How Do You Handle Church Hurt? | Why I Don't Go (Q&A Ep. 2)
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2024
- We bring the panelists back for our "Why I Don't Go" Series for Q&A with Da'Truth and Flame. The second question on the table is "how do you handle church hurt?"
Part 1 (Listening):
Episode 1: • What Made You Leave th...
Episode 2: • Has Your Life Improved...
Episode 3: • Can the Church Answer ...
Episode 4: • Do You Still Consider ...
Episode 5: • Is Church a Safe Space...
Episode 6: • Is the Church Full of ...
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Credits:
Videographer: Lance Asper
Production: RevPro Media
When we think about church hurt, so many are forgetting those who have been emotionally abused, spiritually abused, or sexually abused by a member or a leader. I loved when one of the guest stated ,”when you are ready to return”. Some experiences in the church have caused ptsd in some people, so much so they can’t even step into a church or hear worship music. I admire believers who have kept their faith despite their inability to attend a church because of trauma. Some, have decided to still believe even thru the pain. I refuse to believe that church hurt exists because there needs to be a balance. Some are literally loosing their faith because of the deep pain they have experienced in the church.
As a whole , we can also agree that there is a lack of accountability-specially for leaders. And a whole lot of manipulation to gain fame or power . I have met some wonderful pastors and ministers who have been loving and Christ like... but there are so many others who have not dealt with their trauma and use the pupil for ungodly things, even if their intentions were not as such. And the system is set up so that others are looked down upon if they question them or bring it up to their attention.
Yes to all of this.
Sadly True😢. This is why it's important to seek healthy, sound and reputable Biblical Counseling.
What a comment. 100% agree
true many people get hurt especially with the system but on the flip side this is how i look at it...the church unfortunately has been institutionalised and the leaders of this institution use there ideologies to run it...and unfortunately people get hurt with the ideologies though i believe the real church is Christ and that is a personal relationship with Christ the lord, and He says 'He is the way the truth and life'(john 14;6.)..if we read and study the word of God in person and ask the holy spirit to reveal the truth, for sure the truth will be provided unto you and you shall have understanding...we as individuals are the church we are the body of Christ, we have a personal relationship with Christ, so seeking Him in his word/the bible we shall have/find revelation.
@@keithjuma4413 I agree! I think one point leads to the next. Admitting and then rebuilding. The church needs to repent but it’s too prideful and scared . Again , I’m not saying all but as a a whole. What personally got me to stay a believer was my own Personal walk. My only wish is that as we are discussing this topic, we listen to those who are hurting instead of defend, because by just listening healing can occur. I truly believe in what the church is meant to be (because it’s powerful) but we have to admit and repent.
Church hurt is the worst hurt!
Yes. Accountability is so necessary. Some people have been deeply hurt by church abuse. Disciplinary measures need to be taken. Church leadership needs to be more interested in the integrity of souls than the reputation of an institution.
This is by far the most difficult hurt I've experienced. It's the worst kind of pain because the consequences come in waves. First, the person or persons who hurt you, and dealing with that and the confusion. Then friends and family who don't support you, or don't believe you, or go straight back to the church like nothing happened. Then the body of the church, in my experience completely aloof to the situation and choosing to side with the abusers. Then the fall down or break down of one's faith. It's tested to the limit, and it's very difficult to get it back. Broken trust affects your whole house and your family. It's not the same for me. I'm looking for a new normal, and what my new faith will look like. I feel shattered inside
If you know you know.
Don't be afraid to seek counseling to heal your wounds. Find a group of people that believe you and support you no matter what. You don't need to go back to a church or back to being Christian until you're ready. Give yourself time and grace to process and mourn. I'm lamenting with you. It shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't have happened
Now this is the episode I needed to see, church has done me dirty
I relate to that sorry you’ve been through that
Yes!! Healing begins with being able to “get it out” talk about what happened. I love this guys! Excellent conversation.
This was excellent response. I would add that the person that was hurt to seek sound, healthy Biblical Counseling.
Thank you, Flame and Da Thuth. This is the most helpful video I've watched. Thank you for your analogy of any kind of system, like the police. I'm a person of color, so that helped me so much. I love that you emphasize calling people into accountability, too. I'm dealing with that duality of church being a blessing but also a curse to some.
This is very encouraging. Thank you all for sharing and opening up about this :)
Came across this on IG! Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. I really appreciate the openness. Blessings.
Its like they are having church, counseling, or bible study? Im def feelin it🙌
Love it love it
Love this conversation! Keep up the good work of dishing out these topics and having great discussions around them.
Thank You
this is so amazing
I am so sick of this happening to people! seriously, unless you expose these people, nothing will get done. my friend wanted to join the navigators (a campus ministry organization) her senior year in college to reach college students and she applied. tom young, the director of the college missions, had her thinking for months that they were working on a spot for her. a week before her graduation she got a phone call from a staff member, not even tom himself, saying that they never had a space for her and they pretty much lied to her the entire time. he even told her she should "forget about joining the navigators". she was devastated. turns out tom young was just using her information to put in his newsletter because she was black and it made his ministry look more diverse to his donors. he even told her that black people will not listen to the gospel unless another black person tells them. the navigators were contacted about it yet did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it. he's still working for them soliciting donations to support his fake ministry. this is what happens when you work in a hypocritical environment with no accountability. seriously, unless you expose these guys on the web, nothing gets done. praise God He lead her away from that organization and to a better career path. praise Him even more that this didn't turn her heart away from God. she still does ministry without anyone trying to exploit her for selfish gain.
This is a good conversation and I would like to hear more the 12 minutes got me wanting more.
What a person should do with any church hurt is the same way they should deal with any hurt. Seek God first, what ever put on your heart you do it, if you're not sure, forgive in any way, and continue being loving. Church is full of people just like us sinful or sinner saved by grace. Imperfect people. You can only control your actions and your attitude.
This was great! Lisa, you got Marcus & Manny on this series?? Wow! Sister, you are amazing! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This was very helpful. Everyone on this panel had great input.
How did I handle church hurt? I refused to continue putting up with it and left.
Same.
I was hurt by the church I was in and left it (and I was a pastor!) but I never left the faith. I worship somewhere else now and have found God's love in an unexpected place. The Church is not the problem, it's the church-goers in it.
@@NavarinoDC but the people need to be more practical. Jeremiah 7:1-7
Exactly, I still live the concept of a church but no one can tell me to be part of a toxic system. And just because someone takes a break, does not mean they do not have a relationship to God.
@@peguerop1224 exactly
The body doesn’t know it’s hurt, it only knows recovery. Let’s put more emphasis on healing 💯 and what it looks like!
Church hurt would not happen if partiality and inequality of respect did not exist. It is very real and so painful. I was told to forgive without expecting any apology. Other church members did not want to appear to challenge leadership so I felt so isolated and alone. My spirit still feels crushed and I feel devalued. I went through the church procedures, yet it was like my argument was dismissed and I was not an important member of the Body of Christ with anything to contribute. This triggered the narcisstic abuse that I thought I'd completely healed from. You don't know the background or the trauma experienced by those in the congregation. Sensitivity needs to be used and a proper diversity within leadership might also be helpful to prevent this occurence. Now I still feel unworthy and am nervous to volunteer in any capacity. I tried praying for those responsable who I still bump into from time to time. They still refused accountability and did not consider my physical or spiritual safety to be their problem. Anger issues at the injustice have resurfaced. It's just a mess. I desperately need deep healing and I pray the Father will show His goodness and mercy, forgive me of any unforgiveness I might be struggling with, help me lay my burden at the foot of the cross of Jesus and strengthen me in order that I can remain an active and productive member of the Body in Jesus's name I pray. 🙏Thank you for addressing this issue
i would burn that church down
The young man wearing the cap and the young woman with the braids were so on point. The young man in the blue shirt took up most of the episode saying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
You’re entitled to your opinion, but someone else may have found his words informative or even comforting. Also, let’s try to build up with our comments 😃
In my own experiences of being hurt, regardless of the source from which it was experienced, I've come to understand that sometimes the bigger part of being hurt comes from the expectation(s) that are sometimes placed in certain people, places, and/or things. When we can own that perhaps we held some unrealistic expectation(s) that helped to play a part in the level of hurt we experienced, then that can be a start to being healed. I'm not saying that this absolves the person(s) that truly did wrong concerning you from accountability. It's just that at the end of the day, aside from the power of the Lord, you are the only other person that holds the power to you being healed and having peace of heart and mind relating to whatever hurt you experience (not just in the Church). This perspective calls for spiritual growth and maturity.
I will end with this: for anyone that is reeling with being hurt, be honest with yourself and see if you either have spoken or even thought this phrase concerning the situation where being hurt resulted, "I didn't think that they..." If you have, that is evidence that there was some level of unrealistic expectation(s) that fueled the level of hurt experienced.
Those who love Your Law have great peace, and nothing will cause them to be hurt in their spirit. Psalm 119:165 NLV
It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8 KJV
I agree. Wise Advice. Wrong expectations is a major problem. This is where professional, credible, sound Biblical Counseling is needed.
interesting point of view, true many people get hurt especially with the system but on the flip side this is how i look at it...the church unfortunately has been institutionalised and the leaders of this institution use there ideologies to run it...and unfortunately people get hurt with the ideologies though i believe the real church is Christ and that is a personal relationship with Christ the lord, and He says 'He is the way the truth and life'(john 14;6.)..if we read and study the word of God in person and ask the holy spirit to reveal the truth, for sure the truth will be provided unto you and you shall have understanding...we as individuals are the church we are the body of Christ, we have a personal relationship with Christ, so seeking Him in his word/the bible we shall have/find revelation. you will be able to have the spirit of discernment, able to tell what is truth and what is not of God
Why do people blame the whole church for maybe one person’s action. If one person in the congregation or even if it’s the leader, that’s not the whole body of Christ. If parents have a child and that child steals does that make the parents thieve’s themselves, I think not. Let’s stop blaming the whole body of Christ for action of one person. The Bible addresses this in Matthew 18:15-17. If the person is not dealt with within that body then maybe search out another body of believers. Just please remember that there are tare’s among the wheat in every church. Tare’s are weeds that if not kept in check will destroy the wheat, but Father God say’s to let the grow together and he will do the separating. But in the meantime keep them in check. This means sometime they will have to be asked to leave, just don’t turn your back on them, they have a chance in God to get it right.
Are you one of the abusers?
To answer your question, I don't think anyone has a grudge for the entire church body. However, none of them speak up nor make sure the hurt person is ok to nurture and help them grow in Christ. People see things and remain silent because it doesn't affect them nor their families and they love the pastor right or wrong. Yet, they go along to get along and the victim remain victimized.
I can relate to your comment. I agree with it. Unfortunately when a person is hurt by a member or members of the church, it is hard for them to trust and therefore the result is to turn away. Small groups like this can aid in healing and prayerfully the victims of church hurt will be led to a body of believers and gain positive experiences.
@@SG-dw4cg How can black folk complain about church hurt? What church hurt can we possibly experience today that is worst than the church hurt our ancestors experienced when they were enslaved by the church during their introduction to Christianity.
If we can accept a god from a slave master then we should have no problem hearing from god from the mouths of dishonest pastors.
@@DJ-uc8mk
I appreciate your input.
Some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife; and some also of good will: The one preach Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to my bonds: But the other of love, knowing that I am set for the defence of the gospel. What then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice.
Philippians 1:15-18 KJV
1 Timothy 5:17-21.
I love the go to God for forgiveness and to the people of God for healing,as being heard can be acknowledge, acceptance, and affirmation .
true many people get hurt especially with the system but on the flip side this is how i look at it...the church unfortunately has been institutionalised and the leaders of this institution use there ideologies to run it...and unfortunately people get hurt with the ideologies though i believe the real church is Christ and that is a personal relationship with Christ the lord, and He says 'He is the way the truth and life'(john 14;6.)..if we read and study the word of God in person and ask the holy spirit to reveal the truth, for sure the truth will be provided unto you and you shall have understanding...we as individuals are the church we are the body of Christ, we have a personal relationship with Christ, so seeking Him in his word/the bible we shall have/find revelation. you will be able to have the spirit of discernment, able to tell what is truth and what is not of God
In regards to law enforcement (police officers): their uniform code was changed to include lying and false witnessing in order to increase; warrants from judges, arrests and convictions.
This has turned the entire thin blue line into an abominable force before God, and while some officers on the force might resist the temptation: the police brotherhood will exile those who do not conform to their group.
See [Proverbs 6:16-19]
traditions of men not the spirit of yeshua has done all the hurt and continually does it when they create a new concept of righteousness and what sin is according to believes against Bible truth
All I have to say is Jeremiah 7:1-7
Facts pastors are worshipped smh it’s sad
@@SincerelyHerrr yes! Amen Sinni.
Everyone ones to point out different verses except for ones like these! When I read these verses a few month ago, it helped me see beyond the pain. That is on the side of those who are hurt, and will deal with those who are abusing.
@@peguerop1224 yes! What people have to understand is according to the Bible, God prioritized how we as people need to walk according to the fruit of the Spirit and treat each other. Too many churches are indifferent to church hurt and it shows.
What does is say?
How do the church hurt you. Jesus was not weak.
My boy flame lost sum weight huh😳
People go to church for the wrong reasons...church is for the worship of the most high...and spreading the good news of what Jesus did.. MAYBE PEOPLE ARE FORGETTING THAT BIG FACTOR...ITS NOT ABOUT COMMUNITY OR HOW MAN CAN SAVE YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS
Use lube?
It’s hurts to know that yes no church is perfect and no human is perfect. However preaching brotherly and sisterly love and your mannerisms and actions is biased you love certain people in the church and disrespect and disregard other members we don’t have to be best friends but the hypocrisy after you just said love one another where do they do that at apparently the church now. If I’m growing spiritually and I can’t hold you as an example or find anyone trustworthy to guide me?? My relationship with GOD is my own responsibility but we’re suppose to uplift one another and when you don’t show me that or put me down I dust my feet ✌🏾➡️🚪It’s just sad instead of helping souls grow in church we’re losing focus and people and don’t see the problem or we don’t want to address the elephant in the room smh