Victoria 3: The King of Texas
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- čas přidán 24. 10. 2022
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In an alternate reality, King Sam Houston led Texas to conquer all the lands of the United States! Thanks to Paradox for sponsoring this video.
Starring Matt Locke as King Sam Houston
and Kyle as President James K. Polk
with additional narration by Ethan
Download "Living Forever" by JP De Ovando:
www.newgrounds.com/audio/list...
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Let's hear your best anachronistic world history moments from Victoria 2 or 3! Also here's that link again - play.victoria3game.com/DoorMonster
Can I play as a Native Indian Empire yet and enslave Texas, America and the world yet?
You guys got bots in the comments
Formed the kingdom of California in the Vic2, and made an empire of the west coast. Conquering large swathes of China in expeditions to make the Megafornia of my dreams
@@spritemon98 i've been going around their comments sections and reporting like 30 each time in hope the algorithm will pick the pattern up and make it automatic
@@noamazia I highly doubt they'll make it automatic
Fun Fact: The Kingdom of Texas is almost as big as Texas
Calling it early, this is the best comment
Texas can fit almost two Kingdoms of Texases in it.
3:42 It's as big as USA *minus* Texas. Kind of like how Roman empire (with capital in Nova Roma or Constantinople) didn't have control over Roma for a good part of their history
@@iwatchwithnoads7480 Yeah, if it doesn't INCLUDE Texas, then it can easily fit IN Texas. It's just basic math
Clearly, the Duchy of Alaska being two and a half times as big must make Texas just feel small.
I didn’t think Victoria 3 was the game name at first, so I was like “Wait which Queen is Victoria the 3rd and why is she the King of Texas?!?”
Honestly, that'd probably be a pretty normal occurrence in these types of games
Victoria III can be Kaiserin of a new Holy Roman Empire, in hoi4, so yeah I wouldn't be too surprised
Lol
Welcome to the place that exists out from under the rock lol
🤦♂
I love how Paradox games give people the excuse to just rip apart their history books sometimes 😅
There is a special pleasure I got in my last CK3 playthrough in conquering most of the known world, converting them to Hellenism (Greek Mythology), making them unsexist, and converting all the kingdoms into republics.
@@tyrant-den884 You think that’s crazy? Try conquering Europe as a Native American tribe in EU4. It’s possible, and people have done it.
GLORY TO THE RYUKYU HEGEMONY
@@caltheuntitled8021 yeah but, figuring out EU4 is just not worth the effort for me right now.
I believe you need to be a student of history to truly appreciate some of the “alternate history” we get in these and squire skits.
"Bless your heart...and yeehaw." That could practically be the state motto 🤣
Thats how I intend to end everything I write. Bless your heart and yeehaw.
Bless your heart is what you say to someone who's an idiot. Source: Texan.
@@ornu01 yes I know (source: also Texan) that's why I know it fits Texans so well 😂
It's not?
@@WanderingWhigmaleerie Well greetings and well met my brother! Where I live I'd much rather the motto be 'Get back on your sinking ship, California'. But, your's is good, too.
"Bless your heart, and yee-haw."
- Never have more horrifying and horrendously callous and cruel words been uttered in human history.
Well bless your heart, why don't you try that and find out sugar.
If you don't know that "pops" is the term for population in V3, then it really does sound like King Sam is talking about his father, and laughing that James Polk's father(s) are dead.
lmfao
LMAO
I loved the part where he said it’s yehaw time and yehawed all the way to Washington truly breathtaking
Truly one of the moments of the video
1:03 You know someone from Texas wrote the script when "Bless your Heart" is used *this* passive-aggressively
Door Monster is Austin Based and all Austin Locals
Bless your heart, but it's actually a generically southern thing.
In Vicky 2 I built the Empire of Ireland. The sad part is, I have NO idea how I did it and even managed to get huge tracts in Africa to be considered Irish Ancestral territory
Take THAT, Hoteps
name checks out
Paradox games tends to do that
@@Mnnvint Mobutu was actually Irish the whole time!
There's a bug in victoria 2 with pops where you can cheese the cultures of various provinces. I don't know the exact specifics but I do know it's a thing.
"Get schooled. By which I mean, build more universities. You uncultured swine."
Door Monster, you guys are the best
This has got to be the funniest sketch all year. Instant classic.
fr, got I love when door monster does paradox game scetches
It’s not an official Paradox game until Door Monster makes a parody of it
I can only assume Kyle has been busy actually setting himself up as the new king of Texas but whatever is going on I hope y’all are doing ok and we hear from you again soon
According to someone on their subreddit, Kyle's going through personal issues - they didn't elaborate - but they do plan on returning to the channel once they're ready and have an actual video ready.
@@xxxdumbwordstupidnumberxxx4844 hey if you're in the know, what's going on with the guards themselves 2? It was fully funded, yet it's been 3 years.
@@leonemaledetto1500 I'm not in the know, this was one of the first posts I found on the subreddit. I have no clue about the guards themselves 2.
@@xxxdumbwordstupidnumberxxx4844 thanks for replying anyway, gods bless you
2:51 *I adore the chicken scratch letters you wrote for this!*
So many old documents are illegible, not through the wear and tear of time but just through the trash handwriting!
They were just writing their name in course over and over.... Quite hilarious because hardly anyone is taught how to read cursive anymore.
@@madisonhasson8981 I write cursive myself. Hilariously, you can either write cursive fast or quality, defeating the whole point of cursive!
The key is to make all the swirly shaped as vertical as possible! Actually, fun fact, the first bit from Sam Houston is from an actual letter to James Polk we found online.
Seconding this. It is an incredible pain to read old census records, and OCR hasn't caught up with Ye Olde Cursive.
Take that all the people that said my writing was illegible!
It's really weird how we all write cursive here and I can't understand anyone's writing.
I'll stick to changing the way I build sentences, that way no one will understand what I say even on keyboard lettering.
Texas: Conquers California
Californians: "Well, it saves us the trouble of moving here."
That's a fantastic president Polk costume!
Thank you! :D
It's technically not tyranny if you're Texas.
I just love how the narrations seem so serene despite all the crazy shit their writing about. Lol
all civil war letters are like that, it's wild
there's a letter from an aggressively racist northern soldier, to his equally aggressively racist northern family, talking about how no, really, he wasn't joking in his last letter, for all that he still thinks abolitionists are "greivously misguided and indeed wrong-headed souls" "the only path towards the success of our armies and indeed our nation is in granting freedom to the negroes"
(northern generals were told 'you have to give slaves back to southerners or else they'll get mad.' northern soldiers were very quick to realize wait, this was the stupidest goddamned thing imaginable, because if you give them back to the south they're just going to use them to build more forts to snipe at us from. the first northern general to liberate slaves did so against orders, and mostly just because he was a petty asshole. he was very pleasantly surprised to discover his men loved him for it. and also Lincoln loved him for it. and so he decided "welp guess this is my brand now, let's fucking go")
I'm sad that Sam Houston never referred to himself as the Cowboy King, but oh well, it was still very funny
"The King of Texas" is such an evocative title. It's a name you would see on a best-selling novel or on oscar winning film. This video deserves a webby for the name alone, let alone the excellent writing, acting, story, and editing!
Currently imagining some political drama about a popular governor in history and his various scandals and eventual downfall
The King of Texas
a satyrical novel about a time travel stuck in the 1800s with his best friend an AI disguised as a demon possessed 6 shooter.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_Texas
@@Darthquackius en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_Texas
@@josiahzabel8596 that's amazing. I'm gonna watch it!
Here, Sam Houston, you dropped this:
👑
Literally
Door Monster keeps providing the hits. Paradox and Door Monster - two great tastes that taste great together.
Door monster providing hits while paradox fails to even show up
...Trials in- you know what, I'm not gonna bother and switch to "I understood that reference."
Boat Deseret looks forward to making an alliance.
*please do not invade us*
Edit: they invaded us
Yee-haw!
boat mormons update?
"I beg make hasten your reply because this is kinda sus tbh"
Gold
Game launches, people play it, I ignore it.
Game launches, Door Monster makes a funny skit, I buy it.
Y'all need to simmer down with them nat 20 charisma rolls.
Kyle actually looks pretty awesome as a posh businessman president. Also, Paradox games are a lot of fun, but I find it doubly great that they support these outrageous skits as advertisement 😊Good show all around!
Hey where you guys at? We miss you!
I know how great actors you are.
So, the fact that you chose to be B-tier actors to reflect the documentary spoof you're making is GOLDEN!
"Sam, That's Hilarious."
Door Monster, That's Hilarious.
With tears of laughter, Edward.
We all miss you guys!
"Who on earth is establishing a monarchy right now?"
Hearts of Iron 4 players: First Time?
What if we overthrow Hitler, accidentally the royal family, and make the princess into the empress?
“Forever Emotin’ on your ass” is my new favorite way to end a letter.
strange for them to leave like this for so long without having announced anything about taking a break prior
I wonder where they went
As a Texan who moved to Georgia for work, its good to see that Texas came to me. I'm back in Texas now y'all!
"Ya'll hail Sam Houston, King of Texas!"
I like that when you stick the y'all on there, it changes from a statement (i.e.- everybody hails such and such) to a DEMAND.
I love how JP is still improving the Living forever tune. Hearing it always makes my heart fuzzy.
......This is, by far, the best advertisement the game could ever have had....
I hope everything is allright with you guys.
Brilliantly concise and to the point retelling of The King of Texas. Can't believe they've stopped teaching it in schools. quite odd ey?
As is our Texan birthright
As a born and raised Texan. This is God tier chaddery.
where u go :`(
This gave me some serious deja vu of Civ 5: The Great War.
I watched spiffing brits video yesterday and I just couldn't stop thinking about how you had United States of America, Canada, Mexico, then Texas as its own thing.
Yeah, it was an independent country for the briefest of moments in real life, as you will be reminded repeatedly if you grow up in Texas.
we wait, we rest, for the return of the great
door monster
"After claiming lands from the US and Mexico, the kingdom of Texas stretch across all of North America"
Canada: "I'm a joke to you"
It's not that Canada is a joke, but if Texas took over Canada we'd have no hat. That's why the U.S.A, Canada, and Mexico are such good friends. The Hat, always there to help out. The face, friendly to those it likes and scary to those it hates. And the beard, sure it's a little scruffy on the inside, but from an outside perspective it looks pretty cool.
@@spiffygonzales5899 and can any Texan truly be “Texan” without a giant hat?
@@falcore91
Sure he can. As long as he has a giant gun
Polk wasn't a Southerner. Otherwise he'd known it was serious the moment sam cussed him out in that second letter with "Bless your heart".
Man, Kyle looks really good with that facial hair
Ending killed me lol, God bless the mormon kingdom of Texas
"Bless your heart, and Yeehaw" I swear I'm going to find an opportunity to use this in normal conversation.
Now I need to see someone play one of those mega-campaigns (CK3 to EU4 to Vic3 to HOI4 to Stellaris), but the entire thing is focused on Texas. CK3 is about a family of nobles with a strange twang in their accent leading a cult searching for the "promised land in the west," then EU4 follows them colonizing Texas, which eventually breaks free, then Vic3 follows this breakaway Texas conquering a good chunk of the globe and establishing the Empire of Texas, followed by HOI4 as the Texans complete their world domination, and finally Stellaris, as the Great Yeehawdian Empire turns thousands of stars into one glorious Lone Star State. The only thing that's bigger than Texas, is a bigger Texas.
Hey so what happened? No more videos?
Hope you all are well. Good luck with whatever's going on. I appreciate your videos! You were always great!
I really do love the detail of using the revolver instead of your finger to help read that one letter xD
"No hard feelings Jimbo, just business."
King Houston still looks the same after becoming King xD
Nice to see a Vicky 3 sketch.
I miss you Door Monster. When is your next video?
My headcanon is that they are now working on TGT2 and needed the time.
I know it's not likely, but I want to belive.
Rip door monster, you guys were fun! Good luck in the future endeavours
Wait what happened?
History could have legitimately turned out this way and you can't convince me otherwise.
Long live King Sam!
I've missed seeing y'all post. I hope you're doing well.
Well. Apart from this starting with the map of Texas mexico endorsed rather than the one we were all shown in Texas history class this video is top drawer.
I heard somewhere that YT basically kills a channel's exposure if it's been inactive for way too long, meaning its videos won't be recommended to non-subscribers as much as when it was still active.
How would DM recover from nearly a semester of inactivity?
this is now my favorite door monster vid
Where did y'all go? Complete radio silence except for a paywalled status update? That's downright hurtful
I saw it 3 times already, and it keeps getting funnier. I love how seriously they read the letters while saying stuff a gamer would say.
This has to be one of your funniest videos to date. I laughed the whole way through.
It appears Venice finally learned how true power is gained. YEHAW
I have been a fan of this channel for 5 years.
In that time I have never been notified of a video, I have been unsubscribed twice and I have experienced months at a time without one of your videos appearing on my subscription feed.
I legitimately believe your channel has been dealing with crushing algorithms and shadow bans. For what I can’t possibly say.
I would highly suggest this be looked into.
You should have well over a million subscribers.
I do not have this issue with Squire who essentially makes similar content.
I made a comment similar to this 2 years ago and it was deleted.
i like to think this was an actual game between them, and this is what happened with the actors being the players that played the corresponding characters
So I’m adding “help forge the Kingdom of Texas and Dynasty of Door Monster” to my list of options in case this whole USA thing ever completely craps out.
I gotta admit, Kyle looks surprisingly good in the Polk outfits.
The thought of two players doing this via discord (because Victoria 3 has no in game chat) is pretty funny ngl
HOW IS THIS SO GOOD
That outro is getting very classy
haha the Pro editing, with the narration and text on the side and dramatic shots
Oh man, I hate that Door Monster hasn't updated in 2 months, because this really left me hyped for more videos lmao
This is an amazing video, easily the best of your recent videos!
In the end, only Texas remained truely free.
I needed this humor in my life. Thank you Door Monster!
That was nice of the Sam Houston to give Texas to the US
FINALLY a video on Texas in Victoria 3.
Reminds me of hoi4 kaiserredux where you can make hp lovecraft the leader of new england and make a cthulu cult state after making lovecraft go batsh*t insane.
“Turns out, rich people are the only ones you need to please”
That’s exactly what the gov of usa thinks! Same with China and Russia too! And anyone who disagrees goes to re-education camp. Oh sorry, i mean school
Ehhh... They aren't entirely wrong, especially back then. A dictator fully backed by a functional military can hold on to power quite securely. Where revolutions succeed, it's usually the result of mass desertions or an outright coup.
This is awesome! Great job on the game chat letters.
random alternative universes getting their history ripped apart by random paradox players is in theory a real possibility if you belive in the multiple big bangs theory
As a Texan, I _should_ be appalled... but I also have to admit, if any man could ever successfully claim the throne of Texas (the _biggest_ throne of _any_ monarchy in North America!) by divine right, it would be Sam Houston.
ONWARD, Y'ALL! FOR THE EMPIRE!
sam houston's life story is so amazing mostly because he spends most of it desperately trying to get Texans to not shoot themselves square in the dick and balls and, on the strength of occasionally succeeding, they put him in charge
he tells the people headed to the Alamo "you stupid assholes that place is a fucking deathtrap, you are just going to get yourselves killed" and then spends the day after the news reaches him telling everyone "WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL THEM"
Long live the king, yeehaw!!!
Oh my god please let the algorithm show this video. It was so hilarious.
This narration is great!
This video is absolutely goddamn brilliant.
God bless and yeehaw
Y’all seem to nail the paradox vids.
Love these videos! Hope you post again soon!
BBC funeral commentators ".... Now entering St George's Chapel is the Crown Prince of Denmark, dressed in full military uniform. Followed by the King of Texas, who let's out the traditional 'yee-haw' before shooting several rounds off into the ceiling. Touching stuff from the young monarch there"
That ending piano song is beautiful
This is golden lol way better than I expected it.