Brandon's Cult Movie Reviews: DRACULA 3-D
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- čas přidán 3. 11. 2019
- Legendary Italian director Dario Argento makes his debut on the show with "Dracula 3-D", but does it measure up to his older works?
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I wonder if this would've worked if it really had been a 90's FMV game?
It's an insult to Asylum movies to compare this to an Asylum movie.
BTW: can you review Howling II?
Brandon Tenold I doubt it... nailed it with the Mortal Kombat Annihilation joke! That’s all I was thinking. Cheers and keep up the excellent work, my fellow Canadian!
Still way better than Sewer Sharks.
Never thought of that, but yeah, it does reminds you of a FMV-game. Except had this been a 90's FMV-game it would have at least looked more charmingly cheesy like most of those games where and it would have likely looked so much better in comparsion to this ugly Asylum/SyFy looking movie!
Phenomena is my favorite movie. Your channel is awesome.
Even Dracula: Dead and Loving It is more serious than this schlock.
Great movie
Agreed! For one thing Mel Brooks knew what he was doing and not being lured in by FX ::=)
I believe Mel Brooks actually wanted to make a serious vampire movie, but he added jokes to sell it to producers, because it has a lot of scenes that you could add into serious movies and they would not look out of place at all.
Love at First Bite was more serious than this.
This flipped me 😂😂😂 hh funny and true at the same time...
Brandon's expression when Mr. Mantis makes his grand appearance was precisely my own. XD
haha same
I can only assume Dario owed a bunch of favors to a bunch of people.
Yeah, he let Alan Smithee use his name in the credits.
I assume the Same with Rutger Haur
...wonder what he owed the praying mantis maffia
or a bunch of money
@@skylx0812 For those racist anti s.....pro Soviet fascist imperalistic comments against the chosen ones, you have been sentenced to 18 years in FEMA camp!
"So ... That was ... Uh ... Yeah."
Pretty much sums it up exactly.
Totally!
I couldn’t agree more but Argento is still a legend with a lot of awesome films
12:59
Alucard: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I killed all but one of them.
Integra: What happened to the last one?
13:13
Alucard: Pussed out like a bitch.
If only Dario Argento was in charge of the Universal Dark Universe. Now that would be trippie.
What about Guillermo DelToro?
Dario already did a Phantom of the Opera and Dracula adaption it would be terrible but entertaining
Now how would Dario Argento do The Wolfman, Frankenstein, The Mummy, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon?
They would be dirt cheap while trying so hard to be stylish. I think the quality of those films would be terrible but enjoyable for some reason.
Italian guy here, I remember seeing trailers for this at the cinema in 2012... I was appalled by how cheap it looked and "was that a fucking MANTIS?"
Thank you for suffering through it to provide us this review, which definitely makes it easier to watch without having seen it.
Almost $8 million US. Where did it go?!
This was theatrical!?
Okay Dracula was kind of a shapeshifter turning into mist, a wolf and the iconic bat, but changing into a giant bug is where I have to call BS.
"just because she's dead doesn't mean he has to stop seeing her" okay that gave me a laugh
With tits like hers, I don't blame him.
I believe the woman in Nekromantik felt the same way about the corpse? :P
@PHANTOMZONE fine booty on her too....remember, dead girls can't say "no"........but after rigor mortise sets in they do play hard to get
@@randomguy2518 woah there, bundy.
@Cleetus Cleets'n Bundy? ...no....that was more of a "Gein" thing to say.
3-D makes a comeback every 30 years, big in the 80s, and in the 50s before that
And most recently in the early 2010s....so I guess by the 2040s is when it becomes extremely popular again?....and after that the 2070s and then the 2100s?
In the 50's?! Explain yourself!
Toaster Strudel that’s when the red and blue sunglasses started.
3D is still around, except for home video in the US. 3DTVs are still being made.
Attacking new unsuspecting generations!!
The giant mantis is my spirit animal.
The Deadly Mantis is our favorite Mst3k episode.
Attack of the 50 foot Chicken wing!!!!
Nice Cheech and Ching "It Came From Hollywood" reference.
It needs to be a meme.
What? 😂
The original Dracula novel is easily my third most favorite book, and it's a crime that most adaptations leave out the true hero of the story (and all around badass) Quincy Morris. But please, dear God, let there someday be an actually faithful adaptation of the book!
Try the 1977 TV movie Count Dracula with Louis Jourdan, it's the most accurate to the book. It's here on CZcams.
@@BeeDub57 well put. It's not perfect, but it's miles better than the COppola stuff.
"I didn't stab her! she just, walked into my cross..."
"I did not stab her, I didn't, that's bullshit, I did Naat! Oh, hi…whoever there are."
She walked into my cross 10 times...
That Praying Mantis scene is just downright hilarious.
You're So Right 😂😅!!
"Stop Drackin' and start mackin'!" - genius.
Interesting that Van Helsing was finally played by a Dutch actor (and a magnificent one at that). Too bad Rutger didn't get to play him in a better adaptation.
Would have been amazing to see Argento do Dracula in his prime. This is jut a sad mess.
with Udo Kier as Dracula, a score by Goblin, and Jennifer Connolly as Mina Harker. Hell yeah, it could have worked. I can't believe this came from Argento, he and poor ol' George Romero both lost their touch around the same time.
I imagine it being like a trippier and bloodier version of Coppola's Dracula. With Goblin music.
@@DeepEye1994 Oh man that would have been awesome sadly the film we got is a film that’s best left unmentioned.
I absolutely lost it when the damn Mantis showed up! Like did they actually think that that was scary? Did they think anything they did in this movie was scary? I sincerely hope not...
Probably looking for a way to justify the movie's budget, then pocket the money.
The music sounds like a Treehouse of Horrors episode of the Simpsons.
Or Scooby-Doo.....lmfao!!!
8:18 They hold books in such great esteem for books that they stack tone of them next to burning candles.
Speaking of Thomas Kretschmann, he also played Abraham van Helsing in the TV show of Dracula.
I am thankful that Rutger Haur had many more film roles after this, it would have been tragic for this to be his last
Thank God it wasn’t. Would’ve been embarrassing to me. I did like him here as he knew this was bad and just did his Rutger coolness
@@LucyLioness100 indeed, dude was in ALOT of the movies I watched growing up, Split Second, Blind Fury, Ladyhawke, to name a few
@@randomguy2518 Plus he performed and at least co-wrote one of the most famous and beautiful speeches in cinematic history. "Like tears in rain".
considering the heights that argento achieved with with movies like susperia and deep red I cant even laugh at this, its just painful to think this shit was made by the same person.
How the mighty have fallen.
@@cartooncritique6625 heartbreaking
@@gyg_pa9381 Dario will always be a legend
Ayden Vavra I agree, and I'm somewhat sad that we didn't get a good Dracula from him. He's a legend but his last films are a stain on his legacy.
@@gyg_pa9381 I did enjoy Mother of Tears but Giallo and Dracula 3D were borderline unwatchable and boring.
RIP Rutger Hauer 1944-2019. Ive always liked in horror movies how well lit the woods were at night. Ive been in woods at night. Even with a full moon you cant see anything. WTF a giant Mantis? Is that the baby version of the Deadly Mantis 1957?
I enjoyed seeing Hauer in THE HITCHER back in the day with C. Thomas Howell. Great movie. Great Cautionary tale.
I think the "3D" in the title stands for the 3 dollars spent on the special effects budget.
Good lord... WTF happened to Argento?? It's like if Alfred Hitchcock later made the movie "Plan 9 From Outer Space"
It's worse, I think. Say what you will about Ed Wood, but at least early in his career, he was *trying*. He was terrible, but he was giving it his all, under the circumstances. This just feels so lazy.
Good Lord, this movie looks more like a porn parody of Dracula if the director couldn't commit to filming the actual sex scenes. Also, that praying mantis scene . . . *WTF?!?!?!*
And you can tell he didn't commit in that opening scene because that guy was SO not penetrating hot prospective vampire chick's vagina in that position.
I actually know you.
@@JustCallMeHeavy You do?!
@@nerdsman567 Well not a friend of yours exactly, but I know you from elsewhere.
@@JustCallMeHeavy You mean from DeviantART?
I would love it if you covered more of Argento's late period work, like The Card Player, Giallo, and Mother of Tears. Basically, everything he did post-Stendhal Syndrome, or post-Opera, depending on where you fall.
He really started to lose his shit with The Stendhal Syndrome, where he began to use dubious digital and 3D effects. Some say he started to go apeshit with Phenomena or Opera (that surreal ending scene in Switzerland, pure gold), but for me it is in The Stendhal Syndrome (which is still a pretty good, vicious and terrifying psychological-horror movie) his true decline began.
"Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line on the floor. You'll know when the test starts." - Cave Johnson (we're done here)
I agree that Opera is one of Argento's ok-movies, but Phenomena is one of his best movies! Sure the story can get uneven sometimes, but it's really well made, awesome music by Goblin and awesome soundtrack by Iron Maiden and Motorhead! Before he used his daughter Asia in his movies he used his ex-wife and her mother, Daria Nicolodi, in his other classic movies. The last movie she was in was Opera.
Not the first time a vampire has been killed with an ordinary gun, as seen in Universal’s “House of Dracula.” Of course, that’s generally considered one of their weaker products as well.
Ok. The mantis was out of left field. I want to come up with an analogy of hiw weird it was, but I don't know anything that seems appropriately bizarre.
Obviously Drac is a fan of Kamakuras from Son of Godzilla, don't judge him for it
It's about as weird as a preying mantis stabbing a dude with it's legs. Clever analogy, right?
Vampires can turn into wolves and bats sure, but a mantis is pushing it.
The BiG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT:
@@SwiftNimblefoot Especially a GIANT Mantis! :/
Brandon: "There's no way this movie can get any sillier!"
Dracula(Mantis forme): "Imma end this Canadian man's career!"
From suspiria to this. How the mighty have fallen
9:16 They must have really liked that shot. It's in the trailer.
Awesome work on this video, and thanks for teaching me more about this very strange, misplaced film. I feel so bad for Dario, but at least he probably had fun making it
Also, having just seen this last week, it's delightfully cathartic to hear you rip into it. I have to admit, I got suckered into it on Argento's name.
The music is actually pretty good if you use it for a kids TV halloween movie
15:25 I dont think Dario Argento has ever seen anything but a picture of a praying mantis before making this film. It would be way less scary if it actually moved realistically, which is more like a drunken giraffe on stilts waiting for you to come near enough to bite your head off than a vicious monster that moves at cheetah speed.
For everything this movie gets wrong, it actually has a Dracula who can properly pronounce his name.
At least Argento got that right
"There is no way this movie could POSSIBLY get any sillier!"
*Giant Mantis shows up*
Me:...You HAD to say that.
Seeing a Dutch actor play a Dutch character with an American accent is putting me on the verge of another existential crisis.
I would've love to see Rutger Hauer, while filming this crap,meet Michael Madsen during the Bloodrayne shooting. Drunken slurrs with awesome voices.
Actually, this movie's full title is Dracula Dudley Death Drop.
Nice.
alucard... GET THE TABLES
Remember the Dudleys in ECW? They were fuckin' vulgar.
Wouldn’t that make it 4-D?
@@Stormkrow280 Yes, but I don't know any wrestling moves called the 4-D.
The guy’s head flying off at the speed of light at 13:02 absolutely sent me 🤣
Wow I think this is the first time I've seen someone play Van Helsing that is actually Dutch.
Also you should review the schlock 2011 movie The FP.
Great soundtrack, I loved Jason Trost in the most recent Slayer videos.
Now look at this, one of my favorite youtuber talking about crappy Dario Argento, keep up the good work.
It’s kinda funny and maybe a little sad that Thomas Kretschmann ended up playing Van Helsing, _ally_ of Dracula, in NBC’s 2013 steampunk reimaging-and I didn’t think the show was that bad!
If I recall correctly, one reason it never got a second season was all the addiction-based disruptions from the guy playing Dracula! Kinda appropriate, I guess…
I say we strap every single person who complained about Morbius into one of those Clockwork Orange style chairs and force them to sit through this movie
Why? “Morbius” is still pretty bad. It’s not as bad as this, but that’s not a high bar to clear.
i saw Morbius. it was mediocre at WORST. if that's you're idea of a bad movie, that's just pathetic.
@@tuckerbowen4626 It’s not my idea of a _horrible_ movie, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.
@@redjed100 that doesn't make the constant whining about it any less insufferable
@@tuckerbowen4626 I was under the impression we were talking about its merits as a movie as opposed to how it was discussed at the time it came out. The discourse on the internet is what it is.
Take a shot every time Brandon mentions this film looking like it should be a game.
...you are now dead, I'm sorry
+1 for mentioning how light the night is or that he directed susperia and deep red
@@summersammich1324 exactly, we'd have the highest alcohol levels ever recorded
Well, I haven't seen all that many of his videos, but I, uh... noticed a certain… habit of his.
In almost every video:
- He makes 3 or 4 points of criticism, then just reiterates/repeats those same points several times throughout the review. Sure, he makes a lot of really good one-shot jokes as well, but some things he will just repeat and repeat …
- and repeat it once more before he signs off.
(I know, it actually makes sense, you want to make sure your audience gets it, and emphasizing some key moments also helps to make the video memorable. - But there's usually a limit to how many times I can find the same joke funny.)
Still, his stuff is great stuff. :)
Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can't comment on this review.
Would we have it any other way?
No, Brandon. No we wouldn't
*YUP!!*
When one of the vampires was burning alive, the CGI of the fire had me weak 😂
1:30 3-D was never anything more than a pointless stupid gimmick.
6:30 Sounds like another case of a classic director who's clearly out of his element...kinda like George A. Romero when he tried to make a found footage film.
9:42 I don't remember THAT happening in Bram Stoker...also why is a wolf growling like a lion? :/
13:50 Are we sure this was meant to be a parody? XD
14:59 Ladies and Gentlemen, we have officially "Jumped The Shark"! :O
17:42 He'll be back...Dracula ALWAYS comes back...18:21 TOLD YA! XD
What's sad is that there was a Japanese movie called Casshern (very underappreciated in my opinion) that contained tons of CGI in every single shot, and the CGI was far, far better than anything here, despite the fact that that movie was made 9 years earlier, and with a budget of ~75% of this one! That's literally like discovering that Superman's CG-Lip in Justice League cost as much as a Transformers movie!
I’ve seen this movie... all I can say is...Wooooow! We’re a long way & time from Suspiria & Deep Red!!!
Kyle Curry well said
Argento will always be a legend
some movies I'd like to see Brandon review in the future: Bubba Ho Tep, Cat People 1982, The Frighteners, The Blob, House of Wax 1953, The Beyond 1982, The Wicker Man 1973, Willard 1971, Zombi 2, The Room, The Howling 2, Highlander, Heavy Metal, Pumpkinhead, Night of the Lepus, Orca, more movies from Hammer studios, more Stephen King movies, more Godzilla movies, more Ray Harryhausen films (including One Million Years BC and The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms), more Ralph Bakshi and Rankin/Bass animated films and the first 3 Mad Max movies
Owl making eagle noises.
Actually that's a common error, the sound is of a hawk.
I didn't need to say that.
The Sega CD references were awesome
Funny how 3D has been the "future of cinema" 3 or 4 times now.
What's really weird is that it looks as though the team behind Resident Evil: Village took this movie as their template for the Dimitrescu 'family': turning into swarms of flies, petrifying and crumbling upon death. The latter effect is particularly similar.
This is one of your most funniest reviews 😂 I watched it twice. 😂
2:27 never have I seen so much fear on Brandon's face, great review!
Is it me, or has it been a while since that "DECAPITAAATTIOOOON!" clip got used?
Tobe Hooper made Eaten Alive in 1977, after TCM. It's definitely schlock, though I love it. Also features a pre Freddy Robert Englund.
Been with Brandon long enough to remember 25k views on a video period was great now he gets them within 12hrs of posting.
Congrats on the hard work paying off. You and Decker are the only reviewers I've never taken a break from. Keep em coming and I'll keep watching you snarky canuck bastard.
The way you feel about Argento is probably the same way I and others feel about Patrick Stewart.
How the mighty have fallen.
What? He's been brilliant, and critically quite well-received, even if the projects he's in might not be. I really don't understand the sentiment. Could you please explain?
@@michaelccozens I'm going to completely honest and say I don't remember what I meant. I quite literally only get about 3 hours of sleep every night, most likely I typed that at one of those times.
The only thing I can think of is how Patrick Stewart was at the top of his game some time ago but with the release of Picard there were things they changed that didn't make sense. In a way it was redconing some of universe lore and logic, things they tried to bring into the (now Picard) Star Trek universe that really didn't make any sense or that even undid previous TNG majorly epic moments such as the death of Data.
Basically Patrick Stewart could do no wrong in the TNG days but now he's kind of getting push back.
This has nothing to do with "TNG was better and Picard sucks" or "Picard is woke" bull💩. There are literally things in Picard that either undo established lore or undo the gravitas of previous events.
And sense Patrick Stewart is campaigning the new series, if I remember correctly he's giving his "okay" for the scripts, then he's responsible for undoing a lot of those moments already established in the Star Trek series, and so he's not so loved as he once was.
Wow it takes a lot to make Dracula 2000 look like a classic but this does it. If Asylum made this at least it might be more fun because you would go expecting something like this.
Of every movie I have seen in 3D Avatar is the only one that it was worth the effort
For me, the only one was “Monsters vs Aliens.”
This channel is amazing! Best reviews on CZcams for me. Genuinely funny and always gives realistic well articulated review on top of it! Keep up the good work dude!
Dario is my favorite horror director. Deep red is a classic imo.
Rugged Hauer spent almost $10 in postage mailing his performance in.
I'm digging that Kyuss shirt. Like alot
Ditto bro. I said something similar.
One Argento film worth watching would be Phenomena. It has Jennifer Connelly in her first ever movie role. On top of that, it also inspired a cult classic horror game: 'Clock Tower' (Super Famicom / SNES). Oh, and make sure you watch the original version properly titled 'Phenomena', and not the shitty edited American version titled 'Creepers'.
Seconded. It was my favorite spoopytime movie even back when all I saw was the American cut, but after seeing the full cut, it blew that out of the water (not to mention, the Creepers cut cut out a lot of great character moments and dialogue and even some plot relevant stuff which is so sad). Now, I watch it with one of my friends every Halloween.
Also Phenomena easily has one of the best main protagonists in a horror film out there. She's actually really fleshed out and you really feel for her by the end of the movie. Like you're actively rooting for her, and it makes certain scenes, especially THAT one (anyone who's seen it knows the one, where once the phone drops down the hole it's time to change browser tabs or bury your face into a stuffed animal for a bit), all the more harrowing. It REALLY gets the empathy going and I love it for that. For anyone interested, the full version is up on Amazon Prime for rather cheap, would recommend it whenever you wanna watch something spooky. If one is really desperate the Creepers cut is up on CZcams via several Robin Hoods but again you're gonna miss out on a lot of good stuff, from character backstories to Professor McGregor's monologue about the Fohn wind. Would not recommend it for anyone who's squeamish regarding bugs, especially maggots, though. There's a lot of those in this film.
6:43, yes, it does look like a Made For TV on Syfy!😂
That praying mantis is my new favorite thing.
Dracula 3D: The Revenge of Kamacuras.
My new spirit animal.
I am a huge fan of the channel and your reviews, and have binged my way through all of them in the last 7 months. I have to say that I have never agreed more with your assessment than I have with this one in regards to this being a rejected FMV CD-Rom game. That was just so spot on and accurate it almost makes me want to go watch playthroughs...almost.
Thanks again for putting in all the time and effort to make awesome content.
I got my Horror Pack and I kid you not, one of the latest films was his Agrento’s Dracula 3-D blu-ray
Who does not know them? The classic inhabitants of the night, which belong in every Darcula movie: the bat, rats, the wolf, owls. And... the gigantic praying mantis.
(I'm surprised she didn't bite the guy's head off. Like the termite aliens in that alien invasion movie with Bruce Campbell).
3:18, The Company Of Wolves was pretty good!
True, but recent remakes aren't
That's not his point
Why Dario? Why?
Dario: "Cocaine is a hell of a drug."
Keep up the great work I love your videos so entertaining and I always get a good laugh from every one I watch
*Mantis pops out of no where *
"Im the baby, gotta love me!"
Wtf?? Dinosaurs? Lol, ok, I guess that was just as appropriately random considering.
I love it when Dracula
Turning a mantis is
Bad awesome
15:02 I bet no one saw that coming. I know I didn't...
Is this a "Producers" style gambit to commit tax fraud or something?
The movie received a lot of public funds (we're talking millions of Euros) from the Italian Ministry of Arts and Culture, so... it's a possibility... 😬
Okay, what we really need is a remake of The Deadly Mantis...
So, Dario Argento cast his own daughter AND got Rutger Hauer to star in a Dracula softcore porn parody is what you're saying😁
When you put it that way it makes the movies sound better than it ever deserves.
The guy playing Dracula looks a little like Louis Jordan's version of Dracula.
Yes Brandon! Thank you for saying Ed Gein correctly, lol. And this movie does remind me of the Dracula game for Sega CD except that game had better graphics and acting 🤣
The Dom DeLuise joke was hilarious.
*FOOTAGE FLAGGED BY TOHO* Dangit!
9:40 and now it's "Howling 2".
Ohh boy.. I havent seen one of your vids in a while since I moved and started over again. Glad I get time to watch now!
I remember going on a week-long binge of Argento's 70s and 80s movies. Then I watched this movie thinking a Dario Argento vampire movie would be awesome. Sufficed to say, I was disappointed. Imagine how great this movie would have been if he made it 30 years earlier.
probably would have been one of the best vampire movies of all time if he had of made it back in the prime of his career.
2:25, the look on Brandon's face it look like we're on for a video to a movie well never forget!😊
‘Stop Draccin’ and Start Mackin’’.
I kind of want Brandon to review some FMV games now ...
That praying mantis is giving me so many things I didn't know I needed ! Oh my
C'mon Brandon...we all know how you made that smoke effect in your video.🤙
16:44 "This is my stomach. This is my heart. THIS is my stomach! THIS is my heart!" What was that quote from? I know it was some vampire movie.
19:05 Priceless! XD
Vampire in Brooklyn
Brandon's right, while 3D is still around as a film viewing format, it has died down since the early 2010s. I believe it was after 2014 or 2015 (basically, middle of the decade) when the trend started to settle down and be not as widespread as it was. Sure, AMC movie theaters have kept up the trend, especially with Imax screens, but other movie theater companies have pretty much made it that only a few films they show will have the 3D format. The last film I remember I saw in a theater that wasn't AMC was Blade Runner 2049.
I know it's a really trivial detail, but he's supposed to be in Transylvania at 4:12, but that's an American style train. Usually it's the opposite, a movie will be set in the U.S. and use European style trains.