My Life of OCD and CSP
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- čas přidán 11. 02. 2013
- Here I am starting with walking my process of OCD and dermatillomania, or compulsive skin-picking (CSP). I'm sharing about my history with the disorder.
I am also blogging about my process with these disorders: kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
Thanks kim much support here in my process.
Thank you very much for sharing, Kim!
I can relate to you in untold ways. Thanks for opening up and helping me see myself.
Thanks Marlen- you've provided me with lots to write about. It's hard for me to see it for myself, because of the fact that I am NOT present when I am participating within it, as it, therefore I have to use others as my 'grounding in reality' point. I will definitely be using your responses here in upcoming blogs because I can totally relate but had not yet put it into words. Really grateful for the support.
Thank you for sharing Kim, I can relate to experiencing this at a certain level. and I see that it was also an acquired thing from what I would see others in my environment doing to their faces as well. I didn't have such problem with my face per se but arms, and it all stemmed from perceiving myself as being flawed/ inadequate/ ugly/ anxious and it's like a zoning out because of the amount of meticulous attention you put into this mechanical effort yet the relief was not experiencing myself.
You are so brave for sharing this, thank you! I have been dealing with obsessive nail biting all my life, skin-picking since I was 8, and hair picking since is was 15. Only recently have I begun to realize that this is a serious disorder. I have noticed that this is a coping mechanism for me, for when I know I have to do something I don't want to, or for when I can't concentrate and am bored, or when I'm sad and anxious. But I still haven't really found what would help me stop this awful cycle.
(1) thank you for sharing kim, can definitely relate to this - for me the ocd started with obsessive cleaning/arranging stuff in a specific way when I was around 5-6, and I see how I used the point as a way to channel my internal experiences of absolute dread/horror/fear/anxiety - experiences which I had due to living in an abusive environment where I was unable to actually express my experiences.
I agree with you completely. I have been walking a process for two years now, which had to do with really sorting out my life and making changes with regards to things that were causing anxiety. These changes have been as big as deciding to go back to school toget my degree- &as small as seeing tasks through, like putting away the dishes & keeping my room tidy. Deciding to change something and then seeing it through, I have found, creates discipline and will power. these qualities are essential.
still walking this point. Thanks a lot for sharing Kim
Clear! Cheers for open share.
"I suggest approaching it to not make it anything different or clueless but rather looking at it from the imbalance it is and how to practically direct such drive to an equal-consistent way of self support to stability" -- Thank you Marlen
Awesome kristin, I will look for it!
Very cool points! I totally agree and would only add that knowledge without practical application is useless.
These are really the exact same moments where I fall into the disorder! I write a blog about facing this stuff, which I have placed a link to in the description box. School was really hard for me for this reason. I continue to apply myself based on the writing techniques I learned, and now I apply them at my ob. It has helped extensively, as I make progress but also am able to create solutions for myself to stop feeding the cycles.
Thank you. I totally appreciate your mind set and work. You are on the right track. Its all about regaining our power and balance, each person by themselves, in order to be able to help the structure of society. There are many communities out there now that do barter currencies and other trades. More and more people will move away from the grid all together. I am in the process of doing that. I do political activism because it does help and it makes me feel like I am contributing to wellness.
amazing share, very brave. Thanks
Likewise because I never looked into it from the perspective of a disorder, just compulsive behavior to channel some unsorted energetic experiences, which I then channeled/ coped with through other means until I stopped and had to face myself. Thanks because your blog/vlogs will be a very cool support for more to realize and look at similar points. So, let's walk it, thanks again.
Really cool practical application suggestion. I am only now becoming aware of the triggers, which is actually a really cool step. But I have also been working on the point of importance: it is in fact a BIG red flag, even though in the moment I see it as small ad insignificant.
Thanks Malin!
I'm definitely making many changes- including diet. I find the discipline I develop within making choices that honour my body enhances my discipline to will myself to stop, as well as develops a true gratitude for my physical body.
yeah, when I thought I stopped OCD when I was in my 20's I started with my obsessive collecting of stuff, such as the books and stones - something I defined as "normal" and not associated with OCD back then. Now I see that it was yet another trade-in though. I even at times justified the compulsive collecting with "it helps me keeping the OCD in check" lol. Thanks for sharing M
lol 'traded it for other patterns,' that's what I realized as well, some were directed to other means like being obsessed with reading lots of books, music, order, or obsessed with combing my hair, cleaning, interesting stuff that I never really looked at within this consideration. It's a coping mechanism yes, like an energetic drive to direct somehow so, right now best to direct it for self support until one is able to stand equal to the energy and here moving as breath, thanks for sharing N
(3) I didn't see it as a disorder, I would just see it as moments wherein I would not be 'here' and then would go back to here and realize what I was doing. So, in essence it's like the sheer act of being doing something that is 'handy' to oneself that we can focus on and not think, like a misdirected drive so to speak, yet the origin is of course how we relate to ourselves. So working with self acceptance was and has been supportive, SF on anxieties and fears and slowing down to breathe.
What we've identified here is simply a series of distractions that we use to not take self responsibility, which many times it won't be a 'doing something' but rather learning how to exist without a constant need to move/ do something all the time, which is like an ingrained level of 'energy' to deal with and channel it through any means. The 'ways' vary from person to person due to environmental influence as we've described, but the starting point is the same: existing as energy, not physical
Cool! it would be cool if you share your experience, or some tips and stuff regarding how you were able to achieve this healthy mental state.
(4) - start cleaning/taking a shower/scratching - I have within that practiced on seeing that as a BIG red flag, where I practice on stopping myself and change the response to instead support myself with writing/breathing/doing something else that is practically supporting me. so, it does take practice and I am still missing a lot of moments and I constantly find more obsessive behaviors that I participate within - but, judging it will not remove the pattern. thanks again for sharing, grateful!
Yes- obsessive thoughts is definitely a huge part of the disorder for myself as well. I have been using writing tools to become aware of what those thoughts are, and when they are coming p, so that I can actually stop them with breathing techniques. It's interesting because when I stop the thoughts, I feel like I'm going through drug-withdrawal- it's very difficult, but over time, it fades. If you want to have a look at an example of this, check out the blog I keep (link in description box).
And so I realize that it comes from my father, and I've walked a mind construct, the fact is that I saw it as a virtue because I associated order/ cleanliness with a positive charge so, it definitely comes with a surge of anxiety, having everything done to the T, everything around perfect, checking, fear of not being perfect because of perceiving him to be so, that can be something to dig into as well and how I integrated the anxiety pattern and used whatever I had to direct it to.That's a layer
I am not ashamed. There was a time where I was ashamed due to my culture's views on mental health, and thus my enculturation. But through writing and self-forgiveness, I've seen that this is just something that has to be dealt with, and it's my responsibility. I am alone in this responsibility, as we all are, but we are also together as a group, where we can share and support each other in our individual processes.
(2) By this I mean that I suggest being flexible when it comes to identifying a 'disorder' just as a set of points one can identify in order to see 'where we stand' in comparison to that, but we can't generalize since each individual's case is specific and in various degrees which is what one then walks as a process of self responsibility, not as a set of preordained factors but rather a self investigation to see how the distraction was channeled to a constructive or destructive behavior and why
Btw self sabotage and disorderliness is just the opposite of being very committed to do something 'compulsively' so it's just to look at it as the polarized effect which means in essence its the same thing since all poles imply energy, not self stability and consistency, that's how I suggest approaching it to not make it anything different or clueless but rather looking at it from the imbalance it is and how to practically direct such drive to an equal-consistent way of self support to stability
Cool support here Kim, Thankyou for sharing
That sounds like an accurate expression of the physical manifestation of pimples, at least in my experience, yes, this rings true.
(3)- especially when showering/cleaning myself - and when I am stressed/anxious. so, what I have seen that is important is to become aware of What triggers the OCD-patterns (for me it's stress, anxiety, feeling of 'failure' etc) - to in that practice on Preventing oneself from going into the pattern. so, when I see that I am experiencing something internally, in where I feel 'out of control', and I see that I am about to channel it into physical behaviors, where I see that I get the urge to -
It's like one is so entertained with doing it that everything else just disappears, including the thoughts because we become that activity in itself without any other consideration. At least that's how I could put it. It was funny when I would snap out of it and realize, oh ok I should stop now. I had a similar point with pulling my hair out and it was all linked to rooted fears and anxieties of who I am/ how I see myself which was in essence using that physical act to cover up the Inner experie
lol! I used to write every single video I watched in one notebook and keep lists of everything I recorded. I bet many have several patterns like this, pet peeves, and yes the point is to always be present to realize ok what am I actually doing here. I've discussed some points with Malin as well in terms of regular hand washing for example, which also supported me to become more aware of it and stop it, same with cleaning, now it is simply not participating in such drive and dissect the root. Thx
Listening to this video I remember that I used to scratch my knuckles until they bled as a young teen. I don't remember the exact starting point though, but with all of my OCD patterns it had to do with "coping" with fear/anxiety. Fear of being bullied, fear of parents breaking up and so on. The back chat always started "if I don't do this then...". I don't remember how I was able to stop the knuckle scratching but it was probably possible because I "traded" it for other OCD patterns.
lol actually the 'If I don't do this then..' reminded me of a friend that openly knew he had OCD and we could not get out of the house if he didn't do certain shuffling around, moving stuff, applying some stuff on himself, stretching or something else like that. Which I never questioned back then but he did say he could not stand the thought of not doing that before leaving or else he would be anxious and having to go back to the place to complete the whole routine before doing something
(2) So, for me the ocd served as a point of getting a release for my internal emotions - where I did not really know how else to 'handle' it. but when participating within obsessive patterns my mind would go 'silent' - because I placed ALL my focus on one small dimension, in where I was able to 'shut out' everything else. later on the ocd started infiltrate my whole life and living, where I became obsessed about everything. also have had and still have some issues with skin scratching -
I'm grateful. Thank you for watching:)
I'd say so, yes. It seems that with the condition, this simple act has been blown into an entire disorder beyond my control. I WANT to stop, but I can't seem to. So now I'm going to 'walk back in time' in a way, and see how I created this condition. Looking at for example, why did I supress that irritation, and not direct it in the moment? Why did I push it down? Why did I allow myself to become irritated in the first place? How can I stop, and change in the moment instead of supress, etc...
It's funny because I was never able to commit to stuff like that. My OCD is like from bizarro world- I can't commit to anything/do anything with consistency. It's a lot of self-sabotage and disorderliness, which is the opposite of what OCD is typically know for/as.
cont. i truly believe that knowledge is power. just learning through your journey.. keep self educating . and experience it,.. learning a little bit of every subject matter helps.. its like a fitting the puzzles to perfect the healthy brain and mind..
our consciousness and subconscious is negatively condition when we were young through this western cult/society . when we have control over our minds thats when life begins.. breaking free from matrix belief.
ok il try to sum it up very simplistic.
lots of organic bananas, one of the purest human food, easy to digest and quick source for energy. mental and physical.. aids the functioning of serotonin. dysfunctional means leads to depression, also melatonin..organic fruits/veggies possess higher vibrant "live energy" than conventional grown..
nutritional knowledge is a huge factor in human issue, if our body is deficient in nutrients there will problems so called malnourished body.which i suffered.
aren't the pimples picking a release of very little moments of irritation that were supressed?
im sure you will understand or already know everything im saying to you. but this is what i believe through my journey what helped me become free of human issues, cured.
to continue on: sunlight you need the real nature source of energy healing.. sunlight beam touhcing your full body.no makeup /sunscreen/ clothing. 15-30 min ..vital for blood, cells hormones, all the good stuff.. water is so important..must be filtered water, Reverse osmosis, or distilled water.hydration is key. clear urine.
also has to do with the veganism lifestyle , that allows me to make positive changes to myself.. healthy clean natural diet , o.c.d in gym , sweating is good..release the feel good chemical endorphins , a natural high mood, confidence, happy..
Kim are you strong psychologically in regards to researching animal rights laws and cruelty cases? I am looking for someone who might be able to help with something. I talk about this in my last video. I can not possibly research this again, I am shaken up. I need to find out who the judge will be in the Puppy Doe case. I have to set up a petition to this judge to give the criminal maximum prison time. If you read about the case you will know why. We have to urge them to enforce the law fully.
mzoltan14- Normally I place my videos on 'approval only' because there's generally always someone who is abusive/degrading/sexually harassing/judgmental etc... I have received criticism for placing my videos on approval only, so I was waiting for the first such comment to use as an example for why I place 'approval only', in order to have an example of such behaviour to refer to.
Currently I am researching the Living Income Guaranteed (LIG) proposal, which would prevent most animal cruelty at its root, b/c it would remove the profit motive from the entire design. It would also assist in educating people & enablig humanity to learn and comprehend empathy and valuing all life. So, from this perspective, I will be promoting a solution to your cause, only on a broader basis which would include eventual political participation (basic income guaranteed(dot)wordpress(dot)com)
water. sunlight. real nutrition. knowing thyself with the astrology/numerology which does help, asking creator/god/the powers that be for guidance in your life.. in some way faith or praying works for some.. i may be more helpful with other advices depending on what you are currently dealing with.. i was a heavy picker in the past.. malnourished.. depressed for years / addictions.. i truly beliuve t
*job, not 'ob'- lol!