Dating a Guy with Kids: Pros & Cons | Secret Life of E
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- čas přidán 10. 01. 2018
- Dating a guy with kids can definitely be a challenge. As with all things in life, there are pros and also cons. Here are a few of each that I have experienced.
Don't forget to leave me a comment if you have more to add to the list!!
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Here’s my experience
Pros -nothing
Cons- everything
Lol! You got straight to the point! 😂 Thanks so much for watching! 💕
Facts.
Exactly 💯
DON'T DO IT , JUST DON'T DO IT
No pro's to dating men with kids. They never let go of the past. It is not worth it.
I'm sorry. There are no pros for a single woman without kids,to date a man with kids,and vice versa. Ladies. Please stop doing that. It's hard for a man like me without kids to find a woman without them already.
Thanks for watch & commenting! You are so right though...the older we get, the harder it is to find someone who has yet to have children!
I agree. Its hard for women like me with no kids to find a man without one nowadays
I am in the same boat! I have no kids and I am engaged to one who just had a child. I am on the fence as to whether I want to marry him
@@ronnie6696 damn how long y’all been dating???
@@raeganbutterfly08 we have been dating for 9 months now. Basically when we got together the girl was already 3 months pregnant
the priority thing is just hitting me now
Thank you for watching and engaging! ❤️ The priority thing matters so much when it comes to dating someone with children.
Experienced this midnight last night 😢
@@mokgethoamapheto2204 yea I experienced this over the holiday for Xmas and I’m pretty much fed up and ready to breakup 🤯😡🤬
That’s not always true
Im single with no kids and I like my life stress free. I dont wanna date a man with kids and I feel anyone who does not have kids should not ever date another person with kids
Lashundra Thomas there’s nothing like being stress free!
Lashundra Thomas yea me to house paid for cars paid for no kids life is good i feel so young and happy no stress
George Paddia Absolutely. That is the way to be
Lashundra Thomas yes really happy house paid for car paid for people with kids get old quick no fun
George Paddia True. I know people who are constantly burden by their children. Every single complaint they make is something negative about their kids. I dont want to deal with that plus I love traveling so I know I cant travel as much with kids
THERE ARE NO PROS TO DATING A MAN WITH KIDS
It’s definitely not for everyone bc the struggle can get real!
Even if a man is a good father to his current children it doesn’t mean he will be a good father to new children with a different woman. They way men treat their own children is often a reflection of the relationship they have with the mother.
Very true
Having half siblings is too messy when you’re growing up
Duchess Durag yes it is. I have some and im not doing it to my own kids.
Accurate 100%
Date a man with kids, and I don't have any? Ain't nobody got time for that!
I heard that!! Thanks for watching & engaging! 💕
You should be a priority, no matter what. Just because you date a man/woman with kids doesn't mean that you shouldn't be a priority, especially if you guys are looking to be married. The kids should be cared for first of course, but the the woman/man should still be a priority quickly after to insure a happy/successful relationship. Kids can be great, but they can also be terrible and selfish, not to mention, kids grow up and leave in order to get lives of their own, which will make you priority 1 because 9 times out of 10, you'll still be apart of the man/women's life, dealing with things that the kids wouldn't bother to.
Exactly!
He will never forget his ex wife ...he said I'm something extra In his life .. not an essential need
Don't date single dads women deserve better
I truly believe single parents are incapable of love beyond their children. I hear statements like yours all the time.
@@austind4301 now he is happily married with a single mum ..(he left me for her).i can see the love and the romanticism that i needed,, in their relation..
@@user-iz7hz3fo1z well, if it’s any consolation, 75% of second marriages involving children fail, so I doubt they’ll be happy for long
@@austind4301 This is the core issue that means a relationship with a single parent is unbalanced and doomed for a childfree person. All a parent cares for is that child. A single father is never ever good enough for a childfree woman because his child is the love of his life.
@@user-iz7hz3fo1z His words are so wounding. You could never be the part of his life you deserve to be but he came into to your life. That is so insulting to you. But remember it is not about you. This is how single fathers behave. Most want their family back but want the perks of a new relationship. All a single father truly cares about his child only.
Why would I share our money and income for some others kids . I’m building with my man for myself . His divorce is his mistake and Ali monies
Lol Sooo... no pros
Lol! There's a couple!
I don’t have any kids and I’ve tried to be open minded and I’ve dated 3 guys with kids. There were absolutely no pros!
I just had to subscribe because your videos are so short and straight to the point. You're a CZcams unicorn.
makoma_lotus thank you!! ❤️ I’m glad you enjoy them! I’m currently on a break while I finish up my Masters degree but I’ll be back posting new content as soon as I finish! 😊
I disagree on your statement regarding the first child experience. When you have a child with a new partner, that is a new experience in itself. Baby mama drama that could be an issue depending on your mate. Overall, the topic was good, you definitely could have added a few more points. You have the right to date anyone, but if you date someone with kids, his end goal should be aimed towards, building an empire with you, his kid and your kids together as a whole.
Thank you for watching and for the amazing comment! I totally agree with you about the end goal!
@@SecretLifeofE much Respect Ma'am! Great content!
Neville Boone having another child with a new partner is a new experience yes but not the same brand new feeling. Ive seen it myself and heard other women testify especially if they’re the second or third baby mom. The guy is usually nonchalant about a lot of first time things because they already been through it. I seen it with my own dad and step mom. I think its easier to make sure your first is his first.
I guess it’s because no one envisioned themselves to be sharing a partner with an ex. Everyone dreams of finding the right person and having the first experience, which is not the same if you’re partner has kids before.
It's not true that a man won't think the newest child is not a special, first experience. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage. That marriage was very volatile. And so having that first baby was very stressful. Now that he's married to me, we have a son together and a way better relationship than his previous marriage. So the experience is completely different and he's happier. It's technically not his first experience having a child but this one is his best. 😊
Thank you so much for such positive engagement on this video! 😊 Sometimes, it works out perfect (like in your situation) & that is so awesome to hear! 💕
There is no pros to dating someone with kids, at least no advantages to dating someone with kids over dating someone without kids. I've seen many reasons given as to advantages of dating single parents, all of them have either been general character traits that can easily be seen in someone without kids and/or idealized assumptions that can be rebutted
Rebuttal to pro 1: This is really kind of useless. You don't need to see someone parent to see how they will be as parents. You don't need to have parental experience to be a good parent.
Rebuttal to pro 2: This will lead to more loss if the relationship doesn't work out for both you and the child
Rebuttal to pro 3: The right partner alone (with or without) kids will make you a better person. This too is pretty much useless
Anonymous User those are some good points! Thanks for watching!!😊
Dang the cons are rough but you nailed it. I can relate to everything youre saying.
So rough but so true! 😫
You have some great opinions. Im dating a guy with kids 3 years. Yes its cool to see their innocence. But they are generally spoiled because they have so many people loving on them
That whole part! Lol! Thanks for watching and engaging 😊💕
I have children and I’m trying to date a guy who has children. So far I don’t like it. It just the way he talks to me and says it like I’ll never be important. Or he speaks to me as if I’m getting inbetween him and his children. He hasn’t told his baby mother he’s seeing someone of course for various reasons. But he clearly walks on egg shells and anytime she calls he goes running. One day they were talking on the phone he went downstairs to talk to her he laughed about something and said you just don’t wanna go because I’m not going. I guess had something to do with one of their children. But I’m like what’s so funny about her not wanting to attend unless you were there. She never called a lot until maybe I’m guessing she has a hint he’s dealing with someone. And he doesn’t want to bring the children around me yet. I understand. But it makes me feel like I’m a bad person. All children love me. I’m just offended. I don’t think I wanna date anyone I have to come second too. I understand children being your children. But they might as well get back together 🤷🏽♀️ that’s why I date men without children.
Zakiya Nafisa wow! I hope you’re able to find the perfect person one day for you and your children! Thanks for watching & engaging. 💕
Yeah don’t waste your time. They get back together with their baby mommas often and will discard you like trash when they do.
I so can relate as I'm dating a guy w kids + feel the same. Just go be w your kids + ex, barely any dates we've gone on + his kids come up in convo so much + it leaves me feeling turned off BC the convos are not about us not to mention it's a reminder of his ex. It's like going to a man's house + having to see pics of him + his ex littered around the house but it's the children. You end up feeling like the other woman. My self esteem has def taken a hit dating a man with children. Would never do again.
It is hardest for those who are childfree by CHOICE. The cfbc men need to speak out more.
Very nice video. All the points are so true. I am in a situation like this. I hav no kids. But when we knew each other he had no kids. He cheated on me for like 5years. Then when i left him, he already had another girl on the side. So she became pregnant..now he has a 1yr old child n is now ready to settle with me. That is madness. I told him i wanted to experience everything with him. But i cant no more. Up till this day he is pleafing with me to settle down with him. Im sorry immnit going back to that. Because i see how much he loves his child. To me im just secondary. Now im looking for a single guy with no kids.
Omg! That sounds like a horrific and low key toxic experience. I hope you understand your worth and seek someone else who will really value you! 💕
My biggest thing about children was the first child experience but each pregnancy/birth is a new life and experience now I wish I had met someone with at least 1 to see how his parenting is because I didn’t with my BD and he’s a dead beat he went from finance to ex and He’s not supportive at all dating someone they’re going to put their best face on to keep you but you can’t do that with kids your either there for them or not
All the thre pros you mentioned should be kept as Cons
YOU WILL NEVER BE FIRST
Refreshing 😍
Ladies, just remember that your life schedule will revolve around his exes schedule.
Another woman will have more influence over your mans time than you, his partner, does. Good luck! 🥴
You’re so pretty!
Thank you so much! 😊💕
Secret Life of E Aww your welcome sweetie. 😆 It’s truth.
Big facts 💯💯 issa no for me
Definitely not for everyone! Thanks for watching 😊
I need help I'm loosing it honestly...my boyfriend has a babymama they had a child 5years ago she has never moved on and waiting for him to change his mind and marry her but he says he doesn't love her...he loves his son though he says how they look alike and so on like he loves his son his name is his password to everything I'm so much jealous...i don't think it's right since he's just a child but i can't help it what if he goes to the mum to be with the child???should i leave or what do i do
Hey, There! Thanks for your comment. Dating a man who has kids can be challenging so I understand your frustration. I can say that loving his child should be looked at as more of a positive thing rather than something to be jealous of. It would be out of line if he neglected his child, so we gotta give more credit and support to the men truly trying! I’m not sure if you should leave, however it might be wise to focus on building your relationship rather than if he’s going to leave. Hopefully that was helpful! 💕
If you feel neglected it makes sense why you'd feel jealous. Jealousy indicates we want something that we see someone else is getting.
It is hard dating people with children when you dont have them..at some point u will be assisting with support.
I married a man with 4 kids mama drama my world it's a living hell he always chose mama's baby over me 😭😭😭 please pray for me.
You know in your mind you have to leave him. But your heart needs a little more persuading. I hope you stick to that feeling when it is the right time for you. You gain nothing at all from a single father. 4 kids is 4 times the trouble.
You're gonna need more than prayer my friend. You might wanna seriously consider hitting the highway.
Hope you left that rship. You deserve better sis.
😂😂 🙏🏾
I’m currently in this situation 🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️ please help someone talk to me 😂😂
Shekinah Glory whew chileee! Good luck! I hope your experience turns out better than mine! 😊🤞🏽
Secret Life of E girl I might have to let him go
Shekinah Glory I heard that. No use in wasting anyone’s time if it’s not a good situation!
You have to know yourself and your needs REALLY well before dating a single parent of either gender. You also have to have identified and healed your attachment system and core wounds.
*Dating a single parent *could be perfect* for what you want IF*
0) you like his kids and they like- and respect- you
1) always wanted a family
2) are just as capable of loving someone else's kids as you are your own
3) maybe don't want your own kids but would love to have kids in your life
4) intend to continue living in your current city, a close-by city, or at least the same state for the long term
5) are fine with not taking vacations or traveling with your partner for extended periods
6) feel financially secure and have clear financial boundaries around whose resources go to the person's kids and when; as well as how much of his resources you expect to go toward your partnership
7) have plenty of your own interests and activities to fill your time
8) can feel secure in your relationship knowing his kids will always come before you
9) feel secure around his ex and his/her involvement in your partnership via their shared children does not bother you
10) have experience and comfort with blended family situations
11) can balance detachment toward his kids and their primary relationship to their own mother with providing additional mothering and mentoring in a different capacity
12) there are clear boundaries around what authority you do and don't have with his kids
13) there are clear boundaries around how his kids behave when they are in your home
14) you like and respect his parenting style
15) you have gone successfully through the first three stages of a relationship with this person (dating, honeymoon, power struggle) and have settled securely into one of the last three stages (stability, commitment, bliss) -- and if not with this person, you have BOTH gone successfully through these stages in other relationships
16) you have extremely strong, honest trust and communication with your single parent partner and feel safe advocating for your needs and boundaries
17) you have good trust and communication with his kids and they respect your boundaries
*ON THE CONTRARY, Dating a single parent *could be absolutely wrong* for what you want IF*
0) you don't you like his kids and/or they don't like- and respect- you
***this is non-negotiable- in no instance is it ever okay to proceed in a relationship with a parent whose kids you can't get along with, period***
1) have goals, dreams or ambitions for the long term that will likely take you out of your current living area
2) like to take extended vacations and trips and want to share those with your partner
3) want someone whose financial resources are exclusively available for your partnership
4) have high needs for quality time and intimacy that will go un-met when having to share your partner with his obligations to his kids
5) have bad chemistry with his ex or are unwilling to maintain harmony with her for the sake of his obligations 6) your financial expectations for how much, if any, of YOUR resources go to his children
7) you feel overly attached to his kids
8) - 10) are missing any of the above 17 things in the above "dating a single parent could be perfect for you" list and are not willing or capable of resolving those things
erica your better than that
George Paddia thanks. 😊 just sharing my experiences with y’all!
Babies Mom's is actually a syndrome..
That inself....is crazy as he'll.
When a solid black man experienced that syndrome... he will need therapy for 2 reasons. 1 he may think he is crazy and 2nd because he will overwhelmed with a lifelong experience of grief.. that babies mama will never give up on her crazy...please get help blac men