Steven Seagal Movie Today You Die Is So Bad It's A Crime Against Humanity - Worst Movie Ever
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- čas přidán 26. 08. 2022
- The Steven Seagal movie Today You Die is a horrific disaster of a movie, that no human should be forced to endure. It violates common decency and several articles of the Geneva Convention. If you love your children, please keep them away from Steven Seagal and this travesty of a movie.
#stevenseagal #badmovies #worstmovies - Komedie
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Hes a black man trapped in a white mans body.
You are a national treasure! Thank you for this channel!
Did seagull just use the scene from the van Damme movie "the order" when he shoots the wire at the building beginning of the movie 😂
@@Pressplay267 Certainly possible as apparently the high speed chase in Las Vegas was actually from the 1998 movie Top of the World and some viewers believe sections of this movie were from the Fast and the Furious films.
do you have the '13 dead men' one? that one was hilarious.
This one man’s war against Steven Segal is one of the most beautiful things on the internet
We are almost 300k strong
Somebody has to lead the charge.
Do I know you? GUT BUSTING!!!
INDEED!!!
@RobbHerrera We all see a bit the movie and keep shut but he sensibly analyzes it.
"Walks like a black man, breathes like a killer" Seagal is a modern poet.
lmao
When I heard this line I for real almost choked 🤣🤣🤣
Freakin laughed out loud
😂😂😂😂😭😭😭 I'm dead that was too funny
🤣 couldn't stop laughing
If a childrens hospital goes "out of business" they either did a perfect job or the worst job possible
It’s a Seagul movie, so worst.
Lmao 🤣
They cured all childhood illnesses but Seagal's movie career caused new ones to form.
"They have bigger problems cause the sun just went out" killed me.
Classic 😂
Space ice is a comedic genius 😂
“The Sun is for losers! I don’t need it!” Steven Seagal.
I didn’t get that one.
@@whothennow24 The explosion shot was at night.
This poor guy has subjected himself to grievous torture watching Steve seagulls movies. I feel for this guy.
The amount of comedy that he makes from it, is well worth his torture.
The man is hero. Because of his work, we all sleep better at night.
He is a seagullsologist. Pity the sacrifice this scientist has made to his IQ. Poor bastich
The Space Ice Guy deserves to be an action hero for this.
Steve'N'Seagulls is a decent parody band!
Seagal randomly switching between 2 jackets the entire movie is hilarious
😂🥲😂👍🏻
Kinda reminds me of Betty A.K.A Master Pain from Kung pow...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@blk99solja You're clothes are black!
The Jacket Switcher
And him replaying stock footage of the same punch over and over again through the entire movie was the icing on the cake 😂
The “going out of business” sign on the children’s hospital is so hilariously stupid lmfao, only Steven Seagal himself could come up with such a out of touch detail
Or The Three Stooges
The needless killing of the security guards, just so the script can cause the next scene to happen is just...wow.
Nah he killed all the security guards because he was in the zone and his bloodlust was in full control of him at that point. Nearly every movie has scenes where his bloodlust runs free
Edit: nevermind I thought it was seagull doing the killing of the guards. He did kill a lot of innocent people in the next scene though
The going out of business sign had me in absolute stitches. You know he's never been to a children's hospital before.
Thank god.
Seagal has to have false images in his movies that he thinks will make him look good in real life. He's a weird character
@Peter T But the SIGN tho, like a goddamn toys r us.... I crying!
looked like it was from a dollar store..hilarious
A children's hospital near me had a going out of business sale. I got two children for 30% off.
Him saying "take the money and leave me alone" even though NO ONE has been chasing him just absolutely blew my mind.
I have never felt so confused 😂😂🤣🤣
The original fast and furious 1 crew made a cameo in them street racer cars...did anyone see
This movie was filled with so much bullshit I actually didn't even register that as odd. It's like the movie deteriorated my brain to such a level that I became numb to absolute insanity.
@dejuren I had this revelation after watching a number of these Seagal videos: Steven Seagal experiences these whack narratives in his dreams, and later on writes them into scripts for these "films".
Why else would this shit make no sense to anyone but Seagal himself?
@@chillinoutmaxin4630 nah he just comes up with a few different scenarios that he thinks would look cool on screen, then strings them together one after the other with no concern for plot
The fact that he asks some guy to leave him alone despite no one being after him is amazing
The dude was probably "Who is this crazy fat fck and how did he get in?"
""What the FCK, is GOING onnnnn"
LOL
According to IMDB: Seagal disliked Miano because his passes on actress Mari Morrow were turned down, and she was going out with Miano. Seagal did break Miano's arm - the shot were the arm is broken and Miano's yelling in pain, were real. 🙄
Yeah unfortunately Seagal is so full of himself that sometimes behind the scenes he harms some of the stunt team in the movie Exit Wounds he sent a guy to the ER for stitches according to Michael Jai White.
The cars of that gang were literally cars from the first Fast & Furious movie.
Lmao I saw that too thought they looked familiar
For a few seconds I thought he was splicing in FnF footage for comedy... nope it's the actual movie
Only the Jetta was from the first movie. The RX7 & Supra were from 2 fast 2 furious
@@xsingxhaix Even the RX7 is from the first film, that was Dom's car.
@@enditakamweneshe6428 not the same one. Look at the wheels and decals.
Dude! You had me in stiches when u said ,
" they have bigger problems because the sun just went out" 😆 🤣 😂
The dumbest jokes are always my favorite
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😅😅 i can’t stop laughing
@@SpaceIce i love your voice do more movies please i beg you do more movies
@@SpaceIce LOL ''SUDDENLY SEA GULL GOES FULL NINJA IN OTHER APARTMENT ''
I have some news - our sun is going to go out some day.
The good news is that probably won't happen for another billion years.
But no worries, Musk's great great great great great great great grandkid is going to come up with warp drive so our great great great great great great great grandkids can get their asses to another solar system with Earth-like planets that don't have civilizations advanced enough to wipe them out upon arrival!
We are all blessed to live in a time where Steven Seagal existed to provide comedic relief. 😂
It took Segal and his gifts as a writer, director and action hero for us to re-evaluate the talents of Neil Breen and Uwe Boll.
4:03 that’s Seagal’s body double in the security outfit lol
Yup, the same stand-in he killed off in Shadow Man, a year later.
The children’s hospital going out of business had me crying 🤣🤣
Hahaha!!!! Me too!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Oh, darn
Those kids aren't getting sick anymore
Just awful
Facts
Yea me too lolollollolol
@@iceonthesun8880 yep, everyone's cured. Time to call it quits.
The children's hospital going out of buisness is like something you would see in a spoof movie.
Literally. I was laughing my ass off when I saw that scene
oh. these movies aren't?
Is that the real Steven Seagal? Oh dear
The whole movie is like a spoof movie but with no coherence. 😅
@@professor4202 his movies are syphilis
That gang shoot out where everyone is racist and has an all out fire fight for no reason plays out just like a South Park episode 😂😂
I seriously howled when he said, “you two literally just got out of prison yesterday!” 😂
I knew it was gonna be good when the scene was prefaced by that nonchalant “The first bad guy he pulls out of his ass-” 😂
“Seagal’s prison husband” That killed me😂😂😂
😂🤣me too!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 hahaha 🤣!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
😅😅😅😂😂😂
"like it's a fking toys-r-us" I lost it. Your videos have me in tears 🤣
I just lost it there too 🤣
yup that’s where I couldn’t hold it back. holy fuck…
Belter
Tell me about! I’m still crying🤣
“Even though he’s on the ground floor, somehow manages to throw him out of the window on the 5th floor”
I CANT BREATE 😂
"...and it's clearly a completely different person!"
There’s no way that scene was really in the movie. I refuse to believe it.
That's almost on a Chunk Norris joke level of stupid.
12:34
Sensai Seagull causes reality to malfunction.
Seagal manages to lose everyone, hide the money, call his girlfriend, before taking a nap right in front of the police.. 🤣
They normally wear uniforms but seagal ain't about that life so he wears whatever the f*** he wants had me laughing in tears
Yo I busted a gut. I remember seeing this movie... utter trash. The fact that he constantly wears long leather dusters and always rests his hands on his massive gut is hilarious.
@@blaxpoitation8528 "utter trash" 🤣
gotta cover that gut....
To lazy to get a uniform for the scene shows what a lack of respect Seagal has for filmmaking and the audience.
It's obvious he's insecure about his body and didn't want to wear uniform that would show his fat grandpa physique, so even in scenes where it didn't make sense for him to wear loose clothes and switching jackets he just did it anyways
Seagal doesn't waste time on outdated movie tropes like a plot, he's somewhat a visionary
He's like a kid that starts a story with Santa Claus and tooth fairies and finishes with dinosaurs and zombies, but for some reason it all makes sense to him.
Seagal doesn’t need plot. The movie relies purely on his natural charisma.
How do you see a painting in a dream and decide to "get" it?
It would have made sense if she painted it from a dream, but someone else had painted what she saw in her dream...?
My brain hurts.
Could have been the basis for a Twilight Zone episode?
Imagine if you will, you’re an actor, a young actor, and you hear about this low budget prison movie, cheap action movie but you get cast and you’re excited then you hear it’s a Seagal movie. Imagine how crushing that must be because you realize it’s not going anywhere.
Bruh Chloe Moretz being in this movie was the biggest plot twist ive ever experienced
for real?
And she doesn't even mention it 🤣🤣🤣
I’m thinking why big red from the five heartbeats had such a tiny role in the film lol
@@ralphwiggum1982 gotta love Big Red ❤️
@@ralphwiggum1982 He had to keep yo his business hours.
9-5
Seagal taking a nap as the cops passes by is the most funniest, yet stupidest scene in this movie. That's one easy way to get to jail though.
@@davidjob4909 surely that can’t b true?
It was probably his double.
I think he was trying to impersonate a homeless person rather than a murder perp, but it didn't work. That might have been the most logical scene in the whole movie.
Nahh he fell asleep on set while cameras rolled and they all agreed it was best that way @@raylopez99
That wasn’t acting. Seagal fell asleep during the take. Walking is tiring.
The “going out of business” sign gets me every time 😂
I love how his stunt double is also an obvious extra lol 4:02
Nice catch lol
I love the fact Segal wore whatever he wants in the prison scenes. 😂
His flexibility on the set is astonishing.
Because Seagal ain't about that life :D
@@einantassteinas7038 (in Space Ice's voice) And wears whatever the fuck he wants!
Is it laziness ?
Is it so he can write off his clothing as business expenses ?
It's probably both.
Well it's HIS movie THEY'RE in, so if they didn't let him I guess he'd just kill them. 😂
That DEA Agent..."You failed. Yeah, sometimes it happens." Had me rolling.
Seems like she was actually the most successful person in the movie. She managed to get a guy convicted on charges that weren't even her job to investigate.
@@t1p9d Evidently, that sometimes happens as well.
you hatin
What movie were you watching? She said "Yeah, it happens."
Why do people add in words that weren't ever used?
Early 2000's Seagal. With black dyed cotton candy for hair, long before his current yellow sunglasses, backwards cap , military phase
The sign on the hospital that says “going out of business “ had me rolling like it’s some grocery store
Damn, he throws people so hard that they turn into different people on the way
There's a Chuck Norris joke somewhere in there.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
"he's a cool mofo".. "No he's not"... Hahaha, love it.
Walks like a black man breathes like a killer 👀
Why even shoot at an armored truck?
IT'S A F**KING _ARMORED_ TRUCK!!!
😂😂😂
This guy's voiceover is Absolutely Hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. Couldn't not laughing!
"But, since he and the guard look identical, he steals his uniform..." had me laughing for 10 mins Lmao
Man I died laughing....
and then they stopped by the prison-taylor to make it into a long-sleeve shirt.
😄
The one thing never explained anywhere in the movie is how they set up that escape plan or even how they were contacted. I mean they had everyone involved... and I mean EVERYONE in the prison involved somehow where they masked the escape with a fake food fight, then somehow bought this helicopter that was paid off and the pilot paid off.
I actually got second hand embarrassment when he meets the connection who says “Walks like a black man, breathes like a killa” I bet seagull thought he’d get major cool points for having someone say that to him. I bet he actually thinks each race has a default walk setting like it’s a video game 🤣 Imagine if he met an Asian person in his films, “walks like an Asian, breathes like a Panda”
LMFAO at the term "second hand embarrassment*. I've never heard that before, yet I 100% relate when he says that line. It felt awkward ASF. Kudos to the actor for delivering it without laughing. Lol
Killers always have asthma. Maybe.
No default walk for races, just difficulty settings
@@rashb3994 in Germany we have a word for that, being "fremdschämen" and I love it.
Lol at the fact that Steven Seagal probably thinks each race has a different walking animation
Seagal is the master of “and then” writing.
Can you imagine taking your kid to a children's hospital that has a " Going out of business" sign slapped over their main sign?
They must be having a sale.
Seagal climbing a fire escape ladder like that is so funny. He can't even get out of a bathtub by himself.
Or even an office chair. Which is technically should to be easier than a bathtub.
@Jimbo Bimbo Yea, lol. Thats why I said office chair. What a joke of a human being. Sad that he has probably screwed a lot of people over in his life. Is this part of his karma? Being a Hollywood laughingstock?
@@lukeuseforce Guy seems like he would have zero problem screwing people over and have no qualms at all cause as far as he’s concerned he is superior .Demi gods don’t keep promises to peasants
@@lukeuseforce Kinda guy who’s opening line would b
You know you’ve just became the luckiest girl in the room
@@darrenstopper1806 Oh yeah, Steven is such a POS. Definitely a narcissistic womanizer
"Walks like a Black man, looks like a killer 😏"
"I have no idea what that means."
🤣🤣🤣
I have no clue that was a thing either
I can't believe Sensei Sausage Fingers used the exact same cars from the first Fast and Furious movie. Talk about going green and recycling old props. What a visionary our dear Sensei really is
Love how he tries to stuff mystical stuff into his movies, even though it never makes any sense
“Dreams r symbolic”was brilliant.like the way he said it he musta thought. that that line was so deep and meaningful yet cryptic and endearing .Id bet money that line was all segal.And woulda fought hard to get it in the film and thinks it’s the best line In the entire film
@@darrenstopper1806 I'm sure it really is a proud achievement for Segal, like was the Oscar community sleeping that year or what lmao.
"Going out of business sign like a F****** Toys R is" OMG I just broke out LOL Truth!!
“I’m not a demolition expert but I don’t think you are suppose to set them all up right next each other”...😂😂😂
The «sends in his body double» joke never gets old
While most of humanity is struggling to make ends meet. Seagull is making a real dough by being a horrible human being .show this man some respect
Lmaooooooo
I think you meant he's made OF dough
I refuse to give this waste of a mother’s love any respect let alone the time of day.
An honest asshole, who's proud of being a world-class douchebag. That's rare these days.
Maybe not respect. I'll give him, a cookie.
All his movies are the same nonsense put together in different ways
The amount of mental torture and trauma spaceice must be going through in order to narrate this video is mind-boggling... Huge respect
Thank you for making these Space Ice! These videos have more effort and heart put into them than all of Steven movies combined. If I am ever feeling off or having a bad go with life these are always a ticket into a better head space.
The children's hospital going-out-of-business was just too much for me 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm genuinely shocked that the closing for business children's hospital shot paid off in the end, because that's a level of coherence unheard of for Seagal. Which says everything about how coherent his movies are.
I have never watched a Steven Seagull movie, and now I never have to. I can’t with the short sleeves turning into long sleeves. The body doubles people being thrown out of different floors. 😂😂
LOL! That "Going out of business" sign on the hospital has bothered me for years!
I'm actually a fan of Segal movies, I think about almost all of the things you call out, but I still enjoy his movies. I think you are a fan too, at heart.
This is the last Seagal movie I purchased on DVD. It was 2005 and at Walmart. I remember watching it that night and feeling physically sick afterwards.
Lmfao 🤣
YOU FUCKIN PURCHASED ONE OF THESE MOVIES LMFAO IM DEAD HOLY SHIT DEAD.......WAIT AND YOU SAID THE LAST ONE LMFAO SO YOU PURCHASED OTHERS LMFAO DEAD DEAD DEAD
Wtf
How did you not get embarrassed as fuck buying this in person?
That is like buying teletubbies dvd, to remind ourselves how f*cktop we were
I like how when she wakes up from her dream he’s just sitting there with a stupid smirk on his face like he’s just waiting for her to wake up.
lmfao
Space Ice needs a medal for subjecting himself to the pain of watching every seagull film. Thankyou for your service to humanity
This was his “I want to be hood” phase and it was glorious. Endless content.
"The movie then devolves into complete absurdity." The words Steven Seagal begins every screenplay with.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I doubt Seagal even knows the definition of "absurdity" , or "devolvs"... or "movie" 😄
My favorite Space Ice commentaries during the review; "I don't know who this guy is..." and my other favorite: " The movie never explains..." Honorable mention: "I stopped caring a long time ago."
Also, "for no reason what so ever,"
I love whenever Space goes “F*ck you!” Or just swears when you’re not expecting it 😂
“But, WHATEVER”
I also love his "Anyways ..", spoken in that snotty voice.
"I have NO idea why....."
13:55 wait a motherfucking minute....that's a kindergarten Chloë Grace Moretz!!!!😱
6:28 Is that Crash? They call him Crash because he's never crashed before/
You know, the worst thing about this whole movie is that Chloë Grace Moretz, a pretty decent actress, now has to have _Today You Die_ on her acting credits list on IMDb forever. The thought of that legitimately makes me sad, and I feel genuinely sorry for Chloë Grace Moretz.
Hey, everyone starts somewhere. If anything, it just proves that she had the talent to advance.
She was blackmailed.
She'll probably hire a team of hackers to erase all mention of it from the internet. So, make sure you have this video backed up somewhere :)
What about Randy Couture? All those actors playing in a Steven Seagal movie are destroying their career
@@prolabkdeze1514 It was his first role. After that, he appeared in The Expendables.
Respect to this man for sitting through the entire movie so we can have a laugh.
Wtf does Seagull say at 07:12??
I couldn't do it, space ice is a true hero
Are you talking about Space Ice or Seagal ? 😄
12:42 Seagal prison husband 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This felt like watching 3 different movies mashed together into 1 movie. I still don't know who the main villain is or what his motivations are.
Thats a few of his movies
This movie is so all over the place. Heist movie -> prison movie -> buddy movie -> revenge movie. 4 different movies and they're all garbage
Same thing with Mercenary for Justice.
At this point, Segal has to be fcking with us. There's no way he doesn't see how ridiculous these movies are
Average american watch them, no problem.
He’s making money, dude. I would gladly make an ass out of myself for millions of dollars lol.
He's actually being made to make these movies by the mafia as a money laundering scheme but he does get paid. Not sure if its a lot but a long time ago he was actually called for a sit down with some head honchos of the mafia because of something he had said or done and apparently he actually started crying because they threatened him and he went to the police for protection. He thought he was a hardened gangster after his first one or two movies but the mafia courteously set him straight
@@DH-xh3pg maybe once, but not constantly
and how the fuck are these movies making money anyway
Seagals ego is bigger than any talent he possesses. Can't take a guy who shit his pants seriously.
By the end of every single one of these videos I’m on the floor crying laughing turning purple lol it’s the voice!!
"They have bigger problems, because the sun just went out" LMFAO
A similar error with "the sun going out" is in the 1989 film Killer Angels, where a car explosion from the John Woo film Just Heroes is played as the scene before and after the explosion was at day, whilst the explosion is set at night.
I almost died laughing when he threw that dude out the fifth floor window from the ground level 🤣😂🤣 and the way space ice explained it really did it.
me too 😂😂😂😂 hahaha, brilliant!
I saw this.... this has me in tears😂😂😂😂😂
“They visit the tailor “
Dude you pointing out the ridiculously lack of continuity has me rolling.
Seagal‘s jacket is struggling to stay on🥹😂🤣🥲
You know, it’s hard to get ADHD medication because the DEA won’t let enough of it be made. So, given how much my life has been screwed with by this, the plot point of the DEA doing everything regardless of if it has anything to do with the actual job is strangely relatable
“Um, actually people use Adderall to get high sometimes, so screw people with ADHD, I hope they never accomplish a task again”
-The DEA
You shouldnt have pills for ADHD as it is normal for an human. Nowadays, 90% of people say they are ADHD, that is an absurdity
@@prolabkdeze1514 it is an absurdity to act like the things you say are fact when not even 5% of the global adult population are ADHD
Seagal’s ponytail/mullet is probably the biggest crime in history
Lol 😂 it’s terrible
I have a theory that Steven seagal has been trying to quit acting for a while now but can't because the mob wants him to continue, so he actively makes the movies as lazy as possible on purpose. Possibly hoping that they will eventually let him off the hook and leave him alone.
This is the best theory I've heard.
My theory: Seagal still needs to pay off all of that alimony and those sexual harassment lawsuits.
Apparently this movie contains scenes taken from 3 totally different films. "The Order" (for the rappelling scene), "Top of the World" (for the truck chase), and "Undisputed" (for the prison riot scene). So lazy, they couldn't even be bothered to film it themselves.
I'm so thankful to sensei seagal. Without his movies these gems would not have been crested.
i love how they rented the exact car from fast and the furious for one scene lol
I was about to say the same thing… 😂😂
Lmfao i knew i wasnt tripping
Fast & Furious didn't exist when this pos came out
@@bunkelops yes it did dork lol this was over 2 years after the first one
@@bunkelops 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🙆🏻♂️
In Seagal's movies, people die for no reason, and the movie as a whole is nonsense
'die for no reason ' sounds like his next dvd movie lol.. 😂..🤷🏻♂️
These videos are top shelf. Although I'm sure you missed a fine detail, at circa 4:03 one of the 3 security guards shooting the van as it drives away is Steven Segal's body double used is many of his movies 😂🤣
I love these seagal reviews
Seagal is the king of Comedy!
This guy's reviews are hilarious they are just as good as Pitch Meetings but different and just about Seagal
_"...but they have bigger problems because the Sun just went out."_
I've lost track of how many times I've watched this and that line _still_ makes me literally LOL.
I was surprised to see Seagal get arrested in this movie. His ego is so inflated at this point he is never in a position to be subjugated anymore.
I feel that he actually just wanted to take a nap so they just wrote a scene around it.
This has to be the 100th video ive seen. every time i watch one i fear theres no more Segal movies to review, thankfully my fear hasnt come true yet. one thing im always surprised you never mention is the soft light on Segal in every movie. awesome job
Your channel came on one night on autoplay while I was sleeping and it annoyed the hell out of me... I checked it out later when I was awake and I laughed so I subbed.
"...since he and the guard look identical..."
Golden!😆👍
Seagal loves his rapper buddy movies
It all started with “Exit Wounds”
“Are we alright?”
“Nah …. We AIGHT…”
Lmao
@@DH-xh3pg 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah he's a bit of a rappist himself
Love your channel because of your manner of narrating and slow speech, my non-English ear can understand every word. So I learn English with your videos))
I swear I just saw these reviews for the first time today.. I haven’t laughed this much in a while 👍
Likewise. Like literally within the last day. And the children's hospital going out of business? They just don't do unintentional humor like that anymore. And they probably do, but I can't suffer through it.
I had to pause and take breaks because my side was hurting so much.
Please never stop making these. You shouldn’t have a problem since they’re are an infinite amount. Best thing I’ve seen in a while
I am starting to think that his movies are just for laundering money. No way it can be that stupid
@@prolabkdeze1514I didn't know there were so many.........
thanks to this channel im gonna watch all these seagal movies now just to see how bad they are...
Lmao “ran out of gas” was so stupid i couldn’t stop laughing
all his movies are so bad i dont see how he gets to keep making them
Russian money laundering scheme. He's got deep ties with Russia.
Money laundering schemes
He makes his movies overseas lol he’s still a box
Office draw in Asia
He's the producer lol
Money laundering scheme.