Crap archery in Helen of Troy
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- čas přidán 8. 01. 2014
- This film continues to be a mine of errors, and there were so many on archery, that I thought I could do a whole video on this one subject.
On the speed of arrows, I was assuming the belly of the horse to be 12 feet above the archers. The first arrow to arrive took 20 frames to get there, which is 4/5 second (PAL 25 frames per second), and 5/4 of 12 is 15, so they were travelling at about 15 feet per second.
On opposed landings, I could give the example of the British liberation of the Falkland Islands. Even though there were not vast numbers of Argentinians on the Islands, and the British had air and sea superiority, the British still chose to land unopposed the other side of the islands and walk all the way across, rather than risk an opposed landing. In the ancient world, I do not know of a successful attack on a fortified place from the sea. When the Romans cleared the Mediterranean of pirates, they did it by landing troops away from the pirate strongholds, and then marching to the strongholds overland.
www.LloydianAspects.co.uk
"He has no nose guard, he must be a major character."
gold
@@chinotactical9666 depending on what you were refering to, if they merely hold a pistol they're usually a high rank
Greetings, gnome child of legend.
@Xanthalous Rachaum Damn you. I logged in specifically to make that comment.
Witch.
*_"gold."_*
I wouldn't disagree with that. But... nose bleeds aren't made of gold. They are made of blood. Not so valuable for soda and doritos, but valuable for life.
Main reason Kylo Ren removed his silly mask in The Force Awakens
"Fire!"
"Where?!"
"At the Greeks!"
The Greeks are on fire? Good then..."
"No I mean fire! The bow, fire it!"
"Burn it?"
"No, release the arrow!"
"Well you could have said that!"
The Anachronist of Troy
I find this comment hilarious.
Should he have said "loose"?
never really thought of it, but the term originally was used for cannons on ships. So i guess it makes no sense to say it before the use of gunpowder in warfare.
Almost sounds like a monty python skit
"Release the arrow!"
*soldier drops the arrow*
"NOO I meant release the arrow from your grip and SHOOT IT"
"oh."
"Now archer, once again, nock and draw and FIRE ON THOSE GREEKS"
"yes sir" *takes arrow and draws a nock with it*
"NOO. I meant to nock your arrow, draw draw your string, then fire!"
"Oh right sir"
*takes arrow, draws back and lights the arrow on fire"
"NOOOOOOO. I didn't bloody say set the bleeding arrow on fire!"
"But then how would I fire it sir"
"Look, all I want you to do is to load your arrow on the string, draw your string back with the arrow, then let go and shoot the arrow at the bleeding Greeks!"
"yes sir"
"Now will you PLEASE take another arrow, load it, and Shoot it!"
"... How do you do that"
*angry John Cleese noises*
(Read this with John Cleese voice)
Lindybeige commentary should be mandatory on all dvds bonus features
you dont know how much id pay for that.
We need more lindybeige on movies!
Yeah, except he makes spectacular blunders some time.
"Horses in war are bad idea" - self explanatory
"Naval landing was not opposed" - that's why there are forts and cannons by every shore, and port fortifications going back to antiquity
"You need 3 flights for an arrow" - except single feather arrows were common place and still are with many primitive tribes.
"Fire arrows not a thing" - dozens of accounts of them used in naval and siege warfare.
@@diomepa2100 You clearly don't pay attention when you watch his videos.
It should be obligatory after every movie display in cinemas. Maybe this would make those idiot producers reconsider their approach.
Ah yes, the silk trade controlled by Byzantium in Homeric times. Kinda like the Hundred Years War that started because the English invaded France to ward off Hitler at the battle of Waterloo.
gold
You filthy revisionist RAT!
Twas the French who invaded The Kaiserreich, and you island based shizophreniacs went and Stabbed us in the back, at ze Schlacht of Pontypool!
@@trazyntheinfinite9895 Das ist Gulden Zeug!
That was a mindfuck!
I wanna point out that the Soviets could totally have won the battle of agincourt, if only they had actually payed their Landsknecht-regiment enough. Can't expect a Mercenary to fight very well for just 2 Gulden a Month when 4 is the usual guerdon.
I like that the boy can't see the giant horse until he stands directly in front of it.
Hell, nobody can see it until the boy tells them it is there.
+Schwarzer Ritter Der braucht bestimmt ne Brille
+Schwarzer Ritter Actually as a father it really wouldn't surprise me, in fact it may be the most realistic thing in the movie :D
The Batman
#Stopbeachlittering
Thats why he sarcastically said "this eagled-eyed boy"
"OK kid now STOP! Ok right in front of you is the giant horse, so just stare straight ahead, ok good, now slowly look up."
The command of "fire" in a movie about the pre-gunpowder era is the height of foolishness.
Kind of like when characters refer to redheads as "Gingers," alien races use "Roman numerals," and alien worlds have "Earthquakes?"
@@jackfredricks6223 I know one sci fi where they just used groundquakes...
@V-Rex Ginger as a description for redheads didn't exist before Gilligan's Island. So if Gilligan's Island doesn't exist in that time of history, or you are talking about a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
If you (as a Martian native) stood on Mars and scooped up some soil, would you call it earth or mars? (And if that mars was shaking, you'd call it a marsquake.)
@@jackfredricks6223 If you are to be analytical enough, all words wouldn't make sense in different settings on different planets.
*That* is the height of foolishness? I fear you may have a failure of imagination; there are many things far more foolish in this world than that.
5:40 sounds like the singer is going
"Hoooolllay shiiiiiiiIIIiiiiiiiiit"
I cant unhear this.
They probably told the singer to sing whatever sounded cool and Roman.
lol to death, best comment! ;))
Omg you ruined it =]]]]]]
LMFAO
I love the dude at 3:09. He's just got a helmet and what is clearly a wooden sword painted grey. Everybody has their arms raised and they're shouting and he's just trying to not have to run.
Fire Arrows do +1 more damage, everyone knows that.
+blah979 No they do +1 MORALE damage, but they're far less accurate.
+Anti-Brony Missionary But they also have a chance to explode on impact, dealing +10 damage to all nearby targets. I think we can all agree on that.
In summary: no, and... just no.
And they also deal fire damage each second for 10 seconds!
Use standard shot
I was going to do a more modern analogue of that "silks and spices of byzantium" anachronism, but it's such a huge difference in time that I'm having trouble coming up with something equally bizarre.
-"My liege, the Duke of Burgundy is marching on your lands to the west! Word is he has petitioned the pope to excommunicate you!"
-"Hah! I knew he wouldn't sit by and watch us win the space race! Saddle my segway, we mustn't lose the rare earth metal deposits of the Alsace!"
This is phenomenal.
-"Pharaoh Abraham Lincoln is marching on your land in Nebraska with his samurai warriors!"
-"I figured that he would invade us while we're busy fighting the Vikings at Stamford Bridge! We must mobilize our winged hussars before they steal our copy of The Communist Manifesto!"
Turnip the Mighty -"Oh no!! leonidas and his orcs are trying to burn buckingham palace!"
-"We'll set up an ambush for george washington at stirling bridge, he will never win without his lightsabers"
-"an alliance once existed between persians and indians, long ago we danced and drank together. we've come to honour that allegiance, we're proud to fight alongside you natives once more"
So what you're basically saying is that this is a game of Civ 5?
Lord Napoleon Bloodbeard is driving his laser gun armed aztecs in tanks up to our defences in Boston Hill.
"Fire!" - yeah, some 2500 years before that command made actual sense.
It makes sense because all archers used fire arrows back then. Contrary to popular belief fire arrows were very effective and soldiers would instantly burst into flames when hit. Hence why they use "fire" as a command.
@Samuel Kováč T'was but a joke, relax.
@@linusdn2777 Excuse me what? Was it opposite day when you wrote the comment?
Popular believe is the exact opposite, popular believe is that Fire Arrows were a huge and often used thing when it absolutely wasn't.
Just look at how many movies, series and games use fire arrows.
Fire Arrows were rarely used, wouldn't make sense and would have no advantage over normal arrows, or at last barely enough to make them worth, hence them being rarely used historical.
@@Comintern1919 yeah it was. And it was also a joke.
@@linusdn2777 Ah yes, I have to admit I was a little too quick and just now read the latter part of your comment about people bursting into flames, should have been clear to me that it was a joke :D .
Sorry, my mistake ;) .
On the point about the opposed landing, Homer specifically mentions that the landing into Troy was opposed. When Agamemnon counts his army at the end of book 2 he remembers one of his commanders Protesilaus who was killed during the landing. "...Protesilaus while he was still alive... a Dardanian soldier had killed him as he was leaping out of his ship, the first to land in Troy.
True, but still they probably either arrived when or waited for when the enemy were just starting to off load supplies cause otherwise they just sail away or shoot back.
he glammed it up though because of saving private ryan
I thought the Dardanians fought beside the Achaeans, against Troy. Hmm, I guess Protesilaus was not careful about where he was jumping off the ship, and landed on the spear of one of his own men. And Lloyd was right to question why they would jump off the boats like that. Of course, it was dangerous, but it showed how eager and brave they were, itching for a fight (or maybe, just itching in all that hot armor).
Do also note while it was rare it wasn't impossible, I recall Caesar's first landing onto Britain as an example, albeit quite a bit later one.
@@xunqianbaidu6917 bro this film is based on the story by homer. We don't know if the war even happened.
"Almost no landings were opposed"
My Total War campaigns are quite the contrary.
in total war games, i actually always load my troops away from the town, then proceed as usual. AI rarely does a thing. But if im fighting against AI...my small force can triumph over much stronger army if the enemy is loading his troops on the beach lmao
because you suck at naval navigation. Don't worry I'm sure you'll learn in time, when I played my first tw game (Shogun)O I had the faintest clue how to play.
Total war games are not historical in all things. The biggest problem with naval combat in it would be they still have the sails when going into battle.
Also thats actually not entirely true, for example when Ceasar describes his fights in britain he goes on about how the brits where throwing javelins and shooting arrows of the cliffs and attacking the romans with chariots and cavalry on the shore not allowing them to get into formation.
why are people responding seriously do this joke?
The difference between Troy and Byzantium is roughly 1776 years. That's Christ discussing the Declaration of Independence right there, when he's 4 years old, no less.
Iconoclasm_ Who cares anyway? The people are so uneducated these days. Half of them don't even know how many world wars there have been, or who fought in the last world war.
Ted Striker Still no excuse for movie makers. It's literally a 2 minute google search for the subject on Wikipedia.
Iconoclasm_ You are propably referring to Constantinople (modern Istanbul),a Roman city built on top of the city of Byzantium.Byzantium itself was a colony established by Megara during 700 BC.
BillTheRebel Well, yeah. I know that, but the 'Byzantium' they're referring to here is the Eastern Roman Empire. The date I'm actually using as reference is the fall of Western Rome in 476 AD, or when the Eastern half became the sole remnant of Rome, which is regarded as the beginning of the Byzantine Empire (If you consider the Trojan war to have happened in 1300 BC, my math works). You can tell because they have the sort of "middle eastern" vibe when they show the trading posts, which is a misconception that the Byzantines were Turkish because modern Turkish Istanbul is all filmmakers can see because they have no idea about historical context. It makes sense that they would be referring to that empire because they mention the Silk Trade in the same sentence, which would've been in full force around the time of the Byzantine Empire.
Byzantium, the city you are mentioning really wasn't all too important until the Romans came around. It changed hands a few times between the Greeks and Persians, but was never really a high priority target until the Romans made it into a huge trading hub and the second Rome of Constantinople. Really, Byzantium was really nothing to start a war over.
The Byzantine Empire DOES get it's name from the original city's name, but it's actually a name given by modern historians to make a distinction between the original Western Rome and the Eastern Successor. The real Byzantine Empire still considered themselves the Roman Empire. I don't think these filmmakers are smart enough to actually be referencing the original Greek colony of Byzantium, which is still an anachronism, but a lesser one.
An anachronism as ridiculous as they are making here is enough to make anyone who knows a thing or two about history cringe.
Iconoclasm_ I'm pretty sure he is reffering to the ancient Byzantium. Myths aside,the reason behind the Trojan war was that the greeks wanted to take control of the straits of Bosphorus. Also, even though Byzantium was never remarkably prosperous it had a key location of great importance.During the Peloponnesian war, one of the first things Athens did was to capture the Sparta allied Byzantium and Chalcedon to control the trade routes with the Black sea.
Special ability.
Archer summoning.
The King of Troy is very weak in direct combat, but as a commander/support unit he can quickly summon archers to fight alongside him. At level 30 he can upgrade his archers to shoot FIRE ARROWS which do +2 damage and have a chance at 5 to 10 seconds of burn damage over time.
At level 50 archers can be upgraded with ROCKET BOWS which will increase accuracy and add +10 damage and tracking to all arrows launched from them, and plus 15 damage to FIRE ARROWS.
I think you helped write the new Robin Hood movie.
Dude, she was trying to summon Saber, not Archer.
@@skippernolen5644 Would've been amusing if EMIYA showed up :)
When _Archer Summoning_ is used, roll 2d6 to determine the amount of archers summoned.
Then proceed to roll 1d6 for each archer to determine their base strength.
@@HappyBeezerStudios what about their dex considering Dex is what is used for ranged weapons
"This eagle-eyed boy" - Love the dry humour!
It was a mere 60' high and in those days people didn't see so well. You never see anyone wearing spectacles ....
Their backup plan was to use a giant wooden badger.
Haha I like that reference!
Yeah, but those shields were probably expensive at that time, so better protect them from damage.
The Greeks only rented them and they wont get their deposit back if they're damaged😀
Man, if I ever become King of Troy, I will rule with one word only: "ARCHERS!"
Are the slaves rising up against you? Not a problem, just say the magic word
been fun if squads of warriors attacked riding troy-bilt mowers
>Byzantium
>Trojan War period
ARE YOU SERIOUS ?
Also, Silk Trade.
Actually there was, it was a greek colony founded 600 bc. There was just no constantinople yet, that woul come later with constantine in the 300 ad.
@@theslapchanel You do know the Trojan war occured at least in the 1100s BC? So you're misisng around 500-600 years betwene that and the establishment of Byzantium by Megara.
Remember when the First Crusade went to the middle east to fight ISIS
someone played too much civ
Normally I think it's a bit silly to tear a Hollywood movie apart for lack of realism but the bit where the Greeks were charging along the beach bombarded by arrows but just holding their shields by their sides was hilarious.
Joshua Rosen Guess the stuntmen knew the arrows were rubbish. I actually believe they fired the arrows at the stuntmen, they were so harmless.
Ted Striker
Since most of the arrows barely made it more than three metres, they probably weren't too concerned. I suspect the real Greeks might have had a bit more nous although the siege did last ten years, if they were this rubbish, that might explain why.
+Ted Striker I could of sworn most were CGI when they hit soldiers. As for the ones they shot; so terribly made and fired that the arrows gravitated downward because of such rubber tips.
"Fire!" "Oh dear,"
yeah.. it's LOOSE! xD
I don't really have a problem with the term "fire" in this context, since they're all speaking English to begin with, and in modern parlance to fire means to shoot, not set fire to something. That's not condoning all the other massive howlers in the film, however.
I think her names Lucy ...
she's a busy girl on battle days.
"Fire!"
"What? are you cold or want to bake some bread?"
Soldiers: *Has shields*
Soldiers: "Yeah Im just gonna ignore that."
Shields were really only symbols of status and manhood in those times. Despite everyone knowing shields were impractical and unusable for anything, they carried these around to demonstrate masculinity; they could fight just as good with one of their arms encumbered!
@@martinb4272 so phalanx and shield wall is not implemented yet
@@martinb4272 the most manly would also wear an eye patch to cover one perfectly fine eye and shackle a heavy rock to one of their ankles.
@@harmonicarchipelgo9351 that’s ridiculous, everyone knows two eyepatches are manlier
Nobody noticed that enormous great horse until the kid ran right up to it? Whut?
CREEEEEEED!
How anybody can miss a 60 feet horse being made after a battle is mindblowing did they not care to I don't know look. Also why did the kid need to run up the thing it's 60 fucking feet high you should see it from like a mile away the kid is at most 8 feet away pure madness.
Space Orbis Gaming I think I read somewhere the Greeks made a big show of building the horse as a religious sacrifice to one of their gods before leaving. They really didn't want the Trojans to ignore it.
Graphic cards where pretty crap in 1200 BC it took ages to render.
@@johnfrancisdoe1563 To be fair, there is no solid historical evidence that the siege of troy happened, and there most certainly isn't any evidence that the Greeks left behind a massive wooden horse.
Saving Private Troy?
+okrajoe Well, if you knew the Greek story, it's actually Saving Private Helen.
+Patrick McPolin More like "Saving Helen's privates" as far as the Kings ere concerned.
+V Guyver No, that's a porno.
+wingracer 16 Oink oink! ;D
+okrajoe I sense something captain ...
The actual discourse when the horse was brought inside the walls...
"Sir, they've left a massive horse for us"
"Ah, What is it made out of?"
"Bronze and wood sir"
"Take the bronze, chop the rest. In the fastest way possible"
"Yes sir"
30 mins later....
"Sir, I believe there are enemy men in the horse"
"How do you know this?"
"It's hollow, and we hear what appears to be someone having a wee"
"Right, pull it outside the walls, surround it and set a fire beneath it"
"Yes sir"
SighNaps The makers of this film would probably use greek fire.
@@silliussoddus1449 i got a good laugh out of that you silly sod!
...now we know what REALLY happened...! :D
czcams.com/video/dPE18hzonRs/video.html
Of course, Byzantium. Also, does anyone remember on which side was the Byzantine Empire in WW2?
Didn't you pay attention in history class?
They were neutral, of course. Just like the Klingons & the Dwarves of Khazad-dûm.
@@aenarion21 Ohh of course, thanks. Also do you remember when Harry Potter was elected president of the US? What a major turning point in history that was
Byzantium ≠ Byzantine Empire
Byzantium the city, not Byzantium the empire. Byzantium predates the Byzantine empire by over 1000 years. Which is still around 1000 years too late for anyone to be making reference to it during the siege of Troy.
@@gareththompson2708 Byzantium the city was more like Byzantium the village. Yet the movie refers to "trade routes of Byzantium", and Byzantium the village was far too insignificant to have trade routes of it's own
If they'd used that bronze on the horse for some more armor...Those archers wouldn't have killed so many :D
'Theres enough bronze on that horse to pay for the war'
Those cgi arrows can penetrate everything and anything. Arrow === 50 cal in films
Yea they need some good shoes
Going by their skill with shields they would probably make reversed greaves
*Achilles (mugging woodenly): "Brilliant! Gotta get me some of those!"
The Byzantium line made me want to throw up
Why didn't the Trojans just ask the Americans for help? XD
+TheSm1thers Gondor will help!
+Melanitta nigra I liked the movie, but you had to laugh at the gaping inaccuracies. It's set in the Mycenaean Age but they use bad copies of Classical Greek Armour. Mycenaean armour looked nothing like that.
+mskeablex You certain? The movie is about the siege of Troy, which took place in the Mycenaean Age, not the Classical Age. Don't get me wrong, I'm not disputing what you're saying. But in the Mycenaean Age, Crete was the big power in the Mediterranean as far as I know.
+Khornedevotee Aye! And my AXE! :D
Gimli became king of Troy? Good on him!
I was gonna say professor maximillian arturo, as an old 90s era scifi nerd, since he looks less dwarvish here - and it makes sense that he landed in a world that erased his memory and made historical re-enactments of Troy at a time of the great byzantine silk-road trade routes on the alternate world :)
He's also the king of the Elves and the king of Thieves!
@@Blokewood3 THIS STILL ONLY COUNTS AS ONE
@@manolgeorgiev9664 you deserve more likes
@@adrianbundy3249 What was that show called? They jumped from various alternate realities didn't they? Was it called something like "Sliders"??
'These bows could be deadly ...... If swallowed' hahahaha! Brilliant.
"...some of those arrows just limped out of the shot but OH. MY. GOODNESS. Every One A Coconut when they hit!" Killed me too!
The King shouts the command, "fire" to his archers. The term fire was introduced with the matchlock musket, which had a lit match mechanism that gave "fire" to the powder in the priming pan. I don't know what term they used in ancient Troy, but the term in medieval England was, "loose".
Used for the audience's sake.
I think you've missed something: he wouldn't have spoken English at all. If you're going to translate it anyway, why wouldn't you translate it to contemporary English?
"It's a gigantic wooden horse, but we've fired arrows at it, so it must be legit."
rewatching after 6 years. still an absolute golden piece of entertainment
The amphibious landing scene is made even funnier by the fact that the achaeans are shown jumping into chest high water in full bronze armour. Anyone unfortunate enough to loose their footing would most likely drown, held under by the sheer weight of the armour and aspis.
Still, this Saving Private Ryan homage is less offensively stupid than the amphibious landing scene in Ridley Scott's Robin Hood from 2010. Where the french employ WW2 era landing crafts to invade england, and are opposed not only by MG nests of longbomen but also by a massive cavalry charge on the beach...
Agree. I mean; sure, ships can't go al the way to the coast, but a ship sailing at high speed might reach a place where the water only reaches a man's feet
Was bronze armor really that heavy? I know that Renaissance-era full steel plate was around 30-40 pounds, which isn't so bad.
Don't quote me here but I heard in the 70s (?) that a bunch of Oxford students had one guy wear full plate and go swimming in a pool. It went fine. But frankly I think that's because the swimmer must be experienced and/or he was calm when most people wearing heavy armor panicked.
Jason Schneijder
The classic Mediterranean warships landed backwards (stern first) and used ramps to walk on and off. And being galleys they had a very low draft so even in absence of ramps the water would just be wading depths at that end (helped by the strongly curved sternpost). And iirc the ships Homer explicitly describes were light enough to get lifted out of the water by the crew and carried ashore. I think there are scenes where a single hero is strong enough to shift a beached ship either into the water or out of the way. The ships shown in Troy films tend to be completely out of proportion.
plus rowing towards the beach can give you enough speed to geet pretty close to the land, in battle I do not expect people to risk getting hit by an Arrow just to take the ship further on land.
in any way, ships sail faster than men can walk, so no-one will land on a beach full of enemies
Did they really scream "FIRE" to order the archers to shoot back in those days? I don't think that word where used for that until "fire"arms where introduced.
You're correct lol fire is for guns because fire is produced when a bullet goes off. An arrow isn't fired it's released.
loose is the term used I believes
Cory Pridgen Or NOCK, AIM (or STEADY), VOLLEY!!
Cory Pridgen Hado i philinn! LOL
Cory Pridgen loose is the term that they use for your mother! (im sorry, i had to make this pun, i dont want to insult you :D )
“Ooh, good writhing!” Is something I’ll use every day for the rest of my life
All that shouting's enough to make a Trojan hoarse.
I'll get my tunic...
Ba da bump! Tish!
I always laugh when people shout "fire" when shooting arrows
Yeah I think loose is the right thing to call, when using bows.
@NPC #79460294 It's "nock" not "knock", nock is the notch at the rear end of the arrow.
@NPC #79460294 Does fucking nock mean fucking draw? Does fucking hold mean fucking drop?
Right! Back in the days before gunpowder weapons, what relation at all would "fire" bear to "shoot?" Your archers would just look around like, "what!?!? Is there a fire burning someplace??" Dumb stuff.
Yeah they should say : loose
We interrupt this Lindybeige video to bring you CinemaSins! * bing *
This is like CinemaSins but good.
You need to realize that the reason they add sins for no reason is so as to add sins for no reason.
Except that CinemaSins is BS and most of the stuff they point out actually makes perfect sense.
a reference to cinema sins minus 20!bing!
"Almost no landings were opposed"
*Laughs in Japanese*
*Screams in Mongol*
KOGĒKI
Lindybeige is deeply Eurocentric
@@XaliberDeathlock a handful of examples don't invalidate his point.
@@MrHendrix17 Eurocentric is a mindset, you're already flawed if you're Eurocentric
Also Caesar landing in Britain
I think this was the first Lindybeige video I ever saw, and I've been hooked ever since. I still get a kick out of revisiting this though. It's not every movie where you can rip apart literally every aspect of the presentation like this.
A master piece :D
Metatron. WHAT ITS THE METATRON
+Metatron I was looking for your comment. xD
Metatron!!
LOL
How can people dislike hahahaa
Ah, yes, the Byzantines, from the Ancient Era. Remember when Emperor Justinian sent Belisarius to defeat the Babylonians?
Right after the Mongolians asked peace to Canada
Maybe he was referring to the silk and spice trade with planet Arrakis, where the Byzantines made an alliance with the Fremen?
Oh yeah, it was just two years before they team up to defeat the zombi confederates.
You were the best soldier on Mother Base.
And right before when Cleopatra attempted to seduce Menelaus.
I too remember when the Byzantines kicked off the napoleonic wars to stop hitler from taking over the silk trade.
“The shields... they’re for your protection”
at least the wooden horse in the 2004 big-budget movie looked basic enough to have been constructed by soldiers using whatever materials they could get their hands on given their situation. WTF is this enormous, forged monstrosity? Plus that test with the arrows was somewhat obsolete given that the arrows would not penetrate the horses shell.
The soldiers could have torn up wood from the ships that wouldn't technically be needed anymore, seeing as how many men would have already died. No idea how they'd be able to make such large metal pieces though lol so yeah, at least just the wood makes sense.
pointless not obsolete obsolite would demonstrate at one point the tech could have done it. the arrows never had a chance even in the past so they were pointless
It was probably 'release'
"interesting" trivia: On movie sets, they have a bunch of bows with the arrow permanently attached to the string, and an extra low draw-weight. All so the cameraman can shoot the archers from the front without the archers shooting the cameraman IN the front.
You are using the word "interesting", but I think what you think it means is not what I think it means... (It actually IS interesting, but I wanted to write a writing like the one I just wrote)
Eugenio Garza inconsivable!!!! lol
Ri dan *incontheivable. Can no one spell?
i think ur having reading trouble lol or doz 1 not get the joke hmm why th id say a lisp is an sss sound meh lol hmm daffy ducks lisps is a th though idt
Ri dan Clever Khajiit
You killed me at “eagle eyed boy” 🤣🤣🤣
Eagle eyed boy can see more big animals like eliphant, rhinos etc, i believe
@@sorenlotha6403 a lad of rare talent
To be fair, the "opposed landing" part is probably inspired by the Greek landing in the Trojan myth. There was a prophecy that the first Greek to set foot on the land after stepping off a ship in the Trojan War would be the first to die. So Odysseus dropped his shield on the shore and stepped on it, and a Greek hero named Protesilaus, encouraged by that, jumped off the ship and died immediately by a Trojan arrow or spear (there are variatons of this story, in some versions there was a battle on the shore and Protesilaus was killed by Hector upon disembarking).
Clearly in the landing scene they were holding their shields to defend against the large army of Byzantine silk traders armed with cho ko nu.
Don't forget the large devision of Maya warriors armed with hand-katyushas.
As of this writing: 59 people tried to swallow the ridiculous bows, and as a result had huge butt-hurting shits.
Andrew Parkin Now 238 people...
316... The nubers are rising
When I'm killed, I want Lindybeige to compliment my writhing
3 years ago i watched this as my first lindybage video. best choise ever
Wouldn't it be bloody brilliant to have an army of instant archers that would summon out of nowhere aligned perfectly, knowing exactly what I want them to shoot at without anyone every daring to explaining it beforehand? Sounds marvelous to me.
With magical drill-tipped arrows that can penetrate armour and bone on contact?
squidlybytes While you're at it, yes please.
my great grandfather told me that the reason why him & his men jumped on the water (during dday)
was because they were being obliterated by mg42s and ballistics expert told them that water can slow down bullet & prevent
deadly injury or death.this however went horribly wrong as they were all suffering from sea sickness & carried gear
that weigh about half of their body
Pretty much. Dive into the water to avoid bullets. Potentially drown because of the weight of your equipment.
So they planned to jump into water, dive and hold their breath until Germans ran out of ammunition?
Wouldn't be far more intelligent to land on...land and run for cover instead!!!!
lol no they waited for Germans to reload/change barrels & made run for the beach obstacles which they used as cover while advancing to the bunkers
& sea sickness
While water does indeed slow down a bullet, any water stopping those landing boats from getting closer is to shallow to dive deep enough for that.
I so desperately wish we had more, I know it's evil to listen to Lindy mentally breakdown with every inaccuracy. But it's pure gold to listen to. X'D
I nearly pissed myself when he said everyone a coconut 🤣
Hilarious commentary. "Hold your shields in front of you! You're being felled with lots of arrows! The shields...they're for your protection."
Would it have been so difficult for the director to find a consultant with the most basic archery knowledge?
It's painful to watch most movies featuring archery. I often wonder how powerful the bows of antiquity must have been to fell men at what looks like hundreds of yards, while being apparently effortless to draw.
+Guy Buxman See his series on Ironclad or his one vid he did on historical advisors. Most the time they're just payed to appear on the credits and make the movie LOOK smart, and often it takes only a few questions ('Would this banner be on a post, or held by a standard banner by the infantry?' '...That's a cavalry standard...') before they're simply paid to sit on set and sip coffee.
+Gratuitous Lurking Yeah, because historical accuracy rarely makes a movie noticeably better to most people. All it does is shut up the annoying armchair historians on CZcams :)
Thankfully, for Full Metal Jacket, they hired an ex-drill sergeant. He was apparently so unimpressed with the actor playing the drill sergeant that he was given the job himself. Imagine an R Lee Ermy urging those soldiers on :)
The director is pretty clearly trying to recreate Omaha Beach. Sea wall, firing line, anti-tank...er, stakes. Dudes jumping off their landing craft and running up the beach. The archers act like machine-gunners because they ARE machine-gunners, just in different outfits.
Shields for protection!? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Every one knows that a shield is just meant to be a counterweight when you wildly swing your sword or other weapon at the enemy!
"I never seen anything like it!" - Random peasant
Back then, they didn't get to see much in general.
oh god. I am SO late to this party. But, it was worth it.
They can't even write comedy this good. well, obviously someone wrote it, just not as comedy.
and Lindy's commentary is spot on all the way through.
Well done sir, well done.
1:59 dude just whacked another dude in the head 😂
so i guess "fire" is a term that only came about with firearms?
Exactly.
Yes, everything prior was "Loose". You yelled fire if you wanted something set on fire. For example, a group of Archers were ordered by their commander saying "Draw" for them to raise their bows and draw back the string, then yell "Loose!" to make them release the arrows. It works for catapults and trebuchets too, only without the Draw.
I suppose it was okay if you were those three archers with fire arrows setting fire to the ship. Otherwise I think the king might be a tiny bit blind.
I'm not sure if there is a primary source for Draw and loose, but, fire was certainly not what they said. fire wouldn't be around for millennia till the age of cannon. although, technically they're all peaking greek translated to english, so maybe it can be excused
A. J. West I must mention though, very few primary sources for the commands issues for medieval archery still exist, and those that do are hard to interpret due to age, discrepancy and language.
I thoroughly enjoy these videos where you critique wretched movies trying to be ''historical''.
Thank you for posting this. I first saw this years ago and I thought I was the only one that hated the way they fired the arrows
2:34. Oh wow, can you imagine the power of a bow that can knock a man off his feet at 400 yards " roflmao,
"Yeah, not just for you, mate," the savagery. This, Lindy, is by far the most hilarious video of yours that I have watched (still rummaging through your content, so there might be more!).
The part where you didn't even slow down the clip and repeated it a few times going "twang... twang..." really had me buckled. Well done.
check the ironclad one,its gold
Seriously, your "film errors" videos are one of the most entertaining things on youtube. Great work!
I could watch this all day. I hope you've done more of these. You could make a really entertaining Mystery Science Theater 3000 type show except with historical films.
When ever I need a pick me up I come back to this video :)
I am always happy when I see that Lindybeige has posted a new video. His videos are more interesting & funny than all of the boring crap on TV.
I think this may be his most hilarious video yet!
You'd be awesome at cinema sins.
I was thinking the same thing!
+Nosferatu Zodd I don't know what you just said there
Nosferatu Zodd You DO realize that cinema sins is a comedy channel, right? They are not serious about the things they are criticising, they are making "jokes".
So... gr8 b8 m8 I r8 8/8
What? your response is something that a 10 year old would say when they are trying to be funny.
Nosferatu Zodd Right back at you.
I like how they shoot a load of arrows at the horse and the just stop to listen. Presumably in case the heard "ouch, that hurt".
Lindy, funnily enough, there was a Byzantion/Byzantium city since 660-650BC. Colonised by the Greeks since then, later renamed Constantinople, remained a Greek city until its fall to the Ottomans at 1453AD.
That doesn't change the fact the your videos are top notch. Here's a thumbsup.
Yeah, but the Trojan war happened supposedly around 1100 BC.
They might as well have offered to buy the city off Priam with a horse like that.
It was built in 3 days too!
That horse had insultingly bad CGI
+BlaK HawK To be fair, it was a made for TV movie from 2003 that premiered on the USA network, i.e. basic cable. Considered the crap USA was making back then it's not that bad, remember how shitty the Rock looked at the end of the second Mummy movie and have you ever seen the special effects on Hercules: The Legendary Journey?
Actually that reminds, a few years back (maybe two years ago) I saw a rerun of H:TLJ with the Cyclops as a tormented outcast where at the end the bad guy is running away, Hercules throws the Cyclops at the bad guy, and the Cyclops lands on the bad guy, crushing him to death (Or just messes him up bad). It looks so hilariously bad by today's standards.
Yes, Starship Troopers was also a cinema movie that had a 100 million USD budget. Where as Helen of Troy was a TV miniseries with nowhere near that budget. So guess why the CGI in one is better?
After all of your videos that I've seen... this is the one than got me to sub. You used to annoy me slightly less than you would educate me... but now I'm only glad I found this channel!
6:44 I think it was supposed to be happening at the same time. So when the archers shot their arrows, and when the arrows hit the wood, I think it was supposed to be the same time. Mabey not tho
The bit 4:37 of the bloke (Greek soldier) jumping up and down a bit in front of the greek line as it was lining up, brilliant improvisation I thought . hahaha .
I read this "the bRoke (Greek soldier)" the first time LOL
This is basically how I watch movies.
If that is the case, your movie watching sessions must be a pretty miserable experience...
It is pretty miserable, but those are the trials
and tribulations that follow from expecting to be taken seriously as a viewer. Alas the movie industry caters to the lowest common denominator and I only rarely watch movies.
trefod Lol. I have felt the same way ever since I joined the military and was trained in explosives. I can hardly watch a semi-modern war movie or any Hollywood explosion without nearly having an ulcer.
Luke Audet Yes, the number of supposedly competent movie heroes that walk around with their guns drawn and their index fingers resting on the triggers are alarming. Pointing an uncocked single action pistol at somebody is also classic.
I know little about explosives, but enough that I recognize massive amounts of gasoline, where no gasoline should be.
It's odd because a real explosion actually looks better and more devastating than a huge fireball.
trefod that is exactly my point. Watching real frag grenade go off in a video is many times cooler than blowing a canister of gas or whatever.
Been watching a lot of your videos. Love the eccentricity..
This gave me the best laugh I've had in a while. Good work.
gimli is really tall here
Great video. Nothing annoys me more than when Hollywood removes lines in battles and has everyone duel, all over the place. I've always wondered, why they never just turn around and stab the enemy in the back instead?
I come back to this video once in a while. This is my favorite lindy video. 😂
Retreat from the archers retreat is just comedy gold.
What would arrows that didn't penetrate prove?
SiriusMined That you can aim. then they glance off the enemy's armour and he laughs at you before triggering a trebuchet and taking your city after hurling a 90 kg rock a maximum of 300 metres.
the best thing to do with a counterweight
That the horse didn't scream in pain.
Exactly lmao
Why do i have an image in my head of the people inside dancing up and down and muffled yelps coming from within the horse exclaiming "ouch, they shot my feet"!
You should do commentary for all the shitty historically accurate movies
Agreed.
Please!!
I hope to know as much history as this bloke by the time i'm 50 years old
I like all these videos,a mixture of education& comedy. Onward Lindybeige!!
Something about the bronze. (And yes, there is far too much , absolutely). Not sure if it had been developed yet, but Greeks actually did make really big stuff out of bronze. What they did was cast it in pieces, rivet the pieces together, and then with a technique jewelers call burnishing today, they used something really hard (a polished stone I assume) to sort of smoosh the edges together until you couldn't see them. Not to be confused with the burnishing in iron and steel, which is just a fancy way to say abrasion polishing. At least, that's what they teach us in sculpture school. Still works, though we use TIG welders and mirror-polished burnishers of very hard steel. (Should have said: the silica bronze most common in sculpture casting today doesn't deform enough for that...but some of the older 'classical' bronzes do.)
The Movie "Troy" looks like a real Masterpiece now....
Troy is a piece of artistic gold compared to some of these other movies like the 300 spartans.
Douglas Paulson whoa
You are hilarious. You're somebody I'd love to watch movies with. You make it more edifying and humorous. New to your channel.
4:20 “twang” gave me a hearty chuckle!
I find it mildly hilarious that one of the few times for a legit opposed landing was Duke William II's landing at Pevensey... and they lucked out because Harold was all the way up at Stamford Bridge fighting off a different threat.
I love these kind of videos, please do more!
“ARCHERS!”
Oh Lindy more of this please! Love it!