Boundaries in relationships: the basics - Terri Cole
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- čas přidán 3. 09. 2022
- When you get into a new relationship, do you ever make assumptions that the other person has the same morals, values, and integrity as you…
…without having a conversation about those things?
Do you think healthy relationships just develop naturally on their own?
Then watch this clip.
And if you wanna learn the 5 foundational boundaries every relationship needs, watch the full video here: • The 5 Foundational Bou...
P.S. I have a book called Boundary Boss that will show you how to authentically express your preferences, needs, and limits so you can live the happy, healthy life you deserve: boundarybossbook.com
ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
CONNECT ON SOCIAL
Instagram: / terricole
FB Page: / terricolelcsw
#shorts #boundaries #relationshiptips - Zábava
i didn’t realise it had a name! positive projection
Me too.
I'm just learning about boundaries in my mid-50s. A little late to the game, but this is so good, and it's been a long time coming! Thank you, Terri!
You're welcome, and it's never too late ❤️
Me too I'm 52.
You're my moms age, and i wish she'd be like you, growing herself and learning to say no. i love her a lot, but sadly i cant help her with that. so even if it wouldve been possible to start sooner in another life, that doesnt mean its too late now or that people wont appreciate it. You will appreciate it yourself and you still will benefit from it, I'm sure 😊❤
Yes! This is exactly where I’ve been messing up. I project goodness on to people instead of observing reality. I would love love love if you could talk about that tendency and how we can heal it more in depth.
Absolutely!!! I'm still working on it.😔
We all need boundaries for us and others
Exactly!
True wisdom from a mature beautiful woman..
Best video I have seen on this!!!!! As an autistic woman with adhd, I get really tired and confused when people complicate what this is and it has wasted so much of my energy through the various complicated explanations out there. This was just very simple and relatable. I like to keep things direct. Thank you for being neurodivergent friendly!!
I am so glad this was helpful for you and easy to understand ❤️❤️
thank you very much for this comment. I am hoping to get tested on both these neurodiversions. I have heard that it is hard to get taken seriously and tested at my age, as well as that the relevant tests were created with young males in mind? I would also like to know about certain crucial books or online videos etc to find out more information about autism and adhd that are helpful, for my personal understanding. Please can anyone recommend any resources or links?
Watching others to determine how much integrity they actually have
I SUPPORT THAT . I like U I LIKE YOUR TONE of voice how you'd EXPLAIN things 2me do U HAVE A BOOK OUT ? all of these things you're HELPIN us with..
She does.
It’s called “Boundary Boss”
Absolutely. Thank you.
It’s not only difficult in the beginning. It’s also difficult in the middle, or the end of a relationship.
I need to play this on repeat 500 times 😍 Thank you ! x
Excellent!!!! 😇😇
Thank you! Cheers!
especially considering how everyone can interpret things like morality
sometimes i found that i didnt realize our differences were on a lower fundamental level than the words we use to describe it.
so true. thank you very much for this
THANK YOU 🙏
No problem 😊
Setting boundaries is so important and is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
It definitely is!
Thank you Terri
This is great, thank you so much!
Thank you very much for sharing all these wise thoughts! Very helpful!
Thank you for being here Maria ❤️
This was THE BEST short I’ve seen on this subject yet.
Wow, lady. Thank you!
SUBSCRIBED ✨
Thanks ❤️ If you enjoyed it, I have a book and workbook on boundaries, too. (Check your library for Boundary Boss!)
My own personal rules of engagement. I love that phrase!
❤️❤️
Thank you ♥️♥️♥️🌹🌹🌹🌹🤩👌
this was so well put!!!! thank you
I think we are the same cus we all are stuck on our phones trying look for answers to things we become aware of thru comparisons of other peoples experiences with relationships. Everyone is so soft and want to have a sit down and explain why what one said was interpreted in a way one party took offense to every single time it happens. It probably just means you’re not clicking so just let go.
I don't know that I agree with that. Relationships aren't meant to be "easy." You will have to have difficult conversations sometimes, and that's where growth happens. You get to know each other more in those moments if it's done constructively. If it's constant (as you said "every single time it happens"), that's another thing.
👍🏾👏🏽
👏🏾💯
You are a beautiful lady and you have beautiful blue eyes
I appreciate you sharing your knowledge.
❤️
This is honestly enlightening, i think i have struggled with this exact thing my whole life since being a little girl, no matter how strong and well i feel in my own skin. There are some things i find very hard to comprehend that they even exist or come to terms with that they exist. I am talking about things like jealosy or not wishing others freedom or happiness, or not protecting or liberating one another, or not protecting vulnerable beings. These things and similar other things, i really struggle to comprehend exist even after having seen those things repeatedly, why human nature has this option or ability, if that makes any sense. Because there is NO logic or sanity in these things because we are all connected so there is no winning or losing. What badly affects another affects everybody. Why is this common sense not universally rooted or in place in humanity. It is like the global denying of truth. It honestly makes me feel mentally confused, it hurts my soul and makes me feel like an alien born on the wrong planet. Please, how can i accept this is how the world is and be more cautious, but at the same time not lose my spirit and natural happiness / my own reality? Please help, thank you 🙏❤
I see you and feel you on this so much ❤️ It's something I used to struggle with, too. There is something called positive projection, where we assume other people are like us and have similar values, morals, or integrity.
When I was younger, I literally thought everyone was the same as me. I am not saying I was Mother Teresa, but I have morals, values, and ethics and assumed everyone else did, too.
As a result, I got screwed over a lot. When making false promises and defrauding others doesn’t cross your mind, or when you haven’t experienced either, it is easy to assume everyone operates as you do.
Of course, they do not. I have learned from these painful experiences and become more self-protective, and becoming aware of positive projection can help.
It can help to become discerning, too. These videos might help: czcams.com/video/Er_Y8PUcGYQ/video.html and czcams.com/video/XOQDvsK5qcA/video.html
@@terri_cole thank you so much for your understanding and support and taking the time to answer so generously and sincerely. It really means a lot and it feels good to be understood on this one. Thank you so so much. I will definitely check out these links, thank you! Wishing you a lovely day 💜💜💜
Yes and look for consequent behaviour over time. In the first part of a relationship someone can behave their best with possibly manipulation involved to get you bonded (love bombing and such). You think they are such a great person, treating you the best. But become more demanding and controlling over time. For me that was very confusing and that’s why I have let someone cross my boundaries big time. I trusted them and they were so good to me so how could they mean wrong? Look at how they respond to your boundaries, beginning but also later on.
Thank you for sharing, and so true ❤️
So helpful
Very nice
Thank you
I have had an unhealthy way of making positive assumptions by surface qualities without a chance to really get to know them. Also I did not even know healthy boundaries in myself and hung on to
My hopes and fantasies. What a burden!
You are far from alone on this, Corinne ❤️ I've done the same many times.
Boundaries require me to find the positive and negative feelings but you have videos with the brush your hair to the side to assume the right is the same as the left but if unconscious vs. the consensus I'd challenge you to speak the truth without the comfortable ques!!!
Funny..
revaluation..
Do you mind diving into the deeper truths.
like the..
law of assumption.
It's a game changer..
Reclaimed power .
No more victims.
Its ownership. True love..heal of core wounds &
Boundaries great ..
root self concept .
Think feel beleif about oneself they encounter that version of someone & were we must be aware of these inorder to.draw th best out of all partys ..
Accountability & appreciation
Yes projection is right
yet it's not one sided .
So if ya assume 1 program form from ur sub conscious ya assume another. -/+ ..mirrors .. surface
Thank you
What is meant here by deal breakers are the reasons why we leave relationships, are those reasons to be found? Pls reply
Hi there- I'm not sure what you're referring to as this video only mentions deal-breakers in the context as being part of having a boundary. You can watch this video for a bigger breakdown of deal-breakers: czcams.com/video/fn8Av478FHw/video.html
Why can't I SAVE this as I can a video. YOU ask You/Tube.
Go to your library tab go to history, up top (probably play this short again so that it's up there) press and hold, not the dots but just right on top of the video and the option to save should pop up.
@@lapeaches8006 BINGO-Thnx
Do you use a stencil on your brows?
nope but they are micro-bladed and I fill them in with a pencil by hand 🙌
What does your husband say ?
We have a wonderful marriage and respect each other's boundaries and take each other's preferences into consideration. It hasn't always been easy, though. (He was a widower with three boys when I met him.) We've both had many years of therapy. One of my non-negotiables when dating was "no unexamined minds."
Communicate
Execute