INFP Feelings and Dealing with Sadness
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- čas přidán 6. 07. 2024
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If you’re new to Geek Psychology, my name is Matt Sherman. People call me Sherman. I'm a personality type expert, life coach, hypnotist, author, podcaster, and course creator. I help mainly INFPs embrace their unique strengths and navigate life's challenges. Through practical strategies and deep insights, I aim to help people like you live a more fulfilling and authentic live where you can wake up and feel good about who you are and your impact on the world. We all go through a sad time in life. Whether it’s dealing with the loss of someone close to you or just feeling emotional about life, it’s not easy for anyone really. The INFP is known for being an introvert and having idealistic, sensitive, and caring qualities; in this episode I talk about my experiences with being an INFP - feelings like sadness and anger, and how I've learned to better wield my MBTI personality type.
Many videos out there on MBTI and the 16 personalities are just intended to be funny and poke at the struggles or problems that certain types have, but I think there's such a better way of using a deeper understanding of who you are and why you do what you do.
Instead, use it for self care and leverage the strengths of your cognitive functions and other traits and you can improve your life! Honestly, who cares if you label yourself as introverted or any other Myers Briggs type IF you're not using it to improve your relationships, emotions, and future...
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Disclaimer: These are my opinions. If you have a serious issue, go see a doctor. I'm sharing these because I have a lot of experience and I want to do my best to help where I can and make an impact in the best way that I can.
I'm 62 now. I found that just being aware that the intense emotions come from being an INFP really helped. Now when I loose emotional control, I don't get bummed out and it passes quicker. I also recognize that there are some real cool advantages to being an INFP. I often understand the emotions of people around me better than they themselves do. Also, INFP's are very creative. Being a Christian really helps too. Praying relieves stress and always being honest and grateful is the only way to live. God bless!
I don't think being a Christian helps everyone, probably just specific to you as you've decided that specific religion is an important personal value or you just need it as some kind of moral compass.
@@antzoomaJesus helped me! My dad actually saw and spoke to Jesus! I used to suffer from depression, anxiety, worthlessness and self hatred and one day I gave it to God and I felt free! He's given me countless opprutinites. I gained employment and got a full time job at age 19 with the local police. God is good! My story is on Story City, a City with a Story to Tell radio program out of Story City, IA. I'm unsure if there are digial archives though.
I never thought of my heavier feelings of sadness in such an appreciative type of manner before. Feeling sad is really an intense feeling for us sometimes, we are strong feelers, but that only means we are alive. The reason why we feel these is a sign of being living and breathing right as of this moment and that's something to I can never feel any more grateful for. Thank you for your wise words. And hi fellow INFP reading this, you rock man!
I feel your pain brother. I think early childhood trauma has effected many, maybe the majority of us.
Life-The beautiful struggle.
It does. I read a study that like 95+% of what we do is just unconscious replications of habits and patterns (good and bad) that we learned before we were 7.
Awe😞why would anyone ever laugh at an upset child saying he’s having a bad life!?!? That’s a clear cut cry out for help and compassion! Not laughter and cruel mocking! SHAME on that horrible teacher!
Yeah. Can't change it now though... well, I have through rewriting past memories, but the fact that it happened is still true.
And most laughter comes out of people being uncomfortable and not knowing how to react. "Nice weather today!" "HAHAHAHA.... yeah"
I def went through anger yesterday. I’m glad no one died, including myslef. My rage gets out of hand sometimes.
Thanks for talking about this
eep
I share something in my INFP masterclass that's really helpful - to summarize it, there's another emotion under anger that's more meaningful. Find that and satisfy what it wants and things will be a lot better.
At work in my 30s I think I called out sick three days in a row due to nothing but emotional sadness. HR was worried about me, but they didn't know what was going on. It is slightly better when I am older, but I'm still learning how to be a productive INFP.
Yeah. I’ve done that. It gets better :)
I remember when I was in highschool, I had intensely emotional experiences probably once or twice a week, lol. I felt so different from everyone and resorted to isolating myself. I remember... one time, some girl really hurt my feelings and I ended up walking into the bathroom where I cried and cried and whispered, "You're okay, you're okay" to myself until I calmed my emotions down some. My teacher must have noticed my puffy eyes because he asked me if I was okay. High school was rough for an INFP.
That sounds familiar.
Yep overthinking feeling overwhelmed. Thank you for making this video for us INFPs.
I usually would punch my leg, its really embarrassing to think about because I'd do it in front of people and it made me look crazy.
That fury inside that comes out is all consuming, don't keep your art or precious items nearby because when I get like that I want to destroy things I love. Its cathartic in the moment, then that emptiness kicks in and the cleanup begins.
That self-directed violence you mentioned, to a lesser degree I relate to that- I kinda drive myself crazy sometimes with unnecessary thoughts and stuff like that
From an ENFP
Nah I gotta have those negative thought cycles even when things are going good until I make myself sad... story of teenage me. The other problem is I slightly built my sense of person around being slightly sad and aloof because am I myself without those? But I was not making friends and participating in events so I found God and did a year of deep work (through 2020) and now I'm significangly better.
Totally can relate - especially punching walls or hitting yourself to channel the anger. Still doing it even now, not sure if there’s any way to control it. Just like negative thoughts and cognitive distortions - very difficult to control.
Doing sports and outdoor activities definitely help. And as an INFP who tend to withdraw during depressive episodes, watching these kind of videos really help.
Thanks for the awesome contents. It’s nice to know I’m not alone and there are fellow INFPs who struggle with the similar issues.
Do any other INFPs here have image-related issues? I certainly had BDD when I was a teenager, but that evolved into eventually just accepting that I'm ugly and no longer feeling clinically unwell (if that makes sense). For better or for worse, there were some cosmetic procedures along the way.
I don't get too depressed about my appearance these days, but I put a lot of effort into looking 'acceptable' every day, so much so that it's almost compulsive territory (e.g. constant hair checking, makeup etc). On bad days, I feel like I can't be taken seriously because of my appearance which I have little to no control over. It's like my daily routine takes me from an alien to a below-average person.
But all those things aside, when I watch your videos I feel in awe of your verbal skills. I can't talk for more than a minute at a time - you sound well-developed and have the ability to convey an engaging narrative. I feel like I have no real interests or areas of expertise that I could speak of so eloquently. Maybe that comes down to a chronic lack of motivation and self-discipline?
This video has perfect timing for me. I have been stifling emotions and have been using that energy in bad ways.
And what action are you going to take to change it?
It was tough for me, my parents also divorced when I was very young and I got stuck with a narc mother that showed no empathy. Took me a while to find a sense of self and feel accepted for how I am. I feel that INFPs would benefit heavily from having empathetic parents. So much of this rings true for when I didn't know how to handle my feelings, I also called up work saying I can't go in I'm too upset/stressed haha. Early relationships were also tough as I found them overwhelming. When you understand who you are as an INFP it gets much better.
I liked what you said about thinking where you would be or could've been, even myself I am sometimes writing books but not sharing them with the world, and I think well what would've happened if I put myself out there earlier. Something I've learned is that the INFP definitely needs to share their creativity with the world to feel good, even though the creative process is also fun and fulfilling at the time.
I did the samethings when I was younger in 49 now. How I deal with my emotions is I play metal guitar I've played guitar 33 out on my 49 years. Guitar is the only thing I've ever started that I've never stopped. Its saved my life.
One poem i did when in that lovely slum...
It hits you like a tidal wave
Overcome, one tear becomes a deluge
A flickering montage of events passed
Hello darkness, I hate you
But you are my constant friend
I find the wall punching thing that people do, so interesting. I’ve never once felt an urge to punch a wall or anything else. I have wished I could rip my meat suit off, before. That’s not possible though and I’ve obviously never tried to do it. That’s the feeling I get very strongly. The strong wish, or urge and desire to rip my human body off of myself and free myself from its painful, physical confines. Too strong emotions tend to really torture my stupid physical meat suit😒 I’m not INFP. I’m INFJ. Both my father and daughter are INFPs and were also punch happy, people.
Interesting! I've clawed at myself, but nothing more than that...
Wall-punching: I think it's a Te thing. And a way to get out of Fi and take a strong cause-effect action in the environment.
Probably because the INFJ is absorbing everything around them, better to destroy the body 😂
The gym and chocolate wanting parts are so on point, it's scary....
;)
@@GeekPsychology Yeah, I've done both today. ✌️💪
What timing, I just outta nowhere felt like shit today. There's lots of great things happening and opportunities have come up that could propel me into the life I really want for myself, but today I just didn't feel it. Part of me is scared of it all going horribly wrong, and it's hard to remind myself that it's really up to me.
Bless you, beautiful man. Thanks for inadvertently being there for me and reminding me that it can all go right if I just let it.
Yuuup. I tend to feel better when I do something proactive and either create or clean. Then from that better place remind myself of what I really want in my life.
You got this!
Depression/ heaviness is a spirit. There is deliverance from them in Christ. I would know about this one. Also maybe its just your soul being sensitive to prophetic times.
Thanks for this video! I can relate to every bit of it. I have done a lot of research about being an INFP and I found a write up about "The Unhealthy INFP" and that is me. That write up fit like a glove! The main cause is a hard childhood. The article also gave me hope because now I have the signs to understand and overcome this. Peace!
hi matt! i'm an infp & 25yo now. i've been feeling so low lately to the point that it hurts me physically. i cry almost every night & have a hard time to do daily stuffs. i guess the quarter life crisis just hit me hard. so, i just wanna thank you for this video bc it's helping me somehow in order to put my mind & heart in a better perspective & taking my control back. just knowing that there are people out there like you whom i can relate to as an infp really warms my heart. thank you for doing this! 🥺
@@GeekPsychology i'll try, thank you 🥺
Thank you for talking about this! I'm really glad I saw your video!
Sadness can be so overwhelming for me and I would have so much pent up inside that it weighs down on my chest that it gets really hard to breathe!
It probably sounds really foolish and exaggerated but that's how I feel and why I don't talk about it much to anyone.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and advice! It really helps me feel less alone :)))
Literally the first story you gave makes me think of me as a 2nd grader crying in the snow…😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
I'm trying to learn Stoicism, anti anxiety techniques, and religion to become mentally stronger. Exercise helps the fastest though I think.
Do iiiiit! I'm not religious, but I have a sense of spirituality (and karma as most INFPs). Stoicism and anti-anxiety techniques are wonderful - and exercise is one of those anti-anxiety techniques!
Matt your timing is impeccable. Thank you xx
Yes. Like Descartes said, "i think therefore I am." This applies to our state of mind. I like listening to sad songs and analyzing them. It's not my sadness, but I'm trying on the sadness in the song and I get addicted to trying on the different nuances of sadness 😂
😭this is too true
Your videos mean the world to me. Thank you so much for what you do
U're such a comfort person to be around yk, happy knowing u and watching ur vdos in my teenage years u really helped me overcome A LOT
Im reallyyy really thankful
Haha I was a bit scared that you could see mee through the screen, cause YES I'm a female, YES I'm in my twenties...
And even though it's still a challange and a real struggle at times, I have found some ways to get better at dealing with my emotions, like I read a lot about the INFP's, watched a lot of video's, reflecing, try to give words to it, talked about it with people close to me, practicing mindfullness at least every week and try to be kind and understanding to myself. (Oh yes, and I do punch as well when I feel mad sometimes, I only use my pillow for it, lol). Video's like this make me feel more connected and understood, thanks a lot for sharing about your journey. :)
Hello Matt 👋. always appreciate your content. Happy holidays 🎊 cheers 🥂
You... you hit the nail on the head. I feel like I want to cry, at the same time, I want to be happy and learn how to do it. I'm about 18 now and I don't understand... not a thing! My parents kept telling me that I'm not going to get anywhere in life because I'm too flighty, too dreamy, too touchy. I was pressured a lot by other people who hurt me, made me retreat into me. Then that horrible, horrible depression and the Fi-Si loop. I fell into a big ocean of despair, trying to hold my breath at all costs, but failing... my only hope was a small ship, but it was at the bottom of the ocean. Like the titanic, it sunk so deep I could barely see it glow. Trying to hope was like trying to hold a ghost. It was horrible. Now that I'm out of my surroundings I first have time to process my feelings, my version of truth, what happened... I have time to ask myself the questions I've been longing to answer: "Who am I? Why am I like this? What is my drive in this world? What do I want to do?"
I can say with luck that I had my very own Samwise Gamshee with me every step along my depression time, or I wouldn't be here today.(Ok, an ENFJ and not Sams Type but... you get the idea.)
I'm sorry for oversharing, but your video had touched me, touched me where it hurt. So I needed to write this out. And I'm posting it because I hope you'll see it, even when I doubt it. Don't stop bringing people awareness to their types. What you're doing is truly amazing. I wish I could help more people, but I need to sort a lot of things within myself first. A lot of supressed feelings I never had time to process. Thank you for bringing awareness that I could change that.
My Father is ISFJ and my Step-mom is ISTJ. I think part of the problem comes from their down-to-earth, secure, steady safe approach that has been done over and over again. My father understands that I need my time(or not, but he understands that I want my time I'm not sure), however, my step-mother does not. My step-mom values doing things right and achieving or planning things. They don't think that I will make it in the world, but I proved to them that I could do some things. One of them has even gone so far to telling me that my sensitivity, inability to plan ahead and wish for a fulfilling career is a disability. That I'm simply wrong and it's like I could never live a life on my own. I'd always depend on people. Sucking their soul energy out of them. I hope that's not the case but when I'm at my worst I wonder... could they have been right? Am I just doomed to inevitably 'fail' life? Am I just too different to ever make friends, yet at the same time, always need to depend on people? It hurts... to know that I can't be the person they're looking for. Not the daughter they want.
This is an older video (well ot really in the greater scheme of things, lol) but thank you for being honest and allowing yourself to be a little vulnerable talking about your past so you can let us know we are not alone in feeling a similar way. I may sound quite corny but I am happy you have your wife and daughter and you are growing with them.
Oh, and you remind me how I do believe I am definitely an INFP. A random person questioned me on it and just said I was making excuses and that the "infp thing" (paraphrased from them) is just some weird idea so I do not take personal responsibility for myself. It is hurtful when others who do not understand our personality type just think it is "fake" or something. For me, realizing I am an infp has actually helped me grow as a person.
All those years of me being uncertain about my feelings was a sign of intuition. It is hard to grasp intuition for many and especially for those of us who are actually very intuitive. Since we have these feelings and thoughts about things that a Sensing type would just explain well we are often confused, especially in our younger years!
Thanks for being an advocate for us and helping us on our journey in life. Yes, that is about all. But I have read on other sites INFPS often type several paragraphs to explain things. I guess I am the stereotype.
Last but not least keep up your good work. Whenever you are down in the future remember how many people you have helped and that you made/make the world a better place. Please take care. (hey no wall punching though, use boxing gloves. ;-) )
I remember when I was in high school we were watching Titanic. And the scene where Rose is being lowered on one of the lifeboats and Jack is watching her while that sad song is playing, I literally remember trying so hard to keep my tears back! 😆😆😆 My eyes were all watery and I was hoping nobody was looking at me! Haha can't believe I still remember that vividly.
Thank you so much for your videos. They are some kind of support for me. You are such a positive human. I hope that I can use my power to get rid with my sadness and anxiety. It made me happier.
You can. And if you want help to do it faster, then go to my website… because helping is my job ^^
I think there is not our false cuz the reason is we all arrived to full of evils and violences place and this is the reason we all INFPs suffering alot but acceptance is the key😇✨✨✨
Make the best art when depressed? Hell yes. Art’s a life saver.
Thank you!!
You're welcome :)
Thankyou 😊
Also, about creating while going through seasons of sadness: 100% yes. After my loved one passed away, the emotions of grief were so intense, the only way to help release them... was to create...
I can relate to many of the core aspects discussed here, I don't think it's just an INFP thing. There's so much I wish I could address but short term memory go brr.
What I will say is that it's been difficult pursuing this dream. Things just keep getting in the way and I can't run and hide from these things. As much as I want to, it never feels good nor comfortable. I'm always aware of how much more I could be doing, how much more I should be doing. Could, would, should.
I get in my own way a lot and those big emotions play a vital role in that. I care so much that it becomes life or death and that creates anxiety which creates fear, which creates doubt. It's very difficult for me to move in the face of anxiety and doubt.
But right now is my time. I'm taking the right steps and making all the right moves, I just need to learn to just stick with it and just practice living instead of wasting away behind these walls.
Yeah it's not just an INFP thing. I do think it's a matter of frequency and severity though.
As I'm sure you know, when the anxieties and doubts show up, that's the most important time to take actions to get real-world feedback.
Thanks for sharing this,❤️ I'm from Portugal and really relate with the history of your life, I also hurt myself when I felt angry (also punched halls)our I used to spent money on things that I didn t need.😅 Sorry if I wrote something wrong 🤣
Thank you
You're a cool guy, im very much into mbti, been a subscriber, i like how passionate and interested in psychology are you, i have the same for years now and if i might give you one single advice... get into astrology, then fun starts... ;)
So I've heard lol
Thanks!
Welcome and Thanks! Glad you felt it was valuable ^^
Our personality is amazing ..living this with an intense felling ..Waw !!..
No comment !..but sometimes it's very dangerous ..when we fall in the darkness .
Oh my god..🌻🌻🌻..congratulations for such good content! I am so happy your channel is growing so well!!! JUST subscribed and hit the notification bell!! Happy new year !!! I make similar content and for sure I am inspired from you!!! Also for who Is seeing this message....I want you to KNOW THAT I THINK YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE HUMAN BEING AND YOU CAN REACH THE TOP EASY.....JUST BELIEVE !!!!
*sigh* feels the sads my INFP dudes..
Damn... yeah I've been there with beating myself up both internally and externally. Not to mention scratching myself to cause harm. I don't do it much these days anymore, but I often still feel the urge sometimes. Overall I'm a lot happier than I used to be but I still find myself drowning out the negative thoughts and emotions with media.
OMG i did not wanns disturb that number of likes Six hundred sixty six shhhh. The Sads. Still get those frequently. Now in my 50s I have come to see them as like all emotions good signposts and also like the weather always changing. This too shall pass and to learn from them all and see them as your best most reliable friends. Remember they are moving you … emotions change us subtly all the time. Keep the faith. Good faith not the bad faith in yourself.
Made sense to me
Oh my does the weather ever affect me. 6 months of Canadian snow makes me extremely angry to where as i start crying and breaking things soon as i woke up and looking out the window. But i can't just leave Canada that easily and move to a warm sunny place
This is SO enneagram 4! Here's a good one for INFP 4s: "Melancholy is the happiness of being sad" Victor Frankl 😅💘😫
When emotions are too much to deal with.. i have developped a strategy... i don't think it is the best. I shut those emotions down. I put them somewhere for a couple of days and for those few days i live like a zombie. Unfortunately emotions are like water and they sip through.. so on day 3 or 4 it's a tsunami.
if you had started making these 10 yrs sooner would you have had the perspective/insights to make them as appealing/useful to others (would you have even got enough traction/momentum from them keep you inspired), our experiences in life prepare us to achieve our purpose. this current world has no use for the likes of me, however, we are rapidly approaching the culmination of this phase of humanity (the next phase will be MUCH better, and have more use for thinkers), but this phase will not go quietly. my time will be when things are at their worst (if I'm right about what my life has prepared me for). always like your vids, .. hang in there : )
I definitely would not have had the same insights and perspective - nor the experiences and education. :)
Maybe the world is as it is because it needs you :)
been ignoring your vid.. in the middle of my 'sad'.. didn't want anybody to tell me how i am supposed to deal with it.
i deal it with anger.. just self expressing (alone at home)
Not a happy bloke at the moment and i am not doing well. Funny how i can easily say it here, but not in the faces of my friends
you came here to say that you're not going to watch the vid? 😂
I'm handsome and talented
Hey, is it possible to have Italian subtitles? Or the automatic translation. Thank you 😊
Wish I could :( I can’t create them without a bunch more money and time spent :( if you want to do it then I’ll happily put them on the videos for others :D
I didn't find any purpose in my life till now I'm 21
What should I do 😭😭😭
Always sad ...
Nope in my 40s :)
👍
Why! Why! Why! CZcams! Why don't I get notifications!?! 🤦♀️
Weird...
@@GeekPsychology I know! With all the bells and whistles!
“Probably in your 20s, probably female”
Guilty as charged 😅
Bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
same
🤣I agree with this commenter😂
me too
i wanna change my MBTI. like i got the short end of the stick with INFP. of all 16 why am I like this? i detest all the descriptors of this type.
my only hope is changing my personality. just like changing my looks, hard but not impossible. it will be a journey.
I used to think that too. Now, I can’t imagine wanting to be a different type.
It’s a learning process, indeed, and it sounds like you have a lot you can work on :)
@@GeekPsychology do you like being INFP? or did you just accept it eventually?
I like it :) I think the world needs more INFP energy (used in a positive way)!
@@GeekPsychology this is very interesting
if you are ashamed of who you are then you will forever be stuck in a circle of emotions as the INFP type, you should look at what bothers you about it and try and work on those things
7:06
14:24
Guys I've got a theory here, let me know what you think please. Here goes.
The 16 personality models are very useful except the last 2 letters a/t needs a different explanation.
Nature and nurture, we've all heard of that. The real meaning of the last 2 letters?
Attached and/or traumatised...by your primary care givers.
If in your early childhood (0-3) your mother was absent/abused/stressed like mine you will have childhood trauma. You might not be consciously aware of it but its there. Its extremely serious and life altering...why though if you can't remember?
Because we feel our mother's pain as our own.
Its so painful that to survive it you dissociate from reality.
This causes permanent brain damage.
This is the real reason adhd rates are exploding. Baby shut down its own prefrontal cortex in defence. Why we are depressed growing up, we have low dopamine, why amphetamine helps massively.
Furthermore rates of narcissism are exploding. Caused by the same childhood trauma on a naturally extroverted child. They respond to the trauma by mirroring the danger. Again this is permanent damage. After this happens they are basically frozen in time. Their emphaty pathways undeveloped. My ex had it as did my father and this week I realised my sister. My whole family nearly destroyed. As are countless others and the problems getting worse. Stressed parents, divorce, addictions, racism, global problems like war. And countless others.
Thank god I found amphetamine and self medicated. I have a chance at life now. Npd sufferers never will.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: if you want to read up on childhood trauma, and everyone would benefit, I recommend videos by Dr Gabbor Mate. My insights on childhood trauma came from him.
i become a ninja writer when I get sad..
You are hitting very close to home. Does not feel okay.
Why not? :o