Overcoming Burnout Felt By Special Needs Parents | Special Education Decoded
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- čas přidán 11. 07. 2024
- Recently, I went through a scenario that plays out daily in thousands of homes throughout the world...
I sat there quietly… the palm of my hand supporting my head.
Halfway between anger and despair… I felt lost, alone, afraid, and helpless.
My wife and I had just gone through yet another of our son’s nuclear meltdowns.
Not only was he loud and unruly… but this time, he became aggressive and took the frustration he felt out on me.
Though thousand of parents can 100% relate to this exact scenario… many can not.
As a parent of a child with special needs… I would tell them that they are lucky.
Because there is nothing worse than seeing your own child filled with so much anger that they would physically lash out against the person trying everything they can to help.
The exhaustion, depression, and burnout felt by parents of children with special needs is real… and can become serious, fast.
You want to be there, be strong, and focused for your family… but eventually, everything can unravel if you don’t take action now.
What I’m about to share… are some strategies my wife and I have used in an effort to keep everything together.
Today, we are going to discuss different strategies you, as a parent of a child with special needs, can use to avoid burnout…
RESOURCES; specialedresource.com/resourc...
Strategies For Avoiding Burnout -Special Needs Parents
1. Actively Seek Time For Yourself
-EVERYONE Needs Time Away From Any Task
-Many Don’t Because It Seems Selfish
-Could NOT Be Further From The Truth
-The Opposite Is Actually True
-It’s Selfish NOT To Focus On Yourself, Because If You Don’t… You’ll Have Nothing Left To Give
**Bucket Analogy
A. Picture Your Life As A Bucket
B. The Contents Of That Bucket Are What You Have To Offer
C. This Bucket Can Only Be Re-Filled When You Are Actively Enjoying Yourself
D. If You Don’t Actively Fill That Bucket, It Will Soon Dry Up
E. When The Bucket Is Dry, Only Emptiness Remains
F. When Only Emptiness Remains, There’s Nothing Left To Give
G. So When Your Child, Boss, Spouse, Or Friends NEED You, You Have Nothing Left To Offer
H. You Can’t Give Happiness, Joy, and Love When You’re Miserable Inside
2. Communicate With Someone You Trust; Truthfully
-Today, Due In Large Part To Social Media… Most People Only Communicate Happiness, While Allowing The Truth To Internally Destroy Them.
-Fact; True Friends DO Care About You, Confide In Them
-Sometimes Simply Talking About It With A Trusted Adult Can Help Tremendously
3. Take A Break During Your Child’s Meltdown
-If You Find Yourself Becoming Emotional, Angry, Or Extremely Frustrated; Step Away
-Go Outside, Calm Down, And When You’re Ready; Come Back.
-A Quick Five Minute Break Can Truly Help Both You And Your Child
-In Fact, Your Child May Even Be Calmer When You Return
4.Positive Self-Talk
-Most People Tell Themselves Negative Things Without Even Thinking About It
-Things Such As;
A. I’m A Terrible Parent.
B. What Am I Doing Wrong?
C. I Don’t Know What I’m Doing.
D. I Wish I Could Just Make It All Better.
E. Maybe My Child Is Better Off Without Me.
F. My Child Hates Me.
G. Nothing Will Ever Change.
H. I Should Know What To Do.
I. ON AND ON AND ON…
-The Truth Is; No Instruction Manual Exists For Your Child
Every Child Is Different, Every Situation Is Unique
-Tell Yourself The Truth;
A. I Am A Great Parent!
B. I Am Trying My Best To Make A Difference!
C. I Know My Child Loves Me!
D. We WILL Find Something That Helps!
E. I’ve Helped My Child Through Other Situations, We Can Do This!
F. I Am Strong!
G. Nothing Will Stand In My Way!
-Positive Affirmations Multiple Times A Day Can Change Your Mindset Entirely
5. Community Support
-FACT: Thousands Of Parents Go Through This Scenario Daily
-Connect With Them
-Find What They’ve Done To Help With Their Situation
6. Be Consistent
-Just Like Consistency Helps Children… It Helps Parents Too
-Put A Plan In Place To Help Yourself And Stick To It
-Let Nothing Stand In Your Way Of Self-Care
Here’s the bottom line… Never, Ever, Under Any Circumstance Give Up On Yourself
Be Courageous And Keep Fighting!
If you have other children, be open with them about what’s going on. Whatever you’re feeling, they most likely are too…
For us, our daughter is equally as worried about her little brother as we are. We actively discuss the situation with her… because she sees how he treats us during his meltdowns.
Meltdowns affect everyone in a family… that’s a fact.
This includes YOU.
By focusing on yourself and keeping your bucket full… you’ll be better equipped to keep your family together and progressing positively, no matter the struggles that may lie ahead.
You are not alone.
It is not easy, but it can be manageable if you prioritize taking care of yourself!
Contact Us; Contact@SpecialEdResource.com
From all of us at specialedresource.com… thank YOU for watching this episode of Special Education Decoded!
We’ll catch you in the next episode!
Thanks for this... some days are very draining, my 6yr old is autistic and sometimes even trying to do simple things like taking my kids to the park is a complete meltdown that drains my energy for the rest of the day 😩
My autistic 4 year old is STRUGGLING. We all are. When you started saying the affirmations like I am a good parent, I broke down and had a good cry. 🙂 thank you. This is just what I needed ❤️
Take it ONE day at a time and repeat. My autistic son is 8 years old. Find your rhythm and your peace and stay there. It will be better and YOU will be better.
In addition to self talk I recently have learned to be more graceful with myself and the to do lists I have. Instead of trying to get everything done in a week I now made it a monthly to do list. These tips were helpful, thank you! 💕
Thanks for sharing!!
I am a mom of 2 autistic kids, and I feel I am burning out.
Same. I'm a single mother to twins. Both whom have severe learning disability, non verbal and ASD. I'm drained of all energy
Thank you truly it’s like you looked inside my brain today. I was feeling so hopeless today thank you again truly. I needed this. I have two with autism and I’m pregnant. I’m just having such a hard time lately taking care of me and this feeling of hopelessness. I’m going to take some of your advice though bless you.
@kayla Allen are your two children non verbal? I've got 3 children my son 7 is ok but my 5 Yr old son has non verbal autism, I'm struggling with him alot at the moment, he still won't use the toilet and I struggle to get him to eat. I've got a 1 Yr old daughter who I think may be autistic as well and it's really making me depressed 😓 x
Me too. I feel such despair. I'm drowning
My brother has severe autism and he just had a meltdown. I live in apartments and he was screaming so loud and scratching me so i had to cover his mouth. I just broke dowm crying again because hes really stressing me out. I cant have a normal life because of him.
I had to hear this tonight. Perfect timing. My alone time is actually when my daughter goes to sleep. I was actually typing this message on the support group when this video came up: "I'm sorry I'm typing this at this time but I just need to share what happen today. A few days ago, we had my daughter's IEP meeting and results of the 2nd evaluation for the district. I was told that my daughter may had been misdiagnosed by the neurologist and doctor but today after school I saw my daughter broke down hurting herself (she rarely does that), she cried and yelled and covered her ears not finding a way to ease the emotional pain she was going thru. I had to keep calm as my heart broke into pieces. I told her to go to her swing if she wanted to to relax and feel better. She ran, jumped, cried but nothing helped her. So much frustration and anger. I did many things to help her but nothing helped, I felt so bad. I was able to hug her after a few hours. I read her over 6 books and she tested them all but before going to bed she asked me "does this go away?" I was speechless. I can't and never will know what she really thinks but I will always be by her side and feel her pain. It's hard to talk to someone. I see how my 5 yr old daughter suffers and how she is good in hiding her feelings and pain around new people and she is sooo smart that she knows when she will be tested/evaluated and doesn't show. She is great at masking. I know I'm not the only one here having a tough night thinking about a specific moment that things didn't go well and how we could have made it better. I send each and everyone a tight and warm hug. You are not alone but we are here to lift each other up. Good Night Beautiful/Handsome ♥ Chin up! This will get better ♥"
Thank you for making this. I'm so depressed. I'm struggling with my non verbal autistic 5 Yr old son, he's hard to feed and still not toilet trained 😓 I've also got concerns for my 1 Yr old daughter now as I think she may be autistic too. I just don't see a way out x
i feel your pain in every way!!!! i have an autistic and adhd son thats 9 and a 2 years old daughter with epilepsy, urea cycle disoder, autism and constant medical care for them and myself because the stress is killing me my doctor told me that if i cant get time alone which is impossible that its going to keep shutting my body down.... idk what to do anymore.....
Hang in there. I’m 10 years in and have been stay home parent for my autistic son after his 1st birthday. My son is also non verbal and still not completely toilet trained.
I hope you find the best way to handle it all.😌
I can totally relate I was really struggling, and now I’m starting to find a way heal and learn to take care of myself. I believe that I made myself sick from all my stress. ❤️
I'm a single parent in texas and struggling with so much .Full time caretaker for my 14 year old non verbal autistic son . With behavior issues. I cant work specially now with the schools shut down. We are basically homeless I'm burned out and stressed out .There doesn't seem to be alot of help out there for us parents. It really needs to be more help for people struggling. It really isnt fair . I'm trying my best to be all i can be for my child. I also have other children who are suffering because of it . Sometimes i just feel like such a failure. Any resources that would really help would be much appreciated. Thank you and God bless all !!!
I appreciate your patience even I'm a single parent and I'm having an autistic child I'm a divorcee now he is 5 yrs old and he has become worst in these lockdown period the key problems he had b4 has increased now and I'm totally desperate n exhausted and I'm feeling like leaving him in some orphanage home so that I can be freed from his continuous torture I'm a 34 yrs old lady with lots of desire to live a happy life but now struggling with this autistic kid.These types of kids don't have love n compassion towards their parents n caretakers.I would say they are not kids real monsters if anyone r u maybe thinking I'm very cruel to say this but I have gone through many tortures with him he can understand everything but not ready to be happy with his well wishers
@@visalakshikaruppiah9918 This is so sad to call these kids 'monsters'. Autistic children are living a different world that is often very scary for them, their sensory perceptions, lack of being able to communicate. I feel very sad hearing the way you talk about your child. These children are gifted beautiful souls who are scared and need guidance. He came to you for a reason.. please dont give up on him.
If you can see an OT to help your son with any sensory overload issues
I can definitely relate 😓 x
This is a lot of pablum. There are so many parents with no money, no resources and/or parenting alone while also working one of multiple jobs.
How can you possibly "go outside" and leave a melting down or violent child alone?
legs, wheelchair, crawl on all fours, call someone who can lift you, and GTFO
You nailed this! The mental game in raising children with special needs is where we make it or break. And YAS to prioritizing personal time. It is apparent to everyone that interacts with me on a daily basis that I am a much better person when I take personal time. Thank you for this content! And putting goodness out into our community
Thank you so much for sharing. My stepson is almost 12. I have never dated someone with a special needs kid. I have been in his life almost 3 years. There have been extreme highs and lows. He is quite explosive and impulsive at times. On the other hand, out of 3 sons total(I’m the non biological parent) he is my right hand man. I pray from him more then I pray for myself. Out of all the kids he is my biggest supporter. He helps me when the other boys don’t. When I am working in the yard he jumps right in to help. Recently I got so upset and overwhelmed that I told the biological parent that if he she didn’t get help for her son he could no longer reside there.😭 I was at a breaking point when I said it. But I admit, I said it. He had become violent towards teachers, grandma and brothers which could have lead to a fatality in the home. By the grace of God it didn’t. He was rushed to the hospital. 😭🙏🏾🙏🏾. But I could see his deterioration more and more each week. To the point of no longer feeling safe in the home. How as a stepparent can you overlook something like this. You can’t, you just can’t. Now biological parent doesn’t think we should stay together because raising this child has really turned me into a very moody grump. Most of the time. 😔 I have been stuck and unsure how to recover from his last explosion and so is my other half. It almost seems that I am being blamed for how moody I am as to why our relationship is no longer working. When in my opinion, parenting just him alone on top of 2 other siblings in the home has molded me into being a very Unlikable person in the home 😔
Thank you so much for making this . There are so many parents that this will help. Keep it up this is soo important
Yes! This is a VITAL part of the special education world that few actually focus on!
I so needed this tonight. Thank you for posting. Gave me the renewal I needed after the day we had. For myself I self talk when my son who is 8 has a meltdown. I remind myself this isn't his fault. I listen for so long and then offer ways with sensory therapy to help him get that tough time. I offer him to squeeze my hand. Offer to rub his back while he is talking. Remind him to stay in the moment. Ask him to focus on a object. Depending on the situation and how he is feeling is how I determine what to suggest. At the moment I am a detective observing his environment.
Thank you for posting. I'll have to make watching these videos as part of my self care. :)
many thanks. it helps a lot for me being with a special child.
I have no friends or family. My husband has to work because bills are crazy, a food cost more then all our bills. My boys disabilities are killing me.
So true and thank you
Thank you💝🙏🏻💜🙌🏻💝
Thank you
Single mum 4 kids here with no support at all and only my boy 5 non vebal with behave issues there is no time for a second break , burn out and feeling like shit
It is so hard, it is very exhausting and I can’t imagine not having any support. Have you tired to do small things for yourself ?
I can so relate. I have two young adults, a teenager and a spouse with special needs
Thank you so much - looking for video to share with parents in our school district - do you have this in Spanish too?
What if you can't step away? Because the child is aggressive/violent?
Ditto
This whole week I know I'm feeling burnout out because I feel like I'm running an asylum for unmedicated lunatics, everything I do goes to shit. It's the joy of special needs parenting.
We r so tired
The school system had destroyed my education I was placed in this shit hole special education program most of my life and now I’m failing at a job I already felt retail stores because I could not be good I hate specialist Ed
Oh sorry to hear that maybe you didn’t have the passion for the job.Good luck in your new job
How long have you been parenting a child with additional challenges like you describe?
My child is 12 and I have two other kids. My life responsibilities and frustrations are varied, representing regular housework/finances stressors, career frustrations for both my husband and myself, and parenting concerns with all three of my kids.
These last few months I have felt like I am circling the drain and though I have tried to prioritize time for myself it seems to make me resent more the time trapped in the frustration of my life. I feel like I have gotten to a place where the suggestions in your video seem like an umbrella in a monsoon.
Lisa, our son, is almost 6yo now. I would say things have been escalating exponentially for the past two years.
Just like specific ideas or strategies work for some children and not for others... the methods that ensure we, as parents are able to stay the course will also vary.
The most important part is to start doing something for yourself... because the "circling the drain" feeling is VERY common, and not a fun place to be!
We've all been to this place in varying degrees and at different times through our journey... If the items I mentioned in the video don't work (so long as you've tried)... there is SOMETHING out there that will!
Just keep trying... much like you have done for your children... DO NOT GIVE UP!
If anyone else reading these comments has suggestions or ideas... please, PLEASE share them! The more ideas that are included, the better!
@@Specialedresource777 I was a single parent for 20 years of a special needs child who be came violent and I wanted to also just leave and give up on my daughter, I hated her and hated myself for having those negative feelings , so many ugly bad feelings, i was burned out, it was too much, i just wanted to run away ,she would begin to hit me on the road as i was driving, and i couldn't stop her she was stronger than me. But the breakthrough came when i sought help from the outside. when i broke down and cried out to God...yes God...i thought he was dead i thought he didn't care i thought he was gone..i had stop believing in a living God...but that day... i received help from above, and was given Hope and supernatural strength to not give up....hope this helps someone..I am now remarried and my daughter is no longer violent. please donot give up...PS i also had to put her on medicine.
❤️
Could you please provide me some guidance. I'm struggling as a single mom to a 3 year going on 4 year old with several medical neurological issues as a result of brain damage to 9 parts of the brain at birth. Recently I broke my foot on the 1st of August chasing my son, he got covid from speech therapist at his special needs ppec daycare last week. Working at home and having him in quarantine while caring for mom with primary progressive ms and early onset Alzheimer's. Now we all are very sick. My job took me off phones until he returns and must find solution by 10th. Trying to do other work to not be deadweight while entertain and care, but he broke my PC desktop screen and keyboard, ripped screen enclosure, and endless damage I will be forever working to repair for our apartment that my mom rents on a month to month lease. My head is spinning. All while getting no help as single mom. He also has epilepsy, silent seizures, low grade cerebral palsy, SID, neuromuscular disorder, HIE as well. Feeling lost and alone.
Going through it. 6yr with severe adhd with tourette's and recent persistently increasing moderate symptoms of OCD. The "terrible Triad". Also have a 5 yr old with moderately severe autism spectrum disorder, adhd, and expressive/receptive language disorder. And my seemingly neurotypical 1 yr old. All boys. It's been tough, I've never experienced anything in the world as hard as it is to be a special needs parent, until my marriage fell apart through it all and now I'm afraid to even say how hard this is or how ugly inside I feel and I dont dare ask if it can get any worse because I wouldnt be able to handle it if it did. No more jinxing myself. I'm seeking knowledge on the topic to help my boys transition through this. I want them to be prepared mentally and know how to express their feelings with me and what kinds of things can I do to fill the void where their father used to be 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. I need counseling, and help finding things to comfort and educate , and inspire us all on our new journey.
Julie, thank you for sharing your story. You most certainly are not alone on your journey! There are thousands of parents who have been there, or are there as well... Be sure to connect with a community either local or online that you can go to for knowledge. Take care of yourself, take time for yourself, this is an absolute priority!!!
@@Specialedresource777 How is one to "take time for themselves" when they literally have absolutely no family or friends or outside help?
Thank you for this video