Why it's so Difficult to Find Love in Sweden
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- čas přidán 16. 05. 2024
- Dive into the complicated world that is Swedish dating.
From Swedish style first dates, to gender equality which reigns in Sweden, to why Sweden and specifically Stockholm is such a difficult place to find love. And most importantly, what does Sweden say about our current world of love and dating? Are we becoming more commitment-phobic? Are our standards set too high? Check out the longest video yet that dives head first into the often complicated world of Swedish dating.
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0:00 Intro
0:59 First impression of Sweden
1:57 Why dating in Sweden is hard
2:58 What Swedes think about the dating scene
7:38 Dating in other countries VS Sweden
8:33 Gender equality in Sweden
9:52 Why Swedish men tend to be passive
10:23 What do Swedes think about gender equality?
14:12 Why no one helped me with my luggage
15:05 What Swedish men look for in a woman
15:22 Men with prams & Latte Pappas
16:00 Great first date according to Swedes
17:33 S*xual life of Swedes
18:43 What do Swedes think about s*x & hook up culture?
20:18 The different types of commitment: Sambo, Sarbo and marriage
21:30 How do Swedes see commitment?
22:29 What dating in Sweden says about the Western world
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Marina Iakovleva (directing)
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Filmed in:
Stockholm and Gothenburg, Sweden - Zábava
The very basics of human bonding are missing, the results are people unable to talk unless they are high or drunk… catastrophic.
Birth rate plummeting, mental illness skyrocketing
That’s not the case. Some cultures just prefer to value the introvert personality more than the extrovert
@@issyd2366 As an introvert, that is also bad... Don't be an introvert, it's hell.
@@issyd2366 he said that swedes cant speak to one another with passion unless they are on either meds or alcohol
that has NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING INTROVERTED!!!!!
Couldn't agree more Marina. We have certainly lost our way. No one disagrees with freedom of choice and autonomy but always be careful what you wish for. If everything is approached with such a casual take it or leave it attitude then everything has no depth or value. So many lonely people in society pretending they are happy.
Dating apps,whilst championed and enjoyed by millions,have ushered in an age of people who simply don't know how to act or behave with each other in the real world. If you treat people as a shallow commodity to be swiped,it's gonna lead to problems.
Exactly!
sex is not the problem, the problem is the misandrism, hating men, that is rampant nowadays in lot of countries. I noticed that the more misandrism, more a society is degraded, if females hate men, how can a society function healthy and prosperous? Nowadays females just use men for their sexual needs and throw away and hate them, don't want to be submissive and this is the problem.
I disagree with freedom of choice and autonomy. It's actually easy and everyone should do it.
Very well said.
"be careful what you wish for" I couldn't care less tbh, having freedom and options in other areas of life is more enjoyable and healthy than dating in a certain way.
people who need alcohol to have fun, to date or to be open for sex are immature and close persons. Unfortunately this happens in many western countries, especially northern ones, like Germany, Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark, Norway. These societies form this kind of people who are not too open and in touch with their emotions and sexuality
Exactly Correct. These sort of "issues" stem from a society that has unresolved inequities and social taboos and other developmental issues that have never been dealt with or sorted out in the course of its history, and this is what makes for a very unhappy and depressed people. Naturally so, it would also mean that Love and Warmth are not integral to the society.
@@prussiansocietyofamerica but at the opposite end are the Spanish, Italian and Latin American countries, where the emotional factor is too influential in the relationships and reactions of people. Which is not that good either, because it overruns rationality, restraint and logic. Which is also detrimental. So, the best way would be a moderate, balanced, mature approach. I think it is present in Balkans, maybe Russia. I think in other countries too, where I haven't been.
@@softrain3362 It is agreed that anyone who is not half emotional / passionate and the other half logical is a Barbarian. Because if someone is all emotion but nothing else, the emotions are naturally not grounded, so they have no purpose or meaning but just end up being situational, which come and go like the weather. Unfortunately, most people in this world are either all too Logical and Pragmatic, or only Emotional and Passionate, with limited ability for reason.
It’s decadent.
It's not the drinking people who are immature. It's the people who you cannot talk to when they are sober that is the problem. They will just refuse you right away. Getting them when they are drunk is the only possible way. And now there is a rule in Sweden that says that you need to have a verbal or written "Yes I want to have sex with you" to be allowed to have sex with that person. Which makes it practically impossible to get along with a person. By the way I have a girlfriend in the Philippines for 9 years because my experience with Swedish women is horrible.
French and italian here, I know a lot about cultural diferences and tolerance, so I kind of sit right in the middle. I think that independance is great but should'nt come at the cost of doing nice gestures and making the person feel wanted, be it coming from both men and women. It's really the intention that counts, if you wanna make the other person feel special.
Ultimately, you will find your people by how they act, so doesn't cost anything to show who you are.
Come on swedes don't be afraid of strangers, not everyone is here to get you! :)
How can i meet frenchmen in their 50s 60s ?
I have lived in Sweden for 10 years. I have basically no interest in Swedes now. True story.
Me with the Netherlands🤣
Likewise I'm sure....
Good for you to know your own mind - but does that not mean it is time to ditch Sweden and move on to greener pastures, to where the "natives" are more interesting?
Indeed.@@Halli50
@@Halli50 Excellent point. Exactly what I'll be doing this year.
Unfortunately, believe it or not, my experience in Brazil has been exactly the same. I hate hook up culture
Interesting. We are making our next videos in Brazil and I was really curious to get the perspective on this since I saw a recent study about it
@@DatingBeyondBorders If you come to São Paulo and want to hear the perspective from a local about it, I'll be honoured to help :)
But with mostly fat pigs instead of toned good looking girls 🐖🐖😂
I think Brazil is different in the sense that there is always a judmental thing about women who are "too easy" or a man who hit every girl. Body count is a subconcious concern for many people,just like in US.
@@wagner9527 It might be something exclusive from where I live, but body count has never been an issue or a subject that we (me and my friends) talk about. No one ever asks “what’s your body count?”.
I’ve went in quite a lot of dates during the last 2 years and sex in the first date has been the norm to a point that if it doesn’t happen, it’s just strange. Dating casually in São Paulo has been quite easy, but it seems that everybody’s having commitment issues lately. At least, that’s a some of what I’ve been experiencing (I’m a 26 year old man).
Wow!! I felt a sense of loneliness & sadness about Swedish culture. Whilst the society boasts “individuality” it removes connection, depth, and helping each other out. You we’re struggling with your bags and no olive branch of kindness was extended to help you out? I don’t see that as a positive but a disconnect.
So for people to connect A) they need to be drunk, because being “direct”about one’s feelings would scare the average Swede. Uhhhh seems folks are taught for a early age to stuff their feeling into the shallows, thus having awkward, non-commitment, avoidant relationships- and how is this positive? It seems more negative, and ultimately creates major social issues.
No culture is perfect, but this “individualist” attitude is reaping havoc on this society- never mind the higher chance of STD’s & and mental health issues - sad!!
People tend to be kinder and help each other out more often rather in small towns than in big cities. I think that aspect should also be considered.
Not only Sweden, similar factors affect every nordic country. The few solar radiation in Scandinavia and surrounding areas is a big key factor. I've met swedes and danish living here in Mexico for a while and their behavior is quitely more effusive and social than the average nordic living in their homeland. After researching with the help of a friend of mine who is psychologist I realized that a very cold weather and few sun reduces the serotonine levels affecting the mind and making people cold and distant. In this case it expanded even to their culture.
I’m happy to tell you this isn’t true. Helping each other out is actually a big thing in most of Swedish society. Not always with suitcases, but when the shit really hits the fan. Your inner circle of friends and family are really tight and loyal, and society itself is designed to have several layers of protection for citizens that have a tough time in life.
Family protection and valuation are proritsed, and safeguarding of children a very important issue. About STDs I have no statistics, but since religion is kept out of schools, you’re allowed to educate teenagers early on about safe sex practices and how to protect themselves and others in a non-stigmatising way. All of the above has been only beneficial to society and not a negative. We have other issues at the moment, but Swedish solidarity culture is much stronger than it looks at a first glance!
To adapt as a foreigner takes time though, so anyone moving here needs to really make an effort and be really patient! :)
@@swepower3597 Sorry but if you think your individualist society is "helping" and loyal, then its clear you don't have any cross cultural experience living in collectivist cultures. You don't really have a good reference to compare to, you're basically making a subjective assessment based on people you see in your own culture, which will result in biased conclusions. Its way more easier to make life long loyal friends in collectivist cultures. Unlike in individualist cultures where it might take years to find one, in collectivist societes one can ( including a foreigner) can effortlessly earn a life long friend as less as a 15 min chat with a random stranger who is waiting in a bus stop or traveling next to you in a train. Its that simple. This is why most foreigners find the notion of waiting years and years to find a loyal friend weird and inefficient. One shouldn't have to wait that long, its inefficient both from a health and time perspective. People are also way more helping, and by helping, I'm not even talking about money. People from collectivist cultures may not be rich by money, but they are rich by heart. That's what they are known for. There's an inverse relationship between money and helping behavior, which again, many famous studies have established already.
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn well, I didn’t compare to any other country, just pointing out that there are a lot more underlying help culture in Sweden than might meet the eye. I don’t know If Sweden is a good example of your theory of inverted helping behaviour and money, since greed is not a national trait at all. You would not find any famous studies showing that whatsoever. What you w i l l find is that Sweden score among the highest in anti-corruption, highest in acceptance of taxes, in trust in government, in economic and religious freedom, in acceptance of diverse sexuality and etnicity. So if you’re into comparing, Sweden is in fact in many ways more welcoming to strangers with diverse background than many other countries. Having said that, you still have to take your time to get new friends and understand the culture. If you find that ”too inefficient”, that’s up to you I guess
I'm from the US, my wife grew up in Jonkoping, Sweden. We met in college in the States in 2005. I experienced some of these things as I got to know her, but she's a bit of an outlier because she is religious, which is not at all common in Sweden.
When she arrived on the college campus, which was pretty small, only about 500 residents, she garnered a fair amount of male attention. She was very attractive, tall, blonde. It was obvious to a lot of guys that she wasn't an easy shell to crack. We started talking because we had some mutual friends. Once it was apparent to her that we had several common interests, she began giving me a lot of attention. Even so, it still took several months before she saw us as exclusive. I could tell it was a big deal for her to call me her boyfriend.
We did date in the way most Americans would perceive it, but it was not a very emotional, lovey-dovey experience. She wasn't comfortable with emotional displays of affection, but I could tell she liked me, nonetheless.
The first time I visited Jonkoping with her, she was very eager to introduce me into the local social life. I met almost all her friends at fica, over a lot of coffee. Once we were engaged, she got much more emotional and affectionate with me. We married in 2009 in Jonkoping, but we now live in the States and have 4 kids.
One thing she told me that attracted her to me was how honest and aggressive I seemed. She said that most guys in Sweden are just too reserved. I have to admit, I have rubbed people negatively by being too blunt. She apparently found it attractive.
This just shows that women are bipolar beings who say one thing with their feminist speech, but instinctively want another. I never take a feminist seriously, because you can't take seriously someone who can't be held accountable.
I don't date Swedish men because they are not initiative.
And im used to men taking the lead . Plus I don't go to bars , no alcohol and I definitely don't use dating apps😂 I never needed it because I was approached by men daily in real life outside of Sweden
Greetings from an east African girl living in Stockholm ❤
The feminist movement in Sweden worked relentlessly for decades for "taming" men, and after a couple of generations it succesfully rendered many swedish men "soft", that is: with traits that could be perceived as "towards the feminine side" (excessive agreeability, low dominance, low levels of agression, self deprecation, conflict avoiding, etc,etc). Then Swedish women discovered that they are attracted to more assertive/dominating men, which is an evolutionary thing. This is a typical pattern, explained even by pickup artists like "Mystery": a woman turns an alpha male into a weak, feminine man, only to discover afterwards that she is attracted to the former and not the latter. So I see your description as an accurate reflection of reality. I do not know what the solution is.
yup because u cant not go against nature lol .....what the fk happened to Viking man?? they were all manly man Vikings and now they all end up being soy boys. SMH... and the most Swedish woman loves a real man which they dream of opposite of soy boys.. they need to get their shit together.. @@ArielAr
thanks for the insight Ken
i met my wife from east europe while we were both studying in sweden, safe to say as soon as we graduated and received job offers outside sweden we packed our bags and moved as quickly as possible
smart man, seems like that place is a hell hole.
Good decision. Staying away from the western world itself would be ideal if you plan to raise a family and children with morals.
where did you go? Germany?😂
nope Netherlands 😊
@@zainulabdin1720 what do you mean?
Shout out to the dad for supporting his daughter! :D
Haha will send him your love
Once on vacation I met a Dutchman. We met on Tinder and he asked me out first. Our date was very pleasant and there was no awkwardness or silence. He was very nice and sociable. He paid for my cocktail despite my objections. Later I found out that he did this because before our meeting he googled how to behave with a girl from Eastern Europe, and on the Internet they write that we will be offended if the bill is paid 50/50😂 We still text sometimes. He’s adorable:)
hahaha
did he hit tho?
men in general are rational. This Dutchman was not an exception.
Googling what to do before any social interaction is a very Scandinavian thing 😂
@@johnsmith-ro2tw
Men aren’t rational but Dutchman are.
I'm a Venezuelan dating a Swedish man and he's totally different from what I had seen in this video. He took the first step, but I feel like they like women to guide the relationship so they don't make us feel uncomfortable, he's lovely, say goodmorning everyday, helps with everything I need and just the most wonderful person I know. Sometimes I am colder than him haha but yeah, when I met him he was always like "you have so much energy" "you're always happy and laughing" and I think that's the perception they have of us, because we just live life and try to be as happy as we can be, maybe that made him feel comfortable and open up to me. We've been together for two years and he came to Venezuela to meet my family ❤
Usually Venezuelan women don't look too Swedish. So to him it was clear that you are a Latina and require a different approach.
@@maximkretsch7134Exactly 😂😂
keep up the good work.
@@maximkretsch7134😂
yeah but you are venezuelan and he is swedish, im portuguese, when im with brazilian girls im difrent, but with portuguese girl im more preserved
Living in Norway,its really similar culture
Same in Denmark.
A
lso in Finland@@Mantos777
Aren’t Norwegians more traditional and religious?🤔
@@user-fb7hg5qb5fhaha not really
Thank God I married a Latina. I’m of UK decent from the U.S. and she’s from the Dominican Republic. She’s so sweet, warm and loving, has Christian morals and is a wonderful mother to our 2 beautiful kids. She has long black hair, olive skin and a curvy body. She also has a heart of gold. Marrying her is the best thing I’ve ever done.
White guy here who married a Filipina. I agree totally. European women seem terrible lol
The latinas are the best bro, and the spanish accent is the cherry on top
Im brazilian, thank God I was born here, the most beautifuls in the world are latinas I know it sound biased but miscigenation does that, they come in many forms, faces, shapes and etc.. the variations are crazy.. I know there are plenty of non-latinas beautys too, but some countries definitely seem to have less beauty than others..
@@scottandrews947
Your kids won’t look like you.
@@lavish_1717 Nonsense. I know several mixed couples where the kid looks like the white partner (not that it matters to me either way).
It makes me quite sad as a Swede to see this video and read about people's experiences, but after living abroad for 14 years I completely understand what people mean. After moving back to Sweden after many years abroad, the reverse culture shock was palpable. I've lived in 5 different countries and the social behaviour really is unique here. There are a lot of great things about Sweden, but most people in the world have probably never experienced social inhibition to this extent and I can only imagine how challenging it must be to encounter it for the first time (at the same time, many people are nice, which makes it even more confusing!). Luckily we also have cinnamon buns to make up for it
To Marina,
An interesting question in regard to "we scratch the surface with many people, but we struggle to go deep with one" is whether or not we actually have something deep to offer in the first place..We are lost in the superficiality that emerges out of our own selfishness. A selfishness that finds cover behind the ideal of individualism.
I don't believe swedes are individualistic, they just don't (or are afraid) to commit to a relationship and take risks, they are afraid that everything they do will make the other umcorfotable, and they feel they need to show to everyone they are independant and strong, true individualism is not caring for either of those things
If you think dating is bad now, just wait.
Yep, it's getting worse by the minute. Thanks OLD!
It's a natural rubberband effect. Our culture gave people more freedom so now people are exploring freedom. When they get fed up and it starts being really problematic....people will be interested in a middle term again (no, not the old school way of things.......which people also try to shove down each others' throats as a solution).
@jeanjacqueslundi3502 looking at some bloggers in their 20s, I think it already started to happen
@@walkingwith_dinosaurs what do you mean ?
@@marvin2678 look up Patience Xina, she's not woke
All assumptions based on ONE city which is Stockholm, everyone in the video is from Stockholm. For those that don't know that is what we on the outside call "fairy swamp". This is like comparing Texas (the south) or Alaska with California, San Francisco or New York.
Half of the video is filmed in Gothenburg :)
@@DatingBeyondBorders I think you're missing the point. Still the same, big city, different mentality. Just a close example as I can make it (not identical to those cities in the states):
Stockholm = San Francisco
Gothenburg = L.A.
@@DatingBeyondBorders *Why it's so Difficult to Find Love in Stockholm and Gothenburg? (Sweden) or Sweden: Why it's so Difficult to Find Love in Stockholm and Gothenburg? It is just strange to say a whole country is like that, when I know it is not.
It's like me going to USA and asking people in San Francisco and Los Angeles (only) about the dating culture, and then upload a video "Why it's so Difficult to Find Love in America"
@@AceOfBasedbut the population of Sweden is like a one big city in a more populated country, its only around 10 million people. So compairing it to the US is not accurate either
@@walkingwith_dinosaurs Sweden is a country that is divided into 21 counties. It is, totally different lifestyles outside the bigger cities more conservative views and so on. The mindsets that exist in Sweden:
Alaska
California
Texas
New York
When I worked in high-end real estate, a Swedish couple came in with the cutest baby. I gushed over how cute the baby was and was impressed with their humility. The couple told me that in Sweden, their baby looks like them and everyone else. To them, he's average. Then they said to me that if I came to Sweden, I would be the exotic one and fawn over. The husband encouraged me to go to Sweden as he said I'd find many dating opportunities in Sweden, and the wife agreed. However, the couple I spoke to was wealthy and mature, with a child. I do wonder if the dating mindset in Sweden is the same across age groups, income levels, and socio-economic backgrounds.
Ooo that is a curious thing. I wonder too.
Yeah that unmatched beauty was on display in this video…. Been there. College campuses in the US have way hotter people. Such an exaggeration 😂
I am a product of a swedish dad and a haitian mom, you would very much be very exotic over there
There are many of african background in Sweden. 30 years ago you would've been exotic. Today, not at all.
You're exagerating or just made it up. Sorry for being honest :) but the fact is: there's nothing exotic in Sweden at all nowadays, there's everything and they've seen everything when they traveled, internet, social media and much more. maybe in the 80s it existed but not anymore. Doesn't matter how you look. People are done with this so called exotic look
I’ve lived in Sweden for almost 5yrs now. Beautiful country, great people, very efficient working methods, but when it comes to dating… pff! 😁 I come from an Eastern European country where men open and hold the door for you, they buy you flowers for first date and take you out for dinner and would never let you pay for it, even at later stage. I never expected them to do so though, and always offered to pay but they’d never let me. Men over there want to treat ladies and feel like gentlemen. I always appreciated that. Since I moved to Sweden, I get doors slammed on my face, never-ever would a man hold it, let alone open it for me. 😁 I find this weird to this day as I’ve never considered this anything more than a simple, polite gesture towards another person. I even hold the door for men.
Anyway, when it comes to dating, I am happy to go for a walk, watch a movie or go out and have dinner but the idea to drink until you’re drunk and /or have a one night stand is not for me. Needless to say I am still single. 🤣
Well, been single is the way to go ! 😅
I think it is either modern or traditional, and you can't have best part of both, if it's mixed it's worst parts of both. 💙💛
Sweden's society is kind of weird. Seems like women pushed the envelope of independence and the men kind of became weak or per say maybe careless.
I wonder if the States will become like Sweden because men seem to approach less and women in the States are way too proud to approach guys despite making fun of them a lot. If you can't approach someone without being drunk it's kind of crazy to me. The advantage of Swedish women it seems that they would be less likely to take advantage of the men compared to the women in the US.
Perhaps it's a good time to reflect on leaving that country. Your emotional state of being is just as important, if not more, than your physical wellbeing.
This can't be everyone right? Since I always open doors for ladies or at least hold them when i enter. There is alot of beta males in this lovely country in afraid, but everyone i know do the same ☺️🙏🇸🇪
I don't know about the Swedes, but from Eastern Europe they ask for a money package even if the relationship is over
same in the US. hookup culture and dating apps are the worst 😣
sex is not the problem, the problem is the misandrism, hating men, that is rampant nowadays in lot of countries. I noticed that the more misandrism, more a society is degraded, if females hate men, how can a society function healthy and prosperous?
%100!
@@Frivals
Women don't hate males. And it’s precisely this type of society, such as Sweden's, that is prosperous because everyone is respected, both women and males. Sweden is an excellent country for families and for women and males individually. So take your misogyny and take it to your country, where it certainly already exists.
@@Commentator488 you didn't listen the video then
@@Frivals
No, you didn’t and I don't need a video to know what is happening in a country on my Continent. Sweden is a very family-oriented country, it has good kindergartens, schools, both parents take part in raising the child, maintaining the house, and partners respect each other as equally valuable. On the other hand, they don't want to tolerate each other if something doesn't suit them and they don't have traditional rules where they have to stay married for the sake of society, and that's why they have a large number of divorces, but if they have children together, they try so that the children don't suffer a lot in that divorce and they act like mature human beings. It can't get any better than that
Swedes cant talk to each other sober during the day, of course its difficult.
Unless it is about work or the weather
hhahaaha well I am sapiosexual and Talk a lot, NEVER drunk :D
Swedish women are gorgeous but nobody wants to date them the feminist mindset is quite disturbed
wow I am finding this to surprising. I live in on Australia and have met many swedes here and wouldnt have thought this. Maybe once they leave they lose their inhibitions
@@FlatStella1 What the hell is a sapiosexual?
Great way to finish the video - its extremely telling about society and the changes being seen. Its great that you can balance your honest opinion and the perspectives on the ground in every counry you try to cover. Keep producing your amazing work!!!
Thank you!
“You can ignore reality…but you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality” - Ayn Rand
I love Ayn Rand, and I have a feeling she is hated by most Swedes.
Sounds like something a old worker/farmer would say. Really old school Social Democratic.
Here bc Love Is Blind Sweden just aired. Very fascinating to get this cultural context of the dating scene there.
Many of the blond ppl here in Sweden actually bleached and/or dyed their hair to become that blonde.
they are ashamed of their natural hair color, i seriously don’t know why
@@Bibben Why would that be your first thought? You think people change their hair colour only because they're "ashamed"? It makes no sense. People just want something different, and we just happen to think blonde looks good, which last I looked, seems to be in agreement all across the world. I myself prefer thicker darker hair than thin blonde.
@@Allexstrasza This is a myth pushed by hollywood
Swedish women are largely unattractive
Try eastern europe if you want pretty white women
sweden is full of plain Svens and Svenas
And? They still have a big number of natural blondes and tend to have many gorgous looking people. Your comment sounds like an attempt at bringing them down a peg because they are universally knows to be attractive.
Very true & a lot of gingers
There is a lot of "experts" in this comment section, which frankly, is insulting to the point of being spiteful and hateful, for a country and people they've never been to or met personally. Personally, I find that hilarious when they're watching a video claiming to know what dating is like all over Scandinavia, based on something that absolutely no validation in its subject. Going to Stockholm and Gothenburg is like going to New York and L.A. and making assumptions based on that or even Tokyo compared to the rest of Japan. If you've ever been to any of those big cities, you know that the people are very different from to other cities across the country.
And lets not even discuss the fact of renting or buying apartments and houses. Renting an apartment in Stockholm is like renting an apartment in New York and then thinking it must be the same all over. I know for a fact that, in my own city, there's literally thousands of apartments that stands empty and was then used to house immigrants fleeing war, most recently Ukraine.
You know what Swedish people like and respect? People that work hard, is friendly but not intrusive, respect our culture and customs. What we don't like is people that don't know what personal space is, intrusive when we're clearly not interested, loud and obnoxious, fake people, rudeness and most of all, people who come here to just leech off our society.
I wouldn't go as far as saying that renting an apartment in Stockholm is like renting one in New York. Rental prices in Stockholm are nowhere near those in NYC.
I think the problem is that people don't even know why they go into partnerships. Like if it's meaningless, what's the point of being together? And so most people want to feel something is real when they are together. So that's why hookup culture has come to the state it is nowadays.
I really agree. It's not just about having too many options, it's about lack of internal direction or vision. People don't know how to deeply, sincerely want things anymore.
@@vattenflick When everything can essentially be given to you at a click of a button, a lot of drive and motivation kinda vanish. Our brains aren't built for the societies we live in. Things are so much harder because of the abundence rather than the lack of abundance.
Great video. I'd love the dutch version too!🤞🏾
I’ve been living in Sweden for so many years, my experience tells me that people especially men really want to commit. I am from Italy and the contrast was obvious, Italians want to play around or be in a relationship but keeping their options open, flirt around and such. In Sweden once in a relationship, they really commit and end up living together, having a family etc. I have a Swedish bf and we met on Tinder, which is the best way to find people with same goals as you, and it’s not so difficult. Also don’t wait for them to make a move, take initiative. When I met my bf, we stayed together for a week until I told him I wanted to be with him, and he said yes. Swedes dating might not say out loud what they really want or maybe they’re just happy to casually hang out for years before saying they’re officially a couple, but you don’t have to do the same ❤
Glad you find your love and your home ! ❤ Sweden
I can't believe you said "Tinder, which is the best way to find people with same goals as you" You must be joking 😂😂
@@bugra320 sometime people are very lucky thay got good things form worse side.
Interesting, so oneself must have the initiative with them always
@@bugra320 don't forget the context of the comment.
I got a boyfriend from the UK, but we've known each other for around three years before we met irl, and we sorta clicked :3
I've not really participated in the Swedish dating scene at all, nor do I drink alcohol, so it was interesting to see this side of my society :D
Great video 👍
As an introvert (from the UK), I used to think that living in Scandinavia would be heaven. However after watching this video, the documentary the "Swedish Theory of Love" and being 1/3 through "Sex Before Coffee, it now sounds really depressing.
I think that this hook up cultural think in all around the world is affecting society. It's great to be equal and everything but its just a huge laziness from people to commit in serious relationships. We're lacking on self love and self confidence that the people prefer to be hooking up and having casual sex for ever until your body can't do more haha. We really need to believe inside of ourselves that we are deserving of somebody who can have a good feeling for us at least, we are worthy of love, no? We're not robots with no feelings.
That's what happen when everybody has so many options, they don't know how to decide things. The worst part is we don't have time in the world, we had to make decisions in our lives.
This is the effect of liberalism in the extreme, the commodification of relationships is just a consequence.
@@cavaleirosemlicenca3894Agreed, I think it also trivialises sex to just a mere physical transaction. It's really inhumane.
@@cavaleirosemlicenca3894it is true.
Been living in Sweden for many years. I’m pretty attractive so girls approach me all the time. But I don’t do casual seks, and I definitely am not interested in girls that have slept (and probably are sleeping) with a lot of guys
Modern society: finds out through science that the oxytocin released after sex drives emotional pair bonding.
Also modern society: casualizes sex and is surprised that it has a numbing effect on people's ability to pair bond...
You're a quarter of the way there but not seeing the full picture. 3 months of no births at all for italy, japan/korea and now even china. Forget the US/Canada lol
Well said
Only women are able to bond through sex because of thr release of oxytocin which is like 8 times more than man are able to.
Oxytocin is also the hormone women release during birth and breastfeeding. Why? Because mothers need to be extremely bonded to their babies so the babies can survive. Humans babies can't survive on their own, they cant walk, talk, feed themselves and have no defense mechanism besides crying for mom. If mother wasn't bonded to her baby she wouls abandon him/ her (and this sometimes happens in Nature).
Do men give birth or breastfeed? NO. So they don't need that hormone and they not pairbond through oxytocin.
The hormone that helps men pairbond is vasopressin which is basically the 'possession hormone'. This hormone isn't released during sex for men.
So basically hook-up culture was created to eff up women and entertwin men.
@@redleeks6253 As far as I am concerned, both vasopressin and oxytocin play a role in male pair bonding. But I referred to oxytocin, because it plays a role both in male and female physiology.
Men can only bond when they make effort for a woman and as he invests in relationship.So now women give men sex immediately then also pay for dinners and so on everything is 50 -50 . You can never make men commit in such lifestyle.
as an eastern european, i am shocked by everything
Which country?
ukrain @@kathrinat9824
I remember reading about Julian Assange of Wikileaks fame when he went to Sweden to speak. Two women who met him to show him around both had sex with him on consecutive days (not together). A couple of days later they discovered what they had in common. They decided that he had committed rape, apparently by being too promiscuous. So, they went together to the police to report him. That quickly made the news even in the United States. I read that Sweden was considered the rape capital of the world based on the number of rape reports per 100,000 people. I further read that it was not because men are more aggressive in Sweden, but that women are very quick to claim rape. The Swedish men even joke about it. One joke was that saying hello to a woman is rape and that failure to say hello is also rape.
Cool video! But strange, everytime people talk about this bad endless choice in dating, but no one seems to care about younger men or older women, that maybe not exactly meet instagram beauty standards. Those people simply have no choice to get lost in, because nobody wants them in this brave new world of competing with a whole city/country via dating app. It is a mess and worldwide.
You're competing against the whole world, not just a country.
well you have to care about yonger men but not about older women. they had their chance and didnt use them. the younger men get their chance when they are older only (over 30-35 at least) nowadays and even then maybe only in Asia and not in the West
Great video Maria! I'm just here to explore the world through you because I'm curious. I'm definitely a D all the way!
Excellent video for sure, this is the trend and we'll see how far this goes without a doubt.
Wow, such a great video, watched it in one breath. I think I know the solution: nothing valuable comes for free. We don't value accessible things because of how our hormones work. If we want to feel the taste of our life, we'll always have to make an effort to become satisfied with the outcome.
I would have to agree with that. Except that I feel that there is a change in our brains these days. I would say that people used to value things that they worked towards or hard for, and somehow I think this instant gratification that is becoming prevalent in all aspects of life, is switching something molecularly. Some people just don’t seem to find a true value in something that was hard to obtain. Especially outside of material things.
@@angelinimartini The good thing is that societies with this hedonism model do not survive, the Roman Empire teaches this😂😂
I LOVE the way you spoke out about the commitment issues we as a society in general are facing.
I'm gonna be completely honest, I think the fact that she asked a lot of people from different countries in Sweden and you yourself is from a different country. There is this thing where a lot of people don't view dating people from a different country as something they could do seriously because there is a high chance/risk that they're leaving for their home country, especially when students.
We also never really had a dating culture, not even when my parents were young.
It seems to more have been about growing things organically.
I have been offered drinks at many bars, I have been asked out a lot etc.
In my opinion I feel like relationships are moving quicker and quicker and I don't think that is necessarily a good thing.
Also there are legal pros for getting married, but I don't expect you to have studied Swedish Law extensively.
Brilliant content. I just found your channel and I love it! 😻
i am from georgia (a country not a state of USA :)) which is extremly tradiotional country to compare to sweden its like totally another world. here ppl just get merried and then are together this is only socially ecaaptabloe thing. i dont agree that either but somewhere in betwen would be nice i think.
Good nice to hear it 😊 Georgia is developing now the days stay bless best of luck ! Long live Georgia one of my friend he studies in Georgia. Very beautiful country
What you mean?There are no boyfriends-girlfriends,only marriage?
I did two videos on Georgia actually - wonderful country!
@@DatingBeyondBorders have seen that. Good video. It was really funny and also also true🤗
@@susu-gc8tw there are boyfriend girlfriends they just usually dont have sex its still a no go for many man and women here. There are exeptions for sure but i know a lot of ppl who live with those tradiotions. Like me brothers for example are like that.
I have enjoyed watching your videos It’s great to learn about other countries and you’re very soft on the eyes.
thanks for the data set !
I´m a Swede. Sweden have become a horribly individualized and modern society. Most women have checked out from their femininity I believe, and most men are not at all truthful to their masculinity. They are confused! /Personnaly I went abroad 20 years ago and live happily married in Mexico. Wouldn´t dream of approach a modern Swedish woman.
With that said: To me, it is as if everything oppressed: spirituality above all, the Swedes express through their music. As much as I am critical to most of what Sweden has become in our time, I´m in awe over the Swede´s capacity to create vibrant, truthful and deeply meaningful music. I highly recommend a dive into that rabbithole!
I think there's a disconnect between being independent and the idea that everyone needs help sometimes. You can still be independent while being helped by someone. Ofcourse intentions matter and women know this better than I do being on the other side of this exchange. Also as an aside, being a latte papa sounds awesome! Drinking coffee with my buddies with our kids sounds like a lovely man date. We don't do that enough here in the States at least around me.
Everyone needs help at some point. One of the culture shocks in the west for me was that lot of people here find it "shameful" or "weak" or whatever to seek help from others. My friend is a white American who is struggling to find a woman to commit to him. He has almost every thing that a woman desires in a guy from a physical, financial and personality standpoint. He has tried almost everything but no luck, so I adviced him to seek the help of professional dating coaches but for some reason, he wants to find someone by himself. Weird
If it was in the US, the latte man date is straight out of the Modern Family tv show, only both the men would be gay in that scene. Which is exactly what we used to think Swedish men are in Finland.
Latte papas is a disgusting concept and lifestyle. It's for effeminate and weak men, who are actually not men but aunties. Only gays would want that degeneracy.
@@pahakuutti Which Nordic men are most masculine and traditional in your opinion?
@@Lipanj92 I would kinda assume the Finnish (although they might also be the most reserved od them all). It might be more of a Northern, rural thing rather than national, otherwise...
If anybody is interested you should translate lyrics from swedish boybands and rap groups. It becomes very very clear how strong these norms are.
Last year or so the biggest new bands only sings about getting drunk and blacked out and their name (Bolaget) is litterally a slang term for the national liqour store agency thing we have in sweden.
The biggest rap (Hov1 or Tjuvjakt) groups also mostly sing about their hookups and how they have about 10 different girls at once but usually the songs focus on how they want that one girl who they think is amazing but ofcourse also has 10 different dudes she is banging and most often the only reason they dont get together is because they cant be honest with each other and just tell the other person how they feel.
Happy Sunday, Marina! I am here to support you, therefore, my answer is option D 😘
Hehe thank you John ♥️
@@DatingBeyondBorders Jajaja you're welcome, Marina 😍
I love and agree 100% with what you said at the end. As a 35-year-old hopeless romantic, it's really sad to see things turn like this, totally different from what I thought they might be growing up.
You forgot my group:
F: Not single, but a swede who's interested in seeing how someone would look at the swedish dating scene from outside.
I dodged most of dating thankfully. I moved together with someone I looked at as a friend and then fell in love with him as we was having fun and cozy times together.
Before I met him it was similar to what you describe here. It was parties and I would occasionally find a guy to make out with and maybe have sex with, but those interactions were rarely enough to get in love for. So it was generally kept casual.
And as you mentioned I have a commited longterm relationship, but we're not getting married. We don't see much reason for it and I don't think I want that kind of attention to me.
Sex should be for marriage and deeper relationships. It has a place just like a fireplace in a house... superficial sex diminishes its meaning and bonding, making people take it for granted. itsabout respecting your body and your partners body and placing a value on it
Bullshit, sex is a normal activity that happens even mostly outside of marriage lol. Wtf medieval BS this is (even in those times there was probably more outside marriage sex)..
ok, i have a couple of points to give out about superficiality versus deepness, and we can also speak about it directly (it's really so much better then just writing comments :D).
I think there are 2 things in motion right know mainly (mainly).
one as already being mentioned and it's about commitment, but that is still an easy thing to observe, meaning that is still something on the surface. We need to get to the roots.
And getting to the roots, is exactly the point that is missing.
Getting to the roots of a problem, or to the roots of a desire, or a pain.
Going deep doesn't mean you can't be "light or easy" during lifetime or just the day.
It means being able to go deep into the heart, and stay there, and build from there.
To go deep we sometimes need some shake from the outside, but some people who keep themselves under the glasses, will probably not experience that.
You can't force yourself , but you can't even retain yourself.
Just stay and experience what you have to experience.
Some people are afraid of feeling themselves as "mothers or fathers" to their partner because "they want the man or the woman".
But can i encourage you?
They just need it sometimes, not always.
And in the end, if we love our partner and maybe dream of having a family, our partner is the other half we are going to do that with.
so we start learning how to be parents and taking care of our children by taking care of our partner.
And we need to learn that to get there (if that is what we want).
So don't be afraid but also respect the feeling.
The other one it's not just there for you, and you are not just there for him or for yourself.
If you are still in one of these, you are definitely not ready to make a family.
You can eventually learn on the way, but you have no pressure and it's better to take a bit of time more then less (there are always exceptions, always :D - in my country they say "God's ways are infinite).
So better to prepare yourself, but also respect your heart.
And remember, being with someone, means "Melting 2 souls in 1"
or that's what it is supposed to be.
this is why it's so important that we learn to listen to our hearts
And trust Love!
Sex is nothing (even if amazing) without love.
I'm not saying it out of mentality, but out of personal experience.
I experienced both situations myself, and also felt the difference trough the reactions of the partner.
I don't say this to descourage you, but on the countrary, i'm here to tell you that that is true, it exists and that's what you and we all want, you can trust me.
Love can imply a lot, including passion.
and that is soo much different from any form of sex (without love) that can be commonly (or even less commonly found).
Look for love.
Some people still didn't experienced it, and some run away from it, and it's painful, i know.
But trust me, that's all you'll ever wanted.
If you find the way to stay and let yourself free from what kept you in chains, you will have this love forever.
and it's not a joke
it's really eternal
Well, seems like I got the weird swede - luckily!
On my first ever travel to Sweden got into a Swede (a bunch of days before, on a penpals site), we went for a dinner the same night of my arrival and I knew that gender equality was a big thing here so I offered to split the bill; I went to the toilet and he told me he already payed it 🤭
The second day we went fikar, things started hitting off and he eventually brought me to his place - with a nice excuse though - and I eventually ended up spending the night there. Nothing spicy happened, but we both were too excited to sleep, ending up spending the whole night talking! The day after we got "officially" together - right, just after 2 days after meeting each other for the first time!
From our second meeting - nearly a month after - we started talking about living together and now, 8 months after, we're living together, talking about marriage!😇
But overall, definitely different than what I experienced so far and definitely better - besides the no romance at first 🙂
Good for you! ❤
I think there are still people who are craving for more intimate and deep connections. And foreigners are a good chance for them.I am happy for you
Hello, loveky story, may I ask which part of Sweden was he from?
Lol u r never gonna get married , u already living with him and doing wifey stuff withlut marriage 😂😂😂😂
Would you say this is the same approach Norwegians have? Would love to see something like this about Norwegian dating culture.
And Denmark
i've been with a few norwegian girls and the situation was pretty much the same
Yeah norwegians will also push this superiority thing on to you because they believe they are from the promised land and no one else comes close. They are also called oil sweden. They will act cute to get you to ‘fall’ for the narcissistic trick they will play next to keep you hooked emotionally to them. This is especially true for empaths, they would fall into this deep and bad. So avoid them at all costs if you’re an empath or in that sort of a job. They will drain you dry. Speaking from experience.
@@princegates6227they’re friendly, but some are mean. To me less headache than dealing with swedes and way less headache than norwegians.
all nordic/scandinavian dating culture is pretty much the same.
It is very simple, your actions need to follow your intentions. If you want to live a great life you need to learn to make decisions. If you want to free your mind from 'Analysis-Paralysis' and want to experience life to the fullest, you should commit to something(s) that is/are important to you. If you are afraid of missing out on the next opportunity (FOMO), then you shall continue to live shallowly & squander your life away in entertainment & indecision.
Due diligence is good, but don't let this phase go on for too long.
If you want to experience magic in your life, the root of it starts with commitment.
To react to Marina's opinion, I agree and I think the solution is to sort yourself out. People in "Western" countries are generally very detached from themselves, bc they are constantly surrounded by pressure creating stress and things that they use to distract themselves from stress (but not actually reducing it) are abundant, with the risk of addiction to something just around the corner everywhere. And people that don't sort themselves out and are on high stress levels are just not connected to their human essence of wanting to really connect and also have no emotional- and headspace to really take others into account and that last thing just happens to be crucial for a healthy relationship (friendshipwise but also certainly romantically). That is our problem as I see it. And it is possible to fix it, by choosing to go to therapy, self-reflect and take time away from distractions by for instance taking walks in nature, meditation or other practices that allow you to turn inwards. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Definitely moreso if you are lonely and want healthy relationships.
It's almost as if extreme sexual liberation/hookup culture and feminism is not the way for a healthy society. I have been saying this for years now and the more time passes the more accurate my ''paranoid predictions'' become.
I'm watching ur videos out of curiosity and interest to find out about foreigners' mentalities and cultures. Idk if that classifies as a D or is a completely separate group though.
PS: Have u started working on that ''Dating Culture Compatibility'' quiz that u mentioned a little while ago?
sex is not the problem, the problem is the misandrism, hating men, that is rampant nowadays in lot of countries. I noticed that the more misandrism, more a society is degraded, if females hate men, how can a society function healthy and prosperous?
Nowadays females just use men for their sexual needs and throw away and hate them, don't want to be submissive and this is the problem.
How can a girl love a man if she don't want to submissive to him?
Lol many of the developing, Asian countries already figured this out from experience centuries ago, which is why those countries are traditional and still relatively stable ( despite their massive population size) compared to the hypersexualized, western countries. Infact, recent studies on western populations themselves are finally revealing those trends they already knew. We now know that the ones (both men and women) who have the least sexual partners before marriage are likely to report the highest marital satisfaction rates. Its also a FACT based on recent study done on the same population that the ones with the most sexual partners are the most likely to divorce:
"Our study confirms what other national studies have been finding the last few years, that sexually inexperienced dating couples are two to three times more likely to be in a highly stable marriage," said Brian J. Willoughby, Ph.D., a fellow at the Wheatley Institute and co-author of the report. "It appears that sexual exclusivity between spouses provides an underappreciated foundation for the intimacies of marriage and helps spouses create a mutually satisfying relationship founded on emotional intimacy and healthy communication."
Also, dovorced people are even more likely to divorce.
Here's another studies that corroborate my point:
"In a 2013 study, participants who completed an online questionnaire linked more frequent kissing with higher relationship quality - but interestingly, they did not report the same link when it came to frequency of sex.
"A 2020 study of heterosexual married couples also found that partners who had more non-sexual physical contact tended to be happier in their relationships."
Quiz is almost ready! I will update on Instagram so stay tuned!
All Feminism is are laws that protect women in marriage and work as far as pay. For years employers didn’t have to pay women the same salary for doing the same jobs they literally could look you in the face and say we don’t hire women and until the 70s most women weren’t even allowed to get bank accounts without a man’s approval. Feminism has nothing to do with a woman's view on men and family.
@@DatingBeyondBorders That's awesome. Will it be available for those without ig or other social media accounts as well?
I wonder, is the dating seen the same for people in their 20s and 30s? I feel like those in their 30s perhaps are more straightforward with what they want?
Also, You mentioned “unless we change the way we relate to each other” how do you suppose we do that? I think us saying early on in the process what we’re looking for can help, and the men who are interested in pursuing the same type of relationship… that could work. What else do you guys think people can do?
Thanks for sharing your story😊
Thank you for sharing your heart at the end. You put into words why I chose to marry my husband. If it were up to me, I'd have a common law relationship, my own house, my own bed. But when it came time to make a choice, I knew that refusing to compromise and let someone into my life would cause me to feel lost down the road. You nailed it.
3th comment. Greetings from FINLAND! It's same situation here in Finland as well :)!!! I don't know about norway.. Some norwegian can comment on it.. Also danish person can comment from their country..
/Finland is the most promiscuous country on the planet
I'm just curious about everything. 🙂 I'd have been completely lost in Sweden. I hate hanging out in bars especially just to drink. Drinking is something I do rarely and only if I enjoy the beverage of choice. Alcohol is not a plus for me in social situations.
This was very interesting from a social perspecive even though i both live in sweden and dont plan to go on a date again. It says alot about us swedes i think from an foregners perspective. Thanks!
Terrible culture. The more casual partners people have, the harder it gets to form a real spiritual bond between your future partner.
You are so right in what you said at the end of this video. We as humanity have become so lost. Men are not men anymore and women are not women anymore. The true roles have left, so has commitment, true connection, and devotion. Love is treated as optional. How sad! The family unit is being destroyed within. Where's God in their lives. Thanks for sharing this! God bless you!
If you think about it, life's whole point and purpose is to get together and create future humans. Since all humans are mortals, nobody has a brilliant of Albert Einstein, what we do have was each other and the life and love we have.....until recent times.
Indeed
I have friends who married for purely practical, pragmatical reasons after having kids. It was mostly a way to solidify the relationship legally, which simplified a lot of relevant dealings with society.
Because they knew it was almost impossible to actually find love, what a sad state of affairs.
@@cataliniancu5318 Not really, but before they had kids, they didn't see any practical reasons for marriage.
@@hakanstorsater5090 "Not really" but you just confirmed what I said. When you are so detached from someone that you do not wish anything permanent to do with them, then it's clearly not actual "love".
@@cataliniancu5318 They have already been together for years, and now they're raising two kids together, so they have planned something permanet already before the small ceremony. Then, there are several aspects of marriage as an institution.
1. Romantic, as an agreement between two parts to demonstrate their union officially.
2. Ceremonial, as a ritualized tradition to demonstrate a step in an individual's expected path in life.
3. Societal, as projecting an external image of societal expectations.
4. Judicial and pragmatical, to demonstrate a union officially for practical, legal matters.
I guess for them, the first three aspects were of little importance, but the fourth tipped the point into making it necessary.
@@hakanstorsater5090 And what I am saying is that the little importance they put on other aspects is exactly what's wrong with it. The whole culture makes it so that they see only risks and little benefits. What's happening in US right now where they refuse to marry anymore is very similar. I am coming from a non-western culture and the difference is stark, people marry because they like each other, not because they have kids.
Thank you for being so honest!! I lived in Sweden for 2 years, and can absolutely relate to everything you said. Society really is more lost and confused than ever. As we reached the top of freedom and independence, I think we have to slowly go back to the traditional morals and values. Well, the extremes are, in both directions, not the solution. But commitment is definitely important and necessary. This casual lifestyle seems nice, but it kills us inside.
Thank you. A beautiful video
I'm here because I just finished watching Love is Blind Sweden.
I'm on episode 5. I've never watched Love is Blind in any country, so watching it in Sweden is quite fascinating.
Been living here for over 30 years but still you managed to surprise me how it actually works. Checking with my more experienced friends, I find your clip/program quite accurate. Good job!
Happy to hear that! I went really deep into Swedish culture while writing the book and was really excited to share my findings 😁
Hi! I like your channel. The humour is lighthearted and respectful. Best wishes!
Thanks!
@@DatingBeyondBorders hi! I was wondering if you could do a video on dating as an older woman, please? Paulina Porizkova talked about how she felt that she disappeared as she got older. Thanks!
Very good quality video and analysis. Excellent work.
I like your videos and am giddy every time there is a new post. People don't need each other nearly as much as they did 100 years ago (80% less my estimate). To fix this paradox of less need and more choices we have to use force, like Sharia, but most people don't want that, especially Swedes and all other Nordics.
This is more how things used to be.
Remove all the social programming over the past few hundred years... and just be a human with human desires. Its very simple.
Most people are inherently good people & all want the same things.
Things were not like that because women pay a big price for sex: pregnancy.
Birthcontrol methods and easy access are something new.
That social programming separated humans from animals 😂😂.
When I see the double standards in the US around Feminism (where they only pick the things they like), I always think that Sweden is a true equality country without any of the hypocricy of wanting to have a cake and eat it too.
I agree
lmao the girl on the video LITERALLY said that "its nice if the guy pays". In fact, it's still often assumed between the lines that men are protectors and providers lol. Same double standards
meanwhile, they let in a bunch of invaders who are butchering there population, soon there won't be much of a real Swedish people left lol.
@@angryktulhuFACTS
It’s almost like people don’t understand that middle grounds do exist . Life isn’t all or nothing. Feminism is simply everyone has the right to choose for themselves/ everyone has the right to have access to the same opportunities. Full stop. It’s so weird how potty to contort and present a distorted display of feminism.
As a swedish guy I think I have to sort out some things!
Soo.. teenagers and students often dates for "attraction", casual sex is common! Its kinda way to grow up.. and learn about relations!
As a student dating another student, its more of a chanse to meet a person that going to live the same life as you!
As middle age man dating strangers, as a man be aware that half of the women are better educated and have higher salary then you!
They could even have bigger ambitions and therfore even higer expactations on there spouse/husband/father of there children!
Then to sumarise swedish mindsets, there is five rules, Indipendens, indipendens, indipendens, equality and be a nice person!
Soo.. to this awkward.. a cup of coffe and a cinnamon bun, and one split the bill.. both have the oportunity to stop it there or beside the humble situation get more dates, if there is some attractions or some comon life expactations!
I am dating a finish girl and its like this also, its a slowly process of gaining trust and sometimes they are a little bit pushing you away and the other day they want you to go all in
I’m half Brazilian half Italian so, the mix of the most straightforward ppl on earth, they are the total opposite of us hahahaha cant wait to go there and see
Im D 😊 good and interesting video. I’m so glad not to live in Sweden .this no commitment-im sooo equal dating mentality would drive me nuts 😂 but I guess if you are raised there it becomes your norm..Greetings from passionate Spain 🇪🇸
It honestly seems so.......lame to my american sensibility.
it depends where you go and what people you meet who is more open or less open, but there's generally no official dating in sweden and swedes in generally tend to be more close knit with their groups. for example if you have your group of friends you try and make a connection with someone outside of that group that has their own group of friends which they invite over for everyone to come together and from there it's kind of a free for all and see who gets along with who and some people just hit it off and some just have casual sex etc and sometimes it's just casually just accepting each other.
there's typically groups like this because most swedes by circumstance are quite withdrawn but they all have typically their own outgoing person in their respective groups that they stick to that makes things happen and find other groups of people that they befriend and invite them or brings along their friends to this new group.
but i'd say it's quite hard to just go out all by yourself and find someone on your own in sweden, this group dynamic is really what sets things in motion most of the time because that's how swedes meet new people generally, but there are some outliers and these are the people who are more outgoing swedes and they are a bit of a hot commodity but they can typically approach someone all on their own but they will usually approach groups and try to become a part of already established groups.
the only time more reserved swedes really let their guards down and step away from this group dynamic on their own is when they go out to party and then the whole idea of partying becomes about meeting new people especially of the opposite sex and that's where i would say most new relationships and new groups form.
but yeah no, swedes don't really come up and ask for your number or bother to approach you when you are all on your own with no better reason than to "get to know you", that's creepy.
swedes are just really protective about individual space and very respectful of it, you can ofcourse breach it but you don't suddenly just walk up to someone, there is a bit of eye contact and body language communication that happens wether they will let you talk to them or not or if you are simply bothering them, this is a bit of a 50/50 if they want to or not, sometimes it's simply because they want to be nice or avoid conflict so you have to really read the signs.
but yeah it's basically group dynamics, people learn a lot who people are from how they move in a group or if they are a social outcast who is simply so unwanted they can't even keep friends and also people judge who you are by judging the people you associate yourself with to get an idea of what kind of person you are.
I like to establish deep connections, but swedish culture seems the best to me. Swedish is also my favorite language, and Sweden has a nice climate, which isn't too hot (and even some nice frost). I hope I will one day get an opportunity to move to Sweden.
I like how open and honest it seems the Swedes are. Americans say they value marriage but more than half the marriages end in divorce. And there are alot of cases of infidelity. I think at the end of the day, a real relationship requires honesty, and self awareness. Whether you're casual like the Swedes, or marriage oriented like Americans, if you're honest about what you want and are constantly working on yourself, you will find that person who is right for you and be committed to them.
18:40 Let's start by understanding something very simple. That in Sweden the dynamics of courtship are not so oriented towards male effort does not mean that the sexual dynamics are different, or that Swedes have more sexual relations than in other places. You say that in other countries men take the lead and compliment women or beg them for dinners and dates, and it's true. But women are the only ones who decide who they select from all that cascade of free attention. If women in Sweden "take the initiative" without demanding dinners and compliments does not mean that Swedes have more sex or that men in Sweden have it easier to get into women's beds. It simply means that women are the ones who choose, like everywhere else, but without having to waste time and bother monitoring and discarding all the candidates who offer them dates and dinners. Swedish men probably avoid being too pushy or clingy because Sweden was one of the first countries to import and spread the environmental ideology, now extended everywhere, that tends to equate excessive male interest with sexual harassment or "creepiness". But women taking the initiative is not the same as women having more sex, or having sex with more men. Women in Sweden are just as selective and picky as anywhere else, and they like casual sex as much (or as little) as they like anywhere else. Women always have the first and last word in courtship, and for them 99% of men simply do not exist from the beginning as potential sexual or emotional interests. The only thing that seems to differentiate Swedish women is that they want to avoid the consequences of living and interacting with those 99% of "waste" males by having direct and exclusive access to the only ones they seem to consider to be of such interest.
I,m Swedish but i grow up in a multicultural area and had many foreign friends growing up. I tried dating Swedish girls but I am very old fashioned and really dont feel Swedish haha
I like to feel like the provider, being someone that is expected to prioritize about making my family feel safe and secure. Probably sounds a bit silly but the world is crazy
I ended up marrying a girl from Albania (now we have 3 kids), I really dont think woman are weak just because I'm old fashioned..
I think we have different abilities to tackle life's challenges and frankly we need each other!
Not saying I think a woman should be a stay at home wife.. Its her choice. its 2024 and we dont need it. and everyone should contribute equally to household choirs.
But i do think for example that the woman is better att taking care of the kids when they are infants, Its just natural. :P
great video! just visited Sweden last august. Interesting thoughts.
In my opinion there is a quite clear ranking of status for men aspiring to the role of boyfriend of a swedish girl, here in Sweden. On top are british and american guys: these nationalities make it super easy to pick up a girl in a pub as a starting point for a relationship. It is "high status" for a swedish girl to have a british boyfriend. In second place come the ethnic swedes. Third comes germans, danish, french guys. In fourth place come southern european guys. then comes latinos, finally arabs, iranians and last come indians and africans. Mixed race couples are very rare in big cities such as Stockholm, and especially in professions that attract wannabes and status-seekers (like IT, finance, banking, media). In the 90's for example, there was an iranian guy who spoke english without a foreign accent and could lie about being american. He managed by doing so to sleep with over 100 girls in a short period of time. You can google him, he claimed his name was "James Kimball". you can draw your own conclusions.
Not sure the last time you've been to America, but picking up girls in a pub is now a taboo and a no-no. You can get yourself in a lot of trouble attempting it now.
@@prussiansocietyofamerica very interesting what you wrote. I wonder how the community of pick up artists (mystery, style,etc) are reacting to that.
The same thing in Denmark as a young African guy who was born here and is actually good looking in the end I had to marry one of my own because the locals refused to date me.
I didn't see you list East Asians like Chinese, Japanese, Koreans, etc. Wow. They must be so low on the totem pole that you didn't even bother mentioning them.
@@theplasmacollider6431I did not mention them because I was just sharing my impressions and not a scientific study that systematically researches all ethnicities. But let me tell you one story: I once met a swedish woman who had adopted a korean baby. When her son was around twenty years of age, the mother discovered a half-finished letter that her son was writing. The son had met a girl online and the girl wanted to meet, and in the letter he was "preparing" her for the fact that he did not look swedish. The mother told me it was a heartbreaking letter. By the way, I am not swedish and I do not belong to any of those ethnical group that the swedish girls hold in so much regard, such as americans and englishmen, so I have suffered as well the vanity and superficiality of girls considering relationships only for their status value.
I lived in Poland I grew up during my dating life in Poland and at first when I entered that country I was skinny and pretty much just a nerd playing games without any outdoor activities. I observed the dating scene in Poland I really wanted to have a Polish girlfriend I started facing my most horrible fear such as going to clubs and nightclubs and at the beginning it was killing me cause I couldn't handle the atmosphere but I observed how Polish guys approach women there and I started to first learn by seeing. I saw even the most cutest guys were getting rejected sometimes and it showed that it is normal thing.
I started going to the gym every day I started following some main sport and went to dance classes and within only one year I had more girls than I ever had in my life because girls in Poland truly value masculinity. The only Eastern European girls who pay for themselves during the date and sometimes they even brought me homemade cookings on FIRST date. When you see that much of a commitment as long as you are not a player you start to show the same respect and level up yourself. In Poland both dating apps and normal dating are the same because it is not looked at it as it is in the west.
Now I am living in Sweden for 2 years, I completely see how messed up the West is. The LGBT brainwash culture + the modern toxic feminism + Forced leftist liberal idealogies has completely ruined this part of the world. I cannot even force myself to like a Swedish woman because I don't see anything "feminine" in them. What's the point of being attracted to a woman who acts like a man?
Sweden is literally hell on planet earth for a foreigner. It is middle East of Europe now.
Damn bro, so stay away from sweden lol
Wow! I am Danish, and the dating culture is the same as in Sweden. I know that Eastern European values are more traditional, which I share. Polish women sounds like a dream in contrast to the modern/feminist women in the West, who are non-traditional and promiscuous. In Scandinavia, you have to be masculine to "make" them feminine, and as mentioned in the video, most men in Scandinavia are not even a tiny bit masculine. Therefore, women will approach and ask for dates/hookups. I also completely agree with the last point you made. Have you chosen to study in Sweden?
I agree a 100%.
They're in it for the money. And as long as they're working - that‘s ok.
You shouldn't react like an insulted thirteen year old - we all know that you look down on Slavic people. You shouldn't. They like you. And don't wish them to go - which they will do, as their home economies recover. Because than you will be alone with your oriental neighbors.
Have fun with them.
@@Mantos777 No I am not a student, I got a job offer to work on something really good and I moved here. Biggest mistake of my life to leave Poland and since I am not EU citizen I need to stay where my work permit is from. So as long as this project is not finished it is the best to stay in Sweden so at least it makes the CV. Gladly my job is going incredibly well unlike everything else in Sweden.
This was interesting to watch. I am 25% Swedish but have very little knowledge of the culture. So I am very interested in this short video to get a flavor for the country from a relational lens. I think that the solution to intimacy changes will come when people realize that commitment and trust are more valuable in romantic relationships than freedom. Sex is great, but human sexuality is about connection more than physical pleasure. Connection and commitment cost us but can be worth the investment. To an extent, emotional expression and willingness to be vulnerable is essential for deep relationships. If that is only possible with alcohol, it is no wonder headway is difficult.
Nice to hear someone with a supportive family. I am none of the above, just interested in human nature.
Jeez, there are so many thoughts on this! First, one of the reasons for Swedish men not pursuing women is that we in general don’t like to kiss up to other people. That includes women, especially If they come with a princess attitude that is generally frown upon. You have to earn you courtship so to speak, which kind of is a problem for many women, illustrated by lots of the women in the video. Guys on the other hand are lazy by nature, so obviously this dating climate doesn’t bring out the best of men. They tend to be complacent and not putting in any efforts. But when it comes to meaningful relationships i don’t believe Swedes are worse than others. Most people I know are in long-term, stable relationships where family and children are prioritised. With the exception of young people in the inner cities, things are less superficial also. To find your life partner is taken seriously and since the dating scene is quite ”equal”, I think people really tend to end up with their matches. Finally, for those that think they need a bit more old school romance, the slightly older generation like myself have no issues in taking on a more traditional male (or female) role in dating! And health and fitness level are insanely high, so there will be plenty of good looking people of any age looking for love to choose from… ;)
Äntligen någon med förnuft. Känns som att alla amerikaner tar allting till synes utan att ens försöka få en bättre förståelse.
tell that to Swedish divorce rates, rising std and low commitment, introversion (in the bad sense) and lack of social connection. Im sure seeing sex as a commodity and people as a feature isn't bad at all.
My girlfriend is from Sweden, she's 20 and she says the dating scene is terrible, she herself never took part because of it (until she met me), people have sex out of pressure, lot of superficiality and most of her girlfriends have trouble committing further than a first date.
I mean, if you only hook up and always think there's someone better on the next corner you never try. The entire atmosphere is toxic and unhealthy with terrible psychological long term consequences. Im glad that my gf had the strength to resist those pressures and follow her own heart. I don't want to have a partner who can be casual about sex, because I can't and such a difference kills intimacy. Needless to say Id never date any of her friends or anyone with such a terrible attitude towards emotion, commitment and sex.
@@musiccer7446 Where have you been getting that info from? I'm pretty sure nothing's really changed here, for better or for worse.
@cat1406 really? Then check some statistics on the body count of the average university student in Sweden. In 1989 it was 4 and now it is around 12. Im really not the person to hyperfixate on body count but these numbers don't lie.
STDs are rising because many people have stopped using condoms because of the pill, ignoring of course other risks.
And I got that information, as I said, from my own research about the country my girlfriend comes from and of course from her. It was an issue at first because she thought I wouldn't find her attractive if she was still a virgin (and generally inexperienced) when we were starting to date, which is why she lied to me about multiple hookups that she had to make herself look more desirable in my eyes(by Swedish standards). (she is 19 btw) Except this is very different to my culture (im from Germany) and I really disliked that she presumably could be casual about things I regard as very emotional. Needless to say we figured it out now and she feels much better with my attitude.
But all her friends and in her entire surroundings people regularly hook up, have unprotected sex and then repeat. People are very unwilling to commit and she felt very pressured and wrong herself for not wanting to participate.
That's how I know. And she comes from a very academic surrounding, it's not only her friend group but everyone she knew and talked to and heard of.
I can't fathom it, to me it is shocking many of the stories she told me. Here in Germany for example tinder is mostly used by people in their late twenties that are desperate. I couldn't imagine teenagers using it to hook up. Very far from my world
@@musiccer7446 Where are you from exactly? Do you know the divorce rates in America or any western country by the way? It's 75% in America and 95% of them were made by women.
Unfortunately, we have reached a point in Scandinavia where women mistake a man having a real place and purpose in their lives, as a slippery slope into powerless dependence. Women mistake a man opening doors for them, as an insult about their capability. Women mistake male leadership for control, and because of this, instead of making space for a man in their lives, women continually remind them that they are not needed. This becomes a serious mixed message, and it puts men in a lose-lose
WHY?
Women do not allow men to step up and take leadership or step up and take a place and a purpose in their lives. Yet, when a man does not do this, suddenly, women are totally unattracted to them. Basically, what women are doing with these messages is putting men in a position to become passive by choice, and over time rebellious.
What every woman needs to know about men is that, in general, men must be given the space for their authentic masculinity; meaning, men need to feel wanted, needed, appreciated, and useful. When this takes place men feel committed and connected to a woman - very simple!
Wake up, ladies!
I don't understand people slamming dating apps and using this video as a way to put Swedish people (especially women of course) down. One important thing about dating apps is that they are not mandatory. It really is your choice to either join them or not. If you don't like people that use them or dating culture linked to them then just don't participate, don't be on them? Who's forcing you?You're welcome to be the change you want to see in the world. Go out there and talk to strangers, pour all those genuine warm emotions out to the world instead of sitting with your phone/in front of a computer typing these sad comments as if you're any better. Another elephant in the room is that there are a lot of people masking their jealousy. Classical Swedish features are an ideal of beauty whether people like to admit it or not(blonde, blue eyes, good looking, tall-ish and slim). They are the Barbies and Kens of the world. People are feeling inadequate hence making hurtdul comparisons between the Swedes and different cultures/ethnicities. It's painfully obvious, why else would you bring up Latinas, Southern USA? Lol
Don't be silly ,Nordic women are masculine and awful lol
You just love masculine women
I think this might be more applicable to younger people and possibly foreign people (or it's a Stockholm thing) because I do not recognize this description at all. I'm in my early thirties and have had a relationship for well over a decade, pretty much all of my friends, after the age of 25 started to find a serious partner to start settling down with without any issues.
The truth is we are by default born to love everyone. But we are then conditioned to have preferences and dislikes. Maybe the future is one where the focus is more on how well we treat each other rather than finding the most attractive person or dating/sleeping with the most number of people. Deep connection means loving someone no matter what.
Very few people are ever capable of Romantic Love. It is extremely rare.
@@prussiansocietyofamerica Damn you sound stupid.
While I agree that it is becoming a problem and that we are turning more superficial as a society. I also think, maybe more women, but also men, know more clearly what we want. Some people just have a very long list, which makes it hard, others haven't figured it out, or think once they have they will know it. I think women are becoming less compliant in what we expect from a man since we have always had to work so much to getting one and for men it's/ it was the other way around. I feel they are still in the phase they think they can find a good woman without making a lot of effort (This a generalization but so it's all that we see in the video). And there is also the time limit for women to decide and look for a partner to have children with, which makes us think faster on what we want from a partner. Men know and feel like they have more time for this.
No way, I see all the time how they choose men these days. That used to be reserved only for the guy that actually showed investment, and yet they demand higher standards only from the men they perceive as "lesser".
So why then do you wonder why other men see that and don't want to try anymore? Some men just take what is offered to them easily, while I don't even want the affection of such women, they have no self respect and so I won't offer them any. And they can't be trusted for anything serious.
Do women have to work hard to get a man? I have never seen such absurd nonsense as this😂😂
Maybe we are seeing different sides of society, giving the contrast of our observations. It's very interesting
@@lauthewang Yes, because they sleep around without demanding anything of worth from very select men, but it's only when one wants to take them seriously that they start demanding. Such backwards way of being, it will never function much longer.
standards should be love, commitment and endurance. I have Swedish friends, many never go past the first date, they find excuses not to date because of "high standards", but actually they are just afraid of commitment.
It's bullshit that women had to try hard for men without men putting in effort, have you ever read old literature, men sacrificing their lives for a woman.
everyone knows that there is no relationship without some compromise, but when you've been ran through by 10 other people (wether men or women) you simply detach from your feelings towards people and intimacy as you've dehumanized to a point where they are a superficial commodity. Having Hugh standards doesn't mean that you sleep with someone every Friday, you have to LOWER your standards to hookup to the point where your "standards" almost exclusively start revolving around superficial traits.
if you had high standards you wouldn't have 12 sex partners no matter how normalized it is in your society.
As a 20yo swedish dude I have to say this video is great. Swedish men are all about unspoken rizz and looking good. I also ofcourse kind of fell into this mindset for a while and sure it works out as long as you are somewhat attractive but the cheat code is to just ignore the social norms and act all social and outgoing.
Last week I was at this fancy-ish (Generally this is the place where this kind of idgaf and booring behaiviour is most common) nightclub dancing and I was just vibing, having a good time with my friends and the music and the thing that becomes so incredibly clear if you ever try this is that you will almost immediately have women who are just swarming you. I would say I am above average in attractiveness but there where plenty of guys there who where far better looking than me who where just standing in groups not talking to anybody or looking like somebody had died with their beers in their hands trying to get drunk of the expensive liqour at the club and while they where walking around just looking at the beatifull women I had to run from them (I say it like that because I have a GF and I dont want to act interested and give them false hope.
All in all sweden is a very weird country because its really hard to keep up with the beauty standards but it is incredibly easy to stand out socially. You can especially tell since Swedish women love talking to foreign men because it is so refreshing to have somebody who actually approaches you for once.
Keep in mind I also don't drink which makes this even more clear that it is a deeply rooted mindset problem for most guys.
Yes I'm a D, so cheers to your dad and me ;) tnx for the content, love it...regards from Iranian based in Qatar :X
Well, Swedes aren't much for dating in Sweden, but Always when they come to Rio de Janeiro, always come back married😂😂