What women don't realize; WHY men stop putting in effort into a relationship...
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- čas přidán 10. 04. 2024
- Hey guys, welcome back and thanks for watching! Today we dive into the explanation from a woman on how men stop putting in effort. She says "women deserve better." It amazes me that a woman's interpretation can be SO OFF. I give the advice for a woman stuck in this cycle to look INWARD. let me explain....
A woman who plays 'hard to get' quickly becomes hard to want.
Catchy, Well said.
😂
And , with even more significance, she starts to become hard to like, so REALLY hard to want (who wants what he doesn’t like 😆)?
lol truth
That mindset is completely understandable if the girl is a virgin or the woman only had her husband and he broke her heart or even less than 3 sexual partners.
However if she had already multiple sexual partners, including one night stands: don't wait for what others got in the first night.
I don't put effort anymore unless I see reciprocation. Not worth my time.
Yep.
....AND... I *NEVER* see reciprocation. 😩
I do not fully agree wih this, When you just stop everything and don't care anymore that is when things will only go downhill fast.
@@rbarkhuizenswell, the relationship is over by then. Like the old cliche, A relationship is like a two way street.
@@vltruane Agreed
I've been married for 30 years, my wife never stopped reciprocating, which makes me want to reciprocate back. You're totally right on.
Lucky.
Reciprocation is absolutely vital. Only 5 years married, but seen this in my marriage many times. When your partner does something for you it makes you want to do something for them and if it’s a good relationship you keep it going.
You're lucky. I think i found one but i should keep testing her interest.
I have been married 30 years.
For much of my marriage, I carried her through her childhood trauma and healing. I listened to her, read books with her, went to counselling. rubbed her back, held her for hours when she needed to cry, and helped out her family all the time.
For much of that time, she didn't cook, clean, earn any money, work outside, do the budgetong or shopping, etc..or actuallly RAISE our daughters. I worked 50hour + per week, sometimes two jobs. and did everything else but laundry. We also never had sex.
I developed asthma from her cats, and she not only kept them, but let them sleep in our bed.
When she finaly got a job, it was because she wanted more Disney trips: not to help me with the financial burdens I had faced alone for all those years.
If she put anything into the relationship, it was aimed at "fixing" me, or getting me to toe the line on things she had control issues about.
I didn't even TRY to pull back my effort. I just literally wore out and dont have it in me anymore.
I’ve been married for 30 years too. When we first started dating she would sometimes be slow to reciprocate and then do something really nice. Still does. 😅
She is correct. When I start dating a woman after a few days I stop calling or texting. Because I want to see her put in a little effort. More than a few times I bump into a woman I used to date and the conversation go's "you stopped calling me." I say " you never called me."
Chasing after them was the mistake in the first place. If they find you interesting and think you have other women on the go, they will actively go out of their way to text you, even if it takes a week.
One lesson I learned over the years with juggling women is that the less I cared about losing contact with them the more often they would reciprocate and if they know you have other women on the go they will get competitive/dramatic even if they don't seem to fully like you.
@@theperfectbeingthis. They also see that because other women are talking to you they see you as "safe"
Women think a conversation is a game of Ping Pong. It doesn't matter how much we say, if a woman replies "lol" she thinks that's HER contribution to the conversation and now she expects you to reply again
That's exactly what I experienced, just recently. I decided not to contact her anymore, I even deleted her contact information. I moved on, and I don't even feel I have to give a reason.
This comment section is a bunch of incels.
Gee, I don't know. I do 100% of the cooking, 100% of the grocery shopping, 100% of all house upkeep, 100% of the auto maintenance and repairs, 100% of the landscaping and its been 13 years without any intimacy. I'll be leaving soon
Dipper,,Mate I could only last 10yrs and i was gone but not with out Damage🤨
You should have left after 1 week. When a woman starts withholding sex, she is #1 getting it somewhere else, and #2 using it to manipulate you, and #3 proving she despises you. Curb any woman who does that immediately. Women are broken, you fix them by making their lives miserable and inflicting max accountability on them. It's like holy water to a vampire to hold a woman accountable.
RUN!!!! Dont look back.
I bet mate... it's only been 13 years of dealing with it.... Sounds more like you've accepted your fate. Soon is never coming unless you actually make moves. And this is no shade, you sound exactly like my little brother. I feel SO badly for both of you, but HE also pays 100% of the bills for her and her 3 kids, and gave up any chance of ever having his own.
I am sorry but why did you accept this for 13 years!? thats insane and incredibly dumb.
Let this statement sink in, "Do you think a man stops putting effort for NO REASON?"
As an aspiring man, I can tell you, effort is only silenced by rest. If I am awake, my effort beckons. In my life's circle of influence, there are zero females and children left behind.
You’re asking an emotion’s based body chemistry addict what’s she thinks? Not sure you understand how that works.
Y’all give us plenty of reasons. And yet we keep trying………until we don’t. Eventually we get sick of your 💩.
I mean, “I’m actually just really lazy” is a reason. Not a good one, but technically a reason.
Yes. The reason is because there is no reason to continue put effort in.
Problem with attractive women like this is, that they think they don’t need to put in effort, that their beauty alone will do the trick.
facts. And when its just looks? who cares. Give me compassion and depth. You know.... what I give her without ever being asked,
I think its actually more that they jave not been placed i to positions early on where they were "punished" for not reciprocating. Often women are given special treatment, it's natural for us men to want to treat women as a whole with a level of honor andd respect. Its default for a lot of us. I seen dudes treat eachother like shit but they will calm down for a random woman even if she's being an asshole. The good women i meet often have to submit to their bad experiences and learn from them. Some good women exist. Ive met a few who really value their men even at their lowest. And it includes very beautiful wome .
Yep, then they hit the wall
Right. They are the table. 🙄
But they don't want to be touched or looked at creep .
I recently discovered you because of a recommended short. I feel recognized when I watch your videos. I'm currently single and at this point in my life I've lost most of my motivation to pursue a relationship due to a lot of the things that I have seen you talk about in your videos. So many times I have been watching your videos and thought, she is talking about me. I just really wanted to say Thank You for everything that you are doing. You are a national treasure.
I'm the same. I just can't be bothered anymore. The amount of work we have to put in just isn't worth the rewards.
We fall short, and all we get is complaints.
i always point out the good things I do, but they just overlook that!!
Saaaame. It always gets to a point where I actually feel GUILTY in a relationship for wanting intimacy, or even just a little affection, or feel like I'm being a PEST for raising the cold bed issue which they then always ignore, or try to mollify you with lies/promises that they'll work at it (they never do.)
After the 'honeymoon' period, every woman I've ever been with has slowly ground me down until I've felt unloved and worthless. I'm finished with them.
I recently divorced my wife because I waited 23 years for her to reciprocate. Let that sink in
Reciprocate what exactly?
@@derrickpigatt5195 I guess you haven't understood a single comment here.
@@derrickpigatt5195 If it's like most of us divorced guys, ANY kind of reciprocation.
Makes sense
@@derrickpigatt5195 Being nice for one.
My good guy friend was dating a lovely young woman seventeen years ago, they're both in their early twenties and finishing up undergrad. At that time he had contracted a really bad flu bug. She proceeds to show up at his doorstep, unannounced, with chicken soup and board games. Needless to say he was "healed" instantly, lol. Fast forward to the present after those seventeen years, two kids and a blissful marriage.
She had burning desire for him!
Bless those lucky couples and that both keep caring for each other.
its just common sense. Treat others with care and respect. Its the Golden Rule and as old as time.
You ABSOLUTELY NAIL THIS! Couldn't be more accurate. So exhausted giving effort with minimal/no reciprocation. So exhausted...(married...24 years)
I stopped putting in effort when it felt like whatever I was doing was wrong. The days were pretty much numbered after that.
My ex and I would divey up the chores, example; I was to mow the lawn but leave her garden alone, NP, come home from work and there are grass clippings on the driveway and other agreed on chores that were not adhered to, been divorced for 25yrs now and married to an outstanding woman for the last 15yrs.
@@JohnHill-qo3hb Nice! Good for you 😊 I was never married to the woman I was referring to. Thank goodness we didn't get that far lol, but there are good women out there. Glad you were able to find one 👍
Think of it this way... we start at 100%, and then we slowly start matching your effort. We will only stay good if you're good back. We are not just a money source. We are not here just to serve you. We have feelings, emotions, and needs, too, no matter how much you want to think we don't.
"matching your effort" ... an _excellent_ way of putting it!
This, absolutely. If a girl wants a guy to keep giving 100%, she has to keep him believing that what he puts in is worth it. Otherwise, he _will_ start believing it isn't.
Well put
💯 correct
Well said. Most females don’t think they should reciprocate. It’s always me-me-me
We put in effort right from the beginning, that's how men are. We stop putting in effort because it's clear we aren't getting any back or we are getting way less than we give. It's so common for women not to come up with date ideas or activities, not to get us something for valentines, to hardly ever initiate physical activities in the bedroom. We hold out hoping it will change, but eventually it's clear when they don't care and then we just stop completely.
I think the worse part is lack of communication, I think because 1 they dont reciprocate, and 2 they dont communicate it becomes a double edged sword and you are just left wondering
@@TheDullMansClub The irony of women always nattering on about how important "communication" is to them. What they mean by that, of course, is the same thing the American left means when they say "compromise."
For the left, compromise means the right gives in and lets the left have their way. When women say communication, they really mean: "I talk, you listen, and don't you dare disagree."
@@tetedur377 You should really leave your politics out of this. If not, I'm happy to turn this into a political argument about why you're completely wrong and part of the problem.
@@barnettmcgowan8978 Nah he's right
@@Scooterbeerrun 💯
I'm not sure why this video popped up, but I found it interesting. And you're absolutely correct! Men don't want "takers only". We want balance -- give and receive are equal. That's why I've been married many, many years now. Both my wife and I regularly express appreciation for each other.
Now I also grew up with people who spoke their minds (as did my wife). I don't like games or hidden meanings. It's a waste of time. If I were dating at this point, and a woman confronted me about putting in less and less effort, I would straight up say, "it's because I'm not seeing much enthusiasm from you, and I'm beginning to question whether or not you're still interested. Are you? If so, you've got to let me know."
Very good video!
If there's one thing I've learned about women in life, it's that no matter WHAT you do, they will ALWAYS do more, have it harder, etc. In their mind.
Truth!!! And they will always justify being shitty to you. That you deserve it for not doing more. Even though you are literally doing everything.
Everyone is like that, studies even show that
@@tesladrew2608 Nah, some people actually deal in logic and reality.
@@Projekt5.3 okay, not everyone, OBVIOUSLY, cause I don't, but the vast majority of people do. I can't believe that needed to be said.
@@tesladrew2608 Idk that I would even agree to most...
My peace is worth more than placing effort into an empty space.
I could not agree more.
Agreed.
Seconded
🎉
Bingo!
We stop putting effort after the initial process because the return on the investment is not there it's a losing proposition
Correct!!!!
The juice aint worth the squeze, especially when the women thinks she is the price to don't have to either work on the relationship or bring anything other than her looks, that eventually will fade.
It's like making hyperinflated car and insurance payments on a used jaloopy that never operates but threatens to give everyone else rides if you don't also buy it the mirror mount fuzzy dice and all the other aftermarket crap. A man is better off just saving his monet and taking public transportation whenever he needs to go somewhere.
You meant she gave it up.
Ding ding ding! 100% right. As soon as I realize reciprocation and gratitude aren’t there, it’s “come over for Netflix and chill” time
Thank you for this video! You absolutely nailed the 98% of situations that this happens. I wish more women would actually look at themselves and wonder why a guy may "pull" away.
The same goes for married men, not just those that are dating. I work all day, take care of my disabled wife, take care of our grandson, cook dinner, take care of the pets, and clean what I can. Yet apparently I don't do anything around the house.
Of course you don’t!
That's how that usually works. Never forget that a stay at home woman is a "slave" but a stay at home man is a "bum". 😅
Same life for me. I have a disabled child that I take care of. Plus my wife’s quite a bit older than me and her health ain’t great so I help her a lot too. I do all the house work and all the man duties. Yet still my wife complains and says I don’t do enough lol.
I got those comments so often that I fully emotionally checked out and wouldn't engage in conversations the same. It eventually fell apart and did so with the added benefit that I am apparently a total monster... I feel so cold in public when talking with a person that is also attractive and female. You have the tiger by the tail and though it sucks, when you loose heart and give up, it sucks even more..... society really needs to correct itself from the edge of the wedge, all the way to the large meaty edges.
if you generalize and project your ideas onto all males, you are doing yourself a disservice. We are not all alike .
This is the sequence of events in my experience:
1. I'm the only one who always initiates and puts effort and shows interest.
2. She goes with the flow but doesn't reciprocate. I keep putting in the same effort.
3. I get tired and quit.
4. She gets mad at me for not showing any interest anymore.
In other words, when I stop putting any effort, it's not that I'm waiting for reciprocation. It's that I've already given up, and you missed your chance.
agreed, the worst is when they "seem" to reciprocate, but they cancel the date at the last moment with some excuse, or straight ghost you and wont text you back to confirm the date.
Same
We guys don't realize that we chased them until they caught us, only to be saved as collector items, displayed in public to make sure other ladies get the point that this is how it's done, turning cowboys into action toys, that having only one means a gal is being used, abused and below her potential.
Jordan Peterson said it in front of his lady....
All women cheat.
Not some
Not a few
We are a couple of people! You don't get paid for it, have to work all the time.
Right!!! If we treat them how they treat us we are the worst!!!!
I am divorced for 30 Y because I realized that the biggest risk for being miserable, poor and homeless is marriage .
Years of watching married men confirms my initial diagnosis
You came pretty close to nailing it ,or at least the way my life has run. I have found that in many cases a woman will feel that as long as she puts out occasionally, she is doing her part. There is so much more to a healthy relationship that. I find that I very quickly lost interest in a relationship when it devolved into an " If you give me what I want and behave w can have sex" type situation. I give because I want to give, but I can't be the only one giving. It can't be transactional it has to be because she also wants to give.
I am 58 and recently recently got married for the first time in my life, to a woman who absolutely amazes me every day. She is so good to me that I wonder if I am good enough for her. We have been together for nearly 10 years.
I truly believe that she is worth all of the heartbreaks that I have gone through to get to her.
Most women I've dated were takers, and barely reciprocated, if at all. I eventually learned my lesson, and am quite happy being single now. I take good care of myself these days. Better to be single and happy than be with a taker who does not know how to give.
I'm nearly 50 years old. I always advise young men to put in very little effort. Women not only do not reward effort, they actively punish it. I've watched it happen to so many men over the decades, and young women are even worse than those of my generation. The guy likes the girl and acts like it, and she instantly loses interest because he's 'too nice.' For young men who are good, morally upstanding, kindhearted people, it is hard because to get and keep a woman they have to be a cold, hard, uncaring piece of stone who shows no care or concern or love. The minute he deviates from that, she drops him for the nearest badboy. Women have to look in the mirror; they and they alone did this to themselves. Actions and choices have consequences.
Sad facts
This is why it’s hard to have empathy when they get abused, r-ped and f*cked over by these guys. They chose to put themselves in these situations with these f*ck heads. Reap what you sow.
true but this is also a potential goldmine if you can word that and teach the girl in the right way/path like a rock needs polishing, suddenly u could have a well mannered gal after u set her straight. If she cant take that or dont adjust then yes deff i would agree 100% what u said, but in my exp theres lots of fortune to b made if one is tactical
Thanks for saying that. I'm not changing myself for women though. If they don't want to be treated like someone cares about them, then I'm quite happy to stay alone. Any GF who wants slapped around or choked in the bedroom can exit my life too. There are SO many women into that now, it's disgusting.
This comment section is truly disturbing. I'm sorry so many of you have been hurt. I wish this girl would stop making these videos cause everyone is taking this shit like reality when it's just one perspective.
That's the problem. men show they're excited. Gives the woman that feeling of having won.
If men want women to chase them ignore them. Period. I'm 60, and my bud's son was at the Christmas party with his gf. She's about 26, 27. 5'7" wearing heels, short skirt, solid thighs, big breasts, putting everything out there for all to oogle at. I took a glance and avoided looking her way afterwards. I purposely re-positioned myself to keep her out of my field of view. She noticed. Well through out the night she must have moved about 5 or 6 times, hypocritically trying to put her self in my field of view. NOT cause I'm all that and then some, nope. Simply cause I avoided looking at her. I literally took the oxygen from her. It was so obvious my wife made a comment on the way home. Ignoring them is the most powerful tool men have. If they'd only learn this simple little trick. At least more men are waking up. Cheers
I'm learning to enjoy ignoring women, but I'm enjoying it for what I myself get out it: peace and an intact bank account. I'm ignoring them: I have no idea what they're doing about it because.... I'm ignoring them!
If a dude wants to use this as a hookup strategy, at some point they'll have to not ignore them, lol.
Biggest change in my dating life when I realized this. At least for most of the women I was after attracting at the time. The science of women is that secretly(not so secretly) they all want attention. They want to feel like the hottest most attractive woman in the room. They get a buzz off it. They need all eyes on them to validate. Some more than others. Conversely, a man wants to be the guy who has the girl who everyone wants. Its a status thing. If you deny them that, they think, who is this guy ignoring ME? It just messes up their brains.
I married a woman who sees through that BS. If you want a mediocre woman who relies heavily on validation all the time and MUST have the attention of every man in the room then start a relationship with THAT type of woman. She'll probably cheat on you eventually, or just say she's unhappy and leave you. You don't want a relationship with that.
Bro as much as I hate to admit it my life experience keeps validating this opinion. And opinion I never wanted to have. I want to court a lady. I want o be gentlemanly and tell her how I want to give her the world. But that’ll just make the twinkle in her eye die. Sad. But as long as some people have it that’s enough for me. Because it’s possible. And if it’s possible that’s a beautiful thing. Even if it isn’t happening to me
My ex gf broke up with me last month, because I wasn’t prepared to abandon my parents' business for a long vacation with her in May. Another reason was that a few months ago I shut the door on the designer shopping trips she was used to with me since I had felt no reciprocation/appreciation from her at all. She took everything for granted, like it was nothing. Found out that she moved 150 miles away two weeks prior to the breakup. Didn’t tell me about her plans, but still took my money. Now she can go on vacation. Never felt as lonely as in this relationship. Starting to feel really good again though. Thankful for the experience. This was the last time for me. Done with Western women.
I swear Women play dumb pretending to not understand this concept:
After a Man has been through the cycle with Women a few times, "Chase me!" comes to mean "I really only want to keep using you!"
But it's remarkable how EXTREMELY sensitive and intolerant the typical woman can be of this dynamic when she is in that position.
It is disturbing, really. And the fact that we, men, all have that same shared experience. I can only conclude that it is how they are biologically wired but still, that is a hard excuse to swallow...
Don't you girls ever introspect? Because if we were treating you a 10th of what you are treating us, you would scream your head off in disbelief...
They're not playing
@@Thinker1985no, they don't. They're chromosomally incapable
(Using this analogy sadly) It's like when you pretend to throw the tennis ball for your dog and don't actually throw it. They stop falling for that trick.
100% agree. I know first hand the experience of investing in and working on a relationship, putting in effort to grocery shop, fix things around the house, maintain the car(s) and yard, do the cooking and laundry, only to have her barely glance up from the TV - or worse yet, her phone - when I come in. Or realizing that I didn't get a kiss goodbye, but the friggin' *dog* did! Suddenly it's like I realized where her priorities are, and there's really no incentive to put in effort towards her when her efforts are being put towards social media and the dog.
Why are you still with her?
@@ianmoritzplatapino3684 Actually, I'm not, although I can see how one would think that reading my comment. We split years ago but it's still kind of raw I guess. And yes, I made her take the dog.
OMG, the part about the dog really says it all. It’s astonishing how brutally cold a woman can be sometimes.
Her dog/cat/pets and kids always come before her man. He is an afterthought for her, and taken for granted.
@@kodai_fa5 Exactly. It took me too long to realize that, but once I did, I checked out too and life became easier.
You nailed it Emily-that’s exactly where my head is at in these situations.
I’m experienced enough to know that if a woman is not putting in the effort within 48-72 hours, I’m chucking her number in the garbage, because a woman who DOES like you will be jumping at the chance to spend time with you and she’ll be super compliant and reciprocative. We instinctively all KNOW when a woman is genuinely into us; it’s really hard to fake.
As for why my effort would diminish in the context of an established relationship, it really goes the same way, except I’m able to be a bit more patient about it. But that only goes so far-If I feel like my significant other is either using sex as a weapon and/or is not helping to carry the relationship, I’m likely to start checking out. Not just emotionally, but I’ll start reallocating my money back into my hobbies etc., instead of using it to treat her.
I love your content. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 7 years for many of the reasons you discuss on this channel. Your topics hit home and have helped me get through this difficult time. I feel better knowing that many of my complaints/concerns/feelings are justified. However, I do know I am not absolved and a relationship is a two way street. Keep it going!
Often, what is mischaracterized as "not putting in effort" is REDIRECTING effort. When we got married, I stopped doing a lot of the courtship activities, and instead put effort into working to support a family, raising a son, and building security for my wife's future.
At the beginning of the relationship, a man has fewer responsibilities, so he is free to spend his money, time, and energy on fun, romantic courtship. Once a man is married, he has new responsibilities, and to fulfill them, he has to spend that effort on married responsibilities.
Often (not always,) when a woman complains that a man has stopped putting in effort, she is generally complaining that he grew up and became a responsible man who makes hard decisions, and is tired and worried about whether he has ensured his family can weather the inevitable storms to come.
Perfect comment.
100% this. Women will repeatedly complain about everything, but will be the first to notice when you're not around to pick up the slack. IMO this is a form of manipulative abuse, because they are effectively minimizing and negating all the effort that you DO put in. I don't even expect thanks, just grow up, stop behaving like a toddler and stop complaining about everything already.
The storm he’s fighting is usually the one under his own roof.
This is waaay too true...
Same with dating as a divorcee with kids; she wants me to fill the empty time and space she has (empty nester), while my teenage kids still actually NEED me around--- more a security blanket than an actual relationship.
As a married guy, I get sick of getting negative responses for something I did out of love. When there is always a criticism, then why bother?
Don't. Leave her and move on
@@joshfrench6426 And lose more than half of the things I spent a life building, possibly not being able to see my daughter? It isn't worth it. Just be sure you are willing to risk everything if you get married. If you aren't 100% sure and have doubts, don't get married.
@@mprice6683 as a divorced male, losing half of your shit is better than losing all of your enjoyment in life
Criticism is all they have
Emily you are so spot on with everything you say. As a man, I wish your word would reach as many women as possible.
It's nice to see females listening and getting men. This is the start of genuine change for the better for all of us.
The beginning of a relationship is always high-energy. If you expect anything to remain NEW, you fail to grasp the concept of NEW.
You see the real person after a while. Once you’ve caught the fish you can throw out the worms!
No-one expects their partner to stay at honeymoon-period energy forever. Well I don't know if women expect that but certainly men don't. The issue is the inevitable TOTAL LACK of any effort at all that most women try to stay in a relationship with, while blaming the overworked and unloved guy for the same.
I've never expected my partners to sleep with me, like, every day after we've been together a couple years.
That's not the same as being forced to accept a totally sexless relationship... or grudging, bloodless intimacy once or twice a year. F all that.
@@sculpy2758 Look up prattle. In your entire comment, I only comprehended that you blame women for some nonsense.
@@VOID-Venture Yeah? What was your comment meant to be about? No one in the video even said the word 'NEW' (your meaningless emphasis) so what is YOUR prattle even responding to? What you wrote is just a pointless tautology. Maybe you should look that up.
@@sculpy2758 Why you mad dood?
As Janet Jackson sang, "What have you done for me lately?" Of course, he sings, "What have you done for me ever?"
This is gold 😂
Janet Jackson's music was legit great.
Patty Loveless had a great song titled, "You don't even know who I am". Explores both points of view.
Emily breaks this down extremely well and accurately. The excitement and initial effort go down when there's no reciprocation.
Your observations are spot on, but I have rarely see a woman who holds herself accountable and can look inwards
They complain about everything from guy not approaching to finding a good guy then complains. Give it a break already.
you are doing a lot of complaining
@@Yooge- so do you.
I think many women grow up with the assumption "a good man will do EVERYTHING for you, and read your mind as well"--- an immature idea that never changes, until they decide to change it. OR the whole "he's a BAD BOY.... but I'll CHANGE him." LOL. Talk about FUTILE.
@@derokdeathaxe6984 You are incorrect maam
@@ashandwitborderlines, histrionics and narcissists
I stopped putting in any effort 12 yrs ago! I am now 68 and just not worth the time and/or effort. Much less drama and pain without women. Enjoying my retirement and lots of $$$$$ that I was able to save. Take trips to the tropics often now. Got it made.
Sometimes with women and other depreciating assets, short term rentals is the way to go.
@@scottroder5516 Excellent idea! I will rent mine from now on short term.
Well, good for you. As a woman, same here. So tired of attracting greedy grifters who covet what I've earned and they've done so little in their own lives. He must be my equal or no go.
@@scottroder5516Lol, wish I had the chutzpah to go looking for that sort of thing, but it just ain't me.
@@loryjones7220 And good for you too. I hope you find a life partner worthy of you.
Thank you for taking time to talk about this subject! ❤ A while back I heard the statement, I'm pretty sure on your channel, regardless " You can only add to someone's happiness, you can't solely make them happy. " If I had heard and taken this statement to heart earlier in life all of my relationships most likely never would have been with the women I chose. Hind sights 20/20. I know this seems unrelated but if you add to that reciprocation he's looking for and simply stay away from the negative, it's one thing to discuss or express those feelings. That is healthy, hammering and staying anchored in that mindset is unhealthy. Personally I don't want or need recognition or even a thank you for the effort I put in. Just don't stay focused on the one thing I didn't do and look at the ten things I did. This will make a man eventually give up completely on putting in any effort. The smallest amount of appreciation much less reciprocation will refill our effort tank, so to speak. Just 2 cents...
All I can say is ... She "gets it" 100% !!! Perfect analysis. From a 50 y/o men who hasn't dated once in the past 7 years, after breaking off a 10 years relationship. Just the thought of dating again drains me flat. The time and effort it takes just to get a single date is exhausting tbh.
Emily, you are spot on!
No self respecting man wants to find a woman to spend time with, take places, and buy things for, all so they can dress pretty, show up and receive good treatment, and say, "Thanks, what's next?" Who wants to invest in a relationship with someone who barely reciprocates!?
Love is an action word! Show that man some love!
Yup we can do that with a street walker, why stay in an actual relationship like that??
I've had women say to me, "Can you love me a little bit more?"
... and that just knocks me down - there's *no* way that she can/will be satisfied; that she will _always_ be wanting *more* ...
I stopped fawning over the last girl I was seeing, after she forgot to tell me that she'd moved in with her "he's just a friend". But her expectation of me was that I should still "put in effort"... 🤯
I had a girlfriend where I noticed that the more effort I put in, the more she complained 😂🙄
I feel sorry for the men who put in 100% effort but get 0% in return.
I gotta say, I love love how you slide into your shorts video. It is epic!
Well timed. I wanna see the bloopers for those slides....lol
This video is so true. Thinking back into my past two long relationships, they would complain and say I’m not putting efforts and when I give they don’t seem to reciprocate as much back or just saying, “you only did that because I told you.”
This then transform me into an empty shell where it’s just I’m sitting and waiting and waiting to see where it’s going, but in the end I am the one at fault because I couldn’t meet their needs.
Great explanation to the video. Much love, ❤🙏🏼
Being in relationships for 32 years of my 54 year life, I am yet to find a woman that makes an effort when it comes to the work of the relationship.
But they will swear up and down its all them...
But they'll sure as hell put effort into their NEXT relationship while they're still with you.
I'm forty.. I've spent 'bout 16 years of my life in a few long term relationships, and I'm with you. All of the ladies went down to zero effort in every part of the relationships and were unwilling to either discuss or work at it.
Done with 'em.
@@sculpy2758 i wish i had my time back. All that staying faithful for nothing. Forget the money and energy.
Full disclosure - you're totally right in that 100% is to leave an impression. If that wanes to 80%, it's normal in all relationships. Nobody can maintain 100% and hope to live a normal life. News to women: a man's life isn't all about her, and that goes both ways. We have jobs, hobbies, friends, and family that need our attention too. If 80% isn't enough, it's time to find other things that fulfill you.
Honestly, asking for 50% is too much. I have several things that I must/want to put my energy towards. There is no woman on the planet who deserves or should expect 100%.
@@shortbusbully Yup - whatever that number is, the breaking point should be: "have I made my partner my identity?" and if so, it's a good time to step back. This doesn't mean stop supporting them or not listening to their requests - healthy companions respond to each other's needs and talk it out, but no vehicle can keep max speed without breaking down soon.
Well said👍
That is the riddle that can never be solved. A woman expects a man to maker her is priority and complains when he doesn't. Then if he does, the she gets bored with him ( "he was too nice"), loses respect for him for putting her on a pedestal and leaves him. She wants something then despises it when she gets it. How can anyone win or even break even in that game? As that line in the movie says-"The only way to win is to not play the game"
Emily, you are 100 % right, just testing to see if we're going to get anything back and when all we get is demands to step it up a bit, that's it for me, I know we are not going to last. The effort, then, gets less and less until the breakup is inevitable.
thank you
Thank you for this video Emily, it reminds me that there are good ladies out there.
44yr old male. I have burnt out from dating because I experienced way too many times ladies who seemed to expect me to create "the magic" for both of us. That gets old fast. I know that the custom of men chasing women will always be there, to a degree, but it certainly feels like my generation of ladies and younger are abusing that to another level. If it continues, no one will be courting anyone, and we may already be getting to that point.
I stopped putting in.
Screw the effort.
No man wants to feel like the woman he's knocking himself out to please doesn't really want to be with him.
If he's constantly going above and beyond and you're just sitting back absorbing it all and not matching the energy he is putting into the relationship, it's only natural that he will start thinking you aren't really that into him, and at some point, he's logically going to stop trying to move heaven and earth to please you.
Why keep busting his a** for you when you aren't even breaking a sweat for him?
Relationships are supposed to be two-way streets.
That's the only way they work.
If you aren't willing to match his effort, do him the favor of letting him go so he can find someone who wants him as much as he wants her.
Well said.
I agree! One of the best feelings in a relationship is when I can tell that she is also making an effort. If it is obviously one-sided, that gets boring really quickly.
You can also think about it like going to the gym. If you are really trying to put in the work, your effort will drop off if nothing at all has changed after several months. Eventually you are going to stop going if you never get any results.
Been there. I gave 100%, put in lots of effort and she gave back almost zero of that energy. As the relationship got longer I didn't put in as much effort, she started to be more loving when my energy towards her lowered, but I was over the butterfly phase. It felt like we were always in different time phases of the relationship.
What I learned from this is to not give all at the start, be more patient. She taught me the game women play at. The problem with this is that if I play it my logical side is dominant and not the emotional one. In other words I can not be as loving and carefree in a relationship as I was before.
I used to just accept it when I didn't get reciprocation. Now I'm speaking up if I don't feel I'm getting the recognition I deserve. Appreciate me or I'm gone. At the very minimum, match my efforts.
Correct!!!
My grandparents were married for over 65+ years. They got married when they were 18-19 years old. My grandma buried my grandpa when he was 75. We buried her when she was 82.
In all that 65+ years of marriage, I can't imagine that those two weren't mad at each other, or bored, or just tired. But they kept with each other; because the marriage was an oath to GOD, and had more value then their immediate feelings or discontent. Plus, they really loved each other. I miss them both.
Check your math.
@@bearclaw5115 way to miss the point
My grand parents were the same. Statistics show men have to work 4x harder to court a woman into dating him. Just dating him. Woman of today are very fickle and celebrate promiscuity. They have become whores of Babylon.
Take all the characteristics of your grandparents or even the average people during your grandparents time. How did they dress? What did they value? How did they live their lives? Ask yourself an honest question, do any of their characteristics resemble what you see today in the average woman. If not, what are the differences. I think the answer becomes very clear. Sadly, there may be a few good women (I have yet to meet a single one in my 41 years), but guarantee you they are already taken usually by a very young age.
@@bearclaw5115 of all the things to take from that comment you criticize. -_-
There is no god, so oaths are pointless. Especially when they stand in the way of finding happiness and peace in your life.
I used to love doing the romance thing. Leaving notes where she will find them, gifts with thought put into them, the usual. Then I met my ex wife and at first all went well but... she just stopped caring. She would read a note, grunt, put it aside or get the gift, say a simple "thanks", and put it away. It hits you harder than you think. You wonder if she still cares or still loves you. You stop doing the romantic things. It goes further downhill from there. I gained over a hundred pounds and hated the relationship. Your efforts not being appreciated or reciprocated is a huge red flag because as I found out the hard way, it means the problems go deeper than just not being appreciative.
LOVE this channel! Reminds me why i don't want the hard work of a relationship!! 🤗
I’m guessing that if you took all of this particular young woman’s past boyfriends and dates into the same room all together like in a “focus group” and asked them a series of questions you would find the same exact answer from all of them. “I met this super hot girl that I was so excited about. I introduced myself and asked her out on a date. To my surprise she accepted! Our personalities clicked even! I was so excited that I planned exotic dates with her, took her to nice dinners, shows, sporting events. I called and texted her frequently, I helped her move. At some point along the the relationship I never felt much appreciation for what all I was doing. I never got any sense of reciprocation from her. She never called me first or texted me first. She never planned dates. I wasn’t really very sure how much she liked me. So I slowly stopped putting in so much effort and energy. The woman still didn’t reciprocate. I eventually started looking for another girl and just stopped communicating with the first girl. Then that was it”. I’m guessing every guy would say something to this effect about this woman.
"Super hot girl" was the first 🚩. 10s can get and dump any guy they want. Date your own number. You may increase your luck.
@loryjones7220 I agree with your comment. But the problem is that both men and women tend to over rate their own number in terms of SMV( Social Market Value). Also both men and women tend to only really be attracted to the top 5 - 20 percent of the other gender.
@loryjones7220 We don’t have any information regarding the relative NUMBER that this woman’s boyfriends or dates rank at. That information isn’t in this video or the related short video featuring this same woman. See my comments associated with that video as well: @sunfilms5089.
@@sunfilms5089 no they don't lol. the data out there is easily accessible and proves every single thing you said incorrect. men tend to rate themselves pretty low, and MOST men find MOST women attractive. women however, do not feel the same way. MOST women find MOST men unattractive. in fact, most of those women don't even acknowledge the existence of men who aren't physically attractive. whereas most men will be happy to settle with someone who isn't smoking hot, but is just nice and takes care of themselves.
@fr3k3. What exact “data” are you talking about? Are these university studies? Have you looked at their methodology? Men who “rate themselves low” likely wouldn’t be approaching 9/10 women in the real world then. But this is what I see all the time in the field. Most men that I talk to and know are ALSO very delusional about their SMV.
Ladies, ENERGY BEGETS ENERGY. A guy puts in effort/energy at the start because he is taking the lead. But your lethargic response will deflate him, and he will start cutting back. I have experienced this.
My girl complained that I had stopped writing poetry for her, and I reminded her that whenever I composed poems for her, she would not respond, or respond very weakly; and that it eventually demotivated me.
I brought her flowers every day, until she started complaining that the petals fell and she had to clean up after them😏
@@d00vinator 😄😄There's no winning.
@@d00vinator"Can't live with 'em.... can't kill 'em." - Tom Arnold
Females notice and react strongly to monetary reciprocity.
I have recognized this early in dating and I make it a point to work side by side with my man on a project. Whether it be a helper, or food and drink. I stay out of the way until I am asked to help on a certain part and I try really hard not to ask stupid questions unless it is to clarify what is needed done. I always showed appreciation. Even after he is done I still do the cooking for the next meal, and clean the mess that was made during the project. I put up the tools, pick up the scraps, burn what needs burned, sweep,,,... you get my point. I love learning how things are done and dont mind getting dirty doing it.
Problem is; I cant keep a man. All of them have said that I "dont need a man". Bottom line, they dont feel needed.
What gives? I basically feel like I am d@mned if I do and d@mned if I dont.
How do you know so much about men?? Your fiance is so lucky to be with such an understanding woman. Thank you for your support!!
Last girl I pursued told me once that she "doesn't chase" but what she really means is that she "doesn't nurture" because by then we were past the chasing stage. She put essentially zero effort in, appreciated very little if anything, and so I withdrew, but I'm 95% sure that she ascribes the blame 100% to me despite the fact that she was sitting back for months.
@ussrresolute. Many women have different definitions of words than what men do. “Chase” or “nurture” likely mean different things to her. “Real” communication means asking each person very specific and detailed questions about what they mean by these words.
I still think the strategy spelled out in the movie Tao of Steve is the best.
1. Be desireless -- make a real connection with her w/o showing ANY hint of being sexually attracted to her.
2. Be excellent -- do something in front of here that you do with a high level of skill.
3. Be GONE! -- retreat and see if she follows. If she does, she's yours. If not, well, maybe she's not that into you, or she's not ready for you. Try her again maybe in 6 months to a year. Never chase her. Never simp for her. Her "selection signal" is her chasing you when you retreat.
"He 'thinks' he likes your personality," you have uncanny insight. Thank you.
Translation of the woman's complaint: "Me me me me me me, I want, I deserve..., me me me me..."
100% effort is not sustainable. He's having to pull effort away from work or family or chores to give the woman the full 100%, but we do it to catch her notice. Then we have to rebalance our life to sustainable levels. You can't run something (or yourself) at 100% capacity all the time. It breaks down so much more quickly. About 80% of maximum capacity is usually sustainable for most design with occasional spikes into 90% and even 100%, but constantly running something at maximum is a good way to quickly break it.
Yes, well said.
Great explanation! Wow where to start?
Speaking from experience I was with someone for 15mo as explained I as a man started doing 100% through time it decreased as she continued making empty promises, made excuses like she’s broke and can’t support me, put her needs and happiness first until I realized no matter how much I give it would never be reciprocated. She claimed she changed and will give back but I had to do more first, almost 2yrs I stopped wasting my time while she complained I don’t support her. Yea baby girl 2yrs of wasted effort and you couldn’t reciprocate once. “Plz I’m sorry”
🤷🏼♂️
My goodness Emily, thank you so much for this video. I am a married man and I have been doing exactly what you mentioned, just not knowing why. My wife is constantly telling me that she feels like I don't love her or care about her anymore, and how she wants me to change that. And when I try to do that, my efforts last like 2-3 days and then I start turning myself off, because I don't get anything back from her. I don't feel like I am wanted or desired by her, my needs are always at the bottom of her priority list. And she is always complaining that she is giving so much and taking care of everything and I don't care and appreciate what she's doing for us. I know that she is right and she does put lots of efforts to take care of the house, to feed us and so on, however I just don't feel like she is into me anymore. I think I need more than just being fed or have the laundry done and house cleaned (btw. I do these things as well, just not so often as her). Anyway, thanks again for that video. Now I know I am not the only one behaving like that and at least I know why.
I remember after breaking up with my last gf like 7 or 8 years ago, telling myself something like "I'm done with this. I'm not doing it again." referring to this feeling that I'm putting in so much effort and getting little to nothing in return, because that's how the last couple of romantic relationships felt. Been single ever since and not even really looking for another. It's clear that I'm unlovable, so why try?
You're not unlovable, and neither are most men. It's just there are precious little women who know how to curb their selfishness and love a man back.
You got worth man. You made the decision to stop, becuase tou thought it would be good for you. All you have to do is make the decision again to try another time even if you will get hurt. And that decision for your happiness will make you worthy. Befause you never stopped trying even when you could get hurt. That’s what a real man does.
You’ll get there
We all have bad days, but they do not make us. You got this buddy. I’m rooting for u
It is not just hard to continue at a high level of input it becomes an impossible task, years of abuse grinds a person down so much that you become lost lonely, and the lost effort is a reflection of the value he feels about himself. If you put in and it does nothing and you do nothing and still get nothing, what does it matter what you do or don't do. Sometimes the only way to get a response is to put nothing in because at least then she talks to you about something, but again it will probably only be about her want needs and feelings and that gets old real fast as well. Oh, remember if this is before marriage it will be so much worse after any marriage.
Can confirm. It gets WAY WORSE after marriage. They become demanding, pissy women, who expect their connection/love language be met well before they deign to do what you need, and it's a chore for them to meet you where you need them.
And then they wonder why you stop wanting to talk to them or hang out with/interact with them at all, eventually.
I wholeheartedly agree. This has been an issue for me and my GF for years now. I’ve tried doubling the effort and she never reciprocates. Just demands more and more. For example if I want to see her I always have to go to her. For 7 months now she has used the excuse her car has issues. She won’t let me get it fixed and won’t get it fixed herself. She says her car guy will do it but he never has the time. Then if the girls want her to go out she drives to them no issues. It’s only me she won’t put any effort into. I use the term GF loosely as she has hardly been one for the last 2 years. It’s to the point I only see her maybe once a week, sometimes every two weeks because I work nights on a swing schedule (every second weekend I work) and she works Monday through Friday. I can only get to her on my weekends off at an acceptable hour. I have almost completely withdrawn. I used to go to her all the time, every moment I could but honestly now what’s the point?
Your so right about those first 2 things about how men think. You see them and like what you see, first. Then you hear them and become hopeful by the conversation.
I'm so thankful for these types of videos! Before my current relationship, I was always taught that the man should pursue, & the woman should practically play hard to get. It costs nothing to send a "good morning" text or to say, "You look good in that!" Things I wish I would've known years ago, but thankful that at least I know now! ❤
women try to compete with other through looks. I swear, the few who put the time into trying to understand good men (and yes, there are a lot of bad apples, as with women) give themselves such a massive advantage.
When that chick states to other women at the end of her video that they deserve better, she’s really just pointing towards a facet of hook-up culture. “Go, girl! Go grab another man!”
Maybe she’s a really profoundly awesome catch who gives 100% of herself and has mad life & relationship skills… doubt it though. So, let me put this another way:
Most women think love is a feeling…. But it’s actually what you do in spite of how you feel.
Good men do this all the time. Good men toil on despite how they feel.
Because feelings change, hourly, daily. Weekly.
THIS. You got my attention in the first 30 seconds. In my last relationship, I put in so much effort in the beginning, and then when it wasn't getting reciprocated (even when I asked for it to be reciprocated), I stopped. By the end of the relationship, she kept pointing out that I "used to do XYZ", etc., but hey, she rarely reciprocated even when asked. 🤷♂ Not worth my time and effort anymore.
Probably the best video of yours I watched so far. Excellent ! I just dont understand why this is such a mystery to most women.
I stopped putting in the effort 27 years ago. The only thing that I regret about living MGTOW is not putting all of the money saved into my retirement accounts.
But why are you here?
@@thebrianchannel9890 Sometimes I start to forget. I watch videos like this to strengthen my resolve.
@@Rif_Leman you’re lonely as fuck man you made a bad decision. You wasted 27 years not hooking up. What the fuck are you thinking man? If I wasn’t deaf, I’d be out there getting some right now.
@@Rif_LemanFair statement. We all need reminders and things to steel our resolve from time to time.
To spread the word and share advice
I'm correcting you... Your wrong!
We put in 100% until we see that you are not.
You expect us to give, give, give without any resiprocation on your part. And when we don't, we are the lowlife. It takes two. Learn to take responsibility for your part instead blaming us.
You are assuming women will at any time take responsibility for anything.
Good comment and reply (steven&sparkey).
What it is, is we are looking for a "partner" to share in life's adventure.
The ladies look to be someone's "prize".
Veritas. NO man will tolerate a Princess for long. We want a woman to be kind, happy, appreciative, supportive and giving. Willingly, even enthusiastically reciprocal. That’s the wish list but men realize that.
Did you not watch the video? She says that.
Love these videos, thank you for the upload!
Emily, such a good job with this one being fair and touching on things that are so key to not only the relationship but soul and effort even toward better-ness and what works and is good and right and truth and this may even lead to seeking God more n more and learning a little bit more each day on those things. Kind of a long day so hope that came through clear enough. Blessings to all...we can all each do great things..Amen
Spot on Emily. No point in pointing in effort if it appears to be going nowhere.
I know with me, if the effort i put in is not given back I will stop giving effort, there's other aspects too, but why would I give my energy to someone who doesn't want to offer any energy back
And yes, it doesn't mean i've stopped liking the person, or want more still, its just am not prepared to waste my time anymore
8:10 This kept happening to me during my first serious relationship. I’d slowly withdraw and she would reciprocate. For a time. Then she’d dwindle off again. I asked myself while watching why I didn’t leave. Then I remembered. It’s because I promised I wouldn’t ever let her go unless she expressed she wanted me to. I felt so proud of myself for honouring that to her. But I will never do it again. I am better than that not be a victim to my own instincts and mistakes. Maybe one day I will try, but not that hard. I bet she doesn’t even consider the things that went wrong in an effort to be better. And it makes me sad because in another age, I really do believe we could’ve been incredibly happy together.
I hope you have the awareness to make yourself better, and make it better for your own sake
You are a real gem. There are few women that actually get this. You will make someone very appreciative.
I am stopping putting effort for a close relationship. Every time a connection seems to be starting, she goes cold and backs off, breadcrumbing me or worse.
And I am tired of hearing ' It is you. You have to improve yourself in many aspects of your life'
So I am happy now of having friends, aquaintances, and dance partners.
When a lady starts showing interest in me.....
I have put in the effort over the years. Sometimes i just got worn down over time. The appreciation turns into expectations in alot of women in my experience. Usually in the beginning the appreciation is there. Fuels my efforts. I like to feel needed and appreciated. As time goes on as i said appreciation turns into expectations and attitudes of i don't need you to, but i expect you to. Desire to maximize my efforts goes hand in hand if they are needed and appreciated.
As always well done Emily!
Wow. You pay attention to men, and try to understand things from their point of view. What a crazy idea. I wish this video was required watching for every female on the planet. It that SPOT ON. I appreciate your videos just for the honest and realistic discussions on how relationships can work better. Your husband is a lucky guy. You are what is refered to as a “unicorn” in man speak. Lol. Best wishes and continued success Pretty Miss✌️
First time here, BINGO BINGO, BINGO YOU NAILED IT!!!
There was a recent short here that said when she's not sad or mad and she is cold and calculating, she is already gone. When your counselor is saying, the more you chase her, the more she will run away and your divorce support group is telling you she has "emotionally checked out" long ago, that's why you've stopped putting in effort. It does allow her to say it was a mutual agreement divorce but, really it wasn't.
when 80% of the initiated divorces are done by woman, it's not mutual. And when woman have pushed 50 shades of gray to #1 best seller for woman, it's clear they are not worth marrying anymore.
It's really not hard to please most men. Fit, feminine, and friendly will get it done for most men. Unfortunately, most women aren't willing to be that. Eventually, men will stop putting in effort when they see their effort is not being reciprocated.
100% true. Even if she gives the body signals for me to approach, but there's not much reciprocation in the initial conversation, I won't waste my time any further.
Exactly, married 38 years and after so much drama, tragedy and little if any effort on her part, I have stop making any serious effort.
Emily, you are spot on with this one. My wife and I are about to get a divorce for this very reason. For 13 years, I've put in all the effort. She would bring a problem to me and I would make efforts to fix or mitigate the problem in some sort of way. It's crazy to me how women feel like they aren't supposed to do anything other than show up and be pretty. I'm sure that over the years some men have had something to do with this thought but more often than not I see it perpetuated through the media. # boss b**** whatever whatever. All of those independent woman affirmations don't help in a relationship. You can be a boss and you can be independent, but once you start dealing in any kind of relationship you're have to be at least somewhat interested in the other person and their feelings and how they navigate. Kudos for another great video.
Emily really nailed it with this video. And don’t even get me started on the therapeutic garbage and pop psychology advice about the need to “work on your relationship.” Seriously, if I’ve lost interest because of the other person becoming lazy, indifferent, entitled and refusing to put any effort into working on and improving herself to be the kind of person I actually want to spend time with, no amount of “working on our relationship” is going to salvage it. And honestly, why would I even want to bother at that point?
I'm very in love with an amazing woman and she has prioritized and made time, shifting her life around to spend with me as often as she can.
It's very normal for women to eventually initiate more or most phone conversations, and for men to take that as a signal to create a way to see them.
Healthy women put themselves in your orbit. Then healthy men recognize that and do something about it, and healthy women prioritize and make an effort to accept those opportunities. Particularly by saying "Yes, I'd love that!" Or "I can't on Tuesday, but will you shift to Friday or Saturday instead?"
That is EXACTLY me. I'll show all the extra effort in anything with anyone, but then when I don't see some reciprocation I'll pull back, and then exit the situation.