3 Reasons You Should NOT Date A Single Dad - (Coming From A Single Dad *HONESTLY*)
Vložit
- čas přidán 15. 07. 2020
- I'm a single dad and in today's video I'm letting you in on 3 reasons why you should NOT date a single dad like myself. If you are thinking about entering a relationship with a single father or even a single parent you should watch this video to ENSURE that you are not doing or needing these three things that are shared in this video.
Love Always ✌🏼
Linky and Ethan
If you wanted to connect more let's do it, you can find us on Instagram here:
@JoyfullyEthan ( / joyfullyethan )
“You will be first, you are first, everything is first”.... finally someone who has a sensible view. It’s disheartening to hear single parents say “my kids will always come first”. Why can’t the new partner AND the kids come first together and equally?? That type of comment is mortifying and off putting. Who would want a relationship where you will forever be seen as 2nd. Kids and step parent are both as deserving of the #1 spot and I believe it is possible.
Karina De La Cruz Yes Yes and More Yes! 🙌🏼 This is beautifully said and so true!! I think that when someone feels or thinks they are the “second” it’s just an insecurity in themselves. You nailed it. Both are possible and both are always happening. Love this!
I agree. The partner, kids and the parent themselves need to come first. It's about prioritising and setting boundaries. Everyone needs to come first at different times and in different ways.
Currently dating a single father who always says "my daughter comes first, you will always be second. I already have a number 1 girl in my life. I don't need another one." Thanks for clearing that up. I like my own time and give him his own time to spend with her and for his himself. I don't need his attention 100% of the time and I wouldnt want it to be that way for myself either. I've been feeling like I'm crazy because that just didn't feel right to me but I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees things where it could all be equal and everyone could be happy. I get along great with his daughter and I respect the relationship his has with her mother. Everything works except the time that we're getting to spend together. I felt like it was just me for the longest until watching this. Thank you.
Its a blanket term and has its merits and its faults...you can never expect a bioligcal parent to put the needs of their own children before those of anyone else If the circumstances are such that the child would be upset or hurt or at risk. But yeah, people do throw that comment around alot, children will always come first if push comes to shove, but if your the sort of person who feel they have to say it, your a control freak, or you really are dating the wrong person.
@@daisysoto8746 I have the same experience
lol im a single woman with no kids, Im not even friends with people who have children. I mean, I dont mean that I avoid them or anything, I just think our life styles and interests are so incredibly different we dont often cross paths. Being a single parent sounds exhausting honestly... I often hear single parents saying they ONLY would date single people with no kids, and im like "sir, unless you're a dead beat, we dont even exist in the same world... go find someone that has the same priorities as you"
There is validity to what you have spoken to about not crossing paths because your interests are so different. I'll speak to the exhausting part... because it is just that haha. It's awesome to hear that you know what you want and for that I appreciate the fuck out of you!
PREACH!!!
Exactly leave us single people with no kids alone
No way as a single woman without kids, would I ever want to stay with a man with kids and have a weird relationship with him AND his ex. You make it sound like a beautiful thing. You type of men are entitled to think that you can have your baby mama and your new partner at your fingertips, for your convenience. That was slick buddy.
Absolutely! Pleas go date another single parent like yourself! Ugh!
I tried dating a single dad. Thought he was worth it, but his baggage wasn't. I won't date a man with kids again. It's now a deal breaker for me. It was before, I broke my rule, and I won't do it again
It's beautiful that you know what you want and for that I celebrate you and am stoked for when that man comes into your life!
Same with me. Broke my rule. Waste of time. Men with kids are a no no. I’d rather die alone.
You're a horrible human being.
I definitely agree. I do not expect 24/7 attention but when conversations moreso center around kids + ex + theres little moments where we talk about us, + we rarely see eachother bc we live 2 hours away + the only time I can see him is on weekend but ex gets to dictate so he only has them on weekends too + he expects me after working long hours during the week catering to ppl then have the desire + energy to spend the whole weekend with him + kids + get a few crumbs of time, the leftovers at the end of the day when it's finally quiet it really hurts. This is the first time I have dated a guy with kids + ex but never again. Too much of a heartbreak. His ex seems to hold the keys + I feel like the other woman + it feels like shit.
It's really unfortunate my dear...
I personally know some amazing single dads, but for me personally the problems that come with dating a single parent when you’re childless, are never worth it.
Cool! I can respect that for sure :) I would love to know if you are open to sharing what you see some of the problems being?
@@XxEtHaN39xX a lot of it for me would be the ex, I’ve personally seen first hand how bad some ex’s can be, not always but you never know.
I also feel like I’d have to walk on eggshells with the child, which I won’t do in a relationship.
I think I could only do it if the child was grown or almost grown.
@@zyralove4540 Yeah that makes sense, it does add a lot of difficulties if the ex's are not willing to co-parent respectfully or are making everything about themselves instead of the child. We all have our different preferences :) It's good to hear that you know yours... not a lot of people know that hahah
@@zyralove4540 Don't think because the child is grown the problems go away. Sometimes they need to move back in to get on their feet. Just look at Covid-19 a lot of grown kids moved back in with their parents!
@@sonyarowe1327 adult kids still wouldn’t as much of a problem to me. I don’t have to parent them, or force a relationship. There’s just something about step kids, as kids, that they try to push a step parents buttons.
This applies to both sides. Let's be honest, single dad's kids will not respect you as their biological mom. I like this video, its honest.
Thanks for sharing homie 🙃✌🏼 I agree it’s a totally different relationship which would mean a different type of respect. It could be less and in cases it could also be more 🙏🏻
y both side my wife left me n mu daughter wen my girl was 2 month now she is 6 year n am very happy i wrk hard for my daughter n hav sacrifiec my life holl life for her
The kids can eventually learn respect for the new lady, it will take awhile but it can be done. It won't be like respect for their mum but respecting them differently. A dad should understand that accepting a new lady in his life can be difficult for his children but he needs to remind his children that rudeness is never ok and won't be tolerated. A dad should help them cope and find positive ways to deal with this situation. This is crucial in the beginning. This will maintain trust in their dad teach them resilience.
@@sarahhumphreys3980 That's a beautiful response, Sarah :) I think you are right, it will be difficult for the child to accept and it is the dad's responsibility to help him navigate that so the relationship doesn't end in rudeness. You rock!
@@XxEtHaN39xX Thank you.😊 I just think that kids are going to be in situations in their lives that they won't be comfortable with or that will be challenging and if they learn that rudness is an ok way of handling those situations then they are going to end up worse off.
SOLUTION: Single dads should date single moms. Theyll be perfect for each other!
HAHAHHAHa I agree with you there LOL. It is the perfect idea 😂
Single has to stay single. Then the definition means nothing. So don't date
@@vhsninjaccoon7705 Hahah if that is the way that you interpret it then yes, don't date lol
Women DONT want true single dads who have full sole custody. But they want US to accept them as a single mom
VHS Ninja He doesn’t mean single people he says single dads (kids are involved ex wife in laws)!!!! It’s a very depressing situation & a losing game
I don’t date single dads because I don’t want to help raise his kids. I also don’t want the headaches and drama of parenting. There is nothing in it for a childless lady unless she is dying to be a mom and most often there already is a mom. I don’t want my life revolving around someone else’s kid/s.
As a single dad dating a single woman without kids is equivalent to dating an alien from Pluto like wtf would we even talk about lol...you will never understand the struggle lol which is ok...stick to single guys without kids although they also come with baggage lol male whores, irresponsible, commitment issues, STDs, playboys, users etc...a guy without kids doesn't make him a better guy perse
Step kid “ you are not MY mom!” or “you are not my dad!” But as the the partner of your parent I’m expected to provide for you and pick you up from school? 😂 no thanks kiddo !
You are right there may be times in which this happens. That would be hard for anyone to go through that AND I'm sure there are ways to navigate this in which both the child and the non parent partner are respected.
As a single woman with no kids, I would not date a single dad. However, I loved your video...great explanation and you seem like a great father!! 👏👏👏👏
Erika :) Thank you, I appreciate you sharing your reflections with me! I'm also incredibly happy to hear that you know what you want and you are willing to own that #sexy hahaha Wishing you all the best on the journey of finding yourself and your one!
I’m a childfree woman and refuse to sign up to help raise a single father’s kids. Dealing with all the drama that comes with it sounds like a complete nightmare and a waste of my hard earned money. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard single parents say they only want to date childfree people because they think their kids are soooooo great or grown and won’t be a problem. Oh please, all kids are difficult regardless of their age. Childfree people can and should keep their standards high and avoid single parents like the plague.
Beautiful Diana, it sounds like you know what it is that YOU want and for the most part it sounds like you don't want to date someone who has kids and for that I celebrate you. ✌
As a full-time single dad, quite honestly. A child-free woman is far from what I need, been there and done that....your quite right, keep your standards high and devote yourself to someone whose attention you don't have to compete with because you will never win, my soul is already taken and I am short on gold! at least we are agreed :) Speaking of standards, it would have to be something pretty special to replace my late wife and children's mother, most would be wasting their time anyway...
@@darrencarter5612 I have always wanted to adopt a girl or a boy , but financially I can't afford to be a single mom as I would have to hire a babysitter and I don't make that much money , I have been looking for a single dad with only one kid as I don't think I can raise two, but want to become a stay at home mom , also if the child's mom has passed away I would have to care less about her turning her kid against me
@@darrencarter5612 Who do you think you are fooling?
@@angelaattenbon4788 In all fairness I was being a tad mellow dramatic, I recall being a little annoyed at discriminating comments I read about single farthers and my responce was aimed at one such comment. But I can assure you I have raised my to sons from the age of 5 years. They are now 15 and I have chosen not to make any other relationship commitments having had a few since I have had my boys, and in my personal circumstances, its just t0o complicated. I dont really pick up women in bars, i dont even have a sosial life at all to be honest, im far too busy. But seriously, any dates are strictly NSA until my lads are independent enough that I feel that I can commit to another relationship. Its that simple. Bootie calls all the way baby :) you belive what you want too.
#1 reason- They had kids with someone who wasn't going to last and therefor you have to question their thinking process, if they even have one. Second reason, they typically get defensive about their kids as if the women are trying to "be their mom". Reason # 3, if the kids are small just dont, meet a man with teenagers or adult kids. Single parents should date other parents in my opinion. Cherish your child free life! Leave the normies be with their dysfunctional families and baby momma drama (not saying all do but many do)..
Thanks for taking the time to share! I think that to some degree your statements have truth and also contain untruth. The first reason sounds like a pretty harsh judgment especially with your last comment of "If they even have one" though I can understand and agree with the idea that you have to question their thinking because somewhere along the line they choose to act irresponsibly (I'll admit to this myself)
I'm not sure about how you view how a stepmom should be or act with parenting, but I believe that if a woman is walking into my life with my child that she has the same right to parent my child as I do (She has to be open to why she is doing what she is doing though)
Reason number three does make sense, It can definitely be easier to date a man with kids who are grown vs when they are very little but I think too that there are also many great things about women being a stepmom with young kids (Deeper Connection, Used to that figure in their life, Growing together etc)
Thanks for sharing your views! :) Stay Lovely!
Norma Lee Why do people keep saying “adult kids” once you have kids your a dad your never single again!!!! The adult kids are many times in your business & you have to walk on eggshells no matter how old they are
Conscious Dad!!!! You say “Walk into your life”!!!! As a lady I stay in my own territory my house my life!!! I would never go to a guys house so it wouldn’t be me walking into his life that’s not what men do they go to the ladies house!!!!
Endless..... The Brady Bunch & Your Mine & Ours with Lucille Ball!! They try to mimic what they see on tv......
Agreed
Okay so I am never gonna date a single dad 👍
Hahaha It's a good thing no one is making you do just that 😆 😆
😂
I am a childless woman leaning towards childfree and I had dated a single dad before. I felt bored with him talking about the problems of parenting and he seemed to think that I was actually interested and was showing off to me what a good parent he was. (I was not interested, but I listened to be polite)
Another thing about dating someone who already has kids, as someone who is considering of having my own kids, is that I keep wondering if his projected income will be enough to support the hypothetical future children, because his current financial resources is already allocated to existing children. Kids are expensive, if you want to raise them right they have to be expensive. Not only financially but also in terms of time and attention. Even if a single dad is particularly rich, he still only has 24 hours just like everybody else. He won't have enough time to spend with our hypothetical child if he has to divide his time with his children from previous marriage.
So yeah, whether I decide to be completely childfree or have one child, dating someone who already has kid(s)will not be beneficial to me.
EDIT: adjustment of grammar into past tense.
“You get to love my son.” - I have an issue with that. No one is ever going to feel the same way about your kids as you. No matter how cute and wonderful you think they are. Most single people can learn to tolerate or even really like your child but for the majority, they aren’t thinking “wow! I get to love kids that aren’t mine!”
I'll be honest and say that you probably should avoid dating a single dad if that how you feel and what you think. That's okay to think and feel the ways in which you do. I think that a child deserves more than just to be tolerated especially if you are going to spend time around them. Otherwise they are going to grow to be a hurt human being who is going to pass on more trauma, hurt and pain in the world.
@@XxEtHaN39xX I totally agree - i can't stand dating women who doesn't put any effort info bonding with my kid. That's just a red flag for me.
Tbh my ex had 3 kids and was divorced when I got with her. I ended up loving those kids like my own and I have daughter to my ex. Now am a full time single parent to my daughter
Absolutely. Women are looking to love a man and not a man and his progeny. If he happens to have kids, and you like him a lot to make compromises, respecting/ liking his kids should be more than enough. One loves his own kids and pets. You cannot force love on someone.
You're very wrong. It's possible. If you think that way, then you shouldn't date a single dad. Don't try to take up his time, especially if he's your dream man with a child.
I don’t date single moms because I’m always gonna rank below her kids I would think it’s similar for a woman dating a single dad
Could be for sure, depends on the person and what they value.
Your mindset is so dope. Love all of this and 111% agree. You're wise beyond your years my friend. My daughters and I have just discovered this channel as we're a familia with myself being a single mother and their father has chosen not to be in the picture at all. As we cannot control the actions and choices of others I try to teach them that no's are simply just not your door...but by forcing the door we do a disservice to ourselves as well as the other individual. Navigating the future and wanted to show my girls a family on the opposite spectrum-with a single Papa. It's so beautiful how you're raising Lincoln with such a healthy perspective on life. My daughters Atlas and Mavis are fans of Lincoln :) and it's made them really happy to see a Dad so present and loving toward his child. Beauty is all around us :) Keep fighting the good fight.
I will not be sacrificing myself for other people's responsibilities. No thanks. It's incredibly stupid.
Cool, it's interesting that you see it as a sacrifice as if you aren't and or wouldn't be getting anything from that relationship. I find that interesting. AND at the same time I appreciate you knowing what you want, and that's amazing :)
@@XxEtHaN39xX you don’t get anything from that relationship. My freedom is worth more than that.
I dated a single dad once, and while I don't regret it (despite the very painful heartbreak in the end), I would be much more cautious about it next time. Specifically, I would be extra cautious about a newly single dad where there is a lot of emotional enmeshment/engagement with his co-parent/ex. I ended up feeling excluded, unwanted, not committed to, and like the "other woman" (a far less important/valued one). I don't know for sure, but I think he and his co-parent/ex may have reconciled. I realize all relationships involve risk, but there are some added risks to dating single dads. I might be willing to take the risk again with a single dad, but I would be far more careful next time and choose someone who has clear, distinct boundaries with his ex/co-parent.
l won't date single dad anymore. But u said is so true. l feel unimportant. l left without a word.
Thank you. I am fully ready to be a stepmom, but not “the other woman” to a divorcee.
Stop dating single dads. Wtf ? Love yourself
As a single mom to 1.. I wont date a single dad. In fact I won't date anybody. Raising my child and working takes enough of my energy. Maybe single parents shouldn't date at all. Wait till your kid grows up and you can have your own life again.
In theory sounds great ...but dating a single dad at least a mentally healthy emotionally responsible one would definitely understand your day to day struggles...it would be nice to date a single father you can talk laugh about each others kids with kind of like having a friend that you can sleep with whenever your schedules allow....I like dating single moms cause they always understand my situation better and tend to be cool with taking things slow and if things don't work out they end on good terms....but in the other end of the spectrum you have alot of single deadbeat dads just looking for sex ...or single dad's who fucked up and got some crazy bitch pregnant lol welcome to the party haha
This is beautiful. I think what you shared was excellent! AND I would only second what he has said!
Definitely don't date a single dad if you don't want kids at all. I've been childfree for as long as I can remember. I don't mind kids (AHEM not every childfree person hates kids!) and I was a nanny for 12 years (kind of helped to further my no kids stance lol) but I would rather occasionally spend time with my nephews or my friends' kids than have them full (or even part) time. And dating a single dad (whether he has full or split custody) is a challenge. They have a lot of time restrictions and don't have the same amount of freedom as a non-parent. That isn't meant to be rude. It's just the truth. I actually prefer a lot of alone time (more than most guys I've dated) but even then there was almost always an issue with working around schedules and having plans canceled on a regular basis (and some single dads are ridiculous. They coddle their kids and give them whatever they want and sometimes an 'emergency' is literally something stupid). And I think it's common for a lot of people to want to spend time doing their own thing, so the 24/7 bit seems somewhat deflective.
I've always preferred men without kids but I've dated a few single dads just because it worked out that way. Plus none of them had full custody and I was pretty naive as well. I was young, I liked them, and wasn't really aware of the issues that could arise. Not to mention if you prefer men 5-10 years older a good chunk of them have kids... But I usually never met the kids. After 6 months my ex asked when I wanted to meet his. I said "After we've been dating a year" but honestly after I broke it off I realized that I NEVER wanted to meet them. Not because I thought there was anything wrong with them (his ex, his issues, and how he ended up treating me were the actual problem and why I ended things) but because they just didn't fit into my life plan. I chose to have a life without kids and if I wanted them in it I would have had my own. I think maybe a childless woman who can't have biological children but still wants them would be a good choice for a single dad (provided that they are ok with older kids. Some "childless not by choice" women are stupidly baby crazy). That or a single mom... But it's funny how many single dads don't want them and chase after women like myself...
I love your last line, as I think it brings up the idea of "men chasing women they can't have" In a way, it's a game and a game that most men enjoy (whether they know it or not).
It's cool to hear your experience of dating single dads, choosing not to have kids yourself, and your whole perspective on dating a single dad from reading your comment you Fucking Nailed it hahah. You sound like a confident woman who knows what you want and I appreciate the hell out of that. I did want to ask if you are still open to dating single dads in the future?
Hope you have a wonderful day!!
Jessica Way to long won’t even read your comment
@@SAVETHEKIDS-bn5zo Lol but you jump straight to the comments to comment instead haha
As a single dad I will not get into a serious ltr with any female who doesn't already have kids it just will not work....dating, a fling here and there after getting to know you sure why not but anything serious is a hard no for me unless you have kids
I agree with everything you said. I am a single mom of one son. I used to be on a single parent dating site and noticed a lot of single fathers weren't interested in me. The one that was, cancelled on the date last minute. One was rude and harshly judged my past. I was like, "You have one kid and so do I....what's the issue?!" Lol
I said, "good luck out there."
I have been single for a long time. If I have to wait for my son to be grown then I will. It is what it is at this point.
When a woman says: the child will always come first, she means that if an event or situation happens that involves the child, yes, you will choose the child, for example: you’re about to go out for dinner with her and then get a call about your son being sick, which one do you think you will cancel?
That’s what we mean when we say that.
Yes!!! That’s it, what I was trying to portray is that under different circumstances that isn’t always the case. This child isn’t always first but there are a lot of circumstances in which the child is. I’ve just heard people use ‘my kid always come first’ and that isn’t true. A lot of people use that as an excuse to stop from truly connecting with someone usually out of a fear of being hurt.
I’m a single mom myself dating a single dad in military. I have 1 child and he have 1 child too. When I said it’s hard yes it is especially him in the military (if you know what I mean). But I’m very understanding to circumstances like he needs to travel out of state to see his son. And when he’s spending quality time with his son I won’t keep texting and messaging him. I let him spend his time to him. And for example situation you said , like his son is sick and he got a call and he needs to be there and we’re on a date. Then no explanation needed we will pay the meal and leave. I’ll even help him pack clothes to bring and fly to see his son. We can always have another date when he’s back.
Genuine question: if your child comes first, and I'm not saying they shouldn't, but if they do, why date? Why is that fair to a childless individual to know they'll never be loved by you? You can't love someone and not put them first, it's just not possible. Why not just devote your life to your first priority then?
Date who ever the hell you want!!! It won’t work but it’s a free world!!!!
Why say your kid comes first at all it’s just basic common sense that in an emergency they would come first DUH!!!! Why make it an issue
@@austind4301 I raised 2 kids on my own. Havnt dated in over 10 yrs.
Then when they was grown I got on POF . met my bf now 4yrs together. He has one kid. He told me she comes first I'm second. 🙄
We can't date alone she always there. She's 19 now. I'm still second.
Who needs attention 24/7/365?! Oh my word! Is that a thing?
You would be surprised... Miss you :) Hope all is well in your world Amanda!
The child still comes first
I honestly have huge respect for you for telling truth. My aunt who was just 25 dated a single dad who was 37 year old with one kid and that was her biggest mistake! She suffered mentally and thankfully she got over it. I'm not being mean but dating single dad and single mom comes with huge responsibility.
Yes It does man! Yes it does and the more that people understand that it does come with a huge responsibility the better! I’m sorry to hear that for your aunt had to experience that man.
It trully does. I totaly respect that it is not everyones cup of tea to date a single parent, but if your not ready for children of your own you wont be able to accept the sacrifices a parent has to make to ensure the children are happy. If you are someone who is with out children, you are totally with in your rights to choose if ready made family is for you or not, but it is important that if you do accept a partner with children, you have to accept that their time can never be 100 percent devoted to you. Having said that it is also the responsabilty of the partner with the children to appreciate the sacrifices the lover makes because they choose to be with them, and respect them and treat them well, and make sure that they are just as appreciated and loved too. If both parties talk openly with each other and understand each others needs, there is no reason why everyone involved cant be happy. No relationship works with out communication, understanding feeling loved and needed and a willingness to comprimise. There is no right or wrong answer in dating a single parent. If it isnt for you, if it isnt want you want, then dont do it....Your not wrong for doing what is right for you, but its wrong to pretend and thats when things get messy, and people get hurt. Including the children who will already will have been through much, heart ache. I myself have chosen not to date anyone at all until my children are at an age where they are less dependent on me to take care of them, but everyones, curcumstances are different. thats just my choice and I accepted that when I choose to have children.
@@darrencarter5612 This was beautfiully put man, thank you for sharing. I loved what you said about "it's also the responsabilty of the partner with the children to appreciate the sacrifices the lover makes " because it goes both ways, I think a lot of the reasons why women don't feel alued dating a single dad is because the dad or the person with the child forgets to appreciate them for what they do.
Also, it's amazing to hear that you have made the commitment to date when your kids are older and less dependent on you. How old are your little ones if I can ask?
Cheers!
@@XxEtHaN39xX They are Twins. Both 14 years old. I have raised them from the age of 5
PA Responsibility is the wrong word! It’s abusive & people that think abuse is normal end up dating single parents!
Knocked out the park dude. Great production quality. Surprised you don't have more views.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you Brotha! Glad to hear you enjoyed it :) I appreciate the feedback 🙌🏼
I agree. Lots of powerful stuff here and a great use of the video format!
Did this never again! You have to be highly developed to date a single dad. Their expectations are high, which is understandable. I ended with a broken heart, for minor misunderstandings. Dating someone single there is more room for error and growing together.
Please lol..he was lucky to have e you!
Eunice :) Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry to hear you ended up with a broken heart over minor misunderstandings. I hope you find someone and or even possibly another single father who is willing to grow with you in the ways in which you want. You are perfect just the way you are and I can't wait for someone to see that!
Have you been hurt in the past by someone with kids? (Just genuinely curious)
I don't think it is selfish to not want to date a father. It is simply a choice. Don't judge it negatively. It is a logistic choice just as is age, location, etc.
I’m conscious enough to know I don’t want kids so I would not dare put a family through me dating a single dad . It’s not fair. Kids grow up with emotional scars.
Another solid video, really enjoyed this! 🔥
Glad you enjoyed it! ✌💙🙃
I'm a single dad. I will put my woman first. I have my son every other weekend and I have babysitters. I understand where you're coming from and it will be difficult for me to find a good woman, but she's out there.
Hell Yeah, she is out there man!!!! I honestly don't think it will be difficult... as long as you are showing up for yourself and trying to be better every day I honestly believe it will just happen. You got this man! !
@@XxEtHaN39xX thank you. My baby momma had a child previously and it was difficult being placed below the daughter, the mom, the mother-in-law, Grey's Anatomy, and the money I'd bring in. There is a saying "want to put your kids first? Put the mother/ father first"
@Chris Kelley I’m sorry to hear that man, that would feel incredibly frustrating and defeating. I think you are right with the saying, put the mother/father first. I think too often we use the excuse that the child comes first and forget about what really really matters.
This is a constant issue with us, out of curiosity is it a burden to keep paying every weekend to get a babysitter?, do you always have one? Is it hard to get one?
@@speedyturtle1234 In my experience it isn't hard to get one, and it isn't a burden because I'm getting to spend time with someone who I'm with and care about deeply.
The tone about the attention being needed 24/7/365 is condescending. It’s the dismissive attitude single dads give off when you just desire attention-period. If you can’t balance your time- just say that. Don’t make women feel bad for wanting the attention they deserve.
Hey 🙃 thanks for sharing 🙌🏼
I’m not sure if you are a single dad, or have dated a single dad or how you have come to know about “the dismissive attitude” single dads give off when a woman desires attention but I would love to know how you came to think that way. I’m sure there are some single dads that do.
I agree with you that if someone can’t balance time and make time then they should say that and shouldn’t be dating in the first place. Though I do disagree as from what you wrote I interpret it that you are saying that a woman deserves to have the mans attention 24/7 (which I think is untrue and dangerous)
Have a good day ✌🏼
@@XxEtHaN39xX You did not read the comment for understanding- but to reply. I never stated women wanting their attention 24/7. I’m talking about at all. Just found reason number 10.
@@godesofdnyte We can play the blame game all day. When I read “don’t make women feel bad for wanting the attention they deserve” I was left to think one of two things:
Is this person referring to the attention being needed 24/7 or when a woman just desires attention - period. To me it was unclear and I thought for sure you were talking about needing attention 24/7 (which I’ll admit was an assumption) my apologies for that error I get to next time ask for clarity which I also asked and you did not share either.
Thank you for this comment. It was very condescending. He addressed an extreme which we all know is an unrealistic expectation to begin with. I ended the video, couldn't even take him seriously after that.
Coming from the other side and as someone who actually likes kids (most people here seem to be childfree by choice), I respectfully disagree with #2. It's your son's first ever soccer game and your girlfriend's graduation ceremony from grad school on the same day. Which one do you choose?
#1 and #3 seem generic for any relationship. Other reasons if I may:
[4] Long term plans like where is this going, marriage, so and so are pushed to the forefront compared to most relationships.
[5] Depending on the arrangement, the needs of the mom may take higher priority when it comes to the child. Gf literally becomes 3rd priority.
[6] The child will be a constant reminder that he/she is the product one of the closest bonds two people can have: creating a human being, and it was with another woman. And what if 20 years from now something reignites? It's totally insecure, but the fact is in most normal relationships we simply don't keep in touch with exes. So the girlfriend will need some thick skin to deal with that.
[7] IF the girlfriend is originally childless and they have more kids, she won't be able to share the experience/joys of becoming a parent for the first time *with* him, which we all know transforms a person. Sloppy seconds might be too harsh a phrase.
[8] The predestined "you're not my real mom" during the angsty teenage years (even if they don't mean it), or the bio-mom vilifying the dad's girlfriend to the kid. It really is a thankless job and for any single, childless woman jumping into this relationship, good for you and good luck lol. Sorry for the huge post. :)
Yo! First of all, thank you for sharing :) I appreciate everything that you shared!
Beautiful that you respectfully disagree with #2 and I like your example. If I was being honest, I would communicate with both child and girlfriend, and if there wasn't a way to make both happen I would hear them both out and then make the decision. There are also factors like how long have I dated her for and etc. If I was to just choose off of not knowing the other factors... I honestly would choose the Girlfriend's Grad Ceremony because it's ONE moment that means a lot to her, whereas there will be many soccer games and it's more about the energy I bring to that... (How can every one of my child's soccer games be his first game for me).
Now you can give a million questions that puts one in a situation to choose (To confirm your belief) though the intention of what I was sharing is to rattle the belief that the girlfriend will never be first. (Because I don't believe that that is ALWAYS True) I've heard many people say that, and it is just a belief. Mainly, a belief that is used in a way to manipulate, deceive and keep one in a victim consciousness (From my experience) I don't believe it to be ALWAYS true... because life is like an ebb and flow, sometimes the child will be first, sometimes the girlfriend will be first it's not about a hierarchal structure of who is first on the list. It ALWAYS will change. Just like life, and everything in life... moment by moment things are growing, changing, and dying. If I'm with my son watching a movie and my girlfriend is breaking down, I'll be there. If I'm on a date with my girlfriend and something happens to my son I'll be there :)
You nailed the other reasons and thank you for sharing those :) They've opened my mind. Have you dated a single dad? Also, where are you from?
Very heavy on the "it's a thankless job" I wish I would've looked into this more before getting into a relationship with a single dad. 4 years later and I'm burnt out of having to deal with the disrespectful behavior that never changes and the frustration of watching him not parent his kid. Before this relationship I wanted to have kids after this relationship I'm sure I don't want any. His kid has been the best form of birth control and now he's almost demanding that I have a kid with him...and I'm trying to find ways to break off the relationship without hurting him too much...this really sucks and it really hurts.
Bottom Line It’s not safe to go near anyone’s kids!!!! It’s dangerous & unless you have an army around you I wouldn’t go near anyone’s kids for safety reasons!!!!!
I've gone down a rabbit hole of relationship videos.
I'm a single mom to 3 little girls (divorced ex husband for infidelity)
I hate the labels that people slap onto single parents
There's so much more than just "being a single parent"
Personally and obviously, I would not mind dating a single dad. As long as he was healed from his past relationships.
Having kids already makes me realize that having more kids in the mix would be a joy.
Thanks for posting!
Im a new full time single father with 2 young daughters, nobody can replace there mother (rip),
Most of the coments on this vid sound like single parents are waisting there time trying to date and nobody wants them,, (there is a lid for every pot) and your comment caught my attention the most,
What you are saying is you must date sombody who is in the same situation or position, which makes perfect sense to me,
The video title should say,,,
motherless women shouldnt date single fathers,
Mr. Joe YES!!!! My mom died when I was 6 years old & my dad re married a year later to the wicked witch!!! The witch had 3 teenage daughters (also witches), and I would never be the outsider again did it as a kid barely survived!!!!! To fight an army you must have an army going against an army alone is just suicide
I totally agree.
@@mrjoe4172 I agree. I am a single mom of 1 due to my husband passing away in 2018, yet I still have not thought of dating yet.
Sorry for your loss, may he RIP,,
Well for a single father like me you are the right type of woman a man like me would have time for we both know what the other is going threw,
And i believe you would rather take a chance with a guy who is also in the same situation as yourself,,
Thank u for this I’m a woman with no children and I wouldn’t dare want to date a man with children. I love my freedom I want my future partner to have no children. 💖
Beautiful :) I'm happy to hear that you know what you want :)
A flip side.... My now fiancé was a widower.... I was so afraid that his children wouldn't like me. I'm unable to physically have children but I wasn't sure if I could take on the challenge of children let alone 3. That's 6, 8 and 11. But fast forward 3 years later.... I love his babies as if they are my very own. I feel so lucky! To have a silly very lovable husband to be, and 3 beautiful children. There were times where I thought maybe I can't do this... But one day... I stopped and just watched... And one of the babies held my hand and said I need you🥺and hugged me so tightly. What a gift children truly are. These tips are very helpful.
Kaletha :) I'm so happy to hear that this is your situation and you found a man you love, and kids you love as well. It sounds like he and them have been a blessing in your life and that makes me so happy :) And reading about the time in which you held the babies and said I need you melted my heart. I'm celebrating you!!
Your nuts
I'm dating a single dad now he is nice but I found that his ex still around for taking her kids anywhere, sometimes she came for borrow his car. This isn't easy to deal with.
Ahh yeah, I'm sure that that can happen a lot... It may be a good idea to have a conversation about what you see and how it makes you feel! I know that communication and 100% radical honesty is the key at making it work :) Wishing you all the best and let me know if you need anything!
In a shared custody agreement, the baby mama will always have a role in the girlfriend/stepmom's life. This is something I firmly believe single dads should never, ever get mad if the girlfriend/stepmom suddenly shows frustration one day because that would be incredibly selfish of the dad. Sacrifice needs to come from both sides.
@@poof9316 100% Agree that sacrifice needs to come for both sides, and love what you said about how single dads shouldn't get mad if the girlfriend/stepmom gets frustrated because it's true... that's why I believe that being radically open on both sides (Parent & Stepmom) about what they're feeling and what they are thinking is so important in a relationship with someone who has kids. Otherwise, those times when they don't share leads to a blow out where they finally get to share how they really feel with anger. You rock, love your perspectives!
@@XxEtHaN39xXI am a childless woman and I was seeing a single dad! His ex wife was primary parent, so he is paying to her around 60k per year, in addition he has kids every other week. So almost 70k just goes for his 2 kids. He expects to marry again and have more kids , when I told him I want the dad of my kid be able to financially support our kids and not counting on me, he got upset!!! Do you think he was right for being upset? Is it fair that he pays 70k for his 2 kids and not having maybe 30k to spend for other kids! I think if a man can’t offord to take care of kid and family alone, should not bring more kids. I dont like my man count on my earning for basic need of family.
@@meini2463 Beautiful :) Thank you for sharing :) I think the question of "do you think he was right for getting upset" Has many fallacies within it.
First of all, he got upset. Whether or not he has the right to be upset, or not upset that doesn't change the fact that for him he was upset.
Second of all, what is right and what is wrong? The only reason we think something is wrong because it isn't right to us and then since we want to be right, we will accuse the other person of being wrong... so the idea of right and wrong is bullcrap because it's not actually right or wrong. We think it is and that's where the problem lies.
I think there could be other reasons why he got upset. A) He has been supporting his ex-wife with 60k a year, and in some ways, I'm sure he has some unexpressed emotions about that which caused when you said "I want the dad to be able to financially support my kids without depending on me" that could have triggered those feelings. B) When you mentioned that it could have scared him, brought up a million of different fears in him about how is he going to make that happen and etc.
So I do think that he had every right to be upset BECAUSE he got upset and that was his ACTUAL REACTION. Also when we create an expectation of someone playing a certain role in this case, you had an expectation that he has to be the one to earn the income, support the family and etc... and when he didn't meet your expectation you also I'm sure where upset, disappointed in him and etc... but that's not loving.
I believe that you get to sit with me, why do I have this belief that a man is the one who is supposed to support the family, or that my family is dependent upon the male?
Is that what your parents did?
Is that what the media portrayed? (Movies...etc)
Do you not believe that you could support a family?
Why don't you want too (Is it out of fear?)
And at the end of the day, if that is truly what you want, you have to be able to accept that not everyone will see the world the way you do and believe the same beliefs AND that that is okay. You get to find someone who does :) You sound like a lovely woman :)
What would you say are ways you can tell a single dad is actually ready to date, cuz as a single woman, one thing that does cross my mind is whether the single dad would still be sleeping with the baby momma or still has interest in her? which I think deters a lot of single woman from thinking of dating or being with a single dad. What are your thoughts?
That's a beautiful question! I think like you said if the single dad is still sleeping with the baby momma has interest in her then he definitely isn’t ready. My views on this are a little different for example here are some of the things I would look out for:
#1) how does he treat/talk about the mother of his child : most men who are still holding onto hurt will talk down, negatively, blame/shame the mother. If the dad was doing that I would personally not enter that relationship. That could be you he talks down behind his back I. The future.
#2) How is the single dad? Is he taking care of himself, is he taking care of his family, how is he emotionally?
#3) is he open about where he stands with that relationship, or is he willing to talk about it? A lot of men can hide that part of themselves from the potential relationship and I believe if that happens he is not ready.
Those are just some of the things that I would look for to see if he is ready to date. Ultimately if he is taking care of himself, his family, and is open with his thoughts and feelings I would say he is ready 🙌🏼 That was a cool question to think about :) thank you!
Brenda Forget about dating learn the English language first “Cause”!!! Thanks All the best
Thank you so much for making this video, so much appreciated
You are thee very most welcome :)
You are totally right about ebb and flow vs ‘XYZ will always be first’. A lot of single parents shoot themselves in the foot too soon by communicating the who comes first thing as a general rule. I’d think that most adults would realize that children don’t always need 100% ‘first’ 24/7 attention because they are not with the parent 100% of the time 24/7. Sometimes the co-parent can handle the child’s needs. Sometimes the child is busy and fine. Sometimes there’s space for the partner to be first.
I remember when I dated a single father prior to my current relationship. He had casually told me that his daughter would always come first … and I was of the same perspective that I am now ‘of course children should come first’. Well on this night, he was at my house for a romantic evening, and at the worst possible moment, the babysitter called saying that the little girl was ill, well guess what, single father still wanted to finish. Me: Nope, your daughter is first and needs you so go to her and take care of her. Him: 😮
So yeah, it’s an ebb and flow just like everything else. It’s about the moment and prioritizing needs in that moment. Nobody (single parent or non-single parent) is expected to stay in a relationship if their needs aren’t being met. If folks want to be in a relationship, they should be able to be a partner to someone, if they don’t feel that there’s space to be a good partner, then maybe delay relationships until that changes. I’ve had many positive experiences dating single fathers who want to be good partners.
Thank you for this! This is my first viewing of your channel. Insta-subscribe! 😂 The market seems swamped with single Moms and their thoughts and opinions that single dads are nearly silenced!
I have never been married and don’t have any children yet. I still desire both greatly! Yet my “unpopular opinion” is that single parents should connect with other single parents and just “Brady Bunch” it up! 😂
Single parents seem to have an understanding and connection someone like me can only empathize with. And being that I’m female and still looks forward to being a mother, dating/being courted by a single father puts me at risk of giving my heart to someone who may not want to start over.
And in the event he does not mind having additional children with me, there is something sufficiently awkward for the child seeing things work with their parents and other people, yet not with their actual parents.
And a single parent dating a never married/no kids kind of feels like a “do over” for them; a “fresh start” so to speak. Yet the never married has to find where they fit in an already established family.
Now all of what I said is coming from someone who has seen never marrieds connect with single parents and it worked out BEAUTIFULLY! I mean like 20+ years, kids adopted, additional children had and bonds formed between teens and the parent’s new spouse beautifully. I’ve seen it work more than not so there is no anti-child/anti-marriage narcissism or pessimism on my end.
I have been a nanny to single parents and I’ve found that to be awesome. I do love helping single parents in that way, plus I adore children.
Thank you again for sharing. You and your son are precious and I pray you both find someone amazing! ❤️
Edited to add: if you encounter anyone over the age of ten that demands constant attention and is in no way physically challenged, RUN! 😂
Yes! Yes and More Yes! Thank you for sharing yourself authentically 😀 💙 I died laughing at your "brady bunch" comment ahahahahah so good and I think that there is validity to you saying that. Like you have talked about there is common ground between single parents, they can relate and connect way easier than someone walking in fresh with no kids and I can appreciate that :)
If you are praying for me, I'm praying for you that you find someone if you haven't already :P and if it is a single dad who loves you for you and is willing to start over than wonderful and if not just as wonderful hahah. Hopefully they aren't demanding constant attention from you :P LOL
PS: thank you for sharing, you sound like a beautiful, open minded and genuine woman! Hope you are having a wonderful week :)
I’m happy I had my son and became a single mom because in a way it stopped me from dating dead end guys. I Don’t plan on dating till he’s an adult because it’s too scary having him get attached to someone or the guy ending up being a nut job with my poor son in the middle
That's beautiful :) I'm glad to hear that you have that perspective about being a single mom and that you are happy that is the case. Also, I think what you have said about you dating until your child is older is beautiful because you definitely do run that risk of your son being in the middle of something :) You seem like a well rounded, grounded and beautiful woman! The best of luck to you on your journey :)
I dated a single dad who would say the same thing about not using his phone when with his kids. But he’s always be on his phone when we were together. Not so much in a way to keep availability for his kids but just social media/ games, etc
Hey :) thanks for sharing I’m sorry to hear that he would do that always when he was with you. Did you find yourself almost resenting him for that?!?
I ask because I think that’s what a lot of woman experience… there partner and spouse on the phone, playing games, drinking beer and totally not paying attention to what matters
You are definitely a dad that we all want.
Thank you brotha! Sometimes, the best thing we can do is be the dad we always wish we had. Though I will say that it starts by being that way to yourself! Appreciate you my man and thank you for sharing 😀 💙
Ya he seems like he has his head on straight. It really does help that him + his ex get along + co-parent well.
I'm a single mom and I'm now dating a single dad of 2 and honestly speaking I thought it would be easy but it's way too challenging,my baby daddy is not in the picture and he stays 8 hours away from where I stay, I don't call him nor do I bother him and I also vowed to myself that I will never introduce my daughter to any guy I date until we're planning to get married of course, because I believe children are sensitive and delicate, but the guy in with has his children over every weekend when I visit him, he's not the one fetching them of course but the baby mama just keeps sending them there whenever she heard that I'm around, I want to prepare myself mentally for the new role I might have to play of being a step mom but at this rate it seems like they are shovin the children down my throat, they are always there from 7 till 3 or 4 pm on Saturday and Sunday and that's the only time I can visit, mind you I only visit 2 weekends a month.
I feel like this is unfair on me because I have never put him in a situation whereby he's forced to face my daughter, not that I wasn't planning on doing so, but I was giving him time to prepare himself mentally because honestly speaking being a step parent is not natural, but it's something you can learn and be good at with time. And my baby daddy is not in the picture and although I have a child I don't make him feel like he comes second, I bought him a present on his bday he promised to buy me a present twice and never bought me anything because the kids needed something.
He can't do anything to spoil me because the kids this the kids that, honestly speaking I love him I really do, I don't think I've loved anyone this way before but I think I should let this relationship go because I don't want to end up being a horrible step mom or seem like I'm competing with the kids, it's so difficult being a with a guy with kids.
Hey :) Thank you for sharing. I hear you, and when I read it sounded like a very difficult situation to navigate through being kind of forced into meeting his kids and into the role of step mom. Add on top of that the promises he has made to you about a gift and those not being fulfilled.
It also sounds like you care incredibly deeply about this man, and you also care about his kids as you said it yourself 'I don't want to end up a horrible stepmom' which I take to mean that you want to end up being a wonderful stepmom..
Ultimately at the end of the day, your heart knows what decision to make and where you are at with things truthfully. I will share a couple of things that came to me when reading what you had written:
#1) I would start by sharing how you feel with him, ask him to have a conversation in which the two of you can both sit down and be undistracted and express to him how you feel about meeting and being put into the role of stepmom right away. Share with him how you feel about him promising you the two gifts and him not meeting that. It may happen that he goes into attack mode and defends himself by making up excuses and or he may hear you out and take responsibility for that.
#2) You are teaching him at every moment how to treat you. If you don't speak up about not wanting to meet his kids right away than he will let you meet his kids right away. This isn't because he is punishing you, or doesn't care about his kids, he doesn't this as being a problem or being wrong... otherwise he would have done it differently. He likely didn't know that you wanted to ease into things. So the work that you get to do is look at what you want, and to be able to communicate that in a loving way to him so that he can acknowledge you and your wants.
You sound like a beautiful woman and I know that whatever you choose, whatever you do will be exactly what you need. If you have any questions or need help in any way just reach out and let me know. Even if it is just someone to vent to!
Not all single dad's are created equally you really have to take your time to see and learn what this guy's situation is like with his childs mother ...tbh sounds like the guy shouldn't be in the dating market right now if you have a toxic situation with your kids mom you really should get that situated before dating even if it means moving to a nearby city.
Thank you for being real! I have always hated that statement of" children are first" as you mentioned seems very cynical.Time management and healthy boundaries are needed.
Very well said. I love it how you said that when you are alone with your son/ partner they come first in that moment.
I'm glad you liked that part because it is so true! All we have are the moments that are in front of us and in those moments those are what matter the most. Just like me replying to you, at this moment you are the only one who matters to me. :) Hope you have a stellar day!
@@XxEtHaN39xX Yes there is a time and a place for everything and everyone. Thank you. I hope you are having a great day too.🙂
idk why this is in my recommended with other tiktok stuffs but i love ur vid! 😍
there is no right or wrong when it comes to dating whether it's a single parent or not. just know ur own preference. unfortunately, some single parents that i met are entitled to date only single ladies or men. hypocritical tbh 😂
Hahha I love it :)
Yes I agree with you fully and thank you for sharing that. Everyone has their preference and it blows my mind and the hypocrisy behind that. Thank for being here! You rock!
Why to date a mentally healthy single dad: life with kids isn't a shock, they have decent priorities, they value alone time with you.
Bam 🔥 Nothing but the truth. Thank you for sharing Denise
So true
GOD bless you in your leadership as a dad and man.
Thank you, Rebeca :) I appreciate you!
Am glad you have a healthy relationship with your ex with parenting. Unfortunately I haven't got that, I have full custody of my 19 month old daughter. The mother always dictates and she can't cope with our daughter so I have her 7 days a week which has hurt my social life and obviously had to quit my job to be able to have my daughter. Currently been living at my mum's with her for 5 months now. Had interest but never got any time
Hey Rece, that is a lot man. It's a lot to take care of your daughter, have to quit your job, and also be with the huge changes that come with doing that like navigating social life and taking care of yourself lol. How old are you?
@@XxEtHaN39xX am 28 excuse the photo lol old as fuck
@@XxEtHaN39xX I also was dating a girl but my ex got jealous and bitter. I kept it quiet has I know it would cause drama but In the end I ended it because I had no time for her. Am not the type to introduce my daughter until I genuinely see something with someone
@@reecewalton3177Why would your ex care who you’re dating she is an ex for a reason
I understand that. I have full custody of my child as well. His father isn't in the picture because he has no interest. My son is 7 now. Good things still await you!
To single parents: keep your chin up, everything will be okay. 💯
Min 4:21 is somewhat out of context. I’m dating a single dad (seriously considering it’s not gonna workout for both of us) but it is true that our relationship will never be a priority. Case in point, we haven’t been able to see each other in a couple of weeks, the relationship is still new... he wont share what happened but the mom needs him to babysit this weekend... and the next weekend he’s out of town... can’t grow a relationship like that but just here to share my experience
Hey :) Thanks for sharing! I agree it's very hard to grow a relationship with someone he when they aren't open and aren't creating the time and space for you. I would offer you to look at whether or not how he is treating you is something that you want... or are you worth more or less?
Every relationship is already challenging, now with kids from another person from the jump? Your hard earned money thinking it goes to that person + their kids.🤯😩 🥚 🥚 🐔 🐓
Listen ladies, he said he loves her as the mother of his son. Lol😂🤣😅🆘
Everything you have shared is true... lol. It's a lot harder, money gets to go towards both. All of it. PFFFT it's not for the faint of heart that is for sure!
The community of single fathers are underrated.
Well done felloz 👏🏽👏🏽
Yes they most definitely are :) Thank you!!!
No true a statment than that brother !
What!!!! Your not a victim because you have kids it’s insane!!!! Underrated meaning what???
@@joanmarie7631 Did I miss something, who said anything about being a victim?
Darren Carter Having kids is a choice!!! Of course after you have kids you will meet single moms!!! Most people have kids after 40 it’s hard to meet a lady with no kids after 40 anyway!! Why would a guy with kids want a lady with bo kids it’s a lot of work trying to keep up with a child free lady their whole life revolves around child fee lifestyle!!! It may work out sometimes but it’s whatever is best for the kids!!! In my opinion making sure the lady has a heart is A number 1 for the kids sake they really do suffer the consequences!!! All the best
I'm glad you addressed the kids come first thing. It's the same thing with relationships if kids aren't involved, different things come first in different situations.
Bam Exactly!!! 🚀👌🏻 it’s the LITERAL truth I get frustrated every time I hear that
Are you kidding me! It’s a damn human being!!!!! What a dingbat
lol great channel! I applaud you for taking care of your son!!! 👏👏👏
Thank you Natasha 💙😊
Amazing. 🥰
Natasha please can we be friends 🙏🏼
@@Amajehabraham1245 lol!
At your wish ma... 🙏🏼
Thanks for the clarity.
Thanks homie :)
I think everyone should be open to dating a single father as long as they are a single dad who is really ready to date. It’s kind of hard to figure out which ones are ready and which ones are not because alot of men and especially single fathers carry some seriously heavy emotional burdens and they become very doubtful and frustrated at times. I think a single father who is ready to date is someone who is going to be completely open with you about his life, show you pictures of his kid/kids, get you up to speed with the entire story of how the relationship with the child’s mother ended, and be transparent with you on any other of your insecurities regarding the prospect of dating him. I believe a single dad is not ready to date when they are failing to take care of themselves, they don’t have their house in order, they place their child on such a pedestal that they develop unrealistic expectations and limiting beliefs in their standards on women, or they are still not fully in a resolved relationship with the ex where honestly both people have moved on. Anyways that’s my two cents to attempt to help women.
I am a single mom with 1 child. He’s been asking for a sibling forever and I doubt this will happen. If I could find a single dad with 1 child and we’d all be compatible, I think it would be ideal. Since that is very specific, I am focussing more on just making our life as best as it can be until we meet our match.
Hey Gina :) That is beautiful that you are a single mom of 1... how amazing. 🙂 It is refreshing to hear that you are focusing on making your life the best you can until that man walks into your lives... no doubt by doing that it'll happen sooner than later ;)
No. I want none of this. This stuff about needing attention, bs. The woman gets nothing out of this, let alone 24/7 attention...more like zero attention. Also, it’s not my “challenge” to raise ur kid or anyone else’s...that’s your challenge. Blah. This is gagging me...
The entitlement and delusion of single parents never ceases to amaze me. They want a doormat that will THANK them for treating them like that.
@@austind4301 exactly. And I’ve seen in my very own circle of people, women who do all the things and wind up randomly dumped...literally the perfect stepmother/wife and boom, dumped... No thanks to any of this nonsense.
Thanks for sharing your opinion Denise, I can respect that you see the world this way and wish you only the best. It sounds like you don't want to be in a relation with someone who has kids... awesome that's your choice and I celebrate that. All that I will say there is no need to disrespect others who make that choice.
@@austind4301 they are highly delusional. And they also expect us to love their children unconditionally
The video is strange it defies all logic!!!! It’s a damn person larger than life if you don’t want to be a parent don’t have kids but to take it out on the single ladies is just insane!!! What the hell does your kids & choices in life have to do with single girls!!!
If a man owns a house & he lets it fall apart do you yell at the single lady renting across the street to fix your house (even though it will never be her house) it’s insane & defies logic!!!!! Did the guy not know what a big deal it is to have kids & how life changing it all is!!!! It’s a gift why be so negative!!!!
I feel sad when I was with someone who also was into me and turned hesitant as our relationship went on.( we knew each other for 3 years, but still My truth scared her away)
Dang Brotha! I’m sorry to hear that that happened and I do know that whatever is coming your way next will be beyond special! 🙌🏼✌🏼 are you a single dad?
@@XxEtHaN39xX thanks for the message, yes, I am a part-time single father, quite struggling these days to put aside the sad part to move on, because I automatically proposed to cut off the relationship to avoid further struggles from both sides.
@@richardchris2869It's something that is hard to do brotha, there is a part of me that after 2 years still sometimes thinks about it. Honor your sadness, really feel it, and then slowly begin to make peace with it. It can be harder when you were the one to end it because you can sit with the what ifs... but you are where you are my man. If you need anything let me know! How old are you kiddos?
What’s weird to me is why is the conscious dad so offended & defensive about single ladies???? What does he care what single woman think of him & why is he so shocked that a single lady has a different lifestyle????
If you own a home & you let it fall apart do you yell at the lady renting across the street to fix your house (a house that will never be hers), & get offended when she says no way it’s your house you fix it!!!! This video is literally insane it defies all logic!!!
i agree.
As a single dad I agree lol...I would say if you dint have children there is no reason why you should date a single father especially if your in your 20s...now 30s will be hard because most men have kids at this age...end of video lol
I’m gonna make this real easy!!! “Blood is thicker than water”!!!!! For anyone that thinks “water is thicker than blood” I have a bridge to sell you!!!
I'm a single woman in her mid-thirties, and I thought about giving single dads a try as I'm getting older but honestly I feel like this generation is having a lot less kids which means there's a lot of childless men out there. It just makes sense for me to date other childless people.
Not to knock any single dads. I've swiped right on quite a few but have never actually dated or gone on a date with one now that I've come to think of it. I'm sure there's a lot of great dads out there as well as not so great ones but that can be said for childless men out there too.
I just think for me, it's best I don't get involved with one because I realized children aren't a top priority to me. I'm very much an independent, free spirit and "childlike" myself. I love to do as I please whenever I want. Children was never something I really desired, I just thought it was something I'd want or do because society expects everyone to settle down and procreate. Then as I got older it became less and less of importance to me. Usually women my age by now are really looking for a partner to settle down with, but I realized it was the opposite for me.
I would like to meet a guy to have a serious relationship with and maybe get married one day, but kids aren't a huge deal for me so i would have to find someone who's okay or glad to not have children either. Surprisingly there has been some judgement by men, but they can simply swipe left for that matter. And I've put on my profile no kids and no to single dads because saves everyone's time, but I have had quite a few single dads message me, really wanting to date me, but I think theyre better off with someone who wants kids.
Yoooo DG i love what you have shared and I wanted to take a moment to appreciate you for knowing what you want and being clear about that. You also spoke/wrote that in a beautiful way that came across not in a demeaning way of single dads, and or those who want kids. I think it's wonderful that you know what you want, and you publicly declare that. It won't be long until you are with the man of your dreams :)
PS: I'm sure all the dads that are messaging you are wanting you because they know they can't have you hahaha. It's a weird thing with attraction when a man doesn't feel wanted they want that woman more.
@@XxEtHaN39xX Tell me about it...
@@dg5175HAHHAHAHAH I love it 🤣🤣🤣 You just made my day!
Have your parents or any members of your family been unwelcoming of women that you date? My SO's mom has been against me from the beginning before ever meeting me, all she wants him to do is be a dad and that's it. As if that's his only calling in life. Also do you still have feelings towards the mother of your child? One thing that makes me very insecure is that my SO has this connection to another woman FOR LIFE! And the fact his mother doesn't want him to date anyone but just be a dad doesn't really help. It honestly makes me want to end the relationship and find someone who not only is their mother kind and welcoming but maybe doesn't have a child so I don't feel like I'm competing with an ex for the rest of my life.
beautiful share, thank you for expressing yourself :) Also I wanted to share that I watched some of your music videos on your channel and they were amazing. Actually beyond amazing to the point where it felt like I was watching art. So good 👌🏻 inspired the hell out of me.
It’s sounds like you are frustrated by the situation you are in with your SO’s mom and how she is against you. I would be too if I was in that situation and she wasn’t welcoming. Have you ever had a conversation with her about that, and how you feel? Have you expressed how you feel to your SO and asked him to have a conversation with his mother about that?
Because I definitely would start there for the sake of expressing yourself and speaking your truth.
In my experience that has never happened with me, my family is actually quite open and I wouldn’t let that slide if it was the opposite. As for still having feelings for my ex of course I do, I think it’s nearly normal for everyone to have feelings for there ex in some ways no matter how much time has passed. I have feelings for her yes, but those feelings for me have changed since getting out of a relationship with her 3 years ago. I love her but I don’t LOVE her in a intimate way. I appreciate who she is, who she is becoming but I’m not in LOVE with her. I’m not sure on what the dynamic is between your SO and the child’s mom so I can’t say what his situation is like.
I hope that answers some of your questions 🙂 you seem to be a beautiful woman, with a wicked heart and I wish nothing but the best for you ✌🏼🙏🏻
@@XxEtHaN39xX Wow thank you so much that means the world to me!!
Yes I've spoken with my SO a number of times and he's spoken with his mom about it but it usually turns into arguments between them, unfortunately. She was like this with his brother's wife and his brother cut contact with her for a few years because of it. Maybe that's just who she is and I'll have to accept I won't have a loving MIL if I choose to stay.
And totally understandable to have those feelings for someone you have a child with. Like you said it would be a red flag to have horrible feelings towards someone you go through that with.
Keep up the great work with your channel, your content is amazing and I can tell you've done a lot of self work and amazing growth!!
Girl date a childless man make your own kids. It's too hard. My bf mom hates everyone he dated even me. She bipolar. Mean woman.
Aren't the 2. and 3. reason basically reasons to not date anyone? Because if you need attention 24/7 and\or expect things to be easy you are not ready for a relationship anyway.
Also the 1. reason is not necessarily a reason if you are a dad who sees his kids every other weekend (which is like 90% of the cases).
I would agree with you and say that reasons 2 and 3 are probably a good reason to not date anyone and focus on yourself. ISs the 90% statistic you shared accurate... I'm wondering out of curiosity? (As that would be wild)
@@XxEtHaN39xX Haven't seen statistics about that specifically. But considering the fact that 80% of divorces are filed by women (this is based on statistics) and women usually get the child custody, and adding to that that there are lots of single moms who were never married but raise the kids mostly by themselves, it boils down to a high number of dads who see their kids rarely. Probably between 70 and 90% of the cases. I mean it's no secret that usually women get child cust.
Also pretty much every person that i personally know was raised mainly by heir mom. But maybe you have different experiences
@@lahybrid3855 I found this statistic that was a summary for 2020 that "25. Wives are the ones who most often file for divorce at 66 percent on average. That figure has soared to nearly 75 percent in some years"
I agree that it's unfortunate that divorce happens... I believe as men we get to look at this and ask ourselves why this is happening (Robert Bly would say it's from the lack of depth and true masculinity in men) Also it is fucked up that women get majority custody, and dads only get to see their kids on the weekends or etc, but is this because they are not taking responsibility, don't want to? (I would love to know more about that) I have some friends that share 50/50 with their spouse and which is awesome and I think needs to happen more often!
Have a good day brotha!
@@XxEtHaN39xX After informing myself for years on these topics I found that there are a couple of major reasons for why women file for divorce that often and why men in most cases get to see their kids rarely.
Short answer: In both cases it usually boils down to women generally being privileged by society and by the law.
Long answer:
1. Why do women file for divorce that often?
Of course there is the problem that a lot of men nowadays just lack masculine qualities to attract and hold a woman. This is because men nowadays have been risen by single mothers, influences of the media, and certain female movements idolizing a certain behavior that is not masculine.
But it is also because women nowadays have basically nothing to lose when divorcing. There is neither societal pressure to stay with the husband, nor do they get into financial problems (since they get 50% of everything + alimony). Thus whenever sth. bothers them about their spouse they can just leave without having any disadvantage.
2. Why do most men get to see their kids rarely?
Because there is still this general consensus in society that women are the better caregivers and kids belong to their mothers. Thus in court usually the woman gets favoured for custody.
In addition since men are left with a huge loss in their finances after divorce and have to pay alimony, they have to focus on their work in order to be able to pay for everything (if he can't they might go to jail). There is just no time nor mental capacity left for taking care of the kids that much. The woman on the other hand gets the financial security to focus on that task.
When talking about unmarried single dads, we often have the case that the man didn't want kids, but the woman wanted and got pregnant anyways. This is self explanatory.
Unless the view of society on this and consequently the law changes, these statistics won't change, I'm afraid.
But of course there are always women who keep it fair and give their spouses the chance to take care 50/50, as you mentioned.
Btw if you're interested in this you might want to look up some articles and maybe do a video with your thoughts on this issue and why you think it is important to keep it 50/50 for the dads f.e.. Just an idea :-)
Thx for the input, take care!
LA Hybrid It’s a damn human being!!! You talk about it like it’s no big deal!!! It’s a lot more than just kids it’s ex wife it’s in laws friends family!!!! A lot of people are involved!!! The kids have to come first they didn’t ask to be born it’s whatever’s best for the kids!!!
If you meet someone that’s good for the kids that’s all that matters if she has kids of her own or not HEART is what matters!!! Not looks not money not kids or no kids but a big heart!!! Heart because kids have been through enough!!!
What you’ve missed is that the step children aren't your own children - they're someone else's children. That's VERY different. And you don't get to be a mother... you have no say in how the children are raised at all, what they eat, what values they have, and you have no place disciplining them or enforcing rules. And next time your son throws a tantrum or is disrespectful, ask yourself if you would put up with this from someone else's child? Because that's what a step parent does day in and day out. I think it can maybe work if the kids are nice and both adults agree on parenting issues and values. But from what I've heard from friends, it's very difficult. They usually just get out of the house as much as possible so they don't end up yelling at the kids.
Beautifully put 💚
Thank you Monique :)
I imagine doing a similar video to get straight to the point and be more comedic. Maybe a couple more reason only because of my personal situation, but I agree with everything you point out and in depth. Just a little long winded. Fyi. My 4 year old son tested positive for meth and opiates and weed 2 times in 5 months under his mother's care in order for me to get custudy of him. We were never married and I did not sign paternity papers in the hospital because it was a holiday so it was not brought up. Still dealing with the court and his mother or her family have not even tried to communicate at all since we've been on our own in Oklahoma. I have no family and very few friends in Oklahoma I only moved here to get my son out of the situation he was in. I've tried to tell people my sons situation and nobody in Oklahoma cares. I've been here for 3 years. I'm a disabled veteran, ex wildland fire fighter, I do heat and air and am on the verge of losing my home. My son have to take therapy multiple time a week because of the neglect he experienced outside of my care for over a year. I know that no woman out there can look at my situation and think. "I want a part of that". There should be more videos to inform people.
Wow, thank you for sharing brotha! I'm sorry to hear that everything with the mother went sideways and the responsibility fell on you... good on you for taking responsibility for your son and stepping up and doing what you have to in order to keep him safe. It sounds like you feel hurt that no one in Oklahoma seems to care about your story and I can assure you that there are people who do brotha! Keep showing up for yourself, your son and things will get better and in fact, they already are getting better as we speak 💙✌🏽 Also in regards to your situation, you never know man there may be a woman who sees what you are doing, how you are showing up and will appreciate the fuck out of you for doing that and want to be a part of your life. Never say Never I've seen it happen all the time.
@@XxEtHaN39xX thanks for that reply. It means a lot.
@@tim43137 You are welcome Brother :)
What you said is awesome. Thanks.
Glad you enjoyed it brotha :)
Baby mama drama, baby mama drama, and baby mama drama.... How many other reasons do you need???
Not all baby mamas have drama bro. But that is a good generalization.
@@XxEtHaN39xX I see what you tried there... but ALL women are drama, there are no exceptions. Even dead ones are drama!
Nice try though.........
Thank you for sharing this video.
You are most welcome :)
Yeah my guy just pulls away when dealing with stuff and I’m left in the dark while he ignores me. I’m pretty sure I’m not up for this one as a childless woman. I want my own kids but when he can’t make time for me when we are dating, he’s not going to be able to have a family with me and make time for us either
Hey Kayla :) Thanks for sharing, I'm sorry to hear that he pulls away from you and I would go to say that you are definitely not alone in that happening. 95% of men act in ways like that which is so unfortunate. Have you ever expressed how that makes you feel to him?
@@XxEtHaN39xX yep and I just broke up with him last week after he barely texted or called for two weeks. I’m done not being a priority and to be honest, I don’t want any man that another woman has a hook in because of a child. He prioritized her texts because of the boys and when her parents would show up at his house, I had to leave. He had terrible boundaries with her and her family. It’s too much drama and I don’t want to deal with “the other woman” the rest of my life. It’s ok, I’m just glad I know it’s a deal breaker now
@@kayladickson8124 I'm going through it 4 yrs now 🙄
🙌 high5 to you.
Good choice have your own family 😊
What about if I want my OWN kids? Like, I want to fully embrace being a mother to a child, and it's unlikely that I'm going to get that from a co-parented child that has a loving mother in the picture? Obviously I would still love his child, but I would like my own child with him. I can't enter a relationship with a single dad on that premise though, so how do I go about this dilemma?
As a single dad I’m not date material. I’ve had my son for eight years. Won custody when he was 5 and now he’s 13. In that time my relationships with females all fell apart because the women always try to put a wedge between my son and I...like they’re jeolous. I don’t need anybody, I’m very self sufficient. When he was little it was like having a puppy and the ladies were all mushy gushy when they’d see me out snowboarding with him, or just going out to dinner, or hanging at the playground with him. They get this idea that since you’re raising a kid alone, you’re nurturing. I try to be, I’ve had to do my best, but I’m well aware of who I am and it’s not a mother. But, you do what you can with what you got. Cheers to all the single dads out there. We damn sure don’t get any credit, and there is no gender equity when it comes to dealing with social constructs. There needs to be some sort of advice group for single fathers. We go through the same hardships as single mothers but have zero resources. I’ve never seen a dime of child support, don’t want it, but if roles were reversed you know I’d be paying that shit. Good video, brother!
Hey Brotha! Thank you for showing up and sharing I appreciate it as it's hella good to hear from other single dads. As you have said in your comment, there needs to be some sort of advice group for single dads because we are all going through the same shit. I can appreciate that you are doing the best you got with what you have!
One thing I wanted to share, is to be careful with the language "I'm not date material" because you fucking ARE. You may have just been in relation to the wrong type of woman for you (Which you get to sit in, what part of me attracted that type of women in the first place) But just because you have a son who is 13, love the shit out of him, and do wicked things with him doesn't mean that you aren't dating material. There is someone out there who is going to love the shit out of you, your son, and love the shit out of the relationship that you and your son share!
Keep on keeping on my dude :)
Thank you sir for your advices
As a single full-time father I just don't bother with women, I'm way too busy with other stuff
That's awesome man, I'm happy to hear that as you are taking care of who matters the most, yourself and your child!
@@XxEtHaN39xX thanks it's not easy by any means but I wouldn't have it any other way, there's a lot of single father's out there that would love to be in my position, stay strong brother
Same here, sometimes I wish I had a partner just to take some of the load off of me. I feel that then I could do more for us all.
@@youngkey3051 but that's the whole point of a partner, that's what we were all taught growing up back when I was a kid, you work hard, you pick a good woman, you both work hard share the load, look after one another and the world is your oyster, the problem set in when our government made it easier for women to easily get divorced, get full custody of the children and live off the government and you all while shutting you out of your children's lives
I do agree with the priority part. I would definitely put the potential partner on the same pedestal after the initial courtship days. And then it’s all time management. Devil is in the details (details = daily interactions/transactions). 24/7 expectation is unrealistic even in a childless relationships and smothers the hell out of it.
Now if I were childless, would I have considered a woman with a child? Now it’s tough to imagine as I am not childless, but the only reason I may have seriously considered a single mother is knowing that she is matured (has displayed it somehow), not looking for someone to “save her”.
All single parents deserve respect regardless.
He is asking too much from a child free lady. It just won’t work. Different lifestyle and different priorities. Child free for child free. Much better chance for it to work.
I would only date a single dad in the similar situation as myself. 1. Older mostly independent kids. 2. Financially stable. 3. An Ex that is not overly involved in their life besides co-parenting.
My fears of dating single dads:
1. Drama with the other mother
2. Needy demanding kids that are against their dad with anyone but their mom
3. Being expected to take over child care because it’s “the role of the woman”.
If I would find a man with good natured kid that’s at least over 8 and the co-parenting relationship is healthy and peaceful; it wouldn’t bother me.
But that’s not guaranteed, so I’ll just continue enjoying my recent single status for now.
Because the truth is I wouldn’t want to date a purposely childless middle age man either. As they may not be understanding of me having to be a mother and not just his partner.
It’s just seems dating when you’re a single parent isn’t worth the effort.
Single mom here and I say exactly say the same what you are saying .
Cool! I’m happy that I’m not alone and good for you for sharing the message 🙃✌🏼
@@XxEtHaN39xX I am seriously suprised that in 2020 there is still this stigma about single parents mostly single mothers.
You must see how many CZcams channels are out there promoting misinformation about us single mother with some really disturbing hate speech.
I wonder how CZcams even allows this.
Again thanks for your video there arent many men who dare to speak out.
Yeah it’s wild and blows my mind how much misinformation is out there about mainly about single mothers. I went on a rampage one time and commented on all the posts trying to show people that not all single mothers are like. There are some yes but not all. Just like how there are some dads who just screw off but not all.
It’s wild!! And I totally support you starting your channel and speaking up! We need you 🙃
I'm dating someone with a kid and I don't have kids. Aaaand to be honest it's not that Bad!
I'm a naturally a feminine, nurturing and motherly woman, I love kids, I'm a babysitter, psychologist and artist.
The guy is super supportive, a great provider and a loving, caring dad to his son 💕.
It's all about love and wanting it. If you're not up for the challange and have high expectations then don't do it.
Butttt if you want to grow emotionally, psychologically and develop emotional intelligence, do it.
*Disclamer* I'm a sucker for self inquiry and the spiritual practice of willingly challenging myself emotionally to become a better therapist and life coach for people in situations like this and more... *
BAM!!! This comment should be highlighted on this video because it represents a whole different view than so many other comments here. I think people are quick to give it a bad wrap based on a previous relationship that went south. It's easier to blame than it is to take responsibility for the ways in which they contributed to the situation.
Anyways, Asanda I'm super happy to hear that this is your experience. You seem connected, growth orientated, open, and loving. Thank you for being you and bringing light into the world :)
@@XxEtHaN39xX thanks man, if it ain't love, I don't want it
You ain't no single dad as a co parent. I'M a single dad when his mother isn't physically in the picture
Hey man, according to the Miriam Webster dictionary, Wikipedia, Collins Dictionary and Etc.. I am a single dad.
Miriam Webster A single dad is: a father who does not have a wife or partner He raised two kids as a single father.
I don't have a wife or partner.
Collins dictionary: Definition of a single father: "a father who has a dependent child or dependent children and who is widowed, divorced, or unmarried"
Wikipedia: A single parent is a person who lives with a child or children and who does not have a spouse or live-in partner
I agree, our situations are different but how does that make me any less of a single dad or a single father?
In what ways is my situation actually harder than yours?
In what ways is my situation easier than yours?
It's in however you want to look at it and however, you want to call it JUST please stop going around and shaming other dads and telling them that they are not what they are doing when you can be fucking supporting them and encouraging them to be better fucking human beings.
I was engaged to a single dad, but he can’t even support himself. He lives at home with his mom and blows through his check in 3 days though he has no bills. I love him, but I just am not up for taking care of a grown man.
It's really beautiful to hear that you ended up leaving that relationship and took a stand for what it is that you want! That brought a smile to my face 😋
i have never been married and have no children. i would never entertain dating a guy with kids because frankly i dont want to deal with the drama and jealousy of bio mom... and 2 if bio mom is alive i know i never will be mom and frankly it would be wrong for me to think i can take her place. i want to be a mom,
You have a new subscription 🤟💯 bless you bro
Welcome aboard! ⛵
I'm 33 single mum of 3 single for 8 yrs but sometimes it's hard because I'm the dad at the same time mum I'm unskilled but I thank God working in Lebanon as ananny
I could imagine, you have a big role to fill being the single mother of 3... my hat is off to you as you are doing an incredibly challenging job! Keep your heart open, and your head up and things will work out for you :) You Rock Lydia!
@@XxEtHaN39xX thanks
I have my gay best friend who helped me through this. He knew it was trouble from the get go but wasnt gonna stop me trying because im so bullheaded. He was never upfront about the kids in the first place. So when it all came crashing down I cried to my friend on the phone for hours. And said you stayed because you have heart just because a man is a good dad doesnt make him a good partner
I want your son to have a lady with a heart in his life😊!!!! It’s not easy to find in this crazy world!!!!!! Kids need love & heart
I want kids and am fully ready to be a stepmom, but its too easy for the single parent to stay enmeshed with the ex/co-parent and use the kid as an excuse to treat you however (even though its really about the ex).
I have a two month old baby mom has been hospitalized its been a ride for me and I did have a women leave me because im a single dad🤦 I understand just thought it was rude how she did things.
Hey brotha thanks for sharing bro, it sounds like you are going through some hardships with the baby momma being hospitalized and the woman leaving you for being a single dad. I hope things are turning around for you homie. Are you taking care of your child full time now, is your baby's mom out of the hospital?
I’m dating a guy but I found out he have a 8 year old daughter. I realize I’m not financially stable 😬 ( I’m working on it ) and when I talk to the guy I’m dating I ask him wanna live in a apartment near future and he replied saying I’m gonna live in house, while my parents retired they gonna live lake house and I take over the house.
Beautiful! I would love to know how it made you feel when you you found out he had a daughter? 🙂
I think that’s awesome, and I don’t think one has to be financially stable to date a single dad though it also sounds like you are working on it which is amazing!!!! 🙌🏼
@@XxEtHaN39xX I feel surprised and I don’t know if I got this. 8 to teenage are vicious kids depend on circumstances. But I’ll see but I think the guy I’m dating his kinda rushing to much. I’m going second date and his bringing his daughter.
@@leabeckman3558 I could imagine that you feel that way, and you are right it could be that vicious, it could also not be that vicious either like you said it depends on the circumstances.
How you do you feel about doing the second date and meeting his daughter? IS that something that you want to do on the second date?
@@leabeckman3558 I do agree that he’s moving a bit faster but I also get it as I’m co parent . Within the first month or so I talk the heavy stuff .... do you want marry in the future? Do you want kids? Etc etc
Why? Because I don’t need to be dragging out a relationship . We don’t have to do in depth but IMO people wait far too long to talk about VERY IMPORTANT conversations. I’d rather do it before being blinded by being “in love”
@@leabeckman3558 I don't mind dating a single dad of one kid but I won't date a single dad of more than one kid, some kids make up stories and can be rude or unaccepting of their step mom, that holds me back ,I want my love to be reciprocated
Extremely misleading title. It should be titled "why you may not want to date a single PARENT." I do agree with the 3 reasons you listed though.
Hey! Thanks for your feedback I’ve been brainstorming some ideas on creating a video with more specific points :) I appreciate you
Ooo hey daddy hey, 😂🤣 I'm a single mom and I have my eye on this single dad at work but I ain't doin NOTHING with him. I know it's an accident waiting to happen.
HAHHAHA It sounds like it's an accident waiting to happen but hey you know what they say about accidents... (I don't actually know 😂) DOOOOO ITTT
I just have plenty of questions about this, hopefully you can answer. As a single dad, is it not a fear for you that your gf will never love your son the way you or the mother does especially after she has kids of her own? What happens if your son does not accept her? Do you expect her to share financial responsibility for your child?What if the new wife makes significantly more than the ex, is she expected to share her money equally between all the children or will there be a difference in lifestyle when the child goes from this household to his mother`s? When you have children and maybe she believes in spanking but the mother of your child does not, how will you navigate this? What if the new gf/wife gets an opportunity of a lifetime 1000miles away, what will you say, especially if this is after you start a family and could potentially change your life?I just find dating a single parent to not be worth the hassle to be honest, it is a thankless job with no real reward. Not saying it cant work out, because it can but I'd have to be madly in love with a man to agree to being a step mom. Emphasis on the madly.
Hey Unami :) Thank you for all of the questions. To start off they are wonderful and I wanted to share with you that I do my best to not live in a space of fear because usually, it's not serving anyone to live in that space. So a lot of the time I choose to see the world differently and I hope some of my answers reflect that.
First question, Everyone will have a different idea of what love is. No one will love my son the same as me, just like how no one can love my son the way his mom does and just like how any woman who enters our life will love my son differently. So I do not fear that she will love my son any less or more than me or his mom. And of course, she will love her own child and that will look different than her relationship to mine.
If my son doesn't accept her, then he doesn't accept her AND that is okay. Then it's figuring out why that is, is he scared, is he worried he won't get any more attention, he is worried about his mom etc... things that can be worked out and if he still doesn't then I have to look at that myself... is my son seeing something I'm not?
As for the financial responsibility, I believe that to be 100% her choice. If she wants to step in and take some of that responsibility she can do that but if she doesn't want to that's okay to. And if she happens to make more money than his mom... what's wrong with living two different lifestyles?
I wouldn't date anyone who believes in spanking.
but if it was something else, I would have an hoenst and open conversation to find the deeper truth of what is best for the child.
As for the new opportunity 1000 miles away, I would do my best to make it work. How can we do both, how can she take that position and we still have this blended family. Right now my ex lives over 1500KM away and we have made it work. You can choose to find a solution or you can choose to find another problem.
It's fair that you don't want to date someone who has kids :) that's awesome. I will say that if you see it as a hassle that is what it will be. If you see it has no reward that is what it will be for you. The rewards you get from kids are not tangible... they're intangible. Also, all of your questions are rooted in a problem, focused on what won't work, and rooted in fear (Which is OKAY) it's just for noticing.
Hope you have a stellar day and thank you for the questions they have been amazing! :)
Conscious Dad I like you (you) seem like a nice guy!!! My issue is that you say focusing on problems & the negatives!!! Yes kids are human beings it’s larger than life you can’t really expect anyone with no kids to NOT see the problems!!! The problems exist & is the reasons why is usually doesn’t work out!!!! To ignore the problems is just immature & would only make things worse!!! You wouldn’t want someone who just jumps in without thinking about what they are getting themselves into!!!!! The kids need safety security & if you date a child free lady the kids can suffer!!!! They have already been through a divorce & now you have a lady that’s use to being single & will need you to be on her side!!! But you have to be as a dad on your kids side they have been through enough that now the kids have to fight for your attention & dealing with a lady that has a totally different lifestyle!!!
Really just do what’s best for the kids & that might be a single mom because she is already a mom & it fits like a glove!!!
The bottom line is it’s what’s best for the kids just make sure who ever you date has a heart otherwise the kids suffer!!!
I’m dating a guy with a kid and he stayed the night in the same hotel with his baby mama while dropping off his son in separate beds, but it still seems weird. I really love kids, but idk if I can handle the weird relationship he has with his ex wife/baby mama. She also calls him about all her problems and sent him nudes before we started dating even tho she is remarried.
So is it better for single dads to date single moms?
So true he would want to leave his two children with me-because he had stuff to do I said no if you ever do that I will give them sugar drinks and teach them to cuss . It lasted 2 months
I agree with you. I am a single mother. All single parents should not bring someone over their children.
Hey Karen :) Cool to hear that you agree and that you are a single mother! What a wild journey that must be :)
@@XxEtHaN39xX Hi. My husband died six years ago. I get help from family, friends, and Almighty God as needed.
@@karenporter6259 Yeah wow. I'm sorry to hear that I bet that would have been and in some ways still is challenging navigating. Glad to hear you have a support network around you and have faith in the Almighty God. #Godbless Karen
@@XxEtHaN39xX Thank you
The guy I am dating prefers sleeping with his 9 years old than with me. We have actually never slept alone in 4 months. He also said if someone he is dating would get pregnant, that would be difficult for him cause he would have something with the woman that he can't fully share with the child. honestly this is very little space available to start a relationship. He also can't spend time with both of us without getting extra tired cause he feels guilty diverting his attention from the child.
...
So, actually...why exactly is he in the dating scene it is a mistery to me right now.
lol get out of that relationship, been there done that 😂
It's a mystery as to why he is in the dating scene as well, it sounds like he doesn't want to create space for anyone in his life asides from his daughter and himself. I think you get to sit with, is that how you want a relationship to be?
People, one question. If his kids are already grown, let's say in their 20s, wouldn't you date a single Dad? Just curious