How Monotropic Spiral Almost Ruined My Life (monotropism pt. 2 of 3) | The Neurocuriosity Club
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- čas přidán 20. 05. 2024
- I have absolutely fallen in love with the theory of monotropism. See part 1 for more background info on what monotropic thinking is:
• What Is Monotropism (p...
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😊 Hi, I'm Megan Griffith, I'm an auDHD life coach for the neurocurious, meaning I love helping people who know they're neurodivergent, but aren't quite sure specifically where they fit yet.
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you’re not alone, i’ve experienced this myself. i was in the spiral for as long as you, also with the same focus area. or, almost same - mine were body related in general, both mind and physical. thought i was possessed and stuff aswell, because i was hyperaware of all the stuff that our body does without us being in control of the mechanisms. also, the assosiative thinking went maaayhem with me aswell. i had to force myself to focus on other things, and slowly but surely my focus got directed to healthier, creative stuff and my mind could ‘’rest’’ - still hyperactive, but in a healthy pattern. autism and adhd was the nail in the coffin though, the self-compassion that comes with it is worth more than everything in this world.
Thank you for this message, seriously. This was such a vulnerable vid, and it's lovely to know I'm not alone.
Changed here too during the spiral 👋 Thank you for sharing your journey and insights that help so many. Like me. Like us.
I don’t know if I’m actually autistic or not, but I’ve definitely had times I could call monotropic thinking, usually involving physical health instead of mental. I’ll be 73 next month and doubt I’ll seek an official diagnosis at this point, but I check an awful lot of autistic “boxes.” Thanks for such an interesting and informative video.
Happy to help! And yeah, paper diagnosis isn't always necessary, your identity is still valid!
This is me.. the last two years I’ve been so obsessed with mental health content including learning about every personality disorder trying to find the answer to “what’s wrong with me”.. I literally can’t get out of the black hole.
You are so not alone. Our curcumstances are very different, but our experiences are similar. I came from a very abusive background and for a long time thought my issues with major depression stemmed from that, potential demonic oppression (I was even hallucinating for a while), and either some form of OCD or bipolar.
This lasted from the time I was 12 and continued for decades. I finally found EMDR therapy which really helped my C-PTSD and PTSD, but even after all of that, there were things I couldn't get a handle on and despaired that I must just be permanently broken. Then a close friend I always called my brain twin got an ADHD diagnosis. I got evaluated and discovered I have it, too. More puzzle pieces fell into place and freed me from the burden of so much shame I'd carried all my life. However, not even ADHD answered everything, but when I researched autism and took a lot of the diagnostics psychologists also use for testing and scored well within the range...
Everything made sense. I feel like these long, dark nights of the soul (I don't mean that in a religious sense, but if that's part of someone's belief system, I also would never seek to invalidate that) are sometimes necessary to individuation when we live in a world so unaccepting of and invalidating of neurodivergence. It's not even CLOSE to weakness. You're fighting to make sense of yourself, one of the hardest, most human fights of our experience as human beings. And no, finding the answers doesn't solve everything, but it provides you a solid framework for developing helpful inquiry and curiosity instead of unhelpful judgment.
I think if anyone experienced the challenges that come from trauma or neuroduvergence, or very often a combination of both, they would be just as lost and just as obsessed with tracking down the answers to their emotional dysregulation and inability to steer their own ship (hello, executive dysfunction.)
You're brave and wonderful for being willing to put your vulnerability front and center to help others lost in the weeds. This cultural narrative that being strongly emotional = being weak needs to be shaken to its foundations. Our parents, and their parents, and so on struggled silently and often had masking beaten into them. They have/had to cling to the narrative that they "turned out all right" (even though they didn't) because admitting that they were never accepted or seen for who they are and that the people who were supposed to love them the most betrayed them the worst is too painful for them to bear. Those of us who can tell our truths need to tell our truths. This is what breaks the chains. Your vulnerability is going to help your child SO MUCH. Thank you for sharing this. It is both heartbreaking and validating to know others have gone through this.
This is important for me to understand for a variety of reasons, even though I have only skirted monotropic spirals. Mostly, I'm a divergent thinker (which comes with it's own frustrations). But for a (very, very) long time, trying to understand myself better I have watched videos, read articles, thought carefully about the way I do and don't match the descriptions people give either diagnostically or of their lived experiences, and yes, mostly I've been looking for "the" label - the term that will explain everything. But recently I've been noticing that it no longer matters to me whether I do or do not share the characteristics described or shared by the various neurodivergent people I've been watching. What DOES matter is feeling less alone with trying to be myself. And I'm not even talking about in society, or even in the world, but just in myself. So this video was very encouraging to me. Surviving 8 years of searching, of being driven to find answers to a deeply felt internal question and of that being a search with unhealthy for you characteristics. Yeah, that is very encouraging. Not only did you survive, but you figured out some answers. You are sharing them. You are an example of struggles being, exactly as you say, a sign of strength. I've felt a lot of shame about problems I've not been able to solve or resolve for very long periods of time. Your example shines a light of courage on all of us. Thank you.
Wow, thank you so much for this kind comment, it really means more than you know.
Oof. This sounds a lot like me. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 17 (I’m 37 now.) I went on meds for them.
I also have a raging case of ADHD (growing up, my mom, a nurse told me quite young “I have ADHD and you do too” but never offered any help because she figured she managed so why did I need accommodations?)
I knew there was something more going on, partially due to my obsession with mental health. I kind of self diagnosed and then was formally diagnosed with Bipolar II about 4 years ago. I definitely spiral, thinking there’s something too wrong with me to fix/life for another 50 years is unsustainable.
But I’ve recently begun to realize I think I might be autistic too. I’m trying to gaslight myself into thinking I couldn’t possibly have even one more thing on my plate. (My husband lovingly calls me a “dis-hoarder.”)
I haven’t brought it up to my psych and I just changed therapists, but I was scared to bring it up with my old one. I feel like a psychological hypochondriac. And I feel all the more messed up about it, continuing that viscous cycle.
(Also, for fun disclosure my major monotropic fixation is Kpop, specifically one group/soloist that is not BTS. I discovered them during the darkest time in my life so it was kind of trauma bonding and now they’re my “comfort boys”
Fren, you came at the right time... I think you saved my life lol ❤
Edit:I saw frozen yesterday ❄️❄️❄️
Ugh this is me rn and idk what to do 😭. Feel like maybe I have autism, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar and depression. Don’t think I have bipolar though, now I feel like it’s bpd. I have some traits of ocd but it could be autism, traits of SAD, could be related to autism, etc etc. So I’ve just been hyper fixated on autism research but what if I don’t even have it? Convincing myself I have imposter syndrome now, and I don’t know 😭🤷♀️