for this video.
I've always had this doomsday feeling built up in me for a while.
My narcissist is currently on a six month rage bender bc I didn't want to assemble a desk with him bc even asking what time it is will cause him to bite my head off. I said plainly that I didn't think our relationship can survive putting a desk together and explained that's why I had been putting it off for six months. I am terrified of him but fawn and freeze bc its all I know to do.
IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT MAKING OTHERS FEEL WORTHLESS/WITHOUT WORTH. IS ABOUT THEM WANTING TO MAKE THEIR KIDS FEEL WORSE THAN THEM.
We should call it Insanity because no one would believe it unless they witnessed it. "Rage" doesn't quite capture the severity of it.
But I appreciate the “why me?” part.
Oh, it's Shocking and Frightening and Traumatic to see. OMG "Why are you doing this to me!!!!!" SHRIEKING AND SCREAMING AND WAILING HORRIFYING GOES ON FOR A LOOONNNGGG TIME. Sounds like how you would scream if someone was murdering you. All because I confronted her on her Deceitful Behavior. I'll never get it out of my head. Ever. It is a very serious disorder. I need counseling just to get overt witnessing it.
Excellent video. These people belong in prison. Or an institution.
this can show up in phone calls and also receiving texts in ALL CAPS that allow them to be "unseen" by anyone else but You
Sometimes all caps show panic mode. Please know that.
"Everybody knows you're not all there, Beverly"
"NOBODY can stand you Beverly"
"Why should kids leave the room, they all know it's all you!"
"They all know you worthless, Beverly"
63 yo, STILL GET! LOST ALL WHO ONCE LOVED ME, AND I LOVED, EVEN MY CHILDREN, GRANDCHILDREN, having found out the WHY too late to FIX!
O. U. C. H.
But she can never take our Creator, WHO finally led me to WHY!
Good information contained in this video except that we must remember that narcissists are found everywhere including among those who profess that they belong to a worthy cause. Otherwise we could find ourselves having our time exploited or worse being cornered while being surprised by a narcissist's overdeveloped sense of entitlement in their concealed rage while pressuring of us in very inappropriate ways or at the other extreme we could become false accused of sexual abuse after being alone with a vulnerable narcissist of doing the same after no romantic intent was meant after a mentor offered them a pat on the upper back or a well spaced apart hug.
A piece of honest feedback. The content of your videos is valuable. The way it's delivered makes it difficult to absorb. The quality od the videos in terms of the picture and sound is below expectations. I would like to spend on your channel more time, but its just costs me top much of brain power to actually get to the point. Keep improving and good luck
Great video thank you, but you need to look at the facts about police killings and race, not what we are selectively shown by the media.
BLM was a poor example. Quite possibly a sign of exactly the opposite.
I just went crazy mad at my 16 yr old daughter for totally neglecting me for over 5 days after a hysterectomy leaving me extremely unable to drive, move , anything. Does that make me a narcissist? She had no idea what was going on
The fact that you even ask leaves a lot of room for hope. Either 1. You’re not 2. If you are, you are the very rare kind with some self-awareness and accountability. A true narcissist would continue to blame your daughter for provoking the mistreatment of herself. The fact you take the blame for the mistreatment instead of projecting it onto her is a promising sign that you have empathy and can grow and change as a person.
I, a senior, too suffered kind of abandonment for months after a bereavement in the family and felt very upset with my nieces. I suppose it would hurt worse from a daughter. If she was living with you- she would not know? Could you have called her - when you realized the full predicament? Kids at teens seem to be very self absorbed .. No you are not a narc.. you were afraid and anxious.
How can a 16 year old minor neglect you their mother? How is it her responsibility to resolve your ability to drive, move etc after a surgery she was unaware of? Why not identify an appropriate care giver to help you instead in of asking if you’re a narcissist? Sounds like you want someone to justify your response of being crazy mad at a child for your inappropriate expectations of them and lack of communication in your post op care plans.
Without defending your behaviour toward your daughter... There seems to be a reason (perhaps disproportionate) for your anger. Narcissistic anger does not need a reason.
For example, I sent a reminder to my sister to sign a form to allow the estate to sell my mother's house...She responded with 22 emails... each just a little more vile than the one before, including that I had contributed nothing to society in 40 years... That my ex, is such a wonderful person... and so on. I didn't actually read most of them, I saw the chain, and it said there were 22 emails.
On her death bed, my mother raged at me for being "useless" because (amoung other reasons) I wasn't, and couldn't take care of the farm... (that her parents owned during the Great Depression.)
If your daughter was truly perplexed, it would be a good thing to see a therapist, and your level of self awareness is a good sign for therapeutic outcome.
Ok so 2 years have passed and I now understand this statement. Her boyfriend was selling cocaine at our home amd she knew. And I was my weakest point after a massive hysterectomy. This is why I went mad. She also knew about that operation. I am not unjustified. I knew in my gut something was wrong xxxx
Please leave politics out of this I have enough problems of my own as the scapegoat I'm done worrying about everyone else
Sounds like Justin Trudeau
You’re losing me at the blm analogy.
Too bad you are bringing politics in this
You lost me at BLM
BLM is goal directed rage. There is a reason for the rage - the rage is a valid response to huge injustice, and it wants a change. Narcissistic rage has no special goal, except to just be expressed. And I would add - to scar someone.