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Your subconscious attraction to narcissists
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- čas přidán 13. 09. 2023
- Narcissistic abuse is an undeniable crisis. Discover Healing, Empowerment, and Authentic Living...
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The Royal We has helped Millions to escape the grip of narcissistic abuse. Here’s a deeper look into what narcissistic abuse looks like and steps to heal from it:
Narcissistic abuse looks like:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often show little to no empathy for others, making it easy for them to manipulate and exploit. Narcissists use various tactics such as gaslighting, love bombing, and devaluation to control and dominate their victims.
Common Tactics Used in Narcissistic Abuse:
Gaslighting: Making the victim doubt their own reality and sanity.
Love Bombing: Showering the victim with excessive attention and affection to gain control.
Devaluation: Undermining the victim’s self-worth through criticism, belittling, and emotional neglect.
Isolation: Cutting the victim off from their support systems to increase dependency on the abuser.
Triangulation: Using others to create jealousy or competition, keeping the victim feeling insecure.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
How to begin healing from narcissistic abuse:
Understand that you have been enduring narcissistic abuse. This awareness is the first step toward healing.
Get Help:
Work with The Royal We to get the tools to understand and process your experiences. Visit - www.jointheroyalwe.com
Establish No Contact or Low Contact:
Limit or completely cut off communication with the narcissistic abuser. This helps you gain emotional distance and begin your healing journey.
Rebuild Your Self-Esteem:
Engage in activities that boost your confidence and self-worth. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who value and respect you.
Educate Yourself:
Learn about narcissistic abuse and its effects. Knowledge is empowering and can help you recognize patterns and avoid future toxic relationships.
Practice Self-Care:
Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices can all contribute to your recovery.
Set Boundaries:
Develop and maintain healthy boundaries in all your relationships.
Connect with others who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Join The Royal We Support Group - theroyalwe.kartra.com/page/ynE48
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I was attracted to narcissists because I was narcissistic. In the lovebomb, they would tell me what I wanted to hear. I liked being on the pedestal, and when the abuse came, I took that too because I felt deep down that I was a piece of sh*t and I deserved it. When I learned about NPD, I realized that my main problem was me and my need for exterrnal validation. I'm not perfect nor am I a piece of sh*t. Realizing that I'm just an average person and the world doesn't revolve around me has been a difficult lesson to learn. I'm starting to be okay with blending into the background and living life below the radar. I've got a lot to offer, but that doesn't mean that much to me anymore and I no longer expect it to mean anything to anyone else. I'm content in my small social circle where I live my life quietly and thankfully, narc free. Now I can spot a narc pretty quickly and shut them down just as fast. This has been one of the most valuable lessons God has taught me.
I don’t think you were narcissistic.. just for the fact that you have self reflection
I’m not sure it’s narcissistic just to enjoy or need attention. Anyone who hasn’t received validation as a child, is going to be looking for it externally, not necessarily narcissistic either.
@@annastone5624It's codepency
@@annastone5624I want to cry 😢😢😢
Sounds more like you were dealing with Codependency and Enmeshment
Low hanging fruit! 😅 That backfires every time! Lost 40 years of my life. Giving everything as they took everything! Narcissists are pure evil parasites! Thank you Kevin!! 😊
That’s the story off my life picking losers because I was brainwashed in childhood that I was worthless always giving and getting nothing back not even a honest hug 😮funny thing narcissistic people smell us a mile away 😢
Learned self abandonment from family of origin sets us up for attracting and staying with narcissists.
Thank you. You basically said it best!! ❤
Definitely…..but we can heal 🎉
I wasted many years on living my ex thinking he would change, in fact I wasted my entire future on him. I’ve been single since 2006, and plan to remain that way.
You always used to say " narcisssitc abuse happens when ur in places u have no busniess being at " AND ITS SO TRUE! I found narcisst mostly in places I HAD NO BUSNIESS being at! when we stray from our path we are setting urself up for these kind of abuse
Dating sights not knowing thyself happens to late patterns show up tho ..
I used to choose narcs because they tried harder than others. That lovebomb. My dad is a narc and I didn’t know what love looked like. I was raised to believe I only deserve what I get, and that I didn’t deserve much. I watched my mom be the best wife but get the worst treatment. Struggle love was normal. When I decided I deserved better and would be single forever rather than with an abuser I found my partner, who is more than I ever could’ve imagined.
Thanks for sharing. _"I found my partner, who is more than I ever could’ve imagined"_ - that made me smile. Happy for you 😊
🖐
Yes same here I was domestic violence
Thank you , you've given me hope with your beautiful comment 🙏❤️
I thought he was a lot like me. Now I know he was pretending, and it's a mask that he wears outside of the house.
I am weary from the Predators. Old ones and new ones both! It’s seems like there is an Army of Males in their 50’s who live with their Mothers trying to get into my house. It is evident that they can’t see me as anything else but an opportunity to take advantage of. (They need to cut a peep hole through their bellybuttons!) I’m not even dating! I have been isolated 2 years longer than COVID’s lockdowns. I feel so vulnerable. They all flip into an angry baby when I exercise my boundaries. Each new one that comes along is building an anger inside me that I don’t even want! No sooner do I get rid of one, another one comes along, . I can’t believe I still have to deal with this even though I’ve gone no contact with my entire family, and everybody that came from my past. (All but my children, who are thriving by the way!) There was Never a “Before Narcissistic Abuse” for me.. The Love Bombs and Breadcrumbs from Strangers and Ex Narcs are still coming! The Traumatic Hate Bombs have STOPPED. Love Bombs are just a different brand of Evil. They set you up for a fight for FREEDOM either way!
Recognize incongruent behavior. If their words do not match their actions, then they are tares.
45 seconds in. I think im going to cry myself to sleep and watch the rest of this in the morning 🤦🏾♀️
I used to give up my power in hopes that someone outside of me would saved me. The narcs present themselves as confident , saviors , secure people . They are all the contrary ! And so I learned to call back my own power. I think this is the biggest lesson in this narcissistic/ empathetic dance. One gives away their power , the other one takes it, until we say NO MORE!
33 years, and then he suddenly died! 😢. Talk about no contact 😮!
That I tell myself is not funny but fitting.
My hope is there is something left for you to live on.
Bc our CNS is scrambled from our childhood and being in emotionally chaotic relationships feels familiar and normal. That’s why “simple” feels boring.
I was 19 and now I'm 38 still married to the narc. They don't change
There must be a reason why you are still whit him.
Money? Unemployment?
I had a successful cleaning business with 14 employees and hundreds of commercial and residential accounts, I got into the abusive relationship and in less than a year, I lost everything 😢
How is that possible? Wow. Heal and rebuild.
And that was their intention the entire time.. The same thing they like about you, is the same thing they hate about you.
Some ppl come into our lives on assignment to kill, steal, and destroy.
OMG so sorry you not alone ...
@@irielion3748it's possible.. not mention mental physical health of a person.
I believe destruction in all areas of my life with a narcissistic religious husband was his goal in our marriage.
Did we share narcissistic characteristics? I belive we did.
In his mind it was and is his birthright to humiliate, lie, & steal my precious time all under the umbrella of marriage. Through deceit, and I'm not blind i know it takes 2 to Tango, I lost my identity as a loving, capable human being.
His needs were always & only important . Whenever I rose up against his narrative all hell would break loose. I betrayed myself and learned to shut my mouth, emotions and future rather than face his wrath.
Today he resides in a mental institution.
After 24 years of marriage I discovered "we" had no marriage.
I didn't know that truth b4 his incarceration. He said he was a man of god and I believed him.
In retrospect he and I never served the same God.
Now that I know that he is a dangerous narcissist he will never again have access to me or my children lives.
It really is finished and I am greatful that it's over.
Rebuilding my life is scary will U please say a prayer that I heal. Thank you .
I never knew about narcissist until 4 years ago I knew I wasn't myself and even was crazy
Yes, i guess none of us knew it. I found it in 2015, when i thought to myself "man, this guy is really a Narcissus", ebtered that (or Narcis - from that novel) into Google and found out about NPD. 😳 and he checked all boxes except maybe 1-2.
You felt crazy because of crazy making, or "gaslighting".
I knew this existed, I did not realize how mentally toxic this really was until I came under the "shitty spell" of one.
I thought for a time I was going to die after the full breakup, as I experienced heavy somatic effects up to a near body breakdown. This was last autumn/winter 2022, and I still carry some psychosomatic effects today, even after deconstructing her behavior (and maintaining no-contact, of course).
I too thought I was going crazy, and experienced a guilt that wasn't mine to bear.
@@Zookeeper. My X cause me to have a mini stroke. That's when I knew I couldn't handle him anymore. After that, he progressively got worse! I lived there for a few more months, watching him move his new supply in, with her daughter. I warned her about him, just for her to get in my face, and threaten to beat me up! Lol. The Jokes on her now! He was cheating with her anyway! KARMA! 😂
Hi @@MegaMisfit138, thank you for sharing a story I think is way too common.
Those pieces of.. work are something, right?
It is possible your ex's new supply was under his spell, hence the raging fit. Now she's a new victim.
🖐️
@@Zookeeper. You're welcome! Yes! Absolutely! I think he discussed our arguments, and she saw a way in. He proposed to me, posted a pic of my huge ring on Fakebook. The same day, he got a call from a woman, asking to start a duet. After 2 days of nonstop talk of this duet, I told him NO! She called cause she wants a piece of the action. He said I was crazy, and BOOM! She starts dating him the minute we broke up! He even installed a hidden camera at my panty drawer! Creepo! My instincts tell me she's a narc too! He really downgraded! I went to get stuff later, and the smell of cat pee was overwhelming, and he looked like he aged 10 years in one month! Still filled with rage!
It's like being told as I was by my doctor once to" bloom where I had been planted." I stayed in toxic, unhealthy relationships with family, people, and employers until my health was adversely affected trying to do that. I agree Kevin, you are 100% dead-on. I had to learn how to cut my losses and run from some of these people and jobs now, after staying too long trying to give my best and hope for change. Bless You!❤🙏🏻❤
Great insights Kevin. The Crappy Childhood Fairy refers to this subconscious phenomenon as “crapfitting.”
I dedicated 17 years to my narcissistic, husband, and you are right he got worse. Now we are separated. On my way to a divorce. And yes, he depleted me so you are right.
In general people are afraid of their true self so if they find someone who naturally mirrors their true self they run for the hills !... now if they are in touch with their true self they’d respect the compatibility, the simplicity. The successful lady being referred to needs to look within and do the work on herself instead of her career as everyone should. It’s ALL within folks !
Never knew what a Naccarsist was,they can really put on a show in the beginning. Than after they get you. . The Monster comes out!
I always fell for the good looking bad boy types. This last evil pos I was involved with super ugly, seemed nice, caring, loving, put togeather.... the most evil of them all. He wore the mask a long time.
Narcissists like to use charm to deceive and to attract a supply full stop.
Most would fall for that charm, especially younger people looking for a lifetime partner. That 'likewise compatible' doesn't always come along before a narcissist comes along with their charm.
Once they hook a supply up they install fear in multiple ways.
So true I think subconsciously I was afraid of boredom it's scary how we set ourselves up
"human beings are not seeds... you don't water them" lol😅
OMG! This video highlights the problem/mistakes of my life. The reasons I've always chosen bottom-of-the-barrel and narcissists are twofold - boredom with simplicity, and shame. I've been blind to these problems until viewing this video, so many thanks.
Understand completely as I was the same. The bozo was a challenge that turned into a living nightmare♥
Lol “ wasted days and wasted nights“ - singing country voice 😂
I’m not afraid, I have always been Co-Dependent however I have been in counseling for a few years now and I have learned and have changed my ways because of codependency.
Brilliant Kevin ! I've wasted my life on bozos but I've learnt a lot. Yes, there was a shame bestowed on me by my toxic mother. That realisation is the first time I have ever stated that to anyone. Thank you Kevin for your insightful thoughts and observation, the day starts brighter than yesterday.
12yr. Marriage, 4 kids, 4 counseling about about me with anger issues, hiding money, tuck control over money, when I was disable from stress, stroke, no access to my account? There’s no love, learn the hard way!! She want all things!! Collecting child support, from my social security, wile living with here! Stayed broke the hole time no money, she was hiding here money from me!! I can go on!! Thanks for you steering me to the right direction!! Working on mine!! Thanks!
I think I was attracted to narcissists in the past because it's human nature to love junk. Now I understand there are serious consequences for eating junk food and being with junk people.
Loved this video Kevin. Thanks for discussing the sexual side. Good to hear the desires being normalized, rather than demonized.
Good points! I never considered what you spoke on! I did always say I like a bad boy, but not anymore.. had too much.. I think that was a teenager thing.. I am a grown mature woman who is no longer interested in the bad boys.. and I am no longer wanting to be someone’s mommy or daddy..🙄 so, I’m working on ME, and helping me to get to the heart ❤️. I’m confident, and I’m ready! 😊
Ditto
Sorrow is the gift that does seem to keep on giving. Hang tough you are loved.
These thoughts are interesting- and true! The truth is sometimes painful, but can set us free .Thank you. God bless 🌾
I always said I wanted someone more my equal. But I always thought it made me sound conceited. Now it makes sense. Thank you.
Totally nailed it, Kevin! Never saw this in 40 years of adulthood. 😢
I was constantly devalued as a child and now have the hardest time not scraping the bottom of the barrel. This was all by design by my father...as this allowed him to keep me trapped as his daughter-wife (essentially), even after he remarried. I finally broke free of my parents... and have ended up in a narcissisticly abusive marriage. It was a hoot to watch my father and husband fight over me for supply. And by hoot, I mean awful.
Scratching the bottom: an example are most of the vouples in "90 day fiancee". Economically unequal, culturally unequal, abd where usually the woman is trying yo "save him", by her great "love" overcoming all the obstacles, and he is looking for "better life".
Way too many years 😢👎 I know mine was I just put up with enough my mum would love me. If I just gave enough people would stop injuring me It. Never. Happened. 😢
Wasted a lot of time on weeds…
Thank you 👌 A video on a channel about narcissism that is actually constructive and drops some truthbombs on us about OUR role in staying in these relationships rather than the same old hate and demonising. Nicely done and some great takeaways here.
I fell for narcissistic because I consider the world mote beautiful and more innocent than than me,
I considered them most innocent and most righteousness,
I was humble and I trusted everyone easily.
And I fall for easily and being manipulated and injured
And When I realised that the consequences were giving me pain and I don't want this pain, I removed myself.
Self re-set. Back to basics. Thank you.
Waw! This is exactly what I went trough. I had the perfect relationship and I left it for adventure, boy did I get my adventure!
I really enjoyed your perspective on the matter. I am 40 years old and now learning about what is healthy love. I grew up in pure dysfunction so there is so much to unlearn and re-learn. I pray and ask God daily to teach me how to be content with myself and life even if I never find a compatible healthy partner. Healing has been going on for years now I swear lol. It's sad most days when I look back at my childhood. So much my parents never taught me because nobody taught them. I am no ontact from the ex covert narc so that in itself is a blessing. Thank you for doing these videos kevin.
God bless you!
I can totally relate to you. Both of my parents are Narcissists
@@lo-ul8nq sorry to hear this. Ik how challenging this is. I hope that God gives you the strength to heal any childhood wounds. Take good care!
too many years.. was wasted💕I Loved this video.♥
I hate to admit it but you are correct .
At least the royal him is mistaken by claiming everyone believes in "god"
God bless You Kevin. We appreciate n love you n the best impact your work is. Thank You thank You thank you. ❤
And part two is I’ve lost another 15 years out of fear of making such a mistake again. Betrayal trauma is debilitating. It’s tragic. My son has suffered. Two lives chewed up in the wake of narcissistic addiction. The irony of worrying that I would be overpowered, when I ended up drowning in lies and deceit.
Maybe they are just very good liars and pretend. Maybe there are some out there that do that but no, not me. Most of the people who targeted by narcs and vice versa are the people God created with big hearts. We were not taught "to guard your heart" that statement is straight from your creator.
40 years. I was 15. I didn't think about those things much, I was naive. He was cute. Ugh
Great Teaching
Mine was because of repetition compulsion, but that explanation is more from a psychological standpoint. The fears of equality was more the outcome.
Thank you for a great video Kevin. Your analysis makes a lot of sense. Very eye- oening.
I’ve been learning about narcissists for about 8 years now due to marrying one. I soon discovered that I grew up with them and unfortunately now I’m working with them. I would love more information on dealing with and recognizing narcissists in the work place. Please and thank you!! 🙏🏼
Permission To Exist channel she concentrates mainly on narcs in the workplace/Corp field. You may really like her channel too in addition to Royal We as it never hurts to know more. ❤
It's all same with everyone of em
👏👏👏👏👏, Respect 🙌,Kevin. Always giving answer to all my questions👌.
13 years lost. I was afraid I would be overpowered and choked. Could be from a previous life!
Love your show! You are a very intelligent soul
I really needed this message today. Thank you.
Hi Kevin !! This is just what I needed !! As always on point !
You really are spot on! I feel so much better. Thank you. Much success to you. Keep up the good work!
Love your sense of colour, Kevin!
Thanks, Kevin. He had to lose that notion that opposites attract.
I think ‘we are all the same’ was just a the narcissist’s code for ‘you’re nothing special’
Also it was their way of denying me individuality from them.
I have spent years and years on people I believed it was ‘my job to help’
The narcissists in my life trained me never to self prioritize and always be serving and helping.
Wowwwww!!!!!!! On Point !!!!
I think you just repaired me with Super Glue
BEST video ever on your channel
I will be watching this one over & over to reinforce the lesson.
Thank you so much !
This was painful but it brought revelation. I actually think I am one step closer to a better future and an upgraded self image thanks to this. I think I will be making better decisions in my dating life in the future. Thank you Kevin😊
OMGOSH🤯THIS IS SO ME!
THANK YOU KEVIN
JUDE
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant ❤
BRILLIANT thanks Kev.
Very well said 🎉. Thank you for another great 👍 video
Please young people ho are married or with an Abusive partner,Leave Leave and Leave now, I can tell you they will Abuse you,do not love you and use you for as long as you stay with them 🙏❤️
💯💯💯💝
I walked away with nothing i couldn't do it anymore. Now im starting over at 51. Guess im now equal to the bottom of the barrel? Lol
This Video is awesome!!! Thank you so much
Thank you for making a video on this issue!
So empowering thank you. :)
I love the message in this video. You ate so right. I have always been attracted to the bad boys. Ugg.
Wow this really resonates with me Kevin, as have your other videos. I really think that coaching is something that I need. I am in therapy -and it’s helping a bit - but I don’t really feel that it is helping completely Will schedule an appointment with you soon.
Well if we feel like we're a cool person we want to be with a cool person whether it's fake or not.
And it's easier for people to screw around than to start something serious and bear the weight nowadays sad but true.
Absolutely amazing Kevin Good Word! as always! God bless you!
This is all true , misconception . It took years of my life . Sad!
All I could manage was the skum on the bottom. So I gave up on dating. Money makes a big difference in the quality you'll end up dating.
Powerful message
I thought I needed a little crazy in my life...... and now it won't leave, God help me....
I was told be careful for what you ask for you just might get it.
That was true for me too.
Excellent advice!
And some times they just fool people who he /she thinks they can serve their needs and purposes. Unbelievably entitled, selfish, serial liars
Kev's back in the you tube house dude's and dudet's.
Great video.
Thanks dude.
Saint Anger
I do believe the parable of wheat and tares is applicable to seed. The reference from whence it comes is an agricultural term.
❤
I used the wrong parable "wheat & tares", sprry.
The "seed" is referenced in an ancient book and the people it was written to were of an agricultural culture. They spoke with what they understood.
Just for fun the word cute in that same language meant "bow legged". Words & meanings change.
So so true, 100%
Disagree with you on one thing, if we connect to someone asexual and we're sexual then we're screwed are we....NO Kevin we are not...very lonely in my marriage. Love you content. Just a little word pun fun for you. Praying your work continues, it is a blessing to many including me. Thank you 😊
Thank you Kevin 💯💯 Great information shared on this video.
13 years, Kevin probably 15 overall. Cause it took me 2 years to get over it, the narcissist.
I think that it is difficult to have a relationship with someone who is equal or more than equal because these people are not interested in your success. So they can boycott your business and your ability of making your own money. They have their own career to think of, and they do not care about your career. The dynamic when a husband or a wife feels like having another child is not only not equal, but it is based on co-dependency, and although some people do not like to admit it, it is always daughter/father and son/mother, not just one of the two. But it takes time to see that if there is one connection, the other one is also there. Both partners are not capable of having an adult relationship.
❤❤thank you very much ❤❤
4 f#cking years I'm out going to school 1 year sober I was watering a weeeed!!!!
Preach n you absolutely right
Wow. That was powerful for me
Yeah maybe I was narcissistic yes I had something in me that made me super attracted to them
I wish this was not true but it's really very well explained
Now I know it’s going to be a good night with Kevin in the house!