r/Bestof My Wife Wants a "Hall Pass" to Cheat
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:10 Hall pass
9:30 Pay my kid
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
She cheated she doesn’t deserve to be heard out. A mature conversation is a privilege that she forfeited.
I wish it happened like in Middle Earth, and if you break an oath you are bound to that fate and your spirit cannot rest until you are forgiven by the one who you made the oath to.
@@Nerobyrne I don’t know about that. Because in middle earth, you have vows and oaths that you physically cannot break even when you should.
@@madambutterfly1997 Well, if it was known that this is how it worked, I'd wager people would be more careful about it.
But also, it goes both ways:
If the person you swore the oath to acts dishonerably towards you, then they'd also suffer consequences.
I'm also soundly of the mind that avoiding an argument, which is definitely what would have happened rather than a conversation, IS the mature and responsible thing to do.
Refusing to talk and closing the door on her is actually the smart, mature, rational thing to do.
@@Nerobyrne
We are now friends thanks to your reference to Middle-earth oaths to Eru Ilúvatar
He was there for her, in sickness and in health, and she willfully threw it all away just to scratch an itch. What a POS.
This stuff is rough and hits a bit close to home. My best friend was with his gf when she was deadly sick after an operation gone wrong. He was there for her when she was at his lowest as she was when he was.
After her surgery, when she recovered and was feeling better about her health and looks, she asked for a break. She ended up dumping him before going studying abroad. I hate that and I hate knowing what that break and breakup both entailed. These people really have no qualm being this callous.
@@hiroshi7025That is a really sh*tty thing to do and awful way to repay someone who stuck by you through your illness like that she's absolute trash as well but at least she had the decency to break up rather than just cheat on him and tell him to get over it. This woman is worse for sure though both are trash no doubt
@@sheldonrhymes8900 I sort of fail to see what my friend did to be trash himself, but yeah, I hold no specific grudge against her because that's between the two of them and he wouldn't want me to have any business in that. But I sure feel some sort of disappointment because we welcomed her with us and she became truly part of the gang.
@@hiroshi7025 No not saying he's trash, I said she's trash. If I were you I'd cut ties with her altogether. She deserves ex-communicado 💯 support your friend is about all you can do in that situation. She made her bed now she can lie in it. People don't learn until they face consequences and that's why if she has no repercussions for her sh*tty actions then she will just continue to do it to others with no remorse.
@@sheldonrhymes8900 I don't think she'll face any backlash. She has a pretty comfy life and lives La vida loca by going to the club whenever she likes and is the type to get a 99% hit success rate.
I support my friend however I can, but there's always so much you can do. I make sure to check up on him when I can and told him that it's normal to feel like ish, since it's his first big breakup (3-4ish years), that it will take a deal of time and it's normal, that's how it works. But he can rely on me and his relatives whenever he needs help and we'll come running.
So yeah, as of now, he's a bit down but getting a bit better. No one in the group knows because he doesn't want this to be voiced up, but we don't meet that often anyway. Also, I can't really cut her off since I lent her a video game I need to take back soon. 🚬😮💨
That’s so sad, OP spent 20+ years with her only to be told his wife didn’t want to be “shackled down” to him.
Shit like this makes me want to die alone ngl
@@NerobyrneSame, I'm personally not looking anymore atm but I will never blame dudes who just totally check out of dating.
I’m a woman and I think this woman needs serious therapy. I had a hysterectomy at 30. My husband stayed with me and helped me through it. I stayed with him through his issues as well. We were together until he passed from cancer after 31 years of marriage. We put the fun in dysfunctional. Miss you, Bob.
The second she asked for a hall pass he should have contacted a divorce lawyer. The marriage was over when she verbalized the, "request". Whatever happened to, "for better or worse"?
@@Fireguy97- I would have given her a pass on the request, because everyone has wants and needs and open communication is key to a good relationship. But the moment she started hedging and speaking for the husband and not letting the husband respond, and *definitely* at the point when she said it wasn’t his decision any longer, that’s when it’s no longer salvageable.
The first story had a second update:
UPDATE I am a loss as to what to do with my (54M) wife (51F) Hall past request
UPDATE 2:
My lawyer wasn’t available for a few days, so I was faced with the reality of having to live with my wife in the interim. I really didn’t want to go home and have any discussion, let alone a discussion about our relationship.
When I did get home I was basically ambushed by her friends and my mother in-law. Instead of taking the remorseful approach they decided that a full court press was what the situation warranted and I was basically berated by them. The BFF was definitely the ringleader, but all of them decided to say such things as; she’s been through a lot, you don’t know what she’s been through, you have no idea what it is like to face something like this, this was a one time thing, at least she told you she could have hidden it from you, she will never see the guy again, and my favorite, you are an asshole for what you have been putting her through these last couple of days.
I listened with a “dumbass smirk” on my face and when there was a lull in their fury, I asked if they were all done now. Then I asked my wife if there was anyone in her circle of friends or anyone else that she forgot to tell about this. I quietly informed all of them that I was going to sit down with their husbands and tell them about how they verbally abusing me, shaming me and trying to coerce me into staying with a cheater. After I told them to leave, I said that I had no say in entire event and so they have no say in whether I stay or not.
My STBXW sort of apologized. She said that she regretted the entire thing. I said there is a difference between regret and remorse. You regret what happened because of the cause-and-effect. You have regret because your life will never be the same, our relationship will never be the same because you where wholly and willfully unconcerned about me and what I wanted.
She asked if I had any questions that she would answer them now, no matter how disturbing. I said that the one question I do have is Why. Not necessarily why this guy, why this low-end unattractive, unfit guy, but why someone else in the first place? She said that the cancer scared her to her core. She felt like she was rushing toward mortality and stepping out of that tunnel was appealing. She said that after all this time of being a wife, and mother and worrying about family, this was something just for her. An escape. The guy was just someone who was interested in her for a long time, she knew wouldn’t say no and was completely opposite to me. I said if I was going to risk my marriage, the woman would have to be a serious upgrade from you. I told her that I saw you and him coming out of the bar that night. I watched you walk away from the bar hand-in-hand towards the hotel. I said that you looked too familiar with each other and asked if there was something going on before all this. She said no but who knows if that is the truth or not.
I said that after all our years together, your lack of respect for me was astonishing. I finished by saying that I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I condoned that level of disrespect and stayed with you. I said I hope we can go our separate ways amicably and that I have an appointment with a lawyer later in the week. I again asked her to find some other accommodations and she simply said, I am not going anywhere. We are not getting a divorce. I will give you all the time you need and do whatever you need to recover from this. We will get past this. She has asked me to go to marriage counseling, which I refused. Why would I go to counseling, I did nothing to warrant needing a therapists advice.
I had her served and gave her a notice to vacate (the house is my premarital asset). She has moved in with her mom but I find her constantly coming by to see if I need anything or making suggestions like ‘what if we had an open relationship only on your side or threesomes’, which seems kind of desperate and pathetic. Rebuffing her constantly and telling her she has to call to ask permission before coming by and finally seems to getting through to her that there will be no us going forward. She has said that she will drag the divorce out for as long as possible, but so far has been compliant.
The worst part of all this is telling my daughter that we are getting a divorce and why, followed closely by her begging me to give her mom another chance. I am not sure I would have been afforded the same consideration if I was the one who was cheating.
TLDR: A lot of unkind things were said but she has been served and has moved out. Divorce is next with me hoping mediation is reasonable and I don’t get screwed in the end.
In a comment, OP said his daughter is coming around to his side.
@@Alakaizerthat's good. I think, at first, it was just the shock and not wanting her family crumbling because of a CHOICE (cheating is not a mistake) and her wanting the familiarities of her life to be normal.
Thank you! Needs to be pinned!
@@Alakaizer Absolutely great to hear honestly. Methinks she didn't quite get what happened until it all sank in or maybe the wife got to her first.
The level of disrespect STBXW had for OP is so freaking galling, it should be overrun with Romans.
I think that's actually worse than the infidelity; that _smugness._ That confidence that OP needed her more than he had backbone. That in truth, he was too obsessed with her for standards.
Sis is living proof that you can over-bet a good hand.♠️
Story 1: OP you're not callus, misogynistic, or terrible for not giving your wife a pass to cheat on you. She and her friends can go to hell her having cancer doesn't mean she can disregard you and your feelings. She knew the consequences but thought she could still force you, that's on her.
Yeah, nobody should be shamed for their sexual preferences, which includes monogamy.
I absolutely hate it when people use feminist language to be anti-feminist. Pisses me right the hell off.
Agreed
I thought she was intelligent and loyal lol, clearly, she's none of those if she thought anything but this outcome would happen. Or maybe she thought if she guilt-tripped her husband enough he'd let her do literally anything.
Massive red flag.
A tragedy. So many innocent people who deserved to live are claimed by cancer each year
....and then this woman lives
Story 2: OP is the MVP here. Here's what she did:
- Supports her daughter unconditionally.
- Defends her from bullies.
- Refuse to let her be exploited.
- Wants to give her the experience even if the relative refuses to pay.
- Make compromises for everything.
OP my friend, you are definitely earning mother of the year.
Also, teach her that just because someone is family doesn't mean that they just get free labor.
@@Nerobyrne That too. Just because you're "faaaamily" doesn't mean you get to use someone for free labor.
Thats a great mom skills that will put shame on any karen family
One of the best things OP did was let her make the final decision after she had all the information. OP explained it all to her and I am sure they even called bakeries to see how much it would of cost their relative as well. This was a great solution let her do the cupcakes at the venue get valuable experience in a real kitchen and the gift cards. I really thought the relative was a trash human and probably still is to an extent. But they came up with a viable result that everyone could be happy with. Good on OP to let her daughter find her passion. Find something you love and you never feel like you are working. Also the venue's owner is awesome as well.
I love that OP is encouraging her daughter 's passion for baking. May their oven always be the perfect temperature and may the baked goods always come out perfectly.
If the family member is mad that you are promoting “child labor” tell her that you’d rather promote child labor instead of “child slavery”!
Boom!
Ermmmmm both are still pretty bad
Well stated.
@@blahbleh5671Completely agree but I think in this case the child enjoys doing it and genuinely wants to but for that amount of ingredients and time I think she also deserves some form of compensation because she is working after all
@@rhiiii6657 no I just mean it doesn't sound like a 'burn' because he replaces one thing with something that's almost as bad. I can't think of a good example but it's like someone calls your kid an idiot and you say 'pah no, he isn't an idiot, he's just special'
"She doesn't want to be handcuffed from things she wants to do." So she's been wanting to cheat for a while it seems. You agreed to marriage a tie between 2 people (or more with consent" and you think you're handcuffed to it??/ Like what.
Nobody is hand-cuffing her, she can still do it.
She just doesn't want to live with the consequences of her actions.
@@Nerobyrne yeah, I agree with you
@@Nerobyrne - It would actually raise flags and make me wonder if she hadnt really been doing it in the past already.
@@RyanthusarIt also seemed a little weird, that from OP being able to watch the interaction between his wife and this man, it made it seem like there was more friendliness there than just her telling this man she wanted sleep with him that night.
She’s already cheated. She just wants forgiveness for doing it now.
During the course of our 46 year marriage I was diagnosed three times with cancer. It makes me feel so profoundly blessed that I have a husband that has stood by me, supported me and loved me throughout it all!
Congratulations on kicking cancer's butt three times, here's hoping it's got the message now! And your husband sounds like a gem.
Hi, I'm just a random person on the internet and I was wondering.
How do you keep the marriage going?
Last Story: Op is the badass, supportive Mama Bear that ANY child with toxic, entitled relatives needs.
I hope this kid continues to enjoy her passion
Story 2: "You're promoting child labor!"
- the person who asked a child to bake them free cupcakes
My response would have been "Then you're promoting child slavery!" and then hang up.
@@AlakaizerOP sort of did that, didn't she? She made the point that her relative was expecting to benefit from free child labor.
It's funny because one of the biggest critiques of child labor is that potential employers would use a child's status as a child as an excuse to pay them below the minimum wage. There's workplace dangers and the fact children deserve freedom but by far the biggest reason child labor is seen as wrong is because of the way it exploits children who don't have a concept of the worth of their labor yet, who are so used to doing everything adults tell them just because they're adults without question, that they can be easily taken advantage of and underpaid. Legal working ages start at around 16 because that's when teens are old enough to realize that their work is valuable and they should stand up for themselves if treated unfairly. Teens are more rebellious so it's harder to take advantage of us as an employer, meanwhile children are very easy to take advantage of, meaning the law must protect them.
Which is funny because what the relative is doing is exploiting her, forcing her to do labor for no pay at all. She's committing to doing the thing that makes child labor a problem, exploiting her status as a child and her lack of knowledge of how valuable her work is to not compensate her fairly. So why does this relative REALLY have a problem with child labor?
@@redtailarts101 the problem the relative has with child labor is payment. That's why I made the slavery distinction.
@@Alakaizer I wasn't directly responding to you I was responding to the comment. Also I agree with you and the original commenter
Pay my Kid: THIS! This is parenting as it should be! You encourage, you guide, you teach, and when necessary, you step in. By the time this little baker is an adult, she will KNOW her worth, and how to advocate for herself. Job very well done
How does cancer give you the epiphany that you need to sleep around and cheat on your husband?
I could see the idea of trying something new coming into one's mind after having a near death experience (and cancer is a near death, imo). If all she had done was ask something like, "I want to try having a new sexual experience," or "I want to go to a whole new place!" and they had talked it out, then it'd have been fine.
It's that fact that she planned the whole thing out, picked a person who she was obviously attracted to and then went to her husband and pretended that everything was normal. She just wanted to cheat and cancer was the excuse.
So there are studies (different percentages, but all that I looked at agreed about the gender statistics part of it) that say that women are 20 times more likely to get divorced by their husbands when they are dealing with an illness (men are left about 3% of the time). Something like 1/4 marriages end in divorce after a serious illness. The thing is, the majority of the time it’s the healthy spouse who dips. That’s what’s so wild about this story.
She watched her husband take care of her and be there for her cancer diagnosis, and instead of feeling ecstatic that she married a good man, who actually takes his vows seriously, she felt the urge to cheat the moment she was healthy enough to do so.
What a trash human being.
Nothing to kick off a mid-life crisis like being mentally confronted with your own mortality.
My parents have been married for 50 some odd years. My mother has been through cancer, I believe this is the fourth time now, but never once has she thought oh I better go cheat on my husband. All it's done is make her love him even more I think. My dad dotes on her, does everything for her that he can. I would think it would make you more grateful that you have somebody in your life that care so much about you rather than want somebody else instead.
@@JDM-is-my-nameFor some reason I don't feel mad at this woman. I think it's because she was upfront with her husband. As you said, when you suffer a potentially life ending event, you realize life is too short, and you sometimes want to try things you've never tried before.
This woman has been married for over 20 years. Considering the circumstances, I can understand why she may want to drift. Honestly, I totally understand where the husband is coming from, and I don't blame him for wanting to divorce her. But at the same token, I also don't blame the women here either.
There are many, _many_ stories on Reddit where I will blame the cheater, but this is, surprisingly, not one of them. She set the expectations, he refused, they got divorced. She was never deceptive about her intentions, and she was up front, instead of seeking forgiveness after the fact. The decision was his and his alone to make. The other option is she could have simply divorced him without any amount of closure.
A “hall pass” for cheating after a 20 year relationship that’s the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. And how is he toxic about rejecting about it and her doing this behind the OPs back and I feel bad for op. I’m glad the op stand up to the idea but the wife wanted to do this im sorry for op for having a wife ruin a 20 year relationship
Yes because when weighing the balance of what's important a single physical action is clearly more important than all the emotions and weight behind the relationship for 20 years
Tiffany Mary fun when you're not marrying a person you're just marrying their body that you now get to own
He's stronger than me. As soon as she said she's "taking the burden of choosing off my hands", I'd tank a speeding ticket driving to the closest divorce lawyer. I swear I'm turning into the love child of Ricky Bobby, Speed Racer and Dale Earhart Jr.
@@lahlybird895 You can be a cuck for all we care, if your marriage is worth so little that other people can be included into it at willy nilly then that's for you to decide. Personally I'm proud of the man for taking a stance against someone that obviously is a manipulator and doesn't respect him.
@@lahlybird895 That's a lot of words to say you just don't understand human interactions and relationships.
@@lahlybird895 basically, that woman is crazy and belongs on the streets with her midlife crisis and cheating tendencies
1st story has another update.
TL:DR of it was Ops wife,her mother and her friends tried to guilttrip op. Op threatened to tell their husbands how the were defending cheating so they shut up. OPs wife was crying,apologising and tried coming up with solutions without divorce(i.e allowing him to cheat or councelling). OP refused and served divorce papers
Yeah, it is VERY weird that a bunch of married women would act as if surviving cancer is a get out of jail free card to trash your marriage. I find it difficult to believe they would be as understanding if OP were the cancer survivor cheater!
Story 2: This is peak parenting. Kudos to OP being such an amazing parent to her daughter! :D
This kid at story 2 is so ADORABLE !! I want to try her bakeries, and OP is an amazing supportive mom, that makes me feel happy now ❤ At least the relative was offering this gift, she was a Karen for the 3/4 of the story + update. But yeah, that story warms my heart❤
After that awful wife in the first story, the amazing mum and daughter in the second one were a perfect mood lifter. What s great team. Please feel encouraged to read more positive stories like this! We'll listen!
I think there's a future star pastry chef under second OP's roof and she's going to get all the love and support she needs.
With this first story, I feel like she'd be angry if he cheated on her and claim that he's being another toxic man. I don't get how he's showing toxic masculinity for not wanting to be cheated on. I think toxic masculinity is if he cheated the moment he found out she had cancer, not being supportive the whole time.
These days, buzzwords like insecure and toxic masculinity just mean “Shut up and do what I want.” Little more than manipulation
I suspect the wife was stupidly listening to her BFF who had no skin in the game AND was reinforcing what she wanted to hear.
If anything, she was showing toxic feminity.
It's just feminist buzzwords used to shame and manipulate men into giving them their way. Nothing more.
@@joshdillon9637 False. It's not feminist buzzwords. Toxic masculinity is a thing. It's not however the issue here. Not many spouses would sign off on the wife's 'hall pass', obviously. The wife (and her bff) were clearly trying to manipulate OP.
Ok the kid loving baking is amazing, I love how OP is supporting their child, and does so much good for that child. This is top tier parenting in my book!
The fact that the wife started with an attack on OP's character, followed by her friend being ready to swoop in and bash him for being upset, says that she knew how wrong she was. Does this kind of manipulation fall under gaslighting?
I would say yes.
FAT. INSTANT. YES.
okay what makes it worse on the attack of character is it’s labeled as “toxic masculinity” like LADY its not toxic to not want to have ur partner cheat, and shame on that friend for backing her up ik i wouldn’t and ik damn well my friends would call me out.
I could maybe overlook the cheating part. Not saying he should or that I definitely would, just saying maybe I could. What I could not overlook is the blatant manipulation. I think I'd be calling the divorce lawyer at that point even if she hadn't gone through with it.
STORY 1 UPDATE!!!
My lawyer wasn’t available for a few days, so I was faced with the reality of having to live with my wife in the interim. I really didn’t want to go home and have any discussion, let alone a discussion about our relationship.
When I did get home I was basically ambushed by her friends and my mother in-law. Instead of taking the remorseful approach they decided that a full court press was what the situation warranted and I was basically berated by them. The BFF was definitely the ringleader, but all of them decided to say such things as; she’s been through a lot, you don’t know what she’s been through, you have no idea what it is like to face something like this, this was a one time thing, at least she told you she could have hidden it from you, she will never see the guy again, and my favorite, you are an asshole for what you have been putting her through these last couple of days.
I listened with a “dumbass smirk” on my face and when there was a lull in their fury, I asked if they were all done now. Then I asked my wife if there was anyone in her circle of friends or anyone else that she forgot to tell about this. I quietly informed all of them that I was going to sit down with their husbands and tell them about how they verbally abusing me, shaming me and trying to coerce me into staying with a cheater. After I told them to leave, I said that I had no say in entire event and so they have no say in whether I stay or not.
My STBXW sort of apologized. She said that she regretted the entire thing. I said there is a difference between regret and remorse. You regret what happened because of the cause-and-effect. You have regret because your life will never be the same, our relationship will never be the same because you where wholly and willfully unconcerned about me and what I wanted.
She asked if I had any questions that she would answer them now, no matter how disturbing. I said that the one question I do have is Why. Not necessarily why this guy, why this low-end unattractive, unfit guy, but why someone else in the first place? She said that the cancer scared her to her core. She felt like she was rushing toward mortality and stepping out of that tunnel was appealing. She said that after all this time of being a wife, and mother and worrying about family, this was something just for her. An escape. The guy was just someone who was interested in her for a long time, she knew wouldn’t say no and was completely opposite to me. I said if I was going to risk my marriage, the woman would have to be a serious upgrade from you. I told her that I saw you and him coming out of the bar that night. I watched you walk away from the bar hand-in-hand towards the hotel. I said that you looked too familiar with each other and asked if there was something going on before all this. She said no but who knows if that is the truth or not.
I said that after all our years together, your lack of respect for me was astonishing. I finished by saying that I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I condoned that level of disrespect and stayed with you. I said I hope we can go our separate ways amicably and that I have an appointment with a lawyer later in the week. I again asked her to find some other accommodations and she simply said, I am not going anywhere. We are not getting a divorce. I will give you all the time you need and do whatever you need to recover from this. We will get past this. She has asked me to go to marriage counseling, which I refused. Why would I go to counseling, I did nothing to warrant needing a therapists advice.
I had her served and gave her a notice to vacate (the house is my premarital asset). She has moved in with her mom but I find her constantly coming by to see if I need anything or making suggestions like ‘what if we had an open relationship only on your side or threesomes’, which seems kind of desperate and pathetic. Rebuffing her constantly and telling her she has to call to ask permission before coming by and finally seems to getting through to her that there will be no us going forward. She has said that she will drag the divorce out for as long as possible, but so far has been compliant. The worst part of all this is telling my daughter that we are getting a divorce and why, followed closely by her begging me to give her mom another chance. I am not sure I would have been afforded the same consideration if I was the one who was cheating.
TLDR: A lot of unkind things were said but she has been served and has moved out. Divorce is next with me hoping mediation is reasonable and I don’t get screwed in the end.
Thanks for sharing the whole update without summarizing it in your own words. The depravity of this situation is lost when taken out of context.
Sounds like she should have taken up a new hobby or gone sky diving -- something that wouldn't destroy their marriage.
Man that first story is infuriating. The wife is so obsessed with “living life to the fullest” and yet she’s surprised when her husband wants to leave her after she makes it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that the life, relationship, and intimacy that they had together as a married couple just wasn’t enough for her. You made your choice, now you get to experience divorced life before you die
Yep, you can't have everything but you can decide if living life to the fullest is fing a random guy or having a beautiful supportive lifelong marriage and family.
Story 1: Sometimes, they just want to cheat. There's no clear reason, they just want to.
And it's not insecurity, toxicity, callous, etc, to not allow even a one-time cheat, that's just not what that means.
It means setting a boundary, yes. And it is well within your right to tell your SO that you, in fact, aren't okay with their choice just as much as they can to you.
So anything she says, I'll just think "he set a boundary and you are not respecting it and that's on you so don't you act like he's the problem here"
She has cheated before guaranteed
Some ppl just fundamentally selfish. It honestly seems like,e the trauma of her ordeal has given OP's _ex_ wife a big ol' case of Main Character Syndrome.
I can't respect it.
The reason is that is stokes their ego's to do so. Even more so if the husband knows about it and won't step up and step out in response. women love doormatts because it just makes them wonder 'how much like shit can I treat this person before they up and leave?'. The worse they can treat someone without any backlash the better they feel about themselves. It's purely ego driven in cases like these. And unfortunately, modern day society caters to this behaviour, especially in women, which makes the problem 10 fold worse.
fortunately, once you experience this behaviour in a partner it's pretty easy to spot the flags. Just like the latest cold strain; so long as you're in good condition, you'll never catch it again.
@@jamesmurphy7828men love doormats and unfortunately modern day society caters to their behaviour.
The first story was hella messed up. It's one thing to communicate to your partner and express a desire to sleep with someone else. It's totally different once you communicate, they tell you they are not cool with it, then still do it. That's super fucked, I'd never look at my partner the same.
They ate both fd and neither action is ok. If you want to sleep with someone else and you are married there are exactly 2 acceptable options. 1. Get divorced. 2. Put it out of your mind and accept we can't just do whatever we like. Even asking is a betrayal.
OP in the cupcake story sounds like an incredible parent. Not only did they stand up for their kid, but they gave her all the information and resources to be able to make the best decision for herself.
Seriously 10/10 parenting. They guided their daughter through this life experience in a way that helped her determine where her boundaries are and what her labor is worth to her. A++ job
Story 2: way to parent OP!
You've taught your daughter not only how to stick up for herself but that her time and effort is important. As many small business owners can attest to, you're not just selling products but also your time and your time is valuable. So of you're daughter ever decides to continue this passion as a career she'll know that not only is she loved and supported but she doesn't owe anyone free labor because she's worth more
That first story is so aggravating. Cancer isn’t a “time to cheat” switch. Yeah you risk your life, but it’s a disgusting excuse to be a cheater.
Okay that second story cheered me back up. Thank you cupcake girl and mom.
Oh the cheat pass!I remember it from my mom's ex friends marriage(they're divorced now)
I appreciate you using the correct "they're"
Story 1: The wife needs to find a therapist if she thinks that asking to cheat on her husband WHILE YOU ARE MARRIED AND NOT DIVORCED all cause you are "handcuffed to a marriage" and believe your in the right!? OP thankfully dodged a bullet there cause god, she is nuts!!
Story 2: If i was in her position, I would've cancel the order and tell them to frick off and buy some cheap cupcakes from a store, no one should treat a young baker like that, what a monster to not pay her for her work. Prop to OP for sticking up to their daughter and making sure she is happy
In update op wife tried to take him to marriage counseling, but he declined saying he did nothing wrong, they are divorcing, his wife moved to her mom, they no longer live together.
@@Mithandune Serves her right, OP really dodged a bullet, thank you for giving me the update on the post 🙏
First story has a 2nd update:
Basically, he was ambushed by a team composed of his MIL and friends, being the horrible friend the leader. Told him that he should forgave her, that at least she told him, he's being unrational and whatnot.
He somewhat scared them away by saying that he would tell her husbands that They're harassing them and siding with a cheater, also that They have no say in this.
Then talked to his wife. She half-apologized, tried to play it down and offered a list of weird ideas to making up for it (from counseling to threesomes). He said no and served her a vacancy notice (his house) and she left.
He's still going thru the divorce. Daughter of them doesnt approve what her mom did but she's constantly saying that he should forgive her.
Everyone who wants op to forgive is a terrible person and deserves to be alone for eternity...
@@thetruth1816 Except the daughter. I think there's often a desperation to keep your parents together...
@@fdm2155 she should understand that her mom is a scumbag and her dad is showing her " know yourself worth and not just forgive and forget just because "..
@thetruth1816 depends on how old the daughter is,if she's in the teen years then yeah but if she's any younger than no she's not at fault simply cause she's to young to fully understand the situation
@@honeykrisp16 I guess your right..
Rslash, you sweet summer child... they haven't had a "loving committed relationship" for 20 years. She's been exactly who she is the whole time (and her best friend has been enabling her entitlement, apparently), until the stresses of cancer and fear of death made her mask slip and she wanted to do more than get compliments from strangers and co-workers.
I am willing to bet my entire net worth that 'friend' is a divorced and single miserable marriage-hater who has been trying to poison the mind of that wife with man-hate for years.
Story 1: I really wanted op to cross the road, introduce himself to the other guy and tell him that he was not ok with what his wife was planning.
I've heard Story 1 on another channel just the other day, and there is another update. To summarize, OP served his STBX divorce papers, and in response, she, her mother, the best friend and some other friends tried to stage an intervention for OP: OP, in response, told the husbands of all parties involved to be on the lookout, since apparently their wives endorse cheating. The twist of the story? Most of the people involved in the intervention were cheating on their SO, either via messages or full-on emotional affairs, with the best friend having a physical affair on top of it. Guess we know where the STBX got the idea...
Story 2 makes me think of the time my mom 'commissioned' me to do all the floral arrangements for her step daughters wedding. We agreed to $400, which they were supposed to pay up front.
They didn't. That wedding was last December. I received half of what I was owed _months_ after the fact and not a penny more.
And my mom keeps saying she and them can help pay for MY wedding. _Woman you can't even afford $200, what makes you think you could make any sizeable contribution to a full wedding?_
She deliberately denied OP an adult conversation about it multiple times. She lost the right to talk it out.
I have heard story 1 many times and it still blows my mind the absolutely insane mental contortions she executed to try and justify her infidelity.
The last story made my heart sing, too. Seventy five cupcakes is not a favour to a family member; it is a serious undertaking that closes a kitchen for an entire day. Update after update I was so glad to see where it went. If this mother and daughter end up opening a bakery, I will tip 20%...
Cupcakes are such a major pain in the a** for how small they are.
I was doing the math on that. Cupcake pans typically have 12 wells, and you can usually do 2 pans at a time in a home oven, so that would take at least 4 rounds to do 75.
@@kevinmencer3782 My mother bakes in her own kitchen. I know what an effort it is. She wonders why I make soup. Because I can? I can't give her a better reason than that I'm not a skilled baker....
@@evanglas58 it doesn't help that baking successfully involves more chemistry than normal cooking.
I think this might be more common than you think, that is, for people undergoing terminal illness to go wild. My husband’s aunt used to be married to this guy whom everyone in the family adored. Then, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, seemingly out of the blue; he only had months to live. He went out and cheated on his wife (my husband’s aunt), ruining his marriage of several years with teenage children and all, and then, shortly after, he died. He left his family utterly traumatized. What an effing jerk!
I think what bugs me most about story 1 is how the wife tried to frame it as an open discussion then not only backtracked when her husband was obviously not on board she straight up decided his consent was not and never was necessary and spoke over him and did the deed with another man anyway. Absolutely disgusting and manipulative behavior. Having a disease that millions of others also suffer through does not give you a free pass to be a shitty partner or person. The big C does change your life, more than most anything will, but it doesn't magically make you a cheater. That was something she already had inside her and she used her already cured cancer as a scapegoat.
Story 2: how much you wanna bet the CB relative let slip to someone that she wanted a kid to do cupcakes for free and someone chewed her out. She's not doing the right this cause it's right, she's doing it to save face.
The third story is soooo nice, first, the mother, amazing parenting, 11/10, encouraging a kid this much is amazing. And also the relative. I'm glad they changed, even if it took some time, but the relevant thing is that they DID change. Arranging for the kid to bake cupcakes in the venue's kitchen is awesome! The kid's gonna be so excited. This honestly makes me want to bake some cupcakes
The second story
I'd applaud the venue owners. What exactly did relative sacrifice?
Second story
@@neverdateagamer1498 I mean they asked and made the child free occasion to at least one with a kid in the kitchen, being appreciated
@@hentaigustav92 it was cheapest way for relative to get what they wanted and also the bare minimum if she didn't wanna pay for 75 cupcakes. Thats alot for just a child. If I genuinely couldn't pay then I'd be doing much more favors then just letting OP's daughter just bake at the venue. Just seems like she was still taken advantage of.
"I thought we talked about this!" No, YOU told your HUSBAND OF 20 FREAKING YEARS that he's not enough. You told him what was going to happen REGARDLESS of how he felt about it. That's not talking about it.
The wife in the first post is the textbook definition of a toxic partner. A person who does something that is undeniably wrong, give some half assed excuse for their actions, and then blames the innocent party for being upset.
I’m glad that OP had it written in text that he wasn’t OK with what was going on, because the information about her adultery could definitely help in a divorce proceeding. I really hope he can recover from this situation and find love with someone who actually deserves him.
His wife clearly thought she had him whipped so hard that he wouldn’t leave. Good for him for having some self respect and showing her the door.
This is insane to me. I had stage 3 cancer, and going through surgery and recovery with my husband by my side did nothing but strengthen our relationship! I can't imagine anyone BUT my amazing husband being in my life, because he's shown me how much he loves me by supporting me and loving me through my cancer journey. How in the world could someone treat their life partner the way OP did after everything he's stood by her through?!
Story 1:
This story keeps going, btw. The cheater tried to have an intervention with her group consisting of the mil and her friends-which Op promptly shuts down by saying, “I should contact your husbands about this because you are arguing that I should forgive a cheater.”
Story 2:
I would have utterly refused to do this. This cousin sounds extremely exploitative.
She cries “Child Labor”, only to exploit and harass a young child to make 75 cupcakes.
Gotta love when someone tries to coerce you into letting them cheat on you, and then pretend that they were asking when they were just telling you. That girl deserves to be miserable the rest of her life, and I guarantee she will with that outlook.
rSlash, after so many bad takes I'm glad to hear you stand up for OP in the 1st story. What that guy is going through is so heart-breaking. Any partner who tries to force their partner through that crap is scum.
Thanks?
What do you mean "after so many bad takes"? RSlash has hand a hand full of bad takes in as many years. Even then the closest thing he's ever had to a "bad take" is not sharing my militantly child free attitude towards life. Which isn't a bad take, it's a philosophical difference.
@@rSlashlol ikr? What kind of thing is that to say?
@@puppetmastereyPeople have often accused RSlash of always siding with the woman in situations like this (AITA has been accused of that as well), so it was refreshing not to see that here.
@@rSlash Well, to be fair you’ve recently been having takes that you get dog piled on enough for you to delete it, “apologize” for it and not actually explain why you had such a bad take that you needed to remove it and sadly that appears to be a daily occurrence now. Ironically, some people have even said for you to NOT remove them as it paints you in a much worse light than just owning up to it. From some of the comments I’ve read in other videos, you already have viewers calling you spineless, whipped, white knight, simp, sexist etc, while I, like other people here are glad you didn’t have a bad take here the “Pants in the relationship” comment did spark a tiny amount of backlash, not a lot but I’ve seen it here. Are you always gonna make everyone happy? NO, not by a longshot, hell some people in this comment section are actually DEFENDING the cheating wife but what you can do is make the majority happy. Best of luck Dabney, I’ll be listening to the next video tomorrow!
12:15 I think the phrase "go headbutt a moose" is one of the best insults/alternatives to "fuck off" I've ever heard holy shit
Story 2. I hope that kid has the time of her life in the industrial kitchen and that the relative remembers the lesson they learned. Everyone should be paid for labor. Even relatives/ minors.
ESPECIALLY minors!
@@kranberry3318 No.. even is correct...
Before paying minors, we have to pay hard working adults enough to to support their families and children!
A child should never be in the position where they must work to support their families as well... And to achieve that, the parents need to be paid accordingly!
Love the last story! What a great mom and I’m excited for her kid! I hope her kid sticks with the passion for baking!!
Took him 20 years to realize his wife is trash. Those Promises meant nothing to her. She goes through a major health scare well-being supported by her husband and her response is to cheat on this man and then expect nothing will go wrong. She destroyed the marriage and she can get what is coming to her.
I don't understand her thought process, I mean he was taking her on all those fancy trips and she decides to ruin it for a short sexual encounter.
@@erikmckoul2478 Right? It was as if she expected him to just be a doormat and be waiting for her when she got back without any side-effects. It's a good thing he actually has self-worth, unlike her.
"Go headbutt a moose" is such a Canadian insult to say. Why didn't I think of it sooner? 😂
I’ve never heard that insult before and it made me laugh
I love how rslash is so passionate about good parents stories. I am parent myself and listening to you and setting up examples of how good parents should behave with their children really inspires me. Thank you rslash, thank you so much.
I don't think rslash should be parent tho. He asked for a nsfw video from underage boy.
First story, I’m sorry this guy wasted 30 years on this woman. She totally didn’t deserve him.
Second story: Parent of the year award!!!
I will never understand folks who are willing to throw away their whole loves over a one time thing.
2nd story: Part of me wonders if the family member complained to either the other bakers or to other family members and got put in her place. It is one thing for someone like me, a full grown adult to choose to do a ton of baking (like last week I baked and decorated 60 cupcakes for a party I attended) because I want to. It is another thing to act like you are doing a child a favor but demanding free (slave) labor from them. Does this family member also think a 14y/o babysitter shouldn't be paid because they are a child? Good grief!
OP is a great mom.
Story 1: OP’s wife is manipulative as hell and super gross. There are so many other ways to live your life to the fullest, why does she have to have sex with some random guy? And how terrible that she’s surprised that OP wants a divorce/separation after claiming to “know him so well”, despite knowing his answer when she asked him if she could cheat?
So her way of saying thank you and I love you to her husband, who not only stood by her, but also took care of hsr through her cancer diagnosis and treatment was to sleep with someone else!?! And then she has the audacity to be potentially mad that he wouldn't let it happen!!! Wow, just wow! This man is not toxic or any of the things her or her bff said he was. He was just a loving and good man who didn't deserve any of what happened.
8:39 this story sounds so familiar, like I've heard it before from the wife's perspective, and if my memory serves correctly, OP is not making her out to be the bad guy or lying about the situation, she legit doesn't understand why he wants a divorce after cheating on him "because we talked about it before I did anything!"
Imagine how torturous it would have been to be in OP's shoes, knowing your wife plans to cheat on you, that there's nothing you can say or do to dissuade her, you know she's planning to betray you for no other reason than "I want to live a little". I think that might be worse than finding out your partner's cheated after the fact, because you have to just sit there with that impending sense of doom for your relationship knowing your partner is going to consciously choose to betray you. And she expected OP to just be OK with that?!? Did she learn a single thing about him in those twenty years of marriage?!? She's lucky OP's mental health held firm in the face of that betrayal, because she could VERY easily have come home from that to find a scene that would make her vividly aware of OP's mortality to go along with her own, with nothing she could do to change that either. That level of betrayal would be too much to bear for most people, and it really speaks to OP's strength to endure that and simply walk away without spiralling into a depression. At least I hope he hasn't. I'd understand if he had. Get a therapist either way, OP, don't let it stew. She doesn't deserve your tears.
In any case, she would be more than happy to let OP passionately hug another woman since "OP doesn't want to be handcuffed for doing things he want to do!" oh i forgot, for these cheaters is fair to ask for a open relationship or this stupid "hall pass" but not for their partners only for them.
He doesn't want one. He believes in actual marriage.
He went through pain an suffering seeing his wife have cancer. I bet she was planning on sleeping with him for a long time and she just found an excuse to try to get away with it.
#2 She is such a great mom.
Honestly love how everyone who stupidly says; "first"
Is never first 😂
When OP's friend came in, it all suddenly made sense. In so many of these stories there's always an unhappy, single friend that whispers poison in the wife's ear. Why does this seem like a common theme lately?
1: surviving cancer doesn’t give you immunity to consequences
2: absolutely adorable
I’ve been cheated on before. It’s not fun being on that end. I feel bad for OP in the first story. What a waste of twenty years.
That “I’ll be mad/disappointed” feels like the biggest emotional manipulation red flag-
There's a 2nd update to #1. Basically she tried to get her friends to gang up on him, he then told all their husbands about his wife cheating and her friends(their wives) supported her-he then told them it seems like some might be doing their own side thing. A few were caught with some incriminating evidence(at least 2 were emotionally cheating, and one of those was sexting, and a third possibly having a physical affair), so now her friends are to busy trying to stop the explosion of their own marriages to help op's wife. Op's wife refused to leave and refused to agree to a divorce(even told op "I am not leaving, we are not getting a divorce and we will work this out."). Wanted to go to therapy/counseling. Even offered to have a one sided open marriage so he could sleep with someone, offered up having a 3some. Basically begged and pleaded for anything to "help him get over it and make it right". He had her served with divorce papers and a vacate letter. He owned the house before they got married, so he's keeping it. She finally realized the marriage was done and moved to her mother's. She still kept trying to come to the house and plead with him or try and act like this was just a little fight that she could kiss and make better. He then told her to call before she came over and that he wants nothing to do with her. He also told their daughter about the affair. She at first asked he give mom another chance, but after a few weeks, has realized that mom is horrible and understands why op wants the divorce.
S1 - My aunt had cancer over a decade ago. Outlooks did change a bit, but not that much. She also wanted to live more, but that didn’t mean cheating. She’d never even consider it. Her husband, son, & daughter all shaved their heads to show support in her time of need. They all grew closer as a result. (FYI, she had been married to my uncle for 30+ years at the time. Over 40 years now, & still going strong.)
"If you want to sleep with other people, it won't be while we're married. Make of that what you will."
The first story what a damn mess, 20 years of marriage ruined all because the wife wanted to screw someone, who isn't even good looking just to see how it felt like. I can't imagine what it's like to be OP, to have a cancer scare for his wife is one thing, this hall pass bull just makes me sad for him.
For the second story it's so wonderful to see kids who want to get into baking being so fiercely defended and supported by their parents like mine did for me. When I was getting into baking my parents got me all sorts of baking equipment and taught me all kinds of recipes and all around supported the hell out of me. Hearing this story, the bit about the mini apron, actually made me cry a little 🥰
Story 2: ... FINALLY! A WHOLESOME STORY! You need to read more of these. Stories like this are just excellent.
first story the update they tried to do a intervention with the husband the wife had her friends try and back her up. OP waited for his turn to talk then told all the women should be ashamed of themselves and that he would be contacting their husbands about them encouraging cheating. Then OP confirms that I believe 2/3 of them were cheating emotionally or physically and the bestie that called him callus was cheating and he husband was pissed 😂 not funny she ruined her family but funny that she pushed her friend to cheat for OP to be ok with it and karma came and his her like a boomerang 🪃 😂
Hope her little “want to be free” after cancer moment was good for her since she ruined the only thing that was _actually_ good. Her friend wanted her do cheat on OP too? Lol, if I was the friend I would slap her with all the reality she needs to wait her up from this toxicity and stupid she is in
For the last story, The Parent is an MVP. Sounds like my Dad, tbh.
I am a chef by trade now, but I started very young. My Dad helped me in the kitchen and taught me so much, especially baking. He supported me like crazy, even when I made mistakes. Even now when I set out to make a new dessert of experiment, my Dad is my #1 taste tester and always happy to help. It can all start young. You just have to give the right love and support for young passions. 10/10 parent.
I was so invested in the second story. Rslash, thank you for also covering stories about actual good parenting!!
Story 2: Classic CB behavior. Trying to take advantage of someone's generousness for a boatload of free stuff instead of buying it from a store, and then getting upset when confronted. OP isn't promoting child labor, this was just a massive order that the kid would definitely need compensation for.
And the relative was declining alternatives, that's just evil
Just because you have cancer doesn't give you the permission break your wedding vows for a fling. She's just being an awful person.
Jesus Christ as soon as OPs wife from the first story said "you could say no but (insert insanity)" I just mentally went through 50 loops
The tiniest pastry chef should have fun in a commercial kitchen, that's a massive thing for the venue owners and super awesome on their part, too!
Story 1: all I hear right here 2:05 is Gaslighting
I started my new job today, happy to have rSlash here with me :)
Good luck with your new job
Good luck friend
Have fun! 😊
Hope you love it!
Do good bro!
For the last story, I hope this little girl follow her passion all through her adult life and become a famous baker
Oh my gosh, that story is so heartwarming!! I wish we could find more stories like that... I was smiling like an idiot thinking of how adorable it was. I hope that child can keep that passion and continue to grow into a marvelous baker!
that first story barely started and i already know that relationship is doomed i just hope op gets a better girl in the future and to not give up and keep on fighting the good fight and enjoying their life
OP seems to be planning on dating one of his ex's co-workers.
I was up so early I didn’t have an R/Slash video to watch as I did my preparing for school, slowest 5 minutes of my life-
First OP’s wife thinks it’s okay to cheat because she told him BEFORE. When actually, that just makes it worse! The level of disrespect and selfishness is off the chart
Holy s#!t that relative in the 2nd story is a terrible person. I'm glad someone or something made her see the light.
Today i learned that i am insecure 😅
Yeah. Hear that, people? If you expect your partner to be faithful and never sleep with someone else, it means you're just a jealous, controlling AH!
Story 1: Trauma does wild things to a person, and that's what's going on here. There probably were personality flaws that OP ignored that could've foreshadowed this, but ultimately wife is traumatized and needs to speak to a psychiatrist to work through this, but isn't and instead has fallen completely victim to it.
"Go headbutt a moose!" I love that, and rSlash's reaction "ooh, that's so sweet!" when that precious child wanted to go to the wedding so she could see people eating her cupcakes and brag about them. 🤣🤣I LOVED that update! Hearing that the entitled relative finally got her comeuppance when she realized she wasn't going to find a better deal than the OP's daughter and finally treated her the way she was supposed to be treated, the fact the venue allowed her to use the kitchen and even her first little apron...I'm sitting here about to cry and it's not even my kid. Kudos to the OP for being a mama bear and advocating for her kid!
It amazes me how you go out of your way to still make a dig at OP in the first story. Because he comes off as ‘considerate’ you assume his wife wears the pants in the relationship?
OP has done nothing wrong and you STILL find some way to out him down.
I took it as more of a "she is making all the decisions".
Saying that a guy isn't "wearing that pants" in the relationship isn't inherently bad
@@JDM-is-my-name’wearing the pants’ in a relationship isn’t a compliment and comes off as a dig, regardless of gender.
I wonder if he even realizes he did that, because he was trying to say he was proud of OP for standing up for themselves. Still not great, but at least not intentional.
Honestly it came over to me as an "I thought it was X but I was entirely off the mark" which, y'know, shows that he's recognising at least one error in judgement?
WE MAKING IT OUT OF REDDIT WITH THIS ONE, BOYS
“My husband went through all the trials of cancer alongside me, remained faithful, and never left my side…. When I realized I wanted to start marking things off my bucket list before I die, he accompanied me every step of the way and was extremely supportive. Man. I should really cheat on him.”
like girl, WHAT.
1st: NTA. Get a lawyer and get rid of her cheating a$$.
2nd: NTA. Make sure they never get anything from your kid ever!!!
“I thought we talked about this” what’s this “we” nonsense?