The Reason You Feel Lonely
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2022
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Friends make life good. They provide the scaffolding that makes it not just bearable but fun. They give us a sense of meaning and purpose and are a source of security, self esteem and happiness. Almost nothing predicts how happy you will be as how connected you feel and a lack of social connection is associated with a number of diseases and a shorter life.
But maybe you have scrolled through your phone, unsure who to call to go to a movie with, to celebrate with or ask for comfort. You may realize that you don’t have enough friends and feel lonely. And it is not just you. Disconnectedness and loneliness are widespread.
Many people want more close friends but don’t know how to get them.
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hmm
Bruh
How did you know I was lonely
Wassup
🦆
This was literally posted mere moments after I sent a text to somebody about how lonely I’ve been feeling so I am now fully convinced kurzgesagt is in my walls
I also reached out to my old friend. I'm also open.
omg literally same here
They posted this video on their German channel quite a while ago, so maybe they’re more like prophets for you
At least you have someone to text lol
I was just wondering how I ended up with only one friend and our work shifts never match. Was thinking of buying degu, I hear they are great pets. Kurzgesagt definitely reads minds.
A wise man once said:
"It's ok to be alone, but not ok to be lonely"
Very true
Ask a master Buddha monk. They go to meditate and die alone while still meditated.
An even wiser man once said
"Its dangerous to go alone take this"
@@mentalbreakgaming3102 now he was a truly wise man :)
Absolute facts
Loneliness is a pain that’s unexplainable and hard to talk to with people and the worst part is that it gives you too much time with your own thoughts and the negative thoughts always seem to win
You need to learn how to create boundaries with your negative feelings
@@jenkathefridge3933 I’ll definitely take that into consideration 👍
Thanks Lord for your peace
Thanks Lord for your salvation
You explained my whole existence
@@jenkathefridge3933 That and workout those positive thoughts like you do muscles. Sometimes it feels "stupid" to challenge negative thoughts and affirm yourself, but that's because you probably haven't been doing it as much, or at all. Keep at it, and you'll grow the connections between your neurons eventually until positivity becomes almost automatic. Like going to the gym the first time, you're going to be weak and uncoordinated because those muscles are weak and the neuronal connections telling them how to move haven't been stimulated in that way before. Patience, discipline, and time will lead to a stronger body in many ways.
I am an introvert and have social anxiety. I don't have friends and life is so hard when you don't have anyone to talk to about how you feel or how they feel or share things that you both like, it's so hard to stay alive without friends. I wish I had friends.
I relate to that but I think if you keep telling yourself you're an introvert with social anxiety it can keep you stuck and not trying to overcome it to make friends so maybe try describing yourself in a more positive light ie 'I'm a librarian who loves plants and hiking in nature' or whatever your hobbies and interests are. I had cbt for social anxiety which helped a lot so its not something that is destined to be permanently debilitating. Lots of introverts are valued as friends because we tend to be more calm, quiet, thoughtful, wise, intelligent, caring and fun once people get to know us. I know I value introvert friends just as much as extrovert friends in fact I prefer them as I can relate to them more and we enjoy similar activities.
I relate to your comment so deeply, I'm an introvert too with social anxiety and I feel your pain, I'd also like to let you know I'm your friend now lol :)
same here all the best of luck bro❤
where do you live, buddy? In case you live in Múnich, lets get in contact and be friends. If not, no problem and keep up, you will find your friend soon!
Interesting thing is that in telling yourself this,, you end up reaching out less, which just looks like disinterest to other people.
One of the worst things you can experience is when someone just loses interest in you for no reason.
I can feel this
Maybe they just didn't like you in the first place
I feel this
@@Splendisimo It's definitely possible. I feel like I've been guilty of both sides when I was younger. I try harder now
It sucks but I feel at peace knowing that all my friendships are not one-sided
The fact that this is currently trending really says a lot about the internet’s general audience. I’m with you, dudes!
yeah, everyone feels super isolated and unique especially after the remoteness of the pandemic, but honestly were all pretty similar. a lot of people just assume their worthlessness in a relationship before even trying to talk to people.
Isn't Kurzgesagt always trending? One of the most influential channels on CZcams..
Well also Kurzgesagt videos usually top 10 in trending when they are released regardless of content
It's recently hit off, someone should probably figure out why...
Sorry I thought this was the lonliness video, my bad
"You have less friend than you realize" my brother in christ I had no friends, like literally none.
Lol me too
Ur never too old, akward, or weird to have friends. There will always be someone in the world who wants to be close to you, sometimes you just have to be willing to give some effort
Bullshit
@@daniel-johnson_dam it's true! no hat!
Nope, it's not always about effort, I've put a lot of effort in the past to try and make friends but in the end they all just went out of my life anyways. Shit happens.
@@daniel-johnson_damyou do know that 4 year olds are probably watching dis right? And seeing ur comment… 💀
It's such an irony that the social media was meant to bring us closer together yet we've never felt so far apart since it's creation.
it kills all of your communication skills even though that is what it was designed to facilitate
But Kurzgezagt exists bc of social media ;) there's some positives.
@@dirkauditore8413 youtube isnt really social media, its a video viewing platform where you happen to be able to talk to other random people in the comments
the "old" social media like friendster, facebook, myspace was the one that really makes connecting to each other easier than before, but since some social media like instagram and tiktok "fed" us with their "explore" section, we lost that thing. "Explore" section was really make us craving for content and distract us from what is the real purpose of social media
@@Fr00stee it’s social media … yes that’s what you just described 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
"There is never only one person losing a friend, there is always, at least two."
That hit me in the back of the head. Hard.
Damn.
I know how that feels seeing how I had that happen to me online with many of the friends i made online
same
In my case.. i think people wanna be friends with me because of financial and sexual porpoises.. its kind boring and tiring. Loneliness is a much better than a bad company.
Yur I make entertaining videos as well
Why can't they make friends?
Anyone ever feel that even when you do all the steps you can, no one hangs around for long? It makes me feel like I’m the problem and I can’t figure out why
I've made 4 friends from my class during 10th grade because we all share the same dumb humor, and although one of them said "we should stay friends after graduation", it for some reason never worked out. We only ever shared some funny tiktoks to eachother which also stopped soon after. Our previous teachers then arranged a bowling party 1 year after the graduation which only half of us could attend. It was nice seeing, talking and laughing with them again and I thought for sure we would now do stuff more.
I texted them multiple times. "Yo, it's Friday the 13th, yall wanna go out and do some dumb stuff tonight?"
all decline
I add them on other platforms, no messages
"Yo, we should go watch this movie together!"
-"yeah, I'll see if I can next thursday!"
4 weeks later i messaged them every week "can we go this week?"
and it was always "nope"
last week I texted one about the gta 6 trailer hoping for some conversation
all I got was a "yeah im excited"
I can understand if they don't have time or don't necessarily wanna talk right now but I just don't get why we don't do anything anymore. I literally have no one else. I just feel like I'm the problem somehow
Bozo
yes, sometimes it’s just about patience and finding the right people who connect and relate to you it can be tough
Social etiquette and cultural awareness help. Most often they go unspoken nor were taught - unfortunately. Being nice but out of these two context will go unappreciated.
May this year be a better and fantastic year for you! 🎉
you're, not the problem it simply wasn't meant to be, keep trying you will find people who you deserve and who appreciate you :)
For a sensitive empath an observant at heart, it is way too difficult to form friendship outside school, college and work where we are naturally together•
So relatable. I've never formed a single relationship outside of those settings :/
@@kushclarkkent6669 yes it is tough •
So true 💕
Proximity plays a crucial role but then again not everyone share the same mindset
Same here.
@@b.3824 yes that is another blocker :)
Just a note I'd like to leave: you don't need many friends to feel like you're not alone, sometimes having a small, tightly knit group of friends you can count on is enough to keep you going!
You want quality over quantity with friends; sure, have plenty of acquaintances, but without a few good friends, you're just spinning your wheels.
Possibly one of the most true comments I have ever read. This truly is wisdom from the God Djungelskog himself
while this is true though, many don't even have a few or even just one.
I agree
blahaj better
Sometimes, there is a huge battle of ego. Like "why should I be the one to reach out and make plans all the time, why can't the other person do it too", or "well that person hasn't contacted me in a long time, so why should I contact them", etc.
Making friends would be easier if both parties put in the same amount of effort into building the friendship.
Agree, some people are also busy and might have different schedules besides that most people unless they're very extroverted already have a group of friends they hang out with often and will probably not pay much attention to meeting new people specially when they're a little bit older because it is more practical.
@@silvij4416 this. I feel like the video gravely overestimates how many people actually seek out new friendships. Probably 70% of people have friend groups already and will not invest much energy into getting to know new ones or even maintaining friendships with people that moved away.
sometimes people think that they dont want them included, maybe reaching out to those people would be a good idea
Tbh I'm usually the other end, because I'm introverted, and find it hard to take initiative
I think its much harder for some than others to reach out and make plans, be it fear of rejection, think their ideas for hanging out arent great, or that there is no reason to because their own friends are always reaching out to them
i've never thought it that way
Joining a yoga/pilates studio did wonders for me physically, mentally & socially. As a guy I wish I had been more open-minded and willing to try this sooner! ❤ But hey 32 is far from "too late" and I'm already practicing inversions! Not bad for only being at it for 4 months!
How many friends did you made? :)
i will definatly vouch for the hobby store one. i got into a tcg and started going to a card shop for the weekly tournaments. it was no time at all before saturdays were the best days for me, and i (even as an introvert) was goofing around with 30+ people, or sharing car rides/gas out of town for regionals, chatting about builds, cards, meta, etc.
unfortunatly i fell out of the game, and see them all almost none now. i did drop back in the shop after several years, and immidiatly after walking through the door, everyone called my name excitedly. i miss the game almost entierly because i miss them all
biggest reason was money. it got really expensive to play competitively, with very little, if any, return on the investment.
I just wanted to say that I feel lucky to have content like this freely accessible on the internet. You guys rock!
Much love from Brazil.
I totally agree, we're very lucky to have you folks.
Thank you for writing this comment! I'm learning Portuguese BR and I'm looking for different interesting sources of it, your channel looks amazing and I'll definitely be checking it out!
Thiago!!
@@koowie_4188 Thank you so much for your suggestions, I'll be checking them out! :)
Mais um por aqui?
Another helpful tip is establishing regularity. I think a lot of adult friendships fall into a “Let’s catch up once or twice a year whenever one of us feels like taking the huge initiative to contact the other,” when instead it could be “Let’s chat/grab dinner/play video games/etc every Friday/once a month/etc.” Having a regular thing that you can count on and look forward to does WONDERS in relieving your loneliness, not to mention your friendship and overall happiness.
This is so true, my friendships have improved so much when we choose to meet every week to watch a show
What do you do if you attempt that, but everyone says they're busy and you never end up schedulling anything (or you schedule it but people say they can't make it later)?
@@Etianen7 Confirm everyone's schedules, and find a time that works best for all. If there is not enough committment from everyone to follow through with that, then find others to consistently hang out with. You can still be friends with the ones who don't show up though, and either side can stop by once in a while just to say hi.
@@Etianen7 For me I tried to prioritize friends that also prioritize me. So if you cannot achieve that with a bigger group of people maybe try to find a smaller group of people/a couple of people within that group to meet with regularly.
Yea, online gaming together is also a way to connect right?
Typically, when people/old friendships reach out to me, it's almost always because they need something. Like a networking scheme or something.
"you feel lonely because you don't have any friends."
wow that's insigtful
I had to subscribe after that...
I don’t feel like I want “more friends” I feel like I want to be able to express myself genuinely and have more authentic connection. “Having friends” means nothing if it is not on your own terms. Often it is autopilot or out of security or convenience or whatever.
This.
No cuz this.
This
fr
@@human-ft3wk HR gets offended for one, and also most people just don't have the same interests, finding a good friend is rare
"It's never only one person losing a friendship it's always at least two". This point is so powerful, yet easily overlooked. Great video!
I'm generally that guy that people really don't remember so when i lose a friend, i lose a friend but my friend will forget about me almost immediately
@@LuisSierra42 Im sorry to hear that but you also have to understand that sometimes its hard to look after every friend you have, some of us have jobs, family problems or just simply too many friends, I lost around 20 friends just because i didn't had enough time for them, trust me...It hurts us more than it hurts you, the feeling of guiltiness.
@@LuisSierra42
I would say we really don't know if we are remembered by others, or not, because we can't read minds. Perhaps they don't remember and think of you, you just don't know it.
@@huyked People have told me to my face that i'm pretty forgettable and sometimes when i'm in large groups of people i truly feel invisible and then people rarely remember whether i was at that place
@@LuisSierra42 you dont have to be in large groups, all you need is to find one person who can relate to you and work your way up
Thanks for the advice, but honestly I think I’m a lost cause. I used to be the one who always got people together, sent invitations, reached out…only for me to be left out after a while and left for other people and ignored. I’m so tired of always taking initiative and never getting anything back in return
Stop then , for too good people testing is more there, choose hobbies
Making efforts is something I did too. It just feels exhausting at this point
Big tip for making work, school acquaintances etc into friends - bring snacks! Itll give people a natural reason to approach you, express their appreciation, something to talk about, and the impulse to further deepen the relationship and reciprocate.
Oooh snacks is good. Easy way to also start a convo in class. Pop open some trail mix and ask if they want any. I love that idea, I’m gonna steal it. Cause I feel like the opening line is always the hardest
That’s a great idea
The thing about friendships is that the older you get the harder it seems to make natural connections. You graduate school, move to a new city, and you don't know anyone. This is a great video with solid examples for everyone out there, especially post-COVID. Best of luck to everyone out there.
I make entertaining videos as well🙏
Religious institutions (e.g. churches) have often been a natural community to plug into. But for many of us who are atheist, agnostic, or simply not interested in organized religion, that common option isn't available.
As a guy in his late 30s in a new city who works remotely, I find making new friends has already become difficult. One option I'm thinking about is finding volunteer activities that are important to me. Maybe some of that will help start friendships, but worst case, I still would get some social time while helping better the world.
thx!
I don't have friends. I have a couple of people I talk with regularly, but I'd rather not talk with them, just feel like I have to. I assume this is what having friends means, but why do you guys want that? They require constant attention and there is no reward. It's just shallow superficial chit chat about meaningless nonsense and being made to watch movies and shows you don't really care about. And on top of that you have to listen to them complain about the most inane things. And if you try to talk to them about something actually interesting they don't understand it anyway. I'm telling you guys, in my nearly 40 years on this planet I've discovered that friends are completely useless. They don't make life better or more fun, you don't feel better after hanging out with them, it's literally only useful if you lived in the stone age and needed someone to sit watch while you sleep, which I don't.
Perfect opportunity for a fresh new start
I am an immigrant. What I've noticed is that the natives tend to have circle of friends that were formed during school and college times. These people are really not invested into the idea of making new friends. The same way, I noticed that the physical distance makes people uninterested in keeping in touch after a few years and I've lost many friends I had in my original country. Another element that makes life difficult is to have to work 8 hours a day. No one really wants to hang out afterwards and people often prefer to stay home. Keeping friends like that is a full time job!
Same brother, I can double that. Came to Canada when I was 12 so middle school as an immigrant and even at that point everyone had a group so no one even wanted to talk to me really.
I also applied extra difficulty addons including:
- Not knowing English fluently
- Shit home situation
- Garbage school teachers (gets you bullied)
A while later and now I'm about to graduate with a bachelor's in computer science next year 🤔so I'm working things out. However, even tho I'm the leader of my university's esports club I still don't really get people sticking around cause pandemic changed campus interactions; killing them. Although, I am thankful for the people that continue to support me and the club, those are some real ones.
Anyhow, if you're not in the best of times at the moment do remember that good times will come. When those good times come you'll know why the struggle is worth. Thank you for your time, stay safe and godspeed.
This. Also the "school and college times" part seems to be a massive factor, part of the reason why I decided to move abroad was feeling I had nothing to lose due to very few friends in my "home" country to begin with (school and university were awful and horrific for me, respectively), then... experienced pretty much what you said. Recovering from a crappy childhood/early youth is harder in this regard than people make it sound even if on paper your life seems okay.
Those people with intact schoolfriend groups? Just consider them 'taken', like as if you were dating lol. They don't have time for new people, they're already fully booked. But don't be too down, because in any major city you'll find a lot of people who are from elsewhere in the country, and they are in a very similar position to immigrants (because they're regional immigrants). This is my observation from Toronto, most of the Canadian friends I make here are not from the city.
@@bojangles5623 the only thing I can back up is the international thing. Half my university is international students and by the way those guys give no fks about making friends here, most of the time they fly back and cut connections or have other friends abroad. No one comes to Toronto to make friends man, no one should honestly. Cursed city.
I definitely agree with you. My dad was active duty military during my childhood, so it was near impossible to maintain friendships. Any friends I did have I would have to leave behind within three years. we’d try our best to reach out, but eventually one or the other just, stopped texting back.
As much as I want to have people in my life. Reaching out and socializing is more exhausting than the most physical activities i can perform
same
If you had to search for this video instead of it being trending im with you 😢
Can we be friends
@@TUVEZ- Wow amazing reply!!!!
“It’s never just one person losing a friend” that made me so sad
i am literally sobbing because of that one sentence🤡🤡
4:32
*I have felt the pain of that being true trust me*
@@barbara_LL what u adding the clown emojis for ?
@@Declanjhoulgrave If you are an alphabet lore accent letter, you are a unique letter. You should have a big long nose for that -D- , or something
This has been the greatest video ever
Very good content
Enjoyable one 🕐
Very best
I love how this videos help all of us understanding the world arround
This is sooo helpful and encouraging, thank you!! I’m a recent college grad, and having moved back home and away from college friends, I’ve been feeling isolated and honestly a bit hopeless. I love that this video gave such clear examples and actions to take 💖
It's incredible how I never realised this was the problem. This is the greatest advice I've taken this year. Thank you very much!
"Worst case, it'll sting for a few hours."
No, worst case is looking up videos like these in my late 20s.
I'm 39 and saw this on Twitter.
59 and can honestly say I've never had a friend. Acquaintances yes. Coworkers yes. Wife yes. But never friends in the way this video is talking about.
@@travellinmike4333 Sad 😢
im here for u bud
@@travellinmike4333
@@travellinmike4333 I can relate
As someone who didn’t make friends until well after becoming an adult, I’ve learned adults make making friends so much harder than it needs to be. People seem uncomfortable with my kid-like approach of directly talking to them and inviting them out rather than playing the delicate social dance. My whole life I’ve felt like a robot learning how to be human. It took me until my mid-30s to learn how to develop relationships outside my family and romantic partner. Pretty much everything in this video I had to research like an anthropologist. Now that it comes more naturally to me, I feel less drained in social situations to the point that I now describe myself as an ambivert instead of an introvert.
damn i really resonate with the kid-like thing. i hate how boring people are now. i constantly feel looked down on by my peers for having a kid-like happiness
If you think you had it bad, imagine how Mark Zuckerberg felt when he first arrived Earth.
He created an entire cyber platform social media trying to make new friends. And failed.
Ah, autism.
@@kepler656 i don’t even have autism, i just think adults are generally boring assholes. i will say though i do tend to attract adhd/autistic ppl into my life
Romance is bs. That's why you failed. Simple as that. Now friendships, you don't need them mate
I needed this.
It's hard to think about it but you never really know when you need something until it comes to you.
And this video came to me.
And it impacted me... and is impacting others.
I love this 😭🥰
At the start of the video I was very low and felt hopeless but as the video progressed, I began to see the whole picture and felt a lot more positive about me and my situation, glad to have taken the decision to watch this video today and Thank YOU!!
As a lonely man at 41 years old, a farmer and not really interested in todays society, i miss my friends in my 20's and 30's. They all habe families and moved on. I still am single, and not really a fan of pubs and clubs... so finding company is difficult. This was a great vid. Thankyou
hang in there... :). i know it can be tough..
This is one of the big problems, when your friends start a family and you dont. It leaves you in very different places. I am in the same boat, but luckily I have a wife. We wont have children, which makes us an outlier, and its even worse for her to make more friends because the ONLY thing on the mind of women her age seems to be children.
Take comfort: The number of lonely 41-year-olds who "like" your comment is not zero. We're all in this together, even if totally in the dark & unaware of each other.
@@tdan89 kind words are not going to help him get out of it
I’m sorry to hear your case. I’ll be blunt, but kind words will not help you get better. I can’t help you. Only you can help yourself
Wow this is quite topical for the point I’m at in my life. Depression has made it veryyy hard to reconnect with my friends after being away from them for so long. I essentially have no more friends and am stuck inside all the time. I hope I can once again create new bonds thanks to therapy and personally making an effort to find resources like this vid to push me in the right direction.
you re not alone . not even close
You're never alone being lonely 😄
ratio
Recommendations. Carol Dweck Growth Mindset. Then on CZcams: Uncommon Knowledge UK, Dr Tracey Marks, for professionals' advice. I love the self-help guru Mark Manson's work but he's often too harsh for the overly sensitive to cope with. Einzelganger is a great channel for Philosophy from around the world.
On Philosophy, I personally enjoy and have got use out of Alan Watts, Buddhism, Stoicism like Epictetus, Heraclitus, Aurelius, and also, Epicureanism and more.
Also a banging quote from a questionable guy from hundreds of years ago: "Never overly rely on anyone, for even your own shadow leaves you in complete darkness" - Ibn Tammiyah.
pretty much the same here I'm stuck inside and trying to find old and new friends as now i feel like recently I'm coming out of my depression and now have the mental state to try and make or rekindle social connections, and i hope your depression gets better soon; i know depression isn't easy and especially when no one really gives help like in my case, seek out help from a friend or a professional but don't expect the journey to be quick my depression started 4 years ago and is only now ending and at my age 4 years is over a quarter of my life
I really appreciate this video a lot. I recently just went through a break up with someone I was friends with since middle school. It’s been so so hard to try and create a new friend group, as she and her friends were my own but now it’s harder to spend time with them because they are spending time with her. But this video gives me a sliver of hope, and I’m glad that I have found this so that I can start creating my own friend circle to enjoy life with. Thanks so much!!!
Thank you Kurtzgesagt team. This video has given me motivation and a push to invest more time and effort to keeping friend, reaching out to old friend and in general being more open to opportunities to create new connections. Thank you!
I think the greatest effect of the pandemics on my social life is the destruction of the “second ring”. First ring friends are my best friends, people I’ve known for years and spend time online and irl with regularly. These people I kept in touch with over lockdowns online gaming, zoom calls, messaging, watching movies together. But the second ring friends “that guy at your gym” “the girl you run into at flat parties” “the couple you go rock climbing with” those are all gone. We stopped going to places and so lost the people who went there too.
Brilliant observation
Wait, you had first ring friends...? Oh
I've always been a second (or even third) ring "friend" so i got ghosted by everyone lmao-
@@VivianaSilverback 😆
@@VivianaSilverback Hey, if you want, lets chat about some nonsense. I am really bored too. (youtube ate my comment, this is a copy).
Last year I went through my contacts list and reached out to everyone I hadn't talk to in a while. A considerable number shared with me that they were feeling extremely lonely and isolated. Some were really struggling to make it through their days. I think we are seeing these feelings proliferating in profoundly novel ways. Social media may be to blame, but I think it is more existential than that. People are experiencing less positive thought and happiness, and hope is less accessible. We need ways to reconnect to ourselves and those around us.
I’ve done a similar thing, but I found an opposite result. Many people that I had known were content with their social lives- having joined book clubs etc around them. And they were what I’d consider realistic (I mean come on active transmission of polio alone is enough to make one terrified and angry) but they were also hopeful and motivated to create positive change (or already doing it). That being said they were all still happy to hear from me and it rekindled a few friendships! Especially because some of them lived close by these days.
@@sarahnelson8836 The two groups exist, but will have nothing to do with each other. The 'happy', 'positive' people avoid the lonely, 'miserable' people. and vice versa.
Sadly, when someone is in a negative space in life, they are difficult to approach and may need reminding that there are good things. but people are too afraid of 'toxic' people and getting 'dragged down' by negativity.
People will be patient with an existing friend who is depressed, but will not start a new friendship with a depressed person. So if someone is lonely and depressed with very few to no friends, it is very hard to make new friends. One just comes off 'too negative' and it becomes a black hole nobody will go near.
Then people probably need to learn more skills in terms of accepting what is out of their control when it comes to being around others. Idk seems like too many people can’t just accept how someone acts, what they do, or how they may perceive certain things.
Aside from that, most people are trapped working 5x8 hour days barely making enough to go out and enjoy doing anything. Humanity has a judgement issue of others. It’s sad to see but nothing will change any time soon.
@@AngloImperial "Humanity has a judgement issue": what do you mean?
@@peterbelanger4094 Like attracts like, and the few exceptions of 'positive' people who are fine with hanging around more depressed or troubled people are often either in a similarly 'negative' stage in their life, or they have some "charity / pity" mindset where they try to inject positivity into someone's life through their association.
But yeah other than those examples, those architypes of people don't generally associate on the regular. It makes sense when you think about it, in the same way some people listen to upbeat music when they're happy, but downtempo / emotionally charged music when they're down.
It's just easier to fit in around people with similarly positive / negative mindsets.
I feel lonely most of the times so I am happy to have so many people in comments. So nice to see that you are not alone and trying your best 😊
There is a difference between having casual friends and real friends. I think real friends are those who will visit you in the hospital if you are injured and will pro-actively invite you to something to cheer you up when things are tough. Casual friends just can't be bothered. They have their own stuff to do and other priorities. It's very hard and very rare to find real friends, and unfortunately I don't have any, after years of trying to cultivate friendships, they simply crumble too easily.
I have only one such freind
And he has a amazing social circle and still makes time for me
I totally get what you mean. I moved to a new place for work, have almost no living family who know me, and my family that I do have have no connections... so it's been easy to make casual friends in the new place I live, but much, much harder to make friends with people who already have their friend groups deeply established.
@@Rahul_Sastry so when he's got a big social circle and then there's you, who's got just him, doesn't it feel like you are just a part of his attention, while you give all your attention to him?
@@kailashnathan3609 well it's not just him tho I have a smaller social circle. Not as big as him he is my best friend and I know him from childhood.
I feel you! Im in the same boat. I get so jelous when i see other people having loyal friends who would do anything for them and i cant even get emotional support from anyone in my life because they would just answer something short like “oh im sorry”… like thank you but thats not helping.
Ironically playing the sims as a introverted kid taught me that relationships need to be built in short and long term; consistent interactions in the short term bar build up the long lasting bar of shared experiences that drains much more slowly. Personally I remember every single friend I've loved but fallen out of practice with over the years. If they ever showed up at my door needing help I would do it. I sometimes wonder if they would do the same.
Right there are people I get along with very quickly and there is one that take forever to get along with and actually become friends
I think I saw a TikTok on this. Your friends may have the same thoughts. Maybe try reaching and having a conversation about how both of yall feel.
you can also get a girlfriend with couple of jokes and a few small talks in sims. it is not very accurate lol. i thought the same. but i realized how it made me more needy. it was not a great idea to deal with relationships like video games. specially to imagine people have a gauge that i had to do stuff for them to become my friends.
If everyone is sat inside thinking "if they show up at my door I'd help them" no one will actually leave to knock on any doors.
Sometimes being proactive is the best help you can give - is hard and scary...but you're the one taking that on instead of them, you started helping already.
The cool part is that it's equally 'a chore' - as in relationships needs to be taken care of or be lost. Focusing on learning a skill or romancing someone means you'll have a harder time fitting in friends. The Sims 4 introduced Clubs, which work a lot like friend circles - even rewarding perks that boost moods and skill gains. If you're socially awkward and scared to reach out - it's a good testing ground. Go play with it introverts! You're my favourite friends as an extrovert ❤
as a person how has been lonely and deppressed i really am grateful for this type of content
that can change a persons life
Take this as a big thank you. A big thank you to every member of your great team for creating all this valuable content for all of us. One of my favorite channels ever
As someone who has always had a very small group of people that I would genuinely call my "real friends," I think the pandemic hit people like me especially hard. I wasn't ever one of the "popular kids" in school, but I knew a lot of people and was acquaintances with them because we went to school together for years. I've always been a relatively introverted person and mostly a homebody as well, I'm the type who would much rather enjoy playing video games at home while on discord with my friends than go out to a bar and get pissed drunk on a Friday evening. So it was essentially a double whammy for me, I not only lost all of the shared meeting places such as classes, school events, and just seeing people around campus, I've now been physically and emotionally separated from the people I call my "real friends" for a while now too, and it's kinda weighing heavy on me. I went from talking and hanging out with these people on an almost daily basis to nowadays all my friends are pretty significant distances away from me, we've all got school and work and other things to focus on, we rarely even play games together anymore, and our discord calls have gotten more and more infrequent, it's rare for us to talk more than maybe 1 or 2 times a week. It's been weighing on me a lot thinking about the fact that maybe after over 10 years of friendship that maybe me and my friends have just drifted apart. The thought of potentially losing those friends after so long is terrifying, because I've hardly made any genuine connections to new friends in years.
I feel your struggle, man. Going to college three hours and fifteen minutes away from my hometown, where the vast, vast majority of all of the closest friends I’ve made are, has really sucked.
i relate to you man i would describe myself the same way. i had to move states after graduating high schools and it has not been easy to find people to talk to or just friends… especially nowadays with all that’s going on
That's the position I find myself in now...40yrs old, lost touch with long time friends without making new ones. Now I don't really have any friends, and I'm not really sure I ever will have. Still find my dog is my best friend.....And I'm okay with that 💪🏴👍
i feel you, and i went through something similar last year, i even ended up thinking about cutting everyone off instead of painfully waiting for a moment where we’ll be able to meet again, but i’m glad i didn’t. sure most of my friendships aren’t as close as they used to be and i sadly lost a lot of friends too, but i’m slowly getting back to them. i wanna tell you that it’s not too late to try and connect with them again, if some of them don’t want to then you can focus on those who make the effort to maintain the friendship, also being friends doesn’t always mean seeing each other every single day or calling each other every time (just as an example, i see my friends every few months which can be a lot to some but that’s what works for us and i consider them to be my closest friends) all friendships are different, the most important thing is that both/all people are feeling respected, comfortable, safe and appreciated.
some friendships don’t last long but that’s okay and i personally think that seeing it like a positive experience instead of a loss, helps with the grief of a past friendship. some may have helped you be the best version of yourself, or some just made you comfortable to be who you are, some may have helped you when things got tough or maybe some of them made you discover a new intrest etc that way you can be excited to get to know new people and learn new things from them.
i wish you all the best with your friends and i hope that you’ll feel better about it soon enough. have an amazing day
I can totally relate to how you feel, the pandemic hit me in the middle of college and It made realize that I had a lot of acquaintances but very few friends, I used to feel very comfortable making small talk in person but the remote classes cut the little interaction I had and it made me question the way I was conducting my social life, nowadays I’m looking for opportunities to make better connections and not just acquaintances, I hope that you can make new connections.
I’ve found that the first two weeks of school are the best times to make new friends.
Everybody in class is just as out of place and wanting to belong as you. Most people are on their phone so they can mentally be somewhere more comfortable. Stepping just a tiny bit out of your comfort zone to ask a question or say hello to someone early on (before habits of where people sit and who they interact with are set) will go a very long way to making lots of new friends.
Not too sure about making friends as an adult though. I just stayed in touch with the people I wanted from school.
Hey, I didn't know you watched kurgesagt :P
what about if you are not in school...
The best time is during elementary school where everyone are naive enough to accept you because everyone developed their mind during secondary school and began to choose who they want to hang out and you might not be lucky to be included
Thank you for sharing. This message is so valuable
@@longshot8696 then u will die lonely
As someone who has found making friends difficult, I've learned some things which might be helpful:
1. Do things you want to do even if that's by yourself. Life is to short to miss that play whose run ends next week just because you've got no-one to go with.
2. Be proactive in organising things as you smooth the path for others to say yes. Organise the day to hike that trail, or watch that film, or be the dinner party host.
3. Be nice. Be kind. Be positive. Daily though not relentlessly. It'll become part of your character and others will be drawn to you.
I hope this helps someone.
It doesn’t help for most situations. When trying to do this people will call you out, in my situation they called me slurs as slave. It doesn’t sound weird in my language. As an example, there are multiple accidents but this is one: someone shot the ball away and they ask for you to pass it because your close to the ball, boom slave and that’s how people will call you for months and after seeing it happen to other people I don’t say their nickname and that’s how I made friends. They figured I’m not an bad person without me being kind. Don’t slur and stay strong
@@yessejaz3062hey im Looking friend do U Want to be
I've been feeling very lonely and anxious for some time now. The timing of finding this video was perfect :)
The sad part is that for most of our history this was not only completely natural and obvious, but required for survival.
And now... it's still required for survival, but we've somehow convinced ourselves, as a society, that we can replace these hard-won connections with others with simple, immediate-gratification machines.
Like, nothing in this video is complicated or unexpected. But still it's not something a lot of people actually prioritize, despite having the desire to have friends. (Indeed, prioritizing much of anything beyond the immediate moment has become seemingly impossible for a lot of people.)
I agree. But it's not only instant gratification what makes us unprioritize social activities. Also work. Sometimes due to a self imposed deadline that never seems to get done, other times because we've turned our lifestyle a money sink monster, always hungry for more money. Or we're just trying to survive and we can't care less about Maslow's pyramid third level.
In my own case it's a bit of everything, but of course that I'd like to have friends. I watch my daughters and I'm jealous.
Yes, it has...
I totally agree with you, my friend
I have been watching Kurzgesagt videos for years, and I just have to say how much I love these videos that talk about the importance of personal health. I love the more ridiculous videos about the Earth turning to gold and the various scientific topics about anything from various species of ants to supermassive black holes, but I truly appreciate these videos about the things I can do to just be a better person, both as an individual and a member of society. It is hard not to feel alone, especially in the last two years. Thank you so much for years of amazing quality content that really does help make the world a better place.
me too! these personal videos have really help me with keeping my head forward and above the water, and keep me optimistic about my situation, life and future.
100% agree. This channel has managed to keep making better and better videos over time and offer such great advice, all while still being entertaining. This is one of those channels I know I'll still be watching for a very long time.
Beautifully said 😁 totally agree!
I make entertaining videos as well🙏
this.
Thank you. This video gives me a bit of comfort, knowing that I'm not the only one that feels lonely. I'm currently in my first depressive episode, hopefully the last one, and loneliness is one of the main things it revolves around. I'm in my mid-twenties and only prioritized work since I moved out, and today it shows. I still am not sure how to make friends, but I'm trying my best and hopefully some day it shows off.
I think that one of the MAJOR difficulties of making friends as a POST-college adult is that people their age have moved on to start families and careers. Another big thing is that with how EXPENSIVE it is to rent or buy a home. People would have to overwork just to make ends meet.
Another difficulty would be the suburban SPRAWL. Not only are you more isolated by NECESSITY, but for children, they are more isolated. I do NOT blame kids for staying at home all day playing video games.
I watch a lot of Not Just Bikes, and as a European who has lived in capitals his whole life and as a teen was always going around town solo by bus and metro, I am convinced that suburbia is the worst thing to ever happen to US cities. It just seems so ridiculously awful from every angle.
suburbs are a plague
Definitely Would recomend Not Just Bikes. made a lot more aware of my countries infrastructure.
Yep I'm post college and it's impossible. My old friends don't care to keep in contact or try to do anything and I'm always putting in the effort to get a no. All my coworkers are 15+ years older than I am. No clubs to join. I pretty much only have my brothers to talk to and even they are busy all of the time with girlfriends and work. This video assumes other people are going to want to hangout if you ask lol.
THIS, ALL OF THIS
I’m a community college instructor. I’m seeing this in my current class of students. This semester is my first time with students who spent their key teen years online schooling due to the pandemic. I really feel for them. They suffer from severe social anxiety, their math and logic skills are garbage, and they’re woefully underprepared for adult life compared to students from years past. I find myself trying to be a part time therapist in an effort to break through their mental blocks. These young adults need more in-person classroom experiences to develop their own hopes and dreams.
Locking everything down in the world has truly resulted in a socio-cultural disaster
Us homeschooled kids: *first time?*
@Gordy No homeschooling collective?
Honestly home schooling seems to be far better than mass media makes it out to be. You are also not necessarily stuck into a factory worker schedule, which is why public schools were invented in the first place.
@@daviddavidson2357 trust me as a homeschooler it was my dream to go to public school. You miss out on so many basic skills, plus many parents do a terrible job of actually teaching anything. I feel like I missed my childhood and any chance to develop social skills.
@@abdyrobloxer2 I went to public (well Catholic but basically the same thing) school and I dreamt of being home schooled.
No need to get up at 8am, which is really bad developmentally for adolescents as their circadian rhythm is different, school schedules were built around turn of the 20th century factory schedules as that was the intent of public schooling back in the late 1800s to early 1900s. No need to ask to take a leak. No need to wear a uniform. Could work at my own pace.
Public schooling is designed to crush the spirit of young people, force uniformity and obedience based on factory models.
Honestly getting out of a classroom environment and doing distance learning has benefitted me greatly, not just educationally but also socially. Made good friends even if we just spoke via email until we met up in person. I guess people are just different.
one way to form strong friendship is to start acting like you are already frds(not with strangers ofcourse).. they will reciprocate faster. For people like me who have anxiety, we wait around for people to come to us n often hold ourselves back thinking " i m not saying that.. i dont think we are close enough to say that.. " etc. so a key is, dont over analyze, just go with ur instincts. Dont hold urself back.
Fear of rejection has to be one of the biggest hurdles. For me, my anxiety makes it that it's hard to be the one to initiate plans even with my closest friends. So on the flip side, if you have a shy friend who rarely initiates anything but always shows up when you invite them, that must be frustrating but please don't be quick to cut them out of your life!
I get denied 95% of the time. I just accept being alone
I understand you perfectly i have the same anxiety
I get anxiety only to talk to my few friends
You brother saved me right now!! I'm talking to a girl who's just like this. I can see and feel that she likes me, but because it's too early she's also very shy about everything, so I have to do the 1st step in most things! BUT she'll then ask me as well a ton of questions back, ONLY if I text first (sometimes if it's "her turn" she'll text me 1st). I think it's not one-sided even if it seems like that...Sometimes tho (given the fact that we've dated for the 1st time before 1 week) I'm anxious she might not feel the same way and end up something one-sided where I'm the one who cares and tries more...But I'll try, given the fact that she might be one of those persons :)
@@MrPoperstoper180 i understand u but Fortunately I already had one but I was afraid to write to him and during this summer I made friends with a couple of guys from my city. I hope u can get friends
At least you have closest friends
“There is no right or wrong, only right for you.”
"life long friendships that never happened" I felt that. I had just transferred to a Cal State University, and I had a lot of new friends, but we lost contact after Zoom University started. Our bonds were barely forming and broke easily
Do not worry for that
Me too!! It's such a shame..
I really feel your pain, This is one major reason people our generation should be fed up and blame the people that have been running our nation into wasting 2 years on something that should've taken less than a year. They completely ruined socialization for people under 25 and there will be cascading consequences for possibly decades
@@Call_Upon_YAH Your savior got nailed to a tree.
Odin is better.
@@Call_Upon_YAH do you mind
I’ve been dealing with loneliness ever since I was born and especially ever since my dad passed away and I’m only 10 years old.What I’m trying to say is that I really appreciate you making this video.
I truly appreciate all the tips and you made it all sound so easy but it's not. I can't seem to let go of my detachment issues because it keeps me safe. No attachments = no expectations = no disappointments = no feelings hurt
The fact this is trending is kind of sad loneliness is such a prevalent thing nowadays. I think technology plays a large role in why many young people feel isolated.
I'm not too sure about this. Due to my character, I felt way more lonely in the pre-internet past, when there weren't ways to easily connect with other people.
Nowadays, thanks to online communities like forums and chatroom, that's more viable. Of course this doesn't exactly translate in real IRL friends, but.. it's better than nothing, at least for me.
possibly. I think if you've already had some level of loneliness, the surge of technology into everyday life in the last couple of decades has not made it any easier.
I'd definitely choose living in a cave than be lonely.
@@phaolo6 probably a Reddit Mod
@@Nucl34rManiac uh? I didn't understand
Hey Kurzgesagt! I followed your links and found a local meetup that happened Sunday. When the time came around, I wasn't sure if I had the introvert social battery to spend meeting new people. I thought I would reach out to an old friend who I had regrettably let slowly drift from my life. I decided if he didn't respond, I would go to the kurzgesagt meetup. Turns out he was super happy to hear from me, and we spent Sunday evening at a bar having a good time catching up after 6 years :) Thank you for giving me the push!
@Kepler 186-F hello
Yikes imagine needing a CZcams video to make friends, lol, lmao
@@wazithebbi9155 your self esteem must be so low, to actually come to a video which is about making friends, and then laugh at the comments on it
@@bhushanshetye196 I'm not laughing at the comments, I'm laughing at the people making them. There's a big difference you see. To need a CZcams video to learn how to make friends is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard, and pathetic people are meant to be mocked.
I follow their real, factual and important videos, I didn't "come to" anything, I'm already subscribed. While nicely animated and narrated this video was a complete waste of time, meant to coddle literal losers who need to be told how to make friends. I'd make a video to "help" these losers out, but sadly CZcams takes down videos that encourage suicide.
❤️❤️❤️
I wish I had more friends who share my interests, like books, theater and museums.
Then go to a theaterz library and museums.
I know you released this video a while ago, but I want to let you know this is distinctly helpful to me right now. I could have used this video at 15, 20, 30, and now at 40 and now going through a divorce it's valuable advice. I'm probably going to watch this a lot over the next few months, and at some point I won't have to watch it anymore. Thank you.
I’ve done everything in this video but am still chronically lonely. Joined groups, tried to hang out with colleagues, hosted parties and meetups, never turn down the rare invitation. I’ve really tried, but I still feel completely alone. I don’t think I’ve ever had a reciprocal relationship. If I want to see a friend, it’s always me reaching out. It’s led me to a very dark place mentally. I feel like a failure, a screw up. I feel like I’m too different for anyone to like me, but I can’t pinpoint specifically in what way. I feel like I’m the perfect combination of vices to make a definitively unlovable person. I’m sorry if I sound like a mope or attention seeker - that is not my intention, but this is honestly how I feel.
In the end it's just luck whether you find someone you can be close friends with. Keep trying and maybe the next time, the odds will be in your favour.
Try to match the tone of others during conversations. Even if you feel they are not the type of people you see your future self hanging out with, they can still be used as stepping stones for meaningful friendships down the line. If you are seen to be more “popular” (with people you may not necessarily gel with), this may attract others who you may potentially get on well with who are in a similar predicament to you now. But remember no one is perfect so never write someone off completely. It may just take more time together to figure out.
Other won't like being with you if you don't like yourself and walk around carrying that insecurity around trying to find people to elevate that fear. That's the reason why you are always the one reaching out, people will reach out to you if they feel you are a positive addition to their day in some way. Being with someone who is insecure is draining. Start to work on yourself, work on getting healthier (this will help your mental state a lot) and getting into things that interest you. Start out small and take small steps. In time you will become a more complete human being and you will find others are drawn to you and you will have a much better and easier time building relationships.
toxic people
Same. Attended Kung Fu class or gym while trying to socialize at university after being treated like the village clown in high school and I ended up alone.. Again. I'm glad that loneliness kills, this isn't life anymore, just an agonizing death
I literally fell back in to depression because lately, I feel like I always planning and inviting friends to things but hardly see the effort reciprocated back. I moved cross country right before the pandemic and it's been difficult making new friends. Recently I was able to grow my circle but haven't yet found the ones where I feel like could be my best friend. Thanks for making this video and helping me understand the struggles and what I can do to enrich the budding friendships I have
bro i literally feel the same exact way! for a long time no one reciprocated back and i felt as doe they didn’t like me anymore or something was wrong with me sometimes it’s hard to realize they are literally just caught up in their life and even harder not to take it personal but it’s easier said then done cuz i’m still struggling with that. and i also have a circle of people but none of them are what i desire which is a close friend i can hang out with a lot almost everyday. and i had one but he stabbed me in the back so
Me too, my friend
@@prod_reroI am living these problems like you, my friend. You are not alone
I completely understand. I always feel like I'm the one asking my old friends to meet up, and they always have some excuse. I understand it's not personal, but at some point I'll have to decide it's not worth it anymore
Found myself in the same situation. Built a new group of friends by going to Magic the events
I used to be wonderful at making friends, never had a shortage of them. That was 4 years ago when I graduated. Now I’m just a 22 year old trying to make it day to day while dealing with that fact that, I am indeed, alone. I try to make friends but, it’s just kinda hard.
I feel a lot less lonely after getting rid of social media, even though I have no idea what any of my friends are doing most of the time and I don’t usually make an effort to get ahold of anyone. But not having someone’s “life” and opinions force fed down my throat has helped immensely. Also when I do see friends we have way more to catch up on than just asking if we’ve seen what eachother have been up to on Facebook. Conversations are better, people listen more, not sharing every vacation and moment of your life on the internet makes you more interesting to those around you because they don’t know what you’ve been doing. They didn’t vicariously join you on your trip to Europe, they didn’t even know you went until you see them at a party or something. And it’s genuine excitement you get getting to tell them about it and they’re genuinely excited to hear about it.
This genuinely came at the perfect time- thanks for being the most informative and inspiring channel on the platform
I just made like 4 more friends like last week so this came a bit late
same for me, perfect timing
@@zestywolf2489 for me the boundary that sets friendship is a bit blur and i don't usually refer to ppl close to me as friends..
The Infographic Show Has Left The Chat!
@@zestywolf2489 Well no one asked, but most of your "friends" aren't friends at all.
I’ve been struggling with this since I graduated college five years ago. It’s really hard to meet people when you don’t have structured time together and the same people constantly being around. It felt like there was always a chance to make a new friend in college, especially on weekend. Shared classes, school events, and radompy bumping into people around campus makes it pretty easy to start a conversation. But I’ve gone years without connecting with a new person since then.
if you play games, there is likely a community for the game you play. check if your city has tournaments or meet ups etc. if you play sports, joining a local team is basically the same. if you have smaller hobbies like gardening, reading or tastings for coffee or wine for example, there are likely to be local groups for that too. if all else fails, just join a gym and talk to the people there. if you dont play sports, play games, have hobbies that require skill, talent or knowledge, read nor work out at the gym, i have no idea how you spend your time but youll probably struggle to find friends.
If you play video games start searching for a group that plays your favorite game or go an splay DnD with a local group that's the best places in my opinion, most people there will be probably similar to you if you like these kinds of things.
Not even at workplace?
This is where social clubs and groups come in... About half my friends are old work friends that I still hang out with on a regular basis, and the other half are from D&D - I joined a group after moving and I'm basically guaranteed to see them at least once a week and sometimes we do stuff on the weekends for birthdays or other life events. These are all friends I made after college and honestly I didn't have that many friends in college. It can be done but it starts with finding people you can regularly meet up with to do something you both enjoy. Board games, hiking, dog parks, hiking, etc. I have a group chat for the local dog park and even though I don't go often it's pretty active and a lot of people meet up multiple times a week. There's opportunities out there just keep looking and don't get discouraged.
Let's connect! Lol
I’m just finishing my first semester of university and I’ve struggled with this loneliness problem. I’ve got many friends, but most of them are online or back at home and not in person, at least not often. This helped a lot to give me the confidence to reach out! Thanks to kurzgesagt for the videos
I just got advice from this guy right here. I really need to think on the positives instead of depression
I used to be very chatty. I had many friends but after years of bullying my confidence went down, now that I graduated I didn't even realize but my personality has shifted from a open and fun person to a very closed off introverted person cautious of everyone.
My sister told me that people are more willing and open then I think, I recently started to talk to this one guy at my work place, small things like sharing memes and small talk here and there.
It's really just that, talking to people, being open, and slowly advancing. Another thing is if people don't want to open to you it's better to not try with that person and find someone else. You can't open up someone, only they can do that.
i'm sorry about your problems with bullying. i can understand how an experience like that can impact a person's life. it's good that things are better for you now
Being very closed because of bullying is very relatable to me. But sometimes someone who care and often reaching to the closed person might help the closed person to open, and better their life. Just don't forget to fulfill ourselves need and boundaries.
school does that as well, not just bullying.
like imagine failing a test or your final exam that you so desprately worked for.
all you'll get is desappointment and pain.
(yes from experience i'm in constant pain please help)
I know how that feels kinda but I haven't had a real friend since kindergarten
100% my experience in Canada, most people won't show interest esp. if you are not LOCAL
When I was a kid, I always found it kind of sad that it seemed like my grandparents, who were really awesome and dynamic fun people, didn't have many friends. Now as I get older (approaching 50), I see that this happens to more and more people as life goes on, myself included. When I was in my 20s, I was constantly surrounded by so many different social groups (friends from college, work friends, theatre friends, friends of whatever girl I was dating, rando bar groups) that it was overwhelming at times. But once you have kids and move out to the burbs, your social circle gets smaller as distance sets in--a quick beer at the pub on the corner becomes a planned night out with an uber--and of course, all those friends are moving and having families too. I joked in my 40s that I only see my friends at weddings. Now approaching 50, I mostly see them at funerals or the occasional boys' night out. The interesting thing is that this feels okay to me, natural even. I have of course made new friends out here in the burbs, but they aren't as important to my identity as my friends in my 20s or in college were. I wonder if my grandparents felt the same way.
Surprise!!! You get older, that’s what happens. But you know what? I don’t think it’ll bother you. It’s weird it happens to young ppl though
As you get older and wiser you shed trash pretending to be friends and curate a circle pf people you can trust, as age further that circle dies or drifts away. Personally I crave isolation....So no friends is ideal.
I make entertaining videos as well🙏
@Stuart Little That's usually kind of the "first" approach when meeting people. but in my case since I'm usually the go with the flow type of guy talking to people is actually not as hard plus i don't make things awkward. In my opinion if you want to make the DOWN to earth friends just be yourself as long as you're not Super weird and can communicate and express yourself in a "common sense." kind of way then making these ACTUAL friends is easy.
It also seems like car centric suburbs may play a role. Walkable cities make it much easier to stay connected or meet new faces
I think 2 is a magic number in relationships! If you are having “just” one close friend everything is so much brighter and the world opens to you! (Like if you are alone it is dangerous to go parties, camping ect alone)
But the hard thing is how to find that one friend?
I really like the way you present this animation. Thank you for letting me join in your great experience.
I always thought it was weird how big my friendship group is for someone in their thirties. Looking back we had one guy who put in a huge amount of effort to making sure everyone kept hanging out. Now we're all close like family and I know no matter what happens we'll all be there for each other. If you're in your early 20s be that guy. Put in the effort. Your future self will thank you.
I was that guy for my friends in my early twenties. They're all still friends. They stayed. I moved away. And then again even further. We kept being close friends and seeing each other once a year for years to come. Then things changed. We became more and more estranged, contact got awkward and scarce. Most of them are still pretty close I think. I went a different path. I'm still happy for them.
@@floriangallus7760 you are a guide, you leader others to a treasure you no longer possess. You gave them a gift. Seriously though yeah it gets hard, and depending on how far you are and for how long can make it hard. I lived 3 hours away from group for a couple years and could only make sporadic visits. We had another guy join the army for 4. If your ever in their neck of the woods you should reach out to them. You may find yourself hanging out like nothings changed.
That guy in my life died. He always said no one would come to his funeral. The number of vehicles carrying the people that did come literally shut down traffic in the area for several hours.
@@Hansengineering LMAO seemed like a cool guy, rest in peace
WOW! This makes me feel SO HAPPY. I honestly feel it is a bit tough because while you put effort not many others reciprocate that same vibe back. I am glad you found a guy like that. Also, what is it that he had done to create that sort of friendship group?
I am literally realizing that being alone and not having a great social life at all is hurting my mental health and I am about to go to my first year of uni and I was hoping to make friends there. Real friends I can hang out with, talk to and do things with, never had those. This video’s timing is very optimal
its very hard to make friends at school honestly I make way more online.
im going to find your address and force you to join a club youre an utter baffoon if you dont join one
Uni is the best place to make friends! Go to as many clubs/events as you can, even if you don't know anyone. I focused too much on studying in uni instead of making connections and I ended up with like no friends
I haven’t watched the video yet but I saw your comment.
Lasting connections and friendships happen organically. Actively put yourself in social situations but try not to push yourself too much onto other people. A little goes a long way with meeting people.
i’m a freshman in college. i commute to school. and idgaf bout making friends. you will always find someone that you will like talking to. well i love my family and I go to church, so that’s probably why I don’t feel lonely.
I’ve moved 26 times and 5 different states since I was 18. I’m 37 now, and I can say that unless I try to keep the relationships alive, I won’t hear from any people - save maybe a couple - every time I moved states or left and moved back. People just don’t remember you unless you are regularly in their lives. I stopped feeling bad for myself and realized that most people just can’t keep things alive unless it’s already in their active, normal life. Is what it is. Although, I will say that the less people i have in my life, the more peace I feel. Kind of prefer it now to be honest. A large friend group isn’t as close as you think it is the moment you leave.
I love this video because it doesn’t make me feel alone just of all the views who are having trouble making friends makes me feel that am not alone and am not the only one with this problem
As an person with autism, maintaining friendships is so hard. I'm so greatful for the handful that take the initiative, because they know it's scary for me.
Being socially awkward does not mean that I hate socializing.
Indeed. It's better to have trusted friends. It doesn't need to be a lot. You know you can count on them and they know they can count on you. The way you know how. I'm glad you have friends that do. Take care.
@@blufu8727 💜
@@blufu8727 i like u catman
Yeah i also have autism and im around people all the time but still have no friends at 23, this video doesnt work for me
@@blushdog99 Chin up, friend. You'll find them. They'll find you. It's better to have solitude than having fake friends. You'll get hurt in desperation to have them. But also loneliness is not okay. Family and relatives you know can give you the support you need. You gotta take it step by step. Sometimes, take a notch up to meet people if need be but in the pace you're comfortable with. More you meet people, the experience it gives you will help find the right ones. All in due time.
Just started my freshman year of college, and was already beginning to fall into the routine of just putting my head down and working rather than making an active effort to develop friendships. This video was a really good reminder that friendships take work, and that work is just as important as school work. Thanks kurgesagt
As a 27 year old, whom is still struggling to get through college, college is not like high school, since people just come and go far too often. Maybe you will have better luck than I did/do. :( But I wish you well on your college goals.
👀
I feel like I would beg to differ in here, no matter how much hard work you put in. Friendships are not something that you earned and worked hard for. I feel like most of the friendships that I had are something that I get along with common hobbies, experiences. This is what bring us closer and made it so authentic and long-lasting.
Man I feel that. Starting my junior year now and I’m having to fight nail and claw to get out to get out of that habit.
I’m sorry to hear that :(
07:34 friendship paradox
I just save this becomes its good to know guy's what its ok to have few friends, if you have real friends
This video gave me hope. Thank you! ❤
I miss being a kid and literally having a conversation like "Hi! Want to be my friend?" "Sure!"
What I've noticed as an adult is, the best way to form friendships quickly is by laughing together. Putting yourself in a situation where you can laugh, whether it's conversations, movies, or games, makes it much more likely to get that sweet, sweet oxytocin flowing.
I learned that adults of all ages are still receptive to just being asked to be friends. It's awkward, but honest and it sets boundaries/expectations, so it's appreciated.
Glorify Undefinable, The Answerer or The Stabilizer of Matter
Controllers of Body, By eternal Existence rely to Undefinable alone, be Serene and judge by how Matter executes! The Identity can exist in every possibility!
Ask guidance and things You can't get to The Answerer, THAT allowed You into this body, THAT gave truth for clean-minded in Subconscious, and avoid numbness!
And use wonders Lord of Existence made from Earth, and don't take what is unknown, until You will understand it! Shape Your own makings, and You will be supported!
Blessed is Controller of Man united with intuition and subtle joy! That relies to The Originator alone, That chooses by the best, That hears brainwaves and sees eye pixels!
The life can be mastered, for rules were made simple to Observant! Don't be fearful of destiny, because We're parts of possibilities, that have freewill with Serenity!
By wonders of fat-stores fasting, that cleans everything inside! Forbid high anti-nutrient, PUFA, synthetic food - allow wheatgrass, fruit seeds and ferment food!
Trial is what evil awaited and good missed! Universe remains to its original form, and don't change adaptable bodies in ignorance!
Challenging are the days of Illusion and a sad burden to anyone that didn't seek independence, no first-cause is miracle-free!
Great are the days of Responsibility that nourish the Soul! We have always existed! Everything is possible, You're in this body!
Simulation theory is insufficient, and lucid dreams are managed by nutritionally sufficient and aware!
The world is created for Observer's favor! Whole Multiverse is in perfection for Purpose! As World ends, it will return! Current place is special by The Stabilizer!
I never had friends as a kid only one sided friends 😭
@@bloomeraklyon5842 What do you mean?
@@bloomeraklyon5842 oof, I play Pokémon tcg during breaks and I still have friends.
... I play Pokémon tcg in HIGH SCHOOL.
The fact that CZcams recommended this to me instantly says a lot
yea same
Same.
my thoughts exactly 😳
Yeah, tho strange for me since I got friends 🤨
Thank you for giving me confidence and giving me hope, Kurzgesagt, you truly made me happy moments, I'll try to be more social :)
At the time of typing this I have no friends... I gave up the old "friends" because they treated me kind of awfully every sense they knew I was "different". I am trying to make more friends but I didn't know how. Thank you so much for making this and making it acessable.
I've been the "lone wolf" since I was a teenager, with rare exceptions of moments when I suddenly had some friends and energy to make all I liked. It's painful having this personality almost my whole life. Having few friends or no one to share my feelings is now making me lose the track of my life, really. When I was younger, being a "young-adult" seemed a lot more interesting than it turned to be. Seeing my friends developing their lives, constructing relationships, marrying, having kids...and me with the same old lone-wolf stuff. Socializing hurts me now harder than before and I really don't know how to recover from this mental state. Totally great video.
Glorify Undefinable, The Answerer or The Stabilizer of Matter
Controllers of Body, By eternal Existence rely to Undefinable alone, be Serene and judge by how Matter executes! The Identity can exist in every possibility!
Ask guidance and things You can't get to The Answerer, THAT allowed You into this body, THAT gave truth for clean-minded in Subconscious, and avoid numbness!
And use wonders Lord of Existence made from Earth, and don't take what is unknown, until You will understand it! Shape Your own makings, and You will be supported!
Blessed is Controller of Man united with intuition and subtle joy! That relies to The Originator alone, That chooses by the best, That hears brainwaves and sees eye pixels!
The life can be mastered, for rules were made simple to Observant! Don't be fearful of destiny, because We're parts of possibilities, that have freewill with Serenity!
By wonders of fat-stores fasting, that cleans everything inside! Forbid high anti-nutrient, PUFA, synthetic food - allow wheatgrass, fruit seeds and ferment food!
Trial is what evil awaited and good missed! Universe remains to its original form, and don't change adaptable bodies in ignorance!
Challenging are the days of Illusion and a sad burden to anyone that didn't seek independence, no first-cause is miracle-free!
Great are the days of Responsibility that nourish the Soul! We have always existed! Everything is possible, You're in this body!
Simulation theory is insufficient, and lucid dreams are managed by nutritionally sufficient and aware!
The world is created for Observer's favor! Whole Multiverse is in perfection for Purpose! As World ends, it will return! Current place is special by The Stabilizer!
Hopefully you have a sibling or a love interest that is your best friend
maybe you and your friends could try doing Doing different activities in the same room. You don’t have the pressure of talking to them, but you’re still with other people so you’re getting that human connection that you crave
lone wolf is cringe
I am a Lone Wolf myself I know exactly what your getting at I see the same with people around me as you describe can hit you reall hard in the feels it often does for me but I searched for help cause I realized that it's not good and that I want to be happy :)
I've had a small friend group since high school, and a series of breakups and conflicts within that group has led to me being almost utterly alone spare my parents and one other friend. This video has inspired me to find a new friend group despite my fears of the same things happening again. We have to give ourselves the chance!
to prevent that, dont date or try not to intervene in arguements or anything like that. just try to stabilize things by not mentioning anything about drama and ignoring it
@@squidthesquid1233 I agree! Don’t shit where you eat.
Yur I make entertaining videos as well
You can do it!!
Those Pins and Posters where such a great idea!
Ich love this so much!!!
I watched this video while catching up the ones I missed because I got incredibly buys with life and a tear dropped down while watching.
Oh Kurzgesagt
I remember how much it hurt when the pandemic started. I hadn’t realized how many people I was friends with by proxy. I lost connection to those “central hubs” and was left feeling like there was no one who wanted to be friends with me. The work I’ve been doing on myself over the last 2.5 years has been about no longer relying on a central hub, but building the courage to become one instead.
Same, because of this pandemic, Im working from home. I switched jobs to a remote position and Ive been there for half a year but Ive made 0 friends :( Everyone speaks so formally because nobody knows anybody.
Hope you’re both able to find new friends, I fully believe in you.
Glorify Undefinable, The Answerer or The Stabilizer of Matter
Controllers of Body, By eternal Existence rely to Undefinable alone, be Serene and judge by how Matter executes! The Identity can exist in every possibility!
Ask guidance and things You can't get to The Answerer, THAT allowed You into this body, THAT gave truth for clean-minded in Subconscious, and avoid numbness!
And use wonders Lord of Existence made from Earth, and don't take what is unknown, until You will understand it! Shape Your own makings, and You will be supported!
Blessed is Controller of Man united with intuition and subtle joy! That relies to The Originator alone, That chooses by the best, That hears brainwaves and sees eye pixels!
The life can be mastered, for rules were made simple to Observant! Don't be fearful of destiny, because We're parts of possibilities, that have freewill with Serenity!
By wonders of fat-stores fasting, that cleans everything inside! Forbid high anti-nutrient, PUFA, synthetic food - allow wheatgrass, fruit seeds and ferment food!
Trial is what evil awaited and good missed! Universe remains to its original form, and don't change adaptable bodies in ignorance!
Challenging are the days of Illusion and a sad burden to anyone that didn't seek independence, no first-cause is miracle-free!
Great are the days of Responsibility that nourish the Soul! We have always existed! Everything is possible, You're in this body!
Simulation theory is insufficient, and lucid dreams are managed by nutritionally sufficient and aware!
The world is created for Observer's favor! Whole Multiverse is in perfection for Purpose! As World ends, it will return! Current place is special by The Stabilizer!
Same here but in college. My social skills pretty much went back to zero after more than two years of quarantine/virtual classes. I've slowly rebuilt my friend network but it's just not the same when you don't get to meet them in person.
@@henrylo6773 I have the same issue! I'm hoping the christmas social changes that for me.
I’m crying so hard watching this as I’ve been so lonely for too long… maybe even my whole life. It hurts when it seems like everyone around me has people to hang with and be social meanwhile I’ve got no one except me and sometimes my parents who are generally busy. Kinda feel ashamed writing this as a 30 yo. I’ve been to therapy and nothing helps.
Be gentle to yourself. What did you try already?
The hungry dont get fed.
For whatever reason, its nearly impossible to make friends until your ok with not having them, and have just decided to go live your life and passions without shame. The decision to be ok with failure, can lead to success.
reminds me of cptsd, life is tough for some, but you're making a big progress by just talking about it. Venting online is a good way of finding people who have the same struggles as you and with whom you might eventually become friends. Try digging more, maybe some forums, I'm sure you'll find somebody if you enter a community. Wishing you luck
How you doing?
Same. I used to go to events but end up just sitting in the corner as I’m too shy. I have family but no real friends.
Thank you kurzgesagt for all your Videos about lonelyness and friendships! I really am confident now to change my Life. (Greetings from Germany ;) )
Hi
Thank you so much I’m a very shy person and I have a social problem Thank you These tips will help
One of my fav quotes from “The Social Animal” feels relevant here:
Trust is habitual reciprocity that becomes coated by emotion; it grows when two people begin volleys of communication and cooperation and slowly learn they can rely upon each other. Members soon learn that they can not only cooperate with each other, but sacrifice for each other.
Thank you for this. I screenshotted it to save and look back on 💙
Wow. Ive noticed that people who just perpetually and habitually, almost uncontrollably sacrifice and risk having so much of their efforts go unappreciated are basically friends with every single person they are around.
@@viciousKev Well, I'm going to assume a lot of those friendships are one-way streets. I know a couple of people as you described, and 90% of the bastards they surround themselves with are only hanging around with them because those "friends" get a lot from them and feel they have to give nothing in return, i.e., taking advantage of the person.
Watch how quick those friends say "I thought we were cool" if the person establishes some boundaries and refuses the friend a favor.
Thank you 😊😊
When trust is broken due to matters of ill repute and intention, it is very hard to believe in others. I am trying to find new friends since I had to walk away from all of them due to them being strung out addicts who don’t want to change or get clean. I am trying CZcams video content and streaming, but having a friend call me and ask “what are you up to?” would make my week now. It’s lonely…