snack chat: Lesbian Bed Death - Do Lesbians Stop Having Sex?
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- čas přidán 6. 07. 2024
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Lesbian Bed Death - truth or myth? The claim is that lesbian couples in a long term relationship have less sex than other types of couples - how true is this and what does this mean for lesbians?
We'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic, is lesbian bed death a reality, and why is it even a thing?
Thank you for watching!
A + L
/ one99four
/ liliangessner - Zábava
On behalf of all long term lesbian couples: thank you so much for addressing this.
My wife and I have been together for 10 years. We certainly don't have sex like we used to but it's just not as important to us. We "make love" and connect in so many other ways, like doing things for each other, cooking, washing each other's hair, cuddling, etc.
We just don't get the urge like we used to and are often too damn tired for all that! But when we do get the urge we are very open with each other about it and it is always an amazing 1-2 hours LOL.
I think society places too much emphasis on sex, but if your relationship is healthy in every other aspect, what's the issue?
Congrats on 10yrs :)
thanks for your comment, you're right !! and congratulations for your 10 years :D
Cuddling is awesome 💖
I and my wife have been together for 27 years & married for five. We don't have sex very often but still do
Thank you, thank you, thank you K Dilli..... 'and connect in so many other ways ' it all starts with emotion. When ur a team... when ur there for one another it cuts straight to the soul. If you fail to connect emotionally.... forget about the sex.
It's like cooking. Forget 1 vital ingredient; my heart...and the whole soufflé falls.
After 22 years with my partner, I can tell you there is no such thing as lesbian bed death. Sure there are dry spells (forgive the pun) because life gets in the way. I'm glad you broached the subject. I think the myth started in this Patriarchal society in which we live. ( "they must be roommates or sisters") We've all heard that nonsense before. Thank you for Snack Chat and Thank you for your candor.
My partner and i have been together for 50years. In 2020 we married in last September. We are in our 70's. 72 and 71. In 1990 i was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Our sex was beautiful until 2011.I had back surgery. The Doctor said i can fix your back but not your legs. After that no more sex my legs had muscle spasms in both legs. Jeanne and Joann.
@@ Jeanne Dagonese 50 years? That's amazing. So sorry to hear about your MS and back surgery. That's tough. We find ways to comfort and love each other yes? Best wishes to you and yours and thank you for commenting.
I suppose that in a female homosexual relationship ,on the average, you make love to each other more, unless you don't like physical contact that much.
@@jeannedagonese3448 Congratulations on 50yrs :)) Illness can be a real struggle but I'm so glad that you have each other for comfort & support.
@ Laura Pavone Not sure I understand. Are you suggesting gay women couples have more sex than straight couples?
Welcome to our new segment "snack chat" - we'd love to hear your thoughts on what we discussed - is LBD a thing? And how important is sex to you in a long term relationship? Also, please thread your suggestions for future snack chat topics here 😊Thank you!
good thing it's lunch time in Maryland... Alexis' modified (healthier version) Elvis Presley special made me hungry.
Sex isn't that important to me in a relationship. Intimacy/sensuality/connection is more important. I also think sex declines after a few years for a lot of people for a variety of reasons, one being that I think in the beginning you're still trying to impress eachother in a way and still proving you're a 'good,' partner so the relationship feels more locked in, and once it's locked in, and one feels secure, then people have sex on a more natural rhythm of when they want to and have energy too, rather than to simply ensure the relationship is 'good,' by societal 'how often do we have sex,' standards. Hard to explain but hopefully that made sense lol Other reasons it goes down is they simply connect deeply in other ways and feel fulfilled even when having sex less, or on the opposite end, they aren't truly compatible and have hardships in the relationship so it causes distance and lack of wanting to be intimate. So it could be for good reasons, neutral reasons, or not so good reasons, that people start to have sex less in relationships. Regardless, for me, as long as the connection is strong, that's all the matters to me.🙏🏼
I totally agree.
Sex is not important to me at all. I have multiple reasons for that: naturally pretty low libido; my bed-appetites are very small; I'm not a fan of getting naked in front of anyone because I have some problems with ED. I value chats and quality time more than any physical interaction. First of all, my person should be my mental safe-space, that's what brings me joy and creates a very strong attachment. But everything else - even cuddles - are at the bottom of my list.
Sometimes I feel a little ashamed, that everyone around me seems to be hyper sexually active, and I'm not interested in it that much. It feels like I'm problematic. But hey, everybody's different, I'm trying to remind myself that
👍👍👍
A part from having a “problem” about being naked , I’m exactly the same.
@@MegaVieira1990 same
My current relationship is with a man and when Lillian said sex takes maybe 15 minutes I was like “wow, she’s being generous- it’s more like 5!” 😂
Noooo way lol 😅😅
Is that for real?
@@carmeister_ yes
Hahaha, suck to be you mehn you might want to switch team you might be missing out
Personally I feel like as time goes the sex even gets better. In a sense that I'm more comfortable with my partner, we have a bond and we can share anything. Leads to us even trying out new things together without feeling embarrassed. It gets more fun.
I actually had this conversation with my girlfriend a few weeks ago and the conclusion we both agreed on is that lesbian sexe takes a lot of time and energy. It is not like most straight sexe that ends after a couple of minutes. I mean.. maybe its just me but sexe always last at least 45 min and thats a minimum. So yeah, sometimes we don't have sexe for a while because of a lack of libido but other times its more about the fact that we dont have the energy to. Lesbian sexe is a commitment I swear 😂
Amen sister. My shoulders still messed up. 🤣
You make a good point but also I love how you spell sexe
I rmb the first time having sex w a girl I was like “damn I’m gonna develop carpal tunnel at this rate”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Because it's smooth
@@stevecooper3510 but gay couples still have way more sex than lesbians while reporting higher rates of orgasm. Maybe just maybe, men and women hv different desires and require different things to be pleased.
Sex in a lesbian relationship after having twins... That's a real challenge. Trying to find a balance again after 2 years 🙏🏼
I feel you. We only have one child and and are exausted.
I recently read 'Sex at Dawn' (by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha) and 'Untrue' (by Wednesday Martin), and I would highly recommend both books. What was interesting from both these books is that, according to new trends in evolutionary biology (and studies increasingly seem to confirm that), women seem to crave sexual novelty more than men. Whilst it isn't true that women have a lower libido than men, it does seem that women lose their sexual interest faster when sex has become boring/predictable/disconnected, while men in general are less choosy. So perhaps that could also be a reason for lesbian bed death? If a connection has become predictable, perhaps women faster lose interest.
Thats interesting! I am a woman and I know I crave variety. When it becomes predictable I feel like I lose interest and this has happened to me before... I flourish when I can be creative.
That makes total sense to me. I'm gonna check out those books, thank you for the recommendations!
love the concept behind the video, we’ll be waitinggg for moree snack chatss
Thank you for doing this segment. Also, love the Snack Chat idea. I watch your videos because I’m a new member to the community. I’m 42 and only found my fiancé 9 months ago. (I know, typical lesbian being engaged (will be married in 3 weeks) only 9 months in😁) She is the only woman I’ve ever dated or been with. But when you know, you know! Anyway, I find your videos very informative. She has told me about this though. We are 900 miles apart and will be for the next 3 years. So, when we do see each other, the passion is still very much there. But we have had this conversation about this subject. We believe it’s all personal preference on how two people find connection. We try to verbalize our appreciation for all the ways we connect, that way we don’t take them for granted. Anyway, Thank you for sharing so much of yourselves with us. Praying your new adventure in life is beautiful! 🙏🏻
omg love this and the intro was so cute!!
This information is so important! Thank you for discussing this!
I would add a third component. The menstrual cycle! Bc as you said the libido is mostly higher around the ovulation and lower when not ovulating. And for some or a lot of same sex couples the two women will not have a synchronized cycle, so they’ll be “in the mood” at different times. Definitely think that this is a part too.
Make alot of sense 👍
Thanks a lot for this new video. In my last lesbian couple experience, which just ended, my ex-partner and me had talks about this. There was a very big difference between us. That for me sex and desire was important in my relationship but not for her. We had less and less sex when she began to practice vipassana meditation. I don't practice it but for me practicing yoga everyday, painting, walking in nature and dancing are a kind of meditation. In my opinion, this wasn't a good reason to end the relationship , she couln't understand i needed time and space for myself. Everything had to be share, i even almost stopped listening to music when she was there because she wanted silence and had to deal with her each time i wanted to dance at home. That killed my spontaneity with her. I think if two people can understand and respect each other without loosing themselves in the other, desire and sex can live. At least i realised how much my way of living was precious to me and that feelings and sex are a part of my life that i can't deny. I keep your link Beducated. Have a beautiful life in Nederlands ;)
PLEASE keep doing these!!! i love watching you guys and also… i cannot eat alone. I starve all day until my dad and i have dinner but we usually eat in different rooms and i just can’t eat alone. But this really helps
Well for me and my girlfriend sex is not only sex but also one way of communicating and expressing our deep down selves. It's kinda our life style.
I like Lilian’s longer hair length.
I know, right?! I'm a little bit in love with it actually. Mullet vibes for life.
oh god stop, getting rid of this mullet finally today! 😆but still growing it out, no worries 😉
And nail length 🐸☕
Disagree though they are always so good looking🥰
Well, first of all, thanks for talk about this. I have had only 2 relationships in my life, both lesbian relationships and both lasted 3 years, maybe a little bit more. And, in fact, in both of them I lacked sex, at least, the last year in them. I didn't know about the term "Lesbian bed death"! and now that you talked about it, I don't know if it's something that always will happen in a lesbian relationship, but I think it's more probably to happen, because, in my opinion, as a women we do not have the same sexual necessities as the men have. Yes, of course we like sex and we do have sexual necessities, but I think for men the topic is something more essential than for us. Nevertheless, from my experiences I will look after the sexual aspect on my next relationship because, although it is more important for me the emotional connection and the commitment, sex is a way to keep the "romantic" connection. It shows attraction and passion. It is something that reminds you that both of you are not only friends, but girlfriends! In this respect, it is an aspect that differentiates romance from friendship. If we do not take care of this, it would feel like "we are just friends or roommates" and that's horrible! Love requires responsabilities and demonstrations to keep it alive and strong, and for me, sex is part of the way you care your romantic love link with your partner. Of course, it is normal to not have sex with the same frequency as at the beginning, but certainly, it is a something that it should not be neglected. Thanks for the snack chat! I was eating a croissant. Greetings from Colombia
This was sweet Marisol! Thank you for sharing!
I agree with you ! Thanks for your comment. Hi from France and vive les croissants ! :D
@@jenanewp1696 Hi! I'm glad I was able to transmit the idea, English is not my first language, so I surely made mistakes, but yeah haha. Nice! I wan to go to France one day and eat a real croissant! ;)
can you please not make generalizations about peoples' sex drives
Hi guys I’m so happy to see you guys!!! I missed your faces and videos!! Love ❤️ guys!!
I’m happy to see you guys!!! I really miss your faces !!! Love you guys!!!
Your hair lilian 😍💕love it
I love that you're talking about this and love "snack chat"! I just finished reading "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski and highly recommend it. The book helped me understand that there's different ways to experience desire and libido, and neither is wrong - there's spontaneous desire, responsive desire, some folks have highly sensitive accelerators, others more sensitive brakes. And one thing I wanted to point out is that men having higher libidos is actually not true, Emily points that out again and again, just another societal myth.
this is SUCH an important topic. thank you for covering it!
Thanks for sharing these chats!
1:08 now Lillian with the jokes hahhahahahha- you're both crackin me up today LOL
Snack Chat is making me want a snack, too! Good stuff. Can't wait to see what snacks you'll find in Amsterdam
i love this idea 👌🏾 keep them coming✨
A wonderful idea and done with openness, in a relatable manner! If we consider what impact failing or missing sex education plays in the development of extremist personalities, be it political or religious, good public education about sex, on social media can do a lot of good, indeed in the long run, it can save lives, literally! Keep up your excellent work!
The intro and the profile picture. Wowzaaaa love it
From lovers to friends.not my choice but after 27 years, she got the religion bug and decided she's not gay anymore now i cant even get a kiss only the occasional hugs.But i love her so it'll have to do
So religion is why she stop? So how does she view the rship?
I have seen many women becoming religious after finding the perfect man, iykyk
religion is always an excuse for these women
Nobody is going is going to stop humans so it is your choice wheather you are lesbian pansexaual or go in lesbian party or something this is the final truth of all relationship one point wheather it is gay or straight one definetiy turn religious after some time or just don't understand lust this lust is evrything so try to be religious from start I think .
no way to live!
I'm new here, Kami from Malaysia and I'm currently just binge watching your videos 😅 You two are just adorable together and I feel like I'm looking at myself and my partner. My first video of yours was the introvert and extrovert relationship, fantastic video. I would appreciate it a ton of you could do more videos on that topic. Love you both. Stay safe and stay happy. ❤️
Loving the snack chat & I'll bet you'll both be glad when the quarantine finishes! I think sex is essential to a relationship no matter how long you've been together. It's important to make an effort to have sex regularly because if you stop It's so very much harder to start it up again especially after a long time lapse. Personally I think a relationship without sex is just like having an intense friendship, its not a whole relationship.
Thanks for the heads up about the sponsor, I'll check it out. Is there anything you would suggest?
I subscribed really enjoy watching youre video's x
I think that can be a stage that every couple gets to.
I heard it often, after a certain time, it just seems like there isn't the passion that there was in the beginning.
It would be really interesting if someone could make a diverse study on this issue, an all sorts of couples and relationships, gather info, analyse it and help all of us get past this apparent hurdle.
I am sure many relationships (which other than the lack of sex, would have no trouble) could be revitalised if the partners could re-ignate that flame.
Hey gals. Just a suggestion for your snack time chat : how about making it a chat time over preparing the snack and beverage instead, and by the end when the snack is ready to serve, you read a few comments from your previous video topics while munching together ❤⚘
All the best, subscribed 🌈❤
Love that idea! Thank you :)
Love this!!
Loved this 💓
After 14 years and menopause commencing, dec isn’t a huge part. I adore my wife and feel when our lives gets so busy, it’s the emotional connection and time that we both miss. This is such an important topic so thank you.
Sex is important in every relationship because it makes the feelings grow more stronger but it shouldn’t be the main thing you’re in a relationship.
Love this video!
❤❤❤❤love this topic. Definitely having it with my partner.
Thank you so much ❤❤ my favourite CZcamsrs
Love you lilian and alexis😍
0:51 LOLL the way Alexis says Carotte hahahahha
My first gf and I were in a long distance relationship. We met online, then spoke over phone for about 6 months before meeting in person. When we first met we both were shy and dint get physical. After a year when we got to do it unfortunately I wasn't able to let her. And it eventually led to our breakup. I still love her and if not for the sex we would still be together. So yeah it's very important and a relationship would die without it.
As a Hetero Cis male, my problem was physical. Too many years of diabetes prevented me from performing, but after 47 years, our relationship continues because we love each other..
Loving snack chat!! I'm gonna get a snack next time!
Hahaha yes please do!
Thank you for addressing this. I've tried to research but its always very clinical. My partner and I had amazing sessions at first but as soon as we started living together( 4 months) ....she became uninterested in sex. Everything else is amazing. I love her, but I struggle sometimes when I think we are headed to that point and she refuses.
Your channel is da best!
DEFINTELY but I have also been in relationships with men and it is the same..
Great idea 🌸
Hi !!! Am glad to be here .
I feel like I am the one who mostly initiates (may be I have more energy). But, when I wait for reciprocation, I don't necessarily get any and that I try to let go as long as there are other ways of love being conveyed consistently.
I know how you feel i would haved enjoyed my partner to make the first move but it always seemed no mater what i did she wasn't into.and no it was never anything wierd or kinky i think im just to tame for that
@@lilaanderson I hope you are being loved in other ways that are initiated by your partner.
A very personal frank discussion indeed. Thank you.
I love this ty for sharing
Hi, very interesting topic ! I agree with everything you highlighted. I am in a LDRelationship with my girlfriend for 2 years. We see eachother about once a month. We still have the same amount of sex, like it didnt change since the beginning, its regular. But every time it lasts 1 hour or so, it takes a lot of time and energy, so it is not practical (because of work, sport, and other activities of the everyday life). We spent two quarantines together (here in France there were 2 quarantine, one during 2 months and one during 1 month) and I remember that during the quarantine, we had less sex than usual whereas we had more time ! Strange haha. By the end of 2021, we are going to live together in the same place, so let's see if the routine reduce our sex life !
Yes its all the connection between two person, involves, and doing it with couples specially showing how you show your love. And its come naturally and spiritually.
You guys should make a podcast!
@ Julia Ketola I totally agree. They'd be great at it.
It's interesting how hormones have to do a lot with our libido. I've always had a high testosterone level, so high in fact that I have to take birth control pills to "balance out" my hormones. I also have a very high libido. I thinks those two factors are related.
Testosterone got nothing to do with your libido
oh HEY lilian, that particular hair looks fantastic on you! (there's a really short one i think looked super great too) but this like SO matches your face shape. --totally random comment, lol sorry. : )
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny hahahha "my favo part is the 'oh'
Relationship sex is important.
Only not in this way to satisfy your needs, desires and the end, but to experience it together. Don't put pressure. I mean selfishness. Look at these things anywhere.
There was no sex in my relationship so it broke up.
Love this, a lot of important points and opening for good discussions!
It's a bit reductive to say lesbians though, I'm bisexual and most of my parents have been bisexual/pansexual women. Maybe WLW (women loving women) might be a term to explore? Just a thought.
Hi guys, did you say you've just arrived at NL.. are they ok with arrivals from abroad now? Trying to go and and see my gf (traveling from UK). Thanks!
No, but we were exempt from the entry ban because Lilian is an EU citizen and Alexis qualifies as a long-term partner
I think you still need to go into quarantaine!
Hope all is okay and doing well and this is a great video. Connection is important and sex or touching is important. Cuddling is important at times it’s all about connection I think. Thank you for sharing this video
Do you avoid prank videos?
That would be ideal situation for me. I dont have urges, just affection, snuggling, romatic-non sexual. Love 💕
I am in a long term relationship from 2 years and 6 months with a guy who is 9 years older than me. We are both bisexual, so it's almost the same thing you described for lesbians. I mean that, when we have a really deep emotional and mental connession, the "sex part" goes pretty bad, and I think maybe this happens also because we miss experimenting homosexual things. In my opinion, also the fact that he is older plays an important role, because sometimes he lacks of energy or he's mentally tired and stuff like that.
And the boredom of this historical period doesn't help a lot, don't you think?
Anyway, thank you for your amazing videos and sorry for my really bad english, fortunally Lilian lived in Italy so she can understand IL MIO INGLESE MACCHERONICO !
I wish you a lot of luck and fun in Netherlands! :) bye bye
Ew 9 years older
I'm experiencing it now and it's terrible - after over 50 years together I want to fall in love with someone outside of this relationship. We got together when we were just 20 and now in our 70's I feel desperate (partner is fine with no sex ). Do I take the chance or remain till death??????
You could try polyamory
Okay - I think I am getting it - the catastrophe of my personality
Adorable, you both!!
Great topic! My must have is emotional monogamy... that is to say I need to know you better than perhaps your own mum. Anything else is negotiable. Thus, if we get out of rhythm, the situation can be discussed and solutions for both of us found.
I’m a fan of super-kissing... and vibrators as both men & gals swear they can get me to the big O. I wear them out cuz I’m that 5% needing electrical help😌
See is very important for me in a relationship, presently I'm In a relationship that is having issues
I relate that with the natural repression of sex being a woman. We weren’t brought up being incentivated to being sexual women, to have the right to have pleasure in sex, to considerate that as something normal and happy. Of course, people have different amount of libido or don’t think sex is important for them, but I guess this is what is special between a couple. How they conect physically, how they show love having sex.
For lesbians, gays, hétéros or whatever : same same ! As long as people are happy together, with or without sex, it does not make any difference : be together and enjoy life. And whatever is or is not happening at one point does not mean that it will be like that forever… Life is not perfect flat line.
im very sexual person , but i did lose my interest in few relationships (sorry to say , i don't want to offend anyone ) my partners changed physically (overweigh or does not pay attention hygienically ) just certain things you fall in love and they disappear thru the years ...
I also broke up with someone who got overweight
I will accept it if that person still loves me no matter what
Not sure if anyone still says this... but, 30 years ago there was a thing which said, "if you put a quarter in a jar every time you have sex in the first year of a relationship, and then every year thereafter remove a quarter when you have sex - you'll never remove all the quarters for the rest of the relationship." I just presumed they anticipated a divorce. Giddy-up!
I think hetero couples would face "bed death" a lot more often if they felt like they were allowed to.
Ive learn alot from watching them
Death bed does exist!!! Unfortunately & it’s horrible when it happens!!!🥺
I feel like after starting a hormonal contraception I started to experience a decline in my sexual needs. I just don't think about sex that much and it makes me feel so tired to try and get myself in the mood 😅 I do get my fulfillment from other sides of the relationship. I am in a straight relationship so I think that my partner's very high libido definitely is the only reason we are still having sex on the weekly.
Having NO sex for about 6 years is destroying this otherwise wonderful relationship (over 50 years).
I was never into sex until I realized I was gay. And I could never NOT be into sex now that I’m aware and aligned with my true self. It’s only when I get out of alignment that my libido takes a vacay. When two people are misaligned with themselves, it’s pretty much impossible to be aligned with each other. There won’t be much sex happening at that point, especially in a lesbian relationship. deep thoughts while I’m stoned and really missing sex right now, lol.
Lilian you look great.. Alexis gorgeous as always
It’s probably 6.5-7/10 on the scale of importance to me because of that connection
2:50 Lillians look hahahhahah
Sex favorable ace here! I view sex as a bonding activity just like cuddling. To me, the vulnerability and trust that two people express during sex is the true beauty of the activity. Though I don’t have urges myself, I think that it’s still a wonderful way to express that you care about someone without the need for words.
“What else did you want to say, my cutie?”
“I LOVE YOU.”
🥺🥺🥺
To me, sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship. However, I'm hetero, and I've been with the same man for 17 years and we still try for at least twice a week, sometimes more if we can, but it's hard because we also have 3 children. There are ebbs and flows for sure, but sex is important to both of us. Sometimes we have sex 2X a day, but that doesn't happen very often. It's still fun though, and we still love each other very much and are very passionate for each other even after all this time.
Hmmm, what are u doing here closet
Ovulation weeks are what we thrive on
hi - great video. Just a heads up, from a professional psychologist and sextherapist: when we talk about mental health we've finally understood to plug in that it's important to go seek aid from a professional. It'd be wonderful if next time you plug in your sex-related sponsor, also plug in to go seek that same aid from a professional sextherapist, sexologist, etc. The sponsor you mentioned is truly a great platform for learning, stimulating exploration - but it can't accompany an individual into ones own journey (and obstacles). Besides that - thank you for the great video !!
Lilian is sooooooooo handsome
And if you add kids into the equation, regardless of their age, sex life goes to zero. And it really doesn't have to be such a bad thing. As long as neither of the partners feels unfulfilled of course
I've experienced this before, but now I'm like really? I've survived not having sex that long? HAHA
No Skillshare this time? ^^
Hi Alexis and Lilian, first of all I am grad i found you both some time ago. You talk about very relatable topics and I like how natural and honest you are about many things.
I wanted your advice as there is this girl i think I really like. And I am struggling as only have been in relationships with men before and needed an advice. I get too nervous arround her and its only messaging.. I'm very mature and i don't know what's wrong with me.
Is there an email or somewhere I can message you apart of instagram. I don't have Instagram. Please x
Love this, but snack chat sounds so much like Snapchat
Wait what you are in my country? :D