Jordan Peterson: Crucial relationship guidance
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- čas přidán 7. 03. 2018
- Jordan Peterson talks in this video about very important information about relationships and conflict resolution. ORDER Peterson's NEW book & audiobook Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for life amzn.to/33uho7H Australians click here for Beyond Order: amzn.to/3qfSxOI
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This clip comes from professor Peterson's: "2015 Maps of Meaning 5: Narrative, Neuropsychology & Mythology III / Part 1 (Jordan Peterson)"
• 2015 Maps of Meaning 0...
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The Dad we never knew we needed.
King Khan I thought this exact thing the other day, I’ve been on another Jordan Peterson binge for the last week
I totally feel the same way...So thankful for having found this amazing human being!
Fo sho
🙌💯👌🥰🥰
But could you imagine being developed enough to be his partner? Wow.
He should write a book: Relationships for Dummies - I'd surely buy a copy
Just be careful when you suggest it for your spouse.
@Darren Williams For sure. I was making a joke about giving your spouse a book for "dummies".
backslash68 😂 he couldn’t write a book 📚 if he truly tried he would not be able to start or finish it..all this joker 🃏 is good at is waffling on in his Kermit the frog 🐸 voice ✨✨😲✨✨😂😂😂✨✨✨
Read "The Tactical Guide to Women" - it's written by a psychologist who specializes in couples
12 rules of life
Communication is key. I'm so amazed at so many people that won't speak up to avoid conflict. Meanwhile they hold resentment and the other person will have no idea you are upset.
mac1bc if you’re dealing with a toxic person you can talk till the cows come home and it simply will not compute! That dog ain’t gonna hunt!
anna maria i hear ya. At least you will know you spoke up and tried
Guilty🤷🏽♂️
sad reality
sad reality
It took one Jordan Peterson video like this one for me to say "SORRY I SCREWED UP YOUR CHILDHOOD KID" to our 17 year old daughter.
She accepted my apology and i may have just had the deepest conversation with my daughter than i have ever had.
This is soooo deeply beautiful.. Well done. Iv not seen or spoken to my father in almost 20 years, and if I'm brutally honest, all I'd like is a heartfelt "I'm sorry for what I did & didn't do". I hope you & your daughter build an amazing, honest relationship.
BLITZY261, this type of reconciliation wonderful to hear about. Thank you for sharing.
BLITZY261 and your real name is JP and by the time you had finished waffling your daughter had left home and where married..
@@mrtambourineman6107 not productive mate wake up to yourself
Elizabeth Bennet lol 😂 sure thing JP ain’t apologising he just loves the sound of his own voice.. they should of sent him to the battle of the five armies he could of talked them all to sleep 😴
I never get tired of listening to this man.
Adam Aloyian, my wife introduced me to him about a month ago, and I can’t get enough. I feel like I grow more intellectual every time I listen/watch one of these.
Recovering Hypocrite I like to listen to him either. He is very intelligent man and most of the stuff he said is true.
Adam Aloyian he is great
@@JWestie85 Humble name. 👍
Forch MoneyMaker, thank you, that’s the goal. It’s my story in a nutshell.
Jordan “Take a look at the damn bird” Peterson
Like a civilized human being lol
Love it
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I just cackled
Jordan 'Clean up your room' Peterson
Need that on a tshirt
I wish we could have taken important classes like this in early high school. It seems like that would have helped us in our understanding of people, communication, relationships, etc. Why do we make our kids wait until college to learn psychology when, at that point, they are already suffering from years of relationship issues?
I started taking psychology at 15. You just went to a crappy school lol
@@theempresss hahahaha SO FUNNY!
How would that help us be productive workers in the marketplace? That's what school is for. Not to teach us how to live life, be happy, etc
They should watch youtube videos.
Why aren’t classes like economics I.e; personal finance, insurance, investing, business included in HS?! I could teach kids enough to put them 15 years ahead, and I’m not very sophisticated. I am so angry at my school and my parents for not teaching me anything I needed. Kids see through the BS. THATS WHY THEY DONT PERFORM IN SCHOOL.
“Could you improve it without making it worse?”
Great question.
This is why John Adams vetoed almost everything that came his way.
Best quote, IMO
💯👍🏾
Each organ transplant causes a rejection. Marriage is hell of a organ transplant. The more you both have in common, food, sex, religion, kids, hobbies etc. The better chance for you marriage to last. So don’t just marry her because she is cute, or he is strong. Take a good look at each other’s background, parents, religion, holidays, dreams and desires, understand the aspirations, then and only then make a commitment. Life is short don’t waste it on losers.
Well put together, this comment deserves 1k likes!
So Sad, nasty, and true.
Balance that with a fair amount of risk taking in love, and bingo...lmao
Yes, the church my wife and I used for our wedding had a compatibility "test", which wasn't really a test, more of a compatibility metric measure in some of those areas. We stayed married for 10 years, and it wasn't those things that we separated on. Great comment👍
Best comment so true!
This is true. Opposites attract and then they attack!
God, this person is brilliant.
You know what the best moments are? It's always those moments. When you're trying to study something. And when you're listening to Peterson.
The moments when you got so close to understanding something, that all that's left for you to do is verbalize what you've understood... And then you hear someone else say it.
It almost brings me to tears.
Фёдор Демин what an interesting person you must be, i just wonder :)
Every time i get that feeling i burst out in the Spartan war cry .
YES! My love of J. Peterson is totally about his ability to verbalize things I've thought/felt but could not put into words.
It doesnt take many Prof. Peterson lectures to realize my parents were completely clueless.
still better than having parents that are irresponsible and selfish
Amaris, It didn’t take many Prof. Peterson lectures to realize I’ve been completely clueless for much of my own life. My parents had far less advantages so I’m letting them off the hook. I was miserable until I did that. : )
Well they didn't have the resources our generation does.. But yes so are mine !!😂
@@whencesleepfairy ...and most parents are parents and not psychologists...it has to be said.
A lot of people are....not just parents. It takes a lot of experience to gain perspective.
Resentments become hate.
Mad Ashell dependency creates resentment
Sounds a lot like star wars
@@digitalbrand5510 this point is seriously underrated.
Suffering makes you bitter. Bitterness leads to resentfullness, resentfullness leads to vengefullness and vengefullness leads to... Well it leads to you thinking and doing things you didn't know you were capable of.
and then it turns into "abuse", I used to go to a support group and there were a lot of older angry/bitter women in attendance. They would describe EVERY disagreement in their marriage as a form of "ABUSE". One even asked the other married women in the room if they ever fantasized about there husbands passing away so they could get the life insurance. It wasn't a very healthy environment for me to be exposed too when I was a young man, especially considering the hostile marriage my parents had. My mom got indoctrinated into the feminist agenda in the late 1970s when going back to school for a degree in Sociology / Social Work.
Suffering makes you bitter. Bitterness leads to resentfullness, resentfullness leads to vengefullness and vengefullness leads to... Well it leads to you thinking and doing things you didn't know you were capable of.
@Helen Hines better to leave domestic violence, thats not weak
Master Yoda
So true , I never thought I would ever be capable of saying some of the things I’ve said , but the sequence you described made it possible , thank goodness my husband & myself cared about each other enough to want to fix it.
My god, this resonated 😳
If you suffer for Christ you will be rewarded ok due time with joy and peace. Everything is a season.
He is such an interesting man to listen to. Fascinating, really. I like his views on marriage. It's so devalued in western society, but what many people don't realize is that two people are always stronger than one, if they work together towards a common goal.
Ves,
Very wise opinion. Reply soon. Who knows...I might wife you up 🙄
I think we know this intuitively, the issue is the common goal has been split between the sexes, we've convinced women that their goal is perpetual-self-sufficiency, and we've systematically made marriage a dishonorable position for a man.Marriage use to provide a social prestige for a man and a woman, now, it is skewed in favor of one over the other, and we have to many outs, no fault divorce for one, if u leave the back door open too long no matter how much your dog likes you it will eventually leave, so to does his dynamic play out, it is a system based in fear and exploitation, and paying money to someone to make a vow for life? has anyone ever questioned this absurdity, what if you had to pay a fee to have a best friend for life?
I'm both happy and jealous the younger generation has this man to learn from. What a gift he has and is
I'm 67, it still is relevant.
@@CaptainChris69 amen!
"The kind of mistakes you're making are sufficiently catastrophic" only Dr. Peterson can express himself this way☺
Best line in the video. Every word is articulated and adds to the magnitude. The fact he spits it out like it’s a sandwich order blows everyone’s mind.
I wish these lectures could include the images he uses on the board.
Ugh!
Yes!
His CZcams channel has videos that do just that
Sean Murphy : Also the videos where these clips are from?
Me too.
7:12 - 7:28 is why I watch these lectures. Jordan is an amazing intellectual.
hahahahaha
hahahaha lol
you made me skip ahead to that lol
@Darrell It's a joke man, lighten up.
Hahahahahahah, smfh!!!!
When he burries his face in his hands...i died. I feel like that so many times!
Stevo Devo thank you for such a recommendation!
Returned from the dead to write a youtube comment then did you?
I cook every meal. I’m a man. Our kitchen is not a disaster afterwards. I thoroughly enjoy making healthy meals for my wife and child. It gives me a sense of purpose.
I don't care to cook and yet I have made most of our meals for the majority of our years being married. While I don't enjoy cooking I do enjoy my family eating food they enjoy and I feel that it does reflect the love I have for them. That said, it's not noticed by everyone (including my spouse) and it breaks my heart.
that part about being unconcious about the undercurrent of resentment in a relationship and walking on eggshells around eachother is so true. You can sense it even with you're with another couple. It is miserable to be in a relationship like that
This video is powerful. My husband and I would do this without realizing after our son was born. I felt such resentment that I would not address. We worked it out but this really reminds me of how bad that resentment became.
I am currently going through this and if you don’t mind me asking how you worked it out?! I know that each relationship is different but I am really struggling to come up with a solution that will actually work. Many thanks and congratulations on being strong and working it out.
I'm so thankful that I found this man.
this can work if the other person is willing to listen...
Lazy Daisy ; You have won the internet today. Thank you for condensing all the comments down to a few words. Excellent.
Lazy Daisy Absolutely you are right!!!
Had someone like this just straight up wont allow me to said anything but put everything negative as the cuase to why our relationship " wont work. " what to do in this situation? If we cant even have a conversation
Exactly if only the other person is ready to listen. And not when you finally mustered the courage to confront those issues and what you are going thru the other person just brushes it off and tries to one up you with their own suffering on the pain THEY inflicted on you. I don't know if this makes sense
What do you say about my situation....
He has consistently proved to me that I can't trust him and used the words "im sorry" too many times as a way to fix the problem. I can't up and move out because I don't have first month's rent as well as deposit yet so I'm stuck with him. I moved to another room. He comes to me to want to fix the relationship and is doing whats needed to fix the trust issues but isn't saying whats needed to fix the trust issues. He keeps putting his foot in his mouth by saying hurtful insensitive things and I call him out on it each time. I tell him hes not genuinely fixing the problem, he just going through the motions. He then tells me im not letting go of the past and aren't trying to move forward to help fix us. 🤔
"Could you improve it, without making it worse"
Always a good question to start out with.
Thank you for this .. needed to read it
"Could you improve it without making it worse?" This comes up in so many of Jordon's talks and is key to rational thinking about leadership.
* I wish I had teachers/professors like this in school..*
Not addressing relationships specifically but also applies to friends and family. I've learned about my own tendencies and avoiding conflict. I weigh up the options of voicing something at a specific time because maybe they already have a lot going and their mood has been impacted - so it is an informed decision.
My approach and experience depended on the person. Speaking and voicing your feelings is a lot easier when the person genuinely listens and is not very neurotic. You've got to be careful with your approach and not launch a full-blown attack because that will elicit a defensive response no matter what.
Jordan hits the nail on the head with that scenario and that you don't want to bring up a million things at once. The thing is if a lot of conversations addressing these issues have been had before and the person acts the same and adds more things you don't like then you do become resentful and less optimistic about the future because your expectations aren't being satisfied.
All I can say is choose wisely and speak up from the very outset. That way, you'll set the tone early on and if it's not working overtime then you can identify why it hasn't succeeded because you've both taken time to discuss and address the things you believe are important to each other.
Would love to get people's thought's on my perspective. (bad and good)
Please write a book about relationship. I love it and definitely buy it.
Dr. Peterson is a truly great man. We all meet them once or twice in real life and thirty years on look back and realise he cared, really was extraordinary, really was telling me something, but now it's too late because I didn't damn well listen and went my own way which was wrong.
I concentrate on Peace and Glory in anything..but especially relationships...because it works!
Good will and honesty the only strategy for couples to save their relationship. Thanks Jordan for brining this out!
What I'm trying to take from this
Is don't hit others at their top heirchary
It's better to speak accurately on issues that are bothering you specifically
So that you can maintain physiological harmony
Enjoy the novlties without resentment or bottled up emotions
Or in plainspeak, like he says ... "just go over there like a civilized human being and look at the bird and be happy for a moment."
Its THAT SIMPLE.
Watching Jordan Peterson tab through slides is great.
Imagine what it was like to be a student in that class. J Peterson is Baller in every sense of the word!
I absolutely love how he thinks, analyzes and articulates problems.
💯👍🏾
Im addicted to JP
Darren Williams haha 😂 so you like to cross dress with a hitler moustache..🤔 🤢🤮 And on a Saturday night you dress as a big baby shit your nappy and cry for your warm milk 🥛🤢🤮. What a very strange Old man ..sorry very strange very dirty Old man you are ...ps it’s not my fault that you’re so lonely and all ways have been like your mama used to say “that boy just ain’t normal “
Darren Williams hey there lonely Old man ..🤔 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣. How’s it hanging and I don’t mean your nappy. ..🤔 😲 😂😂😂😂
Darren Williams aka barren illiams hows the new wig going..I heard you lost your last one..🤔 😲 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣.
Darren Williams I heard what happened with your last wig .. wiggy Williams classic ..lol 🤔. 😲 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣
Darren Williams what s wrong with you as the cat 🐱 got your tongue 👅. Or should I say has the cat 🐈 got your wig ... 👽💀👽. 😲. 🤔 😂😂😂😂. ✨✨🤣✨✨. 💀👽💀✨✨✨✨
Great advice again.
Thanks so much for uploading!
I wish I had his insights. Jordan Peterson is fantastic in putting things in perspective. Clarity is overwhelming with him. I've learned so much from him.
I wish I had watched his lectures years ago!
“Could you improve it without making it worse?” I think we can apply this question to MANY parts of our lives..
"Seek and you shall find" I sought for a psychologist like Jordan, and I have been bless beyong my needs.
He’s a genius. Love watching his videos and incorporating his guidance 🙌🏻👁✨
This is so important to understand! I wish I were taught this at a younger age because it would've certainly saved my relationships. It's never too late to learn and make the needed changes in your life, though. The blessing is to never lose the curiosity to learn and do better each day with the information.
Great slides 7:10 👌🏻
Lol
Amazing lecture.
Brilliant. Pure gold.
Great lecture!! Wished we had such people around us!!👍👌👏
Truthful and real.
Respond in positive way❤❤
I love listening to him!
Dr Peterson looks tired. Probably from carrying around that heavy ass computer
He is the mighty Alpha Lobster .....he never get tired of this :D
It's an old video
Tired of bullshit!
or carrying all the knowledge... But the version with the computer is ok too LOL
apparently he changed his diet and we wasn't exactly healthy at this point.
Thank you Dr. Peterson!!! Im a Hollywood Hopeful/Life Coach in training, I recently overcame my 4th Psychotic Break n your words have helped me realize how 🤔 SANE I actually am.... because ALL PEOPLE SUFFER with arguments 🙄 n daily upsets, mine are louder!!! Haha but now that my emotions are tolerable, n my creativity is still Lit.... I feel I CAN BREATHE and by being "gentle, gentle" as Tracee Ellis Ross would say, I can move forward on my career path and continue my creative process, while sharing the techniques that eased my patterns and triggers.... God Bless, the wonderful and EDUCATED men and women in the world!!! I have great respect for psychiatry, n Dr's n Nurses and HERO WORKERS that risk their lives for our creature comforts!!!! Thank you 😊
Glad to see giving credit to Gottman Institute and JP is good at voicing is resources. Landmark Education is also awesome in providing tools for growth.
Loving your videos you have a new subscriber!
Thank you , again
sooooo interesting
Godlike thought as always...
That - what is that! - Great lecture by the way I watch these forever
When he did the grunting... it really hit home.... It also exists where couples are direct with each other but not listening... no skills to micro-analyse the situation until its too late... Too many defensive mechanisms in the way to be able to truly see the underlying issues, not only with the other person, but with one's self.
I have an uncle Peterson, he looks very different and sounds different but sometimes he will say things like 'get your life together' to me, so I call him Jordan! Haha 😁
That's so cute!!
I didn't even know why im sad and feeling bed before this guy appeared in my life!! I finelly cried after more than q
15 years trying
Key words: divorce couple behaviors: unconscious, negative behaviors . Good coupe : response each other in a positive way, better communication skills .
Truth
He is so logical and brilliant.
Oh my God! This man is a well os wisdom
These tips are amazing for a conversation with an adequate person. Which most usually is not the case.
Dont focus on the person, focus on the behaviour. Like "babes can you please wash the cup, when you done using it", is better then "you are such a messy person and you never clean up!"
sooo true
I'm trying to save my relationship right now. This wasn't what I was looking for, but if I do save it, it will surely help. Thank you for sharing.
Is he talking about Maslow’s Hierarchy? Really interested in these concepts if anyone’s certain of this!
great information for all that's a fact
Wish they would post all of this lecture
I wish I had more of the JP insights and knowledge before I headed into my previous relationship. I'm certain it would had lasted if I knew these things better, and it would've been all I ever wanted. I'm afraid it might be too late now. But I have faith that God will one day have our paths cross again, and who knows, perhaps then it'll last and we can have all the things we spoke and dreamt of. Marriage and a family, a life together, challenging eachother and growing together. Who knows what the future holds, but either way, I've grown thanks to this experience and Mr. Peterson. For that, I am forever grateful. I am now better prepared for the suffering of living, and I accept the challenge.
How are you today?
Brilliant
I love how matter of fact JP is. You know he's had to have studied A LOT. Fact check him
His laptop looks like it's from vaultec
Penky Hanky yeah!
Sometimes you communicate very clearly, like flowers sometime this week would be nice. Then when no flowers arrive, the response is, because I think they're stupid and I refuse to spend money on something stupid and I also resent you for trying to change me and make me do something I don't want to do, I never ask you to do things, you don't want to do.
😭😭
Penky Hanky well, yes... I’m glad his not on computer science or engineering. That would be hard lol 😂
What does he need it for? Typing papers and emails? Looks like it gets the job done.
The problem is its hard to find someone whos willing to have a civil conversation. Iv learned to never go to bed angry when you have an argument.. always talk about it. A mind is a very powerful and tricky thing.
Knowledge so brilliant I feel the need to wear sunglasses
Yep. The horror underneath the surface is the preconceived unresolved personal conflict transferred from each partner’s original family before the relationship.
I would love to see the slides thatngo along with this lecture.
Understanding perception
The universe relative to you.
"Obviously it doesn't work well. Could you improve it without making it worse"
what i ask myself everyday about my life
❤️
“Could you improve it without making it worse?”
There's a 5th one too, you get really excited and jump over there to look and really enjoy the moment with your partner and get curious about the bird.
True
Hard hitting
what "couple goals" often people refer to is "them vs the world"
what it should've been, and much harder and much more fucking badass is "them vs themself"
If I am to try to improve it, I have to make it worse before. I have to disassemble the machine, understand its functioning, see clearly where the malfunction is, obtain or create the part that needs to be replaced, reassemble the machine and then try to start it again. Do not ask me if it will be better before I do my best to repair it. I do not know. But if I do nothing it will never be better. Hopefully I will get smarter after having ruined a few machines, but then I will get the knack of it and find shortcuts and resources that will make me skillful. I will become a repairman. The idea that I should never do anything that might make things worse is the best way to stifle resourcefulness. Dive into it, Man, you will go from difficulty to difficulty but you will learn to fix stuff!.
😂 ❤️ ☹️ I don’t know weather to laugh or cry.
How do you repair those broken hierarchies? 2:30
I'm guessing the diagram is based on Maslow's heirarchy
probably, thanks!
3:15 I truly am too blunt. I'd tell my Partner I don't care about birds like he does but I love seeing him happy so I'll at his smile.
Reality is fucked for a genuine, rational person that is surrounded by a bunch of narcissistic, irrational, toxic people. The fact that these genuine people even have to deal and adapt their personality to these kinds of people is just fucked. Just shows that reality is shit and makes me think living isn’t even worth it.
You still here, Evan?
I wonder if his students understand the gravity of the amazing gift they have in learning from and having direct assess to this man's mind?
TL;DR: 8:47 - 10:14 "Could you improve it without making it worse?"
After the tenth bird interruption while doing something that requires intense concentration AND informing significant other of that fact, annoyance and contempt noises are warranted.
Which lecture was this taken from?
I wish I could study and be one of his students.
What's under the surface? "I WEEL KEEL YOU!!!!"
Please I need link to the full video lecture and is there a way to see the slides?
Thank you.
Sure wish my husband and I could get counseling from him