World’s No.1 Matchmaker: How To FIND And KEEP Real Love!: Paul Brunson | E187
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- Paul Brunson is the host of Married At First Sight, and a world-renowned expert on relationships and human connection. Paul spent many years wondering how to get people to love and accept each other, before realising he had to get them to love and accept themselves.
Topics:
0:00 Intro
02:58 Early years
08:34 Why match making?
12:49 The influence your parents had on your work
15:37 Attachment styles
22:44 Men not being honest
26:04 The science of dating
34:59 How do we have important, tough conversations?
40:47 Oprah reached out to you for a tv show?
49:06 What did you learn from Oprah?
55:49 Out of all your clients who struggles with being alone the most?
01:09:06 Hugging
01:11:17 The importance of compatibly
01:17:48 Sex
01:23:12 Do we know what we want?
01:28:22 How hard do we have to work to find love?
01:33:05 How honest should we be on the first date?
01:38:47 What are you struggling with in your relationship?
01:42:11 What re you working on now
01:46:32 The last guest question
Paul:
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IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE PLEASE HIT THE LIKE BUTTON 👍🏽 ON THE VIDEO ❤️ By doing that, you’re showing this conversation to even more people 🙏🏽
Really appreciate your Podcasts, I hope I can add value one day to you by conversing..
I'm sepiosexual and appreciative these pearls of wisdom and love making a difference 💕😌💜💖💗
P
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@@shaziasharif6207 908⁹
Whats the point doing that when you say if you watch this video keep it to yourself. Contradicting and stupid.
These days, most of the podcasts you see with men of color is them berating and degrading women and spewing toxicity. This was a conversation between two men in their divine masculine. This was a talk about accountability, responsibility, and love. Please have him back, or better yet, create a podcast with the two of you. Peace and blessings to you both!
They really just expose how women think and operate lol. The women that get degraded are often women that say asinine, unappreciative, ungrateful misandrist things about men.
🤔
Women naturally don't love the truth.
Everything is toxic if a man is really being masculine a true man everything is also toxic when men aren't soft and emotional that is not a man sorry but you women need to stop this idea of what you think a real man is it's actually hindering us more than anything your gunna need strong masculine men women have forgotten what that looks like which is a protector
Agree.Please if anymore women read this reply thumb these up and his podcast.women need to be loved respected cherished and always seen as a team player not played then men to still think we want to abused killed and used.
I found love in my 37.... after years and decades of lonelyness... I found love when I accepted being alone and stopped looking for love.... that's crazy... I found the most amazing person I could not even dream about seeing all these qualities in one man.... My expectations was 3000 times less that I received. I think it's God's blessing... I found love when I turned into the best version of myself - spirittually first of all, and then phisically... I know my alpha man loves and appreciates my soul more than my look... I believe the key to finding love is in becoming the best version of yourself and do good things believe and trust God.
Love this ❤
I’m happy for you. I pray God will send me the same. I’m working on myself. So I will attract the same vibration/ frequency.
Congrats. Long may your love last. You are right about what you've said. Best self first
true and it takes Jesus ..their missing ingredient ...in His forgiveness and friendship to truly love ourselves and others.
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I used to be avoidant. Then I briefly dated someone who was easily triggered and even more avoidant/defensive than I was especially when he did something “wrong” because he was used to women who nag, scream, blame, etc.
I realized: people see conflict as something they have to “brace” themselves for. Preemptively. Subconsciously.
So the moment they hear the words “we need to talk,” they’ve already mentally checked out (unless they’ve trained themselves not to) or assume they’re about to be scolded/berated/get in a fight, etc. Even if they don’t know what it’s about or how it’s going to go. Like an instinct or reflex. They’re already tense or on guard.
So in the softest voice (even though I was seeething with murderous rage), I said “I’d like to talk to you. You’re not in trouble. I just want to clear the air about something.” He said “What………..” still wary and half looking like he wanted to run out the door.
Then I said “not yet.” And proceeded to create a “safe space” with lots of pillows and fluffy blankets in a huge open area of the house (not a bedroom or anywhere with a door you can close or feel trapped in and no cars). We lay down facing eachother (fully clothed) and I wrapped myself in half the blankets (because I needed to feel safe too) and we whispertalked to eachother like ASMR or like we’re sharing secrets. So that it was more like confessing our vulnerabilities to each other rather than “arguing”
He was very very receptive of that. LOL
I absolutely LOVE this! It's so perfect! Thank you so much for sharing! 🥰
This is incredible..how you set the mood and tone of the conversation. What an effective technique, I have done this before without realizing I was creating a safe space for both of us. I can be very disorganized in my attachment. The part of me that desired closeness thought “how can I make this as comfortable as possible because right now I need connection”..knowing I was also feeling very avoidant like he was, this proved to be effective.
I am making note of this to use more often! ❤
The problem is, only a woman can think of this, analiza someone to make it work if theres potentional, most of the guys just check out when theres frist little problem,sad
@@inab6496 if they're going to check out over a resolvable problem, then it's better they do it early. If they stuck around longer, it would be more time spent with a partner who isn't going to work out. 😊🙏
Thats a great idea for a visual set up of new ASMR channel lol
This is hands down, the MOST wholesomely, informative podcast, I have ever watched. The respect and humility of these fine gentlemen, is immeasurable. I'm soo proud to see Men of colour, portray themselves in this beautiful way. What a true inspiration, wow. I hope that more people take heed from how these Men, carry and conduct themselves 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
True King's of their craft 🙏🏾
His skin, his voice, the way he articulates himself, he loves his people and he's married. I really look up to him. Beautiful man, so powerful
Chill lol
@@WillyJunior 💀💀
Cringe
What's his skin got to do with it?
Cringe
😂😂😂
Me at beginning, "gosh 2 hours?" Me at the end, "finished already?" This was really good, will save to listen all over again. ❤
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Exactly!… time flew so quick! what an interview! ❤
Great conversations can pull you in like that 🫶
I actually clicked on this podcast with a hugh sigh. 😂. Looking at the length. Then, at the end, I was saying, "What? More, more"!! Now I have an idea why I choose to be alone... I am not being intellectually satisfied... and it has nothing to do with brilliance, just to have a complete and confident conversation with another person.
These two young men remind me of my Dad. Decades ago when I had surgery my Dad traveled from Seattle to Washington, DC to take care me for the week before my Mom arrived. Having him all to myself was such a precious time. I recall asking him if it was "love at first sight" when he and Mom first met. Answering honestly, he said "No." When I asked him what changed his mind, he said "She smiled at me." I'll never forget the sweet softness that washed over his face as he re-lived that moment. I remembered thinking I hope I am so blessed to have a man speak of me with such sweetness some day. Cecil left "his girls," Mom, my sister and me far too soon. He was a sweet giant of a man and provider. He was our rock. We miss him everyday.
Ahh this is lovely to speak of your father this way. You had a good Dad♥️
So sweet..
What I appreciated about this interview, is that Paul Brunson's worldview and dating advise are based primarily on love and respect. From there, he offers us concrete strategies rooted in scientific study and experience. There are many young men who would be lucky to have him as a mentor.
"It is unfair to break a woman’s heart by mismanaging her expectations." ~ Paul Brunson
I love this!
Super agree!
Say it to Jordan!
@@dareartes4232 If you’re in a relationship you’re both responsible.
This really good.
My parents were married 65 years and they each told me despite disagreements they were BEST friends. They had share of loving movies, raising children and cooking good food and working hard in their jobs. They each gave other space to do their own hobbies too. Dad loved golfing , fishing hunting , yard work and sports, mother loved antique shops, trips having lots of friends, religious, going dancing, plus driving car on road trips. Each nite came together at home. Each nite heard them talking their day over in bed or at dinner. I am trying to find my best friend in a spouse FIRST.I thought had it before but was tricked but left when I knew I was in danger physically and emotionally
Your logic is flawed, they became best friends during their marriage. What you really want is someone to spend time with you and give you space and communicate. Men will do that but you have to look in the right places and be acknowledge the risk of failure even if you do everything the right way and try again when you’re ready.
@@mohammedmiah7554 how many times can you marry before you figure out the right person? Isn't it worse to quickly marry then divorce? What if you rush things and you end up in a bad situation? Imagine being married to someone that has bad intentions towards you, or is unsafe, or you are not attracted to the person? Won't that be hell on Earth? IMHO Jane has a very great attitude towards self that feels safe.
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The chemistry and brotherly love in this interaction/overall discussion is just priceless- admirable to watch❤
It was refreshing to hear two black men speaking intelligently about relationships instead of just spewing hate and chauvinism.
I choose loneliness, quite often. I sometimes absorb too much dark, and it depletes and drains me, I love coming home to recharge, get some me time, gift myself with some kindness and self-love, there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely, but you can learn so much about who you are, by experiencing both. If all you have is you for company. Learning to be comfortable in your own company can be priceless, it allows you to reflect, it allows you to analyse who you are, and promotes self-love and self acceptance. It can be good for the soul.
I do too...
Sounds like you have avoidant attachment style. I know it too well.
I grew up emotionally neglected and was constantly alone. People think that having anything but the secure attachment style is horrible. Anxious and avoidant attachment styles work. That's why we develop these attachment styles in the first place.
As someone with avoidant attachment, I have all of the toxic traits. Not being able to open up. Horrible texter. Hates confrontation. Self sabotager etc. However, I also am good at being lonely. I'd go as far as to say that people with avoidant attachment styles are the loniest people and also the people that are least affected by loniess. That's the reason why It's comfortable having this attachment style. People with anxious attachment are the least lonely and are most affected by loniessness. They are so afraid of being alone that they constantly seek to be with soneobe.
If you have avoidant attachment you becone good at sitting by yourselves. You enjoy their own company. You're able to conqure your inner tormoil. Self reflect better. You become good at depending on yourself. It's incredibly attractive to others and useful, so you stick to it. The only downside is loniess and to get rid of that loneliness, you have to step into all of things you aren't very good at like opening up, being vulnerable, etc.
People with this attachment style forget that they can be happily alone and lonely at the same time. You cam long for connection while happily being by yourself. And when the thing you long for is uncomfortable to you, it's easy to convince yourself you don't want or need it. Something that avoidant styles are very good at.
It took a lot of self reflection for me to understand this.
Yes it's good that you can be comfortably alone, but at the end if the day, you are still HUMAN. We are social creatures. Company and companionship is literally part of our basic needs. It's crucial for our mental health. So take care of yourself. Self love isn't just about beings able to sit with yourself. Ir's also developing the skills to go out there and find your soul tribe.
15:12 attachments styles
18:17 secure attachment becomes boring
19:06 emotional intimacy, recognizing emotions and telling them
24:23 man don't talk with other man about their dates. They don't get feedback.
25:25 man vs woman talking about emotions. Relationships communication.
30:30 showing constantly that you love your partner. Sometime 5 times to 1.
31:30 intentional time. Real conversations, exchange ideas talk about dreams, hopes. feelings. Efort=interest.
35:09 the more challenging conversation you have in life, the higher quality your life is. Chose the right moments and contexts.
Therapy is sexy.
36:55 without rules and boundaries, even well intentioned partners turn into bullies in disputes/fights.
41:05 1 year prepping, one episode per week. Put all money in this. Oprah show deal.
45:00 podcast evolution. 2 years flat then exploded.
47:08 - 55 steve jobs stoping vs continuing
1:05:17 lonliness and how people change based on that. When people fell lonely they become more agressive get angry faster
1:05:53 perceived he has all but in fact has nothing
1:06:02 fix mandalorian vibes. When you get used to be lonely other people are perceived as threats
1:11:16 1:13:04 about compatibility
1:14:07 deciding vs sliding together as a couple
1:21:26 decupat postat.
Daca nu era perfect plecam. Immaturity.
1:23:13 do we know what we actually want/search?
1:24:15 chosing a partner. And why woman are ussualy chosen and they ar not choosing as well?
1:29:10 more options equals less value. False reality shown online but other options.
1:32:22 Honesty from the jump? How much? turns into an interviu.
1:33:00 - 34:54 First date ideal TIPS. Meetups vs official dates
1:36:28 What is chemistry? 2 things and the date worked well. Did they listen to you and minimum physical attraction.
1:37:43 about happiness expectations meet or unmeet
1:45:03 about excelence, it's about small staff that are easy to do and easy not to do, that make the difference
1:45:40 the most important things and the biggest oportunity is the smallest things that not everybody else cares about
so diminishing of the conversation. i have no idea why someone always breaks down a conversation into "sections". there are no sections in conversations, there is flow and questions but the questions and the answers all relate to each other and build upon each other. you can't just go to minute 17 and understand the conversation. every single youtube video has someone doing this -- is it the same person trolling youtube with a compulsion to make lists and categories?(that is a compulsion by the way -- autism spectrum) this is like listening to minute 12 through 15 of a symphony . . . . .and this is about life long love relationships -- it's a deep topic, the conversation is long for a reason, it's intended to be engaged with and *thought* about holistically. It's not a laundry list. I dunno sorry it's just so demeaning of the work. Man devotes his life to this and you want the "cheat" sheet of shortcuts. There are no shortcuts in life.
@@garypuckettmuse hi
I appreciate the time and effort you put in this massage. I understand your perspective and partially i agree.
I do this timestamps for me, when i want to revisit or watch again a specific part on a topic and don't want to watch again 2 hours...
Some details/parts I like very much and I what to listen them multiple times.
I have a more of a learning/studying approach rather then a entertaining one. I what to take notes not watch it like a movie.
Also not all people are like you. Some may find it useful, others may ignor it and that's totally fine.
Why do you feel the need to tell someone else what to do?
@@garypuckettmuse Its already broken into sections by lex himself. Lots of podcasters do it because they see the value of it. Not everything is soooo morally important. Let things go more and you'll probably be a bit happier, and less agitated by the things other people do that don't effect you in the slightest.
@@jakekelly4239 lmaoooo he sure did wayy better than the person above. I was looking for the sex part lol. Got more than that tho
@@garypuckettmuse hush.
I've noticed recently the importance of paying quality attention to each other. It's what makes you feel seen and loved. If someone is on their phone, talks too much about themselves, etc. there is no connection made. Nobody wants to feel alone in a relationship.
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A HUGE thank for this brilliant podcast. Being a woman, yes communication is No 1 and so is ‘sexual language’. Our body is so much different than a male body. Truly hope LOTS of men listen to this podcast. 🙏💛⭐️💫
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As a therapist specializing in couples counseling, I really appreciated the insightful conversation. Thank you!
As a couple specialising in therapy we also enjoyed the conversation
"Therapist" is a highly discounted word in this era.
Why is a therapist ~ the rapist lol 😅 a lot of people listen to music as a form of therapy so how the word is formulated is intriguing:) thank you for your service to humanity ❤
Therapists exactly most are insane
If you can’t do , teach!
This was not just a talk about relationships between men and women but also humans and humanity. Such a brilliant conversation that I hope reaches as many people as possible. Aloha from Kauai
Hi Jason, can I ask if your in a relationship? As a female I'm feeling hopeless at meeting a decent man. It's encouraging to read your post. So thanks. I hope you are in a relationship and watching the podcast for top tips. Peace and love to you & yours.🙏💞 xx
@Donza Bonza Yes with a wonderful woman who is such a great human being. Hope your life's journey brings you many blessings 😁
Thankyou Jason, thats Very reassuring, especially so, as you are still aiming to be the best you can be. Credit to you and a lifetime of happiness & good health to you both.🙏💜 xx ✌️
@@donzabonza2026 I think there are more decent men than women think there are...
Right. Very useful information.
Other problem- secure style partners tend to settle down with a good person early on and stay married. So the older you get you’re left sifting through a group of avoidants who just cannot be loving in the way a woman needs a man to be. Avoidants are the most unloving bunch of, often overachieving, men who throw you bones of intermittent affection- they give you just enough to keep you hopeful. Great interview!
Very true.
Well said!
I can't express how much I appreciate this content as a 30-year-old guy listening to this. So much we have to learn and to see you guys just be so positive and real, showing what a genuine conversation about vulnerability is like, is invaluable.
You are so on point
I worked in Investment Banking for 20 years, Paul Brunson is speaking truth. There was a female director who was back working from her laptop 5 hours after giving birth and back in the office TWO DAYS later. Just thinking about those days makes me feel like I need to go lay down! I'm a newbie and loving the channel so far, great to see a fellow Brit doing good things on here.
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I worked for 4 banks before I retired.....this guy knows exactly what he's talking about!! AND he's right about studying the parents of your "intended spouse." I learned it the hard way!!
CAN YOU ELABORATE HOW STUDYING THE PARENTS IS IMPORTANT? ( I HAVE FOUND SOME YOUNG ADULTS WHO HAVE GONE FAR AWAY FROM THEIR PARENT'S GOOD UPBRINGING AND MORALS/VALUES, AND YOU WONDER HOW THE GIRL WITH SUCH A GOOD DAD AND MOM TURNED INTO THE OPPOSITE OF THEIR WHOLESOMENESS?)
@@happylifegrace4674 damn you shouting. But valid question lol
@@khanyisilebotshelo8362 YES , THERE ARE BILLIONS ON EARTH. WE CANNOT STATE ALL WOMEN HAVE THE SAME GENERATIONAL CURSE CYCLE. BUT THERE IS A DEPRESSING CYCLE OF GOOD NURTURED KIDS CHOOSING THE SNARE LIFESTYLE AND MINDSET. THE DEVIL IS AT WORKS 24 HRS EVERY GENERATION STRAYING AWAY FROM THE BLESSING AND GIFTS GOD GAVE THEM ( GOOD FAMILY AND LOVE), INSTEAD BELIEVING THE DEVIL'S WAY IS THE NORM.
Not true not everyone is like their parents we are all individuals
@@happylifegrace4674 THE DEVIL IS AT WORKS
CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
Going from avoidant to secure was the most positive life changing transformation I ever had. For me it required for someone to help me become aware, accept that and then feel safe enough to try to just feel my emotions without suppression which up to that point I couldn't remember the last time I did that.
I went to graduate school in Long Isand years ago and if you were not from the island or a native Islander, you were treated as an outsider. It was also very conservative too, so I can imagine how he felt. I always felt like an outsider entire time I was there. He doesn't have a Long Island accent. I can listen to this man speak for hours. He's not only brilliant, but a peasant and kind man. As a psychologist I really appreciate this fellow's message.
This might be the most fluid conversation I've ever seen on CZcams. You both seemed to connect so effortlessly... it really inspired me to work towards having this level of communication. Thank you both, and thank you to everyone who has brought this channel to light through their support.
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Wow I’m 62 years of age and I’m still learning - thank you Paul!
Its so refreshing and makes my heart sing rhen I see two people show so muck kindness and respect toward one another and with a kind of gentleness. No ego, no machoism. No vanity, just heart to heart communication with love and appreciation for each other❣️👍May God bless you both😍
This was SO interesting, thank you. As a relationship coach I realized the same thing, we have to see our prospects as humans, in a kindly way. Life is short and even tho dating apps make us think we have endless choices, we are finite, our bodies decay and we need to appreciate every moment and create meaningful memories with the people we love.
I love this podcast and they are quality guests...more famous guests aren't necessarily more informative. I hope the money will follow the success. You are already wealthy!
I actually agree with the walk for a first date! I've never really been on one but I sure sounds like it would take the pressure off! You just walk, talk and share some laughs
Omg I love the way that your name is spelt it’s unique
@@ShadaeMastersAstrology thank you!
I've done this before, on multiple first dates. It's great, no pressure, and if the weather is nice it really does make for a perfect setting
Wow I wish we could *like* this *10 times.* So many gem's were given, in this well thoroughly thought out interview. But it really hit home when _Paul_ said: _"If you don't set boundaries, you will take good intentional partners and turn them into bullies."_ Such a wise fellow beyond his years. 💪🏼💎
I wish I could dislike the video 20 times....
Genuine good partners don't become bullies. Just saying
@@peacelove7437true, however, there's MANYYY ppl who are so easily swayed by whatever... perhaps something might sway em in the better self direction
@peacelove7437 it's not necessarily that they are bullies, but if someone crosses unspoken boundaries, it can feel like they are bullying.
loneliness isn't about being a recluse or intentionally resentful, loneliness can arise from loved ones dying, family and friends moving away, children moving out of home ,illness etc
Agree that modelling is key. My mum was single until I was 12 and loved the independence. Since then she entered a domestic violent relationship and thought it didn’t affect me but it did in future relationships. Also meant I avoided any conflict out of fear
we need more thoughtful conversations like this! so happy to see a man say that therapy is sexy. so many of us aren't self-aware and keep blaming others when we're really the problem. setting firm boundaries is also an essential foundation for healthy relationships. good stuff 👏
He's an idiot. "Therapy is sexy" xD
This is as clever as saying "going to the toilet when you have to take a sh_t is sexy". O_o
Therapy is a conversation when you need one, someone to talk to when friends and family just don't listen well enough. You're more or less paying to have a good friend for an hour, it can be very worth it. It's not just for the mentally ill. But simply to talk to someone that understands you and to get some sincere and experienced advise. Which is hit or miss already, since unfortunately half the therapists are dumb, too, and give advise that isn't worth anything.
Did that idiot explain that? I haven't watched the whole podcast, they are kinda just blabbering. You can get the same quality blabbering after 3 beers in a bar.
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Absolute live therapy...just briliant. His voice also...brings this calm and warmth. God bless you both for this interview!
'It's actually the tears of sadness that's allowed me to be appreciative.' So profound, and so true 💜🙏💜
His vibe, his energy, new favourite episode
The appreciation for each other at the end was heart warming and wholesome ❤
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I am usually quite observant, very analytical, and fairly eloquent about what I observe.
But for this episode, all I want to say is WOW.
That expresses everything already. Thank you both Steve and Paul. More power in the good that both of you do.
That was my reaction too. I said it twice WOW WOW
This was the most beautiful conversation about relationships I’ve ever heard! The kindness, empathy and research Paul puts into his matchmaking work is truly incredible. And Steven asks the best questions. Excellently done.
It is so nice to hear men speak, we need more conversations like this for young men and women. Develop our communication skills so we can build real and healthy relationships.🥰
Very interesting indeed. Women want affection and love. Men want respect and love. Above all, if you do not love yourself,
neither can you give or receive love. A relationship needs transparency, honesty, commitment, and knowledge of how to resolve conflicts. Never blame or criticize your partner. Do not play the victim game.
Men want sex and a house slave lol
I'm so glad he gave the host his flowers on camera because I was thinking about how good of an interviewer he was this whole show. Definitely earned the like and subscription ! Keep up the good work!
The most beautiful interview between two secure men.
29 mins in and Paul literally dropped the bomb. I've known about the love languages for a good few years and knew my avoidant partner's love language. I naturally became curious as to where her attachment style came from but since it stemmed from a place of neglect and rejection I simply hadn't considered how her PARENTS (or rather, her father) did show her love. Seems obvious really, but that realisation is a big breakthrough.
I personally like the idea of limiting options in dating. I remember when I switched from film photography to digital photography, my passion for photography plummeted. The idea that I could careless snap anything diminished the amount of care I put into each image. When I used film, I put in some much focus in getting it right bc I knew that my opportunities to play around with were limited and one wrong move could be costly so I was very careful and the feeling of being careful with my craft was satisfying.
Cogent analogy
Such a beautiful conversation one big thing that stood out for me is you never know who is watching, always put your best foot forward because you never know who is in your audience
No. You put your best offering forward because you live in integrity.
"It's all the tiny things that are easy to do, but are also easy *not* to do, that end up defining your trajectory." Pretty much sums up EVERYTHING! Great episode!
The emerging bromance between these two stellar gentlemen is my favorite part of this interview.
I really enjoyed the honesty of this conversation. It takes a hell of a humble man to publicly acknowledge he was confined to the couch for a period within his marriage, and it’s incredible to hear the work he put in to change that. Modern dating is such a minefield now (for men and women!), so it’s very refreshing to have someone put us in a position where we’re forced to be introspective and challenge ourselves. I really, really loved this episode. Thank you for a stellar start to a Monday!
As a matchmaker, I absolutely enjoyed this episode. Paul is such a gentleman with an amazing aura. Thanks both for this amazing episode.
Hes very handsome, but yea he has a lovely energy & warmth radiating too 🥰
You guys had such a great conversation, like you'd been friends forever. The compliments to each other so genuine, great to see.
My learnings so far:
-Can't serve anyone, find avatar that resonates, and within that avatar why that makes you cry
-Compare you relationship to that of your parents, is it secure
-Love language through observation of what they do
-work snd passion: Quality and patience
-Intentional time
-strengthen weak ties that's where opportunities lie
-never eat alone
-Good timing for arguments
-Compatibility: values attachment, can you make a decisions together, attraction
-keep putting effort towards anything you have interest in
-we are placing less value because we believe less options
First date coffee and walk rather than alcohol . Chemistry minimal attraction + mutual listening
This is one of my favourite DOAC episodes. The level of casual wisdom here...
Wowwww!! I've never had 2 hours to sit and listen to any person(s) on a podcast, but this was so interesting and fortifying that I couldn't turn it off. Almost like a good book, I had to finish it in one sitting. I love that 2 intelligent brothers can come together and deliver such positivity, knowledge, and wisdom!! I'm a continued fan of Mr. Paul Brunson and a new fan of this podcast!! Good stuff!! Keep it up!! Love! 💯💪🏽🎤👏🏽🔥👀🖤
I feel the same, I never listen an episode until the end but this was top. 🎉
"im a phd"
Yes indeed! Fully agree!
The key to communication is the art of conversation....GOD BLESS FROM IRELAND 🇮🇪 🙏
at 29:00 it is so powerful I have cried. I understood how my mother must have been loved and how she expressed love to me. Ultimately I have ended up perceiving love the same way as her.
One of the best interviews if seen in a while. I don’t think I’ve ever viewed a podcast episode that was just so clean, sophisticated, elegant, and witty all at the same time. So much value in this episode… I had a moment of self reflection and I feel Inspired, hopeful, and ready to have a healthy relationship …👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 sharing this podcast with a friend
Spot on - I learned this late in my marriage but you have to study and know your partner’s love language then give them love in that language and Vice versa
He needed words of encouragement and gifts and I needed acts of service and physical touch - complete opposites lol
Neither of us understood the other’s love language so we missed the memo and failed the assignment
our way of expressing these concepts always attracts me, and nothing, but nothing compares with it-- the tone, the depth of spirituality, I can't put it into words. Your Manifesting Manual is something I can read over and over and soak up. czcams.com/users/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq I am in process of making the routine a solid part of my life, and it has made a difference! I LOVE your 12 meditations too! I know I am a different person after 9 months with Super Manifestor, and in process of continued positive change! You deserve accolades every day of the year! Keep on with everything, and as we say in Spanish, ANIMO! Lots of love and every blessing to you both.
The story about his CZcams channel and meeting Oprah is very powerful. Sometimes, your name is mentioned in secret places because of something good you did to someone.
I’m not in a romantic relationship and I do not desire to be in one and this was still helpful. This is extremely valuable
This has been my favourite episode, by far!! What a captivating 2 hours that was. Didn't want it to end. Well done Steven for such a thought provoking episode. Paul is incredibly humble and a beautiful soul.
Not sure if you're aware (Although I don't know how you wouldn't be) - It looks like your youtube name is your mobile no, just a heads up!
Further to this - I completely agree with your comment :)
@@50dent11 thanks. Yes, I did know, just never changed it. Appreciate the heads up!
i agree! fave episode thus far! wow
I didn't realise that this was nearly two hours until I read your comment. It was that much of a good episode that I was so absorbed into it I never noticed the length of time.
If young men stopped measuring their relationships success in terms of whether they "get laid"or not,that might be a start.Maybe I am being totally unrealistic to think that young guys might not be lead by their hormones or maybe just societal pressure to be sexually active or equate this with success"in some way or desirability but it really isn't.
If only sex and relationships education was given my competent well trained people then so much of this unnecessary pain and confusion around relationships could be avoided.
It has to happen because the overall ignorance and lack of insight around healthy relationships in our world is causing so much pain and suffering because so much of this use to happen within a community and now it doesn't and people are on their own.
We have to start educating young people on building healthy connection and understanding their emotions and ways of communicating.It is essential for wellbeing and a happy healthy society,I don't think I've ever seen so much dislocation and disconnection between people and I cannot imagine how hard it must be for young people to navigate this world if they do not have strong family support or role models.
Crating healthy connection has to be the way forward and not just romantic one,sometimes in the west far too much emphasis is placed on romantic relationships and they are expected to carry far too much weight and expectations that would have been supplied by other community members.
I'm on a binge with this podcast and I just watched him interview Mark Manson who started as a PUA. He explained that evey man who came to him seeking help needed therapy but society only allows men to seek sex. Men are looking for emotional support but unable to find it. They're told that sex is the answer for all their problems. So that's what they do.
I had one of my many sleepless night of insomnia. I was scrolling and came across this video. I am in love. I learned so much watching this video about myself, men and life than I have for the years I have been on this earth. I watch the video to the end and am now a fan. Please continue this wonderful journey that of inspiring and encouraging others like myself. This is rewarding to many. Blessings to you and your team ❤❤!
I'm living alone, not looking for love. This lovely man bringing people together is wonderful. Always keep your heart open.
Paul's voice and demeanor calm me down. Thank you for this. To see two intelligent men speaking to each other is everything.
Hearing you discuss the importance of focusing on the things other people don’t focus on and doing things with excellence made me have a deeper appreciation for dividing the video into sections and titling them 🙏🏾🙏🏾
3 options a week BUT you get to be specific about what you’re looking for, and they can only show you people who meet your criteria. I’m in! 😊
1:08:30 I can’t stop laughing because he’s describing me. That’s exactly what I do to everyone I hug, Whether I know them or it’s a first time interaction. Everyone reacts different. Most women get a big smile, say thank you and after mention I’m a big teddy bear that gives the best hugs. Then there are some, Specifically my male friends, They’ll just stand there awkwardly with their hands by their sides and their head in my chest and let out some mumble grown lmao 😂
I hear a lot of women saying they are not waiting on their husbands to get home to eat dinner. I thank you for making the point that it is about the family and when the boys can't wait up, your wife waits up for you to have that special time together at the end of both your day.
I can wait till 10pm but later I will fall asleep sadly 😅
I saw my friend do that… cook a meal for her kids and herself and not save anything for her husband when he got home from working all day 🥺
@@maryfowles807 Nah that’s evil asf fuck. My man won’t be cooking if I get home first. If I can cook for myself and the kids I can cook for him. People forget that a couple need to put themselves first in order to raise happy children. If the parents are good the children are good.
@@charlotterhotilde7388 I thought it was nasty too! Well she was also cheating on him with their neighbour. Where is the love?
I saw him in London just in passing and he has such a strong and kind presence.
What a pleasure to watch 2 super intelligent and handsome men having an amazing conversation 👍❤️👍
🌴☀️I’m a knitter and that “handmade” sweater is gorgeous!!!☀️🌴
Wish I could make my 18yr son listen to this entire talk - so many things covered that could shape his future self
I have a son 26, he finally decide he want to be serious with his girlfriend. He talks to me about her. I do not push them, let them grow and learn on their own. Yes we love them dearly but let them move and just watch. You can give them an advice whether they accept it or not cuz everyone has their own style at learning so do not push them. They have stress already and your just adding it.
wish? show him the link. he'll find time.
Just let him live his own life
The lightheartedness of this free flow between two minds great minds meeting is what I live for!
Absolute class act: There are some great guests you can listen to intently, then there are also a precious few who possess a magnetic quality, and Paul is one of them. I'm gong to listen again and take notes, but the first time I just wanted to listen through with full attention. He has such a gift to speak simply, but he's also a real listener who plays the "ping-pong" game of true discourse. On top of all that, a fabulous mantra for life itself.
An absolutely amazing discussion. I’ve seen Paul on MAFS for years but I never appreciated what an incredible spirit he is. Brilliant topics, no matter whether you’ve been in a relationship for 5 mins or 50 years there are plenty of things to learn here! Superb ❤️❤️
Steve is a gem. Special guy who can find a way to be so successful and humble without being a massive cringe.
For real. So many people lose that characteristic of being down to earth when they get some success. Just shows those people never were genuine. Steven is, which is easy to appreciate.
Humor gets women nowhere lol
Humble
Been addicted to listening to these recently! You do such a great job at interviewing people (I think because you’re honest, vulnerable and genuine. This has been, for me, the most inspiring interview so far! Thank you 🙏
Thank you for sharing Mikey 🙏🏽
He takes himself WAY too seriously and it spoils the conversations. If you're going to sit there like a lemon and believe everything you're told, you don't get to take yourself seriously.
@@benfroughi you sound like you have such a strong passion for being better than him at executing his own idea. Start your own channel, develop your own following
@@adasaura8648 I'm not claiming to be better at anything. Joe Rogan, Chris Williamson, KK & FF, Zuby and many more do the job admirably. This guy doesn't, he's like a puppet who says and believes whatever he's told to.
Totally agree with you Mikey....
Lovely to see an intellectual man displaying emotional intellect and a respectful view of people. So much toxic culture out there. This is refreshing to see online. Great conversation gentlemen. 👌
The moment I gave birth to my dead child and the father of the child decided to stay on his business trip was the moment I decided that THIS will be my EX-husband!!! And I didn’t care anymore. I was jobless and grieving and had debt because of a mortgage for my dream house. I sold everything - got divorced and was homeless for 2 months with my two dogs. But I stood up again. And my life changed. But I think I need a matchmaker now 😂😂😂
I really appreciate how these podcasts are split into sections per topic, like the chapters of a book. I am also new to podcasts so I dont know if other ones are like this. Awesome either way
Please have him on again. This was so good, definitely a favourite episode ❤️
When I was married, it was hard for me to understand the “need” for gifts because gift receiving/giving is the lowest on the 5 love languages (every time I’ve filled out that love language form). Spend time doing things together, words of affirmation.
Boundaries & fighting fair…oof that was the biggest problem.
I loved the podcast, but when I saw two mans saying I love you with a smile and sincerity, it was another level, I get exposed to so much good thanks to this podcast
This is one of my favorite ever interviews!! Towards the end when he's answering the last guests question... oh my gosh just a way to tie up all the wealth of information on love and life that he shared throughout this time.. I'm leaving this feeling a lot more connected and invested to honoring people I love more actively 😭
I'm so glad to see men having a thoughtful conversation about the nuances about sex and a woman's experience as well. I found out today as well that there is only a clitoral orgasm as it extends into the vagina. Men and women are having very different sexual experiences and I would say the biggest erogenous zone is the mind. Without having that intimacy there is a lot being overlooked for a better sexual experience for both. I also think it would be better for men to wait until a woman brings up sexual convos or interest. As a woman I'm always feeling the pressure of when sex is gonna be discussed and EXPECTED. It puts damper on making an easier connection which I feel would correlate to a better sexual experience for both.
Do they mention that here at all? It's true that the clitoris is much larger than most people believe, even women. We women should be more aware of our own anatomy. It s possible to have a vaginal orgasm from penetration alone, it is possible to have a clitoral orgasm from that area being stimulated. It's possible for both of those combined to have a better orgasm. Multiple orgasms are possible. It's possible to climax from anal stimulation if you are into that. It's possible to climax from breast play alone. I have even been able to have a small orgasm when no physical contact was being done to me, but purely mental excitement based on what I was doing to my partner and seeing them get excited. In fact, they were the one who noticed and pointed it out. Only upon reflection later did I realize that I had, indeed, had a release.
Furthermore, when I learned about some women being able to release fluid during climax, I didn't think that was real. So I researched it and anatomy, where would this fluid come from, etc. Best way to prove if that's possible is to experiment on oneself. So I did and found my answer. That's a different type of orgasm again, requiring different attitude and stimulation and time involved.
It is also possible for men to have multiple orgasms and dry orgasms and for them to retain their seed. None of these has been discussed here. Nor the very important discussion of how many women have been molested as children or raped at some point. Lots of trauma held in the genital area for these women, and it's going to affect the level of trust they need before having sex. Many women were raised being told that sex is wrong or dirty, and can't understand why they don't want sx once married. Also very common for some women to have sx prior to marriage, but lose their drive after marriage even though they love their husbands. Psychological stuff is going on.
These are young men just glossing over important things, like consent. I didn't learn what true consent was until I was too old to have children. With recent changes in health care options for women in many areas of the US. It should make sex even MORE
sacred and something not entered into lightly. If a man doesn't want children, but wants sex, that's a problem. Because every form of birth control can fail, and does. Celibacy is the only method that works. We have to discuss pregnancy as a possibility, diseases, monogamy, tough conversations.
They want the feel good pleasure wth none of the consequences.
@@recoveringsoul755brilliant comment.
@@DMTsanto wow, thanks for reading all that. Men want sex, but they don't put the effort in, not really. It can be so much better
@@recoveringsoul755 Girl!...
@@recoveringsoul755 Girl, girl, girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes. You know!
This channel is changing my life, it’s my best friend. I listen to while driving or at my writings breaks. The content of these videos, and I’ve watched a few, is simply mind blowing. It’s like I found my tribe. I have lovely friends who I love and inspired me. But these videos, an author talking about his ideias of his books, or his business and years of experience in 2h video? Thank you and thanks for everyone behind it.
Love listening to Gentlemen who are loving and want to be thr best they can be. ❤
This is a refreshing and powerful podcast. Everything spoken was the truth, and some parts made me sad because there are so many wonderful individuals out there that are missing that chance to succeed in a loving and electrifying relationship due to their past. From my heart, I really do wish good people the best of luck in finding love because we all deserve to settle down and be loved.
One of my favorite conversations, thank you! 🎉🙇🏽♀❤
* Attachment style
* Values
* Love language
* Decision in unison/collaboration
* Attraction
* Committed relationship duration (2 years of engagement to prevent divorce 🤔)
One thing he said was the most brilliant idea I've heard as of date.... an idea so simple it might bring me hope of saving this current internet dating nightmare... limit ones choice in picks to a small amount every week.
AMAZING! Bring back the concept of going over a persons entire profile and look at a persons life and their attributes instead of basing their worth on looks alone. People are giving way to much power on a thing someone was given at birth (LOOKS) instead of how a person lives and what they hold dear.
I absolutely loved this episode. Judge Toler was transparent and vulnerable, and that shows that she's human! Sending prayers and love her way. Judge Toler, thank you for showing up to do this interview even if you felt like you weren't the best version of yourself. We needed to hear and see this. ❤️
One of my favourite interviews. Regardless whether you’re single or in a relationship, this interview was so true and interesting!
Why do I have tears in my eyes when they said I love you to each other 🙈🥲😂 so beautiful 😍
Such a brilliant man, open honest with an incredible vibe, such a pleasure to watch and absorb every word , every move, so much to learn. We need more people like this, so grateful for this amazing podcast, hopefully it can reach out for millions of people, so we can change our relationships and our lifes for a better. Thank you both so much !! Show must go on :)
It’s good to hear two men discussing relationships in this way. It’s worthy of note that the formula that makes two people connect and relate well is complex in itself. Thirty one years on with a person I developed a great friendship, and he is my longtime spouse and soul friend, we do not fit formulas, but we always say kind words in between all that is going on in life. On both side our parents were married until the other departed this life. All the best with your respective companies🎉❤
Avoidance, secure and anxious attachments. This alone is a game changer for people to discover and work on. I assumed I was one of these but hearing all 3, I'm sure I'm another. Look forward to researching and working on. Thanks Paul. Only 20mins in and loving this.
And thank you Paul for using the unheard and unseen as your Avator for your 1st client. We appreciate you.
I watch this podcast a lot and this is my first time commenting. Watching and listening to Paul talk was two hours well spent. It was a pleasure to be in the room - so to speak. Thank you both!
This interview was a great investment. I would’ve listened for 2 more hours lol. Are there any more on this channel that you’ve watched with similar value pertaining to relationships, finances and business? I’m an astrologer so most of my time is spent watching astrology content.
I’m anxious type attachment and I’ve been working on my emotional intimacy and it’s sooo hard but I’ve grown. This interview has validated that growth but also keeps me wanting to push forward