Figuring Out Sexuality After Sexual Trauma (with Kathryn Gallagher)
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- čas přidán 8. 07. 2024
- The talented Kathryn Gallagher joins Mal for a chat this week - in the woods of Connecticut! Kathryn and Mal discuss the pressures faced by young women who grow up in a world where winning the affection of men is the ultimate goal - and how that affected their ability to recognize their sexuality. The conversation dives into difficult topics such as overcoming sexual trauma and unwanted encounters with men, but emphasizes the importance of facing and healing from your past.
Content Warning: This episode contains content that may be challenging to some listeners.
If you are a survivor of sexual assault, you can contact the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 to receive confidential support from a trained staff member at a local RAINN affiliate.
Visit RAINN: www.rainn.org/resources
In addition to being an insanely talented musician and actor, Kathryn is also on the board of The Joyful Heart Foundation. The Joyful Heart Foundation is a non-profit organization founded by Mariska Hargitay to help survivors heal and reclaim joy in their lives. Today, their mission is to transform society’s response to sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse, support survivors’ healing, and end this violence forever. Learn more, and donate here: www.joyfulheartfoundation.org
Follow our guest at:
Instagram: / kathryngallagher
TikTok: / kathryn_gallagher
CZcams: / @kathryngallaghermusic
Follow the podcast:
Instagram: / madeitoutpodcast
TikTok: / madeitoutpodcast
Website: www.madeitoutpodcast.com
Follow Mal:
Instagram: / malglowenke
TikTok: / malglow
For all other inquiries, please email madeitout@mgmt-entertainment.com
Mal you should bring your grilfriend to the podcast too! It would be great to learn her experiences too.❤
Absolutely!! I would love to know more about Mathilde and her story from Portugal all the way to L.A. ❤
Yes I agree.. interview Mathilde!
This podcast is always so healing. I never miss an episode and I'm so grateful this space exists.
thank you so much for being part of it ❤️
There's plenty of people with sexual trauma that are not gay.
There's plenty of gay people with no sexual trauma.
Renee rap would be so great on the podcast
It would be interesting to learn how much of the sexual trauma queer women experience is also tied to the repression of their sexuality. When the mind knows you’re a lesbian but it’s buried so deep, then sex with men can be traumatic and you wouldn’t understand why.
Coming out later in life is complicated in so many ways but being out is so liberating and healing. This was a wonderful podcast. Thank you. 🫶🏳️🌈
As an SA survivor who later realised they are a lesbian, this episode means so incredibly much to me. Thank you Mal 🫶🏻
thank you so much for saying that. i’m so happy it’s reaching the right people. i appreciate you listening and sharing 🫶🏼
Your pod is so soul-searching and helpful that it should be legally mandatory for everyone. Thank you.
I love this conversation.
I've dated a lot of men, and I've only ever been in love with women. I have no doubt about my sexuality.
Can’t express how much it means to hear you girlies open up about such a relatable subject. Ty for being brave because now I don’t feel as alone.
this is the ONLY POD that exclusively uplifts queer women. and i LOVE IT
so beautiful. more of this please.. such a common experience unfortunately. i pray one day all women will be safe, seen, protected and respected.
One of the best episodes hands down
Thank you for this. Being a survivor of sexual trauma is such an isolating experience. Not to mention, not realizing I was gay until age 25 was also such an isolating experience. Hearing your stories leaves me feeling much less alone.
In the most respectful way possible, I just fell in love with Kathryn. I love all your guests, but this was the best episode so far. She broke my heart when she said she has never had a good relationship and at the same time made me appreciate my wife even more!!
she’s has such a special way of making you feel at ease and comforted. we love her too!!!!
As a survivor of multiple sexual assaults who also just came out a few weeks ago at age 30, this has validated so many of the thoughts and experiences I've had throughout my 20's. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. It really does take so much courage and y'all are resonating super deep in the hearts of many many ppl. What she was saying about physically releasing the trauma and the body keeping score. I don't think I've been able to do that yet, but I'm going to prioritize learning how to get it out of me. My body often feels tense in random situations and I often wish I could loosen up and have "more fun" or whatever, but it's like I have a physical block preventing me from doing so. I don't think I'm actively thinking about my trauma in these situations, but my body and mind are constantly at war.
Great conversation ladies! One in three women have experienced some form of sexual assault. It is a topic that is really healing to talk about :).
this podcast is like an extension of therapy. so many memories going back on my mind that I’ve supressed for so long. What an important job you’re doing for the queer community, Mal. Thank you so much. I wish we had a similar platform in Brazil to reach so many others in here
This ep couldn’t have come to me at a better time. I was feeling so alone in and unsure about my experiences of a similar character to yours earlier today. Listening to this helped me release some difficult emotions and find more peace and acceptance. Thank you for the amazing work you do on this podcast and more than anything thank you for being YOU. xx
I usually don't comment on youtube videos but this one was so beautiful and it's something so close to my heart.
I legit teared up on this one. I've been a silent viewer for the past couple of months or so, but i have to leave a comment for this episode. I've been working up the courage to bring up my own story to my therapist. Haven't done it yet. This just gave me more courage to keep trying to find healing in all this confusion. Thank you both for sharing your stories.
I’m an older straight man and my sister went through some terrible and this episode made me cry. Thank you!
One of the hest episodes you have done for Made It Out. You both were so vulnerable. So many things to think about.❤
it’s one of my favorites too🥹 thank you for listening!
oh my god u guyys!
mal this was a tough but beautiful and fulfilling episode.. I'm so sorry for what you've went through
thank u and kathryn for being so vaulnrable and open with us.. sending u hugs and good vibes 🫂
thank you so much for this episode. I am at a loss for words. I took notes throughout to remind myself of these powerful messages. And, I agree, that we are brought to the right conversations at the right time. thank you so much for sharing this conversation.
🫶🏼i’m so happy that the conversation found its way to you!
As someone who was abused by my grandfather. I'm attracted to both men and women. However, I can't have a sexual relationship with a man, no matter how much I want it. I panic.
This episode i have to thank you for it!!! I am a survivor and totally blacked out from an assault in college and i still 12+ years later fear men but am attracted to them and like Kathryn said if it never happened...i can totally relate! thank you for this conversation it was healing to hear.
Thank you for this episode. Both my wife and I are SA survivors and intimacy rare, but we understand each other. Makes a lot of sense why we don't do PDA in public or around our loved ones as much. It has taken almost 16.5 years of us being together and many talks about our past to help us heal. We have moved on from our difficult childhood and the misguided relationships we each previously had. Luckily we both found each other at the right time in our lives, and we hope to grow old together.
I needed this convo so much today. I cried this morning so much...allowing myself to remember a painful incident. And now I'm watching this...I'm at the crying bit...and I'm totally crying and so grateful. Thank you both. ❤❤
I relate to Kathryn’s story so much. The one about the SA and the one about dating men for validation. This was brutally honest, raw, open and healing, and we need more of this vulnerability and strength in the digital (and analogue) world. Thanks❤
Such a beautiful episode. Thank you both for coming in super vulnerable. * happy tears * 🥲
Ok that happened, this episode was tough. Watching Mal cry was horrible. Knowing that Kathryn & Mal are already such lovely people and moving on will only become better versions of themselves makes this bearable. Their humour also helps of course. x.
"Trusting things can be good" was something I needed to hear.
I have questioned in the past if my sexuality is because of bad experiences with men, but guys EVERY WOMAN EVER has had bad experiences and even harassment from men. And most of them are still straight! The worst abuse someone could experience, still could not change their sexuality, and i've heard that from a sex therapist! It doesn't have to do with being a lesbian becuase every woman regardless if they are a lesbian or not, has had horrible experiences with men. I mean, the worst that could happen is that mayyybe someone could be bi and not explore it enough, BUT STILL their attraction and love they feel towards women is undeniable.
Ooh, thank you for this comment! This was actually really helpful and reassuring :)
This comment 🙌
Don't worry about it, you just like women and should focus on that! There are little girls being abused by men and still end up straight or gay, there are boys being abused by men and end up straight or gay, it doesn't define them. Our sexualities form when we are in the womb.
I think I’m lucky that I’ve never been SA’d by a man (I was SA’d by my female friend, though). That being said, I have a sexist older brother, and a right-wing Qanon dad. And so many people have told me I’m into women because I have “daddy issues.” That being said, I knew I was into girls since I was 13, and my dad only became a hardcore conspiracy theorist when I was 15.
Though a part of me wonders if I’m bi, and I don’t want to date men because I don’t want to be perceived as a woman (I’m a trans man who doesn’t pass). Being with a woman makes me feel more masculine, for some reason. Maybe because I feel free to explore that side of myself, without fear of being judged.
Yes it's annoying when people say that. Every girl i know has daddy issues! So should i say to straight women "you want men because you have daddy issues"? 😂 No. It only works for them when they say it about lesbians! Because they don't think it's normal and they have to find an explenation for it. And even if a lesbian has a good relationship with her dad, then she just hasn't found the right man yet or she identifies with her dad and is a tomboy and that's bad! You can never win with those people!
I was crying with you too also, im healing from similar experiences, this was so raw and real, love you guys so much!
This podcast is such a gift. Means a lot 🙏 Thank you ❤️
This was so deep Mal and Kathryn! Thank you for sharing such vulnerable sides of you and touching deep topics.
Whewww Mal you always tug on the heartstrings 😢😭 Thank you and Kathryn for all the gems in this one❤❤
I admire you ladies. You are so open minded questioning and exploring everything without precoceptions and so brave to cry talking about your traumas and few seconds after laughing on this. I apologize for the pain we men have been inflicting to all women.
I cried along with both of you during this episode. The importance and the REAL need for this incalculable. Thank you for sharing these tender parts of you. It will and has helped so many people and I am definitely one of them and I look forward to sharing with those who have this lived experience and those who don't who want to understand ❤ this was already my fave queer podcast but this cements that! thank you, thank you, thank you 🙏
listening to you two talk has healed a part of me. thank you
ikr
sending u hugs
Thank you for doing this every week. Just .. thank you. I needed this.
Thank you so much for this podcast and being so vulnerable. 4 years ago I uncovered a trauma from when I was 5 years old. My grandfather molested me multiple times. I was with guys for majority of my life but I would always feel like I was playing a Role and I would completely disassociate when I would have sex. That unresolved mystery manifested abusive relationships in my life where I can clearly see now that I was raped after saying no. I did everything I could to protect myself I even became a body builder to prove “I can protect myself” .It wasn’t until I came out officially… and noticed my connection with women wasn’t one of fear and I was able to embrace love. I was able to feel chemistry and I wasn’t a robot in my body…Still till this day I question am if Im not with men because of my trauma… and still till this day I hold myself up very strong around men. But my strength is a vulnerable shield rather than one of empowerment. Which still tells me I view myself as a victim, prey to men. One thing about the healing journey is it maybe painful to revisit BUT I now can give myself compassion rather than anxiety wondering what is wrong with me. I gained a deeper understanding of my previous actions, my walls and now I know how to work on trust. I want more for myself. However, your journey unravels know that you have a huge support system surrounding you, including myself.❤ Your podcast, has truly brought me a lot of comfort and a lot of understanding. You’re spreading so much love to the people that need it the most you’re showing this community that they’re not alone and you deserve to receive the same. Thank you. ❤
This convo was very eye opening for me and made me feel SO seen. A beautiful, mature discussion between you both. Thank you, thank you, thank you💕❤
What a great episode! It was so therapeutic to listen to. Very grateful I came across this today, thanks Mal
Very powerful and healing episode ladies. Blessings 💫 🙌🏿 💫
Thank you for sharing your stories - this is so validating & helping me with my own healing journey. Sending you love and gratitude
I'm so happy it was helpful. thank you for watching!
needed this so bad. loved this conversation
That was really restorative, I appreciate that you shared this conversation, it was so emotional and vulnerable without the need to feel weak, send you love! I hope it arrives from another country :)
beautiful! it goes to show - it all starts with conversation and being vulnerable!! I feel this entangles into the spectrum on topics of patriarchy, societal conditioning and the whole topic of sex with guilt and shame, what sex is and how we look at what it is, what it has been made of to be and it really isn't! I can't help but feel this also relates to organized religion and how it comes with shame and guilt and not enough communication! So much love to you for speaking out, speaking up and being so open and vulnerable - it has a ripple effect!! T H A N K Y O U Beautiful soul ♥🙏
32:04 I second that about what Mal does with this podcast. Got me crying over here.🥹 38:26 I love Kathryn's advice here. We have limited time on this planet. Even more so for people that go unexpectedly. So, sit in and experience the positives when they do occur. And ride the waves of the negatives. Cause it doesnt last. 40:00 Life is spinning plates. So true. Mal took the words out my mouth. So experience it all.
Mal, I listen weekly, and this was such a great episode. Had me in tears, while trying to do my makeup getting ready for work. 😅❤
This is a beauuuutiful convo. Thank you both for being so open and vulnerable. Both of your experiences are so relatable. Much love to you both! 🩷
This actually made me think very differently about an experience I had and my relationship with men. Yikes. I have a lot to think about.
Thanks for sharing!
i'm so sorry to hear that you may share in some portion of this. i hope you find healing in the fact that you're not alone, and take care of yourself as you start to think through it. thank you for listening and sharing your thoughts.
@@MadeItOutPodcast Thank you! You've created a wonderful space, I hope you know that!
Thank you so much for this conversatin. A lot of us needed.
Wow. Thank you for being so raw and vulnerable
Great episode…appreciate the vulnerability from you both!
Welp I’m a puddle of tears now! Thanks for the release that I didn’t even know I needed ❤️
If I was 50 years younger I would be searching Craig’s list for Kathryn. Great job Mal.
Mal ❤ Thank you for sharing your story. My heart really broke for you…what you survived was sounded absolutely HORRIFIC 😣 those people are criminals. I’m so sorry …It’s important to share your experiences for yourself and to help others. You are so strong, and have so much patience and wisdom…
By far, my favorite episode of your podcast. Thank you. ❤️🌹
Thank you for this. For sharing with such honesty, learning so much from you in this podcast. All the best
loved this episode so much!! gave me actual chills!!!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities, both of you. Such an important conversation. Thank you 🙏
It’s so refreshing to see y’all be genuine and vulnerable about such sensitive topics. Then right into giggling about u-haul/u-ghost 😂
Thank you so much for your honesty. I identify so much with where you both are. Good luck with your journey, especially Mal with what's ahead. Remember to breath x
What an episode , thank you both ❤
This podcast just continues to rise up to new levels. This episode was fantastic; hit all the right notes for me personally as I'm a lesbian musical theatre Geek with sexual trauma. The discussion was honest, articulate, touching and hopeful.
So many thoughts I've been circling through my mind for years. Thank you both so much for sharing. ❤
This episode gave me chills. The bravery from the both of you is unmatched 🥹
Thank you for the brave and raw emotional convo. 🙏
❤I am sending you both a lots of love❤This episode was so emotional. I feel sorry for any woman who went through similar experience like you two. My experience happened in very early childhood and it took me many years to make peace with it as I delt with it on my own. So I understand how difficult position you are in and how painful and confusing your emotions are. I am proud of you and I am proud of how brave you are openly talk about it and living your life fully despide of the bad experiences. And I agree, I do not think any of us is gay because of those bad experiences. I love women because of their beauty and inner strength. Yes, I also have a difficult relationship with men, but that has a lot to do with their ego and my bad experience.. but that has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. I am sending you both lots of love again❤ I hope Mal you will find support you need to help you to move on from that experience very fast❤You are an amazing woman and I am very greatful for what you doing for our community ❤You should be proud of yourself ❤
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL EPISODE!!! ❤❤❤
A beautiful episode.
🥹🫠
I look forward to these podcasts every week!!
YES you guys covered so many bases. Glad to know other women out there feel fuzzy with their dynamic with men especially crossing the line into intimacy.
Thank you both really. You made cry too. You explained a lot of the things that was going on with me, a lot made sense now ❤🙏🙏🙏
So many tears. Thank you for this
Wow. This episode. Thats all I need to say. Good job Mal and Kathryn. Truly inspiring!
thanks for this episode!!!
Hi Mal, first time commenting on here but have watched every single episode you’ve done and love this. Thank you. I just wanted to say (firstly I’m only 33min into this episode) that this one’s hit me hard. I have been putting off going back to my sex therapist for so many reasons but mainly I haven’t been ready, and after listening and watching this episode I feel like maybe it’s time I go and start unpacking and dealing with my stuff so I just really want to say thank you. I love this podcast and I look forward to it constantly. Love and hugs from Sydney Australia ❤️
the gay queen spoke yet again with a majestic guest,,, sublime episode ya´ll ate at making people feel safe
I loved Kathryn in Jagged Little Pill - looking forward to this interview
About a year ago I ended a 10+ year long relationship with a woman I married who ended up not knowing how to fight fair or treat me with respect. Of course I’m not at all equating this with SA. I just relate so much with facing things when you are ready. As I heal from that and unpack things I am realizing how much I crave meaningful and authentic connection and to partake in conversations that embrace vulnerability and deep mutual respect. I didn’t realize how starved I was of these things. I’ve watched every single episode and found myself laughing out loud, nodding my head, crying, relating and connecting with you Mal and each of your guests. You can’t imagine what a gift it has been during this super dark chapter in my life. Just to know that there are caring, thoughtful, loving, beautiful and emotionally rich souls out there brings me sooooo much comfort and relief. It feels like you and your guests are walking along side me as I rebuild myself and remember who I am. This episode was so incredibly special. You are such a wonderful host and interviewer Mal. You have a gift for making your guests comfortable to open up, be vulnerable and funny and real. This time we got to witness Kathryn doing this for you and it was a beautiful thing to witness. I love that you are sharing your journey with us. We are so not alone in this world, and #MadeItOut is a powerful testament to this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤
Favourite episode so far ❤
What an emotional episode. Lots of love to both of you. You know sometimes we revisit memories of things we didn't understand when we were younger or when those things happened, and as you mentioned it means that you are in a place in your life where you have the strength and understanding to do so. It's just a "rough patch" to blossom :) even if it seems impossible I am convinced that you will come out of this closer to your true self, no matter how long it takes. But don't listen to me either I'm just a musician LOL you both stay strong okay!!!
Thanks Mal for this one! I really felt a healing from the past. Women we're very strong creatures in this fuckin world💕✨️
You're both wonderful people. Thank you so much
Good insight. People don't teach boys this stuff. It does a huge disservice to both men and women.
Its a weird line between fun and spontaneous and it starts too quickly to fully process and consent.
These stories are super relatable
Healing tears and laughter.. both needed.. my first (secret) relationship was with a girl 14-17 (late 90s) .. I didnt have my sexual trauma until after breaking up out of nowhere and having to deal w loss of first love alone because I couldnt tell anyone. That was the beginning of my drug abuse and just basically not giving a shit what happened to me.. I was raped multiple times by 3 different guys and the first one i was fine making out w but I told him I didnt want to have sex, i said no repeatedly but he didnt care, I hated myself because I just froze, I didnt scream or fight. Though its a trauma response. FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, FAWN, FLOP all trauma responses. Then I went back the next day because i wanted weed i wanted to get out of my head though weed doesnt actually help w that it makes me more critical of myself i later found but of course it happened again so of course my mom said it was my own fault which i thought ive healed but i kinda believe the 2nd time was partly my fault for going there idk. I eventually told a counselor at school, apparently he'd done the same to many girls 😢. 2nd guy was my friends dad ewww.. took me a long time to tell anyone because he was so gross i didnt want to be associated w having had sex w him even the fact it had been forced. 3rd time was my frds bro in law.. i was unconscious and covered in my own puke all over my shirt and in my hair id had a drink spiked fell off barstool landed on my head was knocked out and they put me in a car and left me there while they went to a strip club mind you we were downtown. Then they brought me to my frds left me in car again then bro in law put me in his car drive me to his house carried me in and raped me while I was still unconscious.. i came to in and out during.. fckin piece of shit! I started my sober journey afterward though so thats good! Sorry to trauma dump but thank you for this episode. The one thing ive always been certain of is I fucking love women. Women are incredible, women are everything, absolute goddesses who deserve to be safe, loved, seen, heard, valued, treasured, worshipped! Im so glad im gay and realized that even though i find guys attractive physically sometimes.. I most definitely dont want to be in a relationship or ever sleep with one.. but with women I most definitely do want to!
That was so inspiring! ❤
This felt courageous, thank you. Love the question “who can I be on the other side of fear?” ❤
Oof, I really needed to hear this today💗 I'm currently in that same expository phase of life-- the past is really weird tbh
it’s nice to all go through this phase together🫶🏼 sending you love and healing!
Y’all… thank you 💔💗
This came right when I needed it ... wow
I keep saying this. But thank you Mal and company for creating this podcast. Such important topics that needed to be discussed and shared with the Community. Mal's Craig List story was heartbreaking And Kathryn's😢 sexual trauma story just made me😢. I'm realizing theres a significant unsettling number of the population that has gone through sexual trauma (myself included) and how that informs your understanding of your sexuality is another journey. Being assualted by a teenage boy (who was my neighbour) when I was in Pre-Primary school was def something I blocked out. But I still had a boyfriend by the time I was in high school. This was the early 2000s so there was no other way but to live a heteronormative life. Just wild to think about the journeys we go on and why. I legit knew I was a lesb!an since I was 11 years old, but society tells you a different narrative. Then you take decades to come back to your true self. *smh* im grateful that in my journey though my high sch boyfriend was a good guy. I was able to experience that and still reject it as it was not who I truly am.
beautiful episode ❤ love you mal
I appreciate this podcast so much!
we appreciate you watching 🫶🏼🥹
I have listened to many of your podcasts and I just always come back to your channel, I get worth back from every one… ❤😊❤😊
Awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeee episode!
*hugs* thank you everyone's vulnerability today
Mal has the perfect eyes and eyebrows …who would be so lucky to have her in your life .. what a awesome episode ❤❤