Odd Couples: Codependent-Codependent, Narcissist-Narcissist (1st in Series)
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- Two narcissists of the same type (somatic, cerebral, classic, compensatory, covert, inverted, etc.) cannot maintain a stable, long-term full-fledged, and functional relationship. Same goes for two codependents or two coverts.
Soon: video about covert borderline with borderline, covert narcissist, or codependent.
WATCH How Covert Narcissist Deceives Covert Borderline and He Loves It (2nd in Odd Couples Series) • How Covert Narcissist ...
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Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Exactly what I was looking for. There aren't many information for two narcissistist together. It needs to be examined more. Will wait for the series to be uploaded. Thank you Sam.
Back after 15hrs of work, it was a pleasure to watch this lecture at the end of my day, fascinating stuff, many thank yous and all the best
I wouldn’t doubt that most of the comments about “my narcissistic ex spouse” are actually narcissistic projection by a narcissist. I’ve always thought that Birds of a feather flock together, meaning you find people like you and then you end up being more like who you are hanging around… The attraction between peeps with type B is very understandable and obvious after watching a few of these vids.
The value in every failed relationship, coupled with new learning, i.e. Prof Vaknin, is as a guide to more success in the next. Thank you, Prof Vaknin, for enriching our relationships through your gift of enlightening academic lectures. Thank you! 🙏
I've been waiting for something like this. Thank you for your informative diligence, Dr. Vaknin.
At 17:54 in the video, i always wondered why it felt like my wife was out to get me. The kinda person that comes behind you and undoes what you just did working against you in every way. Not a team mate but an opponent. Yet my co-dependance and bottom up game is just as relentless. Thank you. It helps to make sense of how we act. All trauma based and looking for love and approval. I think.
I feel they deserve each other. It gives me satisfaction to know they are not out there hurting a normal person😊
@@Barbara-kg9db I disagree with that.
Some narcs can drive kind compassionate people to the point of suicide. They can isolate, humiliate, destroy their inner self worth.
I’m surprised you think a normal person just becomes like them. Clearly you haven’t been in a long term Marc relationship so not in a position to comment
@@imaanhussain5198 you are right...any person with psychological disorder will drive a normal person crazy and the normal person will cry for help...they should only date with people who fall in their own category..
They really deserve each other - in my case it’s a covert/overt “lovers” - my husband and his mistress. And yes, while they’re together they don’t have time to hurt other people except me, because I am in the middle of this hell.
The veering from somatic to cerebral Narcissism, hypersexuality to asexuality was something I noticed in the CN ex. Unsure if this was part of his lovebomb, devaluing cycle, using sexual withdrawal and coercion to addict, control and abuse, as this would suggest that the shift was a conscious decision.
You amaze me. Insight is on point. Wish I could bask in your glory, or could loose my false sense of entitlement and shame.
I wish I could be Narc free.
Alas it’s all fantasy as I am subject to wild rage, nervous breakdowns, and running away. Inevitably finding another New Narcissist.
Nice! Hoping for primary psychopath - primary psychopath and primary psychopath - narcissist :D
4:35 "There's an equal number of women and men diagnosed with narcissism"
Sure - Sam did not take us to hell but certainly showed the gate
😂 😅
This is an outstanding lecture, just like majority of his lectures.
Thanks for flashing light on the in-site of mind works.
By normal I mean someone who does nice things for others, compassionate, caring and thoughtful of others feelings.
@@Barbara-kg9db After a long time of abuse from one of these narcs…it’s better to know they are with one of their own. As in their normal world as opposed to abusing & driving people insane who are not like them at all.
They belong with someone like them. Sorry if it sounds blunt but I’ve witnessed these relationships and they are much better suited to one another.
So yes it gives me satisfaction to know that their behaviour is normal to their narc partner as they are not making them crazy.
THANK YOU! ❤
Thank you very much for your effort to detangle these constellations, Professor!!!
While I could see that neither the classic nor the covert borderline would really fit my experiences, I guess the Codependent must be it. 🙈🙈
Lots of neglect, no validation possible, but also scapegoated, whatever, by highly enmeshed mother and brother. I think covert mother turned into inverted with him due to his extremely goal oriented, competitive, aggressive character.
What I consider now is, if my brother became the counterdependent? I know many narcissists struggle with authority, but he´s not a typical grandiose as far as I can see (or not see anymore luckily) and I wondered in which category he might fall, if Borderline with sadism or sth else. But you mention how this counterdependent type resembles the BPD, so this might be it.
He didn´t become antisocial towards others bc he had me as his emotional abuse punching bag who he could threaten any time he wanted, and in adulthood he found his niche as an self employed undertaker. (it was quite a stretch in every dimension, but he had full support by my mother)
It always felt as if he tried to rebell against me, tried to destroy me, had his hands at my neck and against a wall, and that I felt done already. I was everyone´s stone on their way? even when I went out of the way all the time. Who have I been for them? It felt as if I was everyone in one unperson, never really me, at no time.
All this, the dog whistling whenever one of the rare family meetings happened so everyone would laugh at me, how he lured my only friends in school away to be on his side. There were all kinds of boundary crossings, started at young age like cutting the band of my diary and ripping out pages after he read them etc. Turning off the electricity when I tried to write sth on the PC. I never knew for which reason.
Most of the time I couldn´t have told someone bc I forgot what he did and it always came out of the blue, it is war all the time.
They both managed to have their "good person" facade, and oc I´m not able to tell anyone, they drove me away from the whole family as well.
When I stumbled into 2 situations 3 years ago where normality suddenly skipped completely, I went from a short state of trying to leave to Stockholm syndrome. It took quite a while to come up again in my mind and I´m now at home gladly for a longer period of time.
Every relationship that I had was effected by the dissociation that I learned in childhood, being prepared to live with parts of this person that you have to unsee, to not question. You chose in some way to accept that because your partner isn´t violent or humiliate you in front of others. You think at least we´re going home together and at least I think there were no cheating, but the latent homosexuality and such things I know waaay too well. Celibate, probably autoerotic or nothing at all, latent homosexual. I took the hand of those who felt familiar and at least a tiny bit more stable.
The one I was the longest with, a physicist, Dr. and later patent attorney, told me in the beginning about the past life crisis. I met his ex girlfriend, also a physicist, broke with him and he broke down heavily. I knew I was his "wingwoman", but I was always surprised how much resentment there can be even if the social differences are so obvious. Back then I of course didn´t know about narcissism and such things.
Very enlightening video professor, one question: What about a narcissist who makes ostentatious displays of wealth? Would he be a cerebral or somatic narcissist, or could that personality trait exist in both?
In both.
Dr. Sam - if possible, could you please deep dive into dynamics of relationship between counter dependent and covert narcissist?
Wow
Hi Professor, thanks for the video. This is the first I’m hearing of “counter dependent” and it’s very interesting to me. Where do you recommend I go (reading, watching, listening) to learn more about it?
Google Scholar.
I'm afraid I very much need your medical text for reference and for continual learning.
Your presentation covers a great deal and my mind is slow... But thorough and methodical. A text would really, really be helpful!
Can you please make a video on what to do if you have to see your narcissist (like at church) and you are unable to avoid him? Also, even if I switch mass times, what is the chance he will just migrate over to my new mass time? Thanks kindly for helping all us heal.