r/AmITheA**hole For Telling My Coworker "Get Over Your Dead Wife"?
Vložit
- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP has a male coworker who wears a wedding band. Unfortunately, his wife passed away. OP finds this confusing. Why would he want to wear a wedding band when his wife is dead? She calls her coworker out on this, and her coworker basically tells her to mind her own business. OP doubles down and insists that OP should take off his wedding band, which deeply upsets her coworker. Now OP wants to know if she was the butthole in that situation!
0:00 Intro
0:06 Jokester
2:27 How dare you love your dead wife still
6:24 Sushi is greater than children
9:58 Endings
14:20 Steak snob
🍑 r/AmITheA**hole For Firing My Spoiled Son After He Stole From My Company? • r/AmITheA**hole For Fi...
linktr.ee/rslash
#reddit #AmITheButthole #funny
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com), License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
That woman who is concerned with what another person is doing wearing his wedding ring is a creepy jerk. Leave him alone. It's his ring. I'd wear mine forever.
Seriously it's not my business if the person that lost his spouse still wear the wedding ring. All I can say I understand because it's a very touchy subject.
I would too whenever I find a guy to date and then marry. A strange thing is that google thinks that I'm either married or thinking about kids because I see so many ads about wedding tux (strange because I'm a woman) and unskippable baby formula, diapers and food ads.
Exactly. Til death do us part, that means both partners not just one.
It's like she's saying "She's been dead for 9 months, why aren't you over it yet?"
Probably not what she meant, but it's implied whether she meant it or not.
My father wore his wedding ring after Mom died of cancer until it was stolen.
@@Twinklethefox9022 Maybe google is saying you'd slay in a suit? 😆
OP: “My entire family is dead….”
Friend: “that sucks but at least the wedding will be cheap”
We're using the term "friend" pretty loosly here, right? smh
@Chris G ikr
I'm beginning to wonder if we will ever make it off this rock, or if were just stuck here until it all goes south.
OP: “It’s snowing so its hard to dig them up”
Friend: “and I took that personally”
@@jenniferkaplan1956 is the most important important ingredient in this this is important important important important to
"He's technically single, he shouldn't be wearing a wedding band" might be one of the strangest and most horrendous social thoughts I've ever heard. Like, he's not divorced, why wouldn't he continue wearing it? You better believe if I had a wife, nothing would get that ring off my finger but a saw.
OP just wanted to get into the poor guy’s pants
Of course, but that doesn't make it okay. Lots of people do things that are unacceptable when they want to get in someone else's pants.
@@lucasstrong9208 no I know, i’m not defending OP. Just shows how stupid they are. Disrespect the guy you wanna “dance with” later
Widdower is usually supposed to wear the ring on a necklace. But since it has been only 8 months, he is probably not ready to do that yet. Or he doesen't want to do it at all. Op is nowhere near a position where she could ask for him to not wear it. She is being a bitch.
OP sounds like the office gossip who gets in other peoples business
Infertile 👏 people 👏 need to stop 👏 letting their anger out 👏 on childfree 👏 people. 👏
Also so proud of the sister for getting that abortion and not letting herself get trapped in that abuse. ❤
It's a really weird thing to do to people to make fertility the hill you refuse to get off, even when it's not your hill. If Jess can't have kids, Katie getting pregnant doesn't fix that, and Mary opting out doesn't make it any worse. It's exclusively a Jess+Partner problem. Easy way to not get upset about it is to have a no-baby-talk boundary. Child free Mary will _gladly_ oblige 9.5 times out of 10. Can't have that, though. Getting mad someone doesn't want an opportunity is apparently the only option they see.
@ Kikome Foxy💜 I agree
Abortion is murder.
Exactly, the people in this story have the nerve to shove the “joy of children” narrative in their face, but get offended when op proudly announces they are child-free by choice after BEING ASKED, not when they brought it up themselves!!
Yeah. Be proud of killing a child.
Kind of a strange thing to be happy about. Kinda gross too.
Story 2: If I had a wedding band after marrying the love of my life, and then my spouse died, I would keep the band to remember them. I'm sure that's what the widower was doing as well.
Exactly my love gave me a jaguar tooth necklace and if she died I'd still wear it all the time because it'll make me feel close to her
And it was just months after she died, most people aren't gonna be able to just hop on tinder right away.
Exactly wow... Lol
So very true many people honor that and some were told they could move on but still a decision one has to make.
That was sweet of him to still keep it on. I heard stories before where the widow never marries another person in their life because that one person meant so much to them. Also why did that woman have an issue with him wearing that band. It's only been 8 months, let the man grieve he's not doing anything wrong. And normally when someone says someone is lying with a wedding band, it's the opposite where that person is still married but takes it off to pretend they are single and if that was the case then I guess I would get it but it's not.
"You're selfish for not having kids"
Selfish to who? The nonexistent kids lmao
Why do people get so pissy about people not wanting kids?
Exactly lol, like why is yall so mad about someone not wanting to have children? It's not like the human race will go extinct just because one person doesn't want to be a parent
I know right? And I'd think that her fertility problems would make her more understanding. She wanted kids so badly that she went through incredibly invasive treatments to have them, shouldn't she be able to accept that OP's husband did the same because they where that sure they _didn't_ want kids?
I get the sense that Alex is bitter and regretful of their choice to have kids and is taking their anger out on childfree couples
@@ahstiasummers5583 Nah not after the in-vitro fertilization. They actively wanted kids. I think it’s more that the mere idea of others not wanting kids when they desperately wanted them is baffling to them.
I guess people think that having children is the only right way to live. My family thinks that and looks at me as if I was a freak for not wanting kids.
Honestly I think the biggest butthole thing from that last story is the girl making her boyfriend give up old friends over a petty food argument. Red flags for days.
Right? The know-it-all attitude she had and was clearly wrong about really set off some narcissistic insecurities. Then she had a classic narcissistic break when she was told no. You don't go into someone's house and shit on their cooking and then make demands. Giving up a long time friend for some girl you've known for a few months is incredibly stupid.
@Rowan Foster also the fact that wagyu is known for cooking incredibly fast, so throwing it in the microwave would have incinerated it, so op was trying to do her a favor she would have probably complained about the steak being "too dry" and how "all steaks are like this"
That's just an assumption though. We don't know whether she demanded that or not.
IMO, Rslash was completely correct in his assessment.
OP was the one with the know-it-all attitude, thinking he knows what food tastes like to another person. She didn't dump on the food, she was afraid it would make her sick if it wasn't cooked through, so it was completely reasonable for her to want it to be cooked through. When OP said no like a kid in his terrible twos, she tried to do it herself, which required no action or response on OP's part and he went berserk, snatching it from her and having it end up on the floor and being eaten by the dog. What a whiny little brat he is. An adult and a good host would care about people enjoying the food, not his own ego.
@@nadinesharp9766 I think her reasoning is exactly why she's also an asshole here. I understand if someone wishes to eat a steak well done even if I personally feel that it's a waste of a good steak. We all have different tastes and if someone likes their steak dry, that's fine. But this is obviously not the case here. She asked for well done not because she preferred the taste but because she held some asinine, unfounded belief that is completely wrong and should be corrected. She was practically accusing OP of trying to poison his guests, which OP shouldn't have to simply accept.
Tl;dr: "I prefer well done" should be respected, "your food makes people sick" should not.
The #1 rule my parents instilled in me while growing up is that if you’re ever a guest in someone’s home, you never complain about the food you’re served. OP made $180 steaks for his friends and sent out a menu well put into advance stating, “If you don’t want a medium rare steak, let me know so I can get you a different cut that can be cooked well done.”
Personally, I’d be mad disrespected if someone came into my home, sat down at my table to eat food I had spent days preparing (likely longer in Op’s case), only for them to look at it and essentially say, “Ew gross.”
I once prepared a lamb soup for my family. I spent over an hour making it. My brother walked into the kitchen and said “Ew” while grinning at me. I think I put the fear of god in him by the glare I gave him alone lol. I would be angry too if someone pulled the bs with me and then tried to use my microwave with out my permission
Exactly this. You either eat or you do not. And most certainly never try to go an use someones stuff without asking first. Even if its just to heat up a coffee you still do the courtesy of asking to use their microwave.
@@njmoonfrost6145 Seriously? You're so uptight and anal that you would freak out if someone went to use your microwave without your permission? That's nuts. You're saying that someone in your home needs your permission to, say, warm up their coffee in your microwave? You need help. Are they allowed to use your toilet to relieve themselves as needed or do they need to get your permission for that, too? Geez.
@@TrixyTrixter You're apparently as uptight and insane as Moonfrost. That's ridiculous. Do visitors to your home have to ask permission every time they need to relieve themselves, too? Wow. What a bunch of narcissistic, overbearing and controlling jerks you all are. No one can have their food cooked, use a microwave, or I'm guessing even one of your bathrooms without first begging your pardon and permission. Jiminy crickets. How do you people make it through the day being so tightly wound that you can't pull the stick out of your you-know-what and be a normal, giving human being? Were you never taught to share, or that once you give something to someone else it becomes theirs to do with as they wish, it's not yours any longer over which to exert any control? At this point, I'm just hoping that none of you have procreated and are not able to, so this nonsense ends with you.
@@nadinenone4761 Firstly. It is not a gift its an offer, "You want some food?". They only own it once they have eaten it. Secondly, you are talking about 100$+ stuff. You want to waste large amounts of money go for it, I don't.
There is no point trying to explain further, because you clearly do not know anythig about decency or cooking wagyu. You sound like the kinda ass that will complain that the free car you are offered is not blue and will destroy it because "Well its mine because you offered it to me if i wanted it."
Bringing up someone's recently dead spouse (because when the person has been deceased for MONTHS not years, the grief is still so fresh) is NOT "casual lunch conversation"
There used to be a rule that you had to be in mourning for like 2 years after the passing of a spouse.
Agreed. If you loved that person enough to marry them you can be upset that they died however damn long you need to, no one else gets to decide for you when you should end grieving.
EXACTLY they were like "everyone got awkward for some reason" like YEAH
2nd story: Is OP secretly interested in the guy? Is like she feels entitled to know who is single and available for predatory reasons.
I thought this too!
Yeah that's why I don't talk about relationships with other people at work
If the gentleman was to common to a lady at work while still wearing his wedding band OP would then be in her rite to comment about the ring. To be fair, but because he wasn't making any moves like that OP overstepped because he was obviously still getting over his loss.
Right? Like why do you care so much? It's not misleading because he's not open to dating. Geeze
You peeped that, too?
About last story: I can understand where R is coming from, but I will side with OP. If OP is really thinks so high about cooking meat, he knows what he is doing and thinks of his work as a form of art. So making an expensive and probably very well prepared meat piece not the best way possible will be an unforgivable sin. It's like taking a best marble and making a shitty statue out of it or bying expensive, professional paint, brush and molbert and give it to a little kids to draw a sun and few bushes or ask a pianist to play "Red" (Hello Lalaland).
Also someone commented the stake was butter aged so that's roughly 50/60 days of aging. So yeah I wouldn't do it well done and I dislike pink heavily
Not to mention some meat is better cooked a certain way. Certain cuts if meat are better rare some are better cooked more
I too wouldn't waste a piece of meat that's price tag can be measured in the hundreds, especially since other options were available
@@crescentmoon5859 it was also a5 wagyu, so it’s 1 of the most expensive meats in the world. A striploin of 10 oz already costs over 100 dollars. And if it’s prepared with dry/butter aging it can get even more expensive. OP basically had a cut they could charge over 100 dollars for just to let the person eat it (it’s very very expensive in restaurants)
This is literally like asking Gordon Ramsay to cook a steak well done. Bro would flip his lid
Thats microwaving a steak like that is like throwing an unprotected mint condition vintage baseball card collection in a mud pit
Yea I gotta agree on that.
more like just throwing it out cause it's just a piece of paper.
@@kisstune More like getting a 2000$ bill and putting it in a paper shredder
Story 1: So the friend can make jokes about OP's dead family, but OP can't? Sheesh. I have a big extended family too but that's no reason to harp on other people for not having the same type of family.
That's not a friend, she's evil, what kind of friend makes remarks about the one thing they know hurts you the most? And then she has the audacity to be offended when OP makes a dark joke about herself?
This person is not OP's friend. It's hard when we are young to spot those toxic fake friends and get rid of them. I hope OP will do this, because this girl definitely is not a good friend or person.
So, my family has Irish in them. When my grandma died, we were at the dinner and my Grandpa, kid you not, goes "What is the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral? On less drunk." 😂😂😂
Seriously, cut her out
Ya I don't really get how that was a brag in the first place. Having a larger family doesn't mean more love.
Story 2: James is giving off the exact message he wants to give off - he’s not available. Just because his spouse has passed doesn’t mean he’s “single.” His mind and heart are still committed to the person he lost and when he’s ready, he’ll make the choice whether he wants to love again or not.
He's literally still married. His wife just not with us in this world anymore.
OP is way above the line.
It is even worse when OP mention his wife passed away 8 months ago. Is she that dense
It's like she felt entitled to his personal information or that women are entitled to the opportunity to try to date him. That's weird.
I know from my experience that taking off a wedding ring is a step not taken lightly. Yes, my wife died and to stop wearing the ring was like cutting her out of my past, that I was in some sort of hurry to "move on".
@@kervinsantos5808 Other commenters think that she wanted to pursue James romantically and found it annoying he was *insert entitled Karen voice* "Still hung up over his dead wife"
The OP who saved his sister, his family deserves 4/5 on the Ahole score, they basically forced the sister into the relationship
Also he yelled at the girl that she can get her job back or he can move her to NCY what the hedgehogs
@@ryleighmiller900 what the hedgehogs is hilarious oh my gosh hahaa
i think 5/5 is much more accurate score.they also did nothing while she was abused then became the threat on her happiness and blamed OP for his sister no longer being abused,like it is the right thing to do.maybe something is not known here,maybe the mother and other brother owed money to that ex-husband and the sister was the payment?so,when she filed for divorce,the mother and brother then being asked by the ex-husband to pay the money owed?that's the best logical reason i can see or know that the mother and other brother did nothing and even set up the marriage....
The more he read the second story, the more uncomfortable I got, the audacity of that woman... He can wear and grief in hiw own way, I'd definitely wear mine too (if I were in his shoes) condolences to the poor guy.
For anyone wondering, A5 is the highest quality of beef and can go for thousands and Wagyu is the highest quality type of cow. Basically OP got the best meat you could ever eat for cheap
I agree. Lots of money, time and effort was spent on really good steak, preparing it and cooking it.
GF was definitely the AH. Going into someone's house and demanding that she wants a steak outside of what OP was cooking.
It would have been nice to have extra steak to cook for GF but he didn't know. Op could have handled it better but he was probably shocked.
Lol steak nerds. OP was rude as well
@@HobieInTheBox I didn’t make any mention of who was or wasn’t a butthole. Just giving context to the meat.
@@RosyBibliophile she didn’t demand it, she asked. There’s nothing wrong with asking for something to be cooked more because you shouldn’t have to eat somthing you’re not comfortable eating. And then she put it in the microwave instead of pushing it. She was fine with cooking it in the microwave and it’s her food so what’s the issue
@@RosyBibliophile Lmao no.
"How steak is cooked" aint a matter of respect. If someone wants well done steak, then make it well done. Refusing because "well done steak is wrong mkay" is militant vegan levels of douchebaggery.
Story 4: What really sticks out to me is how the oldest brother said that “his wife went through the same thing.” This implies to me that HE is also abusive, and is more so in the wrong.
Yeah, that line does not give me any confidence in the brother's relationship skills.
It’s possible she was in a previous relationship that was. But it definitely raises a red flag or two.
I think that that comment is more about minimizing what the sister went through than admitting to doing the same.
I took it as his wife was married before him and the previous relationship was abusive. I was in an abusive relationship before my husband, and my husband would say something similar to let someone know they're not alone.
@@bunnybubson1665 I don’t think that’s a fair reading of the scenario. The brother was saying so in the context of telling the sister that he wouldn’t help her and that she needed to deal with it
Ok, rslash the steak snob story. Op has a point. Wagyu is a very specific cut of meat and its expensive too. It's ment to be cooked a specific way to a specific doneness. That girlfriend didn't know that and op told her. THEN SHE WENT TO MICROWAVE IT! AN EXPENSIVE CUT OF MEAT!
Did it affect anybody but her? No it didn't so he should've minded his own business
@@whydoiexist5538 Do you recook meals when guests come into your home and demand it? Highly doubtful. This was clearly a power play and a massive red flag.
@@rowanfoster7630 ok so if they had a belief that was wrong but they wouldn't eat it other wise I would just fix it, it doesn't hurt my feelings it's more like oh that's how YOU prefer it I'm not the one eating it so why should I care
@@rowanfoster7630 unless the request was so ridiculous I would just tell them I'm sorry but I won't do that and if they ask if they can fix it as long as they clean up after themselves I don't care because it DOESNT AFFECT ME
@whydoiexist5538 it's so disrespectful to the animal that gave its life, then the time and precision gone into preserving it, aging it and finally cooking it. If you have no respect for food go to Dennys and get a steak they wouldn't be able to taste all the love and care that went into op's steak anyway.
Story 2: you’re TA. 8 months is not that much time for grieving a lost spouse. Very insensitive, cruel, harsh even. It really is non of you business. Deserves 3 of 5 at least!
What? I understand she is greiving, but you dont get to demand that someone comes to live with you, support you, do chores AND pay rent
@@tudytudy3316 I think you’ve mixed up stories. Story 2 in this vid was about a widower getting upset because of a co-worker (OP) being insensitive at work.
Agreed. My grandma considered herself married to my grandpa her entire life, she never took interest in anyone else. She outlived him by 40 years. It's the surviving spouses prorogative if they choose to seek new love or not, no matter how long since their partners passing.
It’s so weird
He’s wearing his wedding band because he still loves his wife, even though they’re not there. OP is too obnoxious and envious of him.
lots of widowers continue to wear their wedding bands, it's completely normal. He'll take it off when he's good and ready to, if he takes it off at all.
Don't you think it's weird that once he said he's a widower that she carried on the conversation about his ring. Even if it's a nice looking ring and I was curious about it once he said " I'm a widower." a change of conversation is need as this looks like a potential land mine. which could turn into a grown man crying his eyes out (which is understandable) and everyone else looking awkward.
My pops had his on for the last 12 years he never takes it off EVER
@@hmsealey3243 and I know some people that keep there wedding bands on even into a next relationship even after they get a new wedding band and I think that's fine
@Teku Anon
She sounds like a stalker - he needs to give her a wide berth.
Last Story
Hank: "yup medium rare this is the perfect steak."
Bobby: " What if somebody wants their steak well done?"
Hank: " we ask them politely yet firmly to leave"
There were other options though. Like the salmon. She really didn't have to be soo rude and call op names. Who disrespects somenone else in their own home and start a fight? Worse she sends him a bill for a dress which didn't even get stained.
If only they knew how high quality those steaks were, it killed me to work at a steak house and have people order filets well done and with A1.... just order the sirloin
yeah i’m highkey irritated at rslash for pushing his opinion on the situation when he doesn’t understand how important the quality of cuts of meat are
@@daagonthebefeler7960 It's their food they are paying for and can eat it however they want to, they are not forcing you to eat it like that nor should you force them.
@@owenfautley I don't recall them trying to force the customers to do anything. You're reaching here.
"I didn't use any insensitive tones"
YES YOU DID. YOU TOLD HIM TO STOP WEARING HIS WEDDING BAND IN MEMORY OF HIS LATE SPOSE. Jesus CHRIST these people infuriate me
If I were the dude in the last story, I would've sent back an invoice for $150 saying "Pay me back for the steak"
this!!!!
That doesn't make sense he ruined the steak not her
@@whydoiexist5538 She decided to try to reheat a steak worth $150 bucks. She can just go to Texas Roadhouse and buy her own $30 steak to microwave.
@@IamtheSpy2005 he didn't pay that much for it . Also was he gonna eat it after serving it to her no it was hers then on not his
@@whydoiexist5538 If it's disrespectful to bring your own seasoning or condiments to a restaurant, it's disrespectful to basically say the chef didn't cook it well by trying to reheat it in the microwave. Also read the story, price tags don't lie.
I have an aunt who never got married but still wore a “wedding ring” to avoid questions about her being single. It’s a ring not a big deal
Being also unmarried like your aunt I do the same especially when travelling. It“s my great-grandmother‘s wedding band and she got married on the 25.12.1912. It’s extremely comfortable, has this old-fashioned, rich gold tone and I feel connected to my family when wearing it.
Yup I do it at work.. avoid so manny awkward conversations
I was at a wedding last summer where they had all those dreadful competitions and activities to entertain the guests (or rather to not let us eat anything and make us wish we weren’t there). One of those activities required all the ringless women to catch a the bouquet - but it’s to boring so they made them all do some weird tasks and then prepare to catch a cactus (they thrown bouquet instead). I (22F and single) avoided whole ordeal by quickly reputting my cute pearl ring from index to ring finger under the table and pretending to show host that I’m already engaged and therefore not interested. I also indeed think that this ring is a perfect engagement ring for me. So it worked 👍
Grandaunty of my friend used to do that. She was lesbian and didnt want to be disturbed by men and having a wife wasn't an option for her.
I used to wear an engagement ring until my job made me lose a stone. Can't wear the ring but I'm still "engaged" as far as anyone is concerned.
My mother passed away almost 2 years ago. My dad still wears his wedding ring and keeps hers on a chain around his neck. She was his soulmate, and we all miss her very much. I don’t judge him for still wearing his wedding ring.
My stepdad passed 7 years ago and my mom wears both of their wedding rings.
May I ask your parents ages?
I'm very sorry for your losses.
It took almost a decade before my mother moved on enough from my father's death to find a new partner. I never pushed back on her. She still wears a ring, and her new partner isn't upset by that. He understands that she lost the person she saw as her soul mate. It's incredibly common for widows and widowers to never stop wearing their rings. I don't think I wouldn't have been able to be so civil with OP.
My friend’s dad is also a widower, her mom passed from cancer a few years ago and he does the same thing- he still wears his ring on his finger and he hers on a chain from one of her old necklaces around his neck. She gave it to him to keep when she was dying because she wanted him to have her most important possession, and he never takes it off
i'm on steak guy's side lol. i'd NEVER tell someone how to cook an expensive steak that they invited me to eat for free and prepared for months. it's a huge insult to their ability to cook that steak imo. and they even provided the guests with more than enough alternatives that also sounded delicious.
But he's still in the wrong he shouldn't have knocked the food off of her plate when she tried to microwave it
@@whydoiexist5538 But being disrespectful in someone else’s home is okay? Nah I don’t buy it.
@@howiecatslab4684 I never said she wasn't wrong as well they both need to not be assholes
Agree. Id even extend that to I would never tell anyone where I am just a guest and not paying how they have to cook my food, unless there is a medical reason or they are specifically asking.
@@whydoiexist5538 Ah yes, when she tried to use *his* microwave to get her way. Because the most logical thing to do in any situation where you don’t get your way is to try using someone else’s property to make it happen anyway without getting the owner’s permission to use said property.
Story 4: I’m not a big steak person myself. But OP gave MANY options (and warned ahead of time of how he was cooking it too). Not to mention it is A5 WAGYU! That shit is CRAZY expensive and 5 star restaurant quality cuts! Now, for the start she wasn’t an AH, maybe a 0.5 for acting that way all snobby. But the moment you go and try to ruin more than 4 hours of work on a cut as expensive as that, in front of the person who slaved over it, by MICROWAVING IT (which, btw, dries out the steak so much it’s like eating a shoe, have learned that from experience), she shoots to a 1.5 or even a 2.5. Thats like insisting Gordon Ramsey microwave a dish he personally just served you! DONKEY!
Sorry, needed to out my input. OP maybe gets a 0.5 for not handling it as well as he could have.
OP has done the best he could,but the whore is just a goddess who thinks she is always perfectly right.she had other options,but she chose to be a goddess...
Yeah my late grandma (my dad's mom) did this with prime rib. She kept sending it back for being not cooked enough. It was so embarrassing seeing the chef storm out and ask her what she wanted and if it was cooked enough. I'm sure he probably gave the burnt ends and scrap. I know I would've.
Then again it's up to the person how they want to eat it, if a person wants it well done then they deserve it well done, if you agree to the matter or not. it's for them not him, Also mind that she only thried to microwave it after he refused to make it well done, and how come if you want well done, you get a cheap ass steak, that is simply rude.
@@GJBndls it's not that you get a cheap ass steak (tho USDA prime is NOT cheap), it's that you don't get wagyu. like. i know people who aren't *steak people* don't really know all the technical aspects of steak cuts and cooks but let me tell you wagyu tastes TERRIBLE well done.
you can have a delightful sirloin or new york strip or even a porterhouse that are both expensive and yield a delicious well done cook, but it's not really possible with wagyu because of the way the fat is marbled in the wagyu cut. so like. typically in a steak you flash sear it to get the good crust on the outside and then bring it up to temp on a much lower heat and that renders fat. the darker you go, the more fat is rendered, the tougher the steak is, so you want a fattier steak if you want to cook it well because it will end up less tough as the fat takes longer to rend.
Wagyu has the fat and flesh so well and delicately marbled that the fat rends out quickly at low temps so it is sous vide (cooked, vacuum sealed in a water bath) and flash seared only for the crust to form. its delicate and temperamental and not something that's worth eating at a well done because at that point its essentially a brick with how tough it is.
not taking the side of OP in the story because he should have actually taken the time to explain why well done wagyu isn't a good idea instead of just making her feel bad, but yeah. there is a genuine reason to not do that.
When he said the line about putting the steak in the microwave my soul died a little bit
I was watching this story with my husband this morning. I had to to rant after this story. For context, I don't cook, but my husband does. I know how much love and care he puts in his craft in the kitchen. And, knowing what a once in a lifetime treat A5 would be, my heart broke at this story. The upside, my husband was amused at my passion and took pride that even a cooking noob like me understood the unthinkable crassness of microwaving any steak let alone e A5.
I mean yeah
But also she wouldn't want to microwave it if they would have just let her have it well done lol
Honestly glad she decided to microwave it instead of cooking it herself
Imagine if she would already have hot oil in the pan etc (depending how it was cooked maybe grill idk) and something hot would have been knocked over potentially injured someone instead of a dog being happy over having steak lol
@@fallenmercutio yeah, but that makes you sound just as bad as OP in the story because your missing the point, being to pretentious to accommodate all the people he’s hosting for absolutely no reason other than “I’m to good to accommodate you”
@@ethanmacleod1721 I mean, the man made a huge spread of alternative main dishes that he offered her. She just refused, because she wanted the super expensive steak that the host had babied.
To me, it's extremely crass on the guest's part. It's like if I invited you over for sashimi, bought a bluefin tuna, carved the stuff infront of you, and then you said, "oh my god! If you eat raw fish you'll die! I'm gonna microwave it!" If a guest told me that I would refuse to let them have any bluefin tuna. Why should i let them ruin such premium ingredients? If she doesnt want to eat the tuna sashimi that I lovingly prepared, then she can eat something else instead. I'll give her portion to one of the other guests who like sashimi.
@@CatacombD I would argue though that it’s no longer yours to do with what you like. sure, the reasoning is flawed. But that’s not the point. If they like it well done it’s not “ruining” it. It’s improving it.
Something like that is easily fixable and it’s extremely rude to say they don’t get to enjoy something just because they don’t enjoy it your way
A wedding band is to show loyalty and love. Its not to show other people he is 'taken'. He is still in love with his wife. Misleading? Its really not because he is still in a relationship. The fact that his wife has passed away does not mean his love for her has too.
Exactly
The feelings towards a person don't instantly die with said person.
Exactly! I lost my dad six years ago (RIP Dad, you were absolutely awesome!), and my mom STILL wears her wedding ring. My parents had been married for 27 years when my Dad had passed.
Also his relationship status shouldn’t matter to anyone else other than himself and his partner. Even if he is single, he can still wear rings or not. His choice.
My dad has been a widower for almost 3 years and he’s never wore a ring. Neither has my mom. Yet they were still loyal and loved each other.
My grandmother still loves my grandfather, and in the words of the fallout 4 avatar, “I don’t have to stop loving [deceased spouse] to still love you too”, which was one of my favorite quotes ever, and it came from a mediocre entry in the fallout series.
Grandma didn’t get remarried but, the point stands for singles and couples.
Last story: She can have a well done steak at a restaurant. This isn't a restaurant. She had other food options.
But he shouldn't have been a jerk and knocked the food off the plate when she went to microwave it
@@whydoiexist5538 she shouldn’t have been a jerk and try to use someone else’s microwave without their permission.
@@PFEANYCS you know this whole problem could've been solved with words like adults instead of 2 morons arguing and fighting over food 1 of them was going to eat
@@whydoiexist5538 he tried to grab the plate and accidentally knocked some of the steak off. From other comments I’ve seen of yours you act like he walked over and just smacked the plate out of her hand. If you go to a dinner party and don’t like one of the dishes you just don’t eat that dish
@Dustin Arnold it wasn't an accident and they both suck but why the fuck does it matter don't try to justify either of their behavior especially when 2 adults act like children over how a fucking steak is cooked . She could've asked before trying the microwave and being a nuisance to everyone by acting like a child he didn't need to be such a dickhead that it's his way or the high way on FOOD THAT WASNT HIS.
It’s literally a super common tradition, divorcée=remove ring and widow/er=keep ring
First time I'm hearing about it. Doesn't change that OP is just an insensitive bitch
that grave digging joke was actually hilarious as it was morbid... i love it!
I've been searching for this type of comment. My humor is dark and I would have chortled
The wedding ring story, her saying he's sending out the wrong message, is no different than telling a woman in a miniskirt that she's sending out the wrong message 🤯
Very good point.
I wonder if OP was jealous or something? Maybe OP wanted to date him. Why else would she be concerned about the wedding ring?
@Chris G make the same mistakes? what mistakes? dyeing
Last story: He didnt actually have to stay with the girlfriend either, she was new to the group and they still couldve had a civil discussion the next day or when tension died down. I'm pretty sure that the girlfriend is now gonna manipulate him, she already did by making him seperate himself from the friend group over a disagreement with a piece of food. This is not a decent girlfriend who would be able to not let things get carried away or at least say that, "Can you inform me why you said that i shouldnt/cant eat the steak in this way?" and "I have limited knowledge about steaks so is this raw or a different style of steak?" or "Then why cant i change this steak? is there a reason why you wanted to just cook it this way?"...
I found it hilarious that the guy who goes over EntitledParents stories and such doesn't pick this one out as an entitled person...
Rslash *definitely* blundered that rating and failed to see the red flags. Good thing his wife isn't like that, he'd be *toast*
@@sirinkaslana3709 bag fumble
Your just assuming she's making him do this when he may be in agreement for all we know with disconnecting, now while she overreacted big time the steak guy did too, why does he care how she eats it? It's not what's going into his mouth
@@TheArcticFoxxoBut people should be entitled to eat food how they want especially if they have some fear of food poisoning, they both over reacted
In regards to the widower wearing his ring: Being a widow myself, I totally understand his perspective. Wearing his ring was likely part of his grieving process. Surviving Spouses can take YEARS to even consider letting go of the late loved one's things or even to have the nerve/mind to not wear a wedding band because it had given them comfort up until that point.
Even from a "technical standpoint," it was still OP's short sight. I understand being curious, but the phrasing of their question was absolutely lackluster.
With the wedding ring story... My father passed when I was a kid and my mom wore her wedding ring for YEARS because my dad was her soulmate. Now that she's passed, my step-dad is still wearing his wedding ring five years later because he loved her with all his heart. Losing a loved one is hard and how people chose to honor that loss is their business so long as it's causing no one any harm.
Sorry for your loss
Thank you :)
@@christianschluter8259 all of this. My mum wore her wedding ring and kept my dad's ring and didn't stop wearing it until my little sister turned 18, so we got it made into a a special ring for her to wear for her birthday.
@@rynhart4174 I'm also sorry for your losses. I lost my grandmother who was my favorite relative when I was 16. My family is not a close one at all and she was the only person I could trust and count on. The only person who loved me unconditionally and made sure I knew how much she loved me every single day. Without her I feel lost. I held onto a lot of her stuff after she passed but my absolute most prized possession is the little pearl necklace she made for me when I was a kid. It's a real pearl too. I've held onto it all these years and now that she's gone I've sworn that I will wear it when I marry my boyfriend. I also kept my baby blanket that came from her and I will give it to our first child.
Exactly, he's still on mourning, everyone grieves differently. Even if he moves on he can still wear the ring, like on his other hand or ad a necklace. Just because your spouse has passed away doesn't mean you have to put everything of theirs away. He's not hurting anyone and OP needs to mind their own business
The wedding ring story really made me angry. It would serve OP right if her co-worker went right to HR and reported her. What she did was creepy and all kinds of gross.
yeah, it sounded a lot like "You should make it clear that you are available for potential partners" which is literally nobody's business and just down-right weird... I'd have reported her ngl
@@kaniyaru117 So very true. Her attitude is just icky. No other word for it.
Doesn't that count as sexual harassment? Like "you should take off your wedding band so all the ladies can hit on you, wink wink"
What the hell?
As my mom who is a widow too and wears her ring and kept my dad's last name. OP is outta pocket
@@PunakiviAddikti actually yes
Here's a thing about the meat story. As the OP stated, some meats takes time to cook and some meat cooks faster as he explained his way of aging the steak. The friend's girlfriend was out of line.
PS: I watch a lot of cooking videos from different places.
PPS: Look up Wagyu to see why.
Yes 👏👏👏👏👏 thank you! Ugh this is something that gets me so angry people think it's snobbish but no they disrespect the sacrifice of the animal that gave its life so we can have a beautiful cut of meat and then to ruin it by cooking it well done, nope!
I also think rSlash is wrong here. Cooking high quality steaks to "well done" or even more should be considered a felony. Had that girl actually read and understood the invitation, she could have asked like "oh, sorry, I don't like to eat read meat, can you please do something else for me please?". But nooooo.
Related story: several years ago, some nice colleagues and me went to a fancy mexican steak house in town for dinner. We ordered steaks, of course. I ordered mine to be English. To that the waiter said "Finally, somebody who knows how to have a steak properly".
Yeah I think r/slash doesn’t understand about wagyu is so sought after and it’s not snobby instead it is an extremely specific style of steak and cooking it beyond medium is actually going to ruin it.
Finaly someone. it made my blood boil, not because meat is also my religion. it pains me when people dont care about what they eat or dont respect food but to go counter intuitive to someone who does care about it and he tells you that this is how its made and eaten and informs you infornt about it and you are just like yeah let me put this steak that took 3 months of my hard work and is very pricey into microvave. When rslash said why sould she have a worse cut of meat. well if she doesnt care about the meat enough to know what is it doesnt matter to her
Yes! Finally. This pissed me off a lot. That is such an expensive steak and I get the OP was a little too aggressive, but that doesn't make him a butthole. Turning one of the most expensive meats in the world into fucking cardboard should be a crime
Steak story: wow, thank you RSlash for reminding me that she was new. This makes it even worse for her. When a person is new in pretty much any setting, the last thing they should do is come in and demand things be their way. They should be respectful of the customs of the house they have been invited and grateful that they have been invited. But no, this woman comes in, shows complete disrespect to the host and makes demands of him. How entitled can you get? I’ve choked down countless dishes I was not a fan made by others because I didn’t want to be as rude as the woman in this story.
Add that she had an opportunity for a piece of meat most of us will never see let alone taste and it makes it 1000x worse.
“Didnt bring up any insensitive topics” literally asking why he’s still wearing his wedding ring from his dead wife who’s only been deed for less than a year! He is still emotionally married to his wife.
Exactly! My father in law passed away suddenly back 2 years ago, & my mother in law still wears her band. I think it's a sweet way to show your love of that person and their memory.
OP needs to leave the poor guy alone. He's had less time to grieve his wife's death than a pregnant woman usually has to endure pregnancy. Just let the man grieve in peace!
@@mask938 even if he was past grieving! If the man wants to remain faithful to his wife even in death then that’s his choice
@@DeeFourCee Yes
A widow can be (and often is) addressed as “Mrs. X”. Why can’t a widower wear his ring if a woman can keep her spouse’s name?
I remember reading the second story before, and everyone in the comments kinda mutually agreed that OP wanted to flirt with the widower and was somehow preemptively jealous of his late wife. Which honestly, yeah, that’s the only thing that makes sense.
Story 5 you honestly blew it out of proportion op stated that the menu allowed custom orders making him in the right if you don't like your food certain ways don't wait till the last minute
He shouldn't have knocked the food off of her plate when she went to microwave I that's what makes him the asshole
It depends on what was on the invitation.
If it explained how Wagyu is typically prepared, then the girlfriend would be in the wrong *initially*, but OP still overreacted harshly.
OP would also be an asshole for specifically grabbing some walmart steak just because someone dare have the audacity to want a thoroughly cooked steak.
@@ReptillianStrike It's not about the price of the steak. Some pieces of meat are better raw, medium-raw or medium or cooked for hours and hours. It depends on the part of the animal and even with breeds and of course the type of cooking. The steak he made is at its best medium-raw and he would've gotten her a steak that is best medium. The steak he would've gotten would have been BETTER for her order. The price is completely arbitrary here.
@@Struudeli That's your opinion. Just because you think that a cut of meat is best a certain way doesn't mean that everyone in the world has to agree with you. Everyone's taste can be different. There is no reason that anyone should have to settle for being served an inferior piece of meat just because someone else doesn't want it cooked a certain way. It's really simple. If they're not eating that particular piece, they should have absolutely NOTHING to say about how it's cooked.
@@nadinenone4761 Just explaining the logic, I eat all my meat hammered thin and crispy lol (though I only buy cheap meat cause I'm poor).
I don’t get why people think having kids is the most important thing ever and why people get angry when someone says they don’t want kids..?
I lost my husband in 2020 and I'm still grieving. OP was extremely out of line!!
I'm so sorry for your loss. And I agree, OP is definitely the butthole.
So so sorry for your loss. There is a really good Facebook page for those of us who lost our spouses. Very supportive. It helps me maybe you may find some comfort there.
So sorry for your loss. I sincerely am.
And I agree with y'all. OP in that story was a butt-hole. His coworker is still 1) grieving the loss of his wife and 2) wearing the wedding band out of respect for the wife.
I’m sorry for your loss . I lost my husband nearly seven years ago and also still grieving . Time to grief is on your own , still wearing my wedding ring
Im very sorry for your loss ❤
And I agree OP was being a creep and nosey for no reason.
I disagree with Rslash on the last story. The OP isn't being super unreasonable to not want to give a $120 steak to someone who doesn't want a $120 steak
@@RestingDogFace I think the problem is that most people don't realize how expensive this shit is. If a guest demands that they want to microwave a sirloin steak I cooked, I wouldn't give a shit. If I took them out to a high end sushi bar, and they loudly complained about how the fish was all raw, and demanded to send the sashimi back to be cooked.... I would immediately apologize to the staff and ask for the check.
@@RestingDogFace my only thought that if someone didn't know about cooking steaks not until it's fully cooked through, like how I didn't up until a couple years ago, OP may have acted like an asshole, if he started getting snippy or angry from the start. Also not understanding what it means for a steak to be A5 and not just something you can buy at any old grocery store. Idk, seems like the story was rushed, all of a sudden someone is putting food in the microwave to cook it the rest of the way? that doesn't seem normal.
grabbing it out of her hand as she's holding it, causing it to fall on the floor, that's his fault. if he explained the circumstances, then she's the asshole. Same if she just demanded food at his house. If he just assumed she'd understand, and got mad that she wasn't willing to eat, as far as she knew uncooked meat, then he's the asshole.
Like if she's not going to enjoy a medium steak, and would enjoy it if were well-done, it's still enjoyed food, right? It's still a compliment to the cook, right?
Their was other food as well
totally agree with you. When you host a dinner, it is not THEIR food, they are eating, it is YOUR food.
It is exactly like complaining about any thing else when you get served free food.
would anybody agree with this scenario:
on a dinner party everyone gets served soup with broccoli in it.
one guest says they don't like broccoli and then DEMANDS you (the host) to remove the broccoli from your soup.
this is exactly the same. you spit in the face of the host that is serving you free food.
you always have the option to not eat it, of course. but demanding special treatment? no that is really rude.
But it was unreasonable to not allow a guest to fix their own steak the way they wanted it. 🤷🏻♀️
The joke about digging up the family made me cackle at work
i give r/slash 3.5/5 choco starfishes for the last story, op didn’t do much wrong, he didn’t want to ruin an EXPENSIVE cut of meat and also not providing the update til after you “try” to rip him a new one. nah op was doing right and also providing an option for something else if i were op i would’ve done the same thing, or given the girlfriend a frozen piece and said here you go then you go ahead and cook your own
Story 2: OMG, WHY??? A widow/widower is well within their right to continue wearing their wedding ring, especially if they're not quite over it yet. My grandpa's been dead for six years, and my grandma still wears not only her engagement and wedding rings, but his as well. Well, at least up until last Christmas when she gifted two of the rings to my mom and uncle, but it was still her decision. It takes people time to get over the loss of their spouse, and sometimes they never do (at least enough to take off the ring), but that's no one else's business but their own.
Fr, i guess people just don't want people to be happy.
I never wore a wedding 💍. After my husband died I wore his until I chose to stop. Who made you queen of grieving. Some days I wear his ring 6 years later. I'm sorry you are so randy and desperate, James should r tell you he does understand why your desperate, real men run from her, he is not now or ever will interested.
One of my grandfathers died in 1975, till the day she died, my grandmother wore her wedding ring. She outlived him by 40 years, and she wore the ring the whole time.If I'd have seen that conversation, I'd have asked OP why she felt that it was any of her damn business.
my grandfather passed before my grandmother, she wore her wedding bands too. My grandmother's wedding ring broke shortly before she died so my mother had broken top mounted to grandfather's ring and I inherited it, I think it's beautiful.
I was engaged to be married and he was killed before we got married. I wore my engagement ring for a while afterwards. I have since got married, but still have my engagement and the wedding rings from my first finace.
Yes, a parent SHOULD put their children before everything else.
No, not a single person is obligated to be a parent.
Every parent needs to be a responsible person, but not every responsible person needs to be a parent, and by golly do non responsible people need to NOT be parents.
Unless they already have a baby!! Lol
Unless they are a parent, then they are obligated lol
In fact I'd argue some should not become parents because they wouldnt put the child first
i wonder if the cousin wants op to have kids so that they can be more easily talked into babysitting since childfree kids people often have stronger boundaries concerning that or when op had a child they can ask her to be a surrogate for another child.
Ok for story 2: there is absolutely NO reason why people should be entitled to this man’s relationship status as that’s his business. Especially after he’s lost the love of his life, he has EVERY right to wear that wedding band and not be questioned about it. Nobody has any right to knowing if someone’s single or taken and nobody should care if it’s “misleading”.
I absolutely detest it when a new person comes into the group and starts wreaking havoc and demanding stuff and just acting ridiculously entitled just because they're dating one of the original members of the group. She should have sat her butt down and been appreciative that she was invited at all. And that steak sounds amazing.
Sounds like cancer but even then she was new so he wouldn't have been a complete total narcissistic steak snob and just cooked it
@@Fiery_Latina_Goatchan_GF_681 ah yes, a CZcams psychologist diagnosing narcissism because op didn't want to ruin an expensive cut of steak. Her being 'new' doesn't mean she can act entitled and start using appliances in other ppls houses without permission.
Story 4: What a hero that OP is. He got her out of an abusive relationship that the mother picked for her. Nobody should go through that torture.
I agree. OP did the right thing.
I was kind of worried about that older brother's remark how his wife went through the same. Is he a wife beating s.o.b. too who takes all his wife's money?
@@annika5893 probably
@@annika5893 Someone should look into that
I would add that when the sister asked OP for the 5k, I would have guessed what it for and taken the first flight to Milwaukee to be there for her and support her, then I would have flown her back to SF so I could support her. She was isolated and alone. And OP could have helped her get a job in SF just as easily as NYC. She needed to not be alone. When things eventually died down, then she could move to wherever she wanted.
"children are a joy and a good mother puts her children before anything else" well, OP isnt a mother so why would she care?
Nearly every Steak Lover will tell you that a "Well-Done" Steak is the equivalent to killing the cow twice. Doing so for the worlds most expensive Steak Meat and even trying to microwave it. I totally understand OPs reaction.
My grandpas wife passed 27 years ago and he still wears the ring she gave him (she proposed to him) sadly she was fighting a disease that i cant remember the name of. He said til death do us part but he says that his love never died and he could never move on, makes my heart melt.
1: So it’s ok to make fun of someone for having no living family, but it’s not ok to make a joke about their own dead family? She’s only upset because she realized she isn’t make you upset anymore with her rude comments
2: Who cares about technicalities? It’s been 8 months and he’s supposed to get over it? The co workers are right. Why does it matter? Even if you don’t have a rude tone, you’re still being rude.
3: It’s ok to not want kids. I don’t want kids and that’s ok. Some people want to seem like myrters for having kids and get pissed when others don’t make the same choices
The thought of having kids scares me a little. But if I do find a guy, I would want him to be willing to have kids but not demanding them so when I'm ready, we could have kids
@@Twinklethefox9022 As someone who didnt want kids, but ended up with twins, i wouldnt change that for the world. Their mother...well that didnt work out so great (in fact she got pregnant intentionally to try and lock me down, then she went off the deep end and started using heroin.; I got out, took the twins with me)
Kids are complicated. They are at once the greatest thing in your life, and biggest pain. You will break, and heal, and break and heal.
You love them, and you kinda hate them sometimes too, although not a real hate.
10/10 would have more kids, if i had a spouse willing.
I think op 1 should get a new friend because no friend should keep mentioning how big their family is compared to another
I legitimately don’t even want to have sex in the first place. The idea of it has always grossed me out and to those that love it, kudos that’s fine but my grandma constantly says ‘oh but it’s a wonderful experience’ and it kinda pisses me off because she thinks I’ll get over it when I meet the right person and no…I won’t.
My opposition to having sex (again…just me…not saying anyone else cannot. It just sounds gross and even a bit uncomfortable to me) has made me realize I’m asexual and I’ve never felt more free knowing that because now I know why I’ve been attracted to guys and girls but without having a sexual interest. I have a boyfriend who is completely aware of my feelings and he respects them
Bottom line, if you don’t want kids, it’s nobody’s problem and they shouldn’t get in your business like that.
@@maggie_knolastname My boyfriend is demisexual. He needs to be in love with someone to have those desires otherwise he just doesn't want that with someone and might even be a little grossed out by it like you are. A couple of times I thought I was asexual but I really was just scared of doing it. And my boyfriend was respectful and patient with me while I worked it out. And he says sex doesn't matter as long as he has me. He even said he would be willing for us to have kids through artificial insemination or IVF if that's what it came to. Now our sex life is better than ever and I wouldn't trade him for anything. And I realize now I'm the same way as him. Sure I can feel lust, even really strong lust for someone. But the only way I can truly enjoy myself with someone is if I'm in love with them. I'm glad you have a good man who respects you and loves you for who you are.
That coworker needs to read an etiquette book or site: it's perfectly acceptable to keep wearing a wedding ring after a spouse passes. I came across this a week or two ago on another reddit reader's channel, and it still pisses me off.
Me to, made it seem like she wanted to ask him out or something but didn't do it due to his ring. Like lady sit down
I mean, a wedding ring is merely a symbol. It's not even about etiquette; if someone want to wear one because they prefer to stay alone, it's their right. Or even if they just like the look and feel. Or just are engaged but not yet married.
@@madelineolivo4804 omg was thinking the exact same thing! Like: lady, you got the hots for the widower or what?
I find it absolutely amazing how much things have degenerated to the point where everyone sticks their nose in other people's business. I was raised to mind my own business. I was taught that the worst thing you could be, short of being an actual criminal, was a "nosy-parker" or the kind of creep who tells other people how to dress, eat, or manage their own lives. Apparently, this fundamental aspect of civilization has vanished from the world.
Gosh it's so depressing that I know these abuse situations so well at this point in my life that the moment OP says "she started calling me out of the blue just to chat" I KNEW the next sentence was going to be "he's abusing her". I hope she's ok now
Story 2: OP replied a few people on reddit saying basically "I was just being honest, sorry" which was a clear attempt to play victim after everyone said she was TA. Also everyone is convinced she just wanted to get on his pants and was annoyed that he was using the ring
I actually think OP is Autistic. Autistic people can be insensitive and brutally honest like this.
Source: I am Autistic. I’d have done this when I was younger.
@@wannabehistorian371 Hi, yes, I'm also autistic, but being autistic doesn't give you the right to be rude to someone with no consequences. OP has been working in an environment where it seems there's an internal social group that she's a part of, at least judging by the fact that she was eating lunch with all her coworkers. Whether or not she's diagnosed, at this point in her life she would've understood that when someone is uncomfortable, you should drop the subject. She seems rather observant, she noticed when people looked at her and James and she was able to tell that James was upset and uncomfortable by what she was saying, so autistic or not, she should've dropped it. Her being autistic only explains why she was so blunt but it doesn't excuse her for doubling down when she could tell that what she was saying was upsetting people. I mean, maybe I'm just a different flavour of autistic lmao but thats my two cents.
@@bitebackbunny Well yeah but everyone is different. Unfortunately some of us are just that socially inept. I’m not one of those people who throws around “ableist” constantly, so I don’t think that this is in any way OK, but just saying. Just the way OP analyzed the situation struck me as very Autistic. Like “I didn’t use any bad tones”.
Omg yes!!! That is totally what I thought too when I listens to that story! She want to date him and he’s not ready to move on (it’s only been 8 months for crying out loud!!!!!) she’s pissed his still honoring his wife by wearing the ring!!!
@@SkipperBoy same!
To be fair, it's a crime to microwave an A5 wagyu steak, and cooking it well done is like buying a 20 year aged expensive scotch just to mix it with Coke.
both of which are ok... So long as you pay for that yourself.
My grandfather passed away in the early 80s when he was in his late 60s. My grandmother is 95 years old and she still wears her wedding ring, and hardly ever takes it off. She misplaced it once and searched the house like treasure hunters looking for it. She was so relieved when it was found.
The widower story pissed me off so much. She had absolutely no right to bud in like that. "It's misleading" to whom? It doesn't matter, why does it bother her so much?
I know people who wear their wedding ring years after they're spouse died, because they're still married. My mom stopped wearing her wedding ring a year after my dad died, after their 30th anniversary. She made a necklace out of the diamond from the engagement ring, and hasn't taken it off for the last 3 years. A symbol of love like that, it cannot just be taken off for a rando's preference.
about the sushi and kids story: OP might be using they/them for Alex to prevent us from being biased because of Alex's gender
if you push someone to become pregnant, it's perceived differently based on whether you're biologically male or female
Or maybe, OP is using they/them to speak about the couple trying to have a baby. You know, plural.
@@noobiesensei6281 I mean, maybe- but the story itself only mentions Alex as a singular("one of my siblings in-laws (Alex)"), not "one of my siblings in-laws and their partner". I'd vouch for Simularcra's take on the use of neutral pronouns.
or maybe it's not that deep and none should care that much
I think it's a dick move to pressure someone to have kids regardless of gender, but yeah, it's a lot harder on those who have a uterus, for, um, obvious physical reasons.
I went to do a bit of digging and Alex is a married man, although OP normally uses they/them for Alex. ^^
With that last story, I have to strongly disagree.
OP invites her into his home for a free holiday meal that he prepared all day, then she insults his cooking, demands he remake it as though he's their waiter, not their host, calls him an a**hole, then tries to comandeer his kitchen. The food itself is irrelevant, you don't do any of that.
Also, I really suspect that she's trying to isolate OPs friend, because there's no other reason I can think of that such a long time friend would immediately block everyone at the table rather than try to reach out and smooth things over. I really think she got in his head and pressured him to cut them all off. She probably threatened to leave if he didn't cut ties. Wouldn't be surprised if she was being difficult on purpose to cause a rift.
Oh man I didn’t even think that
You forgot to mention, he had alternative cooking options for the guests that he gave to them WAY in advance. If they wanted something that wasn't rare, ask for it. Don't bitch when you get to the party.
OP Bought the Steaks, Cooked them in their Home. Begs to reason they should cook them how THEY want
After my grandmother lost her husband, when my dad was 15, she continued to wear her wedding ring until the day she died in her 90's, and never dated anyone after my grandpa's death. Same with my great-grandfather.
A little tidbit to add to the widower still wearing his wedding ring. My housemate wears a wedding band. Not because he's married, but because he is not interested in being hit on. He calls it a flea collar that keeps away blood thirty pests.
NICE!
Yeah, seen plenty of women doing that. My ex had one herself, yet she was single.
That actually works? Because in my experience, it doesn’t.
@@leileyaravencroft I knew very young that I was Ace/Aro and confirmedly child-free. I've worn a fake engagement ring since about age 17. Doesn't always work, but it helps mitigate the awkward "seriously it's not you, it's me!' ask outs.
Steak story:
Read up on wagu. You’ll ruin the meat cooking it that high.
Yup she should have eaten mc Donalds or dirt
I also personally don’t like eating rare meat People like different things so he’s in the wrong.
@@bubblesawesome3284 look up what this meat is. The fat literally melts in your hand, it’s not good at higher grades of cooking.
Also steak fact: You won't get sick with a little pink. Friend was in the wrong and is clearly an idiot when it comes to meats and cooking them.
@@Notarobot562 let her learn that you don’t have to be a jerk and smack it out her hands
I'm not married but I wear a ring my grandparents gave me on my left hand. For one I'm a bisexual woman already in a committed relationship with another woman and two it keeps people from approaching me asking me out. I used to work a graveyard shift by myself in a busy casino, so many male customers would approach me and started scaring me when they got pushy and wouldn't take no for an answer so I started wearing a ring to keep them away. And it worked, still does. I messed up back when I first started wearing it and accidentally told a guy I wasn't married and he got angry at me and spouted nonsense about how I'm lying to men by showing I'm unavailable. But that was the freaking point. I'm not available. People have their reasons, its no one's business but their own. If you're bothered by it then it's a you problem.
Last story: She had other options and OP didn't want to waste a good steak.. I'd say both are being petty but damn, rSlash, chill!
The irony is that his pathetic ego lead to it falling onto the floor where a dog ate it. It wouldn't be wasting it to just let her eat her food the way she likes it. Knocking it onto the floor is exactly that though. And him not getting upset that the expensive cut ended up in the stomach of a dog is just proof he was being stuck up.
@@itsbriarwallace well it completely is. He bought really expensive steak, ones that are supposed to be super rich in flavour if cooked right. Making a steak well done takes all that away, if she wanted a well done steak, a 5$ steak and a 100$ steak will barely taste different. Both rubbery and shit. So no he's not in the wrong for not wanting to waste good meat.
@@jackm3672 y’all Americans are so weird about some random food 💀 “steak is my religion” go to therapy weirdo
@@itsbriarwallace I agree with OP, at least the dog was able to appreciate it. Who goes into someone's house and demands that they recook a meal for them? It's clearly a power play and little miss princess was upset that she got told no. Red flags for days.
@@rowanfoster7630 Also, what kind of guest storms into someone's kitchen and tries to use their kitchen appliances? You don't get to call me an asshole, in my own home, after I slaved away cooking several meals for you for HOURS, and then touch all my shit. Nuh-uh.
For the steak story, King of the Hill said it best.
Bobby: What if somebody wants theirs well done?
Hank: We ask them politely, yet firmly, to leave.
It's funny because my cousin's husband likes his steak well done. I told her to divorce him, lol.
@@thePhoenixQueen Ask this simple question... how do you feel if others eat steak a little pink? If they go ewww, ask them to leave. If they say it's okay, I just like my steaks done well, then keep em around.
King of the Hill is what I immediately thought of. Rslash missed the mark on that one. The friends gf thinking putting that cut of meat in the microwave is the right thing to do is rediculous. Can't imagine what it would do for the texture, and she probably wouldn't have ate it then. Sounds like the type of person who puts ketchup on their dry, rubbery, overcooked meats.
I see no problem wanting to have your steak well done. But Wagyu it has to be about medium-rare to medium to be really good. Brown puts it to shame.
People forget waigu is like pampered and massaged to make the beef as tender and juicy as possible. Hundreds of years of breeding and grading practice isn't about to be charred, it's like paying for Don parignon prices and recieving boxed wine. It's not only an insult to the pseudo culture of steak but it's an insult to the time the cook put into it to make it as delicious as possible.
Story #2: this is borderline harassment on the workplace. OP is very lucky if he doesn't report her to HR
It isn't borderline harassment, it is harassment. By the definition of harassment, it is clearly in the line.
The first part is borderline, but the fact they pushed it pushes it into harassment.
Yeah I’d call HR
I used to work at a bar and I wore a fake ring the entire time I worked there. It usually worked to keep the creeps away. And when it didn't work my 'marine fiancé wouldn't appreciate the flirting' did the trick
My dad wore his wedding ring for years after his wife died. Honestly, the wedding ring more than symbolizes your marriage. It also symbolizes your heart. If someone has a spouse that passed away and still wears their ring, it can mean a lot of things. Sometimes, it is in remembrance, in others, it means that they still consider themselves to be committed to the person who died, so they don't consider themselves single anyway. So why would you advertise you are single when you aren't looking for a relationship anyway?
The friend in the first story deserves a higher buthhole score.
Despite knowing her friend is deeply sad about having so little family that's alive, she continually rubs her big family in her face. Over and over.
That's toxic behaviour.
I agree, like seriously, if the friend knew that OP was sensitive about it then why constantly rub it in their face. Its not right and if it was me, that friendship would be over
And the joke wasn't bad, it had me literally laughing out loud, tho well, I do have a bit of a fucked up sense of humor at times
@@yunogasai3350 yeah, that's a bit fucked up that you laughed at it tbh, hope your sense of humour doesn't get you into trouble in life 😅
@@eeveetv9503 I mean, she made the joke herself, plus it doesn't get me trouble, I surround myself with friends that have a similar sense of humor as well and we're all perfectly aware that it's not the best and keep those jokes within the circle we know also enjoys the humor, outside of that circle all jokes I make are pun based
@@yunogasai3350 that's fair
What bothers me about the wedding ring story is that the widower's status- married, single or dating is none of anyone's business. It's work not a bar. He's not obligated to share any personal info with his coworkers at all.
Well, tbh, another person's relationship status is other people's business at least a little bit, because it tells others if that person is available in case they are interested. Now, what pisses me off is that she KNEW what was going on behind his relationship status, and tried to guilt trip him for his decision to remain "taken" by continuing to wear his ring. He obviously loved his wife, and his decision to remain "taken" by the memory of her is perfectly fine and reasonable. His reasoning for his decision to wear a ring is none of her business.
@@rameynoodles152 I mean, you can be taken and not wear a ring? You can be in a relationship without being married/engaged (=no ring), or married but unwilling/unable to wear a ring (my mom for example- her finger joints have started misbehaving, so even though shes been married for almost 40 years, she doesn't wear a ring). Still taken. And, you could simply not be interested in dating (also not wearing a ring). The only thing the ring does is guarantee that they aren't available (unless an open marriage ofc). Not having a ring doesn't guarantee that you ARE available
@@greenie15 Yes, we all know this, what exactly is your point?
@@rameynoodles152 well, you said the ring shows I'd you're available if someone is interested. That's what i responded to
@@rameynoodles152 relationship status is nobodies fucking business... That's ridiculous.
"A good mother puts her kids before everything m"
She should have responded "that's why i wouldn't be a good mother "
If someone asks for a Well done steak we politely but firmly ask them to leave.
OP'S friend can dish it but can't take it. As for the joke, it is called dark humor for a reason. However I would have wanted to see the delivery in person just to see that friend's face.
That joke was hilarious 😂. I think it really put her in her place.
I think OP should send her a drawing of herself, her surviving family members, and her dead family members (as ghosts, zombies, or skeletons) sitting together at the dinner table and lable it "Our Family Reunion". It would be hilarous and twisted in the best way imaginable!
@@mask938 Better yet, photoshopped in family members with 50% opacity for that ghostly visage. Like, composite photo from old pictures and stuff.
@@erinfinn2273 They could also photoshop the dead family members to look like zombies to make the humor a little more grotesque.
Bobby: What if someone asks for it well done
Hank: Politely yet firmly ask them to leave
The correct response.
My thoughts too
@@heiwaii847 I'd like to believe that Hank would also try to save the steak if someone took it towards the microwave.
I don’t often yell at rslash , but I have to with this one.
A5 wagyu beef is a once in a lifetime steak even for foodies. It is eye wateringly expensive, and according to those who have had it, is so delicious that, how can I say it?, you need a towel and a cigarette afterwards.
OP had a menu and informed everybody how it was being cooked. The guest, the fledgling Karen, was rude and not a good guest at all. I mean, who takes food that is offered to you for free and puts it in the host’s microwave? And rslash excused that behavior?!?
Even more, OP gave a menu and description of the food, and instead of choosing something else, Karen decided to lecture about food safety. Not only was she rude, but she showed her abject ignorance of the cooking methods that it took OP to do to make the steak delicious. I don’t care if she thought it was “her” steak, her behavior was absolutely inexcusable for an adult.
And afterwards she cuts off all communication for her boyfriend to his friends? She’s toxic, rude, immature, entitled, and Karen. And no, I don’t believe OP is a “food snob.“ He had access to an incredible piece of meat that frankly, he could’ve kept for himself. Instead, he shared it with friends and Karen managed to make herself look like a fool. At least the dogs got something out of it.
Story 2: My grandma lost her husband (My granddad) in 2018 and still wears her wedding ring to this day so I just thought that it was normal for a widow/widower to continue to wear their wedding ring after their late spouse's passing. The point is: op is definitely the asshole.
In the second story:
Op: brings up a sensitive topic and is bothering the widower about something that isn't her bussines at all.
Widower: gets upset.
Op: surprised pikachu face
his*
Story 2: My theory is that OP has a thing for this co-worker. Not wearing a wedding ring when you are married can cause confusion, sure, but wearing one when you're single has absolutely zero negative effect on anybody. The only way I can think of his ring being an inconvenience to somebody is if they wanted to make a move and thought they couldn't.
Honestly. That is the only reason make sense. As to why she is upset with him
My exact thought
@@kervinsantos5808 Dumbass definitely doesn't have a chance now ROFL
I got the same vibe from that story. Like she just wanted to swoop in and it grossed me out
I kind of agree with the reddit consensus of "every one sucks" in the streak story. on the one hand, Dabney, you say he shouldn't magically expect people to know he wants them to warn him ahead of time if they want a well done steak... but he literally told them that; it isn't magically expecting it, he told them.
And I kind of get where the guy is coming from. A5 Wagyu is like 60-100 dollars PER STEAK. Cooking a Wagyu steak well done, objectively, feels like a waste of meat, because it renders the fat TOO much, which basically lowers the quality of the meat to basically entirely defeat the purpose of buying Wagyu. the fat is the entire point, and it genuinely wastes the fat if you cook well-done. It's truly and genuinely not worth the money to eat Wagyu well done. So I get where the guy is coming from; he spent a lot of money and wants the person eating it to actually appreciate it.
THAT SAID. He still was a total asshole about how he went about it. But the girl was also an asshole in the way that she reacted, AND for not reading the menu and letting OP know ahead of time. OP is definitely a douche, but the girl is the one who caused the scene by not even respecting the guy who's giving her free food enough, to so much as read the menu he made?
So yeah. Everyone sucks here. You're going to soft on the girl and maybe just a LITTLE too hard on OP, but he is absolutely an asshole.
The meat story is like offering a 100$ rhum to your guest and watch them add coke to their drink. Not everyone has to have expensive taste… but don’t ruin good stuff
Widower story: OP likely is interested in coworker and can’t accept the coworker is still grieving, and definitely not interested in dating. We have an aunt who lost her husband when she was around 30. She wore her ring and chose to stay single until she passed away at the age of 84.
thats exactly what i think. any sane person would see he is grieving and leave him alone but she just wants his d thats why she doesnt care
exactly! as I was listening I was thinking, "only someone who's interested would say 'it's misleading'". just say you want the man and keep it moving lol
I disagree on the last story, actually. A5 meat is pretty damn expensive, and for someone to want a well done steak.. that can, in many peoples eyes, be seen as ruining it. I feel like it's an American thing to always have things catered to your wishes, being able to change every ingridient of your dish and how it's cooked. But, for instance, if you went to Italy and asked if you could have ketchup with your pasta they would feel like you are disrespecting the time and effort they put in to the food by ruining the taste. I don't think that's snobby, I think it has to do with respect. Either way, I think OP could've maybe put it in a nicer way and told her he put a lot of time and effort into it and would like her to have the steaks as he made them, or try another dish, but she was deffinetly out of line too. Furthermore, I think they could've talked it through instead of blocking him and everyone else instantly.
It wasn't about the steak. The "Blocked everyone" thing says it's only about "being in control of her bf".
I don't think RSLASH know how expensive A5 Wagyu is. Disrespecting a $500 piece of meat should be a felony
My mother lost her husband (my father) at 27. She wore her wedding ring until she died at 60. She never wanted to marry again and chose to put herself through college. Took her ten years but I’ll remember forever going to her graduation in the 6th grade. Rest In Peace, Mom!
We lost my dad in 2010 at the age of 55. My mom just finally took her wedding band off last year. They were together almost 35 years, he was her whole life. I'd be damned if anyone told her to take her ring off before she was ready!
Sorry for your loss.
Welp a bot stole your comment t
@@Th3BlackLotus thanks. I'm okay with it now.
I'm a widow in my 30s and i still wear my ring on occasions. My wedding ring was an unconventional ring but it so holds a lot of great memories. Screw that woman and screw cancer.
I think Rslash missed the point on the steak story. The reason OP put out earlier that if somebody wanted their steaks cook more he'd go out and buy a cheaper cut is because, for some cuts, cooking it well done like that completely ruins the steak and kills a bunch of the flavor that he takes days, or sometimes even months preparing. Like, you dont go through that time and effort just for it to be wasted.
The girlfriend was a guest who refused to eat the steak the way OP had prepared it for, and even tho she had other options for food, she insisted on ruining an expensive steak that OP spend alot of time and effort on. And yes, cooking that cut at well done IS ruining it, just like if I had a cut 9f expensive toro sashimi and somebody insisted on cooking it to all holy hell. Like, I understand some people don't like raw fish, but the compromise is to eat something else, not ruin a perfectly good piece of meat.
The fact that your friend recognized the attitude through text means way more than you even realize lol
Disagree with your last rating the friend way overeacted, especially since there were other dishes she could have eaten. She deserved like 1/5, and her boyfriend deserved 1/5 for the money if it was true that nothing happened to the dress. OP deserved the YTA score though for his comments and general pretentioness. Edit for more information I found on the post:
This has come up before because Redditors don't know what wagyu looks like or how to cook it. Google Wagyu and you'll see that it is raised to be rippled with fat. If you overcook it all that fat will drain out of it and you'll be left with a gnarled and much shrunken piece of meat. Serving it that way is ruining it and what it exists for. The cook is absolutely correct to suggest that someone who wants it that way should not have wagyu at all, any more than you should serve well-done sushi or pasta cooked to the mushiness of Spaghetti-Os.
And another further down:
For normal steak, yes you would cook it to the person whose eating it. BUT NOT A5 WAG. anyone who knows anything about that meat would be appalled at these comments.
First, to give clarity on this meat, very few restaurants in the U.S. are even allowed to sell REAL wagyu. And when you order these, sometimes up to $500 portions, you are NOT allowed to dictate the cook style. You would figure if you are paying top dollar that you would get a choice but no, let alone someone not paying a dime for this.
This is because you have to get certified for even cooking it, and the Japanese farm it comes from dictates this STRICTLY. It is considered the upmost of disrespect to the carefully grown cow and the farmers who handle them to not cook it to these strict standards. Each piece gets a certificate showing its lineage, name, and farmer to show the amount of respect they have for these animals. The Japanese have been known to pull away from the American market for this EXACT reason, assholes demanding it their way because of an imaginary right. A contract is given when each piece is sold from the farm that the meat will be cooked properly.
To be given a piece that can be cooked from home is a rare privilege, as REAL wagyu is so strictly moderated. To cook it to anything less than the requirements is an asshole move. There's no laws preventing people from claiming their meat is wagyu, there's been investigations exposing hundreds of restaurants for this, so to get your hands on a real piece is incredible, and quite frankly I wouldn't have let the girl touch it after the first comment.
Everyone who says that your the asshole, when you provided alternatives, is showing a complete lack of respect for the culture surrounding this meat.
I agree completely she could've gotten a piece of prime and turned it into shoe leather but no she wanted to have something most people will never even try ruined
Wow this turns the tables WIDE.
But still, OP could of at least told her that it CANT be cooked to well done!
Yes, OP was being a steak snob, but...it's the most expensive steak in the world and it's disrespectful to the cow, the farmers, the people who butchered the cow, the distributors, and the chef to serve it WELL DONE. A5 steak is NOT something you handle carelessly.
@@Petal316 he could have but after someone just implied you just tried poisoning all your guests I doubt she would even understand
Almost correct. What you are refering to are Japans localized Wagyu Meats. Kobe, Miyazaki, etc. While those are still Wagyu not every Wagyu is Kobe or Miyazaki. Those are handled with strict regulations. Wagyu itself refers to the breed of cattle itself which can come from anywhere in the world. Lots of European Countries raise their own Wagyu Beef (they still need to be certified and are constantly quality controlled) nowadays, even tho nowhere near to the standard and quality Japans regional breeders do.
On top. The A5 specifies the Quality of that particular piece of meat. Ranging from ungraded for pieces which do not reach minimum requirements to C1 which is the lowest possible grade all the way to A5. So getting A5 Wagyu no matter where from is a rare and expensive luxury most people won't experience in their lives.
It’s really only been 8 months? And he’s supposed to be over it because let me guess, you want him huh OP? Just a guess, at any rate, in his eyes he is still married. He’s not “single”
OP is also showing how deeply she values a commitment if she thinks that 8 months is long enough to get over a partner's death and start looking for a replacement.
I thought she wanted him too. She's 32, he's 36. We "all get along great" but "I think it's misleading to his relationship status".
Desperate much? Have some dignity.
Right, she so worried about what he's doing because she likes him. It's only be 8 months dudes house probably still has her things everywhere. He is not ready to move on and she should mind her business
When it comes to steak that good you go by Hank Hill rules: if they ask for it well done calmly but firmly ask them to leave
Widower: YTA - How dare you tell someone else how to grieve? If he feels like he's still married and wants to wear his ring, it's nothing to you. MYOB, and you deserve what you get.