AITA for leaving my own wedding because my husband embarrassed me? - REACTION
Vložit
- čas přidán 15. 09. 2023
- AITA for leaving my own wedding because my husband embarrassed me? - REACTION
SUBSCRIBE! bit.ly/2DxtJhM
INSTAGRAM: / charlaychaplin
TWITTER: / charlottedobre
TIKTOK: / charlottedobreofficial
FACEBOOK: / charlottedobreofficial
RECENT UPLOADS PLAYLIST: bit.ly/31RVL07
2ND CHANNEL: bit.ly/3v1ZJPV
MERCH: shop.charlottedobre.net/
Hey ya'll! Today on my channel we are reacting to a spicy reddit thread entitled AITA for leaving my own wedding because my husband embarrassed me? This thread is one of the many reason why the cake smash wedding trend has GOT to go.
#AITA #cakesmash #wedding #reddit #weddingfail #charlottedobre #reaction #react #reactionchannel
If you want to submit a story anonymously, you can do so using the following links:
*DISCLAIMER* Due to a high volume of submissions, there is no guarantee that we will feature your story in a video. By submitting your story, you give me, Charlotte Dobre, the right to feature it in a video.
AITA - Where I decide if you're the AH or not ;) - bit.ly/3Wds7w6
Petty Revenge ! - bit.ly/3PwAUHl
Entitled People Stories - bit.ly/3FtDB83
Crazy Wedding Stories ! - bit.ly/3j1Xonu
Caught A Cheater ? - bit.ly/3FTyFuI
In-Laws From HELL ! - bit.ly/3YqjReg
Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
CREDITS
/ aitah_for_leaving_my_o...
Edited By Now Creatives
Produced by: Vanessa Peprah-Addo
vanessatoro...
End screen song:
Defunk - (Feat. Charlotte Dobre, Sam Klass)
open.spotify.com/track/3S6FXA... - Zábava
This was not a joke, this was a power play! He figured if he could get away with disregarding a hard boundary in a very public setting, he could get away with anything for the rest of their marriage/life. Good on her for jettisoning him and her garbage family.
Her mom doesn't deserve a relationship if she abused her constantly
This makes perfect sense omg 😢
@@Nutmeg1230this is not the first sign. This is the last straw. He got away with way too many things that she just tolerated. Made 2 dinners? Wtf? She just couldn't tolerate this one thing and yet he did it. On their wedding day no less. Glad it made her see him clearly. Violated her inner most boundary. If he could get away with this one, she will have lost all self worth
Dead right
Yes!!
I told my husband no cake smashing. He said of course not. So we sat down like a normal couple respecting each other's boundaries and ate the lovely tiramisu together.
Ok I know this isn't the point of your comment but tiramisu for a wedding cake sounds AMAZING and why have I never thought of this.
A friend of mine's daughter had agreed to do this cake smashing thing, had a special small cake made just for it. Whoever got the most money in their bucket (instead of a dollar dance) got to smoosh the cake in the others' face. Groom got the most money and got the honors of smooshing it into his new bride's face. However when the time came, he stood behind her ready to do the dirty deed, but smooshed it into his own face instead. All the guests were like awwww! How sweet is that? We think he's a keeper! 🥰
Right? How hard is this? My husband also doesn’t think it’s funny so it was off the table immediately, for which I am eternally grateful. We had a lovely wedding, enjoyed the delicious cake and are happily married 16 years later.
@@dubblebubbletoilandtrouble6646Then they better make sure I'm not a participant in that wedding or there wouldn't be much cake left after I have taken my share.
I also gave my husband this clear boundary. He respected me and did not do it. Frankly, knowing him for 2 decades now, he's just not the type to do that.
It’s ABUSE. She grew up being emotionally undermined and didn’t initially recognize this as abuse, but it is. Good for her for getting out of those toxic relationships!
Yes, omg this! I really hope OP can now heal and find someone that TRULY loves her 😅
Amen!
This goes way beyond “embarrassing her”. This was a show of control and was nothing short of abuse - a very clear hint as to how she would be treated in the future. She was open about her expectations and he was determined to let her know that he would do (and continue to do) whatever he damn well wanted to do. Run fast Run Far
Absolutely, you’re bang on with your comment, control and a complete disregard of her boundaries and feelings.
Exactly. Sounds like he enjoys abusing and belittling her just like her mother did. I'm super impressed by her strength to put her foot down and let him know her unwavering expectations for how she will be treated. I'm proud of her for leaving bc we all know he would continue the oppression until she was a shell of herself. All narcs do it and clearly both he and her mother are just that.
Publicly humiliating her at her wedding. I hate to think what he'd do behind closed doors.
Agree totally
Oh he was obviously going to escalate the abuse against OP.
With the cake one, he didn't disregard her wishes, he actually paid close attention to what she wanted and then purposefully did the opposite, that's what makes it extra horrible. This isn't a coincidence or an accident, he intentionally wanted his bride to feel like garbage on their wedding day, glad she kicked him and her nonsense family to the curb
He was grooming her with videos of cake in the face weddings, and knew she thought it was disgusting and rude. He probably thought she would just put up with it since they already were wed. She did a great favor for herself to leave him right then and there. He didn't find it in him to sincerely apologize which confirmed she did the right thing.
I'm glad she left him, he would have been abusive further on in their marriage
@shanchan8247 Agree, he would've stayed abusive and gotten worse most likely
I’ve heard the ‘you’ll end up alone’ verbal abuse from toxic family too. You did the right thing leaving that clown.
@margaretwilliams5398 Sorry to hear about the abuse, but they don't seem to get that they're threatening you with a good time coz ending up alone isn't a negative when the alternative is this kind of bs
He didn't just ignore her boundaries. He VIOLATED them. For laughs? WTF?
At my wedding, we booped a tiny amount of frosting on each other's noses because it was discussed ahead of time.
It's not "just a joke" if it hurts or traumatizes someone. Period.
Indeed. That's fine if both parties are OK with it.
now that is cute! I saw that on a birthday
Thats what I’m thinking, a little booop on the nose of icing might be fine but smash your whole face into a cake is a noooo. Women spend hours getting ready with hair and makeup, why does anyone think its a good idea during a wedding.
@@tdelioncourt1268 That is cute.
The little boop is the original silly joke. It's like everyone forgot that the real tradition is nicely feeding each other a bite of cake. A little "accidental" frosting on a nose was the cute "prank." Somewhere, it turned into overgrown manchildren ruining an entire event for internet views.
ok can we talk about the fact that, not only did she make it clear to the groom that cake smashing is not funny, that she hates it, that she has literal trauma associated with it, but that she ALSO told him STRAIGHT UP THAT SHE WOULD LEAVE HIM IF HE TRIED THAT WITH HER, EVER??? Clearly the man doesnt take her seriously and basically did it to test her. Good on her for following through.
Yep that is very true. She out right TOLD him she'd leave him if he did the cake smash thing. He tested her and she dumped his a$$. Seems to me that he thought she wouldn't have the 'guts' to leave him. Certainly showed him.
He f’ed around and found out.
I read statistics in an article, I think it was a whopping 83% of marriages where a spouse smashes cake into the others face, ends in divorce. This is because it's a lack of respect in the marriage.
This bride is my hero. She dumped her husband on the day on the wedding, she blocked her family and really listened to her heart. It's never too late to cut off toxic people from your life. She's a hero because most people just stick with their bad choices for life because "the clock is ticking" and other bs. This is really an uplifting story and I'm thankful for the internet for sharing this:)
💯 This story is a reminder that it's never too late to love yourself.
Im glad he did that because it showed her what a dick he is and she left him.
I would die on that hill. ❤️
If he smashes cake into her face on their wedding, after she clearly told him she didn't want him to do that, can you imagine what kind of father he would be? She basically married her mother because that's his personality to a T.
Amen!!!!
I am so tired of people calling brides “emotional” and “unable to take a joke” because they do not want cake smashed into their face on the wedding. It’s not a huge ask for a partner to follow. What exactly is the joke here that people aren’t “able to take”?
As with other stories, this is a case of boundaries not being respected. If a new groom cannot handle a simple ask, what happens with more serious issues that require negotiation and respect? And the refusal to apologize on top of that? OP dodged a spray of bullets; divorce was 100% warranted.
He tries to break her boundaries as a control thing...
If there were no signs before and it happens right when they get married he knows exactly what he is doing and this would get way worse further into the marriage. Having backup from her own family would make this even a worse nightmare.
it's disturbing how many men will jump at the chance to humiliate their wife as long as they think they can get away with it
Right! How is this a joke? Hate that excuse, she clearly said she didn’t like that. Why is hard to respect someone’s feelings?
I was thinking that same thing. What happens when other things come up in life? Especially pregnancy and birth. I see a lot of picture taking at vulnerable times
Hey, I'm going off the limb here and claiming the whole d*mn tree - if anybody EVER smashes cake into my face for any reason short of putting out a fire that has spontaneously blossomed on my eyebrow, that person is dead to me. End of story. Cake is a food item, not a decoration. And I can apply my own decorations to my own self as I prefer - or not.
My ex pushed our nieces face into her first birthday cake and made her cry. It was another moment that I loved him less. He couldn’t grasp what the big deal was, a grown man making a baby cry on purpose. If someone tells you they don’t like something and you go and do it, that’s not a healthy relationship. It’s better to leave when she isn’t stuck in a miserable marriage with children adding to her guilt of trying to leave. Good for her.
It’s a celebration of lack of consent is what that is. Part of grape culture
That is assault, why wasn't he charged?
Goes beyond assault and battery when the perp is a grown man and the victim is a baby. This is really serious. Child abuse, legitimate serious charges. Wow.
My husband and I have been married for 31 years. The cake smashing thing was happening even back then. I made it quite clear that there would be no cake smashed into anyone’s face at our wedding. Even though some of my husband’s friends tried to get him to do it, he knew better and gently fed me our wedding cake. 💕
He is a keeper but honestly that's the bare minimum.
@@carolinpurayidom4570 EXACTLY. Standards are so damn low these days.
That's how a real husband acts
@@vanessaland5090 according to the incels and redpills, our standards (human treatment) are astronomically high lol
❤
I held on to our honeymoon tickets and told him that if there was cake smashing I would go on the honeymoon ALONE and file for annulment. He knew I was serious. It’s not embarrassment it’s HUMILIATION!
I’m not married but have always said if I got married and he smashed cake in my face that I would be going on the honeymoon alone!
It's assault.
I agree. And I can see all the clues about being the scapegoat of her narcissistic family.
Her embarrassment was marrying a man she knew was “a little immature”. Now that she knows what “a little” means she’s the @$$hole if she stays with him and thinks her life won’t be repeated embarrassments by a husband that has no interest in respecting her boundaries nor any ability to resist tiktok trends 🙄
@@PhoenixHinds Really stupid comment.. Saying things like this is what misconstrues what the term "assault" actually means
She didn't only miss out on a lifetime of gaslighting and possible STDs , but she also finally got rid of her toxic family. That's s win win right there!
Yep, ironic she had no idea he cheated until his sister told her in spite. The gal thought she was throwing a dagger when in reality she made her realize she had made a good choice.
a two-fer
She made the totally right choice. Wishing the bride all the best in her future. She will find a wonderful partner❤
@@Anna-wx4ho lucky escape!!
Thats Right!!!
My husband had a private law practice for 33 years. There is definitely a correlation between wedding cake smashing & divorce‼️
I think the wedding cake smashing era was the worse display of bad manners and lack of care for your partner. I always hated it.
Humiliating your spouse at your wedding is a deal breaker. Run fast run far!!
YES GET A DIVORCE. THAT WAY SHE DOESNT TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS LATER ON IN HIS LIFE. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. SOUNDS LIKE HE DODGED A BULLET. I LIKE IT WHEN YOU WOMEN MAKE THE SMALLEST CONFLICT INTO DIVORCE. NOW YOU WOMEN GET BACK TO WORK NOW. THE WORKING WORLD WELCOMES YOU.
YES 💯
Mom calling her a brat because mom shoved her face in her birthday cake, ruining the cake, the experience, the hair, the makeup, dtr's trust, and creating an awful core memory. Yeah...I would have clear boundaries with that mother even now and be low contact.
What kind of mom embarrasses their daughter (you don't get to decide what that consists of) and then degrades them afterward? That's not acceptable behavior for anyone, let alone a parent. That's something that a mean sibling would do and then mom would ground you for it.
Then to have the audacity to do it again!
This mother clearly HATES her daughter. No wonder she married a dude who hated her, look at the awful family she has to deal with
This "mother" doesn't deserve the title of mother.
My mum went to my dads funeral and told me we missed it because she didn’t want attention off her and on me.
If you grow up in a family like that you do not have clear boundaries, because as a child you do not even know about the concept. Children adapt to abuse and develope survival strategies to cope with it. Childhood abuse survivors usually have to learn the concept of boundaries once they are adults and then they can set those.
That said, I’m glad that OP learnt how to set a boundary and left the guy after the violation of it.
And yet the mom explains so much about why the bride can’t hold boundaries and why her husband chose to marry such a boundary-less person. Divorce, parental distance and family therapy are calling.
After losing 20 years to DV, one sniff of gaslighting and I'm out. Biggest red flag that applies to so many situations. Learn to spot it. Learn to run from it. This lady is so strong and she did great ❤
I was a fat kid growing up, and being asian my parents are brought up in the kind of culture that does not respect the younger generation. So for years I endured fat jokes, lots of hippo/pig references, "jokingly" tell me at the dinner table I should just watch them eat, straight up calling me a fat/ugly girl, telling me no man will ever date me until I look good and lose weight...
I got so used to this shit coming from my parents and later on siblings that when my boyfriend did the same shit I did not even recognize it's abuse. Not even a little. Like this bride I was so used to taking this bullying by my own parents that I thought that was normal.
So glad the bride got out of that marriage. I ended that relationship and went low contact the moment I move out. Some people really should not have children.
🫂
Of all hills to die on, I’ll never understand why so many dudes seem to choose cake-smashing at a wedding…
The fact that there are even some videos where men are pinning their newly vowed wives to smash the cake into their face. It's like the mask was finally removed. If they're willing to do that in front of both sides of the family, I'm terrified of what they're willing to do in the house without anyone around.
Cake smashing would make me leave too. Good for her.
@@melloschocolatecake exactly this, so few consider the fact that, people go out of their way to behave better in front of others.
My theory is that it is one really simple and seemingly “harmless” way to test boundaries, for example if she just takes the “joke” - even if she didn’t want that and clearly expressed so beforehand - it shows that he can continue trampling all over her boundaries. It starts small but grows. I doubt many men (or women for that matter) who engage in this behavior actually consciously think of it that way beforehand, more of a subconscious thing, but there it is.
@@starrkitty1 the wedding is a safer place for them to start doing this. It's easier for her to turn away when they are just dating, being married gives him more security.
The one positive in this story is that at least she has some solid friends. The friend who has given her somewhere to stay and said "get yourself back on your feet" and "let's get you some help so you see the red flags next time" - that is a *true* friend. I'm really glad she has someone like this in her life 💖
I was thinking the same thing!
And the I’m sure overwhelming NTA’s on the post.
Yeah. That friend knows what a healthy relationship is. We all need a supportive friend who knows when shit is shady and it's time to tap out. Also, therapy is for everyone. We all need an impartial observer whose judgements we can trust, and even if you have the world's best friends, there's still times you gotta dish what is going on, what's frustrating you and making you want to pull your hair out, etc.
Agreed, but she said there were no red flags in advance. It will be a good lesson for him though.
@UsandEveryoneWeKnow I think she said there were red flags that she missed and that her friend had suggested therapy so she could learn to see them (as, chances are, she saw red flag behaviour as "normal" because her family were so problematic).
(Edited to fix typo)
I can’t believe how violent some of the cake smashing gets. I’ve seen husbands chasing,grabbing,grappling and really forcing cake into their new wives faces,with scary gritted teeth grimaces...Why? It’s abuse,it’s not the dab of cream on each other thing I’m talking about,it’s the yanking the person back and rolling on the floor practically punching the cake at them thing.its vile.
This bride is a emblem of STRENGTH and INDEPENDENCE. In one of the most difficult scenarios to break up with somebody (right after you get married), with no support from anybody not even her family, she knew that this moment represented much more and was ultimately a MAJOR test. And she passed
Lordy, she dodged a huge bullet. That cake in the face was a blessing in disguise. Mad respect that she had the strength to dump both him and her abusive family. She’ll find someone kind who will treat her well.
It's simple disrespect, disregard and disdain for her. He is not husband material to knowingly and with intent betray her basic trust on one of the most important days of her life and test her integrity to keep her word that if he broke this normal boundary there would be significant consequences. In doing so, He showed he would put his whims before hers and their kids and break more boundaries going forward if it brought him joy, pleasure and made her feel belittled, embarrassed, disappointed or livid.
People with his disorder will most likely escalate things so she saved herself so much heartache and should be applauded for her sound judgement and bravery. He and her mom show such toxic malignancy that it screams personality disorder. They will likely never change.
They put their desire to LAUGH AT HER above everything else, like common sense, decency, courtesy and safety.
They are all incredibly immature and self absorbed. She has the duty to herself and future children to find people who can abide by simple boundaries and respect her and their relationships.
It's sad that he laughed at her for having period cramps and her traumatized soul waved it away as being immature. Laughing at the misfortune of someone else isn't merely immature, it's bullying. I could never ever be with a man who made fun of my period pain. My ex-husband wasn't even like that. He tiptoed away from that stuff but was never disrespectful about that. My boyfriend wants to know all the nitty gritty grossness that is involved with periods because he wants to understand.
A man who laughs at a woman getting cramps on her period is no different from a woman who laughs at ED or prostate exams...
SHE WILL FIND SOMEONE THAT TREATS HER WELL AND IT WONT BE GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE SHE WONT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE SOMEONE WHO TREATS HER WELL. THEN SHE'LL DIVORCE.
@@redc598 not if she is already becoming aware,pre secure and doing the self work to reprogram her brain after years of abuse! She doesn't have to anymore because the more we know and talk about it and have therapies and awareness the more we can change patterns. She already did something incredibly hard and found out she was right to do it and avoided more cheating and abuse and disrespect from those people so I have every confidence she will see it in others quicker and soon can avoid those types of people all together. She shouldn't rush into a new relationship but should get to know herself better and love herself and set new boundaries before ever adding another person to her inner circle.. Self work matters to avoid repeating mistakes and learning familiar isn't always good for you. She had to first admit she was abused and victimized so she can assess why, how and prevent those scenarios as much as possible going forward and that drama is bad to redefine e what is good then she won't have any trouble recognizing and accepting love and good treatment
Hopefully they don’t have children yet. What an escape.
"I'd rather be alone than have THAT man." YES. Absolutely. Everyone should prefer being single to being married to that man. I'd rather be the crazy cat lady in The Simpsons than be married to someone who is blatantly a gaslighting, disrespectful a-hole. That poor woman should RUN to the court to get an annulment. 👍
Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a crazy cat lady! My life is fun xxx❤😂
I'm actively planning to live on a farm, grow my own veggies have solar panels etc. Have 5 dogs, Build tiny house after tiny house on my property where other women who also don't want the cake smasher as a husband can live and we'll all help and support each other with kids, pets and keeping the 🚩 men away.
It is the future. This is the way.
I was married to an abusive narc for 15 years who left me 8 years ago. Since then I've been on one date. I've decided that I'm much happier being a single cat-lady, or in my case, a goat and cat-lady.
I'm glad this woman escaped him because it doesn't get better. My ex always found ways of "accidentally" hurting me, or tripping me in public, always laughing about it and encouraging others to laugh at me. He would destroy things that were important to me.
I had a peg board behind the bathroom door that I hung my necklaces on. It was 2 feet from the light switch, but one night he stumbled in there drunk, saw my necklaces and ripped the pegboard down and smashed it on the floor. His reason was that it was too close to the light switch and he could "hurt himself" (no idea how that could possibly happen). I tried to pick up one necklace that wasn't very valuable (@ $100) but meant a lot to me, but he stomped it to pieces before I could reach it. He knew the story behind the necklace and why it was important to me, so he went above and beyond to be cruel.
My father bought this necklace with matching earrings in Japan when he was stationed there right after WWII. He bought this pretty carved light blue moonstone set to one day give his future bride (he was about 20 at the time). He didn't get married until he was 35. Mom was delighted, of course, and sky blue was her favorite color. He bought her some very nice pieces during their 40 year marriage, but that one was so special because it's so sweet and romantic.
@@LazyIRanch you’re lucky that he’s no longer in your life. Seems like an awful person. Prayers for you.
Middle aged cat lady here. Beats the hell out of being in a shitty relationship.
I used to plan weddings and receptions at a venue. I politely warned many grooms to not even try it. I could charge extra if they made a mess on the floor.
I am so proud of her. His disrespect and doubling down instead of apologizing was a huge red flag. She saw the truth and got away before she wasted anymore time with him. Glad the sister told her about him cheating. Just reinforces she made a wise decision.
Wedding cakes usually have wooden dowels supporting the layers. By shoving your partner's face in to a wedding cake, you are risking impaling their face with wooden rods.
Sometimes pipes
@@cosmicrae Fair enough. I shall rephrase.
If you shove someone's face into a tiered cake you are risking impaling them in the face by the cake supports.
@@JessyDupre yep
So, OP risked the same kind of injury she had as a child. Apparently, no one gives a crap if she ends up getting her face stabbed.
@@SithBunny1 Yeah, exactly. This idiot knew about the physical and mental trauma his future wife experienced at her family's hands and thought it would be funny to retraumatize her so he could get in good with a family she didn't even like or want to be around.
As a cake maker I absolutely am terrified of customers doing the cake smash thing because you can have dowel inside it. You could impale someone
Yes !! I have been saying this !!
Never thought about that aspect, but that could be horrific
I once watched a video of cake maker who sometime uses a sewing pin when he's decorating the cake (maybe to held the decoration) and afterward when he finished then he would pull out all the pins. One day he lost one pin somewhere in the cake and had to undo the decor and dug quite a large hole in the cake to find it.
Coming in late, but are you able to add a card to the cake, or a clause in receipts/contracts, that there may be support pieces in the cake that need to be handled with care?
@@daphnereal3129always do! I give the person a cake care card that has the supports listed.
Wow, the courage that she managed to get through this horrific incident and saved herself from a lifetime of misery. Good for her to get rid of this loser! She deserves better than this jerk and her own family...
"Why does it make you so mad that someone has boundaries...?" This is an excellent question and the answer is because they themselves dont respect or like boundaries. They're kindred spirits.
Married in the early 1980s. My fiancé brought this up as a real concern of hers. I joke a lot, but she was really concerned. Fed each other cake nicely during the reception. Still married after 40+ years. Love is respect.
Absolutely! Thank you. Heck I got married 3 months before COVID19 shutdowns and neither my husband nor I even talked about playing with the cake because it wasn't a major concern for either of us... but I just took a bit of icing on my finger from our shared first slice and asked, "ready?" He nodded consent and I playfully swiped it on his nose. Then he rubbed his nose on mine and we had a little giggle, a kiss, and we helped each other to clean that little bit of icing off. It wasn't overly wasteful or messy or violent. It wasn't meant to be. Public humiliation is rarely fun for anyone. It has no place in respected tradition nor in marriage.
At least no tradition nor marriage I wish to participate in. We can play and have fun without being disrespectful. And we don't have to set every boundary up front in order to be respectful about obvious and common sore spots like mess, waste, pain, and embarrassment. If you don't love and respect your partner enough to care about their discomfort..... you shouldn't be marrying them.
Completely. That one mad dude whining that he did it and it was fine and they are still married and whatever somehow missed this very clear bit: it's about RESPECT.
If she's fine with it, great. I wouldn't mind doing it that much (but I won't cause I hate wasting food), but that's ok for ME. She wasn't. And he didn't respect that.
It's weird that in this day and age, we need to tell people that assaulting your partner and showing them extreme disrespect isn't funny, especially if said partner told you prior it's a big no no (not that they should, it'd be common sense just to be a decent person to your partner, but I digress).
Same.
Oh Charlotte, this one hit HOME. I was raised by TWO ultra narcissist people. Public humiliations, constant "You'd be pretty if...", and comparisons to my older sister who, if I'm honest, was no prize of a human. The breaking point for me was when I realized my mom was doing the same psychological crap to my son that she had done to me. It took me 31 years to sever ties with all of them and thank God I did. My life changed immediately. I am so much more sane now, and my marriage improved as well. My son is now a successful adult, and hubby and I are approaching our 42nd wedding anniversary!
I have a relative who keeps enduring horrible behavior from her adult children. I keep hinting she doesn't have to be around ANYONE who treats her poorly.
Congrats in advance on your 42nd anniversary! 🎉
I'm so happy to read this. I also cut ties with my toxic family. I was the black sheep, now i'm free and I hope to live a great life, with pure love and happiness. You give me hope I can too have a great relationship of my own.
Good on you for severing ties with your toxic family. We need to stop incorrectly saying ‘blood is thicker than water’. The full quote is ‘the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’, as evidenced by the friend of OP in this video.
My husband told me when we were planning our wedding that he despised the cake shoving trend and I that made me love him even more. I hated it too and still do.
I have been married for fifty years. You do not joke with your spouse unless it's gentle and sweet.
Kindness is mandatory in a long relationship.
Jokes we have shared are surprised steak dinners, surprise flowers for no reason, a kiss on the cheek in front of his boss at a company Christmas party, stuff like that.
((The top layer of the wedding cake is usually made special by the baker so it can be frozen and eaten on the one year anniversary. ))
The gaslighting, the humiliation... Just horrible. It's about trampling all over her boundaries. Some might say "It's not that big of a deal. He's not abusive because it's just a joke blah blah blah"
Flash news : it is abusive. She was so right to leave the wedding. He didn't even acknowledge he crossed her boundary. Not acceptable 🥺
It's all intentional he was checking how much he could get away with. If she let him get away with this then he knows he can get away with anything and will treat her like shit though the whole marriage.
@VErisot you are absolutely right. I was humiliated at my wedding by my husband and I couldn't believe it. He never acted that way, ever. I spent the next 8 years being treated like a second-class citizen and getting beaten if I wouldn't comply with his ever wish. I'm 71, and this happened over 45 years ago. I have never regretted it.
It’s so much more than the cake smashing. It’s the hard boundary she set.
Other way around, bud! "News Flash", which is sometimes written as all one word.
And yes, it's concerning how little abuse people are able to recognize.
Before our wedding we talked it over and agreed to carefully and lovingly feed the cake to each other. It is supposed to be symbolic of nurturing each other for life. It was sweet, and we're still together 51 years later. It was appalling when the trend of smearing each other's faces in frosting began, and the current trend of smashing a spouse's whole face into the cake is disgusting, mean, and the opposite of love.
Congratulations!!! Thats a looong time! I know…we are at 32 yrs!!! Hard work, patience, and understanding…anyway….the cake smashing thing was old fashioned in my day (i thought). Not a thing, trend…when did it come back? 😅
@@Amanda-iz9vi hi Amanda, yes back in 1972 It was the trend to be a tiny bit messy a little around both mouths and then kiss to smear it around a tiny bit, but even back then some people were getting carried away for laughs.
@@amjPeace wow! Thanks!
My husband and I just didn’t want to do any hair or eyes and I actually had fun running away and he got my nose which I was easily able to clean up in the bathroom. I didn’t even care about my dress because I literally was never going to wear it again. 😂 and we practically had a honeymoon baby so I was nine months pregnant on our one year anniversary so we never got to do the tradition of trying to fit back into the wedding dress. 😂 I think the point is discuss beforehand. The number one thing that helps sustain a marriage is taking every problem to God in prayer, the number two thing that sustains a marriage is not even marrying unless you discussed and share core values. Literally, it’s statistically proven that those who pray together nightly and seek to submit to God’s solutions have less than a 1% chance of divorce. Notice I didn’t say those were religious, literally it has to be those who pray “together nightly” and seek God’s solution over their own wishes.
And I’ll admit I initiated the cake on his nose first before I ran away and tried to avoid him doing it to me. 😂 Don’t worry, he got me back and we love the fun photos and The fact that our dancing photos are marvelous because I was able to go to the bathroom and touch up my make up unlike most brides that have it just melt away throughout the evening. Something positive to think about when it comes to needing to fix your make-up if you guys “agree” to have a little fun with the cake.
Honestly, he was showing her in full public view how he really felt about her. What a total jerk!!! So so glad she had enough respect, dignity and self love to recognize the message he was throwing at her loud and clear. A man who truly loves you will treat you like a queen and never intentionally hurt your feelings or use you to impress or win public approval, applause, etc. Bravo for her! 😍😍😍👏👏👏
That's a beautiful example of the shut up ring. He wanted to break up with her, he was cheating on her yet he went ahead with marrying her. Obviously, he had to take his little revenge for taking away his freedom and did exactly what he knew she would hate the most.
Other people don't get to tell us how much we should be hurt by something. This bride did everything right, and her husband showed her nothing but disrespect. I'm glad she left him.
THIS!!!! Yes!!
Honestly I feel bad for her, and I feel bad for anyone who ends up marrying that guy.
Absolutely. It's not even only the humiliation in that moment. I feel like she overlooked in her post the connection to her past trauma. Yes it's trauma, if her mother doesn't think it's that serious that is called gaslighting. Doesn't make the trauma any less. And the guy who is supposed to love and protect her (not bc he's a guy but we protect our partners mutually that's the point of marriage is that you don't go things alone but can rely on support until one of you dies) does the exact OPPOSITE of protecting her and fully makes her relive past trauma that he should be aware of. Groom, dishonor on your whole family. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow.
OK never mind she 100% did connect it to her past trauma in the talk she had with him in the end. Good job and leave that a-hole. I hope he sees the light one day and can make someone else happy but r he's not for you. So sorry this happened. Actually glad this happened but sad it had to happen for you to see his true colors but better late (at the wedding) than even later (after having kids and 15 yrs of your life wasted)
God, I feel so bad for this woman. She grows up with an abusive family, thinks she’s finally found her husband, and he turns out just as bad as them. Good for her for cutting them out of her life. I wish I knew her in real life, I would be like “Girl, I will be your new family. We will have healthy boundaries, eat lots of veggies, and have cake without smashing it in anyone’s face.”
Same! There is life outside the cake smashing hellscape.
I'm in! New family members are better anyhow, usually they are chosen.
Is your family available to me as well by any chance? 😆😆 I also like healthy boundaries & cake lol
My husband healed so many past hurts when he told me he will be my family now; I’ve cut my mother out of my life and never been healthier.
Ever since I as a kid, I’ve HATED the cake smashing crap… I’ve always seen it as mean… I would’ve left and honestly I would’ve had SERIOUS thoughts of annulment. To completely disregard her wishes on what’s supposed to be the first day of the rest of your lives together and one of the “happiest days of her life”. I have MAJOR respect for the bride for walking out and not just laughing it off like you see a lot of people do..
Been married 23 years, we agreed no cake smashing or garter toss at our wedding. We treat each other with respect
Humiliating the person you supposedly love is just plain ugly.
This was one of 3 deal breakers I had with my hubby. 1. Cheat on me, I leave you. 2. Hit me, I leave you. 3. Smash cake in my face at our wedding, I leave you. Easy peasy and we're still together after 21 years 😊 I'm also an RN and I had heard horror stories of brides faces being impaled by the dowls they put in the cakes to hold them up and brides who actually choked to death on the smashed cake. IT'S 👏 NOT 👏 FUNNY 👏 OR 👏 CUTE👏!!
😢 wow! So so very sad! I never knew about brides dying due to this. Thank you for sharing, great deal breakers!
I told my ex: hit me again and I will fight until one of us dies and I don't care who it is. He never hit me again, but the cheating ,verbal emotional and financial abuse was out of control. He left because it was all my fault and when he lost his job shortly after because he is an alcoholic, he wanted to crawl back to me. I refused, then I found out what a real monster he was. His friends call me a narcissist and that his alcohol abuse and cheating is my fault. Glad that fool is out if my life. And oh yah he called me toxic 😂
Wow ... Dying.... I wish people actually knew of cases like these and stop doing such stupid things
😢
That would be my worry. There are dowls!!
I’m tearing up… I relate to the family situation. I hope this lovely young lady has found happiness and there’s no more toxicity in her life. She’s clearly a great person.
Please take someone with you when you pick up your stuff. 1-for protection and 2- so you won't
be tempted if he tries to smooth talk you into staying, In my opinion you did good girl! And saved
yourself from a world of hurt, And remember that the friends that care about you, ARE YOUR FAMILY!
You can request that a law enforcement officer accompany you if you believe you might be harmed by your ex.
“Explain EXACTLY how smashing a cake in someone’s face is funny. How is it funny?”
Charlotte is spot on. There’s NOTHING actually humorous about it, they just find glee in embarrassing and humiliating others.
The bride and groom traditionally do it to each other. It symbolized being there through good and bad. Even 5 yrs ago it was the norm. Now all of a sudden snowflakes are offended by tradition.
It is literally only funny, and only OK if both parties are laughing and in on the joke. I think it can be a cute tradition but again, BOTH bride and groom need to be on board with it, and I think if you're not sure how the other party would react, it's better to not do it. I know I would not want it to happen to me.
In this case he KNEW she didn't want it and did it anyway, and that made the whole thing so much worse and he kept digging by refusing to apologize. She dodged a bullet. It's just too bad she got the point of their wedding but I'm glad she left him. Kudos to her friends who supported her through it.
@@silververnallbells191stfu. Literally just shut up. Just because women didn't speak up about it in the past doesn't mean that it was enjoyed. Traditions don't matter, if your partner doesn't want you to do something and tells you that it will hurt them, why TF would you still do it??? Seriously just grow tf up you child
@@silververnallbells191 you need to understand that often times there are sticks in cake to balance them which can cause serious injuries... and BOUNDARIES are also important.. if someone doesn't wanna be smashed, you don't do it.. Nothing abt it is snowflake u fool
How is it not funny?
It’s a sign of whether or not you and your partner have a sense of humor and whether your marriage will last.
When my now husband and I were talking about getting engaged I explicitly said I did not want a public proposal. He asked what would happen if he did it anyway. I told him I would say no because I had expressed what I wanted and he would have gone against it. He took my words at face value and proposed privately. It was lovely. Then we had a similar conversation about the cake smashing. Again he respected my wishes. We are still happily married. It is not that hard to show respect to each other.
A gal from work got married(for 2 seconds). They talked about proposal,she did want her parents there. Proposal was beautiful,she beamed for 2 months. They talked about the cake and smashing. They had chose a coconut cake. No smash. They cut the cake,it was lemon. He went behind her back and changed it. Yes,he smashed the cake. She slipped on cake that had hit the floor. When she stood up with her back to him,she swung around and elbowed him in the face. He was rushed to the hospital. After he was gone,she announced the wedding is canceled. The party is still on. His family and friends had left with him. However,some of his coworkers hung around to find out what was going on. Later some of his family did call her apologized for his idiocy. His Dad was pissed at what he had pulled. Fortunately they hadn't registered with the state. Dad made him pay for the wedding and his medical.
I am 100% in agreement with you and the bride. If she let him get away with it , she would be dealing with his crap for the rest of her life.
Being alone isn't the worst thing honestly, being married to a human who doesn't respect or care about your feelings is
Being "alone" also doesn't mean being lonely, too many people believe not having a love or sexual relationship means you're alone as if people don't have friends, coworkers, acquaintances and family around them.
The bride here may not have much family anymore but she seems to have friends who care about her.
There's few things worse than being lonely in your family/relationship because the people who are supposed to love you make you feel even more alone than if they weren't in your life.
I've always thought this cake smashing thing is really unpleasant. Fair play to that woman who left not only the man-child but her abusive, horrible family. Her life will only improve dramatically.
I agree, it's not only unpleasant, it's assault. !
cake smashing = redneck humor
It is super disrespectful to begin with.
It is just straight up abusive when she tells him she doesn't like it and he still does it.
@@KiraFriede It shows exactly what she thinks of her. Zero respect and he resents her.
Cake smashing is a warning sign of narcissistic abuse. Pushing boundaries in public to see how far they can go and then the gas lighting with flying monkeys. He’ll get mad one day and hit you “on accident” and everyone would tell you he’s a good guy that made a mistake. Literally the play book. She ended up finding someone abusive.
Idk that I see all cake smashing as sign of narcissistic behavior. But in THIS case, absolutely! & in ANY case where they've TOLD them, whether it be only once or NUMEROUS times they you DON'T want ANY cake smashing, it's 🚩🚩🚩!!!
This comment was made out of stupidity... I guess all Latinos are psychotic according to this psychiatrist 😑
Very dramatic its not that deep.
@@jayt1n Dude, it’s classic boundary pushing. Boiling frog stuff.
to me the biggest red flag seems to be his need to win over a family he knows abused the person he supposedly loves. That sounds pretty psychotic, actually.
My mother made me promise both I and my now husband would not smear cake in each others faces at our wedding. I was already on board. I hate it. She asked for nothing but this and made my wedding exactly what I wanted. Love her so much!
I totally agree that cake smashing is ridiculous. I told my husband no cake smashing and surprise he listened. Everyone says it's the brides day yet everyone, especially the groom, disrespected the bride. Then tried to blame her for walking out after she specifically told to never do that to her or she would walk. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
He's lucky she didn't do the same thing as 13 year old me when my grandma slammed my face into my birthday cake. I calmly picked it up and slammed it so hard against her face I gave her a bloody nose. Cake was ruined, I was grounded, but no one ever tried it again. Good for her for leaving, he clearly didn't respect her or her boundaries.
Giving your grandma a bloody nose? I would’ve done the same thing, but not hit so hard to give somebody a bloody nose. Would if your grandma was killed in a coma b/c you hit her hard enough to break her nose and damage her brain? Sounds like you had anger issues as a kid. I hope you’ve learned to control your temper.
@@s.e.e455well grandma was fucking around and then found out
@@s.e.e455 13 yr old had a measured and appropriate response to an abusive bitch of a gran. !3 yr old did say "calmly picked it up" CALMLY. people with fragile noses should not put those noses in harms way
Dang, girl, that took a LOT of balls
The grandmother abused her. When you hit someone you've lost all right to consideration about how hard they will hit back.
Attacking someone activates the fight-or-flight. When a person is in fighter flight mode because they've been attacked, they are not able to have fine control of their reaction.
I knew a guy who did a lot of wedding photography This was in a fairly small town so things like divorces were printed in the local paper. He started to take note of divorces of people whom he had photographed. He pointed out that the single biggest link he had found about this that happen at a wedding and the eventual ending of the marriage was the cake and the aftermath. If the cake smash happens and the other is not in on it, they are done right there. It doesn't matter who did it. It shows a basic lack of respect. A marriage can survive just about anything except a lack of respect for your partner.
WOW. Incredible insight. Thank you for sharing
we need to get this information out there for everyone to know!
My husband acted like he wanted to, and I said DON'T YOU DARE, and he didn't. But why would you even want to?
Left him but not soon enough
Clever photographer !!
A marriage cannot survive just about anything. A lack of respect is expressed in so many ways. Just about anything is not accurate.
Witnessing massive personal growth here, what an intense story and I’m happy for her. I hope she holds steady through the transition as it’s not always going to be easy. Going through a massive personal paradigm shift is chaotic at times.
So glad she is getting that fiasco annulled! You go girl!
The way she stood up for herself and said everything right. Annulment is there least she could do and I'm glad she's out of it. Such toxic behaviour is kinda normalised with our generation and it's just awful.
The cake smashing was the nail on the coffin, she deliberately told him dont do that, gave him a warning so he didn’t listen. But yes I think she did take a lot of mental abuse beforehand and just hadn’t been too aware of it.
It was normal for the previous generations too. Or are you forgetting that less than 50 years ago women couldn't even get a bank account without a man's permission and beating your wife to "keep her in line" was seen as normal. The problem with abuse is that it is a cycle, and it keeps getting passed down from generation to generation. The thing about it seeming to be more prominent nowadays is because people feel more able to be open about their experiences and their lives, because previously people who did speak up were always shunned and or ridiculed, IF they were even believed. So it's not that it is more normalized now....people are just more aware. It's like ADD and Autism it's not that those things didn't exist before now, they just weren't recognized and acknowledged as something to be noticed, paid attention to, discussed, and needs start being addressed.
@@rra7490 Sounds like it.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings Bulls-eye. Thanks.
@@SoManyRandomRamblingsyour ”facts" are off 63 years ago, it was made LAW that women could open accounts on their own SOME banks would still require the signature of the husband if the woman was married, that was not to keep her in line it was to have both people on the account if they were married, it was not checked as often for the man, that's true. Just under 50 years ago even that was done away with. It was NEVER acceptable or expected for the husband to physically do anything to keep his wife in order. Not saying it never happened, saying it was NOT Accepted or Expected.
You are spreading lies, or at the very least you are telling half truths
This must have been incredibly painful for the wife/daughter. The family who scapegoated her during her childhood and after, literally ganged up with her new husband when she was not only most vulnerable but on the one day of her life she is supposed to be admired and respected. Man that was cold, icy cold. She did the right thing, walk away from them all and I'm sure it took every ounce of courage she could find within herself. Just wow. Wishing her a great future!
Painful, but fortunately not in the way where dowels got impaled into her face kinda painful... (as shared in some stories here... 🤦🏻♀️)
Yes I hope she stuck with keeping them out of her life, and gets some help in learning how to recognise abusive people, and to genuinely be committed to not having them in her life anymore.
Good for her. He was sending her a message and seeing if he could get away with it for later abuse. I’m proud of her and wish all women stood up to their boundaries.
I love how some men have the tendency to call women "emotional" when they put up boundaries...
In a very little while, she's gonna be sooooo glad she got out when she did. When your parent grooms you into accepting being abused like that, it can be really hard to face ( it took me long enough), so every time I hear somebody's broken through it a bit sooner, i give a little cheer. You go girl, and you've got this. ✊️
My mother was a divorced woman before it was so common. She was treated horribly by people. She should have been honored for trying to raise three kids by herself.
I love it when women refuse to be mistreated. That groom was a jerk. I'm happy she finally saw it.
Exactly ❤️
Plus, it ties with your toxic family too!
She found out later that he cheated on her. She's going to be so glad
That mother who called her daughter a brat for literally injuring her is on another level of awful. Shame on them. She was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT NOT the asshole for being upset about both times. Poor thing. And then ALL the abuse that followed from her own family and him is ridiculous. God I feel so bad for her. She dodged a freakin MISSILE. So glad she’s seeing that she has worth and deserves better.
not only did she dodge a bullet, she dodged a nuclear bomb
I was also raised in an toxic home. I tried to break with them many times and finally managed it completely almost 20 yrs ago. Wish I would have done it in my 20's instead of my 50's. Don't ever stay just because they're "family". Create the family you want, not the family you got stuck in.
The mom that called her daughter a brat is victim shaming.
She's a nasty creature. Who takes delight in publicly humiliating their children? Who punishes someone for feeling that humiliation?
Yeah, I wondered if her mom was Ruby Franke.
that would be more like gashlighting since THE MOM is the one who made the bride cry on her birthday, and then calls her a brat for it. It's not victim shaming but is very toxic and manipulative
A bit more than victim shaming. She's actually the original monster of her life story. I hope she shuts them all out of her life for good.
Guarantee the mom is a doormat.
If he loves the cake smashing part of weddings, why doesn't he be the one to get cake in the face? Oh, did he not like that idea or want to be the butt of the joke? Did he not want to be sticky and grose for the rest of the day? No, he wanted to mess with his new wife and expected the social pressure to force her to be gracious about it. In all other contexts shoving food/goo or anything else into someone's face is extremely disrespectful and rude. Why the f is it okay on someone's wedding or birthday?! He wrecked her experience of their wedding QED he ruined HER weding day, not his.
It's all about control. Sounds like a narcissist.
It’s heartbreaking that even after being publicly humiliated at her wedding in a way that was clearly traumatic for her, the brides family (especially her mother) didn’t have her back and were instead mad and disappointed at her for walking away from her groom, even if he was more than happy to openly disrespect her and her boundaries. I’m glad she got herself out of that toxic situation and has solid friends who support and care for her. I wish her all the best for the future❤
This bride is also my hero.....I had a very similar family that thought embarrassing and crude jokes were funny, but they didn't care how I felt. I moved 1000 miles away from my toxic family (except my brother) and I have a great life without them, and it pisses them off because other family members have told me that.
The cake-smash-face thing is so JUVENILE. Luckily, my husband felt the same way about it I did. Weddings are joyous, sacred occasions...not a Three Stooges movie.
Agree, it is! it needs to go away....
Three Stooges movie.... top comment!
@@tomhaskett5161l thought so too! 👍
Exactly. I can see some humor at a wedding, but not something tacky like throwing food on someone. To have a party ruined is one thing - you can always have another dinner party and there will always be another birthday next year. But a wedding is supposed to be a once in a lifetime event. And since she told him in advance that she didn't want cake-smashing, what he did was essentially say "too bad, you're getting it whether you like it or not." Why was it so important to him to do the cake-smashing? Unless he was trying to change her into someone who conditioned herself to accept being a victim.
@@maryk446 - I don’t think it was the cake smashing that was as important to him as humiliating his wife. I think humiliating her is what brought him amusement and happiness. I suspect he watches those videos because he likes to see people embarrassed and humiliated. I’m so glad that she walked away from him. He also was trying to get in with her family who he knew constantly humiliated her growing up. Wasn’t looking for a wife or a life partner as much as he was someone to control and humiliate for his own amusement.
This may not be everyone's interpretation of the whole "feeding each other cake at the wedding" tradition, but I was taught that it was representative of how you intend to nourish and care for your partner throughout your marriage. Symbolic of "feeding" your partner. This whole cake smashing thing seems (to me) pretty indicative of why more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Too many selfish people, not enough people willing to actually nourish and feed in a loving, trusting manner. You are spot on with your assessment.
Thanks for the explenation what weadding cake feeding means. One nice tradition was destroyed by sefish people.
Now it turns into "I will humiliate you in private and in public, to show the power."
This woman stend out!
Exactly 💯👏✅🙌
❤ that was beautiful
To me, smashing the wedding cake in the other face, seems to indicate that the wedding was *only about* that person smashing the cake *wanting to smash the cake*... aka, the wedding was just for show... in rare instances, it possibly could be two playful spouses, but I think that is the exception.
Good for her, she had the strength to say enough. Abused people are used to abuse. At least this lady is breaking the cycle of accepting bad treatment.
That WAS the best day of her life - she woke up and carried through something very difficult to do - leave an AH. Then make sure she didn't get more abuse from her AH mother and family.
Someone who ignores you when you say "No" is a danger to you. Husband, family member, etc. They have no respect for you, and people who don't respect you have no problem with hurting you.
Very true.
Reminds me a bit of my first marriage where I specifically told my family that I did not want my car decorated with the "just married" paraphernalia because I'm a bit OCD about having a clean car, and because people in our area had been targeting newlyweds' cars for theft and vandalism. I arranged with my sister in law to hide my car so no one would decorate it...well she decorated it. Not only did she decorate the outside with shaving cream (which ruined my paint job) but she also sprayed the INSIDE with 5 cans of silly string! And to top it all off, when my (now ex) husband and I took the car through a car wash on our way to the hotel, discovered that they (actually my older brother) had slightly opened the sun roof so when the car wash started, ex and I got absolutely soaked and first degree burns from the hot water.
It also melted some of the silly string and I was never able to get it all clean.
There were pictures taken of me as they pulled up in my car with big grins, and I'm obviously just... incandescent with rage.
I barely remember anything from the moment my car pulled up to the moment I had scalding water pouring on my head at the car wash.
It took me weeks to get all the silly string that would come off out of my car. I had to scrub the seats and windows, and I don't know how many times I borrowed my Pop's shopvak to vacuum the floors and trunk...
Disrespecting someone's very clearly defined boundaries is NOT a joke.
End of discussion.
That was a really horrible thing for your sister to do. She clearly wasn’t interested in making sure you had a wonderful day full of happy memories. Shame on her.
@@verenamaharajah6082 Thanks for the support! There were other things she's done to me over the years since then that I only put up with because she was family, but eventually she did some things that even I couldn't get over and we've been close to no contact since. I still text with her occasionally since she's in the family group chat, but other than that, it's gonna be a no from me.
@@willowgiese6939 Sadly, sometimes it’s best that way.
I would have pressed charges at this point.
Oh my gosh. Sorry you went through this.
SMART bride! I cut ties with my abusive family, totally and have been living my BEST life! Thank you Charlotte! I LOVE you!
30 years later, I still haven't forgiven my husband for smashing the cake in my face. Before the wedding I told him not to do it. His excuse? He said, " I wanted to get you before you got me."
Has he been a guy that gaslights or even having tendencies to do similar things, like ignoring other boundaries?
@@user-lu9iz9lo8t I'm wondering the same thing.
You don’t sound happy.
When anyone says "it's just a joke" or anything like that about anything, I automatically think "that's the bully. I don't want anything to do with them cuz they don't have empathy"
"Can't you take a joke?" Was said me. "Nope!" was my reply. Funny, it didn't happen again :)
Not a joke. An agression. Calling it a joke: double agression.
@@susanapol382 Gaslight and refuse to sincerely apologize triple and quadruple aggression!
Why do people laugh at someone else’s public humiliation-Especially by someone who ifs supposed to give a damn about you? I’ve never understood it. Don’t they think for a Second how they would feel if same was done to them? Are most people assholes, because I Know I am not humorless.
The cake smash bride absolutely did the right thing by leaving. Toxic emotional abuse from her family and new husband was totally unacceptable. Why do families do this?
To abuse like that, and think it's normal behavior, really has me stumped.
Exactly, it's a stupid and dangerous prank, and I hate pranks so I would have done the same. It's not a joke if the person involved isn't laughing.
Because they’re toxic!
And how is it that he's so close to her family when SHE doesn't even have a good relationship with them? It's probably because they're the same kind of people
I'm so glad that this bride loved herself enough to walk away.
Honestly, huge freaking kudos to the bride and how well she managed that by giving herself the respect she deserves. I really wish the best for her.
In the first story, she has real childhood trauma, and her family are disgusting. She then found out the man she married didn't care and was just as pathetic as her family. That was disgusting and I'm so glad she ran. Igniting your trauma on the biggest stage and calling you childish is why you start over and leave them all in the past like the mistake they are.
And now that she’s dealt with it she has evolved past the trauma and more of these folks shouldn’t show up in her life in the future.
I love how he was willing to ruin a cake, a dress, hair and makeup and cross his partner's boundaries for a "joke" PUBLICALLY, yet she's the one being emotional and childish. Men get away with so much smh 🤦🏻♀️
Lol stop it...with the "Men get away with so much" nonsense.
@@mr.fettesq.7705 Why, they even get away with rape most of the time. Truth hurts?
@@mr.fettesq.7705”nOt AlL MEn”
Don’t take away their excuses for why they are bad people.
@@lieutenantgothmog4370 how did I do that? Genuinely asking, not trying to start a fight or anything
10:46 This does happen to women who have been abused. We’re conditioned to think that we can’t do better or don’t deserve better.
Its not a 'waste' when a relationship ends, especially a toxic one. All pain and suffering teaches us something. Sometimes we have to stay in a toxic relationship to finally understand the necessity of cutting people out that are no good. You can't rush the process unfortunately
Regarding the cake: Acts that people think are a "joke" but are actually aggressive and is even an assault along with a complete disrespect toward the person (humiliating them) gives to mind that there is a high possibility if they give an inch the husband and family will take a mile to do things that make you uncomfortable or go against who you are any chance they can. You don't need folks like this, even family, when this happens. Glad she got away!
I do agree with this, but like with my wedding we both agreed to a cake fight. So there are some that do have fun with it but if someone sets a clear boundary respect that. No it's a full sentence
@heatherboz good on you for being ok with the cake fight and discussing it beforehand. Good clean fun if you both enjoyed it!😅❤
I wish I could tell that lady that she didn't waste 3 years of her life. She spent 3 years learning how to be a strong woman and being a role model for abused women everywhere to find the courage and wisdom to leave unhealthy relationships. I'm sorry she went through this, but I'm glad she's sharing her story because there are so many women who need to realize they've been groomed to be abused, but they can't see it and they don't recognize the gaslighting.
I'd also like to say a big Thank You to this woman's friend for having her back through everything. Never let that friend go. She is your true sister.
I needed to hear this. I thought I wasted 20 years of my life. But you are right, the day l walked away was the day l began healing and beginning to understand the subtle (and not so subtle) ways in which my feelings were constantly dismissed. It's been difficult for me. Thank you for validating our experiences. We can learn and we can overcome. ❤
I agree and disagree. Yes, she learned a lot from this relationship and can help other young women see what a bad relationship looks like, but she did waste some time with him. It would’ve been better if she recognized his mistreatment from the beginning, so she didn’t have to be abused for 3 years.
I’m not saying this to tear her down, I hope she will find a loving partner and more friends someday, but this scenario isn’t ideal or wanted. She saw what a bad relationship is, and she didn’t waste time in that regard, but let’s not dismiss how she felt about the situation. We really need to teach women what it means to be loved and respected in a healthy relationship, so we don’t continue to have these things happen. It occurs way too much.
🙄🤐🤷🏼♂️
@@s.e.e455She did great. Some of us take much longer than 3 years to stand up for ourselves and leave. I wish I'd only wasted 3 years.
Charlotte, I absolutely adore you ♥ This bride , in spite of the trauma she endured, has a solid core and is intelligent . She has emotional intelligence, enough to know that her boundaries need to be respected and that her soon to be ex husband is an abusive narc just like her mom. Good for her for standing up for herself, and work on her healing so she can find the man she deserves ! It is also ok to walk away from an abusive family, they don;t get to own you if they don't learn to treat you with the most basic decency and respect. Sending her my warmest wishes for a happy life full of love, as she deserves ♥
This was not embarrassing, it was Abuse. What a strong woman to leave this mess behind. Sure hope she finds someone worthy
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~ Maya Angelou
I’m so proud of OP. She has set a standard for all women. Her new husband violated a clear boundary and publicly humiliated her and she refused to take it. It took courage to walk away. The pressure she faced to remain at the wedding and to stay in that marriage was tremendous. Yet she stood her ground and showed herself the respect she deserved. I’m so glad OP has a good friend to support her as she finds her footing again. I wish her a bright and beautiful future.
PS That moment when she walked out of the wedding and called herself an Uber was cinematic. It ought to be in a movie someday.
That is it, it was a clear boundary which he clearly thought he could ignore. He thought more of himself and currying favour with the family, than he did of her feelings.
Had she stayed with him, it would not be the only time he behaved like that, she had an example of what her future would have been like.
I'm really glad she was able to recognize the final straw, but there is no 'standard' that victims should be held to. What if there's an identical woman who never saw the cake-smashing/gaslighting for the red flag it was or brushed it off like the other things she mentioned? Would it be her fault for not meeting that standard?
No, obviously.
@@grahvisI had a brief image of her lovely family and her loving husband all ganging up on her to see her cry at cruel Christmas presents. Threatening her pets and following through on those threats. Sneering at her. Laughing at her. Taking out bad days at the office on her. Him getting them involved in throwing plates of food at her during family meals when, once again, her loving husband doesn’t want to eat his veggies. So funny! Such fun! *shudder* Enough. Enough, now.
@@grahvis it seems pretty psychotic to me that he wanted to curry favor with a family he knew abused her.
@@kiwisocks There’s more than one meaning for the word “standard”. Look it up. When I used the word “standard”, I meant it in the sense of a flag set upon a hill, a beacon to inspire courage. OP’s story is one of courage and empowerment. It’s something for women to hold in their minds if they find themselves facing similar circumstances.
I know from lived experience that individual context and circumstances are everything in abuse case. No one has the right to judge any victim of DV and how they respond to abuse. I grew up within the context of DV in an age where there was no social media, no women’s shelters, and no one talked about DV; it was considered a private family matter. Police often didn’t intervene and when they did it was up to the victim to press charges. Victims were silenced and shamed. They did not have stories like OP’s to inspire courage and offer a sense of solidarity.
I hope that clarifies my meaning for you.
On my 18th birthday I was at a bar with my "best friend" and the guy I had a huge crush on. He was a little older and was showing some interest in me and of course I was delighted. He asked me to dance and while I was dancing with him someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and my bestie slammed a pie into my face. I was shocked and mortified.
I left the bar and walked all the way home.
I never saw either of these two people again. That was 40 years ago.
On Your 18th Birthday?
even if that was 40, or a 100 years ago, with an excuse that it was “different times”, No.
that is horrible,
and on a Birthday? to the Birthday Girl? and that was from the Best Friend?
this is Not a birthday prank, this is a beginning of a Villain Story
@@dangeldoll Weird, I just recalled clearly for the first time that she actually said "Happy Birthday" as she slammed the pie into my face. Lol, I had actually blocked that information out entirely. I had PieTSD.😂
@@TheGoogillyI am so sorry that happened to you. Jealous “friend” for sure..
AITA-NO! I'd leave him and take him to court to bill him for the wedding and damages.
I once red another story where the husband also smashed the bride's face into the cake and she ended up leaving him.
The difference was the groom's brother who went absolutely ballistic on his brother and then advised her to dump him, because she could do so much better.
Been married 14 years and at my wedding, I gave a grin like I was going to push the cake in my husband's face. Then I paused and thought about what that would be like for me. So I gently placed the cake in his mouth and he did the same. To this day, I'm STILL ashamed at my immaturity and that I even had a thought like that. My family has done the cake smashing at weddings and it never sat right with me. I'm glad I stopped in that moment to empathize.
Don't be ashamed of yourself for contemplating it, be PROUD of yourself for making the mature decision. That takes strength!
You fought an intrusive thought and WON!
We are not what we think we may do, we are what we do. You fought the temptation and won and that’s all that matters.
That's all it really takes to be a good partner!!!
Just stop in the moment and empathize ❤
@@dracofirexthat part!!!
Having never been a guest at a wedding where cake smashing took place, I was shocked when I finally witnessed it firsthand at a wedding several years ago. I found it to be disrespectful and TACKY, and it made me question the relationship between the couple.
I agree. If you can't even trust your partner to feed you one bite of cake, how could you trust your partner to be there for you in sickness and health.
I heard that wedding photographers say that a huge sign the marriage wont last is if cake smashing happens on the wedding day.
I’ve only seen the cake smash work when it was a secondary reception when the bride and groom caked their best man and maid of honor who were a couple that then kissed and smeared more cake having a good time. They were cheered.
@@klm_shadow no one should cake smash anyone. Where are ppls morals today. Obviously if i heard or witnessed this, i would cut ties with ppl with this kind of toxic behaviour.
It just shows they have no moral standards, they are not the sort of ppl you could keep close or trust, their behaviour speaks volumes, selfish ppl, ppl seeking dominance over others, ppl who enjoy mocking and belittling others, etc, just toxic, whats worse is they could do these type of acts on their wedding night, a day that should be kept sacred, special and respectful, i cant imagine what else these ppl are capable of doing on a typical day.
It's an awful thing to do.. equally, doing this to children when they are celebrating birthdays and blowing their candles out, to get their faces pushed into their cake....it's disrespectful and humiliating for them. Same with the egg breaking tik tok stuff parents are doing, horrible behaviour.
My husband respected my desire to not ruin my makeup and potentially my dress (frosting was dark blue, would have stained horribly) so we just ended up tapping each other's noses with a small bit during the feeding, easy enough to wipe off and touch up. We had an amazing wedding and we're still together 13 years later. This man disrespected her so badly then doubled down, she dodged not just a bullet but a nuke, this marriage would have turned some form of abusive, I'm glad she got out.
Neither my husband or I are down with the cake smashing. People kept asking about it before our wedding and every single time he said the same thing. “ I love her. I respect her. Why on earth would I want to disrespect her by smashing cake in her face? That’s not a good way to start a marriage”